I'm Scared of My Thoughts - Surviving Schizophrenia

[@ShannonHumphreys]

This is probably the most relatable video on schizophrenia I've ever seen. I was diagnosed at 18, after a year and a half of active psychosis. I'm 46 now. You're doing an amazing thing here, Stephen.

[@catherineyoung46]

You're a wonderful person and one day, you'll meet someone who will appreciate what you've been through and cherish you.

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you Catherine! I appreciate it

[@hollynelson3336]

I'm so thankful for you and your videos. My son Charlie has Schizophrenia he was diagnosed at 17 he is 24 now, at times it's been very heartbreaking. Your videos has encouraged me and given me hope for my son's recovery, also to be understanding and compassionate to what my Son has gone through.

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you Holly. I appreciate you sharing. This is one of the reasons I started this channel to give better understanding into my illness and to give hope to others. It gives me pride in my channel

[@sabinemann8640]

Same here so true.

[@riseabove3133]

Same here, Holly. It’s the most life-altering, traumatic condition our family has ever had to deal with. Wishing you better days ahead 🙏🏼

[@kimberlyfowler5748]

Same

[@jonnaramirez9445]

Steven, you are so amazing and love to watch your videos. I wish you all the best. I have 2 sons with mental illness and one is in hospital now f or pyscosis and he is 31 and I'm his only support and his dad can't handle as I'm divorced. You are blessed with loving supporting parents Keep up the great videos

[@coralinecilantro]

Stephen, I hear and understand all your detailed and specific experiences. I told you a year ago my son took his life after having this horrible state of being. I know you are strong and have your father's support. You are so cool, i admire your energy and motivation. Your father is an angel by your side. Big hug to you ❤

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you very much for your continued support and encouragement. It is very meaningful to me. I am very sorry about your son. It is a very tough illness. Thank you.

[@77777sadie]

Sending you a hug 💞

[@coralinecilantro]

@@77777sadie Thank you. I can use this hug as grief is ongoing.

[@77777sadie]

@@coralinecilantro You are more than welcome. Giving others support in the middle of your pain touched my heart. The doctors discovered my son's brain tumor eight years ago. He he still with us. I cannot imagine what you are going through. You're in my prayers 💞

[@nickidaisydandelion4044]

I'm so infinitely sorry that your son committed suicide. My deepest condolences for you.

[@NatashaDay-yx6nt]

I have schizoaffective disorder since I was 19 years old, I've been on medication for 23 years.im 42 year's old now, thank you for all your support,loving your KZbin channel,I watch your channel everyday.you have really helped me deal with my illness.i enjoyed your channel,your channel will help others with stimga of schizophrenia.great video content.love you Stephen Natasha.xx♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@karenhempfling9180]

What a service you are doing! My son was diagnosed with schizophrenia 6 years ago. Your You Tubes are great. I love them for the information they provide, questions they answer, your insight. Keep doing what you are doing. You are helping more people than you know.

[@barneyronnie]

Thoughts often seem to arise for no reason; it takes courage to be alone with one's thoughts. My experience has been, as you mention, that participation in activities and engaging with others eliminates the frequency of bothersome thoughts. Your amazing improvement in confidence, eloquence and commitment to your channel are inspiring. Keep up the great work!

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you so much Barney for your comment! It has inspired me!

[@pauldemic2747]

Another fascinating video. The way you describe your internal world so honestly and articulately is compelling. I learn more about schizophrenia by watching your channel than I do by watching expert psychologists lectures on the subject. You bring so much to the table! Also, I’m so glad you had a good time at your mother’s event.

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you so very much Paul! Have a happy and healthy rest of your day!

[@riseabove3133]

Agreed.

[@karenlhoule]

I watch your videos on a regular basis. And I, too, have schizophrenia. So, I 100% do know the feelings of psychosis and how scary it can be. I do not want this comment to come across as being mean-spirited. Rather, I'm trying to provide feedback that you can choose to accept or discard as you see fit. Instead of adopting a "victim mentality," I always put a twist on things. Like, how can I confront my dark thoughts "head-on" instead of constantly running from them or being compelled to distract myself from them. I write poetry to put it into words, and then I can let it go. That way, I have control over my thoughts and a beautiful poem to show for it. Then, I can move on with my day. And regarding the "misophonia," I would turn it around...like instead of being "triggered" by hearing your parents eat...I would focus on "Wow, I'm so lucky to have wonderful parents that take care of me and are both still alive." Again, I am sure some people will take my comment to be mean. But that is not the intention at all. I'm trying to give some strategies that I use, as someone with the same illness you have in order to take back control of my life.

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you very much Karen for your incredible comment! You have a good point about turning things positive and confronting them head on. Thank you for sharing your excellent thoughts. Have a happy and healthy rest of your day!

[@sabinemann8640]

Not mean at all from where I am sitting .

[@laurelgillespie5612]

Thanks!

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you so much Laurel! This really helps me and my channel as WE work to bring awareness to schizophrenia. Again, thank you very much!

[@lovinbluegrass]

My grandma had mental health issues. She was born in 1900. Many in my family believe she had schizophrenia. My generation knows very little since in her day all mental illness issues were taboo to discuss. She underwent shock therapy. It is so wonderful to see how much improved treatment is now. Grandma lived to be 83 years old. I spent most every day with her not knowing nor noticing any problems till her very last years. She had 7 children and lived an extremely productive life. She loved and was loved. I don't think she had issues until after her last child in her mid-30s. You are brave and helpful. Keep working hard towards your goals. Check them off one by one.

[@lisacastellanos4553]

Hi Stephen! You clean up well :) (thats a compliment!) As always, your insight and nuanced perspective is so helpful as I seek to understand my sons recovery, and reminds me that this is a marathon not a sprint. Also, Yesterday was World Schizophrenia Day, and the advocacy on clozapine rems in DC was great! I met several young folks - like you- who have found meaningful recovery with clozapine. Like you, their stories are inspiring. Thank you for your work to de-stigmatize this treatable neural developmental condition!

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you very much Lisa for sharing your experience in DC and your journey with your son that has the same illness as me.

[@SchizophreniaSurvivor]

Lisa: You wrote: "Thank you for your work to de-stigmatize this treatable neural developmental condition!" Thank you for all of your incredible insight into this illness. Yes! It is a "treatable neural developmental condition"! When will we, as a society, recognize this and empower our loved ones?

[@peaquakett]

Thanks! Your courage and determination astonish me….your talks bring a lump to my throat. My brother became psychotic in 1972, before there was much available to help him. I recall his struggle to retain his self-esteem, to prevent the terrible injury to his personality and to his relationships. I too have experienced psychosis during a bipolar state. The reason, Stephan, that you are so, so inspiring is this: by your actions, your sharing, each expression in your face, and your willingness to open your heart, you are living a conviction that your human Self is intact always, is true, and that beneath all confusion or anguish, YOU ARE WHOLE. You are so dear! I watch your videos every day and find comfort beyond what I can tell you. With love, Laurie❤️🙏🤗

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you very much Laurie for your kind words and support! Your words inspire and motivate me. Have a happy and healthy rest of your day!

[@peaquakett]

My dear Stephen, a few more observations….In watching you and your wonderful dad together, I was engaged to see his great love for you, so great that he radiates not only caring, but intense vigilance. He has harnessed his considerable intellect to examine and ferret out anything in this world that could support you, further you. I know this may have felt overwhelming to you at times, especially because you love him, and seeing his distress has been difficult for you. I see between you a breathtaking and respectful caring for each other…so rare! I also see something sweet that makes me smile….your gentle corrections to him sometimes. It’s then that your maturity and strength is most present. You lovingly steady him, and in a very subtle way inform him that he doesn’t need to be too intense, that you’re all right. I also see a certain force of mind in you, a logic and confidence I also see in your childhood photos. It’s still there. You’re still there..ALL there. Love, Laurie ❤

[@Whitecrow82]

God I relate so much, I've had schizophrenia for 22 years now and i get tons of intrusive thoughts with my condition and I am petrified of the thoughts in my head. God so so difficult it's stopped me leading any sort of normal life, even going to the shops is often so tough. Really feel for you and great that you are doing this channel, keep it up, this will help so many people including me.

[@AgataMilewska-g8k]

I can write that this kind of distractibility is familiar to me personally. I've been dealing with this all my life and it really annoys my husband now. I can get distracted during a conversation, especially on a walk. It seems like I'm losing interest in the subject. But what really matters to me is this cat or dog or the beautiful flower I see. The same happens when when suddenly I have remembered something from the past. This is sometimes so important that I have to say it. Every day I have to concentrate hard at work to stay on topic. I don't have schizophrenia but I do have bipolar disorder. greetings from Poland❣️ Keep going Stephen! You can do a lot of good for the world ❤️

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you so much Agata for sharing and for your encouragement! I would love to visit Poland one day!

[@johnbizzlehart2669]

You are awesome Steven…it is OK to be you. We all have our things. This is your thing to deal with.

[@chaosdweller]

I have been diagnosed with pychosis (unspecified so far )and this was one of the most relatable videos so far for me, the need for distracting yourself from your own thoughts, the feeling of hearing everyone's conversations in the room while being drowned out by yer own thoughts at the same time wow.

[@gaylagabriel3485]

Your ability to be so articulate is extraordinary! This video will help hundreds of people! Loved seeing you in a suit! Again, participating in a new experience seems to be growing you and allowing your personality to shine! Congratulations to your Mom❣️🙌🏻🎉

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you Gayla!

[@JIMKATSANIDIS]

Great and very helpful video Stephen! We don't have that level of control over our thoughts but we can control how we respond to them. It's not us who decide every time what we think or what we remember. Everything is pulled by the situation. You’ll have days that you feel perfectly fine, others not so much. Also it’s nice to know, that what you're experiencing isn’t something you invited and you're not alone. You don’t want to allow these thoughts to consume you. Some of the things that could help you are: Psychotherapy, Social skills training, Family therapy and distraction.👋❤

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you Jim for your suggestions and kind words!

[@christopherauretta3438]

I very recently discovered your channel. I deeply appreciate your desire to help others in their own psychological journey, your ability to communicate complex emotions and states of mind, your honesty and your compassionate humanity. I am very glad that you have created a youtube channel.

[@lorelei1782]

Thank you so much for your vulnerability. I have never been open or good enough at explaining any part of my own schizophrenia journey. Repeating you to others has helped. Thank you, friend. ☺️🙏🏻

[@Seaturtle45778]

Living with schizophrenia is very difficult and I also want you to know that you are lucky to have your parents around helping you out. Living with that illness is a living hell only God knows why he let that happen to us.

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you for sharing Ismael. It really is a terrible illness. We are here for each other.

[@marysweeney486]

You and your dad have been such a help, as my son has been living with schizophrenia for 14 years how encouraging

[@Bronte866]

Hey Stephen - I have known several people- without schizophrenia- who cannot cope with the sounds of people eating, including themselves, as you said. You are very good at explaining this and you have a very strong & professional camera presence. I have subscribed to follow your journey. I have always wanted to get this view of what schizophrenia is like. Thanks. 🇺🇸👍✅

[@starrhall8160]

Ur so young. U might not feel so. U have a wonderful spirit and I admire you. You keep moving forward!

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you for the encouragement and support!

[@terrabiking10]

Wow, I am speechless. Your ability to understand your life and how you stay positive and optimistic is an example to many of us. I hope that one day I will stop living in the past and start living in the present for a happier life in the future. Thanks for your encouragement.

[@janeliu5237]

Hi Stephen, thanks for another wonderful video! Seeing you are so insightful of the illness just gives us caregivers hope!

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you very much Jane! That makes me happy

[@Skylar-Rayne57]

This was my first video of yours and I just want to say that I’m so proud of u for putting yourself out there and answering questions that people so desperately need answers to. I’m going to go to the beginning of your videos and watch them all. I’m not sure if u realize what a difference u will make in so many lives. Bless u Steven and your family. ❤

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you so very much for joining me on my journey! It means so much to me that you are going to watch all my videos! That makes me feel amazing and is encouraging to me to continue on. Thank you!

[@Joshoehlerking]

I’m very grateful for you and your channel it’s helped me get through tough times and I have schizoaffective disorder and this video help me a lot when you talked about pushing forward and not going to the past I’m in a bad place right now your an inspiration to everybody that you don’t know who are going though tough times and thank you for being you and being a help to all those you touch,I can’t pray but my mom is praying for you and your family and I hope you stay who you are,much love to you and your family

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you very much Joshua for your very kind words and support!

[@psrwhite]

Thank you Stephen for sharing how your illness affects you. It helps me understand what my family member is going through. She told me she was scared of her thoughts too. She has learned how to reach out to me or her care team whenever she has these scary thoughts. Like you, she says these thoughts feel real to her and she needs to check in with people she trusts to see if these thoughts are in fact real or just part of her illness. I am so proud of her that she has the insight into her illness and knows to discuss her fears and scary thoughts with people she trusts.

[@provostg]

Hey Stephen, I could see this video was difficult and I commend you for your vulnerability and honesty. As mentioned, distraction is an excellent tool. Though, I find with delusional thinking it's best to face it head-on as one may challenge it and tell oneself "this is not true/real." I also understand what you're stating with missed opportunities, yet appreciate your insights into how everything may have happened differently had you acted then. You're still young (though I believe any age can find someone), and should have no problems making new social connections. It's all about putting yourself out there, as they say. Proximity is the number one factor in establishing new relationships and their success, so i encourage you to join in on social settings that cover topics of your interest. Lastly, I've been waiting for your next video as I wanted to share that there is new research showing that autoimmune disorders have a unique relationship with mental illness especially psychosis, I believe approximately 40% of cases. Perhaps, something for another video, or a topic you and your family might explore as your onset was so young, included the debilitating headaches and was treatment resistant. All the best 🙂✌️ 💯❤️

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you so much Provostg for your amazing comment and your great video suggestion! I very much appreciate your support. Have a happy and healthy rest of your day!

[@Redemption444]

I think your getting the statistic confused. It’s that people with autoimmune conditions are 40% more likely to develop psychosis than those without AI disease. If 40% of those with AI disease got psychosis then all of the people with schizophrenia would have autoimmune disease.

[@alinebrandau3982]

As a parent of a schizophrenic son, these videos are the most important to me. This will break the stigma. These testimonials help other people understand why the person may seem angry, purposefully avoiding visiting, talking, or spending time with anyone. Your honest accounts are priceless to family members who cannot understand the flat effect or the avoidance behaviors.

[@janetpope8495]

Stehen, what an amazing job you did detailing how you could hear many conversations (confusing and disturbing) while trying to ready a response. Stunning the level of difficulty. Loved your sharing about the girl. Sweet. Btw everything happens as it should and when you are ready. Excellent and insightful. Keep up the great work❣️

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you Janet! Your comment struck a chord with me. It made me sad but hopeful. But not in a bad way. I really appreciate you always being here.

[@susanne4028]

Great video again Stephen. You're such a wonderful and nice young man. And you seem to have support from your family too. Great for you. Keep on. Take care. All the best from Germany

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you so much Susanne for your very kind words and for supporting me on my channel!

[@xycik112]

I've been looking for so long for a video that would resonate with me. I was diagnosed with OCD and everyone a therapist would ask me if those thoughts you think are your own, I wouldn't know what to say. Thank you for your courage to make videos about such topics, you are giving me hope.

[@ginnyschulz3514]

Stephen, you express yourself so well - you’re a natural! Your channel is SO important! Thank you and I hope you continue to be able to keep it going for a longtime. You touch so many lives. You are a true VIP - a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON!

[@AnxietyFreak]

You may not know me, but you’ve been my best friend the past few days. It’s hard being alone all the time. Actually hearing someone talk about their experience and hearing a similar experience. Thank you for everything

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you for joining my journey! I am so happy I could help

[@susannadvortsin]

Stephen and his dad seem like lovely people. Im glad that Stephen has the love and support he needs to stay well. Thank you for enlightening us so honestly about your illness. Keep up the great work on your channel.

[@Peekaboo2-o8o]

Stephen. I really enjoy you and the material you bring here I'm a therapist and I lear so much from you. Great message here and thank you for it.

[@kimlersue]

You are making perfect sense. My grandson was diagnosed with schizophrenia last year. You are both taking similar medicines. Thank God for them. He copes still with some voices..but usually the medicine tamps them. However the jumbled thoughts are there and cause trouble in doing new things. It seems to be a process of adapting to ongoing symptoms..you've done WELL! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Thank's for sharing.

[@DavidBowman-mq1bm]

I am glad you are being treated receiving help at a young age. I was 51 years when I was diagnosed with schizo affective disorder. That was 10 months ago. I share many neurodivergent individuals You Tube videos. I am autistic as well. I feel compelled to help others. You are an inspiration to me. Take care.

[@julieremington7103]

You are a very likable person! We all have thoughts about what might have been if we had done something different. Life is developmental and your future is bright because you are a wonderful guy!

[@sinematographers3344]

Proud of you and your family Stephen. I am absolutely confident you will find that someone special in your life, sooner rather than later.

[@kinzhe83]

Hey Stephen, nice video, it was really interesting watch. I will say I too struggle with my thoughts of the past, since I am bipolar, thoughts of what I did and what I could have done differently, but mainly it's the events before I was hospitalized and given anti-psychotic therapy. I feel sorry for the people that had to deal with my positive bipolar symptoms, but, again, I wasn't medicated properly, and, in all honesty, I don't blame myself very much for my past anymore. It still stings me on occasions, but it's gotten a lot better over time, so I hope the same thing happen to you, and your thoughts become easier and easier to manage. As far as being social and having a girlfriend goes, you are such a nice person Stephen and that sort of radiates from you and I don't see a problem for you finding your soul mate when you feel ready. And if I may add, you look absolutely super handsome in that suite (that will help for sure :). Best of health and wishes to all of us here :)

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you for all of what you’ve shared here Ingvar83. It is very impactful. I really appreciate that and your support. Have a happy and healthy rest of your day!

[@alexalexandersen5198]

@@SurvivingSchizophrenia You must travel 🧳🏝️🤝🏼🇦🇿 You mustn't only sit and think 💬 about "troubles_ " all the time. Greetings from Azerbaijan 🇦🇿🇹🇷🇪🇺

[@heartofglass7235]

You’re very good at explaining this- thank you! I have met a few people with schizophrenia during my stay at a hospital for depression. It’s too bad the thoughts/voices seem to always be negative and not telling a person how great they are.

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you very much! Your words mean a lot to me. Thank you for watching and giving your insights here on my channel! Have a happy and healthy rest of your day

[@karenthorpe4387]

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1986 when I was 26. Somehow I managed to get away from my situation which was not good at all by 1990 and get off medication and get relatively well again. I do remember having very intrusive thoughts that scared me a lot when I was ill. I used to respond to command thoughts because I thought if I didn't something really bad would happen. They commanded me to do things I really did not want to do

[@SusanConn-k3t]

Re the girl who gave you a big hug, I think she liked you a lot, in a nice and innocent way. I think it is a very nice and pleasing memory just the way it was. It gave you the gift of having your feelings for her reciprocated. That is a Very Great Success for a young man who had essentially skipped all middle school experiences. I am a lady who once was a girl. I encourage you to ask someone you trust to do role play practice of how a conversation with a girl might go. God Bless You, Stephen!

[@riseabove3133]

This video is so very helpful to me, as the mother of a young man with Schizophrenia who always clams up when I ask him about what is experiencing. He rarely will share what he is hearing, seeing or feeling. When I ask him, it’s like it’s top secret or he’s afraid to tell me … as though he thinks something bad will happen if he talks about it. Maybe he thinks it will start back up, if he talks about it? He’s currently on Geodon, which seems to be a good fit for him right now.

[@AgataMilewska-g8k]

I really appreciate your program❣️ I’ be been watching and admiring your struggle towards normality. Also your father, that he has not lost his spirit and hope for your recovery And shows his love everyday. I share your sadness for the lost years and not participating in normal life for so many years. Remember, only the days we don't know are important. Now you are finding your way and inspiring others. keep going. keep going. Good luck to you

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thanks Agata! Your comment warms my heart

[@AgataMilewska-g8k]

@@SurvivingSchizophrenia ❤

[@KikyKreemcheese]

Much respect and support for you, Stephen. I like your authenticity and your way with words, incredibly articulate. You went through immense trauma and I totally understand when you're saying you're afraid of your thoughts. You're afraid that they come back, the dark thoughts. Who wouldn't be! I admire your positivity and your strength. Keep On Keeping On ✊✊✊

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you!

[@terrioestreich4007]

My father had the same disease and I have so much admiration and sympathy for you. One of his therapists told him once to try and change the relationship with the voices, to try and befriend. I honestly don't know if that's possible but I thought it was interesting. And I'm not belittling your fear but I want you to know that you aren't as different as you might think, I think that there is a lot of people who can not or will not be alone with their thoughts. I think that's why so many people can't leave their phones alone, it's better than dealing with uncomfortable thoughts. I can't wait for your next video!

[@normancherry8732]

You're such a brave guy talking about this, you're doing a service of encouragement by helping others in the same or similar circumference, keep up the good work, many of us are with you in spirit.

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

I appreciate that greatly! Thank you!

[@normancherry8732]

Listen to me, there's nothing! absolutely nothing to be scared of in life, I'm a 70 year old guy who has been through an untold hell, things most people can't even imagine! I was absolutely all alone right from the beginning effectively and I don't think I was meant to survive it in all truth, yet some unknown miracle got me through it all, I've only been left to believe it was God, but listening to those who spoke of God was not a great help, so I left church and went it alone on a very flimsy faith, I'll tell you now, I should not have survived, the suicidal thoughts kept coming and going, but you know what? I've outlived others who should have proven stronger and more resilient than me because I was physically weaker than many of them, the thing about the world as I've discovered is that everyone is bluffing, they're all pretending to be something they're not in reality, do you know why? because if they stopped pretending and took a good hard look at themselves, they would probably see life as you see it, life as I see it, the realities that look us in the eye and scare the shit out of us, but there's nothing to fear in reality, you've acquired what I call a symptom of western society, you've been brought up by parents who've also borne the western civilisation mentality, it's endemic you see! Your whole surrounding is based on the madness of this world, so your parents have been born to it, your teachers have been born to it, your church (if you have one) is also part of it, your employers, the government, everyone! we're all caught up in it whether we're aware of it or not, but... most people don't want to see it, some of us have no choice, so we fight it, and fight it, and fight it, and fight it, only the point of the fight is not in winning or losing, it's in surviving! Endurance adds to endurance, strength upon strength, we grow in the hardship, it's a challenge and it often feels like an insurmountable challenge, but no matter, it is quite survivable, however hard! Consider who's talking to you right now, a once relatively weak child who struggled since day one effectively and always all alone at that, now he's an old man in his 70's and he's still struggling, but he won't give victory to the unseen enemy, yeah! sometimes he weakens and feels he wants to give up (that's just a natural human response) but you have a talk with yourself and fight back once again, I kind of see it like the school bully you know? if you observe humanity, you'll find things out that otherwise get overlooked in the main, but what I've discovered about all humanity (and this also exists in animal and insect life) is that there is a little known thing called a spirit of cowardice that is in us all, few know this, but it's so evident really, so consider the school bully, now who is it he's found to be picking on? that one, quiet little kid who probably has no friends, so that the bully thinks... Hmmm, I reckon I can take him on without fear of retribution to myself, so this dutch courage of his gives him the little confidence he needs to pick on the kid, but look behind his back, who is that coming towards him? Aaahh! it's the little kid's bigger brother who happened to be passing, he taps the bully on the shoulder and says; Do you want to try that on me? the bully cowers and probably wets himself because the little kid's big brother is very, very, very big! see how it works? You can see it everywhere, those films you watch with the villains in them, instead of so much watching the film as an entertainment, try watching it as an educational tool, you will come to see that the villain is not too unlike that school bully, he'll either pick on someone weaker and helpless and vulnerable and even where he challenges someone his own size, he's usually taken the precaution of creating a sudden unexpected attack, he's always got his own Achilles heal somewhere, even if the enemy is too great for him, he's probably acquired such a false ego from his past false victories that he's become too dumb and too proud to run away and so has chosen this form of suicide over his survival, now this might look like he's being courageous to the average eye, but in fact it's his way of giving up the fight, he commits his own form of suicide out of his actual fear. There's lots to learn about people and life kid, so the best advice I can give you is to keep at it and find your own way out, don't think there's anything wrong with you, there isn't, well nothing so wrong with you than what isn't wrong with anyone else, I mean... look at the normal people of this world, what is it that they're doing that is so right? nothing ofcourse! nothing that's any different to what you and I do, so if they're just like us and we're to be classed as mad, then they too must be mad, if they are sane and we're mad, then why don't they prove it by acting sane and stop killing and stealing and destroying etc? but they talk about peace, yet are quick to start wars, now I don't know about you, but I call that mad. We're all rowing our own boat on this vast ocean of life, we're looking for land, but if we stop rowing we'll never reach any land, you know what I mean? so no fear, it's only a phantom, I know you can't help it when it comes, but that school bully, if only that little kid could find the courage to stand up to the bully's phantom fearfulness and say; Come on then, give it your best shot, but I ain't gonna run away from you, I'll take everything you've got to give! and you know what? that's all it needs and you handed the fear back for him to deal with, the unexpected response is the winning response, (that's a secret to be kept bye the way, you don't tell secrets to enemies or potential enemies because you may be arming them against yourself at some future point in time, all I've told you, keep to yourself) all it takes is for the kid to stand up to him, granted it's a scary prospect, but chances are it will only take one firm stand off and you give that bully something to think about in the future, so keep going kid, fight the good fight, you're one of life's heroes when you do that, what's the alternative? cowardice! and that unfortunately is the easy route most people take, believe me! just observe them, observe everything that's going on around you, many people may say; "Life is for living!" well where is that written in stone? but no! life is not for living, if it were, we'd all get a bite of the apple, but I say this; life is a school, a place of learning with much to learn, while most are playing in the playground, let us be found in the classroom studying, then when the time comes for our schooldays to end, we'll be better prepared for the future! Good luck.

[@normancherry8732]

Hello my friend, hope my words of encouragement reached you and helped, but I've just seen two videos I hope will be of good use to you, I'm sure you must be aware that you're essentially seeking full healing right? well after watching these two videos, I immediately thought of you and considered how wonderful it would be if these played a big part in your life and became the vision for your better future, so here's the titles of them both for you to investigate, it comes under the name: Daily Motivation, so first tap in 1] It Happens ONCE a Month When The MOON is FULL (Eye Opening!!!) and 2] It Happens to Your PINEAL GLAND Every Night between 10p.m. - 3a.m. I believe there'll be a series of others from the same source to look up, I hope at least you'll listen to them both if even it turns out you dismiss them in the end, but I'm hoping (and believe) they may prove to be the key to your improved future, that's got to be worth investigating hasn't it? you're worth giving yourself a chance for self improvement and if this turns out to be the key for you, I'll be so happy, this is the thing I've been searching for all my life, only I didn't find the opportunity to go about it in the right way, but because you're still so young, you'll get a better shot at it than I ever did, hope it grabs your attention, good luck.

[@evipoll8448]

Amazing what you have achieved! This won't stop, you'll be stronger and stronger by facing your thoughts and fears. And helping us at the same time getting a better understanding. Thank you!!

[@bigken66]

God bless you sir, I wish you many years of happiness. You are a kind soul.

[@tomcolgan]

keep up the good work Stephen, your positivity shines always 😀

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thanks so much Tom. That means a lot to me! Have a happy and healthy rest of your day!

[@toddsmith4327]

Steven, you are amazing and truly a survivor. I know how terrifying the thoughts can be, as well as the hallucinations. My son had Schizoaffective Disorder and I've seen the fear in his eyes, heard it in his voice, and know the battle it is to not be afraid. I wish he could have seen your channel, but I just found it this week. My son lost his battle April 22, 2021.....he took his life. I miss him every minute of every day. Unfortunately when he was diagnosed we were not told enough about the illness or the potential progression of symptoms, so when he went into a full blown psychosis four years later we were caught totally off guard and unaware of the fatal nature of symptoms that he could experience. I had to learn as we went and each worsening symptom and event terrified me and I didn't know what to do. Because it was the pandemic we couldn't get any real help or bed at a psych hospital for him. Time ran out for all of us.......I believe if he could have seen your channel and saw that there are other people living with the same things, making them normal within the schizophrenia context, it would have made a huge difference for him and probably would have changed the ultimate outcome. So thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. You are making a difference in this world young man, please believe that and never forget it. You are the instrument God can use to do His work here on earth, and assist his other children on this challenging path. As I'm sure you know......when your helping others, you're helping yourself as well. God bless, stay happy and healthy my friend 🙏🏻💖

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you Todd for sharing your son’s battle with schizophrenia. I am so sorry for your loss. It is a very difficult illness. Your sharing is very meaningful and heartfelt to me. Thank you very much. Stephen

[@mtc1801]

Your experiences are so much like my son who is 23. He just got a girlfriend first time last fall. You are now in a better place and needed to put your energy and focus on you first. You are an amazing young man who has the perfect person waiting for you! You are valuable and a beautiful creation with a purpose helping others with your story. It will happen at the exact time it should.❤

[@kimberlyfreeman6298]

You're doing a great service to people. So brave of you. ❤

[@CSIPiper]

I don’t have schizophrenia, but I have OCD and have the same experience with being fearful of my own thoughts. It makes it difficult to just sit with myself at times.

[@allanjones9269]

Thank you for this inspiring and informative video. I recently found your channel and have caught up on nearly all your videos now. My son has this illness, so I know how tough it can be. What inspires me is that you have so much insight into day-to-day problems and issues and you are always creating new coping strategies and workarounds for things that would otherwise impede your progress. The channel has been such a brilliant thing for you and I love seeing you grow in confidence every day.

[@AdRoatM]

Thank you for sharing your life with us. I often ask the Holy Spirit to control my thoughts. Maybe you could, too. 🙏🏼😌

[@johnbizzlehart2669]

You are stronger than you think.

[@danoconnell4536]

you have really inspired me. I would like you to read David Goggins can't hurt me

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you very much Dan! That means a lot to me. It has been a long journey. Thank you for your comment and reading suggestion. Your comment helps me continue on. I will look into reading David Goggins Can’t Hurt Me. Have a happy and healthy rest of your day!

[@altonbay629]

Stephen, you speak so eloquently and clearly about your experiences. I believe what you share could help others gain more understanding about coping with schizophrenia. Thank you for your videos!

[@magnetdesignandadver]

Thank you for sharing, Stephen. I really empathise with you. And your experience also gives me a different perspective on my own journey and better understanding of schizophrenic experiences. Mental disorders can be debilitating (to put it mildly), although no-one can see what you're going through on the inside. This is a very long comment but maybe it can help someone, in some way, who is dealing with a similar kind of mental distress as I have been through for most of my life. I have not been diagnosed with schizophrenia but have experienced relentless intrusive thoughts and body dysmorphia since early childhood. My problem started around the age of three as a result of severe emotional trauma and emotional neglect which continued for several years. At the time my three brothers and I were forcefully taken away from my very caring mother by my father's extremely conservative family who were from a different culture to my english mom. We went to live with my very strict father and were sent to a regimental school where physical beatings were handed out by male teachers at every opportunity. At home my father would sometimes give me hidings for disobedience. But other times for 'talking back' or even for nothing more than a misunderstanding. I felt abandoned in my own home and began to realise that i could only really trust myself. But I confided mostly in my brother who was also my best friend throughout childhood, being less than two years ahead of me, and who I trusted more than life itself, and still do. During the same period, our very staunch church put the 'fear of God' into my brother and I, which made everything a lot more terrifying. My confidence was annihilated, a fact that was exacerbated by regular teasing and mocking. I was often singled out by other kids and even extended family members for my 'unusual' nose. I was told I had a 'flat face' - comments like these, usually in the tone of accusations, were expressed to me so often that I could not help but believe that there was something very wrong with my appearance. I became extremely self conscious as a result and in years that followed I would often take a hand mirror to our shared room when my brothers weren't around. I would position myself before the mirror on the wall and hold the hand mirror at such an angle that I could see my face from the side. I hated looking at the profile of my face but forced myself to - so that I could try to accept the way I looked and feel okay about myself. Little did I know that getting there would be a long journey. I also had an underbite and a nasal voice which only made me feel even more insecure. Combined with the fear of damnation and the absence of my mother, these situations set me well on my way to obsessive compulsive disorder which continued to intensify throughout my growing years. At 18 I suddenly began having extremely terrifying episodes at night. It started out of the blue one night when lightning struck close by and the sound woke me with a fright. I sat bolt upright with a heaving gasp and then I was paralyzed for a few moments and unable to see anything - except blinding white light. I felt the immense dread of eternal damnation and for the moments that I was blinded I felt a strange chilly tingling sensation and a rush of blood to my head and my mind was convinced that I had died and was unable to change anything ever again. When I came to I was freaked out but also very relieved to still be alive. This experience repeated at random intervals during the following five years and then only very rarely since then. About a year or so ago I had one of those experiences again one night. I was surprised as I thought they had ended several years before. At the time I had been extremely stressed out after my best friend had been paralysed by a stroke and whisked away to a care facility, where he remains. Strict lock down had been imposed when 'Covid 19' was announced and businesses were hit very hard by the ensuing shut down of social and regular commercial activities. The isolation and two years of financial stress stretched my nerves to breaking point. At the same time, I was still enduring my intrusive thought patterns of self destructive fears to some degree and managing my mental state with exercise and meditative practices. After that first dreadful fright at eighteen, I basically endured regular shocks of the same kind but apart from that I was enjoying the company of new friends I had met at art school and the freedom of being a tertiary student. I went out dancing as often as I could and my love of music and movement proved to be great therapy. Then when I was 23 the obsessive thoughts amped up a lot and became incessant every day. I grew to live with it and went through periods of suicidal depression. For years the voice in my head would compete daily with the voices of those around me. I would be talking to someone while at the same time having arguments back and forth in my head against destructive impulses which were literally a fight for survival. Even at social events and parties this internal dialogue would continue non-stop every day. For two decades. No-one ever knew about the battle raging constantly in my mind. I didn't think they would be able to understand. And besides, my low self esteem and trust issues had always made me a very secretive person who kept my thoughts to myself. I never sought professional help as I felt ashamed of being afraid of hell, death and ageing. So I just carried on forging ahead. It's hard to believe that one can get used to constant mental distress, but I did. I just learned to live with it and started reading up on alternative therapies and 'new age' topics like energy healing. I was determined to find the answers to my questions and problems. Subsequently I trained as a Reiki (also called Universal Energy Healing) practitioner and was blown away by how effective it was in relaxing people and treating virtually any problem from IBS to period pains, psychosomatic fatigue, depression and even cancer. Now, many years later at 51, I have more freedom of mind and am able to be less reactive to intrusive thoughts. What has helped me a lot through the years is intense physical exercise 4 to 6 times a week, and centering mind calming activities like meditation and yoga. My mental condition cost me several friendships and romantic relationships. It prevented me from following my dreams and fulfilling my ambitions. And even took a debilitating toll on my work and income. But now I finally feel liberated from my own mind's anxiety and I am making the most of each day. I believe in a Spiritual Source of infinite intelligence, Love and healing and I rely on prayer and positive energy too. Today I define myself spiritually as a Christian mystic - which is kind of ironic as my first intrusive thoughts were traumatic bouts of blasphemous curses which both my brother and I suffered from for an entire year before they abated enough to not keep us both in a constant state of despair. I do believe the mind can be healed, but not by itself - you can't use your own thoughts to heal the thought patterns ingrained in your mind. But on an emotional level one can find the healing and support to be able to view thought patterns as just that - and not a constant threat to survival. Thoughts are not always true. And mostly not even our own. We can begin to notice them without latching on to them and the mind can create new, calmer, healthy pathways. This can be a very long journey and who knows, one may always have to manage the pull of the worn out pathways trod in a traumatised mind. But Love is more than an emotion - it is literally an energy frequency. And we are all energy. As is everything else. If we raise our frequencies, every part of us benefits. I wish you all the best on your healing journey. Do whatever it takes - you deserve to have an enjoyable life and healthy relationships. and Lots of Love

[@SN-XZ]

I love your family! And really thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

[@irenemorales5624]

Stephen, you are AWESOME! Thank you and your dad for sharing. Keep sharing, keep educating others.

[@trouvaloo]

Prayers for continued healing , Dear. Be well. The best is yet to come!!!!

[@NeverTakeNoCut-offs]

I just love you are sharing this. You and your dad are remarkable people.

[@BeckyKay-m7v]

Stephen, you're an amazing young man!!! You will find the love that you deserve!! So?don't lose hope! The perfect person for you is out there! And she will be very blessed to know you ❤

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you so much! I appreciate that!

[@fifitheflowerpot]

That's alright son, getting distracted as long as you're and your family is safe. So brave of you letting us in your thoughts. Thank you so much ❤ keep talking and making videos to educate us.

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you so very much!

[@Mattieboi1201]

i feel like we would have great coffee and conversation energy i'm kind of coming around to having schizo now. love you bro

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you McDizzle! I feel the same way. I appreciate your uplifting words!

[@ObserverObserved24]

Keep up the good work man! You're helping in ways you won't even understand. Lots of silent sufferers out there looking for understanding and hope. ❤

[@kristina4272]

Stephen, thank you for opening up and sharing some of your coping strategies. I am so glad that I found your channel.My son is schizophrenic, and your insight has given me a deeper understanding. I myself also struggle with my past. Your wise advice to focus on the future is so helpful.Best wishes moving into the future. Say Hi to Mom and Dad for me.

[@suussss71]

Someone once told me that our brains are nothing more than talkingmachines. And it talks all kinds of things, with or without your permission. And that talkingmachine is not you or who you are. Only those talks you choose to own makes you who you are. You just have to remind yourself that you have the freedom in which one of the talks you want to own. You are the boss, always!

[@heedmydemands]

I know the feeling of not being able to b alone with your thoughts

[@redthreadzen]

You show good insight into your condition, and that's really good. You know, everyone does distract themselves with entertainment and other activities. Not just from thaughts but from feelings. It's a very normal means of regualting thaughts and emotions. There is a healthy balence between constuctive thinking (reflection) and uncontrolled dwelling on things too much. (rumination) What your story really demonstrates to me is that it's really difficult to seperate what expriences, thaughts and behaviours are just normal growing up things, what experiences and situations are changed by the delay in having normal growing up experiences, and what situations and thaughts about them are directly influenced by schitzophrenia. Your situation with the girl is a perfectly normal situation, maybe there was a bit of self esteem and confidece lacking but you know what, for a teen, thats all perfectly normal too. We haven't learned to read social cues properly or worked out what to do about them. Over a life time there is going to be situations where you will wonder what could have happened if you did things differently (regrets) but that too is just a normal thing that happens that everyone need to come to terms with. I'm not schizophrenic but believe me there are quite a few people in my life I feel regret for not having told them or let them know how I feel about them, and it's all a part of normal life. So don't worry about that stuff too much it's all very normal. Just somewhat anoying. In that regard every normal person can and does have some intrusive thaughts where they can't get things off their mind or stop thinking about people or situations. When it's about love it's wonderful but when it's about negative situations it's anxiety producing. No one is perfect and everyone from time to time does miss social cues and opertunities. Try to cultivate an attitude of "no regrets". Becuase, my friend, we are all just doing our best and we can't get everthing right 100% of the time. Maybe she was just giving you a hug to say goodbye, and given the situation that is most likely. I hug my freinds all the time but that doesn't mean I want them to be anything more than they are. The social thing can be tough for people with schizophrenia, lots issues around boundaries, given you may feel yours have been completly crushed. Lots of issues around trust. All I can suggest is that it's a learning curve and you do need to make and effort and push through the anxiety and feelings of vulnerability when getting to know someone. (we all do) communication is alway the key. So yes lay down new experience and thaughts. Redraw your neural pathways. Develop new patters of thinking and new associations with feeling. Cheers to you, Stephen. Congratulations to your MUM and to your Dad as well he's got great people around him, as do you.

[@miriambaig2902]

Sending love n best wishes your way , may God ease your journey n prove it fruitful for you and the rest of us Amin

[@OE2023]

Steven thanks for your vulnerability and the good work that you do. In terms of the words being jumpled and being distracted it's really interesting seeing how much crossover there is with other conditions.

[@Sn0wShepherd]

The people who dwell on the past and get stuck in their heads tend to be the people who do not believe they have better things to look forward to in the future. You need to believe that you have a future full of opportunities that will enrich your life. Then it's a lot easier to get beyond the what-ifs of the past. It can also however create a whole new host of potential future subjects of rumination so remember you are young and growing and developing and you will make mistakes and you must treat yourself fairly. That's what I tell my son all day everyday is to be fair with yourself in judging your actions and your words.

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you for your profound comment!

[@camelCased]

Thank you for the video and the channel. I've been living with generalized anxiety disorder for my entire life but I could survive without any drugs just because of good support from my family. However, it got worse this year because my parents got sick, and I had to take care of them a lot. Now I myself am having almost panic attacks and have started visiting doctors to find some medication to help me deal with this.

[@helenajennings4912]

Helping others helps cure oneself of anxiety

[@sonjavanheyningen5880]

Wonderful to continue observing your growth and development! I have another thought or two: there are shades of normality to all you share…. In other words: pretty much everyone have ‘intrusive thoughts’, or loose their train of thought in conversation or jumble words when they have too much to say; or think if other things during important conversations or get overly tired when walking and talking with a friend, instead of ‘just walking’ etc So I’m throwing it in there that all you are mentioning is also ‘part of being a normal person’ - everything in its totality is not just the schizophrenia…. This is not talking away anything of the diagnosis and your long difficult journey…. And certainly the tiredness which is such a huge thing But the key in the long run is whether you isolate and super focus on and believe these thoughts/ideas, or continue to move on and out and get on with life adding to a mixture of positive and negative experiences Can you maintain a conversation and comment rationally…. Well, you have demonstrated this over and over again with your father on your videos….. so: if negative issues occur , they start to fade in the background and diminish / so while there to some degree, no longer ‘debilitating’ I do think that it is very difficult to switch over vantage point when healing up from different things to see, whether something is just normal given my life experience or being tired, or anything negative comes straight the condition…, While you have ‘lost 10 years’, you are quickly gaining pace and will need much less than 10 years to ‘catch up’…. You are 23, I can honestly say that I finally at 23 only felt my life was beginning…. One last thought: our humans can ‘over romantasize’ things…. While you certainly under different circumstances, may have continued to excel, so too lots of negatives may also have happened/ whether with girls or sport or classes or driving…. I pray that you can continue to embrace and seize the Beauty and blessing in every day…. There is a vast ocean of brokenness in this world for a sea-of-reasons…. Anyone who can get up from where they are, and take the next step-within their capacity…. Are to be encouraged/ have a blessed day 🕊️

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you very much!

[@tictoc5443]

Thanks for sharing your experience In my own experience good and bad things happen to us all What helped me deal with stressful experience was theravadan meditation This involved taking myself to a quiet safe place and sitting or lying and focussing my attention on my breathing without trying to change anything in the knowledge that all thought emotion is like the weather changeable...that and eating and exercising appropriately I wish you well in your journey of understanding🙏

[@Newstatejournal1]

Hey Steven, have you ever started a log and written down each of your symptoms (hallucinations)? What are the voices saying? Are they metaphors? What were you thinking or feeling just prior to the symptom? Deciphering the true meaning of the symptoms could reduce the fear and lead to the root cause. If the fear is reduced the symptoms will be reduced. People do cure themselves and move on.

[@tonimarie8951]

I had those same kinds of thoughts in my late teens, early 20's.. I'm 52 now.. 10 years ago,, I stumbled across Carl Jung's work. It took some time, but it did so much to help me to understand that thoughts were driving that machine. But those thoughts were not like thoughts. They were more like noise running through my head. I wish you all the best. It was very frightening at times. A psychoanalyst was helpful where the psychologist wasnt. Thank you for putting this out. 🎉

[@phillipsmusic3871]

Thank you, I'm suffering this and am seeking help. Realizing I've been going through legitimate psychosis is heartbreaking, especially since I've tried to get help so much. thank you

[@user-wg1kw9xn5j]

I appreciate you and your videos Stephen. Thank you.

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

I appreciate that

[@catherinemccarty2307]

Stephen...my biggest fear is to have made some decision or said something while in psychosis and then have to live with the consequences after the psychosis is alleviated. I wrote a book (not to be published, just because I loved doing it) and I threw the entire book away along with a whole bunch of childhood pictures during an 'episode'. It makes me sad and mad but now I can do nothing more than live with it. It sounds to me like your family might not let you do something like that...thank God for family, right?!

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you Catherine for sharing. Family is so important. I hope you have a happy and healthy rest of your day.

[@nancydooley7439]

I want to say a heart felt thank you for your videos. You have helped me understand how the illness affects people and how I can be more a supportive person rather than assuming I have answers on how to help. You are very articulate and explain so I understand what you’re saying. Again, thank you 🙏 much.

[@nancyreyes5219]

The illness you have has allowed you to speak truth and courage. I applaud you!🎉

[@pattyrooney1323]

Thank you for this insightful video. Stephen, you are appreciated.

[@Hudabelle24]

I can totally relate. It's tough when you realize that you've held onto beliefs or ideas that don't align with reality. Accepting this can be challenging, and I find myself feeling embarrassed about some of my past decisions too. It's all part of the process of growth and self awareness, though, and we can learn from these experiences i guess. I'm truly grateful to have found you and your father's channel. ☮💜

[@oceancat0450]

Don’t let your schizophrenia define you. I’ve got schizoaffective disorder brought on by drug abuse. I’ve been clean 4 years, but the damage was done. I can relate to a lot you’re saying.

[@jackiecooley5937]

Fascinating, I believe healing for you and hope for others is going on here Stephen❤

[@SurvivingSchizophrenia]

Thank you so much!

[@Ahbdjdjj_01]

Thank you for sharing.

[@condianemcmonagle3630]

You are doing a great job at educating us all Stephen

[@waynesmith6417]

Hi Steven. I can tell you are being very careful about what you say and how you say it. That's good. Schizophrenia has a spectrum, like a lot of things. I'm in a different place on the spectrum than you, so I don't totally understand. But I understand generalities. A major issue in my life was learning not to be afraid. LOL, I just realized, part of it was learning when and how to be afraid in the right way, at the right time. I would be afraid of the most ridiculous things and then be totally fearless in the most dangerous situations. I would say, "I'm not smart enough to be afraid.", but it wasn't true. My fear response was just delayed. After the situations were over....then I would be paralyzed with fear. I had to learn how to fear, respect, animals that could hurt me. And at the same time not give up my ability to deal with dangerous animals, how to love them and how to accept their love. I disassemble every feeling, in order to get rid of the bad parts and not lose the good parts. Everyone has their own way. My way to deal with dark thoughts is to speak to them. When a dark thought comes, I quickly tell it to "Go away!". Then I engage my mind with a good thought. Did you know that deaf people think in sign language? It's normal to think with a voice. It's not normal to hear voices that are not your own....mostly. It has to do with your world view. If you believe in ghost, then when you see a ghost, you have decisions to make. Am I seeing a hallucination? Or is this a real ghost? For me, believing in ghost is a better survival position. Watch a version of "Scrooge". He was confronted by a ghost, but he thought it was a hallucination. He was wrong. Dealing with the supernatural is a major topic for Schizophrenics. But take heart, it's just as hard for the 'normies'. Thank you for giving me space on your channel to write these things. I wish you peace.

[@tracychavez7914]

Stephen, I’ve subscribed to your channel today after watching several videos. Thank you for sharing your life experiences to help individuals, friends and family about Schizophrenia. You have meaningful content and I always walk away from your videos feeling with positive motivation.

[@Christian-qu9ml]

Thank you for your honesty. 😊 Love your video's!