I’m Terrified of Being a Dad

I’m Terrified of Being a Dad
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[@stevezelaznik5872]

This guy is being honest with himself and is humble enough to reach out for help. I think he’ll do just fine as a dad.

[@sanitary103]

I was scared as hell before becoming a dad. However, understand that your instincts will kick in and you’ll be fine.

[@lot2196]

💯

[@SusanJordan-jw4uv]

First time moms have these fears as well. But as baby pass first milestones you start to relax.

[@littleme3597]

Yes.

[@brenttrotter88]

Yep. My wife was deathly afraid of sids and it eventually made me afraid of it too. As cold as it sounds I just had to accept that it was totally out of my control even if we followed all of the guidelines. It would have been a massive tragedy but I could not have changed the outcome. It's probably that only thought process that allowed me to deal with my fear and support my wife through her fear.

[@KW-um9ow]

The SIDS stuff can feel so scary. When my now 2 1/2 year-old was born, it kept me up at night. What I actually did was a bit of a mind game. I looked up the risk of SIDS if all safe sleep parameters were followed. Then I looked up some thing that I’m constantly told is dangerous but neverfeels dangerous- the risk of getting in a serious car accident. I don’t remember what the exact numbers were but the risk of myself, or family member getting into a car accident was much much greater than my child dying of SIDS, And I never get scared getting behind the wheel. Anytime I’d start to feel that anxiety bubble up I would think about this fact, that statistically some thing I do every day is far riskier than what was keeping me up at night.hope sharing this helps somebody else too.

[@kendrascorner]

My first baby was stillborn at full term, so the feeling or fear that baby might die was more than just a distant fear... it wasn't something that happened to "other people." It was something that had already happened to me once, so why wouldn't it happen again? I bought an owlet heart rate monitor for my baby, and that helped SIGNIFICANTLY. I recommend it to all new parents now. Just the peace of mind knowing that an alarm would wake me if my son stopped breathing allowed me to be able to sleep. Maybe it doesn't solve the deeper problem of anxiety. But for real... It was a lifesaver for me.

[@RC-nz9zd]

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain. I totally agree with the owlet. We have that on our infant and our sleep improved dramatically especially mine.

[@kendrascorner]

@@RC-nz9zd thank you, yes, I can't tell you how much peace of mind it gave us.

[@Ninja8021]

I became a first time dad 8 months ago and Dr. John is right on point. You have to talk to other guys who are dads. It helped put my mind at ease. Furthermore, I leave professionals to their job. If there is a problem, then they have the professional knowledge to remediate the issue no matter if it is big or small. I work in IT, same ordeal applies. A network goes down, staff panics, my work phone blows up, and in the end, I have it all under control. In the end, Dr. John is also right, prenatal stuff. Most women had a headstart, and I was left blind-sided. I learned a lot from my wife and I highly recommend this book, "How to Dad: An Illustrated Instruction Manual for First Time Fathers." Extremely helpful, ran across it at Barnes and Nobles.

[@jdb6026]

And this is why men need to be more involved with their kid's/s' lives so that when they have friends who need help, they can jump right in and contribute. It's really lonely being a man, much more a father. A lot of men don't really have anyone whom they can approach. It's important to see fatherhood as not just an individual thing, but as a brotherhood.

[@tonepursuit7110]

I’m lucky to have been able to sign up for baby classes at the birthing hospital ahead of time. I highly recommend it. They prepare you for so much even CPR.

[@steffilomi9328]

Congratulation for your daughter. For all first time moms and dad's they feel unsure and often unprepared, because it is unknown territory. It's a learning curve for all of us. With every day/week you get better and understand more about yourself and about your kid. You know her best because you spend the 24/7 with her. Go with your gut feeling and give her your special love. Also don't forget how hard the first month are, because of the sleep deprivation and be gentle with yourself and partner. Nothing will ever be as before, that doesn't mean worse, it's just different and you need some time to morne some parts of your old life. We had a midwife coming after birth several times to ask questions and to be reassured, that our gut feeling was mostly right (because grandparents can be very convincing... They said things like, let him cry some time, that we would spoil him for picking him up when crying, that they know better because they already had children...). We wish you all the best and a lot of patience with each other during the process of getting to know each other.

[@iamwinningrightnow]

As a woman, who don't want children, I love them to no end. When my nieces were born, and i kidnapped them from mom, I was like this guy. I didn't sleep well (same with my godson). The fear of something going wrong was constantly on my mind. Even when they were teenagers, when they were with me, same. It was crazy...but, they are young adults now...doing just fine. I sleep well...Lol.

[@katiehamilton3915]

As a mom four months postpartum with my second and still dealing with decently bad PPA (no stranger to it), this episode made me cry. Multiples times. It's a big deal that this dad cares that much. Being a first time parent is scary as heck and it's obvious that he is/is gonna be such a good dad.

[@danny9405]

Unfortunately, this won’t go away. It gets better but it won’t go away. I barely slept the first few months and even still I’m constantly waiting for something bad to happen. Maybe I need to call Dr. John too

[@ReginaApple007]

Education helped so much with my anxieties. Look deeply into SIDs and what raises and lowers risk so you know youre doing everything you can to keep that from happening. That applies to everything you have anxiety about with your kids.

[@mariev2342]

Nanit or Owlette breathing monitors if you can afford are amazing for monitoring them and putting your mind at ease of them not breathing.

[@chrissyellem7397]

The infant stage is the best part. Once they start walking and talking-watch out!

[@TheMikeydudeman]

i too was scared. i got 2 beautiful daughters. have i been perfect no. but my love for them is undeniable.

[@angiebrown4012]

One thing about being a good a parent is being terrified. If you’re not terrified you’re not ready .

[@narelle-creative-arts]

Best wishes to you Mark and your wife/partner I’d say your Bub is about 6 weeks or so now, hopefully your stresses have eased a little and your bonding and having some beautiful moments…it’s a very hard time but things will get better and your little girl will adore you. My dad was my best friend I’m so glad he was my dad❤❤

[@RC-nz9zd]

This was my husband and me almost 3 months ago. I had to go back to the hospital because of blood pressure which they thought could lead to clots and then a stroke. It was so scary and thankful to all the doctors and nurses who did all the tests and got it back down and also to my doctor who told me that blood pressure issues can occur post partum, so I was cautious and monitoring. We were grateful to the staff at the hospital for taking it seriously and for getting us a private room and a bed for our newborn so we could all stay together ❤️. I had the same concerns about SIDs. It was hard to sleep and we took all the classes, courses but little babies are so fragile it is difficult not be stressed. Great advice from Dr. John on alternating sleep with your partner which we implemented a month ago. That was a life saver for us since you knew there was a block of time you were going to sleep even if it is only 3 or 4 hours. Maybe they had help but it didnt seem like that on the call but I truly understand the village concept. I was so grateful to my mom and best friends who came even for a few hours to help me so I could sleep or even just eat/drink/shower after feeding our son and they took care of the rest even if that was just holding our son until the next feeding. Being a parent is blessing but those first few weeks are hard even without complications during and after birth.

[@kidsolo81]

If you don't mind me asking. How long post partum was the BP issues? My wife and I, we had a stillborn and her BP has been high. The Dr is pushing long term BP meds but it's been consistently lowering to where she hasn't needed the post partum meds. Just trying to mention something else to the Dr for her to consider first.

[@RC-nz9zd]

@@kidsolo81First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. My severe BP issue occured 9 days after our son was born but by day 3 there were signs but they thought it was due to post partum pain. When we were at the hospital for 3 days my blood pressure was back to normal 90% of the time and they cut me off the BP meds too quickly instead of giving me very low doses. This caused something called a rebound affect and can make BP worse if not taken off the meds gradually. I had some fluid in my lungs as well which could be from IV fluid management during birth. I was told by a specialist to continue to monitor even 6 months post partum to ensure it stabilizes. Ask for a specialist and not just a GP to support long term use, how to self titrate and what that means exactly and if your wife will be weaned off eventually if it goes back to normal. They had to also put me on water loss meds which helped significantly since we have 50% more blood volume during pregnancy. Another thing to note is make sure they are using the correct size blood pressure cuff. The BP specialist I saw told me to see what other doctors/nurses were using based on arm size etc. She was right - they were using the wrong one me and that can cause incorrect readings and if the cuff is smaller even by a bit it could falsely give increased blood pressure results or vice versa.

[@kidsolo81]

@RC-nz9zd thank you so much! Glad you've been on the road to recovery. And thank you for the food for thought, I have some direct questions I can ask the doctor now. She was experiencing the rebounds and can't seem to stay hydrated so I'll ask about the water loss pills as well. Again thank you!

[@RC-nz9zd]

@@kidsolo81 You're welcome and I wish the best for your wife and you!

[@KarlySurfs]

Hi, I’m a huge fan of the show! Wanted to reach out because what John said about a knot in his son’s umbilical cord is factually incorrect. Knots in the umbilical cord are a variation of normal. Warton’s jelly (a biological organic substance) prevents a knot from restricting blood flow 😉 Also, 1 in 3 babies is born with its cord wrapped around its body- my third child was born with her cord wrapped three times around her. She was born safely at home and we waited to cut her cord until it stopped pulsating 🫶🏼 Birth education matters, especially with such a large audience.

[@kendrascorner]

Hi, I am a birth doula. I agree with you that birth education matters. Wharton's jelly is a beautiful thing. However, your statement that "Wharton's jelly prevents a knot from restricting blood flow" needs to be revised. Wharton's jelly CAN/MIGHT/USUALLY prevents a knot from restricting blood flow. But not always. Yes, many babies are born with a cord wrapped around their necks, and usually this is not a major problem. Usually. It is a variation of normal, but in rare instances this too CAN be dangerous, though usually very easily managed if the person delivering baby knows what they are doing. And though it is a rare occurrence (0.3% to 1.2%) a TRUE knot can be fatal to the baby. It isn't always. But it CERTAINLY can be. Often, the true knot results in the death of the baby before the onset of labour (resulting in a late term stillbirth), though not always. A true knot can also result in growth restriction, hypoxia, or low Apgar scores. The risk of fetal death is 4 times higher in cases of a True Umbilical Cord Knot than due to other causes, and should certainly be taken seriously. I am all about education and decreasing fear when it comes to birth. We also have to acknowledge reality, and certainly cannot pretend as if something is not true when it is.

[@KarlySurfs]

@@kendrascorner I appreciate you clarifying! I can absolutely acknowledge that scary complications are always a possibility when it comes to birth (heck, life is unpredictable). It worries me that a fact like this was shared with such a large audience and many people could just run with it and say “see how scary birth is!”

[@kendrascorner]

@@KarlySurfs I do understand normalizing birth, but sadly complications can and do sometimes happen. Dr. John's point here was not that birth is scary; rather simply that when the doctors told him everything was okay and he didn't believe them, things actually WERE okay, and the panic he sensed was legitimate, but not a point of imminent danger. He was sharing his experience, not to promote fear, but to acknowledge the fact that when doctors say things are okay, they usually are, even if you sense something is wrong.

[@dhqbrandi]

If you can hire a dad doula . A dad who can guide you or join other fatherhood groups

[@_TheIlluminator_]

I’m not dismissing the idea of marrying and having kids, but I never did because I don’t think I’ll ever be a good father.

[@karo1922]

Very respectful position of yours, congratulations

[@pamforrester844]

You are being a good person

[@fromheaventoearth5779]

It's hard but no one is ever "ready" to be a parent. You just have to do your best and guide them.

[@karo1922]

@@fromheaventoearth5779 there are too many fathers who abandoned their kids, it’s better if they just don’t do them when they are not ready.

[@fromheaventoearth5779]

@@karo1922 I guess you're right. Personally I don't know any dead beats (well one but only loosely). I agree that if this thought process will lead to them abandoning the babies best to leave it alone.

[@Straightarrow7777]

Let's goooooo Dr. John

[@tomr1991]

I set vibrating alarms for every 45 minutes when my kid was born. I refused to allow him into the bed with us at night under any circumstances. I was terrified. By 10 months the little man was sleeping directly on top of my chest trying to kill ME in my sleep. This is natural my guy. I promise. Just try and find time go to the gym, fish, game, whatever you do. And make time for your lady to do that as well. Advice from a regular dude.

[@littleme3597]

He is a great dad! Even as new moms, we felt the same way! Terrified, someway, the baby is NOT ok? That is normal.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

He sounds wonderful.

[@YTW-rw6pr]

Really coulda used this guy before my first daughter got here

[@seagullsg784]

Dads can get post partum also

[@bobberry1463]

Fun not so fun fact dad's get post partum a lot more than people more than people think and the number one reason why new dad cheat.

[@bobberry1463]

@pravnica77 it true

[@tomnohmy1273]

He should drink some warm milk

[@chrissyellem7397]

🤣🥛🥛

[@jackiechoate6163]

The mother went to hospital for blood pressure. There is no reason the baby couldn't have stayed with Mom in the hospital while getting her blood pressure under control.

[@dabd8175]

Females put to much pressure on good men

[@karo1922]

So they can become diamonds 💎

[@dabd8175]

@@karo1922 so when a guy puts "pressure" to do sexual things he's just trying to make her a diamond right....

[@kateruterbories2692]

A man, in order to become good, needs pressure. Other wise, they become weak and inconsequential.

[@dabd8175]

@@kateruterbories2692 female logic 😂😂😂😂

[@ClaireGreen-wd2gm]

Pressure to do basic adult things like hold a job, not be addicted to drugs, not cheat, not be abusive, and to do some level of child raising if he wants kids? Oh no. Say it ain't so

[@angelap32]

Hes terrified of being a first-time father it's because he was not prepared before this baby was born both he and his wife I should have been prepared to take classes to understand how things are going to be because they become much different not in a bad way but in a different way so there's no reason why he needs to call in and say he's terrified that's crazy

[@Rio26202]

Dude I took classes that went over every from delivery and postpartum and infant care from birth to three months. I was still terrified. Things are easier said than done

[@omgeoh]

I'm on the same boat. I want kids but I'm terrified of screwing it up. I'm 31 and my lady is turning 30 this year, having just completed her master's the focus will now be on building a family in next year or two. Anybody in the comments have any advice?