I Was Mentally, Emotionally and Physically Abusive (Can I Get Her Back?)

I Was Mentally, Emotionally and Physically Abusive (Can I Get Her Back?)
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[@andreack9983]

The truly repentant thing to do is to RESPECT HER DECISION TO LEAVE YOU.

[@heatherbukowski2102]

Yep. Respect her wish for freedom.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

He needs to give her what she deserves! Her peace, and calm without him!!!

[@JuliusCaesarsBestFriendForNow]

Hundred percent, bro.

[@deirdremorris9234]

EXACTLY

[@tegannottelling]

absolutely

[@gloriahui3490]

It is not your ex wife’s obligation to help YOU feel better about the horrific things you did to her. Go away, leave her alone. Show your love by letting her live her best life without you

[@briskettacos]

Exactly. He still feels entitled to her time, understanding, empathy, and forgiveness.

[@KD-gd5oq]

THIS

[@jacquidanke1263]

PERIOD!

[@snudder.s.m.l.5026]

Well said.. ❤

[@indoora]

Well said.

[@CassieNishti]

If his ex wife ever hears this, she will hear all of his tone of voice changes, his sickening chuckle, and his crocodile tears, and her skin will crawl knowing he has not changed.

[@veverest2155]

She’s in the comments. He’s repeated this behavior with two more girlfriends and apparently did a single day in jail. She has no intentions of going back. Thank god.

[@Jetsi79]

@@veverest2155 I’m so glad she didn’t go back to him!!

[@Inconsistent-Dogwash]

100% agree it’s so fake. He’s just doing this to look like he is doing something while not doing anything.

[@Dinnerthedaythebanksareopen]

@@veverest2155Where is her comment? Has it been deleted?

[@grace52775]

​@@DinnerthedaythebanksareopenI'm also curious about her comments.

[@mulderitsmee]

He deliberately stopped before he left bruises? He didn't lose control. He was in control the whole time. He chose every moment of that abuse.

[@m13_033]

You’ll be surprised, sounds like he might have BPD and went on a manic episode. Research about it it’s really sad on both sides.

[@mulderitsmee]

@@m13_033 BPD is not an excuse for abuse in the slightest, nor does it make someone abusive. The majority of people with BPD are not out here abusing their partner. This behaviour is a choice and he chose to beat her and to stop before there was evidence. I'm not sure what need removing accountability from him satisfies in you, but it's probably one for therapy and not the KZbin comment section.

[@lilvirgo1]

​@cal7646 I have BPD and have had manic episodes it was nothing like this guy in my relationships so yea that doesn't fly. Not saying I haven't done things I'm not proud of but this is something else

[@NN-fz4pd]

They are all like that. Read “why does he do that?” By Bancroft

[@roflpill]

He didn't stop before leaving bruises. He said he was holding back AND still bruised her. He felt the urge to hit her in some way, but instead grabbed ahold of her leg and squeezed it, which caused the bruising. Just clarifying.

[@estherbjerga523]

Never go back into a relationship with someone who spits in your face. That person hates you.

[@THEREALBILL03]

💯💯💯💯

[@Merell564]

YES!

[@jojo2007ish]

That part

[@monicadhenderson8670]

Absolutely!! To spit in someone’s face is horrific!!!

[@iiAmStarFire_]

Me right now😢😢

[@briskettacos]

"My victim escaped, how do I get her back? I miss my litlle punching bag 😢"

[@zammymynakersnackstbmoth]

Seriously. F this guy.

[@lovelylipbonesouwwwwwwwolv2198]

For real! He doesn't see a human but a punching bag!

[@tankdesign1]

Yep/

[@jacquidanke1263]

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT MY MOUTH SAID OUTLOUD! PISSED OFF ALERT. NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!

[@musicneurons]

​@jacquidanke1263 wait does he squally say these words? Like Is this a quote?

[@annette2326]

He overcame his trauma. Bravo! 10 months. Are you kidding? What about HER trauma!

[@nicoleowens2318]

Right? I left my ex 9 years ago and I'm still single with severe PTSD and brain damage but he still dreams about us getting back together. It's sick. It's always a fantasy in their head. And when you're actually with them, the fantasy becomes about other people and you become the obstacle in their head, a burden and "the problem." Sick.

[@stdeborah460]

I'm sure her trauma is way worse that wimpy cry baby James. I seriously doubt he'd even attempt to hit a man. He cries and is remorseful only for himself and the impact that her leaving had on him. Where is his concern for her mental well being? Has he sent her money or tried to help her financially in any way she she left him? He only loves himself.

[@testtest2609]

​@@stdeborah460They're never brave with men coz they there are consequences

[@cruiseny26]

That’s how you know it’s not meaningful change. It’s manipulative. This is the cycle of abuse.

[@PandoraBear357]

I worked in one place longer than he has ever done when I was a teenager. 10 months of working is not a long time😂

[@unexpectedsongbird8952]

True "remorse" from abusers is when they FINALLY leave you the hell alone FOREVER because YOUR healing is more important to them than THEIR "redemption". Period!

[@Ananya-qp4tq]

This!!!

[@Judy-c3d]

My ex is finally leaving me alone because I refuse to be around him. I finally had enough. I had to take a stand and stay firm.

[@angelbulldog4934]

LOUDER for those in the back!

[@TheYellowBusLifeReset]

This!

[@aybige4413]

F yeah! Preach!!!

[@brunoqnzbk7891]

Men are so quick to ditch the wives if they cheat, but will expect women to forgive if they're being physically harmed by them. Unbelievable.

[@Blakmagic88]

THIS!!!!

[@Camille-t5e]

Exactly

[@veggieeater]

Oh they are very very quick with a vengence, and rightfully so. The frustrating part is the fact that women don't react this way.

[@daniella8400]

@@veggieeaterexactly! I left my husband after cheating and encourage all women to do so because they don’t stop.

[@kelloggs7447]

That was a powerful episode ❤

[@dodgyyoutuber9560]

Love how he responds to “my wife” with “your EX wife?”

[@dianatwum7493]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 exactly

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

He's still VERY possessive of her....

[@joshuamontgomery0]

I fist pumped the air when he did this!

[@rarebird_82]

That made me smile Ouch 🤭🦂 haha

[@AshleySpeaks4U]

Right. He needs to remember she is GONE. I was abused and someone asked if I would go back. "HELL no-are you NUTS?" She was actually serious. Barf. No. Not going back.

[@southernlight6]

No women who was abused should ever take the abuser back.. not ever.

[@lwitte8857]

Exactly. Do abusers typically change? No. Can abusive people change? Sadly, it doesn’t happen often but it can happen. Should an abuse victim go back to someone who has changed ( meaningful or not)? No. If you have abused someone, especially for an extended period of time, then your relationship to that person has fundamentally changed. You cannot walk back the dynamic you have established. You will always be the person in power and they will always be the person trying to comply. Being a shitty ex is something you can grow from. Being an abusive ex is something you move on from.

[@LLandS18]

If only it was that easy. Does trauma bonds there's PTSD there's coercive control. There's gaslighting. There's manipulation. There's love bombing. There's the sunk cost fallacy. There's so much to why people stay with abusers. Least of all is the most dangerous time for a domestic abuse. Victim is when they're leaving the relationship. The only other time in the relationship that comes close to being as dangerous is when they are pregnant or recently postpartum. There's a reason why you always hear about men murdering their pregnant wives or The wise that they recently just gave birth.

[@zoe9190]

They shouldnt, but it happens like 90% of the time. All the excuses in the world, they leave once their tipping point has been reached. Men and women go back to their abuser if not the same day, within a week or two. men and women mostly abuse differently, but there are enough women who abuse like men do and vice versa. People are horrible, but i would make it gender neutral statement. Men arent the only abusers and women arent only victims. Everyone is capable of being abusive

[@kimberlyfloyd1009]

I agree even if tomorrow my ex-husband came to me and apologize for everything that you did to me and the way he feels like he didn’t abuse me although he was doing it the whole time I would never take him back in fact the abuse is the one thing that makes you stay away for good!!!!

[@AndrewDaniele87]

Or man, just saying

[@kdeloris2225]

To spit in someone's face is the ultimate disrespect. Never go back

[@youtubeKathy]

because she couldn't find him. because of nothing. Thats how it always is, you are a normal human being, and they let loose on you for a normal almost nothing, something that doesn't even qualify as a mistake. This man is sooooo dangerous. He doesn't even know it.

[@songriver1232]

​@youtubeKathy, oh, he does. All this is an act. Tears. And racked voice. Act. He cant fool jhon though.

[@IamOkayla]

I agree! ​@soangriver1232 totally agree

[@elizabethpieters7798]

He wants control. He wants power. He cant handle the fact that a woman found the strenght to leave him. He is dangerous.

[@GameChanger597]

Extremely! And I'm disgusted Dr. John didn't say more to put him in his place 😠

[@ashleenicole71]

​@liveyourlifeextra4576 Eh Dr John reads people well. He even said. I want to say things but won't say it. So he's aware..

[@KingOfKings__]

Or he wants to change.

[@meesh1002]

He’s even trying to manipulate the conversation with Dr John by opening up with how much he loves him… trying to win him over lol

[@richerDiLefto]

@@KingOfKings__ Maybe, but that ship sailed for that particular woman.

[@LetJesusTouchUrLife]

"I miss my wife like crazy." "Your EX-wife?" Dr. John is totally onto him. It's not at all about her. It's about him.

[@leahartlee29]

He misses abusing someone. I say keep running ex wife!!

[@catspact]

Also, the way he stopped crying after that comment and restarted when he got on his soapbox. Nothing but bull coming out of his mouth!

[@mollygirl21309]

I also experienced 14 years of the 30 years we were married which included choking, pushing me down a flight of stairs, and everything possible Including financial. I divorced him and promised myself to never let another man do that to me again.

[@DeborahThird-og1uo]

👊

[@ashleym.2981]

Exactly! He is giving narcissistic vibes 🚩🚩🚩

[@annalove9593]

Men are unaliving their spouses at an enormous rate. She got away once; he won’t allow her to be able to escape him again.

[@thatsthejobbb8587]

Should see it in Australia. A man ran his wife over on a tractor with a slasher attachment. I'm a migrant here and never heard anything like this before I came here but these types of stories are so regular and nonchalant on the news it's scary!!!

[@mercedesharrison5550]

My gosh my heart for her 😩🌸. A man almost k’d me by essentially choking me. Seeing his face as he was over me with pure rage knowing death was what he wanted for me. He even tried to bite my face while he was “choking” me. But being on the other side of that. Seeing it up close. Feeling your body getting weaker like you’re about to fade away. Your vision starting to darken. It feels so wild and frightening to be up that close and seeing this person coming towards you is nothing like witnessing it secondhand or hearing it through an outside source. The feeling is almost indescribable but you can feel the evil. I cannot imagine through her eyes to see that coming at her and then penetrating, the sound of the tractor, knowing someone you slept next to is now k’llng you. Knowing this is the end in just a gruesome, barbaric, gory way. My gosh that’s horrifying. It saddens me to hear that it’s almost normalized.

[@annalove9593]

It isn’t easy to hear but grave yards are saturated with women who we unalived by men who “loved them.” One of my cousins was shot to death by her husband while holding their baby. The caller only wants his possession bk. These unalivers are getting younger.

[@Ann2046-mindful]

This is so true and it is not talked about enough.

[@rhondacrosswhite8048]

That's why so many states file the battery charges against the husband when she has to call them. So many women give in to his and his family's pleas to drop the charges. When she drops the charges, the police take her from her home in a body bag because the husband swore that no woman would ever have him locked up again. When the state files the abuse charges, the wife can't drop them. I know this from personal experience before i finally divorced him and moves three states away.

[@DaddyTonraq]

"im proud of her" brother ughhhhhhh that sent a shiver down my spine

[@shaunrios6980]

Me too

[@ss021070]

If this guy isn't the universal RED FLAG to all women who ever considered going back because he "changed". THIS IS THAT GUY. Listen closely ladies.

[@Kristenoyinbo]

These demons never change.

[@annmariemarin5513]

Amen!

[@MaliCat2.0]

Yah 10 months in! Come onnnnn

[@alladreamwedreamed]

I feel so much compassion for his ex-wife. I hope she is feeling safe and supported as she puts the pieces together and moves on with her life.

[@dahliacheung6020]

@@annmariemarin5513John said it well when he stated that this man's wife is the poster of him at his worst and he wants to get her back to change that picture of him- but thankfully that's not his choice. I'm glad he also pointed out that no matter how impressive all the work he's done on himself in terms of therapy/weight loss/work that this guy is still entitled in relationships and has done ZERO work on this. This guy got some serious truth but that sigh he gave when John told him he couldn't do with work to get his trophy back... It was very telling. This was everything this guy needed to hear but I can't help feel he's not gonna take it, just because they rarely do.

[@calliemalugin2338]

“We we’re trying to adopt nine children, but it fell through.” Thank God!!!

[@lovecats6856]

What a baby cry. He wanted those kids as a possession to show everyone how wonderful he is. Then his wife would feel guilty to try to get away.

[@AlyssaTaylor9]

Right? Adopting ONE child is difficult enough, and it should be difficult. How in the hell did he think he, an abusive 20-something dirtbag addicted to Marijuana and unable to hold a steady job would be able to adopt NINE CHILDREN???

[@petracain6794]

So it's true. I did hear correctly. I will be dannngggg!!!

[@bodhisattva2348]

Those 9 kids dodged some major bullets

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

He wanted to burden her to stay with him

[@summershandy19]

Having been abused myself, an abuser will ALWAYS downplay what they’ve actually done to their victim. If we were to ask his wife, her stories will be more raw, real, and horrible. Once a man abuses you, he will NEVER respect you again regardless of the work he has done on himself. The fact that he has a running list of what he’s accomplished already shows his narcissistic tendency. If she decided to get back with him, he would get upset if she does not recognize the changes he has made. DO NOT GO BACK TO YOUR ABUSER!!!

[@user92248]

And get mad when she still flinches at his raised voice or doesn't trust him

[@rachelm126]

1000000% this

[@Lilith6.6]

His telling of how he "put pressure on her leg with his arm" wana bet that wasn't her leg?

[@rachelm126]

@@Lilith6.6 what are you implying it was?

[@Lilith6.6]

@@rachelm126 Not implying it was anything

[@TropicalGirl114]

The way he messed up and said ‘I want to have her… *then switches to* I want to gain her back in my life’ he still sees her as an object to possess

[@Tinxy95]

And how he wrote a script of what to say, and the pride in his voice when he describes everything he did to her ... absolute creep

[@dokpikun-bg3en]

He will do anything and say anything to avoid dealing with his loser, narcissistic self.

[@laurathuijls2630]

He’s still an abuser. He says he lost control when he beat his ex wife up. But he didn’t. He was so much in control that he knew how much beating she could take before it would cause permanent injuries. He was exact in how he treated her. He has not changed one bit as he still hasn’t fully taken responsibility for his abuse. If he had, he would never consider trying to work his way back into his ex-wife’s life.

[@HildaDeerfox]

Yes absolutely!

[@Chantilly907]

Thank you for saying this! This is my ex husband. And then so sorry and do so much self work and then I stay, but only a matter of time before he doesn't feel he is getting what he is owed and the cycle goes again. Almost like he felt because he did all this good stuff, I owed him. Actually the more 'good' he did the more control he felt he had over me. He almost killed me 2x during our marriage but stopped choking me just in time for me not to die(still had bruised vocal chords and passed out). Spent 1 day in jail for his multiple 'misdemeanor ' domestic assults. Took me 7 years to leave. I'm ashamed at myself for staying so long.

[@t.aronsen8466]

​@@Chantilly907you are strong ❤

[@fairlind]

@@Chantilly907The fact that you stayed a long time has nothing to do with you. It’s all about programming and automatic behavior, and you were thoroughly programmed to stay and take it. The only thing you willfully caused was breaking the program. Congratulations.

[@jvance6]

​@@Chantilly907I'm so glad you escaped. Even if it tool 7 years. You found a way out, cause if you hadn't he probably would've killed you.

[@jibbyjabs]

The audacity. His tears were very well timed . You blew it dude. Stay away from her and every other female until you've done YEARS of intensive therapy.

[@scorchedearthcreations]

He miraculously switched them off very quickly too.

[@summerdowlig]

I'm sure he wasn't crying while he spit and hit her.

[@jibbyjabs]

@@summerdowlig exactly, that's what I meam by his well timed tears it's always when they are required by someone else to address what they did

[@pattimartin859]

The night before I left, my ex finally came home. He sat across from me and cried, "I just don't know what to do anymore ". All well timed crap . He has the audacity all these years later to ask....."how is your mom". Men like James don't change, they just get better at how they hide their abuse.

[@jwhite5396]

@@pattimartin859 Yeah. And for him to know to squeeze her leg so no one could see the bruise, that’s planned just like his tears. He beat her up and spit on her because she couldn’t find where he went for a walk. That poor woman was probably always walking on eggshells with him. I’m glad she got away.

[@haolegirl7230]

"I want my wife back". This could turn into a stalker situation real quick. He needs to accept she is NEVER coming back and truly being sorry would be accepting that.

[@Shadowwind4]

Are you looking for a husband?

[@InTheNameOfLife1]

Exactly. If he was actually sorry he’d realize the trauma he inflicted on her and would stay away from her forever. And he’d know he needs years of therapy before ever attempting a relationship with anyone again

[@sdl5731]

Yep!!!

[@charminglove8594]

@@Shadowwind4????

[@jdj2022]

She’s not his wife, she is a survivor.

[@carter_1]

Just like him, my abuser lost weight,(bcuz he couldn't eat w/o me) worked steadily, church, became the "every thing I wanted." Month by month after we were together EVERY THING disappeared and he turned into the real him again. It was about getting his way, not changing. It took me 10 years to get out the next time.... and that's a real long abusive story. My eye(s) -permanently injured My back- broken forever My life -½ gone 🙏 please don't fall for "the changes" I never share my story on here, but this is the first phone call that made me feel uncomfortable. I was pulling at my shirt kind of feeling. My God, he could easily pull her back in. I hope she has 💯 m8ved on

[@souldancersbyjennifer]

Hugs and so much love to you. I hope you at least found some relief and emotional refuge after all that you've endured

[@dokpikun-bg3en]

My favorite loser line: "I decided to not continue being better because I saw you didn't change (wife is 8 months pregnant and he's just threatened to do something stupid, again.

[@lochness_jenni6116]

I’m so sorry for what you had to deal with. I appreciate you sharing and agree with your feeling. I hope you’re well now.

[@laurawestenra]

They usually only decide to lose weight so they can attract new women to have sex with and eventually make their new victims.

[@offgridjack5779]

I'm thinking he emotionally blackmailed her into the adoption of 9 kids telling her they needed to SAVE them but his real intention was his version of "barefoot and pregnant" and keep her trapped!! What a manipulator this guy is. Always the victim. Tears and all.

[@iHeartAmySue]

Or worse. 😢

[@barbthegreat586]

He tried to entrap her with children.

[@ShielaM-p1w]

You've just identified the true reason women bear children with male sperm. If the purpose of that change (from asexual to sexual reproduction) was this, then it CANNOT have been a natural change, it was FORCED. Which means men and women relationship is a LIEEEEE!!! XYs came, invaded women's world and altered them somehow.

[@TrueWalker88]

That's ridiculous. She's a grown ass woman who made a choice. No one can be "forced" to adopt a child, much less a whopping NINE children.

[@soullessnight6539]

@@TrueWalker88you obviously no nothing about psychology abuse. Most common form and imo even worse than physical. They do it slowly over time that you don’t even know yourself anymore. They take all your self worth that you think you could never survive without them. You become a shell, a puppet and they pull your strings.

[@rebeccawright5987]

I feel like this caller is trying to manipulate John too, not just his wife. He still wants to control her.

[@basicbase749]

True!! He is a smooth talker and knows how to use words to his advantage and create a good public image

[@Cactusbrigade]

Definitely. Did you notice the flattery at the very beginning? It’s off the bat manipulative

[@rebeccawright5987]

@@CactusbrigadeI’m betting this guy has NPD

[@nonnaza]

Totally

[@corrieworou4813]

Yeah, rings false.

[@TisHotMessHistory]

He still feels entitled to his ex-wife. He needs to be thankful that he's not in prison where he belongs and move on with his life, and let her move on with hers.

[@veracityhunter7777]

Exactly

[@paulaqueirosz]

Totally agree

[@hismom5600]

Ti!!!!!! You lurk in all the coolest places!😄

[@TisHotMessHistory]

@@hismom5600 I do! LOL I love this show.

[@mamat1213]

YEP. He can’t even say “ex wife”

[@beatricesenesie]

He has lost control of his victim, he wants that control back. He doesn’t want her back, he enjoyed and craves the idea of having her in his life. It was a “FUN” ride for him, he misses that ride NOT her. Leave her alone! I checked OUT when he said he spat on her face! That’s the MOST degrading thing to do to another human being! Disgusting!

[@valmatthews9117]

Exactly. A weak man.

[@valmatthews9117]

Exactly. A weak man. Only misses that control element.

[@midishh]

I have no empathy for this guy. He's saying all the "right" things, reminds me of my abuser too. Nice and highly aware for others, and a frightening jerk to me. He's crying now but he didn't care when he made her cry numerous times and had no compassion. Give me a break.

[@GameChanger597]

Yep I'm getting sociopath vibes from him

[@catholicfemininity2126]

It's only been what, a year or 10 months? or so.... that's not enough time to truly heal and transform into a virtuous person. I've been trying to change for 2 years and it's not easy, and that's just with the small stuff. But if he has any humility at all, he'll accept the hosts' advice and let her be and work on himself.

[@Emy53]

I don't trust an abuser. He's looking for a 2nd chance until he gets triggered. He's dangerous to me and doesn't deserve her. He just can't find a new woman to beat up. I don't trust him and I don't believe he is in a better place. He's just waiting for the day he can beat someone up because of his own childhood issues.

[@triciadilligaf1933]

​@@catholicfemininity2126the vibe I got from him is he's doing all this stuff to appear to change so when she ultimately rejects him he will turn people against her and whine about her not giving him another chance.

[@MeowzKitty]

That's EXACTLY how they are. They're so likeable and when you listen to them you'll feel so enlightened and even empathize with them more than yourself or even others will feel sorry for the abuser.

[@makeupandtheology1821]

Does anyone notice how these men are so respectful toward other men, but they just don't think as highly of women?

[@Blakmagic88]

Yep! In general, I believe males do not respect females in the same way they respect other males. Their is usually an undercurrent of violence and sizing up with male interactions. By default women are not as strong/violent and therefor cannot force their will in the same manner.

[@sommerfranklin9421]

Honestly I believe that these men don’t actually even like women let alone love them. Women are objects to these types of men. Possessions that belong to them. So they treat them as such. And when they get to whining or trying to get back with them is because they haven’t found someone else to take her place to mistreat. Plus they put in all that work to break down that woman and it’s easier to just harass her or manipulate her to come back than to start over 🤦🏽‍♀️. I know from experience

[@Mytesmyth]

That’s cause y’all play too many games. Y’all literally ruined our mental health it’s not even funny. You try being dumped relationship after relationship and see if you have a positive outlook still. I was 14 when I made my first abusive act and it took me ten years to realize you females ain’t s***

[@hopefulfilled9519]

Yes!!!! I see this all the time

[@elithunder]

Depends on what circles you're running in. This is not true of "men", just some men. I guarantee you, the courtesy John was showing him was because he was on camera. The way he indicated what his inner circle of men would've done to him if he confessed what this man did is indicative of what most men would have done to this guy. There wouldn't be a need for respect, just painful accountability.

[@DrFrankenschtein]

This was a well-rehearsed story from a person that closely monitors, controls, and attempts to disguise what they say and what they do to protect their true character. This is a deeply manipulative, small, weak person. He starts off by trying to flatter John in an effort to ingratiate himself. Then, he puts himself down (describes himself a 5 year-old) and pretends to cry in an attempt to disarm John and to lessen John's reaction, which he can expect will be strong. (You wouldn't kick a guy while he's down, would you?) The problem is, five year olds don't beat up women and spit in their faces. I'm sure calling into the show only inflated his ego and furthered this narcissistic charade. (His ex-wife probably blocked him, so he had to find a way to get his message out.)

[@cameronreeder9609]

This is the best comment.

[@melissaa.8547]

I noticed this as well…he is extremely manipulative but the cracks in his narrative are very clear…I guarantee the abuse was much much worse than he describes

[@DebbieBennett-p5v]

I'm so glad the wife got away from him but she should have done it a lot sooner. Better yet, to make sure this guy doesn't one day show up at her door, she should have taken care of the problem when he first touched her

[@tiffanyh.5788]

​@@DebbieBennett-p5vevery after the "but" was literally blaming the wife.

[@stuff1784]

Sociopathic behavior

[@asalane20]

The flattery and self-justification from the get-go is not just annoying, it’s self- indulgent and manipulative.

[@JerseyNative]

Just weird

[@Realbitch2]

It’s so easy to read

[@asdf4678z]

"proud of her" my stomach turned.

[@marleyhill34]

Yup.

[@JB-xm2wh]

He needs therapy and meds, more importantly to be locked up

[@michelleashton6712]

Like he’s taking a part of her exit as well.

[@dominiquejones6758]

That stuck out to me too. It’s giving “good girl” vibes…what a prick

[@MARISKI.mp3]

Yeah right. Twisted f*cker. He’s probably said something to her like “why are you doing this to ME?” for leaving, but now he says he’s proud lmfao what a loser

[@mandyg943]

“I don’t care about impressing people” what a LIE

[@mish375]

All abusers want to impress people. That's why they are so pathologically addicted to control.

[@zammymynakersnackstbmoth]

Seriously. Cuz if that were the case, he wouldn't have brought it up.

[@ImNotaRussianBot]

Brother, you called in to a show. People with any sense of rationale and awareness first examine your actions then see the words. If they're contradicting, that is a sign of a mental illness or personality disorder, either way they have enough life experience to stay away from you as much as possible.

[@JadeWasHere987]

Right? I wanted to comment the same

[@nicoleowens2318]

Yup

[@kekejefferson9219]

You haven't changed, your just not around her. Your ego wants her back.

[@darksu6947]

He just wants to beat her one last time.

[@mish375]

His narcissism is angry that she escaped from him because she outsmarted him and ran. Narcissistic abusers can't stand being beaten at their own game.

[@thefirm4606]

@@darksu6947last and final time I suspect

[@ehamilful]

Of course he wants her back. She probably worked and brought home the bacon while he smoked pot all day seeing as he has only had steady employment for ten months. Now he has to be self reliant and he doesn't like it. This guy is disgusting.

[@sheridanvance7426]

❤

[@Kamila25609]

It happened to me. I divorced 32 years ago. Never re-married. He died in a traffic accident 10 years ago. My children have done really good after his passed.

[@nanjones3973]

He called in to be validated and hoped he would get help on how to woo over his victim to get her back in his life. The finalization of the divorce was her nail in his coffin. He 100% doesn’t know how to cope with having absolutely no ties or control over this woman anymore. If she ever goes back, she might as well have planned her funeral because he’s not gonna let her leave again. Adopting 9 children was a way for him to keep her stuck. Thank God it didn’t go in his favor. He would have abused those children too.

[@leona2222]

💯

[@jalanepeppin1346]

Exactly!! He just wants validation so he can tell her "see everyone thinks I should have a another chance bc I changed" gtfoh. He has YEARS to go if ever before real change happens. He's still an abuser

[@kellyt4683]

Dude is psycho. She needs to stay far far away from him.

[@jennyjones-tw5hp]

It feels like he’s likely got a personality disorder. It doesn’t even occur to him, that this woman is her own person and it would do her well to stay the hell out of his life.

[@annc.3908]

Ah stuck is too small of a word to describe that… omg the level of stuck she would have been in…

[@l-train7876]

10 mos is longer employment than he’s ever had, and he was trying to adopt 9 kids. Holy shitballs.

[@jet4415]

Haha, I laughed at how John took him down on his employment section.

[@Flash3-22]

Find it hard to believe that part of the story. Cannot be true that they were trying to adopt 9 children.

[@somethingclever2]

😂😂

[@continuousself-improvement1879]

​@@Flash3-22maybe he meant being foster parents. Or tried to adopt with the end goal of having 9 kids but not all at once.

[@luckyduckydaisyflower2344]

The kids were a meal ticket somehow..he means foster

[@martavega2860]

"I miss her, I want her back, etc.". All I hear is him putting his desires before what is best for her. Girl, run

[@mairedaly4926]

Yeah, it was about there that it got very clear.... and then he cooly finishes his list

[@RaleighLink]

Abusers don't change, sorry not sorry. My father was extremely abusive to my entire family. My mom left him countless times, and each time, he'd be crying crocodile tears, claiming to be a "changed man" after just a few months, just like this guy. Each time, we begged my mom to not take him back, and when she did, the abuse ALWAYS continued.

[@itsmexena4727]

I hate how he keeps on saying "my wife" and when he was corrected he said "Yeah that" What an absolute creep 😮

[@Letstalk295]

Also the divorce has been done for months

[@jereni-solpoetry5994]

Right, I heard that!

[@amyitis]

That's the funny thing, if people have been through this, there's little signs that you know to look out for with narcissistic abuse. This is a perfect example.

[@bluemoonkitchen7332]

There was also a little laugh in there too that sent shivers down my spine.

[@TheAncientOnes-j8l]

​@@bluemoonkitchen7332me too oh my gosh 😢

[@wisco_hdgirl5273]

As an abuse survivor I strongly encourage you to leave that poor woman ALONE!!!

[@jacquidanke1263]

GLAD YOU ARE STILL HERE. I AM ALSO A SURVIVOR. WE DESERVE BETTER, FOR SURE. GOD BLESS!

[@hopefulfilled9519]

@@jacquidanke1263yes we women are glad you both are here ❤

[@hopefulfilled9519]

How did it start out for you guys? Was it verbal abuse first?

[@Eph10c]

@@hopefulfilled9519emotional, verbal and psychological

[@hopefulfilled9519]

@@Eph10c the physical abuse, it blindsided you? Like when it happened it didn’t seem real

[@andrea9797mdd]

You don't get to "be proud" of your ex wife who had the wherewithal to escape your abuse. This guy is unreal!

[@anyagee9467]

YES - Just saying " I am proud of her " in this context is a RED FLAG!

[@rebeccashields9626]

Agreed. It made my skin boil. You don’t get to be proud of her, you don’t own her.

[@tubeloobs]

@@rebeccashields9626 Dr. Delony doesn't own James either yet he said more than once that he was proud of him. What on earth are you guys talking about?

[@anyagee9467]

@@tubeloobs CONTEXT - this guy reached out to Dr Delony for help. His EX ran away from him and his abuse - he is in no position to comment on her actions as if he is an authority over her. Parents/teachers/best friends/health staff can be proud of others' progress and choices, an abuser doesn't have that jurisdiction or right. He is basically making himself the authority over her by saying this.

[@brightpage1020]

@@anyagee9467 this. What this person said. Like her position in life is beneath this guy or she should look up to him. I hope she's healing from him without looking back. And hiding from him effectively.

[@neinec3677]

No. The answer to the caller is no. Deal with the consequences of abusing someone who loved you.

[@emilycgardiner]

Listening to an abuser lay out the path of how verbal abuse turns into punching walls, turns into physical abuse is wild.

[@Circa2000s]

Right! Like, so you know exactly what tf you are doing!???? Disgusting!!

[@Ella-m7h]

Literally!! the verbal abuse is the lightning and then we all know what the thunderclap is…

[@ingrid5944]

To think that this almost happened to me is insane.

[@Nastasyashanti]

They perfectly show it in the series Maid. Before hurting you they start hurting space around you.

[@emilycgardiner]

@@ingrid5944 so glad you’re safe now♥️

[@ludelkri]

Ironically, the fact that he wants her back proves he doesn't love her. If he loved her, he'd let her go. He shouldn't want her to stay with someone who caused her such pain. Real love is selfless. There is no room for one more chance from the extreme he took it to. When an abusive man asks you to stay with him despite the past mistreatment he put you through, he is asking you to repress your hurt, instinct, and memory for purely his benefit. It NEVER benefits you to stay with someone who was ever capable of hurting you so badly.

[@amiek9226]

Very well said! When some lines are crossed, there is no going back. There is no way she could ever truly feel safe with him again.

[@cbeachbaby266]

This.

[@megazw7740]

He's in a pit of self pity. He doesn't want her back. He wants her services back because they made his life easier and he only realised it after she left.

[@Emshep18]

I’m glad the comment section is pretty unanimously in support of that woman staying tf away from him.

[@dokpikun-bg3en]

He needs to stay away from her.

[@hayleypbop]

I hope every woman in an abusive relationship gets to hear this. This horrible man escalated his violence over time. He’s not immune to feelings, he’ll come across as very sorry but he’s dangerous.

[@imveryhungry112]

Guarantee you he wouldn't try to hit another man. Just a woman. These guys are always physical with women but when confronted by another man surprisingly get very timid.

[@gailainsley6939]

Not the ones I know. This particular one fought with men Too and did not mind displaying this in public with anyone.

[@imveryhungry112]

@@gailainsley6939 probably little or older men.

[@katet_33]

That's the case with some abusers, but not all. Some people are just angry and violent.

[@brendalara1210]

​@@gailainsley6939 yeah my abuser was violent towards other men too

[@gailainsley6939]

@@imveryhungry112 No. The guy I saw in particular were his friends and his age group. Mid 20’s - early 30’s. Forgot exact age but I remember.

[@nap163020]

I hope his ex-wife hears this and gets a restraining order against him. Girl RUN!!!!! As far as you can....

[@dluxsolutionsathome5162]

Gaining the trust back of someone you physically abused is probably the most narcissistic ask of all time.

[@m13_033]

Who’s to say he isn’t genuinely trying to change, and you got people here pushing him back into his place. Super counter intuitive

[@badfish420]

​@@m13_033He may be genuinely trying to change, but part of that change should be that he recognizes that because of his past behaviour, he has lost the opportunity to have a relationship with his ex wife. All that the people commenting here are pointing out is that his demeanour and the language he uses is that of someone who likely isn't being genuine about the changes they've made and will continue to be abusive if given the opportunity. If you've read the comments, you will have seen that many of them are from people who have lived in the shoes of his ex wife. They're not speculating, they know first hand how people like this guy operate. One can hope he is actually trying to change and that he'll eventually become a good partner. But if he has really changed, he'll leave his victim alone and let her move on, rather than revictimizing her by trying to convince her to give him a second chance. Abusers are not entitled to second chances from the people whom they have harm.

[@Kayla-wl3zu]

​@cal7646 he might be genuinely trying to be better, but he's still a narcissist.

[@artgirl1339]

And I'm sure he's already tried gaslighting her and guilt tripping her. I'm glad it didn't work on her

[@Nono-ut8kz]

​@@m13_033it's because he didn't change, he moved on and now he is telling everyone about how Better he is, the thing is his business failed and he became abusive. At that point, it will just repeat

[@hauntace]

he doesn’t miss her, he misses the control he had over her.

[@meaganernd4980]

“You should 100% be in jail.” Thank you for that comment - as someone who left this same situation about 2 months ago and constantly felt afraid …. Abusive people like him and my ex should be in jail. Fearing for your life over extensive lengths of time is beyond words. Entitlement, possession, being set off by relationships ….. AMEN to you John for calling him out. Being choked/strangled/dragged to the ground is life-fearing! I went through it and I hope this woman finds healing and peace. I’m sorry to this man who feels he is so self-important…..he needs extensive help

[@hannagg9365]

💯

[@Phatse]

The way he failed to actually mention techniques to overcome his temper and learn to honor another person's feelings. He doesn't even realize that she probably wants nothing to do with him and he needs to accept it

[@mish375]

​@@PhatseThat's the narcissism talking. Most abusers have some kind of narcissism component and so he still feels he's entitled to her. No mention of how he's dealt with his temper in an actual productive way. His ex-wife was right to run. I hope she stays away from him.

[@trailertrish]

the psychological trauma we endure for YEARS after. like bro walk away. leave her be. and dont date anyone ever again. 😤

[@jacquidanke1263]

I PRAY YOU FIND PEACE AND HEALING IN YOUR LIFE, TOO, PRECIOUS ONE. YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING HAPPY AND FREE FROM FEAR. GOD HELP YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND IF NOBODY TOLD YOU THEY LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. NOT TRYING TO BE WEIRD, JUST KNOWING HOW MUCH THOSE WORDS/ AND BEING LOVED ARE SO IMPORTANT TO WE SURVIVORS. I AM WORKING ON ME, TOO. WE ARE VERY WORTH IT-GOD SAYS SO BECAUSE HE MADE ALL OF HIS LOVELY DAUGHTERS! PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU.

[@BitterComments]

*“Abusive people are entitled.”* WOW that hit home. My uncle abused the hell out of his wife and he’s the most entitled brat you’ll ever meet.

[@EmpressMermaid]

Yes, good point. I work in the field and one day it hit me that most "anger management" problems are really entitlement problems. They feel entitled to everything being how they want it and can't deal when it's not.

[@sensimania]

Is it entitlement though? Or is it more to do with stubbornness & ignorance (which usually goes hand in hand with abuse)?

[@blahblahblah4544]

@@sensimania It really is entitlement. It sits right at the core. The rest of it, stubborness etc. come after. Like, a person who isn't entitled is going to be like "Aw you can't find me? Alrighty, I'll walk home. May you keep your phone on?" The entitled person is going to be angry and abused like he was because he expected his wife find him.

[@Moody3863]

They're emotional toddlers, essentially.

[@goov47]

@@sensimania Sounds a lot like entitlement. Seen it before, and it's pathetic.

[@AnusiaLA]

My ex was cheating and lying. I left and he cried, begged, promised the world, we went to therapy. Then he kept lying. Then I found out he had a girlfriend while we were going to couples therapy. Now he is out on bail cause he dragged her down the street and broke down her door. I don’t believe the callers crying. I think he’s crying cause his ego is hurt because she dared to leave him.

[@l-train7876]

You don’t think this guy can feel emotional pain and loss from all of his horrific behaviors and choices? I disagree. It sounds like you’re assigning a very specific meaning to what is meant by a person crying.

[@AnusiaLA]

@@l-train7876 I’m probably just traumatized by what I’ve been through. My ex sounded extremely genuine and like he was in emotional pain… and he was cheating on me and lying to me from day one all the way till I left him. Looked in the the eyes with tears running down his face… and he way lying. It’s hard to believe this guy… who was beating his wife and abusing her that way… finally saw the light… after she left him. They always see what they did wrong, but only after you dump them. The monsters like that tend to be very good at saying all the right things.

[@l-train7876]

@@AnusiaLA it sounds like you’re saying “bad people” cannot cry or feel pain. I think you’re definitely projecting.

[@TheEblenRealestateTeam]

Girl your right.. Its more that likely he will revert back to it.. take that L..

[@AnusiaLA]

@@l-train7876 they can feel pain. Doesn’t mean the pain is caused by the suffering they caused. Doesn’t mean they understand what they did. They could be crying cause the victim left or that they’ve been caught. They could also pretend they’re in pain to manipulate and get sympathy.

[@eleonorarigby7614]

If the ex wife will ever read this please NEVER COME back! He will never change, abusive people will ever be like that. He is not the victim, don’t believe his tears, you are and you deserve so much more!! I was in that place and thankfully I am out and my life is soo much better. Freedom and safety are priceless

[@StephanieP-ie6un]

“I’ll do anything to show her I’ve changed” Great, leave her alone. Let her heal. Put her need to be away from you over your desire to possess her again.

[@rarebird_82]

Oh no... it would take real remorse to do that. He still thinks she owes him, creepy man cant take a hint!

[@dokpikun-bg3en]

He doesn't want to hear that she just doesn't give a blanketyblank about how he feels or whether he has changed, or fill in the blank. He likes to hear himself blabber.

[@rachiejbird]

9 children almost got adopted ? Thank god that didn’t happen ! Saved 9 children from physical abuse

[@lbm3b]

Easier to control her if you can control the kids she loves. So scary

[@gem9535]

@@lbm3bThat’s how my bio father kept my mother around for so long 😢 We managed to escape when I turned 14, but I honestly would’ve been okay never being born if it meant my mother could’ve simply left.

[@jmjenkins97]

@@lbm3b This is a major reason why men want to CONTROL women reproduction rights...smh under the guise of pro-life..really when most refuse to take care of children and share domestic work...when we have laws that don't protect the children currently on the earth...please

[@dokpikun-bg3en]

He's trying to use the show host as a flying monkey. He needs as many of them as possible to attack and manipulate her and he will use children to do the same. He is a pathetic little man.

[@noahdouglas702]

**abuser gets half an hour to preach about himself and put himself on a pedestal** We all make mistakes. But hurting people/ animals is a choice, not by accident. Also, his crying came and went so sharp. Like immediately stopped crying and then went back to crying

[@missingbobsburgers]

He kept forgetting he was supposed to be upset about his behavior.

[@rarebird_82]

100% manipulator, a dangerous, wretched individual. As if people would fall for the self depricating faux charm offensive? Jog on mate!

[@RaquellePhillips]

I heard that too 🤮

[@RachelSings21]

My abusive ex put a cd into my belongings when I went to collect them (I made SURE he was out and took my whole family and made him aware I wasn’t going to be alone). On that cd he’d recorded something like this, saying things like ‘you’re still my wife’, saying sorry for what he’d done (even though he was still being abusive via every medium available to him), and then crying….REALLY fake sounding crying and it cut off like a switch and he was talking normally again. Absolutely narcissistic. All this ‘change’ is bullshit, this guy would 100% abuse his wife again if she went back.

[@BNJA5M1N3]

And how dare he say he's proud of her! How entitled. It is not his to be proud of. He should be ashamed and lock himself in a room with chains. Like in the werewolf movies.

[@nativetexan6628]

I used to work at a women's shelter, and have seen bad abusive relationships over my 70 years. What I have seen over and over again is that when that man who is doing everything to get you back, will go right back to their old tricks the minute they think they have you. They may change for the next woman, but they will not change for you. Once you tolerate abuse, they know they know they can continue to do it, and they will.

[@laumay7364]

The world’s longest “that’s a no for me dawg.”

[@purpurina5663]

😂 this is awful but you made me spit my coffee

[@askalauna]

My exhusband broke my jaw after yrs of verbal abuse. I filed for divorce once the courts opened and he stalked me for 2yrs afterwards. He has assaulted every woman he's gotten with afterwards & is a dangerous individual. He even assaulted another girlfriend in front of our kids. He deserves nothing & I pray no woman ever has to experience him .

[@Justaperson354]

I am so sincerely proud of you. I have daughters and I’d hope they’d have half the guts you had to leave and stay away. I could never imagine hurting my wife. I hope you found a truly loving partner and your kids are able to stay away from him. I wish dv was treated more seriously by the law.

[@askalauna]

Thank you for that. It's been a tough road for us but we're strong & have navigated some perilous waters. He's continued to be problematic and currently owes his children 34k in back child support 😒.

[@idekanymore3963]

As someone whose mom had been with an abusive narcissist for a time, I feel so much for you. It’s definitely not easy to have to hear someone being abused especially as a child, and the fact your ex husband was able to do that with another women in front of your children really sickens me. Thank god you left that situation and hopefully your kids will never experience that type of trauma again because it really leaves a mark seeing something like that. Thank you for sharing such a story because they are important.

[@MC-cz5qd]

😢 ❤

[@Inconsistent-Dogwash]

I wish there was a law for people like that to be banned from dating.

[@rebeccabamford5505]

He’s doing everything he can to show her he’s “ changed” and win her back. and the minute he realizes she doesn’t accept it all? Has no interest in going back to him? The rage will rear its ugly head once again

[@rarebird_82]

Yeah, id like to see him continue this little "journey" if she met another man. Be interesting to see if he had _really_ reformed, my guess is not, its all an act to recapture his prey 🙄

[@cruiseny26]

Yup. Totally manipulative.

[@0Demiyah0]

He did not verbalize for a SECOND how he empathized with his ex-wife's broken heart, her disillusionment with love, her fear and shattered trust, her gutwrenching pain. Not a SECOND did he consider what SHE needs to feel whole again. He did give any emotionally intelligent cue of understanding that SHE needs trauma therapy, counseling, somatic body work, friendship, self-discovery into her hobbies, likes, wants, boundaries, traveling alone, dating another man, in order to feel like herself again after the ordeal that he put her through. 10 months of separation is barely scratching the surface of that kind of PTSD-inducing menacing hurt and fear of an abusive rageful child-man. He really thought that being a semi-decent guy for 10 months entitled him to want her back. This dude is going to stalk her for 5 more years before he learns. He needs to be single for a decade. He should learn to be genuinely joyful that she may meet a better man who can give her a wholesome love, and then maybe, he can start to emulate that. He won't get there before he is 40 and his testosterone production is low.

[@ngo7156]

All the changes he did sound good until he still calls her, "his wife"! Dr John pointed it out, your EX-wife! She is merely a possession and he wants its back period. I hope she doesn't take him back because it usually only escalates.

[@sheridanvance7426]

❤

[@2013aurora]

Leave that woman alone!! If he’s truly sorry and better, he’ll understand this can’t be fixed and respect her.

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

This is a dangerous person. Not just to his romantic partners, to everyone. And not just physically, this is a master manipulator who’s dead inside.

[@LivEandInspirE4EveR]

Sociopath 100%

[@bygrace8485]

Literally!

[@dokpikun-bg3en]

Yes.

[@persephonewildfox9128]

So he’s lost 140lbs, got a job, re-started his business, working towards his Phd, attended a DV course and walks 3-5 miles a day. What a load of BS.

[@brendaschwieterman1350]

😂😂😂

[@Stephaniefarrah]

All in 10 short months.....ok..I have been abused and it took a lot longer than 10 months in it's own to be recovered.....ok guy.

[@coureenlawrence4915]

I don't think it's a bs. He wants his wife back, and he thinks that will happen if he is trying to change.

[@NN-fz4pd]

Poor naive Coureen.

[@coureenlawrence4915]

​@NN-fz4pd OK, that is your opinion. You are entitled to it.

[@thulisilemlotshwa7917]

My late grandma was killed by my granddad, when I was younger. I then later heard he was abusive to her all their life they were together. Woman if you in an abusive relationship run.... Don't look back.

[@ael9668]

Please, however you find appropriate based on religion/ personal belief... Tell your late grandma she is an inspiration... I left 💚

[@incisivecommenter5974]

Did your grandpa die in jail or get away with it?

[@chridin]

“You cannot achieve love, my friend, you have to receive it.” Beautiful advice sir, thank you for what you do.

[@iliar3563]

The extent abusers go to get their supply back is unbelievable. I hope she is safe.

[@Onesha-lh3sp]

No one gave him a high like she did!

[@Esrohlrig]

I always find it ironic that controlling people will attempt to control everything around them, which is impossible to actually do. But refuse to control the only thing they have any ability to control….. Themselves…

[@nikkimollard5097]

Perfectly said... The only control we have, is of ourselves.

[@christopherhansen6078]

DAMN!

[@ludmilamaiolini6811]

Oh, they control themselves pretty well. They don’t hurt people because of lack of control, they do it intentionally

[@susangrande8142]

My mother, who was abusive, was also very controlling. My husband pointed out to me that she thought she could control outcomes of situations too, as well as other people’s behavior. She was a very weak person.

[@kathydurow6814]

My Dad, towards the end of his life when he was old & sick, admitted just this - that he refused to be controlled but wanted to control those around him. Still insisted on paying the bills from his hospital bed when on chemo/radiation therapy in his second marriage. She was earning most of the money in their marriage so hopefully it wasn't as physically abusive as his first.

[@mackinacisland3825]

NEVER, NEVER RETURN to an abuser. In case I didn't stress this enough, NEVER.

[@argieholliman6231]

Say it again NEVER !

[@AK20741]

NEVER

[@caroldorsett8170]

NEVER!!

[@leahartlee29]

EXACTLY! when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time!!

[@bethwebster652]

Please don’t go back! It only gets worse. Mine left me repeatedly and I let them come back and it only got worse each time he came back. Last time he told me he will punish me for the rest of my life now . We wasn’t fighting/arguing and was getting alone when He told me this. What’s crazy he is the one who always left and he felt the need to punish me after he came back. Insanity.

[@treykenric]

Once you abuse her, you don't deserve her back! Let her move on with her life!!

[@thistleskeptic]

If he actually cared about her, he would care enough to leave her alone.

[@ThingsILove2266]

Amen.

[@somethingclever2]

And all womwn

[@zammymynakersnackstbmoth]

I'm sayin!!!

[@Bluejai27]

Fact! Join a monastery! This call-in all about “me me me” or “poor me”! Thank God, the adoption fell through! Also, the fact that he keeps calling her “his wife” not “ex-wife” is disturbing…like he still owns her and not realize that the marriage has been over for a long time!

[@amylouise9853]

Whether you are male or female you don’t owe your abuser anything - you do not owe them forgiveness, you don’t owe them a second chance. You owe yourself safety above all other things anyone else will ever ask of you.

[@haileyallen7087]

the best thing that was said throughout this whole conversation was " you 100% deserve to be in jail"

[@Flash3-22]

my husband sweet talked the deputies out of an assault arrest - I feel this comment

[@user-cg6fd4in1d]

​@@Flash3-22 I'm sorry to hear that.

[@GameChanger597]

@@Flash3-22That wasn't the cops decision. It was yours but you didn't take action. You could have told the cops he was a manipulator and you wanted to press charges. Next time don't let it slide.

[@Flash3-22]

@@GameChanger597 discussed next steps with deputy did have a DVPO filed - The legal system is costly and complicated Thanks for your reply

[@ToLovelyJesus]

@@GameChanger597So basically, it’s always the woman’s problem to fix.

[@graceren]

Accepting the consequences of your behaviour is a key step for being a accountable person

[@TheSarah89]

I think people who abuse others shouldn’t be with anyone ever again. They don’t deserve it.

[@JuniperMoonshine]

Exactly

[@Undomaranel]

Yes, but how to enforce it?

[@Spanglefangle]

​@@UndomaranelTattoo the fuckers with the word ABUSER on their foreheads.

[@Melsaysfukoff]

But that's the whole reason they're abusers they need someone to abuse lol that's why they replace a person so quickly usually

[@katirisherman9169]

​@Undomaranel there's a sex offense and gun offense registry. There needs to be a domestic violence registry. A narcissist registry doesn't seem feasible but omg that'd be nice XD

[@BobbieBouma-Camplejohn]

As a DV emergency councilor, I feel the need to mention something. This bullshit? The crying, the begging, is glorified by romance books. He does not mean it. I’ve seen all kinds of abusers, police officers, doctors, and the like, fall all over themselves in court and in front of the survivor. It is always 110% of the time a manipulation tactic. True remorse is leaving you alone. True remorse is understanding you lost the relationship. Don’t buy it

[@sthrnbll2u65]

@user-uc7vp2dx5k i have a question , where would a DV couselor be found?

[@BobbieBouma-Camplejohn]

@@sthrnbll2u65 Most DV agencies in your city would have one or contact or the National DV Hotline

[@MaanSelene]

Even before starting the actual conversation, this dude was throwing red flags around. The hyping John up, the saying how he was honored to talk to a fine man like John? Men don't do that, unless they want something from the other guy. In this case; sympathy.

[@rachelm126]

This!!!

[@jed5726]

Yep, my ex did everything….manipulative and verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse. The only thing he didn’t do to get me back was to accept my boundaries to leave me alone. That would have shown respect for me and my feelings about his abuse and how it impacted me. In the end, he is who he is….thats why I divorced him.

[@nanag2526]

The guy is waaay to charming and complimentary to John and showing emotion when he knows it’s appropriate socially. Signs of an abuser who knows he did something wrong and is trying to minimize and deflect.

[@Inconsistent-Dogwash]

100% agree, he’s like an actor in a play.

[@jennifersanchez9346]

Gonna say the same thing! Very manipulative and I guarantee he knows she listens to this show and he’s trying to get sympathy and show he has changed.

[@kiawanabutler1794]

Narcassist for sure.

[@TheAncientOnes-j8l]

This dude really gives me a creepy feeling. There's deep and dark shadows of pride in his heart.

[@barbstotter7288]

My ex husband had the most amazing tansformative and spiritual turnaround after I left. I should have stayed gone. It was all an act.

[@dimphosweet]

Mine even "became born again" 😂😂😂😂 thank God I didn't fall for that because he went on and became worse and when all else dialed told people I tried to kill him that's why he didn't take me back (at this point I had not seen him for 8 years and because I refused so that was his way if trying to get me to react - through rumours)

[@CrystalBlanchard-f9r]

I used to believe that my abuser would change and I would leave and he would do exactly this. I honestly believe that this man could have changed. However, I also feel like the chances are slim.

[@natoskull2]

​@@CrystalBlanchard-f9r Close to zero. This is a power thing. They're egotistical and narcissistic beings. They don't know how to accept a "no" for an answer, and much less if it's coming from a person they see as an inferior to them. This creep calling should actually be locked up forever. They don't even regret their doings in all honesty. All women with psychos like that should just dispose of them. There's NO change you as a woman or anyone else can do in such a mind, so just leave it be (leave it follow its course), and that's it. You can't help what doesn't wanna be helped.

[@barb7124]

Mine too

[@ahhwe-any7434]

Follow your intuition they said Like the universe? 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️ bc it's hard to compartmentalize navigate & weed out everything after all that. Idk how to feel or think about anything other than that's bad, be gone. I love her, plz don't let me f her up. Oh good gah bc Now I have a kid w/ this fam... & I'm.. fd. I already feel like something's up when his mom asking what city I'm working in so she can magically make me suit her "plans." No, either she's just trying to be nosey. & Or she's just a hater. Have something to talk about bc they're lacking or giving him clues to harass or stalk me. Thanks gah I said it in a tone where I acted like such an an annoying wannabe snot bc that place is just so sh. Not only is it in the xyz area, it's xyz levels up, & imagine going to xyz location trying to cause a commotion there tho. Wheeew we. But only in their addict & enabling so called Christian fam will only 1 thing remain. The persistence in all that ignorance where in their world, all they need is talking to get by in life. I didn't say effective communication, they simply just meant talking. Even if they fished it out the air, that's what they're doing. Anywho makes me sad I'm in the same exact damn county.... How is it cheaper to get married than it is to divorce? Like we're separated! The end. I never knew ish about marriage, obviously. I'm glad we were poor. I'm just sad he's really dumb... Bc it's still gonna cost me if I want to finish this off quicker & if I don't make sense these rules make less sense.

[@alexi5903]

His constant laugh/chuckle is so scary. Makes you wonder if he would laugh in her face as she cried or begged for him to stop

[@SherryONeill]

Oh Like A Malignant Narcissist,.... I am Tired Of These Demonic Entitys Getting AWay With What They Do

[@Howdy1957]

That really stood out to me,too. That cackle was very telling!

[@Howdy1957]

Why would people like this ever consider bringing kids into this environment!

[@lilayork6410]

Sounded like nervous laughter to me

[@missgingerlocksYT]

They usually do.

[@GreekYogurtGranola]

I beat her on more than one occasion and was abusive in other ways. She left me “I’m proud of her” for that, but I want her back……what a guy.

[@MiraculusOnly]

Literally! That made me scowl. What an impotent loser & maniac

[@Tessy29k]

He is honestly so horrible. What a beast!

[@olive4naito]

Think of it as an addiction to heroin. It explains why a lot of abused women get stalked by their exes to no end unless they get arrested.

[@calliekatielady]

OMG He handled this call soooo well. Also, he is clenching his jaw this entire time. John was brutally honest in a therapeutic way. Beautifully done!

[@boogieuggie7865]

"Malignant narcisist" need I say more? Kudos to her for leaving him.

[@KB86-uq8pu]

I do wonder if narcs of that level can be considered to have full capacity to consent get married, because essentially they have an empathy deficiency which means they will probably always have essentially a 3yr old's understanding of marriage. Like when the little girl says she'll marry Daddy because in that moment she's sure she wants Daddy to herself for the rest of her life. She's not thinking about providing for her Dad's needs for the rest of his life at all.

[@SherryONeill]

Oh Yeah ToDay I am Really Feeling The Irritation Of It All I Have To Keep ReMinding myself That Adonai Sees And Knows All About It And He Will ReCompense And Vindicate

[@anafesmire-chronicaf6153]

as soon as he started reading a written out story ...........I knew . " idont care about impressing people" and then a laugh , always the laugh .

[@MA-uf5dg]

People, do not abuse your spouse in any manner. If you do, do not ask him/her to come back.

[@deecee2174]

Yep. I knew someone who I thought was a friend, name-call his girlfriend the "Pillsbury doughgirl" and say how she isn't good enough for her.... then cry and get depressed when she left LOL Some people are such jerks they're clueless to repercussions

[@Dark_Souls_3]

Ok

[@georgewagner7787]

John shouldn't even have said, maybe she'll call you one day, at the end. She won't. She already divorced him him.

[@semosancus5506]

@@deecee2174 Everything in the universe understands pain. This guy just hasn't felt enough of it.

[@deecee2174]

@@semosancus5506 I wish I could explain how much pain I would show him lol, the dude is low key a bully lolol

[@emilyschafer2575]

This sounds like my ex saying exactly what he thinks the counselor wants to hear. He's just going through motions to lure her back the abuse will continue. Leave that poor woman alone.

[@michka.o]

I’m happy she found the strength to leave. Hope she only finds happiness and joy in her live ❤️❤️

[@detert08]

As someone who was married and then left to a very abusive man, please for love of god, leave your ex wife alone. Mine didn’t for 2 years and it really inhibited me from moving forward because he kept popping up just when I was thriving. I was VERY clear for him to leave me be and he just couldn’t. Entitlement- perfect word. Please set her free. She’s been through enough. Work on yourself.

[@Shadowwind4]

Are you looking for a new husband?

[@anyagee9467]

@@Shadowwind4 lol

[@Shadowwind4]

@@anyagee9467 what about you do you need a husband?

[@JoyofRVing]

I agree! He is still possessive of his ex-wife. In his entitled mind, he deserves his ex wife back just because he has certificates and held a job for 10 months. He should leave his ex wife alone.

[@brightpage1020]

@@JoyofRVing yeah "having her" back would be like proof that he's "ok now" or whatever and wouldn't need to keep up the mask anymore or put up those efforts.

[@mochi_3600]

He sounds so crazy. Gives me chills how he giggles

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Same. The giggling gives me a bad feeling.

[@Isthisjoebiden]

Its a form of duping delight I gathered. Like teehee my plans working, got this guy fooled

[@AltaicPride01]

He sounds like a creepy clown

[@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf]

​@@IsthisjoebidenHe enjoys trying to dupe the host. His giggles are evil.

[@farhanah2244]

My mum does those laughs... the entitled manipulating narc laughs..

[@FeishaP1984]

When he said that he hurt his wife because she couldn’t find him while he was out walking..wow..that took me back. I wasn’t physically abused but verbally, emotionally, mentally, financially…most definitely. Can’t even say how many times I was treated like garbage for not being able to locate my husband with the directions he gave me. I can’t express how proud I am of this woman for getting away from this dude.

[@GoldenMermaid]

I really related to that as well. Abusers will purposely create these strange unnecessay scenarios with stupid demands just to find an excuse to be mad at their victims. That was a completely self made dumb azz problem he created for himself but is now angry with his ex for not solving it immediately when he wanted her too. So controlling and disgusting.

[@EmpressMermaid]

Wow, that brings back memories. I couldn't see it at the time but he'd constantly set me up to fail at things and then get violently angry. I'd be so determined to be a "good woman" and believed that it was my duty to not provoke him that I couldn't see it.

[@lolololololollol4793]

that brought back memories for me as well. my boyfriend flipping over small mistakes or me not being a perfect person. even though he was far from perfect himself. lashing out and insulting me over the smallest of things

[@R_S747]

​@@GoldenMermaidexactly. He probably intentionally gave her terrible directions or was so damn high (probably from more than just weed) that his directions were incoherent

[@sheridanvance7426]

❤

[@daniellecrawford516]

Physical, emotional, mental, AND financial abuse? He doesn't deserve to even speak her name again

[@karenk2409]

"What changes have you made in your life?" Lost weight, have a mentor who "pours his life into mine," (yikes!). refused drug rehab, maintained employment for 10 months (whoop de-doo), "started" this and that, garnered pity over his "ton of depression," and his "traumas." What a piece of work. He misses "My Wife" - Dude, she's not "your" anything anymore. Maybe he should reconsider drug rehab, find a professional counselor that doesn't pour his life into someone else's, and let the people you tried to destroy alone to heal.

[@KEOSHAANEILIA]

💯

[@Rose-kj7rz]

Right? And he says that about a mentor, in the same conversation that he's learned that he isn't owed help. The gaslighting is insane...

[@rarebird_82]

For real. He was all me me me. Self depricating to try to avoid backlash. Coercive controlling coward

[@cruiseny26]

Exactly. Hasn’t even done the work….

[@Tink6217]

He would just go back to old ways with her. That's only a year of changes vs like 4 years of escalated abuse.

[@racheltarentino3314]

The only reason i can think of why james would have called in is because he knows his victim listens to the show and is now trying to get her pity

[@terrywade3696]

Racheltarentino: I agree with you 100%! Everything coming out of his mouth is a manipulation and lies! He thinks that if he says the “right things” and he can get John Delony to agree with him, it gives him credibility! He knows she listens to this show and I’m betting, she’s blocked him on every avenue and that’s why he’s using Delony’s show to get his message to her. I hope she runs far, far away and never looks back!

[@BigHeartNoBS]

Exactly. This whole thing is a manipulation tactic.

[@godsboricuachick85]

I agree

[@sheiladiaz2359]

😢totally

[@wayasaunooke3424]

Bingo! 🎯 More manipulation from a pos.

[@simoneXox]

This guy is unbelievable - he should never have the audacity to say he wants her back after all the rubbish he put her through

[@dadthemillennial]

Soul tie tho

[@veracityhunter7777]

@@dadthemillennial That's just an excuse. New age bullshit. The accurate term is trauma bond.

[@veracityhunter7777]

That's the thing about abusers, they are extremely entitled. He's all about ego and really doesn't care about her comfort. He never did. He never would have abused her. If narcissists have anything, it's audacity.

[@trumpisgod2535]

You have likely done disgusting things as well so you shouldn’t never have the audacity to say anything about anybody else

[@sensimania]

@@trumpisgod2535 WTH kind of messed up comment is this?!

[@christi_lv]

My ex would beat me up in the evening and next day will be crying to the priest how hurt he feels because I want a divorce. I didn't believe his remorse for beating her. He is crying because he can't control her anymore not because he misses her.

[@ethxo6734]

Leave that woman alone. If you have a guilty conscious, write her an apology letter but leave her the eff alone. Let her heal and let her find someone who will love her right.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

He will apologize ONLY to get her back. If she rejects him he will SLANDER her and blame her !! That’s my speculation… because mine was that way. HE is getting emotional because he physically abused her? These abusers truly feel sorry for themselves and feel zero empathy for the victim.

[@sarrahconley3923]

No he don't need to send her anything. Just leave her alone.

[@user-ob5nk3ss1p]

@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 This man punched her in the face and all over, kicked her, etc. These types of abusers are very hard to get rid of. These types of people will stalk, harass, torcher, these are sick people.

[@stephanienelly90]

Right!! He can be better for the next woman but let that woman be! No one deserves this!

[@Machoke.]

The only thing he could say is " I know sorry will never be enough to justify the things I have put you through. I wish you the best, and hope you can find happiness in your life because you deserve it". Other than that it's probably best to just leave her be, and move on. At this point in the game although he may want her back he doesn't deserve her, and never will. That time has come and gone. For her, and his own sake to he honest, it's best to move on. He caught a break by not being in jail. Take the opportunity, and run with it.

[@judithdebert4813]

After surviving an abusive marriage, there is no way I'd go back.

[@dianatwum7493]

same i was nearly killed 😢 i will never go back

[@hopefulfilled9519]

@@dianatwum7493sorry that you ladies went through that. We’re glad you’re here!!!

[@Rolypolysheepheads]

Same. I HATE him now. Wouldn't go back for the world.

[@karaW10]

Same!!!!

[@em77775]

I had to divorce an abusive man. He was "only" physical a few times, but it was mainly the neglect/withholding/emotional abuse/mind games that killed my spirit the most. I gave him 19 years of my life and it was all a waste. Being good to him, being his partner, making sacrifices, making his life better, bringing his two kids into this world -- none of it was enough to make him happy or want to treat me right. The grief and loss were unbearable, but God has been good to me. I am never going back.

[@ThingsILove2266]

Did you get remarried?

[@em77775]

@@ThingsILove2266 The divorce just finalized. I did meet an amazing man at church but we're getting to know each other and not quite dating yet but I think we're almost there 🥰

[@digitatissue8502]

You sacrificed so much for so long. Peace & happiness are well deserved for you!

[@em77775]

@@ThingsILove2266my ex I'm sure was a covert narc. I have learned soooo much about narcissism the past several years and I can pick up on it very easily now. We went back and forth a few years. I got in with a good group at church, which is where I later met this man, and was pretty well protected by the Lord the whole time from meeting anyone bad and stuck with the women mainly. I had already met him, but things have been progressing between us into something more. 💕🙏🏼

[@ThingsILove2266]

@@em77775 best of luck to you- you deserve happiness:)

[@mwillis7791]

I hope he has continued making changes in his life. I hope he doesn’t get her back. I wish her happiness and safety.