I regret ABA therapy for my Autistic Son | Aussie Autism Family

[@WillowT442]

I am a speech language pathologist and I regret that I used to try and force my earlier autistic students make eye contact. I now know better so now I do better. My perspective also changed when I found out that I am also neurodivergent (ADHD). I no longer believe in working on social skills to fit in with neurotypical individuals. My focus is now developing friendships with people they get along with the best. I am happiest when I am socializing with other people with adhd! They are my people and I am socially competent with them. To people who are not adhd I am weird. I am not weird - I am just me.

[@jaspalsingh-yq6hs]

My son might be autistic and we are scared... how autism affect child growth... do they become violent or gard time studying or do they have any language barrier when they grow up.. thanks

[@Amazing_80]

My son is so different when he's playing with kids with other disabilities than kids that don't have any! You can tell they just understand each other and click so much differently!

[@marryscabruogh329]

in my professional opinion aba should be use to help develop skill that inspire them to be more independent not change who they are. it also addresses socially unacceptable behavior. I've met kiddos that force themself to throw up to get what they want or scream at the top of their lungs in public. social skills are important to become and functioning adult.

[@emily-fg2fg]

You're not alone, I relate so much to this! When my son was diagnosed I did everything to try and "help" him. Now I look back on everything, the things like "we need to teach him how to 'play appropriately"', them restraining him from behind until he picked up a card 'earn' a few seconds playing with his beloved trains and them stopping him lining up, looking at his toys in certain ways, to the point he didnt even want to play with them anymore, him crying at every drop off, and the fact I couldn't watch the 3 hour sessions make me sick to my stomach. I watched the light go out of my son's eyes slowly for the 5 months he did it. I'll always regret it, but if we didn't try it and see what was happening I wouldn't be educated to the harm it causes. I'm so glad I pulled him out. There's a reason why so many autistic adults are now speaking up about it. An autistic person dosent need to be "fixed". They need to be celebrated for the unique perspective they bring to the world. Therapy should always be based on their needs and assisting them on improving quality of life, not changing who they are.

[@adrialee8149]

Omgsh I was thinking of starting it I'm glad I saw this video and these comments. There's nothing wrong with how my son plays i don't care if he lines up his toys, looks at then from all angles, etc. I actually love watching him I'm surprised they tried to stifle that!? I agree there's nothing to be fixed. I just want to teach him life skills and to help him, not stifle his curiosities and how he plays the last thing I want is to cause him harm

[@danielmoore4024]

@@adrialee8149 If your son seems particularly interested in lining up these toys, these toys are likely his Special Interest Area (SIA). SIAs are great educational tools to help autistic children learn all kinds of things. I'll give you a few examples. 1) There's a true film called "Life Animated" about an autistic boy who couldn't speak and was very interested in Disney. The boys parents noticed their son was imitating the Disney characters, so the parents began speaking to him like Disney characters and the boy rapidly progressed. 2) There was a girl who could only read first grade books and was interested in space. The school got her parents to read a book about space with her and within 2 months she turned from a first grade reader to someone halfway through grade 2. 3) There was a boy who didn't know how to keep an appropriate distance from his peers, he was always entering personal space of others who was interested in the Titanic. Each time the boy was about to invade someone's space his supervisor said "Iceberg ahead!" and it made the boy stop before he hit the iceberg, then it didn't take too long to learn how to keep an appropriate distance from his peers. Whatever you want your son to learn, link it to his interest, have a read about Special Interest Areas online if you want to know more.

[@carolt3566]

Right!!?? I totally agree ! What’s the problem w lining things up? They told me my son would get mad cause they wouldn’t let him “finish” the puzzle he started!! Why not just let him finish the puzzle??

[@Kotifilosofi]

I agree and I'd add that "improving the quality of life" can also be done the right way or the ableist way. The right way is to listen to the child (first) and the parents who know them the best (second). What's practically needed to make the child experience joy in their everyday life? What makes them happy and grows their confidence and joy to live? The ableistic way is to think that looking different will bring struggles to the child like bullying, so we should teach the child to hide (to mask) their difference. No, that's the duty of the environment, to get educated and become more accepting and accommodating. We don't hide physically disabled children from the society (anymore), why should the autistic children be hidden?

[@treleeisanderson9643]

Absolutely instead of trying to make them fit into a box they should be looking at how that child learns. I’m order to teach them the best way.

[@pixelpulse883]

I don’t blame you. Not at all. I’m autistic, M24, and ABA therapy was awful. I just wish people will start listening to us survivors and make a different decision than you did. Stay strong, best of luck for your family 💕

[@sharonjensen3016]

The only way neurotypicals will ever listen to survivors of ABA abuse is when they learn the truth for themselves. After having my experience with antipsychotics disregarded, I decided to step back, remain silent and let them learn. Harsh? Well, they taught me to be that way.

[@BigALdeek]

Well some kids are non verbal and parents want any help available. It might not work for you but can work wonders for others.

[@brooksiebabyy]

I know this is an older video now, but thank you for this. I'm so sorry for the guilt you carry with your son - I know I would feel the exact same way and I empathize so deeply with you. As a mom of a newly diagnosed 19 month old, I've been researching everything I can about ABA and there are so many alarm bells going off. Her doctor wanted us to work her up to 20 hours a week, at 19 months! And the reward based system just NEVER sat well with me. We currently have her in PT, OT and Speech and she has been making the most wonderful strides. The very last thing I want to do is cause her any kind of pain or stifle the person that she is. ABA seems to be here to "train" people to be a certain way when what I want to do as a parent is support my daughter so that she can flourish into the person she was always meant to be.

[@budgetforsuccess835]

I have been in ABA since 2021 and the reason I started was to advocate for these kids. As an autistic adult I want to change the therapy to be more play therapy than the current state it is. I worked with a kid that lined up his toys and they taught him to play functionally and stop lining them up. The kid stopped playing with them entirely and I never saw him as excited to play after that. I reintroduce those toys and he lined them up and stimmed so happily. I loved it and I told the BCBA’s why take away something that makes him this happy. Lining up toys doesn’t hurt anyone it is just fun. I want to start my own company teaching autistic kids that it is ok to be themselves entirely stims and all. I grew up masking and I desire to teach RBT’s and BCBA’s the detriment of it. I will never force a child to make eye contact. I barely make eye contact.

[@bedhead-studio]

I love that. ABA needs to change or we need something other than ABA.

[@AliceGibbs-x8j]

There is a autism herbal recommendations I got about dr Oyalo and his herbal remedy has work perfectly on my sons improvements in speech and social skill and my son fine till now

[@adamruddle6558]

We need to have an alternative name for a better way that isn’t abusive ABA.

[@misspat7555]

@@adamruddle6558My daughter was in physical, occupational, and speech therapies at different times. These generally ran for a half-hour a week and the idea is to help the child be more functional.

[@jenniferhaaland3028]

I have recently begun a position as an ABA therapist. I am realizing that this method goes against my natural instincts by using the method of making a child work to gain access to a toy or activity they enjoy in order to get compliance. My son is on the spectrum and he has had therapeutic interventions, OT, Speech, and a short stint with ABA. He is the reason I went into this field. I understand the importance and complexities of teaching our children to become independent adults who are able to weather the storm of survival in society. However, there is such inherent beauty in the way persons with ASD play and learn through play. My son loved lining up his toys as a young boy. I would inquire about the scenarios, and learned that my shoes were customers lining up to wait to order hamburgers. The high heels were girls and the tennis shoes were boys. This is one of the most enlightening and important lessons he taught me. My desire is to be part of an ABA team who leads with play and understanding who each individual is and use positive tools to support their way of seeing life and joy, while helping them understand and learn the life skills necessary. ASD is not a negative to be ashamed of. It is a different and amazing approach that neurotypical individuals sometimes cannot relate to because we have been conditioned by society to act in the perceived “proper “ ways of society. Bless all of you parents as you take your journey with your children. Please go easy on yourself and treat yourself with the same patience, love and kindness you give to your children.

[@ShowreelBurkay]

I am so sorry that you had to go through a traumatic experience. Please don't be hard on yourself. You are a wonderful, caring mother. I am an ABA therapist. In our clinic, we do not implement the eye contact program. Our kids have free access to toys. We do not use food as a reinforcer. By the way, taking away a toy from a kid can be a punishment procedure depending on whether it is targeting the reduction of a future behavior. We are receiving training on understanding kids' assent, since some kids are non-verbal. We teach kids to say no, and we work with parents on determining goals that are relevant and helpful, with the parents' consent and the kids' assent. I think ABA therapy is a great tool for kids but needs to be implemented correctly. Therapists need to implement procedures with compassion, respect, and dignity.

[@AliceGibbs-x8j]

There is a autism herbal recommendations I got about dr Oyalo and his herbal remedy has work perfectly on my sons improvements in speech and social skill and my son fine till now

[@adamruddle6558]

I think the therapy you are talking about needs to stop being called ABA. It hides a majority of questionable ABA clinics behind fluff that ABA is “not how it used to be”

[@abbimackenzie9136]

Jess you made an informed decision with the information you had!! It takes a lot to reflect and change your mind. You are the best parent for Jacob hes lucky to have you

[@leannestrong1000]

I don't recall ever being placed in ABA, but the problem is that even those of us who have never been placed in ABA may have received the same messages from our parents/guardians, teachers/school staff, or others who are supposed to understand our difficulties. I can recall two (2) years in school (3rd and 4th grade), where I would receive a 'token' if I was good for the whole class. If I had earned enough tokens by the end of the school day, I would earn a prize (usually a piece of candy). This was discontinued after those two years, which I was happy about, as the tokens and prizes didn't do anything to address the cause of my behaviors. I barely ever had any behavior issues that could not have easily been addressed by simply talking about it to find out what was going on.

[@bunnybird9342]

I used to do ABA for 4 years at home. I barely remember them because I was 4-8 at the time. I don't recall any abuse but I do remember I finding it boring.

[@danielmoore4024]

@@bunnybird9342 The abuse happens beneath the person's skin, ABA techniques literally harm the inside of the body. To ABA humans are just a sum of behaviors, everything biological is disregarded.

[@michiremwaura9811]

You need to understand that autism is a spectrum so the response from your kid might be different from those who oppose it. I encourage you to try and monitor each an every stage

[@danielmoore4024]

@@michiremwaura9811 Literally every scientist who has nothing to do with ABA opposes ABA because it is a direct violation of the science community's bioethics code. Have you heard about the doctor in China who was jailed for 3 years for altering an embryo with CRISPR? Scientists went berserk because it was entirely against the bioethics code and has the potential to end genomic research. Secondly, no scientists support the limitations of the naked eye. The science community in general opposes ABA including psychology.

[@TentacularScientist2348]

You’re responding to them like they’re a parent of autistic children rather than an autistic individual. Read the comment again.

[@TheMica1616]

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been trying to get my toddler into ABA for a few months but seeing this totally spoke to my heart, I won’t be putting my baby into ABA therapy. Thank you. I completely agree that we don’t need to change them, there are struggles but it’s more important for them to be their true selves and feel loved just the way they are. Thank you thank you, you opened my eyes ❤

[@sonjakalaba4540]

it might be good for your child, it helped some a lot.

[@LeCarla]

You are an amazing and brave mom to pay attention to him, his needs and for respecting your child! I wish my parents were the same. My life would be so much easier with acceptance and the chance to be who Iam. Yes, eye contact hurts and I have eating disorders because of food reward and others serious issues with masking. Every time I hear attentive and respectful parents like you I believe that there’s hope for young autistics and I’m sorry that you and your son went through all this ❤

[@aussieautismfamily]

This makes me so incredibly happy and sad at the same time. I am so sorry that you are experiencing these issues now.

[@misspat7555]

My biggest worry is that my daughter will end up with an eating disorder due to her extreme smell/taste sensitivity (I’d say this is the most disabling part of her autism). I just buy a lot of goldfish crackers (her main safe food) and give her gummy vitamins daily, which she can fortunately stomach. I try to be sensitive to how overwhelming foods that simply smell “good” to others can be for her to be around. I don’t quite understand how she manages to eat in the school cafeteria! I send her a lunch from home every day, but still! She’s a tough cookie, she is! 🥰

[@lindseygundersen3951]

I quit ABA for my son after going thru several therapists either quitting or being terrible. Looking back and now watching your video it really makes me glad I didn’t go back. My son hated it. But drs told me ABA is the only treatment for autism and I didn’t know any better! Thank you for Sharing your thoughts

[@Kotifilosofi]

You did the right decision, since there's no cure for autism... we shouldn't even be looking for one, that's the wrong approach.

[@lindseygundersen3951]

@JudeHavina I hate these kind of replies 🙄

[@Van-zo2kv]

@@Kotifilosofi❤❤❤❤

[@ashtonaveryx]

I’m so happy you are his mom Thank you for listening to the autistic adults. It means so much.

[@sbsman4998]

No ABA in my youth, in fact no Autism called Childhood Schizophrenia back then, but after researching ABA concluded I would have hated it, although mother sent me to band practice, boy scouts, church camps, spent most my time seeking solitude always feeling the awkward outsider, but overall was allowed at home privacy, nature/gardens, obsessed w construction sites plus children were allowed to roam in those times, parents supplied me w books galore, access to dad's workshop/tools and me "best seen and not heard", caregivers need trust believing that true autistics will find their way if properly motivated, we be smart but very stubborn!

[@sharonjensen3016]

I didn't have ABA either, just antipsychotics (Tegretol, Mellerill, Zyprexa, Solian and Risperdal). The "first and only option" of the medical professionals I saw over the years. Sure, the drugs may have "helped" with anger and insomnia, but when the side effects include weight gain and facial tics, who really benefits? Not autistics!

[@sbsman4998]

Drugs do help some people in proper dosages over limited time periods, but not for me. Two types of people Sharon: me and everyone else and sooner autists start depending on themselves and not others, especially Psychiatry, the better off we be ~~

[@loricat5606]

Parents such as yourself are the ones that give me hope. Thank you. (autistic)

[@maritssabarajasvillareal8514]

Thank you. For this video, I have my ABA meeting today and I was so nervous because nobody tells us what the right thing for our children, now I have better understanding of what could happen to my kid, thanks again

[@sjones8117]

This is a lovely video. I love that you recognize the sensory pain that clothes are causing. My own son went through so many desensitization programs...and then started having his first melt downs. It's so hard to bear such discomfort for the comfort of other people. You words on compliance, too...my son would do anything any adult told him to do. It is still difficult, years later, for him to resist be ing so compliant. And the food worries! Same! It was difficult, at first, to recognize how much my son was suffering in his ABA sessions, because it looked so much like play. He was so relieved when we removed him from therapy. Your reasons for stopping therapy make so much sense. Jacob will learn and grow in his own best way--and of course, not being in ABA doesn't mean he cannot be taught skills--he just doesn't need compliance training. You are doing really well, mama!❤

[@aprildeangelis8699]

Working on skills is different than addressing root causes of "behaviors". What parents are sold for autism "treatment" is basically behavior training to address the downstream effects of autism. The first large scale study in the United States has finally been done and found that 86% of (over 3000 children) receiving ABA services either stayed the same or became "worse" according to autism-specific measures. ABA therapists are resisting using autism-specific measures to evaluate progress. 12 hours a week is nothing...parents were told to do 40 hours a week and no breaks, putting many parents into bankruptcy, second mortgages, etc. Years and years go by and the child is still prompt dependent, and therapists tell the parents to keep going, stick it out, the child will 'get it' automatically, etc. Years and years go by until some parents decide to look elsewhere. ABA was also used for gay conversion therapy. The intent behind it was to make the child appear 'normal' compared to peers. In the US no one bats an eye at 12 hours a week. No one stops to think that no child would turn out "typical" if they are spending their entire childhood in maladaptive, dysfunctional interactions that are not at all how "real' people communicate and operate. There are many things wrong with it in terms of self-esteem, self-other relationship functioning, self-regulation, co-regulation, etc. Most behavior therapists do not have child development training, nor are they keen to read the actual autism research, brain development, etc. It's unfortunate that for decades it's been lobbied so that now insurance pays for something that doesn't work, harms children and families, and has no outcome studies showing long-term success for autism. No one is discrediting success of things like potty training, learning to communicate needs to prevent tantrums, etc. But children who basically are trained to be people pleasers and work for love and attention, grow up to be adults who are either not independent, or who are vulnerable to abusive and even criminal individuals that exploit their social naivete. I've seen horror stories adults have shared and these are the folks who learned to 'pass' as not autistic.

[@Stella___9]

What you mentioned about the insurance is very frustrating. Ours covers ABA but not OT or speech therapy, which is what we decided to do.

[@greengreen9326]

That’s not true! You’re misleading people. Aba successfully teach them to request things they need, yes or no stop bad behaviors like addicting to playing games. So many things that are mandate to survive. It does work.

[@danielmoore4024]

​@@greengreen9326 Works to do what? Get you what you want. "addicting to playing games" They're children, are you expecting them to spend their freetime doing even more work? This is how we know you don't love your children, if you loved your child you wouldn't feel the need to change him. You: "son, I will only ever love you when you jump through my hoops, I do not love you for who you are."

[@AlyssaJCarter]

@@greengreen9326 ABA teaches them to people please at all costs and to abandon their own self regulatory techniques even if these are safe ones! turning autistics into total people pleasers when they are already potentially vulnerable leaves them at a very high risk of being groomed by predators. Also an fyi multiple scientific studies of ABA have concluded that the "behaviours" deemed to be not neurotypical enough ie the behaviours ABA works to change or remove are actually not going away these children are just masking. Have a research on what kind of damage years of masking and people pleasing does to autistic people.

[@Kotifilosofi]

​@@greengreen9326 it sounds very sus if one simple method works for every issue you have with a child. Learning to request things - are you sure the child wouldn't have learnt that by any other method? Like the ones that emphasize natural, mutual (also to the direction of the child) and respectful interaction? Addiction to games - you may not like it, but your child loves the games, and maybe also gets an escape/break from the struggles they have on daily basis? Trying to find ways to ease the child's struggles irl & finding things that motivate them very much irl that are not games, could work, for example. Sure aba sounds like "an easy answer". But do we expect to have just one trick to manage every issue we have with a neurotyoical child? No, we look at the situations separately and try to see the things from the child's perspective. Which is what autistic children need and deserve as well, instead of cold "dog training" and killing their spirit to follow your every order.

[@cherryy.redd8]

This is the first video of yours I've seen. I saw it pop up and was like, "A parent REGRETTING ABA?? I never see that!" so I got curious. What matters is that you learned. I can see the love you have for your son and the pain you feel for what he was put through. I'm so glad you also chose to listen to autistic adults as well, as I don't see many parents who do that. You're doing the very best you can with what you've got, and I have a bad habit of not being as lenient as I should be with parents of autistic children. I feel for you, and I'm proud that you recognized your mistake. Your son is lucky to have such a loving mother.

[@leannestrong1000]

The sad thing is that we don't even expect DOGS to act or communicate in ways that are more appealing to humans. Yes, we do teach them commands like, "sit," "stay," "lay down," "leave it," "drop it," and then only offer a favorite treat or toy when the dog complies with the command, but we observe the "signals" the dog gives us to let us know that they are uncomfortable or want/need something, but we respond to those signals by saying, "don't touch my dog, that makes her nervous," or filling his bowl, or taking her outside for a bathroom walk. We don't teach our dogs that their reactions are wrong (as long as it's not injuring anybody), just because the dog can't say, "this person that I don't know is around my owner, and it's making me nervous," or, "I need to use the bathroom," or, "I'm hungry."

[@SynthApprentice]

She talked about how ABA is compliancy training. This becomes a hell of a lot scarier when you consider the possibility of an adult asking a child to do something that adults shouldn't be doing with children. It's extremely dangerous to try to take away a person's ability to say "no". Dog trainers will point out that this is absolutely unacceptable in dog training. You are not allowed to train a dog in any way that endangers the dog. You may train a dog to stop barking on command, but you may not train a dog to simply not bark at all, because that would put the dog in risk of serious danger. Dogs need to bark for their own safety. In other words, comparing ABA to dog training is an insult to dog trainers.

[@leannestrong1000]

@@SynthApprentice That's what I'm saying. We don't train dogs to say, "I don't want to be petted," or to tolerate being petted, but we train children with autism to suppress their emotions, and to learn to tolerate certain sensory stimuli. We are also taught to learn to accept the vibes other people give off as totally normal and acceptable, even though deep down, we have that 'bad feeling' about said people's intentions, but aren't allowed to trust it. A dog is always allowed to trust their gut feeling about people.

[@misspat7555]

@@leannestrong1000Exactly. ABA encourages autistic children to pretend they are not experiencing sensory/social/information overwhelm, then tries to discourage the entirely predictable resulting meltdown! As if living creatures can act like robots… 🤖

[@daanodinot]

Thanks for your story. I have 'high-functioning' autism (Aspergers, whatever you want to call it). Since my parents have always been clueless about my autism, I got to do all the usual stuff (school, holidays, summer camps (hell!)). As a result, I experienced a tremendous amount of stress, rejection and trauma. I suspect my sensorimotor OCD also a developed out of that. I wish people were more knowledgable about autism, and pointed it out to me (or my parents) sooner. I agree: the notion that you should do all things other people are doing is terrible!

[@aussieautismfamily]

Thank you for sharing your experience Dean, it is so informative to us as parents to listen to your experience and learn from it to impact our children's experiences. I am so sorry you suffered stress, rejection and trauma that's awful!

[@daanodinot]

@@aussieautismfamily Thank you! ☺

[@misspat7555]

I’m not quite sure I should be called “high-functioning”, I prefer “AuDHD-PI twice-exceptional”, but I agree that it’s important to pay attention to the needs and feelings of autistic children; all children, really, but adults find it easier to relate to neurotypical children, especially if they are neurotypical themselves. It can be hard for people to understand how someone else’s needs could be so different from their own.

[@WRCorner]

My daughter had ABA for 2 years, I made sure that it was play therapy, that she her thoughts and feelings would be honored and everything was on her terms. However her former therapist decided she didn't want to work with us and separated from us in the worse possible way. I pulled her out of the program after that and probably wont ever start her on it again. She was ABA from 8:30 until she went to school and would be so tirednwhe she got home. Even though she missed having someone to plag with her the whole morning, she's happier now. It's hard when your newish to raising a kid with autism and go through process of the evaluation, then find services and other help for them and all the research and conflicting information and views. I know potty training is one of the hardest things, it is with us and we stopped doing it.

[@Toughmittens]

So now you’re going to have an adult child that uses diapers? They need to be potty trained

[@whitneymason406]

We did ABA briefly when Zac was 2. Luckily, his RBT was great and went to daycare with him, they wouldn't accept him without support. Then lockdown happened and then we moved. It's very frustrating for families in the US in particular because insurance covers ABA. Also, many ABA clinics act as childcare centers and and care can be so hard to find when you have children with additional needs. I'm glad you have Jacob in therapies that are neuroaffirming! 💞

[@aussieautismfamily]

Wow I didn't know this about the US. Here its a fight to get ABA therapy funded.

[@MariaCorrea-ev4vj]

@whitneymason406 hi! I’ve been trying to figured out if that is possible I want to have a “shadow teacher aba for him at daycare in other for him to move up classes he is 2 we live in Nj can u tell me more plz?

[@whitneymason406]

@MariaCorrea-ev4vj Hi, does your child have an autism diagnosis? Have you been referred for ABA services yet?

[@MariaCorrea-ev4vj]

@@whitneymason406 yes he has been diagnosed since he was 17 months now he is 26 months. He does early intervention and some therapies with copay ( insurance) but I’m in that boat that the daycare don’t want to move him up he is still in the infant class. So the director suggested a shadow teacher, I’m not sure if I want to do aba with him cuz I’m scared but the insurance will cover aba I was told now I don’t want him to go to those “ centers” so I got surprise u mention he got the aba at daycare, wonder how to do that!

[@whitneymason406]

@MariaCorrea-ev4vj yes so some ABA centers are able to send an RBTs (Registered Behavior Technician) into the home and some allow them to go to school. It depends on the state, company, and the policies that there have on place. I would call centers and see what they allow. 💞

[@MooreStationery]

I just got accepted into school for this degree. I have never seen a video of yours, but let me tell you, you have changed my mind. Thank you. I am so grateful for this video.

[@joanneculshaw6378]

Children in England are not being recognised as having sensory issues which is a health condition not a behaviour

[@_little_mama_purple3452]

I tried ABA therapy at home for a year and mostly what they did was homeschool stuff I was already doing with my son. He was so mad and did not want to be in room doing ABA. They were supposed to work on his anger, but all they did was make him more mad. My son get mad and cries when he get back from his dad’s house because he can not be himself there. I let my son pick out his clothes and if that means he happy wearing a girls then so be. He should be happy in his clothes. I hate eye contact and I do not make my son do it for the most part. My son was ask why do you not cry when you get hurt that weird so he will fake cry. I did not care if he cry when he got hurt because I do not cry then I get hurt. I have autism. My son has autism, adhd and epilepsy. My son is only an occupational therapy right now

[@aussieautismfamily]

Jacob loves dresses, so I also let him wear whatever he likes and feels comfortable in! 100% I'm the same with eye contact

[@_little_mama_purple3452]

@@aussieautismfamily right now he’s only an occupational therapy. I try medication to help his mood and he told me it was making him frustrated and angry so I took him off the drug the next day.

[@Java-D]

I love this video. To be honest, the first few videos I watched of yours, I almost didn’t subscribe or continue watching because you were doing aba. Specifically when Jacob was having to “earn” his lunch bite by bite. But then I reminded myself that every family and every child is different and meets their needs the best they can. I’m glad I stayed along for the ride. I really enjoy watching your sweet family.

[@aussieautismfamily]

Aw , I apologise it's taken so long for me to get the guts to post this. Jacob has been out of ABA for over a year and I was just in fear of judgement.

[@MsB130]

One thing that constantly comes to mind when I think ABA is Pavlov dog's.

[@EBR1]

@@MsB130 Pavlov's theory that human beings are nothing more than stimulus response animals without a soul is at the heart of most psychiatric and psychological "Therapies". It's important for the public to know how these "Professionals" view their fellow human beings as this will and does influence how they treat them. It was very astute of you to notice the "Stimulus response animal" theory at work in ABA torture.

[@SynthApprentice]

​@@aussieautismfamilyI'm glad you had the guts to post this. It needs to be said, even if you didn't learn it sooner. Judgment, that's... tricky. I wouldn't be honest if I said that I didn't have a mix of feelings listening to this. You made mistakes, and for that, I don't think you're a bad person. At the same time, you recognize that your mistakes may have caused some damage, and that means you'll have to face some very hard truths about the consequences of those mistakes. I think it's fair to expect you to carry the responsibility of the consequences of your mistakes, while still not judging your moral character for simply making the mistakes. You seem to already understand this, which makes me optimistic.

[@CafimaadkaCaruurteena]

We quit last month after 7 months on ABA.. wish we never started… I agree everything you said. It’s like dog training, most of their RBT were clueless, new to ABA and not really caring about the child but were there just to do a job… we are doing floor therapy now and joining our children on their preferred activities.. it’s like day and not… happy child, happy family

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

I have a autistic 4 yr old daughter non verbal level 3. I agree everyone child is different. I won't do aba and i think food is not a good reward for anyone autistic or not. My daughter don't like all clothes but i find material she likes. I dont try to get her to hug anyone boundaries should be respected. I agree with what you say . I believe alot of autistic teachers and therapies follow a general based thing and it's not one size fits all

[@crystalchili3823]

If any BCBA does a general plan then they aren’t doing it right and need to be reported. The whole basis of ABA is that it is personalized.

[@sarahelizabeth9553]

You did what you thought was best at the time and it came from a good heart. I agree that using food to change behaviours isn’t the best way to do things. It’s no wonder he’s hoarding food now.

[@aussieautismfamily]

Thank you Sarah! yes, the food thing is a huge deal at the moment

[@misspat7555]

@@aussieautismfamilyMy understanding is that the best way to deal with this (it’s a common issue with foster kids, for example) is to make sure plenty of preferred foods are available at all times. It will take time, but eventually, the child learns that there is always plenty of food, and therefore no need to hoard. Unfortunately, it is much easier to learn fear than it is to learn safety! 😬

[@cassiegodfrey8783]

Thank you for being honest. It's hard when we do something we believe is good for our kiddos, then get the guilts once we understand the consequences. I did look into aba, but like you said, it sounded like they wanted to train a dog or break in a horse. It didn't sit well with me.

[@aussieautismfamily]

Absolutely!! I wish I knew more back then, but I guess its good now sharing the experience for others.

[@ahouston1989]

I am so glad I found this before putting my son in aba.

[@aussieautismfamily]

You should always look into and research therapies for yourself, this was just our experience. I hope he finds a great therapy that works for him!

[@deboman81]

@@majahello how old are your twins. Our doc just recommended this therapy for our four year old son.

[@deboman81]

@@majahello wow, glad to get a real and honest answer to this. Glad to hear everything is going well for you and we’ll definitely look into this now. Thanks again!!!

[@EclecticallyEccentric]

​@@deboman81 You should also listen to what actually autistic people have to say about their ABA experiences.

[@deboman81]

@@EclecticallyEccentric where can I find that?

[@mathilda6763]

First of all.. the fact they weren't transparent what they worked on with your child (you did not know they manipulated him into eye contact), was a big flag and should be something to keep in mind in context with other services. parents should be earnestly informed what's going to happen with their child. one problem with ABA is that the use of food rewards routinely can detrimental for their relationship with food. which is not ideal for a demographic more likely to have a difficult relationship with food to begin with. another thing is that the child learns "if I do the thing for the strange adults the thing that I don't want to do/ makes me feel uncomfortable, I get the good thing" feels dangerously close to "if I have s*x with this person even though I don't want to they'll give me the dinosaur toy". it teaches the child that their comfort is wrong and does not matter and that 12-20 hours weekly. that's not a healthy way to teach your child to be safe and about consent. a child that already is part of a group that is more vulnerable people overstepping its boundaries. ABA does not need to hurt your child to teach harmful concepts.

[@stephaniek1145]

This is so heartbreaking. I am so sorry you and your son went through that. Thank you for sharing your story. I am doing research on ABA Therapy before actually enrolling my son. I never want him to ever feel like he has to suppress who he is or how he feels bc society doesn't approve of it. He currently receives ot, speech therapy and soon physical therapy as well. Which I think are adequate help! He is talking now and thrives more and more each day. I will not be placing him into ABA and will continue to be the support that he needs at home by being his parent and loving him for exactly for who he is. You are doing an amazing job. And your son is so so lucky to have you as his momma!

[@aebu.g]

Ur still doing great mom! Unlike with other autistic kids their parents still believes ABA therapy makes their child "manageable" without considering what their child's well being. At least for your case u immediately stop the therapy while its still in his early years. Not all moms can be perfect but a good mom learns and strives be perfect and your one of them❤

[@chrysalischaotique9770]

Thank you so much for listening to autistic adults.

[@cheesebread3]

As an autistic adult, thank you for speaking up about the harms of ABA - you sound like a very tuned in and empathetic mum. I hope your story helps other parents avoid the trap of ABA. I know your intention is not to dissuade people but I really do believe ABA should be made illegal. I would go out on a limb and liken it to gay conversion therapy. I didn’t go through formal ABA as a child but I was raised with behaviourist approaches that absolutely taught me that who I am is not okay and that suffering is a normal, even a noble, state of being. Also as a dog trainer - yes, ABA is literally dog training for humans. I have to study the occasional ABA text to learn animal training principles and it really drains me. It’s horribly dehumanizing. I wouldn’t even train a dog to make eye contact because it’s just not necessary.

[@SonyaOutThere]

OMG! Thank you so much. I always felt that the measure of mental health being how well a person complies and follows orders would make a being like a dog 🐕 the most well-adjusted, intelligent being. The system wants to turn as many human beings into neutered dogs as possible. Autistic and/or ADHD people may very well just be persons with a mind and trajectory of their own, not necessitating the reward of validation from others.

[@faiora]

How is it “going out on a limb” to liken it to gay conversion therapy? It’s the same therapy, devised by the same man using the same principles, just applied to a different group of people.

[@jaspalsingh-yq6hs]

what is the best approach to deal with autism... my son is 2.5 years old

[@crystalchili3823]

Very well known and renounced animal trainers train “focus” and it is so helpful in dogs.

[@camilabaraldi-dy4ub]

Wow, the fact that you reconoce all of this, you are so brave for sharing this for other parents who are in doubt what is correct to do. When I was a nanny of a boy with Autism the parents asked me to be his ABA therapist, and nothing ever felt so wrong.

[@harvey4067]

Same experience for my son. He has only been attending ABA for 8 months. I decided to stop ABA for him today.

[@kellyshimey825]

You're so right about this 💖 I pulled my son out as well. I can relate to you... Good job mom!!💖

[@Eryniell]

regarding "if he was masking during those sessions" YES very likely so, because even if they didn't explicitly do or say anything that seemed like punishment, any withholding of "rewards" which were purposefully chosen to be his favourite things, from an autistic brains view (aka black and white thinking and especially in young children who can't rationalize well yet) this kind of approach of "teaching" was meaning "if I don't do well/aren't good/don't do what they are asking of me, then I won't get my favourite thing. And usually for autistics those "favourite" things are also their comfort items, their ways to regulate themselves emotionally and otherwise. For some reason, it is easy to be blinded by the promise of "just help" good intentions that actually would need some questioning behind it and leaving ego aside: "am i doing this really for my child or to make myself feel better?" and I mean that in the way of, if we actually consider, which "battles" we need to be fighting, which traits are harmful for the child, which of those "harmful" traits are simply considered harmful because they don't fit societies expectations...and how many of those are truly harmful and need to be addressed (like hitting oneself during a meltdown or hitting others) though I could go much further into how we need to learn to not just treat "symptoms" but also figure out where exactly meltdowns and such are coming from. As you have noticed he seems to have been getting them more frequently with more stress/pressure and sensory overwhelms and those triggers are the ones that would need to be reduced... btw. I know dealing with the school uniform might be difficult (would probably need to get one made specifically for him with appropriate materials) but what I would definitely suggest is going to buy clothes with him together and explain to him that he can touch clothes. Maybe only start with trying to figure out which fabrics feel good to him and then expand on figuring out which type of seams are an issue and tags, that way it would make it much easier over time to always find clothes that are atleast acceptable and less stressful to wear.

[@tanakamlambo1296]

About the clothes, I have a question, what if he grows up not wearing clothes? Maybe you shouldn’t take him to school if the school uniform is hurting him, he can learn to wear clothes when he goes out because he has to be socially acceptable when he is an adult, but he can learn that at home, then he can not wear clothes. ABA therapy teaches children with Autism to cope and to be socially accepted because as adults, we have to do things we don’t want to do. We have to give eye contact, we have to dress well, we have to conduct ourselves appropriately, we have to control our emotions, and unfortunately, kids with autism struggle more because they will one day be adults and have to cope as adults without their autism becoming a hinderance for them. I wish in future, jobs can accommodate people with autism and their weaknesses but for now wellllll

[@SonyaOutThere]

The truth is that almost nothing in conventional education, disciplines, and therapies are geared towards helping anyone become the best possible version of themselves. It’s all geared towards making a person a compliant servant of the state, obedient to the system, accepting meager wages, and paying taxes on it. Nothing more nothing less. An autistic and/or ADHD person may simply be a person with a mind of their own that is a threat to the system. They are not seeking anything other than their own personal satisfaction and fulfillment. Unless you are paying their way or incentivizing then, your opinion, input, validation, or lack thereof are totally irrelevant.

[@squishymushy6734]

I have a head shaking stim and I used to ride a medical school bus but the aid would always try to get me to stop by putting her hand on top of my head and it hurt. I came home from school crying to my parents about it and they took me off the bus. During all this I felt like I wasn't worth it because of my stimming

[@iLLLAAmatica]

American insurances have a minimum of 20 hours and there are some kiddos in 60 hours a week!! I’ve been on the fence about ABA therapy. my son has a wonderful therapist but the military style Of force is making him so sad. And the whole touch your nose and you get a cookie rewards system is not for means you have anything else you recommend for a three-year-old level three autistic child. How do you feel about RDI?

[@4AmazingMusic]

If it was bad for Jacob I don't know what makes you think it's ok for others. It's ok to have strong opinions. I am there with you 🌸🌸🌸🌸

[@ruthmassey3401]

I’m so sorry this was your experience. Not all ABA is created equal. I have seen amazing things and things that should not happen. Wishing your family peace and love

[@ninaandianfan21]

I’m so glad that people / parents are starting to listen to autistic adults and not just doctors or other “autism moms/ dads”. I feel like the autistic community is separated into autistic adults (not sure about teens …) and parents of autistic children. And it seems so weird. As if the parents didn’t know that the autistic adults they so often disagree with and seem to feel offended by, were once autistic children, who can say how it feels or felt when they were younger … and sure not everybody is the same not and bla bla all of that… but if a majority of autistic adults are saying that they think ABA is a form of abuse then why are people still questing that… on that note I will say though that you didn’t know better at the time. You did what you thought was best for your child and that is all parents should be doing. Being a parent is hard and you can only do the best with what information you have and I think that is what you did! ❤️

[@luisoncpp]

I can think in 2 reasons: 1. They think ABA has changed. They may hear horror stories about electric shocks and then watch a session by themselves and find everything cheerful with no punishments. 2. Insurance companies, some of them cover ABA but don't cover other kind of therapies.

[@694khan]

what’s the alternative. he can’t go to school without clothes. i don’t like to go to work but i have to… my kids hate school but have to go. everyone has societal expectations

[@helenejordan3896]

I agree .. I have asd and I have 3 kiddos with it as well my son has level 2 autism and we have to put him in aba therapy because it’s helped and it’s worked for him .. we put him in for elopement and communication issues (he had a drowning accident 4 years ago) so for me I’d say to each their own. You may not like that he has to wear clothes and hurt but it’s apart of life you can’t be comfortable always and I’m a big proponent of pushing your self out of your comfort zone (also in training as an rbt so I’m a supporter of aba )

[@alleycat616]

Exactly!!

[@florprado-es3pk]

Thank you so much for making this video and be very open about.

[@dieAutismusTherapeutin]

I am so sorry you both went through this. Try to forgive yourself and be there for him

[@milkywayranchsc]

You made the best decision at the time based on the information you were given by the "experts" you trusted. Now you know better. You aren't to blame for the misinformation you were given.

[@AliceGibbs-x8j]

There is a autism herbal recommendations I got about dr Oyalo and his herbal remedy has work perfectly on my sons improvements in speech and social skill and my son fine till now

[@logansutton4464]

What I would of wanted If I could go back and change things in my life, I would of wanted someone there to help me understand myself and what I was feeling at the time.

[@andrea68]

What a great mum you are... Many greetings from Germany

[@aussieautismfamily]

Thank you so much!!!

[@andrea68]

@@aussieautismfamily 😘🥰

[@LadyLivie]

I'm training now to become a RBT and I'm watching this from a parent's perspective to learn. Thank you so much for the feedback. I want to learn and do better. I want to understand what is needed more of and what is too much.

[@misspat7555]

It will vary depending on the kid. Focus on long-term health and safety, not “looking normal”. We can’t “look normal”, kinda by definition. (AuDHD-PI twice-exceptional adult, here!)

[@razredge07]

I'm glad so many of us are late-diagnosed because we can advocate for the younger ones. It's horrible to do these things to an autistic child. It's torture and sets the stage for self-sacrificing for a world that absolutely hates you.

[@daniellelegassick9214]

Thank you so much for this. You have made my mind up I won't be doing any of this. People need to accept my son for who he is I'm not going to change a thing 😊

[@dreamsofriley7861]

My dad wanted me to be in ABA but i told him and showed him the bad and he said no . If i can be myself you can too.

[@aussieautismfamily]

I love this!

[@brendonduncan4938]

Thank you for sharing that. Your experience will change how I try to help my son.

[@aussieautismfamily]

You are so welcome

[@mathildaandersson1341]

13:13 yup he will probably deal with this for a long time. I wasn’t even in ABA instead CBT. It’s by far not as bad and still managed to mess up me and a few others I know. Not saying this to shame. I however think it’s important to know what the long term consequences of “therapy” to lessen autistic symptoms. Both to know what can happen and so others understand how bad it can get. So they won’t do it to their kids. Do not read more if you aren’t up for it. I have listened some of how it’s going with me and a few others that were seeing therapists to “lessen symptoms”. We are between 20 and 24 y/o. - - - - - - - The others still mask and can’t be left alone with sharp objects. Masked so much and for so long I have no sense of identity, managed to figure out my favorite color about 2-3 months ago. I still force eye contact 10+ years later and that’s after working with a therapist for several years and a specialist in autism and trauma for more than a year. Have been on benso since I turned 18. Became able to use stimmtoys without triggering a fear response about two months ago. She is trying to get me to wear sunglasses for light sensitivity but every time she brings it up I have panic attacks.

[@gaolen]

i relate to the sunglasses. not to the degree of panic attack (i get those for other things regardless) but growing up (without a diagnosis and therapy) i managed to figure you other people didnt have problems with bright lights and so i always thought of myself as too weak and useless if i cant look straight into the sun. i even had a period where i would stare into a lamp for hours with tearing eyes just to try to become less sensitive to lights. of course that didnt work. ive now finally come to a point where it suddenly clicked to me that other people have needs for certain things, such as glasses if their eyes are bad and no one thinks diffrently of it. just because i need diffrent things than what is considered standard, doesnt mean im more needy or weaker than other people. just diffrent

[@crimsonsica]

I am autistic and have 1 diagnosed and 1 undiagnosed autistic kids. I didn't know about ABA until we were looking at getting the diagnosis for my 2nd child. I also figured out during this process that myself and my first kid are also autistic. I want you to know it's 100% not your fault. Please know that. You're taking steps in the right direction and are absolutely nailing all of the points. One thing you might enjoy is reading Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity by Devon Price, PhD.

[@zakadams762]

If he can get a job please try to find out what he will feel comfortable with. I really prefer to work mostly alone, and it helps to have someone I have to check in with. I have recently tried to focus on my working relationship with my boss, that helps keep me settled because if they understand I might be outside the lines, all we have to do is talk about it. If they know they can and need to just explain things a bit more carefully its such a huge benefit for me. I had a lot of confusion about how to answer questions online for jobs or how to act at work, I never did anything bad, its hard to explain.

[@karakattreviewsandlifeprob6533]

Masking is a skill that is learnt behaviour and let's be honest there are some societal expectations like wearing clothes . Jacob might not have been In pain but I have lived experience and yes the end of day nightie an bare feet is all I want ..some might be beneficial stuff to learn

[@sjones8117]

And yet, one never requires ABA in order to learn. On Ot will help with sensory-motor issues. Autism really isn't a behaviour.

[@burakmuhammad2415]

So pround of you , for this vedio. I learned a lot of great things from you.

[@aussieautismfamily]

Aw thank you so much

[@APieceofCake]

I agree with you ❤ I love the way you understand and respect Jacob! 👏👏👏💖 You are doing a great job every day! I love your channel. I have 2 neurodiversity kids 😍.

[@aussieautismfamily]

Thank you so much!

[@FreckleFinance]

Even just using food as a reward is a red flag!

[@joantoombsoppong7485]

I definitely agree that eye contact is not very easy for autistic children but also children that have been victims survivors of abuse also have difficulty with eye contact. Also in certain cultures eye contact is a form of rudeness. Any type of therapy has to be understanding of the mental, social and cultural experiences that the child has endured or undergoing. If it is permissible to work on eye contact skills, I would say make positive attempts to work on it however if it is going against a cultural experience or if it is clearly not realistic based on the individual, therapist really need to look at other options to focus on instead of eye contact..... If people are working on communication skills and eye contact is not permissible maybe short glances face to face and jotting down notes.... Someone jotting down notes is showing accuracy effective listening which is also a big part of communication.... Looking at someone face to face doesn't always declare effective listening and communicating but actually the art of listening comes in so many other learned skills to achieve that form of communication. I do believe that experts have learned within society that there are many other ways to get objectives accomplished.

[@AliceGibbs-x8j]

There is a autism herbal recommendations I got about dr Oyalo and his herbal remedy has work perfectly on my sons improvements in speech and social skill and my son fine till now

[@riggs20]

Thank you for sharing what is obviously a tough subject to talk about. I am not a parent but have a close friend with 3 grown sons on the spectrum. I am very involved with the family but don’t know what kind of therapy they had as children. ABA therapy sounds uncomfortable, much like physical therapy. But isn’t the goal of therapy to help the child function in society? Does it achieve that? Just for one example, the clothes thing. You mention Jacob does not like the sensation of wearing clothes. My first thought was that he still has to learn to do this in order to go out into the world. So would there have been a better kind of therapy to teach him this? I guess I think that “compliance” like you say is to some point necessary for all of us in order to interact with others.

[@danielmoore4024]

There is better, more updated therapies but unfortunately only ABA is insured because of the capitalistic structure of society. Forcing compliance on groups of people actually enhances the likelihood of mental illness and suicide. Research shows autistic people are 10 times more likely than the general population to die by suicide, females and LGBTQ+ are also more likely all because of forced compliance. No autonomy, relatedness, or authenticity breeds sickness and disease. By these minorities being forced to compliance they are more likely to die prematurely because of disease and illness. People are forced to compliance not for their benefit, but to comfort the majority. Prejudice against women for example, culture has devalued feminine traits producing a masculine culture. Women are then forced to pretend not to be females otherwise they will be neglected, women and feminine boys living in a culture that values masculine traits is harmful towards women and LGBTQ+. All forms of discrimination are caused by culture devaluing certain people, culture became toxic because of the Eugenics Movement in the 19th and early 20th century. Before the ideology of ‘normal people’ was made in 1835 health disorders were no where near the rates they are today. Before the 19th century no one was being forced to compliance for social acceptance, the world accepted diversity. Forcing anyone to be so-called ‘normal’ only destroys autonomy and authenticity which is why sickness and disease have been on a constant rise, culture has become toxic, ‘normal’ is mythology. ABA lies to parents, actual ABA is harmful and abusive, it’s basically conversion therapy. Clinics that don’t do conversion therapy are not the actual ABA which autistic people warn parents about, but are a twisted version. ABA’s journals are nearly full of confirmation bias and unethical, poorly conducted studies. The “evidence” is extremely thin and weak, and ABA is in dealerships with private equities and the autism investor summit. I recommend a book called “The Autism Industrial Complex” by Professor Alicia A. Broderick, she provides great evidence that ABA is all about capitalism, not actually about helping autistic children.

[@tatev_malakian]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, wish you and Jacob all the best things ❤ I’m starting to learn about different types of therapies and your explanation helped me a lot ❤

[@AliceGibbs-x8j]

There is a autism herbal recommendations I got about dr Oyalo and his herbal remedy has work perfectly on my sons improvements in speech and social skill and my son fine till now

[@candygirl7586]

You were and are a very good mother, sweet heart.

[@eerenay]

My first exposure to Autistic children was doing ABA as a high schooler nearly 20 years ago. I am a SLP now and have learned so much more since then. In the future, we will look back at ABA like leeching therapy. Probably still useful for some things, but not a panacea for everyone.

[@aussieautismfamily]

Yes I agree it can be useful in some things, however just not for us!

[@zakadams762]

I was identified at school 3 times in different years and put into therapy, my parents pulled me out of school each time. I don't know how to feel about it because even now I can't seem to get the right help. I do wish they had at least recognized I actually did need some kind of help, instead of feeling like it was some type of personal attack.

[@sharonjensen3016]

Why is it always the victims of bullying who have to change? Why are we, the autistic, the ones who need therapy? It's the bullies who have to change and need therapy in my book.

[@Ww-nh9pl]

I definitely don’t think ABA is for everyone but do believe some children flourish with it! Because the sad reality is autism or not we all need to learn how to “mask” we all have to do things we don’t feel comfortable doing or don’t want to do. Maybe even things that physically or emotionally hurt us to do. We all unfortunately have to learn and follow “society standards” to some degree because that’s just the world we live in. Of course we aren’t robots but we all have to hold things in or alter ourselves so to speak. Ever wanted to scream at someone in public, maybe even the urge to give someone the middle finger, maybe the desire to fall to the floor crying, to jump for joy in the middle of a store, etc. we all feel big things sometimes that we wish we could let out right in that moment. We all have urges that we have to hold in because it would be “inappropriate” not to. All kids are taught to mask or control themselves to some degrees in order to flow with society. However many autistic brains learn differently than neurotypical brains which is where aba therapy comes into play. To me it’s simple a way for autistic children to learn what all children have to learn but it’s built around how autistic children tend to learn. As sad as it is that we all have to do this to some degree or do things that make others happy; it’s such an important life skill to learn! We all utilize these skills at times and all autistic children deserve to learn these skills. They don’t have to use them even but to know them is so important!

[@alicehatzoglou5683]

Play therapy is great as an addition, but what really helps is reflex integration and building new, positive brain connections, i.e. brain balance (Dr. Melillo) or INPP (Goddard Blythe) or something similar. With these approaches you actually get to the core and work on the main issue. It's a completely different thing than any behavioral approach! Not many people know about it, even medical professionals. But from my experience it's the best you can do for a child with developmental issues like autism and can often dramatically improve their condition.

[@lucyshepherd6040]

In NZ ABA therapy is not a funded therapy, I didn't have the money to access ABA therapy when my son was diagnosed. I feel very lucky I couldn't access it, because I think I would of done it when he was first diagnosised as I didn't know much about autism then.

[@aussieautismfamily]

Right! We don't know a lot and trust professional opinions.

[@NicoleDeriso]

I'm very sorry that you had to go through these things. I am a current therapist using ABA and I help clients virtually. I know that the policies and practices of ABA can vary depending on where you live. My current company for example is based out of California, and it is very nice. We still offer prompts and collect data, but if the client refuses an answer we mark down refuse and move to the next thing. Other companies I have worked for were not the same. If you are a parent reading this I recommend looking up different ABA resources available to you before enrolling your child. You should always be informed of your child's care plan. Your BCBA should be the person you go to with any questions regarding changes to the plan. While the RBT can still answer questions about how it went.

[@AliceGibbs-x8j]

There is a autism herbal recommendations I got about dr Oyalo and his herbal remedy has work perfectly on my sons improvements in speech and social skill and my son fine till now

[@gaolen]

i havent ever had aba therapy as i was diagnosed at 22, but i find it quite alarming that somehow the effects of a "therapy" and years of being bullied and ostracised are very similar

[@Elianalivinglife]

I am so happy you have stopped masking school/ABA it is so harmful throughout life it is so difficult to unlearn. I am a high masking to the extend I had no idea I was mask in all areas of my life, because I was told every day by all the adults in my life to act differently, behave differently and that who I was wasn't normal and not good enough. As a late diagnosed AuDHD women, I am traumatized by these lessons of being forced to be different, forced to be a copy of neurotypicals. It has worsened my neurodiversity to an extent that I can't work, I have no friends, I don't want to meet people, I am happy just seeing my husband and daughter who is also neurodivergente, I don't need more, I can't be a part of a world that can't accept me as I am, and I trust no one expect my husband and daughter. I had no safe space growing up, not even at home, I was told all day every day I needed to be more normal, and I am not trying hard enough.

[@tastesee5772]

Try Claritin or Zyrtec, even a Benadryl. It can be allergy related with clothes. Also, free and clear detergents. And a barrier, like itch spray. He made need to check for allergies. Hope this helps!

[@Alf258]

using food as a reward is a gateway for eating disorders .

[@aussieautismfamily]

Truth!

[@iposttoxicshorts]

I am in my 3rd day of studying/training to be an rbt and I keep thinking “wont these kids learn to act how the rbts tell them to then go back to being themselves once they leave? Also to add to your point of them taking your sons food. Today I watched a little boy sitting criss cross quietly eating his ice cream cone. The therapist told eachother it was the first time he sat criss cross. Then they took turns taking his ice cream . . . Uhtil he said “ice cream “

[@WelcomingFrown]

To your first paragraph: yes, traumatised most often, corroborated by autistic adults who went through the process. To the rest of your post: i hope you realise what they were doing is bad and that it may be a good idea to consider a different job or atleast not join in at the very least.

[@misspat7555]

The child psychologist who diagnosed my daughter autistic pushed me in the direction of ABA. Fortunately, I’d already heard some negative things about it, the one ABA place I called, which was supposed to go for 2 hours after school 5 days a week (she was already in kindergarten and almost 6 when diagnosed) never called me back, and my daughter was already in speech and occupational therapies which I continued instead. I used to drive a child that age from kindergarten to day care after school, and it bugged me that he was given food rewards for sitting in his seat, especially since I had driven him to Head Start the year before, and he sat in his seat just fine without bribery! He just didn’t talk. There are better ways to deal with specific issues going on, rather than trying to apply the same blanket approach to everything. 😕

[@Qvs-d1f]

There is nothing wrong with teaching a child a new skills such as self-care skills, play skills, communication, social interaction etc.. They do at schools!

[@michaelmoses8745]

Children are indeed taught new skills all the time at both home and school. The big problem with ABA is the way that they go about teaching said skills. They exclusively use operant conditioning. Operant conditioning is certainly a thing. It's done with dogs all the time. That being said, most dog trainers combine operant conditioning with other methods. Dog trainers also should know how to read a dog; They should be able to tell when a dog is tired, distressed, exhausted, or simply is disinterested. ABA therapists tend to ignore signs of exhaustion, distress, or disinterest. They push and push and push some more, without giving the child a chance to relax. This can be for up to 40 hours a week. A literal full time job for developmentally disabled children. That's too much. Furthermore, they often push the parents to incorporate ABA into their parenting, not giving the kid a moment of relaxation even in a home environment. Not being able to ever relax is not ideal. There's also the way in which ABA focuses a lot on compliance. If the kid doesn't do what the adult wants in a certain number of seconds, there will be no reward. "If you put your hand on your nose, you get the cookie piece" can morph into "if you have sex with me, I will get you a dinosaur toy" really fast with a nine year old who has only been taught to obey and a sufficiently controlling adult.

[@michaelmoses8745]

I'm replying to myself, but it's also worth noting that another problem is that a child can at least have some options about what to learn. Electives in school are a thing, and even if the kid isn't ready for electives yet, it's at least somewhat feasible to encourage a child's interests. ABA doesn't really do that.

[@agnieszkaIzabela597]

I'm same, after 2.5-3 years of aba , finally understood it all ,

[@Elidanaamerica]

Thank you so much for your words ❤.

[@victoriadelagarza4804]

Aww I’m sorry I wish it was better ❤

[@beauson1983]

As an ASD male, 41yo, the only way I can see anything useful from ABA is when its used kinda like a toolkit or translator by adult autistics for dealing with the outside world. So for example, if I need to deal with customer service or speak to police, I can mask through the pain of it and force myself to "perform on command" as it were. But the difference between me doing it to myself as an adult and having it done to me as a child is that I get to choose when its used, what its used for, how it is applied, and I recognise its a temporary thing I have to give myself time to recover from after. I just wish I figured this out as a kid and not in my mid 30's 😮‍💨

[@UnHøly_Øni]

I do not blame you as someone who was in a Special Ed's class that had an ABA therapy program that unfortunately I was in and I can tell you all my human rights were taken away if I didn't do what the staff wanted I was grabbed very hard by the wrist and put in this dark room with a peaking window I wasn't allowed to turn back on the lights oh and when they restraint me it hurt so much became they twisted my arm and if I resisted they would twist my arms harder. I honestly didn't know it was part ABA program till I looked at what kind of program I was put in and tbh it explains why they abused me. I'm 20 and I still have nightmares.* Edit: my mom also feels bad about putting me in that program after seeing what I went through.*

[@ginatan3587]

My daughter gets better with ABA. From non vocal, self harming, aggression, tantrums, these problem behavior decrease with the help of ABA. She started when she's 2, and graduated at the age of 7. As a mom I saw a big change in terms of communications, coping emotions and social skills. It's like going to doctors, some doctors are better than others. Just need to find the good one.

[@BigALdeek]

Yeah it sounds like this lady took all the programs steps as a bad thing because the boy cried or was out of his comfort zone …. It’s going to happen just seems like she’s overly protective to where she’s hampering any progress. She doesn’t want to see him shed a single tear. It’s like going to the gym and never really going hard just kinda loitering and being afraid of what the machines can do out of fear of discomfort

[@budgetforsuccess835]

@@BigALdeek sensory issues are not discomfort. Sometimes they are physically painful like being stabbed. There is an actual difference between autistic brains and typically developing brains in the way our senses are processed.

[@BigALdeek]

⁠@@budgetforsuccess835you don’t know that your making an assumption. There’s no Tests that’ say sensory stimulation with small things can be jabbing pains ! I understand your soft and emotional but the world is tough! No one will baby you when you get out there. Yes things have to be overcome with sheer will and persistence. I’m not saying force things on day one but change is hard and it’s a long road YOU WILL Face adversity in every sense. So many try and cocoon the child in safety blanket and the kid falls apart when the parent isn’t there. You will NOT always be there remember that.

[@budgetforsuccess835]

@@BigALdeek Umm I am not assuming as I have sensory issues with Autism so it is a reality and yes I do function daily with the hard world and you don't know me so do not assume I am "emotional and soft" I am just explaining it is more than "discomfort". I am not a parent either so I don't know why you are acting as if I am babying a child. Yes change is hard yes learning how to deal with life is crucial I am just stating that unless you know the parent in the video assumptions about her should not be made the way you made them. I know you are trying to insult me but I am not offended and not arguing. Goodbye.

[@BigALdeek]

@@budgetforsuccess835I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to offend. I also have a family member who is autistic and non verbal and extremely Aggressive. So my comment is aimed more at aggression and overcoming that issue. I’ve noticed the moment a child is being helped they don’t like it and the parent jumps in and doesn’t let the healing happen. Look at cancer patients ! You think the recovery process is smooth? And painless it’s not it’s torture but it’s heals and you are reborn when completed successfully

[@liz51]

You're video really made me double think my child's therapy 😕

[@aussieautismfamily]

Please know this is our experience only, you know your child best, you know his therapy. I would just keep an eye out on the real goals and how they get to those goals.

[@SimplyRochelleParanormal]

Hey girl friend!! ABA is the SAME HERE as well. And the truth is YOU can't be so hard on UR SELF ❤ It's ALL TRIAL with so MUCH and U ONLY do what Drs tellto do!! WE are actively looking for HELP for our kid's, NEVER knowing that the Drs are WRONG or CLD be WRONG!! BUT NOW that U DO KNOW ... I BET U SEE A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE IN JACOB 💜💜👍👍💯💯 I DNT train my DOG'S THAT WAY either and I've had dog's my entire life. My daughter is 24 and my Son is 21, thing's have changed SO MUCH since even THEY where kids!! For my Son we had seen 6 different Drs, ALL of which wld have THEIR OWN opinion on the situation and ALL trying to top the other's it SEEMS at time's, ALL in a 2 to 3 yr span of time. As well as 10 different medications by then too!! NO ONE is going to love nor care for UR kiddo's MORE then U and Hubby ❤ And what I learned is that ONCE I got educated on my Son and his disorders I was able to advocate for him the BEST 💯💜 my Son did remain on medication up until he was 14 an asked ME if he had to KEEP taking medications. At THAT point he had been on a medication regiment SINCE he was 6. It was a bit of a struggle at first for him. An thank God the med's he was on at the end weren't as bad addiction wise as MOST are. I CLD ALWAYS tell when something had changed or a new person had come on board due to my Son's behaviors. He STILL has hard times with Small changes let alone bigger one's. I'm so happy that U decided to take Jacob out of that therapy ❤ I wld also home school if I still had one THAT age as well!! The school system in the US isn't safe nor worth it to risk sending them THESE day's!! I mean if they aren't prayed on by Groomers or beat up an bullied by others, we risk THEIR safety with shootings!! The world has changed so much since WE ALL where kid's!! If my kid's can't home school when they have kidlings, I've ALREADY told em BOTH that I WILL 💜💜💯💯

[@laibakhanani9931]

Since you are in Australia, you can also get funded for Positive Behavior Support. It's not restrictive like ABA therapy and its amazing!

[@migbham1]

I first learned to use the toilet and wear clothes in order to please society, from one standpoint. I am also a relatively highly-functioning autistic man. I can't imagine where I might be today had my parents not set aside their own discomfort about seeing me in distress in order to give me what they knew I would need instead of what I thought I needed. Then again, I don't imagine very much.

[@adrialee8149]

Thank you for that perspective. My son is autistic and I try to protect him while still pushing him to do things for himself it's good to hear this

[@migbham1]

@@adrialee8149 Thank you for such a nice note. Sending best wishes to you and your family. The fact that you are even mindful and have some internal debate tells me that your son is a very fortunate young man.

[@adrialee8149]

@@migbham1 thank you, he's my world for sure ❤️ I can tell you and your son have an incredible bond too

[@migbham1]

@@adrialee8149 😊 thank you, but I actually don't have a son. I am the son.

[@adrialee8149]

@@migbham1 oh oops my bad I got confused and thought that comment was from the mom in a video regarding aba therapy!!

[@maryrowe6162]

We started therapy with our grandson and they wanted to go in a room with out us. Sorry but that ended fast we will be there or it don’t happen

[@ameliamcquillan2791]

My son is nearly five we live in Ireland and he only got assessed last year he has had one OT appointment and One SLT appointment, I would love if my son had the same chances as your kid because at the end of the day there is no help here 😢 but I understand your opinion too as a mother x

[@AliceGibbs-x8j]

There is a autism herbal recommendations I got about dr Oyalo and his herbal remedy has work perfectly on my sons improvements in speech and social skill and my son fine till now

[@kalyasaify]

I'm an autistic 31y/o female who suffered through life for almost 30 years until I knew why I'm different and why I'm struggling 24/7 living inside this capitalistic system. thank you from the bottom of my heart for this ❤️ you're a good, kind human and such a great mother! thank you for analyzing your mini me so well, my autistic heart really appreciates!! 🥹 research about autism is horrible atm, it feels like their little ego can't admit how smart we actually are on many levels. it's very sad what's happening in society 😶 PS. ABA should be banned. just psychopaths conditioning autistics while abusing them horribly. the overall philosophy behind this stuff is taking away our magic and trying to blend us in cheaply. we already know better how to mask lol. we're normal human just a different type, a spicy one ^^ no need for ABA. music therapy is the best, also dancing or other physical activities are important as well! no need for special therapy, it's about raising a child, an autistic one :3

[@sjones8117]

My son would agree with you: music therapy and other physical activities have been tremendously helpful for sensory- motor, communication, regulation and anxiety.❤

[@SqeeG]

Progressive ABA therapy instead is more compassionate, reasonable, flexible, client-focused and incorporates child development with other research in order to provide the best outcome possible for your child without the negative side effects of regular ABA therapy. I'm currently studying to take the exam to become a Registered Behavior Technician but I want to work at a clinic that specializes in this type of therapy. This type of ABA therapy uses "clinical direction" to adjust an approach in the middle of their session in order to best serve the client/child for their well-being in the future.

[@ninajiang3527]

I applaud you to say all this out loud. My child is in a play-based ABA center and I think about how ABA is a full of crap ALL DAY. sounds like yours is super strictly compliance based. It’s definitely not good…but don’t be too hard on yourself mama.

[@1hollyrainbow]

Dogs are not even trained that way, dogs are treated with respect and love, something ABA is not. ABA is cruel. Also ABA makes kids more accessible to predators, because you are teaching them their autonomy means nothing and other people’s comfort is what’s important and so makes them easier to sexually abuse! Autistic people are already at a higher risk to be taken advantage of.

[@theoneandonly1158]

Exactly what I thought. Like we are giving treats to humans now. Yes, yes we are and to a disabled brain no less. To a brain that WILL NEVER function like a normall brain.

[@elizabethgraham6461]

What accommodations can you make so your son can wear clothes (outside of home, at least)? Is it the detergent, type of fabric? Any clothes he can wear under an uncomfortable uniform?

[@aussieautismfamily]

We ended up going with a sensory friendly brand called 'comfort on the spectrum'

[@MsB130]

I have been researching and researching about weather to try ABA therapy for my son who is 2yrs old. It was recommended by the Psychologist who diagnosed him but also told me it isn't for everyone and to do my homework on whether we think it would be a good fit or not. Then said it can always be something you do and quit in order to know you did your best for your kid but found it didn't work. You did the best with what knowledge you had and the results you got during the time you got them. No one is perfect. To be honest as a mom I did tear up also because we want to protect our kids for any harm be it physical or emotional.

[@hopefulheart1284]

I would try it…the problem is it all depends on the therapist…it’s kind of like a crap shoot. We had a great one and then two “less good” fits so we stopped after that and just do 2 hours a week with our original therapist. Most RBTs are young college kids just starting out so finding one good with kids that’s the right fit for your child’s personality makes all the difference.

[@danielmoore4024]

Ms. B, ABA is for no one if you actually do research concerning how ABA techniques effect humans in the long run. You may not see anything hurting while he’s young, but ABA only begins the development of numerous health disorders. Scientists say behaviourism is not for humans because of the limitations of the naked eye disregarding everything happening inside your child’s body. ABA damages the nervous system and other biophysical factors, in ABA there’s no child development, physiology, neurology, mental health, the disabilities themselves included. For example, one of their techniques is to ignore undesirable behaviours, but according to child development, physiology, neurology, and mental health, ignoring a child who needs attention is psychologically harmful causing trauma, hinders development, and as the child ages into adulthood that piece of trauma had been gradually growing and continues until it develops into mental and physical health disorders as severe as cancer. Just like smoking gradually develops lung cancer, the cancer does not come immediately. If you choose to do ABA, don’t ignore what is happening under your child’s skin by sticking with the limitations of the naked eye. If your child shows any sign of distress immediately stop whatever the therapist is doing. Even though we have more technology and scientific discoveries about health than ever today, this is why health is deteriorating worldwide, these little pieces of trauma are seen as so normal that they are disregarded, we didn’t ignore these little bits of trauma in the past which is why they were fewer health problems. Our world has become so stressful, and stress alone is the cause of numerous physical and mental health disorders. So you must never disregard distress no matter how small it is if you don’t want to hurt your child in any way.

[@MsB130]

Thank you all for your input and opinions I appreciate it a lot as I don't have other people, family, friends I can talk about this with. We did however decided to just stick with occupational therapy and not explore ABA options. Our son has flourished with his OT and is not the same boy he was only months ago, in a good way. He went from being non verbal, meltdowns that had self harm, only eating red fruit and visual stimming with no interaction to a happy boy that loves to play WITH his little sister, had normal 2yr old tantrum, can tell me what he wants 80 to 90% of the time, follows 2 step directions, no self harm and can eat us out of house and home. Last doctor visit they said he gain more than what was expected and are no longer concerned. It just has been incredible to watch.

[@danielmoore4024]

@@MsB130 I'm glad to hear the good results, ABA not being for humans is the whole reason why specialists developed new methods of interventions like OT, CBT, DIR Floortime, Music Therapy, the newer interventions are health based while ABA is only concerned about changing behavior which is ineffective in the long run according to decades of research.