"I Spent $50,000 on Dating Advice" - Viewer Talks with Dr. K

[@matchasgotcha]

He has balls to show his face on camera after admitting to that. Big ups 👏

[@z_6474]

Frfr... It all Start's with one ❤

[@fooboomoo]

Absolutely! Kudos!

[@albertowilliams959]

Unlike ppl who slander you from behind anonymous profiles 🤮

[@entropyfun]

Admitting what?

[@therearenoshortcuts9868]

at this point: the manosphere is basically a bunch of men giving each other props and still get no women LOL

[@nothenryporter81]

Man, I really wish Dr. K did more of these interviews with regular people. It's so much more relatable & valuable than talking to popular influencers & streamers all the time.

[@MeisterMitBart]

just a thought: it might be for you, but dr k seems to try to grow the channel, and having influencers & streamers on will do that. Also he seems to select People that are aware, which makes these interviews more in depth then with regular people. Also really like this one though, so i get what you're saying.

[@JustFollowingOrders12]

I like both. This channel wasn't made for your personal likings. Other people watch too

[@ekina7117]

@@nothenryporter81 yes way better like the one with the „incel“

[@audiofix]

I'm really proud of this guy. He's so brave to open up in this interview and the effort he has done is mountainous. Unlearning all the wrong stuff must be hard. He deserve to be proud of himself and just relax.

[@joane24]

'I don't feel a romantic connection' is actually much better response than 'not doing enough eye contact' or whatever. Developing a relationship isn't a game. You may check all the boxes and the person still may not be into you, it's just there isn't any connection. Dating is more than just becoming 'a perfect product', it's about having and developing mutual connection.

[@the1stmetalhead]

True I hate the fact that dating apps promote this same thing. You have to present yourself as perfect and commodify yourself in order to attract women.

[@CyAA-ri2us]

it's really hard to say. i for example, although experienced romance for a long time of 7 years, felt like i still had to fix something after it ended when my ex-partner cheated. like, should i change something in me? staying the same and relying on that connection worked for years-on-end on this one relationship, and yet it still ended. what did i do wrong? am i really going to change my entire capability to love for the next person? im in this position that thinks staying the same or changing are both wrong choices. that's why in the end i feel empathy for people who couldn't find love on the first place because im also back at start.

[@MrHostile12]

I share these same thoughts. Before you start going on dates, you feel like it's just about getting into shape and wearing nice clothes but then you realize that once you have your things in order you don't even want to date 90% of the population. The real difficulty is trying to find a meaningful relationship.

[@joane24]

@@CyAA-ri2us But you're talking now about about the duration of relationship, not just entering one, and there's obviously a need work during relationship on yourself and on the connection as such. I never said don't change anything and let be carried by the connection forever, actually it's quite the opposite - relationship is a mutual work. My point was rather that you can't 'force' someone to feel attracted to you/romantically interested in the first place, sometimes you may be check all the boxes but there's just no chemistry. Or maybe there's lack of connection. Or bad timing, etc. Point is, in the end it's about building a connection, not about being a ready-made product. Another point, you can't blame yourself for the other person cheating. I mean, _maybe_ there's miniscule blame (I'm not gonna lie or sugarcoat, sometimes there is), BUT ultimately, it was their choice, their decision, their action, and it's on them not on you.

[@omarcomming722]

It's still exhausting because the effort is often one sided

[@azaburns-williams7663]

Hearing this man say, no one has ever told him their proud of him almost made me cry.

[@guitarsaremyfriendzzz7077]

I have never really heard it either. It is not uncommon. 😂 Not everyone has a good story to tell.

[@j.2512]

it only soundedcondescending to me , You just know he manipulates people as part of his profession as shrink.

[@guitarsaremyfriendzzz7077]

@@j.2512 Mmmkay bro

[@SynaTek240]

@@guitarsaremyfriendzzz7077 Yeah, though I think it's a bit of an odd question cause I don't know if anyones ever said the words "I'm proud of you" to me either. However, I know that my parents' love for me isn't conditional on achieving things so it's not like it's an issue

[@Tangentbordsblues]

*They are

[@Gajsu1]

I've been listening for 5 minutes and already i can say - this guy is ME, 100%, literally the same struggles and self doubts, constantly fixing things in life, getting degrees, money, physique, achievements, hobbies, constantly improving to be better and yet feeling nothing.

[@j.davila4523]

Same

[@Balloonbot]

Same, also 32 - except he seems more capable, he's taken everything even further than I managed. Almost relieving to hear it still didn't help, so I can get off this treadmill myself.

[@MarcoAshford]

Wait until 17:58 This guy is not us. He is toying around, and can get anything he wants, just a playboy pretend trying to to be nice guy. He is basically first world guy bored out of life and trying to look for the next stimulation. "covert narcissist" if there is a term to call him. F this guy.

[@zyz7929]

I am also pretty lonely, even though I have a wife. I never had struggles attracting women and finding relationships. But I don't have friends and I don't know how to make friends. I never had much friends in school only one I think, but after I got my first girlfriend I only focused on her and since then I had no other friends. I don't know why it is easy for me to attract women but hard to make friends

[@rotisseriechickenlover-jb4cc]

literally

[@mikasasukasa4479]

Whoa another viewer talk video! I really miss these and hope we get more of them.

[@trappart9209]

I miss them too!

[@neeru7298]

Me too man, they are so insightful

[@Jesterisim]

they’re usually the most helpful imo

[@KxNOxUTA]

Yeeees right? I love these! They just do something for me on levels that are more intuitive and are about body language more so than even the spoken words!

[@oksanarose6879]

i love these, i’m glad they’re back

[@caseycoffman9692]

Add "being in therapy for years" and subtract a 0 from the money spent and I'm this guy. The amount of work and effort he is putting in is astonishing, and disheartening. You are already an amazing human being, Ish. Love, support, and open arm hugs for you brother.

[@aerchys4779]

You are too man. Don’t ever forget that shit.

[@therearenoshortcuts9868]

whether you are alone or not is not up to you have to be comfortable with being a lone at some point

[@caseycoffman9692]

@@therearenoshortcuts9868 100%. It's the difference between veiwing the state as Solitude, or Loneliness.

[@therearenoshortcuts9868]

@@caseycoffman9692 aye, sounds like this guy really just needs to change his narrative instead of trying to force something physical to happen, no one is promised anything in that regard

[@lnaph]

@@therearenoshortcuts9868 agreed. Men should be looking for a life partner not body to use. Did this guy go on to sound thar way? I o ly watches the first few minutes.

[@margheritapaolini9376]

The sheer sadness in his eyes is heartbreaking. I wish this man all the best in life, I hope he manages to overcome the challenges he is facing, he deserves it.

[@debanikgoswami4834]

I am also stuck between being myself and acting like an dominant alpha guy.

[@badrobot114]

- How many platitudes would you like to have in the comment? - Yes

[@zulubeatsprince]

​@@debanikgoswami4834watch a lot of comedy.. laugh a lot and make people laugh a lot.. thats how i snagged most girls that been in my life.. Most guys i know who struggle are so damn serious all the time.

[@JW0121]

@dinahn6955 Please tell me these red pill guys you know of who have this look

[@tomasvmusic]

I relate to this dude's experience so much. That feeling of no matter what you do you'll never be worth it is quite disheartening.

[@georgegray2712]

Reminds me of when Homer said to Bart: “son there’ll always be someone who can run faster, jump higher, or do it better than you, so you might as well not even try”.

[@tomasvmusic]

@@georgegray2712 Homer always spitting facts.

[@jakesmith-bs4jd]

I love these interviews. They’re very raw and that’s what makes them nice to watch. It feels like I’m getting a free therapy session.

[@alfred8936]

There's a huge inferiority complex across so many men today that is really hard to work through. I remember a time when I told my mom about this very similar feeling, and she said it was like there was a gap in my soul where something is missing. Learning internal validation is a true struggle and this guy is brave to talk about his problems publicly in this way.

[@lucasinator]

what is the cause though?

[@alfred8936]

@@lucasinator it's hard to say. It's usually a lot of things. In my case, social isolation and/or rejection at an early age, neglectful or absent parent figure, turbulent divorce, trauma, etc. Something about one's upbringing creates this inherent feeling of wrongness within oneself despite coming from sources outside their control, while simultaneously instilling an expectation in oneself to simply improve the self to feel better. It's a misdirection of the intellect by the ego I think, because it's hard to sit with those root issues without feeling shame and realize you can be okay with the person you are

[@the1stmetalhead]

​@@alfred8936 that's truly depressing. How can we fix those issues then?

[@alfred8936]

​@@the1stmetalhead it takes a lot of effort and time, and it is easy for the process to feel overwhelming. You have to start as small as possible, and you have to be patient and compassionate with yourself and others. I need to do it more, and I forget the name, but a meditation that helped was wishing happiness and peace on a close friend, a person you don't know, an enemy, and then yourself. The brain is amazing in how it can be trained to do things, even if those things are negative. Also taking extended breaks from social media helps a lot in general.

[@alfred8936]

@Tim This 100%. Perfection is the enemy of peace. The times I've been the most content with myself have been the times where I'm completely absorbed in the flow of one of my passions without giving a damn about the outcome. I'm not thinking "what if I don't become a successful writer/musician, I'm only doing this to seem more interesting to women, blah blah". Screw the imposter syndrome crap and let yourself enjoy screwing up at things.

[@TrentonF505]

When he talked about protecting other people from himself I felt that

[@richerDiLefto]

Same.

[@bofinq4839]

When you commented that I also felt that (Reading comments before watching)

[@malooskitty9124]

Me 2

[@bentosan]

This makes logical sense if you were told when your bad from a young age then you think your bad and need fixing. So now has had this belief he’s a “bad object and then acts like one. He cares about others and wants to protect them from his “bad” self. I’m thinking he’s a victim of narcissistic abuse.

[@cityandgirl]

Just wanted to say that I really, really like this guest. He's clearly such a deep thinker, very interesting, and extremely kind. I watched the whole video and all I could think the entire time was how likable he was. Wish him the best and hope he stops getting in his own way. Everything he wants is in his reach if he can just start seeing all the internal worth he possesses (what the rest of us see in him).

[@deklifhanger]

This guy is so loveable! I’m also really proud of him. His amazingness brought tears to my eyes mutiple times during the interview.

[@danimarut]

Me too

[@SparklerBlack]

"all my life i felt like something is wrong with me" exactly what i feel.

[@SunLutang06]

You might wanna read robert glover no more mr nice guy. You can even find this on youtube. He describes how attachement issues can have a lasting impact on our live. Was really the missing link for me

[@thedrunkguyfromthecornerst8164]

real

[@omarcomming722]

I feel the same and I think that it is true, for all of us. If we take normalcy for granted, then there is a lot wrong with us.

[@latteARCH]

I always feel unworthy to be loved. But when I look at myself without that emotional filter, I realize I'm a really great person and totally worthy. I wonder why this filter always comes back.

[@insertname485]

I can't relate. I don't feel that way. I know that there's something wrong with me. My family tolerates me. My friends tolerated me until they didn't. And obviously never have and never will find a romantic relationship.

[@cleverman383]

Interviews with viewers are back!? Yesss! THIS is what I'm subscribed to this channel for! Glad to see it's back!

[@Quackajack]

Dude, this guy is awesome. I'm a big fan. Reminds me so much of myself a couple years ago. Same stuff. Not getting anybody, going through pick up, feeling empty, etc. Good that he is doing therapy now for complex-ptsd. I have the same and am currently working through it. It gives me more than anything else. I hope he keeps it up with his trauma therapy. Good luck to you bro, you deserve it.

[@jenniferfoster9790]

I'm just like him socially. The physical symptoms I have, I thought I was the only one. Thanks for your bravery!!!❤

[@theshadynorwegian6036]

This man played poker, got dealt a bad hand, then went and learned how to play poker and solved every problem he found. Until he found a goal he couldn't achieve because the goal itself is the journey.

[@milesssyy]

Perfectly put.

[@chips1752]

naaa man, he is socially awkward and what not, instead of reading self-help books and 'chads' cheap date tricks, he should've read up on pop culture and learned to act normie

[@omarcomming722]

Goal is fulfilment and happiness, the journey is a torture in this case

[@theshadynorwegian6036]

@@omarcomming722 and yet, finding happiness and fulfillment is always a matter of perspective, not about discovering the one thing that will make you happy for the rest of your life. Sure, finding love can help, but love itself isn't really a goal you cam "achieve" since it's moreso a bond with another person, not a task to be done. At the end of all life is death, so what's wrong with enjoying the small things in life until we get there?

[@DavedtheWay]

@@chips1752 Work on becoming less self-conscious... Become extroverted by focusing on other people and how you can provide value whilst taking care of and standing up for yourself-- without being an asshole. These days your biggest advantage is to have a spine and not be afraid to go out and accidently offend someone by being who you want to be. That will instantly boost confidence. Get over your emotions... Validate them and move on. Life's way too short to dwell on things that didn't go right for you. Get out there and take some risks as small as they might be.

[@marienoellewurm]

I have Complex PTSD and wow I resonated with so much of what he had to say. When Dr. K asked the question "Do you feel the need to protect people from yourself?" Internally, I was like 'yes', and then the guy was like 'yes', and I had to pause the video to realize how fucked up that is and for how long I've felt that need of protecting others from my darkness. I'm happy to say that I feel that need less and less but wow. This guy can be so proud of himself. Love these convos, always so great.

[@Skalias]

Ish is an absolute champion, he is like a mythological character going through ordeals. He doesn't deserve a single ounce of the pain he's suffered through

[@Raynespyder]

It's very eerie how I can relate so closely to this person (apart from spending money on dating advice). Also seeing so many people relate makes me wonder why it's so difficult...

[@SnailHatan]

It’s difficult because the modern world is fuckin terrible for everyone. Peoples today who live lives closest to pre-history humans are on average significantly happier, less stressed, more fit, have more community, self-worth, and hope than everyone in a first-world country. Humans did not evolve to live like this. With no community, no purpose, a constant flood of new information and beliefs and contradictions and all these things. That’s why it’s so difficult. Very few people can live in a world like this and feel great about it and interact competently in it without feeling something missing.

[@Raynespyder]

@@SnailHatan I agree, this information overload is taking its toll on us. We are also taught to want more, be more, get more. We have no sense of purpose and no core beliefs since we are constantly bombarded with differing opinions and justifications. Plus we now have the illusion of choice and grass is greener complex when we think that maybe something better is out there and it's only a swipe away.

[@shivagp9923]

Literally same, felt like he was describing my own life to me

[@Red-qz4lx]

Man, your story made me feel less of an alien after a freaking ass long time. Thank you

[@jansmycka4338]

Ngl, haven't seen it yet but guy got balls to say it openly.

[@Sproeikoei]

@Spots Corner You hang out with the wrong women. Alright that's too shortsighted, but if you feel like you want to be able to express your feelings and you can't with a person, then that person is just not for you. Just like you are not for that person. If you are afraid of showing those feelings because you think a person might be repulsed by your feelings, and that fear is bothering you, that's above any advice I can give other than: Talk to someone :)

[@ShazyShaze]

​@Spots Corner Speaking as a woman, I'd never consider dating a guy who held all his feelings in. I want to actually feel connected to my partner, and if he's just lying and pretending that everything is okay then I'm clearly not connected with him at all. Granted, there is nuance to how you share your feelings. There are a lot of guys who treat the women they date as personal therapists, constantly dumping all of their feelings on them because they aren't in therapy and don't talk about this stuff with anyone else. That's waaay too much weight to put on just one person in your life. My bf shares his feelings with me, but is also in therapy and has friends to talk to as well. Find a balance, and you'll be good.

[@Jgordon847]

Love yourself. People are temporary. We have to live with ourselves 24/7. We are the best friend we will ever have.

[@mattkraig]

I'm so blessed to have found this episode, Dr. K. I'm a 23 year old on the self-improvement journey that is also always chasing that "high-value man" high and trying to fix myself. My dating life is finally plentiful these days, but the exact same issue as Ish, it's so hard to feel an emotional connection with anyone. This episode is extremely valuable.

[@xCCflierx]

Omg the ending! Please can we get a whole episode on not shutting down conversations? I'm kinda autistic so when people ask "how are you?" I want to open up but IK they just want me to say "good thanks" and move on. I want more phrases like "can you help me understand that?" I need more ways to do this

[@martian_chan]

Yes we definitely need an episode on the various tools and phrases we can use to expand our conversational vocabulary. I also struggle with being open and authentic to people so finding phrases or certain words than i can go to as a useful tool for having a better conversation is super helpful

[@vivvpprof]

Therapist is the person to whom you can open up. Others are just for "Oh, really great, how about *you*?"

[@boohoo1991]

This guy - the guy who came forward is a BLESSING! And ty Dr. K for this ❤

[@Grounded_Gravity]

Your worth is inherent. It cannot be earned, and it cannot be taken away. This is what I was reminded of when hearing this, and I thought I'd share in case anyone needs to hear that.

[@suzanneemerson2625]

I’d like to know where you got the idea that your worth is inherent. Not saying I disagree. I’d just like to know who taught you that, or how you came to believe it. It seems most people who come on actually don’t believe that.

[@channel0athena]

Someone else taught you to hate yourself, so you need to let another person teach you to love yourself.. wow 🤯

[@NylonTwoCake]

Childhood conditioning is everything 🤕

[@guitarsaremyfriendzzz7077]

The problem is finding someone and being able to reciprocate enough to get to the point. I can only feel hatred and disdain for others. I feel nothing but despair. I doubt someone can change that or would even want to.

[@guitarsaremyfriendzzz7077]

@Some Aussie Guy from Perth Totally agree.

[@neeru7298]

I feel this guy. I spent the last 5 years trying to fix myself to feel like I'm good enough for a job, for women, for everything... Very very exhausting and painful

[@neeru7298]

Btw I feel like I could connect instantly with this guy, after listening him talk I wish he was my friend LOL. Genuinely great guy vibes

[@milesssyy]

I hope you get well @Neeru.

[@neeru7298]

@@milesssyy thank you very much, I really appreciate your kindness

[@Muhluri]

I've been holding back on doing certain things in life because I have to be "good enough" before I can start (e.g. Dating). Do you do the same?

[@neeru7298]

@@Muhluri yeah, I still do It to a certain degree. I'm trying to overcome this "paralysis" but It's very hard and usually requires you to trust in your skills (and I usually don't).

[@smirbelbirbel]

Oh man. Ish. I am so sorry. The sadness in your eyes in the beginning was heartbreaking. And it was so good to see them light up towards the end. You seem so loveable, being open and vulnerable like this. It seems so hard for you to believe, but you really are. My heart goes out to you. You're a champ, you're gonna be alright.

[@fish6911]

This guy is really amazing. I think he's the best man you've interviewed and the most helpful for viewers to learn from. He really knew what he was talking about too.

[@thedude8526]

I'm sorry Ish had parents like that. I couldn't even imagine what that would be like to have parents who berated you, told him friends can't be trusted and that he only ever got affection from when he won a big event. His parents get an F in my book.

[@8all8at8once8]

That’s literally my Indian mom. I believe he’s in the same position.

[@cruzsotelo639]

Man y’all don’t know how much I empathizes with this man, this hit me deep

[@shivagp9923]

frrr

[@VimDoozy]

The women he dates probably don't find him fun to be around. He seems pensive, weary and too earnest. If he lightened up, he'd probably have more luck, but he seems to have low self-esteem and a melancholic disposition, so it would be difficult and exhausting for him to adopt a light-hearted demeanor; and when he manages to do so it'd make him feel like he's being inauthentic.

[@AlliWalker]

He is not mentally well. Nobody looking for a happy relationship wants to emotionally invest in a sad, anxious man who hasn't learned how to deal with his mental health issues.

[@gudkush420]

Hopefully, more men realize these Andrew Tate douche bags are just scamming men by taking advantage of their loneliness and sabotaging them by giving terrible advice that makes your dating situation worse.

[@Idk_bro12340]

I cant believe people were believing the stuff he says in the first place

[@blondequijote]

Hopefully men realize marketing is targeting all our insecurities and just like the dark ages when the church was more blatant with it, there's grifters willing to make ludicrous promises they'll never deliver in order to have power over ppl who believe them. The good news is while everyone has a sales pitch, some have products that actually help. Dr. K is one of those resources I wish was there 10 years ago.

[@minabotieso6944]

Saying Andrew tate is bad is one of the most obvious things ever. It’s like saying the sky is blue. More people have heard about Andrew tate from people criticizing him than from Andrew tate himself or his followers spreading his message. It’s like trump in 2016. Bad publicity is still publicity. Andrew tate has nothing to do with this guy. We don’t need to mention him. Let him fade into obscurity

[@someguynamedvictor]

The problem is no one else wants to address the reality that drives people to seek these figures in the first place. Those redpill douches are douches but there is some thread of reality in what they are saying because it connects with the experience of the men that follow them. Men who otherwise would find them abhorrent. Imagine being so lost you follow someone you wouldn't even like because they are the ONLY people talking about the problems you experience. As far as feeding on insecurity, there are plenty of women selling plenty of trash to women on their insecurities so that's a broken point.

[@issasecretbuddy]

@@someguynamedvictor tbh that's why i respect dr K so much. he's able to talk about the real issues that people face without papering over them or having to find a group to blame. he asks men to look at themselves but provides a way forward that is kind, empathetic, and strong

[@jellyrcw12]

1:11:00 was very healing to hear. We DO need others to help heal us. There are some problems that only become apparent when we examine them with others. For example, you cannot practice listening alone, or not interrupting alone. We need community to heal. One of my favorite online therapists (shout out to Dr. Deloney) says that most people do not need therapy, they need stronger relationships.

[@Mikinaak2023]

Do you actually see an actual clinician?

[@FlyingSpaceOstrich]

I’m so thankful for this video. I can relate to this guy an extraordinary amount and it gives me so small sliver of hope, even though this guy is much further in his journey than I am in mine.

[@MichaelRoberts9000]

Chats like this are a double-edged sword because some people will come away thinking, "Looks like I am not the only one; I feel better now," but some people will go away thinking, "If he's struggling, what hope do I have cause I'm doing much worse than him.". I have seen so many black pillars point to videos like this.

[@KxNOxUTA]

Yep, can't help that people searching to validate their negative take (not even so much by choice but due to backfiring self-preservation mechanisms) will only see that negative take. It's a plain bias and the brain is just prone to applying that filter. Cause challenging one's own "functioning" integrity is an incredibly risky gamble. And falling apart completely is a very possible outcome. And when one then even looses the only "support system" by questioning the beliefs of the only "support group" a person has, then it's really really really close to life threatening. I have compassion for people like that, even if I sure don't appreciate when they project their fears onto me and fellow women. Especially not, cause it traps them, as they are looking at a self-created self-protective illusion, rather than the actual causes and solutions to their anguish. :/ It's very painful to see. And very painful to not even be able to help safely, without risking anything between "unwanted romantic attention" to "plain hate" to...... you know, the drastic stuff we don't survive. If peers like Dr. K and Ish and all the other male guest stepping up saves even one man from that scary spiral, then that's already amazing. AND if it doesn't do that, then it sure equips other men to: - not go there - keep peers from going there - help ppl who are ready to re-surface from it!!

[@minabotieso6944]

Both of those takeaways from the video are wrong. Just because tons of other people deal with loneliness doesn’t make it ok and you shouldn’t feel better about it and take comfort in videos like this especially when KZbin videos and the internet are a reason for social isolation l

[@lesshuman00]

I mean it's true tho. If this dude is successful and still can't find a relationship then what's the point in even trying if you're just an average guy?

[@neverbackdown1918]

Except that first quote doesn’t say much. Great, I’m not the only one struggling, I am still struggling tho. Why would I be happy that I’m not the only one struggling? The second part about comparing yourself can tell you something. If good looking, successful guys like him have struggled and are struggling, what chance do average guys have?

[@egtegs]

@@lesshuman00 Maybe because being successful is not the point - we're looking at the wrong thing in the first place.

[@xanderlander8989]

Interdependence comes natural as a child. Abuse punishes the child for it, associates those feelings and behaviors with pain... Learning interdependence requires being willing to depend on another person to meet some of your needs. This is tough to do as an adult in an individualistic society.

[@NbaLive4ever]

I think just being yourself, even if people think you’re weird or not, and trying to really connect with people is the best way to succeed. Don’t listen to all that “Alpha” stuff you see online and “try too hard”. I wish the best for Ish, it’s so sad he had to spend all that just to unlearn it. I’m sure he will find someone, and everyone else too!! I wish whoever is reading this the best 🙏🏽

[@NbaLive4ever]

@Some Aussie Guy from Perth agreed!!

[@inathi1329]

I wish I could reach across the screen and hug you. You're such a lovely, heart-centred and warm person (emotional instability included) ❤

[@Alexr044]

This conversation was really beautiful, I learned a lot. Thank you so much for having it Ish and Dr. K ❤

[@kubanieric]

I'm so glad I clicked on this, different from what I expected so emotionally mature

[@sophiaisabelle01]

It's amazing to see how much this channel has grown. God bless you always.

[@rzr_9114]

I feel connected to Ish a lot, i go through similar struggles but its only that im much earlier in my journey without the body building, without getting better on social anxiety, but im still young and have been progressing myself. But man this stream hit in the feels for me. Thanks Ish for sharing this, thanks Dr.K for providing this platform and your insightful questions you ask the people coming on to the show.

[@alexvr9951]

Ish, I'm so impressed with how much strength and energy it must have taken out of you to put yourself in this public session. To listen to both of yall's thoughts resonated so much with me. I bet it did with a lot of watchers. I think there's a fair amount of piggy back emotional digestion happening through this video and I just wanna give a bit of recognition and appreciation for it. In me definitely some stuff moved to! I wish you aaall the energy, very well deserved lucky incidents and silly moments it takes to stumble in some form of committed companionship! And on another!! note: in my opinion there couldn't be a harsher contrast to the ongoing difficult situation with dating and gender roles in dating and desperation in young men... you're a good example ish!

[@gmeister3022]

That’s really brave of him to come on the show. He’s a good guy. I hope this helps others who are similar to him to open up.

[@CoryKeepers]

These interviews have always been my favorite content. It’s so easy to learn how to apply lessons from them to myself.

[@SyntaxSeed]

This is so heartbreaking. He seems like a really good guy. But... does he do anything for fun? For enjoyment? To be nice to himself? What a sad way to live.

[@j.2512]

Its how almost every man lives. Women would never understand because they take their easy lives where they can socialize their way tru life for granted.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

Considering I see myself in him, minus paying for courses, no he doesn't. I never do. I don't even use my vacation days

[@avertingapathy3052]

​@@Ryan-wx1bilow self-esteem + red pill woo peddlers glorifying masochism is a marriage made in heaven.

[@TenSyc]

I think this highlights the fact that no matter how prime a catch you are or could be, if you dont enjoy the act of going out and flirting and enjoying the process, you will be pushing a boulder uphill the entire time.

[@lilwombat]

im quite similar to him and im just starting to understand how disconnecting from who you are can be so damaging. im will to bet most people here saying they are similar spend a large part of there life trying to be what they thought they should be because it was the only way to be safe and/or receive love. so even the good things that happened didn't feel real because they weren't actually happening to you just the mask. All you were ever supposed to be was yourself... You weren't yourself for survival. People will still reject you and thats ok but people will love you too actually you this time. spend time exploring who you are without judgement it will be worth it

[@kylespevak6781]

Friend zone = She's not attracted to you, but doesn't think you're a bad person. You can enjoy somebody's company without wanting to have sex with them

[@imwithyou38]

no you shoudlnt, it is not good for someones mental health int he long run. i had learned this the hardest way. i was friend zoned but she also told me she had feelings for me......from the time i first met her we were really close. when she got a bf she told the guy about our extended friendship i guess u could call it and the bf was kool with it. he came to a rave we went to before they actually got together and then we ended up back at the after party and we talked. he was ok how our relationship is. it was nice in the mometn but in the long run so much pain came from it

[@kylespevak6781]

@@imwithyou38 That's self caused harm. If you stay friends with someone you're interested in. I meant that men say they get "friend zoned" by women because they get turned down. That's a selfish way to look at things. From the girl's perspective, some random person approached them (because they look hot) and asked them out. It's more odd to say yes when you think about it. Women also make friends with men without thinking it will lead somewhere. Men are the one's faking friendship to try and get with someone

[@imwithyou38]

@@kylespevak6781 yes it was self caused harm but there was a reason why things were the way they were. my mental health disorders have always made it hard for someone to be willing to take that into a relationship. i actually never really tried to be with the person after the first the first kind of block of the friendship got laid out i never tried or expected it to lead any where else. there was other issues also from her side but i wanted a close friend which is the way i have my actual frriends. the thing that caused the real issue that happened wasnt because of my feelings of expectations with her falling apart. it was a completely different thing that was connected to my friend circle. i had the feelings of i would have slept with her if i got the chance but after the first year of knowing each other i wouldnt have even wanted to be with her at that point. some people say mean cant really be friends with girls....i have 2 female friends that i would even wanna sleep with them if they for some reason tried to.....one ive known since i was 5 and the other one is someone whos like 6 years older than me but we connected more so as like her being my big sister and caring in a way that most woman wouldnt even wanna try to deal with. the girl i was talking about i was friends with her for nearly 5 years before a chain of events caused it to crash down which lead to a lot of problems that wasnt just me

[@ForeverMasterless]

100% that's this guy's problem. When he had the redpill mask on he was making the interaction sexual. When he took it off and tried to be himself the sexual part went away. He's still wearing a mask except now it's "here's every weak and vulnerable part of me except the part that's horny and wants to have sex with you."

[@carlsagan5189]

@@ForeverMasterless So what do you actually do then? How does someone in this guy's position actually stop being in his position. What's the fucking solution? If you wear a mask, you get rejected. If you don't wear a mask, you still get rejected. How do I actually not get rejected?

[@LEGOOOOOOOOOOOS]

This person looks completely normal and well groomed and has emotional depth. Completely caught me off guard as to the type of people that would spend 50k on dating advice. I hope they find love. I'm sure they will.

[@hufficag]

Yeah but girls don't want guys like that. Like at the university, they wouldn't give their phone number when asked.

[@joane24]

He's also rich (top earner as he said), so a) it might've not even been that much money to him, and b) being well off is another point of confusion 'this guy's handsome, self aware/emotional depth, AND wealthy', and still can't find happiness and inner peace - just shows money, looks & success aren't everything, that even more important things are under the surface.

[@ikilledzombie2140]

@Spots Corner well tbh leaving the US just for women is a bad trend. Passport Boys seem to assume women are different in other countries lmfao. Hilariously misogynistic.

[@jesseshaver2262]

@@ikilledzombie2140 women literally are different in different countries because culture and social norms are different

[@blondequijote]

@ikilledzombie2140 women aren't different in other countries (other than being better looking and more fit than the "country gurls" where I am) but the laws and the culture are.

[@adimoran5867]

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story Ish. I really resonated with your experiences and moving through life this way for a long time. Especially when it came to romantic relationships, as thats all I ever wanted as well. I did all the right things to "fix" and improve myself to be better. There is not many professionals that specialize in Complex PTSD and people who over compensate/ over achievers as self improvement is valued even within therapeutic practices. But true healing sometimes isnt even about doing, it can mean feeling emotions and accepting who we are. Its about letting go. You are someone to be admired by and I am wishing you the best on your journey ahead. There is alot to be proud of. You represent alot of things about men we do not often see. Thank you for being that example of showing the strength within vulnerability. This talk was powerful

[@BeyondTheSide]

okay, this is mind-blowing. so at the "end", after all the self-help we go through, after all the meditation, the self-reflections, it is not up to us to fix ourselves. it's on those around us. i suppose we can still nudge the factors to a certain extent, if i know this is how it's gonna be, then surround myself with those that i think can help me become better mentally. in a sense, surround myself that will help to build me up. but not in a bad way. damn, okay that sounds about right.

[@NylonTwoCake]

We all need each other ❤

[@ThisIsRealityHah]

God bless this guy. I'm a woman and experience almost the same thing this guy does- can't get second dates, limerence, etc. It's a hard life. I hope this guy figures it out and lives his best life.

[@yoshi4691]

I hope you do as well 🙏🏼

[@MrHostile12]

I'm a man but what fixed limerence for me was just talking to enough girls and finally realizing that there's so many fish in the sea.

[@MarcoAshford]

17:58 He sleeps around like a playboy and get bored, covert narcissist that's who he is. You are better than this guy, you kept your morals for not putting on mask just for continuing a date.

[@ThisIsRealityHah]

@@MarcoAshford Yeah I cannot date people i'm genuinely not interested in. I don't sleep around either. I just get used.. I can't wait for that mutual connection.

[@susanrobertson984]

I also have cptsd - listening to him makes it clearer than it's ever been that the problem for those of us with this issue is that we cannot be ourselves around others because it's not safe. Something for me to ponder.

[@ruthtrentwood3374]

I really hope you go back to regular videos from this format, Dr. K. We really love the mini lectures, but these always hit differently because we also get to see ourselves in the viewer.

[@Pixelynx]

When Dr. K poked at the water bottle I jumped up busting out laughing and scared my cat awake. 🤣🤣 Was literally thinking that same thing at the time 🤣🥹❤️ I'm glad he came on and opened up about this. Looks like he's on a good path. I hope he finds his love for himself and finds the right person that can really appreciate him. ❤️

[@physicianskitchen]

I usually don't think anyone should be someone's rehab centre or a makeshift therapist in a relationship, but I feel this man virtually did everything under the sun he could do on his own and the only missing part is an emotionally stable partner (or maybe even just a friend) with whom he could have a safe intimate long term relationship. Seems like a really nice man, wish him all the best!

[@inquisitionagent9052]

It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose in the end. That's not weakness. That is life

[@artbygilik]

I''m a woman and I can relate to a lot of what he is going through except I kinda given up and haven't tried going out with anyone for years and still spend a lot of time developing myself and working on my own goals and healing

[@rachellejanssen2655]

The other day I heard that the data science of dating apps is like...super depressing. Apparently 80% of the users are men, 95% of conversations start with a single "hey" and of those 95% something like 70% didn't receive a reply.

[@IndecisionTelevision]

That's not so bad; if you can manage that first hurdle of matching. My success in online dating is largely contributed to how low the bar really is

[@craigfoulkes]

I've not used the apps, but this screams that you must start your message with something more original than hey.

[@rachellejanssen2655]

@@craigfoulkes As a bi woman I don't get a lot of matches with women. However, whenever I do get a match there is almost always a conversation because I (and my match) avoid a single "hey". Whenever I decide to turn on "interested in women" it's quantity over quality. I matched with 14 guys in a single day and they all followed the same pattern. a single "hey", no bucketlist, no ambitions, no hobbies, nothing interesting to share... I felt like I was the only one putting in any effort in 14 conversations at once while a single match with another woman was a longer and more interesting convo than all 14 combined.

[@rachellejanssen2655]

@@spotscorner6040 unfortunately I can tell you from a female perspective that most women are dealing with quantity over quality. There are hundreds of bad matches compared to the few good matches. It's almost impossible to find the right guy when you're wasting energy on the wrong guys. The ones who don't care about that the quality of the match are the ones that you end up with apparently.

[@IndecisionTelevision]

@Iggy I think the main thing to upping quantity and quality is getting really intentional and effective at communicating your Self, unique qualities, sense of humor, etc.. within the narrow parameters given to you by app. You need something for the other person to latch on and connect to. That's why I think Hinge is the best. It gives the most options and avenues to express yourself & (assumingly) the most attentive audience. I think when you get good at understanding your best qualities and translating them things get easier. Conversations are less likely to go nowhere. The more you match with people you see communicating effectively and think you might hit it off with

[@TopLob]

I gotta say, this guy is a champion. I hope he finds his way.

[@SlayTech]

This was my favorite episode. Never felt so similar. This guy has my respect.

[@MrRicardo361]

Thanks for opening-up and sharing.. I'm in the same boat as you and know a few others who are similar. It is so exhausting and an endless treadmill to nowhere.

[@braumski2]

I miss the viewer talks videos but a combination of the lectures/info videos and the viewer talks are my favorite

[@alexisjuillard4816]

Geez the balls on this guy. That honesty is such a difficult thing to arrive to for people "like that" -i put myself in the category so i get what he feels-, its so hard and emotionally counter intuitive to admit that to yourself for starters, to someone else is even a level above that but broadcasting it to the internet takes an amount of courage i LITERALLY can't imagine. I would never be able to do what he did

[@mezjean5966]

The guy does not like or enjoy himself at all. Self hatred is at the root of all his problems.

[@lorenzovelasque3668]

Yo thank you everyone who brought this video into fruition. I feel this video can help lots of ppl including me. Thank you sir for coming on and I wish you well. 🙏

[@oliwri]

'That's just a piece of you' hit me hard... I've been trying to heal from SA. I feel so broken and I feel like I shouldn't enter a relationship until I am fixed. But it's just a piece of me, and I have so much love to offer. I'm sure someone would appreciate me with all the 'pieces' of me. I'm a good, loving, passionate person ❤

[@NylonTwoCake]

You are not broken and you will find someone who appreciates all of you one day. Keep going ❤

[@oliwri]

@@NylonTwoCake thanks ❤🌹

[@aditsu]

Always cracks me up when Dr. K asks for permission to think 😂

[@TheMadde89]

This is such an awesome interview. What a beautiful soul. And I can relate to so much, like hearing about my own story in some parts. It's so hard to just let go for a bit and just be. That's been my insight aswell the past couple of years. To chill the personal and spiritual development and try harding for a bit. And of course that's when I met my last bf aswell haha. We just broke up so I didn't last but so interesting. It lasted 8 months so still a decent relationship and my healthiest by far. All because I let go for a bit, stopped trying to hard at everything. Just lived and focused on something new I learned: "Self love isn't about loving yourself. It's to love BEING yourself". And always trying to become better just means you don't love being yourself. It just hit me hard. But anyway thanks so much for this great interview, so interesting and lovely to be allowed to hear about his life, thoughts and emotions. Inspirational! 🌿🥳

[@shivagp9923]

"Self love isn't about loving yourself. It's to love BEING yourself". I love that.

[@Tonywizart]

Your life story is like a reflection of mines it’s insane how similar and healing this video felt for me

[@xanderlander8989]

I really appreciate the last 10 minutes about how to accept gratitude. TLDR: respond to compliments with "Can you help me understand that" instead of "thanks."

[@NoThing-wc3cs]

Hugging this guy would be hugging myself, I can’t believe how much I can relate to him.

[@shivagp9923]

seriously, same here

[@lucasgilcanton7475]

He's amazing and he'll be so happy. I have lots of hope for him

[@bartoszroczniak7356]

This was an absolute tour de force, guys. I’m really happy to have watched you both talking and I feel richer and happier than 1,5 hours ago. Mad props, gentlemen 🫡

[@death31313]

Something that slightly frustrated me with this conversation was the advice to stop trying for connection with people. I think anyone who honestly reflects on their success in interpersonal relationships realizes at least one party in that relationship had to put forth some level of effort into establishing and cultivating those relationships. When it comes to heterosexual dating thats usually but not always the man. Passivity is just as bad if not worse than trying too hard.

[@TheManTheMythD]

Oh my god. This guy's me. I've been on a huge journey to understand myself and get rid of all my samskaras and untangle my mental health problems. But I've hit a wall recently. Just this constant feeling that I'm not doing as good as I was six months ago, I'm not as enlightened as I was six months ago, I'm not as clear headed, etc. It wasn't until Dr. K said Ish is always trying to fix everything but he's fixed as much as he can and now the only problem is him trying so hard that I realized that's where I am too. I'm always going to have the struggles that I have, but I've made a ton of progress. Now I just have to learn how to rest. Stop trying so hard and let life happen.

[@TheGooGaming]

I subbed to Dr.K during Covid for the interviews I'm glad they're back

[@stellasternchen]

I also suffer from social anxiety. But not only social, but other things too. I‘m scared of mistakes and failure to the point of getting panic attacks. This dude just fixed something like that by himself! That‘s so amazing. I hope I can fix that sometimes soon as well.

[@zoshasafa8142]

This idea of a high value man is so interesting to me a woman who has never looked for that. Have dated guys that didn’t have a degree, that didn’t own a car. It didn’t mean they weren’t smart or didn’t have value. Was always looking for someone to have a good conversation, chemistry, and someone who has some sort of interest in life, a hobby, often music, that we can discuss and bond over. Someone you can have a laugh with. Idk if that’s helpful to the guys 😅

[@debanikgoswami4834]

I think guys should make some female friends first . This way they will become less awkward and weird with them . After that they can go after the girl they want .

[@valentingartner3793]

@@debanikgoswami4834how’s that supposed to work?

[@nemojob666]

​@@valentingartner3793 That'll help you get comfortable around woman. Not feel so attached to an outcome. Even if they aren't interested, they might introduce you to a friend who could be.

[@samantha3929]

Props to this guy for his bravery!! Wish him all the best

[@LoveLife-gv8jg]

Do humanitarian work. Take the focus off yourself and do work to help others. God will bless you. It's worked for me.

[@wietse14]

Thank you so much for uploading this video Dr. K! I recognize so many things what he says like spending money on dating coaching or other things, not having much succes on dates, having the desire to improve myself, and the like. I spend like 20K on dating coaching. I got rid of my social and approach anxiety with people (men and women) by having small conversations and approach many many people and talk to them. I get a lot of dates from dating apps or when I go out meeting women during the day (daygame) or during the night (nightgame). But like him, I get a lot of first dates, but I don't get many second or third dates either. They also ghost me and my dates are normally very serious. I've had very few that were fun and moved to a second date. My friends also call me a nice guy and that I have problems with setting boundaries, and avoid conflict. Like him I've had suicidal problems in the past and was very bullied. I saw myself as not worthy many times and thought that I was very dumb and very ugly, because the people that bullied said those things. I worked my ass of in university and got a degree to prove them otherwise. [TO BE CONTINUED]

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Look into EFT and EMDR.

[@joane24]

Mutual talking about trauma *isn't* 'trauma bonding.' Trauma bonding is developing an attachment to the abuser (body and mind react 'weirdly' in extremely stressful/fight or flight type situations).

[@inathi1329]

It doesnt matter. We understand what he was trying to say. What he was trying to get at is that they were developing a bond through trauma dumping, which isn't healthy

[@joane24]

@@inathi1329 I understand what he meant, I pointed out that he used the term incorrectly and what it really means.

[@VioletEmerald]

​@@inathi1329 I'm not sure how unhealthy it really is though. Why is it unhealthy? That seems like quite the generalization. One sided trauma dumping is a weird thing but mutual sharing of traumas is... something else.

[@joane24]

@@Dimitris_Half I think in cases when it happens like here on a first date, first time you meet someone or very early, it's kind of oversharing and may signify issue with boundaries. A first date shouldn't be really a therapy session. But when we talking a friendship etc., then being able to talk about one's wounds is great, and it's great to have someone to talk about it, or deepen the connection based on the shared experience (it's how support groups work), so then it's a good thing. It's just about boundaries, a type of connection/friendship, and a first date isn't really a great place to do that🙃.

[@Personal_Reduct]

Incredible interview to witness and take in 🙏

[@rockym.g.3827]

Im glad hes putting those interviews on youtube again

[@stef9019]

First of all, this guy has some serious balls for being so open and vulnerable in front of thousands of people. Huge respect for that! Just wanted to mention the way he speaks & his voice are really similar to Lewis Hamilton lol.

[@xBabyRawrX]

You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Getting to know someone with no expectations is the key.

[@inquisitionagent9052]

You can wrap yourself in as many comforting lies like that as you want. The truth is, as long as you are living in organized society, you must prove yourself to others. The other option is to get comfortable with isolation. Because that's where you're heading if you dont play the social game

[@xBabyRawrX]

@@inquisitionagent9052 Not always true. My closest friends were made by me being myself and not having expectations. Same thing with my relationships. I never had to prove my worth.

[@unownnnn]

Takes a lot to share everything, I wish him the best. It just shows you it's all mental, doesn't matter how physically healthy you are.

[@joonalehtinen5462]

If that guy needs that much dating advice then we rest are screwd

[@rossboss200]

10 minutes in and already have so much respect for the vulnerability and introspection of this man! Very great conversation

[@lesleysears9808]

This man needs to learn to love himself unconditionally and his parents only gave him love if he did something wonderful and perfect. He needs to learn to love himself for just being alive even without any accomplishments……..Our parents were supposed to give us unconditional love, and if they did not it is really difficult for us to love ourselves.

[@nakatayuji]

This chat really resonated with me in so many ways and is helping me process so much. Good luck Ish!!!

[@youngdirt2420]

Dude in the first 10 minutes you basically described me. Thanks for being real Ish!

[@youngdirt2420]

@@Dimitris_Half wtf 🤣🤣

[@DavedtheWay]

Mindfulness practices and training yourself to be "in the moment" is literally life changing. And it's not anywhere near as time consuming as you might think to start to put yourself on the right track. "I can't meditate, I'm too distracted..." No, you can, and meditation is how you train your brain to not be too distracted and overwhelmed. If you can breathe, you can learn how to meditate. When I need to wind down my anxiety, or boost a depressive state I know that a few minutes of mindful breathing nearly always steers me in a better direction. And I can almost always make it through a few minutes now that I've trained myself to acknowledge and release thoughts during meditation. Don't push them away - it's okay they're there, just don't linger on them.