Dr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term

In this episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology.
Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment - meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad”- features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships.
This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships.
Thank you to our sponsors:
ROKA - www.roka.com - code "huberman"
InsideTracker - www.insidetracker.com/huberman
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Our Patreon page:
/ andrewhuberman
Supplements from Thorne:
www.thorne.com/u/huberman
Social:
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Twitter - / hubermanlab
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Website - hubermanlab.com
Newsletter - hubermanlab.com/neural-network
Links:
Dr. Buss' New Book "When Men Behave Badly" - amzn.to/3FThTsG
Dr. Buss' Website at University of Texas, Austin - labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/david...
Dr. Buss' Twitter - / profdavidbuss
Timestamps:
00:00:00 Introducing Dr. David Buss
00:04:10 Sponsors: ROKA, InsideTracker, Headspace
00:08:33 Choosing a Mate
00:13:40 Long Term Mates: Universal Desires
00:18:31 What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates
00:25:10 Age Differences & Mating History
00:32:20 Deception in Courtship
00:37:30 Emotional Stability
00:38:40 Lying About Long-Term Interest
00:41:56 Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects
00:46:25 Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching
00:54:25 Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference
00:57:00 Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment
00:59:15 Emotional & Financial Infidelity
01:04:35 Contraception
01:06:22 Status & Mating Success
01:10:10 Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence
01:24:13 Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence
01:25:12 Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc.
01:27:33 Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy
01:33:25 Stalking
01:39:15 Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments
01:43:24 Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity
01:46:40 Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships
01:54:00 Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth
02:02:12 Self Deception
02:05:35 The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience
02:06:56 Books: When Men Behave Badly; The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks
02:10:42 Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Patreon, Thorne
Please note that The Huberman Lab Podcast is distinct from Dr. Huberman's teaching and research roles at Stanford University School of Medicine. The information provided in this show is not medical advice, nor should it be taken or applied as a replacement for medical advice. The Huberman Lab Podcast, its employees, guests and affiliates assume no liability for the application of the information discussed.
Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac - www.blabacphoto.com
Audio Engineering: Joel Hatstat at High Jump Media

[@Danny-qr5yq]

57:57 for those looking for that specific clip. IYKYK

[@annekenney6914]

His forehead vein really popped out at that point. 😂

[@mandareendjes]

There's a cut up version going around right now.

[@user-nj2oj1hd9p]

Bumpin this

[@OliviaLovesCats2002]

Thank you!!!!

[@oklu_]

what a scene 👍🏻👍🏻

[@maggyfrog]

shoutout to all the other single people out there 🥂

[@hubermanlab]

I think best to know this information prior to marriage, ideally. But at any stage.

[@maggyfrog]

@@hubermanlab awesome content as per usual 🎸

[@_negentropy_]

@@hubermanlab would you be willing to tell us which information you found most important and what changes it’s brought about in your behaviour or how you’re applying it to your life?

[@veronicafox399]

For life!

[@mobnometry1573]

@@hubermanlab Why? None of these studies are of high quality. All starting from the horrid McKinsey studies. I'm surprised you invited this person here. They don't offer actual criticisms against what they're talking about. Social scientist at its finest

[@srleplay]

Buss: You can't have long term affairs with six different women Huberman: Challenge accepted

[@yvonnejensen1969]

He’s bipolar.

[@tamaraalashvili3221]

im dead 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Ninsidhe]

@@yvonnejensen1969 so what? Bipolar means ‘ok to lie about being monogamous and potentially exposing my partner to sexual disease?’ Just the fact that he wanted an IVF baby instead of conceiving naturally because ‘tech bro’ reasons…

[@Deelitee]

What’s the timestamp??

[@TrueWalker88]

@@Ninsidhe Weird conclusion you drew there from a two word statement.

[@AmbienceAssistant]

Ok the discussion of intimate violence as a way to reduce a woman’s perceived value was legitimately life changing for me. It happened to me and I never had a means to understand or express it. Thank you so much.

[@howtosober]

Make no mistake, however, NOTHING excuses violence.

[@gksurabhi]

Voila ! The cat is out of the bag Although it's always been an open secret. Power Struggle.

[@bellelacroix5938]

It's in the MRA Playbook like slow boiling a frog until you feel so worthless and unattractive to anyone in the world they've got you just where they want you stuck in the house where they can just keep having their fun treating you like s*** which is a turn on for them before they lock you in and go have sex with someone else.

[@karleykathleen4945]

@@howtosober Understanding the motivation doesn't validate it.

[@user-rx9br4jl1o]

Women use the tool more than men

[@Layziethug5]

This is by far the most sophisticated "guy talk" I have ever witnessed. Well done, gentlemen!

[@easeandcomposure657]

Spotify just told me I spent 4500 minutes this year listening to you. No regrets, I can really say that this year would have been very different without those 4500 minutes! A big thanks for all the fascinating ideas and all the useful practical insights. There is no podcast that combines the two as flawlessly as you.

[@user-td8ee4tk7v]

@Andrew▫️ Huberman I didn't find his profile in Spotify

[@Lauri226]

Omg now that's funny

[@brofessormex]

4500 is half.

[@MrBluntNose]

Time well spent

[@coimbralaw]

Kind of sucker to pay for something that is available for free here on KZbin, no?

[@stolenjunk]

When being beautiful or handsome fades, the muscles weaken and the skin sags, and the hormones wane all you have left is what inside your heart. That is the essence of your true being. Youth does not last forever. And if you want to die alone, remain shallow.

[@juanpabloaranovich5619]

My notes: Qualities that humans desire: Long term: - Is rare in the mammalian world. - Universal preferences. Everyone wants: ○ Kindness ○ Intelligence ○ Love ○ Good health ○ Dependability ○ Emotional stability - Sex differences: ○ Women prefer good earning capacity, slight older age, and qualities associated with resource acquisition (ambitious, trajectory, social status). Mate choice copying: if a guy passes the filter of another women, he is more likely to be approved by for women. ○ Women have more olfatory and auditory capabilities. ○ The costs of choosing badly are much heavier for women. ○ Men prefer § phyisical atractiveness, cues that men look are not arbirtrary: clear skin, clear eyes, symetrical features, low waist hip ratio, lips, hair. Men look for someone to procreate and thereby the age gap § Virginity was the most desire quality across cultures. Deception: men exagerate feelings for a woman and their coincidence of values. Emotional stability: how does partner respond to stress? How do they react on a different and new environment? This is a key thing for healthy long term relationships. Short term: - Physical appearence is more important in short term. Especially for women. Men are willing to drop their standars in short term. - Women want bad boy qualities, very self confident, arrogant, risk taking. (for long term they look "good dad" qualities"). Womens attraction to men is more context specific. Sexual Infidelity: Sexes differ in the reasons: - For men its a matter of sexual variety. Low risk, low cost for sexual variety. 70% of men cheat because of this. Men who are happily married and unhappiliy married cheat at the same rate. - For women, emotionally and sexually unhappy with the relationship. 70% of women who cheat say that they fell in love with their cheating partner, and that they are emotionally involved. ○ Why women cheat? § Dual mating strategy hypothesis: women look for resources from one guy and genes from other guy. § Mate switching hypothesis: mate insurance. When women are ovulating they shift preferences are very weak or non-existent. Emotional infideltity: becoming emotionally involved with other person Financial infidelity: keeping secret bank accounts, secret credit cards, etc… Jealousy: is an evolved emotion that serves adaptive funtions. - Its a defense to your long-term investment in the relationship. Its a mate retention function. - Its active when there are threats to the relationship. And it can activate when there are mate value discrepancies (one suddenly is more succesful, suddenly emotionally unstable, more fat, etc). Dark triad: three personality characteristics 1. Narcisicism: excess of self-percieved value 2. Machaivelism: view people as pawns to pursue a strategy. 3. Psychopathy: lack of empathy.

[@pratikshatiwari7011]

So which gender is better then???

[@OO-ct4hq]

@@pratikshatiwari7011 for what?

[@pratikshatiwari7011]

@@OO-ct4hq overall. Like who is better???

[@OO-ct4hq]

@@pratikshatiwari7011 they are good at different things.

[@erinchung2282]

Thank you so much Juan Pablo for this summary! I really found the cheating differences in men and women to be fascitinating.

[@vhyome9786]

This podcast is genuinely one of the best and of supreme quality. What a massive service you are doing to humanity, Andrew, making thousands of lives better with ideas and proper action. This is the best use that internet and technology and sites like KZbin offer. Magnificent.

[@electric1609]

This. Just look at the sub count climbing like mad. Has the channel even been out for a year!?

[@DannySullivanMusic]

exactly. utterly right!

[@SmackedyDoo]

lol. Supreme quality! Massive service! Magnificent! Subscribers are mad climbing! Utterly! This reply was not paid for!!!! lol

[@peteroconnor6394]

Sure, if you think the human being is only an animal.

[@jameywilliams1153]

@@peteroconnor6394 I love evolutionary biology but I think there is a spiritual component as well.

[@kennedylove2433]

Your podcast has changed my habits and, as a consequence of that, my life for the better. I shared your tips with so many friends and I’ve seen the benefits they’ve gotten out of them. From the bottom of my heart, thank you Huberman.

[@xxamazingfruitsssxx]

what new regimens have you undertaken or how have you changed

[@sridharvaishnava9003]

Yeah what changes have you made based on what videos? Thanks for sharing

[@toddbradley9184]

I’ll

[@sweetieturner3377]

echo ~ completely !

[@lubomirdinchev334]

Go, Andrew! Go, Andrew! Go, Andrew!

[@SuperSphinx91]

Who is here after the New York Magazine expose?😂😂😂 lol it's making my day watching the philandering Professor navigate this podcast knowing what we know now lol

[@peybak]

Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water. I think his personal life might be a failure but some of what he teaches is useful for people. But I get it. There is creepy things that sometimes come out about famous people.

[@mm-it7tv]

lol 'cept now Huberman's giving "Sam Vaknin expert on narcissism energy"

[@jessemiller3108]

And what is it we know now after that ridiculous article? That he's human and isn't perfect? Shocker. If you listen to biologists based on their moral stance with relationships, you're probably not listening for the right reasons.

[@chafrey8532]

@@jessemiller3108who are you trying to convince?

[@VesperAegis]

One of the first lessons in science is to not make pre-conclusions before we have all of the evidence. Patience and not reacting immediately to something, just because you can, is a virtue often advocated on these podcasts. The allegations are certainly serious, but to act as if they are now the complete and irrevocable truth does a real disservice to critical and curiosity-driven thinking.

[@pragmatismismyjam8236]

This podcast was a self fulfilling prophesy. For all the “improvements” and good health advice you forgot to focus on building good character and how that will prolong the life.😊

[@chrysanthesky]

Your channel is one of the reasons why I look forward to Mondays, such a treasure to science lovers all around the world.

[@luisacordero1501]

As always, I appreciate you. It’s Christmas and I treated myself to this episode I had missed as a gift. You are a gift to many of us and we are so grateful for you!

[@gustericaaa]

What I have learned over the years is that there is a difference between what people say they want (especially men) and what they actually want/end up with.

[@ricardodelacrvz1400]

There is a lot to be discussed when it comes to infidelity. Cheating has a physiological impact on the body and emotional state of the cheater and in the whole relationship dynamic. Unless the truth is revealed to the betrayed, the accumulation of guilt over time will shock thought patterns and subconscious behaviour. Anxiety levels, irregular heartbeat, insomnia, overral unhealthy lifestyle. I would even go as far as saying it reduces lifespan. Unless you are a sociopath.

[@wabbit6653]

Didn't know that. I do get insomonia sometimes

[@azaleaslightsage1271]

So true Bad health is another most cheating men have And let's not forget about the HPV Virus that causes cancers is responsible for cervical cancer,throat cancer, penile cancer just to name a few In fact it's a big cancer causing virus that's sexually transmitted, many different strains of it, the more sexual partners you have the more strains of it you get & pass on. NOBODY is talking about it though, no male Dr will ever mention it, why Because then women would stop making themselves so easily freely available for sex. True story!

[@catcat9582]

It can cause ptsd. Betrayal/ attachment trauma is horrible

[@gracewheeler20]

Great conversation. The conversation about infidelity and desire for novelty despite being in a healthy and happy relationship is a strong factor which inhibits my desire to date.

[@Feber2001]

Saaaaaaaaaaaameeeeee.

[@sexyblackjag]

I date...I just don't take any men seriously. I keep multiples on my roster at once that way when one gets on fmy nerves there is another to lift my spirits.

[@sonofhibbs4425]

@@mohammedothman9833 GONE.

[@slauzon01]

@@sexyblackjag You just described 80 % of females.

[@AB-sm1qf]

This is what’s affecting and discouraging a lot of young women from dating and contributing to the sexless crisis in younger men. Guys just see it as “OMG we’re not getting boned” instead of the fact that women have realized and accepted getting attached to a man isn’t worth it basically. It’s kinda depressing.

[@allangraham3649]

Big Thank you to David, yourself and all those involved in making the podcast happen as always!

[@jenmdawg]

What amazes me is how few of us are ok being alone and stigmatize those who are single. I believe most abuse occurs because of this… abusers seek out those who feel vulnerable on their own and victims tolerate early warning signs out of dread of being alone.

[@teresaoconnell4790]

I was telling my daughter about one of your guests and she told me she likes the Huberman Podcast! She already had discovered you. I'm proud of her for being so intelligent.

[@Ninsidhe]

Hopefully she’s now continuing her education regarding ‘intelligent men’ and their willingness to be horrible partners and individuals because that is also crucial to education when it comes to men, dating and relationships. I wish her a wonderful life free of individuals like he’s proven himself to be relationally.

[@filthyvibes4768]

We dont care lol​@@Ninsidhe

[@ebasilio4404]

Thank you Dr Huberman for bringing zero cost high value information like this

[@ForzaTerra89]

You should interview Helen Fisher. She studies romantic love. I feel like a lot of her research contradicts some of his findings. Would make for an interesting point of view

[@billwashington5276]

Chop this one up into clips and send it out! This one was a goldmine and it's timely for a popular conversation about dating happening online right now.

[@johnhunt1813]

Fear of rejection can be very complex, too. In high school, there was this kid whose "stock" plummeted like crazy because he asked every girl out. This is interesting to me because it brings up social and sexual selection from group dynamics and the fear of group dynamics, as opposed to just personal self worth.

[@PlayshotKalo]

I mean same concept as the girl who slept with every guy in school so her dating value plummets. Nobody wants someone who’s for everyone and has no standards lol

[@IIGrudge]

I appreciate you acknowledging audience feedback and adjusting your interview style. Great work!

[@emilybarry9410]

This was a FASCINATING discussion, THank you Andrew and Dr. Buss!!! Dr. Buss's book is next on my list and I can't wait to dive in. I think Andrew should have a 📚book club📚 with all these great recommendations, who's down to join that with me?!💜🙏

[@toutounr8120]

100%!!!

[@Ryan.G.Spalding]

I had this same thought, but I suppose the comment section on KZbin is kind of the book club.. I still think there is still room for some other social platform around this podcast to develop.

[@Nah-ah]

Yes!

[@simplyjane92]

Fabulously interesting subject matter! I'd say David is doing a service to our community. Thank you for giving him space on your platform👏

[@vincegarcia8342]

I don’t think you interrupt too often. I think you have a good balance of letting your guest speak and you asking interesting questions that give more context. I would say out of 100 times your ask a question or “interrupt” like 1 or 2 times may be a bit too soon. So I think you do a great job. Love your channel! Doing gods work, I’ve learned so much

[@samuelvilz]

These two hours flew by. Thank you for sharing the conversation, Andrew, and thank you for getting people on the podcast that you're interested in talking to!

[@Openlydeadaquarius]

Began tuning into your podcasts shortly after your initial launch in 2021 and BOY was I excited to see you guested Dr. Buss, one of my old professors from UT. All of your 'lectures' keep me involved and learning in my undergraduate field which I someday soon hope to jump back into! Thank you for your time, knowledge and effort!

[@NickArcade]

Haha, Dr. Buss from UT was also one of my professors

[@seekeroftruth399]

Someone once told me, "If you want to get married, you have to do that before you know what you're doing, or you'll never do it" and "If you want to have children, you have to do it before you know what you're doing, or you'll never do it."

[@monacoofthebluepacific2571]

So true LOL! I didn't know anything about marriage or living with someone until I got married😆. Same with children, I had to figure it out while raising them 😁

[@bluecollarlit]

A woman from the World War II generation told me that, too.

[@_..____]

Insanely interesting. Wrote notes the whole time. Very satisfied how both of you handle this - the communication was well directed and so informed. Thank you!

[@anyanova7079]

I'm incredibly impressed with and grateful for every episode that Dr. Huberman produces. Huge fan! Thank you!

[@wednesday6018]

Over two hours of intellectual stimulation. Thanks for another great dopamine hit Huberman. Much appreciated. This episode was fascinating. My thoughts will be running wild on this one for a while.

[@Betterdailyy]

Omg this is so true! My ex punched and choked me I called the cops and they literally said “ why you can’t control your woman “ that made me realize no one cares when men are abused

[@jeanne2b2b22]

Ivory I agree with you. My dad was physically attacked by alcohilic mother. She also beat us kids. He stayed to protect us, because back then the mothers always got custody.

[@derekcarruthers2197]

​@@jeanne2b2b22 they still do.

[@jimmydane34]

Such a bullshit statement.......if u drfended urself in anyway. Besides duck in a corner with a helmet on. Ur getting arrested for domestic violencr. And BOOM the house of cards. Shr divorces u. Now can claim the kids all week, take half of everything any counter offer? Why? Ur just a women beater by the eyes of the court.....and why would we believe a guy who beats up women...mr tough guy? As a male cop who knows the laws and knows the life AND the laws for a man.......he should ashamed of himself for asking u that

[@SerenityDreaming]

I care. My state doesn't even recognize that men can be raped. Out of every 1000 reported sexual assault/rape reports, around 4 of those cases... not 4%.... 4 cases... make it to trial. Only half of those result in a guilty verdict. Sexual violation is deeply-rooted historically as an act of war. Often the chance to commit rape was the entire point of war. The quote made by Mickey Rourkes' character in Immortals about the role of rape in war is an accurate depiction of the mentality of the ruling elite during early human history. The book Rape as a Biological Imperative is thicker than the Bible. It's horrifying. But anyone can be a victim. Sometimes men are even more vulnerable. And I've never known a male partner who wasn't victimized as a child. It's enough to make a person quit the human race. I hope the men who spoke here about their trauma find justice and peace. ✌️

[@jimmydane34]

@@SerenityDreaming 100% im glad women got to speak up and get justice and finally can get justice with the help of other Americans post "me too" movement (and sure the extremeists will always take advantage) but helped many women But its time to have men back in the discussion cause the blatant fact that mens feelings, and all the male.victoms living through life without anyone really caring. Time to help men as well Treat individuals as equal... Humans have a hard time doing it.

[@StarFlo657]

Section people are looking for starts around the 57:00 mark in the Long-Term vs. Short Term Cheating, Concealment section. Can't wait for the New Yorker to go after powerful businessmen/entertainment figures involved in polyamory in addition to educational podcasters trying to help people better themselves.

[@peybak]

I read the article. I think it is a hit piece but tbh no doubt that AH is guilty of a bit of disloyalty and hypocrisy. I think people should decide that for themselves. I've also noticed some of his idea have gotten flak from medical doctors recently. It might be the price of fame, incompetency, who knows. But everything should be taken with a grain of salt.

[@thiesjammes2563]

Dr David Buss is such a legend. His research is insightful and well caries out. Cool to finally get an idea of what he is in person !

[@raosiddhesh28]

Just in time doctor, this is most underated topic that is all around us, but nobody talks about.

[@joannecurrey7121]

The best two hours I’ve spent in a long time. Thank you.

[@Alexander_Sannikov]

I like it how Lex has very neatly organized notes for every interview and Andrew has something that looks like doodles over his entire notebook :D

[@honeykatxiii]

If you look closely, it looks like he's writing in tiny paragraphs that are neatly spaced away from each other in all directions. Probably to help him find his notes more easily. It gets hard to keep track of and recall notes quickly if you write in long sentences, one after the other, lined up in a column.

[@eatbliss8895]

Two words: You Rock! Thank you Dr. Huberman for taking your knowledge, and those of your guests, and making it available to the common person, without going (too far) over our collective heads. It is interesting, practical, fun and well presented. Thank you. You are a bright star in academia!

[@rishabhaniket1952]

He has written the definitive book on Evolutionary Psychology…….amazing that you got him. Cheers sir

[@chasingescape]

Thank you for what you do. You are fortunate to be able to provide such an impactful, and objective platform. Your interview skills, humility, emotional intelligence and class are beyond anything anyone has ever done. You are cool dude.

[@arbee8245]

Thank you for this interview. You all have done a great service to humanity with this conversation.

[@bluehairkim1]

Excellent episode! Thank you guys, brilliant work. It’s hard to accept that we deduce each other to numbers, but it does make sense once you explain it. I could never wrap myself around the concept and I thought it was coming from some type of competitive place so I just figured if I lost and threw the game it would bring peace. But I get it now, it’s more of matching each others needs and desires so it all balances out. I use to think one day when my long-term relationship was over that I would try to find someone that was so grateful to land me so that I’d never have to worry about the Power dynamic teeter totter or the warfare strategies that don’t belong in a long-term committed relationship. I can see where this takes away the teeter totter and the struggle for both parties as not everybody in life can completely rid them self of the desire to win, when it’s a win-win we can have peace! Thanks for making this a palatable lesson, I quite enjoyed it actually! I could listen to you guys for hours Follow up question, when you completely take away the teeter totter does the passion go away? Animalistic fear of mine…

[@mushtaqbhat1895]

Win Win for both? Yes used to be my wish too. However the hypothesis here makes it somehow mandatory to have at most a difference of 2 points on the postulated mate value scale, otherwise it is no Win-Win; which I think applies in most cases but not for the blessed ones, often neglected in history and media, since they do not make news but that I have myself witnessed more than once. Animalistic urges? That may depend on your age and the time you live in. Currently we live in a dopamine saturated times, where it may appear to be a loss even for the elderly. I think there is an overemphasis on biology and psychology, which no doubt reveal some important aspects of the phenomenon. However something equally important tends to be overlooked. Sociology and the stage of social evolution of our species. Especially sociology of the times, which would include culture, social structure and organization, means of production and the ecology. Add to that social norms, technologies like contraceptives, washing machines, economic freedom of females, the increasing intervention of state in custody or financial support of children with one parent and a lot more. Even in an industrialized western society you may notice the difference in the ethos of relationships in a relatively short period, as expressed in following two pop songs. A generation ago, the Beatles: “Will you still love/need me, when I am 64?” And a decade later, the songs of certain women, like “I am a bitch” or something similar from some one I have forgotten the name of.

[@bluehairkim1]

@@mushtaqbhat1895 Two points, I can understand this thought… But how does anybody ever know their number and if it’s any type of survivable number how do you live with the survivors guilt

[@mushtaqbhat1895]

@@bluehairkim1 Sorry it seems my reply gets deleted for some unknown to me reasons. I have never witnessed this before since the beginning of KZbin! It is probably a crazy advancement in AI algorithms that seems semantically underdeveloped.

[@zakia484]

Dr. Huberman, what a fascinating episode! I wish you had touched upon the angle of how social media affects our perception of physical attractiveness, and the excess "mental clutter" that we're bombarded with and its influence in biasing us towards certain stereotypes in the significant other and ourselves as well. Maybe in a future episode?

[@Nickademas1]

Birth control.

[@BlueBeeThemeMusic]

Get all those terms out of your head to start with, and look at the awful smelly world.

[@Martin46154]

He did talk about social media in the part Deception about courtship

[@spacebar9733]

@@Martin46154 not how it affects our perception of physical attractiveness.

[@MD-yp7im]

Top shelf podcast! Amazing guest, so fascinating and I can’t wait to look deeper into his work

[@angelprincess12345]

so glad to have a podcast that explores actual useful topics

[@brittanykeogan1313]

Love this podcast so much. I’ve listened to most episodes twice now just wanting to soak up as much information as I can! Can we have a future episode dedicated to the underlying science of headaches/migraines/generally “unseen” yet felt ailments of the head/brain? As much as I’ve done my research, there isn’t much data, reliable data, on what causes these. And since I’ve been dealing with them for 20+ years, I’d love to know what I can do even now to diminish their effects on my every day life. Thanks!!

[@AussieChic968]

Thank you for such an enlightening, intelligent, rational discussion of such a difficult topic often clouded with controversy, lack of objectivity, rationality clarity, scientific facts etc. I learned few useful things to help me make wise decisions for my own life.

[@t.j.5574]

So much awesome information. For free. Thank you Andrew. Such a great conversation. The evolution of psychology is an amazing book btw.

[@MindfulSimpleSolutions]

Fascinating conversation. I love the Huberman lab podcast and it’s variety of topics 💛

[@dr.calebrobbins.3177]

A good & solidl comprehensive meeting of minds. I found this valuable as well as entertaining. Their discussion is useful for those who may wish to invoke change or simply are interested in understanding why some people do what they do and why.

[@bajolunapod]

This was awesome. I'd say one of your best works as a podcaster Andrew, congrats.

[@bencowley2762]

Dr. Huberman, I am a huge fan of your podcasts and find a great deal of applicable information in each episode. I have recently been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease along with EoE (eosinophilic esophagitis). It has proved difficult to find actionable steps to help with either of these diseases that don’t involve pumping your body with strong medication. I believe there is always a natural way to heal your body. If you or your colleagues have information on autoimmune diseases I would love to hear about that in a future podcast! Have a blessed week

[@HoraceFoca]

what a phenomenal discussion this was, thank you both for the deep-dive

[@gumfun2]

Great video. I wish more follow-up questions and discussion would occur, but the video is already long. There is a lot of breadth, but I crave depth as well. Great video.

[@mnmillard]

Good morning class! Another great topic. Thank you Dr. Huberman for always keeping this experience super interesting. 🥰

[@Alexandra.AI.]

Good Morning!

[@joelcruz811]

This really feels like a classroom

[@latinaalma1947]

@@joelcruz811 Like my BEST professors in grad school.

[@eltonsilveira101]

Super interesting conversation. I find the ideas around resource trajectory for long term partners fascinating. Always thought it was what you have currently that mattered most

[@BREEZY-jc9gs]

Thank you for this! It helped me understand what I went through with my last partner. It’s very confusing to get entangled with someone who is deceptive and this helped clarify some of the behavior.

[@blacksheepwhitewolf]

Wow. This is so interesting. Dr. David. Buss is very engaging and Andrew knows how to be a student and listen. Great interview!

[@xxxNeuesKontoxxx]

Great episode as always. My suggestion for a future Topic is "creativity" you mentioned creativity befor but it would be great if you could dedicate a whole apisode to this topic. Thank you!!!

[@mikPet81]

This has to be the best, well versed, ample explanation I've seen to date of the social dynamics, and have to say, it explains everything I;ve experienced personally, or seen others experience that I've witnessed. I feel like this should be thought in schools, as early as highschool, I would greatly help avoid the mess that we call modern day society. Like always, dr Andrew was an excellent host, asking real valid questions, some of which I didn't even know I wanted asked . Now I'm curious to read the book

[@gujono.eiriksson8553]

Society is so weird.

[@gogoforthetap]

Haven't read his other books, bu5 The Evolution of Desire is one of my top 5 most impactful books if I've ever read. It gave me deep understanding and empathy for myself and others.

[@kylennpetersen4407]

I can't wait to read the books you discuss in the intro. I am taking this couple of years to do some genuine study so I can feel prepared for THE TALK with my son. Puberty is around the corner...

[@jacynjames]

This was incredibly insightful and intriguing. I would be interested in learning more about how attachment styles play into perceived mate value and self assessment based deception.

[@christicuccia]

Another stellar look into human behavior and human interaction. I fear that *some* folks will use the "It is science/psychology" as an excuse for their bad behavior. I am now adding "Mate Value", "Dark Triad Traits" and "Mate Poacher" to my possible Dating language. Fascinating!

[@priyanka3000]

So many great questions were asked and many topics were covered. Since the focus was the evolutionary perspective it would be interesting to have a developmental and socio-psychological view as well because of the technological and cultural changes that have happened in the few decades and how it affects out decision making. Also, curious to know what really happens in the brain with respect to reward-punishment process. Thank you for sharing the knowledge!

[@Unkuuu]

He is my old professor. Loved his class!

[@onebadhombre7158]

Lucky!!! What class was it?

[@OfficialTheoryY]

@@onebadhombre7158 bro what do you think

[@spacebar9733]

@@OfficialTheoryY LMAO

[@sarahrobertson634]

This is such a brilliant discussion. Well done, gents.

[@redhidinghood9337]

10 minutes in and this topic is SUPER interesting can't wait to watch it all. Great work as always👍

[@j_grieshaber]

Thank you again for a fantastic podcast. Your dedication to advancing science is a testament to your character. Have a glorious day!

[@excelautodetailingceramicc1182]

Huberman lol I knew of a couple who experienced this first hand lmao when you’re a long time follower of Huberman you begin to understand why certain topics and questions are being asked. It was so funny to hear the scenario referenced being told with Tom Segura. IYKYK For the record I’ve listened to this podcast once or twice before but the work of David Buss is just so interesting and helpful when navigating through the dating scene these days. Not only for my sake but others out there that we know truly need some behavior therapy. Thanks always Huberman for having these discussions with such powerful people. I felt the sincerity in your voice when you stated in another interview that your work with Paul Conti might be some of the most important work you’ve ever done. Which makes sense to me because I’ve listened to your podcasts with him and as a result I’ve also bought his book Trauma. As a matter of fact if you or your guest plugs one of their books I’ll actually pause and purchase it on Amazon. Anyways. Long tangent. Thanks again

[@tipsforteachers7005]

Simply AMAZING! Dr Buss is great. I have read almost all his books and he is always interesting.

[@_negentropy_]

A note on the mate-value data. The Buss studies referenced in this episode were conducted in the mid 1980s with a small revisit in 1996. Participants: college students, avg age 20/21. For context, the frontal lobe where decision making, future planning, and self-management kick off (among many other functions), isn’t fully formed until roughly 24yo. Also male participants would have been at peak testosterone levels-strong driver of libido. So high on sex drive, short on decision making. Can we really interpret this data as anything more sophisticated than the mate preferences of randy college students with likely no long-term relationship experience? But even if we ignore that, the data itself is less dramatic than presented in this episode. Yes 21yo women in the mid 1980s who hadn’t adulted yet and had lower economic glass ceilings to contend with did prefer someone with good financial prospects more so then the 20yo guys with zero glass ceiling to contend with. But it ranked 11/18. There were still 10 other things she preferred more than a dude’s money prospects. Cont’d in comments…

[@_negentropy_]

Cont’d…An enormous mate-value survey conducted by the BBC in 2005 may offer a more current perspective. A paper by Lippa (2007) analysed the survey data and compared both evolutionary and social structural theories to the findings. His analysis looked at 200k + of the participants, mean age was 32, most were married or in long term relationships, with representation from both heteronormative and same-sex orientation. Here’s the kicker: there were no sex differences in preference for money, social status and prosperity at all, and importantly those criteria ranked lowest (21, 22, 23/23) for cis-het men and women. So why are we still talking about it like it’s a thing? Lippa makes a number of balanced and solid points in this paper, perhaps the most salient is that the data supports both evolutionary AND social structural influences on mate-value and “researchers who study sex differences in mate preferences should instead systematically explore each theory’s valid domains of application” (p. 208). Lippa, R. A. (2007). The Preferred Traits of Mates in a Cross-National Study of Heterosexual and Homosexual Men and Women: An Examination of Biological and Cultural Influences. Arch Sex Behav, 36, 193-208. doi: 10.1007/s10508-006-9151-2

[@DiaboloMootopia]

@@_negentropy_ Thanks for all this info! Some of the points did strike me as too much extrapolation from a specific situation.

[@_negentropy_]

@@DiaboloMootopia You’re welcome, Ian. Glad it’s helpful. I think your instincts are bang on. There’s a really fair counter perspective of EP over on the Neuro Transmissions channel that addresses the extrapolation issue rather succinctly. The title of the episode is somewhat sharp (you’ll know it when you see it) but he makes a number salient points both in support of EP and where it can fail in execution. Happy New Year! Take care.

[@RatPfink66]

@@_negentropy_ That's Britain vs the USA. Doesn't do us Americans a lot of good. Money and work and the social status they bring are the prime movers of life in our society.

[@_negentropy_]

@@RatPfink66 53 countries were represented with a large cohort from US and Canada. Your comment would also confirm that it’s a cultural phenomenon not an evolutionary one as Buss suggests.

[@SMP456]

The best episode yet. Keep up with relationships science.

[@timinthesun]

This is a very important topic. I'm willing to take 2 hours out of my Sunday to take in the whole podcast. Thank you. Well, I would be happy if that was my book collection.

[@zacklitherland2010]

Love the timestamps and links! Thank you!!!

[@anhpam9205]

Thank you both for this extremely interesting discussion!

[@piotrstopyra2467]

Dr. Huberman, it would be interesting if you described the behaviours/habits you use on a daily basis and the reasoning behind them. For example, sleep, nutrition, supplements, exercise and other such things that have been influenced by the topics you study academically and have learned from your podcast guests. In short, the health and wellness optimization that you apply to your daily life. Thank you for all your contributions to spreading the science so far, they have helped me and others a lot.

[@sunburst4847]

Episode #28 is what you’re looking for

[@asthecroweflies]

I saw you on Impact Theory and enjoyed and learned much from you and Tom. This is the first video of yours I have watched, being a new fan and all, I thought there would be light shed on behaviors in my mating life, and there were! I do have a psych degree - I focused as much as I could on biology, neurophysiology, cognitive behavioral theory and CB therapy, (which was rarely practiced at that time). Now it dominates therapy modalities. I enjoy things that are measureable, I love gaining knowledge about how and why our brain, and the other areas of the body, create our behaviors. You asked for what folks would like to see, and here are my thoughts - I hope that you and Dr Buss will make the opportunity to collaborate. I would love to see more on our "second brain" our gut. I had just come from a video on Impact Theory, the guest was Vanessa Van Edwards (most recent video) discussing her book "Cues" basically how to interpret the cues we physically manifest that give voice to our feelings, most we are unaware we are doing. I guess body language would be the term most used in the populous. It is not pop psych - she's doing her research adding her studies as well as others to explain these cues. I went from this podcast to yours (which is likely irresistible to anyone who has had a romantic relationship or 50). I realized you gentlemen were giving some of the cues Vanessa spoke of. I am trying to listen and learn, but my brain is applying what I learned from Vanessa and Tom. Yes, I saw discomfort, self soothing, special attention, eagerness and withdrawal and more. I would never I noticed that in the past. This was an awesome learning experience, thank you! I would enjoy seeing you speak with Vanessa and give the neurophysiology aspect to the behaviors she has studied. After the video, I tagged a few dozen of your interviews for future viewing. That is nearly 3 days worth were I to watch them without interruption, you know to eat, sleep, etc. I am so happy to have found you, and I look foreward to the learnin'!

[@thecrazymuzician1]

Fascinating and informing interview. I could listen to this for hours!

[@michelle_cen]

Love hearing Andrew Huberman talk about evolutionary psychology with one of this field's leading researchers :) Thank you for interviewing Dr. David Buss! 100% agreed with the concluding thoughts that evopsych and neuroscience are complimentary. Evopsych explains the ultimate reasons for why the human mind is the way it is.

[@L.A007]

Evolutionary psychology is a pseudoscience.

[@thefluffythinker773]

@@L.A007 can u please explain to me how is EP a pseudoscience?

[@Johnny_Savage]

@@L.A007 evo psych is one of the fields with the highest rate of successfully replicated studies within a discipline (psychology) that has been devastated by the replication crisis

[@realmadrid-cx8yd]

Perfect example for bad science. Stating an hypothesis and not following it up with excamples and evidence…

[@cheriseelliott9230]

Thank you for this interview. I read Dr. Buss’ book “The Evolution of Desire”, a while ago, and enjoyed it. I appreciate the information in this episode about red flags and dangerous behavior in relationships. As someone who’s been in a monogamous marriage for 34 years, I’d also love to hear more of what contributes to long-term, successful relationships. Thanks, as always, for all you do. Each podcast is a gem. 💎

[@gordo6908]

the gottmans seem to specialize in that area

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

Read John Gottman books.

[@TouchOfTao2222]

I think it would be interesting to hear both of your thoughts on the concept of Soul Mates and Soul Partners and ways that can affect a relationship, positive and negative. Great episode, thank you!

[@emiliosnic]

There are no soul mates

[@bellavega8048]

@@emiliosnic finally something we can agree on

[@WhereIsCynthia]

Fantastic topics to hear about from a solid researcher 💪👊

[@bl4553]

Would love to see a podcast on Aphantasia. Recently learned about this phenomenon and it was a true shock and “eye opening” to discover that my brain works differently than most people. It’s fascinating.

[@TheZengerian]

Was waiting for this. Here we go!

[@BeccaSmith124]

I absolutely love human psychology and Mr. Huberman! As this podcast is about how we select who we do and why, its most definitely accurate. Mr. Huberman if only you were single, my eyes and sense would be drawn toward you as a highly selectable man I would enjoy getting to know and choose. Thank you for your ability to enhance us with thought brilliance & growth that is interestingly understood.

[@annakozoriz]

❤❤❤❤❤Dr. Huberman, thank you very much for this conversation. Very informative.

[@carolateah1766]

Thank you Dr. Huberman for your energy to bring science alive for everyone! I'm curious if or how this knowledge has helped change/ inform intimate partner violence therapies or government policies.

[@rochellefairfield4101]

Super appreciate your interest in sharing science, Andrew - thank you! I've benefited from alot of your suggestions over the past year or so - am sleeping better and have steady energy throughout the day. Thanks also for asking for suggestions re future episodes - a vote for concussions! One sub-topic is any light you might shed on concussion symptoms as a side-effect of certain meds would be much appreciated (a friend was diagnosed with a concussion recently, after a month her doctor revised it to side-effects from eczema meds - who knew?). I've also seen concussion recovery specialists offering programs that include the Feldenkrais method - love to hear your take on that for concussions (and also Feldenkrais for neuroplasticity generally (Thanks a million if you read this far!)

[@chloedemeter5473]

Ive seen promising things with hyperbaric treatment for concussion and brain injury in general from a few different sources. Including brain scans that show receding of damage/scarring from ex-nfl football players. Dont know how it would work specifically for meds induced injury but it's worth looking into.

[@rochellefairfield4101]

@@chloedemeter5473 thanks for this!

[@TheErbtosis]

It would be interesting to see a revisit to this topic. A conversation between a male and female specialists with similar backgrounds. Loved the conversation 🙂

[@Sal3600]

It would be the same conversation

[@veronicap734]

Great discussion! I've experienced much of this first-hand during online dating, but very interesting to hear about the psychology of why dating is so awful 😅

[@Z8terfix]

Online Dating has become awful for women. For opportunistic men (and some women) it is a panacea... That's why online dating should be avoided

[@user-rx9br4jl1o]

awful because the men you want to dont want you. Fix out your sexual market position i would say you're a 4-5, then find a men in same bracket as you- a wielder, or bus driver.

[@KD400_]

U already have a kid. U should pay attention more. Men will not select a woman with kids

[@atuld]

An amazing combination of great questions and fascinating insights. There is so much depth to this content! Thank you for bringing out such gems of knowledge consistently 🙏🏼

[@thedarkmask4155]

Dr. Huberman should we expect a series about maximum performance as a teen (or any age range) for academic aswell as physical growth to reach their potential. Thankyou !

[@JonasCraftUltimate]

The episodes on focus and attention as well as protocols for brain health & performance fit your description

[@spencer5113]

If you go through his previous podcasts and a Logitech talk he did you should find what you’re looking for

[@1sanremy]

Thanx for this very interesting discusion on a topic of common concern. An other topic in psychology, that will soon concern everybody is : PSYCHOLOGICAL BIASES

[@dustinjohnson1047]

I would like to see the same about protocols for optimizing teens during puberty

[@spiralsun1]

Awesome clear, scholarly, well-pronounced and annunciated, just beautiful ❤

[@andeannafarnes4719]

Great discussion guys. Glad I found it

[@braaap56]

1:19:00 this makes total sense as to why the tragic Gabby Petito case. He started to feel extreme jealously that Gabby had started her own business and her following on social media was getting bigger and bigger. He was trying to degrade her value to bring her back down to his status level so she wouldn’t leave him.

[@divinegon4671]

Potentially, yes. Good theory

[@kaseyprom3158]

Yeah, when he casually said something about “her little blog” best believe every DV survivor knew what that guy was all about. It’s funny, subtle put downs don’t seem so subtle to me anymore, they seem more like.. glaringly obvious.

[@barbarafairbanks4578]

@Robert A - IMO, ya got that wrong!...and I'm feeling a bit miffed that you'd bring this up and try in such a simplistic way to confirm the idea here that Brian was an overly jealous domestic violence perpetrator in this tragic relationship. My POV is that B&G were both challenged with mental health issues, (no secret), and mounting stressors beyond their capabilities to successfully navigate or mitigate. A horrible heartbreaking 💔 tragedy, IMO. From what I understand, from watching Gaby's friend, Rose' televised interview (very early on) when Gaby first went missing... Rose was asked about their relationship. She said it could be glorious at times, horrible other times - no in-between. Their arguments were primarily power struggles about who would have their own way in planning their day, their trips, their relationship, the travel vlog & other activities, etc. They were both wilfully stubborn - but Brian the more insistent one that things should be done his way. His strategy was 'verbal persuasion', never physical 'persuasion', or threats. (according to Rose)... And Brian's domestic, school & work history seems, to me, to support Rose's interview about his temperament. Brian could be (per a co-worker) quick to anger, with no escalation into physicality or threats, and he'd be 'over it' just as quick. He was a loner at school, and so was Gaby. Brian loved nature, loved to read, sketch, and loved to write. Brian was, 'sometimes worried' about maintaining his 'Zen' (direct quote by his co-worker) who was interviewed. The strongest so-called 'evidence' that Brian c/b jealous came from a co-worker's interview about Brian, who said if Gaby visited Brian on the job (she often did) and Brian saw her talking to another guy there, Brian would amble over and put his arm around Gaby, maybe kiss her on the cheek. I see regular normal everyday guys do this all the time - this is a normal 'claiming my territory' type behavior from regular everyday even-tempered guys, IMO. I was once talking, in a non-flirtatious way, with a guy at a party, and his GF came over, sat in his lap, kissed him on the cheek, and joined our convo. Completely rational, 'claiming my territory' behavior by either sex, and happens fairly often, in my POV, at least. This tells us, IMO, that Brian was not an irrationally jealous guy, and only mildly possessive. All of these opinions of mine concerning Brian & Gaby are a composite of what I've read in media articles (& watched in televised interviews) - not fm FB, Twitter, or any SM, or SM comments. So much of that is speculation by everyday people trying to put 2&2 together about what happened. You've said Brian became more jealous as Gaby's' travel vlog became more popular. In my POV, this is untrue. From what I think I know of the travel vlog, this was Brian's baby, as well... (although top billing was always "Gaby Petito" plastered all over the vlog). I've read that Brian did much of the 'heavy lifting' for the vlog, ALL of the logistical travel/camping strategy for this vlog, AND all the driving. He was an active & willing partner in the vlog. Both of them saved money from their former jobs for the travel vlog. From what I've gathered from my reading about the case and about their relationship & their vlog, Brian's criticisms relating to the vlog were of Gaby's up/down moods (she was OCD and Bi-polar - no secret). Her down moods adversely affected her consistency with filming/editing/posting, which was pretty stressful. She was obsessed with perfection & easily upset if things didn't look perfect. Brian recognized she could become very stressed-out over the vlog, which adversely affected her performance, her moods, increased her frustration, and stressed their relationship further. This is why he d/n fully support Gaby being in pursuit of a 'perfectly choreographed' travel vlog. The travel, filming, posting, editing, planning, financing, for a travel vlog like this is a lot of work - stress-inducing work - with the added stress of producing a travel vlog made to look like they were having the happiest and most carefree time of their lives. We all know now, they weren't. (here I am speculating... I do know how much work & stress an undertaking like this can be I'm speculating that for Gaby & Brian who already had a volatile relationship, plus mental health issues to try to deal with - the travel vlog life, in that cramped little van, with all the stress and all the travel, all the ups & downs was actually no picnic. I believe that as the stressors with this life mounted, they were both overwhelmed & pushed beyond their respective breaking points.😪 I think that Brian's criticisms of the vlog...had little if anything to do with the unfounded rumor (IMO) that began on SM, that Brian was jealous of Gaby's popularity(?) Idk, from what I've read it wasn't that at all. Someone here speculated that Brian's comment about Gaby's 'little' travel vlog was a putdown? I didn't see it that way. His comment could just as easily have been stated in an affectionate way - her little travel vlog - her baby. Afterall, it's not like it was huge - it WAS a little production. From what I've read, Gaby struggled with it. It was overwhelming for her, especially. We, of course didn't see anything like that, but Brian did. Maybe he was happy with its smallness and wanted more to just enjoy the travel, & not deal with the stress of the vlog and trying to make it grow bigger than he thought Gaby could handle... Idk, I'm speculating - probably shouldn't :/ So, they fought over who would do what, and both were willful about having their own way. In Rose's televised interview about B&G's relationship, Rose clearly described in the interview (it was televised...I watched it), how Gaby would get so frustrated with Brian's insistence that something s/b done his way, and that Gaby would 'go off' on him, lunge at him and scratch his face. Brian, in defense, would put a hand over her mouth and push her away to get her off of him, or would slap her face to get her away. Rose witnessed this behavior numerous times, and also said that Gaby would be very sorry and ashamed, afterwards, and say things like, 'I don't know why I'm so mean to him sometimes." Do you recall, if you watched it... in the Utah traffic stop where Gaby admitted, on camera, to scratching Brian's face?...and that he then grabbed her face, but she did say she went after him first (just as Rose had described their physical fights in her interview - this on-camera description by Gaby of their Utah skirmish follows the same pattern as the physical fights Rose witnessed). If you watched vehicle & bodycam footage of the Utah stop you'd have seen/heard the LE officer's assessment of Brian's scratched-up face & that he needed to photograph the scratches as evidence of assault...assault ON Brian BY Gaby. One other thing I'd like to point out - prior to the Utah stop - the full report of the witnesses who saw/reported to Utah LE, that Brian slapped Gaby's face - on the sidewalk, near the van, outside the RR. The FULL report (not readily avail. by certain media stations, but which I DID read, for myself), included how the altercation (slapping incident) ended. Witnesses see Brian slap Gaby's face on the sidewalk, but had not noticed them just prior to the sudden awareness that he slapped Gaby. Then, they both run back/forth on the sidewalk and race over to the van. Brian reaches the van first, hops in the driver's side, locks Gaby out. Gaby tries the passenger door, becomes enraged it's locked, and runs around to driver's side door, screams at Brian, who then unlocks the driver's side door. Gaby opens the door and climbs right over Brian in the driver's seat to get to her seat on passenger side. Huh?? These are the actions of a female suffering ongoing domestic abuse? She races her 'abuser' to the van which he jumps in & locks. She runs around to his side, demands he unlock the door, she bounds inside and crawls right over her 'abuser' to get to her seat. What's wrong with this standard, every day, man on woman, 'domestic violence' picture? Lots, in my POV. This was the rest of the Utah witness report - the part many didn't see or read about, but I did find and read it. So, from all this I do have doubts about who was abusing whom in this relationship. Strong doubts - based primarily on Rose's interview, the Utah stop, Brian's scratched up face, Gaby's confession to Utah LE she went after Brian first, and Gaby's demanding back into the van and crawling over Brian to reach the passenger seat - after he slapped her. If we review playback of this interview discussing the phenomenon that men can suffer domestic violence from their female partners, and that it can go fairly unreported - it is just as easily believable, (to me, at least) applied to this case as is the idea (also from this interview) that Brian was jealous over Gaby's popularity with the Travel vlog & resorted to murder for that reason. Don't get me wrong, please. I'm not at all saying I don't believe Brian strangled Gaby. I do, in fact, and it's horrifying & heartbreaking 💔 I'm not at all saying I think Gaby somehow deserved it - heaven forbid NO! How this horrifying tragedy unfolded - action for action - is something no one will ever know, but everyone wants to speculate on. My own (highly unpopular) belief is that Brian & Gaby were both victims of circumstance, missed opportunity, domestic violence, unaddressed mental illness, and unmitigated, unsurmountable stress...that neither of them had the tools, nor the wherewithal to withstand. 😥😢😭

[@jessikalove4788]

This is by far my favorite KZbin channel. Another amazingly informative episode! Great work 😊.

[@troofveritas8233]

Damn your face is worth competing with other men for lol

[@Darknight526]

Great stuff, thanks for this interview Andrew! Shout out to Dr. Buss. :)

[@silviabojko7233]

Great podcast. The last part touched me in special way. Took the courage to leave a toxic relationship, when I realized how abusive it was. It was a true Aha moment. For me. And eye opener

[@user-rx9br4jl1o]

What were you doing to make the relationship toxic?

[@msunje9862]

@@user-rx9br4jl1o of course you will blame her, acting exactly how dr. Dave said men like you act

[@AR11210]

My ex was 10 years older and used to tell me I wasn't skinny enough, pretty enough, etc. He was always pushing me to lose weight and eat a certain way etc-- he went to tier one schools and was a very powerful person I felt like I had to keep up. But you can never make someone like that happy it's not love it's vanity, the girl on their arm. I wish her well whoever she is now.