I used to think I was so ugly/unattractive... how I changed my mentality

Late Night Vent Session about how I used to have terribly low self esteem and confidence issues...
and sharing tips on how I overcame that mentality!
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[@IsimemeEdeko]

MISSED YOU GUYS LOTS❤️ if you follow me on IG, you know I recently experienced a very unexpected death in my family and decided to take a little time away from the Tube... I’m back though now so I really hope y’all enjoy this video and see you soon!🥰😘

[@nadaalfatih967]

Love you sis #edgesstaylayed

[@yahainHotPink]

My condolences. 🌹

[@Chiadore]

I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you’re doing ok! Happy to have you back🥰💗

[@Gloriahfreshful]

What ever time I needed to take you deserve it sis 💕💕💕 much love

[@Its.Aryanna]

Prayers for you and your family Isi!

[@Chiadore]

Omg same. And I’ve also noticed that the more I thought of myself as ugly, the more it projected onto other people and they would reaffirm those beliefs of myself. The moment I started loving how I looked, everyone else started to see that as well. We need to be careful what we project into the words or onto others because they can mirror those thoughts, whether positive or negative, back to us.

[@filipa8626]

Yes same and we gave the same name

[@xkristina1222x]

I agree !

[@TheWannabmodel]

Really needed this comment. What exactly did you do to get to this point? Affirmations aren’t really working but I’m trying little things

[@Chiadore]

@@TheWannabmodel I kind of sat myself down and told myself everything I hated about myself and at the end I would tell myself it’s ok and I love myself anyway even if I didn’t really mean it. From then on, I would fix what I could and then I would train myself to love what I couldn’t change. I never really did formal affirmations. I kind of just did it irregularly and randomly😩. Instead of telling myself I’m beautiful when I look my best, I did it when I looked “bummy”. I learned to separate my alter ego from my physical self and I would imagine that my alter ego was the one gassing me up and giving my validation. My alter ego is just the version or other side of myself that I either aspire to be or know I already am, but I haven’t found the key to unlock her (her name is Sika Rose 🌹😁 - also I swear I’m not a weirdo😩😂). I think I got out of my slump by telling myself I was my best at my “worse” and convincing myself that it was a process. Instead of asking myself “why couldn’t I be the girls on social media?” I would kind of tell myself that my time will come and that I need to trust the process and love the process. It’s all about reprogramming your brain slowly. When I started to tell myself to love the process, I actually felt more motivated to workout and take care of my skin, etc. Also, I experienced this reprogramming mainly the summer before high school and although I’m still going through some more reprogramming as I go, I did most of the work over that summer and freshman year. During your reprogramming, I advice that you limit your interactions with friends and family. Just so we’re clear, I’m not saying to cut them off😩. I only advice this because you need to learn to love your own company and to only compare yourself to yourself. The only comparisons you should be making should be between your present self, your past selves, and your imagined and manifested future selves. Learning to love your flaws and company really helps with other things like when you lose some friends or go through a break up because you know yourself by then. Also, if you’re old enough, you should date yourself to show your self that you’re worthy of nice things. You don’t need others to do it for you. Dating yourself can be to take yourself to a nice restaurant or to even give yourself a bubble bath with wine, rose, candles, and a nice movie (look for bathtub trays😁 and if youre not old enough for wine like me - unfortunately 😕 - then sparkly juice should be fine but make sure it’s in a wine glass even if it comes from the dollar tree😩). It’s kind of like following the luxury “movement” but tailor it to you and treat yourself with little things you would usually do just because. Imagine yourself as a rose (even if your aren’t a girly girl) that needs to be cared for and take care of but instead of someone else doing it for you....yourself/alter ego is doing it. And while you treat yourself, the whole time tell yourself that you deserve it. Even if you sat in bed for the last week eating junk food...it takes a lot of energy to eat😩 and you deserve a break. Tell yourself that you deserve a reward for getting out of bed. For me it’s just me and my alter ego and everyone else is a guest and their opinions matter depending on how close they are to me. But above all my opinion matters. If you keep on saying this to yourself then you can start reprogramming your brain. Also, if you can, try to find a good therapist because a lot of our insecurities and low self esteem issues come from some type of “micro trauma” or environment from our past. It could be something your parents said to you, bullying in the past, etc and it could really help to know where some issues stem from and get guidance on how to overcome them. Also, if you feel you can trust your therapist, be very transparent so they can help. Um...but if they start being judgy....leave because ain’t nobody got time to be judged (sorry that’s a really big thing for me. I hate it😩). I hope I helped, I know I was all over the place...but yeah that’s all I got😩🌹😁

[@Chiadore]

Omg that’s a lot😩

[@KanyinsTv]

Quick reminder that God will never put weight on your shoulders that He knows you can’t handle. Whatever your going through just be patient and see why God made you wait. It may be hard but it’s all worth it 💫.

[@SiSi-oi2or]

The verse continues to say he will make a way out ...for which is too much for you ...so that you see it is not you who can do it but God. Lean on him !

[@skymoonlar4563]

Thank you for this! ♥️

[@hawikerenso]

Allah charges no soul except to its capacity. 1:286 there's a similar verse in the Quran just wanted to share :)

[@Lgarcia212]

@@SiSi-oi2or which verse is it please... thank you

[@SiSi-oi2or]

@@Lgarcia212 1 Corinthians 10:13 “ No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” No problem!!

[@eddiy335]

Ironically, my self hate issues have nothing to do with my skin tone or Afro centric features. I just don't think I'm good looking especially when I take pictures.

[@oriellew8842]

Me too. Until I saw a post that said " if you took a pic of the moon, you wouldn't say it's ugly. You would know that the camera didn't capture the beauty of it.

[@kaiyawilliams2582]

@@oriellew8842 I really like this 🥺

[@jadebaynes323]

Same sis

[@marquitabrooks73]

Lmao this is exactly how I feel!! I just simply don’t think I look good 😭😭😭 I’m just not a pretty person.

[@meshacruz1071]

@@marquitabrooks73 you are beautiful 💐

[@jazztt2011]

I’m an older lady,60 to be exact. I fell in love with ISI’s videos,I started watching her because of the natural hair. I’ve watched her grow even in the past 2 years. I have two young adult daughters and because I knew I had self hate for myself , looks and weight,I promised myself I would always instill in them how beautiful there are, how smart they were and that they can do anything. The sad thing is that I uplifted them but not myself, not until the last 3 years. Today as I watched this video, it made me sad for myself, that I gave power to other people to define me. We are all beautiful women, with beautiful bodies no matter the shape or the complexion of our skin. Now I do self care, and self talk and remind myself that I am a child of God, and he made no mistakes when he made me. Ladies love yourself no matter the age, remember God made no mistakes. We are beautiful! Period!! Thank you ISI for this video and being a positive black female role model. By the way! I love your mom, she is so awesome and she did beautiful job raising you! Love ❤️ yourself!!

[@priscillaoquendo7666]

Omg wow thanks for sharing and good for you! Glow up 😍

[@peachy_reina]

"I gave power to other people to define me." Wow...I didn't realize that I do that...I give others that power, but they should have no power over me. No one has any power to define me... Who are they?? Thank you sis 💖

[@SharonIfe]

Thank you ma'am. You are a darling, and I wish you the very best ❤️

[@godsfavor6939]

As a 54 year old I too went what you’ve experienced in my younger years but now bae-by “can’t nobody tell me nothin” 🎶 😝 because I’m rockin my gray locs, losing weight and feelin great, and I feel great about myself!!!! I love ❤️ Isi too!!!

[@LuvlyYauna]

great story to hear❤️i’m glad her videos helped you.

[@GarnetsWeb]

If you haven't heard it a million times already... Journal. Write down even the worst of thoughts. You'll see them later when you feel like you haven't gotten anywhere, and if you've been putting in the work (and even praying is helpful too), it'll be so encouraging to see how far you've come. TAKE PICTURES OF YOURSELF TOO!

[@gabrielleelaine1515]

Facts I was reading one of mine & realized I’m definitely making progress. 😌🙌🏾

[@marilynking527]

I do this almost everyday. It does help

[@daviagross2803]

Yea this is true I personally don’t write things down but pictures reeeaally helped

[@thetongueofangels1882]

I hate journalling. I have no privacy. Everytime i write down how i feel it has backfired on me. Very embarassing, never again.

[@itsxandyy]

My experience is very different. I was called everything in the book by boys when i was in middle school. Then i went to an all girls hs where I developed myself in fitness ( i was overweight) and joined sports. In college i thought it would be my time to be in a relationship and it didn’t happen for me. My self-esteem had to grow within myself without the validation of guys. Now I’m 28 and I still haven’t been in a relationship. I’m planning on going to therapy again to unpack things.

[@faith6575]

Sis, you’re going to be okay. Therapy is one of the best investments you can ever make. As cliche as it sounds, working on yourself within, will resonate externally and your energy will attract the right person/people. How you feel about yourself right now, other people can see and feel it. Be thankful that you did not fall for some narcissistic, toxic guy who could ruin your life and set you back. You’re young, so the time to heal is now. Meeting the right man when you’re broken will drive a good man away you’ll sabotage that relationship. Meeting him after you’ve healed is the best thing in the world and so freeing and worthwhile. Work on yourself, do some self reflection and inner work and the rest will follow. Trust me!! Best of luck lil sis. You’re amazing!

[@cnelly27]

Omg I can totally relate to you! I went into my college years carrying the trauma of being bullied and I had to let go of that and tell myself that every male isn’t trying to harm me. It’s still a struggle being single in a society that values romantic relationships, so you’re not alone sis.✨

[@sammyz4eva]

Omg the boys at my school did a number on my self esteem too 😭 I sometimes envy women who went to only-girls schools

[@ArianneMcD]

You got this queen!! You are definitely not alone. The only difference is, I know where my insecurities stem from and I started therapy about 2 weeks about to be 3 weeks ago because I’ve been holding it in for years

[@nadiamensah3570]

Girllll you're soo pretty. Damn! 💕

[@Alex-hj1vk]

I had cripplingly low self esteem all through out my teen years. I used to use scissors and pumice stones to try to "scrap the ugly off my face". It was bad. It set me up to be groomed and taken advantage of by boys and grown men who "affirmed" me. Took a lonnnng time to start loving myself. Thank you for speaking on this.

[@krystalkarlie706]

You are beautiful. I wish us both love on our self love journeys!

[@kiasmn]

How did u start loving yourself, tho?

[@blkbarbie2671]

I feel sad because I relate to you so much. My self esteem is touching the floor, and I’m trying to break free from self harm. I just want to be more confident and not have the burden of these thoughts weighing on my mind always.

[@Mkeita]

I remember when I was little, I used to HATE my big lips, my gap and my hair, my nose even my little belly... now I look in the mirror and I really wonder how I did not see my beauty all along❤️

[@ertfgghhhh]

U have a gap? Gaps are cute.....

[@renee_6923]

i felt the same way about my gap!! i have my days sometimes but gaps are beautiful ✨

[@Mkeita]

I had a gap yesss, I had to wear braces eventually but I learned to love it before it was gone ✨ I kinda felt sad the first time I fully saw my smile without my gap 😂

[@user-eo9to7wd2t]

@@Mkeita Omg same. I just got braces a year ago. I miss my gap sometimes😭 but my whole bite was horrible so I had to get it closed.

[@Mkeita]

@@user-eo9to7wd2t crazy how sometimes you have to lose something to see how much you loved it😅🥲

[@AYODIFAMILY]

Same here sis, I have to admit that I’m not fully healed, a lot of work to do still 😩

[@Chiadore]

Girl whatttt...you are GORGEOUSSSS🥵🥰🥵🥰 like I paused in shock of your beauty when I saw your videos😩🥰🥰🥰

[@filipa8626]

Okay 1st of all you're beautiful damm and I hope you keep healing and get to feel beautiful and confident on yourself ik it's a process but you will get there!!❤

[@qhamaningwata7991]

My mom used to say the meanest things about my appearance and she definitely shaped how I see myself. It’s crazy because I get complimented all the time, yet I really struggle to see the beauty in myself.

[@rinaj1604]

I can relate, like because I'm not skinny it is always you need to watch what you eat and all of that stuff but people always say they want my body but I'm like why and in my head it is like yeah but you don't want to feel how I feel daily

[@erviniquefranklin6184]

I can agree.

[@jaylindoxey]

I definitely feel this due to like it wasn’t my mom but it was my dad just being disrespectful about darkskin women like it definitely made me look at my self a little bit more and care for myself a little more I just taking it slow right now

[@meshacruz1071]

I use to get made fun of for my Thick eyebrows, big lips, and super curvy figure now people are paying for my features . Crazy how the tables turned

[@Ray.Lynn22]

When Isi said she wrote that "she wished she had slantier eyes", I literally jumped up. Isi I have slanted eyes and I used to get picked on because of them, so at one point in time, I hated my eye shape. I don't feel the same way now but I just found that crazy.

[@AmberSeti]

Like wise, one man told me to open my eyes yea people are assholes. I always loved my eyes and got complements but some people 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@welikelethabo]

You look so beautiful on your profile picture

[@nadiaishimwe3663]

Wow. You and everyone in your thread of comments are beautiful, omg 🥺🦋💫

[@Alecexo]

You’re so freaking gorgeous girl

[@Mwe_244]

You were one of the very few influencers that taught how to love my natural hair and natural beauty. Thank God for you, Isi!!!!

[@lynnetopara]

there’s POWER in the tongue. talking/thinking kindly to myself is definitely a journey that i’m still on

[@Elizabeth-fk7ps]

I cant believe am 25 and still feel the way Isi was feeling in high school😭😭😭😭 Made me realize I need to work on myself and I will. Thank you for this video

[@TiarreaB.Naturally]

❤🌹

[@oluwadoe]

I resonated with this SO heavily. I came from a family of love. They always taught me to love myself. But once I surrounded myself with the wrong people when it came to friendships, relationships, and negative societal standards on black women, I started to tear myself down. I was my worst bully ever. And now finally I know my self worth as a dark skin kinky hair black women and found a love that makes me feel like I’m worth it as well. 🥰 Regardless of you skin tone, body shape, hair type, you are beautiful in your own unique design.

[@yasminhussein7705]

Thank u for this❤️

[@oluwadoe]

@@yasminhussein7705 You are so welcome girl ❤️

[@eddiy335]

#edgesstaylaid I still deal with not liking my looks and self sabotage. I'm 19 and that's an age where I think I should have glowed up but I don't feel great at all. I post Instagram pictures and archive them a few days later because I convince myself that I look horrible. The funny thing is a lot of people have told me that they think I'm pretty but I just don't feel that way. Sorry for the rant😅.

[@s.f.416]

You are beautiful and I have not seen your pics.

[@mamediarradrame5911]

I feel like I only glowed up in my 20s so don't even worry about that. Even before though, I was still adorable and beautiful (I only see that now that I look back) and I'm sure the same goes for you now even if you can't see it yet!

[@jadaa9683]

im sure your gorgeous It’ll come in time ✨ I’m almost 21 and I know I don’t look the same as I did at 19. Remember that your constantly evolving and still very young.

[@msoddballz5763]

I relate to this comment so much. Only difference is, I don't use social media. People I see in the street or in the neighborhood always tell me how pretty I am and I genuinely become shocked and sometimes think they are being fake nice. Every time someone calls me pretty my self esteem doesn't go high, it goes low because I let my insecurities get the best in me. I just believed that I was ok looking nothing special. Trying to work more on self esteem and self low. I hope the same for you.

[@mihlaliralarala3340]

Thank you for being honest. 19 is a year where a lot of people feel insecure. Maybe getting professional help could help you. Anyway I think watching this video is one of the right steps. Maybe check out Pink Pill and Chrissie. Learning to love and accept yourself is tough.

[@rachelesmith3342]

I can honestly say that I’ve never really felt beautiful or attractive in my life and I’m 23 now. I’ve always struggled with body weight, my Afro textured hair (before I went natural I had thin short relaxed hair), and my darker skin. I went to predominantly white schools and it was just an unsaid thing that black girls weren’t attractive or romantic interests. It’s hard because some days I feel trapped and hopeless.

[@Jaidzeka36]

Me too. I have so much ptsd, depression and anxiety because of all of that. Plus, my family basically ignores my mental anguish. It's ladies like you and Isi(I hope I didn't mess up her name), that make me feel a little normal. Stay strong...you're beautiful 😊

[@missionnoel6753]

@ Rachele Smith, I totally understand where ur coming from. I have some tips that can help u. Do you mind sharing your ig?

[@kekeplaysvideogames7255]

My biggest insecurity is definitely my skin...not the skin tone lol (love my skintone) but the texture of my skin is just WACK. If I had clear skin I would be so much more confident and I wouldn't have to worry about going out in public! I have a dentist appointment and like my chin and jaw area have been BREAKING out like CRAAAAAAZZZYY which doesn't happen often. I just pray for clear skin 😭🤞🙏

[@neana9597]

I'm 19 just realizing that I may have a bit of low-self esteem. Ever since I was a child I always shouted, "My black is beautiful.", "I love my dark skin.", "I love my afro-textured hair.", "I'm black and I'm proud.", "I love my athletic strong body.". I knew who I was and proud of how God made me! But I've noticed lately that I compare myself to other people appearance-wise. To this day I compare how I dress to others and am insecure about my big bottom. I avoid eye contact or the mirror when I am around people. I recently told my sister that I don't go near the gym mirror when there are people around because I will see what they see and that just makes me nervous. It's crazy to me that people tell me I look 14 or a child but in my mind, I feel like I look like an old lady! I guess you can call it lacking confidence. And TRUST ME I know that I have value and I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14). I don't need validation from others but I just need confidence and courage. I know that I am beautiful in all my ways but it can be difficult walking in my beauty because of what people may think. The world we live in today is so judgmental and critical. It kind of forces you to hide the beauty that God has given you and stops you from exploring and developing into your greater self. I don't know...This video came at the right time and I really had to vent and share how I felt too.

[@justdena15]

I relate to ALLLL OF THIS. I legit keep journals just so that I can reflect and share them with my future kids. It sounds weird, but when we read psalms in the bible, they reveal someone's intimate thoughts. What my kids might not want to hear from super adult me, they might receive from teenage and young adult me. I legit remember covering up mirrors in my house and not taking pictures because I didn't want to look at myself and remember the low self-esteem and negativity I ruminated on. Now, I see my high school pictures and think I was so stinking adorable and wish I had more photos of myself😭 (I was so cute and hate that I felt that way).

[@eddiy335]

Journaling/keeping a diary is actually pretty great. I used to have a diary when I was younger 19 and think I'm going to start journaling again.

[@shantadawson5624]

I feel for these girls that are becoming young ladies in this “perfection” era, it’s toxic. Thank you 🙏🏾 for sharing real content to help us all learn & grow, I love you channel 😍. Hearing you talk brought me to tears because I had the same negative thoughts about myself as a young girl, thank god for growth.

[@tif9358]

I never felt beautiful because of family members so I waited on boys to tell me I'm beautiful so I didn't have confidence and low self esteem because I was bullied for being fat and darkskin and for having " Asian eyes " but at this state I'm trying to heal and love myself because if I don't love who should love me ? , but no-one want don't want to hear that there are ugly or fat or skinny . But show love where ever you go because you don't know what other people going through at the moment .

[@donillafiffee3527]

Yessir❤️🔥💯 I've been called ugly for most parts of my childhood and adolescence. I never had an active father figure in my life to talk to and my mother wasn't the kind you can just talk to like that because a "child should stay in a child's place". I'm glad you made this video because it made me reflect on where I was just a few years ago and how much self hate I had because guys didn't like me or I wasn't as pretty as other girls. I'm literally at a better place now and TBH you have a lot to do with that.

[@AR-ci6vd]

OKAAAAYYY SENIORRRRRR . I graduate this week, I’m ready though lol 😭😭 heading off to a PWI

[@Gloriahfreshful]

Congrats babe 🎉🍾 P.S. good luck at that PWI 👀🙏🏿praying for you

[@Alex-hj1vk]

Congratulations!

[@shania.-.]

Same sis these PWI's better get ready for us

[@HM-bs9eh]

Me tooo

[@franchezcaplaisival7848]

Periodtttt Congratess sisss🍾🍾✨

[@CreativelyVal]

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m a mom a 7 year old daughter. I pray she’s always willing to talk to me. I make it known now that she can, but I know how those teenage years can be. But I totally understand going through those rough and tough phases of life.

[@rachelthomas7976]

I definitely know the feeling you were going through. My sisters are gorgeous and when I looked in the mirror I didn’t see that beauty. Then I just talked to myself one day and said Rachel boys and then men always trying to push up on u. Something about u must be attractive. Then I looked at myself one day and said u r beautiful.

[@PrettySlimGyal]

Yep!!!! I always feel like the way a guy treats me is bc I’m not pretty enough or maybe the other girl looks better than me or has more than me

[@janayware6127]

One of my favorite quotes is from Mskevonstage is “I am the reason and the occasion “ I definitely have felt that way before Isi, and I agree, having a good circle is definitely helping.

[@Kayla-sm9gc]

I know this video is 2 months old but i felt compelled to type. I’m currently going into my senior year of HS. I was taken advantage of (especially by boys) during freshman year. Middle school i got made fun of a lot and i dressed masculine because i felt that no one could say i was ugly by a female standard if i wasn’t trying to *look* like one. By the end of freshman year i felt like i was living in this shell and sophomore year i started taking care of myself, i got into a good relationship and i stopped forcing myself into these imaginary boxes. The sole purpose of existing is being happy and dying happy. Dressing as i want, liking what i want and doing what i want are major reminders. A lot of my issues stemmed from confidence dependency or lack of awareness. Journaling EVERYTHING is so important. Take PICTURES because i promise you especially if you’re going into freshman year, you’ll wish you could look back at those memories. Whenever i go to beat myself up over something, specifically looks wise. Remember someone else has that same feature. Would you tell them they’re ugly? Would you berate them and scrunch your nose. Hopefully not, and that’s how you should treat yourself. With respect and love (:

[@alishabella7158]

I feel this. Because I'm just 19 and 15 to 17 year old me was exactly like that especially after my first heartbreak. I'm obviously still growing and learning but I'm wayyyy better with the self love and especially self acceptance of all my flaws and I'm with a man that loves me correctly and treats me with the respect I deserve and never lets me put myself down

[@bbbryne893]

I really appreciate the video Isi. You’re the big sister/ inspiration that a lot of girls don’t have and I’m happy to hear that you’re having these conversations with your niece! Edit: I’m 21 and burst into tears watching this💀 because I feel some type of way abt myself now. I’m working on it though!

[@filipa8626]

Right I agree 100% and I'm gonna be 21 too and same I really start getting emotional cause I'm so much better now but still there's some hurt and pain from the past to heal and I wish the best!!

[@bbbryne893]

@@filipa8626 I’m glad others can relate. And same to you!

[@lala0913]

Glad to know I’m not the only one in tears right now lol ❤️ sending you love

[@T7d534]

Girl u are so pretty like frrr

[@bbbryne893]

@@lala0913 thank you and same to you!

[@RyyDaBrat7]

#EdgesStayLaid I really almost cried watching this because I related to everything you said in this video and unfortunately at one point in my life I did hate my complexion. Thankfully I don’t think like that anymore but that whole phase was really hard for me. I honestly just became fully confident in myself I’ll say my sophomore year in college. Thank you for opening to conversation cause a lot of young women struggle with hating ourselves physically

[@drawingdame7718]

This came just in time! My sister had to console me the other day cause I broke down in tears talking about how I felt ugly and that I hated my face. The self hate is real, man.

[@Isism899]

Isi I am so grateful to you and the videos you make like this! A lot of young black girls struggle with their physical beauty Bc from such a young age we are told we’re ugly and unattractive. This is also why positive representation of black women in media matters

[@princessk3613]

Well.... im 13 and I was listening to "The sun goes down " by lil nas x and I cried. Like I have gone through hard on colorism and there's a lyric in the song that says" when I was ten i was lonely. Had friends but they was pickin on me. I was wondering why my lips so big. Am I too dark ,can they sense my fears." I realized how traumatized I was and how many emotions I pressed down. When I was going through it, I just thought that what they said didn't matter cause I was gonna persevere regardless of their opinions but I didn't take time to heal which caused unknown pain.

[@T7d534]

Aww:( it's so sad to hear this. Things people say can be hurtfull. But you have to remember who you are. You are that girl. That beautiful girl who has beautiful shiny skin, beautiful hair, nose, lips... U get my point. It's hard to love urself when others bring u down. U will see it, how beautiful u are. I hope u already see it. And that people's opinion are useless💗

[@naanaashong6122]

I’m 12, almost 13, and I can relate to you. As I was growing up, being the first generation to be born in America (my parents are from Ghana), I always had people picking on me for my dark skin, and my coily hair. I had people ask me “why isn’t your hair normal?” and people making rude comments like “your hair looks like a birds nest.”. I’ve always felt like I was fat, and ugly because I didn’t fit the toxic beauty standard the world sets for us today. The world thinks that in order to be pretty you must have long hair, tiny waist, and lighter complexion. I started to get rlly insecure about myself, to the point where I wanted to take my own life. Thank God I had friends that talked me out of it and helped me get through my depression. I’ve learned that I don’t need to look like what the world wants me to. I was born the way I am, and God wouldn’t have made me if he knew I was ugly. Thanks for sharing this with us, it rlly made me reflect on my own life.

[@princessk3613]

@@naanaashong6122 YESS MA'AM. IDC WHAT THEY TELL U ... UR GORGEOUS. My dad is from West Africa and I got a lot of his features. Which people make fun of me for

[@HeavenlyLove47]

hey sis, i really hope you take time working through that tramua, whether it’s through talking to a trusted adult or seeing a professional therapist. i hope you embrace your beauty and beautiful african features ! ❤️

[@tif9358]

@@T7d534 You said it love I been through hell and deep waters and trying to heal emotionally and mentally .😖😖🙏🏾

[@amberlong5844]

Honestly, I always thought I was ugly until I started watching your channel. You taught me how to celebrate myself as a dark girl with natural hair. This channel is definitely a top 5 reason I've developed any confidence at all.

[@JustZaiii]

I'm 13 years old rn and what you said really brought me into tears because I think that way and it's so hard to feel confidence in my self but you really brought me into trying more loving my self more thanks.

[@Lynn-qr2fr]

No way I ordered the green tea mask a couple of weeks ago and I’m trying it tonight 😄 Update: I love it the mask tightens, cools, tingles and washes off easily. My skin feels super smooth. I’ll definitely use it at least once a month

[@SimoneZ0711]

i loved this video. i have felt like this before cause i'm not the skinny girl or the thick girl i have always had meat on me. And i felt myself talking down on myself and calling myself names and not being kind. But now i have gained so much confidents in myself and i say my affirmations everyday and praying and also writing in a journal all the time i am so much better. thank you so much for opening up about this.

[@chantellemujakachi]

i realise now that im insecure about my hair. its not long or curly like other black women i see. idk ill work on it ...just feels good to say it out.

[@travelinNC]

You made me just remember that all through college i used to sit and cry my eyes out in my room because I thought I was so ugly and unworthy of love. Im remembering how i didnt like anything on my face, I didnt like my skin tone. I didnt like my height or weight; i thought i was too tall and slim. I thought I looked like a boy. My self esteem was at an all time low and it caused a depression in me causing me to have thoughts of self harm. Thinking about this now breaks my heart we as girls and women just tear our self apart like this. Its been over 7 years since I graduated college and if Im being honest I am still getting over some of those feelings of inadequacy; it has not been easy. But its possible and whats really helped me is listening to positive affirmations and doing self care my incorporating positive self talk every morning. I just want you to know you're not alone and that things will get a little better every day

[@filipa8626]

Tip sunscreen spf 30 at least on the daily helps so much the skin no matter if you have a darker or lighter skin everyone should use it especially outside!!

[@Raw_Scone]

Something that I’m personally working on for my self love and care being more disciplined. Disciplined in my meal time, what I watch, what I say, my schedule, etc. I think that’s a really important part of self love/care that gets overlooked. Also Love your videos isi 😁♥️

[@itsciada]

I can relate with you a lot. Our beauty is unique and out of this world okur ✨ BLACK WOMEN ARE THE BLUEPRINT!!!

[@queenlia9643]

I can definitely relate to this I felt a lot of this in high school & tying my worth to how guys treated me & everything. I know I journaled a lot of how I felt but I think I ripped them out & threw them away but I definitely remember me trashing myself. It was still like this for a while even after high school been out for maybe like 5 years but I’ve been learning to do better now. It’s been a journey though.

[@shade8287]

I can definitely say I poured so much into a guy that when things didn’t work out I wasn’t in a good place mentally. But now that im taking care of myself I feel so much better, I been placing my faith into God, doing self care, journaling, exercising. And now I’m loving myself for the first time since I have been with that guy and it’s great. I really appreciate you for sharing your story I been watching you for so long and never commented but you are definitely appreciated and loved. You are one of the only KZbinrs I can watch the videos all the way through❤️.

[@thekaywayy]

I can definitely relate, when I was in high school and even the few years after I was so focused on validation from boys. If something was bothering me in a relationship that they were doing I would literally overlook it to avoid confrontation no matter how much it hurt me because I was afraid of them leaving and being alone. I placed my value and self-worth in how boys looked at me, if they wanted me etc. I'm still working on my self-love journey because I'm not perfect but I have definitely came a long way.

[@bowsoverbros]

I feel like this is a common experience Black women go thru. I was deeply insecure thru out my preteen, teen and young 20 yrs. Now at 24 tho if definitely grown and become more confident. It can be off and on tbh. And it has everything to do w black women being criticized and nit picked for everything we do. It’s overwhelming

[@SareBear2000]

It's crazy that so many of us go through the same emotional stages. I relate with you because I used to think I was the ugliest creature on this earth, like I'm not even saying this to seem humble, but like genuinely thought I was disgusting and evil and didn't deserve anything. This was an ongoing thing through middle school and high school. I'm 20 now and I feel like I've finally got to the point of self-acceptance by just faking it till I make it, and also stopping the hate talk that I would spew at myself every single day or scribble in my diary. The thing that you mentioned about if a billboard was on our foreheads showing what we thought about ourselves is something that I think I'm going to try to incorporate into how I think about myself because I've always used the privacy of my mind to hate on myself. Also, I never really thought my father passing when I was young had affected me too much but this video has kind of opened my eyes to some developmental issues that that probably left me with... But anyways thank you for sharing your story, you never know what people are going through and it's always nice to know that you're not alone :)

[@peachy_reina]

Thank you so much....I grew up feeling extremely insecure. I had no self worth...then I had my first child with a man I gave MY ALL to at the age of 18. Now we've been together for 12 years, married for 10 years, and have 5 kids... But he didn't give a hoot about me for the first few years. I was so naive while he was out doing whatever he wanted. I was just at home with children. Now I'm 29, done having kids, and i don't love my body. Really, it's not bad at all but i keep comparing myself. And now I'm realizing that i should have been loving myself for years...i still struggle with it, but I'm looking forward to continuing my journey to self love while raising my daughters (even my sons) to feel the same

[@kikimoti4744]

I'm fifteen and insecure about my personality. I look around and see my peers getting boyfriend and have many friends and I wonder what they have that I don't I think I'm pretty average looking but when I tell people about my insecurities they can't relate but what Isi is saying making feel better and less alone.

[@shantaloves9043]

I have that same problem. I said have because I'm still kinda going through it. My dad passed away when I was young and my mother never really cared for me and my other siblings. I thank God I never turned to boys to fill that void bc I was so innocent like not wanting to have a boyfriend lol. I was focussing on more important things. Dads play such an important role in both females and males. I noticed I became insecure when I was about 17 or 18. But I have always been a shy person and that just makes it worse! Up to a day like today, I still get extremely nervous doing things in front of people like my boss or professors like a presentation or something. Like it's bad!! But God is good. I am working on it.

[@njamestakesontheworld6976]

I’m sorry I’m late. But I am honestly going through a self love journey and it is tough. I guess I’m one of the few guys watching your channel. Before I go into my story, I want to tel you a little about myself. My name is Noah and I am 20 yrs old. I am a 2nd year college student. I have never been in a relationship which I was okay with. But Every time I would catch feelings for someone, it would backfire and I would feel many sad emotions. And recently I caught feelings for someone and it is actually one of my friends on snap. So I’m trying to get over that person because I am not ready for my feelings to be hurt again. It all comes to me thinking that I am ugly, very few times I find myself attractive. But I’m trying to do better and I know some ways that will help me, but I am on a rough journey to self love. Just wanted to share a bit of my story with you. Love you and josh very much. Just started watching your channels in November last year.

[@ambomateijennifer7207]

😊

[@iLoveYou7491]

I lost my dad at 12 years old too, everything you said really make things click for me. Thank you for this video 💜

[@jmeiahb2608]

I know this is going to be good for women to see. Good on you sis ❤️❤️ stay BEAUTIFUL!

[@Ty-cd3jo]

In my middle school days, I was very friendly and open to everyone. I started to get picked on because of it. If it wasn't my appearance, it was my natural hair. People used to put candy in my hair, and say there were spiders in it when I knew it was a lie. In high school I got really cold, and put up a barrier so I wouldn't let people get to me anymore. I started straightening my hair everyday, I would never wear it curly. College came and the natural hair movement became a thing. I didn't even know what going natural was until then. It gave me confidence to stop straightening my hair and now I love it!! But I don't know how to show emotion. I didn't even cry when my dad died, and even when I try to make myself do it, I can't. I'm on a self love journey to learn to love myself again, because I can't even look in the mirror, and I can only take a pic if it has a filter😔

[@daviagross2803]

The amount of growth physically (I was so insecure about my physical appearance) saw a pic of me before quarantine to now I almost cried and that was 8 months ago 😁✨ it really helps to journal or take pictures I’m telling you

[@ArianneMcD]

This video actually made me shed a tear because I’m still very insecure🥺 and it’s nice to know that I can get to the point of being hella confident

[@bigbaddiebri]

Girl, your skin is glowing pre mask!! Please drop that skincare routine so you can teach us your ways #SkincareRoutine 😍😍😍

[@qxeent8464]

Omg! You have no idea how much of a staple you are to my life and hearing you say all of this just encourages me to start loving myself and taking care of myself more. Thank you so much for being you Isi, you are so amazing😭❤️

[@10najah]

#EdgesStayLaid we love you girl! thank you for being so vulnerable with us and giving us the courage to be more transparent. we loveeeee growth❤️

[@kiskmamckree7746]

This deja vu for me, cause I recently look at my past journals and sis I relate sooooo much, but the confident me now ain't nobody can tell me nothing!!

[@tiarayvonne]

Thank God for GROWTH! 🥲 it’s like us girls really lived the same lives in a sense

[@dominiquebtv3043]

Watching this video I cried. I cried because I feel embarrassed that at my age there isn’t a day that I don’t judge myself or even think they I’m not a beautiful woman. I cried because I have a daughter and I would NEVER want her to have the feelings that I’ve have about myself. We do need to learn how to “fake it till we make it” especially as black women. Thank you for this my love!

[@jenniferharper8948]

I really related to this. I had a very similar experience in high school and honestly it sucks so many girls also experience this. For a long time I didn’t find myself attractive or would solely base it on if guys liked me or found me pretty and if they didn’t I would down myself about it. Ladies no mater what anyone thinks you are beautiful and if you have to tell yourself everyday in the mirror till you believe it do so ! Sn: I am with you on the self care but ladies let’s remember self care is not just an external thing(doing your hair, nails, facial treatments, etc). Self care is also doing the internal work to heal and advance your mental and spiritual well-being. Because you can do you nails and take bubble baths and still be unhappy with yourself. But with a combined (internal and external care) effort you will feel and see a change !

[@DeShanitaD]

The way I felt about myself stemmed from the females around me. I always heard how beautiful my sister was, how nice her skin is, how bubbly her personality is and I will begin to compare myself to her because my mom or anyone never said anything like that about me and if they did it was like an afterthought. As if they said it so it wouldn't come off as shady. I'm still trying to find the beauty within myself.

[@nuryag6381]

As a black girl without caucasian features who is not the beauty stander, I think that Black women should be more confident and ask for help to get there, professional help. Body image issues for black women and girls are truly complex and it feels that nobody understands us. Maybe I'm not ugly just not white looking and that should be okay, I should not feel less than nor anybody else. Please support your sisters of color.

[@la_gamingchannel175]

R.i.p to your dad & I'm also proud of your growth! 💜

[@kmmww]

When I think back to my childhood I can literally feel the emptiness I had inside me for so long. I hated myself throughout elementary/ middle school and some of high school. I never felt pretty, smart, or even like a good person even though I’ve always been. I even felt guilty for wishing I didn’t hate myself because I believed that I didn’t deserve love or anything good. It wasn’t until my sophomore year of high school when I started to tolerate certain features on myself like my hair and nose. Now I’m about to be a senior in college and I have been working so hard these past few years to care for me and like myself. I’m a totally different person now and I know I’m the ish and a sexy bish! But I definitely relate to the feeling of harsh words and criticism against yourself at a young age. For anyone else struggling, self love takes time and is a never ending journey but is so worth it. Keep going! And thank you to big sis Isi for starting this conversation and sharing your experience!❤️

[@KikiIfill]

I did feel the same and I still struggle with it. My boyfriend says I’m beautiful but it’s hard for me to believe

[@estellexlx]

Looking back all the things I disliked about myself were things I thought others wouldn't like. A non Eurocentric nose, bigger lips. I let others define how I was supposed to look and felt uncomfortable if i didn't meet others standards. Recently I've let my insecurities go and I'm now comfortable with everything. Its great to see how far I came, I looked in the mirror and asked myself why I felt the way I did. And I confronted and accepted those things.

[@hershey307]

Yes! Honey you are gorgeous. It took me a while to see my beauty. Still have those days when I don't feel too attractive BUT I have come a long way. Believe it or not, starting my locs has helped me see my natural beauty even more. I am more comfortable in my own skin now.

[@sharraylovely95]

When you spoke on that part about if your dad was still here you would have that father/daughter relationship you would feel the genuine love, I got a little emotional because I still have my dad and he is in my life but as a teen he wasn’t involved enough for me emotionally so I didn’t have that bond. So as a teen it’s been rough for me, I was very insecure.

[@leche_dt3591]

Something that improved my confidence was performing on stage 🎦 💕

[@stormyconner9568]

Omg, Isi I had no idea as beautiful as you are I couldn't imagine you having such insecurities like me. Your story is so similar it mine. I started school at an early age so I am 19 years old and going to be a junior in college in the next two weeks and as young as I am surrounded by girls who are fully developed my insecurities are eating me up way more than in high school. I also grew up without my father because he was in prison my teenage years and wont come back till I'm about 23. Everyday I'm consistently battling with my self convincing myself that I am beautiful and that I am more than enough. Ill be 20 years old august 31 and I'm trying to become more girly and more famine just like you, I was never really the long nails, long hair, and jewelry kind girl I was just chill me. Lol I was also a college track athlete. I completely understand your story. but your videos and your self care talks and etc. really gives me the confidence and motivations I need because one day i would like to become and influencer as soon as I get that confidence just like you did. I love you a lot and thankyou for sharing your story.

[@aliciaobrien3054]

This video was so what I needed recently. I haven't been feeling like myself. I haven't been loving myself. I think I need a reminder to stop putting my worth in the world's hands. Loved this vent. Definitely gotta evaluate.

[@youarenotalone5532]

Sending you love from Zambia in Africa ❤! You are beautiful doll..

[@kyawormley6083]

My story is similar but different to yours. I’m a military child so I was moving everywhere and never really stayed in one place nor did I stay in a place that had people who look like me there. I was ok with the way I looked and would often be either catcalled or bullied for my developed shape. My family would always say I’m so pretty and beautiful, my mom even sung me a song saying I’m so beautiful all the time when I was younger. My insecurities came from boys always but it wasn’t based on how they treated me, it was based on who liked me or wanted to date me. I was very oblivious to the boys who liked especially since they either did not talk to me or tried and I would give them a mean face lol. I still do to this day but without the mean face. I have really grown since then always taking pictures of myself and looking in the mirror thinking I’m beautiful. What is weird is that as soon as I leave the house and go out in public, my self esteem immediately plummets and I start comparing myself. I even compare myself on social media but that has gotten better. I really think I’m beautiful but I still need to work on comparison. It’s also bittersweet for me being at an HBCU because I’m finally in my community but I still find myself comparing. Thank you so much for this video, it really helps to see how you’re not alone in these feelings.

[@PrettySlimGyal]

Thank you for this video. I’m always struggling with my self esteem

[@gabriellet2160]

It’s everything for me love you girl

[@raechelsimone]

I loved this, thank you so much for being open and vulnerable. I for sure went through the same thing. I'm a rising junior in college and I'm still working on positive self talk and loving myself genuinely.

[@lovesmitten34]

Those things you wanted I got naturally and I was teased so bad for it they made me feel so ugly I’m a black woman with Asian eyes full lips and curvy. They called me a dirty Asian because I am brown dark with slanted eyes so it wouldn’t have mattered. Hurt kids will hurt other kids. You are absolutely beautiful love yourself! It’s your ex loss because you are drop dead gorgeous Queen!

[@kiendraceline7432]

Definitely relate to this. Im trying not to use the word ugly to describe myself. Usually when I feel crsppy I try to wear something nice to make myself feel better. It very rare when I feel pretty, but I'm learning to aspect my flaws.

[@beyondthestars8860]

PLEASE do more talks Isi , I need help. I struggle with feeling beautiful, and loving myself!

[@AndreBenjaminswife]

I’m super late but my biggest insecurity is my weight and my facial features. Growing up (even now) people told me that I look like a man or look like my brother & father and it got to a point where I started believing that in myself. I started gaining weight when I started using food as a way to cope with my recurring depression and I’ve had enough. I used to journal on the daily but I’m taking TODAY to journal all that I feel about myself now to not only get it out but also so that I can look back at it later on and see how far I’ve come on this beautiful journey to self love and self appreciation. I LONG for the day that I’m in love with every inch and every bit of myself

[@korielate6729]

I was able to highly rate attaching my worth and attractiveness to how much attention I was receiving from men and to a certain extent I have not fully detached from this mindset. I always felt like I was unattractive growing up. I was more of a tomboy and wasnt into girly things. I also just felt like I could relate to many of the girls around me because a big topic girls at that age talk about is boys, of which I had little to no experience and nothing to say when that topic came up. I literally used to think to myself "Because a guy has not asked me out yet, I must not be attractive" and this led me to amplify how attractive I felt other women were because I rejected so much within myself. I definitely still have some of this mindset to this day that I need to work on but it was an amazing feeling the first time I actually felt attractive to myself, not for anybody else, not for a guy, but because I liked what I saw in the mirror. Thank you for the Video Isi!

[@BiGSteppaKee]

I'm 21 and I feel like how you felt back then, on and off now. I know I'm beautiful 100% but I don't always feel it. Thank you for being transparent and helping girls like us!

[@priscillaoquendo7666]

As a mom of three who been in a relationship for 15 years I think (too long to keep count) lol. I totally feel you and I appreciate you so much for being open to us about how u felt and feel. I Will be 33 in a few months and am still battling this exactly also not to mention anxiety and depression. It’s tough but I’m working through it slowly but surely. I can honestly say I am so happy to have been introduced to your channel because of you I learned how to do my daughters hair (2) and I have a boy who loves your couples channel. The kids know the intro and outro. I am so proud to see your growth and you have helped me so much. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@Gloriahfreshful]

Loved this talk but my heart hurt throughout listening to this cause I know some of that is also me rn. I’m a so envied curvy girl and have been told that by friends and such yet I’m still trying to find validation even though my body might be more desirable. I fear I’m not taken seriously or seen as a piece of meat for “beep beep”. Wondering if I’m weird or that nobody will understand my personality and also being perceived as mean because the tone I used when I ask for something. When she touched on not really being on social media as a kid I literally didn’t get my own phone until I was 17. So I was innocent for a long time and even now not having lots of experience dating/ talking to guys makes me insecure when talking to coworkers and such. Even though it nothing I shouldn’t be ashamed of it the responses/ reaction that make me think that way. There soo much more but. I’m trying to work through it all. This just confirms to me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I need to keep pushing .

[@claudiaj7605]

Girl I feel you! I think like that too at times. You're strong and you're gonna make it through! It's a journey honestly.

[@eternitysafro1083]

I definitely relate!!!! Until the beginning of senior year when I was doing online school because of the pandemic I started to see true beauty in myself. Because I was removed from the toxic community there and was alone with myself. Also, doing the inner work and doing self care. It used to be so bad I would avoid mirrors because I believed what my bullies and two of my evil siblings said about me, but every time I look in the mirror I feel beautiful!❤️

[@amelymusafiri5528]

I just turned 15 today and I’ve recently really started to try to think and understand why I feel the way I feel and I always find your videos comforting .

[@christinamanzila]

Self love is the toughest journey sis!! Society had me in a chokehold believing that I had to be of a different race or skin tone to achieve success. I HATED myself and every feature God gave me. Hated my broad shoulders, kinky hair, and the list goes on. Especially when I had access to social media, not seeing people like you or other melanated queens on my feed also did not help. I’ve curated my social media and life so that I am surrounded by confident uplifting people no matter what race or gender. I remember posting a picture and a friend of my was like you look like @isimemeedeko in this pic and that’s what brought me to your channel and I was like dang!!! You think I look like THIS QUEEN😂🤎 this video was so wholesome. I love your heart (at least what I see through the screen) wishing all the love and light🤎🤎 #edgesstaylayed

[@adarijohnson]

& ISI don’t ever ever worry ab this content stuff. I love the transparency and the realness that you display on your channel + the josh & isi channel. It’s amazing and helps make you more relatable 😭 cuz in reality we all have those days! And it’s important to honor those days and live them out. Rest. You deserve it.

[@thembimwelwa833]

When isi came close to the camera,I felt like touching her face🤣🤣🤣🤣 Self care is very important,I'm gonna start today 😍

[@lateefatsanni542]

I COMPLETELY relate to this. I'm acc turning twenty tmr and I was trying to convert an old journal into like a notebook for stuff. I got glimpses of what I was saying about myself and my feelings. I couldn't read those entries from about 3 years ago because I knew how far of a dark place I was in. And now that I'm older I'm very disappointed to say I keep going in and out of dark places mentality. But I read something the other day that was like 'It's okay to not be for everyone but don't surround yourself with people who make you feel like you are hard to love. I keep feeling like I am hard to love and forcing relationships in the hope people will just love me back enough. But it's a journey, control things to can control and leave the rest.

[@kennedieoglesby7109]

the way you put the words together explained my current self so well. when you said giving power into these teenager boys instead of myself, i realized that's what I do and when you talked about your dad and if you had him rounded you could've maybe had a higher self esteem . I loved and related to everything you said. sending much love towards you and your channel. i think i'm rally going to love your account.

[@filipa8626]

Miss you here Isi sending so much love to you and Josh and your families glad you're back!! Your videos are always so calming and bring me so much peace and you're so relatable even though we're from different countries and have different complexions you're a inspiration for real❤ Edit: I could relate so much to this video and yeah the people that you surrounded yourself with really messes up the way you feel about yourself even growing up with loving parents that thought me self love it still can mess you up I'm so glad the growth and self confidence and love I have now but like Isi said it's definitely a journey that sometimes has ups and downs! If you're still going through insecurities and self love just know it gets better and I'm sure you are all beautiful inside and out please don't be so hard on yourself one thing that help me and it still does it's when I'm starting to be in a more not so positive mindset about myself or my life I talk to myself the way I would talk with anyone else especially loved ones give the same love to yourself you're the one that spends all your life in your head and with yourself work on being a positive energy the best of luck to everyone journey

[@alexusreid1400]

Yeah I agree work on having positive energy 💜

[@filipa8626]

@@alexusreid1400 yeah for sure energy and the vibe you give says a lot more about you than the way you look