I Want To Help My Family Without Financing Their Stupidity

[@spot_of_tea53]

I have 2 older brothers. Both live with my dad. They are 35 and 39. No retirement, savings, career, car, or aspirations. I used to try and help. But they walk all over me. I stopped stressing about how bad there situation was, best thing I ever did.

[@dmoney8373]

Gave my brother $250 to help catch up on utilities and he went out and bought steaks and beer for him and his buddies. Needless to say he’ll never see another nickel under any circumstance.

[@wmarkj]

Dave is right on. Cracked me up when he said parasite. Perfect word choice.

[@ENCwwe]

Dave is the most blunt person I've ever encountered lol. He's great!

[@mickey8973]

He's also the most re-active. He is not great. He is making millions off of people losing money. If he actually cared, he would be more pro-active. He is a selfish person, and it's very cringe-worthy to watch his videos. It's great if he helped you, but he IS NOT a great person.

[@ENCwwe]

@@mickey8973 He's not proactive? He's written like a dozen books and created a program that has gotten literally thousands of people out of debt. The reason he's in the top five most listened to radio shows is because he's helpful. Otherwise people wouldn't listen. Of course he's reactive he's given five minutes to immediately answer very complicated questions on the radio. What are wanting him to do differently?

[@mickey8973]

Rick yep, not proactive and is reactive like you’ve said. Yes... wrote books and created programs to make him money and not to make you money. Do you really need to pay money to save money? He is selling you something first and foremost. Common sense will tell you not live beyond your means and not get into debt. Do you really need to pay someone to tell you that? He doesn’t have very insightful investment advice, I’m not sure what complex questions you’re referring to.

[@mickey8973]

Rick also, he’s only given 5 minutes? He only gives people 5 minutes. That’s on him. He posts drama inducing videos on youtube and mutes people to talk over them. He’s not saying anything special or thought proving, stop acting like he’s a genius. If you really need to pay someone to tell you what you already know, buy his book.

[@chucknickerson9223]

@@mickey8973 What's the problem, did he not give you money?

[@shellym8251]

I have 2 younger brothers 40 and 42. Both still live with their dad. One refises to work a real job, the other can hardly handle delivering food. For years ive been bracing for what's going to happen when their dad dies. I feel like its my burden. But after therapy and yes, listening to Dave i am beginning to starting to realize its not my burden.

[@marilynb8136]

We need to teach our kids to take responsibility for their actions and words. And to be responsible for themselves. To take care of themselves. Parents won't always be around to care for you or bail you out!!!

[@jamiemoulton2986]

"If you give red bull to a lazy person, you've just got a lazy person" 😅

[@mysticaltyger2009]

Yeah, that was an odd comment.

[@MrsThollo]

@@mysticaltyger2009 There's a difference between a character issue and an energy issue or someone who just needs help to get their "wings".

[@ENCwwe]

@@mysticaltyger2009 The point is a person has to be willing to work to be successful. You can teach them how to make a home run but if they aren't willing to pick up bat and do it it will never happen.

[@corinnevickey4634]

oh boy, does every family have one? Dave's right on !

[@jvolstad]

71-year-old CNA? Wow. That can be a very physically demanding job. I offered to pay for FPU for both my brother and sister. They were not interested. They are however, very upset that I am donating part of my estate to charity.

[@S400-i6c]

jvolstad ahahaha lol , very lazy siblings , they can't depend on you for everything like they need to take some responsibility , I Know it's tough but come on , what you do with your stuff is your business not theirs . They have some nerve .

[@WiggleIsWiggly]

You can lead a Horse to water but you can't force it to drink!

[@bethanyroberts4744]

Sounds like they have a personal problem!!!

[@MMA-mh9uv]

Same! My wife and I are doing great on Dave's plan, but my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend are broke. I'm constantly hearing about their problems and get snide remarks from them about my situation. I've pointed her to this youtube channel, but I doubt they've done anything.

[@NathanHampton]

This made me laugh! I completely understand.

[@MCgrease08]

My ex in-laws were the same way. Three deadbeat kids all mooching off Dad. I talked to my wife about trying to convince him to cut them off. She didn't want to do it, because she thought one day we might need his "help". She never got on board with financial responsibility and we eventually split up. She ran right to her Dad when it came time to hire her divorce lawyer.

[@TheKnellBelle]

A CNA at 71?! She's probably the same age or older than a lot of the patients she's transferring!

[@annhans3535]

It good that she is working. If not she is home taking care of that bum. And going out of the house is good for her mental health.

[@MsLucky443]

There are many families with parasites and co dependent toxicity.

[@RichardLeo-mf3zb]

Her priority is to her husband and children, not the in-laws. And the husband's responsibility is to his family, and not to his brother and mother.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

We are dealing with this too....only FIL is still alive and living in house enabling it too...ignoring his wife while his son dotes and shows affection, sometimes borderline not ok, and he just watches...doesn’t stand up to anyone but my hubby, his oldest, whine he tries to address the monumental elephant in the room...while we endure hearing unwarranted or needed advice for our “overbearing” parenting skills. I constantly was being treated like a teenage mom and hubby the same by his family.....but NO MORE! Boundaries the book helped me know how to approach this and deal with it appropriately regardless of their poor reaction....I’m not perfect at it but it has helped me feel better. And I have stepped back and stopped fostering a relationship with my MIL who lives in some Layla enabler land and sadly never cut the cord with her own mother and isn’t over her death....Hubby’s also had it and doesn’t let any of them baby him....at 37 and 34 yrs old....we are tired of being told we are “babies”....nope...grown people with 3 living kids and 1 more on the way....getting out of debt (unlike them and the mock us), enjoying real life and not this fantasy world of magic childhood...letting our kids grow and learn an become useful people with more and more understanding and responsibilities...that is a great childhood....one you know you were prepared the whole time for the future AND had reasonable fun in the process.

[@JasperOFlanigan-jz6jt]

I would try “things not money.” Mom needs a new washer and dryer: ok here you go. But I’m buying the actual object not giving money because the son will suck up the money and she still won’t have a dryer.

[@Motivated_Motivation]

Sometimes "tough love" can be the most effective medicine and/or therapy. It can sometimes lead to positive changes.

[@StarryxNight5]

Its a wonderful advice given to the lady Dave! Hope I had heard or watched your shows (if it was started, i guess it was) 20 years back as i was in the same position as that of the 'mom', emotionally attached and can you believe that siblings older to me did the same thing the brother is doing. To worsen it more I was financing the kids of the siblings also. After being so extraordinarily supportive, i was cheated on a property by these fantastic siblings of mine. But i ain't learnt the lesson yet as i was stupidly being emotionally attached. After watching your shows and understanding the word 'no' along with the term 'boundaries' that you keep explaining in lot of the shows, i have courageously started to say 'no' to the gimmicks portrayed by them to ask help from me. Oh God!, if you are fooled, its your fault and not the person who has fooled you as you are the 'dumb' factor and you have to rectify your blunders and identify between help (which is rightfully demanded by some people)....and being a target to taken advantage of your kindness...!

[@ЕкатеринаАкатьева-б8б]

My situation, only we have my husband’s younger sister who is totally immature and lazy ( 27 years old !) and the family treats her like a baby and it’s not helping!

[@FS2obscura]

I like how Dave takes the little data he gets and then can figure out the whole story

[@andreapoirier5033]

Her voice is so calming 🥱

[@Irene-gq4jr]

Sounds a lot like my mum's cousin who lives in CA. Smart, hard working woman whose son's idleness meant she ended up working until she was in her late 70s. My male cousin has failed to manage money properly all his life too, and although he worked full time before near-death illness meant he couldn't, he was always getting handouts. I confess I've also asked for financial help at times when hit with a big bill, say a car repair: I acknowledge it was a lifestyle fault (i.e. I was with a man whose money burned a hole in his pocket, resulting in me having none). Since I ended that relationship I'm back on an even keel. My ex will always live that way and it's not something I can suffer.

[@mikehogan1827]

I have struggled mightily with this issue. I grew up in a family with a huge emphasis on personal independence and financial management. But my wife’s 4 siblings (all in their 60s) are headed for trouble. So many crazy decisions. Her parents (mid 90s) are OK, and before I retired, they assured me I wouldn’t need to support them. At the same time, 15 years ago, I told my wife that if she wants to support her siblings later in life, then she should get a job and start saving. She said no, she wouldn’t do that. But as you say, it’s not a question of will they ask for money, it’s a question of when. I have stressed myself about this for years, and have finally concluded that I can give them advice, if they ask for it. And I can pray for them. And my wife can help them get government assistance. But that’s it. Otherwise, it’s a black hole.

[@jimroscovius]

Why didn't the husband call??

[@roxannegordon6162]

Why is SHE calling about her parasitic brother in law? Why isn't the big brother calling about HIS parasitic brother???? This happens all the time. Where are the men???

[@allan2263]

Roxanne Gordon probably busy working.

[@Ecila2u]

Thank you.

[@jennydelaflor2087]

@@allan2263 ahh the age 'ol excuse. Perfectly executed!

[@brandiphillips5775]

Blaming the women for all their problems 😂

[@lolwtnick4362]

keeping quiet and solving the problem. women love gossip and issues they need to stay out of

[@stephon972]

That's crazy that the brother in law does not wanna be anything in this world. I recently got evicted and am living with family. And I have a mountain of debt to get out of as well including trying to get money for a new place. I admit I felt bad for myself and scared these past few months. But even I still wanna do better in life even though I dont know how im going to tackle this stuff. Where has his ambition gone

[@S400-i6c]

Life With Steph he's use to being taken care of . No bills and work when you feel like it and all he does is abuse the emotions of the mother to victimize himself and she feels sorry for him and the cycle continues.

[@S400-i6c]

Life With Steph I'm 22 and I'm getting my ish together , I haven't been on my own yet and I know it's a tough world out there but that won't stop me from achieving my goals , I don't think the brother in-law has any goals/drive . Life isn't easy but it is what you make of it.

[@1redrubberball]

Perhaps he never had any ambition!

[@jimh712]

No matter what you do Your mom is always going slip lazy son money...

[@artemiszero2153]

The brother in-law needs a major wake up call, and get off his but and find a stable job, lose the drugs forever.

[@BigSmashKing]

Dave, you are so stright! I pray I would have your courage with twisted family members!

[@InvestingHustler]

Life lesson, don’t ever finance someone else stupidity. 🤔

[@jaywatty8728]

Lance kaminsky That guy comments on every single video 🤔

[@DrogoBaggins987]

What's the other side of the story? When I was young and still trusted people in my family my sister and her husband invited me to come and live with them and they offered to "help me with school". I thought it was a nice offer but it turned out that they treated me as if I were an uninvited moocher trying to take advantage of them. It was like someone opening a door for you and then slamming it on you half way through and claiming to be your victim somehow. Sometimes so called deadbeats are people who have been told a bunch of lies and tripped up because of family power dynamics. And then again sometimes deadbeats are deadbeats.

[@tjbalistic]

How to help Mom without her siphoning the money to the deadbeat brother?

[@annhans3535]

You can't . Because that's her son and she will give him money until she runs out.

[@eileeneclark9011]

7/5/18....This lady & hubby jave 3 young kids....THIS FAMILY COMES 1ST BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE! If hubby can "assist" mom WITHOUT FINANCING LAZY BROTHER---fine..... Perhaps pay mom's utility bills yourself....buy her some groceries. BUT DO NOT GIVE MOM $$$ b/c she will give it/use it for her "baby" boy! Set time limit to "help" mom...

[@jimroscovius]

Even Jesus said that - you are to leave your parents and have your own family.

[@Ididntwantayoutubehandl]

Thank you for sharing this video, Dave.

[@ripwins]

Lol@ druggie lazy guy😂🤣😭🤣 cmon dave

[@TorontoNeurospicyGirl]

I would *maybe* help out the mother-in-law who will eventually have to stop working.. I wouldn't help her too much, but just enough for her to survive when she stops working if her pension is not enough to make ends meet, and only if I had all my debts paid off (except for mortgage), had a 6+ month emergency fund, and was saving for retirement, education for kid, and was on track to have the mortgage paid off before retirements.. and had some money to actually help someone out.. I would help out the mil, as part of charity/giving because she is an old lady now.. that being said... not a single dime to that useless son of hers. Although he is useless because she raised him this way and enabled his fecklessness, he is an adult now and has to either learn how to adult or not.. either way, I wouldn't help him financially because that would only enable this further... (IF he actually had a shift of character and showed the initiative and willingness to change and improve), I would maybe help him with some advice, otherwise, I wouldn't even waste my time.

[@marydehaan4195]

I feel very sad for the young lady and her husband

[@Essays4College]

HELP SUPPORT THEM??? Are you frickin' out of your mind?? Find a 2nd job or get public housing but move in? NO WAY!

[@dmoney8373]

I’m sorry, I love my parents, but I’m nobody’s retirement plan.

[@Mariaortiz-ec5kt]

She wants to tell her husband what Dave says .

[@johanna148]

There are plenty of seniors working past age 105 do not condone laziness the law protects seniors they should still work seniors should not be a burden to their kids. Their Kids are heading down the same path they will be working past age 100 too. Your parents put this stress and debt to you without your permission and they want you to take their burden away from them. Reach your parents to work till they exist this planet actually your parents should be compensating you in this lifetime for this unfair burden put on you without your consent!

[@johanna148]

Teach and exit (correction)

[@HemiMuscle]

I'm trying to decide if I should get the Scatpack or the Hellcat?

[@MsLucky443]

I was this daughter in law!!!!!!

[@DovahBaa]

She has a cute voice 🤔.

[@supremevision631]

M.oms G.o T.he O.ther W.ay

[@michaelmarquez6133]

I live with my mom and I'm in between jobs and sure I drink and smoke marijuana but so what, my mom actually doesn't want me to leave and it's hard finding a job too! I don't see the problem!

[@jameskareroa1392]

Michael Marquez the problem is he has no ambition and dependant on someone else's Wage to get by. God forbid she passes away what will he do then?

[@junkabcjunk]

@@jameskareroa1392 in that case he would want to go ahead and squander away whatever assets his Mom may have had without thinking about dividing equally. And then soon enough later, he will be back to being needy again.

[@philipgerry5228]

Open your eyes