I went on 49 first dates 😫 Here's what I learned

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Chapters:
00:00 - Introduction
00:36 - A connection can not be forced
01:29 - Low commitment first date
01:49 - Physical attraction is important
02:22 - Beware of infatuation
02:56 - Make your intentions clear
03:19 - Interest is usually obvious
04:02 - Take their actions at face value
04:37 - Don't be too quick to write people off
05:13 - Sponsorship
06:25 - Be honest with yourself
06:44 - Don't ignore obvious signs of incompatibility
07:08 - Don't judge the old person by the new person
07:32 - See if there's friendship
08:00 - Don't look for someone who will create your happiness
08:04 - Take precautions
09:29 - Outro
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[@LanaBlakely]

Go to our sponsor betterhelp.com/lana for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.

[@natemarx4999]

Sunday’s belong to Lana’s uploads.

[@hemakanshimeena8442]

hey ....please help me ...i am suffering stress last 3 year ...my life is going to ended side day by day.my boyfriend brokup with me .....

[@jessicavanessa6928]

a big thank u

[@RealHomeRecording]

What's your body count, Lana?

[@altfel12]

How many of them did you fwcked?

[@AlisInterrail]

"Someone's childhood trauma is not a reason to treat you poorly". THIS IS SO IMPORTANT!!!

[@diegovillacrez8349]

It's a reason but it's not an excuse

[@trappart9209]

Even if it is a reason the question is if you are willing to accept this behavior

[@sweetcherry4558]

So true

[@hedonismbot3274]

But many do and they don't even know what they are doing. So what is the solution ? A good therapist. Self inquiry. But many will never do that. So "hurt people, hurt people". I have just been through two relationships where they both projected everything onto me their former friends did. Up to "you hate old people" and such absurd things. And no chance to tell them otherwise. No solution. In the end both had projected so many things onto me that there was no defending myself or way out and they left me. Or better the terrible person they made up in their heads. And I know both where traumatized and the exes where assholes. The only thing that can be done is avoid such people.

[@AlisInterrail]

@@hedonismbot3274 I partially agree. However, I don't think people are so oblivious to the pain they are causing as they want others to believe. Most of the time, they are well aware, but simply choose to not acknowledge it because it's inconvenient. And they hide behind the "I didn't know/I have issues so it's not my fault". It doesn't take a therapist to teach one that faking feelings is unfair and that cheating or diminishing others is hurtful, for example, nor is a therapist's job to tell someone they're an ass xD

[@JustNicole6400]

Honestly, the more I focus on dating the more I tend to overthink everything and I lose sight of what really matters. I deleted all of my apps and started doing things for myself like dance classes and ceramics. I realized I needed to find things that fulfilled me and the need to “find someone” has completely gone away. It’s almost scary how peaceful it is because I feel like there’s something wrong with me for not actively dating 😂

[@brainelite]

You're right! For me it was art. It helps me to be in love with life and not needing someone else to make me happy ❤️

[@melrmontez]

I think the same can be said for already being in a relationship or married. We tend to lose ourselves and forget what we like to do, what we're passionate about. It's healthy for everyone to have their own interests and hobbies.

[@BaaSicStuff]

If you wish to meet someone just like an education or a job, you need to go get it! Everyday you waste your getting older, men want young women...PERIOD end STOP. Men like feminine traits like submissiveness, women Like masculine traits, like muscle, facial hair, and aggressiveness. If you act like a man, this is not attractive to most men, just as if I pranced around like a female, it would be very unattractive to a woman. Common sense guys

[@paulaluzuriaga9416]

​@@BaaSicStuff FAMINE ? okk that's all we need to know about you. Also regarding facial hair and aggressiveness , i don't think is that important , I don't like neanderthals personally but idk.

[@BaaSicStuff]

@@paulaluzuriaga9416 As you age your perspective will change. As for knowing all you need to know of me. Happily Married, Self Made, Retired by 44, Wife's traveling the World currently, me chilling having a great life. I wish so much others would live in reality, rather than some made up universe, a making of their own. I love when people tell me how it is, I just smile. You're very disagreeable, that a masculine trait, good luck with that. Aggressiveness, that's a go getter, that's what you want, not some high pitch loser thats going to work for me. Who corrects someone spelling, lol thats all you got, petty, another trait that will hold you back from all that you feel you deserve.

[@BimmerWon]

I’ve been on 0 first dates and I’m almost 26. Here’s what I learned:

[@DonJDawson]

ahh don't sweat it bud they don't want you anyway until you are 35 with money anyway. Just focus on building yourself a company so you can get that part out of the way and then really enjoy the rest of your life. If you get involved with girls while you are trial and error building your company you will fail much much harder, you don't have enough mental bandwidth to do both. Trust me I tried it, in every way possible. Screw the women. Build the company. Then the world is your oyster bud.

[@is_mizo7486]

@@beatmymeat6769 😂😂😂😂😂

[@BennieWilll]

49 dates and still single. Ouch.

[@blammmed]

​@@beatmymeat6769tell me you've never felt the genuine love of a woman without telling me:

[@chetantiwari5745]

I m 23 and I never had a relationship here what I learn

[@michaelrainbow4203]

I hate dating for the same reason I hate job interviews. Never ceases to amaze me, the BS people are willing to go through to not feel lonely.

[@elarapatrick9168]

Ohh yeah honey I which we are together because I have be the same way too

[@themichael3105]

Amen.

[@elarapatrick9168]

@@themichael3105 hey buddy why did you say that ?

[@VinyZikss]

@@elarapatrick9168 whats wrong with saying amen

[@MrGianeta]

ahaha. so true. Yep. But the answer is the same as with a job. That's why we are looking for something that lasts, no? I mean you go through the motions, and then you stick to the job/partner you got unless there's something seriously wrong with it/them.

[@samuelmyers9417]

I was rejected 27 consecutive times before I got a first date, to go on 49 first dates I'd need to ask out over 1,300 women. This information is invaluable, especially because I don't have another 720 years to find potential mates.

[@spinnetti]

You are a braver man than I. Kudos.

[@georgeinjapan6583]

There are likely better options overseas. Don't limit yourself.

[@Ana-vq6tp]

You're referring to girls as mates 😭

[@tesladrew2608]

​@@Ana-vq6tpand that offends you?

[@carolinareaper8089]

O wow I admire your persistence. I wasn’t on a date for 9 years - no one asked me - it’s hard for woman too 😮😢

[@georgekolton9059]

"Remember that you don't owe anybody anything". I REALLY dislike this concept. I think people do owe each other basic respect, appreciation, decency, common courtesy.... And if someone took you out, spent time, money and effort on you while being nothing but nice to you... and you're just not feeling it, you DO owe that person the courtesy of simple explanation and "good bye". Thinking you don't owe anybody anything leads to somebody in this situation suddenly disappearing without a word and ignoring the other person... which is seriously rude and lame. It's also a sad symptom of how these days, so many people have adopted this "It's just all about me" mentality.

[@aakashailajan]

There’s this “need” to be in a relationship or have a partner in our early 20s when we’re still trying to figure out life or ourselves for that matter. And most people jump into relationships with the wrong one, or anyone that shows slight interest bcz you’re seeking love and happiness and want to feel appreciated. The truth is that you need to first figure yourself out and learn to love yourself. Instead of seeking love and happiness in someone else, find that within you. And this self love, this internal joy, will attract not only the right partner, but a life filled with blessings. 🙂🙏🏼

[@JustNicole6400]

This! 👏🏼 There’s too much pressure in your 20’s to date someone. I wish being single and working on yourself was the norm for people my age but I seem to be the outlier lol

[@saintsaens21]

Word.

[@hi29189]

Self love is essential but it’s normal human nature to want to couple up. Can we please stop denying this and making people feel wrong for desiring partnership.

[@myfriendgoo2816]

With the benefit of hindsight, I doubt any marriages in my 20s would have stuck, be it the one GF where it was possible or any hypotheticals. People still develop and mature into their mid-20s, which is one reason the car-rental companies treat people under 25 as bad risks.

[@OshinSharma]

Agreed 100%. But easier said than done :/

[@maniravandi5983]

"Interest in usually obvious" I needed to hear that so much!

[@rosabelletan1002]

I learned that relationships and marriage are not really a must for me. I’m fine with being either single or married, married life doesn’t mean it’s way better than single life as both have advantages and disadvantages. If I couldn’t find a partner it’s ok as the most important thing for me is to find inner happiness with life and myself.

[@legrandduca687]

after 45 life gets pretty lonely, but it's up to you if you're ok with dying alone and nobody to remember you..

[@PeaceFinder12]

What have you found helps with inner happiness?

[@christiantaylor1495]

WGTOW spotted

[@christiantaylor1495]

you do realise we are in an aging crisis due to low birthrate. Check the birthrate of your country. Actually do it, don't be lazy. Yeah, it's f+£(&(_(cking low. There are people who hate you, rubbing their hands together laughing at this talk of single life being equal, meanwhile their homeland has a birthrate over 3.

[@littlelam3691]

@@legrandduca687 just because you may be lonely without a partner doesn’t mean everyone is the same. You shouldn’t make blanket statements and judgments.

[@JemimasOutcome]

Lana, girl I am so traumatised from online dating and I only tried it for 3 months. 😭😭 It was emotionally and mentally draining. My main problem though was that when I liked a guy, I got too carried away believing it was gonna work out. But then all of a sudden he ghosts. It was just so confusing. I thought there was something wrong with me. However, I then realised they just see me as an option, as there are plenty of girls to chase. So I left the dating apps and I am taking a break until I can handle the rejection. I am now focusing on learning more about myself, and what I need and want so that I don't keep falling so fast. Also I'm hoping to just meet someone organically, because swiping is so long 😩🤣

[@LanaBlakely]

The dating world (especially online) can feel like a jungle. Good on you for realizing it was becoming too much and taking a break! You don't want it to start feeling like a chore. It should be fun and exciting imo. xx

[@sams517]

@Life In France are you a girl?

[@BartSimpson-rl2uo]

Well that's how it works. There's a small number of men with unlimited amount of options when it comes to women then there's every other men.

[@onnol917]

Its even worse for men. The current dating is simly mostly superficial

[@norapeace6526]

@@onnol917 so true. Rich guys want Instagram models & vice versa & everybody else is left watching / wanting them

[@bobbobbington3615]

Going on 49 first dates tells me something as well.

[@sfd672]

Yeah she is lying for clickbait. She probably only meets 3 guys she likes in a year.

[@annejean3767]

Girl same here, 50 first dates for me!

[@harrypotter_petronus]

How many hook ups ?

[@pbj5521]

How many free meals did you fiend off of? 50 dates? Lmao how convenient that you’re just now “focusing o your career” 😂

[@annejean3767]

@@pbj5521 0? In my culture it's either 50-50 split or each person pays for themselves, plus I recommend actually doing something cool (and free!) like checking out a museum or cycling around a lake for a date. Not every date needs to be a boring sitting in a restaurant ;) Have a nice day and be kind to yourself!

[@merc2796]

Alternative comment : 50 hook up and I am taking a break from it 🤣

[@christiantaylor1495]

Focus on your career later in life after having children. You should also know women quit their careers 80% of the time. Fact check it. So you might find it isn't fulfilling anyway. You have a limited time while fertile, and are more fertile the younger you are

[@Leoo117]

Great stuff, Lana. I'm so glad you mentioned falling in love with someone's potential. My mother did this, and my sister is currently doing this. You just end up not accepting them for who they are, and you end up angry all the time due to them constantly disappointing your fantasy of them. I've learned that another term for this is called limerence. We've just got to accept reality at all times, no matter how uncomfortable it is for us. Also, as a man, I've learned that the kind of woman that can be truly special to me only really comes along about 2 times a decade. I'm very careful with who I decide to ask out on a date, because I really have to feel a genuine excitement about her and be certain, because I don't want to go around breaking hearts. It's usually easy to be certain though, as long as you can do honest introspection, and remember that you can't force yourself to like them like you said.

[@evozeus]

"The right one is right in front of you, but if you're looking for what you don't want in a lover, you won't be able to see them." That's why they say - "Open your eyes but from the inside and think about what you see. You need to be looking even when your eyes are physically closed",

[@rohantaneja7500]

Yeah honestly man I haven't been around two long but I've only had one woman that I genuinely was in love with in 20 years. The others was just infatuation or just situation ships I got into because I was so flattered they were into me. I recently got out of a really short month long relationship because initially I imagined I was going to date potential but something just didn't feel right so I had to let her go. I think I broke her heart and it was a terrible feeling to go through. So I now plan on only asking out women that I genuinely feel like there is a connection with which like you and I mentioned before come only once every so many years. It's not easy because sometimes in the loneliness of the night the option to reconnect always comes back to me but I fight it since it's the right thing to do. Good luck in your journey to find love and Godspeed my friend.

[@Leoo117]

@@rohantaneja7500 Thank you. I appreciate this comment. I have the same struggle, but we can persevere. Keep it up, man. It'll work out for us.

[@itsez1129]

Like lottry, If win you win, if not then who the fuck cares anyway

[@BG-sq7zf]

What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas, and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability, and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife, or lover, she already had been "run through," so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being, or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way. *Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin *The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi *The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar *The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell *The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis *Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe *Men on Strike* by Helen Smith *Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook: '''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated, and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.''' Cardi B. Artist and role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet: '''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.''' Isaiah 3:12 *Childish* leaders oppress my people and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road. Proverbs 31:3 Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. Ezekiel 23:20 There, she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. Any thoughts, suggestions, and constructive criticisms are always welcoming 🕊💚🙏🏼

[@floofygod]

How do you go out on 50 dates and not find a suitable partner? How do you even get 50 dates? Y'all are ridiculous.

[@jfj876]

Exactly...!

[@Maurice181]

49 out of 50 men say: "we're in the friend zone"

[@patulo1191]

she was speedrunning dates to have content

[@chloelorrin212]

you never miss lana thankyou for putting out the older sister content i always needed

[@LB-uo7xy]

Stop promoting the Better help scam.

[@p382742937423y4]

Yes pkesse!!!

[@karangoraksh6859]

49 dates. Wasted time of so many gents

[@frankgradus9474]

or they wasted her time

[@scott1294]

I tend to agree about the connection but have also come to realize that connection develops over time as you get to know someone on a deeper level. Eventually it turns into love. So maybe for less attractive people, less connection in beginning but if given a chance, it can and does develop. There is more to beauty than skin

[@ShaferHart]

Sounds like something an unattractive person would say 😂

[@MotherRabbits09]

friggin 10/10 all around. I hope that more people can watch and learn from these videos, it'll save them years of time and heartache

[@MidnightMoonProductions]

I've had my fair share of crushes before. Before, I was filled with infatuation and missed constant red flags. I was hoping to dating them at some point but looking back I'm glad I didn't. Thankful to God that I started to deeply work on my self because I love myself like never before. I believe its good to be with someone who is willing to be your best friend and grow with you :)

[@donbraga4863]

49 free drinks and food. Nice

[@MrMobi007]

It's tough but somebody's gotta do it.

[@nicholashartmann4525]

For attraction definitely grows when I get to know the person. It's like their physical look doesn't matter as much anymore. Not, that it doesn't matter at all. But just not as much. And I think that this behavior is a very individual thing that really can't be proven by a study. Edit: Oh god that point about making excuses for someone else hits home. I had this friend who started barely talking to me anymore. I made so many excuses as to what happened. They were like family, I miss them.

[@linneasimchah1621]

The 1996 movie "Truth About Cats and Dogs" where it's acknowledged that the perception of someone's external appearance is very heavily influenced by who he/she is inside. Someone drop-dead gorgeous can start to look ugly if they are not a good/nice person. Someone who is average-looking can start to look beautiful to you if that person treats you right. My husband of almost 20 years is not the most handsome specimen on earth, but we get along so well and laugh everyday. Our internal connection is priceless to me. At the beginning, I knew I wasn't physically very attracted to him, but I also knew it probably would still work, and Thank God it has!

[@indigo_dreamz]

Lana!! Congrats on one million, I've been here from the start and sooo glad to see your channel grow and many more individuals learn from the wonderful content you share!

[@beautifulplaces2703]

I think it's important first to learn how to build healthy relationships.

[@haiqa6130]

thank you lana, i feel like there’s always this pressure for us to be in a relationship. finally could rest in peace and stop going after someone emotionally unavailable n justifying their actions ❤

[@toymachine2020]

Do not settle. Keep going until you’ve found the one.

[@jayMM000]

I’m not sure if that’s good advice…

[@Karincl7]

There is no "the one"

[@Vivi_9]

@@jayMM000 first half was good advice kinda lost me with the 2nd. I'm pretty freaking exhausted from keeping on going haha, I'm taking a break

[@franciscocolin2008]

Better advice: make sure the next date you go to, the man or woman has already built a bridge to you somehow. For example, both of you enjoy the same hobbies or have the same intentions.

[@marcosfalcao2488]

Good advice but this could be problematic as you always think there's someone better and you get sucked into this cycle of writing people off over the smallest things

[@selmameyer_]

Dating and romantic relationships have taught me so, so much about myself. And I'm still learning. Thank you for sharing, Lana!

[@aleksandra2759]

Zzzz

[@Maurice181]

49 first dates... that she tells us about. And a double digit body count to go with it. "Mental checklist" optional. Therapist not included.

[@malaklahlou5234]

This video has been posted on the right time. I had “my first date” yesterday as a 21 yo. I have been in a 4 years relationship before that which ended 1years ago ( my only experience). After having accepted this date, i realized that i had absolutly no experience on it and that we may not be ourselves on the first date but people will judge based on that because we now live in a world where people don’t have the time to be interested in the few things liked in their date, we are too picky and we want perfection

[@Emily-ke8qx]

I just started dating again after my last relationship. And some people seemed perfect for me (same interests, life style, humour etc.), but in real life I didn't felt the vibe. At first I thought it's because I haven't overcome my ex and the problem is me. But after I've been honest to myself about how they made me feel, my perpective shifted. And when I made the decision, that it's about me and how I feel the universe (that's how I like to see it) showed me their true faces. Trust your gut feelings - always! If something feels off it probably is

[@adamlindeman5738]

Yeah I recently went on a date as well and wasn't feeling it despite our interests and enjoyment. I think dating apps are to blame for this in a way. It's this feeling of have endless possibilities and having unobtainable standards. Also, the way the media portrays romance has always been distorted to a point where we base our experiences or expectations based on what happens in a movie or tv show. Anyways, just rambling.

[@K4113B4113]

@@adamlindeman5738 I think you're right.

[@priscaumeobi2963]

I agree with you Lana on these points! It's been so long I needed some of these tips!

[@TheAbsoluteCool]

She learned how to get 49 free meals

[@naisin5607]

Have you heard of something called splitting the bill

[@sfd672]

All those guys had their time wasted. Yikes.

[@fholmx]

4:20 - 4:28 Spot on. I spent years until I finally gained enough self respect to prioritize my well being in this regard.

[@ruoranfu854]

Frankly, Lana's video has become an english learning tool for me. Since I could get lots of nice expression, and more important, i'm really into these views you shared!!!

[@TheREALHugo4]

At the end of the day, we keep searching for a loved one, someone that has good matches with us. I'm still 25 years old but i need to learn more about love and dating.

[@Karincl7]

You don t have too , live your own life not the one that society forces you in too

[@franciscocolin2008]

Read 3% Man by Corey Wayne. You can still live your own life with self-awareness.

[@miadeita9377]

Watching your vids early in the morning! love it!

[@Danaclerici]

Loved watching this! 💗💗

[@Ray-ki4yf]

I honestly come back to your channel because of how beautiful you are but also your advice is very inspiring too so thank you for both!

[@janithaprabodha1855]

Stay single until you find someone who can match your loyalty. Stay single until you find someone who can reciprocate your effort. Stay single until you find someone who can give back the same amount of attention you put out. Stay single until you find someone who can make the same amount of time you share. Stay single until you find someone who provides the same level of honesty you exploit. Stay single until you find someone who meets all of your expectations as clearly as you've set them. If you're single right now, it's not because you're not good enough. It's not because nobody feels the same way about you. It's not because you're bad at relationships. It's because no one is ready for you just yet. It's because they are the ones who don't deserve someone like you. It's because you aren't settling for just anybody who tells you that they care. YES, it does get lonely. Seeing other couples being happy together doesn't make it easier. Even seeing other couples argue may make you miss being in a relationship because the thought of having someone who cares deeply enough to fight with you and fight for you is what hits you. But hey, what's the hurry? You're still young, and it's just not your time yet. Loving yourself and empowering yourself is what you need because otherwise you're always gonna feel that emptiness that you think only having someone can fill, but that's wrong. You've always been everything you needed. Be patient. ❤

[@steph4369]

Well said, thank you!!!

[@MyLostYouth]

Unless you're old! Be lonely for decades / your entire life, and see if you think the same way.

[@K4113B4113]

You give the advice to stay single unless someone meets "all of your expectations as clearly as you've set them". Does those expectations come from you originally or do they come from society? Maybe something to think about. "It's because they are the ones who don't deserve someone like you." I know girls love to say stuff like this but why do you have to aggrandize your own ego and pretend like you're perfect and they are worthless? Why not just say "We just weren't right for each other" or something like that.

[@Horkruksable]

LOL 🤣

[@marthint]

hey, Lana! nice video, it’s like a conclusion of thoughts when I’m thinking rationally. will check this out from time to time. what do you think - is meeting quality dating partners completely random or should you go looking for it and be aware at all times?

[@dianabelova9136]

When I was a teenager, I decided to learn to be comfortable on my own first. It was a long way but I figured out how to enjoy being alone. My first romantic relationship started when I was 20, almost right after I understood that there is a room for another person to care about in my heart. Luckily, the other person was mature himself. We’re 1,5 years in a relationship now and it keeps getting better❤️ But for sure I’ve learned that taking good care of yourself is crucial. P.S. My boyfriend’s path was different - he has learned everything in a number of relationships. Took him a decade. So there is no single path for everyone - your’s can be different and it’s ok🙏

[@doop445]

enjoy being alone? meaning countless hookups?lmao soo inspirational

[@OwolabiEsther]

This is very relaxing to watch Thanks for the lessons

[@nerifterafrnam4682]

Honey if you´ve been on 49 dates like it were an assembly line, then the words love / empathy are just words.

[@lecameleondeslangues3006]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Lana, I really appreciate the work and wisdom you put into this video!

[@liaasage]

You are very educational Lana. thank you for what you do. You're helping many in life young and old

[@sunraddin]

Great video. Very insightful. Thank you

[@ThreeTwentyTech]

The biggest thing you learn from going on more dates is *understanding what you want in a person* You’re gonna meet some people that you love and others that you’re really gonna dislike and, ultimately, it teaches you not only what you want in someone else but also what you value in yourself, too! 👌🏻

[@RitasharmaA7639]

True'🌸

[@chrisjfox8715]

And familiarity with how to tactfully set boundaries for yourself

[@chrisjfox8715]

@Life In France some people most definitely do

[@qazedc3]

It has definitely been teaching me this. I’m not totally clear on what I want so this might actually be helping me to see what’s out there

[@ChrisGaultHealthyLiving]

Hey, you are still very young, Lana! Take your time and do what feels right to you! There is no right and wrong here. Once again, an awesome video! You are very wise!

[@reneyo2514]

Love this! Got some good notes of perspective from ya:)

[@bellabowwow2204]

i always considered first dates to be the best dates. everybody has a story to tell and i like listening to stories. the best ones are when the sparks fly from the enchanted moments

[@raniaboublal2999]

You said it all ! Thank you

[@jstn7711]

“Don't aim at love. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For love, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for love: you have to let it happen by not caring about it.” - some Austrian guy

[@catrocastre8215]

Was it Victor Frankl?

[@gelomari8904]

I love your videos Lana. It helped me a lot in being more happy and I started loving myself when I started watching your videos

[@estherinyang4779]

Thanks dear Lana. You have a very soothing and beautiful voice.

[@Vennelaa]

Thanks for making this video Lana, I think knowing all thiss is necessary when you start. it will help a lot of young people from making decisions they might regret. the part that stuck out to me was "dont be afraid to face rejection or give rejection." i think i am the sort of person that can take rejection well, but when it comes to me rejecting someone, i get too scared that i might hurt someone, even just in terms of making friends, i think i need to work on that aspect of me, because not being honest is just going to hurt more in the long run. Btw loved the video 💜💜

[@dylanbrotherton4755]

Wow.... I just realized while this video was playing that your voice is extremely easy to tune out and blend into background noise. I started reading comments and for a moment didn't realize the video was still playing.

[@ajmosutra7667]

I agree...

[@Christine-cm3hx]

Please please PLEASE consider doing a podcast! You voice is so incredibly soothing, and I just know you could do an amazing podcast!

[@Kooshvibes]

this is sincerely the most relatable to my experience and, cause i only went on a few dates i was kinda naive if what i learnt is right. now i feel much more eased after watching this. ty

[@andreyartemyev9634]

I had doubts about this video, but when I got to 4:03 that's when entire thing flipped on me. The first time I met her everything she did was blame it on her mental state, and her mental issues. It started early with acting hot and cold, it felt like one day she would be the most loving, and the next day avoidant, and she would always say well sorry I have mania or BPD i can't always be there for you and it made me feel awful. After finding out that she used to cheat on her ex while in bed with him snapping dirty videos to another man while he was sleeping next to her, and I stayed anyway because I thought that was the past...that's when I realized how much I should of paid attention to their actions at face value, without closing myself off in a box and thinking it's going to be different. Thank you for this video.

[@ItsIvaonthemic]

“Don’t look for someone who will create your happiness. Look for someone who you would like to share your happiness with.” 8:03

[@kessaann7782]

This is great advice. Thank you 😊

[@noirblush1]

This was SO good.

[@xardas6579]

This is one of my favorite video of yours so far. I like that there are a bunch of different aspects that you talk about. To me, it is the most important thing to first know what I really want before starting to go out dating. If I am not aware of my own flaws and habits, especially in terms of relationships with other people, I should try to spend some more time to think about those points. I also wanted to add something to the attraction aspect. From my personal experience, most people I fell for were not that spectacular looking (speaking in retrospect). Attraction is not only about the appearance, it is also about how a person speaks and expresses itself, it is about how a person thinks and how it is interacting with you. Of course, there are always some types we prefer, so the appearance has some influence too. I just realized for myself that I should not focus too much on the look of a person.

[@Daria-og4fl]

I totally agree, all your points resonate with me on such a deep level. Lana🧡

[@omotolaade585]

I needed to hear this more

[@thegritsch]

That last line caught me off guard, well played! Good point though, blindly following the advice from someone on youtube is probably not the best idea.

[@Hostileminds]

Great advice, the best thing I’ve ever done for my dating life, is get to know myself in and out. Strengths and weekenesses and all

[@R.GrantD]

Good work, Lana! :) This video sounds like some pretty good advice :) "Don't look for someone who will create your happiness. Look for someone who you would like to share your happiness with." To me, this is two (maybe three) things so far: 1. a round-about way of saying "you must be happily single before you are happily married." In other words, have a (happy) life, improve your outlook and positivity, and stay away from bad attitudes and neurotic vortices. To sum up, come happy rather than depending on the other person to make you happy. 2. Don't put all expectations on the other person to fullfill your wants, needs, or pleasures -- In other words, don't be selfish, or don't hold the relationship hostage to a set of emotional attachments to what you want from the person. 3. (Maybe) Look for someone with whom you feel an openness and desire to share more of yourself and what's important to you with, because that's a good indicator. Am I missing anything?

[@elarapatrick9168]

Ohh wow I think you are the pretty guy I have be looking for

[@featherfiend9095]

Bravo. Very good insights.

[@petersimcox4745]

Great Video Lana !!!.

[@manukvapil5149]

Direct and honest, thats waht i where looking for! good vid

[@shanttt]

Such a good video thx

[@ThatGuyNimit]

You encapsulated everything so beautifully. Your wisdom is beyond your years 💛 Thanks for making this video. I’m going through a stage where i need to make a decision about my current relationship and this gave me so much perspective! Keep being you Lana. Love and appreciations always 🫶🏼

[@robertlorenz2492]

Really impressed with this video and it’s really well done,

[@joea4501]

Very Good Lana, that’s a great perspective on Dating !!

[@arimdu1408]

Here is what I learnt: some people will go in 49 dates and waste peoples time

[@zackillertet]

I dated 2 times in my life and the last time was since 3 years ago and I never dated someone online but by listening to you I get some flashbacks memory and it feels good to find someone talk about that, i feel like I want to be in love again but I think it's hard to find or be someone that have all your checklist plus to that people change and have influence on other so maybe your relationship could add some changes and influence your partner so the most important rule to get a productive and successful relationship it's to have a smooth and positive communication "smooth means that you and your partner accept to change his mind without complications and positive means that the one think for best of the two" the most rule I like in your checklist is "don't ignore obvious sing of incompatibility" you should tell us more about that point 🧐

[@dikshyakasaju7541]

Thanks for pointing out that "Physical attraction is important" since you have to desire and be attracted to the person you are with.

[@jenni33e94]

Thank you girl☺️

[@qazedc3]

I’m the type of person who needs to experience something before I know how I feel about it. In the last 3 months I have gone on about 7 dates and counting so far, and this has been my personal all time record high in a specific dating period. At the beginning in the first few, it was quite triggering because it brought up a lot of fears related to rejection and rejecting someone else. As a lot of people have said here that it would. I started to quickly realize how impersonal this whole process is. I really wanted to give up at the beginning but I told myself I would keep going. There just keeps being real bad dates that bring up my own fears and also makes me aware of how wounded others are, I’m sensitive so this actually makes me kind of sad. I was joking to myself that maybe I should go on 50 first dates as an experiment at the very least to see how much I can learn and grow from it. Then I see this video pop up for me. So maybe I will do that, as taxing as it is. But I’m going to have to take breaks for myself because it’s honestly so emotionally and mentally draining, and can easily feed into my belief that I may end up alone forever.

[@enacherobert1068]

Your voice is soo soothing 😍. Keep up the good work

[@LanaBlakely]

Thank you!! :)

[@margaretoffere7384]

Thanks for sharing your experience

[@whaleskin7303]

Amazing video!!!

[@MultiColoredHairBoy]

I watched the first half of this video and it had absolutely nothing to do with the title. I stopped watching the video because I feel misled.

[@stellastella4418]

Someone who is into you does not need to be reminded of your existence. Take their actions at face value Someone's childhood trauma is not a ticket to treat you poorly

[@LorraineandRaeJewellery]

Absolutely loveeeee your videos!

[@irinasmirnova1877]

Thanks for the video. It made my day❤

[@dhritichoudhary]

this is totally unrelated-but i am (we are) eagerly waiting on that hair routine video

[@LanaBlakely]

It's coming!!

[@user-ok6ef9zn4f]

I can't get one date. I've been trying for about 3 months now. Women are so lucky 🤣

[@latenitetubing]

Actually super helpful

[@safiaafrinsafa5104]

Thank you girl for you sweet advices ❤❤❤

[@faisalmohammed5167]

Hi. I'm from Ghana. Love your content, keep it up😇

[@LanaBlakely]

Hi!! Thank you :)

[@NOBLEGAMING21]

If you want to get into dating, you should start by dating yourself. If you can't entertain, nourish, help, listen or be there for yourself... How do you plan on doing that for others? Or how do you hope that others will be able to do that for you, let alone let that in?

[@earthrooster1717]

Expectations block - be open to what the universe can bring. Ask yourself, have you ever received what you expected? Probably never. So be in the frequency that makes you feel great. Then, see what happens.

[@jonmoller]

Valid points thanks

[@kanishksigar]

Million soon 🙌🏻

[@LanaBlakely]

yes!!!

[@BrownieEXE]

I do still think physical attraction can fade away but then there's attraction of personality which lasts much longer

[@LanaBlakely]

That's a scary thought. You'd hope you and your partner continue to be attracted to one another as you grow older too.

[@Vivi_9]

@@LanaBlakely in a healthy relationship where attraction is based on more than "but how hot do other people think my partner is?" then yes.. but what percentage of today's romantic relationships were ever started on something that wasn't entirely superficial or ego-driven? Maybe I'm a pessimist but I'd say less than 5%. I don't know you personally but you are clearly an exceptional woman and shouldn't settle for anything less than what you know a healthy relationship looks like.

[@BrownieEXE]

@@LanaBlakely wait, how is it scary?

[@donnawoodward3163]

You are so wise Lana🌷

[@alnwrsemoom8041]

I think you grow enough after these dates so that you ar able to give advices related. Thanks for sharing us

[@zevo8293]

Thank you, I really do apricate this video and your advice. "Don't look for someone who will create your happiness, look for someone who you'd like to share your happiness with." & "Potential is not a person; it's a figment of your imagination." are the two things I REALLY needed to hear.