I Wouldn’t Date A Bisexual | r/AITA

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Not accepting a trans friend's new name, refusing to date a bisexual, and double standards?
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[@Jammidodger]

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[@addmakerhd480]

Hello jam

[@inanek7107]

How do you join the giveaway? I have played a few years ago so still have an account but can't see anything about pride in the app

[@Space-tree]

How do you join the give away??

[@AngelDustbutasexual]

I really want to enter but am not sure how because my parents don’t fully support and if I end up winning and those items show up on the door idk how they would react even tho I cosplay so I could use that as excuse (also am going to cosplay to a pride on Friday) Edit:am trans ftm I have been for over 2 years

[@NekolatheDruid]

I've been addicted to this game for a while now and can't tell you how much my heart soars that they are doing this partnership and giveaway ❤❤

[@reynastrange2828]

1st one: Being concerned for a friend is good, but threatening your friendship if they don’t do what you want is manipulative. 2nd one: That’s just biphobia. 3rd one: That’s also biphobia

[@timothyisstupid]

Boooooo, we hate Biphobia here

[@Khotetsu]

2 and 3 are also like the opposite ends of each other. OP of 2 and fiance of 3 need to go to the same counselor to get over their shared issues.

[@danielbutler8103]

Or the 3rd one is worried that she'll take all the good strippers. . If it's not obvious I'm joking.

[@stylis666]

I do get the first one though a little bit, but at the same time I don't think that a name should be a reason to tip the scales to where the concern is unbearable. They're already trans and a lot of bigotry existing and being normalised is already a concern, with or without a name that could add to it. So if that wasn't so worrying that they would want to distance themselves, why would a name suddenly be the reason to change that? Also, it is manipulative to threaten with ending a friendship, but that's also not necessarily what the person is doing. Teh person said in the post that they're willing to die on the hill even if it costs them that friendship. That doesn't mean that they expressed that sentiment to Stardancer. Calling it stupidity and deadnaming her is also transphobic and manipulative though, so... I'm just letting the arsehole off of one hook to skewer them on another, but hey, fair is fair :D But to get back to how I might understand the concern a little bit, I have ended a friendship because I was unable to handle the risks my friend took. She and I were just a little older than 18 and 20 yo and she loved trying out new stuff and I see dangers everywhere. We had also been in a relationship and I lied to her and told her I can't be friends with her because of the hurt of our relationship not being romantic anymore, which did hurt but wasn't the reason. I never threatened her with ending the friendship and I did try to talk her out of things and picture her all kinds of horrific scenarios, and I didn't know how to better deal with it, but I did know that she didn't deserve my anger and frustration over my inability to deal with her desire to be free and try things and I didn't want to discourage her either. I considered lying and disappearing from her life the lesser evil. I wish I was strong enough to encourage her and be there for her if things go super right and when things go bad. I wasn't at all a nice guy back then. Lying to protect myself from getting hurt was about all the personality I had. I don't know if I would be strong enough now, but at least I've learned how to deal with my feelings without lying and I have developed a personality I respect and love. My behaviour was inexcusable, but the reasons were quite amazing actually. I love and I am very sensitive. I am very glad I've learned to do wayyyy better things with that, things that encourage those parts of me instead of punishing myself and others for it. So yeah, I get it, a little bit, but not in that situation. Besides, how people react to names is cultural. In many cultures the name Stardancer would be considered far more normal than Bob or Alice. "What's your name?" "Butch." "Oh, I like that name, what does it mean?" "It's America, -honey,- names don't mean anything." I'd be so proud to be her friend! I'd be like, this is my friend, Stardancer. Isn't that a great name? "I hate it - it's stupid." Sucks to be you then - I love it! :D I love my name, so I'm not gonna change it, but if I did and someone suggested Stardancer, it'd be my name faster than you can blink! 🤣 So, if I was friends with someone named Stardancer, I'd be happy as a puppy every time I was there when they introduced themselves, or in this case if she introduced herself.

[@vagabondsentinel]

Literally scrolled down to comment this exactly. Well put.

[@LoraK31]

My theory with the Stardancer OP is that the idea of telling people that their best friend's name is Stardancer is embarrassing for them, so they're projecting the feeling onto her. I hope they realize it's not that big of a deal, because saying you're willing to end the friendship over a name is WILD

[@Rikrobat]

OP definitely needs to step back and self-reflect on their behaviour. "I'm gonna die on this hill." The hill of refusing to call your friend the name she wants to be called? Stardancer deserves a better friend. They didn't provide any valid arguments on why the name could make life difficult or troublesome for her, only expressed that they think the name is stupid. That's not constructive criticism.

[@thatbicuriousFictionkin18]

I know right, it's a fucking NAME!

[@alex_blue5802]

If I brought up Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock, would anyone know what I meant?

[@cecilie...]

@@alex_blue5802thanks to my millennial sister I know exactly what you mean 😂 (but in all honesty, it's a terrible hill to die on with your best friend no less, just decide on a cute nickname or smth)

[@thatbicuriousFictionkin18]

@@alex_blue5802 Most likely.

[@whitestarlinegoodnight]

Honestly I do think that "Stardancer" is perhaps not the best name idea, but like who cares? She's an adult. Hell, I know somebody who goes by "Purple", and I think that's dope. It's all subjective, and crucially, _not your decision._

[@Funny_in_blue]

Mine is Blue lol

[@maycherryblossoms]

Yeahhh as a trans woman it's not a name I would pick and I would hope that someone would talk me out of choosing it lmaoo. But at the end of the day, it's her decision. People could always just call her Star, which is SO CUTE and I knew a girl in high school with that name

[@maycherryblossoms]

@@Funny_in_blue I think Blue and Purple work as names :)

[@whitestarlinegoodnight]

@@maycherryblossoms using a nickname to conceal a somewhat unusual name is actually kinda what I'm doing now lol. For most people I just go by my first two initials (which haven't changed from my deadname, so I can even use them in boymode without it sounding weird), but for supportive people I just use my full chosen name.

[@ConstantChaos1]

I personally know 2 Stardancers I literally dont even see the problem, it's a pretty common name for pagans and one if the 2 I met at my private catholic highschool I know of 3 more but havent met them yet at the pagan festivals

[@NinjaBoy641]

"He didn't tell me he was bi until a month in." Why did you wait a month to tell him you were homophobic? YTA.

[@rowanrobbins]

Bi-phobic.

[@waffles3629]

Bingo

[@fifteendozenalleyroses]

Biphobic

[@sebastiankalstrom237]

lmaoooo truuuuee

[@user-of6ck5fu6i]

My god I love this. Like really why did it matter when yall were already together?

[@anaveragehedgehog]

For the Stardancer one, maybe OP could just call them Star for short, but only if Stardancer feels comfortable with it.

[@benberg7475]

that's what I was thinking too honestly

[@ArturGlass.C]

Stardy is a cute nickname too. It's also close to Stacey so I feel it'll seem more like a common name if OP's concern is about how people will react when they use it.

[@stylis666]

@@ArturGlass.C I don't really see how one could get Stardy out of their mouths to be honest 🤣 You'd have to show me. But Star as a call name, and as a nickname Starry, I think that that is super cute! I mean, no one calls Hanz-Frederick III by his full first name. It's something you say when you introduce yourself and what's on papers and ID-cards and such. Everyone just calls him Fritz da Bitzh :p I'm just kidding, I don't know anyone by that name. But names are a cultural thing anyway and the internet and trains and airplanes have been a thing for a while now. I think we can all agree that being a twat about names is a bit outdated. We have a global culture now. I think it's time we move on, and Stardancer can help normalise that by just being herself and hopefully living her best life, with or without htat friend.

[@Ann963]

Exactly, the only “issue” I would have if my friend changed their name to Stardancer is that it is a bit of a mouthful to use all the time. Some people go by three syllable or more names all the time, but that is usually the threshold for nicknames (Jessica is Jess, Elizabeth has many abbreviations, William is Will or Bill, Theodore is Ted, etc) But most importantly is that it is THEIR name and THEIR decision.

[@Theo-nc5yd]

Yeehhh like star is really cute tbh

[@LoremIpsum-dp1li]

4:15 I personally feel that if a person understands the risks of choosing an unusual name *for themself* and are willing to use it anyway, then by all means. It's definitely not like a parent naming a baby who can't consent (a.k.a. r/Tragedeigh).

[@Dyejob01]

I'm curious why he doesn't like her new name. Is he concerned because of their job? What's the problem?

[@ConstantChaos1]

I know multiple Stardancers so it's not even that unusual in some circles

[@Imjustkendall]

Exactly! I chose to name myself Axolotl but I go by “Lottie” or “lotta” or “Axe” for short to sound more normal

[@CoiledDracca]

@@Imjustkendall That's a wonderful name with all sorts of shortforms. Love it! *hug*

[@ddlcispoly]

​@@Imjustkendallthat's actually the coolest

[@ArturGlass.C]

Story 2 is I don't want to date a bi man because I don't want to date a gay man. How is that not clear biphobia ?

[@lyn6768]

One of my friend's called Stargazer! She has a crunchy mom, her siblings have equally "unique" names. We all just call her Star since that's what she prefers. Stardancer sounds kinda quirky and cute, but not bad.

[@StuckInTheMiddlewithYou]

sorry what does "crunchy mom" mean here? lol

[@Shoulderpads-mcgee]

I also wanna know what a crunchy mom is

[@emofurryboyfriendasmr]

crunchy mom is like a very much naturalistic approach to raising children the best comparison i can think of in popular media is mandarks parents from Dexter's Lab

[@emofurryboyfriendasmr]

i personally don't understand the appeal of being a crunchy parent but i also don't understand the appeal od being a parent and so long as your kids are happy and safe idrc

[@lyn6768]

@@StuckInTheMiddlewithYou Think natural, almost hippie like lifestyle. No technology no medicine no vaccines, everything gotta be organic and natural and healthy.

[@saltedbuttercups]

When I was 18 i legally changed my name to Six. You'd be surprised how few people have ever even commented on it and how little it has affected my life. Also, if she changes her mind later, she can just change it again? It's not a big deal.

[@mellowthm566]

See i hear the name Six and think it's peak sci -fi vibes and awesome

[@JellyfishButItHasAGun]

badass name

[@kendallsings7823]

Little nightmares

[@SimonClarkstone]

Ah, in the Roman tradition. (The name "Sextus" means "sixth born".)

[@pennysantana247]

Six is a lot more reasonable than Stardancer in my opinion. Six is a cool name, doesn't sound like a tragedeigh-adjacent name and is short and sweet. Stardancer sounds like an RPG class and will hurt her professionally in the long run. But it's not any of my business and OP is wrong to be so pushy and willing to throw the friendship away over it

[@racheld23biscuitsmom42]

I once had an elderly customer named Chaz Silverdick. He was in his 80’s and had a long happy life despite the his name. The “friend” needs to get over himself and be a supportive person in her life and *if* she realizes it was a mistake.. also be a support through that. That’s being a friend.

[@Chaotic_evil_duck]

That name kicks ass

[@skip-4259]

legitimately sounds like an 80s action hero

[@tjzambonischwartz]

Chaz Silverdick is incidentally, also my 🌽 name.

[@existenz_1]

That name is cool af

[@racheld23biscuitsmom42]

I’m cracking up. I was always embarrassed saying it but being it was 25 years ago.. I can now see the awesomeness

[@xerofelix7090]

Ok, so I'm bisexual and my husband is straight. So I asked him about the last story. His response was "What!? Why!?" He did say that if it was us, we should just get the same striper and maybe get a discount! 🤣 Granted, we talk about both women and men we find hot ask the time. Finding someone hot is not always about sexual attraction. Sometimes it's just about the show. 😉😁

[@RedDeadSakharine]

As my Mum likes to say, "you can work up an appetite elsewhere, but you'll eat at home" ;)

[@orsolyafekete7485]

The "getting a discount" comment is absolutely hilarious, he's a keeper, lol (but I guess I don't have to tell you that, you already married him :P)

[@URFTBOUND4LIFE]

Because it's a double standard. Men aren't expected to explore their sexuality because it seen as "not masculine" . Classic example how some women's attitude towards queer men is co-signing on certain aspects of the patriarchy

[@skyefirenails]

THIS. My husband would have been all for me having a female stripper. I never would, because I'm too shy, but in this hypothetical scenario, he probably would offer to pay. Lol

[@Ruby-yn5fp]

brownie points for the understanding partners. I too am lucky that mine dared to ask me his questions and then completely accepted my answers. I asked how likely his straight a$$ was to cheat on me, and whether he finds every woman he sees attractive to a point he would ask their number or worse go to their house and do stuff. The response: wtf, I would never. So, there you go, I said, gender is irrelevant, it is about who you find attractive and if you would then act on it based on how happy you are in your existing exclusive relationship, and he accepted the logics instantly.

[@LoremIpsum-dp1li]

21:02 Honestly, to me, not wanting to date a bi person because they like more than one gender makes just as much (or rather, as little) sense as not wanting to date a straight person (or any person) because they aren't exclusively attracted to me and only me.

[@mellowthm566]

😮‍💨 yup the math never maths.

[@persooniemand8346]

So what I am reading is that we should date a-spec people. Either that or throw our loved ones into a prison and ensure they can not make any contact with others

[@WynneL]

In that case, your only option would be a demisexual partner who is very very mono.

[@waffles3629]

Yep. Like it's the same with the whole "you can't be bi once you're in a relationship". Which makes no sense either, because even if it worked like that (which it obviously doesn't) it only means they are attracted to fewer genders, not only one person.

[@idkkkk7588]

​@@WynneLAnd as a demisexual person no thank you. If someone only wants you for your label they don't actually want you.

[@LoremIpsum-dp1li]

25:05 Again: Saying that her having a female stripper means she'd rather be with a woman than her fiancé makes, to me, as much sense as saying that her having a male stripper means she'd rather be with another man than her fiancé. I feel like a lot of the nonsensical aspects of biphobia can be pointed out by just comparing "other gender vs. same gender" to "only me vs. other people".

[@charlotteinnocent8752]

I agree, but I don't like EITHER of them having strippers. This "tradition" is just all wrong to me. Getting drunk with friends I get but I have never felt that havign strippers was right. He's seriously insecure. They need to talk.

[@cloudyskyz2237]

@@charlotteinnocent8752 i never understood the tradition of the bachelorette/bachelor parties. It's literally a "last horrah before I lose my freedom" party. Why continue the idea that marriage is losing your freedom? Marriage is not and should not be seen that way.

[@charlotteinnocent8752]

@@cloudyskyz2237 Agreed. They lost "freedom" back when they decided to date exclusively. It's just creepy to me!

[@Kimshu6]

​@@cloudyskyz2237 I don't really see it like that. My sister's tone about hers was just "a big party with the girls". It just depends on the person.

[@Azimondeus]

It felt like a case of the 'yeah, sure, you were bi before you met, but you settled down into being straight when you agreed to marry me so why are you trying to go gay again?' sort of 'just a phase' nonsense you hear all the time, to me at least

[@Road_Kill7]

“Honesty without kindness is cruelty- which is asshole” -Jammidodger

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

well good thing jammi is bri'ish because he would not survive in places like germany or finland. people will be ice cold.

[@emeraldlily673]

@@KossolaxtheForesworn Britain isn’t known for being nice, the people I met in Bavaria were remarkably nice

[@Jigglypowerpuffgirl]

I experience more biphobia from women. Sometimes it’s lesbians not wanting to date me (and bi women). But I know a lot of straight girls who say they won’t date a bi man. I think it’s the cheating stereotype and homophobia of thinking about them having been with men before.

[@WynneL]

For me, that's just plain an advantage. I like bi men for the same reason I like incredibly secure straight guys: I can speak my mind if I think some other dude's hot and have a pretty reasonable expectation of a fun conversation rather than some sort of homophobic freakout. Even if it's just him playfully heckling my taste in men.

[@donder91]

The only way to show bisexuality in shows, is by making them change partners at least once. A lot of bi people in shows are shown as sleeping with everyone and not settling down.

[@spook6394]

I think the straight women not wanting to date bisexual men is typically because they think queer men have been emasculated and are less manly.

[@antheas511]

@@donder91 Or the shows could just let the character talk about their attraction to both? It is not that difficult to portrait and the "sleeping around" stereotype makes me furious.

[@donder91]

@@antheas511 while I partially agree, I also believe shows should mostly be entertaining. While more inclusion is good, a lot of shows fail to make it feel natural and instead become preachy. Doing it right is difficult

[@sarajuvey]

I feel like #1 is actually uncomfortable with the fact that their friend is trans. But they realize it's not acceptable to admit that, so they're projecting all their anger onto the name. They're not willing to lose a friend over a name. They're willing to lose their friend because their friend is trans, but they need a "legitimate" excuse and are starting fights about the name to give themselves an out from the friendship.

[@diarmuidkuhle8181]

Maybe that person just doesn't wanna hang around someone with such a childish mindset that a regular name isn't 'extra special unique' enough for them and they have to call themselves something ridiculous so everybody will know just how not-like-other-people they are. At some point you have to go out in the real world, and the only place you're gonna get employment with a stupid fantasy name like that is a strip club.

[@starfishgurl1984]

I was wondering the same thing the whole time just because of the language they used and the partial misgendering and the way they were choosing to phrase what they wrote like they were putting up a front for the real reason they were uncomfortable so they wouldn’t be attacked for it and would actually get people on their side.

[@BlissfulAriana]

I feel this too. The strong reaction to the name seems to be in place of something else. And like, can we be clear about that OP using "him" in the post? Sure sometimes people accidentally misgender when speaking to others, that's expected with something new. But OP is typing. Typing a whole post on reddit. You CAN change that. You can edit that. Literally whenever and re-read and fix it. But they chose not to. This is 100% about their friend being trans and not the name.

[@WickerOSeer]

⁠@@diarmuidkuhle8181Pretty sure you’re just assuming that was the mindset. People can like unusual names for themselves without it necessarily being this “look at me, I’m so special and unique” type of thing. And it’s not necessarily done without full awareness of the risks. Besides, in the real world, not every person or employer is all that judgmental of weird, over-the-top names.

[@aaronjoshuaa]

As a bisexual man I'll be honest the amount of biphobia out there when it comes to dating straight women or gay men makes me gravitate more towards dating someone who is also bisexual as they will understand the harm that those stereotypes cause 🤷‍♂

[@idkkkk7588]

I used to identify as bisexual (woman) and I'm so sorry. You guys deserve better.

[@alexshane5713]

Literally my partner is pan and I'm bi. So nice to have someone who understands

[@okanimation68]

Same as a bi nb, the number of biphobic lesbian I met was surprising even more than biphobic straight people 😭

[@dosabella]

as a bisexual woman, I feel like the kind of biphobia I’ve experienced is a lot different to what men go through. seems like a lot of it is rooted in misogyny, as bisexual men are assumed to be gay and ‘unable to commit’ and bisexual women are assumed to be straight and ‘bicurious’ or ‘doing it for attention’. it’s disheartening that wlw is still seen as something sexy but performative, while mlm is seen as perverted and shameful. many people recognise these stereotypes are outdated for gay people, so why are they still applied to bisexuals??

[@lilydanielle9306]

We are always stuck in the middle. Too straight for gay people, too gay for straight people. Not to mention the idea of being with a man being considered dirty??? Like the whole gold star lesbian thing 🤮 even moreso there are “political lesbians” that are such hard core misandrists that it invalidates their feminism entirely, translates to transphobia, and is just generally baffling… you want to date women you are not attracted to bc you hate men so much?

[@sandwichqueen]

Story 2- She also outed herself as transphobic too. One sentence, but she compared it to breaking up with a trans person. I understand gen*tal preferences and even a bit if they wanted kids, or even breaking it off after they came out, but because they are trans is just transphobia

[@jackoh991]

Even the kids thing - you don't do fertility tests before marriage

[@oiytd5wugho]

i'm wondering how the first OP saw this plan of theirs playing out? She either doesn't fold to their demand and they're no longer firends OR she fold, switches to a different name and is forever resentful towards OP, eventually leading to them not being friends anymore. What were they even going for? At that point it's just righteousness

[@persooniemand8346]

Clearly the friend would change their name, and then praise OP for years to come for changing their mind /s

[@DanDan-eh7ul]

I get the friend is being terrible, but "Stardancer", really? It gives me vibes of a kid or attention seeker calling themselves "Dreadlord", but it's an adult doing it. I mean, it's her choice, but still.

[@Local_weirdoxxx]

@@DanDan-eh7ulyeah I mean it’s not a name I would code personally but she feels comfortable with it she at the end of the day it’s just a name

[@ju_aych39]

The not wanting to date a bi guy story gives me the same energy as the only will date a virgin crowd

[@Jigglypowerpuffgirl]

She may not stick with Stardancer. It sounds like she’s nurturing her inner child by picking a whimsical name. Might be the permanent name, might not. I know a Star irl who is cis and that’s been her name since birth. I think it’s a pretty name.

[@CometAura]

1: YTA. Grow up 2: YTA check your prejudice. 3: NTA, your fiancé is a knob

[@Heather_Duke]

In the first story, the OP really doesn't sound as if he's coming from a place of concern for the friend. It's more that HE finds it embarrassing, and that's what's important. He's upset at the fact that no one else is angry about it, but those other people love their friend/family member and want her to be happy. They realize that she's her own person and can make her own decisions.

[@EvanAfton10]

26:56 plot twist: he actually wanted a male stripper but was scared to ask for it outright/j

[@Lee.M.D]

That’d be hilarious

[@missnaomi613]

It's possible!

[@Ellie_Kat]

The biphobia is strong in this video 😮

[@mirandadewey9998]

Stardancer may make them think of strippers but it could also be a gamer or hippy style name. Using it for a year before making it legal is smart.

[@arti_lu_nico16]

I thought something similar. Cuz I feel like it is a bit like alter ego-y which generally isn't the associations you want when transitioning. Like this new name and new way of expressing ones true self more genuinely isn't to be seen as an act or a persona that you tap into and out of. It's your true self. It's who you really are. And picking a name that could potentially be associated with something innapropriate is a bit ill adviced in my opinion. But so is OP's way of going about this whole thing. Not really the best way to "show support" but I do still get the concern for the misconceptions

[@donder91]

​@@arti_lu_nico16yeah same. It doesn't sound like a real name.

[@Nova_Borealis121]

I am pro-whimsical names. Give me weird, give me unusual, give me sci Fi/ fantasy names

[@GachaAracne]

fr. i love names that are socially considered 'weird' and 'unusual'. they're the best

[@witchassbitch3]

Whimsical chosen names are my favorite

[@SolarSys1929]

I'm changing my name to space themed first and last name

[@comcation7262]

Bro the name Stardancer is fire as hell

[@GachaAracne]

agreed!

[@Astlay]

I mean, if someone told me their name is Stardancer, I'd just assume their parents are on the hippy side of things. My mom has plenty of New Age friends who named their kids slightly odd names, and no one bats an eye. A lot of them are quite successful today.

[@spook6394]

But if someone told you their name was Stardancer and they were visibly transgender you’d probably think they changed their name to Stardancer. I don’t wanna act like this girl isn’t gonna face issues because of that name. People are gonna treat her worse because she’s not “one of the ‘normal’ ones”. That’s her choice to make ultimately though.

[@Astlay]

@spook6394 I mean, transphobes will be transphobic, regardless of the name someone chooses. I don't think anyone with a "normal ones" mentality wouldn't find another excuse to treat her badly. That's what they already do with anyone who doesn't perfectly "passes".

[@spook6394]

@@Astlay i disagree, i think they have a tolerance level. It’s not all or nothing with people, they’re much more complex.

[@elaexplorer]

That first story. OP 100% does not accept his friend's transition. He figured it was a phase that would end when "life got back to normal". He's making a mountain out of the name because then he'd have to accept it's for real. Saying he blew up the friendship over a name thinks it makes him look better than saying he blew up the friendship because his friend ended up being a girl.

[@waffles3629]

Yep. The continual referral to who they used to be just gave transphobia vibes. I've had people assume I only came out because of Covid, except I was out longer before Covid then it's been since Covid started. Like yeah, a lot of people self reflected during lockdowns and such, but that doesn't make it fake.

[@IndigoViolent]

Re: #2: Does anybody else sometimes feel like cishet people live on a different planet and don't understand our human logic? This woman is a walking illustration of why queer people are careful about who they come out to and when - because it can have serious consequences. In this case it was just getting dumped, which sucks enough on its own, but it could have been much worse. And straight people wander around wailing "I just feel very betrayed that this person wanted to wait until they knew they actually liked me before they decided to trust me with this extremely personal piece of information!"

[@BiDisaster327]

For real though... like first of all, they just started to get to know eachother? Would she react the same if he told her that football was a pastime of his? "HE DIDN'T TELL ME HE WAS A FOOTBALL PLAYER WHEN WE FIRST MET, HOW MANY OTHER LIES IS HE HIDING?" Like damn girl that's not how getting to know someone works. Second, yes, the most obvious is *safety* reasons. If you're not homophobic, then it would be obvious why someone may not be publicly or very openly about their queerness/sexuality. It takes time for the vibecheck to mean something... And well, third thing. Sometimes it's not even about safety or being comfortable or things like that... sometimes my bisexuality doesn't really matter that much. I love being bisexual and what it means to me and all that stuff... but like why do other people have to know? 😕 I just think it being an intimate fact is enough for me. I think that's also very common and other people may feel this way too. I don't know, it's really easy to think why a person wouldn't tell you every single thing about themselves when you first met. Maybe it's an insignificant detail, maybe it's a multi-faceted core of their identity, maybe they just like frogs and find a couple of genders pretty, idfk. It's normal! Why are some people so entitled! Sorry for the long text, i just had to rant lol.

[@Unknown-ov2kz]

@@BiDisaster327 I got the vibe that the person just didn't understand that while yes, they were dating a bi man, that doesn't mean their relationship was suddenly bi, it was still heterosexual. I think it may have been underlying lines of phobia with a lovely scoop of stupidity. 😆

[@wav3rid3r]

It's always "I wouldn't date ____" and never "would that person even be interested in me" Self centered pricks

[@baguettegott3409]

​@@Unknown-ov2kzOh in THIS circumstance bi people suddenly admit that when they are with a person of the opposite sex it's a straight relationship. It is, but I've had extremely frustrating conversations with bi people online who insisted that any relationship they're in is always gay (because that sounds cooler)

[@sethmichel6138]

My partner didn't even tell me she's bi. One of her friends mentioned it, I asked if she was bi, she confirmed it, and then I went right back to playing whatever game I was playing because it does not matter to my relationship. Why do my fellow cishet people care so much, it's not a betrayal if they they don't share that with you right away, it's very sensitive information that they can't just share with everybody that 99% of the time should have no impact on your relationship

[@jsam-bv6jb]

Star dancer to me.Sounds like a race horses name, but This person has a right to have the name they want. Besides, when somebody has a long or doubled name, they usually shorten it.People will probably just call Star. What is the big deal.

[@janetheard4357]

I thought Stardancer sounded like a name a little girl would name her first pony, but also don’t see any harm. Hope it makes her feel precious and special💕

[@jsam-bv6jb]

@janetheard4357 wait wasn't there a toy called stardancer. I remember a fairy you placed on a base and pulled a string. The doll took off like a helicopter.

[@janetheard4357]

@@jsam-bv6jb 🤔🥰 as a former little girl, currently old girl, 🥰

[@DrachenGothik666]

I thought it sounded like a horse's name, too. Be hard for me to take someone seriously as an adult if they had that name. But, it's what they chose, & would respect that. Maybe worn them that they could have some potential difficulties with a name like that, but not in the rude way the OP did. I'd try to at least to be more diplomatic.

[@jsam-bv6jb]

@janetheard4357 found it. it was Sky dancer.

[@BlackKoshka23]

Stardancer is such a "my parents were hippies" name, but I was expecting something much worse.

[@seilvox]

Regarding the third story: I personally never saw the appeal of having a stripper at a bachelor/bachelorette party in general. The idea of marriage is that you're pledging to be with only your fiance for the rest of your life, so why are you looking for a stripper whose job it is to be titillating? That whole 'last night of freedom' thing just rubs me the wrong way in general. ...But yeah, saying it's 'different' when the stripper is of the same gender for a bisexual woman is really stupid regardless and very biphobic.

[@sandwich2473]

Yeaaaaaaaaa It's like, if most people's partner was going to the strip club regularly during their relationship, I think they'd be dumped

[@TheNerevahkiin]

For the third story, that one friend clearly has no idea what being bisexual means. Having a partner of a particular gender doesn’t mean that you’re “choosing a side”. Being attracted to someone of a certain gender doesn’t mean that you’re admitting that you’d rather be with them. There are no sides being chosen, you don’t stop being bi no matter who you’re committed to. Being bi is not choosing whether to be gay or straight. It’s the same as how a straight person doesn’t just stop finding people other than their own spouse physically attractive after they get married.

[@korfelthewizard8697]

I saw something a while back that sums this up nicely: A bi/pan person in a relationship has not "chosen a side," they have chosen a person.

[@sanctuary_polaris]

The fact that in 2024 this still needs to be said is so frustrating. Like how many times must bi/pan/omni people say these things before everyone else gets it. It is tiring(biphobia as a whole is just tiring) -signed a very tired bisexual

[@katrinadaly1755]

I’m demisexual so while I know I’m attracted to men, it may very well be that I’m also attracted to women, but haven’t clicked with anyone sexually like that (whereas I have felt sexual attraction to close male friends in the past). I literally only feel attracted to people if I’m very close with them and when I know someone well - all these biphobic people seem to have no awareness of the difference between sexually attracted to and love/want to be with. To me it’s such a stupid issue to die on a hill for, because I literally don’t know what it is like to feel sexually attracted to someone but not ‘want to be with them’/like them as a person. Obviously from my perspective, (and maybe it’s complete ignorance on my part) but I would never consider worrying about a partner wanting/going to cheat on me with someone that’s a different gender just because they’re not the same gender as me, especially in the case of a hired professional just trying to do their job and get paid (like a stripper)?! And I can’t even fathom breaking up with someone because they’re Bi… Emotional cheating is a huge deal for me, I think I would actually prefer my partner to physically have sex with someone else than get involved emotionally with them, but the fact that someone’s sexual orientation has any bearing on whether they’d cheat or not is just insane. Like I’m genuinely trying to understand why people think that? Any partner I’ve ever had, I’ve been with because I like THEM not just because id take anyone who’s a guy… These days I tell any potential partners I’m Demisexual upfront because most partners won’t wait around for 6-12 months of platonic friendship for me to hopefully develop sexual attraction & romantic feelings for them without sticking me firmly in the ‘friend zone’/uninterested in them box 🙃 So while I can understand that some people are able to be very upfront about their sexuality, I completely understand someone who doesn’t want to or doesn’t feel comfortable enough to tell you right away. I still don’t tell a lot of people I’m demisexual because of the ignorance surrounding asexuality/greysexual/romantic. A lot of the time people assume I will never want a sexual relationship with them or will be grossed out by affection or sexual acts. Whereas I’m actually very interested and even enjoy that kind of intimacy, I just need to know that we get on fabulously in all the other ways first. I prefer to tell people that I’m Demisexual & to refer to me as queer over ace or aroace bc personally I feel like the queer label fits my sexuality better, whereas aroace or ace, feels disingenuous when a major part of any sexual/romantic relationship I want includes sexual attraction and activities.

[@jsam-bv6jb]

I think that most not bisexual people could have that misunderstanding that when a bisexual chooses them their not choosing their gender. They are choosing them. I didn’t personally have this problem, but I know a few who did.

[@AuthorDiannaGunn]

I really wonder if Stardancer is Indigenous, because that sounds like an Indigenous name to me. And I could see there being a potential racism issue, both with OP not understanding Indigenous names AND potential employers discriminating against her because they think the name is Indigenous

[@scottishkitty9636]

Precisely what I was thinking as well

[@TheRunningLeopard]

I’m also worried whether or not Stardancer is just a white person trying to claim an “exotic” name to be quirky, bc that’s my first concern. I spent a lot of my teens on deviantart and that’s totally something I could see someone doing back then because I saw similar trends. I am very white though, so far from an authority.

[@AuthorDiannaGunn]

@@TheRunningLeopard That's definitely also possible

[@rosieg6989]

@@AuthorDiannaGunn I thought the same thing as well, honestly I hope that they are because other wise it sounds like it is appropriating some actual Indigenous names that I know. But yes, you are right, if she is indigenous and that is the name she choose, than we are just adding racism/cultural insensitivity to OPs lists of mistakes.

[@AuthorDiannaGunn]

@@rosieg6989 Yeah, and if they're not Indigenous pointing out that it sounds like an Indigenous name & is appropriative would be valid, but that's also not what OP is saying from the sounds of it so they're still a jerk

[@plant3493]

I know cis women named sunshine, rainbow, and Moondancer. Hippie names are more common than you'd think

[@morphinpink]

those names are dumb too.

[@popohoho35]

I WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEBODY NAME D STARDANCER THATS SUCH A COOL NAME

[@Finnley-supports-translives]

Hi spuds happy last day of pride month. Remember that just because pride month is over doesn't mean you can't show pride

[@timothyisstupid]

I didn't even realize it was the last day of Pride month

[@LoremIpsum-dp1li]

“Just because Pride Month is over, doesn't mean Pride is over.” -OneTopic

[@Finnley-supports-translives]

@@LoremIpsum-dp1li yes. We stand OT's pride quotes

[@bakugoukacchankatsuki6434]

Nonbinary pancakes? Or am I just really really blind still despite new glasses

[@Finnley-supports-translives]

@@bakugoukacchankatsuki6434 nonbinary pancakes :]

[@abducted_possum]

I know that star dancer is an odd name but I knew someone whose name was moonwalker legally, like from birth so it's not as odd as some might think

[@HobieInTheBox]

Story 1: People need a fucking reality check and remember that names are a social construct. So are words and language. It's an "unusual" name based on the standards society has set for names and titles. It's not an over all stupid name. It's HER name. He's being so infuriatingly pressed about this when it's not even his business. He's not a real friend and he should leave her life. Story 2: call me a hater but I absolutely call this biphobia. I'm bi myself and just sick and tired of this same bs always coming up when straights date bi people. It's time to stop sugarcoating this BLATANT prejudice and hitting them with the truth.

[@BisexualBean49]

For story 2 I absolutely agree as a bi man myself honestly that might be why most people I've dated have been bi or pan 😂

[@HobieInTheBox]

@@BisexualBean49 right? Im enby and afab so dating cishets is already out of the question atp, cis straight women aren't attracted to me and cis straight men just see me as a woman. I only exclusively date queer ppl rn 😭

[@rosieg6989]

You aren't a hater, story two is full of bi-phobia, with some homophobia and transphobia thrown in as well.

[@Taewills]

Bi woman here, I think biphobia has so many subtle faces for ppl outside the community that they don’t realize that’s what it is. I’m considering only dating other bi ppl to save myself some of the ridiculousness out there.

[@bakugoukacchankatsuki6434]

If anyone in this conversation is single, you could say you really are BI yourself. Hehe (Y'all are allowed to hate on my joke. I know it's lame)

[@maranathaschraag5757]

The first story - i was ready to be open minded, thinking maybe they chose some serial killer's name or the name of someone's vicious bully/r*pist or something that would be a continual, hurtful reminder. Stardancer is certainly unique, but whatever. if that's the name she wants, big deal. And, yeah, she could go by Star, and there are famous people named Star. the other two (the op in story 2 and the fiancé in story 3) both need some serious self reflection. If your partner picks you, why are you questioning other people they might be attracted to? unless they're cheating, it doesn't matter. it's just part of who they are. I love that quote - you're not choosing the gender, you're choosing the person.

[@witchassbitch3]

Right I was fully expecting it to be the name of OP’s missing child or something 😭

[@Reneediostar]

There's so many cute nicknames you could use for Stardancer! Personally, I'd go with Stardew if she'd be okay with it because I love the game, and she can just use a nickname in most conversations, and I feel it wouldn't stick out that much. I can't understand having an issue with anyones name.

[@cuppahorror]

that's such a good game

[@someone-gi5lq]

i think stardancer is a cute name

[@BasicallyBaconSandvichIV]

I'd just end up calling her Star. Easy, short, one-syllable, short.

[@Reneediostar]

@@someone-gi5lq Me too! How could anyone have a problem with such a sweet name?

[@Reneediostar]

@BasicallyBaconSandvichIV That's totally fair, I just wanted to add a little personal touch to it!

[@robertabarnhart6240]

2nd one: I thought at first this was a typical case of biphobia, but when she said she felt burnt out, it occurred to me that maybe she's burnt out on all relationships, and was basically using biphobia to explain it to herself. She probably needs a break from relationships to get her head back together.

[@Shoulderpads-mcgee]

But she also said she’d probably make the same decision now even though it’s been a long time since that bi guy

[@Unknown-ov2kz]

@@Shoulderpads-mcgee I thought she was maybe just stupid and didn't realise that yes, he is bi, but that didn't make the relationship bi, it was still heterosexual.

[@adpierce8437]

Nah why'd i get a homophobic add on this video

[@Bimtavdesign]

Not on the last day of pride month!

[@joshuanorman2]

Just think of the money that they're wasting making you watch that ad

[@SheepasaurusRex]

it's not jamie's fault, it's youtube's :(

[@oiytd5wugho]

@@joshuanorman2 devastating 0.02$ loss

[@joshuanorman2]

@@oiytd5wugho am I not allowed to feel smug? Delight in a faceless homophobic corporation's loss?

[@aramilalpha1]

My cousin came out as trans and he has changed his name like four times now, I think? We're not exactly close, though not for any negative reason. Every time he or someone else has informed me of his name, do you know what I do to not be an asshole? "Hi, new-name. Nice to meet you again." And that's it. That's the the thing the guy absolutely refuses to do for his supposed 'best friend'. It's incredibly easy. Here, watch: "Hi, Stardancer. It's nice to meet you again." Look at that, not an asshole.

[@TheAllieBuba]

Someone told me I chose the heteronormative life style because I married a man and not a woman. I corrected them, said I feel in love with the person, so what if their straight....doesn't make me straight now... They still think it's a choice 😢 Anyone have a better way I could explain this.....?

[@mellowthm566]

Attractions to others don't stop after marriage, you're monogamous (assume you are or the person assumes you are since they are accusing of a heteronormative lifestyle...also lol that's a very 90s-2000s insult like the "gay lifestyle ". I mean I'm a sass bot so I'd quip," naw I'm just monogamous not dead" or " bisexual remain bisexual regardless of eho they date, that's common sense I'm afraid" something equally flippant but you could go a more serious route. Honestly though you could ask them," do you even believe bisexuality exists?" Cuz it sounds like their issue is maybe ignorance or plain biphobia. People who accuse others of straight passing forget that "passing" works because of how society perceives you not actual reality. Society assumes heterosexuality that doesn't mean you'l have to be a willing participant in being read that way. A lot of bi/ non monosexual/trans people are assumed straight not passing straight.

[@serPomiz]

you didn't choose a life, you choose a person, and it is insulting that guy isn't considering him a person either

[@SharylLacroix]

​@@serPomiz That sounds like a perfect response. TheAllieBuba may be LIVING a "heteronormative life style" but she didn't CHOOSE the lifestyle.

[@Starhawke_Gaming]

Third story: The dude definitely thought he had turned his fiancee "straight" in their relationship together. Her wanting a female stripper damaged his masculinity over his perceived "accomplishment"

[@slimcognito383]

Stardancer sounds like a name for fantasy character. Specifically a fairy. If it were me I’d ask her why she decided on that name and where she heard/saw that name. Finding out someone’s decision making when it comes to a new name can help you understand and maybe even be more comfortable with it.

[@elaineb7065]

It's actually the name of a My Little Pony, from the 1980s when they first came out. Stardancer is a Sparkle Pony with a pink glittery translucent body & blue hair. If I had a friend who changed their name to Stardancer, I'd laugh, then buy them the Pony toy. Then I'd move on & accept them.

[@fionasabre]

Well, I'm the asshole because I thought of a stripper name😅

[@ixagonczi]

It's also a name from mlp gen 4​@@elaineb7065

[@lucienmyette6205]

I wonder what the story behind choosing Stardancer as a name is. Is she of a different cultural background where names like that are more common but don’t translate to English well? It probably has some sort of meaning behind it and the “friend” might have a better time accepting the name if they knew the reasoning. Not that there has to be a profound reason. Maybe she just likes the name. But still a conversation maybe worth having.

[@shanerasmussen5225]

​@@DrachenGothik666 You don't know a lot about people I'm gonna guess.

[@ashmac87]

You broke down that second one with so much calmness and clarity! I go straight to anger and incoherence with people like that, so I commend you. You're so calm and logical; I love it.

[@fireclaw9602]

Story 1: Unless a name is offensive (like being named after a dictator or a slur for instance) you should be allowed to have whatever name you want, no matter how unusual. And worst case, if you don't like the name, you can always change it. Op would be the asshole if he cut his friend off. Story 2: Yeah, Op is the AH and needs to work through her biphobia. Story 3: OP is not the AH, their fiancé should chill out and get over their insecurities.

[@shanerasmussen5225]

There are people in the US that have named their children after Che Guevara, a murderous racist, and nobody cares.

[@scottishkitty9636]

I've worked before in a fairly large-scale database agency before, and honestly a lot of what we would consider "unusual" names are just culturally different. Forenames like "Patience", "Actress", or "Godswill" are extremely common- especially amongst the ethnically diverse, so I wouldn't even consider Stardancer to be that weird in all honesty. In the nicest way possible, I don't think this "friend" has met a lot of people in their life- or at least, not a lot of diverse people. Edit: Just to add because this really isn't sitting right with me- we haven't been given any context as to why she chose the name. It could be one plucked from thin air (in which case, I believe there is a conversation to be had considering cultural sensitivity & appropriation), or it could be a name she has a deep cultural/spiritual attachment to. Like, she could be indigenous herself, or pagan/wiccan. It really does seem like OP is trying their level best to frame their friend as out-of-touch as possible, it's really rubbing me the wrong way.

[@Nox-fy1pm]

is calling yourself statdancer when you're not indigenous/pagan/wiccan considered culural appropriation? /gen

[@SharylLacroix]

@@Nox-fy1pm It is if the reason you choose it is BECAUSE it sounds indigenous/pagan/wiccan - and you are none of those. You are then essentially pretending to be that, or wanting people to think you are that, probably because you think that is "cool".

[@shanerasmussen5225]

​@@Nox-fy1pm Not in any Native American tribe I've ever heard of. I'm Lakota so I'm not talking out of my butt. I don't have the slightest idea where that other guy is thinking there could be cultural appropriation, especially because the people who want to claim cultural appropriation are never a part of the culture in question.

[@shanerasmussen5225]

​@@Nox-fy1pmOh and Wicca is a faith, not a culture, people from many cultures are wiccan, it's no different than Catholic.

[@scottishkitty9636]

@@shanerasmussen5225 That's entirely fair- I'm literally just throwing darts at a board to try & understand why someone would/could have such an issue with the name since the provided details are so lacking.

[@nichellecox4846]

My ex told me that I never gave him a chance to explore his bisexuality and I was and am still confused as it's not my responsibility for them to explore their sexuality. It's my responsibility for my own personal sexuality. Bi and proud 😊

[@Boooo_39]

That is a WILD thing for your ex to say

[@marybdrake1472]

I was stuck between two names for a couple of years before I finally settled on mine.

[@OdinsSage]

Yeah, I experimented with names for 7 or 8 years before landing on the one that was right for me. It can be a serious process

[@marybdrake1472]

@@OdinsSage Yeah, it really can be. I'm glad I only had two mind, it was tough enough with just those.

[@VoicedNat]

I'm thinking about going by either Natália (cute and common name) or Lidriane (cute, I have personal history with but very rare), I'm very very shy and fearful that Lidriane would bring to much attention to me and open me to more mocking and transphobic comments. I'm thinking of settling for Natália Lidriane because I could informally use any of the two in my day to day. Christ, I'm so paranoid.

[@marybdrake1472]

@@VoicedNat I'm a pretty shy person myself. Which is exacerbated by Autism. So I can relate. Both names sound really nice by the way. And you can use both together. That might be your best option in truth.

[@StudlyFudd13]

Reading your comments I am realizing how much I pushed myself to make big choices in a hurry so when I came out to my bigoted family as trans I would at least look well thought out. I wasn't allowed to make a single mistake in presentation or understanding or else I was an unknowing child that was stupid and made reckless decisions. (spoiler alert, they didn't accept my anyways and ghosted me for 6months, before I apologized for daring to come out to them two different times before they would even talk to me again because my gma guilt tripped me)

[@BasicallyBaconSandvichIV]

That last guy needs to learn an example from my grandparents. See, when my Granny thought she was bi, my Grandfather and her would sit outside in the garden looking at hot women walking past. From what I've heard there wasn't really any problems. Sure, it turned out she was lesbian, but they were a casual fling rushed into marriage due to pregnancy anyway. And all this happened a long time ago, long before I was born and even before gay marriage was legal in my country (2001, the Netherlands). Roughly round the 80's/90's, so knowledge on identaties and such was scarcer and harder to get to. Most people who identity as bi are actually bi people.

[@heytrace]

Who wouldn't date a bisexual? We're amazing people

[@BeautyMonster1000]

I know right? Their loss...

[@heytrace]

@@BeautyMonster1000 yeah, is it because "We HaVe A hIgHeR cHaNcE oF cHeAtInG?"

[@khanhminhnguyen7274]

I wouldn't, again. I don't want to have to deal with the bi-cycle.

[@sandwichqueen]

Bisexuals have a greater awareness of their love life's. That's why they're always having imposter syndrome. /j

[@YourPalMal23]

​@@khanhminhnguyen7274I giggled at this pun

[@ConstantChaos1]

I know 2 Stardancers (tho one its Star Dancer as first and middle) one is a cis woman who is a pagan and changed her name when she left the church and the other its their given christian name

[@_Magnuss_]

Yes for me it has something to do with where she is coming from and what her reasoning for this name is. For example in my country there are naming conventions and a name like that would not be normal to have as your real name so most people are thinking of such a name like a silly pseudonym or in worst case a stripper name. I would get concerned about her when I heard that name because of the clear attention seeking nature of the name. Things like that could be symptoms of a personality disorder and should at least be checked by a psychologist because when unchecked could lead to hard side effects. And as a friend I only want the best for her even if I need to challenge her beliefs for that. But in a country like America where unique names are plentiful it would be a whole other story.

[@IAm-No1]

IMO stardancer is a terrible name but losing a friendship over it is completely ridiculous, if I were OP I’d just deal with it and use a nickname like “Star” instead.

[@brackalack1]

1st one isn't about the name. They're struggling to accept the changes and don't know how to say the transition is freaking them out. So they've latched onto the name as the reason to throw a hissy fit instead of saying I want my guy pal back!! Guy needs to admit he's sad things are changing and get over it.

[@stephenie44]

I think bisexual stereotypes are deeply ironic. As someone who is pan/bi, my attraction to someone is unrelated to their gender. So if I’ve chosen you, it’s not just because you’re a person of my preferred gender who I can tolerate, it’s because I genuinely find you interesting as the person that you are. And no other person on the planet can replace you, because you’re the only person that is like you. So you having or not having a certain body part of gender expression has no impact on my capacity to feel fulfilled in a relationship. How does that not make people feel more secure?

[@hew2356]

That's exactly how I feel. I may find a person's body attractive, but I fall in love with their heart and soul-the intangible things that make them who they are. That should make anyone feel more wanted and secure.

[@sanctuary_polaris]

Ignorance or just not listening to you cause they would rather listen to stereotypes. Cause i don't understand the stereotypes either if I'm honest they don't make sense to me. I came out as bi to an ex of mine from back in high school and I should've left the moment he said "oh god not another one, you're more likely to cheat on me"(i am paraphrasing and his previous gf was also bi but didn't cheat on him) and no matter how many times i explained that would not be the case he didn't wanna listen he was just like "well that'swhat I've heard about bi people"...he ended up cheating on me and I didn't bother telling anyone else i was bi till like 5yrs later cause of his comment

[@stephenie44]

@@sanctuary_polaris sounds like a real a**

[@jennyb4543]

I recently came out as bi. I'm 39 and have always dated guys, but I've also felt attracted to girls but I grew up hearing "it's OK, I just don't wanna see it" type of things from my step dad, and my mom saying things like, "I wouldn't have a problem with it, but your step dad and grandpa might." So I repressed it, but it has weighted on my mind about who I really am as far as my identity. I talked about my confusion with my counselor, but they didn't offer too much advice at the time, just acknowledged that it's hard, that it's valid to feel that way and something no one could figure out but me. When I was watching Alex Meyers he referred to himself as "probably mostly straight", and I was like, "yes, me too" and I was happy to find an identity but it was lengthy. When I was having a convo with my Trans friend, they made a comment about someone else that was something like, "If you have sexual fantasies about the opposite sex you're gay." And I replied, "Is it really that simple? Lol, " and I confided that living a cis life outwardly for so long, I didn't feel like I would be accepted in pride circles because I'd just be seen as cis. But they reminded me of the struggles of being in the closet and community support for people when they come out of it. So then, I when allowed myself to actually accept that I'm not cis, I had to decide if I'm bi or pan or queer or something else, but there was a lot to choose from. I felt like labels don't really make that big of a difference, but I still wanted an answer for myself and to know what to say when I tell others. So I decided on bi/queer. I later heard the term heteroflexible in a Futurama group, and after reading the definition, I did my best Bender impression, "Hello, baby, it's me, Flexo... the x makes it sound cool" - if you watch the show, you get the jokes. Since I don't think most people would get it, in my head, I refer to myself as Flexo; but to others, I usually say bi and/or queer. I wouldn't limit myself to only dating anyone, as long as there's mutual attraction. When I came out to my boyfriend, he just said, " OK... is that it? Can I go back to watching TV?" 😂 I told him I was thankful he wasn't making a big deal about it, but it was a big deal for me to open up. My step dad was a longer convo. Even though he always expected it, he told me he loves me but doesn't agree. The relationship is a little strained. Everyone else I've told has been accepting.

[@user-of6ck5fu6i]

About the last paragraph glad to hear about that. I always say it shouldn’t really change a relationship, you both love each other and that’s all that’s important. (Honestly everyone I’ve ever liked is usually wind up forgetting their sexuality and remembering later). Hold your head up high, cause no matter what anyone says, at the very least you can always point out at least you love the person you love for who they are. Anyone else complaining can’t make that claim as adamantly as you. I’m not Bi but I am pan and I know at the very least everyone I’ve ever loved has been because I truly loved them for who they are, not what they are. By the way as for your step dad I can get that. I know my mother and brother will have a similar reaction. But take this from someone who’s adopted, sometimes family is far more stronger than blood. For me, family are those who support you.

[@NabihaTahasin-mz3sx]

Thanks Jammi. You helped me understand myself. It was a wonderful journey of self realization. Thank you. You and Shabaa is my favorite couple.

[@Pink_Sinthetic]

With the first one, I slammed up the YTA Badge real fast. I picked the name Theorem. I am 37. I have liked "Theorem" as a name since I was 12. When I came out at work (I work for a municipality, so huuundreds of people, though probably under 200 that are close enough to deal with me regularly) I also gave pre-approved nicknames of Theo, TJ, Rem, and Theory. Most people have picked Theo or TJ. Not a single person has asked why I even picked that for my name. Some people asked for the pronunciation, but no one has ever shown even an ounce of question over it. Stardancer could be Star, or Danni, or DC. So many options. I can NOT imagine anyone dying on the hill of someone ELSE's name. One co-worker used to call me Er-Bear and even he changed it on his own to T-Bear. Which is insanely more funny being both bigger and on T. Lmao

[@YourQueerGreatAuntie]

Wow, the biphobia was strong with this one!!! As to story 1, I'm a child of hippie-ish types, so myself and my sibling were given unusual names at birth. So I've had a lifetime of questions about my name, and I prefer the uniqueness. I've also known loads of cis people throughout my life who've been given unusual names at birth and / or chosen their own name in adulthood. E.g. one of my mates, also a child of hippies, was given an unusual first name and a "normal" middle name, so that he could choose which one he used. When I first met him as a teen, he went by the "normal" middle name, to avoid standing out. In his 20s, though, he re-adopted his unusual first name so that he *would* stand out. I have another friend with an unusual name who, when I asked him if his name came from his parents or whether he chose it himself, he said "Yes!" His parents gave him a (wonderful) unusual name, with the choice to keep it or change it. He kept it. I've known cis-het people who've gone through a number of names in their adult lives, and we just got on with it. OP1 seriously needs to get over himself!

[@SuperJJParker]

What are you and your sibling called?

[@YourQueerGreatAuntie]

@@SuperJJParker I'm Isolde and they're Mahon. Irish names, but most Irish folk haven't heard of them!

[@SuperJJParker]

@@YourQueerGreatAuntie cool names 👌 very unique

[@Silentgrace11]

I remember when I was a teenager I had a friend who was flirting with me constantly who was bi. When I finally turned him down after he tried to get me to date him he was adamant it was because he was bi, and tried to blame me for making assumptions of him. And that honestly stuck with me for a long time, since admittedly at that age I didn’t have many preconceived notions about what being bi was but I was worried I had been judgmental because of it. But as you said, it comes down to the root cause. I wasn’t ready for a relationship (and I’ve since realized I was aroace and therefore probably never would have been) and he was showing signs of being controlling and manipulative, which really started showing full force after I told him no. He was bi, but that was only one aspect of him, and it wasn’t the aspect that made me decide against dating him. Don’t suppose it’s either here nor there now - he passed away in 2022. But even with the level that I kept him at a distance because I knew how manipulative he could be, I hope he at least knew I cared about him as a friend.

[@Scatscar1985]

Boy, Stardancer's friend is horribly judgy.

[@Ari_C]

Stardancer is a _FANTASTIC_ name, wth? this person judging their friend so harshly doesn't actually seem like much of a friend. Stardancer will be better off without them.

[@samanthagray1103]

I agree it’s a great name!

[@gamerish2729]

I personally do think Stardancer is a pretty weird name (I named myself Kyle) I feel it might make you stand out more and maybe paint a red dot on you head to clock you as trans easier. But honestly its their choice. I have a cousin who changed their last name to Starlight (Though again idk last names have more room to be weird) but Like I don't hate on my cousin. They are the trans that doesn't care to pass while I do so really its up to the person and what they want out of their transition. As long as they know the possible downsides then just let it go.

[@matthewkrallek5477]

The stripper scenario feels like the “bisexual in a hetero relationship” = “straight person” fallacy. It’s just biphobia.

[@maybeyourbaby6486]

I think bi boyfriend lady is honestly just a great example of genuine, unabashed homophobia. She isn't just misinformed and ignorant, believing she is incompatible with a bisexual boyfriend because of some misconception; she is repulsed by the very concept of queerness. Clearly she doesn't need a reason, she just thinks queer people are disgusting, that "I left him because I found out he was queer" is a full argument that does not need a reason. Her saying that love is ok "within common sense" instead of, like, "between consenting adults", was the indication, but refusing to elaborate because she thinks that getting away from someone just because they're queer is self-evident.

[@rosieg6989]

Oh you are very much correct, she was biphobic, homophobic, and transphobic. The guy is lucky she ended it.

[@jubbelidiot]

So, first story. It's not that uncommon to choose to be called by your middlename. Why not "boring, works for corporate life, first name" Stardancer "last name". You go by Star or Stardancer socially, and when you apply for jobs, you still have a "normal" name to put on applications. Just an idea ofc.

[@alex_blue5802]

That seems WAY better for some reason

[@turkinator1375]

With the first story I would immediately assume it had some kind of spiritual, sentimental or symbolic meaning I think they should’ve definitely asked about Stardancer’s thought process and why she chose the name because I think it would give more insight. Of course it doesn’t have to have that kind of meaning I’m just getting that vibe, I come from a pagan family so that’s where I’m coming from. The way op said she took a while to choose a name even going by her old name until she chose one suggests she put a lot of thought into it, I don’t like how they’re suggesting she’s somehow not put enough thought in like it’s some flippant decision. I personally think it’s a really pretty name, not my personal taste but I could absolutely see it on someone else. Plus I love the name Star so the nickname possibilities are amazing. At the end of the day it’s her choice. Aslong as she’s put thought into it, which I think is a given, it’s no body else’s business.

[@milkcat2306]

dude i love space and i would absolutely call my friend "star dancer" if they wanted me to.

[@LlamaLlamaMamaJamaac]

If Stardancer’s life enters a spiral bc of her name, she can change it as easily as she changed from E. BUT… I’ve never been trans but I have some dear friends who are, and none of them chose a new name without any thought…. OP’s reaction was extreme and very unkind, definitely YTA territory. Had OP limited it to “Have you thought of your CV? Yes?Ok!/No?MaybeThatWouldBeWise?” I’d say NTA… but true good friends are too rare to sacrifice one over a chosen name.

[@nellieharper2572]

Consider: There are people living in Canada with names like Highcloud or Ottertail. Sunchild, Westbeam, Thornson. Stardancer is a perfectly acceptable name! But also... is it okay to share such a unique name in a reddit post? It's so close to being doxxed.

[@PucaFlea]

If I hear someone is bi/pan? Instantly more attractive to me

[@user-of6ck5fu6i]

I always do have far more fun with people far more queerer than people who swing one way. Maybe it’s cause I associate with them more

[@MegaFrog]

On the first story, it rubs me the wrong way that OP sees it as their "responsibility" to stop their friend from making a poor life decision. Yes, you should warn your friends and be honest when you think they are making a bad decision. But ultimately it is up to them. Stepping over bounds to force them to stop is controlling behavior.

[@charlotteinnocent8752]

A lot of conditioning has been drilled into people that needs to be overcome. I am a straight cis woman who is married to a bisexual. If you love someone, and they love you, the bisexual thing is simply immaterial. Once upon a time I had concerns that I was not the one who could fulfill every fantasy my husband could have, but he was patient to explain that I did because it was all about how I made him feel. If she liked this man she should have overcome this. I understand better now than I did when I first started seeing him, but I don't think she even wanted to try.

[@VincentVonAnclesnatcher]

Stardancer is an awesome fucking name tbh

[@olive5202]

as someone that goes by olive for trans reasons… i was so taken aback when you brought it up. but thank you for saying it’s cute :)

[@sandwich2473]

It's a great name :O

[@olive5202]

@@sandwich2473 ah thank you

[@conlon4332]

Story 1: I can understand where OP is coming from, but ultimately, it's not their potentially bad life decision to make; it's not their name; it's not their choice. They've clearly already made their feelings clear to their friend, and if she decides to ignore that advice that's her choice. Sure, you have "I told you so" rights if she ends up regretting it, but I don't think it's worth losing her as a friend just because you think she's making the wrong decision for HER. Ultimately, if OP is right and it does backfire, it will be the friend who has to deal with the consequences, not OP. It's her choice, you don't have to support it, but it seems like honestly a worse life decision to lose a friend over this. It's her name, not yours, at the end of the day, and she's still your friend, even by any other name. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet and all that. A friend is more important than a name.

[@little_leaf_linden]

i honestly think it's really cool when people choose unusual names! the weirder the better, all it shows to me is that theyre confident and really interesting. ive named myself after loads of things; my great grandpa, a plant, a tree, another plant, several birds..names are whatever you want them to be

[@VoicedNat]

I wish I was confident instead of this anxiety driven paranoid mess tbh. I'm thinking about my name, Natália is a cute and common name, while Lidriane is a cute but rare name that I have a personal reason to especially enjoy, but everytime I imagine people getting it wrong, not understanding or thinking bad of it and me having to explain or correct them and it makes me sweat and shiver. I'm thinking of maybe just calling myself Natália Lidriane so I can have it both. The problem is that I already told about probably going with Natália and people are calling me that now and changing it to a "weirder" name makes me fearful, my mind is incredible haha...

[@linglingspacewhales1977]

Stardancer is strange… but I have a friend with the given birth name of Tangerine. Her sister also has a fruit name. I also want to change my middle name to Jovian (which means “of Jupiter” or something like that. Ex: “the Jovian moons that orbit Jupiter”) I put a lot of thought into it despite EVERYONE pushing back on it. I just feel that name in my gut.

[@nergregga]

I almost named myself Indigo just to go full-out on changing my name

[@artheenbyrogue804]

I mean Musky Husky (thanks Click for that nickname) literally named his child numbers and digits, to me personally Stardancer sounds like a lovely name, even if it's not that common. OP shouldn't be projecting or judging her because clearly the name Stardancer chose makes her happy. This is coming from an enby who named themself ash river :). ALSO SHE CAN CHANGE HER NAME AGAIN IF SHE WANTS?! Names aren't permanent for goodness sake. Let's say Stardancer isn't her favourite name anymore she can change it again! LEAVE HER ALONE.

[@Microfoot]

Last question seems like the fiancé believes that the way bisexuality works is that being in a relationship with a person of one gender closes off attraction to another and that if she has a female stripper it will "reawaken" her attraction to women and make her cheat on him.

[@limitlesscord7319]

I find it funny when the 3rd scenario came up I went like "huh I would feel uncomfortable too" and was confused and then I realised I would just be uncomfortable with anyone I was with having a stripper at all no matter the gender lmao

[@derJOgelle]

*Happy (bi) Pride!* 💖💜💙

[@BlindStarLily]

Post 1: This didn’t even make me mad, just sad. I was admittedly a little off put by Stardancer as a name at first, but the more it’s said, the prettier it sounds, and I imagine it’s a fitting name for her. It’s like Moonchild, a name that I personally think deserves more respect. Aside from that, I also have a weird/unusual preferred name, Kaleidoscope, so I really have not a leg to stand on in the, “That name is too weird,” conversation. Maybe Stardancer will change her name in the future, but until then, it’s important to respect her choice. If you’re really that uncomfortable with it, then like Jamie says, just shorten it to Star or maybe Dannie if Stardancer is okay with that

[@Kitty-the-Bunny]

Kaleidoscope is a really cool name! ^^

[@miraculousmarauder244]

I can't help but feel with the strippers thing, there's an inherent idea that female strippers are sexually titillating whereas male strippers are more of a novelty, almost joke thing. Either way you look at it, it says a lot about OPs fiance

[@manahakume9870]

i hate giving babies stupid names, cursing them to be the but of every joke in school, but when someone is an adult and able to make a decision and the potential of teasing stays really to online as their not in school with little kids who can't filter themselves. if you find 'star-dancer' as one name to be to much, which i agree, it is a bit much, but ask if you can just call her star :o just cause some of us understand how you feel about the name doesnt mean you need to yell at her about it, just make it work...

[@ChibiRandom13]

Stardancer a) is probably going to be this persons real name and OP has put it all over the internet to try and prove their point (while hiding their assigned name like that matters more) and b) isn't that crazy of a name there are all kinds of people on this planet and plenty of them have names like windstorm and alleycat and stuff like that so OP is TA for more than just choosing to treat this person like garbage

[@rambofan334]

Stardancer sounds like the name of a Marvel or DC superhero who appears in 1 comic book issue only to never appear or be mentioned again outside of "Superheroes you never heard of" lists.

[@shadowemperor5177]

Jamie in the first 20 seconds: LGBT+ generally specific Me at 4 am: Brain broken

[@bloodghoul]

3rd OP DO NOT MARRY HIM HE CLEARLY DOESNT RESPECT YOU

[@Gmeare]

stardancer is a sick name

[@Emnms68]

Something that doesn’t make sense to me as a straight cis woman, is the idea that a bisexual or pansexua person is more likely to cheat. Instead of thinking about it as like, this person is constantly tempted to cheat (or something like that?) I imagine it’s more like “this person has an even larger potential pool of people they could possibly be attracted to than I do, and out of all of those people, the are choosing me” or even think of it like, which seems more special; being one in 100 or 1 in 10000 to win a prize. (Not that people are prizes to be won, it’s just the first analogy that popped in my brain)