If Elves Were Real

Artwork by the wonderful amazing Malia
It's funny, all of these tumblr posts are things my friends send me. I have yet to find one for myself.
Original post: vexwerewolf.tumblr.com/post/7...
Music: The Lonely Instrument Series - Banjo -Played by By Wanda Vick
-Pixabay
Geez dude use some commas I can't breathe

[@SomeScruffian]

Im now imagining Dwarves working at steel mills in Pennsylvania, pissed off that their jobs are being offshored by the Yuan-Ti.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

XD

[@patrickkenyon2326]

Saw some Dwarves at the GM plant in Flint, last time I was there.

[@johndoe-un9uq]

@@patrickkenyon2326 lol

[@shadowdroid776]

You have no idea how accurate that description is. It's... it's scary how perfect I can picture this as the fantasy equivalent of my state. Only thing that's missing is the halfling Amish/ Mennonite farmers upset at how humans be doing shit and deciding to keep true with their traditions and religious beliefs far away from the technology of the modern world.

[@doctorhunger921]

Dwarves WOULD be the type to work at lumbermills and Appalachian coal mines. During the day they'd use modern vehicles to saw timber and move dirt, but at night, if you stick your ear to the ground, you'd hear the clinking of pickaxes and shovels instead, since they know powertools would make too much noise. They're absolutely tireless. They work all day, and when everyone thinks the mine is abandoned for the night, they're secretly down there swinging away, and when the human crew comes in the next morning, they see the dwarves already hard at work and think "Dang, I woke up at 4am and they're STILL here before us? Just how early did these guys wake up?". All the same, humans love these guys, because whenever there's a mine collapse of a tree falls on someone, dwarves are naturally durable enough to survive immense blunt force trauma, and they can always sense the danger before it happens. They know just how to cut the tree to rescue the pinned human without further injury, and they somehow always know where to dig in order to excavate their trapped mining buddies. Dwarves love storms, because they can swing their felling axes as loudly as they like, with no one to see or hear them. Sometimes people hear a loud crack in the forest and they think it's the sharp report of a poacher's rifle; instead it's the sound of an axe being swung by a dwarf. The thing about axes though is that Dwarves love powertools, and they love buying chainsaws and modifying them with more efficient engines, and tougher chains, and they'll go out and buy a caterpillar and retrofit it with armor plating to survive gas explosions and stronger hydraulics to bore through 3 feet of solid stone, but at the end of the day, they just love using hand tools cause it simply feels better for them. I guess the human equivalent would be the difference between buying a fancy dinner at a restaurant, which we all love to do; and then there are people who love cooking more than eating out. That's how it is for dwarves.

[@doncoyote68]

I mean... the elves did leave for the West.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

ROFL

[@Whenpigfly666]

Even the immortal race of purity isn't immune to the American Dream

[@partialbullet2215]

In Warhammer, They went to the Old World (which is Eastward from Ulthuan), had a civil war with themselves and left

[@johndoe-un9uq]

@@TJHatchVoiceman as a redneck from the south I agree with your take

[@Briselance]

​@@partialbullet2215 "Had a civil war with themselves" 😅 Yes. When you're in a civil war, it tends to be against your own fellowcountryfolks.😄

[@EatitHarvey]

Orcs: Bloodthirsty savages who only desire combat Modern American Orcs: That one guy who invites you to play airsoft, owns a shitload of guns and his favorite games are Halo, Ace Combat, and Metal Gear. He tells you all the crazy stories his grandaddy did in 'Nam and has a hyper obsession with military history and 90s anime.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

I could see it!

[@KoishiVibin]

also probably jacked the cool kind of gymbro perhaps?

[@MaxterandKiwiKing]

As a fan of all three of those game series, history in general, and 90's anime, I always saw myself more of a Dwarf than an Orc. I somehow get the feeling that Orcs being more into snappy shooters like Call of Duty or Counterstrike, and more into Sports and Weight-lifting when it comes to physical hobbies.

[@PeachDragon_]

I'M AN ORK, I ALWAYS KNEW

[@captaindookey]

Beautiful

[@danielfidoten3185]

See this would be wood elves specifically. High elves would be those rich pricks who buy a really expensive pickup truck and hunt endangered animals cause they’re bored. Dark elves would be the same except just even more extreme.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Dark elves stay in their basements because they don't want to go outside. They are absolutely on 4chan.

[@danielfidoten3185]

@@TJHatchVoiceman excellent point

[@JohnnyMcJim]

Dark elves probably cooking meth in a trailer park

[@easttowest7839]

Nah man, high elves are on the top floors of Wall Street and lobbying in D.C., competing with vampires for the cushy spots in committees and think-tanks.

[@matheuscerqueira7952]

​@@easttowest7839 that's pretty much that "Bright" movie

[@intergalactichumanempire9759]

Elves would make up a strong GOP voter base if they were real. “I’ve voted for every Republican president since Lincoln, I ain’t changing my vote now!”

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

The GOP platform might be a bit different as a result, though. Elves are raging environmentalists after all, no?

[@intergalactichumanempire9759]

@@TJHatchVoiceman I imagine it'd be selective. Strict environmentalism for the elvish forests, strip mining for the dwarven mountains.

[@meeb_consumer]

@@TJHatchVoiceman gonna use this as an opportunity to vent about political parties if you dont mind; ive never really understood why we have a conservative right and a liberal left and not a liberal right and a conservative left. It would have a much better sense of equilibrium between people and gov't than what we have now imo, less functioning as football teams to root for and more as different options for the next step of the country. A lib right would be about putting things directly into the hands of the people for an engine of change, but when things get tough and the government needs to step in, a conservative left vote would work. Yes, I know the potential hazards posed by a authoritarian left but if stuff gets bad people just start voting more libright due to moral objections, forcing the authleft I will admit that I'm kinda young so I might not have a complete understanding here and could be very wrong. please object respectfully

[@mechadeka]

I own a longbow for self defense, just as the founding children intended.

[@nonya1366]

@@TJHatchVoiceman Depends on Type, Wood elves are enviromentalists [to the point I could see a portion of them being eco-terrorists.] High elves are the closest elf type to humans just, y'know. Elfy.

[@Gabriel_PL]

Gimli: I heard the lady of the forest was more beautiful than all the gems under the earth combined. Lady "Gal" Driell: Ooh, that so mighty sweet of ya...! Here, have som mor gravvy with yer 'taters!

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

lol

[@MoogleSan]

whats taters, precious?

[@7jum7]

There's a yellow rose in Texas, I'm going there to see...

[@lemeres2478]

"If only I could understand elvish. I'm sure that was some beautiful elven sonnet"

[@Cap.W.61]

Gimli: ummm, thank you, mi'lady. You can just put it right here. (Holds up plate for her) "Gal": shucks, honey, ya barely got anything on your plate. Ya ain't even have ya two greens and a yeller on there. (Piles up a mess of collards, green beans, and corn)

[@blehh_mae]

dont forget theyd make really ornate wood sculptures, like REALLY ornate also are elves immortal i thought they just lived alot longer

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

probably depends on your source material

[@MarioMonte13]

Tolkien's elves are immortal, though not invulnerable. They can choose to forsake their immortality, though.

[@darkstarr984]

It depends. Some elves are immortal, some are former humans, some are born out of dying trees, sometimes they’re just something human-adjacent but unfathomably long-lived, sometimes they’re a spirit that will die if their source magic is destroyed…

[@dombo813]

Owing to the fact that elves aren't actually real, they are able to be immortal in some stories and simply long-lived in others.

[@HyenaBlank]

Long lived is a common trait though in a lot of elven lore, so I wouldn't be surprised if they were commonly finding themselves in higher up positions in business and government than others because of that advantage@@dombo813

[@andersschmich8600]

I like this interpretation! They wouldn’t use their long lives and intelligence to conquer the world or anything, they’d just become really good at seemingly mundane things.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Elves do have a history of keeping to themselves, so it makes sense

[@Cap.W.61]

Yeah, if you were immortal, you'd get bored after a while. You'd start to look for anything that was a challenge, no matter how meaningless. Rather than unlocking the secrets of the universe, you'd instead be obsessed with whittling the Mona Lisa into a block of wood the size of your fist.

[@mj91212]

@@Cap.W.61 Well, boredom is not universal, humans have boredom as a survival mechanism, but not all species can feel it. An immortal ant could perform the exact same task for 100 trillion years and never get bored.

[@Cap.W.61]

@@mj91212 true, true. I did not take that into account. Still, within the context of imagining wood elves as immortal rednecks with pointy ears, the point still makes sense.

[@corbanbausch9049]

Kinda like Frieren, just going around and finding the weirdest and most mundane spells she can, because it’s *neat*

[@TurtleShroom3]

Glob, he's even tall, lithe, and lanky. This makes so much sense.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

It's all coming together.

[@ragingcatinferno8818]

They said glob. Adventure time fan spotted

[@TurtleShroom3]

@@ragingcatinferno8818 I will never get over that politicized garbage ending. That said, I say "glob" because I refuse to take the Lord's Name In Vain.

[@stopmotionharry8989]

@@TurtleShroom3are you angry that PB and Marcelino got together?

[@TurtleShroom3]

@@stopmotionharry8989 Very. Homosexuality should NEVER be in children's programming. Also, it was shoehorned: AT was never political and BOTH of them dated SOLELY men for TEN YEARS.

[@mileslugo6430]

Wood Elves I can see as red necks. High elves and Drow are either Politicians, or California fashionista/Influencer

[@flyingsquirrell6953]

Real

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Real

[@MrJustonemorevoice]

Drow are Los Angeles

[@mileslugo6430]

@@MrJustonemorevoice los Angeles is a big city state and they're not just made up of edgy Elves

[@MrJustonemorevoice]

@@mileslugo6430 Yeah but all I see from LA is either deluded college educated racists, or drug zombies XD

[@WulfieZi]

Let's see... Lives in a place described as "under". Associated with freakishly large spiders. Considered to be outcasts. Yep. The Drow are just Australians.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Australia is so wild to me, like, as a concept. It's like the planet's very own post-game area where you go there and everything is level 83 for no good reason

[@jozefkozon4520]

Luizjana tho.

[@jddunebuggy]

I knew there was more to that cajun fella I met back in '86 and still see out fishing lake Bisteneu looking like he ain't even twenty yet.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

They're a real sneaky bunch

[@olivier5251]

Not to mention that elves would be conservative as all hell too

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

That's interesting to think about, but it's true.

[@Jmatts21]

"I understand we're all one of Mother Nature's children, but those humans... and don't even get me started on the dwarves."

[@rainbowfranklin]

Damn Humans coming into the Elderwoods illegally and taking OUR JOBS...

[@meeb_consumer]

it just struck me that the short-lived races would probably be a lot more liberal by means of having new generations and thus new waves of ideas and cleared social standards way more often. Goblins are definitely pretty inclusive; as long as you want shiny things and only steal from people who aren't in the group you're one of the boys™, no questions asked

[@thebigenchilada678]

@@meeb_consumerthose are orcs, goblins’ll kill you and eat you on sight.

[@Gabriel_PL]

Aragorn: Lesterlas, what do you see? Are the orcs near? Letsterlas: Oh yeh, they dogonne did do it now! I see them fellas makin camp on them plains to the east! (spits) Parfect ambush righ there, we can cach em blindsided if we come from the creek. Don't see any them hobbits with em thou'. Must have eaten em already.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Dern orcs, always eatin' my hobbits before their ripe.

[@BlackReaper0]

Then you take a chug out of his moonshine and before you notice you been drinking with him for 10 years.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

lol

[@Cap.W.61]

Lol

[@orfanclub6288]

That's what happen when you watch the vid on 0.5 speed

[@ruikirisame1744]

Don't make me like elves, man. It's just not fair

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Sorry!

[@lemeres2478]

Found the dwarf viewer.

[@victorrosenheart8036]

One of us! One of us! One of us!

[@T_Way]

"Never thought I'd die fighting alongside an elf"

[@kalebb1226]

​@@T_Way What about a friend?

[@northsoutheastweest8991]

QUICK! D&D character sheets. I NEED D&D character sheets right NOW!!!

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

media.wizards.com/2022/dnd/downloads/DnD_5E_CharacterSheet_FormFillable.pdf

[@IgnimortisTC]

(Shadowrun...)

[@thomasparkin259]

I could definitely see one of Elrond's ilk living a good backwoods life, just think of everything but with millennia to practice. Damn good moonshine with all sort of flavours, all varieties of game and surprisingly comfortable homemade furniture. With regular loud and racous parties with lots of singing. That's Rivendell before the War of the Ring alright.

[@CantusTropus]

Galadriel mentioned that if the Elves remained in Middle Earth after the Third Age, they would fade into a rustic folk of dell and cave...

[@anonperson3972]

And Southern accents are similar to english accents from 300 years ago 😂

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

ARE THEY REALLY??? THAT'S SO COOL I DIDN'T KNOW THAT

[@anonperson3972]

@TJHatchVoiceman They were somewhere between an english country bumpkin and American south 🤣 i love to imagine elves like that, speaking in an accent that would have been posh and well spoken hundreds of years ago and now makes them sound like rednecks and country bumpkins 🤣 they're also the best accents! 👌

[@Cap.W.61]

​​@@TJHatchVoicemanYeah, the Southern aristocracy had a strong affinity for English nobles, to the point of emulating their phrases and mannerisms as best as possible, and the heat just makes things a little slower Basically imagine taking a posh English accent and sticking it in incredibly high heat and humidity until it starts to melt a little like butter...... Boom, Southern Drawl.

[@HyenaBlank]

@@Cap.W.61 I came across a video a while back of a lady talking about the origins of various american accents and she just flowed through them all like nothing. Found it kzbin.info/www/bejne/o3_UimmcqdZ6p5I

[@devildolphin2102]

Larry Correia Monster Hunter International predicted it. Elf trailer Park Queen will never die

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

For KFC!

[@turtlecheese8]

Skipped the part where you take the elf into a big town and they hate complaining how they need “country air” and “wide open spaces” to feel at home.

[@thelegate8636]

Been saying this for years.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

I can see it!

[@colbygordon6936]

Yo wtf I actually like knife ears now?

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

I'm taking that as a win!

[@ethanemerson4862]

Red-neck elves and dwarves might actually get along.

[@thisgoddamusernamestoodamnlong]

traitor!

[@Ilikefire2792]

Meanwhile i just always thought that they'd be more like your fresh off the boat german neighbor than anything else lol.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

I HAD ONE OF THOSE! I CAN TOTALLY SEE IT

[@melphegorstar8938]

What kind of neighbor is that?.

[@Ilikefire2792]

@@melphegorstar8938 German ones.

[@KirbyLinkACW]

I clicked on this video thinking you had at least a few thousand subs, and I was surprised to find you had under a hundred. This is good. Definitely keep it up!

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

This one made my day! Thank you!

[@Simpson17866]

@@TJHatchVoiceman Just subscribed :D

[@ari638]

Yeah woah wait seriously I had to go see for myself, wtf

[@mortarion9813]

This is leading to a whole rabbit hole of ideas and 'what if's and I love it

[@Chad-bc9vi]

Elves would either be so elegant and graceful or stoned 24/7

[@joshjo9405]

Honestly, both kinds could exist as well as the fey kind that are somewhat malicious and deranged.

[@tacky4237]

"Ay man, You wanna try this ere family Recipe Wine? Made it from foraged stuff in the forest."

[@Sunnysideanyway]

W-wait, you're telling me elves *aren't* femboy twinks???

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

depends who you ask lol

[@DaRealDaVinci]

You can be a femboy twink and a dipshit hillbilly at the same time

[@joshjo9405]

Not all of them

[@Sarah12471]

It depends on the type Wood elves are the twinks

[@hieron9366]

Also remembers slavery as if it was yesterday.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Got a grimace out of me. You're right.

[@soffren]

I'm a forest elf!

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

whoa! In real???!?!?

[@soffren]

@@TJHatchVoiceman no, in Minecraft 😔

[@solderfromteamfortressthes6036]

for the algorithm 🫡

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Thank you solderfromteamfortressthe6036, my good friend

[@502jackal]

So what you're saying is, I need to get Bubba to take off that trucker hat he's been wearing for the last 4 decades.

[@joshjo9405]

Try not to do it in a way that pisses him off tho

[@hotrodmercury3941]

Sounds like the ideal man

[@Endersoul-tx1of]

Gods forbid, imagine a Vietnamese elf during the Cold War.

[@T_Way]

I speak for the trees but for some fucking reason their speaking elvish

[@williamsideas]

to be more specific, The hill billies and rednects, which for the most part are down to earth folks would be your forest Elfs.The "Southern gentlemen and bells", which come from the uper crust of Southern society would fall under High elf teratory. The dark elfs would probibly be the "plantation owners".

[@joshjo9405]

What about the ones up north tho? like around northern Washington and Alaska? does that also count as redneck or is it something else?

[@HellishSpoon]

You know i realized how weird it is that the average elf is pretty when they spend most of their time in the woods probably with minimal to no shower and dirt all over, maybe the dirt is good for their skin?

[@shoopoop21]

exercise, healthy food.

[@napppann3486]

Let's just hope you don't ask what his dad did in the 1800s.

[@theodorehazel6920]

i hate how accurate this is

[@Signedcentaur]

Expectation: Elves - British/French/Chinese???? (Okay Elder Scrolls) Dwarves - Scottish Halflings - Welsh Gnome - Irish Orcs - Mongolian Reality Elves - Southern Huckster Dwarf - Aussies Halflings - Italian Orcs - German ... Gnomes are still Irish

[@tacky4237]

Correction: Dwarves are Western Australians who do fly out mining.

[@josephivenegas]

Arguments can be made for Canadians...

[@joshjo9405]

Well, gnomes could be Swedish cause we already have Leperchauns

[@Signedcentaur]

@@joshjo9405 gnomes can be Swedish

[@T_Way]

I wonder what fantasy race a mexican would be

[@WC3fanatic997]

. . . You know this explains why I always intrinsically play Elves in every game I am given an option do despite never really consciously thinking much about it and always finding ways to make fun of or otherwise shit on them at every single chance I get.

[@donovanestrada1885]

What do you mean you can't own them anymore? Well, back in my day...

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

._.

[@donovanestrada1885]

@@TJHatchVoiceman :| *observed*

[@T_Way]

​@@donovanestrada1885howdy there dark elf

[@lupinhankins7657]

If elves where real I would be in jail for 1st degree murder.

[@DoctorFail]

I smell a dwarf

[@dahkdm8787]

Halflings now all talk like the movie Fargo. I mean they did before but now for SURE they do.

[@bagingibargingo4436]

Need more viewers! This is great!

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Thank you!!!

[@user-fm1zr8sp5y]

Wow... That elf dude sounds like some absolutely great company to have!

[@user-hc4lk4lp9o]

orcs would be hoodloom wannabe tough guys

[@thechristsknight7758]

Nah, that'd be the Goblins. The Orcs would be the the gun-toating, violent videogame-loving, gym-hitting, tomboy sister-having, dude bros with funny accents due to their teeth...

[@dominuslogik484]

@@thechristsknight7758 that depends on the fantasy orc you are talking about, plenty of the settings out there would have them being unable to stop being gangers having small turf wars all the time no matter where they lived.

[@themarlboromandalorian]

Huh...Neebs as an elf in Doraleus & Associates makes a lot more sense now.

[@DARKthenoble]

I feel called out...

[@BIacklce]

"ancient elvish runes, Melthior what does it say?" it says... America, love it or leave it.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

TAKE COMMISSIONS: - Email [e-mail] - Tell me what you would like me to voice - I will voice it - Flexible pricing based on individual project requirements and budget I also accept video suggestions, but there is no guarantee I will actually do them. Video suggestions are free.

[@charlesfcpx]

no cap Elves would be running ALOT of the world frfr, BUT THIS....bro chill like that.

[@joshjo9405]

And trolls would be capitalists

[@IAMASTRONGMAN]

Now I’m curious what southern tieflings would be like.

[@DanielGrimm-gm4ud]

They would probably either be the most lustful sex workers you'd ever meet or those scary protestant priests that like to continually remind you of heaven's fury, using their own accursed body as an example.

[@DaRealDaVinci]

You ever been to miami?

[@joshjo9405]

What fantasy race would resemble the kind of energy you'd find in a "florida man"? Goblins? Fae? coked up pixies?

[@DaRealDaVinci]

@@joshjo9405 maybe half orcs?

[@joshjo9405]

@@DaRealDaVinci Well, maybe a whole mixture of them sort of apply to that

[@Rahul_was_taken]

This is golden, i want a whole book based on this.

[@gasmonkey1000]

Wood elves for sure. Then theres the wild elves who you know would be trying to get their anprim on when theyre not breaking and entering into the wood elf's trailer. The high elves would be fancy college kids who think they know everything. And the drow... That one annoying friend your sister has who wont shut up about patriarchy

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

"drow are the people I personally don't like" lol

[@gasmonkey1000]

@@TJHatchVoiceman That or someone with a criminal record so long and horrible that you can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with them

[@LegendaryCake-]

Dragons: *Mostly be represented as dumb animals* Dragons in IRL: You humans are now my property either work for me as *free labor* or i am about to make this city a ghost city

[@zdpastaman15]

Looks like dragon meat is on the table today boys

[@joshjo9405]

So they're capitalists then?

[@mrman8651]

I'm 100% making a character out of this

[@connormcclendon5091]

For the algorithm. Best of luck to you funny voicesmith.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Thank you! I'll do my best!

[@deptusmechanikus7362]

And his truck isn't even lifted.

[@DoctorFail]

Wood Elves are just hillbilly High Elves

[@Diamond_Bridge]

First off knife ear sympathizer, but also makes a lot of sense if elves existed in the US so gotta agree, that would be really cool.

[@BradenASDF]

What fantasy race would that make midwesterners?

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

hobbits...? I don't know enough about midwesterners

[@aaajaaabss]

humans

[@Cap.W.61]

Probably hobbits.

[@josephperez2004]

Midwesterner are the one stereotyped as talking like "Ooo yah, dontcha know?" If so I'd say gnomes. They're polite, sometimes frustratingly so. Got a fair bit of farming and animal raising in their background but also keep with the times and new innovations. But god help you if you do something to hurt one of them because all that nice and friendly stuff isn't because they can't hold their own, and yiu've just turned a whole clan on you if you wrong them.

[@T_Way]

​@@josephperez2004It's gnoming time

[@Chaossoul87]

Not a new idea, but definitely an underrated one, with not enough done with it.

[@ornu01]

So, according to this comment section, all fantasy races would be some flavor of rural flyover American. Sounds about right.

[@hans_alfredschannel9982]

*i am so invested on this now that i need the urge to know what modern dwarves and orks are like now*

[@DaRealDaVinci]

Orks is easy, you won't interact with the younger ones much since they'd purposefully go find jobs that let them do with their violent urges in their younger years (PMCs, Security guards, football, maybe even surgeons and firefighters.). And all the older ones will just be like those former army rangers you find in bars with the big beards and worn out baseball caps. They'll brag about the stuff they did and will always have the absolute craziest stories to tell. Also a lot of them will be Gym rats.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

There's been some good discussion in the comments about it!

[@Chrom4Prez]

Finally a little appreciation

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

:O how so?

[@Pulpo_Pol]

If elves were real I would be racist.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

I have no clue how to respond to this don't be racist

[@Pulpo_Pol]

@@TJHatchVoiceman A thing only a knife ears would say...

[@waziristan777]

@@TJHatchVoiceman around elves watch yourselves

[@Pulpo_Pol]

@@waziristan777 Ate elves, ate humies, ate orcs, ate tieflings, ate goblins... Luv me ale, luv me grudges, luv me mountain fortresses, luv me shiny stones. Simple as.

[@IGeorge94]

This idea has been used in the Monster Hunter story.

[@nobodynothing2433]

I think I'd finally fall in love

[@janek_xxbobaxxwokowicz_xxf7185]

Only two hours?!?!???!?!? Damn thats a short hike

[@RollerOfEyes]

Yeah just another reason to hate elves and their Elven Supremacy subversions they're known for 😂😂

[@badideagenerator2315]

Elves are shorter than humans on average, and they'd more likely be comically inept with firearms. I'm talking zeroing the sights/optics out to the maximum distance thinking it'll make the gun shoot harder, and having horrendous trigger discipline.

[@dominuslogik484]

which universe are you talking about? in most modern western fantasy elves are taller than humans and have freakishly good eyesight with high intelligence. what you just described btw about the guns shooting harder is a reference to the Rhodesian bush war and African Militias

[@badideagenerator2315]

@@dominuslogik484 they're only taller than humans in a few settings. Most of the well known settings such as DnD and Lord of the rings depict them as being below average in height.

[@dominuslogik484]

@@badideagenerator2315 Lord of the rings elves were taller than the average man, in D&D they are average to above average height depending on which kind of elf you are talking about. Warhammer they are all taller than humans and in most games and movies they are also much taller than humans

[@SupHapCak]

I love this.

[@zero95lucky]

Dude, this madman's replied to like every comment chain. Respect.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Fell off the boat, like, immediately before this comment was made XD

[@demilung]

I mean, if you take some generalized idea of elves that exist in your own interpretation of some abstract trope and not any actual elves from a specific work of fiction, then yeah, they could be like that, since that's literally your own creation for that purpose.

[@pinarppanrapir9489]

They hate demons and want to kill them on sight too :)

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

What does this have to do with rednecks?

[@DEFC0NZER0]

Going through the comments makes me realize that most fantasy races would be various types of conservative Americans

[@DaRealDaVinci]

Golems would probably be liberals tho, like the second these guys hear of minimun wages and labor unions its a done deal.

[@briar9395]

I honestly thought this was going to be something about arrogance and racial purity, and I’m pleasantly surprised.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Hooray for wholesome! Some people have brought it up in the comments and I can't say they're wrong, but I was also pleasantly surprised when I read the post.

[@monkibro]

Typical Aleiugh'bammah Wood Elf.

[@Pachitaro]

Banjo Frieren

[@GentlemanBystander]

This is weirdly accurate.

[@mightquinnable]

I see a new character build in baldur gate 3, wood elves ranger with southern accent.

[@DoctorFail]

The modern era would give Frieren a stroke.

[@ten-xlegacy4033]

Yo what the fuck I just stumbled onto your channel and Willow leans over and goes "is that TJ?"

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

It's me! Surprise!

[@Mike-ij4rq]

I know 3 separate country boys who match this description

[@KleptomaniacJames]

I'd marry him. Yeah I'm a straight guy. Keep moving.

[@matthewmueller9166]

i have met people like this

[@stevengreen9536]

Elves would be more country as it would suit them on many levels. But in most fantasy universes they are NOT immortal. They have what is called longevity. Which for those not familiar with the term it means that they live for a long time. In the case of elves that is taken to the extreme as they live for centuries.

[@joshjo9405]

So basically a tortoise

[@stevengreen9536]

@@joshjo9405 Well for lack of a better example in a way yes. But with literally centuries worth of knowledge in every conceivable subject. Even on things humanity would have forgotten about.

[@dkbros1592]

😂 if they where evil they would have incorporated or extinct by 90000 years ago 😂

[@1KosovoJeSrbija1]

Bro described chris mcandles

[@ethanemerson4862]

But what would the more exotic races be? Like Dragonborn, Thri-kreen, and Yuan-ti?

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

I legitimately have no clue. Maybe a ruling elite? Or maybe a discriminated-against underclass? Who can say?

[@DaRealDaVinci]

Dragonborn are just latinos. Comically spicy food, funny accent, some of them are absurdly rich and a lot are doing low skill labor, uncomfortable family dynamics, they both use obsidian a lot and they both got some fancy drinks.

[@ethanemerson4862]

@@DaRealDaVinci I guess dragons will be dragons, no matter what size.

[@joshjo9405]

@@DaRealDaVinci Yuan-ti would probably just be all the people that you'd expect to be those lizardmen aliens that conspiracy theorists love to rave on about.

[@joshjo9405]

Mermaids could be a lot of ethnicities depending on where they originate. Japan, the Philippines, Indonesia, Korea and probably even China could have the same kind of mermaids. Same goes for the european ones around Italy, Greece, Spain, and the UK.

[@mommalion7028]

So cute!

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

:D

[@Briselance]

00:22 "Off of"?? 😳 DEVILRY!!!😡🤬

[@travisleabeck2572]

As an American I'm laughing my ass off, but as a Native I'm highly disappointed

[@ihavenomouthandimusttype9729]

I'm sure Elves, as a concept Tolkein originally popularised by basing them on Gaelic gods and the Christian ideal of pre-fallen humanity, would belong to my ethnic group and agree with my politics.

[@shadowdroid776]

Gaelic is a language, not a religion. You're talking about the Celtic and Nordic pagan religions. Elves are from the Norse myth and mixed with the fae concepts from Irish myth to produce what we see the elves as today. It's basically the Vanir almost, just less god-like.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

LOL

[@Finrirthegray16]

What would that make half-elves?

[@dominuslogik484]

The redneck kid that got an office job I guess. though this only really applies to wood elves half children

[@sapphiredawn5773]

or or and i saw this other good post elves but they got new york accents

[@LucasAndrus-ps3sm]

there is a book about somthing like this called the dark lord of Oklahoma

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

Such a good title

[@rathalomaniac6212]

Orges: Huge, bloodthirsty, antisocial monsters with a penchant for eating lone travelers. Modern ogres: Stupid, barely literate, can only identify surface level themes like religion and nationalism, will never understand Finnegan's Wake.

[@TJHatchVoiceman]

I forget where, but I've seen this joke somewhere before lol

[@cyanideOwO]

date material