If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device Short 7: 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓘𝓶𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓪𝓵 𝓛𝓪𝔀

[@Kunori]

This episode is why the Emperor softened his stance on Guilliman. He realized that if he doesn't thaw out the one son he has who's capable of actually reading Terms and Conditions before clicking Accept, he's going to have to rewrite the whole thing himself.

[@CHRF-55457]

Hehehe

[@SolarArmadillo]

I know this is an old comment but I hope that if Guilliman returns in TTS he gets a lot of shit from The Emperor, but he bites back with a “you were dead, half of the Imperium was devastated, what the FUCK did you want me to do?”

[@darandomlyace2371]

@@SolarArmadillo now that i would love to see

[@Digimastertwo]

@@SolarArmadillo "Better" would be his unflinching one word answer and we all know it.

[@darkswords147]

I was confused at first then realized you said emperor needs gulliman to change the imperial law for him which is funny.

[@jasonalcatraz5817]

I love how the Emperor clearly says "Having fun in the Imperium is illegal" as a joke judging by his voice. But is mortified when Dorn confirms it's true.

[@11Survivor]

"I too, watched the video, father." - Rogal Dorn.

[@fireknight0146]

I am thoroughly impressed by the very fact you can actually hear intonation in the Manperor's voice.

[@YouGottaShootEmInTheHead]

@@fireknight0146 HE is getting stronger to the point he is chainging the fuckking TTS

[@samueltrusik3251]

Honestly, he should`ve seen it coming. Which is odd, as he does not have biological eyes anymore, making seeing anything more difficult.

[@malorian1855]

@@samueltrusik3251 he does have auspex eye. And massive psyker skill

[@Outcrow]

"I am go." *Imitates Rogal's tone* No. You are Rogal Dorn. Primarchs cannot be a verb.

[@jocosesonata]

But what if they're in the warp?

[@jaypea30]

Jocose Sonata yes

[@DGARedRaven]

Thunderbirds Are Go?

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

@@DGARedRaven Indiegogo is Thing. Possibly a pair of thing.

[@samuelbedsole5089]

Kaldor Draigo: VERBS DO NOT EXIST IN MY REALITY!

[@kishinasura1504]

In case you are wondering, the Fabricator General is located on Mars serving oil margaritas. Alfabusa is very careful with his shit.

[@CorsairJoshua]

LORE CONSISTENCY!!!!!!!!

[@Pootis74]

@@CorsairJoshua This, is true.

[@blacktemplarchaplainmarius42]

He is now somewhere in the Noctis Labryinth with the rest of the Custodes.

[@HonorEggs]

Mar Lerious no he is repenting with the dark angels

[@eltonjohntubola3212]

A three year comment have 2 weak old reply.

[@jamestown8398]

I just love how Rogol Dorn called the High Lords of Terra "Youngsters"!

[@theomnissiah-9120]

Jamestown I mean he is not wrong compared to him the only high lord who could have maybe have lived that long is the fabricator general. (And that’s still not likely)

[@KadRSP]

@@theomnissiah-9120 I would argue that it is likely. Belasarius Cawl was alive around the time of the Heresy, since Guilliman had him start working on the Primaris Project shortly after. And Guilliman wouldn't have given that task to just anyone, so Cawl must have been someone of some significant standing.

[@theomnissiah-9120]

Corius Farin, Primarch of the Second Legion cawl is 1 a massive Mary Sue And doesn’t randomly explode

[@SilverHairedFreak25]

@@theomnissiah-9120 It honestly depends on how long he's been abusing the Proteus Protocol. It's clear he's got a bunch of spare bodies somewhere (heck, he was the only High Lord that _wasn't_ replaced by a Lacrymole impostor).

[@MizantropMan]

@@KadRSP Cawl is an exeption, he's literally GW's way of adding stuff and saying "Cawl made it, we ain't gotta explain shit". Most tech priests go insane after a thousand years and only the Archmagi have the resources to make it that far anyway.

[@TheQuattro00]

Dorn's voice actor is really good at his job

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

*IN ADORABLE VOICE* YESssssss......

[@EVAUnit4A]

@@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing *Adornable

[@Tadashi2]

Even more so, how he keeps from collapsing in laughter while speaking his lines.

[@Tadashi2]

@Zerebrat Eightyseven No.

[@nightflash4782]

i want to like but its at 666

[@BaronNate]

"Everything is legal, everything is illegal, everything is heresy and you have to point it all out...."

[@shlomohammedibnal-israeli4258]

Nice reference. "Everything i don't like is litterally Heresy"

[@additiveartificer9365]

nice one sir

[@OzixiThrill]

Everythng is Illegal, Everything is Xenos, Everything is HERESY! And Inquisitor Anita will point it all out with cyclonic torpedoes. That actually sould happen... I mean, as fanart...

[@additiveartificer9365]

hail to Inquisitor Anita Sarcastic!!

[@LordVader1094]

+OzixiThrill Please no.

[@TheAcidSaber]

Rogal Dorn humor is even more dry than the skin on the his oudated copy of the Book of Judgement.

[@primarchrogaldorn2990]

Humor cannot be dry for it does not possess any physical properties.

[@TammoKorsai]

I am fortifying your comment with a thumbs up.

[@999monsterjam3]

I fail to see how virtual thumbs that are used to show approval can reinforce typed words as if they were a built structure.

[@thebighurt2495]

According to Overchapter XXIV:Section 36:Susbsection 14.663.4:Paragraph 8 of the Lex Imperialis VIIICCCXLII Edition, remarking upon a Primarch's sense of humor is punishable by public flaying. Implying any edition of the Book of Judgment is "otudated" is illegal under 16,352 different laws.. punishable by public frying. Now where'd my Power Maul get to again?

[@thebighurt2495]

jacob peterson Actually according to Chapter XXVIII, Section 6,, Subsection 95.3, Paragraph 5 (footnote), regarding cases of differences in legal mandate between two Imperial Worlds: The law given precedence is the one established earlier. Sadly, me bucko, as you'll notice, MINE predates YOURS. So feel free to take your "Notice me, Arbitrator-Senpai!" desperation and go annoy someone with more time on their hands.

[@director1336]

When Rogal placed down the codex, I really wanted him to say “It was printed yesterday”

[@DepressedCrow]

It was finished printing yesterday*

[@Irmarinen]

@@DepressedCrow allready outdated.

[@realhuman4879]

⁠​⁠@@Irmarinenby one hundred and ten years

[@joaqiun12]

"This is mostly based on lore found in the 2nd edition Codex Imperialis as well as some good ol' Dark Heresy books. 𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹𝒀𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑰𝑺 𝑪𝑨𝑵𝑶𝑵 𝑰𝑵 𝑻𝑻𝑺 𝑹𝑬𝑴𝑬𝑴𝑩𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺." Even Kitten's EX?

[@alfabusa]

𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹𝒀𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑮 except Malal.

[@joaqiun12]

K. Malal is canon within the Retconnian...

[@alfabusa]

Carlos Fortich That is such a massive oxymoron.

[@joaqiun12]

Yes, it is...

[@kaiosamatlj4031]

Wait... If Malal is not canon, them who the fuck are those Sons of Malice I keep hearing about?

[@altansirin5830]

Spooky scary Emperors causes shivers down your spine.

[@lewishouston7969]

this needs to be a thing

[@harryratcliffe8882]

Shrieking skulls will burn your soul, seal your fate tonight.

[@hughcopson1799]

Shrieking Servo-skulls burn your soul, seal your fate tonight

[@mcglynn20]

I want to like this comment, but it's currently at 666 likes, so I feel I have to leave it. I'm putting this comment here so that you know of my amusement.

[@PrimarisBlackTemplaDraven]

Well he did scared allot of kids during he's days

[@UltimoPlayer]

"Reproductive organs have not been used to push our imperial laws out the proverbial window" Aaaand THIS line embodies perfectly why I love Dorn!

[@Beiolos]

Me alegro de verte por aquí ultimo player. Los pitufos espaciales siguen siendolo. :P

[@lucaballarati9694]

UltimoPlayer I have only seen Lorgar do such things.

[@doublep1980]

Bruva Alfabusa,needs to put Rogal Dorn and Leman Russ,in a future episode together.Imagine the 2 of them arguying. ''Shut up,ya milksop'' ''I do not soak my bread,in dairy products.'' xD

[@thestabbybrit4798]

This is why this version of Dorn has become canonical in my head. I tried reading some quotes by Dorn and they came out in that dull monotone! XD

[@thestabbybrit4798]

I want to have Dorn as an announcer in a Dawn of War Game. Just imagine trying to place a building down illegaly and hearing the trademark Dorn "No."

[@moriskurth628]

"I sometimes use it as a support beam." D-Did... Did Rogal Dorn just make a joke?!

[@JohnDoe-te7sw]

Moris Kurth knowing Rogal Dorn he was probably being completely serious

[@eddymercan7487]

Of course not. That was a statement of fact :P

[@Suika_Ibuki_The_Drunk_Oni]

I don't think so. he must be legit.

[@drFocak]

considering how big that book is, he realey isn't kidding

[@nerdsoft9964]

No.

[@TheEternalCrafter]

Can we petition to canonise this series?

[@scribejackhammar]

Given how Warhammer Fantasy is an alternate version of the Materium, it shouldn't be hard to get Games Workshop to hire Alfabusa and then make a new video under their name.

[@TheGoodLuc]

Better not. Games Workshop will fuck this beauty to the ground, and not in a fun way.

[@emanueldelangel7013]

Wait a minute...I thought this stuff was canon....By the Emperor I've been lied too!

[@Firebolt193]

It's Canon in my heart

[@hz.kemalpasa2997]

It's already canon

[@cropathfinder]

Rogal dorn should make a fortress out of copies of the imperial law.

[@blueberry1vom1t]

Such a fortress will be taller than most imperial hive cities and have a wall almost as thick as one. Orks would not be able to use it's walls for scrap. This is actually a very good idea.

[@john_mystery]

Considering that the volumes are written on human skin, they would be liable to rotting away. This is not advantages when fortifying a position.

[@Sorakeyblademaster37]

John Mystery I would think making a fortress out of human skin would make it more vulnerable to Chaos. That might be why the Imperium has such an incomprehensibly bureaucratic legal system. (I’m still new to the franchise, so I don’t know if Chaos works like that.)

[@Arenuphis]

it would need thinking, feeling beings or demons to be directly vulnerable to the warp the demons themselves, especially nurgle ones, would probably have an easier time messing around with skin than stone/metal tho, so you may be on to something

[@philiproe1661]

All that biomass would attract the Tyranids though.

[@thestabbybrit4798]

The Book of Judgement is precisely why I absolutely LOVE being an Adeptus Arbite in role playing games. Need to intimidate someone? No problem! Just threaten to arrest them for... *scrutinises DM's description of the character.* ... Article 384 Subsection 12 Paragraph 2. Possession of an item likely to obstruct the timely and proper evacuation of an Imperial administratum facility in the event of fire, planetary assault or other emergency - try to run in those ridiculous robes and you'll trip and block the door! Now, you have two choices; help me in my investigation, or spend the next six months in a penitence cell!

[@Warhamer116]

*A GM WITHING A GAME*

[@monsterhiddenfromthesun210]

How much you wanna bet that this is a law?

[@godkid8059]

@@monsterhiddenfromthesun210 i bet 10 thrones.

[@jocosesonata]

Great. Now _someone_ has to check it to make sure. Not it!

[@muttonhammer7284]

What 40k rpg offers arbites as a class? I'm playing wrath and glory, but I've noticed homebred is kinda limited

[@evanulven8249]

Eventually, I suspect the pure disgust and rage the Emperor is feeling will reach singularity strength, and pull the disparate parts of his soul back together, enabling spontaneous resurrection. After which, he will rise from the throne is a storm of pure raging WTF and once again launch a crusade to reorder mankind. Only this time, his charisma will take a back seat to the constant roar of incessant shouted cursing, and the Angry Marines will become his heralds.

[@octi118]

More like snap them back togheter so He can snap some minstorum spines

[@WH40KHero]

ALWAYS ANGRY!!

[@Morec0]

@@WH40KHero ALL THE TIME!!

[@Marc-zi4vg]

So the last wall protocol is essentially the entirety of the imperial fist Legion becoming the angry marines

[@troglodyte1378]

You know who else is always angry? Khorne

[@darkblood626]

'Five day death sentence'... Sounds like something from the KZbin legal team.

[@reedman1337]

it has already been astablished that youtube is themajor contributer of new laws added to the book. i also assume the human skin used to make said book comes from permanently suspended channels.

[@jaimeprewitt8014]

Did somebody say JEANSTEALERZ?! *proceeds to ripandtear*

[@robinderoos1166]

yes, what happened to jews in 40K? are they ruling and bringing the imperium to fall like they do to our world? or are they gone?

[@a6s3]

All present day religions are extinct. Assumedly there are some people out there in the Imperium descended from jews, but their culture will be very different because of the amount of time that has passed.

[@gaborhajdu3957]

+a6s3 I wouldn't take it for granted, though. There are only about 20 million jewish people at the moment (this includes both actual jews and people with majority jewish descent). Given the events of the Age of Strife (Terra had a genocidal "ethnarch" at one point, for example), and before that the Iron Men stuff, it's possible that no actual Jewish-descended people survived until the coming of the Imperium. But this would be a moot point, as you have correctly stated that no current culture and religion is extant by this time.

[@or10nsharkfin]

*"I am go."* - _Rogal Dorn_

[@DeltaRoz]

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH HELL TO THE FUCK *NO* "

[@johnathoncrines3198]

Having fun is Illegal in this imperium is the best quote of this whole damn series. Its even funnier when you realize this whole thing is based off of a game.

[@prisregil]

( In a joking manner) Having fun is illegal in this imperium (Dead serious) Yes I know! Shreek of utter despair. I cant stop laughing and grinning when i think about those last 10 seconds

[@darrianweathington1923]

Fenrir there is only war

[@LordFhalkyn]

You are laughing and grinning. According to page 3,457,154,155,998,700,001, section 18,117,156, subsection EMPRER-001, paragraph 87.5 of the Book of Judgement, you must now be slapped exactly once by every child currently within the orphanages of the Schola Progenium, followed by being fired feet first from the Nova Cannon. The Adeptus Arbites will be along shortly to collect you. Have a good day. The Emperor Protects!

[@KadRSP]

According to Article 21489 Subsection 14 Paragraph 3-12, Impersonating a member of the Adeptus Arbites is a crime, and is punishable by 3 millennia in a penitence cell, and the reincarnation as a semi-sentient servitor. You are also subject to the attempted punishment you sought to dispense, as per Article 1015 Subsection 28 Paragraph 4. If you wish to dispute these charges, you may submit a formal request at the time of your hearing. Until such a time as your request is reviewed and a ruling in your favor is reached, you shall serve your sentence. According to Article 507 Subsection 8 Paragraph 12, a ruling against you shall result in your sentence being doubled and a 25,000,000 Throne fine shall be levied against you to compensate for the wasted time of the judges overseeing your case. We thank you for your cooperation.

[@dionjaywoollaston1349]

Corius Farin, Primarch of the Second Legion fuck you I’m joining chaos

[@astralbody13]

@@dionjaywoollaston1349 Did someone say "Joining Chaos"? Uh Oh... SMASH IT!!!!

[@EmptyMan000]

The Emperor: "Also, what is the material this book is made out of?" Rogal Dorn: "HUMAN SKIN" --- At that point, I was done. As in "stick a fork in me" done.

[@merrittanimation7721]

*fires NOPE cannon at full power*

[@Cha-Khia]

Raising NOPE shields to maximum, diverting all auxiliary power to the retro NOPE thrusters.

[@mememaster5748]

I will not puncture your epidermis with an eating device.

[@techpriest1559]

...have you tried chainswords? they are usually more effective than eating utensils...also, are NOPE marines a thing? i feel like they should for some reason.

[@EarFarce4]

Makes sense. I doubt Earth has any trees or water left on it at this point and humans reproduce and die at a ridiculous rate so why not use what's available.

[@Nineball459]

By the emperor, the writing for this just keeps getting better and fucking better.

[@eltanan]

I really, really love Rogal's voice acting in this. Really, everyone in this entire series is phenomenal, but Rogal in particular just makes me laugh so much.

[@antiprotaganist5109]

"I am go" No, you are Rogal Dorn.

[@Commander826]

I am Alpharius.

[@MediumRareOpinions]

@@Commander826 I'm not falling for that one Omegon! Given this obvious deception it is clear to me that I am Alpharius!

[@Ma_Zhongying]

I am dead. Also, Ice picks really hurt.

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

@@Commander826 You too? We got alot in common.

[@john_mystery]

He is Lord Adorable

[@zenoblues7787]

why would anyone in the Imperium find skeletons scary? They're literally everywhere on weapons, on books, on armor, as fancy ornaments, they even go as far as to add machines to the skulls of sacred dead so they can continue serving after death

[@999monsterjam3]

Because the emperor said it was scary, and therefore, it must be true. However, it cannot be a law, as the creation of new laws has been deemed illegal by the emperor. On the other hand, there is a chance it was a preexisting law.

[@KrasnayaArmada]

something a skeleton would totally say

[@OzixiThrill]

And now, laws are going to be removed until Emps only has the laws he wants or needs. (Do note, disbanding laws is NOT illegal)

[@zenoblues7787]

OzixiThrill but because they kept adding laws through 10,000 years it will probably take another 10,000 years just to read through all of them

[@thegeneralscall]

Bet they would use skulls as Christmas ordainments if the imperium still had Christmas.

[@williamhartnell3096]

"I am the lawn!"

[@primarchrogaldorn2990]

Lawns do not speak.

[@wilfridmasgnaux1078]

Rogal Dorn, why are you such a butt face?

[@heresy8384]

His father was not good at making Primarchs.

[@Vladislav_Sargas]

Я ЗАГОН!

[@Ixmore]

Rogal Dorn's face is not a butt.

[@korstmahler]

That shriek is actually pretty freaky when you consider he appears to have used his actual biological body to make that strangled gasp. Ew. On the other hand that's the most he's done with his physical form beyond decomposition in millennia.

[@Jampolo_OG]

And moving his toe once

[@festethephule7553]

@@Jampolo_OG When did that happen?

[@Jampolo_OG]

@@festethephule7553 Here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/j4nWq5tobLGpnKs

[@festethephule7553]

@@Jampolo_OG Thank you.

[@Alphapkmn]

And of course, typing into the text to speech device

[@bludgerabled]

Wow, imperial law is so stupid that even dorn agrees.

[@Crusader-Ramos45]

And useless.

[@Digimastertwo]

Emps: Having fun is illegal in this imperium. GW: This is true.

[@TheFreshSorcerer]

Well goodbye grandpa, guess I have to voice other people now.

[@callumdwyer7882]

You realise if you had've released this a few hours ago it would have been my birthday! Not only would it have made my day but I might not have broken Imperial law by performing the sorcerous ritual known as the blowing out of the birthday candles upon the cake presented to thineself upon the day of thine birth. Now I'm sworn to Chaos all due to your incompetent Imperial bureaucratic bullshittery! Thanks a lot Alfa.

[@alfabusa]

HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY BRUV

[@callumdwyer7882]

Well thank you man, great stuff as always! It only keeps getting better and despite the pain it must be I'm glad in a twisted way that you're finally getting enough attention to have to put disclaimers at the front of your videos. P.S. I have submitted the fact that you were late in the uploading of this instructional holovid to Imperial high authority, expect processing in 6 to 8 millennia.

[@OluapPlayer]

Good to see the Emperor has finally embraced his spooky side.

[@plutarchvonpluto6439]

**Guardsman flees in terror**

[@langleysenterprise5134]

Wdym finally? He's been spooking children ever since he was in terra

[@exterminatusnow1264]

PAPA SMURF IS BACK, WE DIDN'T LISTEN TO THE ADVICE TO PULL HIS LIFE SUPPORT. WE WERE SUCH FOOLS!!!

[@ZAV1944]

Papa Smurf is Marneus Calgar not Roboute Guilliman.

[@trialnerror3643]

I can only imagine the sheer rage the Emperor has when he finds out about the shit Robute has done, *Cough cough* Primarius

[@Spartan135]

@@trialnerror3643 I don't think the Emps would be angry at GP Smurf. He would just joking like:"Progress in the Imperium,something new and unimaginable had just happened. *HEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA* "

[@catsndogs98]

Lol ultramarine life support of GW

[@Yamato12345666]

@@Spartan135 And I'm sure he would be completely fine with GPS declaring himself the new emperor... That arrogant son of a bitch

[@SivTheScribe]

3:08 "Fuck you, Magnus". Proof that once again, everything is Magnus' fault.

[@ChapterMasterValrak]

Dorn. Lives.

[@Gabriel_PL]

Now we need someone with an account named "Primach Rogal Dorn" and a profile pic of said primarch, to just respond to this coment with an: "I do."

[@RuSosan]

Yes.

[@ZeroCanalX]

There is a guy who does that, since Dorn's reveal.

[@fumarc4501]

Chapter Master Valrak No

[@Brutalyte616]

As does Vulcan. And Russ. And Jaghatai Khan. And Gulliman, if you can call being stuck on the verge of death in a static life-support unit living. And I have a sneaking suspicion about Konrad Curze...

[@alfabusa]

The Book of Judgement and the Lex Imperialis are one of the greatest examples of how far-gone the Imperium has gone in its incessent bureaucratic blunders. It's pretty great. Also, if you want to know what I'm working on at any given point in time, go to my Twitter. I've started pinning what I am currently working on at the top of my page so if you want to know, you can! twitter.com/Alfabusa I will make a video about this soon too so everyone gets the memo. Asking _WHEN_ it's going to be released however is most often futile, because I cannot make TTS-videos with set schedules. THANK YOU AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS SHORT LITTLE VIDEO THING. EXPECT MORE OF THESE IN THE FUTURE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU LIKE IT AND TELL ME SO.

[@saltboi6374]

5:27 what the FUCK

[@Foagik]

I was expecting Daggerfall Skeleton wails...

[@Theonetruefinalboss]

Take your time. I would think everyone would prefer better episodes to more episodes.

[@metalcotton4656]

IT'S PRETTY FUCKIN' HERETICAL, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO JUDGE IF YOU DO MORE OF THIS SHIT.

[@lost_to_the_woods]

Bruva Alfabusa WE LOVE IT AND ALSO WARGAMING IS COPYING YOUR STORYLINE FOR THE CANNON!

[@PainHarbinger]

Hey Bruva Alfabusa! I absolutely love your work! The Text to Speech Series is possibly my favourite thing to watch on KZbin! Keep up the magnificent work, and remember, the Emperor Protects.

[@link4585]

Dorn *makes it illegal to make new laws* High Bois of Terra "Fuck you Magnus"

[@gr33dl0cknein3]

Every day the Emperor loses the tiny bit of faith in humanity he didn't know he still had.

[@Strykeruk11]

Ah, you gotta love Imperial logic. Though I guess if anyone should understand 'sins of the fathers' and all that it's Emps. P.s. Who the heck unliked the video already?! Usually that takes a critical mass of the putrid mass that is KZbin comment sections.

[@alfabusa]

I've only linked it to patrons so far so that IS odd. Same thing happened on the Slaaneshmas video before I released it. Guess someone invested in the grand privilege of being first to dislike. AH WELL.

[@PinkyIvan12]

+Bruva Alfabusa Wait this is patron only atm? Because I'm not a patron and I just watched this.

[@KamuiKunitsuna]

You know Alfabusa, the one thing I don't like about this vid (and it's very, very minor) is the Emprah just smashing the book away when hearing it was made of human skin. I was really expecting a massive, boasty "UNACCEPTABLE!!!" from him, or something like that. Otherwise I love it, please keep on it, you have my full support :)

[@skavenbrad9569]

Strykeruk11 methinks it was Failbaddon. possibly also maybe the changeling and/or Karl the Deranged. Maybe a hint of Eliphas somewhere too. - Sindri

[@Czakaronek]

The one dislike must come from that high lord guy.

[@Dianbler]

That fuking guardsman killed me

[@tefras14]

Then he broke the law. Unless you are a heretic then he did the right thing AND THEN BROKE THE LAW

[@tefras14]

Good point.

[@primarchrogaldorn2990]

If the guardsman had killed you, you wouldn't have said that. You're lying.

[@dinonick2]

Rogal doesnt use contractions.....

[@primarchrogaldorn2990]

Nick Robertson No.

[@Big_E_Soul_Fragment]

[skeleton shriek]

[@Ixmore]

Skeleton's do not shriek my emperor; they do not have vocal cords.

[@commisarcaleb1766]

is that heresy i smell?

[@Ixmore]

Heresy is an ideological concept. It does not have a smell.

[@commisarcaleb1766]

yup that's heresy

[@imperialguardsman521]

[double skeleton shriek]

[@Zakading]

The funny part about this description is that the current fluff, with Master of Mankind and how absolutely ridiculous shit is getting, straight up sounds like GW is just adapting TTS lore into their universe.

[@IPFreelly604]

After Cadian-times there will be an age of Emperor.

[@Banchoking]

TTS? Edit: Never mind.

[@greyjack8217]

How? Haven't read current fluff yet.

[@Zakading]

Master of Mankind had the Emperor chit-chat around a bit with his underlings, among them a Custodes serving as his private assistant and helper called something like Citon or something along those lines (incredibly close to Kitten). He also takes a trip to the Webway and explains that he doesn't hate any of his sons and even sees Magnus as just having lost his way but does not hate him for fucking everything over. There's a few more things hat vaguely remind people of TTS in that book, but I can't recall the exact passages nor is it really all that obvious. And then there's Fall of Cadia and how silly that entire book goes about finally making Abaddon win, why and how it blew up and how Trazyn basically played Pokemon with Imperial forces, tossing out some Ultramarines and an Inquisitor that he captured some millennia back as help but then capturing Creed as a trade-off.

[@psychocrysis2]

To be fair Creed was fatally wounded and Trazyn basically saved his life there.

[@b3rz3rk3r9]

Oh lord, imagine if Guilliman saw that thing and was told that it was all the laws of the Imperium. Brother would have a double heart attack, and then enter his Roboute Rage in a 3 year redaction blitz to fix that mess.

[@simonnachreiner8380]

Or take the simple option, scrap the whole thing and start from scratch.

[@DarkLordOfSweden]

I LOVE the voice shouting "judge dredd, judge dredd" in the background when the Adeptus Arbites was shown

[@Powoga]

So... what was that about clown goblins invading the Imperial Palace?

[@Thravous]

Some Eldar, or Aeldari, Harlequinn's...

[@Emrod82]

Powoga During The Beast Arise serie.

[@droir6835]

Powoga that was probably one of kittens harlequinns lovers

[@Thravous]

Or the booty that the emperor was searching when him was working in the human-web-way... xD

[@fumarc4501]

Powoga The Harlequins who bypassed their defenses to give a message to the Emperor during the Beast Rises.

[@just_matt214]

"I AM THE LAWN!"

[@Goldenspartan86]

The 3rd Runner are you sure about this? You look more like a naked pineapple with crotch rot. Or at least what counts for the average imperial citizen these days. Sad but true.

[@just_matt214]

Colonel Sanders of the 086st Harakoni Warhawks ohi, though guy...what the *fuck* did you say about my hair?!

[@TheAkator]

And im the lawnmover

[@randomerchatdudeomega4616]

making jokes are ilegal

[@christianm6198]

The Emperor: What is this book made out of? Rogal: H U M A N S K I N The Emperor: *YEET!*

[@strategicgamingwithaacorns2874]

Wait, did the Emperor and Dorn just accidentally screw over Magnus and Kitten's attempt to fix the Imperium on their own, by banning the passage of new laws until further notice?

[@Fourtytwo4242]

John Whitesell yes right when things were about to be good

[@MushVPeets]

To be fair, the existing laws were so shitty (and there were so goddamn many of them) that fixing the Imperium by passing laws through the normal system would likely be ineffective...

[@z0m813p4n1c]

The best thing about Rogal is when he says no. Its sounds annoyed and absolute.

[@borgar1765]

I cannot deny that i squealed like a little girl when i saw this.

[@BaronNate]

in another room in my house....I can hear a pig being slaughtered in a movie on the television.....its squealing....I imagined this was YOU squealing... (reread this as Rogal Dorn). Jokes aside, I did hear that as I read this , it was hilariously weird.

[@primarchrogaldorn2990]

BaronNate why would I say that?

[@ApplePopper]

Because it is fact.

[@PrusskiyMir]

You don't have to hide it here)

[@lunarimperium42]

Is The Emperor ever going to talk about the two missing Primarch's?

[@sicor94]

We dont talk about that anymore.

[@Tomosshow]

"we don't talk about them."

[@Rogal168]

Lunar Imperium what primarchs are missing?

[@kirillmarine5157]

Probably nah Because GW doesn't give us more facts.

[@weldonwin]

In 40K lore, there were supposed to twenty Primarchs, but only eighteen of them are named, with the only information we have on them, being that they existed and that all records of them and their legions were expunged.

[@shieldphaser]

"Having fun is illegal in this imperium" Games Workshop be like.

[@Crusader-Ramos45]

It’s awfully hilarious that Rogal Dorn takes whatever his dad says very literally.

[@toobig7399]

I am go.

[@zefellowbud5970]

i think ive seen you on a warframe channel a few times before but im not sure where......

[@blacknote6945]

ZeFellowBud-CrimsonSpades quite shallow

[@AHunDread]

with an avatar like that, you sure seem to have gone quite the distance.

[@darrianweathington1923]

too big *No.*

[@oscarpoullard9920]

Hi go, I'm dad !

[@barbadossephtis9730]

Dorn is learning to be snarky. RUN.

[@mikea2363]

Im probably illegal, right?

[@alfabusa]

Yes.

[@mikea2363]

Then i suppose being a tyranid is illegal

[@RuSosan]

Yes.

[@mikea2363]

Then i suppose we will have to eat all those books, to stop being illegal. We will eat the custodes,too. It really helps they are made of your skin. PS wtf where you thinking when making that edition?

[@mannofdober873]

Every single part of that sentence was illegal. Now if you don't mind, I risk serving two thousand years in jail. Gotta run.

[@TheOnlyTherazan]

It's probably the only instance of the Emperor fully 100% panicking, no other plans, emotion or thought: only panic.

[@BIGhappyG33]

We need the story of that guardsman! How he got in there, what he was doing there, what became of him. These questions are of the utmost importance!

[@StevieJunior]

I love Rogal. He is just such a un humorous and straight forward kind of dude. Doesn't even get metaphors and also i love how he says 'Yes'. Also this video made me laugh so loudly my parents came in here and told me to shut the fuck up. Keep them funny ass videos coming Alfa, the wait is worth it.

[@Ixmore]

Rogal Dorn probably understands metaphors, it's probably the part of reality he finds most funny and responding to it seriously is the punchline. Responding to a metaphor as if I don't understand it is something I imagine myself doing in an attempt to be funny or to agitate the person I'm talking to.

[@maksuree]

Rogal is just a massive troll with a mastery of dry-as-fuck humor

[@kaiosamatlj4031]

So let me get this straight... That pillar of a book is made of human skin? So that means some powerful Deadites are secretly running the Imperium. And that's also explain why they are so much obssessed with skulls.

[@jakegriffith4781]

3:38 "TOO MUCH HERESY. NO HOPE. CONSIDER SUICIDE." I honestly did not think I was going to get such good use out of my heresy detector.

[@confusablecabbage4104]

KZbin just rubbing salt into my wounds recommending this after watching Alfabusa's video :c

[@ShelltoonTV1]

Alfa, your show has enhanced my enjoyment of 40k, because it reminds me I don't need to take it super seriously to be into it.

[@helldrake77777]

Love it all! I'm putting five golden Emperors and a 3 pound bag of teef on Kitten. Although skeptical, I have faith in the talking banana-submarine with chocolate filling. And by all means do not worry. We(your fans) would rather wait an infinity and beyond for a minute of your glorious product than have hours of mediocrity released in quick succession. So take as much time as you need, we all love and support you no matter how long! ;)

[@johngoldman159]

helldrake77777 I agree to about 95% of that. The other 5% is wishing uploads could be a bit quicker. But everyone already wishes that so I guess I fully agree with you.

[@Dan-mw4zu]

I thought the '100 new volumes every day' thing was just a TTS joke, but nope, this is the actual figure according to the 40k Wiki.

[@dilophosaurussk4333]

"Having fun is illegal in this imperium." To be fair, being TOO happy could possibly result in summoning a daemon.

[@SamueL-td7fb]

You remember what happened when certain pointy-eared plague started having *TONS* of fun?

[@crimsonknight7011]

I can’t wait for new episodes to come out, really love this series. GW must love these guys bringing more new fans/customers to the franchise

[@mariolis]

except they are the reason no new episodes are comming out in a way , they made it illegal to have fun in this imperium

[@deanlawlor963]

There is just something about The Emperor saying "oh goodness no" to some new fact about the grimdark that makes me laugh every time without fail...you can feel the despair

[@RandomMajin]

4:19 - 4:44Basically when someone tells you that "You owe me and my family money and stuff because of what your ancestors did to mine!"

[@noneofyourbusiness2437]

So, pretty much just modern day America, huh? (I realize that this comment is nearly half a year old by now. Sorry about that, btw).

[@SLocoKnight]

Pure gold. Which by chance is the best color!

[@LastStar007]

> How is anyone supposed to follow a law that is too incomprehensible for even a judge to follow? We aren't in the 41st millenium, we're in the 3rd millenium.

[@Spartan094]

Can we take a moment to appreciate how absolutely unhinged that opening was? Wiping tears from laughter as I keep replaying the first 10 seconds.

[@lumberluc]

"Having fun is illegal in this Imperium" "This is true" Regretting on going full blown "Stop believing in anything" deal that you thought it was a good idea? No? Then your lost.

[@lumberluc]

@Nobody comments are not funny you troglodyte That's just a side dish to "Fun". Believing your jokes is fun. Screaming clowns are just as annoying as screaming kids.

[@Victor-056]

2:12 Knowing Rogal Dorn, he's not joking.

[@Brother_Green]

Praise be Garrot, great provider of skeleton shrieks!

[@bowenorcutt78]

Just imagine this: An Arbites knocks on your door out of the blue, and informs you in their usual scary-ass manner that because you are the next of kin of the next of kin of the next of kin, on and on for a couple hundred generations, of some guy you've never heard of, judgement for their crime you ALSO know nothing about has been levied upon you. They storm into your house, busting your grandma's favorite china set in the process, and tell you that after a thousand years of litigation, Lord Judge Konostathis XXXII has decided that the judgement that shall be levied upon you... Will be a fine of 5 thrones, to be paid immediately. And a kick to the jaw, but only because they have a quota to meet.

[@Briggattonii]

“The Adeptus Arbites wear buckets on their heads… it is funny to me” - Rogal Dorn

[@sergeantvedara9165]

2:00 is that "Attention citizen, multiple third party individuals has reported of your recent action being innapropriate" guy?

[@Korraganitar]

The next time I get a chance to play dark heresy, I want to be an arbites and use the "according to x number of passages in the book of judgement" joke.to justify and random murders I decide to do.

[@KadRSP]

According to Article 21489 Subsection 14 Paragraph 3-12, Impersonating a member of the Adeptus Arbites is a crime, and is punishable by 3 millennia in a penitence cell, and the reincarnation as a semi-sentient servitor. You are also subject to the attempted punishment you sought to dispense, as per Article 1015 Subsection 28 Paragraph 4. If you wish to dispute these charges, you may submit a formal request at the time of your hearing. Until such a time as your request is reviewed and a ruling in your favor is reached, you shall serve your sentence. According to Article 507 Subsection 8 Paragraph 12, a ruling against you shall result in your sentence being doubled and a 25,000,000 Throne fine shall be levied against you to compensate for the wasted time of the judges overseeing your case. We thank you for your cooperation.

[@rosarioscout7982]

2:54 I was dying when he called them youngsters

[@angelofthedeath2433]

Tbf Rogal exist before these old farts even made in the warp

[@TheBassManBoy]

When you're 10,000+ years old there aren't many people that you wouldn't consider a youngster.

[@zaelheimricht4978]

2:26 He is not go. He is Rogal Dorn.

[@MrYogcastlover]

I have watch this episode over 4 times and I still enjoy it please keep up the good work

[@housecat5689]

This has definitely been the best short so far. So much energy and quick narrative progression is very present. 9/10

[@Dandalore]

This was the most hilarious TTS I have seen. In stitches throughout. Fucking A+. "I AM THE LAWN!"

[@ww2weaponnut692]

This video made me realize how useful the dark eldar could be to the imperium if they were just hired to be the police. They would be so good at their job there would probably only need to be one on an entire planet to get the job done

[@deff_bepis]

"You may not be aware, but I am a skeleton" [ *ROGAL INTENSIFIES* ]

[@dicerson9976]

That was amazing, really harkens back to the original episodes, which were all just really funny ways of pointing out the imperiums flaws XD

[@snowchrome5704]

"A sadness that could never be illegalized" has to be one of the best subtitles I've ever seen

[@CommanderBohn]

Do you remember the time when Grimdark was fun in 40K? It was until 3rd ED.

[@TheSalamander_]

You gotta admit it's lucky robot gurlyman came back first. If it had been Russ or Emperor forbid, Vulkan, the arbites would have been looking for their balls in their ears.

[@Gantradies]

i think, by this point, all three would have the same response....

[@somerandomschmuck2547]

This is why Gulliman was the best Primarch to come back first, anyone other than the Primarch specifically created to handle Bureaucracy and Policy would have no idea where to even start with fixing it.

[@paanjaan]

"Quickly Rogal ... make it illegal to make new laws" best line ever, should apply to this pre-imperium era too

[@CloudColumncat]

5:07 Emperor voices actually smiling

[@XFanmarX]

"I am not going to define shit, get bent, drop dead, pop a nut- FUCK. OFF." I'm still amazed at how his text-to-speech manages to have such great comedic impact.

[@noone-os5pj]

The immortal words of our divine emperor.

[@korben600]

"Having fun is illegal in this Imperium." "This is true." So....Games Workshop's motto?

[@cryothepunching-bag7917]

5:12 this is so powerfull... i can't even.. I CAN'T EVEN

[@theparticularist5373]

After all these years, the *"I sometimes use it as a support beam"* line still makes me laugh. I don't know if it's the line itself or Dorn sounding like this is the one time he's actually making a joke.

[@yahaaa1343]

I saw an ad .... well i really hope money go in your pocket and not in GW's one, you and your staff(compagnions, collegues, friends ...) truly earned it. Let this channel live long and prosper.