If You Hear THIS…They Will Break Your Heart

[@Calida]

"Confusion is an answer" 🔥🔥

[@elenad.2959]

Exactly, excellent point Audrey. People may say whatever they want, but the real test is their actions. Pay attention to those, don't over invest in them, and don't put them on a pedestal. If you keep an open heart and mind, along with a sharp observation mode, you'll figure out who you're dealing with soon enough. As Matt pointed out: what a person is not saying speaks volumes. Just be smart and pay attention!

[@ShortDarknLovely]

"if I met the right person, I'd be open ..." Sounds like they want to audition people for the role 👀

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Yes, they're giving off "Casting Director" vibes.

[@lauramantis5826]

I heard it so many times

[@ABetterLifeGallery]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398q

[@annt7384]

@@ShortDarknLovely. IMHO he’s not looking for the right person. If the right person showed up he MIGHT change his mind. Clearly he’s looking for something else. Ick.

[@langstonrichardson3828]

Let me defend this as a man who has said this before. Before I do I’d ask that the woman who read this please stay open minded to what I’m about to say. This is coming from the point of view of a man who loves woman and has been in long term relationships… It’s like committing to a subscription before you try it out. The reason why most people like “30 day free trials” is it allows them to back out if they’ve made the wrong decision. Value on the outside doesn’t always match what’s on the inside. A woman may look good but then a man may find out she’s not good in bed, or she’s not respectful, or she doesn’t go to church, or she’s more into his image of what he can provide than him as a man. In those cases, certain men want have the option to disengage. If a man is attractive, respectful, and a good man, some woman is going to be chasing him. Since most woman go for the same man, he almost has too many options. Beauty is important, but the thing that makes a woman stand out to them is her behavior.. Many men are open to continuing the role of being a protector/provider but they also need time to access whether the woman is open to being the woman who deserves that attention/affection.

[@SweatAndScript]

Thank you for sharing this, Matt. I recently went on a second date with a woman and asked her what she was looking for in a relationship. Her response was almost identical: 'My life is full and I’m very happy. Anything more would just be extra. I’m just open to meeting men and seeing where it goes, going with the flow.' While I liked her, this answer left me confused and disappointed-it felt non-committal, superficial, and vague. Later, I learned that her hesitancy stemmed from commitment issues tied to past trauma, making her emotionally unavailable. It's interesting how this kind of guardedness is often attributed to men, but women can experience it too. I’m glad I recognized this early on before investing further.

[@mariaragone4624]

l became like that woman after a 5 years living together relationship with aan wjo said the going with the flow to me too. l insisted l wanted a mature relationship and he, at a certain point agreed because l think there was no other way to get me, and all the bebefits that came with mg agd my family etc When it became suffocating for him he said it was a pathetic codependent relationship and he wanted his frewdom. That was the best relationship of my life and it was fake. l am done with hoping the unprobable. l understand only avery tiny percentage of us get to meet a compatible partner. lm done with investing in fakes

[@harry-james-books]

How would you feel if a woman you weren't (ridiculously, after one date) madly in love with said that to you on a second date? Personally I'd be likely to run a mile

[@shamelle9945]

yeaaa avoidance is often attributed to men, but women can actually also be avoidant (huhu me). it really makes it hard to see what i can improve on if literature is mostly focused on women having anxious attachment

[@susanlodzsun3249]

The dating apps are extremely frustrating to an older person reentering the dating world.

[@jennysrp]

I promise they are extremely frustrating for everyone 😂

[@Auris-om9vb]

​@@jennysrp 💯 can confirm. I just deleted my bumble account 😂

[@Auris-om9vb]

​@@jennysrp 💯 can confirm. I just deleted my dating app 😂

[@LauraSchendel-ko1qk]

I hear you!

[@cherrylane79]

They suck for everyone.

[@littledoe1617]

It might be very forward, but I didn’t want to play around with my partner. I told my partner I’m dating for marriage, and asked the important questions (and not shared my answer until they told me) about kids, family values, etc… before we went on our first date (obviously sprinkled the fun questions in between there too). Not only it worked so well after a year and a half we have a baby girl.

[@jennifers7555]

Same. Someone who actually wants serious and wants to get married doesn't get scared by this method (because they want the same obviously) and they also understand that it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to fall in love with them and get attached just because you go on one date together! 😂 Men who are freaked out by these kinds of things are just immature or cowards (and those words come from male friends of mine).

[@sarahangel5981]

"Open to see where things are going" is not acceptable for someone seeking marriage or a long-term committed relationship. Identify your objectives from the beginning. Don't waste your time.

[@CaptOsage]

That’s like saying “I wan’t Pizza! And I’ll eat it if it shows up on my doorstep but don’t want to make the effort of ordering it up.’ Same goes for anyone ‘just seeing how it goes’ they fail to realize that being intentional and putting in effort is key.

[@hoaxygen]

Some commenters are failing to recognize that some of us had been looking for pizza for so long and ordering it only to be getting scraps. So now if it shows up, great, and if it doesn't, I'll keep on living my life.

[@CaptOsage]

@@hoaxygen please tell me where pizza magically shows up on your doorstep without an order…asking for a friend 👀 but in all seriousness I’m just as tired as the next person. But it doesn’t matter, if you want the product you have to put effort in trying to obtain it or be content without it.

[@SusanQuade]

What many women I know that do online dating are convinced many men put they are interested in a long term relationship because they think they won't get any interest otherwise

[@annt7384]

@@SusanQuade And there's the rub. Easier to lie and waste people's time.

[@theresas.3808]

Another noncommittal answer from him is “Let’s just enjoy each other.”

[@jossfangirl]

Go with the flow ...

[@jennysrp]

But it IS relevant when you're on a dating app when you KNOW everyone is looking for romance. When you meet out in the wild it IS different context. If someone's profile says "short term fun" and you know that's not what you want I wouldn't keep an open intention for them having a change of heart. A lot of guys DO know they're only available for casual fun. I think it's fair to ask before you meet.

[@Taisha12001]

I was about to say something similar to this

[@GalacticWoman]

Totally agree

[@GalacticWoman]

He wants to "test" if you are sexually compatible lol..one night will suffice;)

[@GalacticWoman]

Matthew said few years ago that men have life plans and they know if they are ready for relationship or not. So testing chemistry is no point at all if they are not in that place

[@longpurplehair6256]

From my experience as a woman, I remember using the term “open to see where it goes” on my dating profile. Looking back now, I think it was because I was scared to be ‘vulnerable’ with someone and didn’t know what I wanted at the time.

[@biasedknowledge]

You really captured the essence of the false consensus effect, where we assume others share the same goals and intentions as we do, often leading to disappointment when they don’t. I had a client who kept projecting their own relationship goals onto people they met on dating apps, assuming that everyone else was also looking for something serious. When their matches gave vague responses like “I’m open to seeing where it goes,” they mistook that for interest in a long-term relationship. Your point about recognizing this as a weak answer is so insightful-thank you for helping others avoid falling into this trap!

[@annt7384]

If I’m on a site with men who say they are looking for a relationship, I think they are looking for a relationship.

[@brennam954]

@@annt7384 Just because they're on a site for a "relationship" doesn't mean they're actually looking for a relationship, or anything serious, or even know what they want. We have to be willing to be more discerning and not just fully assume from the getgo. Otherwise, we're just setting ourselves up for heartache.

[@phunkboxx]

​@@annt7384yes but how do you know

[@E_swi]

If you aren’t that sure about someone or they don’t seem solid or know what they want, just run for the hills

[@kseniavedishcheva762]

That is the first time I disagree with MH. If you are an attractive woman, you get approached on the apps several times per day and you need to have some sort of filtering system. Going on a date with each single guy there with knowing his intentions is simply a waste of time.

[@leahsamaniego4507]

That’s why you only swipe people who make it clear in the profile that they’re looking for something serious

[@Anonymous-ze2mu]

💯

[@FrankRaucci]

@@leahsamaniego4507guys day whatever it takes to get sex on the first few dates and then dump them so they can say anything they want on these dating apps

[@AA-wc3tw]

This is why you only swipe right on people whose profile meets what you're looking for. If they have something in their profile that you don't like, then don't swipe right. I rarely swipe right because most of the profiles in my area contain dealbreakers and therefore I rarely get approached on apps. Problem solved.

[@Anonymous-ze2mu]

@AA-wc3tw 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@eva38674]

As someone who is starting to date again and has been watching a few videos on the topic, I feel like people turned dating into pure performance. No wonder they get frustrated, burnt out etc. Meeting people should be relaxed and fun or at least more easy going, not so goal oriented … especially at the start. I am looking for a serious relationship but if someone on the app asked my about my intentions I would just get turned off, because the only date I can imagine with this type of person is a job interview. And that’s now how connections are made.

[@lynnguyen7010]

Wish there was no game playing from both ends

[@Bakemono10]

Fr, I like you and you like me, let see where it goes, simple as that.

[@char2723]

The word “open” is an instant red flag 🚩

[@char2723]

19:16 😂

[@Anniecat1]

From what Matthew & Steve say, it sounds like they haven't been on dating apps much. I have been on dating apps for a year & a half & I can tell you that IT IS ok to clarify up front what they are looking for. Since few men these days seem afraid of the term LTR (& yet are open to long term), before meeting, I ask if they are looking for FWB or just "benefits". This has been the best way to clarify what they really want & not waste my time. No guy has ever hesitated to reply to this. It IS different than meeting someone in a coffee shop. You can't compare.

[@hspinnovators5516]

What do you mean by this? FWB is the same as benefits

[@Anniecat1]

From my experience, guys who want FWB want to hang out as friends AND have sex but not be committed in a true relationship. But some guys don't want to hang out & do things together but just want sex.

[@hspinnovators5516]

@@Anniecat1 ok. That's actually much harder to divide between because I've vetted for marriage before and the guy still ended up just wanting sex, so pretty much lied.... fortunately he couldn't sustain anything because of emotional weakness and avoidance but still hard to go through

[@jennifers7555]

I literally wrote that i spend my sundays at church and im looking for marriage LMAO. Its weeded out all of the guys who want to waste my time. The only messages i get are from other men who spend their sundays at church and arent into games. The conversations have been so fantasticslly clear!

[@deusvult980]

Smart move. If you also show these values in your actions, those great guys will commit to you and youre gonna win life basically

[@slickjimmy76]

I put the standard " I like camping, mountains, traveling in my RV & Jesus." I met someone absolutely wonderful. After a few weeks of dating, she said she saw a future with me and wanted to be my wife. Then, two days later threatened to shoot me.........

[@deusvult980]

@@slickjimmy76 thats why we dont stick it in crazy, the signs were there

[@mariaragone4624]

or from liars

[@mariaragone4624]

​@slickjimmy76 l actually wrote the same, love the outdoors and simple life...the guy took me for all l got and left with all the gifts l gave him amd the money he saved

[@louisabryant301]

I'm a single mum and have a child with special needs. The amount of organising I need to do before going on a date to become free is hard. I need to know their intention before I meet as I'd be wasting my time and my kids time. Xx

[@cheekytitaable]

Also a mom with special needs kiddo teen! I’m a relationship.. but that’s work too!! Good lord!! There’s no easy way but being up front and honest to cut out the BS guys. Even then, there’s no guarantee. I recommend you don’t sleep with anyone until they have proven to be truly into you and serious.

[@ShopgirlNY182]

So true. Behavior is communication.

[@mana-uv7cz]

Thank you I hate the stupid “actions over words” saying words is an action

[@nate984]

Make it clear at the start of your relationship what you want, and if the other person is hesitant any bit, i would hold off on having a relationship with that person, hesitation just says to me, that they arent sure of what they want or don't want the same thing and wont say that directly. As bad as dating apps are, im grateful for the option that asks what sort of relationship you want ie long/short term since imo, when it doubt, talk about it with them

[@annt7384]

I don’t think men understand that when we say we’re looking for a relationship, we’re not looking for a relationship with you. We don’t even know you yet. We’re just looking to date and get to know available men who are open to being in a relationship. If we don’t click, we move on. No harm, no foul. If we do click, we keep seeing each other.

[@doglover5519]

Exactly!!!

[@satukataja-lf4wo]

I believe that too!

[@annt7384]

@@satukataja-lf4wo Yeah. I would like men to know we’re not trying to trap them. (well obviously some are, but if you can’t recognize good people then work on that first.) And that we’re not so hell-bent on relationships that we’ll stay with someone who clearly doesn’t like or respect us. So stop trying to test us by treating us badly. How crazy is that? Thank you. I want someone who isn’t afraid to be with someone. Period.

[@timothee52]

Then say, "we'll see where it goes" ;)

[@lizethcc]

Totally, we're just straight up about wanting one in the first place, we don't play "let's just see how it goes and if you're the right one I'm open" because we do not audition folks like they do

[@leahsamaniego4507]

This is always my approach. I always chat with them for a day or two (as long as their profile says “looking for something serious/relationship not “if I find the right one I’d consider entertaining it”) and if we vibe I just go on a date. And then we clarify if we are looking for the same things. But initially I’m just trying to see if there is a connection, it is irrelevant if they want a relationship in the same way as me if I don’t even know if we click. Dating is a risk.

[@JusttRaquel]

On the other hand... If you go for coffee and don't like the person, then does it matter what their intentions are? You're not going to see them again

[@LA-db8gj]

Then why waste your time meeting someone who doesn't have the same goals/desires

[@JohnnyHelmberger]

I’ve NEVER been on a dating app, never have trouble meeting people, and in my experience/perspective, apps have made everyone who is on them emotionally/socially/relationship-wise immature. All of these questions and concerns have come about from toxic/bs app behavior. Be an adult and have live conversations with people.

[@exalaireVisual]

Apparently, asking for a conversation it's a lot for some people. It's like they're already done.

[@ckl5801]

Hahaha…it’s so hard to meet people IRL when they walk around with their wearable technology plugged in….no body seems to be interested or care

[@saradf]

We finally met after a year of online situationship cause we had lots of setbacks and we have an insane connection, but he acted distant, didn’t flirt,telling me he’s sorry for ghosting. I felt bad it wasn’t what we agreed on!! I kept it friendly. I held him accountable later by text and he said: lot of things happened i don’t see myself committing now but i wanna get to know you..dude you came to me asking for a serious relationship?! i didn’t deserve this. Im so done

[@brennam954]

I was stuck in an online situationship for a couple of months. I was trying not to put too much pressure on the guy since we live really far apart, but he kept acting like he was so interested and really adored me and cared for me. I had to finally tell him what I really want: I want a real relationship with you. He shut down and basically said that's not what he wanted and I had to fully break contact with him. It can be so confusing when they act like they're so interested in you, and particular when their contact with you is high (like communicating daily), but if they are not willing to commit to anything, even after a few weeks/months of interaction, that tells you they're not ready for anything more serious. I will never be stuck in another situationship again. I've learned my lesson.

[@toki238]

Girl same...these guys don't want responsibility of commitment but wants to have perks that's you being hooked to them dating is so bad.

[@mana-uv7cz]

Right he lied to get what he wanted they do it all the time

[@garymccarthy8331]

I do have to say that everybody is broken and everybody gets into another relationship without taking time to heal from the last relationship and you’re only bringing your baggage into the other relationship the common denominator is always you my suggestion and I don’t know anybody on here is that you heal from what you went through.

[@stigmaxxiii]

I've adopted asking to have a phone call once I've messaged with someone prior to asking them out. I think a short conversation tells you so much more than any text could. I can then ask them on a date or not. Sometimes that gets you ghosted, and that's fine...better now than later.

[@desperate1982]

Katie worded it so well in the beginning with the power imbalance 😢

[@bonnieoles4212]

I tried the AI & loved the answers! I highly recommend it!

[@desallis]

Conversely "I'm looking for a long relationship with the first person that comes along" is equally toxic. I don't know this person, and if they want me to FOMO into a relationship because they expect instant gratification then that is a huge red flag. There is nothing wrong with having standards and boundaries and vibe checking with the person and if you click and want to see how things progress naturally or as most people would put it "If the right person comes along"

[@ShopgirlNY182]

The main reason I hate online dating is because I feel like I’m filling out a resume like I’m applying to be someone’s partner and the fact you have to give out so much information about yourself before people even will consider to talk to you. Which as Matt said 100% the opposite of meeting someone in real life.

[@davisemichaela]

This comment is SO true! Personally, I’ve been off dating now for like 4-5 months because one day I was scrolling through profiles, taking a look at their bio, interest, photos and so on and then after a short time stopped myself and was like “this is so weird. I feel like I’m on Amazon, but for other human beings” and deleted all apps right away! 😂

[@ShopgirlNY182]

@@davisemichaela totally.. it’s like why do we have to basically give out all the details about ourselves up front? Isn’t that part of the getting to know you stage that is supposed to happen organically in the dating stages?

[@faithmwani]

We need a whole conversation on online dating!

[@mana-uv7cz]

I think that makes sense if you are on dating app for any other reason than dating you are using people

[@PatriciaAlves-mm9oo]

Thank you @Matthew Hussey. Even though you don't know me, your videos and advice have helped me stay focused on my worth, my goals and to be very assertive on my boundaries and expectations. You've helped me being able to improve my communication and in recognising and not ignore red flags. On our way to 5 years together and it's wonderful to share my time and energy with a grown up man. There is love, friendship, respect, fun, humour, relaxation and time for both as couple and as an individual. Once more, thank you ❤🙏🏻

[@cornwallismorgan874]

Something that never made sense to me in online dating was when people act like going on the date is the biggest risk to their time and energy. If you're not even willing to expend those things to date, why are you on there?

[@CaptOsage]

Right? Too many emotionally unavailable or unrealistic people who don’t know how to make room for someone new in their life.

[@brennam954]

Too many people just want validation for their poor self-esteem, to feel desired by others, and really just to have sex. They're not really looking (or don't know how) to build a deep, meaningful relationship.

[@Nutz4Lutz3624]

i can say as a girl its bc i have been on dates with aggressive men and it is a risk and i have to be willing and ready for that scenario and a lot of the times im not. so not a risk to time and energy in the way youre thinking but it is something i have to think about when meeting men who are strangers.

[@CaptOsage]

@@Nutz4Lutz3624 this is why initial dates should be in public places, especially the first date. You’re not risking your safety when going out for coffee at a lovely diner or doing a salsa dancing course.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

@@Nutz4Lutz3624 Yeah, I can see that. I'm a lesbian, so it's not so much safety for me, just a lot of women who seem to just want to waste time.

[@the.toxic.phoenix]

It's not about getting EVERYTHING up front before the first date, BUT if someone is looking for a committed relationship and the profiles they're looking at don't say that, then obviously swipe - if they were serious about it, they would put it on their profile. It's the bare minimum. 100% you SHOULD have that conversation before a date - why waste your time with someone who isn't looking for the same thing?! Madness

[@joliepoupee3631]

I loved that “open to see where it goes’ guy’ formulation😂😂😂it’s installed in my vocabulary after your beautiful video😂😂❤️thank You guys for being so helpful and so professional

[@JusttRaquel]

There is dating with intention. I think it's smart to know what the intent of the other person is.... Ie. I just am casually dating vs .. I'm looking for something serious but open to something casual .

[@pikapoka17]

I SOOO get Audrey's frustration over the GIRL term!! 🤩

[@elipotter369]

I didn't go on a date with a couple of guys who texted too much - but I had met them in person once already and there were other things that bothered me a bit.

[@annadent4328]

A man literally just told me, “casual means I’m not looking for anything serious, but I’m open to it.”

[@doglover5519]

Run!

[@jennifers7555]

Barf 🤮. It's the same like the men who check-off the option looking for long-term but open to short-term. They're totally contradicting themselves and it's because they don't want to commit and they want to take advantage of every option that comes their way 😂😂 It's pathetic.

[@Sexyloca]

I got told that to word for word it lasted a week I was out of there

[@isabellejourdan]

That sounds like an oxymoron. 🤔

[@christinabeck9316]

Sounds like F#ckboy answer.

[@tubemankiwi]

The "if the right person comes along" can also play into self worth wounds, it starts as something that plays into insecurities and i see it as being not a good place to start.

[@ckl5801]

“Let’s see where this goes”, “we have something special “🙂 both statements that are vague and meant to imply that the time you have invested might yield the results you desire but that really have no value 😢

[@ritagreenberg5236]

You need to do your due diligence on dating apps. If they are not open to what you want and you are not on the same page - move on!

[@FrankRaucci]

People aren’t completely honest on the apps

[@anitamelina]

Hahaha not me asking the guy that was hitting me up in the club “what are your intentions with me?!?!!!!” 😂😂😂

[@savannahkrupa4424]

LOL

[@arcadesdudeTV]

Ha! "My intentions? I just to get to know you and see if you're a compatible amount of messed up as I am" 😂

[@xprrj]

I'd love to have a video on dealing with relationships where the parents don't accept the bf/gf and what's the best way to handle those situations. I recently broke up over this and I'm having some doubts on whether I did the right thing by putting boundaries or if overreacted.

[@debraarnold5250]

I listen for the logical look and utilize it with the magical mind 😊

[@adamscott7545]

I would absolutely ask what their intentions are faster in person than online because theoretically they’ve already answered that prompt on their profile.

[@LouiseLorrainee]

this format really suits me

[@garymccarthy8331]

Matthew, thank you for doing everything that you do. I have learned so much about relationships and about myself because listening to you.

[@user-ee5om8wy7u]

But how can you be wanting a commitment with someone you don't know yet? Isn't it better to be open to wanting a commitment rather than wanting a commitment abstractly just for the sake of having a relationship? You can't know ahead of time if the person is right for you or not but you surely don't want to assure someone in things you can't predict and worse - be later accused of stringing someone alone. That's another reason why I never promise anything to anyone. I prefer to say "I will try to do this" and then get it done perfectly and on time every time rather than promise to do something only to not do it later due to various (even truly valid) reasons and apologizing for not doing it.

[@CaptOsage]

Nobody is saying that your profile should state ‘I want a commitment with YOU’ but it should be clear if you’re looking for a commitment at all or if you’re up for casual fun dates that revolve around just sex and no commitment. You certainly can’t know ahead of time if the person in front of you is the one but you should know your own desires and intentions so that you attract and retain people seeking the same. ‘Seeing how things go’ is a cop out that excuses you from making your intentions in dating overall known.

[@jennifers7555]

Because we already know that wanting a commitment is prefaced with getting to know each other first. But there's a difference between taking the time to get to know someone who you could potentially commit to (that's intentional dating and it logical that you need to get to know someone before knowing if they're the right person to commit to) versus "let's see where this goes" (that's avoidant and making it clear they're immature and want to keep one foot out ready to leave). If a person isn't a avoidant, they know (and they know that the other person understand as well) that there is dating period before commiting and realistically neither person should be trying to put the moves on each other if they're both trying to assess character, personality/mentality and whether they'd be a suitable match. That's how's it's been for me with the few very good boyfriends I've had. All the other guys were always trying to hurry things along to kissing and sex and didn't make any effort in trying to know me as w person.

[@sarahniemann126]

How can anyone possibly know who the right person is without first dating around casually?? Honestly, there's no logic in that argument! How else do you expect to find the right person? 🙄

[@Mali8029]

You don't need to date someone to meet someone and to get to know someone. You can know almost everything about them without dating and if all of that is something that you want to be with for the rest of your life then you go into dating to find out if the way the are in a relationship also matches with your needs.

[@hunbundoe7627]

I had a man that was way too eager to meet me and ask what I was looking for to which I said a long term, monogamous relationship leading to mating or marriage… he said “I’m open to anything and everything”…, this immediately turned me off🙄bye

[@kriso2386]

It’s like doing an unpaid internship for a company that isn’t really hiring but might have an opening for the right candidate. Versus know what kind of career (relationship) you want and looking for employment (dating) with only the companies that want someone to do that career for them

[@stayitive4343]

The Saying of 'If I find the right person to see where it goes' to YOU...mean that YOU are not the right person and that they are ASS backwards to getting to KNOW someone as a process first to SEE if the other person is right for them. Implication is other person will always be looking for someone even better and YOU ARE AN OPTION. Being Right about a person without the process is the fallacy of 'Love at First sight' without effort toward relating (authentic relationship vs role playing). Mattthew already warned about not "liking" someone too soon and projecting your wishes and people pleasing/working to much effort without 'SEEING' them in turn.

[@averyintelligence]

No it doesn’t. What you’re doing is called magical thinking.

[@TonganJedi]

I can't bring myself to ever go back to dating apps. It's like trying to find a date on Amazon. She's not a product I want to order.

[@susanlodzsun3249]

Love you all and all the advice! You have helped me so much during a recent break up

[@KayRene-l1v]

Sounds like a needy person looking for another needy person…to me. I say the same thing. I say it because I have no intention of taking myself off the market or kissing someone that isnt the one. I am open to meeting and being friends and getting to know guys, but thats it…unless I met “the one”. Then, the one gets 100%. 1000%. So many people just go from person to person, with low morals, passing out their soul to people instead of being strong and wise enough to save it for their soul mate. My whole family tree…never one divorce. Soul mates all over better than romeo & juliet. They end up less attached and in a relationship, not with their soul mate. It works great for me to be friends w guys. So as a woman I understand this ?, because I say the same exact thing. No pressure, just get to know each other. Dont expect me to be desperate and latch to someone just because we sorta seem match. It takes time to really know a person. Dont judge and pick apart what people say. Even Elon can be kinda awkward. Just be friends and get to know people. Casual means shallow to me though so thats a no, and I let them know so they can clarify if its incorrect. Be open to meet anyone safe, moral, responsible, and kind that fits your stuff (politics, kids, religion).

[@lorrainec3673]

Lol asking that is definitely a mixed bag & you can’t be upset when they’re honest with you

[@eeemilyr]

Who's also here having a crush on Stephen ?

[@zraiderz]

i think sometimes we could also fall into a trap of being too focused on deciphering someone's profile description than to actually strike up a chat with the person and just see what's their attitude or values they would have for a potentially great relationship

[@The.Machiiine]

The reason you’d think it’s weird if someone would ask your intentions on a first time RL meetup, is that today’s ’dating’ scene is so casual and anonymous, with the previous social/cultural/religious norms thrown out the window. Our grandparents would ONLY be dating for one thing, marriage, so all intentions were known upfront. People knew each other in tighter social circles and your family would also screen (prevent?) other scenarios. Hookups were not a respectable option.

[@marijarilkovska9170]

I was literally speaking to a guy last week who didn’t like the fact that I wanted to touch base it with him on occasion in lead up to our fist date. He said, “I am committed to this. You are what I have been looking for. Not talking until our fist date makes me feel like you aren’t invested enough in romance..” 😅 Through Matt’s work and input by the MH team I have learnt to recognise.. A. Love-bombing 💣 B. Gaslighting 🔥 C. How to set boundaries and occasionally… RUN FOR YOUR LIFE 🏃‍♀️😂

[@jossfangirl]

A good answer to - is ypur goal in dating a committed relationship? Would be yes. Or no.

[@EatYourVegs]

As a guy I would never say that my intention when meeting a girl from a dating app is a serious relationship, since I feel nothing for her at that point. It means that I'm an honest guy. While there are many women who say they are looking for a serious relationship, yet are not ready for one and subconsciously don't actually want it.

[@astridprojection]

Dating aps are like a busy car yard besides a bustop. It makes no sense to try selling a car to a guy just catching a bus ride. It's giving he's a tyre kicker. At the coffee shop the guy asking would not be as likely to push intimacy in a creepy way, like guys looking for a ride on dating aps do. It's a totally different context. There's too many people to potentially meet on aps, if women didn't gauge the way a guy wants to move in life it truely is a waste of time. Time a man who was actually worth meeting to devolop a real connection with lost, as did you.

[@alpal87]

“Looking for my wife” is not a red flag

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

At 8:30. Absolutely spot on, Audrey. "I'm looking for my wife" is a big 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This man is giving women what they want to hear. Indeed this phrase weaponises women's desire for marriage AGAINST them.

[@alexleung842]

Sometimes it's legitimate though

[@alexleung842]

Men can desire marriage too

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

@@alexleung842 No, a person wanting to date for marriage wouldn't pronounce it so boldly. The Gentleman Doth Protest Too Much.

[@alexleung842]

Well I'm dating for marriage and I tell people so. I think I found my soulmate in the process. We'll see we're going on 6 months now. Y'all need to stop judging others due to your trust issues

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

@@alexleung842 Maybe it's the way it's said then. "Dating for marriage" has a very different vibe to: "I'm looking for my wife".

[@uikmnhj4me]

The difference between the coffee shop person and the dating app person is the dating app requires no effort and they’re likely talking to 10 other people at the same time. If someone has the guts to go up to me in person, flirt, and ask for my number, that shows some level of intention already. I’m open to discovering if the person I met at the coffee shop is looking for marriage. But most people I meet on dating apps are just there for “fun” and they know a dating app is the least effort they can possibly put in to get that “fun.”

[@Zodiacconnections]

Great discussion on the complexities of online dating! As a Scorpio, I can relate to the need for clarity and intention in relationships. It’s essential to protect your heart and energy by setting clear boundaries and knowing what you want. The ‘I’m open to seeing where things go’ approach can indeed create a power imbalance, making it crucial to communicate your intentions early on. Trust your instincts and don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. Keep shining and attracting the right energy into your life!

[@mizunenezumi7003]

I feel like when men say " I'm looking for wife!" or " i want a wife" it means " I am looking for a women who will fullfill traditional gender role duties". Like they have a job offer and need to find someone to do it. It is not about the connection, or love or finding a companion.

[@franziskafinefein]

loving Audreys wicked little remarks and humor in this one 😂

[@AA-wc3tw]

What is the "this" that they say which will break your heart? Can someone summarize it for me?

[@ElegantRose2720]

This was interesting & made a lot of sense. Don’t care about the AI part. Not into that at all.

[@tasleemlaila1478]

What a great question, Katy!

[@arcuda2001]

every time i'd see a profile that said" I'm looking for a wife" , or if they said it in a chat/ text, then 99% of the time , it was a scammer .. guaranteed

[@FrVitoBe]

Well all scammers came with the text what are you looking for while those I dated or know a real people don't do it

[@Kimmypooh2627]

Or let’s go with the flow 😅…yea you gotta go…honestly it is easier to cut it off now than later lol..

[@alexleung842]

Kinda sad that "I'm looking for my wife" is a red flag. Sounds like Audrey has trust issues believing that some men are legit looking for their life partner and are up front about that. Men out there such as myself see the current noncommittal dating landscape as a waste of time and I'd love to find someone I gel really with then have us commit to being each other's life advocates and partners so I can get back to the other important stuff in my life. Dating a bunch of random people all the time is dumb and not fulfilling. Growing with and dedicating myself to someone is.

[@ckl5801]

Let me encourage you that there are women who want a real, heterosexual and monogamous relationship that could last a lifetime. 🎉

[@Spunkymisfitgirl]

It's only a red flag to someone who isn't actually looking to BE a wife, in the full sense of the word - respecting, honoring, and supporting her man in the proper sense.

[@elizabethkirby9463]

He calls for a date & I tell him , " I don't date people I don't know. I have 4 coffee dates & get to know them first. Would you be open to that? He answers & then I say, " I have quite a few calls to get through. Could you take your time & list your deal breakers & call me back? " There. Mr. Hang Out Play Around will RUN. Next!

[@freeagent_girl23]

Dang girl

[@christiner5265]

I know Matthew is suggesting telling your date what you're excited about, but what about those of us who do that for a guy, and then he seems to wholeheartedly agree just to change later? I am growing wary of always giving the key to my heart to guys who either nefariously tell me they want the same things, or just out of a lack of self-awareness, which is also dangerous.

[@makeupkoala]

yeah exactly, I recently met a guy who love-bombed then ghosted me, started out saying he wanted a relationship and ended saying he was afraid of hurting me, wtf.

[@christiner5265]

@@makeupkoala Sorry to hear that. I hope you find someone better with sincere intentions. I just wish people could have honest, mature conversations about what they want.

[@makeupkoala]

@@christiner5265 But that's the way it is with dating these days, you have to navigate all the potential time-wasters and people who don't know what they want. Even when they know what they want, they may decide you are not the one they are looking for and break up with you just when you are falling for them. It's frustrating but let's remember this frustration so that when we find the right one, we don't take them for granted

[@doglover5519]

​@@makeupkoala Same Thing!! We dated for seven months he lost his job and starting shutting me out. I broke up with him. He came back three weeks later and we got back together and he had a new job. Got back together and had a wonderful weekend then he ghosted me. We haven't talked in three weeks!! Is he dating someone else??

[@makeupkoala]

@@doglover5519 yeah from my extensive research online about ghosting, by which i mean just reading about people's experiences lol, they all say that ghosters have a 99% rate of ghosting again even after they came back. If you are able to deal with the ghosting then you just have to be patient, he will come back again when he's ready. If you are not then block him and move on. There's likely no one else, he's just overwhelmed by the relationship or the situation.

[@zacpdx]

The thing is, people who do communicate these things…lie. Men have and continue to tell women whatever they “want” to hear and once they get the prize. Break women. So when they meet a good dude, they are so apprehensive about their intentions, a lot of the times once they get what they actually want. It’s absolutely foreign and then they get trapped in their heads. Hurt people, hurt people.

[@katykoerner1531]

I think that's really cool that you created a chatbot! I will use it, that's actually exactly what I was thinking would be good to have! Question though: can you post the privacy policy? Is our data stored and used for training or fine-tuning a model?

[@bryanjenks4991]

While I like Matthew’s content, and appreciate the analysis they are providing, I just don’t think most people speak on dating apps with such precision that you can read that far into what was said. This could easily be a great person who is just saying: I might be interested but I don’t want to show my hand or pressure you tho think I’m moving too fast.

[@ourtruth216]

I think it depends. I personal don’t like hanging out with ppl if we have different interests, if I know we have different goals I won’t even waste time entertaining a date. That’s a waste of time that’s how you end up on an awkward date that feels like a bad interview. You’re just waiting to be over lol

[@Vishfeast]

I like to look at it, you know you found your right person, when you feel like they're your ride or die. You don't need to justify it, it's not vanity, its just you the two of your create magic and radiate that bond together. Just my thinking, couldn't care less how we look to others, all that matters is the meaning the two people bring together. Also I think the message is confusing in here, but I think your eluding too. A simple in person interaction can snowball into a way bigger life path, then the effort wiling to put into meeting online? Cause to mee if your still tickling the hookup culture, you will treat sex like giving friends high fives, but online you need to go through a monolithic journey of unknown and then to just be like, yep we just aren't compatible.

[@Vicky-lb3km]

What about if someone is a long distance away? Shouldn't you be intentional in what you ask?

[@juliagoolia5604]

To this guywhonim dating, who is like the guy u describing, then i dish it right back. I’m not ready for a relationship but im not ready to be put in second place again. Im good being single and not sure if I ever want something but I have an abusive 20yr hx from my ex. So I have trust issues. But when I see no effort i give the same energy back. I ain’t ready either and obv im not your true love but let’s be casual. I say if you are ready to date and come across this type of person just run get away go get that guy who def wants a relationship

[@monday2756]

Love y'all !! 🤠

[@catwalkster]

Stop love bombing us ! 😡 😄😄😄😄

[@koffeewithkandee]

I agree with almost all of this except… going on a date as a single mother is a boy deal. I only 4 days/month to go on a date, so I have to vet the guy a bit beforehand. The only exception is if he’s on with bc a coffee before work or a lunch date during the day. Which is hard to find but I kind is out there

[@TheVickyFashion]

Thank you you are so good😊

[@Missjiji33]

looking for a wife is not a red flag to a woman who is looking for a husband. looking for a date, short term, and casual is a red flag for long-term.

[@oljjjjj]

Have you asked yourself why most people are rigid on dating apps? I’ll give examples, in the Middle East most men “ regardless of sexual orientation” are married and on dating apps! I say most because it’s most of them! So what do you expect me to do? We’re naturally asking if there are married before anything! It’s the norm! Culture and collective awareness forces us to do so!

[@SamuelEdwa]

really liked this video

[@automan1223]

If they interviewed someone like myself I could give them plenty of material to understand the “see where it goes “ phrase. The list of requirements women have has been documented on the web to have exceeded 500 items. If that isn’t an entire cult of demands I don’t know what is.

[@billy-ef6fy]

I must disagree... older, granted, but... Let us remain dignified and socially polite. Why would anyone wish to spend time with someone who is using the most personal questions as a subtle interview online. Lighten up. Let it flow forth. Remember your boundaries. A major RED flag for me was when the other asked "what are you looking for?" You really can't declare your partner/marriage intentions with someone you have yet to meet. It is forward, sounds desperate, and scares away most others.

[@Teddymac86]

U can’t find someone 100% right for you, so idk what his brother is even saying.

[@TheVickyFashion]

Why?,do have to put my information on Instagram??😂😂I'm looking for my Prince, my soul mate and be married?❤good that's it!!😂🎉❤

[@beanallene]

I tries the AI. It asks a lot of questions.

[@dande_lion]

Perfect advice!

[@lepetitEllie]

Imagine a business meeting...🤣

[@bobbiemichaelsNyc86]

Yea will see 🤣 I can't stop laughing😅