If you're in your 20s and never been in a relationship, watch this.

Рет қаралды 27,986

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 57

@mejulialee Жыл бұрын

Ultimately, your relationship status and experience do not define who you are and won't matter when you find the right person. What does matter is your relationship with yourself; building self-esteem and confidence so that you're grounded in who you are, regardless of whether you're single or attached 💖

@birdielvr56 3 ай бұрын

i feel like my friends jump from relationship to relationship while I've only had two failed situationships

@joeydoesntsharefoood 23 күн бұрын

Brooo same 😂😂😂😂

@kasketbase8741 Ай бұрын

I’m 20 and never dated, had sex, or had any kind of relationship

@AthanaSus 13 күн бұрын

Bata mo pa girl

@ryanbarker3978 11 ай бұрын

Great video, though some of this advice got me in a lot of trouble when I was younger. Specifically the bit about "playing the field" or "dating for experience". I think the quality of relationships you've had is way more important than the quantity of relationships you've had, and people tend to overvalue quantity which doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. The goal for most of us is to find one person to spend the rest of our lives with... not date every person in the entire world. I think you made a lot of great points when you talked about this, and I hear what you're saying, but also like you mentioned later on the video; depending on where you're at emotionally, you can do a ton of damage to yourself. Someone who is neurotypical with a relatively stable childhood has a much different experience than someone who is neurodivergent with a personality/mood disorder or C-PTSD. Especially for folks with borderline or codependent tendencies, who get demonized and misunderstood by other people as "the problem". If you're that person, the young adult world is an extremely emotionally triggering and confusing place, and you'll more than likely end up hopping from unhealthy dynamic to unhealthy dynamic such as "favorite person" relationships while you are trying to "get experience". Taking ownership of your own emotional problems is of course paramount for healing here, and therapy and other supplemental resources like CODA groups can be amazing here... but I think for a lot of folks it takes hitting rock bottom multiple times to realize the model of the way they understand their own emotions doesn't work. Everyone has their own traumas and problems like you mentioned in the video, but continuing to engage in behavior patterns that are re-traumatizing usually does more harm than good, and the vague "work on yourself" or "build self esteem" advice isn't really what people like this need to heal in these kinds of situations. They need resources to meet other people who are working through the same challenges that they can grow together with. I know that is the biggest thing that made the difference for me as someone with C-PTSD, BPD, and high functioning autism.

@toradall8143 11 ай бұрын

Don't know if you'll see this but you seem like you have a lot of knowledge and experience about this topic. I got the whole BPD/PTSD diagnosis but also never grew up around other kids and was raised in a cult till around 14 so excuse my bad writing. I have been extremely lonely at my age late 20's. Of course I have online friends sometimes, but, I haven't really been in a real relationship ever. Most if not all my past "favorite person" types have been gay male friends. Whom Id never see as anything other than a friend or a brother or child. I've always had to be independent, on money, food, clothes, nothing to make me dependent on someone, however with BPD, life has no meaning almost without a favorite person, and all together with that, people. I'm scared to date for experience, because I don't want to hurt anyone or waste anyone's time. Because I have such little to no experience, I'm not even sure what I am looking for other than that FP mentality where we click and it just works. Not sure if I like men or women, although women are less threatening and I feel safer with them physically. I've been in therapy as well working on myself. I don't know where to start, on hinge? tinder? bumble? I haven't met a single soul whos similar, and the ones I have swiped with and became friends they eventually threw me away after they get into a relationship. Which further feeds into my fear of never finding anyone. I only really click with people who like video games and doin arts and crafts. I love making things for people. I worked hard to where I am, got an apartment, a job, everything I pay for, but now I'm like, what now? If you have any advice/knowledge on this subject as someone whos also diagnosed BPD although I cannot relate to the autism I'd love to have any feedback you can give!

@RichardHartl 3 ай бұрын

I'm 37 and definitely helped, also I have therapy in an hour 😬

@cupcakeinlondon 11 ай бұрын

I'm in my late 30's and have never been in a relationship. Once I show interest in a guy (never in an extreme, obsessive way, just in a normal way), they back off.

@stargirl2117 21 күн бұрын

Same here. I wonder if there is something we can do about it.

@JustMe-fo4ev Күн бұрын

Are you certain it's in a normal way? If you get this reaction every time, you are the common denominator. Not saying it to be a jerk - just would be worth examining closer.

@stargirl2117 Күн бұрын

@@JustMe-fo4ev I have the same problem as well and not found a solution yet. Been talking with people about it and asked what I am doing wrong. They said nothing so what can we do about it? Regardless what approach I use it simply doesn't work out.

@JustMe-fo4ev Күн бұрын

@@stargirl2117 I'm sorry to hear that and once again I wasn't trying to say anything in a mean way. I'd just be doing some self-reflection if I saw the same results every time to try and figure out if I did need to make some changes. I wish I had something more to offer here as far as advice or opinion.

@LukimusPrime 18 күн бұрын

Thank you so much Julia. I’m 25 and I’ve been single all my life. I hope I can find my soulmate.

@theBakinNoob 25 күн бұрын

This video is so good, I’m 26 and the pressure is getting to me

@Aninha_0701 11 ай бұрын

I don't even know how to get people to date

@l4ur158 5 ай бұрын

Yeah, as a guy especially this is more of my problem. Everytime I have ever had an attraction for a person and asked them out it either was rejected, i got ghosted, and in some cases i even got insulted for trying. I wish being able to get onto a single date would be so much easier than how it has been for me so far.

@loganwamer2976 2 ай бұрын

For sure. 32 years, and I've never been on a date. Nobody has ever said yes.🤷‍♂️

@Hawkkaii-ih2ps Ай бұрын

Impossible

@Aninha_0701 Ай бұрын

@@Hawkkaii-ih2ps I have no idea. Do know how to?

@quickvidzz 2 ай бұрын

What do you do when you can't even find someone to go on a date with?

@denisdelinger3265 Ай бұрын

Same problem here

@ohhello1809 25 күн бұрын

@LinusKarlssonMusic 14 күн бұрын

I think that is when you spend time to work on yourself. Maybe try to figure out what isn't working and why. If you're on dating profiles, maybe you need to actually niche yourself more and make your personality shine through even if that will turn some away, it can also attract more genuinely interested people.

@angelicasysnila5476 27 күн бұрын

Me in my late 20s reading the title : so that means I am f**ked

@inzichte 26 күн бұрын

The same. Doesn't mean other people don't have there things.

@reyjusuf 25 күн бұрын

Same here. Had my first proper girlfriend at 28 and we're now married. I have dated one other woman before this but that one didnt last long. Agree with solo travel. I never solo travelled when I was single but whenever i have a business trip, i always extend the trip for a couple of days to just explore on my own. Always a good experience

@Kevin-qn2kw 7 ай бұрын

I'm 42 and have never been in a relationship. The last date I went on was over 2 years ago. There just aren't any options out there for many guys. Online dating leads to absolutely nothing and I've either worked alone or with 99% men. My few friends have no single female friends and women have better options than me. Getting experience is extremely difficult.

@mrshunter6747 3 ай бұрын

Maybe the problem is that you think there are better options than you. If you don’t think that you are worthy of having anyone than its gonna be hard to attract your person

@kevin15776 2 ай бұрын

@@mrshunter6747just staying the truth. Trying to convince yourself you're "good enough" doesn't consider all the options many women have, either online or offline. I rank near the bottom and women are not going to go for that. It's simple math. The odds are very bad.

@kevin15776 Ай бұрын

@@yumeaisaka1854 oh well

@yanadomino1473 Ай бұрын

Please don’t listen to the rude comment about your appearance above. They must be very insecure to leave a comment like that. Classic example of dragging someone down to make themself feel better. There is nothing wrong with how you look at all, I actually think you are quite attractive.

@ceciliechristensen3306 Күн бұрын

Chatgpt sent me this video, thank you for this.

@sfmmmo7599 24 күн бұрын

6:29 this one hits hard. Thank u girl 🫶

@alenasviridova1022 25 күн бұрын

And what about if you are in your 40s (tbh, on the wrong side of your 40s) and never been in a relationship?

@TheIceCrypt 5 ай бұрын

Why can’t I find a “still single in your 20s?” video from a male POV?

@frenchrevenge6406 4 ай бұрын

Men are too ashamed to talk about their unfortunate experiences. This is also why a lot of intactivists are women, they're more open to talking about social issues and/or are advocating on behalf of a male loved one.

@mannequinwithadinosaurhead 2 ай бұрын

look up “i’m 23 and have never had a girlfriend by mari”

@stargold222 28 күн бұрын

There’s a lot of those stories on reddit but some venture into incel territory which will not help you at All. Believe me when I say some women can fully relate to you even if you happen to think they have it easier. Even being conventionally attractive and female doesn’t help. Men have heavy expectations placed upon them but women do too, not trying to preach to you bc im just saying that there are women out there with that equivocal feeling of frustration/fear/loneliness, including myself if I called myself a woman. And seeing your specific pov is def important, but males and females both can share those feelings/experiences

@woshdndndj2103 23 күн бұрын

@@stargold222I understand that both sides have problems but it is kinda undeniable that issues like this are gendered. Men dont have so many options. It’s biological. Usually if women arent in relationships its due to them rejecting men for superficial reasons, simply because there are so many men who are willing to date almost every woman lol.

@avaq2588 Ай бұрын

I’m so depressed rn cz after 25 years I was so close to having a bf but I had to end it because I wasn’t feeling the chemistry and fun I wanted. I feel like I made a huge mistake and I’ll be alone forever. I should have maybe thought about it more but it was five dates with no laughs or affection …

@denisdelinger3265 Ай бұрын

Only 25? Dear, you've BARELY started life

@stargold222 28 күн бұрын

I know how you feel lol the only time people actually want something more with me it’s someone im not feeling. I don’t know why, I just can’t force myself to like them like that. Still can’t find the right person and it hurts

@stargold222 28 күн бұрын

@@denisdelinger3265I wish I could understand this but where im from and for everyone around me it seems like they already found the perfect person by early college loool…

@Mattar03 15 күн бұрын

the thing is, you won't always have fun and excitement forever. It's childish to believe all will be sunshine and rainbows, and immature to walk away the second it get boring without talking or simply accepting that this is part of the deal. If you crave excitement you will be miserable, and honestly, shouldn't be in a relationship. Because you'll be hopping from one to another, ignore the emotional connection, which is far more important, and a stable partnership for life for something as fleeting as a dopamine kick.

@JustMe-fo4ev Күн бұрын

you're gonna look back one day and realize what a silly take this is - I mean this in a good way.

@zuzannat1403 27 күн бұрын

I think I kinda made peace with the fact I'm single (Also I'm pretty early into my 20s, so I don't feel that much pressure), but the problem is with finding guys my age that are interested in me lol. In college most students are girls or gays, or taken (I'm straight). I tried to meet someone when learning spanish, I take extra classes, but my group is mixed and the only guys there are older than my parents... aaaaaaaaa