How to know when a friendship is over | breakups, red flags, grief

[@mejulialee]

What friendship red flags have you experienced? How did you know it was time to move on, and how have you ended friendships?

[@foreverblessed475]

The little jabs that were just unnecessary and made me have to pause and be like "where is this coming from? and just why?"

[@vanessaz78]

I noticed is better to slowly distance from them rather to explain, as have encountered aggressive feedback whenever I wanted to talk or explain them.

[@glaufigueiredo1357]

Thank you for the reminder. It’s hard not to feel guilty or unfair about terminating a friendship that’s making you uncomfortable to be with.

[@ghosthost100]

2014: I was the worst version of myself. Despite this I had lots of friends/connections. 2024: I am the best version of myself, but my friends connection has shrunk.

[@Lynn-jl2yz]

me, too

[@furia2472]

In 2020, I was the most toxic version of myself, but at the same time, I had a lot of "friends" and was part of many friend groups. I think, in total, I kept in touch with over 30 people at the time. It's crazy, though, because now, after finally growing to a point where I can say I feel at peace with myself and can be a good and supportive friend, I talk to like, 5 people at most.

[@bieber89430]

This has honestly been the best video. It’s been very rocky with my best friend of 8 years. Since last year, it’s been starting to feel like a draining friendship instead of an uplifting one.

[@WillGrey]

I feel so seen about the best friend thing! In my experience, the folks who obsess about having a best friend/put people on pedestals tend not to live up to the expectations they’ve set for others. I believe that you have to be willing to give others the things you seek - aka if you want to have healthy/trustworthy friendships you have to be a healthy, trustworthy person! A title is just a title at the end of the day. Your character and how you treat people is what matters most

[@aridian7787]

Very well done!👏👏👏👏🇺🇸. I could add a little to this, being in my 60’s now. Beware! The people you like, trust and depend on in your youth probably WILL NOT be the same people you value in middle-age and beyond. This is bound to be tough for young people to grasp but, YOU ARE NOT the same person, at 45, that you were at 19. There’s a phenomenon seldom talked-about but once in a while you’ll hear it mentioned in an old cliche’, “Life begins at 40.” The reason is, that’s when you’re a finished product. I could add that you’ll most-likely meet the more-quality, mature, trustworthy people in the 40-plus crowd. I speculate that it’s because we no longer give a damn about social cliques and we’re weary of playing “Chameleon” and posing and posturing for approval. It’s just flat easier to locate your peers once you can see what you and they “have become”, as opposed to what you and they “will become.” If you progress normally, you’ll almost certainly outgrow the friendships of your youth.

[@vonniemichelle3670]

If you can be honest, you can get through all the trivial crap. But if honesty cannot be expressed, forget it. Move on.

[@souljagirl.anonymous86]

I knew my friendship was over when I realised she was using me and my time and energy and intuition and care, and once I stopped trying to contact her she didn’t contact me for nearly two weeks , during those two weeks I was already realising why I felt so bad everytime we hung out and why I felt so insecure. Which then I realised it was over…. I’m still waiting for her to call so I can tell her I don’t want to be friends anymore

[@Leenu.8047]

I relate a lot to many of the things you've mentioned here. I think friends definitely come and go since life can lead us to different paths, and that's ok. In my case, I always connect better with ppl with whom I have many things in common plus we're both at a similar point of personal development. Even now I'm grieving over old friendships I don't connect with the same way I did. I think that's because those friends seem to be stuck in the past, progress in their personal development is very hard to recognize even after 15 years of knowing them. And we still see each other and it's like the first time we've met, we still care for each other, but we're in very different stages of life. It's like we don't have much in common anymore, not even goals or ideals. I'd love to keep those friendships for the good old times, but it's also sad to see how we don't connect the same way anymore.

[@BelovedLatte]

My red flag 🚩 is when you're in a really hard time and need at least a comforting word, but your 'close friend' choose to mock you so you tell her to stop doing that because I'm serious now, she ghosted on you after that. No text, no call and yet no apologize.

[@thabouba]

same She disappeared and she didn't ask about me, so I wrote her a letter asking her if there was a problem, and I drove her to her far home and left, and when she read it, she told me if you want an answer, so come to me. I told her to write me a letter too because I don't focus well with the talk, so she told me, not because I wrote to her, she will write to me, and she refused. I told her that I was tired and I couldn't come to her distant house. I made an expectation that she would come, but she didn't care. I really want to end my relationship with her, but I'll be really alone in School

[@aridian7787]

@@thabouba: She’s already ended it with you. Time to move on unless you want to receive a lot of deep, painful wounds. Clinging to someone who’s trying to escape you will only make them hate you.

[@JJ-dw8lo]

I'm a man and was wandering about ending a friendship. Most content is from females and i can't relate to that but you seem real!

[@ixneinno]

A friend of mine keeps doing this every time she is in a relationship- doing it again. I told her that I am not interested in being friends and good luck in her next handful attempts with the guys she is seeing. I don’t want to hear anything or be around her anymore.

[@bunnyb9458]

I’m in my 30’s and now realize I’m the type where i prefer a lunch/coffee date friend a few times a year.

[@Mohammedbasim-fq6qu]

i don't know what happened to him , he went defensive and negative after a time of calmness , he never stop attacking my decisions , i detached from this friendship and i don't expect anything to get better but i miss the past him.

[@Heythere2810]

Is a friendship a red flag when they say “I bought you something so you should buy me something.” How about that friend that cuts you off a year and then come back a year and asks you for favor? I feel like I can’t be honest around these people?

[@whatwhale5888]

Yes, that was never a real friend. If you have to even ask that question, chances are you're a people pleaser and that person has just been using you

[@Heythere2810]

@@whatwhale5888 unfortunately I am a person pleaser, but I’m working it. I no longer want to be a “person pleaser.” People like that have taught me to no longer be that kind of person.

[@Heythere2810]

@@whatwhale5888 unfortunately I’ve a people pleaser my entire life, but I’m working on not being that person anymore. It only leaves you hurt in the end.

[@caroline8162]

Oh this is good and so true.

[@viivoid]

Thankyou so much this was so fkn helpful!!

[@JoJo-r6o5r]

BUT, after you repeatedly ask a person for space and the person keeps contacting you and sending non - apologies over and over and over again for over 12 months....... then block them and ignore

[@thabouba]

Hello I am a high school student and I really need your help I have researched a lot in my topic but I did not find anything similar on the Internet My luck is always to have very high friends who hate me and do not care about me, although I am nice and beautiful and my grades are good, and because I do not always bear what I cut my relationship with those who harm me, and now I literally cut my relationship with 13 friends in the past, and now I got a new girlfriend, and after 6 months she started treating me badly, really, I am supposed to cut my relationship with her, but I am afraid, I will stay completely alone without colleagues, even all of them have become my enemies and plot me I am very tired and hopeless from friends

[@Shts-n7h]

I think people will come and go in our life like seasons change and when their purpose is over they'll leave

[@MWear-x8t]

It's weird, you can be supper happy for someone when they get something/somewhere they wanted, but have one thing you are envious of. If they worked hard for something, you even feel proud of them for achieving it. I found myself being envious when there was something I strived for for years and my friend who happens to have way more money (which I am proud of her for earning and think she deserves) was able to do the one thing I've been trying to do for half my life, but did not have the means, on a whim. She never even had the idea to do it until I told her about it, then she did it just like that, and I am years and years away from the possibility. I feel guilty because I know I should not feel envious. I'm happy for her for everything else, just not this one thing. I told her I didn't want her to talk about it because it was too painful for me. Am I a bad friend?

[@whatwhale5888]

You're not a bad friend. Jealousy is normal, and if she really cares about you she'll respect and understand why you don't want to talk about it, especially if you explain how it hurts you. However, pay close attention to the rest of the friendship. There's a chance she could be a narcissist and did that on purpose.... if she keeps talking about it even after you explain how it hurts, or if she ever tries to put you down when you achieve an accomplishment, whether its that one or another, watch out

[@yensid4294]

No, you're not a bad friend & neither is she. She might not have a clue how much she is upsetting you. So tell her. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know. Defensive or understanding/apologetic. You will know where you stand with her.

[@PinkORama-oo5wt]

My friend ghosted me

[@karmasutra4774]

Here at 51 and my friend group changed and now I am not part of it anymore. Just need to pull away from the two of them I was still trying to maintain a friendship with. But now I just don't have much in common with them anymore