If you're neurodivergent and can't figure out why your boss doesn't like you.. this may be it

The original video I was talking about: • Lost my job because of...
The unspoken social cues of the workplace hierarchy system are impossible for neurodivergent people to know, and there are thousands of people who lose their jobs every year, even when they do a great job, and don't know why. I hope this helps explain it. And it's painful for me to say these words, but when you know you can make the choices that are right for you.
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#autistic #adhd #neurodivergent #audhd #neurospicy

[@BravosReviews]

I was so disgusted with the unspoken rules of the corporate workplace that I eagerly left. It’s not my responsibility to build the ego of people who should know more than me about the job but somehow know way less. I only ever had like one boss who was actually helpful. And the grossness I felt at it being demanded of me that I stroke everyone’s ego just so they’ll let me do my job uninterrupted grossed me out deeply.

[@EllyTaliesinBingle]

Same

[@annier1873]

May I ask what do you do now?

[@sphereofblue]

Oh, big same! It made my skin crawl even when I saw other people doing this. It’s just disturbing. 🤢🤮🤮

[@Silllywalks]

LOL I think the workplace is not for you ;) ! ;) it's not for me either. I try and try.

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

I agree.

[@corvus_da]

What a world we live in, where doing good work isn't rewarded, but licking boots is

[@no_peace]

Literally capitalism. It doesn't matter if the business is good, they don't care lol. They literally don't care

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

Agreed. It's very sad and illogical.

[@arsyn.kolgrim]

a capitalist dystopian nightmare of a world

[@erinm9445]

@@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain I agree that it's sad, but not illogical. The thing is, humans are super hierarchical social creatures--we run sooooo much more on animal instinct than we understand or admit to ourselves. And unfortunately, one of the highest priorities of those instincts, if not THE highest priority, is attending to the social hierarchy and our place in it. That priority is so important, it will outweigh other priorities (even if those other priorities are still very important). If you take THAT as your primary goal, a lot of the "illogical" behavior of NTs is perfectly logical; but if you discount that, it will appear very illogical. And the importance of the social hierarchy itself isn't illogical either. It has its roots deep in our evolution and survival, and being loyal to the group and the hierarchy above all else is what allowed humans to survive and thrive in the deep past. I'm not defending the social hierarchy, though it may sound like I am. I hate it in practice. But I do understand it to some degree. I'm not sure why the relationship of NDs to the social hierarchy is different--but it definitely is.

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

@@erinm9445 I very much agree. I can see how it's been useful in evolution so far. What is illogical to me is not necessarily the hierarchy structure, but the unspoken expectation to make you feel important (and shunning if you do not), to avoid anything that will seem as if you are incompetent in any way, to not be able to give you correct information but to keep my mouth shut and act in a way in which you are seen as always correct and superior. The "act like a submissive slave" is illogical because it is not the best way to move things forward, in fact it impedes progress in enormous ways. I have no problem with taking orders from someone who knows WAY more about a subject and is making decisions based on a wider body of information, and then realizing my place is to assist in doing my part to move such decisions forward. That makes perfect sense and we always need to have this. But if the decision makers have too many blind spots then they are not making the best decisions - and are not open to receiving new information, and that is detrimential to nearly everything, including our own survival. ❤

[@keshianserenity]

Finally. A real person. No intro, no annoying music, just straight to the point. I could cry. Someone gets it. I feel so seen.

[@writingisfun9842]

Do do doo do doo do… This is a random person on the internet that is nameless! I agree, straight to the point is the best.

[@no_peace]

It's bc it's a 🕜🕜 video lol.

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

@@no_peace Yup LOL

[@yogachick1955]

She expresses things simply and clearly and does a great job looking at the what and why of a situation. I find those things have been very helpful for me in figuring out how to create a world with less conflict and an energy. Much more like the one I want to inhabit

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

i'm glad you're liking them, thank you! I have more coming and this will remain my format. I am planning on a podcast soon and that will probably have an intro.

[@RosaFriend]

Absolutely not. I spent my entire childhood being bullied at the bottom of the hierarchy. I am not going to spend the rest of my short life letting it happen again. I'm not here to perform, I'm here to work. Bosses are just bullies. Fuck the hierarchy.

[@LoveLee-jz1tj]

Bosses are not leaders. They are narc cowards

[@TheBluestflamingos]

Good on you for standing by your principals no matter what. As she said, finding another place that doesn't demand we kowtoe to suits is best, but some people would prefer to keep their head down, save their energy, and collect their paycheck.

[@rosevan7845]

@@TheBluestflamingos As if keeping your head down does not expend loads of energy, like hitting the gas when in neutral. And for what... paycheck?

[@Silllywalks]

employed much 😂? I hope you take that in the spirit it was intended.. which is to relate to what you are saying. I've probably had around 80 jobs if I were to stop and add it all up .. but i usually can't get through the count. I've tried every combination of being assertive vs. not. I've even worked as an employment counselor 😂😇 yeah it is all bs. best advice i can give is: try to get by the best you can.

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

You don't have to. Simply sharing things I've discovered, but no one is required to participate in it. This explained for me what happened, I was intending to offer the same for people who may be in a similar situation.

[@Happytravellerkimmy]

The greatest gift that one employer gave me was to tell me that my attitude sucked after I had spent months working so hard on an underfunded project by myself that I'd just completed for him. My "aha" was that as long as my attitude was bright and bubbly no one would care how sh*tty my work was. That's the cheat code.

[@jimthechaosbunny]

Yeps, in fact better to turn in shoddy work and stay bright and bubbly than be brilliant and sad.

[@sml0266]

You got that right. I found the exact same thing at my current job. Being "nice" is a much higher priority than quality work.

[@Li-ck8ek]

God that’s fucking depressing

[@lizziewalker5011]

I had a job early on where I spent time thinking about the best way to handle a problem, and got it done. The boss complained about me, and I was shocked but when I was called into their office, they let slip the magic phrase that they felt I wasn't working hard because I wasn't looking at my computer screen. Lightbulb moment! From then on, whenever I was thinking, I did so staring at my computer screen. If they came into the office, I stared at it harder and frowned. Problem solved! Bosses really are stupid. I hated that job anyway, but I needed the paycheck at the time. So much lighter when I found another job.

[@mystearicanohr9521]

My dad worked for one of the major American credit card companies and learned this: if you come in and quickly fix the problem they’ve been wrestling with for months/years…they’ll hate you. Because you made them look bad. If they’re wrong or illogical, they don’t care. Your boss will throw you under the bus for his mistakes.

[@crunchyflakepusssuk]

Very true for resturants also

[@sophiacromwell8017]

Good info!

[@sml0266]

I never thought of that but it makes sense and explains why my company refuses to improve.

[@Alison0305]

This happened to my spouse at his current job. The boss basically thought since everyone had missed this, maybe he just didn’t know how to do the job and was the incorrect one, or somehow caused this (longstanding) issue. Luckily he ended up transferred to a different department because other people saw his potential, but he very nearly was fired over it

[@battokizu]

Then you use that experience to do consulting work and charge out the ass when a real fire breaks out. It's even funnier when they know who you are and they have to be respectful or you just take your business elsewhere.

[@wareforcoin5780]

No, no. It's not your job to make your boss feel validated. They want that, but if they're not paying you extra, you shouldn't be providing them with a service.

[@kikijewell2967]

What if that _is the service?_ 😏

[@RosaFriend]

This exactly!

[@natorousab]

Only trouble is, they can still fire you even if you didn't do anything wrong

[@5DNRG]

It is based on the boss's insecure ego needs.

[@annier1873]

While I agree it SHOULDN’T be like this but in many work places it’s that unspoken rule.

[@BravosReviews]

I remember having a moment of realization when I was 17 that there is an entire world of unspoken things that people do and want, and it absolutely stunned me that people would not declare the things that they wanted.

[@thewostr]

Notice that when you're a child in school other children will just call you weird, but upon becoming a adult simply calling someone "weird" doesn't get that same pass so weirded out & dismissive people become passive?

[@ArcticaTheFox]

I had always been keenly aware of unspoken things, but never agreed with the fact that they have to remain unspoken, cuz I’d much prefer people be more open and upfront about talking about unspoken things. If you never speak them, you can’t be 100% sure you’re on the same page as everyone else, and lot of other people just don’t get the memo. I’d often explain unspoken things in private to people who don’t seem to understand or notice these unspoken things, cuz I can’t imagine how confusing that would be that the world actually functions way differently than they thought it did.

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

Same.

[@QT-oc9rn]

The thing is oftentimes people do not think about what they want or don't even know what they want. For example when you have a bad mood and don't know why and years later you realize you were lonely or something like that. Not always, but very often it is not clear to ourselves what we want. There are many things that can make you sad or angry without knowing what is missing. It's not always a case of lacking honesty, really.

[@arsyn.kolgrim]

that’s why it pisses me off when i see those videos or posts of men being like “women never say what they want it’s always a guessing game!” when dude it’s every neurotypical person regardless of gender who does that it’s so frustrating

[@Asongbook]

Keep in mind it's *everywhere *. Husband and i worked at a dry cleaners, him long trrm, me short. Neither of us got anywhere. Who did? The useless coworker who was a) the boss's "type" and b) a suck-up. Husband isn't going to suck up ever, and i was taught sucking up is what you do to hide shoddy work.

[@Vanessas985]

This makes me so mad. I hope the workplace shifts away from this in the future.

[@no_peace]

They promote people who will do whatever is needed of them. At my sister's retail work they don't promote hard workers (hard workers can't be replaced easily). They promote people who do whatever the store wants, like union busting, lying to workers, breaking the law, etc. They can smell it a mile away so they'll make people a manager after being there 3 months

[@Silllywalks]

yeah I have always thought suckups were annoying and transparent. but... truth is, I watch them get promoted LOL I figure the best I can do is learn to accept the things i cannot change. bcuz I am not going to become what they're looking for any time soon, despite my best efforts.. so.. it doesn't ultimately matter.

[@misspatvandriverlady7555]

@@no_peace I’ve said the one skill that gets people big money is lying. If someone can lie convincingly enough, to the correct people, at the correct times, they pretty much don’t need to develop any other skills. See 🍊🤡.

[@allesdurchprobiert]

You were both raised properly. Which isn't normal.

[@bobbinthepirate]

I will admit, I am so tired of finding out that every single thing I'm doing "wrong" is just another thing to where you're supposed to stroke neurotypical egos. It's exhausting as fuck. I'm so tired of having to constantly people please in every single tiny aspect of my life or else face total isolation. It's perfectly "okay" to constantly criticize every little thing I do as an autistic person and I have to be thankful for it at all times, even if it's unwarranted or what I'm doing is harmless. But the second a neurotypical person does something even actively harmful or hurtful I suddenly have to "be the good guy" and either make them feel good for doing it or keep my mouth shut. To be clear, I'm not mad at the KZbinr for explaining that this is what it is. GOD, though, am I tired of this world neurotypicals built. It really feels like it's made to screw us over at every fucking turn.

[@jazmineraymond7495]

Yeah I'm gonna be honest, they kinda suck.

[@allisonsmith8025]

If it makes you feel any better, it screws over the neurotypicals too. No one wants to spend their day stroking ego, but it is what it is.

[@no_peace]

It's okay to criticize people at the bottom of the hierarchy. It's not okay to go against the group or criticize higher ups. It's like Mean Girls

[@Life.Love.Locs.]

Can I just say though, as a neurotypical person (well, as far as I know I am), I don't even think that behaviour is neurotypical. It's unbelievably self centred, egotistical, self-serving and gets on a LOT of neurotypicals' nerves too!

[@ankaplanka]

​@@Life.Love.Locs.More neurotypical people should speak up about it!

[@clairvaux8459]

"It's illogical" describes so many unspoken things that neurotypical people do and expect you to do. The only reason I know how to read people as well as I do now is because I spent my entire childhood and young adulthood psychoanalyzing everyone around me. The confusion turned into helplessness and irritation, and to deal with that, it became second nature for me to put people under a microscope. It helps me spot hidden meanings and subconscious intentions, but it is an absolutely exhausting way to live. Understanding people and why they are the way they are, did not make it easier for me to live in the same way. I realised pretty quickly that office jobs were not meant for me; all the sucking up and having to humour others when all I want is to get my work done and mind my own business was unbearable.

[@erinm9445]

I think NDs would be much happier if they sought to understand the logic, instead of decalre it illogical. I'm not saying you need to agree with the logic, just understand it--then you get to decide how much to opt in or out, and even if you do opt out (or opt in but hate it), you can understand that there is a reason for it somewhere, that other people are wired differently than you and, while it sucks that they are the majority of the world, they aren't doing it to hurt you, they're just being themselves, the same way you want to be youself. For the record I really hate social hierarchy myself, but I do understand why it's hardwired into human biology, rooted deeply in our evolutionary past.

[@rl453]

@@erinm9445 I understand what you’re saying. But I gave an example from my own experience working as a home health nurse where it actually WAS illogical and also harmful. I’m not focusing on the harm that was caused to me as much as the harm that was caused to my patients. As an older person I can now look back & see how I could’ve prevented the entire absurd scenario but refusing to come in to the office for in person report from the nurse I was covering for. But at the time he was so insistent and was close to the owner of the company so I went in. Then when I was getting report the owner interrupted to discuss GOLF with the other nurse. Causing me to fall even further behind in making my scheduled patient visits. When I finally told the nurse to email me report bc I leaving, he & the owner gave me massive stink eye but I got a BRIEF report that didn’t need to be given in person at all. So I am feeling that this was some issue of asserting control over me, even many years later. None of it makes any sense. The behavior by both of them was very toxic. And in healthcare this was only one isolated incident. In my other reply/comment I stated how when I went on vacation my patients suffered by not having their wound dressings changed and not receiving proper care. I can speculate on why. So I disagree a bit that these behaviors aren’t always done to cause harm. Some people will cause harm to others in order to cause harm to US. Some are just vindictive if they dislike you.

[@thatswhatisaid8908]

What really sucks is that these egomaniacs are in charge, and are typical, but WE are the weirdos!

[@TheKaliMalia]

Yep. imo, NT just means any brain language/processing format that works to serve capitalism/settler colonialism. ND just means any brain types or even ways of thinking that don't serve it. Runuaway enslaved people were considered mentally ill, too. Really sketchy history behind how we discuss mental health, in the US at least. That's all I can really speak on. Felt this comment was a good spot to nest this opinion under. I hope that's alright.

[@bt4752]

When I was in college I worked at a job with multiple supervisors who were significantly older than me. We would talk at times and I'd share stories. When I walked past them I'd say hello. All things I had been taught to do to be "polite" and "normal" even if I really didn't want to. Then at some point I became very depressed and couldn't mask anymore. I no longer shared stories with them about my day or went out of my way to talk. Suddenly I was called into their office to have a meeting with them. They said something along the lines of I wasn't acting how I needed to in order to continue to work there. I then realized I was seen solely as entertainment and ego stroking for them. I wasn't allowed to be a complex human being experiencing a difficult time. Anyways, I was polite from then on out but kept my distance when they continued to try and nose into my life for their entertainment. Anyone reading this, create and maintain good boundaries with work and coworkers. And if you ever feel uncomfortable or forced to act in a way that's not true to you, move on when you can!

[@radiatinghype]

I have this feeling a lot!! When you're the younger coworker, sometimes you don't even realize how much more dynamic your life is compared to your older coworkers with houses, kids, a lot more routine, etc. So they will pump you for info about your weekend and whatever for entertainment, and a lot of times, you're also probably being gossiped about more as well, so you get this weird feeling that you're being othered without there always being evidence, which can drive you crazy. Good that you recognize that you don't owe them anything

[@professorlilith5933]

Normals usually only understand "normal" social cues, and even those we sometimes misinterpret. Unless we are taught differently, it is unrealistic to expect us to automatically understand what stresses autistic people out. When "normal" people suddenly stop talking with and greeting someone, it's usually because they want to punish that person. It's called freezing meone out, or stonewalling, or "the silent treatment." The message is "I am very very angry at you, and now I will ignore your existence." It's one of the meanest legal things you can do to normal person, and that's what you were (unintentionally) doing. I hope you were able to explain that your silence was because level of social interaction you had been doing was simply unsustainable in the long term, and not because you hated the people you worked with.

[@arsyn.kolgrim]

@@radiatinghype the gossip part especially i swear

[@JinMeowsoon]

@@arsyn.kolgrim Yeah especially because it’s insidious gossiping. You don’t realise big rumours that has nothing to do with your work were circulating until it’s too late.

[@zoetjez]

I don't have autism, but I have ADHD and CPTSD. I really don't know why our society works like this. And I don't want to participate in this. I hate performing/being fake. It feels like I'm lying and I hate that. Why can't people just be honest and say what they want and need?

[@apris666]

I have gotten fired from every single one of my jobs. Not because I sucked, I worked with way more dedication and detail to the job than majority - but because of problems with the management, bosses. I did not understand rules that had no impact on the practical side but were there just for courtesy...

[@tylerpurrden]

Same here! And people are always quick to call me a loser since i can't keep a job. Being autistic and forced to function like a neurotypical to earn a living is such bullshit

[@thewostr]

'Let go', allowed to volunteer but they don't want to formally hire & pay, laid off, had it all in the past.

[@rosevan7845]

I guess this type of thinking is why I look for the results and rewards of the activity. Courtesy is a social lubricant and when you reailze you have been the sand in the machine, no matter how well you do a task you will always gum the works. I am also surprised at the lack of awarness when I myself want/need social validation and the strange little results in my behavior that are present when the ego stroke is absent. Understanding that others instinctive behavior is over thought by me allows me to select the appropriate ego boost for the task at hand. Oil does not work when graphite is needed. There is a reason it is called WD 40. If there are more of them than of you, its best to let most of them get on with their work and spend your energy developing generic social skills to the point of habit if instict will not help.

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

[@professorlilith5933]

Also, in a healthy workplace, it is ok to tell your boss that something was harmful, disruptive, etc. to you. I know bosses and managers are sometimes jerks, though.

[@willowthewisperer]

My boss asked me if I wanted to see his daughters horses and I was silent for a minute, because we were in the middle of discussing something else and i didnt understand why he would ask something like that and truth be told, I don't give a shit about horses, and after my silent moment of figuring out how to politely say "no", he said "you don't have to, it's fine." And later my coworker walked over to me and said, "dude, that was a bitch move. You really don't want to stay here long, do you?" I was so confused. This makes sense now.

[@kittenface8577]

Sounds like he was just trying to connect with you. You could've just looked real quick,said " that's a nice horse" and continued on. Would have been a lot easier.

[@susannehein4866]

Imagine this : only 40% is what you put in for work and 60 % is flattering the Ego of Bosses- is it a wonder that companies don't Work as they should?

[@autumnpendergast9151]

Oh wow! I was today years old when I learned this! I have never understood heirarchy, even as a small child it seemed ridiculous.

[@jaysuede2627]

It's OK, it is as ridiculous as you think it is.

[@fung4310]

Exactly and seriously wtf.

[@plastictouch6796]

Because it is. Hierarchy must be destroyed. The child you is not wrong. It's obvious that the hierarchy is stupid and pointless. So obvious even a child can understand.

[@bumblebee4280]

What do you mean by that? Have you never met anyone teaching you something you didn't know? In whatever field of knowledge that someone is ahead of you, why wouldn't you respect their position? It's only a problem when they're frauds.

[@autumnpendergast9151]

@@plastictouch6796 do not fear, I became even more resistant to it as I got older!

[@AZ-ty7ub]

This makes SO much sense with the way American workplaces are. In the US, I have always struggled working under a boss. Even though I always tried my best, for some reason I just never fit in and the bosses were always mad at or suspicious of me. Fast forward to getting a job in Sweden, where the hierarchy is much more relaxed, and my boss treats us more like coworkers. Work is still very hard, I still don't understand a lot, but the absense of such a strong hierarchy (combined with a workplace which is very understanding and accomodating of my autism), it's a lot more bareable.

[@BlackSeranna]

I have had trouble like this at my jobs. I have had bosses that accused me I wanted their jobs, because I did a good job and I guess they thought I was looking to move up. All I wanted to do a good job and be secure in my job. I wanted stability. There was enough instability in my home, I needed something dependable. One boss finally understood me. The other one (different job, much later) tried to get me fired. I ended up making it so she couldn’t - my work was good. She wouldn’t let me have time off for a holiday even though I asked three months in advance (having already been turned down for another holiday because I only asked four weeks in advance). I ended up interviewing for another job and got it. My last day was before the holiday she refused - so she ended up having to work my shift the whole weekend. It was sweet. I also heard from a co-worker that everything went wrong that weekend. It felt good to know.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

Managers can be so selfish and petty.

[@PrincessNicEssus]

Had one supervisor who literally cleared out the whole department to bring in sycophants. She was very racist but brown nosed so upper management loved her and allowed her to do it. She interviewed for another position and tried doing the same thing in that department. Thankfully she was shut down hard and fired within weeks.

[@Evija3000]

I think that's a big part of this issue. It's not just that people might think you're being rude if you don't suck up to them. If you're a hard worker and you're not overly friendly they might think you're stuck up or even worse trying to take someone elses job. If you're not my buddy you must be competition.

[@noblestsavage1742]

its not just that i have a hard time understanding these things but also as a 50 yo i dont want to feed to feed their ego's. They may be my superiors but respect is earned not demanded. Most of us have been treated badly our whole lives and no longer have the energy or the want to try and fit in anymore.

[@silencedxdesire]

Word It’s a crappy reality… I’ve opted for the path of not kissing peoples ass and I will tell you I haven’t gotten very far. Considering switching it up and seeing if I have better results, as shitty as it is to stroke these jerks’ already massive egos. It’s definitely not fair but it’s just the way the world works these days 😕

[@noblestsavage1742]

@@silencedxdesire you're right but i really cant be bothered. good luck to you.

[@katakana1]

I'm 17 and feel the same way honestly. I have an _intense_ aversion to feeding people's egos just for the sake of it, and I know there are plenty other ways to make money that don't involve going through things like that, even if they aren't as lucrative and/or are simply harder to do. Preferably in such a way as to encourage others to do the same (and no, I'm not talking about trying to get big on social media. I would like to post things on KZbin and stuff, but for that to be my main source of income is just not for me). Perhaps it reflects my albeit-idealistic prospect of a world that is less populated with self-absorbed people in leadership positions, who knows.

[@priskruger314]

I am not even capable of doing it and it means I can forget any kind of jobsafety 😞

[@neonice]

Imagine how fking awful this is in health care work. :') I'm going to switch to a whole different thing soon because the hierarchy here is so awful, I can no longer pretend like incompetent and egotistical doctors are superior humans and I can no longer listen to bratty cliché women b-tching about everything and everyone behind their backs. Every day here is "put on a smile, pretend to be fine, talk about unnecessary stuff which they like so they don't hate you" It is awful.

[@UdderlyEvelyn]

I have also learned that being blunt and not actively affirming others' input is super problematic for allistic people. Also very important unspoken things.

[@fulcrum1575]

Why just allistics? I have ADHD and my RSD acts up all the time if all I get is barraged with criticism (I have an autistic coworker who does this to everyone)

[@MissKilman]

in a hundred years, economic and social historians are going to be writing essays on how much importance our culture gave to coddling the egos of the management instead of doing actual work

[@marianaguzman-bd9bj]

I worked about 20 years at the same job activating my fawn response I learned while surviving my parents, every time I came into contact with my boss or any other manager who needed to feel important. Thankfully most of the time I worked at home or on site. I wouldn't have been able to do it daily. It's degrading but I had kids to feed.

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

I’m so sorry you had to deal with this 😢

[@arodvaz1528]

I have someone in my team who is just like that, she fawns and it pisses me off. Adulation doesn't make me feel anything. Her past experiences make her do that. Thank you for making me see that.

[@marianaguzman-bd9bj]

@@arodvaz1528 l think with my boss it was the right thing to do. When COVID started, in May, when it was present everywhere, she wanted me to work for two weeks with someone who had just gotten off the plane from Europe. I told her that I couldn't risk it (over 60, overweight, diabetes, immun problems). She gave that job to someone else and has never contacted me again.

[@taytribe806]

​@@arodvaz1528 Something extra interesting: the fawn response is part of fight or flight! Fight / flight / freeze /fawn / faint, if I remember correctly!

[@julietwochholz9755]

Why I find terms like “corporate culture” to be red flags. Great video.

[@Evija3000]

The term makes sense though. It's like a completely different culture, like going to another country 😄

[@SummerOf1987]

@@Evija3000lol

[@ZwarteKonijn]

I just realized I'm even worse than this; I demand responsibility from people with a higher position (without often being really aware of that I'm doing this, I just ask it). I'm not sure why, growing up I definitely noticed a higher position does not mean better qualified. I had terrible teachers growing up, so I don't do well with people who demand respect and trust just because of their job position. You gotta earn that respect by how you do your job. I am Dutch thou, and the hierarchy and positions of power generally work a little different. Hierarchy is in general more lax (sometimes to a fault), and people want you to speak up if you know how to do things more efficiently. Weirdly enough, this attitude mean either my boss will hate me, and I'll probably lose my job soon (which I'm okay with if that's how they run their business), or they actually like that I take them and the job seriously, and I get promoted really soon. There is no in between. But never realized this is an autistic thing. It does explain why so many autistic people I know do better with personally owned businesses.

[@thornsandrosess]

Im also sooo greatfull for living in the Netherlands as a ND. The directness and clear language are super nice to have. What i've learned to do is listen to and watch my coworkers, to determine how a boss wants to be treated. Do they tell you about problems, and then turn around and openly discuss those with the boss too? Great! Dont worry to much about the hierarchy. But do they complain about problems to you, but suddenly act like there's no problems ever when the boss is around? That boss most likely has a bit more of an ego, and you should treat them with the more traditional hierarchy in mind. Which means act happy and intrested, and dont 'complain' (not about company or personal problems). Only word problems when they occur in the system they prefer, and never point out flaws in that system. I've noticed that bosses like that happen more often in construction or construction related jobs, its very odd.

[@fluffbuck3t]

Just a small tip, in the context of your use case, it would not be "lacks" the correct word would be "lax". In some ways the definitions of the two words are somewhat adjacent/related, but they are different, and if I go by the definitions, lacks makes absolutely no sense here. That's how I know for certain you meant lax. Could also change it to lackING. But that would come with a strong implication that you are in favor of hierarchies, which would be counter to the everything else you wrote.

[@ZwarteKonijn]

@@fluffbuck3t English is my second language, and looking into it you're right, thanks for the insight. I had to check to make sure it meant what I meant, but yeah, lax is the right word.

[@Jen-CelticWarrior]

We should all get Academy Awards for our masking skills.

[@thatswhatisaid8908]

If only I had known this. I recently retired, and went all my life not realising it. Mind you, I cannot suck up, it's disgusting.

[@1chumley1]

Amen. ASD here. Just retired with 20 years in the Army. I always had enough rank to stay in, but hated the hierarchy. There's no sweeter joy than reminding leadership of how they got their rank.

[@ZenHands]

I'm undiagnosed but I am fairly certain I am neurodivergent-thanks for this video. I am currently dealing with an unsupportive workplace. It's quite tiring trying to figure out what the heck my boss wants from me and then her getting extremely upset when it isn't clear. She has also gaslit me multiple times, and told me I am "crazy" when I've actually been correct-with proof! Time for a new job!

[@Nyuffykah]

When they are gaslighting you, it is over. Impossible to respect them.

[@davidthedeaf]

That does not mean you are mentally ill or crazy. It means they are. Do not let them gaslight you into thinking your brain is diverted from normal…when theirs needs adjusting of a few loose screws.

[@RebekahAmberClark]

It doesn't even make any sense to me. I'd think bothering the big wig with questions while they're talking to the manager would just be an unwelcome interruption, I'd be keeping my head down so I didn't bother them

[@mysurfing3550]

This! I was thinking this too like he is in a conversation it seems so weird they want randoms to barge in and ask questions. That would get on my nerves not make me feel important 🤔

[@Evija3000]

Yeah, I wouldn't dare anything more than a "good afternoon", and even that only if he looked at me and made eye contact 😄

[@shmeleu]

Constant meaningless activity at the job leads to burnout sooner or later. But I guess 0.5 bullshit job + 0.5 special interest for recovery may work.

[@Intensive_Porpoises]

I get to play with machine tools all day, and mostly interact with other people when it's about the work we're doing. It's great. I wish they'd turn the radio off though! 😫

[@kikijewell2967]

I just learned recently (from HealthyGamerGG) that a study showed that burnout isn't caused by _quantity_ of tasks, but by _what percentage of tasks is not what you signed up for._ It's an issue of feeling control over your situation or feeling helpless, not amount of work. We ND types understand the relationship between motivation and ease of work.

[@naymeequillo]

This video made me really happy. Vecause it DOES suck, but just grumbling about how ridiculous and unfair it all is (and OH MY WORD IT IS) does not help anyone. This helps! I'm still hoping at some point people will realise that if we give a lot of autistic people more of a voice in the business world and we just SKIP ALL THE FLAMING EGO ALREADY, sooooo many businesses are going to do sooooooo much better!!

[@bigcatenergy3707]

Yooooo, I’m not autistic but I also just naturally treat everyone like a person, I see a boss like I see everyone else and have a hard time with stroking egos too. It gives me major ick lol. Also deeply felt the frustration at having to stay quiet when leadership is incompetent and you’ve got good ideas that just get you on their bad side cuz you’re not agreeing 🙄

[@enneaf1676]

I read this wonderful article on what nociception is, where most living beings on earth will avoid performing an action if there is no consideration of proper reward for their efforts, in order to conserve energy and survive. It's the opposite of what dopamine does. Neurotypical humans do the opposite of this and praise the frustration and burnout as though it were "progress". All the unspoken ego stroking in the average workplace is basically this.

[@bumblebee4280]

Key words, "praise the frustration and burnout as if it were progress." This is it. If they stop doing this most probably things will improve.

[@atlanticjem2012]

Nanny equivalent: Back story first... my mom and I are both autistic. I have ADHD, as well. My mom raised 4 kids. I helped raise 4 of my nieces and nephews and I've nannied nearly 50 kids in the last 15 years. Most on the spectrum. I struggle a lot with parents dismissing my advice or getting upset when I bring certain things to their attention about their kids. I realized long ago that even parents who have a formal diagnosis are often in denial, even when it's crystal clear what is going on. But my big "aha" moment was when my mom outright said "parents don't want to hear anything bad about their child." This was in direct reference to poor behavior that was easy to correct. And this came from a mom who besides being autistic, raised 2 kids with AuDHD - 1 having the worst form of dyslexia, 1 that's autistic with OCD on steroids, and 1 with a brain tumor who nobody thought she'd even get to grow up but now has 4 kids and 3 grandkids of her own with all different abilities, as well. And my mom stood by her belief that EVERY child, no matter what their mental abilities were, is capable of at least behaving. The one grade we always had to have an A in was conduct. Anything less meant punishment, which was determined individually based on what worked for each of us. She knew a child years ago who was killed by a car and nobody felt sorry for him or the mom because he was such a rotten brat. The mom always excused his behavior because he was "special"... implying he had some sort of special needs or disability. She did nothing to ever correct him, so he ran wild and nobody who handle being around him. My mom was determined that if her daughter was going to die young from a brain tumor, her grades were not important...but how people viewed her was. She wanted people to remember her child for being sweet and well behaved and loved. So I have always approached every kid with the perspective that at the very least, they can behave. And I've seen it with my own eyes, dozens of kids from all backgrounds and abilities absolutely can at least listen to some extent and not be complete terrors to be around. Usually kids are the worst when their own parents are around and letting them get away with things. And parents are usually amazed when I send them pictures from all our adventures and their homework is done every day because they don't understand that when I set my expectations early on, their child IS capable of living up to them and KNOWS better when they're alone with me than to act out. I don't expect anything more than is age and developmentally appropriate. But ALL kids can learn. So I get frustrated when I watch parents letting them get away with things I would never allow or have dreamed of at that child's age. I have a lot of experience. So I have ideas that I know could make many of their lives much easier. But when my mom told me that... 🤯 I just learned to bite my tongue and shut my mouth and tell the parents at the end of each day that we had a great day. Occasionally I get a good parent who really wants to know what's going on so they can reinforce whatever I told their kid. But for the most part, I set my rules for when the kids are with me, and I just ignore them once the parents walk in the room and leave it in the parents' hands to do whatever they see fit. I've had to come to the realization that these are not my children. I won't be there when they grow up. I'm not responsible before God for how they turn out. I'm just their to help a little along the way and hope I made a good influence during my brief time with them. And that's ok. Some days are harder than others to accept that. But it's ok.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

what font do you use?

[@mom2artists]

My two teens are on the spectrum, and usually their behavior for me is better than others. :-\ But it was my mistake in a way because I treated them like little adults their whole lives, explaining the reasons for everything. I never wanted to be a "because I said so" parent. Unfortunately, the world doesn't work this way - people want you to do what they say because they said so. So now I've over-accommodated my two and have to undo that. They are great kids and do whatever I ask them, it's just I don't utter demands randomly. I'm not barging into my kid's room and saying "clean up this room now" but "Clean up the room, it's looking kinda gross and we don't want bugs" And that's just a dumb example. My older teen who is 19 is regularly helping around the house without being asked because she's trying really hard to get to a point of independence. In another comment, I mentioned the compliment sandwich... so regarding your nanny experiences, you could probably put some helpful negative info between two nice compliments. "Johnny is so sweet, he gave me a hug when he saw me. He even helped make dinner. He did have a little meltdown when it was time to clean up the dishes, but blah blah blah and then everything was great." You get the point. The mom might tell you "Yeah he hates cleaning the dishes but loves putting them away" or whatever. That's not to say that you haven't already tried this and had to deal with bratty kids and brattier parents. LOL I'm sure it's not been easy at all. You couldn't pay me enough to nanny or teach! I have my two and mine are enough. 😛

[@oatie_]

This is gold. I experience a lot of this at my current job. I thought it would be weird to constantly say hi to people everyday as I go into work, but that’s exactly what I learned they wanted from me.

[@sharoncowart2206]

I love your honesty! I am retired now, but I often met people that take an immediate dislike of my. My husband told e they are just jealous of me. But I have also been told that I am arrogant and that puts people off. I don't understand that at all. I thought I was being down to earth. Could it be that my knowledge of some subjects, and my enthusiasm for those subjects is off putting. I really love people, and want to be friendly. But too many people at one time exhaust me.

[@writingisfun9842]

I don’t know what to say other than people suck. Some people are really amazing! But lots of other people just suck.

[@WonderlandGardens]

SAME

[@tylerpurrden]

You are amazing! Those people literally don't know what's good for them. I'm in that same boat and believe me nothing is wrong with you 💝

[@no_peace]

They just read us wrong. They expect us to agree with them etc, that's how they show they like each other. They are looking for certain social overtures that we just don't do and it has nothing to do with them but they take it personally. Or we actively do things they think we shouldn't, like contribute opinions before we've paid our dues 🙄 I have the same issue and it's so frustrating trying to talk about it because people say nonsense like "they're jealous" or the worst, "no one thinks that, no one is being mean to you, i don't see why anyone wouldn't like you" then they say you have social anxiety and act like you aren't in touch with reality because you correctly identified that you rub certain people the wrong way Even a loved one of mine who has the same problem as us has told me that. One day she's upset that people don't treat her fairly then another day she's dismissing my experiences with the same issue. I'm like remind me to say the same thing to you the next time you're upset that people don't like you. "I don't see why anyone wouldn't like you. Is that really what happened or is that just what you think happened? There's no reason people wouldn't like you." People need to learn to just say "oh! Oh man that's rotten!" when they don't relate to something. Stop correcting people on their own experiences

[@Alexis-xp1gb]

I relate

[@sunowl5301]

Ok I did not truly get this until you said it so concisely. Thank you. So many moments flashed through my mind from various jobs from my past. Co-workers doing literally nothing while I work my butt off and get micro-managed. Putting my boss in his place when he said inappropriate things to me. At one job, being given the duty of overseeing shipping. I found a small company that was far less expensive and more diligent than any of our other major shipping companies. Switched most of our local shipping to that company. Saw immediate improvement in customer satisfaction and saving huge amounts of money for my company. Ended up getting absolute sh*t. Blew my mind. Not only how long it took for someone to make the obvious choice, but then to get in trouble for it. Not long after, I quit. No wonder nothing gets done in the huge institutions that run our society.

[@mysticofmaddness9180]

I learned to stop trying hard and caring as a child because all it ever got me was punished with extra work or people trying to get me to do their work too. 😅 I was like, “Nope. No thank you. I am officially trying only hard enough to keep a job and that is the extent of my involvement from this point forward.” It just took me a while to figure out what the bare minimum was at every job after that. It’s nice once you figure that out honestly.

[@sarah.s.flanagan]

I don't work a corporate job, so I primarily encountered this as a young adult working min. wage. I would get so annoyed with this mostly from an efficiency standpoint, abd the manager would be like "Well we do it this way because that's how we've always done it." One of my least favorite sentences

[@misspatvandriverlady7555]

I’ve said before that the boss makes the workplace. And yes, an awful lot of bosses will abuse and ultimately fire you if you don’t make them feel good enough about themselves and they really don’t care about anything else. It’s important to treat them like everything they say is smart and right if you NEED that paycheck, but just as important to seek out a new boss who hopefully will appreciate input from underlings. Working is a lot like dating; gotta cycle through the self-absorbed jerks until you find someone worth having a relationship with! 🤷‍♀️

[@BravosReviews]

I remember having this one coworker who would flagrantly schmooze all the bosses to such an extent that it felt degrading to watch. He got promoted. He had zero workplace ethics and legit feels like a sociopath. But he would play a role like an actor and his job was to kiss the authority’s ring with passion. And he got promoted for it. He never got a real high up position though. Due mostly to corporate hiring practices. They would NOT ever promote from within for any position that mattered. But I later saw him work as a manager for chick fil an and that felt so good.

[@EarthHeartUK]

I have been there over and over to the point of quitting every job.

[@SlavaSol44]

That’s totally me too!! I always have better ideas/care about getting things done versus hierarchy, and it intimidates people. What happens is that they project their insecurity as a hostility onto us, because they operate from a space of comparison and competition/don’t have an internal sense of worth. So I work for myself and I am my own boss, not to deal with all of that. ☺️

[@jmas43]

First rule of working for a corporation is to never have ideas, unless you are specifically being paid to have them, such as in marketing, web development, board of directors, etc. Best case scenario is they take your idea, don't credit you (or credit someone else), and sue you if you take your idea somewhere else. Typical scenario is they don't care and you feel depressed.

[@SlavaSol44]

@@jmas43 Glad we are moving away from this toxicity/illogical way of doing things and co-creating the New Earth where we can exist in our multidimensional brilliant selves and cooperate versus compete with each other/be celebrated in our fullness with all our ideas being welcomed and considered!

[@no_peace]

"she's trying to take my job!" 😂

[@allesdurchprobiert]

@@SlavaSol44Where? Unfortunately I can't see any of that. Normies are as dumb and antisocial as ever. "Leaders" are still always the most incompetent, low-IQ and narcissistic people in the room.

[@ae5664]

Watching this is super helpful. It also reminds me of how I dislike that type of culture and why I had issues in the past too cause I cannot stand sucking up to anyone just because they are in their position. I'm all about genuine connections and getting things done. Thank you for the clarity

[@elietheprof5678]

If I’m thinking of quitting anyway, I just tell my boss the truth of how the job should be done better. May as well make my voice heard. Let him fire me, nothing to lose. (For context, I’m probably not autistic but I am definitely ADHD)

[@katattacksweetheart]

Nah, the secret is that you trick them into thinking it was their idea. Ex: 'hey [manager], I can't figure out what path to take here, [your idea] or [a different idea of yours], what do you think since you have the experience in this context?'

[@sayusayme7729]

Thank you, yes I’ve been fired by jobs for not smiling enough, outshining the boss ( unintentionally ) fired by doctors because I refuse to stroke their ego. So needed to share this amazing insight.

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

So happy this was helpful for you!

[@tonyasargent57]

So true! That's why I can't work normal jobs.

[@elidarling1951]

I've noticed thst the places that talk about how they *don't* do the weird hierarchy manager stuff are even worse! lol

[@krazydreamer]

I’ve been fired twice and at a third job had enough of a heads up about my boss conspiring with HR to fire me, that I immediately started job hunting and was able to secure a job so I could put in my two weeks notice before they could fire me. Reflecting about these jobs and what you are talking about here, I can definitely see that not feeding hierarchical egos was exactly what was happening. I just subscribed to your channel. I appreciate this wisdom.

[@LilPoopsie]

NO job deserves two weeks notice when you decide to quit smh tell them they can be the ones kissing YOUR azs

[@eveie22]

Thanks for this. I'm an INTJ female with ADHD, I've experienced this in ever workplace my entire career. Being introverted already makes me odd in most situations. Coupled with my problem solving mind while I work on a problem with purposeful fixation (because I struggle to concentrate) basically means I can go days without really interacting with anyone. Wow. I have to stop doing this.

[@professorlilith5933]

Me, too. I have to force myself to engage in normal social interaction at work. It doesn't stress me out the way it does for austistic people, but I also had to be taught to pay attention to the people around me instead of the ideas in my head. At least, while I'm walking around the workplace.

[@markcoleman9892]

35 years ago I congratulated myself that I had finally found the "balance" between what I saw that should be done and "good enough" in my job as a field technician for computer controlled machines. I did NOT have the vocabulary that I am finding now in the AuDHD community. I'm retired now, but working part time (to stay busy) and seeing with new eyes just how many of "us" there are in the world. I'm beginning to think the "normal" ones are the actual minority, just more agressively controlling. Thank you! 🖖 LLAP

[@songoftheblackunicorn666]

It's also why I stay away from people the majority of the time.

[@RayScheelhaase-nd9rw]

Everyday, the rise of neurodivergency, seems more and more like a rise of sanity.

[@OmniaSubSol]

"Smile and ask him questions" what does that mean tho? Like what kind of questions should we be asking? Like personal questions or work related stuff or small talk like "so how was your drive over this morning?" And if its personal or work stuff, idk about other ppl but im gonna need more specificity- like a script or something- otherwise my mind would blank out and id be like "so, how are you pooping these days? I hope youre taking care of your gut health bc its super important!" Or if work related i could also see myself blank out if i didnt have a legit question and ask something stupid like what their salary is [which i still dont get what ppls prob w that is..?]

[@ContinuumSpanner]

For me I use a mental tier system. Some scripts can include.. Light familiarity "How has your day been?" "Was your drive in this morning good?" Medium familiarity This will incorporate elements of their lives you've heard about previously. "How did X project go?" "Remember how crazy X event was?" Tying relatable things that you've been a part of or similar helps at this level. Deep familiarity This level is usually reserved for bosses who've shared enough of their personal life that you know enough to ask them about their life. "How's (family member) doing?" "How did your X event go?" Try to go for open-ended questions at each level, and they'll practically do the work for you.

[@PrincessNicEssus]

Yes! For me I can’t think of new questions to ask so I end up asking the same things over and over. Which is def annoying for both parties. And I detest small talk so it doesn’t help. 😞

[@barbaralawrence6226]

Thank you for this video. I'm 62 and have had more jobs than I can count since I was 16 years old. I've been on disability for the past 16 years, primarily for my C-PTSD diagnosis and chronic pain issues. I could never hold on to a job for more than a few years. I'd inevitably upset someone in upper management or my coworkers for saying or doing something they considered either wrong or arrogant of me for suggesting ways to do things more efficiently. I was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago and I'm now learning that most likely I have ASD as well. I look forward to more videos in this vein if you feel so inclined to share your thoughts and experience on work related topics as they pertain to neurodivergence. 🙋‍♀️💖

[@Z.A.M.1359]

They don't sound like good bosses or work cultures. They need to care more about the work getting done and the best ideas moving forward. Frustrating!

[@thewostr]

Exactly. It's amazing how you can be excellent at your job, flexible & polite to people but simply not being interesting enough for them invalidates everything else.

[@thewostr]

There are people who seem to not think that those same 'quirky super genious' child or childlike characters on TV, realistically, would age up & perhaps be within the working class & have to join the ratrace like anyone else, therefore a simple & frankly petty dislike of someone who seems 'off' in some way & wanting rid of them for this reason could really be ruining a life.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

This really hit the nail on the head why so much resentment grew in my job between me and my coworkers. I was trying to improve the organization of our team and brought structure into some tasks. Apparently people don't like when you tell them what you think works better, even if you are open to suggestions and feedback. We had a horrible boss, too. So I just got kicked out of the team lol. I know it's because they complained but no one ever told me why.

[@Darkthestral1]

This is 100% true. I got extremely lucky having parents that were willing and able to explain a lot of social cue and "politeness" to me in a way I could grasp. Automatic smiling is literally one of my biggest masking behaviours because of how much it's expected. Also keep in mind that if you're a woman or get read as a woman they will treat you worse in a lot of ways. For example a man would likely have his idea taken seriously and be praised for it, but since women are culturally considered inferior it can seen as "rude" or "uppity" for her to do the same things. Ditto on the smiling, much less expected from male presenting people. Race also compounds all these issues unfortunately There are a ton more nuances to this stuff because social interaction is extremely complex and when you're neurodivergent you don't process those little unspoken rules the way neurological people do

[@PrincessNicEssus]

Or when you are a nervous smiler and people think you’re flirting. Which compounds the issue because when they’re saying something or you’re reading their facial expressions it just makes you more nervous so you smile even more. 😣

[@GameOnWithFamilyJam]

I actually just got fired from working with people who have individual disabilities because I didn’t follow what the manager said word for word. I followed the state and ISP guidelines for each individual. When I made a complaint to HR about her I got fired for not listening to her. It’s a long story about a horrible boss not a horrible workplace. I miss working there and the clients really liked me because I advocated for them. The working world is horrible no matter where you work because priorities don’t make sense sometimes.

[@erinelle4310]

I realised this years ago. That almost every boss ive ever have hated me because i didnt kiss their arse like everyone else did. Ive only ever had a couple of good bosses who treated me with respect because they were secure in themselves.

[@kkilljoy3588]

This is so true. I have lost a job over this. It took me forever to come to terms w it bc it made no sense and of course everyone I know asks me what happened and why I was fired. And it sounds so egotistical and made up even if it is true. Great video. Super helpful. Wish I had known then - my life would have been easier and I could have just relaxed at work and kept my head below the radar and been low effort at work against my nature.

[@jaretbennett4926]

Most jobs ive worked in small town Georgia, if you don't kiss butt you dont move, if youre not them you dont go no where, if you have an individual personality theyre gonna be upset with you even if you keep your opinions to yourself, granted i respect authority, I'm not gonna suck up tho, the mindset needs to change not the individual, you want no sentience then get a bunch of automatons treat humans like equals or jump off, do not comprimise you, that only enables the ego they have that they are better, no man under the sun is lesser or greater than anybody. Screw anyone who believes differently. Not to negate any belief, but unless you can drop science on how you as a man are greater than another, at the level of flesh mind and spirit, you are wrong. My autistic ppl believe me as one myself this is garbage to work to a system in most cases you can fix, not as a better or a lesser but as a person who can fix things, for others as well as the self. No one is above another, period. Adhering to laws that keep the rule of harm not enforced is different than obeying like a sheep. Do not adhere to trash about bowing your head or faking who you are for others, if they dont understand the situation and you've been clear on it, they have no business acting like they have a reason to let you go, or even hold you back. Be you, love you, know you, and damn anybody trying to stop or hold you back from it as tho they are better and believe theyre the omniscient beings that most managers and bosses act as. Not all by any means, but most. Dont trust em, they usually want things done for them alone managers nowadays do not know how to manage, that means if youre a manager no one else is scheduled and you are solo at work, guess what manage that shift. Dont be so head in the clouds believing you somehow deserve to do less and make lower rank do for you. Leadership by example not rank appointed. You are no better and need to drag knuckles same as the rest from time to time. Not once will i sat disrupt a system or push for chaos, but stand up and give the one finger salute to anyone telling you to not be you.

[@PeanutButter-rw2zb]

Wow so unreal, thank you for explaining!! People are surprised when I tell them I can't work. It's not the jobs that are the problem. It's the way I am treated.

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

You're so welcome!

[@DharleneValeda]

I'm so grateful that I'm in a place now where everyone gets that we are all striving for excellence for the sake of excellence, and how that looks is different for everyone, but the work is what matters. It's a volunteer gig with a time limit. This video helped me realize I should appreciate my last few months all the more before I go back into the world of raging egos.

[@Angela-kv2cf]

Ugh. I’m just learning this stuff at 60. I stayed at home with my kids for 30 years and now work full time in a job that is fairly easy for me. I could do so much more, but I’m not able too because of the way things are structured. I could be a huge help to my boss who just dismisses me when I ask if I can expand what I do, but then they complain about stuff they need to get done. And don’t talk to me about weird group emails addressing “issues” that are probably just one person who needs to be gently reminded of a particular protocol because there are so many its easy to forget one, but its also easy to not realize one of those emails is actually directed at you!

[@Angela-kv2cf]

Now I actually get quite a bit of meal planning and ebook reading done on the job on my computer, versus sitting and twiddling my fingers or making work out of nothing. I was told I could do pretty much anything SFW that I wanted on my computer when there is no work, I just can’t be seen using a handheld device. Okay then. God forbid I organize the office supply mess to be neater and easier to utilize.

[@gillrobinson3517]

I actually do understand the hierarchy thing (and I think it is in all relationships) but i seem absolutely unable to do the thing their way. Even to make my life easier and to get along. Just rarely can I do it. When I do, life is smoother. Why can't I just do it their way?!

[@kristin7121]

I found this late at night while trying to let go of my work thoughts. Thank you.

[@Ebbagull]

I'm autistic, and *wow* am I happy I live in Sweden! Thank you for explaining this, but it is so unbelievably messed up!

[@political_discourse_news6373]

This is so true and I wish someone had told me this so much sooner in my life. I’m looking forward to the other video because I still struggle with social cues and I think a lot of people with this superpower that we have need to know because these things are unspoken. we definitely need a class to teach us how to be part of society truly

[@liliabellafiori4790]

A friend told me, "if they don't notice that you're giving 100%, then they won't notice if you're giving 80%." Especially if you're pasting a smile on your face and asking them to tell you about that amazing internship their kid just got that you don't actually care about. I tried to play this game at my current job, but after a year of being told I'm "challenging," "rude," and "argumentative" for asking basic questions about how they want me to do my job (that I really shouldn't even have to ask), the thought of stroking their egos makes me throw up a little in my mouth. They find my questions challenging bc they don't know the answer and they're too proud to say so, but it's easier to denigrate me than it is to admit you have no idea what's going on. And the most incompetent people are promoted, bc companies can't afford to lose the people doing the best work at the bottom of the hierarchy. So, I'm looking for something new and sending light to everyone who is in a similar position. 💖

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

Oh yes, get out of there! I wish you luck and I understand totally. Thank you for sharing this.

[@Shalott99]

OMG this explains my entire working life. Trouble is, maybe a lot of us can relate, I wouldn’t be able to come up with a question on the spot if I didn’t have any. Fortunately, working from home now means less socializing so that helps.

[@erstwhile3793]

This was really helpful, actually. It’s not a completely new idea; I had figured out something like this in the last several years at my current job. Hearing you put it in these terms, though, is clarifying. I’m about to start a new job and will take this understanding with me, to see how it applies. Maybe I can avoid the pitfalls and suffering I went through in the first couple years in the job I’m now about to leave.

[@MrEpsilonZero]

Smile and wave 😂... (Madagascar) Don't get emotionaly invested in BS or you will burnout... It is not your business.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

...and if you have Claire-empathy? then what?

[@RachelNabors]

Thank you for sharing this. I've struggled in many roles and not understood some of the feedback I've gotten. It makes more sense now!

[@stephanieann9770]

It's so hard to just let a company not do well! This is such a great advice ❤

[@dianacarter_art]

I never worked so hard as I did in my last job. I kept my head down and worked. I wasn't there to make friends. My lack of desire to chit chat with the boss caused her to dislike me immediately and she believed all the office BS the others told her. I would rather live in my car than put up with that ❤

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

I get it!

[@appleonaya2659]

I needed this so much! I work with the state department of Vocational rehabilitation cuz I've been through so many jobs. Keep telling everybody I get along so great with my co-workers but there's so many issues with bosses and I don't know why. Man I feel so not alone and like a giant big hug. I feel so much more normal even just reading this topic. Thank you so much!!!💜💕

[@oh_lalala]

Thank you. That makes a lot of sense, and I love the honesty that it's not optimal and wouldn't be possible for you, but in some situations it's necessary.

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

Personally from my work experience, I've always felt that companies just want a warm body just to take up space and doesn't care if the company fails or thrives. But the trick is you gotta pretend Like you're working hard and it makes Them think that you care. Also, make yourself scarce when you are home. Don't answer your phone if work calls They will end up appreciating you more when you are at work.

[@PuttingOnTheFoil]

I'm going to have to watch this over a few times over a period of time and let the work strategies sink in. I'm 55, figured out my autism 2 years ago and got a diagnosis 6 months ago. Subscribed!!!

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

Thank you... and welcome 🤗

[@OurHourglass]

So, this was stuff I learned around 2015ish the VERY hard way. But I feel fortunate to have unlearned this a few years later in 2019, just before COVID. They were some of the worst things I could have done for my mental health, and I would rather stagnate where I am than compromise like that. The bosses that like the genuine me will promote me. The rest is just being my best me.

[@cheyleia]

Thank you for this timely video. My child is dealing with this now. The boss is very arrogant & looks down on the workers (especially someone they regard as "different"). My child was viewed negatively because they never bowed down to the boss & spoke their mind in the usual straight up fashion. Any suggestion for improvements were ignored, regardless of the huge amount of experience they had. The workplace was very dangerous & when my child couldn't stand the apathy from management regarding worker safety any more, they bravely spoke up about that too, knowing there was a good chance they would lose their job. End result is they've just been fired out of spite by the boss. It's heartbreaking when you see your child doing the right thing & giving 100% every day, only to be thrown out like trash by a spiteful boss.

[@tonyasargent57]

That unspoken crap is so frustrating 😤

[@1010papillon]

This is all very true, indeed very illogical, but also really bad, potentially dangerous, to the world at large. If so many companies are not actually interested in doing the best they possibly can, and we know they aren't, it's not just the hardworking employees that suffer, it's all of us using those companies' products or services.

[@professorlilith5933]

You're judging other employees by the wrong standard. Most companies exist to make profits for the owners/shareholders, and most workers take employment because they want to get paid. Notice that neither of those motivations are creating better products or services. The produces or services are the means to profit and employment, not the end. Your co-workers actions probably make a lot more sense if you measure them by the standard of "does this help them keep their job?" than "will it make a better product?" A lot of people do enjoy making good products and providing good services, and some even enjoy improving products and services. But ultimately, they're working for a paycheck and job security.

[@mom2artists]

@@professorlilith5933 I was just explaining to my son yesterday that it's not about a better product, but a better look to the shareholders. And of course that look is all about $$$

[@herrtrigger3299]

This is prevalent in the military of all places

[@rowanlavellan9755]

I struggle so much with the "niceties" at work, always have. I just want to get answers to my questions so I can just do my work, not listen to 30 minutes of 50 different people on Zoom talk about their weekend and holiday and what they're making for lunch. I've also had to learn that the dysfunction and poor planning is "above my paygrade", i.e., not my duty to fix, I just report what I'm seeing and move on, because otherwise I'm gossiped about and told that I'm "rude".

[@RachelNabors]

Well. This explains a lot.

[@palecorpse]

I call it "playing patty cake".

[@talesfromthespectrum]

This is SUPER valuable information. I am SURE this is a huge part of my past. And yes. Do not try your hardest. Relax and do the job while learning how to engage like a normal person. Ug

[@jazmineraymond7495]

Thanks you for trying to help, I figured that's why my new boss doesn't like me my old boss was adhd herself and not really bothered by that kind of thing but she sold the store and retired. At least he never comes in, he just stands in the way of everything anyways.

[@whyistherumalwaysfinished27]

I needed this video! I’m a first year attorney at a corporate job and I have ADHD. It hasn’t been easy with my higher ups since I am quiet and not a questions type of person. 😭

[@A_Natural_Escape_Blog]

This is the kind of stuff I don’t get at all. I get myself in trouble all the time because I don’t get the social stuff and the ego BS. I learned to be my own boss. That way I can disappoint myself all I want and still have a job. Lol

[@TheMusingsOfMyAuDHDBrain]

Yes! That's the best way if you can do that - 100%

[@daria_morvedre]

It really depends on the kind of work you do. Get in IT and work with numbers. And yes, they will start judging you by the merit of the work that you do.

[@UdderlyEvelyn]

I got fired from a programming job of 8 years for not respecting the hierarchy enough, so it really can happen there too.

[@maryel5398]

Yeah, it depends on the size of the company there too though. I worked IT for a very large company. The amount of corporate bullshit that happens is immense.

[@johnolamide6469]

Even though I quit from my last coding job, I overheard the boss saying he would fire me. Farming is the next for me now.

[@allesdurchprobiert]

I work in IT as an admin, and I can tell you it depends 100% on the company. As an admin you work surprisingly much with people and their BS of the day, rather than on the systems. If you like your current job, never ever quit! Because the chance to find another employer that doesn't suck is slightly above zero. The size of the company doesn't really matter too. In large companies you have the corporate bullshit. In small companies the CEO has unlimited power that is unlimited abused. And you'll have to deal with the CEO in person all the time. You also can't just duck and cover and become invisible in a small company.

[@sml0266]

@@johnolamide6469 That's funny. I've been trying to figure out how I can get into an off grid farm. I'm a data analyst now but company prioritizes niceness over competence and I'm so over it.

[@nathanielalderson9111]

They shouldn't feel important if they are doing a bad job at leadership!

[@user95395]

I tend to dress well, and I encounter serious problems when my shoes cost more than my boss' shoes.

[@mihaleben6051]

Reasons why your boss might not liek you -you are a werewolf

[@FromAllowed2Aloud]

I totally know what you’re saying is true. And also….. there may be a gender expectation here too, which I would start looking for patterns of if I were her.