If You're Thinking About OTHER PEOPLE In A Relationship, WATCH THIS! | Matthew Hussey

[@nichole8609]

I have so much experience with what is being discussed here. I learned in early on in my life why I do not keep male friends where one of us has either been attracted to each other or there's been physical intimacy between us and why I completely cut exboyfriends out of my life & this is because I chose to want to have honesty going into a new relationship whether it's casual or serious. I have had male friends I've had physical casual relationships with, keep me in their lives even when they were in serious relationships or engaged and never tell their girlfriends or fiance about what kind of "friend" I was. Now there's no judgement on my part on people who do this because I have done this to ex's too. I've realized how crappy it makes me feel not only to do this to someone I just met or a guy I'm seriously dating but, to have it done to me. It comes down to maturity and keeping my integrity. Sorry for the long message🙏❤

[@tgan71]

Awesome 👌

[@scorpiocara6798]

You didn't tell the part where you n your male friend kept messing around or flirting while he was in a new relationship marriage or engagement. You left that part out

[@Luckylady333]

Couldnt agree with you more you are either in or not lying, hiding a secret relationship hurts everyone, especially oneself.

[@keepcreationprocess]

Nicole, you let those men /people use you, without knowing or understand yourself.... You were wasting your time/energy before. Why didnt you spend time with your family?

[@Emma-vm9wp]

I have always cut ex’s out of my life completely. Absolutely no reason to be a part of each other’s life anymore. However, I can’t with this one as he is the father of my child

[@louisegarner8888]

A real man fully commits and makes sure his lady feel well loved and cherished as a definite priority, never an option. High value, sovereign women know their worth and ignore men who have "options" like the plague! ❣️

[@Hake92288]

🙏

[@louisegarner8888]

@Butt Rigging Yes, they certainly can do better in alot of cases. Why stay sitting on a 3 legged chair? Women and men want a partner and companion not a project or punisher.

[@jeanandersonlscsw2550]

You bet !

[@tracertongsdong2267]

@@louisegarner8888 Then why marry a man so quickly? Do you feel like love is on a timer or something?

[@tracertongsdong2267]

Women are more attracted to guys who have options. You're just being dishonest with yourself.

[@iagreewithyou3478]

I'd rather have the other person cheat clearly than have ambiguous interactions with a "friend." Because then I would be justified with my response, not being made out to be petty or unreasonable.

[@okaySam]

The gaslighting is the worst part. If you're not on the same page about this kind of stuff, just run.

[@alaaaaa4132]

Lack of safety and absent of security are a big thing, your emotional state is valid no need for the other to cheat.

[@hunnybees9869]

Very true

[@iamsobeautifulomg]

Or you could just become more self respecting and walk away if you're not being listened to in your own relationship.

[@Dunitagin93]

Yes, I can HANDLE the truth-it’s when the gaming starts that FMU. Hey if someone tells me ‘I’m not feeling it’-it’s a damn shame-but at least I know the deal. When we consider what lying really is-it’s removing the other persons choices, and to me-that’s weak. Yep-if you want out you need to say that. Easy response for most of us-‘I’m gone’. If you’re not sure-I can deal with that, too. Again-easy response. But when you lie (for instance the FWB you haven’t mentioned) you have removed my choices and decision making processes. I mean really-my response to the FWB would be simple as well-‘Bye’! There’s no excuse for exercising this kind of control over another. Victim blaming has become the norm-you know ‘you’re ALLOWING him/her to treat you this way’ etc. Yes, we all have personal accountability but if the people lying and gaming were treated like the ball-less wonders they are-maybe being a bit more human would actually catch on!

[@ASMRconKiki]

There’s also another scenario that was not discussed: often times, these people are kept in the “back burner” as a safety mechanism. What I mean is, if you are in a committed relationship and you give your everything, and suddenly you feel like things have changed, you get taken for granted and not loved like you were before, it is easy to turn to those people in the back burner for fast attention. Those people have probably known you for many years, and there was an unexplored connection with them. The second you go back to them, you feel that instant gratification because they desire you, they value your presence since they got accostumed to your absence, and they give you an idea of what life could be if you chose them. I think it’s a psychological safety mechanism. Maybe if you pursue a relationship with one of your back burners, it would not lead anywhere. But that’s not the point. The point is that relationships are complex and many people feel safe if they know they have a bunch of comfy pillows to fall back on. Your emptiness is still yours, your insecurities cannot be healed by anyone else. It’s your responsibility to act according to your moral principles.

[@jayvinchhi]

Fuck, it's so so fuckin true. This is everywhere and like no one is concerned abt this. One fuckin single relationship is that much hard but no one care cuz they just want instant gratification and it's so satisfying that people get addicted and they ruin their life by that. At least in the last, THEY DESIRE TO DO THAT. That fuckin Hurts yk

[@cptpowerpuff]

This is really well-written, I’ll save this comment for later reading

[@jesus_is_the_way]

That is true. Only God can fill the void inside of us. When we meet the Lord and have a relationship with Him first, such behaviors disappear because we no longer need another person's affirmation or validation. Instead, we are led by the Spirit and are able (or at the very least, willing) to live with integrity. May God bless you.

[@How.Dare.You.]

Emm. Yeah its called microcheating. You dont feel happy and appreciated? Then break up and dont turn to your backburners behind someones back bc you feel down

[@iamsobeautifulomg]

You shouldn't be afraid to fall back on nothing. Because that's how you actually get a life and attract the right people.

[@faithsheppard886]

I had my boyfriend get back with his ex the day after he called me and broke up with me because he “saw a picture of her and realized he wasn’t over her”. If we were dating and he manages to get back with her THE DAY after breaking up with me, then there was no picture. They were clearly contacting each other while we were in the relationship. Not knowing what really happened or how long it went on for is hard, but in the end I know I am better off without him

[@joyvictory962]

he can help you with all your relationship problems, including saving your marriage and banishing a third party or relationship from divorce

[@joyvictory962]

send him a message that number he can help you 😭💔💔🙏

[@MsChantae]

hmmm...not necessarily. Humans are strange. sometimes we make rash, silly decisions. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that it was a moment of weakness on his part. I would hate for you to go back to him tho :(

[@Rozlicious27]

if he had the chance to go back to his ex ESPECIALLY the day after, I’m pretty sure they had some contact because how would he know he had a shot with her if he just suddenly broke up with op and decided to shoot his shot to communicate with her and want to get back. if they are mutually back together as op said, I highly doubt there was zero communication leading up to that point of the breakup to then communicate with his ex.

[@KM-jp6hm]

That’s so sad, I’m so sorry. I know it hurts, but it was for the best. You deserve way better 🥺

[@anniemedicalmassage]

This is really simple to figure out. If you are the one micro cheating, and you think that what you’re doing is not a big deal, imagine if your partner was doing the same thing to you. How would you feel? Let that be your moral compass.

[@violetviper8397]

I agree. Going to look at porn later just to see if it makes him feel the same way that he makes me feel when he looks at that shit.

[@Bodangers]

Well said

[@AmazingFeynman]

Well yes I agree, it is a disregard of the other person's feelings but it's not that simple. If it has been discussed by both partners that their needs aren't met in a civilized discussion then there is nothing wrong with having an open relationship. What if you have a great connection but there is that one little thing missing that you can't get in the relationship (i.e. physical attraction will eventually wane)? Arguably you can never get everything from just the one relationship. For example, career fulfilment and feeling valuable to greater society (top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) can never be fulfilled just by being in a relationship. Do you give up the relationship entirely and look for that "perfect one" that fulfills all your needs (which possibly doesn't exist)? Or do you find an emotional mature compromise where both adults fulfil their own needs and also do their best for the relationship?

[@tikdoe7563]

@@violetviper8397 Did he care?

[@tikdoe7563]

@@AmazingFeynman LOL would your partner know about this open relationship?

[@brandiguarino1778]

Im intellectually unable to do this. I can only focus on one person at a time. Like other goals I’m laser focused and give it everything I have until I’m 100% sure it can’t come to fruition. I even have the need to have several months in between attractions. I can’t move to another until my heart has healed and I’m fully over it.

[@Indite_Biden]

Same!

[@Silvermoonscorpion]

Exactly. I can not transfer energy from one person to a different person just bc the first was "unrequited" -

[@tenilledoram]

Gawd this was so refreshing to listen to! So. Many. People. Don't get these concepts, that they are inviting insecurity and jealousy into the partnership by keeping doors open with others! Then deny that they're doing it. Thank you both for shedding light on this. Such a relevant conversation and so needed.

[@ShubhamKumar-gg6pb]

I've been a part if this...and now I hate myself for doing some things for someone who actually never deserved it.. And the most strange thing is the other person is hardly affected... it's only you who suffers

[@joynkindness]

Mature people can have true friendships with males and females when married. M arr

[@tenilledoram]

@@joynkindness 100%, mature people can. It's about respecting boundaries and honoring the committed relationship you're in from a place of integrity.

[@tenilledoram]

@@ShubhamKumar-gg6pb it's so easy to beat ourselves up for giving too much or not having our eyes open, but I think giving our all in partnership, even to the wrong person, is a noble effort in the end. It means that's how deeply you care and are willing to love. Imagine the result when it's the RIGHT person ❤

[@ShubhamKumar-gg6pb]

@@tenilledoram exactly.... Ain't Changing at all..... because that's me.. that's us... loving and caring ♥️ But certainly these things changes a person in so many different ways... Thanks for understanding ♥️

[@piedmontatl]

I am amazed by the number of people who say they are in an "open relationship" but fail to tell their wife or partner about it. They act in secrecy.

[@goldensunflower229]

For me personally, when it comes to guy friends, I make sure I have no attraction towards them whatsoever or that they have none of that towards me. If they have secret crushes on me or something, then I’d really keep my distance. I don’t regularly talk to them unless I really need to. I keep my integrity and my partner can feel safe being with me. Hopefully, I’ll have a partner that does the same for me.

[@GoogleUser-pc6tu]

Exactly! I have found in all my relationship years. Integrity, is the hardest Characteristic to find in Someone 😬 I’m the frame of mind “ what’s your actions , when no one is looking” ?!?!

[@leyacallender4405]

@@GoogleUser-pc6tu You are absolutely right. Because character is what you are in the dark (e.g. when no one is looking).

[@trinni1621]

This video was a real eye opener. A guy I was close friends with has recently confessed he has always wanted to be with me (since I was freshly single out of a long term relationship), and he was single as well. While I was in that relationship, he was in a relationship himself with another girl, but would still continue to reach out and keep conversion going with me over text, and frequently. I didn’t think much of this at all, but now I definitely am re-thinking whether he genuinely ever saw me as a friend, and his poor girlfriend for ever thinking I was “just a friend” to him!

[@How.Dare.You.]

Nice that youre empathetic enough to think about her

[@KD-up3sz]

@Maheen Wish I could give this one thousand "likes."

[@Ensoullife]

@Maheen I disagree. I have multiple male friends- however, maybe the difference is that in every single one we had explicit conversations about this and everything was made very clear. I am grateful for my male friends and think people could be missing out if they lack the maturity and communication skills to address things.

[@jeremywhynot7674]

Sound like he’s friendzoned. My prayers are w him.

[@satoshinakamoto7253]

men can love a woman and sleep with others + men have to become, only top 10-20% of men are dating 90% of women + you'll never have a high value man to yourself

[@shay799]

I feel so convicted. I think I’ve been doing this recently but didn’t really realize I was. It’s like partially subconscious, and I felt in my gut that I shouldn’t be talking to these two guys that I used to love. It’s messed up bc if the roles were reversed and my boyfriend did this I’d be pissed. I definitely need to grow up and address this immediately. I don’t want to seem shady anymore

[@CarmindyOnline]

We are attracted to the way someone makes us feel, rather than the individual themselves. What do these 2 guys make you feel? Sexy? smart? appreciated? like a MILF?? LOL whatever the feeling they give you, you'll have to find a way to incorporate that same feeling with your BF, so that he can fill that role. Once you are successful, you'll find that you'll get bored talking to those other guys because your BF is giving you everything you want to feel happy emotionally. It's an easy fix. You can subtly ASK your BF to do this by saying things like "I really appreciate when you say I'm ________." And he'll probably say "well, you ARE ________." And you'll say "yeah, but just say it more often." BOYS WILL DO WHAT YOU TELL THEM TO DO.

[@shay799]

@@CarmindyOnline thank you for your response! That’s so enlightening! I think the one guy just was very intellectually stimulating for me because we always had interesting convos. And I feel like he understood me on such a deep, complex level. And then the other guy, honestly I feel like he just made me feel wanted by all the attention he gave me. But lately I’ve really been understanding how much my boyfriend gives me attention and cares about me. Part of me questions if it’s just me being avoidantly attached by having these doubtful thoughts. Anyways, I really appreciate what you said, it’s given me a lot to think about 🌻

[@satoshinakamoto7253]

men can love a woman and sleep with others + men have to become, only top 10-20% of men are dating 90% of women + you'll never have a high value man to yourself

[@darksat6]

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[@humming_wolf4635]

This is exactly what happened to us before..my ex bf told me that she was only his friend and when we broke up he started seeing this girl I confronted him about.

[@Julia-LArt]

That’s happened with me before. Our instincts are rarely wrong.

[@riselle1]

Women's intuition

[@toomuchsugar5051]

Curious did it end up working out with them?

[@How.Dare.You.]

People who cannot be present with their loves ones, need backburners to stroke their egos are weak, deep down insecure and I cannot be with someone like that.

[@alanaandresen1338]

Yessssss best response!

[@chibaby0306]

yess i agree, my ex bf would make female friends and would never mention he was in a relationship with me. i always asked him why he wouldnt tell them but he gaslight me the entire time. i was so heartbroken when i found out the "friends" he were entertaining were his options and he was flirting with them

[@MsChantae]

where'd you get your profile pic?

[@dosesandmimoses]

that's really shitty

[@satoshinakamoto7253]

thats what women do + men can love a woman and sleep with others + men have to become, only top 10-20% of men are dating 90% of women + you'll never have a high value man to yourself

[@yokonono2171]

Why is Matthew hussey so deep... it's not even about relationships any more he's talking about life. 'Answers are the reward to actions'

[@sharersale6480]

I have always believed in this. I will not keep an ex as a friend, not even someone I briefly dated/was attracted to. I know it would make me feel insecure if my partner did this, so I don't. He can be assured that any male friend I have is completely platonic as I expect the same. When guys it didn't work for a valid reason ask if we can keep in touch, I always say no but you can call and ask if I'm single if you're looking for something meaningful. And I delete the number. If it's meant to happen it will, but no need to drag around ghosts, whether we're in relationships or not.

[@kmk8223]

My ex gf did this, I ignore the red flag being "secured" and all. We were in long-distance after a year plus of being together, I took the opportunity and went all in at work so that we could build a life together when travel restriction is lifted. The silver lining is, I got a bunch of cash when she decided to cheat and leave.

[@kmk8223]

@Butt Rigging yeah, i got cash and lesson learnt. Not a bad deal tbh, she’s someone else problem now. I’m getting better in shape, more attention from female colleagues as well. Not too shabby.

[@GYALdemFAYA]

I literally searched the whole internet to know if this really is infidelity. That just shows how these relationships messed me up to a point where I can't even not tell right from wrong anymore. I considered him such an honest person that I had to question myself when he said "it was nothing" instead of questioning him. He must believe his own lies. I broke up after being totally burned out by our relationship and it didn't even take two months for him to "get to know her better". Best believe I'm going to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and love myself better this time.

[@wandasexton643]

About how I also think that our society has gotten to be very selfish and there is a concept out there called infantile Behavior syndrome and another one called disposable Society. People are not valuing each other anymore because they know they can go get someone else to satisfy their need or stroke their ego... it's really sad

[@Roxi1104]

Spot on, Wanda!

[@aprilm287]

Spot on. Hence why I've given the dating scene a big swerve. Unfortunately many people ive encountered in my years of dating have never given me what I deserve or what I'm after. Part of the fault in that lies with me too, out of insecurities that have now been worked on, but yes, people are easily discarded nowadays and I just do not have the energy to continuously deal with the same scenario over and over again. Much more stress free being single.

[@wandasexton643]

@@aprilm287 the scenario that I was referring to is called the smorgasbord effect. People have too many choices online. Seems one of the only positives it has provided is it gives access to people you would never get to know. I understand it can be frustrating...for me when people come to that perverable table not honest or focused. And change their mind like they change their underwear lol. Wonder how many people understand how repetitive negative dating experiences condition people to not have much of a positive mindset dating anymore there's a lot of people that need some self-reflection and life growth. I tried to explain to men that if they had a problem within their family or job would they not try to find solution to make things better? It should be the same thing with dating. But sometimes it's the person looking back at them in the mirror. Seek advice do some research find whatever it takes to achieve their goal. It seems pretty logical to me

[@lesliesantos8595]

In that situation. Breaks my soul

[@ChoclateGeek]

@@lesliesantos8595 Same, trying my best to take a deep breathe and understand that once people show you who they are believe them the first time.

[@zoedixon5274]

If you act differently with someone behind your partners back and have to bend the truth of the nature of your connection or not tell them at all. You know you are doing something you shouldn’t. If you know you wouldn’t like it done to you by your partner you are emotionally cheating/micro-cheating and it’s dishonest behaviour. You are disrespecting your relationship and love with a sprinkling disrespect isn’t a tasty recipe.

[@zoedixon5274]

@@eduardogonzalez93 thanks for sharing. With 30 likes so far it seems I’m not the only person that thinks this way. I’m not at all miserable for having this viewpoint. Sorry that you would be.

[@StrippedDownPodcast]

Be all in or don’t be in it at all. If things don’t happen to work out then at least you KNOW you did everything you could have and it just wasn’t right for you.

[@chibaby0306]

exactlyyy i dont know why people dont understand this!

[@yassemintilan1157]

I always believed this was the reason he was so reluctant to advertise he was my boyfriend when we got together. He clearly had other options he didn't want to rule out at that time. He told me I was stupid for feeling "hidden". Turns out I wasn't, he ended up leaving time and time again. He definitely wasn't all in any stage in three years.

[@katecooper9158]

During lockdown my 48yo ex was regularly contacting his 23yo former colleague (had just finished working with her after 2 years). The texting seemed to be platonic but the secretiveness of it made me see him differently after that and unfortunately we didn't recover from it.

[@stephencharboneau7889]

So sorry!! My wife cheated after 16 years and two beautiful children. I give up people suck anymore 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@yvonneb-t3d]

Having just broken up with a 65 year old man who just wouldn't stop texting and flirting with female friends, leading them on and ignoring my concerns. Lucky to be free after 7 months of dating. Blamed myself that I was being insecure and not open minded. Micro cheating is exactly what it was.

[@aishausman8930]

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[@ozuhakachiogoloma3383]

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[@ozuhakachiogoloma3383]

He is indeed a problem solve contact him!!!

[@CO-dz1vn]

This was such a relevant conversation in this Era. It is too easy to keep in contact with exes or people that we have interest in from the past. Choosing to fully commit to someone means you don't keep your options open by keeping others in your pocket in case things don't work out. This level of loyalty is rare these days.

[@Zentwitch]

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[@britt1953]

Relationships are so hard these days! It's just too easy to connect with someone else...hook ups are way too easy with all the apps and sometimes even instagram is basically used as a dating app. It's way too easy to cheat now.

[@How.Dare.You.]

Maybe its easy to get in touch but it doesnt mean its any easier to create real connection and fall in love. Now or in the past or ever

[@Sarachouska]

Being still in love with an ex, even when you are not seeing him/her, is some kind of micro - cheating.

[@faithsheppard886]

This happened to me

[@Sarachouska]

@@faithsheppard886 I guess it 's normal to feel that for some time but if it's still there after few months... Not a good sign.

[@jsuisabelle1249]

How to make her desappear ..

[@Sarachouska]

@@jsuisabelle1249 Accepte that she is gone or go get her back.

[@jsuisabelle1249]

@@Sarachouska it’s in his mind

[@annemarionjudilla386]

Writing this at 7 in the morning while waiting for the bus cos I still couldn't understand how come the man who I thought would finally be THE ONE just screw things up by "simply" communicating with other girls. What's worse was while he admitted his fault, he seemed to be pretty normal with it. No remorse at all. I was from a traumatizing relationship, he knew all that. Yet, he still chose to do what he did. He even pointed out that my burst of emotions and disappointment wasn't because of his actions, it was all because of my traumas. Made no sense, I walked out. Thank you, next. 🤗

[@chunkybuttz844]

Literally what I just went through with a girl I REALLY liked. We had a great time together but she would communicate with other men in my presence. I asked what the nature was and she would become defensive. She admitted to having slept with one of these “friends”… Eventually she broke it off with me because of me inquiring about who she was texting.

[@annemarionjudilla386]

@@chunkybuttz844 wtf

[@chunkybuttz844]

@@annemarionjudilla386 Yeah it’s terrible

[@ceces5283]

Very very proud of you

[@tinylove1979]

Sounds exactly like my situation. It really shakes you to the core.

[@fluffysides]

I think another good test is thinking about how you would feel if you were out with your significant other and the other person showed up. Would you feel comfortable with your SO and other person meeting? Or would you want to hide?

[@How.Dare.You.]

They might be comfortable you meeting them but that wont exclide the fact they fancy them secretly

[@patriciaVesterling]

I believe that was what my past relationship was. With my ex, 4 years but yet still flirting and seeing someone else. Years of saying he loves me, how much he cares but then actions shows different.

[@satoshinakamoto7253]

men can love a woman and sleep with others + men have to become, only top 10-20% of men are dating 90% of women + you'll never have a high value man to yourself

[@PhoenixFury10]

Some people think cheating is only physical engagement, but when they hide, lie, do sneaky things behind their back or keep their other options available its cheating🚩 . ✌️

[@deepdown.youtube]

Spot on

[@annekefaridabellydance6020]

100%

[@dreamiedips8624]

So true 🥺💯

[@Daveje90]

to a certain agree i think you're right, but like this video, he also said ; if you really gave it your all at some point, and it doesnt work out and for whatever reason someone else has come into your life and you're trying to figure out what to do with it, its not cheating in my opinion. However, if you stay in the relationship and keep the person on your left, then yea that's wrong.

[@annetteturner528]

Thank you for this video. I had so many arguments with my ex boyfriend about this. I didn't understand why he needed to keep these people around when he claimed to love me. I said the same thing as you did. Its fine to be polite with these people but to be close and chatting for hours each week was creating conflict in our relationship. He called me jealouse for this. Thanks for agreeing with me, I ended the relationship for this and he still calls me weird for doing this. He just didn't get it

[@ayomidesudiqdamilola7981]

Hey there, how are you doing, I know how it feels to get heartbroken

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[@Bodangers]

You did the right thing. He doesnt respect or care to understand how you feel. You are fine with female friends just nothing that crosses boundaries. He is not mature enough for a committed relationship.

[@amandast858]

Sounds to me like there’s fear of rejection or lack of communication with current partner. To rely on someone else to fill up an empty cup means - helllo you are not happy and clearly not mature enough for a relationship. Transparency is key.

[@patriciabustamante3377]

Just stumbled across this and I’m so glad to have been educated on this topic. I experienced this in my recent relationship and it was eating me up inside knowing he had so many girl friends and he wouldn’t talk about me explicitly to be his gf. As if he was keeping his options open. Told me he had thought he had given me his all when he barely gave the bare minimum. So sad and heartbreaking and I feel for anyone else who’s experienced this.

[@Raelven]

That's a Taylor Swift song, right there. Glad you sorted it out. You're much better off knowing this, even though it sucks.

[@user-zw9fz6jc8z]

I have just experienced it and it’s so hard to go through

[@winniem4109]

It's sad but there's always some form of cheating and nobody seems to respect relationships or their morals anymore..

[@sherifatogundipe802]

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[@stuckinthenineties1]

I think it’s more accurate to say that there are multiple styles of relationship, and some people aren’t up front about their preferred style (or perhaps haven’t even asked themselves). I think the bottom line is some people should not be monogamous, but monogamy shouldn’t be the expectation, it should be chosen and spoken about by both people when embarking on a relationship.

[@Moonshowers]

Thank you.....your only confirmed my whole negative experience I had with someone for 2 years. This only caused extensive damage to the relationship and to my emotional safety. I am with a wonderful person now....but it has been a struggle to forgive that last "careless" "selfish" person.

[@hannahberlinpetry450]

The rule is pretty basic: don’t contact people you’ve had a physical or romantic history with or people you currently have any of these with if you’re in a relationship. No, I’m not talking about co parenting after divorce. But even in that situation, that relationship should be strictly platonic and related to the kids. The only reason anyone wants to be close with people they are or were attracted to is because consciously subconsciously, they want to be with them.

[@ponmakvongbut9453]

Hello dear do you wish to manifest your ex back or someone you love dearly?

[@ponmakvongbut9453]

Message him via WhatsApp

[@hannahberlinpetry450]

@@ponmakvongbut9453 I don’t do magic

[@elizabethisoh3893]

My dear I recommend you to a powerful spell man

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He helped me get back my ex after separation

[@marinaribeiro5781]

I have once been told "this is an arrangement" ...I have learnt to value myself way more than that...if you are in a committed relationship why the need for a side-chick? and I have to admit they do keep in contact with the hope you say yes to this "arrangement" one day.... if I have to be in a relationship it has to be committed or nothing.

[@irinafradique3533]

Bravo!!!!!! One of the most important conversations of the century!!!! A hidden problem that secretly destroys relationships or prevents them from growing. 🙏

[@sherifatogundipe802]

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[@outtatheashez6636]

Wow,, everything you guys shared in this video is Exactly the type of situation I removed myself from a month ago and have gone no contact because these type of entanglements leave you confused unsure always wondering and everything always feels a bit off,,, I like that you can't get answers by intellectualizing everything and if you don't make a choice you're in no man's land 🙄 Feels really good to know that everything I experienced is actually a thing and so glad that I'm not falling into that trap ever again 😊

[@katiez688]

I hate dishonesty. If something is only casual for me I make that clear. I would never lead someone to believe I was committed to them if I wasn’t.

[@CrystleSky]

Self love is so important so you can draw your boundries. Love and light from a new youtuber

[@sherifatogundipe802]

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[@gurleen2443]

Such a good perspective! Could you make a video on it?

[@blackroses9250]

Wow this video brought back so many emotions. I recently cut contact with someone who used to reach out to me every now and then. It’s been going on for 4 years. I always thought I was being foolish with my assumptions but he would NEVER talk about his relationship or his girlfriend at all. We‘d have so much in common and similar ways of thinking. We connected there was something i can’t really explain. Cutting him out of my life was the most painful thing I ever chose to do. Thanks for this video, I’d love to learn more about this.

[@ancientmage2669]

I just did the same thing a few days ago

[@Raelven]

Once upon a time, a man and a woman, both 32 yrs old, dated for five years. It didn't work out, but they split amicably. They promised each other to stay friends. And they did stay friends, but it took another 30 years to be *actual friends, with neither one having any agenda other than friendship.* Meanwhile, the attempt to stay friends cost them each several relationships. Neither ever found a lifetime love, because their friendship always eventually got in the way.. Now, 30 years on, they are both 62, single, and in a weird way, they are stuck with each other. As friends. The end. (Just a little storyline to think about, strictly made up.)

[@andrewebeagbor136]

I know of a man who would help you restore back your relationship either you ex or soul mate

[@andrewebeagbor136]

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[@Raelven]

@@andrewebeagbor136 Not my story, just made it up as an example.

[@HelloEmilyLove]

To everyone watching this, I have been praying for marriage forEVER! God finally answered my prayer as soon as I figured out the missing piece to the puzzle! So if you are praying for the same, I pray that God calls forth your soulmate and builds him/her up in the process of waiting on divine timing. God bless you all! Thank you matthew for your videos!

[@kogiclare1561]

What was the missing piece of the puzzle?

[@Fleischnaka]

Stop praying god and ask the dude some reals questions or the fall will be painful.

[@RiceTactics]

I was in a decade long relationship with a partner who developed a dozen emotional relationships with other men. She would stay up late texting, make phone calls while i was showering, and exchanging photos when i was working. When I confronted her, she said they were just friends or Im being controlling. I never saw any direct cheating, but it made me deeply insecure. If you are going through this, know you deserve to be respected by your partner. If they cant understand why their actions are hurtful, leave. Setting boundaries with other people is the easiest way to maintain trust in a relationship.

[@Hake92288]

When you're in a relationship you should ALWAYS mention your boyfriend or girlfriend. If they don't know about your significant other...you're pretty much single. Its so hurtful when this happens. 💔 Everyone knows my boyfriend exists. Even when asked by a guy "Hey want to hang out?" I don't say "sorry I have a boyfriend" I say, I'm actually in a strong relationship that's been going on for some time now. Be well!

[@belmum1689]

But if your in a happy relationship no one would ask you out in the first place b/c they should ready know you are in a happy relationship.

[@Hake92288]

@@belmum1689 some people still don't care... lol unfortunately it happens sometimes.

[@paula-elizabeth]

The kindest thing a person could do if they have a “back-burner” option is to split from their current relationship - it’s not fair on the unknowing individual. Sadly people who even contemplate a back-burner relationship are not usually that thoughtful. You definitely don’t want long term the relationship you’re in if you’re keeping back-burners on the sly. 🎯👊🏽

[@elvistakaza6013]

I definitely don’t want a long term relationship if you keep on blackburnas

[@paula-elizabeth]

@Elvis Takaza @Elvis Takaza It’s never something I do - that would be awful - I was just making a comment about the concept of “back burners” that Matt bought up.

[@meganmullin7927]

Great topic. Such a secret relationship destroyer. It invites jealousy, insecurity, and conflict where it would not otherwise exist! It's been a struggle for my partner and I for 10 months and it came to a head a few weeks ago where I almost walked away from our relationship. I agree with some comments that it turns into a gaslighting opportunity but I stayed true to my beliefs and knew it was wrong. I know what I will and will not accept. My partner is a smart, emotionally intelligent person and it was baffling how he just did not get this concept. I have some boundaries and ultimatums in place but it took so much work to get there. Hopefully we are stronger for having to work though that together. Wish us luck.

[@ozuhakachiogoloma3383]

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[@shivaut7955]

I have been broken hearted recently by one of my friends that made me fall for him while he was in a relationship(but havent cleared that up, i didnt know he was in a serious realtionship at the time he was actively and clearly gave me the impressions of he likes me a lot ) and i am watching this video(i havent watched it fully yet) rightnow and it makes me more paranoid...he ruined everything, including 5 years of the friendship i thought we had(i still wanted to be friends at least.and he walkout for that too )...felt like nothing was real or true not a single thing .now i am not sure how to trust others or trust myself for trusting others any more ...😢

[@GoogleUser-pc6tu]

Heterosexual men and women can’t be just friends , there will always be an underlying desire from one party , sorry that happened to you .

[@plamitodorova5952]

I have been witnessing so many of this kind of situation through my female friends, and I couldn’t understood why they do it having in mind that their boyfriends were adorable!! Sometimes people take for granted what they have and they appreciate it once they lose it. I had witnessed that kind of situation of female friend of mine who was micro cheating and then she “fell from the playground “.

[@yourlovestorytarot2864]

Backburners are the norm today. I do Tarot Readings and I hear this all the time, 3rd party relationships. Also there is no real thing as a " friend" with the Opposite Sex. Too hard to maintain that long term without at some point wanting to test the water to see if there is more than friendship. Love the video!

[@Jazzybluemia]

I can relate to this I’ve had ex’s do it to me, and it’s horrible but I now realise I was not strong enough to walk away from people who have not respected me really I’ve made so many mistakes I think by being too nice and giving people the benefit of the doubt lol 😂 which by the way if you have to wonder to give someone you shouldn’t 😂😂😂

[@suleimanhassan2120]

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[@suleimanhassan2120]

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[@satoshinakamoto7253]

men can love a woman and sleep with others + men have to become, only top 10-20% of men are dating 90% of women + you'll never have a high value man to yourself

[@i8ET]

@@satoshinakamoto7253 you sound weak with that perspective.

[@anaesclasans6719]

this hurts my heart so much

[@Elvira.L.E.]

That’s exactly why I broke up with my ex. He was half way here and there. I couldn’t accept such betrayal. To me it felt like I’ve wasted my time on the guy who treated me like a secret woman /one of his options. Hate guys like that. But I love myself more to put up with things like that in my life…of course he broke my heart but it’s his loss and karma & I deserve more. 💕

[@katedavies9491]

Agree so much! I was so happy with my man having female friends but if I’d never met them or hadn’t been introduced, that’s the difference if they’re hidden xx

[@godsplan7726]

Matthew Hussey..the only person in the world who understands emotions.. Matthew Hussey..the only person in the world who understands relationships.. Matthew Hussey..you make this world a better place just by being in it..

[@HeatherThomCounselling]

Having open and honest communication with your partner around what is considered inappropriate behavior or "micro-cheating" is important, especially if there's disagreements between the couple. Communication is key to healthy intimacy and can also strengthen the bond and commitment in the relationship.

[@ayomidesudiqdamilola7981]

Hey there, how are you doing, I know how it feels to get heartbroken

[@ayomidesudiqdamilola7981]

If you need hlp, I know of someone who can help you fix your broken relationship reunite with your soulmate including saving your marriage from divorce

[@ayomidesudiqdamilola7981]

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[@satoshinakamoto7253]

men can love a woman and sleep with others + men have to become, only top 10-20% of men are dating 90% of women + you'll never have a high value man to yourself

[@demi.winter]

I was told that if you're thinking about someone else in a relationship then you should leave because it means you dont love the person enough. Guys this is not true at all. Sometimes you need to realize what's infront of you. I left my ex for someone else 3 years ago, it didnt work out with the new person and I still regret leaving him to this day. Work through the special thing you have with them.

[@michelleweagle4829]

It’s actually very common and it happens very easy more than people think!! For example if you and your partner fight all the time and you aren’t happy half the time and you happen to start talking to someone else it just happens

[@stephencharboneau7889]

Just about every one cheats anymore! I’m so tired of the pain that comes with it!!! I can honestly say I’ve never cheated not even in the high school days!! I expect the same level of commitment. But I’m starting to think it doesn’t exist anymore!!

[@lailahbanggat7778]

Thats why i walked away in my relationship because he is always chating and calling to his old relationship.He cannot even explain who is she..toxic.. cheater, lier,narcissist..God bless you

[@charlielamare8684]

I feel like this is something that every one of us is doing. But in my opinion, it is "okay" as long as, once you are into a relationship, you are focusing a 100% on your person. That backup person is there somewhere but is not interfering in any way in your relationship. Your partner should/could be aware of the existence of this person in your past, but not in your present (emotionally or sexually speaking). SO, if you are still in touch with that person, flirting, keeping it a secret from your partner etc... then there is no point of being with someone! Just be single and enjoy your life with anyone you want. Don't waste someone's time that is in love with you and trying to build something with you if you are not on the same page, don't hurt that person.

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

Had two crushes in my marriage,told husband because I wanted them to stop. It's very hard to do this but it's best, and I never physically cheated but my mind did, I found that they were happening because my love language wasn't being spoken and I also put myself in situations where I was vulnerable e.g.....would talk too long with someone who easily gave me quality time. Can I say even when people know you're married they don't care and flirt with you....I got told by a practitioner my eyes sparkled I mean WTF, that's when I should have pulled away rather than stay enjoying the compliments!!! Fuuuuuuu#c! Also social media massive temptations for people! We must look out for our own dam red flags🎋

[@nataliemoore7508]

Are you still married? I feel like being this honest would be damaging. There are somethings a partner doesn’t need to know, for their own sanity

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

@@nataliemoore7508 lol he said 'did you have to tell me ?' so my honesty kind of backfired, we are married but separated for different reason, we may or may not get back together. I've shared my crush stories to friends they all said I didn't have to say anything but the crushs made me feel sick ,and telling meant I got over them quicker, yes dented things but I did all I could to make up for my what I call lust.

[@nataliemoore7508]

@@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light gotta live to learn I guess. You can’t control what you think, it’s not your fault if you get a crush on someone and “confessing” to it makes it sound like you did something wrong. Don’t think about a pink polar bear. I said don’t think about one! Stop thinking about it. 🌸🐻🌸 I bet it’s hard. See, you can’t control what you think. You don’t have to feel bad about it or tell anyone about it. And now for example it’s not my business if you think about pink polar bears 🐻‍❄️ even though I asked you not to, and you don’t have to admit it to me 🧸💕

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

@@nataliemoore7508 love this ! Thankyou made me laugh, very clever lol xx definatley know now to nip potential crushes in the bud🥀worst part for myself is how hard I beat myself up on the inside, it's been refreshing to me how many people share their secret crush stories, we have a laugh too but it's truly a horrible time😒

[@PtolemyXVII]

That’s interesting. Someone recently told me that he thought I was his “twin flame” and that he wanted me back. However I realised that I was way too focused and accommodating to him and won’t give him the time of day until he jumps through multiple hoops for me lol…

[@SimbaAliaye]

Just ended a relationship for various reasons. When he reluctantly went exclusive with me, he told me he wanted to keep seeing the other woman in case things didn’t work out with us. I said no and he stopped seeing her but eventually found out she was still calling him every other day and then later found out their gym schedules were still aligned once a week. Micro cheating. Sums it up.

[@sandydang7042]

I just love Mathew so much! He’s so wise and gives such a good perspective on this topic and is so reassuring. I’ve been following him for so long and have watched his growth. I love this new content and would love to see more things like this. He talks a lot about dating but would also love more talks on issues and things in relationships.

[@relationshipflags507]

So refreshing! High value, sovereign women know their worth and ignore men who have "options" like the plague.

[@eigbiremolenstanley6331]

I'm so excited my broken relationship has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me for another woman. I was helped by Dr favour he can also help you out too...

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[@whatrtheodds]

I can see why people do this, but I do believe that if you want to grow for your own sake you owe it to yourself to try your best with your relationship. So you LEARN how to trust yourself, your vaunrabilities, see yourself for all that you are strength and weakness. Putting all in will show you who you are and will grow you into a better human being overall. ❤️🎺 Best of luck! 🎺❤️ Im in a new relationship and I'm really seeing my fears come out. But I'm facing them. I feel stronger because of it. That's what a true alpha is. 😊

[@shyannabanana4846]

I call it an afflair. And it usually involves a past ex or coworker. AKA the back burner bitch. It’s happened to me several times. So gross.

[@SweetKirsten16]

Please do more of these videos on how to handle a relationship after you got the guy ! Your dating advices were so precious to me and now that I'm married, I would enjoy some of your relationship advice. Thanks for all the hard work you put on your videos !

[@putuinlondon]

I am newly married and I still watch these! Ha ha ha,, particularly interesting is the debate on whether people keep backburners and stay open to possibilities, stay nice, if things don't work out?

[@anewbeginningquinn]

Thank you so much for this. I refused to tell people i was in a relationship and I did not realize i was actually hiding behind that safety

[@annetteeftaxia8771]

This is one of the most honest statements I've heard. It's better to be honest to keep things casual rather to create hopes and expectations in someone who truly is open to go all in. I believe this is the biggest way of betrayal.

[@eigbiremolenstanley6331]

I'm so excited my broken relationship has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me for another woman. I was helped by Dr favour he can also help you out too

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[@ibrahimyau3656]

I'm so excited my broken relationship has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me for another woman. I was helped by Dr SABALO he can also help you out too..

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[@womenwhodate7643]

3:38 Love how Matthew is struggling to find the right words, and he splutters in a cute way 😂❤️

[@emily.evogirl]

I like the camera angles of this video. Also love how animated Matthew gets when he talks about certain things

[@sherifatogundipe802]

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[@AurorasKiss]

I love to come here and get another point of view! relationships can be so god damn hard, why do some people feel the need to make it even harder? i dont get it. I struggle with jealousy a lot, i am working on it but i really struggle. I always cut all my options off when i find someone i want to be with, but sadly it hardly ever was done by my partner. Its easy to be just mad and freaking out but thanks to Mat i get another point of view... t he point of view that someone doesnt go all in and therefore wont give the relationship between us the chance to grow. which makes it easier to communicate and if not corrected easier to walk away. Thank you

[@How.Dare.You.]

Bc most people have no morals and arent decent

[@rainee0204]

it’s really sad that this hardly ever was done by any of my partners too. The problem of this era…

[@anduelasinanaj]

These situations kinda make me wanna throw up. And never want to be in a relationship ever

[@deepdown.youtube]

Exactly, it is disgustingly gross situations.

[@Anon61991]

My grandmother told me when I was a child, if you can't/don't tell the person your with what you're doing with another person,(of the opposite sex) it's infidelity. Be open and honest always.

[@pamyang2]

I am so glad it is being discussed now since I am now going through this painful situation! My boyfriend of is doing the same! Keeping contacts and cracking sex jokes with his first ex and saying there is no lingering feelings and they had no love back then, he loves me more than anything. In the mean time hiding his relationship and flirting with other girls! He says he doesn’t want anything from them and I tried to be cool and not overly obsessive but I am extremely uncomfortable and exhausted actually. I am so confused what to do like if I should pull back a bit and act the same since it’s not “a real cheating” or just walk away..

[@ibrahimyau3656]

I'm so excited my broken relationship has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me for another woman. I was helped by Dr SABALO he can also help you out too...

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[@kittycatt22]

Omg, thank you Matthew and Stephen for speaking about this topic. I have been wanting your opinion on this as this has happened to me in every relationship I've been in and it's destroyed each one.

[@sherifatogundipe802]

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[@lichen9071]

I think people who has to reserve an option are either not confident enough or may not be able to leave their comfort zone, maybe both. If I have chosen someone and not another, then there is definitely a reason for my decision against the other person. therefore, even if I am no longer with the person I‘ve chosen, I would still not turn to that other person I decided not to with at the time. Because I don't think I won’t be really happy if I did so, since it would always feel to me like I had to make a huge compromise. That's why I'd rather be looking for someone even „better“ than my ex after breaking up. (By better, I mean that the person is more capable of making me happy). Another reason why people secretly reserved an option for themselves, is that a lot of people are too comfortable. Rather than making the effort to make the best of a relationship, they would rather switch partners - Just like Matthew said.

[@surdogal]

OMG….. completely freaked out as the guy keeping me on the back burner messaged me ( after several months) whilst watching this. Taking that as a sign that it’s time to cut ties - nothing good can come of keeping in touch.

[@ozuhakachiogoloma3383]

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[@Mrs.Longley]

Micro cheating 🤯 would you say it’s an addiction for some people? Or would they just be emotional unavailable and not realize it themselves hopelessly staying in a committed relationship with one foot out the door? (Sexting other people/flirting etc)

[@eigbiremolenstanley6331]

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[@Mrs.Longley]

Hahahaha why the fuck would you want someone back who left you go get self respect. My ex never left me for someone else he just cheated on me constantly bec he has issues he won’t work through. I left to find my own peace in this messed up world. Good luck in your shit

[@rachelpappin]

It feels the same as if you just started dating someone who then suddenly tells you with this big bombshell weeks later and says “oh by the way I’m already married etc blah blah blah” and then you’re like Nah Nah Nah

[@yerejun]

Agree, it really really sux when the person chose to lie about their status and not be upfront. Complete waste of time…

[@satoshinakamoto7253]

men can love a woman and sleep with others + men have to become, only top 10-20% of men are dating 90% of women + you'll never have a high value man to yourself

[@shelbert]

@@satoshinakamoto7253 you’re single huh

[@thartsoe1]

My recent ex boyfriend would never block his ex girlfriend from popping up every few years ...she would keep in touch and recently he started getting rude to me " looking " for reasons to tell me to just move out, starting arguments and out of nowhere. Thrn I reached out to her and she said few birdies told her we weren't together and. ..they been talking for months!!??? As soon as I text her , he broke it off with me.. threw me and my daughter out !! I am so hurt and lost . Help please

[@stacyjaye6350]

PS apply for everything that you can as far as social services go. It sucks, but you can do it! The single mothers that I know that have made it, got their own place, be it section 8 or whatever, and kept their own place until their kids were raised. A decent guy will understand and have his own place nearby. You don't want to be that woman that drags men in and out of their kids lives, but be the one that keeps their love life private, until their kids are old enough. Not that religious but I'm super praying for you.

[@moonstar9101]

A lot of these dating channels make me feel that finding ‘the one’ is hopeless.

[@nopeisaidnogoogle1886]

They make lots of people feel that way. Misery loves company and these content creators know that. They're not making videos for people who are already happy and content (unless they're trying to get happy people to doubt themselves and their relationships).

[@thankYouN]

All in or all out , not in between . If the partner likes someone else , walk away, don’t beg or yell. If you like someone, tell it honestly and politely and let it go. When two people respect each other , being faithful is easy , even they want to , they couldn’t like anyone other than their partner.

[@indoorphine]

I love listening to these conversations, both Steven and Matthew have some very insightful points. Thank you

[@rspock263]

Here’s a question to ask a person you’re dating / starting to get to know “is there anyone else who thinks you are in a relationship with them”

[@mihaelaclaudiap..2]

Cool topic, made me think! I am single now but I hope that when I will be in a relationship not to have to deal with this type of situation! Hope that my partner and I will be transparent with each other! xx

[@VivienReacts]

When I'm into a committed and serious new relationship, I cut off my male friends and put my relationship and my bf as priority, so insecurities and jelaous y from past relationship can be avoided.....

[@heiressofmusic]

Stephen was right to point out that these surveys might be limited. Cultural backgrounds and nationality will cause this data to vary.

[@sheenatalks8529]

This is so true and so incredibly common!!! This was a great way of presenting the back burner idea, thank you!!!

[@brittney3156]

Yep. Boundaries.

[@PlanetZipp]

Living in the bay Polyamorous is rampant. How does this play into it? This is kinda how I feel when multiple partners are added into a relationship dynamic. How is this resolved? Either a person is more comfortable having a deep committed relationship or having multiple relationships not as deeply intimate. Thoughts?

[@MarriageSupper06]

Answers are a reward, like directional indicators on a board game. Self fulfillment can create suffering to answers when these directions aren't neutrally noticed

[@succulentlife3343]

I love this video and brings up some great points I agree with. 100% honesty with your partner. I would add that I don't know that it matters whether you have dated someone in the past because there are times I've been friends with an ex that ended for a reason and there is no attraction at all. For me honesty with a partner and their feelings are a huge factor, but my friendship test is one I heard a psychologist in a training say years ago. Being in a relationship and having pposite sex friendship can be maintained if there is one strong factor that you know you'd never date them. This could be many things but we all have known someone that was absolute friend zone because of something permanent you couldn't get past. How they talk to people, a body type, a strong annoyance, no chemistry. The I think there are friendships that can be maintained as long as it's not for the wrong reasons and someone that you don't consider potential that draws energy from your partner. Hope that makes sense. That's a friendship and not a backburner.

[@lesliesantos8595]

Current partner thinks it's okay to stay 'friends ' with a gf of 6yrs ago says it was just a high school thing . I'm like why follow them on IG too ? Like and ask their opinion on something I'm clearly not comfortable with ....like i wouldnt stay friends with my ex unless i wanted to get back with them

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[@pamyang2]

Mine the same!!

[@deeweegeordie]

Thank you 💕 I love listening 🎧 to the discussions you two have.

[@privateequityguy]

*12 Life-Tips I wish I Knew In My 20s:* 1. Don't Lie, ever 2. Learn to be Brave 3. Learn to Say No 4. Develop a Code and Live By It 5. Be Patient with Yourself 6. Learn to Listen 7. Avoid Debt 8. Seek out a Mentor 9. Develop a Space to Confined In and Ask Questions 10. Be Kind, Be Compassionate 11. World changes constantly, keep an open mind 12. Stop Nail-biting & nail-picking habit and get back your healthy, good looking nails(we got you!) For those who are in the rush of changing their lives :-)