If your *soft life* doesn't depend on YOU, you're ~delulu~ (sorry)

[@ewelynn]

A guy told me being financially independent while being married is a red flag. My mind immediately went to why?how? my parents are also financially independent. They co-own properties after marriage but still have separate bank accounts and separate investments. Mom likes to invest in gold and spoil herself with sarees, and my father spends while contributing for social service and community fest planning. As a female, who is career driven and super insecure about getting into an arranged marriage, i plan on being financially independent. I am very transparent about my finances- i discuss with my parents and relatives prior to investments. But when someone says "financial independence" is a red flag- i totally think that person might be controlling and would try to control the relationship dynamics through finances. Thats scary.

[@bushikciwa]

Interesting

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

Financial independence is a red flag to certain men because it means they can’t completely control you, and they think you’ll find someone better. So that was a man telling you that he’s not a good partner. He’d rather drag you down than work on himself and be better.

[@esikazemese]

Very well said!

[@karineaghajanyan]

Stear clear from people who ALREADY say things like that to you, you DO NOT need a man who ALREADY thinks like this, find someone who alignes with your views!

[@talkingtochapri]

That blonde woman regreting getting married to a male like him made me cry 😢 her face says it all. She looked so broken, even in that broken state he is asking her to do free unpaid labor. When you are old, going to college, getting a job, starting business, starting all over again is 2x difficult. You'll barely see a single woman that unhappy as her. Ladies, stop wasting your youth on some male, people change, invest in yourself.

[@ShirinHossain04]

Rich men are not stupid!! They are not attracted to pretty women and their sexuality. They are attracted to what these women are providing for them in exchange of what they would consider nominal cash. They get a wife, manager, chef, cleaner all in one package in return of maintaining their ‘wives’. Its hardly a fair bargain. It is like a sale which looks like you are getting a discount but infact you are loosing money. If your relationship is based on the premise that a man will take care of you trust me it is because he knows he is getting the better end of the bargain.

[@360shadowmoon]

This is all based. These "soft life" influencers are completely delulu. They do realize that the traditional stay at home wives had to work their butts off, right? It was/is anything but a "soft life". Most of the older women in my family had traditional marriages and were stay at home moms and their life is anything but glamorous. It's why I went the career route.

[@CuratedVibes]

Ironically the soft life influencers are working 24/7 making content to promote products to enhance soft life.

[@Liv-ie4xl]

They imagine it with a millionaire that can give them a cook and a maid. The wife would only have to look after the children. But girl this is unrealistic and cheating can happen at any second if the cook or maid is young. Edit: at their age range

[@coast2coast8306]

Mhm. The resentful look back at the life they put on hold for a family that took her for granted.

[@neigeepierrot4694]

Good point I think this too since it seems like the soft life trend is maybe based on the fact that young women don’t have a lot of connections to older women

[@neigeepierrot4694]

And the older women in my life also say this

[@obitouchiha6439]

"I like money, and I am unapologetic about it." BASED!!

[@femalesupremacistoverlord6800]

Only at the beginning so perhaps you mention it at some point in the video but, this reminds me of that viral old Cher interview where she said “Mom, I am a rich man” 😂 *That’s* what women wanting a “soft life” should strive for imo!

[@bfbmain]

Yessss! 🙌🏽

[@trina7531]

thanks for bringing reality onto us, honestly I was getting kinda brainwashed by these advice gurus.

[@esikazemese]

They are just remarketed gold diggers. And anyone who is living rent free and doesn't bring anything to the table is eventually gonna get looked down on.

[@Musinnna]

me too all the time 😂

[@trina7531]

yeah it is so important to build yourself up and be independant. otherwise you're either gonna end up hurting someone rlly bad or worse, yourself @@esikazemese

[@karllyfeng]

+1 to always taking actions to protect yourself financially. I'm learning to give ~myself the "soft life" so that people I date have to compete with me in order to date me.

[@thepragmatist]

I really like this perspective.

[@ily279]

yes!!! ladies were giving OURSELVES the soft life and doing it on our own>>>

[@thepragmatist]

Great video. I've been watching a decent amount of red pill content (eg The Unplugged Alpha, etc) and, inevitably, they want the woman either powerless, subservient, or both. It's all about the guy "staying in his frame" and bending the woman's will to what is best for him. Frankly, it's bizarre, and I can tell right away when a guy has consumed red pill content and is trying out some of these strategies. I think there's a way to remain in your "feminine energy" and not be so vulnerable to someone who could (potentially) change up in a flash. I've seen it happen too many times so I would be extremely cautious about giving my power over to someone else. To me, it doesn't feel right but to each their own. I totally understand that sometimes it makes sense for one person to stay home when you're raising children because kids are a full time job and sometimes paying for childcare doesn't make sense. Each situation is so different. Both the man and the woman really need to demonstrate a high level of commitment when making these decisions.

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

A read comments between two men under a red pill channel and the jist of the conversation was that a relationship can only be successful if a woman lets a man lead/control everything. There was no inclusion about getting their future wife’s input, what they could do to be good husbands to her. Just the classic “me, me, me” thought process that is abundant in red pill content. I can’t stand red pill, but it’s always good to brush up on what they think and what tactics they use so we can know ahead of time what to look for and avoid guys who exhibit this behavior.

[@thepragmatist]

Yes. I completely agree with your comment.@@tiahnarodriguez3809

[@Altajp]

18:51 personally I like a joint account with monthly deposits of x% of our income. this should cover shared stuff. an individual account for personal spending. the person who earns less also has a backup that they control this way.

[@hajrasohail4603]

THANK YOU!!! I love your channel! You are inspiring and I look up to you for your wisdom! I agree with this take. Marriage or relationships is not a priority for me right now (I’m 22). I am focusing on my career and education. I’ve seen women in my life and family suffer!!! One of my cousin’s got married at 18. Now she’s in an abusive marriage, she can’t leave because she depends on the man. As a South Asian woman, I am all for women getting an education before marriage!! Thank you for this take! ❤

[@bfbmain]

🩷❤️🩷

[@kape2469]

OMG, you are SO intelligent, you are really covering all the important points in detail and showing good examples with videos! I love it! I can't help but think that women like you should have kids so that we have a next generation of super intelligent women.

[@bfbmain]

🩷❤️🩷

[@sliceofpie1741]

As a fellow south asian I'm proud of you for helping women look at this perspective

[@bfbmain]

🩷❤️🩷

[@rachelbachel2]

If you are a kept woman in a weird way your job really is to keep yourself up. Always watching what you eat. Staying in good physical shape. Looking "good" for our age. That's a flex. Like the men don't mind if we're over 40. As long as we don't look it. Or if you look really good for your age compared to the other wivea. They'll get you a housekeeper because it shows others that they can afford a SAHW who's job is to workout, and look pretty when they get home. You're like a pampered house pet.

[@isabear478]

the fact the examples people use to promote these lifes and miss a big detail like 1 they were already rich so they didn't have to find a rich man

[@thepragmatist]

That's a good point.

[@isabear478]

Like why did they think Sofia Richie was nothing before she got married

[@Heyu7her3]

I firmly believe in doing what's best for one's relationship dynamic. I also wanna stress that a TRUE 50/50 relationship is supposed to be balanced for ALL aspects of the relationship. Men just relegate it to finances because they're inadequate in that area. They want the woman to contribute there + do all the cooking, cleaning, child rearing, & emotional labor. If i ever get married, I think having a joint account & maintaining separate accounts would be best. That way, all the household bills could come out the joint & I don't arrive home one day with an eviction notice on the door because he hasn't been making his half of the payments like we'd agreed 😵

[@chikFromMTL]

No lies told 🎯 Thank you 🙌🏾

[@FSTECVBDXC]

I have a relative who was absolutely disrespectful to his stay at home wife because she was “crazy” and “stupid”. I hated him at first, but later I realized that she is a terrible person. (she stole our property) She was so good at pretending to be nice in public ! When he got re-married to an independent and hard-working woman with a child , he became so sweet and thoughtful ! It is amazing to see the same person grow and change so much

[@Besafe782]

I want the life!! And I want to give it myself nobody won’t be able to take it from me 😅

[@LoveYourself-my9nz]

It's so weird how some ignorant privileged women are influencing younger girls to live a dependent life. If they find a rich man and want to be a housewife that's ok but glamorizing it and selling a lie to others is not. Can't believe people want to raise their children and teach them to live their whole life dependent on their partner. It's so weird that these people don't understand the complexity of life.

[@yancyg7890]

I loved this whole video ❤

[@zoemarie7247]

Loving the consistency!! So glad you're back

[@the_agate_gate3782]

My stance has always been -Keep your finances separate. Split the bills, and outside of that your money is yours, mine is mine. If there’s a large purchase we can make a joint account specific for that and equally contribute. If we split up, we split the balance equally.

[@renataklein4776]

I have two boys and if I had girls I would tell them the same thing, which is: The two of you should always have 3 accounts. A joint account, your account, and your partners account. And never put the whole thing in the joint account, for several reason not just for what if someone cheats or takes off with the pool boy. My husband and I out enough for bills and groceries and some fun but we also have our own accounts. It works well for us.

[@amytaylor1909]

Amazing video ❤

[@coast2coast8306]

I’m a citizen of delululand 🥴

[@bfbmain]

💀🩷

[@nicolesherman8974]

Is it bad I still don’t understand the concept of “soft life” 🙃🙃?

[@bfbmain]

Originally it meant to live "a lifestyle of comfort and relaxation with minimal challenges or stress" but it got taken over by some TikTok influencers and now everyone has their own definition 😅

[@lulc4694]

Selena Williams is vastly more wealthy than her husband but I get your point 😊

[@bfbmain]

And I oop! Thanks for correcting me, but yes you know what I mean! 😅🩷

[@cdnchevry]

It doesn't matter who has More Money bc they were both very wealthy when they met...but I do think the tech bro is wealthier...no matter tho bc they're happily married with kids

[@dontme4132]

When the “lesser” of the couple is STILL a wealthy millionaire in their own right (like Alexis Ohanian is) it doesn’t matter.

[@sseraphim2818]

​@@cdnchevry Think and are completely different

[@youtubedeletedmyrapmusicch2682]

as a man , the fact that i now see a woman(YOU) that is reasonable , has risen my standards more to not try to train woman & instead just go get a woman that is already a finished product mentally in terms of is realistic

[@dontme4132]

They can leave. They just don't want to endure the hardship that would follow. They're also afraid of change and uncertainty. But they CAN leave.

[@bfbmain]

You’re not wrong, but man, having no money is quite the hardship…

[@dontme4132]

@bfbmain I get it, but if you're being emotionally, physically, and/or financially abused and neglected, having your spirit crushed and your mental health deteriorate is the WORST hardship to me! That man ain't gonna change, but in time, your finances will at some point once you get on your feet. So it's best to leave. And if you have children, you have to acknowledge that staying in a chronically unhappy and abusive situation will traumatise them further. So for their sake, LEAVE.

[@bfbmain]

Oh I see what you mean, I absolutely agree!

[@bonnielovely]

@@dontme4132you’re not wrong, but many women literally cannot leave. children plus no job & financial independence on an abusive partner means if you try to “leave,” you’ll likely lose access to your children. poor mental health in an abusive situation makes it more difficult to leave them. telling someone to just “leave!” is like saying oh you don’t like the politics where you live? then just move !! it’s a great sentiment, but it’s not most people’s reality.

[@dontme4132]

@bonnielovely I disagree. If their house suddenly caught fire and they had to flee, that's exactly what they'll do. Even though they've lost everything and have to start again. If that 100% provider man dies or disappears tomorrow, they'd have to carry on the rest of their lives without him. So yes, they CAN leave. Its just that they haven't hit their personal rock bottom as yet. They're not yet tired of being sick and tired. And they don't want to face the unknown. If women truly could not leave as you're suggesting, then women's shelters and half way houses would not exist. The problem isn't literal at all (as you suggest). It's psychological. And by the way, I never said "just leave". I acknowledged that leaving is not going to be easy peasy. I acknowledged that it's scary and it will trigger anxiety. But it CAN be done.

[@seanpmcg99]

7:05 rich men abuse my power

[@moonarium57]

Unrelated but I love your accent 🩷

[@SaraswotiProduction]

Sis what are your thoughts on his money is our money, my money is my money only. I disagree but I find most women seems to agree to this, I would love to hear your thoughts. What is it?

[@victoriareese5893]

IM SO EARLY!

[@bfbmain]

Hiii! 🩷❤️

[@PoSHEmediaglobal]

$50000 vs $200000 Yep! He’s a dusty I went on a date with a guy and I spent 4times what he spent on it I was like bye after that He’s a great guy character wise hence why I even considered him But eventually I would like to go to many fine dinning places , which is something I like to do. Unfortunately he can’t help me at all in this area He’s also not good looking Now graduating from college I have an MBA Too bad

[@wntr-sldr91]

A dusty is just what you consider a broke boy lol

[@PoSHEmediaglobal]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@RaeesAhmad-ye9pi]

♥️♥️♥️🌹🌹🌹

[@danidiaz2377]

💸💸

[@Altajp]

When were we shamed, as women, in to admitting to wanting a man to provide for you and your family? That used to be the norm.

[@Angelbean777]

That’s 💯 ok and that’s what I want too. However, it’s as long as the ones provided for are providing back and that’s the actual norm- not what’s being preached on TikTok. What’s being preached is being a parasite/sugar baby that contributes 0 back and calling that being a trad when it’s not. Actual trads provide back to the “provider” by making sure he has a meal ready after a long day at work, they do the house work, laundry, food shopping etc.

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

You can do what you want, but be smart about it, and be aware of the consequences. My number one advice is to have a secret account in case things go wrong. Having a trad relationship without a backup plan is setting yourself up for failure. Men can cheat and leave easily, so if you have no money of your own or kids, you’re screwed, and it’s on you for not being prepared. And if you think a man is gonna compensate you equally for your service. Think again. I think a lot of you want things that you have no real clue what the reality is.

[@esikazemese]

No. That norm was that men provide the money and their wife provides the endless unpaid labour. And without the proper prenup they end up on the streets pennyless with or without their kids. So think twice before you want that.

[@Nithinithinith]

Hitting women for talking back was also the norm.

[@coast2coast8306]

📠 ❤