To be ~childfree~ or not to be

[@mpazinambao2938]

I'm on the side of just cause you have a womb or sperm, doesn't mean you should be making kids.

[@Phisherman10]

This is why we’re trended to population collapse. Of course economic factors are also at play, but if I had a dollar for every time I heard “I don’t want to have children, the world is too messed up right now”, I’d buy the USA

[@southerncalifornia970]

@@Phisherman10 why do you care so much about 'population collapse'? The population was here before you,and it will continue on WAAAAY after you're GONE!

[@Amethyst454]

​@Phisherman10 Everything will be fine. Rather than focusing on forcing people to live miserably, nations need to focus on easing into the new reality that is coming. How to actually keep old people healthy rather than dependent.

[@nicolesherman8974]

As I’m getting older, I’m leaning more into the direction of not having kids. Aside from the fact I am a Black woman and the birth rates/us giving birth is a rather traumatic, even deadlier outcome, I want to live my life in peace. I am not those people who makes hating kids their personality trait, but I feel like I won’t enjoy motherhood in the ways others do. I have so many goals I would like to accomplish on top of taking care of my mental health. I couldn’t bring kids to this world fr.

[@MySunshine234]

Exactly I’m lucky enough to work with kids and I actually like my job I plan on staying there until retirement so those kids are my kids I don’t need to have my own I have a mental illness and I’m also a black woman so I agree with everything you said I go on solo dates and live a soft single life the teacher I work with has a baby and she tells me about her experience and I’m so glad I met her because I kind of know what it’s like and the world don’t need my seed

[@vanessaandreatta9098]

I am not married, but I have my own family. I come from a single mother because I never met my father, my mother choose not to marry. I am the daughter of a selfish mother unfortunately. Not everyone needs to become a parent. That said I had my first child pretty early, I knew I found the father of my child but that has nothing to do with financial stability : we had no property and only one income. If you feel you are sacrifing something, than you should think again and maybe don't put goals on a list. Having a child is a gift, not a goal, even with egg freezing is not working sometimes. We don't own any car, no handbags or fancy shoes. No holidays. Everyone thought we were crazy because rich ppl know better and can be better parents (this is the whole issue with egg freezing). That is not the case, if you love a child, you will be a good parent. I am not married, but I don't need a partner to be a good parent really. Why to have a child? Because you learn from them, because you learn love. Did I feel ready? Yes. Was I? Yes. Did it take a Village? Also. Look for the Village first if you really want my opinion. We could not afford daycare and daycare don't let you bring sick babies anyway

[@MySunshine234]

@@vanessaandreatta9098 that’s why I’m not having kids that situation doesn’t sound like it’s a gift oh well some people are meant to not be in a relationship or have kids I’m one of those people I’m biracial and I have been racially discriminated against by every guy I liked I don’t want no relationship and I don’t want no kids working with them is fine by me and I really only mostly do it for the early schedule I don’t go to work for the kids it’s just a job

[@vanessaandreatta9098]

@@MySunshine234 I totally understand. My point is more like : you think you want kids because you have a fantasy dream? Then, don't! It's not about that. You think you will have kids after you have reached certain numbers of goals on the list? You are wrong too. I think people deciding not to have kids will be "the Village" for so many families and kids of others. I hate when people use their parenthood as a status symbol, and egg freezing and the costs of adopting are pushing this narrative. THAT IS WRONG. Women deciding their narrative is right. You need to trust your gutt

[@MySunshine234]

@@vanessaandreatta9098 yes and my whole life plans are revolve around not having kids but I do like the kids I work with and I don’t really have a village like a lot of other people do my family is older my mom is in her 50s and she has depression and so do I so we really don’t have the money or the capacity for me to have a child but I can take care of other things like my cat and I’m basically a caregiver when I’m at work

[@kated3165]

I grew up seeing all the women in my family work full-time jobs AND do all of the cooking/cleaning/child rearing on top of it. The dads would come home after work (some around the same hour as their wives) and then were ''too tired'' to do anything besides rest until bedtime. Meanwhile the wives started their home shift. They were visibly over-worked, constantly stressed and completely miserable. This life never appealed to me as a child, and I decided early on that I never wanted to become a mother nor get married.

[@icysnow57cold64]

Statistically speaking, women are happiest when single and childless in today's times. Also, women can have friends and biological family that they share a life with. We as humans need the presence of other humans in our lives yes. But we can live alone. We don’t need romantic relationships to survive. We do need love and support, but it can be from friends and family. It does not need to be from a romantic partner. Studies also show that single women are far happier than their married peers, and that married women lose out in career earnings, career trajectory, health, and life expectancy compared to those single peers as well. Married women live shorter lives, and report lower levels of happiness than women who never marry. Also, according to many studies, women have higher rates of depression when married. Statistics indicate that single women tend to have the highest life expectancy on average.

[@cathypenda8461]

you can do a better marriage than the women of your family. you have the choice.

[@kated3165]

@@cathypenda8461 I certainly have NO tolerance for a man who doesn't pull his weight around the house... or thinks his time is more valuable than mine just because his salary is higher.

[@JT-bt6jy]

​@@kated3165 No joke. But bills dont get paid unless someone brings money. How exactly do you have a conversation with a bank manager or a landlord? Do you tell them "my husband is not working more because he needs clean the house". Pretty sure they dont care.

[@kated3165]

@@JT-bt6jy Most households actually make MORE money when both work... which is why STAHM is increasingly seen as a ''luxury'' in many areas. The wealthier neighborhoods next to ours are filled with power-earning couples where both have focused on high-paying careers. This is only possible when the woman is not stuck to do the lion's share of everything household and child-rearing related. Their financial (and probably marital) reality would be much different if the husbands had insisted their career-oriented wife forgo their goals to stay home and raise the kids ''for a few years''. Many of our friends live this way and are doing GREAT. Heck, the couples that have unequal labor divisions don't tend to last long. People have been separating left and right since Covid... and its always the women initiating. Always the women who previously would vent about their partners not pulling their weight around the home. Hard to make excuses for a partner who is trapped home for months on end, during lockdowns and yet STILL won't help because ''reasons''. No relationship is perfect, but life is too short, and too precious, to deal with constant BS from a lazy partner who refuses to learn (and do) basic life skills!

[@meagan.phillip]

Has anyone noticed there’s no hostility towards men with the same mindset ? Is it even a conversation for them ? It doesn’t matter if men want to be fathers or not but society assumes women are obligated to bear children

[@zenzibear]

I can’t speak for all men but my husband is constantly getting lectured by his coworkers about how he will change his mind and one day want kids. I know not all men face this but he does, almost on a weekly basis. He usually just responds with “Probably not but we’ll see” because he says it’s not worth the conversation.

[@Enriquez2222]

I think it’s because one man can do what multiple men can… sperms are in abundance but wombs aren’t and only have the ability to produce a child at a time usually. Also people value men’s time more, that’s what I think at least

[@ayomidedareabel5525]

​@@zenzibearthey just sound entitled. These men like to take offense when a man doesn't want to follow their Misogynistic wayslike a gullible idiot

[@triggered577]

@@zenzibearIf I was your husband, I’d go to HR and see if those idiot co-workers want to explain their obsession with my reproductive functions to the entity that will put them out of a job for sexual harassment/ discrimination. They aren’t entitled to interrogate anyone about why they don’t have children, wth?

[@mmarriott5818]

As a childfree man with a vasectomy, this definitely is true. I've had almost zero (but not zero...) hostility towards my childfree status.

[@rainbowmashpotato]

To be honest, the low quality men that surrounded me made me childfree for a long time (drug addicts, alcoholics, obsessed with porn/ insta models/ only fans, jobless/ crypto type dudes), but it all changed when I finally met a decent enough guy. Childbirth and taking care of kids is a big sacrifice and it’s not worth to do for some crusty ass low life ( queue no scrubs by tlc)

[@Aniexo_]

Are you changing your mind about having them since you’ve met a good guy?

[@madarawijerathne276]

Yeah it depends on the guy, for me my man should treat me like princess in pregnancy and should be able take care of kid without me or without anyone else.

[@ll2323]

Women shouldn’t give just any man a child.

[@gailainsley6939]

I agree. They all seem the same. Not worth it at all.

[@esikazemese]

Exaclty, it's heartbreaking to see how many women have children with horrible man. @@ll2323

[@savagesweetheart90]

I never wanted children since I was 10 years old and each decade that passes, I'm 33 now, I realize that I made the right decision for MYSELF. I'd rather not play Russian Roulette with an innocent life if I can't guarantee them the same life I had when I was a child and I hate being in debt.

[@jessicagomez4906]

Omg! I’m also 33, and I made the decision to not have kids at 10yrs old as well. My youngest best brother was born at that time and I got stuck with the brunt of raising him. I remember thinking, wow, this is awful between the crying and whining and diapers. I made myself a promise and the current dating scene and state of the world just further freaks me out! I’d have to meet an amazing man to change my mind.

[@ST-rj8iu]

38 same. Knew when I was 9.

[@CuratedVibes]

I have a 19 year old. I spent my 20s as a single mother raising my son alone. It was traumatizing and I didnt get to enjoy the perks of being a mother because I was in survival mode the entire time. I love my son, but I was relieved when he decided to go live with his father and step mom fulltime at the age of 13. Hes been with them for almost 7 years and I ended up moving abroad. I enjoyed my freedom and couldn't imagine having more kids. I don't blame women for opting out of parenthood. Its not for everyone. And thats totally ok.

[@lauren6509]

I love this. I think more women should give up their children especially their sons. Fathers do it all day every day and no one bats an eye. If you're a mom that says your child lives with their father full-time you become a social pariah of sorts. I don't need my son berating me and telling me I kept him from his father and then he's on some podcast talking about how he hates women and single mothers. This may sound sexist but I believe men are more capable of raising children alone. Not only do men make more money and women often are poorer after divorce but they can handle more stress and since there out here talking about "men's rights" I'd pay my child support and be the "fun parent"

[@triggered577]

I don’t agree that they are better equipped to take care of children alone but I still they think they should do it anyway - especially when the child is a boy, since they seem to think they are so brilliant and superior anyway. Let them raise these damn kids instead of hounding the mothers about everything they do wrong. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@cilene9812]

@@lauren6509I totally understand this argument but would the son not later feel abandonment issues towards their mom

[@HadassaMoon144]

Maybe but I feel like OP did things right. By middle school, a boy should be spending the majority of his bonding time with other young men and male family members to shape him into adulthood. A single mother can't do that so these boys will try to find who they can find. These boys need to be with their fathers. Living with him full time by his teenage years is an excellent idea. The mom should visit and continue communication but his baby days are over. His primary care provider should be his father who in turn should be a part of a positive male friend group and community to raise that young man up right. Unfortunately, within the black community, this hasn't been the trend so these systems are not in place.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

I agree​@@triggered577

[@thepragmatist]

This is an excellent video. I'm a 55 year old female ~ single, never married, no kids. I've also worked with sick and injured children in hospitals and children with disabilities in schools across the U.S. as an occupational therapist. One thing I've noticed in America, is that some people have this romantic perception of having a child and when something happens that's not in the plan, many parents are understandably blindsided. As was mentioned in the video, if you're going to have kids, please find a reliable partner who will stick by you through thick and thin. I almost think we're at the point where 1-2 children require the care and attention of 3 adults. It would be so much better if kids were raised in small communal environments where everyone took some responsibility. But our society in the U.S. is highly individualistic and this puts a huge strain on nuclear families. It's a shame because (ideally speaking), it doesn't have to be that way. I think I would have considered having children if our society was structured differently. But I'm a realist and I saw firsthand what it takes to be a good parents, especially when things go sideways. It's a self sacrificing venture if you do it well and it encompasses your whole life for a while. I think it's doable and rewarding with the right support but it's also a high level of challenge.

[@MySunshine234]

This! I work with kids too and i plan on staying childfree and single

[@thepragmatist]

Working with kids really shows you what motherhood and having a family is like. All the best to you.@@MySunshine234

[@HadassaMoon144]

I love being a parent and I plan to have another but I absolutely agree with you. If I didn't have a strong partner who has a supportive family, I'd be child free as well. I'm a teacher and I get plenty of interaction with kids. But having a child is also a coin flip. You never know what you will get. It's not like in the past when people would pop out several children and if there were health problems a child would have siblings and a community to help. Now the parents have to do it all themselves and often isolated and alone.

[@thepragmatist]

Thank you for your comment. All the best to you!@@HadassaMoon144

[@Enriquez2222]

I like having deep convos, children are boring and draining, I don’t see the appeal. I barely like adults

[@BeautifulEarthJa]

Bwahahaha! I agree and I have 3 kids 🤣🤣🤣

[@yourbestam]

Girl you are not interesting enough to say this

[@sharranjami]

The cool thing is my sister has 3 girls that I get to babysit over night every now and then I LOVE having them but when they leave my first thought is always that's all the parenting I need.

[@Nadianikita77]

Exactly , I always say my sister had the kids for me , I love kids but in the essence that I can give them back.

[@MySunshine234]

@@Nadianikita77yes! I don’t have sisters but I do work with pre k students and I’m glad when I can give them back at the end of the day

[@anabelasalinas3780]

As a child free woman and someone has known this fact for a very long time , people always say that i dislike kids and I dont completely disagree with that statement, I mean , I wouldn't go out of my way to hurt a child , but i dont want to be around them.As people would say , I just dont have the "mom gene"🤷🏿‍♀️

[@lauren6509]

I'm a teacher and I love shaping the youth and instilling executive functioning skills. I also love sending them back to their parents at the end of the day lol 🤭

[@MsStrange1526]

Same boat...I don't dislike children but I don't enjoy being in their company, I find it very stressful and exhausting.

[@esikazemese]

Don't worry, many people have children who have zero "mom gene". But they don't think about anything.

[@triggered577]

Lol, and why is it even a problem if you don’t like them. 😂There’s no law saying you have to like children, only that you can’t hurt them.

[@TKOin2life]

Well I don't like them.😂 I didn't even like being one.

[@pink1237480]

I would have liked to have children but I want marriage first. And unfortunately most of the men that I met didn't want marriage or any type of commitment. They were more scared of marriage then they were to have kids and that scared me out of having kids completely. So I gave up and now I really cannot trust anyone to have a child with. It's just too many lies and manipulation being done.

[@ayomidedareabel5525]

They aren't scared of kids because they know they are the ones who isn't carrying the burden. If men could give birth they'd act way worse than we are now

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

​@@ayomidedareabel5525facts

[@pastelmoon9118]

even if you marry they can still turn against you later on once the baby is in the picture

[@Heyu7her3]

Also, can we PLEASE talk more about wanting multiple kids, ie. being the oldest child & ESP. being the oldest FEMALE child? Because omg, wanting siblings is cute when you're the only child, but it's horrible once become the additional laborer + free live-in nanny + role model + parentified child. Then if you're hetero, be expected to be more feminine, fit, & friendly to attract & keep a husband. 🤔 _or maybe it's just me_ 😢

[@magnisky]

That’s a lot of pressure just in your shoulders. You must have been a very good kid growing up. But parents should not have put that on you for you are still their kid only older than the others.

[@kitsunephantom6155]

"Eldest Daughter Syndrome" is something the internet came up with to describe exactly what you're talking about. This is unfortunately more common than you might think.

[@pendafen7405]

Say this!!!!! How do we get free? Currently am having to help with elder care for grandparents, unasked and unpaid, because otherwise my mother would have to do it all as well as work while her husband and her brothers do NOTHING while also refusing to pay for pro social care. I also have to babysit my cousins' wives kids every time they come over to visit great-grandma, and my own parents expect me to help nanny and raise my younger sister's child when she has one too. As if I'm just a nanny and carer by default, now, as a 30 year old woman who has to work too. There's been no discussion with me about whether or not I ever want my own family or my own life as a priority, just the expectation that I'll put my life on hold for everyone else I happen to be related to, the same way my mother did. It's bullshit, and it makes me so sad and angry, but unless me or someone else can scrape together all the cash necessary for paid care, or I leave my Mom in the lurch, there's no other choice. And if my dad gets sick or something, I'm gonna get saddled with that, too. Sometimes it feels like I'm trapped, and I can't even sleep nights because I'm panicking and so depressed.

[@ezrico_jr]

You're not alone. Going through the same thing at home. It is annoying. They literally call me 'deputy mom' as a joke. Every time I complain about having to do everything alone, they say they are 'molding' me into a woman, so I can do all these things for my husband.

[@Morozova48]

ask a man why he wants kids and you will know what selfishness sounds like 🤮 I would never put myself through that and sacrifice my body, health, financial independence and freedom for a man while he gets to live his life just like before and brag about his worthless lineage that he doesn't even have to raise himself. Also a man can walk away from his family anytime without being judged by society while a woman can't

[@Phisherman10]

This is a rough comment. Also, we have a name for men who walk out on their families, they’re called deadbeats. Also the government will take childcare costs from them. But yeah, a woman’s job is to vet these men out, so she doesn’t end up with a deadbeat and being a single-mom.

[@JT-bt6jy]

Not in the usa atleast? There are men serving prison sentences for not paying child support. So what you said is untrue

[@alicec.6195]

I am a 34 year old woman who so far didn't get any close to being able to afford kids nor freezing eggs. I guess that is a way of clearly showing I should leave this task for the richer, and I am happy to.

[@NightinGal89]

Same

[@queeniequeen949]

10:34 this hit home for me. I’ve decided at 27 to officially be childfree and single. Growing up I always assumed I’d be married first BEFORE I have children. The older I got the less I wanted to do these things. I’ve seen a lot of women have babies without the support of their children’s fathers and I don’t want to have to go through that. I was raised by a single mom and my bio dad left before I was born. I remember she told me that men change their minds all the time about wanting to raise families. It’s honestly the BEST birth control for me. I remember being so affected by not having a dad that I wanted to take my own life. It’s not a good feeling to wonder why my dad doesn’t want to be a part of my life. It’s not good to feel unwanted because of not having a dad. I can’t imagine going through pregnancy and childbirth only to have to raise a child by myself, even if the man was there. There’s no guarantee that the potential husband/children’s father will always be there because he could either walk away or pass away. I’m still expected to take on the responsibility of child rearing either way. These things are still happening and nothing seems to be changing. In addition to that pregnancy and childbirth scares me because as a woman of color I’m more likely to have complications or die from it according to statistics. For these reasons, there will be NO kids for me. I come from a family of single mothers. The cycle of single motherhood ends with ME!!!!

[@pastelmoon9118]

men betray women`s trust all the time NOT worth it!

[@Heyu7her3]

AND ADOPTING IS AN OPTION

[@sharranjami]

i chose not to have children because I didn't want to have a child with just anyone just to have a child. I met the person I was meant to spend my life with later in life and that's perfectly wonderful. My life is full and happy and now that I'm older I have the financial freedom to enjoy time together. Anyone who has children and wants to have children I applaud because it's hard weather you have 2 parents or just one. I am extremely happy with my decision and I've heard that argument from men that "you're a female it's literally what you are created to do". Do what makes you happy with or with out "a legacy" as it's been put to me.

[@shreeyaraychoudhury3531]

This is so true .. I hate how people send you in guilt trip .. like how will the population grow ?? How will you feel fulfilled??? This is your only job , why else do we need women ??? . The fact that after the woman does have kids ..they leave her alone to deal with the after effects. Makes no sense honestly ! Honestly, it scares me thinking How scary is world right now. People don't even faze doing children genocide. Why make them suffer by giving them birth just to feel complete being a woman.

[@Maria_Svetlana_5923]

Ive chose to be childfree at the young age of 13 and its still strong . Im in My 20's my life, emotion, career and my cats come first . Kids are traps ...Expensive Traps . People who say having kids is a blessing is a huge fat lie ITS SELFISH TO HAVE KIDS in this curent era. Also most men is low quality with i deserve better

[@deezed6478]

The thing is that the way society is set up nowadays, having kids requires constant sacrifice and giving. When humans lived in tribes and even in early pioneer days it was acceptable for children to start working very young and contribute to the community and the parenting standard wasn’t as high. Kids were raised by everyone around them and the requirements were smaller-no need for driving them around, picking out new outfits every day, buying so many different things etc. But today parents and especially mothers need to live only to provide for the kids and do everything for them-after working 9-5 they have to schedule their appointments, drive them to activities and to be social, entertain them, make sure they do their homework properly, monitor what they’re watching on the internet, obviously still cook 3 meals a day etc. It’s just too much work and we’re not intended to live this way.

[@ladev91]

If you are worried about "losing your sense of self", you should not have a child. You have to accept the fact that things are going to change and the child is number 1 priority from that point on.

[@cutienerdgirl]

This is the ideology that causes mid-life crises. Parenthood shouldn't stop people from having full careers, friends, and hobbies; It doesn't for people who have a village of people around them. There are parents who still go on date nights and to concerts. They take their kids to sleepovers and/or hire a babysitter whenever they want alone time.

[@Europa1749]

@@cutienerdgirl Sounds like those folks have a lot of extra money. Also, there is no village. The village is struggling to pay bills and are too tired to babysit.

[@NotThatDeep]

As a mom, I completely disagree that you have to give “your whole self” in order to be a good mom. That’s the idea that has created so many depressed mothers with no other sense of identity outside their children, and spoiled and entitled children as well. I love my son to death and give him everything he needs, however, I make it a point to take a day each week to myself. Like yesterday while my husband was at work and son was at daycare, I went to the movies and lunch solo, then I came home and worked out before my husband picked him up and they came home. I KNOW I’m a better mom to him cause I’m less stressed and not overwhelmed. I dont feel like I don’t have a life outside my kid, etc…Your kids need to know the world doesn’t revolve around them, and they also need to know that women aren’t just meant to dedicate their entire lives to motherhood. Life is multifaceted and should be enjoyed in more ways than one, even as a parent.

[@bfbmain]

I agree with you. A happy mom means a happy child, absolutely. Personally, I fear I'll give too much of myself and am scared on whether I'll be able to find a balance, where my sense of self isn't lost in the sacrifices required by motherhood. I think you're lucky in that you have a partner that helps you maintain that balance (I think I do too, time will tell), but not every woman has that.

[@BOLDsweetVelvet]

Im about to have my first child in two momths and this what u said is what i want to remeber! My kids r not my identity. I know from experience that a parent that makes thier child their entire lifes, has some bad effects on the child amd the parent.

[@NotThatDeep]

@@bfbmainvery true. It wouldn’t be possible without my husband and being able to afford daycare. Having a supportive partner AND utilizing daycare, a nanny, or family members to ensure you can sleep in some days, have me-time, and date nights is ESSENTIAL, imo. I’d say if you don’t have that support, then maybe be prepared to “give your whole self” …or don’t have children.

[@NotThatDeep]

@@BOLDsweetVelvetyes, agreed.

[@ayomidedareabel5525]

The thing is most women can't have that because they don't have supportive partners or a community. They end up doing it all with no time for themselves at least until the kids are old enough

[@abcbcd1834]

Great video. I come from a long line of abused kids. My father was a lot better than his. If I do have children, I intend to keep that trend going and be the best parent I can be. Babies don't ask to be born. You bring them into this world without them being able to consent to it. You owe them the WORLD for that

[@natasham4184]

I feel lucky that I've beem certain about not wanting kids since I was young. The day I realised it was a choice was the day I started looking forward to adulthood and the rest of my life. Now I'm in my early 20s, and I know many people will probably try to convince me otherwise over the next 20 years, but luckily I simply don't care. My happiness is more important than the views of random people who want me to join them in their misery. I feel that if someone truly loves being a parent, they'll mind their own business and not feel the need to berate people who chose a different lifestyle.

[@toriyt2714]

Having children is the greatest most over rated experience you could ever have 😂. Seriously though having children is not necessary for a fulfilled life as a woman. You should only ONLY have children in the best possible situation and that’s it.

[@lauren6509]

Someone said men would rather be miserable than alone and women would rather be alone than miserable. I can do bad all by myself so why would I want to be down bad with somebody? That's just an extra burden and more stress lol. Id have a kid for Mr. Right and after we've been married at least a year so I can see up close and personal what he really like💯 I think my fertility is fine, I don't care enough to check. L 10 years from now if I'm trying to conceive and I can't I'd just adopt. I know it's not for everyone so I'm not down playing it.

[@triggered577]

Omg, I def believe men would rather be miserable than alone 😂😂😂😂 That’s why they are always in their feelings about women having high standards they can’t meet bc fewer of them will have the opportunity to have a partner and children if women are unwilling to settle for less.

[@fanyrojas7479]

For me motherhood had never been in my plans I have never visualize myself in that role, but my mexican family ask me why I don’t want to be a mom every chance that they have and no matter the explanation that I give them (which I don’t have to give) I always end as a really selfish and inmature person. I’ve been strugling with health problems and also eating disorders I don’t think this is the more suitable situation to raise a child. Not everybody have to be a parent even if they are capable biologically.

[@anthea01]

I have ALWAYS known that I really want children, but I would only do it if I ever reach a point where I am really secure &stable (mentally& financially) & have a social network I trust and can rely on

[@magnisky]

Social network is key 🔑 I totally agree.

[@user-ru5qg5cz2l]

So I have a child with zero regrets however these are all the reasons I’m one and done! People keep pressuring you after you have a baby… um no . I got my perfect girl and as soon as I hit my Pilates mom era I ain’t doing the sleepless nights again! Her and I will be shopping, going to the beach, enjoying life as a family.. if she wants a sibling bond she can make friends !

[@kainaris]

"I'm not having kids" - "That's what you were born to do" wtf lmao this guy oh my god

[@danidiaz2377]

That’s what men want us to believe so they can control us through baby trapping us.

[@Heyu7her3]

I don't wanna take care of kids & not get a salary & benefits out of it. This is why I'm okay with teaching 😅 & parents are legally obligated to pick up their children

[@alexpark108]

I'm a 18 year old and I love this video and this video has good points. Ever since I was 7 I never wanted to have kids my mom always tells me I'm gonna change my mind (I will never). Plus my parents had me for their selfish reasons (reasons being I take care of them when their old and I get a job to buy them a big house).

[@Cry4theSun]

I have been watching and reading content about being child-free and how hard parenting is. I always figured I would have kids, but I'm so grateful for people speaking out about the harsh realities of parenthood. I knew it wasn't easy but I'm even more aware now. Like of how PIVOTAL it is to choose the right partner and father for your children. Is he responsible? Is he reliable? Does he contribute to the domestic maintenance of the home without you having to nag him? I feel like outside of loving your partner, women need to think hard and critically about whether the man they're with will ease the overall load of parenting, or just add stress. Because oftentimes the bulk of the domestic labor is still falling on women, even as we catch up to men in the workplace. For me, I'm just not at a point where I can definitively say I don't want children. However, I've come to a point where if I don't end up finding a partner with whom I feel like the sacrifices of parenting will be worth it to take on, I will accept never having children. I refuse to have children with someone I'm settling with out of desperation or pressure. I refuse to end up a "married single mother". A part of me still wants to be a mom one day, but I can find peace in my life being child-free as well, if it comes to that.

[@360shadowmoon]

People need to really think hard about whether or not they want kids. I know that I would objectively be a terrible parent. In addition to simply not having the inclination, I am mentally unstable (not entirely exaggerating). It wouldn't be fair to put a kid through that.

[@beaulieuc8910]

i am a 58 year old woman and glad to be childfree by choice. I don't want the life a of a mombie. I don't want pregnancy, childbirth, breast pumps, breastfeeding, i don't want to produce humans, some that will go on to be criminal too.

[@kanani7410]

I’m a Hawaiian woman who doesn’t particularly want kids, but I want to donate eggs to another Polynesian couple or something. I would only want a biological child that was also Polynesian, for example from a sperm donor if I do not have a partner in the future. It’s a hard decision to make. I’d rather be childless than not have a Polynesian kid.

[@leje4364]

I also think women grew with feminist movement.but men did not develop. They are the second child next to your newborn when it comes to childcare.

[@Strega4646]

THIS! The incels are already crying that women dont want to procreate with them.

[@Jadawada935]

I’ve been thinking about making a video about being childfree and how Ive known since I was 6 years old that I had ZERO desire to have children. Its absolutely okay and idk why people are offended by that LOL

[@Z369.]

I have a good career but I want to have kids more than anything. I found a “fireplace” in a friend for a father of my kids, not a “firecracker”.

[@esikazemese]

I have never followed any channel that I have agreed more with. Such a good video. On point. I am grateful for my surroundings and for my own confidence to preach being childfree and not give a shit if anyone comes at me. Also, the latter barely happens!

[@abczuchini3757]

I have way too many issues, including mental health issues. I dont want to drag a child into my stuff.. i come from a dysfunctional family and i am ending generational trauma with me. If someone calls me selfish, so be it.

[@bougiepeaches5497]

I'm childfree as a 20 year old because I don't want children.

[@Europa1749]

It's so much more of a choice now than when I was young. It was just something you did back then, get married, have children. Women are really giving a lot of thought these days about such a huge life changing decision, where in many cases they will be the primary caregiver.

[@livpeake8108]

i don't understand why ppl don't just adopt!

[@tamiwithani]

It's difficult in some places. Also some people are narcissistic and want to perpetuate their genes

[@stalepotatochips]

I have never wanted kids. I mean from the time I was a young child i knew that was not for me. It’s interesting seeing the perspective of other women, especially those who may have wanted kids before or who were undecided saying they no longer want to bring children into this world. My parents are the kind of people who would say there is no “right time” to have kids so I’m glad to see people actually thinking about it and realizing that no, maybe it’s not the right time for them.

[@pallavidawson7933]

Loved your video. You are so spot on. I’m a mum but I have mostly prior to being a mum, felt like you. The best ones are those who realise it is going to be hard and involve sacrifice.

[@rebekkagasmi9451]

Well, if there was the proverbial "village to raise children" it would be WAY easier for everyone involved - no "sacrifices", "drudgery " and other "chores" that couldn't be handled in a well-organized community... The more the "burden" of child-rearing would be spread on multiple shoulders the more bearable and less stressful the whole thing could be... But patriarchy and capitalism have tried (and sadly managed) their very best to promote the "ideal" of the small family in order to keep people - especially women - miserable and overcharged... 😳🙈

[@nicholahill3482]

Ive got 5 kids, but I wanted them all, wanted a big family. My mother had 6 kids, my grandmother 6 also. Its hard sometimes but we make it work. Good luck either way ladys.

[@bigfootsmistres]

This is a wonderful video, thank you for posting! I am child-free by choice, I even had my fallopian tubes removed. I have severe mommy problems and would never do that to my child. I also don't want to experience childbirth. I appreciate you providing discourse about the agency to choose, deciding if you want motherhood for your life, and the realities of egg freezing.

[@Drifter.Dreams]

@14:46 This woman right here is the greatest example I have seen yet to represent the divide in desire for children. Despite *everything* she knows and understands about childbirth, she wants to experience it more than anything. Meanwhile, there are some of us who are absolutely repulsed by even entertaining the *idea* of childbirth, myself included. It is a neon-bright, visceral *NO* for me, on a molecular level. I can feel it *in my bones,* no. Not saying I'll never "change my mind" and not someday consider adopting a child that someone else turned away from, but I would be genuinely surprised if my body ever flipped the script on that desire. 31 years and counting, so we'll see what this decade decides.

[@isabear478]

there is no way to have kid without having a selfish reason

[@Phisherman10]

Not wrong? Everything humans do is motivated by self-interest.

[@Jenna-vj2ju]

My body, my choice👏This video was so amazing

[@cutienerdgirl]

I never want to give birth, I prefer adoption. And if I do adopt, it will be like Bridgit Mendler did: ON MY OWN! A lot of the men I've been surrounded by have abused me, abused women I love, and think women should feed and cook for men who hasn't reciprocated that behavior at all just because they did "the kindness" of taking women out on dates. *Completely ridiculous and preposterous!*

[@JT-bt6jy]

Did you have no choice in your surroundings? Like these men were attracted to you and kept surrounding you till they abused you?

[@birdieculture-2]

3:01 It is my firm believe that ALL responsibilities (100%) regarding raising of children should fall solely on the woman. so she knows exactly what and how much needs to be done, for her to not miss a thing and therefore the kid not deprived of anything. Then if this woman honestly still decides to have a kid, she'd sit down and have detailed meetings with her man and her "village" regarding that long list of duties, so everyone is locked in with their responsibilities and everything is clear before the kid even arrives. And if somehow they can't come to any sort of agreement, she shouldn't be popping out kids. I see way too many women just pop out kids THINKING they only have certain responsibilities, assuming the man / the village's gonna help with some other things, all while not even being aware of certain duties etc. There should be a clear person-in-charge regarding the task of raising kids, and I think the mama should be this person.

[@ayomidedareabel5525]

I've always know i didn't want to be a mom. I didn't want to put my body on the line for that besides i don't even have a nurturing spirit in my body. My interactions with my younger brother when he was born and my younger cousins kinda solidified that

[@Opioidmoon]

Just like you, I also grew up in a Pakistani household where I wanted to go on vacations with my friends and my parents would decline my request, citing: “shaadi k baad jao.” I’m quite fortunate that I married a man who also loves traveling and adventure and doesn’t care much for having kids; now my parents ask me when I’m going to have any, and I respond, “when I’m done traveling.” 😎

[@envision_embody_become]

Love your content! Just wanna say you look SO beautiful here! Red is a stunning color on you! Thanks for a great video as a woman who is on the fence about having kids at 32.

[@nezumi217]

The egg freezing I mean you do you if you want/can afford but I wouldn't be able to trust it's actually my eggs I'd get backnif I wanted to use them. If nurses can switch people's live babies what's stopping egg swapping?

[@MovingAlong531]

This is a good point, never thought of it like this.

[@natalia_00123]

I am a 37 yo woman and don't have kids. You can call me a fence sitter. I am not planning to have children but I'm not oppose to the idea if it happens. Basically I am OK either way.

[@Thatcaramelchic]

Currently pregnant and married with a house and I STILL don’t know if I want or am ready for kids lol 😂 and the idea of labor is horrifying. People talk about how hard pregnancy is but you really don’t get it until you experience it. Love the idea of my son but I completely understand someone saying heck no to being pregnant and having children.

[@beaulieuc8910]

poor kid being born into this world he willl experience suffering and death

[@labohemienne5560]

when i was a teenie, i thought i would already have at least one child now, but that was unrealistic teenie dreaming, because i just can't imagine managing all this finance stuff

[@danidiaz2377]

Child free 😎🥳

[@jasminew8442]

I also want to encourage people who do want children, it’s okay to have just one. People will try to pressure you to have multiple. No thanks 😂 I have one and she gets all my time and energy and when she’s an adult, I can go be free, not have to raise 2 more kids. Do what you want and do what you can handle

[@princesswithinnerbeauty4407]

I am Childfree ☺️

[@arianam5558]

If i really wanted kids one day, id adopt from foster care❤

[@jinaolen786]

Happy Birthday!! You covered this topic perfectly, imo I second what the human connection lady said. Nothing can prepare you for it 100%, but if you have adequate resources and you aren't afraid to ask for help you should absolutely do it once you've had the life experience you want for yourself and are ready to put yourself second in life for a handful of years. I've found it helpful to remember that most of the challenges and difficulties are temporary.

[@MR-dp9vx]

Having kids so that “they take care of you” isn’t a valid reason, or a common at that, BUT my “childfree by choice” aunt has had several health issues, to which is, the nieces and nephews, the children produced by her siblings, have had to take on to take care of her.. So, childfree women, be good to your nieces and nephews, that’s if you aren’t an only child (otherwise, good luck) . You are not going to be this age forever and you WILL need those close knit relationships as you are not going to be this young, self-sufficient forever

[@biljam972]

Well, honestly, it's a lottery. If your child has health issue of any kind, your parenting will be hard, and it will be harder depending on your financial situation. You can't predict that it happens or not. Also, it depends on your child's mindset, mentality, emotional and intellectual state. That can depend on you and how you raise your child, but also on your partner's genes, and your genes which may not be dominant in you but in some your relative. Also, it could depend on social background. It depends on how much help you can get. Parenting can be great, but it can also be challenging and hard. It could be tragic, or stressful, or amazing, sadly there is no way to predict which one. But in general, it is never easy. It depends on you and your partner. Having a child does not mean you will not be able to do what you want, sleep until noon or travel. It does not. Also, the contrary is true too. Not having child does not mean you will be able to sleep until noon, travel and do what you want. As I said, life is unpredictable. You could get sick, you could be in chronic pains, you can be poor and not able to travel ever regardless, you could be in born and living in country ravaged by war etc. What I am trying to say it's not universal decision. It's like everything in life, unpredictable step that requires a lot of bravery. If you are sure you don't want to have children definitely don't have them. Because it's forever, you can't take it back, unlike most other decisions.

[@VicoTheGod]

awesome video, it has really made me think about my own desire to have kids and how to go about that, xoxo

[@daniellec5771]

Everything in the US medicine is so expansive! In other countries it can be different

[@lunaimadog4723]

Well, if a person have a compassion, empathy and sympathy towards other people experiencing negative events in life before having a child, then think about it. Because if you really do have the emotions and feelings you wouldn't bring another human being to go through all of it. Don't only have concerns about the child you have now, also consider about the next. It's doesn't matter if you raise your child a better person or you think they'll be doing better when they became adult 'cause there's no guarantee that they'll do the same. If you think it's worth it 'cause you raise a responsible, obedient and etc. child, then what about the tomorrow or the next generation? Isn't not your responsibility anymore? It's sad that a mother or a father have compassion towards other people but then they've someone might be one day they will be in that situation or even the next generation (grandchildren and so on). I really don't think they've that emotions or it is just guilt? 🤔 Abused, neglected, killed, hungry, orphaned, raped, experiencing losses of love one especially parents, what else that might be a person will experience in this society or world. If only we are able to think about it or have conscience and conscious on our decision then for sure no children and person will go through what I mentioned. It's not about fulfillment, it is worth it, you're a best parent, and you created a person to cure cancer, a soldier, a tax payer or contributor for the economy and for whatever reason you want a child. Well, if you think that's the right thing for you to have a child then it's your choice, responsibility and obligation but don't say at the end that you did your best as a parent when your plan goes sideways and call for help either gov't assistance or any facility that will help you to solve your problem. Don't find anyone to blame your decision. Remember there's only two in the bed when you're doing it and enjoying it. ☺️ Anyway, I wish them a best of luck! 💆 🕊️💖🍀

[@wendyg.2664]

Thank you so much for this enlightening video. 🙏🏻

[@Id.rather.be.a.dragon]

Love your channel. Please add a ''PLAY ALL'' button to your channel so people could click and have a playlist of all of your videos rather than only a specific topic. 💫

[@dnbsvitkona3802]

When i was younger, i really wanted some kids but when i grew older i don’t want any. Because there are a lot of things that you can do to enjoy your life without a kid and a woman’s only value is not her motherhood. I don’t want any kids because i don’t want that responsibility and i wanna do everything that i want. Also i am so scared of that creepy people can harm my child and what if i can’t protect my own child? Or what if i harm my child? So being childfree sounds better to me.

[@paulroese1376]

given the state of politics, the economy and society i am glad i didn't have kids. i still worry for my nieces, nephews and godchildren because though i won't be around to see it climate change is going to be a horror.

[@youreincredible1648]

To answer your question, having children is the best trap, i can think of having. If you want them and can afford them, great, also, i have and will take my babies on hoilday. I have a lil village.

[@ashmitadas1807]

I'm a 19 year old young adult and I have already taken the decision to not have biological children, to bear children of my own. I'm an anti-natalist in a pro-natalist country like India. There prevails constant social pressure of having children after marriage. As marriage is a deeply established social institution, women are losing their self-identity. Childfree women are considered selfish in India. Childbirth can't be every woman's choice or wish. Not every woman wants to embrace motherhood. Indian society is severely indoctrinated into patriarchy in which marital rape can't be considered forceful sexual intercourse without the woman's consent but being childfree is a crime. Ironic!!

[@molekyyli]

It's way more selfish to have kids despite not wanting them which leads to neglect and abuse. Absolutely disgusting, just like marital rape. Keeping fingers crossed for you, must be really tough living there (with that attitude they have). :(

[@diamondgirl698]

You know why I won't regret not giving birth? Because adoption is opinion If and when I'm one day ready to have a child im going to adopt I don't understand why breeding is such a big deal

[@isabear478]

my parents had me in their 40s though

[@KateeAngel]

Mine too. They were 41 and 44. Now I am 30 and they are 71 and 74, dad is retired and mom still works. I still partially live on their money even

[@KateeAngel]

You look very similar to me. Similar hair colour, eye colour and skin tone. I am Russian (both by nationality and ethnicity) though

[@christopherlyons5900]

It's a choice, and it ought to be. Enough people make the childfree choice, of course, and we go extinct. Things will get very very crazy while that's going on. Much of what we've built, the very right to choose, will be abolished in our attempts to avoid extinction. We could get The Handmaid's Tale for real, only it wouldn't come with pretty bonnets. We'd end up wishing it was like The Handmaid's Tale. If people live only for themselves, life isn't honestly much to brag on. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I fell in love with somebody older than me, we ended up not having children. Not even sure we could have. I regret it. But it's impossible to live without some regrets. I feel like the childfree people are just trying to justify a choice they have some doubts about. If they had no doubts, they wouldn't be trying to treat this as a viable lifestyle choice. A lifestyle choice that leads to the end of all human life--bit problematic, no? But that doesn't let men off the hook, for making the choice to have children so tough for women. Plenty of blame to go around, but don't ask me to admire you for doing whatever the fuck you want, and to hell with everyone else. That's such a man thing to do.

[@sparklyunicorn5431]

BE!!! 🎉🫶

[@anareid1222]

0:21 😂 True

[@ariesa9751]

I am lazy and would like to remain so. Why unnecessarily complicate your life just because someone else said so. Alot of the men also see babies as a low effort tether to a woman and have them for egotistical reasons. They dont even expect to take care of them most of the time. No thankyou bb. I will continue my lazy girl life ❤

[@JT-bt6jy]

I am sorry but hiring labour is not going to work out in older age. As someone whose mom does work in an old age home, TRUST me you do not want to end up there.

[@K_M.G]

I'm not letting another woman's bad experience with motherhood dictate what I want in my own life and relationships. Motherhood might be a bad experience for some women, but for many other women, they are very happy to be mothers. I personally want children with my fiancé after we get married and I'm not letting random women online complaining about their own experience with motherhood decide if I want kids or not. If a woman does not want to have children, then it's simple, don't have any. Literally NO ONE is forcing you to.

[@FD12125]

There’s definitely a stigma against women who choose not to have children. Most people don’t even know that not having kids is an option for them because of how they grew up. With that being said, honest and. Hard conversations around motherhood need to be had that way as many people as possible get to make an informed decision

[@K_M.G]

@@FD12125 I understand having a conversation about it, but there is a flock of videos online of women complaining about motherhood, claiming it to be the worst thing to ever happen to them and encouraging young women to not have children. This is toxic. Before I met my fiancé, I too was influenced by these types of videos and decided I didn't want children despite being surrounded by women in my family who were all happy mothers in healthy relationships with supportive partners. Many young girls are on social media and are easily influenced by such videos and are taking on these women traumas and life experiences as their own. A better way to address this conversation is by discussing the positives and negatives of motherhood. If one does decide to have children, it's important to emphasize the significance of finding a worthy father for your future children rather than making it seem like motherhood is all bad. Sometimes, the reason many women in these videos have bad experiences with motherhood has less to do with the children themselves and more to do with the mother's poor choices in the men they chose to father their children. Just my take.

[@FD12125]

@@K_M.G I agree that there definitely had to be discernment. Every conversation has its cat of toxicity, it’s inescapable, we just have to drown them out with actual productive conversation. Like this video for example

[@nadinetapsoba8435]

I totally agree with what you said. And what bothers me the most people always act like when you have kids your priorities don’t change. Believe me I wouldn’t care at all about missing any things, (travel, going outside, sleep the whole day ..) having children makes you so humble, you learn that life doesn’t gravitate around you and for me it’s the most beautiful and selfless thing in the world. And people always saying if you want kids to take care of you when you get old you may have a problem, but they don’t have any problem with other people kids taking care of them. So hypocrite, I really wish this generation could be less about themselves and more about serving people, making themself useful

[@sparklyunicorn5431]

Sometimes motherhood is ALL bad for some women. It could be for you too. That's just the reality whrther you like it or not. Also, women are forced into motherhood ALL the time.

[@sangomoon5456]

Algorithm

[@jeremiahkisimba5938]

Brownfiregirl you are so beautiful and attractive 😍😍❤️❤️❤️

[@ayomidedareabel5525]

Rest she's married

[@powerpetfreak23]

THATS WHAT YOU WAS BORN HERE TO DO 😂