Imago Dialogue between a husband and a wife

www.themarriagerestorationproject.com

[@calculatinggrace]

Mirroring, summary, validation, and empathy. Beautiful example! Thank you for your vulnerability!

[@GabrielGonsalves]

Fantastic video! Thanks for your courage and vulnerability.

[@taniaroche1969]

Amazing!! If I can use IMAGO dialogue with my husband and my kids, there will be no more argument!!!! I have to practice 👍

[@jgarciajr82]

I love this

[@sagieshanun1339]

guys great example, thank you for sharing

[@debryweintz2187]

What about his side? Does he get a chance to be understood? If he is normally very good at filling the tank, why can't he be forgiven about it immediately and instead of calling and yelling at him? Would it be problematic or against the method to have called him to say something like "Babes, today was the day that filling the tank would have made my morning! "Was there a reason that impede you from filling the tank? You are so good about it that I got used to assuming that the car is going to have gas when I use it. I want you to know that I really appreciate when you fill in the tank. Could you keep doing it? or is there something wrong?" And can he say something like, "I was so tired I just wanted to come home and I didn't go to the gas station, but yeah I'm happy to do that for you because you normally go places with the kids and it can get a little hectic." I'm assuming that this example shows the technique. I get that, too. Thank you so much for sharing!

[@beachbabies280]

Imago therapist here. In the imago dialog, one partner starts as "sender" (here, the wife) and the other as "receiver" (here, the husband is in this role). The dialog is structured so that both get to be heard, but one at a time so that the one who is sending gets to feel completely heard and the one who is receiving is deeply listening and mirroring, instead of waiting for their turn to defend themselves or make it about them. In this case, we are only seeing the first part of the dialog (the wife stating her complaint and the husband listening and mirroring her), but in a complete dialog after the wife feels her "send" is complete (she has shared all that she feels she needs to), the couple would switch roles and the husband would have a chance to be the sender and comment on a part of her send that he was moved by or wants to respond to. The point of the Imago dialog is to interrupt common unhealthy patterns of communication between couples (like defensiveness, not listening, taking things personally, arguing, etc.) and to communicate in a very slow and intentional way that builds understanding, regard, connection and intimacy. it is not intended to be the way you communicate on small matters or for everything. I hope this helps.

[@beren1223]

My husband refuses to listen. Can I please trade him for your's? I am so ready for a compassionate man.

[@TheSacredheart3]

What is your facebook page?

[@malardjm]

Is this a dialogue or a monologue? If the morning's meeting was that important why not check the gas the night before? Please explain.

[@MsHburnett]

Justify defensive barbs that's why

[@ChristianSDA]

I agree. I don't see how it is the guy's fault. But I think the purpose of this video is listening. It is not a dialogue per se, but an exercise in Imago for active listening, and responding instead of reacting.

[@redmoon8217]

She is the speaker is sharing with her partner something that flusters her. As stated at the beginning of the exercise. He as the listener is practicing hearing her without being defensive. He is letting her know that he is receiving what she is saying. So that she feels really head and not dismissed. They are trying to demonstrate this to others as a tool to help them. It will also work in reverse, when he has a frustration that might not seem obvious to her.

[@toddchen6584]

That was a very one sided Imago Dialogue

[@traceywiles3490]

Omg well be here till eternity just going over 1 (small) thing...

[@hestiewillemse7728]

i dont see how this is useful or helpful but only a waste of time. 1. u speaking to ur husband a grownup like a child that has to repeat you, asif he doesnt have the capacity to listen to u. 2. he is sooo wrong as u never know when there is an emergency and u need to rush and no where does he admit he is wrong and say sorry. 3. why drag on with no solution and no apology when u can just say, lets make a rule, whomever drives the car and its half has to fill up the car.

[@sunnytauruss]

You make some good points! I thought similarly. My wife and I just started reading the book: Getting The Love You Need, after I saw a KZbin video with John Gottman and then one which Harville Hendrix. Check out the Imago dialogue techniques and purpose, it may ring true and helpful to you. We are just starting our journey and it has changed our perspective in our marriage for the better.

[@Lovee.angiiee]

The technique is not to see the other person as a child it is an excise of listening. Putting a rule is not listening to your partner, it is more of who has more control in the relationship. This technique is to activate those listening skills and hear what the other has to say with no comeback, opinion, solution, etc. The other person does not have to apologize they just have to listen and empathize and see it from their partner's point of view. This exercise is for couples and any other type of relationship to hear one another and empathize and reflect. in this example, since he did not apologize he can just say "I understand what are saying, I do not agree/ I do agree... and explain why but end it with "I hear what you are saying". In the end, both partners will get the other POV and will have a better understanding of one another. This is not a technique to put rules and regulations (no fun, just drama) it's for understanding. Most of the time we listen to someone and give advice, tips, and what not and this is breaking that cycle and just mirror and empathize (having empathy, not sympathy). Hope this helps you and anyone else has trounble understanding this exercise. This couple did an amazing job with more practice it gets better.

[@danpurcea100]

Are we all nuts? This form of dialogue is absolute garbage. Validation, vulnerability, etc... whaaat? Where? The couple here are really having great chemistry, this is a no issue to begin with. So, love the couple, but this Imago dialogue concept is only ever theoretical. To me.