You're ALL under ARREST! | Actually Autistic TikToks

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I'd love to post more frequently on this channel because I have WAY too many ideas! To make the possible, I've started a Patreon. If you join, you'll get get 2 exclusive videos a month and access to the Discord server, even on the lowest tier:
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🐌 If you want to learn more about the Patreon & Discord community, I have a video tour! 🐌: • Introducing... THE ANT...
TW: Between 3:20-3:30 AND 17:56-18:03 there's a flashing image on screen. There's a flashing police car at 4:18-4:23 as well.
💛 WATCH NEXT 💛:
I'm Not Crying...YOU'RE CRYING | Actually Autistic TikToks:
• I WAS NOT PREPARED! | ...
WHAT AM I LOOKING AT??? | Actually Autistic TikToks:
• WHAT AM I LOOKING AT??...
More Actually Autistic TikToks:
• Autistic Person Reacts...
Painfully relatable AuDHD TikToks:
• Painfully Relatable Ne...
💛 PDA Videos 💛:
10 Traits of PDA:
• 10 Signs you have Path...
The PDA Test:
• Do YOU Have Pathologic...
So you think you might be Autistic? Now What?:
• So you think you might...
00:00 Come back, Cheryl!
00:15 Faking Autism & Being Trans...
03:10 UNDER ARREST
05:59 Aura Ad
07:41 Back to the chaos of TikTok
10:40 Is Paige PDA?
18:17 Why can't we read MENUS
20:26 JUST BE YOURSELF...or not?
Sources:
NHS Autism Page (Autism is Not an Illness):
www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/...
PDA Research Sally Cat PDA:
www.sallycatpda.co.uk/2023/03/...
The PDA Society:
www.pdasociety.org.uk/
Australia Health Requirements:
immi.homeaffairs.gov.au/help-...
Health Waiver for Australia:
immi.homeaffairs.gov.au/help-...
📖 *Books I'd Recommend about Autism:
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:
amzn.to/3xSZ6Mg
Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):
amzn.to/40fKx2m
Unmasking Autism by Devon Price:
amzn.to/3LhMV3j
The TikToks:
www.tiktok.com/@venusfrogtrap...
www.tiktok.com/@chloeshayden/...
www.tiktok.com/@paigelayle/vi...
www.tiktok.com/@paigelayle/vi...
www.tiktok.com/@paigelayle/vi...
www.tiktok.com/@_thislineismi...
DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.
*Links with a star are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you and any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate everyone sharing their stories in the comments.

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Thank you to Aura for supporting me on my journey of wellbeing & sleep! Get started with Aura today for free & the first 500 people to use my link will also get 25% off+ free trial to the Aura membership: www.aurahealth.io/imautisticnowwhat Grab the free trial if you want that glorious rain on tent sound in your ears asap. As always, thank you so much for being here each week & supporting my excessive use of stock footage! 💛💛💛 If you missed the last video of me CRYING (SOBBING) to Actually Autistic TikToks, you can find it here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y5DCaJKJo7WDrbc And if you want to know the 10 Main traits of the Pathological Demand Avoidance Profile of Autism: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z4bUYqFuirZmnsU 💛 Thank you for sending in your special interests on the community tab too!! All shall be revealed soon!! 💛

[@babybirdhome]

I just want to say, I really love your videos. Not just your videos or your content, but also I really love the way you produce them with all your little sound edits and video clips and text adding context or subtext - it just really suits me somehow and between that and how adorable your personality is, it’s just like a giant ray of bright sunlight pushing all the clouds of life away. It’s really hard not to be happy watching them. Even when you’re not always happy in them, it still just feels like being at home in a way that even home never really is. They’re like a great big happy comfy place. I don’t know if Mr. Rogers or Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood were ever really a thing in your country, but he was huge here in the U.S., and your videos are just like the world being how he always knew it could be. So thank you for making them and thank you for just being you!

[@ninaandianfan21]

I’m really looking forward to the special interest video 😊

[@Reticulan1]

I like your channel. This little diatribe is NOT AN ATTACK. However, I believe there is room for more nuanced discussion. Saying there is no benefit to faking it is a strawman. Obviously Social media makes people money with less effort and stress than a traditional job a disorder makes you stand out from the crowd and gives easy and entertaining content. Why misrepresent people who may believe some of these creators may be less than honest Honesty? Online. . . Really, when there is easy money to be made? Why deny that if even a small portion are faking for views that it means misrepresentation? Or latching onto the wrong diagnosis will cause more harm than no diagnosis. The self diagnosed seem to enjoy doging these very fair questions as attacks, which makes it more suspect. Edit: I happen to be a professionally diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. Not that it matters, just an FYI

[@mauhu]

saying self diagnosed people are taking away resources from "real autistic people" because some of them fake it is like saying formally diagnosed people are taking away resources from self diagnosed autistic people because they might have been misdiagnosed. Professionals are wrong all the time, are often allistic and haven't known you your entire life, a few conversations with them shouldn't be the deciding factor of getting the help you need or not.

[@yurigagarin9765]

On top of that... Which institution or organization is assigning resources to *self-diagnosed* people??? If they're assigning resources to people who do not need them, do they not see they do not need them?????? The whole argument just sounds like classism against people from backgrounds with more difficulties to me. I say this as someone who was diagnosed about 20 years ago.

[@Unnecessary_Potato]

I was diagnosed with ADHD when i was 9 even tho I hit almost every marker for autism but back in 2011 in SD girls didn't get autism apparently Granted I'm not a girl now but still lol (I'm trans)

[@TheCimbrianBull]

You guys have resources?! 😮

[@steveneardley7541]

I'm 75. My kindergarten teacher tried to alert my parents to my autism. They just ignored her. I've managed, more or less. The only resources I've ever had for my autism are these KZbin videos, and I'm very grateful for these. They've been very helpful.

[@niki.anddog]

@@Unnecessary_Potato Same. I grew up in SD and when i told my school counselor i thought i had anxiety, she said “anxiety is a mental disorder, and you don’t have one of those.”

[@bronwynlennox1240]

As an Australian, I feel ashamed that my country puts up blanket barriers to citizenship based on neurotype :(

[@marchongkong]

Yes, Australia really does feel like the stone-age a lot of the time. Our politicians and senior public servants sure seem to be boneheads.

[@jessd8161]

I had no idea that was a thing regarding citizenship. It's an awful thing to do. I am personally aware of the absolute sh*t show that is the disability support system though. For one PDA isn't even recognised as 'real' by the government. And there are so many things that aren't recognised as 'real disabilities' when trying to access disability support (let alone the pension). Not to mention the barriers put in place to simply apply for said services. It really is shameful how rubbish our system is.

[@bronwynlennox1240]

@@jessd8161 It's a disgrace. Even worse if you live in a regional area.

[@jimwilliams3816]

I used to think the US was the bottom of the barrel on health and mental health issues, but I’m learning a lot of other countries suck as well, yes. Liberal immigration policies are drying up in many places, and one of the reasons for autism bans is that where there is national health care (not the US!) they try to prevent people coming in who will cost the government money. I’m pretty sure neither Canada or New Zealand would have me either. Australia is also not alone in having national health care for physical health, but very little if any public coverage for mental health. I gather it’s a crappy place to have ADHD, the barriers to diagnosis are high and med options are limited. I’ve wondered if I could even visit with my vial of disallowed meds. But hey, at least Australia is way better than, say, Russia.

[@kathleenmusiak1369]

@@jessd8161im wondering if I’m not diagnosed could I get citizenship and thEn get diagnosed? But Idk if they’d accept me anyway cause I’m deaf

[@diakritika]

Yep. My diagnosis was delayed by 15 years because the psychologist said "you cannot probably have autism, you make eye contact".

[@ritarevell7195]

We are able to train ourselves. To fit in.

[@jimwilliams3816]

It’s not that hard to fake eye contact. Look in the general direction of a face. And when my ADHD is in the driver’s seat, I can not notice what I am looking at, eyes or otherwise. I need to register eyes to register discomfort. The basis for “poor” eye contact would be an interesting topic, actually. I’m not sure it’s always one thing. I’ve met kids who did not appear to register other people, though I don’t know if that was the case. As a Type 1, I am some blend of “it’s not something I am prone to when interacting” and a sense of discomfort if I do. Then there’s the fact that concentrating on what someone is saying is usually easier if I look away and unfocus my eyes, and finally, with ADHD I am highly distractible. The only thing I feel sure of is that any professional that thinks they can make a blanket assessment based on that one thing is...not very professional or knowledgeable

[@Catlily5]

​@@jimwilliams3816 I look at people's eyebrows. It fools them most of the time.

[@turquoismama33]

And this is the bs that makes me want to shout. "I'm not going to tolerate your s**t, f getting a diagnosis, I'll go and spend that money on cake instead." And then get up and walk out. And then have to deal with wanting to eat cake the rest of the day(or the next three days) knowing that my plan to lose weight is once again at risk of going out the window because I opened up my mouth and spoke my mind. Which, why are we being put in these situations in the first place? I'm glad you got your diagnosis. There's a great autistic/neurodiverse community here on YT, stay involved, we are making progress with the neurotypicals.

[@Crystre]

That’s one of my mom’s reasoning for saying I “you don’t act autistic, so obviously don’t have it”, when they TRAINED me to have eye contact

[@piiinkDeluxe]

I didn't know an official diagnosis could get you in trouble with immigration. Another factor to consider. I am not officially diagnosed, but i see traits of autism in myself and in my parents.

[@turtleanton6539]

Possibly ypu shpuld check that out

[@piiinkDeluxe]

@@turtleanton6539 i might ask my therapist about it.

[@littlegreensunflower3547]

Yet another reason for me to never get a formal diagnosis. In America, I'd lose basically all my rights as a human being if I did. Now I'm being told there's specific countries my autistic ass isn't allowed in?? Unhinged

[@WaffleSalad]

In the same boat. So sad that there’s a lot of negatives that go along with a diagnosis (insurance is a big one for me) I think since I have adhd I don’t ‘need’ to get an autism diagnosis bc I can get resources already. But I feel like I can’t say I’m autistic if I’m not diagnosed. I’ve looked heavily into it with my parents and we have come to the conclusion there’s a good chance that I have autism but😖 it’s definitely a struggle. I’m tempted to get one just so I can get rid of the little voice in my head telling me I’m just making it all up🤪 Good luck tho w/whichever option you choose!!

[@piiinkDeluxe]

@@WaffleSalad thank you! Best wishes to you too. 🤗 I feel you. I am also reeaally hesitant to say I'm autistic without an official diagnosis. My first clue was my dad, he had obvious autistic traits (liking punctuality and routine, disliking change in routines, having some special interests and being reeaally knowledgeable in them, little desire to socialize, not really getting social cues) and I see autistic traits in his brother as well. Just for about a year or so I've been learning more about female autism and how it presents itself. That's when it hit me that I (female) might be autistic as well. And then later I began to see the possibility of my mom being autistic, too! She has an official ADHD diagnosis but not autism. She struggles with time, but also reeaally needs things to go her way around the house (e.g. how laundry is done). She is also really sensitive to temperature, clothes etc. So yeah. I am sensitive to sounds, I stim, I take things literally, I need my alone time, social situations cost energy, making friends is not easy, i am overly formal sometimes. Routines calm me (just started to learn that about myself, grew up without routine). If I have to guess I probably have ADHD as well. 😄 I am probably doing alright without a diagnosis and extra accommodations. On the other hand, i don't really know what kind of help i could get with a diagnosis. Socially, i would probably only tell my closest friends about it. I'd be scared of people treating me differently, not taking me seriously. Insurance is another factor for me as well, and certain professions also require a medical evaluation and such a diagnosis might make things harder there, too. The good thing is, I can ask my therapist without any strings attatched (I pay myself so no health insurance involved), but autism is not her specialty. I might just do that but i am also scared if she says yes. On the other hand, it'll probably ease that nagging question in my head. ☺️ Autism would just explain SO much in my life! Haha, sorry for the overshare! And thanks for reading in case you did. ☺️

[@Ivy20242]

I agree. Nobody should show their kids on social media, as they can't consent. And esp not so sensitive information about their diagnosis and how they look like when having a meltdown.

[@bethanythatsme]

💯

[@vibrantgleam]

Yeah, they can't consent until 18 years old.

[@ryanmackenzie6109]

I think on one hand it's okay to post some content of your kids online. People are proud and do want to share their children with the world. Which is fair, but we should definitely be very mindful of WHAT we're posting about our children. Taking the time to think about "will they feel violated later on if I post this? Will this be something to hurt their feelings? Will they one day see this and feel as though I betrayed them?" But on the other hand, absolutely, meltdowns and tantrums and everything of the like should be kept private. Posting a child at their worst, when they cannot explain themselves is extremely harmful.

[@me-myself-i787]

Posting videos of your child's poor behaviour online is a good motivator for them to stop. The whole point is to embarrass them, because their behaviour is embarrassing.

[@Ivy20242]

@@me-myself-i787 the whole point is certainly not to embarrass your children. It s almost blackmail thinking like "if you do something stupid I ll post it for the whole world to see so you ll stop behaving this way'.

[@ReneeneeP]

Paige cries ---------------> you almost cry --------------------> I almost cry

[@gillipop1]

Same

[@TheCimbrianBull]

She was cutting onions! 🧅😥

[@kj_H65f]

The feeling of inadequacy is so harsh :( I sometimes wonder why I can't do simple things either without tons of mental anguish, even when its something I've done many times and I'm good at. It's just exhausting.

[@finnsscribbless]

I definitely cry

[@TheCosmicLibrarian]

We’re all crying and now I’m laughing ❤

[@bethanythatsme]

I've come across some parents of autistic children sharing thier experiences whilst not sharing the child's identity at all. It was such a relief to see autonomy in place. I'm a middle aged AuDHD person who is so grateful that my parents let me decide who would be privy to my diagnosis (other than those who needed to know teachers, family, and the like.)

[@sunflower_sunday]

:) I had this experience too, in addition to just basic autonomy and agency; I had support if I didn't know or asked for help, but it was more "no it's safe to ask if you need help" and less of that "if you ask you'll pay". I currently have only kind people, because I cried enough to let go of the rest, I hope those kiddos don't have to cry before they get better treatment.

[@lauraowens1787]

I expected resistance when I asked to be referred for adhd and my gp was just like “absolutely….” Now every time I see him about it he mentions getting an autism diagnosis too. I realise I’m in the minority and incredibly lucky here. I was honestly so shocked that he didn’t even resist or anything…. It was almost too easy 🤨🥴

[@elainelouve]

There's quite a few ADHD in the medical professions, so I've heard, so you probably just got lucky.:) My diagnostic process has also so far been going smoothly. The national ADHD association of this country has their headquarters in the same neighborhood, so I've been thinking perhaps they've educated the healthcare staff. Or it might be because they educated me about how to approach the public healthcare.x) Make a list of all the harm ADHD has caused you was the top advice.

[@mrfredbasset]

My nephew is autistic and watching these types of videos helps me to understand him better. There is a lot more 'we need to accept autistic people' everywhere but I hardly ever see them speaking on exactly 'how' 🥲 And sadly yes, sometimes getting a professional diagnosis isn't the best move because you will run into some limitations, I'm bipolar with a formal diagnosis and after my diagnosis, I was forced out of studying to be a paramedic.

[@user-qf4hy8if1p]

I was misdiagnosed and my insurance company canceled my policy.

[@The-Busy-Beeeee]

@@user-qf4hy8if1pthe world is just against people at this point you just can’t win 😭😭😭

[@MelHS-gr4lv]

what is with the middle finger clip that gets crazy some of the videos ha

[@JasmineSmith-vt2jc]

I recently have been contemplating the fact that I might be autistic, thanks a lot to your videos. I have done the Adult Autism Test with my psych which came back with a strong probability that I’m Autistic. The issue that I’m having is with the few people I’ve shared this with, they quickly respond “you’re not autistic” - it is so disheartening because I am not even claiming that I am, I’m just saying there is a probability. I don’t know what I’m expecting my sharing this, but I feel it with the tick toks about self-diagnosis

[@turquoismama33]

You know yourself better than anyone else. Don't let what they say discourage you. And don't be afraid of a self-diagnosed autistic label. You really only need the official diagnosis for program involvement as , understandably, they need to know it officially. So, if you are not trying to involve yourself in any program, then I say don't spend the money and time with a diagnosis. Of course, this is my opinion and you can choose to do whatever you want. Bottom line - get a diagnosis because you want to, not because of anyone else.

[@lacy1311]

Same here...I don't want to be autistic. I don't want to be abnormal. I don't want to have problems that everyone around me doesn't seem to have... But I do have problems, I am weird, and I probably do have autism. It's so difficult not knowing what's wrong or what to do while also having people say there's nothing wrong.

[@taoist32]

@@lacy1311My circle of friends back in my college years were all weird including myself. I never thought beyond that as I majored in psychology and never connected the dots. We never studied autism in any classes. However, there was one time we went to a ren Faire and I got “lost”. I strayed from my friends and just wandered around. Finally, after an hour, some employees “found” me. According to them, one of my friends told them I was “special”. I asked my friend and he just laughed. He was the “weirdest” of the bunch, but calling me special made me really think about it. Now, 27 years later, I officially self diagnosed myself as autistic with most of the traits found in the DSM V.

[@micheller3251]

Best advice I can give is this: learn a lot from a variety of trustable sources and trust your own experience. The imposter syndrome might come back from time to time, but it should not stop you from seeking ways to build a life that suits your needs. These people don't live in your body, don't share your senses, don't share your worries, and don't have to put up with the consequences of dealing with YOUR struggles.

[@kaylanek1]

me too. it was such a punch in the gut. I just want to be understood and they can't even hear me out.

[@RIFADOR001]

I just got a kind of official diagnostic. It is nice to learn more about autism with your videos.

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Thank you for being here and congratulations!! 💛💛

[@madberry]

Congrats on the diagnosis.

[@Anima19925]

With the kids having a meltdown thing - I think this is one area where not being diagnosed as a child may have actually helped me. My Mom never saw my meltdowns as "oh my child is autistic and I can't handle this" she just saw it as her child having trouble processing something that she was experiencing and my Mom tried to learn what my triggers were and how to accommodate better so that I would experience less triggers (when possible). I understand that everyone is different, and I can sympathize that parenting isn't easy, but it bothers me that some of these parents look at their autistic children like they're aliens who can't possibly be understood, but like our brains are different, not incomprehensible. It is possible to communicate with people who have autism and try to understand what causes meltdowns so that you can better understand them when they happen (though I would say that conversation shouldn't happen during a meltdown but rather before or after).

[@feiradragon7915]

Yea, any conversation that happens during a meltdown/shutdown should be assumed to not get processed correctly. It is literally a panic response and no human understands info completely while panicking.

[@carollizc]

I didn't have real meltdowns, but I would cry at the drop of a hat. And I couldn't tell anyone why, because I didn't know either. My brother, however would have tantrums that ended with him falling asleep on the floor. He told his girlfriend that he was an alien and I realised that we all kind of viewed him that way. Now, I wonder.

[@mkcs8559]

Até hoje não entendo meus colapsos

[@pipwhitefeather5768]

I am grateful to you for being there. I poo pood when my daughter said 'mum I think you might be autistic'. But now I have looked into it, I cannot deny it! Although I do. I feel as though I am 'looking for excuses'. Just like my family always said I did. I think there is C-PTSD in there too. If it wasn't for people sharing their experiences I still wouldn't know why I do (and don't do) what I do. So massive hearty thank yous to you, you fabulous being x

[@TheSoftestGirlYouKnow]

I was recently diagnosed with both autism and c-ptsd. I don't know if there's anything I can do to help, but if you have any questions, I'll try to answer them.

[@himbo754]

"looking for excuses' ... perhaps that is impostor syndrome, where you feel like you are making it up.

[@DeadVoxel]

Some people just can't accept that their child can be autistic, or have a mental disorder, whether it's because they don't want their child to suffer, or they just don't believe it because "they don't show any signs". Autism is still very stereotyped, so many refuse to believe when you say you suspect you may be autistic Only you know the truth, people around can't judge how you feel on the inside. I am also suspecting to be on the spectrum, yet I feel like I'm making it up and simply overthinking But if you feel like being autistic explains a lot, then it must be it

[@tswrangle1000]

“Looking for excuses” you mean a disability being a disability?

[@Bethsabee_Sheba_Newrose]

Oh dear, I’m so sincerely sorry 😞 That combination is a bewildering nightmare! I’m sending healing thoughts your way.💕 I’ve been diagnosed with severe c-PTSD and Anxiety and Pathological Avoidance Disorder and really bad OCD and severe Fibromyalgia and agonising Misophonia and late diagnosed Autism - and so I’m a constant trigger to myself. You need a therapist with whom you feel confident. I went through 7 before finding one that felt right. Figuring out what causes the different symptoms is quite a challenge.

[@merthsoft]

I've had friends who struggle with menus say "what if I choose the *wrong* thing". I have a theory that school really beats this right vs. wrong kind of thinking into people and it manifests in these ways. And in lying to doctors in order to to get a "you're doing well" instead of actually getting help (guilty).

[@jackpijjin4088]

Overwhelmed with choices Scared of picking the "wrong" thing It's crowded and noisy Panic attack ensues I can definitely attest to school and the abuse therein are likely a huge factor- if other schools were anything like mine.

[@stargazostli]

(In regards to the filming meltdowns) something that’s made me respect my mum is that once when I was learning to tie my shoes she was filming me (cos it was a big moment) and I failed at timing a bow and started having a meltdown but the thing I respect her for is that she stopped filming the second I stomped my feet

[@oneracc]

Honestly I think a lot of people who are against self diagnosis are just against the label, because it's more of a suspicion than a diagnosis. That doesn't mean you don't deserve help and accommodation, suspecting there's something going on is the first step towards acceptance and happiness, regardless of whether you pursue an official diagnosis or not.

[@DeadVoxel]

To be fair, if people didn't have suspicions, they wouldn't be getting a diagnosis at all. So having a suspicion is very important and a crucial step to getting a diagnosis, whether you get one or not, it's still important to get that out of the way

[@tieragibbs3045]

@@DeadVoxel not everyone has a suspicion first, professionals can first. And like they said, it is a suspicion not a diagnosis. Not even a doctor can diagnose themselves, they have to go to someone else

[@DeadVoxel]

@@tieragibbs3045 of course. Sometimes, it's also parents who do. But I mean those people who start suspecting first, before anyone else does. Sometimes parents and even doctors refuse to believe them, or refuse to even suspect that they may be on the spectrum. In which case unfortunately people have their suspicions alone

[@TheArnoldification]

There's enough misunderstanding about what autism actually is as it is. Accepting self-diagnosis at face value would exacerbate the problem. As it is, people think having autism and having an IQ above 70 means you're Sheldon cooper pretty much. Autism (even "mild" autism) is very difficult to actually live with and is much worse when you have to deal with people who have no understanding of it as it's a constant invisible struggle. That isn't to say self-diagnosis should be ignored though. It's good to try and explore yourself and understand why you are the way you are but you should really go to a professional to confirm your suspicion than just assume you have it because you fill out a few boxes. In other words I do agree, just upset over the hypothetical notion of saying you're on the spectrum being trendy. My life has been hell because of it up until this point and it's not something to be taken lightly

[@superzooperhaze6597]

@@TheArnoldification so are you gonna pay for the cost of getting an adult diagnosis? or for the travel lots of people will have to do to get to a specialist who is willing to even evaluate adults? if not then you don't need to be telling people to see a professional when the cost (where i live, anyway) is in the multiple thousands of dollars.

[@samwich9498]

As an adult afab person in the US, getting an official diagnosis for autism is crippling financially if your insurance decides not to cover all/most of it. All my diagnosed autistic friends say that I more than likely am autistic. Looking at these videos and other educational videos on perspectives by late diagnosed austistic people, I realize how my experiences match them to a T. I also have an ableist mother who uses the r slur and could have ignored the signs that I was autistic when i was a child.

[@spyroninja]

What is afab

[@itsemigo]

​@@spyroninjait means "assigned female at birth"

[@HinataElyonToph]

And insurance usually won’t because they’re dumb and think they can make medical decisions despite not having been to medical school ever

[@leenaparsons9876]

The fact that Cheryls video had all these discouraging and depressing facts but the footage was of her experiencing joy and just living her life... that is so powerful to me.

[@makenna8454]

It really is. Because I think it shows we can be happy and we enjoy life and do things but this is the reality and in a great formed message of a video

[@Alyx-xo1wg]

i am so glad social media didnt exist when i was a child. my parents used to film my meltdowns on one of those chunky film recorders, and make me watch them once i calmed down, i guess the goal was to make me see how bad it was and know not to do it again? but all it did was make me feel humiliated, and i have no doubt that if social media existed back then they wouldve posted it online

[@sahirahvasquez6211]

When I told my mom I thought I might be autistic (that it seems to explain all the issues I've had with sensory stimuli, with excessive anxiety, with shutdowns after excessive social interaction, with change, with SUDDEN change, with thinking I was OCD, with feeling like I was constantly lying or faking who I was, with hating myself for that, with thinking that everyone hated me) she told me "I think you've always been looking for something to be wrong with you." I said "I feel like I have always felt off somehow, and I have always been looking for something to explain myself."

[@andreaking2358]

You sound like me and your mom sounds like my mom 💯I heard a quote the other day that helped me: “people who dismiss their emotions, will also dismiss yours”. They don’t have the emotional capacity to look back at their own lives, they will not do it for yours either. Doesn’t mean they are bad - just means that they’ve not stretched their consciousness to that limit as of yet. And we cannot be the ones to get them to! Thats been a huge lesson for me too. All we can do is be the highest example of that that we can, and when we’re trying to get them to change, all we do is push them away and create resistance within them. But when we fully embody our highest version and release the need for them to see us, then they may get curious about what we’ve been up to 😉🤍✨🙌👁️ I don’t know your situation, but i know it’s hard to have parents who don’t acknowledge these feelings and these are just ideas that help me! Hope they help you too ❤

[@AliciaGuitar]

I rediscovered my autistic diagnosis. I was dx'd as a kid and put into special ed, but my parents didnt believe in autism. I rediscovered it via YT videos like yours. I feel bad for the self diagnosing ppl because i get pushback even tho i WAS diagnosed officially as a kid and have tons of supporting evidence and 10 years of special ed. I cant imagine how much harder it is for those who werent 😢

[@TotalNoobAtEverythin]

Im not diagnosed with ASD, but I have experienced meltdowns and I can’t imagine my own mother recording that and putting it online for the world to see. I would feel so embarrassed and ashamed (and yes that is partly because of mental health stigma but still) Also I hate it when people say “oh thats just a tantrum” because for a long time I was convinced that my meltdowns were just temper tantrums, that it was due to my own bad behavior instead of an underlying issue that remained unaddressed. That just bred more shame.

[@megnelli]

If someone is having a tantrum there is still an underlying issue that is not being resolved appropriately. The main difference is intent (the “meltdown” is an inability to resolve an internal conflict and a “tantrum” is an inability to resolve an external conflict. In both cases there is a lack of emotional control over oneself.

[@bryonyvaughn2427]

Your channel is a regular dose of being understood, getting more words to help others understand me, and profound acceptance. Thank you for the work you do.

[@heedmydemands]

I couldn't agree more

[@kkuudandere]

the juxtaposition of the phrases "all these people are pretending to be autistic!" and "everyone is a little autistic anyway!" is.... interesting to me lol😅either everyone is faking or everyone already IS autistic? it would be funny if it wasn't also so worrying

[@Catlily5]

No

[@b0xbrain]

No??

[@Catlily5]

@@b0xbrain I mean no everyone is not taking it and no everyone is not a little autistic.

[@b0xbrain]

@@Catlily5 Ohhh, without any context I was so confuseddd 🤣

[@Catlily5]

@@b0xbrain 👍

[@AntjedePantje]

I recently got my official diagnosis, and I'm still pretty surprised by how much of it is based on self reporting. Like you said at the end, it's basically all self diagnosis but like 'approved' by a professional, lol. I'm still really happy with it though, because I had (/have) so much self doubt and kept thinking 'I bet I'm not autistic enough, it's probably like OCD plus anxiety' or whatever. Now I can finally start to let go of those ableist thoughts :)

[@rebelmage6929]

I don't have an official diagnosis, but my mum has suspected I'm autistic since I was quite young. I believe she said she started suspecting when, in my first year of primary school, a teacher asked me, "Would you like to help clean up?" and I was like. "No." God, growing up, being asked or told to do things often made me quite anxious.

[@earthaforester3141]

At 14:50. When I was in 9th grade, I inexplicably stopped being able to get out of bed to go to school. It became a huge problem, and my poor mother didn't know what to do, and the school called a truant officer on me, etc etc. And I didn't know why I felt this way - so much anxiety and resistance to school out of nowhere, when up to that point I had always been very well behaved in school and done well. It was PDA. As an adult, PDA has become even more disruptive in my life. If I have any obligation that day, the entire day is spent pacing or staring at nothing in anxiety until the thing starts. I procrastinate so many things, like making doctor's appointments and doing chores and even my own hobbies or hanging out with my friends!!! I basically have a meltdown every tax season because I know I have to file my taxes. Etc etc. The worse my environment and mental health gets (via stress, domestic abuse, etc), the stronger certain negative autistic traits become - such as meltdowns / inability to self-regulate, PDA and debilitating anxiety, etc. At times in my life when my mental health was much better (via really healthy habits and a nurturing environment etc), I had way less of a struggle, but it was always there making things harder or even outright preventing me from doing so many things I needed or wanted to do. Anyway, long story short, PDA sucks. If there was literally one thing I could change about my life - like my fairy godmother granted me a single wish - I would wish not to have PDA. It is the single biggest obstacle in my entire life, and I hate it so much. I don't feel free. I feel like a prisoner of my own mind, and it's unbearable.

[@Justgretchen]

I love your videos so much!! This one hit home for me, especially talking about PDA. I'm 48 years old, in America, and recently self diagnosed autistic. I can't believe it had never been discussed with/about me before! My psychiatrist changes the subject whenever I talk about autism, so that's a thing. But I wanted to say thank you for all your great content and I love you so much!!! ❤😂🎉

[@BurdenErnie1]

If possible , get another psychiatrist

[@Justgretchen]

@@BurdenErnie1 it took several months and speaking to three department heads, twice, in order to get this new doctor. I'm going to have to be ok with self diagnosis for now

[@jmfs3497]

I'm around the same age and in the States, too, and my therapist and GP have both said they weren't sure they would diagnose me with Autism, but I feel a deep connection to a lot of the traits and semi-self identify as existing on the spectrum. I realize there are people who need physical care and are non-verbal as adults, but I feel like I understand them easily, when my NT folks look at them as handicapped. I think a lot of NT people don't understand overstimulation and the effects of physical pain and psychological distress. It feels like they think I can "change" or become less overstimulated, and not realize that I'm always masking those symptoms and using sincerity as tool to build a rapport.

[@zeeenno]

Psychiatrists can not diagnose autism because it is not a mental health condition, so they are not specifically educated on it. You could try talking to a neurologist or psychologist that specializes in autism

[@Catlily5]

I am the same age, 48. I am in the USA. I was just diagnosed with autism this year. It took a couple of years to get diagnosed.

[@Elektrakosh]

I got a late diagnosis of Autism at the ripe old age of 37. I initially got diagnosed after being pushed so hard to find more work (I was a lollipop lady for 9 years) I eventually had to go on the sick due to mental health problems. After a couple of failed therapy sessions (obviously to get me back to work/ searching for work) one told me to get an autism assessment and well here I am and due to my super duper anxiety that should have the Red Alert siren sound from Star Trek to every time I have to do something from a govening body weeks in advance, I do believe I may have PDA Or as I'd like to call it 'Nope' or 'I thank you for wanting me to attend but my brain, body and heart must decline at this moment due to technical difficulties' but the second one is too long. Sorry for rambling.

[@kalieris]

“Nope” is such a consistent mood for me that I actually have had several pieces of clothing over my lifetime that just say that. ❤️

[@HinataElyonToph]

PDA or brain just going “I recognize that the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it”

[@JoeJoeTater]

"Choice agoraphobia" is the term I came up with to describe my difficulty when looking at a menu, or worse, an aisle full of similar items. (As a kid, if my parents took me to the toy aisle and said I could pick something, I would just end up crying.) I actually didn't know PDA was a flavor of autism. I read about it in passing and was like "Oh, yeah, I already know all about that part of my self. Not interesting.". Like, it's such a prominent part of me that I didn't think there was anything new to learn. I guess I should give it more attention.

[@TheSoftestGirlYouKnow]

Wow, that's so interesting what you said about avoiding researching PDA!!! I have spent countless hours on autism and adhd, and then when I realized PDA was the final missing piece, no research. None. I looked at the PDA website and was like, "Not now, close". And I haven't been able to open it again since. Thank you for relating that I'm not the only one, haha.

[@AliciaGuitar]

I can relate. I am struggling accepting PDA is a real condition and not just me being reasonable (of course i want to avoid demands because i have been forced into so many UNreasonable demands, i avoid pain too.. who wouldnt? 🤷‍♀️). I feel like ppl with PDA are just smart and it annoys ppl who arent so they call it a disease. It took a long time for me to accept autism is real too, so even as i say all this i know i am probably wrong. I have imposter syndrome too... thus why i constantly feel this stuff is all made up and fake 🤦‍♀️

[@jessd8161]

I had the exact same experience hearing about PDA for the first time. I was like GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!! It was like someone had taken my life and inner experiences and re-contextualised it.

[@aenithharper2417]

Thank you for sharing your experience about volunteering! I have felt the same way. I can do one time volunteer work. Heck, I have organized fundraisers and volunteer work for groups and one off things. I was part of a community outreach group. But the demand of volunteering every week is too much.😢 I want to, but the stress of a weekly demand when I can't even reliably do my hobbies that bring me joy on my days off. I feel it is better not to commit to something knowing that I will most likely not be able to be a reliable person to them. Doesn't help that my job takes most of my social resources so on my days off I am a total hermit.

[@AliciaGuitar]

I have the exact same problem, so i got a volunteer buddy. We agreed that she will fill in for me whenever i cannot make my commitment for any reason. It removes or diminishes the demand. Plus it will take away the shame i feel when i cannot show up and need to face the ppl i let down next week 😔

[@JoeyisDREADful]

I'm diagnosed and all I've ever been told is basically "good luck out there, champ" because there's absolutely NOTHING available for autistic people after school age so I'm curious what they think people are lying to obtain exactly? And if they're in school, look, as a diagnosed autistic if a school aged kid is having such a rough time they are willing to lie to get help, I formally extend them autistic permission to "abuse" the autism label. just help the damn kid wtf.

[@stormarrow6422]

discovering PDA was such a relief... both for me and my son... sadly the health care system doesn't seem to know anything about it here (living in austria) thank you for your work... thanks to you and your shared experiences, I have learned so much about myself... and most importantly - I stopped feeling like I must somehow be "wrong"

[@dorsk188]

I really appreciate your videos, and especially ones like this where you are collecting and commenting on others' experiences as well. I'm undiagnosed, but for the last few years have been trying to sort through the information on autism, and it was only last year that I stumbled onto PDA and everything clicked. Because I'm a guy, I'd been trying to compare my own experiences against all of these more severe and stereotypical signs of autism, but the more I've learned about how autistic girls and women slip under the radar, the more I see myself in it. My folks were very accommodating to me growing up and school work was never very difficult for me, especially as I got older and it became more about retaining specific information (my brain is like a sponge), so I basically lived my life in this state of minimal effort with high grades, constant masking, and quiet recovery time at home that people saw as "a good kid". The only sign that something was wrong was the occasional meltdown that was excused as "having a temper". But inside, I was barely managing this escalating mountain of stress that finally completely collapsed around me as I graduated college. All of the coping mechanisms I'd developed to get through school were worthless and I'd hidden my difficulties from my family, friends, and teachers so completely that nobody thought I needed any kind of intervention or support, and reaching out for help made me feel like I was failing to live up to the potential everyone always saw in me my whole life. About a year ago, I started getting therapy and, I've been trying to unlearn the default response I've cultivated to stress: "Suffer Silently". It's slow going, but I'm trying.

[@TheCimbrianBull]

Your life story sounds quite similar to mine. What sort of therapy are you referring to if I may ask?

[@steveneardley7541]

Being able to identify your autistic traits helps you stop beating yourself up. For instance, my sensitivity to noise is something I always just "sucked up" because everyone else seems to manage. I refused to even treat it as a problem. I now know that it is, and I have started taking steps. I also see my problems with physical touch in a completely different way--as something more neurological than psychological.

[@dorsk188]

@@TheCimbrianBull Currently just normal talk therapy while I get my bearings and try different anxiety medications. When I started, I was just trying to force myself back out into the world, but I've come to realize that I need to take it a bit slower and look for more organic progress. Good luck. :)

[@imaniware4944]

Extremely relatable, I am on the same path. I hope yours goes well

[@bumblebeagan]

her description of the pda she experienced as a child definitely resonates with me. it might've been because my mother didn't have a strong authority in the household, despite being a single parent, but any time i was asked to do something, i *hated* it. i could do something on my own terms just fine, but as soon as it was expected of me, no freaking way did i want to do it. school was a different story tho, i mostly enjoyed learning until i got to high school and actually had to put in effort towards my grades. that didn't go so well lol

[@Electrowave]

The problem with menus may explain why I always order the breakfast in a cafe even though I would like to try other things. The more I read over a menu the worse it gets.

[@heedmydemands]

O wow I think I understand that. Shit, yeah I do feel intense pressure to choose quickly and I'm not able to focus on the menu. There's so much distracting talking going on I can't "hear" myself think to figure it out

[@heedmydemands]

I would always get chicken fingers and fries for ages. I get something I'm sure I'll like don't try anything new. That would b awful if I hated it and couldn't force myself to eat it. I feel so bad about being a picky eater

[@MC-kz2sk]

I’m helped with menu decisions by the fact that I’m extremely picky about food, so sometimes the decision basically makes itself 😂

[@Present_mic_official]

I’ve had people accuse me of lying because of other people faking around me in school. People think I’m lying because I’m high functioning and it’s really hard to tell because I know what is a “normal” way to act. But the amount of mental gymnastics I have to do to understand what other people are feeling or what they mean when they say something is a legitimate problem for me. My big thing is that I can’t handle kids. The ones in the age range I have to deal with are such jerks to me because of the way I act. For example one time I was frustrated because I messed something up and when I’m frustrated I make little sounds like squeaks and grunts and I was with my mom when it happened and she said that when I made that little sound a 7 year old in the art class got like 4 inches from my face and imitated the sound super loud at me and I just screamed “shut up” at her, but this wasn’t the first thing she had done so this wasn’t just a random outburst from me. Anyway, sorry for rambling!

[@iambicpentakill]

Someone that close to my face and loud is nightmarish, I'm so sorry

[@kingrix]

Neurodivergent content on social media is how I confirmed what I had suspected for many years. I now have a diagnosis (in my 40s) and access to resources that would have made so many things so much easier in the last few decades. I love seeing myself in other people and feeling understood by people I've never even met.

[@antonellajurables1686]

Yhea, in my case I came across with a lot of reels about autism and I realized that I identified a lot with those people. So I asked my psychologist if I could have autism and she told me that she had thought for a while that I had Asperger's, but she couldn't diagnose me because she didn't specialize in it; but still I needed to know; so I contacted an specialist and after a couple of hours of talking about my whole life and particular problems that caught my attention, he told me that I was obviously on the autism spectrum. So it can be said that they could only diagnose me because I self-diagnosed myself....

[@Kageoni187]

Paige’s video hit home. Growing up I had no idea what was going on with me and I would have these seemingly random meltdowns out of nowhere and have to quit a job because I just couldn’t do it anymore. Going in just suddenly became like this brick wall between me and that action. You just want to be “normal “ and not feel broken because nobody around you understands. ADD has components similar to PDA there will be an activity I know I need to do, I should do, and want to do because it would give me a very desirable outcome but I just can’t. It is like there is this wall between me and that activity (mentally) and inside my head I am throwing and slamming myself up against it until I am bloody, broken, clawing at it crying because I just want to be different, better. Because people can’t see inside your head all they see is the frozen moments or you avoiding the action.

[@jimwilliams3816]

My first thought was that Paige might be recalling, on some level, the sense of tension and intense focus she is putting in to stay in the place she wants to be when working with the kids, and the sense of exhaustion afterwards, and going into a kind of anticipatory meltdown. I don’t know if that’s right but it’s the feeling that resonated with me. Of course, I am PDA. I’m among those who doesn’t seem to mind the original initialism, because I feel fearful avoidant and my reactions feel pathological to me. But I get people who dislike it. I hate the term ODD with a fiery passion.

[@M1styMelody]

Paige's experience was exactly like mine when I first graduated college. I started teaching music lessons one day a week in the morning and I felt some much dread and anxiety the whole entire day before and leading up to it. It was fine when i finally got there, and I felt thay to the extreme while I was student teaching. Just recently started my autistic journey a couple months ago and am thinking I might be PDA.

[@marchongkong]

Hey Meg, thank you for what you said at the end of this video about the reason why so many people self-diagnose. In Australia it costs about $Au2,500 to go for diagnosis and people who discover they’ve been autistic all their lives most likely haven’t the financial resources for this. Patchy work histories and not understanding the neurotypical world makes for reaching late middle-age with not a lot of money. But screw it, we do what we can to get through life and have as rewarding and fun a life as is possible. Doing the spadework to self-diagnose isn’t the biggest challenge we Auties face. Man, I love your channel and your style and fun-wisdom always makes my day better when I see you. Thanks for the help you give, even when you may not know you’re helping. Cheers ❤

[@sofiah.5820]

I feel like the stigma surrounding self diagnosis comes from simply not understanding. Lots of people who self diagnose (obviously not all people who do) see traits of autism in their parents or other family members, which i think makes it all the more valid. Autism is hereditary, which means if a parent has it, their child is also likely to have it. And especially when a parent or older sibling is diagnosed, i feel like it makes so much sense to self diagnose then. And this goes for a lot of other disorders and conditions as well. People just don't want to understand and take any opportunity to make fun of people they can.

[@lyndsfairne]

Oh mylanta! In 3rd grade we made a When I Grow Up book as a class … it was full of “I’m gonna be a teacher, Doctor, firefighter, etc.” And then there was mine. “I’m gonna be rich” Complete with a picture of me loungin by a pool with a boombox (cuz it was the 80’s) pumpin out music notes. Cuz I did not want ANY expectations looming over my future!!

[@kelynmay3663]

As an audhd parent, I already felt disconnected, uncomfortable, and out of place in most parenting spaces, but add in parenting an also audhd kiddo and OMG it is so aggravating trying to find resources to learn how to best support my child and having to wade through the sea of nuerotypical Autism Warrior Mommies. I'm literally afraid to engage with the other parents at her charter school because of experiences with nt parents of nuerodivergent kids online.

[@userbunny]

7:40 this broke my heart, this is what I felt everyday when I went to school/work. It' such an awful and stressed feeling.

[@kkhagen2170]

I was only diagnosed with adhd as a kid. My parents always told me with freedom comes responsibility. It took away the weird rules and changed it with respect for the people who love you. Keeping them informed with your life without the fear of getting in trouble.

[@drawingaccount9590]

idk if I am autistic (not diagnosed) or if I even have pda if I am. But my trick for ordering at restaurants is to first go directly to the salad options. Then after I make sure they have a salad option I like I look for something else. I usually don't order the salad, but whenever I can't find anything I like in time to order having that option to fall back on takes away a lot of the stress. But if they don't have a salad option I like I end up having such an internal panic that I don't order at all. But they usually have a good ole caesar salad.

[@meatme53]

It kind of sounds like Paige is going through that "stuck" time before we have something scheduled we are anticipating. You know that time where your brain knows you have a thing "later". I think, like me, when you have no sense of time, but that thing will be on your brain until you go to class, paralyzing you. And the guilt, frustration, and shame gets to us sometimes harder than others. Maybe the love and anticipation she has for dance class is so great, combined with just knowing you have class "later", puts her in that state even more.

[@James_ER]

Thank you for all the information you provide. My son was diagnosed at 12 and a light bulb went off for me (at 46) as I was learning more about it from places like this. It was such a hassle to get him officially diagnosed that I doubt I'll bother, even though I've talked about it before with a therapist. I've been on meds for things like anxiety and depression at different times, but seeing some of the similarities with my son, even if not as severe, makes me at least have a framework when trying to work on myself.

[@saml4004]

That PDA one hit home…I was diagnosed ADHD as a kid and then later as ODD. In elementary school and early middle school I was definitely the stereotypical ADHD kid and then at home strong ODD tendencies but my teachers in later grades would always say “I would never guess, she’s such a pleasure to have in class”. As I look back on it I think I was masking, I’m still masking. My first response when you give me a demand is “no” but it always stays inside and doesn’t come out, I’m actually a people pleaser on the outside. I was diagnosed AuDHD as an adult and I’m 95% sure it’s the PDA profile, when Paige said she doesn’t know how to do demands she puts on herself, I felt that in my soul…

[@owllanstar625]

I’m so glad that I found your channel because I’ve been having this relative issue for a while. I have a school therapist who I love dearly and she told me one day that I should get tested for autism after she asked me a few questions. I’ve never claimed to have autism even after my therapist suggesting that it’s an issue. I was diagnosed at a young age with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) that had gotten worse throughout my first couple years of highschool. The problem I had was that I didn’t want to share it with anyone outside of therapy because I didn’t want people thinking that it’s fake. The more I did my research, the more I felt even more worried for myself that I would end up crying. My parents don’t believe that I have Autism and don’t think I need to be tested because a lot of the things in autism can be linked to GAD. I hated hearing that I had some of the symptoms because then my brain will hyper-fixate on those symptoms and heighten them. I wanted to write a fanfiction in which my character has what I have, but I’m always afraid of being called out, which is why I wanted to wait until I get tested. But at the same time, I’m too scared to, and it’s going to be a few years when I move out or make the money to do so since my parents can’t provide. It’s overwhelming the amount of times I have felt uncomfortable of the topic because I didn’t want to take away from people who had it worse than I do. We don’t even have any autistic people I can try and share my experiences with in my school either. But even then, I’m scared those symptoms may be something relatively normal or if I’m over-exaggerating about the whole thing. It’s a confusing rabbit hole I’ve been in for the past year, and it’s something I’ve been struggling with, but I always take notice and do my research and listen to others experiences that could lead me up to a conclusion, though I still don’t self-diagnose because I believe it to be harmful to those who have been diagnosed. I don’t know where I was going with this, but I guess I needed a place to vent my story? Share a struggle? But overall I’m glad that I found your channel and your voice is a lot more soothing that others in my opinion, it just really helps me understand.

[@TinyGhosty]

I promise the self identifying of autistic traits is not harmful to diagnosed autistic people. Doctors are not the end all be all of autism and are often wrong and misdiagnose people (GAD, BPD, and Bipolar are common misdiagnoses). There are many studies that suggest a significant amount of autistic adults are undiagnosed because of how horrible the diagnostic testing can be and how flawed doctors are when they get their research from very flawed perspective (only focusing on young, white autistic boys). I was diagnosed with GAD (before I finally got my autism assessment and diagnosis) and anything that did not fit GAD was dismissed by the "professional" I went to because she said I was "too old to get diagnosed." There are SO many problems with the professional field when it comes to autism, that is the reason self identifying is SUPPORTED by so many diagnosed autistic people because so many of us have been through medical gaslighting before we were taken seriously. It is still your personal choice how to navigate this situation and what you feel is appropriate. I just wanted to let you know so so so many of us have been misdiagnosed or underdiagnosed and have been belittled by allistic people (and professionals) for seeking a diagnosis. Our autistic brains make us autistic, a diagnosis does not make us autistic. The more research you do and the more perspectives you get from autistic creators might help you navigate your understanding of autism and help your decision on if you think seeking an assessment in the future is right for you. Best of luck💜

[@owllanstar625]

Omg, thank you so much, this makes me feel a whole lot better about the whole situation. Thank you so much ❤️

[@TinyGhosty]

@@owllanstar625 I am glad I could help. It is a difficult situation to navigate, both personally and in the medical field, and those who go through it and receive a diagnosis should be encouraging to others. There is no such thing as too much research and your connection to autistic traits is valid whether or not it is clinically significant. If it is clinically significant I hope you are able to receive a diagnosis (if you want one) to help you navigate your life. My diagnosis has been very helpful for me personally and also in the pursuit of trying to find employment that does not burn me out.💜

[@jimwilliams3816]

You can absolutely feel free to vent and share. We all make each other feel less alone. I’m 62 and diagnosed autistic and ADHD this year (the assessor tacked on GAD too), and I am so grateful for the autism channels. That both your counselor and your therapist suggested an assessment makes me think it’s pretty darned likely that you are on the spectrum. I understand the feelings you have about self diagnosis, and they are quite normal, as is the occasional bout of imposter’s syndrome even after a diagnosis. For a while before I was assessed, I referred to myself as “functionally autistic,” because if somehow I was not, I certainly had all sorts of traits. Has I not have received a diagnosis, I would still have those traits, and the things I’ve learned on these channels would still help me understand myself. Even with a diagnosis, encountering others whose own experiences describe the things I do, and why, and what it feels like inside my head, is so illuminating and so comforting. I wish I had had this resource when I was your age, and I am so glad you do.

[@ninjabgwriter]

I agree with all three of these people, and in addition, as someone who wasn't diagnosed when I was younger as well, I totally get that feeling of being an imposter or not sure if you're just reading into stuff too much. It felt like just endlessly spinning in my head over whether I was just latching onto something to explain away why everything felt so hard, but also it feeling like it made sense. My therapist was also the one who suggested I look into diagnosis. I did get a formal diagnosis, but not until I was an adult (though more because of doctors not taking me seriously and also me not understanding what masking was and to not do it during examinations). Looking at the DSM-V criteria actually helped a lot for me realizing what was anxiety and what was autism. A lot of people who aren't psychological examiners but between you and them seem to think that comorbidities don't exist. You can absolutely have GAD and autism at the same time, and anxiety is extremely likely to co-occur with autism. I had someone who was screening me for stuff and wasn't even a formal doctor say that I probably wasn't autistic because I was hard of hearing. Like somehow we can only have one problem at a time and each problem stays in it's box. But that was his own lack of education and understanding, not a reflection of me. I don't exactly have advice for your situation in terms of a diagnosis, but I offer you encouragement. You're not taking a single thing from me or anyone else, you're allowed to be in this space, and we're delighted to have you. Also, writing fanfic to process emotions and cope is 100% valid and something I do too. I've never posted any of my stuff, but it really helps me. I basically learned how to describe so many of my mental health struggles to my loved ones because of writing characters that shared them (especially stuff like dissociation, alexithymia, sensory overload, executive dyfunction, etc). And privately it gives me a place to vent and writing brings me so much joy. There's plenty of people who don't put nearly so much care or research into writing autism, and don't care how it impacts anyone. You do not sound even slightly like one of those people, and if it's helping you then it's absolutely a valuable thing to do. Whether you're ever diagnosed or not, you're welcome in this space. I'm wishing you all the best. I hope it's not offensive or triggering, but if it's ok I'd like to pray for you as well, just generally for your well-being and that you can find help getting an appointment with a clear headed and skilled diagnostician if that's something you wish you could pursue. But either way, whether or not you pursue a diagnosis, formally diagnosed, self diagnose, or only feel comfortable saying you're undiagnosed but suspect autism, you can be a part of the spicy brain friends club. There's a lot of helpful resources in this community like these videos, and you are absolutely allowed to use those and try out coping mechanisms people suggest. This channel is really good, and I also really recommend 'Stephanie Bethany' and 'Ask An Autistic' on KZbin, they're resources I used a lot in my diagnosis journey and even still in learning more about it. Also, I'm AuDHD, and I'm not sure to quantify how much of those things bleed together, but I absolutely love the channel 'How to ADHD'. It's so informative, and has legitimately helpful strategies for a wide array of people and not just ADHD, and is very validating. It's covered so many topics and there's years worth of content that's chock full of strategies you can implement to make life easier even if you don't have access to any professional assistance (or at least that's my experience). Also reading or watching videos on features of autism you struggle with or strongly relate to can be so helpful. Things like that are how I got the vocabulary to describe what's going on in my brain and the context to understand my framework for perceiving the world, and is the foundation of learning my coping skills since my area really doesn't have many resources for late diagnosed autistic people. I really appreciate my diagnosis, and it does allow me to get accommodations in schooling, which is especially helpful in college. But honestly it hasn't changed much about my life except that it gave me some confidence in dealing with my own impostor syndrome. I still don't really have access to any professional resources because my area just doesn't have them, so I'm still mostly trying to figure out how to make my life easier with the kind of stuff I mentioned. A diagnosis was reassuring, and will help me later, but it didn't make me worthy of kindness or assistance or understanding my own psychology. Not having one didn't make me unworthy of being in this community or reaching out for the resources or interpersonal support inside it. It's the same for you. You're worthy exactly as you are. You're valuable exactly as you are. You are incalculably, infinitely precious simply for the fact that you are you. You matter exactly how you exist right now, and a diagnosis is a tool to use, not a quantifier for your right to be.

[@sucre.b]

Omg the menu thing…. As a kid (and through to my young adult years) I employed my younger sister to order for me. Thankfully for me she was kind enough to acquiesce while I excused myself to the restroom to wait until the ordering bit was over 😭 I just recently found your videos on PDA and I appreciate so much the time you’ve invested into your channel. It’s so nice to understand myself more ♡ Thank you!

[@jo.comics]

Oh my god, when you talked about PDA and how having something scheduled every week freaks you out and makes you feel anxious and awful, a freaking penny dropped! That's the feeling, right there! That's why I have not been able to go to any recurring classes! That's why I hated going to karate every week when I was little! It was never the class, it was just me! Holy crap! Mind blown!!

[@Hopischwopi]

I think PDA and menus could be a bit better by either having someone to share stuff with (often doing that with my brother) or having a buffet or one of those small portions via app delivered to your table restaurants. That way it is also a shared thing and people can try stuff and figure out what they want to get again.

[@tbonemalone3407]

This one is hitting all the buttons. Years ago(way before I was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism) a nurse friend told me if she didn’t know better she would think I had Oppositional Defiance Disorder. When I started researching PDA I was surprised how well it fits me.

[@thatboringone7851]

Same, it just feels so... accurate. I was actually (mis)diagnosed with ODD as a kid. I can't overstate how horrifically people (including psychologists and psychiatrists) treated me for it, insisting that I was trying to take away authority from adults and the like, assuming the worst intent from me over things that turned out to just be normal autiadhd experiences, facing frequent punishments and scolding for anything I did that could and would be framed as disobeying, defying or resisting, etc. I worry for people who do have ODD and aren't misdiagnosed, even supposed "professionals" offering treatment will highly stigmatise it and make some horrid assumptions based on that stigma. My autism and adhd dx a few years ago really helped me to understand myself already, but finding out about PDA this year was a breath of fresh air honestly. I feel like I finally have an actual explanation for how my brain works, one that feels real and genuine to my own experiences, rather than a convenient explanation to validate others frustration at some of the things I struggle with.

[@andreaking2358]

Yep… I get so much anxiety just needing to have call someone on a phone, go to dentist apt, a work meeting, even planning an outing with a friend! - anything extra outside of work and my daily routine puts me into overwhelm and I start binge drinking to get through it. Alcohol gave me a sense of my “freedom” back- a false sense of regaining control over my life. Wow 🤯 this is blowing my mind. - since I’ve been exploring possible autism I’ve not had as many meltdowns/shutdowns (it was happening every couple weeks and would put me in depressive mode for days) because I’ve gotten really good at taking time when I need it! And not pushing myself past my limits just because it’s what “other people do”. I also don’t drink anymore now that I know why I was doing it (to mask autism) I stopped. And now that I realize it’s possibly not just part of autism, but also PDA, it all makes so much sense.

[@v_bunny]

my boyfriend lives in australia and i live in america. i got an autism diagnosis earlier this year (age 20) so that it would help me more, but i will absolutely fight to be able to move to australia in a few years. i’ve read that if you can prove you don’t need expensive accommodations then they’ll let you move, and it’s absolutely horrible that they have that, but i’m more than grateful to only need a few accommodations that i can provide for myself so i can be with someone i really love, again as horrible as the system is to be discriminatory. i was granted a 3 month visa a week within i applied about two months after my diagnosis, but stayed with him for 3 weeks because this was our first time meeting in person after 1.5 years, and it was the most amazing time ever. victoria is just such a wonderful place and i don’t care what it takes, i’m going to move there.

[@michaelpeters255]

THANK YOU!!! Abnormal eye contact can be too much just as much as it can be none at all.

[@cfaithp]

The restaurant thing makes sense for me. I have a habit of choosing the same thing every time from the restaurants I frequent. I realized now that I am tricking myself into making a decision without getting overwhelmed.

[@user-cl2ku8ro2g]

Im 16 years old and i just got my ASD evaluation today after many long months of waiting, and I just want to say thank you to this channel for helping me get through it, for having a place to relate to and fit in, to reassure me that I’m not crazy for spending long hours of my days researching and compiling evidence in my head for why I might be autistic, and just being such a force of good on the internet where things can get pretty rough. I am happy to say I think the appointment went well, I’m very lucky to have the experience I had, and while I know its not likely, I wish everyone else a similar experience in this situation.

[@jennifervieira99]

I went to a learning disability boarding school for high school and more than half of the school has killed themselves. Or they died from illnesses. One of the girls was younger and she felt like she didn't belong in school or at home. We all knew and tried to help her because she was adopted too so it made how she felt about her self. Yes, I've never felt like I was not good enough from the time I was in kindergarten and my 1st kindergarten teacher abused me and put me in the hall way behind a curtain and on a high chair so no one could see me so I got held back in another year of kindergarten and she was fired for what she did to me. Learning has been hard in school to know how to do my work and studying which I didn't understand what I was supposed to do. I I still wish I could have someone who could help me figure out how to do everything right and faster .

[@kingalastair217]

The link to perfectionism with the PDA just RESONATED WITH ME. I am a major perfectionist and I MUST get things right the first time and now I realize that’s where the PDA decides to come in too.

[@ryanjamesloyd6733]

The bit on PDA- I think it may, in part, be linked to past traumatic incidents, where we got blindsided by a thing we agreed to do or were made to do being Extremely unpleasant and having to keep doing it, or going to do a thing then being Stuck there with no way to nope out, and like if something was too much, it's too damn late and you're In it till the ride is done. Or like a menu- if you pick the wrong thing and it's terrible, well you're just screwed and everybody's unhappy with you and it's stressful (and yeah with the time limit and everybody's watching and all menus are different and they're not always clear what the hell the things Are)

[@irismoon8435]

Hearing you talk about how lovingly the people in your life collaboratively work with your expressions of your autism makes me feel like crying. It gives me hope that I can have that someday.

[@Hawthorn6852]

I remember on one of the articles from the PDA society website one of the stages of heightened anxiety from a demand said "complete compliance". I'm not sure what they meant by that but if it means what I think it means then that would explain SO much for me and possibly other autistic people where a demand or expectation is so looming that I just decide I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna rush through it and disassociate my feelings from it so I can get it over with as quickly as possible. Or I decide I'm gonna do it but I'm gonna try to do it as perfectly as possible so that I can *at least* avoid punishment or criticism and I can feel good about having accomplished something.

[@shadowsoulless6227]

I think i figured out why drive through menus make me have panic attacks..... One day my boyfriend wanted like 5 things and i had an issue remembering them and communicating them at the same time, so i just didn't order anything for myself, then he asked why and i just left the drive through and had a melt down crying in the parking lot with him in the passenger seat just confused as hell..... 👀

[@chuckw4947]

So much appreciate and thoroughly enjoy your efforts and insight… You, your viewers and all the input you share are making a difference… I promise… I finally self-diagnosed at 63…after a full life of questioning, apologizing and avoiding….and…two months before the pandemic….what an interesting year!!😂 🙏 ❤❤❤

[@mandymorrow5473]

7:00ish you said you like the rain sounds. I'm undiagnosed with Autism though I've always been pretty sure I have it, and rain and thunder stresses me out!!!

[@SwordmaidenGwen]

That first tiktok was fantastic. Also the PDA stuff really got to me, I didn't realise it covered demands I made to myself too and that explains so much-

[@HeatherLandex]

My parents took picture & when I found them as an adult it made me really angry. They ridiculed me when I was in distress. Mean parents. My kids have meltdowns &/its hard to do anything constructive, they can not be reached at that point. I wouldn't dare provoke them or extend the period. What are they thinking? Basically calling their kid wrong over the internet is really abusive.

[@TinyGhosty]

Congrats on having a sponsor!! So excited to see your channel grow! 💜 I really appreciate that your channel is so informative and nice to watch for autistic people who are diagnosed as well as those going through that process of research and self understanding. Many channels primarily focus on the research aspect of autism and criteria, but I really enjoy the content (and discussions) for us that are diagnosed as well. 💜

[@luxtobeyou]

The PDA part literally blew my mind, your input and the TikTok! I didn't know much about it other than the name until now but *woah* It didn't fully click until she said, "It's in the name, it's the pathological NEED to avoid demands," then I was like wait that's literally me! Having *things* to do and NEEDING to do them, it's like a forever anxiety attack to me! And because of other symptoms from separate things, it's like I can't get started, can't get through it from A to B in one straight line, and then can't pick whatever the demand was back up if I stop doing it. I have the want / need to do them but I can't get a freaking body and mind connection for some reason!!! AHHH I literally do feel like my mind has been read like a book right now

[@luxtobeyou]

16:41 I'M ON THE FLOOR PLEASE THIS IS TOO PERSONAL NOW 🫠

[@Wondahoez]

On the topic of being raised as an autistic child in a household without a diagnosis, I was just lucky enough to have a kind mother who didn't think much of it haha. Turns out the only reason I never got a diagnosis is because now, years later as I'm 18, my mother also recently realized she is probably autistic. As a result she just thought all of my 'quirks' were things everyone did because she also did them... LOL. It's unfortunate I never got the resources that would have helped with my schooling, (not that I know if it would have helped since I've also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder since, haha,) but it was nice to grow up in a household where my mother was willing to accommodate me because 90% of the time it made her feel better as well, or she was just as understanding and willing to help out. Nowadays she's still just as fun to talk to... She'll ramble to me for house about her favorite video games and I get to do the same in return.

[@wolliw_nosnah]

I have adhd and I LOVE your channel

[@ashthehhhhg]

my mum had a friend and i sometimes had meltdowns when she came over and her friend once filmed it to show to my school i was genuinely so scared and i wasn’t diagnosed but now i am finally being assessed as i have most symptoms. i hope not many other people have a similar problem to what i had.

[@L5biszz]

Thank you for this video. I am convinced I've got PDA now since you went over it so well. I was only diagnosed at the age of 29ish with Asperger's. It's still kind of hard to believe it that's it on day to day. But people like you help me understand it and accept it at the same time. So thanks.

[@Eryniell]

when you mentioned about the creepiness of finding/seeing other people "just like you" I had to laugh a bit cause YES that was such a weird thing when i was made fully aware of adhd and autism (and also PDA) and me realizing how many frigging things I thought were just part of ME like...i thought they were just my personality or specific to me are suddenly something that belongs to something XD and there are other people like me. But I'm not mad about loosing some aspect of "uniqueness" to be able to feel like belonging somewhere and finally being understood and related too ^^

[@jeffreyhurley3243]

A strategy with menus that I have is I hunt for "safe foods" (like burger or pizza section), go with one of those, then review the rest of the menu. This way I don't feel like anyone is waiting on me. Fast food/ kiosk ordering is frightful though. I usually find something I like and never order anything else because of the potential panic 😂

[@marliehodge9763]

What Paige said and what you said about her video, is the exact reason I find it so hard to get a job. Everytime I get a new job, I instantly start thinking of ways to quit because it stresses me out.

[@pancom5326]

watching your videos is honestly like peering into my mind. unless its specific interests you might as well have said my full name and told me i shouldnt have a problem getting a diagnosis

[@maysurprisedyou8487]

The menu thing. Makes sense now lol. I have always told people I wish menus were as simple as the kids menu (which is also probably because the kids menu tends to have safe foods. Lmao)

[@luciusisdead]

holy shit, the more i watch your channel the more badly i want to get tested. i have been learning about and researching autism for the past couple years or so since my mom suggested i might be autistic, and the PDA portion of the video described a lot of the experiences in my life perfectly, about having anxiety about obligations and stuff. thank you for these videos 💖🫶

[@IsabeLLE_notLLA]

I know you probably won't see this since this video has been here for awhile, but while watching your videos you help me feel so seen and even okay with myself. You help me feel that I'm not strange or weird. I feel normal watching your videos. Made me cry happy tears when I realized this myself. 😊

[@pancakeboi6797]

I feel like I’ve always been agreeable at school/work then at home. One instant that happened recently is when I was planning to fill up my car at the gas station and my parents want me to practice driving on the highway. When they said “you can drive on the highway then fill up your car” that struck a cord with me internally cause then I would have to pull over on the side on the highway to gps my car way out and I found that very distressing even though I didn’t express that out loud.

[@thenewautist]

Yes, I have that problem with pretty much anything that I have scheduled in the evening- even things I WANT to do like classes or volunteering. Actually, I can’t have a job that starts later in the day because the whole day will be ruined with gut wrenching anticipation.

[@sugarwoofle6067]

Currently waiting on my official diagnosis but I have fully believed I'm autistic for about a year now and have done... a lot of research... basically every single day for a year now. PDA explains me to a T and I want to cry because it really explains to me why I've lost so many homes and people in my life because of these things I struggle with. I'm 33 this year come August and I have never had a place to call home... because I am me. I'm finally on the right path to diagnosis and eventually I will find an occupational therapist as well but I cry a lot because of my "failures" up to this point. As strange as it is I also find it frustratingly funny because I keep being told "Well if you are autistic, you're high functioning!" ... yes... me having no friends, no home to call my own and not being able to hold down a job for longer than 3 months... SUPER FUNCTIONING right here (sarcasm) just brand me with that label! This is why it's so hard for people to get diagnosed who really need assistance. I look okay on the outside but on the inside I'm shattered and empty. Getting assistance and awareness out there for others like myself is very important. Thank you for the videos

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

3:16 Absolutely agree. I've seen some of these channels. Parents seeking social proof or something by filming and exploiting thier child's worst moments. Autistic or otherwise. It's child abuse because A) Children cannot consent to anything from a legal standpoint and B) It is inherently humilating and degrading for the child. The same thing applies to adults. Imagine filming a heated argument between you and your spouse, where you spouse flips out and starts screaming and crying, then posting it on Facebook. Without consent. Because you think it's cute or funny or more likely, because you are seeking social support. It's selfish, wrong, and abusve. It needs to be outlawed.

[@Sparkleydoggy]

The more I watch videos from autistic creators, the more I have my suspicions, especially as someone afab. The PDA discussion felt like it was getting right under my skin. Maybe I just have anxiety, but the menu thing especially was relatable to me...

[@alejandro-314]

Oh, menus... My wife invited me to a fishmonger restaurant. I looked for the web site: non existing. I asked her about the menu and she said "I always eat sea bass, so I have no idea". The anxiety was building up inside. When we finally got there, I asked the waiter for the menu and there wasn't one, that I needed to go inside to see what was available. My brain just stopped working. Can't follow what seems like an order to me. Then I asked the waiter, how do you cook fish here? She replied: depends on the type of fish. Then I asked what type of fish do you have? And she replied you need to go inside. It was a dialog loop. I felt so useless and embarrassed 😳 after a while the manager came out and helped me decide. Worst part is that it was really good food and went a second time that week. The second time, I went directly inside to see what was available by myself, not by suggestion of anyone. 😂

[@elleinvestigates]

Whoa why did the menu bit hit so hard? I really don’t love eating out anyway, but I almost couldn’t tolerate it before the internet was good. I’d basically only go someplace I’d already been or somewhere that someone I trusted was willing to tell me that they had a, b, c, etc. I can force myself into it, I’ve even enjoyed it once or twice, but I greatly prefer to know what I want to have when we get there….sometime last week when we made the plans and I obsessively looked up all public information about this new place

[@aprilshuyler4283]

So, I was diagnosed ADHD, and I think I may also be Autistic, and when you and her were talking about PDA, it just hit me how much I relate to that. I LOVE training animals and working with animals, and I even enjoy working with people, but when I was a professional trainer, and I had to make my own schedule and set up lessons, it was SO SO HARD to do them, and for so long I had no idea why, because I LOVE it, but I would also dread it.

[@KitKar79]

Pda, my parents where pretty strict. We where spanked, grounded, yelled at, penalized for any weird, off, ignoring, being "lazy", for not spelling, talking, eating normal (think not wanting to put milk on cereal, getting spanked for not putting milk on cereal). So I had to follow along or risk punishments.

[@firelordamy]

i’m sorry but the clip of the horse staring while you were talking about autistic abnormalities in eye contact had me CACKLING 💀💀

[@corochan4682]

I've been struggling a lot with wondering whether or not I'm autistic since late last year. (I'm on 3 different assessment waitlists but itll be a while) I've been researching for months but I bounce back and forth between being 99% sure I'm autistic and feeling like I'm exaggerating or mistaken. I'd love to feel more confident in a self diagnoses but I'm so afraid of being wrong. It feels like the question is going to just eat away at my mind until I get an official answer.

[@-starrysunrise-2908]

I hate how people who don't support self-diagnosis (in autism) never even consider that legally diagnosed people have fewer human rights than those who aren't! And even supporters it rarely bring that fact up, even though it's highly important

[@-starrysunrise-2908]

(To clarify, I'm saying they are _afforded_ fewer rights, not that they don't deserve them)

[@steveneardley7541]

Personally I feel no need to get an official diagnosis. I've taken the tests online, and have a good idea of my "profile." It has been very helpful in understanding a lot of my problematical areas, but it's not a label I need to own or defend. I've never found people to be very interested in the workings of my mind. As a conversation it's pretty sterile unless it's with other people on the spectrum.

[@cyansalvatore6011]

I've been telling my therapist that if I get official diagnosis, they might not let me transition legally, so I'd rather avoid that. She was really surprised about it and said how unfair it is