Improve Your Communication Skills: Simple Tips, Killer Results

This video teaches you how to develop your communication skill across all situations by improving your map of the social world.
www.howcommunicationworks.com
Skip to 15:20 if all you want is the exercises.
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List of Emotion Words: www.oratium.com/wp-content/up...
We’d all like to improve our communication skills. The best example of natural improvement is what happens to kids as they grow up.
But as they mature, they get better fast.
KIDS IMPROVE THEIR COMMUNICATION SKILLS BY ENRICHING THEIR MAP OF THE SOCIAL WORLD
What drives improvement in communication skill from childhood to adulthood is the development of a detailed, abstract, and integrated map of the social world.
Think of communication as navigation. The social world is full of landmines, hidden obstacles, threats, and opportunities. A rich and detailed representation of the world functions as a map that lets us navigate around these obstacles so we can get safely to our destination. As our maps of the social world get more detailed, we get better and better at navigating and maneuvering.
The theory that describes the development of these mental maps is called constructivism. The main idea is that each of us has a mental map of the the social world. This map is made up of interpersonal constructs.
Constructs are dimensions for representing social situations and other people. Each dimension is anchored by two adjectives, e.g., kind/cruel, patient/impatient, short/tall, honest/dishonest, generous/greedy, etc.
As we mature, our maps of the social world improve in three ways.
We acquire more constructs, so our representations have more detail. The constructs become more abstract, e.g., from short/tall to conformist/bohemian; and the constructs become more interconnected (e.g., he is respectful, but only to powerful people).
As our maps of social world become more detailed, more abstract, and more integrated, we become more skillful as communicators.
What makes great communicators great is not that they have memorized scripts about what to say in every situation. What makes them great is their ability to see the social world in high resolution and in technicolor. The skilled communicator sees opportunities and possibilities, as well as threats and risks, that the less skillful communicator never even notices.
HOW TO IMPROVE?
The key to improving your own communication skills is to improve your representations of the social world.
-- Study lists of descriptive adjectives (e.g., bohemian, pensive, deliberative, ponderous). Learn what they mean.
-- Learn their opposites (e.g., introspective/shallow).
-- With each person in your life, ask yourself whether the adjective applies to them.
-- Read more Jane Austen novels or other literary fiction.
-- Cultivate a curiosity about other people's interior lives: their plans, their goals, their intentions, their thoughts, and their feelings.
MEASURING COMMUNICATION SKILL
One of the most studied measures of communication skill asks people to think of one person they know well and like and one person they know well and dislike and then, in no more than 5 minutes each, to describe them in as much detail as possible.
A less skilled communicator might produce a description like this (these are both real examples):
“Kind, intelligent, passionate”
A highly skilled communicator might produce a description like this:
“amazing, intelligent, kind, loving, accepting of all, great mother and grandmother. always says and does the right things. supportive, interested and interesting. never too much to ask. growing old and wiser in a very graceful way. accepting of change and diversity. rarely slows down and always there for others. self sacrificing and confident. does not sweat the small things. always dressed perfectly but comfortable in anything. Never met a stranger. best friend to all. loved and respected and admired by her peers and students and their families. invited to every event and more weddings than imaginable. Throws best parties, dinners, sleep-overs and bonfires. Best grandmother ever. loving and devoted wife for over 40 years. best travel friend....”
Counting up the number of different adjectives people use in these descriptions turns out to be a valid and reliable way of measuring communication skill.
The person who produced the second description sees the social world in high resolution technicolor. The person who produced the first description has a much less detailed map of the social world.
We shouldn’t be surprised when the person who produced the second impression also tends to produce better messages, and is a more skillful communicator in general.

[@ovidiudrobota2182]

The issue is that I'm painfully awkward. I'm also self-conscious when being around people. When I try to talk to people, I get tense inside - they become so uncomfortable around me. I want to overcome this.

[@jazminrl]

To improve: 1) For every person that you meet ask yourself how are they feeling broadening your feeling vocabulary, check posture face 2) Get another person's perspective what they want goals, their plans & intentions 3) Learn new adjectives to describe other people. See resources on video description.

[@joycemartin4273]

Interesting comment about Jane Austen. My daughter struggled socially all through school so books became her friend. By the time college rolled around she said she was ready because, her words, she had already encountered a multitude of situations and outcomes from the books she read. Incidentally, Jane Austen was a favorite.

[@carolynmcglinchey6700]

Very helpful. One interesting aspect of it? When I tested my own cognitive complexity using the guidelines, I used all positive adjectives for a liked person, and a mixture of positive and negative adjectives for a disliked person. This shows me there isn’t much separating the liked from the disliked which means I can apply more tolerance around people I dislike.

[@PracticalInspiration]

Another excellent video. Your points on cognitive complexity is outstanding, some fantastic points to learn from

[@asalane20]

Even Shakespeare recognized that brevity was the soul of wit. And he was one of the most cognitively complex communicators who ever lived. Being verbose does not necessarily increase one's accuracy or grace as a communicator.

[@katieo1111]

Agreed. When someone else will be reading your work, it's best to use the fewest, most precise words to accurately describe what you mean. For an exercise like this, it's best to describe as many distinct personality traits as you can recognize.

[@guesswho5790]

But I think that is precisely the point here. In our minds we must paint a vividly complex picture of the inner world of the person in front of us. With others it is best to be overtly brief, of course. But the more complexity we ascribe to a person, the more our messages will be subconsciously conveyed with the nuance and accuracy their complex human experience deserves.

[@CapitolYaSa]

Unbelievably helpful concepts to learn. This stuff is gold- wish I could have learned about it much earlier. Thank you for publishing this high level content broken down for less sophisticated ppl like me to understand… I don’t have to recreate the “communication wheel”!

[@loripinello5501]

Such good stuff!! These talks provide opportunities to increase our skills for interacting in our social worlds. Wish these kinds of skills would be taught starting in kindergarten.

[@joyceychang]

For the question you asked in the end, the first person I thought of is my son. He often sees right through me. He seems to have high cognitive complexity.

[@SanguineUltima]

"We're not all created equal." Thank you for saying the truth that dare not speak its name. Despite time and again trying to self improve, I fear my poor genetics and upbringing has doomed me to a life of introversion, alienation, and solitude. I appreciate what you're trying to do but I'm not sure I can really benefit. I'm defective, worthless, broken, and I wish I was never born.

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

I don't believe any of that is true. But I am sorry you are suffering.

[@xANAKALIAx]

So helpful and practical tips to use in the real world. Can’t wait to do the homework to improve my skills. :)

[@TheDon_himself]

Thank you Bruce.

[@sillygirl1139]

What a great video! Thank you.

[@aladarmezga4942]

Thank you! I will put some Jane Austin books on my shopping list

[@DarrenChen]

Amazing insightful and helpful! I feel like there is an opportunity here for an additional video to expand how to implement these theories in our own lives. I'll be reading Fromm and Rommel. Both this talk and your other talk about Face threatening acts transformed my year 2023. Thanks Bruce! 🙏😇

[@marystele1197]

Enjoy your videos. You have verygood co!munication skills. Friendly manner, Positive,direct, straight to the point, common sense remarks and good examples which people can relate to. You don"t waste words. Well done Mr Lambert!! 👍

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

Thank you Mary.

[@anna-sleeps]

thank you for this quality content!

[@vania698]

Really useful video!

[@lizbethquintero545]

Amazing!

[@BarbaraMoretti]

Thank you so much. Your videos are amazing ☺️ love to listening to you

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

So nice of you

[@idesigna2956]

Best said on social skills❤️🌹

[@deeolney5077]

Then you very much.

[@Eduardonico]

This video makes a lot of sense and is very useful information... Could you imagine for a minute to have to develop these skills in your second language in a culture different to yours. Welcome to my world.

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

It must be a tremendous challenge. I admire you for taking it on. What is your native language and culture, Edo?

[@Eduardonico]

I'm from Chile. I moved to Australia 3 years ago and yeah Latin-American culture vs Australian/English is not easy. But I'm lucky enough to be a Speech Pathologist so I'm using all I have to make this process less stressful. Once again thanks Bruce for making these videos, they gave me perspective.

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

@@Eduardonico I think the new language and culture will be a challenge, but I think the underlying social perception skills, what I call cognitive complexity, will translate across languages. You may have to learn new vocabulary, but you already have the ability to perceive certain dimensions in people and social situations. And that will stay with you and serve you across cultures.

[@kingzingo1784]

@@Eduardonico Hey, how is your English coming around these days?

[@elizabeths8416]

@@Eduardonico Are you still around, Leon? (Me gustaría preguntarle algo).

[@vikassingh6297]

Thank you Sir for your videos. Your videos are really fantastic backed by research and facts. Please keep uploading more videos.

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

You’re very kind to say so, Vikas. Is there a specific topic you’d like to learn more about?

[@vikassingh6297]

@@HowCommunicationWorks Yes sir, it would be great if you can make video on how to organise our thoughts while speaking. For any situations.

[@tammynichols1355]

I really appreciate you and I am going to improve my social skills, I really need help 911

[@tedoymisojos]

Excellent video. Thank you!

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

Thanks Liz.

[@chainfrost7851]

This is gold

[@richardsrensen4219]

love your videos

[@omnificent15]

My appreciation💙 Would you please make a video about the topic no one did in my experience...the elegant speed of talking when communicating. What I observed the last years in almost 85% of conversations and presentations in social media is like a speed talking contest...

[@falconbritt5461]

I would think the speed with which he is presenting here in his videos would be pretty much ideal, since communication is his thing. People speaking more quickly are easier to understand, in short. Attention can track more easily. In teacher training (I was an English teacher), we were taught that the brain thinks 16 times faster than people normally speak. Therefore, to keep the attention of listeners (in our case, students) and help them follow what we were saying, we needed to talk faster, not slower. This need for speed to hold attention is particularly true for people with ADHD, a population which is expanding rapidly. Dramatic pauses and slow speech (such as in talks by theologian Theodore Nottingham, at least his older material) can cause people's minds to go wandering several times before the end of the sentence. By the end of some of his sentences, I literally can't retrieve the entire sentence make sense of what the point was - no matter how much I love his ideas. For him, I set the playback speed to 1.25 or even 1.5 instead of 1. But for most ordinary speakers, listeners who grew up in the South (like me) have to train our brains to attend to the faster pacing used in the rest of the country. It can be done. Occasionally, one will hear a speaker ripping through her presentation like her house is on fire, and that is too fast, yes. In which case we can set the playback speed to .75. (I am using "Enhancer for KZbin" add on in Firefox and can't remember if it is that which gives me playback speed control or if playback speed control is available to everyone on YT.) Hope this helps!

[@omnificent15]

@@falconbritt5461 Thank you for sharing this..I was thinking about the connection of the heart beat and the speed of talking and even thinking...those are all frequencies and one need maybe some balance.. The connection speed , evaluation and imagination..that's worth thinking too.. ..

[@trishg8852]

Interesting you should mention Jane Austen. She's a favorite writer and storyteller of mine!

[@estheramedzro7490]

Thank you. Dr. Alex Lyon recommended your channel.

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

Alex is great! Thanks for coming over.

[@angelgrayson5807]

Very helpful information. I wish his list of adjectives was still available 😊.

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

I’ll try to post a better link.

[@Gabriel-mu6ex]

The list link is no longer available, page not found 😢 can you re upload it please ?

[@Jinkoyolo]

I have a visual impairment, 6/60 vision. And I'm placed in two worlds. Sighted and non sighted. I have so many weird awkward moments like starting at someone I can't see. Or mistaken identity of napkins as someone's phone when parting. I have to work of fake it or make it solutions myself. And find this content handy. However my approach is a bit rough and ready. Any tips or potential resources I'd benefit from.

[@let_me_sleep5392]

this is awesome, do you have a lecture series on KZbin related to the topic of communication?

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

Yes my whole channel, plus my website, HowCommunicationWorks.com, plus my tiktok channel (also HowCommunicationWorks).

[@oscaratlas]

The link for the emotional words and feelings in the description is broken

[@ronniecortex4936]

Like that!

[@tradervick]

GREAT VIDEOS!! How do you re-do a relationship, when one makes a BAD mistake!?

[@vincemcmahonreadskoran3120]

I don’t consider it cheating if I pull in words from a few other languages, but is using any TV wrestling terminology going to give me negative points?

[@4value-depend]

Have many ways to describe social situations. Create many map of social world Find how people are feeling and use different worlds to describe their situation Find out people's intention, goal of the communication and life as well

[@Niko-cb5xc]

when we watch movie after that we talk to people or friends(not close friends) they get impressed so much, even we get confused Is it really me... How that work anyway Good video.

[@c7eye]

🙏🙏🙏

[@c7eye]

💎💎💎

[@kacperkepinski4990]

page not found

[@incognito7575]

The list of emotion words is a broken link. Please repost a good link?

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

Thanks I’ll try.

[@Zeeshan_Ali_Soomro]

Sir how these dimensions will help us develop our communication skills

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

By deepening your understanding of other people, thereby allowing you to adapt your messages to them more effectively.

[@majordlma]

Hey I think the link for pdf emotion doesnnt work anyore

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

I’ll see if I can fix it thx.

[@denissemaya475]

The link to the list of emotions in the description is broken ⚠Page Not Found pops up.

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

Thanks, I’ll try to find a better link but that resource might be off the web. If you Google lists of emotion words you can find lots of others.

[@Knowledge_Nuggies]

I cannot find the link to the cognitive complexity test...

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

Hmmm. Google “candor toolkit” and look for the communication skills assessment.

[@zeke1563]

I see many introverts watching this, including me. Hi!

[@ILikeGuns1992]

Wouldn't I cheat if I know what I am expected to do if I do this test? O_o

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

Surprisingly, as long as you don’t have a thesaurus, you won’t be able to cheat. You can’t cheat at the high jump just because you know the point is to jump as high as possible. Same thing here. You only know a certain number of descriptive adjectives. So when you take the test, you will be limited by your own intrinsic cognitive complexity

[@megaposter2437]

Describing your apartment in a way that the listener can understand is actually hard, though. Not a lot of listeners can actually build a mental map based on your virtual "to the left we have" tour, so if you want to really do it you should try to use references that the listener is already familiar with.

[@IWANTHOTDOG]

The high complexity impressions come off as too abstract, lacking meaning and untrue. They lack precision and adjectives inaccurately describe people since no one embodies an adjective 100% of the time. So using them seems dishonest.

[@sjwill1956]

Communication is significantly more valued than competence......therefore being able to talk your way out of responsibility or consequences of incompetence is definitely a "skill" for success in our culture ... when people attempt to do that and you call them on it, you are labelled "difficult" .. it makes them uncomfortable as they are exposed and their position /status is now threatened .... not saying communication is not important , just way over valued and results in the elevation of mediocrity to something that it is not in reality ....

[@lolwhatever7307]

Are you a software dev? If sounds a lot like dev vs manager clash

[@ricardobezclaumann]

good theory, bad tecnique

[@teresarocha599]

your video is too dense, sorry.

[@ExiledStardust]

Halfway through this blather-fest, not one single useful tip.

[@c7eye]

💎💎💎