In Defense of Queer Misery

Happy Pride! Wait no, I mean, Sad Pride!
Help us finance our week at the Fantasolab Screenwriting Lab! paypal.me/josemld or venmo.com/u/JoseMLuna
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Wes Anderson: Style and Substance and Being Alive: • Wes Anderson: Style an...
Oppenheimer: Why Tell Stories of Great Bad Men: • Oppenheimer: Why Tell ...
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SOURCES
BOOKS
-Kramer, Larry. “F*****s” (1978)
-Isherwood, Christopher. “A Single Man” (1964)
-Schulman, Sarah. “Let the Record Show: A Political History of ACT UP New York, 1987-1993” (2021)
FILM
-101 Dalmatians (1996), dir. Stephen Herek
-All About My Mother (1999), dir. Pedro Almodóvar
-All of Us Strangers (2023), dir. Andrew Haigh
-Anhell69 (2023), dir. Theo Montoya
-Beauty and the Beast (1991), dir. Gary Trousdale & Kirk Wise
-Bohemian Rhapsody (2018), dir. Bryan Singer
-Boy Erased (2018), dir. Joel Edgerton
-Call Me By Your Name (2017), dir. Luca Guadagnino
-Can You Ever Forgive Me (2018), dir. Marielle Heller
-Carol (2015), dir. Todd Haynes
-Dallas Buyers Club (2013), dir. Jean-Marc Vallée
-The Favourite (2018), dir. Yorgos Lanthimos
-Fire Island (2022), dir. Andrew Ahn
-Frozen (2013), dir. Jennifer Lee & Chris Buck
-Happiest Season (2020), dir. Clea DuVall
-Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001), dir. John Cameron Mitchell
-Howard (2020), dir. Don Hahn
-I Killed My Mother (2009), dir. Xavier Dolan
-The Little Mermaid (1989), dir. John Musker & Ron Clements
-The Living End (1992), dir. Gregg Araki
-Love, Simon (2018), dir. Greg Berlanti
-Moonlight (2016), dir. Barry Jenkins
-The Normal Heart (2014), dir. Ryan Murphy
-Other People (2016), dir. Chris Kelley
-Pain and Glory (2019), dir. Pedro Almodóvar
-Philadelphia (1993), dir. Jonathan Demme
-Straight Up (2020), dir. James Sweeney
-The Whale (2022), dir. Darren Aronofski
SHOWS
-Angels in America
--"Millennium Approaches: Bad News" (2003) dir. Mike Nichols
--"Millennium Approaches: In Vitro" (2003) dir. Mike Nichols
--"Millennium Approaches: The Messenger" (2003) dir. Mike Nichols
-The Comeback, "The Comeback" (2003) dir. Michael Patrick King
-Love, Victor, "Welcome to Creekwood" (2020) dir. Amy York Rubin
-Open to It, "Open to Threesomes" (2022) dir. Greg Wolf
-The Other Two
--"Chase Gets the Gays" (2019) dir. Anu Valia
--"Chase Gets a Nosebleed" (2019) dir. Anu Valia
--"Chase Turns Fourteen" (2021) dir. Andrew DeYoung
--"Pat Connects with Her Fans" (2021) Chris Kelly
--"Pat Hosts Just Another Regular Show" (2021) dir. Chris Kelly
--"Pat Gets an Offer to Host “Tic Tac Toe”" (2021) dir. Mike Karnell
-Transparent
--"Pilot" (2014) dir. Joey Soloway
--"Symbolic Exemplar" (2014) dir. Joey Soloway
--"Kina Hora" (2015) dir. Joey Soloway
--"Man on the Land" (2014) dir. Joey Soloway
STAGE
-Angels in America, Tony Kushner
-Company, George Furth & Stephen Sondheim
-Fun Home, Lisa Kron & Jeanine Tesori
-The Normal Heart, Larry Kramer
PUBLICATIONS
-Turner, Kyle, "“I Could Understand a Person, If That Person Was a…” How Company Queers the Marriage Plot" The Brooklyn Rail. brooklynrail.org/2020/10/thea...
-Weekes, Princess, "The Favourite & LGBTQ Representation in Period Dramas" The Mary Sue. www.themarysue.com/the-favour...

[@trao1938]

Thank you for this present. Must admit I enjoyed it far more than I'd anticipated. I appreciate how thoughtfully you explored and analyzed this topic without necessarily feeling a need to solve it. Queer misery satisfies you because it does, and that admission is much more meaningful than the reasons why. As a soon to be a 58 year-old gay man, it still surprises me how vastly different life is for young people today, than it was for me.35-40 years ago. Because it truly doesn't feel that long ago. Films such as The Normal Heart, Philadelphia, Longtime Companion, and Angels in America accurately depicted the Queer misery of my youth (sorry Ms. Schulman, but not all of us were as brave or as helpful as we could've been.) These stories are also extremely valuable because they were written with no foreseeable endings. Imagine filming stories about the Holocaust at the same time it's actually taking place. These plays and films were just as much for us as they were for straight audiences. But for as much Queer misery that these pieces contain, there is also incredible beauty and even joy in them. Because writing them, acting in them, and funding them required enormous bravery, risk, and commitment. .And yes, while they may seem 'depressing' in retrospect, back then these works gave us validation and visibility. To see our own lives portrayed with such compassion and honesty was something we hadn't experienced before or had even thought possible. But as you'd mentioned, there was a flipside during that devastating time. In the throes of such inconceivable misery, physical intimacy was never more pleasurable or exhilarating. Friendship, music, dancing, drinking, gay bars, societal rebelliousness, body contact, and defiantly pursuing the forbidden made our bodies pulsate all over. Masculinity was necessary to our survival and self-preservation, and therefore we were always prepared to fight. And even though none of us expected to live past 30, recklessness was never an option. Queer misery was everywhere- rampant and unavoidable, and so we embraced fun and happiness for as long as we could.

[@JoseMariaLuna]

This was so beautiful to read, thank you so much for sharing this

[@trao1938]

@@JoseMariaLuna Thank YOU, Jose, for your kind words. I hope you continue creating content that expresses your unique perspectives on queerness and gay identity. I've never seen anyone discussing the topic of 'Queer misery' with regard to films and TV before. My interpretation of your essay is that it has as much to say about your own inability to personally relate to those oversimplified representations of queer-culture , as it does your deeper attraction to gay stories with more substance, grit, and human complexity. As you can see, your views resonate with a lot of the queer population, both young and old. That someone who's around half my age can create content which I not only relate to, but can use to shape my own understandings of gay-identity is an incredible thing! I also thought your inserting a potential Grindr encounter throughout the essay was a brilliant idea. Because in this age, what illustrates instant gratification' better than a sex app? With the touch of a button, we can order a sexual conquest from our phones as conveniently as a movie or a pizza. However, the young man in the video seems more burdened and distressed by the ritual of ordering an online sex partner. And perhaps it's because he already knows this random hook-up can only offer him temporary stimulation and distraction- much like those homogenously problematic queer films and programs he rallies against- and that any chances of forming a deeper, more meaningful connection are futile at best. True intimacy- the thing we all crave most- isn't achieved by sharing our bodies, but by sharing our most honest and private thoughts, feelings, and ideas. While sex can certainly be a lot of fun, we can also use it to conceal from others the most imperfect, vulnerable, complex, and messy parts of ourselves. All the stuff about ourselves that we'd never dare write about on a hook-up app, because there's nothing sexy about being genuinely human. A Grindr profile, after all, isn't supposed to describe us as someone worth getting to know, but instead highlight our most useful attributes while flaunting or exaggerating whichever surface qualities can generate the highest appraisal value. So we advertise ourselves like products stocked for mass-distribution, substituting cleverness and detachment for an actual personality until our entire identity is crushed down into a powdered concoction of easily digestible fiction. Because this is what gay men have been taught to want from each other. Self-gratification is crucial to our sense of importance and a reliable antidote for emotional isolation and social disconnect. Being desired protects us from the rejection of being understood. Whereas the young man I see in the video wants to be understood. He has an incredibly intuitive mind filled with a wondrous collection of ideas and thoughts. He is a thoughtful observer who creatively shares his viewpoints with others. He questions the world and his place in it, and he won't settle for simple answers. I really hope you continue using your unique and distinctively perceptive mind to address other topics. You have the talent and wisdom to make meaningful connections far beyond the scope of a hook-up app. Best of luck to you in your endeavors.

[@JoseMariaLuna]

@@trao1938 thank you infinitely for this, truly means the world 💛

[@LolaSebastian]

Sickos (me & my girlfriend) seeing you post this essay: YES... HA HA HA... YES!

[@JoseMariaLuna]

The way this is THE greatest honor

[@MrShoward73]

I think, for some people, stories that describe miserable situations (or misery in general) help us realise that we are not alone in our misery. Misery in all its forms forces us to obsess over our own pain, and that sometimes makes it difficult to realise that we are not the only ones who suffer. Unfortunately, many of us learn that most people don’t want to hear any “negativity”, and factor in the stigma of that misery being connected to our homosexuality, means that many of us aren’t able to share at all. Even though we realise the movie is not “real”, we understand that we are not alone, and that eases the burden, if only for a little bit and a little while. Your essay was beautiful, thank you. ☺️

[@bespectacledheroine7292]

I saw a critique of Edward Scissorhands one time that claimed it was "ableist" because it ended badly for Edward but that's what I'd *liked*. I thought, wow, finally a movie where the outcast isn't unrealistically accepted and bigotry is solved in 90 minutes. A movie that acknowledges the tragedy of being different. I thought it was damn refreshing. People have the strangest allergy to misery, as if because that remains the status quo, the story is somehow in favor? Like, no, by no means?

[@Sara_TheFatCultureCritic]

I love this. For me the key is always sincerity, sincere joy or sincere misery

[@JoseMariaLuna]

Yes! Exactly!

[@patiencekillz]

oh i love this take!

[@naminaro8842]

The beef I had with gay misery stories were for the longest time they were the only stories available.

[@Hobiemyhubby]

Thank you! Then when cliché, happy, borderline unrealistic queer stories starts coming out people started complaining, hating and being critical saying it's unrealistic. Yeah that's the point unrealistic straight stories had been told billions of times already since the beginning of cinema and now we have it in queer form that further normalise the presence of queer stories in media. My further beef with misery stories is the viewers, where alot of them only want misery stories to be shown for some reason and are just straight up hating on the happy stories

[@StewNWT]

exactly. Beautiful Thing from 1996 was the first gay movie with a happy ending.

[@ThatMackieGirl]

@@StewNWT There are gay movies with happy endings that came out way before 1996. Outrageous from 1977, My Beautiful Laundrette and Desert Hearts from 1985, Maurice from 1987, and the twin films The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert from 1994 and Too Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar from 1995 all come to mind. There was also a lot of positive rep pre-Hays Code, but a lot of those shorts don't have plot. Out of those, I like Pierrette's Escapades from 1900!!

[@StewNWT]

@@ThatMackieGirl good corrections, thanks for the list of those titles

[@ThatMackieGirl]

@@StewNWT No problem! There's way more, especially in the documentary genre. Happy queer stories have been told for as long as there's been queer people behind the camera.

[@Aldurtz]

Omg, yes I, give me the misery anytime. Yes, these should not be the only stories told, but for many of us they keep us company, they provide some comfort in not feeling alone, it helps us process and experience our feelings, we grieve for those characters and sometimes for ourselves

[@blue-bi8cn]

I gotta add the fact that queer misery is still relevant so much in most of the world as a young middle easteren queer person I find myself isolated a lot I feel so depressed most days so stories like heartstopper to me feel so out of touch and more like a fantasy, I usually find comfort in "sad" movies too, one of my favourite of all time being the perks of being a wallflower it's just wonderful.

[@blue-bi8cn]

Lmao why am I crying while watching

[@Dojafish]

SO TRUE AND REAL! Like my God, even in most western countries were they are "accepting", queers still struggle.

[@ustherein]

I’m from the US and find heartstopper unrelatable. Unfortunately the most relatable to me is moonlight

[@BradsPitts.]

Adding this to my endless watchlist of queer video essays 🤣

[@AlLeftyPenguino]

Fr! I have over 20 as of now 💀

[@prozierozie5692]

And i never get to finish the one i want to finish ​@AlLeftyPenguino

[@macaronisex]

Get a job

[@BradsPitts.]

@@macaronisex yea, I’d be careful about saying that with that username 👀

[@meumundosecreto7694]

​@@macaronisexu first

[@moonlightauras1]

Honestly, yes, I love queer drama, queer misery, queer mess. There is NOTHING like seeing your own cringe, your own obsessive, embarrassing, desperate moments and behaviors committed to narrative. That's how we come to terms with how universal and real our experiences are, and queer people still need that affirmation; people act ugly most of the time and we need more space to see that.

[@Tuvella1]

"...It was also frustrating that so much of it [the conversation] was moralising instead of seriously engaging with the text" yeah that's the internet media discourse in a nut shell

[@sarahpowell6617]

This has become my number 1 internet pet peeve lately - moralizing that is not only divorced from genuine criticism but from cultural and historic context and that doesn't allow for messiness or imperfection. Exhausting.

[@IkeanerReborn]

well that's five more movies on my letterboxd watchlist. thanks for this look into "queer misery" as something positive and empowering, something to learn and grow from, something to accept and work through, and something unique and important to us that is important to be heard. it voiced a lot of my own feelings on the matter that I certainly wouldn't have been able to express so well.

[@giselle6605]

What are rhe five movies I am going to watch this essay later

[@valuelight]

I like your video. I’m a straight black man who suffers from a ton of forced isolation. I sometimes think about ending my life because I can’t relate to my “culture” and suffer from trauma and bitterness from my adolescence. I can’t relate to other people in my community, and yet the people outside of my community, mainly whites, want to kill me or do me harm in some way. So a lot of the time, I feel like I have nowhere to go or no one to turn to. Everyone’s speaking a foreign language to me, and I guess I’m too mired in my own misery or bitterness to engage in the toxic positivity that permeates everyday life. Of course, I’ve got these patriarchal standards that the world wants to impose on me and would get ostracized and mocked for not abiding by them. I get bothered when I see sex scenes because it reminds of what I don’t have and the eternal loneliness I’m sitting in. I have no culture because it was stolen from me and commodified, repackaged for the world to consume. I’m invisible as fuck.

[@chaosi1753]

I feel you….. isolation has changed my brain… forever.

[@caaniisleeeep]

I just recently watched All of Us Strangers and (spoilers for anyone who hasn't seen it, and be aware it features some heavy topics) and I love how it seems bittersweet but it's not, really. The mc (i can't remember his name) is alone in the start and ending of the film. Seeing his parents and believing that they really have come back to life, he wants to tell them about his life and how he's changed as a person and he wants them to accept him, which is something he never got from them because he was so young when they died (and because of the time). It wasn't his love interest's death that made me cry, it was when I heard the jingle of keys in the other room of an empty apartment. It was seeing the man who had just killed himself standing in front of the mc, like some sort of apparition. The film ends with some semblance of closure or a feeling of content, after giving the audience the knowledge that things did not end so well, and that the mc is still alone. The only people I can even remeber in the film are the mc, his love interest, his parents, and the people in the gay bars they saw when they went out. They're the only ones that live in their appartment building. It's a story told with a lack of people, and at first it made things appear more intimate but a certain point it was just isolation, but it's an isolation I'm sure many of us here are intimately familiar with. Sorry to go off on a tangent I just haven't gotten much of an opportunity to talk about this film :,)

[@sarahpowell6617]

Loved this film and your thoughts

[@caaniisleeeep]

@@sarahpowell6617 appreciate it. Most people probably wouldn't read it 🥲

[@Slowdive52]

Gregg araki’s movies saved my life. They showed me that people like me existed and were valid.

[@cowgirltheworld]

I think my favourite queer misery story is Hiroshi Ando's Blue. it's an adaptation of a manga about two girls who fall in love in the last year of highschool and are forced to deal with their separation. probably my favourite movie ever

[@middlenerd178]

This is really a really great video. I think both joy and misery have a beautiful place in media. I cried the first time I read “I Wish You All the Best”, specifically the beginning when the main character’s parents kick them out. I smiled like an idiot reading “Loveless”. Both of those books spoke to my experience as a nonbinary aroace, and not many books do. While I would love a fun sci-fi romp through space featuring queer characters, I’d also love to bawl my eyes out reading about the miseries of being disconnected from your family and yearning for a community, it just needs to be done well.

[@jujube8451]

Loveless for me, was the first time I felt I wasn't confused by the aroace characters thoughts and actions. not so much of a large disconnect

[@rhymeswithmoose228]

Rrghhhhhh /pos we need so much more nonbinary aroace representation

[@kanjonojigoku8644]

i feel like this want for "happy gay stories" is a kind of american centric view? As someone whos a trans bi man from east europe, and knows many queer people from here and other european countries, things are always complicated, its never easy and happy like people seem to want, the relationships are complex, theres the grief of being gay here and now, at a time where it is difficult to be that in some places, where you might think youre the only one in your small village or town thats like this. Its hard to relate to queer stories that dont have a "darkness" to them, that dont have this grief of living in a world that isnt for you and how no matter how much you try youll always be an outsider do your community, you wont know a "normalcy" afforded to straight people. Maybe transness also plays a part in it, ive seen people developing c-ptsd like symptoms from being trans and in the closet most their life, when you live like that, its hard to relate to happy stories where things are easy. Maybe it brings people hope, that things could be so easy and happy in the future, but to me a happy gay story would be one where people struggle, and are imperfect and hurt and their relationships are complicated but in the end they persevere because they have a community and eachother. Thats what being queer is to me

[@vivanesca]

idk man heartstopper is a bestseller among baby queers in poland. and fujoshis ofc

[@kanjonojigoku8644]

@@vivanesca i didn't say those stories don't sell well outside of America ,I said it's an america centric view to want to over correct and over police queer art to where it only shows normative, happy, positive queer experiences that assimilate into straight societal concepts, it's like a "we got rights already can't you guys just be normal so we keep them" attitude

[@Lovefortea448]

Personally, I view the want for 'happy gay stories' as a desire for people in general that the real world doesn't apply. As someone whose in the closet and seen homophobia in my life, I can perfectly understand people desiring stories that treat them as normal and not a strange foreign or disgusting concept. After all, fiction can be an escape of reality just as it can be self expression. Doesn't mean their should only be happy queer stories cuz it misses the whole point in art as self expression however, I personally disagree with wanting happy gay stories is 'american centric' especially when you can also argue that by living in a country with severe homophobia can cause even more desire for happy gay stories due to not being relatable, but to escape reality from their homophobic countries.

[@digdogbulldogdog]

I feel like whether people prefer cozy optimistic media that comforts them in times of stress or upsetting media that reflects their pain and offers catharsis is a matter of personal preference. When people moralize the enjoyment of dark media it has the potential to invalidate people’s struggles I’ve genuinely seen some people claim that anyone watching media about suffering is just a privileged person enjoying misery porn or just a voyeristic sadist. Not good imo

[@SharonStoppable]

sick of queer teenage dreams, please give me more queer coming-of-middle-age. I feel alienated by stories of happy queer teens when I couldn't experience it. There was an odd double standard in my community where you were accepted as such if you were already considered popular or likable. I was odd, queer and autistic (and the last to find out.) I wasn't worth respecting, let alone Accepting. I love that quote about sacred pain. it feels sacred sometimes, especially if you belong to other minorities, your sucky situation is part of a long line of sufferers. you have to avenge an army of ghosts. you have to avenge yourself. you have to blaze a path for the next generations, you know this. and you're allowed to grumble and kvetch your way through it. because they deserve it. you deserved it too, and it's a g-ddamn shame you didn't get it. time travel only works as a forward motion. no matter how hard you cry you won't get a redo of childhood. …did you know it's still possible? you can still have a happy childhood. no, it isn't the same as going back. you are still you, that sad child is still there. they are you. so you comfort them. treat them with the kindness you didn't get the first time around. the salve to your pain is in yourself, and it really really really sucks that it isn't in other people suddenly changing their ways. they'll see you. you will fuse into yourself and you'll feel whole again. feel, because you already were whole to begin with.

[@cyckosic]

The visuals, the script and the passion in this video are top frickin notch

[@islab2458]

I am exactly half an hour in. I am too tired and too drunk -- way too drunk -- to keep watching. Whatever I say here stays, no edits. As everyone does, I have a problem with attention span these days. I really. Can't fucking tell you. How absorbed I am. In what you've made here. I'm a gay trans man. Closeted, for the most part, about being trans, for now. I dunno what you even think of trans people, but at the moment I don't care. I just. I watched I Saw the TV Glow tonight and I just. Feel like I'm part of it. Part of the line of men who love other men. In the way I didn't feel like I was allowed to. I really did get here by accident after. I'm so. Engaged. I took my first shot of T today. I wish people could understand. I wish they could understand, man. I feel like I can just be now. Just watch shit like this without endlessly wondering where I fit into it all. Like I know. I just love this video, okay? I'll watch the rest tomorrow. I'm gonna drink a little more and pass out, yeah? Thanks for this.

[@JoseMariaLuna]

Congratulations on starting T! Thanks for the earnest ramble 💛💛💛

[@harley5.7bviews5secondsago6]

Congrats on starting t, dude! This comment hit really hard btw, I'm not sure what else to say. Its hard to be surrounded by so many who don't really understand, even if they try.

[@obvsobvs8369]

so happy for u!!

[@micol7490]

So happy for you! Un abbraccio fortissimo!!! Much love ❤❤❤

[@Louisville0321]

I like seeing "queer misery" cause that's all that i ever known. I'm a queer trans man who still early in his transition. It sucks trying to figure shit out when others has known for years. Don't get me wrong starting testosterone is the best thing i ever done for myself and I don't regret it, however i feel more lost than ever. I think this feeling of being lost is due to many things. It is partly due that I knew who i was supposed to be as a woman but now as a trans man, i don't know who I'm supposed to be. I'm partly having to build myself back up from scratch. It's such a isolating feeling and i feel so alone at times that it hurts. So these queer misery movies bring me a cold comfort that tells me I'm not actually alone. Heartstoppers is a sweet show but it feels fake and hollow at times.

[@lenawalters1866]

second Jose video in one month?? we are being touched by gods!

[@fanimedusoleil]

Well, thank you for articulating why one could be attracted to sad stories in a meaningful way. I´ve only been able to explain this to people as "I like stories that make me empathize with the characters", to which people tend to reply "so, does that mean you can´t empathize with happy characters", to which I have no reply and feel like shit. hehe. he. *stares at the void in desperation* Also, as a fellow broke latin queer creator.... best of luck with Fantasolab!!

[@JoseMariaLuna]

Thank you so much! Solidarity with the creation and the void!

[@vivvy_0]

just say your experience is different and normal happy portrayal just doesn’t do it for you

[@kalka1l]

Egg whites and paper bag roller set if you want bed proof curls.

[@JoseMariaLuna]

Oh my God, thank you!

[@kalka1l]

@@JoseMariaLuna brilliant video! I should have said that sooner but I focused on sharing historical hair care tips. Congratulations on your award!

[@maria_bernadina]

as a straight cis women (who grew up in a small town) and now studying cinema, videos about queer topics/cinema always teach me so much about an experience I will most likely not live trough myself. Your essays are a joy to watch! Creative format, clear arguments and, very important, great movies to add to my Letterboxd watchlist :)

[@jujube3736]

I don't always like the stories of queer misery, but more often than not, they're the stories that have some substance to them.

[@sillyguyfred]

QUEER VIDEO ESSAY NATION WINNING TONIGHT. this is so well made god damn

[@satyasyasatyasya5746]

I can't consume media that is happy because I am miserable and resent it, and I can't consume media that is miserable because I experience no catharsis. So I just don't. I gave-up.

[@strawbeehouse]

Knocked it out of the park! Can't wait to see more about your screenplay!!

[@xaicho]

as someone who devours sad gay media, i also think that we need more gay joy stories. but it's a fine line for me. i need joy that feels earned. season 1 of heartstoppers was that for me because as unrealistic as i think the story is, there is an incredible lack of stories where we get to see gay people just be happy. recently it's been like what, bros and red white and royal blue that have been the two big releases for gay romcoms. we deserve some fluff too. the world is sad enough as it is.

[@kennedyadkins4173]

found myself crying about halfway through and never really stopped. thank you for your beautiful work!

[@sarah_cook]

Truly gorgous video, and cannot wait to see your new project

[@1yj.i09_]

Thank you so much for this video, probably one of the best film video essays I’ve seen on KZbin!

[@hazmatz]

incredible work once again! love your passion for art and it really makes your videos a cut above. so excited to see your upcoming projects ❤

[@santyso5075]

I appreciate so much the cinematography of your video and lovely set design! The topic at hand...simply pointed for the month being, thank you for this :)

[@ML-dk8xl]

I've been WAITING for this video omfggg

[@blooperest]

I fken love these types of essays, how is this video not widespread yet? Absolutely loved it ❤

[@dimitra_k]

Another banger wow!! You always make such excellently constructed arguments and really delve into each piece of media you reference I love it

[@StormyCalligo]

saw this in my recommended and i'm glad i clicked on it! very good video.

[@ArcySparky]

You name drop Heartstopper, but for me Heartstopper is a show about gay misery. I watched it with my partner and the two of us cried through it the whole time. It showed how little it would have taken to turn the hell I went through as a teenager into something bearable. The first episode opens with Charlie in an abusive relationship with a closeted older boy and ends with him being sexually assaulted. The rest of the season is him making friends, being supported by teachers, shown care and compassion. I kept waiting for the terrible thing to happen. For the characters to get injured, or sick. For the love to betrayed. When it didn’t happen it made me realise how awful a world I had come to expect. How little room there was for an idea of joyful gay love. And how little it would have taken for my experience of cruelty born of homophobia to be helped and healed. Heartstopper is devastating because it imagines a world where there is enough love to heal pain. A world we do not live in, but could.

[@anka9405]

got this video in my recommended and then saw you made videos about ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE as well as OVER THE GARDEN WALL!!! this, coupled with you mentioning sondheim, has me hooked. thank you for this great video and can't wait to watch the rest of your channel!

[@reggiecarter6082]

Cmbyn does have a bittersweet ending but it was SUCH A GREAT MOVIE Of an Age as well & Moonlight

[@fra7427]

this is insanely well done

[@jittery...]

Every word you said rang true. Really a beautiful and thoughtful video, every word seemed intentional. Good job.

[@AlbertoGarcia-wd7sc]

I hated how in Love Simon the blackmailer suffers no consequence. Also, how selfish were Simon's friends

[@jakethatcher_]

This video is so incredible and thorough and well researched. Congratulations this was aspirational to me in terms of clarity and form.

[@TheNeonCaster]

I am also down for films about queer characters be sad and messy, but I think what I look for there is the same as what I look for in stories about queer joy - where their sexuality is not the main drama of the narrative. It is startlingly rare to find queer leads in a non-romance, in joy or sorrow, but I think the potential for stories like that to be relatable is so, so high.

[@JoseMariaLuna]

Can You Ever Forgive Me is one of my recent favorites in part because exactly that, a non-romantic approach to queer struggles

[@sarahpowell6617]

YES, so well said. Queerness doesn't rely on currently having a partner or prioritizing romantic love - maybe right now a queer character's focus is family drama, or fighting crime, or going on a quest!

[@robertadler4354]

I love your channel so much. Great analysis!

[@zhioba]

my heart and soul felt so deeply seen by this. Thank you

[@quietdime]

This is a wonderful essay. Thanks for turning me on to these films. I was averse to Fire Island, but now, I really want to watch!

[@AristaRuMora]

As a trans and gay Colombian, I'm so happy that you included the discussion around Angel69 in this video-essay. There's this terrible idea that queerness and queer persecution is a Western thing when, in reality, queernes and queer art are universal.

[@ladygrey4113]

Omg the screenplay you’re talking about sounds awesome. Hope it gets far

[@Jacobenz]

Thank you for making this video. I found it very moving.

[@jordan-tg6nx]

@21:12. you put this so perfectly. i've tried to explain this to people in my own life and could never explain it quite right

[@evynfife7603]

Loved this thank you!

[@andya6837]

Great video, it really pushed me towards introspection

[@Nico_rod23]

I just found your channel and I kind of love it. Officially subscribed lol

[@vincent_2232]

This is a stellar video essay and I loved the Grindr pings for comedic relief! The one thing I’d like to add to the conversation is my interpretation of queer people being drawn to queer misery films/media we can see our experiences reflected and it goes back to the feeling of being alone and seeing this pain and misery reminds us that we aren’t alone in our struggles

[@queerulantin6431]

great edit. thank you.

[@jackfruth3738]

Beautifully done

[@crisunderscore]

Watched "all of us strangers" cause of this video. Thank you so much, holy shit. Also, subscribed!

[@StewNWT]

I died laughing at the perspective fade between the 'bottom?' and the douche in the background. Gay misery is a real frustration. I grew up in the Northwest Territories in Canada and was the first out gay guy in my hometown. But I was also a big jock and loved competitive sports and was a high achiever (ended up becoming a family doctor, where I now practice in Richmond, BC). And I was so sure that when I went off to university I would meet someone I had things in common with, or could identify with. Find a boyfriend, maybe get married and have kids (I graduated high school in 2000). But FUCK has it not turned out that way at all - I found I had nothing in common with most gay men, was treated cattily and shittily by guys I tried to talk to, no one wanted to date, and I didn't have my first boyfriend til I was 30-fucking-5. And by then you become lonely, develop disconnect between physical and emotional intimacy, and everything just feels disappointing. I don't even really care for sex anymore. It has so little to do with intimacy. I still can't find people I have things in common with

[@CIRCA2003]

i keep crying but i cant stop watching, love this video

[@ishmaelgonzalez370]

This is amazing. Thank you.

[@dagmawidawit8743]

this is one of the most honest and sincere video essay about the topic of queer misery that i have ever came across.

[@src3360]

Everyone complains about grindr but can never seem to delete the app 😅

[@GaruxPuru]

Thank you for expressing this. I feel so seen.

[@alexandramaclachlan7597]

Subscribed xx This video was incredible, and I really appreciate you for writing the way you have. Thankyou for compassionately making space for the "yucky" parts of our queer journey through cinema

[@micol7490]

Vabbè, è bellissimo e crudele questo video, mi hai quasi fatto piangere... Grazie ❤

[@JoseMariaLuna]

Prego 💛

[@AlLeftyPenguino]

Only 12 minutes in as I’m typing this and I just want to say that this is already such a wonderful video! I’m sunken into the atmosphere and comfort you’ve built! It feels as if I’m lying in the bed next to you as you ramble on as I answer with “uh-huh” and “yeah” while scrolling through Grindr OwO Anyways, gonna watch the rest of the vid!!! ^^

[@ladygrey4113]

4:44 but boy erased was an adaptation of a autobiography versus a historical dark comedy.

[@sassylittleprophet]

Yeah, it was literally based on the author's real life. Calling it "basic" or "boring" is something I find to be very dismissive, I guess.

[@sassylittleprophet]

I know. Calling Boy Erased "basic" or "boring" when it's a true story to me feels very dismissive and insensitive. Like, how do you call a depiction of someone's real-life trauma explicitly connected to their queerness "basic" and "boring"? Idk, I felt like that misses the mark. Just don't mention it, or say you didn't care for it.

[@reginalibonoito]

I like Boy erased .Is a super valid voice from the author.The book is good too

[@ladygrey4113]

@@reginalibonoito hopefully I was clear that I was highlighting reason why the two films are so different. I think it’d be silly to do a 1-1 comparison of films with such different premises

[@neferpitou1788]

so excited to watch this later🤍🤍

[@zollyz]

This is a such well thought out, articulate and inspiring video essay with great editing. You just gained a new subscriber from Australia who grew up queer in communist China! Keep up the good work ❤

[@Kebbythetraveler]

Killer essay as always, excited to (very slowly) get through your recommendations xp also ending with the Last Dance needle drop from FI? *chef's kiss* I love that movie SO much : I love how Howie is clearly Jane but ALSO CHARLOTTE! I love how it's so obviously a way for JKB to tell the audience about queer media he loves. also fun fact, the actor who played Cooper went to my high school!

[@user-nr2ij7dp9b]

Thanks for this superb video essay. Greetings from Boyacá!

[@strawbeehouse]

(Hasn't watched the video yet) I'm so excited for my miserable queers. I've described my favorite literary genre as being "bad things happening to gay people" so this will be right up my alley :)

[@Mosstrades]

excited!

[@raekarkoc928]

My memory of Angels in America isn't perfect, but i recall Prior's friends & queer community members being a core part of his recovery and survival? What straight man are they even talking about??

[@JoseMariaLuna]

The comment refers specifically to Meryl's character arc, Joe's mother, whose redemption arc gets a lot of emphasis in the second half of the play

[@shashatainment]

absolutely loved the video, so glad to have gotten it in my recommended feed! i think both sides (the queer misery and the bubblegum sweet type of stuff) are important - like, when i was living in a country were being openly queer meant putting urself in a lot of danger; i was using the sugary stuff as a form of escapism, but now that i'm in a safer place and at peace with my identity, i gravitate towards "heavier" stories. and what's even more important imo is having all of that and more available, not framing the many queer lives and experiences as just this one thing that neatly fits into a box - that (once again imo) would reflect and fit the many queer ways of life and experiences, and i feel like we're getting more range as of the last 20 yrs :)

[@Investigator86]

Thank you

[@ThisIsMyRectangle]

I'm like halfway through this and it's a great video essay so far. One question though that keeps popping up as I'm listening to this is: Why is it that with non-gay audiences, or to be more specific, the general white, straight American audience, individuals media consumers are allowed to have preferences for the genre, content, mood, complexity, style, etc. and no one bats an eye. But when it comes to gay films, we all start fighting about who is "right and wrong" when it comes to taste? Why is it never okay to just say, "we deserve gay media, and in varied forms?" I often feel like the gay community in general wants to create a monolithic subjectivity of ourselves, and more and more lately I think it explains the level of blasé exhaustion with being gay that more and more people have been bringing up in -- ironically -- different ways.

[@LockandKeyHyena]

ohhhh i’ve got to make time to watch this one

[@jackm.j.3549]

What I will say about Happiest Season is that the way they treated the autistic coded sister disgusted me. As an autistic lesbian, I found myself more closely identifying with her. I hated the way she was treated by the narrative.

[@5050clown]

fully accepting this is pedantic: might be more accurate to say Joel Kim Booster’s ‘Fire Island’ directed by Andrew Ahn, which is important because the film pretty explicitly about gay anti-asian racism and not just toxic gay culture on fire island - which the film does not fully explore since it’s creator, writer, director, and stars had something very specific to highlight. They deserve to be credited as such.

[@jakethatcher_]

SUCH a great video!!!

[@LittleMonsterStefani]

i should say something thoughtful and intelligent maybe to express how thoroughly i've enjoyed this video and how it's made me cry and i've really loved it but i can't really so this'll do. thank you

[@somethingunusual8456]

I'm so glad the messed up algorithm worked at least once by bringing me here. Really astouding work! Just to add to the conversation, something i've been thinking for a while now has been how arospec and aspec representation is basically in its embrionary state compared to that of queer allos (which still don't get enough attention and resources don't get me wrong!) when often, in real life, me not being openly aroace gets in the way of so many things and brings me a lot of pain. Even media who does include arospec and or aspec rep seems not to be really worried to include any shades of gray there. We need some snarky, miserable and interesting aro/ace characters too 🙂

[@antoinebutterfly8555]

My soul jumped at the Grindr notification

[@callummay5184]

You’ve put a lot of work into this video and it shows. There were moments where what you were saying hit me in gay places I hadn’t felt before. I really enjoyed this. Felt like watching a seasoned video essayist. Hope you blow up cause it’d be well deserved.

[@Chelaxim]

Thanks for giving a Pavlov's Dog reaction in the first second of the video. 🙃

[@kathylennerds750]

Feels like a small miracle that this video got recommended to me, bc it doesnt seem necessarily algorithm friendly but gosh am I glad it did. A whole list of new movies to look into :) Personally, as an aromantic person this stuff will never truly be relatable to me and I have no hopes of aromantic characters ever being much acknowledged beyond perhaps… some side character but I LOVE tragedy and doomed romances regardless. Something about the love having mattered and existed regardless of how things ended has always appealed to me in some way.

[@sianni80]

Thank you for a very reflective and thoughtful analysis of queer narratives in pop culture. How you juxtaposition suffering and positivity is very interesting and is something that I can’t make my mind up about myself. On one hand I’m sick and tired of the negativity and endless stories about how queer lives end in tragedy, on the other hand just focusing on positive positive narratives, can make us forget about the nuances of queer experiences.

[@user-tv6zf8nt8s]

There is a special comfort for m in the idea of queer misery. I’m growing up within a JW household (yay homophobia!) so I just kinda always accepted the fact that I would be considered the “wicked” if I turned out queer and die at the end not being able to live in the infamous paradise. Regardless I’m lucky enough to not have to ONLY grow up on tragedies by the fact that I was able to watch Shows like Shera and the princesses of power and the owl house which allowed me to not have to grow up a strong sense of shame I often see other queer people grow up in. But yet queer misery or at least writing queer misery made me often think of the idea that it’s worth it in the end. These 2 people are falling apart at the seams it’s an absolute mess of a relationship. but in the end you still get a smile, a simple laugh at a stupid joke, or just knowing that you make each other happy. Maybe it does work out in the end, through it all you get a happy life together. And at the same time you know that if you don’t. Even if it all ends badly those happy even if short moments were worth it.

[@averney]

Thank you.

[@asterismos5451]

I watch a lot of queer movies but make a point to avoid the tragic ones, anything that ends in a sad ending and most things that don't end with the main couple together (assuming it's a romance). Been burned too many times before. And yeah you mentioned a lot of movies here that I wasn't fond of but also several I adore. Because I don't mind if a movie is sad or just in some way ...not happy, so long as it's got great writing, and often these movies that aim to be less just pure fluff wind up getting to great writing and complex and interesting characters. Some things are even good enough that I don't mind them being tragic. I was so so happy to see Straight Up mentioned, it's absolutely one of my top 10 movies ever and as an aromantic person it means so much to me how it explores the concepts of amatonormativity and relationship anarchy. I also want to shout out my favourite movie, And Then We Danced, which from the sounds of things, you'd really like.

[@vivanesca]

fantastic shit man

[@percyweasley9301]

I discovered you because of your hot thumbnail.. Now I'm appreciating your brain and thoughts.. Thank you for your existence... Watching from Assam, India.. ❤😊

[@skyler4211]

thanks for giving me a new reason to have an existential crisis. honestly tho, amazing video. good job :)

[@lt7388]

It is only misery when the ending sucks, knock on the cabin, for example. It becomes bittersweet in context when there is hope in the ending. I want a damn happy and hopeful ending where the couple overcomes all obstacles, otherwise wtf was all that pain for, and what kind of ending is that to aspire to.