INFJ Explained | Why INFJs Are Either Too Angry Or Too Forgiving

[@Wenzes]

Are you too forgiving or too angry? What is your tendency?

[@elmehdisaniss2731]

Not too angry and not too forgiving.

[@edwardzhou8590]

I have a tendency to be too angry at people only to forgive everything they’ve done to try and move on, but then continue to stay resentful on the inside :(

[@simovtransportmedia1137]

This is a complex question. We have a tendency to bottling up emotions so it will be anger sometime. The problem is because of my introversion I am totaly able to make a huge drama from a little thing and get angry because of the way I situate my visions and reactions towards a person that I have close relations with, but that isnt such a big problem. Why I have to punish myself for people who can't even understand me. Anger is a temporary condition. I simply cannot take this load as an HSP and when I fell in such situation I struggle 24/7 to get out of it and find way to forgive and rearrenge my world and emotions. Anger makes me go crazy. I do remember my first colegue in February 2018. She got mad at me because of a tiny thing and stopped talking to me for my last three days there. That made me feel like I'm living a nightmare. That also didn't made me unwanting to come again in the store later on and everything seemed normal but we are simply not born to be colegues.

[@edenaprincesa]

Both

[@ThoughtfulTunes]

Forgiving. *edit* until I'm not, if ya know what I mean. 🙏

[@roberttrough6439]

I’m told I have a look on my face! My daughter says it’s a stink face. I’m in my own head thinking about whatever the day has. I’m perfectly happy once out of my head I can smile, sing, dance, enjoy others company to a point then I need to retreat and rest.

[@xavierdomenico]

I am only too angry with my family, which is sad to say, but it's true. To friends or acquaintances, I am too forgiving.

[@Wenzes]

Realization is the first step 👍

[@tamimuddin8077]

Same😣

[@Pablo450a]

Same here

[@theflippantfox]

Are you able to control it now? I need help

[@janinkriziaformaran1313]

Same 😂😅

[@vale900m8]

I get angry!.. and then feel sorry and apologize for getting angry...like aaaall the times!!

[@TroyPosey]

Oh man... I used to hold onto bad interactions for weeks, months, sometimes YEARS, just constantly replaying in my mind how I could have done or said something different to make the outcome more palatable, or until I talk to that person again, and get it rectified... Now I just don't give a shit. I said what I said, if it pissed you off, then so be it. I no longer worry myself about what people think or why they got mad, or what happened. Now I just keep walking forward with my head held high, and stand in my own power. And since I started doing that, my life has gotten SO MUCH BETTER! I feel physically lighter, like a permanent weight has been lifted off of me. I'm able to interact with people better. I'm able to not be SO shy and bothered by what people think about me. I know I'm not the best looking dude, and I know I need to lose weight. I know I'm a work in-progess...But that doesn't mean that I have to walk around feeling ashemed like everyone is judging me for how I look, because I'm not some male model. I am who I am...Accept me, or don't. If you don't want to? Your loss. 👍🏻

[@Wenzes]

👏👏👏

[@StopRemindingMeOfThoseDays]

Well done. I hope I can get to this level of self- acception someday

[@psychicdevelopmentexercise]

Been there lol

[@Stumpybear7640]

You and me both. To find your power on this earth is indeed a blessing. Go you!

[@randyramos2826]

Hooponopono! I love this. I am from Hawaii!

[@macoeur1122]

lololo! I love the way you say "I love you for being the lazy person that you are..." and you say it with a completely straight face. I could have a lot of fun with this one...i.e...."I love you for being the (lying? manipulative? screwed up? predator? etc...) that you are!" Just as a little comic relief... I do hear what you're actually saying as well...but couldn't help but laugh.

[@Wenzes]

😉👍

[@thegypsymothsimpilot9620]

Often times it's the lazy people whom outlast the go getters on Naked & Afraid. Maybe it was just the same 12,800 years ago. Was it Thomas Edison who said "People will expedite every means possible to get out of the chore of doing hard work." I know that I am guilty of that. If I burn less energy and consume less water then survival days last longer. It maybe that our Survival was Survival of the Laziest and not Survival of the Fittest?

[@Stumpybear7640]

​@@thegypsymothsimpilot9620 I only realised this truth in the last 2 years of my career. I did my job, put in the effort - for nothing. The lazy ones, or the coasters got exactly the same salary and they sucked up to the boss to get the easiest jobs. I'm retired and gardening now. As happy as a pig in sh1t 😂

[@marialulu6917]

Thank you so much. I had never understood why… most of the time, I feel angry at everything (and at everyone). I used to feel so weird for feeling that discomfort just because of a simple thing. I try to find the reason, I try to understand and accept the feeling and do not let it to take over me, but in the end I just still mad. I also used to think like “why most of INFJs say they never get angry? I know I am truly an INFJ, but I feel angry too often. Something may be wrong with me in that case”. So thank you again, for helping me to see better this situation, with a new perspective.

[@feiwaan]

Same here 💯 I relate so well with what you said.

[@Elven.]

Me too, I know this comment is old but I struggle with it on a daily basis just thinking about facing the world

[@tylersingleton9284]

I instantly forgive people who humble themselves and regret what they've done, but I will hold onto the most petty slight if they are arrogant or proud about it.

[@gdyong8824]

This helped me realise that even when iam really upset. I take it all in and never get angry.

[@Wenzes]

I was the same

[@khadraLuula]

Thanks for the encouragement , I am allowing my self to get angry today . I have been numbing my anger for years , but I am starting to feel it again , it's not comfortable , but I will get comfortable with it , it's about me as you said , I really want to move forward , and become the best version of me . So much love wenzes , your channel is a life saver for me and many others . 🌹🌹🌹

[@feiwaan]

I love that you use examples and analogies to explain... it really suits me to understand so much better

[@stevemiller8895]

It doesn't matter what negative emotion you're having , they all need to process and the very simple process is acknowledging accepting with loving kindness and hospitality you're wounded feelings when they come into your daily life, and treat them like a parent treats their wounded children , so be a parent to your wounded feelings/ children. And if you do this you will allow your wounded feelings/ children to transform into healed feelings / children.

[@MCPanda-bl3nc]

As a child, I would get frustrated with family dynamics and general dynamics that are often experienced in plenty of circumstances, so I put space between me and everyone else, including my parents and sister. I would constantly analyze how people are and eventually came to the conclusion that these circumstances and dynamics are inescapable. They come and go. As long as I was a child, I couldn't act like an adult, and it's not like I had the capacity of expressing myself as well as an adult anyway. My thoughts were much more mature than my age and that of my older cousins. I could even tell in which ways the adults around me were lacking as people. Yet, I couldn't express myself and I knew the only option was to wait until I'm older because I was so easily dismissed. Eventually, I started expressing myself more in middle school, so I was a lot more talkative. As a child, there were a few times I was told: "calladita te ves mas bonita" ("you're more pleasent/look prettier when silent"). When I started expressing myself more in middle school it was because it was about time I started getting used to constantly voicing my thoughts compared to before when I: 1. needed distance from everyone to look at them objectively and 2. didn't have the ability to articulate complex thoughts even ok-ish. It was a significant change and my family noticed. Again they made that joke about how oh I'm talking so much, I look prettier when silent. That damn joke/saying is something I hate about mexican culture. It's just a fancy way of saying "Shut TF up you're a pain". Even the first time I heard the saying, that is exactly what it sounded like to me, I knew how condescending they were being. There's plenty of Bullshit I quickly started noticing from a very young age, even my earliest memory was like a WTF moment for me and it was in preschool. I basically hadn't given a shit about other people's opinions for a long time already when I finally decided to not give a shit about what others want from me (mind you, it was more like filter majority of it but not all because even with being less talkative, I wouldn't just go along with something if I really didn't want to). I decided it was about time to start practicing communicating properly and being more social in middle school, which was something I really needed. Even now, there's a distance between me and my extended family. I'm not too big on family compared to other people and boy is that distance something that keeps me healthy. They are of far more average thinking processes if I had to describe it. We're just too different. Half the time I'm facepalming myself because they are much more simpleminded than me and I'm like O_O. Is there still some resentment? Maybe. Do I care to forgive? Not really. However, I know my own value and I can talk to them, but I just don't feel close to them other than basic family standards. if they weren't my family, they would likely be people I never meet/interact with or prefer not to hang out with because we are too different. I know the way things are in this world so I won't get mad at general circumstances, but if I feel anger, I am capable of expressing it the way that I need to. Sometimes that's outward because I react instantly, other times it is just processing the situation further in my head and giving myself space to refocus and move on. I'm mexican so I'm no stranger to loud arguments. I'm capable of putting harmony aside to express my thoughts and opinions. Usually, some disharmony is capable of resulting in better harmony than before. *~Communication, wow~* -I know this is long.. if you made it here, I applaud you.. this post is definitely my completely unfiltered thoughts. You can see how I can be *intense* to much more simple people..

[@eneopopa3145]

Im an Infj to i read your comment and your not alone This situation its like my situation When i was in 4 grade school i didnt talk only when asked at class by teacher and my class was crazy making big noise smile laugh and i was really confused and closed my ear with finger and a teacher come to class and i said to him to say class to shut up and that i can dure this noise and he said to me why are you lying you are talking the most that anyone here i got super super mad and that time was at the end of 4 grade when we go to 5 grade I talked more than my entire class talking to anyone annoying anyone asking everything that goes to my mind hand laugh to see their reaction really i was insane and i just droped a bit now im 17 before was 11 It was really funny My family is mother estj and brother entj when i say to them i will be a sience or build amazing things but im very serious about this they start to laugh but i get mad but then smile beacuse i mirror them xD I appreaciate them very much beacuse they are trying the best to make me have a better future when i didnt know about mbti they looked to me so unhearted and really explosive get me really stressed when they debate but now i can really know their weakness and when they do something with heart My dad is an estp but divorced when i was 2 so i dont have any problem with this Its a bit problem beacuse we are very opposite at personality but now i can understand im better and act like what he wants not extreme thing but like eat sleep stay in good posture beacusd im very lazy xD wash my face every morning etc So its really amazing how knowledge and things change ur life If u wanna know how i type my family i think i have a really great ability to recognize for mbti (what i learn) and notice in real life Have a good day :p

[@marialulu6917]

Yo lo leí todo. Te entiendo, a veces es muy difícil tratar de manejar los pensamientos o sentimientos que te vienen durante situaciones en las que tus diferencias con tu familia se hacen muy/más notorias. A mí me pasa seguido lo del “facepalm” por cosas que hacen/ dicen y de repente solo me pregunto por qué para ellos cosas “vanas” son tan importantes, por qué disfrutan x cosa o… por qué para mí todo tiene que ser tan complejo y por qué me deben importar tanto ciertas cosas. (Relacionándolo con lo del video, creo que esos momentos son los que, en mi caso, me llevan a sentir constante enojo, aunque ahora tengo más herramientas para tratar con esa emoción. Aún así debo seguir trabajando en eso.) Me alegra que en tu caso ya lleves mejor esas situaciones.

[@Stumpybear7640]

I laughed when I read that you considered your family simpleminded😂 I have the same problem to the extent that I beleive I was a foundling to my family because I feel so different. Luckily I have one particular neice with whom I share a special bond. She is sharp and unafraid. I am so lucky. Good wishes to you and yours x

[@mr.goodwrench8273]

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names" - - - John F. Kennedy

[@bethnicholls3369]

Wow, you've totally described me. You're so right on. Thank you

[@joyandrews3804]

Why do I feel a sense of loss in giving up my anger and resentment at how my parents treated me? How do I fill the gap?

[@amyj.4992]

This is why I mind my own business, my parents were never like this. Can't relate to that part

[@macoeur1122]

Great message. One I'm intimately familiar with and, yes, I can vouch for it's validity. I wonder, if I had heard this before I figured it out on my own, if I would have actually "understood it" to the point of "believing it" and "acting on it". I don't know if this is also an INFJ trait, or just part of my own personal idiosyncrasies, but I have heard so much advice throughout my life that's led me in the wrong direction that I almost feel I can't really trust any advice unless/until I have already verified it for myself...in which case the main benefit in hearing it is just a kind of "validation" that I managed to pull myself through a situation in a way that is deemed "healthy" by at least one other person....which is a bigger deal than it may seem. Thanks for the message...and for communicating it in such a careful way. It really shows that you get the "balancing act" nature of where we (or at least "I") feel we need to end up. In a way this is another message about the necessity of healthy boundaries vs. selfishness....Something most INFJs usually need a lot of help with!

[@amyriffle8293]

It is amazing how on point you are in your videos. Thank you so much 💓

[@TinyBudha]

All your videos have helped me a bunch. thanks Wenzes

[@roberttrough6439]

INFJ first needs to forgive themself. INFJ need to recognize we have our own weakness like perfection. Have to stop beating yourself up. Why didn’t I know that person was tricking me, lying to me? I love them don’t they know their hurting me? Why don’t they listen to me I have their best interest at heart. When INFJ gets over these and similar self thoughts and you forgive yourself. Then you can forgive those that hurt you. NOT that your going to continue with that hurtful person. We’re our own worst enemy! We give us self talks and soo hard on our selves. Argh! 😊

[@imdjc4]

Forgiving is selective. Grumpy (entry-level anger) most of the time.

[@Anonymous_Anon882]

Sometimes people almost-purposefully hold you back in life, treat you badly for no reason and/or take you for a ride. In those cases being too forgiving won’t win you brownie points.

[@RaynaZ-y]

Yup, that’s why I come from a different perspective. Always struggle with forgiveness which doesn’t mean you have a small heart or anything as it’s your right. We are all humans and not perfect so can falter, make mistakes so if it’s up to like twice, it’s fine. But if people do bad to you more than that, there’s no forgiveness because things must be made right. I’m so triggered by injustice and it seems like so unjust to just be like it’s OK what they are doing and also promotes that sort of things. I don’t think we would just be in a world where people can do anything they want to another person and get away with it like that’s OK. I’m sorry but there’s no forgiveness and there needs to be justice eventually to make things right which is what keeps me at peace and allows me to move on.

[@brotherlyelk7296]

This is fantastic

[@Stumpybear7640]

I'm well able to become angry especially after trauma, and post menopause. Testosterone rules! People need an outburst every now again. People respect it. If you don't show anger, people will walk all over you and you deserve better than that. Express anger appropriately. Infj anger is a formidable weapon. Use it wisely.

[@gdyong8824]

I never noticed this.thank you,

[@Wenzes]

👍😊

[@stevemiller8895]

INFJS NEED TO Process process process process process process your feelings! AND THE FEELINGS OTHERS THAT YOU ADVERTENTLY AND OR INADVERTENTLY PICK UP THAT DAY. IF YOU HAVE A WOUNDED OR NEGATIVE FEELING ACKNOWLEDGE IT DON'T RUN FROM IT AND GO DO SOCIAL MEDIA OR GO DRINKING OR EATING OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF DISTRACTION, DON'T BE DISTRACTED FROM IT! LET IT SURFACE INTO YOUR MOMENT, AND THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOUR FEELINGS IS LIKE A PARENT TO A CHILD SO MAKE IT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE! THEN ACCEPT IT, AND GIVE IT LOVING KINDNESS AND HOSPITALITY AS A PARENT TO HIS OR HER OWN WOUNDED CHILD. AND LET IT BE AND AS YOU DO, YOU NO LONGER NEED TO KEEP IT, YOU WILL NOW HAVE THE FREEDOM TO LET IT GO! BECAUSE AT THE POINT OF ACCEPTANCE YOUR FEELING TRANSFORMED FROM WOUNDED TO HEALED WHICH ACTUALLY IS THE RESULT FROM ACKNOWLEDGING AND ACCEPTING IT. THIS IS SUCH AN EASY PROCESS, THAT FOR YOU NOT TO USE IT, WILL BE A CRYING SHAME!

[@shahnimwalter9610]

GEM! yes

[@annieporco1627]

INFJ’s are great, accept Christ into you life, now that in the real answer.

[@smileyatthebeach3452]

This is amazing!!! So helpful.

[@hannatalks8437]

Brilliant video again.thank you Wenzes

[@flame200]

All of that aside, as an Artist, I find your face very symmetrical and beautiful, with very big/sharp facial features. Beautiful lady, with beautiful words and content. I wish I was as calm as you are hehe.

[@Wenzes]

Thank you 😊

[@flame200]

@@Wenzes You're most welcome, love. ^_^

[@bobevans5282]

I always wanna know about why narcissist are getting success more easily than people who are not?

[@Wenzes]

Because the always put themselves first...(but often without integrity and while pushing others down)...but if you put yourself first and lift others up as well it‘s a win win...this of course takes time and dedication but it‘s totally rewarding

[@TroyPosey]

@@Wenzes Exactly! I’ve known a lot of them over the years, and I’ve learned how they operate, and I’d even venture to label it as damn-near sociopathic in nature.

[@sakenne]

@@Wenzes Putting ourselves first sounds almost like committing a deadly sin for us INFJs, maybe it's because we've been way too involved with narcissists, sociopaths and even psychopaths so most of us associate the "me first" behavior with becoming bullies and predators 🤔.

[@stevemiller8895]

I hope you understand that your perspective is totally codependent, and I understand that because INFJs tend to be more codependent than other personality types because of your extroverted feeling. But it is at that point in time that you need to learn how to process your feelings but not only your feelings but the feelings that you pick up from others because now they are a part of you and they also need to be processed. And if you do not maintain this processing feelings you will be subject to the negative feelings that you possess they will become you and you will become them and that is why it is important especially for the infj to process their feelings, but you have to be willing to look inward and if you don't, you will have a difficult existence on this Earth

[@ThoughtfulTunes]

God, I need this one. And ain't that vid title the truth 👆🥺

[@interviewwiththeprince3640]

Yep! 🤙🏾

[@kymelatejasi]

I am usually forgiving. I can't hold a grudge for anything. I've tried. I may sound angry really quick, but it never sticks around. Only in this past year have I held onto any anger. Someone I should be able to trust pushed me so far away that I could no longer come to him with problems I was going through, but he thinks he knows what's going on and has any say in what I need. I think I'm actually more sad than angry, though.

[@duke3229]

It is and isn’t.

[@eckoalciso7552]

I been experiencing today to understand other person that's why I suspend not to angry? Almost 9 months already to understand them. Is that abusive action to me or not?

[@ameliarose6648]

so i resonated with this video TOO much up until the anger part because I have no problem with showing anger lol i have had anger issues since I was young...do you know why this could be?

[@designjoy5675]

Deep

[@MMazen-kl5ku]

Why there isn't such a channel for infps too ;"""""

[@duke3229]

My vice is respect.

[@stevemiller8895]

I'm sorry but your information, is mistaken, nobody can tell you to be yourself or not be yourself unless you give them permission to do so. Because that choice belongs to the keeper of self which is you and me.

[@gloria4524]

This is not me at all

[@anitahendricks]

💛

[@stephenfegely]

🤗

[@stevemiller8895]

You are forcing everything in this video! Nothing here is coming as a result of something for example if you acknowledge and accept you're wounded feelings by letting them surface into your present moment instead of trying to suppress them then that is allowing them to process you have to have the courage to feel you're wounded feelings. And if you do the result is your giving value to yourself you are loving yourself by letting yourself experience those feelings, because as you do they transform if you let yourself for example experience your feelings of rejection and then you accept your rejection your rejection transforms into acceptance and now you are accepting others as a result. If you do this type of processing he will also give yourself value love and respect, by not avoiding your wounded feelings and buy internally validating by accepting your wounded feelings you have no need for external validation. This is the process of self-love.