INFJ vs. "I CARE A LOT" Ruthless Narcissist | The Rarest Personality Type

[@Wenzes]

What experiences have you had with ruthless people in your life? What have you learned?

[@Prettydee90]

Thank you so much u answered so much

[@user-tr6sy5lm8l]

ruthless means less...i don't loose my time for less...lol...Cheers!!!...RAL...

[@outthere1726]

Just coming to grip with the realization that I have been in a marriage with a ruthless narcissist for over 20 years. I don’t know how to get my life back... it seems that no matter what I will be loosing big.

[@stephenfegely]

Karmic partners are not soul partners

[@謝幸娟-g9j]

I had a friend who was, just like you describe, a ruthless narcissist! We knew each other for 7+ years. But the relationship was getting more and more unbearable for me. Long story for short, I felt she was trying to control my mind, every time I tried to beg for disagreement (in a tender way), that pissed her off, made her humiliate or blame everything on me. She made me feel like an awful person. At first, I pretended to agree on whatever she said (only to avoid any conflict), but then realized that it only misled her to manipulate me more. In the end, I had no choice but to end this friendship. It cost me about half a year to release me from the pain! Lesson: if we figure out there’s nothing we can do, it’s ok to just get out of it!

[@t.c9537]

It's not our responsibility to save people from themselves...remember that INFJs ❤

[@Wenzes]

👍👍👍

[@riyajacob2909]

Agree 💯

[@EmunahFL]

What really pisses me off is that people actually think we are the narcs, when all we do is attract narcs.

[@larakristin91]

Narcissism is fascinating to me and had caused me so much pain. I was raised with one and seem to attract them. Understanding narcissism really helped me understand that it actually has nothing to do with me and I should never listen to people who treat me like that.

[@Wenzes]

👍👍👍

[@snowyowlz5992]

As an INFJ who was married to a daughter of narcissistic parents, who scapegoated her. They terribly complicated her life and our marriage something fierce. We remained married 43 years until she passed away due to childhood trauma and medical complications. I could not see giving up on her specifically after the revelations of her childhood trauma came to light, essentially tossing her back into that family meat grinder, that is no joke. No second round of relationship required to learn the lessons of narcissism and the destruction done. I know and see wonderful people in loving marriages working long term working through their differences and I applaud them for that. 🎉🎉🎉

[@tamarah2085]

I encountered a few narcissists back when I worked in a corporate job. It used to shock me was how successful they were, and how they’d get promoted despite being (from my viewpoint) so obviously damaging to the workplace culture. I find this kind of person truly terrifying. Honestly I would give these kinds of people as wide a berth as possible, and try not to share any personal information with them. Because they will use whatever they can against you if given the opportunity. My take-away from my experiences was to stay far, far away. You can’t win and it’s not worth the emotional trauma to try.

[@Wenzes]

Exactly 👌👍

[@joselozano0528]

I learned how to play the narcissistic game, & to see the look in their eyes when they find out I'm playing along is priceless. I also learned I can't trust my own mother, I haven't told her anything personal for almost 10 years. It's sad overall that the more I separate from my parents the more successful I become. They even gave me stupid advice & made me believe they were right that cost me my lawn care business.

[@suppa_sam]

Struggling to pull the trigger on a divorce... Glad I found this channel

[@Wenzes]

You got this!!!

[@galaxygalore1111]

Aside from the great commentary on INFJ’s!! Rosamund Pike who plays Marla Grayson in “I care alot” has really mastered the role of a ruthless female narcissist as she also played one in the movie “Gone Girl”! As an INFJ-T Im fascinated with an array of psychology, personality disorders and mental illness related suspense thrillers☺️👍🏽

[@patronus4460]

Disposing of narcissists is the best thing I've done in my life. There are 7.6 billion people on this Earth, there are many kind people with whom I can have healthy relationships, I am never wasting my time on such shit humans. One thing I have found when I was in these toxic relationships is that narcissists make you think that they are all you got and losing them is the worst thing that could happen. Losing them is the BEST thing! Sayo-fucking-nara! Hahaa

[@Wenzes]

👏👏👍

[@Seafox0011]

Great timely video, thanks Wenzes! The tricky thing for INFJs is being entranced by the narcissist's flattery - but sensing the extreme vulnerability they cannot hide from us. All INFJs need to understand that 'cluster b' personality disordered people can not be 'cured' as their condition is baked in from their early year upbringing. The cycle is perpetuated from generation to generation. To all fellow INFJs - save your life for other stable people. Some of the maladaptive behaviours of BPD sufferers can be helped with group Dynamic Cognitive Behaviour therapy - but it is rare, and unless you are a professional psychotherapist - don't get entangled.

[@Wenzes]

👍👍👍

[@marmadukescarlet7791]

I’ve lived next door to someone with untreated (well, medicated but never been in therapy) for years. I realised a long time ago she was never going to change. It’s no contact, even though we only live a few metres from each other.

[@gallevran]

To all infj's out there: beware of narcissists. Learn to identify their mo's. Dr. Ramani's channel is highly recommended for this purpose. The woman has litterally saved my life.

[@rooramblingon895]

Easily the best video yet! Very clear and understandable. Thank you. You have described a 28 year marriage, in which it took until 2012 for me to start to suspect and question the things you described in the first half of the video. As a result I started to fight back a little, which elicited a very angry and violent response. The weird thing is I have struggled to understand how someone could see me in such a terrible state of weakness and despair, without having some kind of compassionate response to it. Now I understand that the main problem was MY unusually compassionate and self-effacing response, not her heartless response! She went in for the kill - like a predator - to ensure I could not challenge her! We are weird and unusual, not them. It is harsh lesson to learn, and I did it the hard way. But you explained it beautifully. What have I learned? That this world and its societies are not set up to prepare anyone that does not conform to the average moronic character for living. If I had been properly instructed with the information I have now (at 51), my life would have been very very different. Better...beyond measure! Instead of being told to fit in, I would have been instructed how to be myself (and use my abilities), in the most effective way DESPITE not fitting into the average.

[@Wenzes]

👍👍

[@viktoriap3251]

As an INFJ I can relate so much to you and to everything you say. Three times (just counting partners not so called "friends", they are alot) the first time, ok, I was very young, he was older and from another culture. Second time, I fell so madly in love and he had totally different character.We got married and had children. Yes, years of hardships and suffering were he abducted the kids, lied, pure lies in court even false witnesses I did not even know. Then I went straight from the ashes to the fire. And I have sushi hard time forgiving myself. He was the prototype of a narcissist, even psychopath. What worse is I knew it. I knew him from before, had turned him down several time. Guess we were some kind of "friends". But there he was, when I was totally worked out. As I look back it is as if it was not me ..literally. Knew he was manipulative. But I think I tried to convinced myself it was to a very small degree. Because he was in love ("I was the love of his life" ) or even he needed somewhere to live, since it had ended between him and his previous woman. He even had the background typical for sociopath and as I realize from himself and my own family, genetically from both sides. Now it is more than two years since I finished it. But of course he had to make it as if HE was the one. He fooled the Police, they believed his every words and I've had no contact with any friends since the split. He was very technical skilled and for different reasons I completely dependent of the internet. He has locked me out from all social media and most of my accounts. Stopping me from finish my education, sabotaging my efforts to pay for a job. He is manipulating my emails and blocks phonecalls. Remotely. And I can't prove anything, he make sure of that. Believe me, I tried so much to have these things fixed but it never works. Now my economy is totally destroyed. That makes it harder to get help. Especially since I am isolated (live in a town were I don't have family, moved here because of the University I started my education on. Now the friends I knew finished and moved on, I had to move around alot with secret identity because of the previous one) He forged my handwriting and put me in depts as well. Even stopped me from keep on with my previous work as a freelance writer, and my hobbies with.making music/songs with digital methods, and stopped my camera from working, and photography was like therapy to me. I found it so nice when it was possible to work digital with it. My computers doesn't works (I'we had four of them, equals with four printers that just stopped working. For about half a year he did not even let me have my phone's. He locked them. Now I can't do certain things since it claims I am not the administrator of my own network. People consider me strange when I can't give any mail and am not even sure with my phone number. He keeps on "taunting" me through it. It sounds so crazy so I can't even explain it to people. Have tried in the beginning several times to the Police and to a couple of therapists, even computer supporters. At best they think I am incompetent and exaggerating, at worst that I am paranoid and mentally ill. And he knows it. Imbedded with his las gaslighteningmethod he hinted he had a blog in my name that would make me sick if I knew "what I wrote" I tried to close my social media accounts and can not believe it is next to impossible. Of course he is working against me, but the last post on fb he manipulated to look as if I was psychotic or on drugs. The last thing he told me was that he was going to "tell everyone online about "my behaviour") wich of course is the classical smear campaign. The most difficult.thing is I have always, always found solutions, worked it through before. Never been paralyzed and incapable of making any decisions any more. I always compared the best way of solve the trouble I was in, and went right into it. I think my conviction of that justice and truth will prevail was my primary drive. I was driven by faith and hope. I knew I was not to blame. Now I do blame my self. And other times I always dealt with people who finally revealed their true self. People that professionals quite easy could expose. But not this time. He is a "professional covert predator" with incredible much charm and social skills. He can read any person and then adapt to be most likeble according to that person. Very convincing in arguments, but the smartest thing is I think he usually makes himself how to explain, more "simple" than he is. He shows himself of as very humble and hide his true intelligence. That makes people even more prone to think he could never pull of such advanced technical performance. And most people also found it very unlikely that an ex would provide so much time, effort and even money, just to take some kind of revenge on an ex partner. And who does that? I do understand people. Who can believe a person like that exist. Well we do somehow, but not in our reality. They are slightly more real than ghosts to most people. Now, I don't even know if this comment is going through. Sorry for my "novel". I was going to write something more related to my role as an INFJ in this, but somehow poured out my heart. I keep it otherwise to myself nowadays. It is no use to even try to explain anymore. But I really like this chanel. As I mentioned it is so much I can relate to and I really recognize myself as an INFJ. If even for the time being a very damaged one. But I refuse to give up my faith and hope. Even if I hardly can feel it emotionally I decide to keep it in a cognitive way. I hope this could be a warning, maybe to someone. Thank's for a wonderful chanel. Much love from Sweden.

[@Aeimos]

"I care a lot" pissed me off too. I was cheering at the end.

[@Wenzes]

Hehe 😉

[@gummybrain2303]

Dear INFJ, please read George K. Simon's "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People" and do the right thing. Breaking off a close relationship with a covert agressive/narcissistic person was one of the hardest yet most liberating experiences for me.

[@Wenzes]

👏👏👍

[@ruben9282]

Most difficult and painful relationship I've ever been in

[@mr.goodwrench8273]

What experiences have I had with ruthless narcissistic people in my life ? What have I learned ? Mainly experiences that are career and job related. For instance, I come along as the new guy, do stuff right, being a professional, etc. and the "ruthless narcissist" that has been there for a long time, comes along and demands that I change all that up to match up with his/her way of thinking and doing things. I have never caved in to them, and stood my ground, even though it began as a struggle. Only later to get straightened out by their exit from the organization, or they were disciplined by a leader in the organization. We spend a lot of time in our lives at work around other people. One of the statements I make to narcissistic people is " You are not at home". Sometimes, you just have to lead from the back of the pack.

[@Wenzes]

💪💪👍

[@procomxt]

Awesome tip,thank you !

[@TroyPosey]

A great video as always Wenzes! 🙂 I would rather not get into my personal examples, but it's happened A LOT. So much so, that I became beyond ruthless myself. I was hateful, spiteful, angry, mad at the world, hated everybody, hated myself, and honestly didn't care if I lived or died. About 2 years ago I was finally able to find inner peace and become a better person. I'm much happier now. I can still be ruthless, but now I only use it when I truly need to, and typically in self-defense situations.

[@Wenzes]

👍👍😊

[@Betscu.]

My worth comes from inside not from outside. I have seen how the narcissists hurt themselves even economically and how they can't understand that this is actually what will eventually happen.

[@Wenzes]

👍👍

[@daisychi1111]

You are exactly right about weak ego. Thats exactly right.

[@sujata_155]

This movie is truly amazing and Rosamund Pike who is an INFJ just nailed this role to portray narcissists and how their mind works. Thanks for this video, it's always so wonderful to listen to you explain these concepts in so much depth❤️ And I am actually right now facing a lot of narcissists around me and it's really taking a toll on me, I constantly have to remove myself from a lot of situations in order to have my sanity.

[@assuma0411]

Do you have video about why INFJ attract to Narcissist or why they have strong attraction. Its because INFJ is like positive while Narcy is Negative which makes sense act like a strong magnet.

[@LAL7887]

Damn Wenzes you're right :( truth is that my positive energy is not infinite, and it's better to give it to people who deserve it, who doesn't cause problems that draw my attention to them but are there for me.

[@deviritter5232]

I just had this conversation with my grownish son who wants to move back home to save money. But as much as he’s promising and he’s desperate, he created his problems and he’s just thinking about what he needs. So I tried explaining how his presence in my house is draining in me. He swore he’d stay outside Or whatever but his irritation is the annoyance. I’m hopeful he’ll pull his shit together. But I don’t really want him around. My other son really doesn’t his brother around.

[@ryanquick1824]

ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ** MAKES ** ANYone else feel a certain way. sure, we are ALL suspect to feeling in any specific emotional way versus another when dealing with others BUT; whether it is done 'subconsciously' or not, it IS ONLY YOU YOURSELF who settles upon one emotion versus ANY other... THE THING to do IS to be ABSOLUTELY CONSCIENTIOUS/AWARE about ANY internal dialogue that you may have regarding 'any' emotionally charged event in your life. SEPERATE what is YOURS AND YOUR THOUGHTS ALONE versus ANY outside influence AT ALL. err on the side of CAUTION and whether it is guarding yourself emotionally or BEST OF ALL distancing yourself from the individual with whom the conflict is centered and, DO THAT.

[@BerthaFarrell-n8q]

I am in the middle of handeling some heavy situations and I am putting myself first. big challenge but with my INFJ EPIC LIFE I am growing and handeling my situation with a conscience awareness and strong determination to grow and put myself first. Not easy, but feeling very empowering thank you wenzes

[@BZKA.Weaver]

I remember seeing it and how it endend and it made me soooo upset. SMH I was like. "Whatever. -_-"

[@humanrel]

Marla is a greater narcissist. Like H.G Tudor classifies them. She might even be an Ultra smh.

[@ayra7230]

Great topic. :) I ended my first narc relationship 1 month ago. Have been fascinated by this disorder ever since. I learnt bad things can come in beautiful packages. I had to look at the world around him, his friends, family and lifestyle, to realize there was a massive issue. I was always too understanding, so no matter the problem between us, I was willing to compromise. But he slipt up, because he treated everyone else badly, I was able to see his true character, before he began the devaluation phase of our relationship. Always pay attention to the bigger picture.

[@jessmason2112]

❤️ Always have a back up plan or escape route planned out.

[@matilda4406]

Just confirmed my assessment as INFJ. So now I have to see the movie. Thank you for explaining

[@andy1971williams]

violence , whether it be emotional or physical , is the last resort of a defeated mind .

[@Wenzes]

Totally

[@monarchymouth]

Hard pills to swallow but you really lay it down. And you’re right. They don’t want to and probably won’t admit it.

[@howto-wm7gq]

Happy Woman’s Day

[@daisychi1111]

Yes its exactly about not knowing our worth. This is exactly that have happened to me. You are awesome always knows what the exact cause of our problem is 😊

[@christopherj5780]

95%? I thought i could help. I thought i was a bad person and had to go overboard with good person...turns out happily i was wrong. Even though its to watch.some people keep banging their heads against their walls they chose. Iove people and life doesnt mean i like everyone. I learned the best thing i can do is feel bad for a moment and give space and time to that person. Sometimes some folk need to learn on their own using the hard way method. Right?

[@lindateuling7862]

Wenzes, this is the best sumup of the situation that I've heard. I'll join in with the other INFJs listening to you who have been through exactly the same thing. Complicating things for me was often the incorrect advice I would get for my family and friends on how to handle these situations when they happened. Thankfully, I have sharpened up in the past several years and can recognize the abuse better when I see it coming to the surface. Listening to what you're saying can make us more aware and sharper. I appreciate the way you emphasize the importance of being our own judges and deciding how much of this were going to put up with. This is much-needed advice. It's confirming a lot of steps I had to take in the past before I was able to get this kind of counsel (learning the hard way, as you mentioned). So keep up the good work!

[@Wenzes]

Thank you 😊

[@lindateuling7862]

@@Wenzes You're welcome

[@benjamingrant2642]

You wouldn't believe me if I told you. But narcissists are pretty broken people who I have had to deal with because they don't want to deal with themselves. Like dealing with an adult child who doesn't like accepting responsibility for their actions by instead shifting the blame onto others and making it stick.

[@Wenzes]

That‘s the point...we want to help them but hurt ourselves in the process

[@zentient8840]

I learned about this so late in life, but not too late for change 😉

[@adamwesselinoff126]

Great to see you branching out a little bit in terms of content Wenzes!

[@Wenzes]

Thanks 😊

[@riyajacob2909]

Great video Wenzes

[@lennylovejr]

I love your self help videos. Thanks a lot .

[@travisbartholomay]

Do you know your one of the greatest coaches.your awesome. Thank you

[@gerhardgroenewald]

Absolutely fantastic video 🥳🙏🎯

[@sophiegilbert6381]

Excellent video. I can certainly relate.

[@Wenzes]

Glad to like it :)

[@l.l.r.1743]

Great video! Thanks

[@Wenzes]

😊👍

[@ministry222]

Thank you, amazing insightful!

[@dorotaem6621]

Love you, Wenzes!

[@Wenzes]

Love you too :)

[@dorotaem6621]

@@Wenzes 🙏

[@oliviakrause3336]

I'm just watching that movie and got your newsletter. Are you stalking me?

[@Wenzes]

Haha 😉

[@natureglimses]

No moral compass

[@chavochap2503]

Aren't narcissists just people on the Te-Fi axis? Seems like it's always Fe users who demonize these type of characters for not having "empathy" aka Fe.

[@bobevans5282]

I wanted to ask you that if we are in a relationship with anyone it can be parents, family, siblings or others can we go to the default state(means that we don't want) in a flow flow, if we are playing, or having smal chit chat or deep conversation with them or spent much more time with them if it happens how to know you under the redline or crossed it?

[@Wenzes]

Stay strict with your boundaries until people subconsciously learn where your boundaries are and then you can relax more and more and they will still respect them 👍

[@larryb1903]

💯