INFJs and Feeling Selfish

INFJ personality types struggle with feeling selfish all the time. It is most often triggered when the INFJ thinks about expressing a preference or getting help with meeting an important need. The INFJ will realize they have the preference or need, and then immediately have the thought right after that they are somehow being selfish. The thought that they are selfish then triggers guilt and shame and the INFJ goes into avoidance about dealing with that preference or need.
Expressing preferences and meeting needs is so hard for INFJ personality types because we usually were not taught how to do this in childhood, and no one modeled this healthy behavior to us, either. Many INFJ personality types have a past history of abuse, or have grown up in a home with a narcissist, or narcissistic family dynamics. Narcissistic abuse is a very common type of abuse reported by INFJs as having happened to them in their formative years.
Many INFJ personality types (and INFP personality types) might also have grown up in a home with strong codependent energy, or where they were enmeshed with one parent. Codependence and enmeshment are two different family dynamics that also cause resistance to expressing and meeting one’s own preferences and needs. This happens because when the INFJ or INFP was a child and expressed a preference or need, or tried to assert a boundary, much of the time they were shamed for that and told that they were selfish for having needs, expressing a preference that was different from the parent’s preference, or trying to assert a boundary.
This all plays out in adulthood for INFJs and INFPs in the constant worry about being selfish. Tune into the video to find out more.
Subscribe to Lauren’s newsletter!
laurensapala.c...

[@LaurenSapalaINFJ]

Subscribe to Lauren’s newsletter: laurensapala.com/newsletter/

[@colonelgraff9198]

We feel like our time, money, energy, dreams and space aren’t ours and are meant for others. Plus we seek harmony of the group to the detriment of our own peace. Edit: wrote this before I listened to it. Thank you.

[@naamanpratt]

"Live for yourself, there's no one else more worth living for" Anthem/RUSH 🥁

[@wireandwings4717]

This hits the nail on the head! I am INFP and was told as a child that I was selfish when I disagreed with the person I was enmeshed with. Somehow this particular criticism cut deeply and I haven't been able to banish it, though I know intellectually that it's not so. And when I admit that bit of my past to a friend, they say "that's crazy - you're the most generous person I know!" I also got criticized and still do somewhat for being physically sensitive - super sensitive nervous system - gives me migraines too, but that's another subject. I am so good at adapting, yet still get told I am high maintenance. Not because I complain, but because people close to me can see I'm uncomfortable. But I'm always doing my best not to mention it and to keep everyone else happy. I feel like this means I'm not high maintenance at all, but I still get told that. It's such a triggering label. It's really frustrating!

[@rkayw5855]

The idea of living for myself is just foreign to me, but so intriguing.

[@TreyB.]

INFJ here... I can strongly relate. Thank you for sharing!

[@ArthursAtman]

I've always considered myself extremely low maintenance. That said, I was the "medic" in relationships, always there to listen, blah blah...essentially ignoring my own needs. Truth is, it's often comforting to others to know you needs something, b/c you are giving so much and they don't know how to give back

[@michellehenry9228]

Omg this is so relatable !!!!

[@cinderling5472]

Ohh Lauren please allow us to pay you in terms or something!! More of us wanna follow your classes!! ❤❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏🙏😭

[@melissas7980]

@Lauren Sapala I'm a relatively new subscriber and really enjoying your content! I've signed up for your newsletter. I'm not sure how to register for the class you've described. Perhaps that info will arrive in newsletter? If not, please let me know how to register. Thank you!

[@LaurenSapalaINFJ]

Hey Melissa! Registration for this class opens on Nov 25, and yes, if you subscribed to the newsletter, you will get the notification on when registration is open that day. Please feel free to reach out to me directly at [e-mail] with any questions. :)

[@LavenderHazelwood]

Yes, thank you.

[@broadbandtogod]

Hi! Forgive me, how do I access the recordings? Thank you