Influencers are MASTERS of Cultivating Consumer Desire (and perpetuating societal judgement)

[@domculienka]

This might sounds a bit silly but I recently started looking at influencers the same way as I looked at telemarketing shopping channels when I was growing up! Ridiculous and mildly entertaining. Definitely wouldn’t trust either enough to purchase 😄 On another note -last year I discovered that I am neurodivergent, and with that realisation came a lot of reflection on my past behaviour. I tried to fit in with my peers so much, whether it was with my clothes, music or opinions. It was difficult having to not compromise my own taste and opinions and make them fit into a mold that was acceptable. Letting go of the feeling that I must fit in has allowed me to be more myself - I dress better and feel better, I made wonderful friends for life. I am more creative in all aspects of life and I don’t care what anyone thinks. Weirdly this made me more approachable than before when I was actually trying to be liked. And honestly that’s my answer to anyone who is trying to “find their own style”. No one can help us with that, especially not a stranger on the Internet with too much Adsense income! If you like the look of something, it will go with the rest of your stuff, whether it’s clothes or home decor. Because it’s what YOU like😊 Life is short, and I get to spend it on this beautiful planet - why waste time trying to perfect my closet or find a newer better eyeshadow? I am loving your channel so much!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

YES!! So much yes to this. The freedom to be ourselves, our beautiful, uninfluenced selves!

[@melanies8263]

Thank you so much for not posting any "favourites", "gift guides", "best amazon products" etc. videos this black friday season! I had to unsubscribe some people lately because all I could see was how they try to make money by influencing people to buy stuff they don't need :(

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes, goodness knows we don't need to see any more of that right now, Saturday's video this week is actually a "things I really regret buying", maybe I should've done a week of those instead!

[@Iquey]

Yeah, influencers lately just remind me of the popular kids in older elementary school who would show off what they got for both after Christmas break and after summer break. It seemed like all fun and games for a while but it's gotten crazy and kinda juvenile at this point.

[@CS-ly3lx]

And must we always be approachable? There is value in having your own space that others do not invade.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Absolutely! And if one wants to be unapproachable, one can likewise do so without using expensive tools (clothes, sunglasses, etc) to get that vibe 😄

[@EmmaLemmon]

No one can influence me not to wear sweatpants at home. Comfort is most productive for me. The concept of "is it even good to try and look good?" Is interesting. Another thought provoking video thanks!

[@cruelaz]

also as someone who commutes with public transport there are outside and inside clothes. One of the first things I do coming home is atleast change my outside bottoms to inside ones atleast. Firstly why do these influencers think being comfortable at home is a sin? secondly I like to know my pants have not sat on a random subway seat while lounging on my bed 😂 Also especially american influencers who will try to shame people into dressing comfortable at home FIRSTLY TAKE YOUR GOD DAMN OUTSIDE SHOES OF INSIDE YIKES!

[@draugno7]

Who doesn't wear sweatpants at home, lunatics only. I sometimes change home clothes when they look awful but being uncomfortable at your own home is just nuts

[@VBoo459]

@@draugno7 I don't........lol, I just wear my pyjamas lmao which are always shorts and a top because I HATE my legs being covered at home. Even in the dead of winter at -16degreed celcius. Actually....I am a lunatic.

[@draugno7]

@@VBoo459 wow, I'm always cold because of the low blood pressure, a lunatic too (a thinner blanket in summer and two thick ones in winter)

[@TheThriftingTherapist]

Astounded once again by parallels in our journeys, as I just brought to group at work today the idea of preconcieved notions and how we are shaped by self-perception and the perception of others around us. I then made a video about it because I was talking with my aunt and mom about it! And now your video whilst I cook dinner at the end of the day. I tell my clients in early recovery about the medicine of beauty as a way to encourage them to create beauty - like make music - and appreciate it in the way Plato suggested. There is strong healing to be had in that. As it pertains to other's making assumptions about us, I remember once that I was in early recovery and waiting in a welfare line when a woman started yelling and cursing, saying what was someone dressed like me doing here, and I gently explained to her that I have nice clothes because I was given the gift of the thrifter's eye by my family and that I was actually fresh off the streets! she cried and thanked me for helping her to not judge others at face value...

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Love this so much. Thank you for sharing. We are in this journey together!

[@VBoo459]

"You don't maintain dignity for recognition from others". qoute was from a Kdrama but its something my mother also raised me on. That goes for how you dress, how often you clean your home and so on. You dress well because you want to look good to yourself, you pursue beauty because you want to consider yourself beautiful, you eat and exercise because you want to FEEL good. You behave well because you have integrity. It should not be for recognition. Integrity is irrespective of whether you're at home or outside. I personally find its better to look better, for myself first and foremost. How I feel, greatly influences how wish to appear, and how I look greatly influences how confident and self-assured I step out in the world. For me, how I look is a reflection of what is going on inside. The day you see me outside in sweatpants, know, I am depressed.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you - I think there is truth to this, but maybe where it has gotten icky for me personally, is when this idea of having personal integrity is taken and used by people selling things and suggesting that we might want to wear "these" pants instead of sweatpants, conveniently linked in their description for affiliate commission. I would have an easier time believing that these people meant what they were saying if it wasn't explicitly being used as a narrative to sell me something

[@swethakrishnan6410]

I have to say that getting dressed first thing has done wonders for my life- 1. I admittedly do feel better about myself (good or bad that is just the way it is) 2. I get dressed in the morning when i dont have endless amounts of time staring and wondering what to wear. So i save time by making a decision quickly. 3. I never have to get dressed beyond putting on shoes if i need to go out for something 4. I am able to enjoy being at home for my children more (i worked for the longest time and the transition was hard). Saving time has been one of the biggest and most surprising outcomes of this. But at the end of the day its about getting the nost important things in your life done. Fanily, work etc. Whatever helps, do it.

[@Hippodameia]

I'll be honest, I definitely judge someone for having expensive clothes and/or bags. There is definitely some context to it, like I'm more just mildly annoyed at seeing a politician dress expensively versus a friend or family member, whom I would be more disappointed in. In general, I have a negative perception of someone who wears expensive designer items. I don't think someone who spends thousands of dollars on a bag or other designer items has the same values I do, I really don't. I'd much rather see someone dressing comfortably and affordably, or according to their own unique style, whatever. And I get that is a sensitive topic for this channel, but that's where I'm at. I don't have any issues working with people who value designer items, or being decent to them, but they aren't really the kind of people I want to spend my time around. Maybe it is a class-consciousness thing?

[@pheebschen5296]

Hi, I usually don't reply to other ppl's comments but kinda intrigued by your position regarding this, simply bcs I have friends with different expensive hobbies (tangible/ intangible) and even though I might be bothered at first, but once I get to know someone I'd understand where they came from, regardless of what things they spent lot of money on. Just to play devil's advocate though, say that you traveled to much less fortunate part of the world and the things you had at that time/ bring with you, are considered quite a luxury to people living there (I came from 3rd world country, I'd imagine that luxury could be as simple as having access to books in English, a nice comfy non-designer outfit, a pair of good shoes cuz most people on the street wear sandals). Would you accept the same standard if you heard that someone commented that what you had (regardless of it being totally normal to you) is considered frivolous and therefore affected them in the way seeing you as a person? (I hope I don't come off as snarky by asking this, but I've been in the same train of thought in regards to perceiving people from the outer and put much thoughts in it as I get older :)

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I do have several questions about this, but also several points of relatability that I feel in my own life. The first question is, if you didn't know that someone was wearing expensive designer items, would it matter? Like the "quiet luxury" thing, I guess, where you never really know how much the "seemingly regular" clothes actually cost? Most of my "expensive" stuff doesn't have obvious branding and regardless of retail, it'll never be obvious which things I got secondhand for a much lower cost, does that make a difference in the judgement? I've felt that within myself though, that if someone noticed an "expensive designer" item I had I DO feel more comfortable if people know that I got it used for less than half of retail, or whatever. But I am starting to wonder if this is a necessary response, perhaps in order to keep my values in line with those I would like to hang out with. But then if my values aren't actually in line with those of others, what does it matter if it seems like they are? In other arenas of feeling this, I recently had an extended-family gathering (way after filming this chat) and someone there had a stanley cup, decked out with a straw topper and keychains. This was the first time I'd met someone in real life with an adorned cup - and I did spend a year teaching high school, not THAT long ago, so it's not 100% that I didn't see anyone young and cool enough to have such a thing until now (although the stanley accessories are maybe only just exploding in popularity, I don't really know). But it did feel like a clear indicator that my values and this person's were not in alignment, and I did feel some internal "ick" that I'm going to have to reflect on a bit more. Honestly, I don't want to feel the "ick". I don't think stuff should be an impediment to my feelings about this person. Stuff represents choices, sure, but it's also indicative of moments in someone's life, as well as the success of so many social consumerist narratives that I talk about on here! How can I feel negatively about someone impressionable, falling for the social media hype about these accessories for a popular drinkware? Or if we don't want to say that they're impressionable or falling for it, someone probably very exposed to seeing that, making the choice to acquire some too? And definitely not expensive stuff (granted, the stanley itself isn't the cheapest reusable water cup but it's definitely not Chanel or Gucci) - although the little pieces of plastic of this cheap nature tend to bother me a lot these days, thinking of the production and packaging and waste. If I think about it a little more I do also think I'd feel icky if someone came to this event with a Chanel handbag. I guess my personal goal though (and maybe my "main point of this reply") is that I don't WANT to have the icky feelings based on the stuff someone has, knowing now doing this year of reflection, that there are so many social forces that shape our desires for material goods.

[@Iquey]

We don't know if the expensive looking things were gifts or even if they are fake. We don't know if the person thinks their own designer item is a milestone purchase to feel like they've "made it" or a way for them to blend in, if they just moved to a high income area from a lower income area. Only the person who is wearing it is really privvy to the actual reason they are.

[@hillaryberg6771]

I don’t understand luxury handbags, clothing, makeup, etc, so I may be incorrect, but isn’t part of the point of those items an “external symbol” of something? I feel like those items are signaling a “heightened” sense of style, or “opulence” and therefore you are signaling that you Aren’t relatable, that you’ve “leveled up” in some way. Why else would you ever buy a pair of jeans that are $100s of dollars (what specifically can those jeans do that cheaper jeans cannot that justify the price, besides being a “status symbol”)

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

@@hillaryberg6771 I don't actually know the answer to that question, objectively. But it's something I've started thinking a lot about - whether it's possible to want or buy the "status symbol" without that being a part of it. I have never personally bought something expensive because of the idea of "leveling up", or trying to status signal, but it does seem to happen and/or begs the question of why there are "designer logos". I don't wear logos in general but I do still want a pair of expensive jeans, which I've already done an extremely long dissection of (the question of why do I even want expensive jeans?) in video so I won't belabor those points here😅 but I'm sure the subject will naturally come back up. I do feel confident that I DON'T really want to "show status" and that I'm not fooling myself here, because I would honestly prefer if no one ever knew the price of my more expensive stuff. And I do feel a bit embarrassed about spending a lot on some of these things I've purchased in the past.

[@alexandranash3947]

extremely interested in your sponsor quantity idea! I'm always in the lookout for transparency and understanding the behind the scenes aspect of influencing etc.

[@alexandramirskikh8344]

Yes, please, tell us about the brand offers you got. 🙂

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Will do!

[@karo.de.m]

I think it all comes to one thing: they don’t want us to be confident and happy - because if we are we can’t be influenced to buy, to correct our looks etc!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! It's hard for me to believe that influencers personally realize this though, that by telling us how we look bad or could look better, they're going against happiness and contentment and confidence - when many influencers do talk about wanting all of these positive things for themselves and their audiences. I do wonder if it's just so ingrained in consumer culture that everyone does the "you could look better doing this" type of content or talk without thinking critically about it, or if some people out there really are calculating how to make people want to buy in that direct of a way

[@Iquey]

I resonate with a lot of the points youve touched on. I think the culture of having to mind read what people "might want" for gifts so tou can surprise them, and then all these fift guides come out telling us they know the secret sauce to fulfill that anxiousness, is kind if outdated. Its ok to ask people if they want any gifts or what they would like. There's so much unwanted hoiday returns and junk in landfills nowadays. Every year it's millions of tons of things. I believe what we consider polite and what is good decorum in our current day can CHANGE. We can grow and adapt. In the past maybe we used gift giving as a placeholder for affection or as a way to go through the motions to show we care without too much emotional investment, when maybe just the act of asking someone and holding the space for someone to consider their own wants and needs and desires itself can be a form of a gift. We don't really fully behold each other's truths enough, without giving them a moment to be free from the fear of judgement. That's why people are lonely. Maybe it's because I'm probably autistic and value candidness, whereas I've been explained/seen with neurotypical folks there's a culture of ritual for the sake of connection without being overly intimate to the point of scaring people who don't want to be exposed, but i think even neurotypical people can benefit from small doses of chances to be REAL with each other throughout the day. We can't keep propping up fakeness for the sake of the ruling classes egos at the detriment of society's overall mental health, not to mention the biosphere's environmental health.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

These are some excellent points. I am super curious about the idea of neurodivergency as related to candidness and authenticity, as well as whether neurotypical people are more likely to stay surface-level with more people. I think regardless, there can be a general perception that "it's not cool" to be too involved in any particular thing or to get too deep with people too quickly, however, when people DO open up about what their favorite hobbies are or share personal stories, it makes them closer to others who can relate - it just won't be for everyone, so it opens people up to be disliked as well, which is what I think most people want to avoid. I get the sense that people are more worried about being disliked by a few, than open themselves up to being liked deeply by those who are on the same wavelength. An example that feels super relevant to me is that as someone who knows a lot about classical music I've felt this myself even here on this youtube channel - I could have given into my surface-level feeling of NOT sharing my classical music connections and choose something more generic and "cool" to use on this channel, to try and entice everybody, or, I could embrace it and accept that it might turn some people off of my presence here. But that's the real me!

[@bthomson]

The real you is so very fine! Yes definitely individual but in the very best way!

[@belkyhernandez8281]

I don't think selling things for a living is a problem. I do have a problem about the context. So if a channel is about not consuming then if, how and when a product is advertised is extremely important and most likely not appropriate. If a channel says, come here because I want to sell you stuff, I am an online sales person, (I refuse to say influencer. That's just a marketing phrase to make the public forget they are sales people.) then well, the responsibility lies with the person doing the consumption. I watch some political channels. One thing I like is they sometimes make it real obvious they want to sell you something by saying "And now I want to sell you something so we can pay the bills." What I am against is the hidden sales pitch hiding behind faux philosophical lifestyle choices, or aesthetics, or expression, or sustainability, or decluttering, or minimalism, or maximalism, or being relevant by staying current etc....... These are just commercials that aren't advertised as commercials.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Where I had a problem is that many consuming channels don't SAY they're about consuming, they're labeled as "lifestyle, fashion, beauty, wellness, travel" etc - headings that are maybe even more surface-level than the ones you talked about at the end of your comment - and maybe the responsibility is still with the person consuming, to read between the lines and realize that every post about their daily life involves products, often linked or sponsored. And for someone more savvy they might not even have to read between the lines to realize that a "lifestyle" channel is going to be about "stuff" rather than "philosophical lifestyle" which might actually involve some ideas, if you get what I mean. I used to be taken in by the much more thinly veiled "sales channels" because it seemed like a "fun relatable person" sharing their daily life or fashion hobby. You're right that the obvious ads, I agree that I am more okay with the ones where it's more along the lines of "here's the sponsor that makes this content possible" and it's usually some service rather than a product that they're making look really enticing - I never had a problem getting interested in anything from those kinds of ads.

[@belkyhernandez8281]

The sales people are the ones who believe in what they are selling. And regarding being approachable.... people who aren't focused on the latest whatever (like me) aren't going to notice if you are wearing the $5 thing or the $500 thing because we probably don't know the difference even if it's covered in logos. We will notice a spaghetti stain or something that doesn't fit.

[@rachael5025]

im even more oblivious. i wont notice the stain and think you meant to wear the item that doesnt fit as a style choice.

[@belkyhernandez8281]

@rachael5025 hahaha! I remember when I was in highschool I wore this black and grey ensemble and so I decided to wear a black pump and a grey pump shoe. Folks would have this quizzical expression as if they weren't sure if it was the lighting, their eyes, me being absentminded, or if it was a style choice.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes - I really believe now, that influencers are the ones who are the most influenced in that way, to continue to perpetuate this kind of stuff!

[@isabeldotml]

On the "wearing your nice clothes in the everyday" thing, I was totally on board when it came across as getting more use out of your nice things and (to an extent) seeing yourself as worth dressing up for, but more recently I've seen people suggest buying things to grow this comfy but chic part of your wardrobe and that was a real turn off. I work from home and I can't deny I get something out of wearing my nice shirts and blazers around the house, but I own them because I occasionally need to dress more formally not because I was convinced by an influencer that I would be more productive if I wore something with a collar. It's definitely interesting to examine why I feel better about myself when I wear nicer clothes though, is it just because I've heard so many times that I would? do I think of it as a sign I care about myself? why would wearing joggers and a holey t-shirt mean I don't care about myself? When my partner gets dressed, he literally doesn't think beyond whether or not the clothes need a wash, and I don't think that means he doesn't care about himself or even that he doesn't appreciate beautiful things. It might point to a more passive role in that appreciation, whereas I find satisfaction in creating or combining or curating, he is maybe just happy when he gets to notice ready-made beauty. I think I could do to have more emphasis on noticing when something is beautiful rather than constantly assessing and judging whether things are. That's a fine line though...

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Agree that dressing nicer isn't a problem in itself, and even feeling better about oneself if we do get dressed nicely, but it becomes a clear problem (to me) when it's paired with suggestions of things to buy. This is a train of thought I'm still riding, as far as appreciating the beauty in material objects! I'm actually planning to read a few books about art, and get deeper into this exploration next year

[@0123Soleil3210]

I have noticed recently that it is not what I wear. People do not approach / talk to me if I am out and about alone, but if I have my baby with me, people almost always talk to me (I wear the same things in both situations).

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Haha yes this is true! I would guess though, that there is also part of the general population that is LESS likely to approach someone with a baby, out and about!

[@Anonymous_Wom]

❤❤❤❤

[@waitwhat8321]

Ok, so the influencer and the $700 sweater is wild to me. She is making an awful lot of assumptions about other people. She is assuming I would know the price, that I would notice the sweater and I will have a negative reaction to it. That is a lot of assumption that your average person is keeping up with all the micro trends that she is. It is almost like she can't see beyond the tiny bubble that is her world because SHE has to keep up with everything to continue to sell things. What a narrowing world view.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes - I kind of get held up at the "what if no one actually knows the price" question too. Not sure if this specific influencer is keeping up with trends or if it is purely a reflection on owning expensively priced goods (she's a minimalist channel) but even as someone pursuing a simpler life, I would want to "declutter" these kinds of mental narratives and assumptions about "stuff" 😅

[@Tanyaonabudget]

Just my insights: I do understand where that feeling comes from - 'wearing expensive things makes you unapproachable'.. i do disagree with this but only partly so and i'll explain. If i see a person wearing a valentino logo t-shirt and a logo-ed out skirt and a bag with the giant GG logo on it, my mind begins to interpret this 'choice' of clothes as 'I just got some money so i will wear it all on me for the world to notice that now i've made it - also i do not care about the artist side of ateliers but i care about how expensive it is.' I have a problem with logo dressing specifically, I have no issues if someone is wearing an artistic dress from oscar de la renta or erdem or McQueen or really any artisitic piece of beauty that a big brand/atelier has made but has not put their logos bodly on it, casue for me that means , both for the brand and the person wearing it, art came before capitalistic marketing and I love that! Will that make me treat them differently? No. its a free world where we mature into people who live and let others live and do as they please and not discriminate on choices, specially such small supercifial choices. But deep inside my head, this is what the voice in me will be muttering, just for me and no one else to hear

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I get it! I used to also make pretty snap judgements about the "logomania" style, and would still not say I'm a "fan" of that. But where I'm at right now, I can also see that the choice to "like the logos" isn't something I fully understand, so it's maybe misguided for me to judge without that understanding - and, I also believe people have stages and phases of life, and that people aren't static or incapable of change. So just because someone right now is flashing logos, that doesn't mean they stake their whole identity on that. There are just as many narratives around logos on "stuff" as there are about anything I've justified buying myself, a lot of art and beauty even, is in the eye of the beholder...and I'm trying to get away from any kind of negative-leaning judgement - I kind of elaborate on this more in some upcoming videos but it's like that rule of "if you have nothing nice to say don't say it" - I'm actually wondering if I can train my thoughts to behave in a similar way in these scenarios involving "stuff." Not saying that that's the "better" way to live or think or anything - just kind of trying the thought experiment on for size, myself, right now. Sorry if that's a bit of a cryptic response!

[@Tanyaonabudget]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear Oh no no I get you and indeed, people are at different stages of life and nothing in static, we all change and evolve on our own terms and our own clock, so yes your words are definitely insights I'll reflect upon

[@melligolightly]

I don't think it makes sense in general to think about how other people perceive you if you are dressed in a certain way, e. g. 'expensive' = 'not approachable'. I have tried to understand people but at least in my experience they are just not consistent. Makes sense, since people are so vastly different. A little example from my workplace: I complimented a colleague's style of clothing to another colleague (so, not directly to the first colleague, whose style I find nice). Some people have the idea, that people who dress nice show high self-esteem, high productivity or (more negative) are not relatable. Want to know what the colleague I talked to said? 'Of course she wears nice clothes, she's got low self-esteem'. I was slightly offended by this because I also try to dress nicely but not to 'show off' or something. I just want to feel good. Do you have to dress 'ugly' now to show that you are above things? Long story short: people will think whatever, you can’t please anybody, so f*** it.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I've heard this about makeup too, the "she wears so much makeup because she's insecure" judgement - and I can't stand that! I, or anyone else, is not inviting that judgement on days I wear more or less makeup, or more/less expensive clothing, thank you very much. People need to cut it out!

[@bthomson]

I so like the way Alexa asks if she looks " bad" in one of her most appealing poses!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Haha aw, thank you!

[@chelseashurmantine8153]

Literally subscribed to my coworker's favorite youtuber, their new video just came out (first one since I started watching) and it was a holiday decor haul that went on for THIRTY-FOUR MINUTES. Just literally unpacking stuff after stuff after stuff for 34 minutes straight. No intro, no conclusion, nonstop. This is not sustainable.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Noooooooooo I mean I understand why people comfort-watch this kind of stuff, but I really don't think this kind of "consumerist-guilty-pleasure-content" it's good for us as a society

[@shananigans0117]

Would love to hear about how companies reached out to you

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Will do!

[@Raebae69420]

Speaking of the love of makeup and art, how do you feel about content creators on Instagram that mostly do eye makeup looks instead of reviews? They receive PR and sometimes showcase how the makeup looks, but are they influencers if they are not telling you the product will change your life and you should buy it?

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Definitely think there's a degree of "influencing" and there are times when seeing how something can be used (i.e. reviews), is helpful! I chat more about this next week, I think