What is it that I ACTUALLY Desire, Beyond the Material "Wants?"

[@EcentricSpoonieHousecat]

I’ve been wondering a really similar question lately too. “What am I chasing” when it comes to clothes. It must be something as it never feels complete.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I'm still determined to get to the bottom of this!

[@azlizzie]

I wonder if you have other forms of art that you admire and attain? Fashion is artistic in many ways, and it that's the way you express your artistic side, it might make life feel a little less beautiful without it. Just a thought. Not meant to justify purchases but to acknowledge a need for art for our souls.

[@EcentricSpoonieHousecat]

@@azlizzie that’s a good question. I have several (well, like 5-10 or so) books on art and/or the gardens of artists. I absolutely cherish and use them often. I have started taking an art class here and there, and I’m looking in a French language course (I’ve been obsessed with France my entire life). But I think I’ll always need my clothing to be an artistic reflection. Dramatic I suppose, but there’s only so much of me that needs to be fixed and the rest to be embraced!

[@EcentricSpoonieHousecat]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear I’m actually reading “To buy or not to Buy” right now. She goes right in for the jugular with the first chapter. I don’t think the book is a complete and total resource. Consumerism is incredibly complex. However, it has been helpful to me so far (I’m about half way through) as someone who overconsumes and finds “just stopping” difficult and/or impossible. This book seems like more of a treatment of some of the roots vs a fad diet (which while I love no-buys, I think they can fall into the fad diet category for some).

[@azsubie3177]

I did a lot of research on Fantasy Self. And, I think that's why I shop and, as a result, buy.

[@isabellep6119]

Clothing is so hard to get over. What is helping me now is that I recently figured my own uniform for work. Two cardigans/jackets and two pair of the same jeans, one black and one dark blue. It is appropriate for my work, and just takes a minute to get ready now. The best thing about it is that it took off decision fatigue. Now I don’t spend so much time thinking about what I should wear or buy, or have a miserable day because of some bad choice I did when changing my mind and clothes at the very last minute before I leave for work. Still have many choices to get creative when I do want it, but took some major stress off, and much less desire to buy new clothes - Thank you so much for sharing here 🤗

[@dagnolia6004]

i read your comment yesterday and it has REALLY stuck in my head. i think i want a 'uniform' the way others think of 'costume'. i want a uniform for EACH of my fantasy selves AND uniform for daily activities. i have SUCH respect for your efficient, practical choices and yet still a base for creative things when you are in that head space.

[@isabellep6119]

@ Thank you- It is worth trying ;))

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I have seen this advice many times, but have never felt ready to try the "uniform" approach. Something in me still wants the feeling of multiple options, even if the combinations tend to be similar - but for whatever reason I don't want to just commit to wearing jeans, or trousers, or athletic pants, or skirts, to work - I want to keep all 4 of those options in rotation! Maybe I really do just need to try it for a little while and see how it feels.

[@photogirlmimmy]

Clothing was my final thing to overcome. Last December I did a closet audit to find my gaps and set firm rules: Stay within $2000 budget, stick to real fabrics, and no more than 5 items per season. I struggled at first wanting things with large price tags, but the value has proven itself in each item…I just purchased my last item, a $300 wool sweater. Next year’s budget is $500, real fabrics& only 5 items, but honestly my wardrobe is pretty perfect as is.

[@Redeemed-10]

This comment is really helpful in my opinion. I want to have high quality, long lasting pieces so that I have to buy less. The struggle I have is that I don't know what fabrics to choose and what brands to steer towards in order to have an audited wardrobe. Are there any tips, articles, videos, etc.. you can point me to that will talk about how to discern both fabrics and brands?

[@photogirlmimmy]

Unfortunately I don’t have any specific resources to steer you towards, it has been a lot of label reading. I have zero brand loyalty; my focus is purely on 100% all natural fibers. Silk, Wool, Bamboo, Hemp, Cotton, Linen, 2nd hand Leather & 2nd hand Fur

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

YES love this, I'm hoping to do something similar and will also hopefully be able to decrease budget and item number as time goes on! I may also do some "regular person speaks about fabric/brands" videos next year, because part of the problem I have with fashion-people talking about this online is that they often are also selling something that fits their criteria, and while I'm not an expert in these topics I do have experience through buying and using clothing, and am also NOT trying to sell anything 😅

[@yalazha]

Congrats! That also sounds like a great plan.

[@kaisa1476]

I also have a problem with clothes but connected to making them. I sew and knit and have transitioned to making a bigger percentage of my clothes to get the quality I want. However, the problem is that when you can make clothes, everything turns into inspiration. Any outfit you see on any person can inspire to make something similar. And craft supplies have to be bought too, and there are thousands of beautiful patterns to purchase... When you make something, you can justify the purchase of materials by saying that knitting/sewing is your hobby, but the reality is that I don't need any more self-made sweaters when I keep wearing the same 3 over and over (if I didn't work from home I might need more, but I could worry about that if I ever started a job where I couldn't wear the same clothes for a week straight).

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Totally understand the urge to make more sweaters or sew more, but also having a limit to how many things one can wear! It does feel like the world is getting to a point of saturation with clothing, that even a handmade gift has to be something someone wants, exactly, to be worth making - my grandma used to ask us about the kind of thing we wanted for her hand-knitted gifts, that's how I come to have a wildly colorful sweatervest made of yarn "extras" 😄

[@annabelle2753]

Love your videos. Just a note about books--even if your local library doesn't have a copy, typically you can request it via interlibrary loan (as long as it's not a newly released title). There is a little bit of a wait, but that delayed gratification could be treated similarly as the anticipation of waiting for a package to arrive.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I really need to figure out how to do that!

[@bthomson]

As a regular devil's advocate, I need to state that this channel is infinitely interesting and informative! The questions are pithy and the answers are evocative and thought- provoking! Each facet of the many different topics are covered in depth and with good examples and research.

[@marineb9666]

Very interesting video. Books and clothes are also the two things I struggle the most with. Actually, I'm getting better with books. I've always borrowed books from the library, which didn't stop me from buying books that I never read. This year, I have found other hobbies (making puzzles, playing board games, crocheting...), which detached me from owning books. It's becoming easier to go to a book shop and think "I might read this one someday, when I have read a few of the books I already own", and get out of the bookstore without buying anything. Also, for me, having an e-reader changed my point of view a lot: now, if it's 9PM on a sunday, I can borrow an e-book from the library (a very recent feature in France), so I am not going to find myself "bookless". And for clothes, I have realized that I want two things: respect and love. The "love" part might not be very rational, but I believe it is understandable after a break up to kind of try to show your value in a way that is immediately visible by other people. And I have noticed, which makes me sad, that the respect I get at work depends on the clothes I wear. It was not the case at my previous job, it is now. I can't explain that, and it shouldn't work like that, but I am trying to navigate between having my own personal style and aligning with what coworkers deem "respect-worthy".

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I have an e-reader and enjoy using that with borrowed books too, but for whatever reason ordering online from "thrift-books" is STILL a problem for me, it's like having the physical book provides me with the physical "to-do" list of books I want to make a point to read, but it's quicker to buy a book than it is to actually read it, so the stack grows faster than I can keep up with. Determined to at least pause this during 2025 so I can make some progress. And it's very true, that no matter what WE think about how we want to use clothing, we cannot control what others will think or perceive and possibly, how they will judge. And sometimes we have to have that in mind, if they're people we will see repeatedly or work with...I am lucky that at least for now, my work environment is very forgiving with dress code (for daily work - for concerts it's all black, so not as much choice) and wardrobe judgements.

[@dagnolia6004]

i am trying to "shop my pantry" the way others suggest to 'shop your closet'. this thanksgiving week has been difficult. my fantasy meal OR my practical meal....

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

a bit of both, maybe!

[@netalytimor]

I just want to say you look so good in this video! The red and white pop fits you so well, it makes me want this sweater 🤦🏻‍♀️ and you look cool and stylish

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw thank you! Luckily it's a thrifted top from years ago, so I can't lead you to actually buying 😜

[@TheThriftingTherapist]

I am right there with you as far as all the categories you outlined are concerned. Why are clothes my final frontier? And do I want to change my relationship with clothes, or just my relationship with consumption? Just with the way I consume them. I think the joy I find in the ones I own is a lovely thing. I just have to do the work of disentangling acquisition from appreciation.

[@TheThriftingTherapist]

Also! Just listened to Mina Le new KZbin on personal style right after you while cooking, and she had some really interesting things to say about this!!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Just listened to that one too, I love how she was talking about wanting to put more of her creative energy into doing things rather than presenting herself in a "fashionable" way - I wonder if it's a "coming-of-age" middle-adulthood vs young-adulthood kind of thing...

[@GeoffBenge-d3k]

I want a very warm, dark colored , waterproof coat. I want it to keep warm when I travel to Ireland over the winter. I am not feeling conflicted about this LOL (I asked for one for a Christmas present, within the budget we all set together) so I feel pretty good about this. Thank you for speaking out loud the things that we think or could be thinking before we decide on a purchase. I have come a long way, but I have a long way to go.

[@lillianbarker4292]

I noticed that sometimes I just want to buy something, so I find an excuse to shop for it. 😂 Also I’m 74 and I still want to look cool. Go figure!

[@kellypalmer2689]

Good on you Lillian , 74 and doing what you enjoy!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

You can be cool at any age! And I'm sure you already are!!!

[@danamatsukawa4762]

This is a interesting topic. I think it's a very phycological question. I am neurodivergent and wasn't diagnosed until i was an adult. . Wearing the "appropriate clothing of the moment" makes me feel like I fit in and I don't have to explain my differences to strangers. like maybe they won't notice until I speak and remove all doubt? 😸 To a lesser extent, I am also manipulated as most of us are to marketing schemes. There are a lot ways our society tries to force women to conform to the random standards they want, fashion is one of them.

[@lillianbarker4292]

I like your home attitude. I’ve bought and given away too many home decor items. I was impatient to improve my home in an expensive way.

[@EcentricSpoonieHousecat]

I have seriously considered renting clothing to see if that is a medium step between buying/questing for clothing (and whatever it means to me) and a low buy.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I kind of like the idea, but am also resistant to it because I feel like I should be able to overcome this "desire for newness", even if I have not successfully done so yet during what was supposed to be a no buy year 🫣 And also am apprehensive about exposure to things I both do and don't like - because if I really like something I rent, maybe I'll want to buy it (and what if it's expensive? 😅), and if I don't like something, then maybe I won't want to wear it at all, both of which would kind of defeat the purpose of renting. Maybe I can't actually know how it would be unless I tried it, though!

[@LargoWinch-th4gm]

❤ that question. That's the process, similar, I went through when I decided to quit drinking, then again when I quit smoking. U are wery brave. I love u.

[@yulizzagonzalez5640]

Very grateful for your video today. Thanks ❤

[@MsKatze]

Books are one of the hardest for me, too. That and perfume, probably. Thank you for these videos. They're really helpful. 🙂 I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!

[@anuradhaadya1929]

Wonderful video indeed ! Three things that have helped me and will help me in 2025 too, to continue my low buy are 1] Budget 2] A style uniform for work and home wear too and 3)] An inventory ceiling. Which means that if I figure and fix that I need 5 pants for work. Then 5 it is . I can't get more unless it's to replace . I hope it will work out for me too.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! I'm going to try all of these things too! Still have to decide how to choose the ideal "inventory number" but it might be easier after I have some more information about how much of my wardrobe I actually wore out of the house in the last few months (I'm tracking that data)

[@dinapawlow1622]

Love the questions you inspire in me. A good question is often the solution. Thank you ❤

[@Silica-black]

For me, I have horrible impulse control when buying clothes because I'll have thoughts like "if you don't pick this up now, you will never find it again and you'll deeply regret it for whatever reason". I'm realizing that this is part of a greater mental health issue, but the fear of scarcity and feeling incomplete is what I'm avoiding (rather than seeking) when it comes to buying clothes.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I am also fighting general scarcity mindset, trying to lean into some small financial "giving" this year to see if that changes my mentality! Will talk about it soon

[@AnimaUntitled]

I’d like to know your thoughts on renting clothes through monthly subscription like rent the runaway or nuuly 🤔

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! I don't really have fully-formed thoughts on it, not having tried it myself. I can see why it might be great for some people, especially those who get tired of clothes quickly and enjoy rotating for new things often, and/or people who would have a monthly clothing budget regardless of whether they rented. If someone is planning to spend $100 a month on clothes regardless, I'd say it's better to rent rather than buy so that it's less of the buy-declutter (or just accumulating) cycle happening. So I do kind of like the idea, but am also resistant to it because I feel like I should be able to overcome my own "desire for newness", even if I have not successfully done so yet during what was supposed to be a no buy year 🫣 but I do wonder if bringing in new things so much would make the desire to add new pieces of clothing, better, or worse. I am also apprehensive about this frequent exposure to things I both do and don't like - because if I really like something I rent, maybe I'll want to buy it to wear long-term (and what if it's expensive? 😅), and if I don't like something, then maybe I won't want to wear it at all, even during the rental period, both of which would kind of defeat the purpose of renting. It would also require some time looking at clothing options to decide about each monthly shipment, and I ultimately do want to get away from spending so much time thinking about clothing that I don't own. Maybe I can't actually know how it would be unless I tried it, though!

[@satiricalviews]

Lisa Eldridge has created the first fully recyclable refill for her latest lipstick range out of aluminium. Hopefully she will extend it across her brand.

[@NoOctopuss]

Such a thoughtful channel! I always shop for bags, including luggage type items (the travel aspect is strong here). I don't normally buy them, but I spend a lot of time looking at them. Nothing is particularly expensive - most less than £100, always less than £200. But I'm never satisfied with my existing bags. It's not like they're wearing out, not at the rate shoes and clothes do. It's not about fashion, but practicality and usefulness. I have control over spending pretty much everywhere else (except for buying something sugary when I'm out!). I guess I've sort of let it be because I mostly look and don't buy. But wow, count the wasted hours spent looking, researching, comparing, buying then reselling/giving away...

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

It does take so much time! And maybe it's the older I get, but I feel this time more and more, and now I really want to minimize the time I spend thinking about "stuff" or material objects in my life and instead focus on doing and creating things. I can see and feel the results of time spent this way, and it's not through what's hanging in my closet!

[@hazeldavis3176]

I don't have an issue with clothing or books but this was a great video. It's such a good question to ask ourselves about any purchase. I collect things off and on, and i am going to give a hard thought for what i think they're going to get me. Esp my toy collecting, so expensive😅 Thanks for the vid!

[@akirarosenthal]

I have the same issue. Clothing and by extension handbags are my greatest consumerist habits. I work in an office as a lawyer and there is somethig exceedingly satisfying to wear a matching set to work. It doesn't help Legally Blonde is such a comfort movie. I have given strict parameters to quell my sbopping purchases by only introducing 90% and above natural fibre pieces which has stopped me from a lot of purchases due to not only it being more pricier but also the natural fibre styles always tend to lean more simple. My style is definitely over the top with colours and textures. But I have told myself to wear every single piece of clothing with tags on it before i can even consider buying more. I embarrisingly have too much unworn or worn once clothes for this to happen.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Ooh, I could see that being tricky with the "lawyer uniform" in mind! Also the perception of having to dress somewhat expensively to give the impression of being successful - do you feel that at your job?

[@akirarosenthal]

​@@Alexas.nobuyyearSuprisingly, I live in Queensland, Australia, a very tropical and warm climate, so we have a more relaxed attire where locals tend to and have to favour more simple layers. I would say that I am far more dressed in my office even compared to my boss than any of my colleagues. I would say my perceived style is influenced heavily from Chinese and Korean dramas set in a corporate setting, so I do feel that to be successful in work, my life and appearance has to be "successful" and put together in order for everything to fall in place. Perhaps the importance of perceived status is a factor no matter how much I try to steer clear of it.

[@mqua4610]

I am a book lover too! I love books on history to give me insight on what it was like around 50 to 100 years ago as I’m researching what life was like for my family in the big cities of Chicago and NYC. But I have to close my eyes when i come across art books. I still think about the time I didn’t buy that Salvatore Dali book from the St. Petersburg Dali museum with lithographs in it. It was $75, 35 years ago. I have no idea what a book filled with authentic lithographs would sell for now.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I love Dali! I thrifted some souvenir t-shirts (I think the tags say they are from the Dali museum?) of his art, saving those to be one of my birthday gifts this January 😆

[@Gooeybrowniebaby]

In this film called ‘Risen’, Jesus asks one of the characters ’what is it that you seek, Clavius?’ That gave me goosebumps.

[@lillianbarker4292]

It sounds like you have a good handle on the book question if you use the library. In my family books were cherished, so I never needed an excuse to buy one. But the Kindle and IPad changed all that. They make downloading library books so easy! I ask for special books for Xmas.

[@NanaSortiertAus]

I really like your video and the way you speak ♡ Subscribed! And I‘ve been wondering the same thing lately. I have decluttered a ton of things, went from probably 300+ clothing items to 75 and during that process I learned that I bought a lot of those things „to be somebody who owns that thing“. I also wore the clothes in aesthetic pics I took to post on Instagram… but only a couple of the clothes ever truly left the house to be worn in real life. Now I basically only own stuff I love to wear and regularly do so but I still find myself browsing and sometimes buying stuff. Those thins align with my values and my wardrobe is always rather getting smaller than bigger but I really do wonder… has this self-staging aspect truly changed all that much?? These days I value comfort and simplicity in addition to fair and ethical origin of the garment and materials and I post my stuff on instagram way less but when I do have something nice or combine a cute little fit I feel the urge to present it to the world by posting a photo of it. Idk I feel like just thinking about these topics, doing the self reflection and already having come a long way shows that we‘re doing great but there‘s truly a couple of aspects I still don‘t really get behind

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I feel some of this too, still! My current goal is to have a more "iconic" style "in real life", so that there is less of a point in capturing outfits in photos since I will probably repeat it before too much time passes. So it's like I have the outfit record going "in real time". I still have too much clothing to do this truly effectively, but it's a work in progress!

[@NanaSortiertAus]

@@Alexas.nobuyyearThat‘s such a cool idea!! ngl I‘m adding it to my notes on this subject

[@sandragoitom4325]

I use to be obsessed with quality (not necessarily designer) bags, but now enjoy travel, nylon type bags that tick the boxes for durability & easy care. Currently, my quest is to find athletic shoes that are affordable, comfortable and durable. Many don't last more than a year and seem very wasteful.

[@marilynmansilla8383]

Question: Can we express our personality with our clothes/outfits, or is it another marketing strategy to get us to purchase more stuff than we need (to survive, I'm thinking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs here...)?

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

This is a good question! Because I am not sure I can answer with the truth, since I have been exposed for so long to the marketing that tells us that "style is expressive." My initial reaction is that "we CAN express through clothing but we don't HAVE to" but - is what we are expressing through clothing choices, even real or meaningful? However, I do know for sure that I believe that people don't NEED to use clothes to express their personality, that it is more effectively expressed through what they do and say. So I definitely don't think that curating a "personal style" is an essential activity.

[@edwardtheinsane]

I was visiting family in another state, and I had decided to buy myself an interesting antique as a souvenir. But I found that, after nearly a year of not buying anything, my desire to buy something that I thought I wanted hand kind of left me. I liked a lot of things. I liked some things a lot. But the desire to buy them was so minimal, it was a struggle to pick something to buy. And I realized that I've come a long way from where I started, and I only started my no buy in April. I'm glad I'm in a place now, where I can appreciate some things without buying them. This isn't really true for my collecting hobbies though. And I still don't know why I want to collect things. Maybe it's my monkey brain wanting to hoard interesting objects. I don't know. But being around my parents, and now visiting my extended family, I can see that collecting interesting objects runs in the family. Haha.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

This is incredible! Love to hear it! Sounds like a new level unlocked, the "appreciating without buying" challenge. I am actually still spinning around some ideas of "why I still like" certain things too, I mean like even more in-depth since filming this video 😅 - while it's not necessarily specifically collecting, for me, I think collections are maybe an aspect of this overall drive of wanting or being attracted to things because of what it can signify about us. And I do wonder more and more if it is the "monkey brain" or more basal instinct that we can feel, but lack cognitive awareness of, and how we might be able to redirect this instinct now that we live in a changed society.

[@KellyNora-p8q]

I am fine with buying and having too many used books. Most other stuff i get rid of.

[@99zanne]

I cannot do without books! I have however been able to mostly transition to digital or audio books. If I can’t acquire the book I want in those formats, I buy used. I do my audio books from my library.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I'm finally getting more used to audio-book format, I guess for a long time it was so much easier for me to retain visual information than audio, but maybe listening to so much youtube over the last few years has helped train my brain to get used to narration like that 😆

[@777sjp777]

Not exactly makeup (moreso personal care), but I have finally found a deodorant that comes in paper-based packaging and can be disposed of through our organic waste program. The brand is called Attitude in case anyone is interested.

[@CAGChannel1]

Serious question - how in the world do you have the luxury of time with two toddlers and a baby and two jobs? Seriously, mind blown.

[@olivegoddess1]

Maybe parents/family help? Both jobs not traditional full time? A truly reciprocating husband (rare)?

[@CAGChannel1]

@ second job is you tube. That is a lot of work too.

[@CAGChannel1]

@@ablesister it is a compliment, not a scrutiny. It is a dis on myself because I didn’t have time to pee or sleep. The dis is not from me. The mind blown at how awesome she is is from me. And , yes, I would wonder and want to ask how the stay at home mom goes to Pilates because we are always curious how others do things. We can learn from others when we are over our heads, and find out how they do it. I’m waaaay past that time now, with our oldest kids, and now my youngest ones are severely disabled, and we moms often marvel and inquire how others seem to not be losing their sh- when we can’t hold it all together sometimes. I wish everyone could just share and go back and forth with info as I now see is muuuuuch more common in the moms with severely disabled kids community. The typical kid mom community often assumes dissing and negative motives. It’s sad to have seen both these sides, but also glorious to now see the other side of mom culture. Obviously I don’t know, but I think this creator might be on the more positive side of how to take someone whose mind is blown by what they seem to accomplish.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

To kind of answer this - I don't actually consider youtube a job, so if it's something that is "compromised" because I only have limited time to edit these videos after the kids are asleep, so be it! I DO have extended family here to help look after kids during my symphony job, which does usually involve fewer hours outside the house than a regular 9-5, with sporadic weeks of "business/less busy" concert cycles. If we didn't have family I honestly probably would be a stay-at-home mom, since my job probably wouldn't pay enough to cover childcare. And if anyone's curious further, I kind of shared all the details in my "timeblocking" video 😁

[@CAGChannel1]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear thank you! Still impressed by everything you get done :) I’m sure you feel so blessed to have super trusted family right there. Amazing!

[@thegadflysnemesis4102]

I too buy books and clothes first and foremost! A little less so now that i've discovered my library's ebook app, but nowadays when i buy books im typically buying quality time with my roommates, as we do frequent readalouds. so i think im okay with that for now, as long as im making sure that I'm not just buying books on the off chance we'll read them, and theyre actually something we're interested in. with clothing i guess im buying... the feeling of quality? maybe im buying the rush of tracking down a really good ebay find. generally i go for natural-fiber, well made well fitting secondhand clothing on the cheap, and then half the fun is seeing it in my closet and going "firsthand silk velvet is $150 a yard! i got this for $25!" accordingly i try to limit my thrifting, which is made easier because i have extremely specific tastes. but i wont lie i should probably be locked out of the "100% silk button down price=low-high" ebay search. i already have two, that's plenty!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Wow that's so cool that you read aloud with room mates! What a cool connection you have, love that.

[@MerlynBarkhuizen]

Alexa please buy the jeans - your heart needs them❤

[@VappuRechardt]

Toteme has jeans that look like the Tibi ones. The only difference is that they have symmetrical back pockets. They are not cheap either, but still much more reasonable price.

[@seonmi1412]

I guess I am very far from where you are in this journey 😅 But it also means I don't see much of a difference between clothing and other things like makeup and homeware. I don't care for cheaply made things either but I enjoy makeup way too much and I love a nice cosy home (sometimes that means that my consumerist self finds nicer fancier homeware items to buy 😝)

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Everyone has their own categories!! I used to enjoy makeup and homewares a lot more, so it's also very possible to change or switch interests - but also, maybe it is a slightly different path when there's not one category where you're more interested in following the next thing, nothing wrong with that either!

[@chicken5490]

I love buying books, especially manga. I can give up buying anything else (clothes, home items, etc.) but it's my one vice that i can't stop buying...

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

As long as you actually get through reading them all, and are happy budget-wise, maybe that vice isn't a real problem! In my case I have more unread books than I can probably read in an entire year

[@chicken5490]

@ i do read them all so i know i am getting my money’s worth (comics i have read all at least several times) except for some secondhand novels i got a few months back that I’m still going through so for me it’s more like i need to develop the discipline to finish what i currently have before i buy more which i know i should do 😅 sometimes i can resist the urge and stop myself and other times i can’t. Trying to build discipline is really difficult since i love reading so much 😩 I had lots of books on my shelf that i hadn’t read yet so i started bringing a novel with me everywhere i go… with my work i usually end up waiting for people (sometimes for a couple of hours) and have nothing else to occupy myself with except my phone. It’s helped me kick the phone habit a bit and also helped me with reading what i already have. I’m on my 3rd book for this month!

[@coockiekat]

I treat my books very personal. I signed them with my full name as soon as I get them, I also write the date. Is that crazy? For me, the worst thing to overcome will be wigs. I buy them and as soon as I get one I`m ready to buy another one ( and they are not cheap ). I am never satisfied. And with the wig community it is so hard - a lot of styles, colours, brands who launch new styles every season! So many reviewers who have so many wigs! I recently watched a video of one of them who made a video of her "favourite 14 wigs for autumn". I mean, what?! We have only one head! why would you wear so many wigs in only 3 months? It creates such a FOMO. You don`t want to miss out on a new style, new colour... And your video made me think - why do I buy so many wigs? What am I missing? Do I fully accept myself? I would like to do a no buy year next year but the wigs and books will be hard not to buy.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Just speaking from my own experience failing to actually not buy my most difficult categories, I highly recommend trying the no-buy next year, but ALSO having a backup budget set in stone before you start. One of the things I regret not doing is having a pre-planned budget for "wants" - I thought I just wouldn't buy stuff so wouldn't need that, but I probably ended up over-spending even though this was supposed to be a no-buy year. I'll be going into details at the end of the year/beginning of next year!

[@sophiehe5725]

I think by now I know my why in the case of clothes shopping, however I have no idea how to then stop? I am already scaling down but by no means do I feel ready or feel like I could do a no buy year. In my mind, I want to be perceived as the one who’s always dressed good and stylish (not trendy, but my own interpretation of style). I remember a woman at work and she was dressed sooo good every single time at saw her and that’s kind of what I want others to think of myself. I know I also have some control issues and guess that also comes out in the way I want to control how others see me. However I don’t really know how to stop wanting that? Maybe someone has any good ideas or is in a similar situation :)

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Highly recommend trying the no buy year even if you're not ready, because by trying to stop the "buying" part of the see it, want it, buy it cycle you are bound to learn some stuff about yourself even if you fail (like I did, several times!). You might make the space to find out more about your need for control, too! For me it was not until I tried to remove myself from the consumerist cycle that I realized that I would feel better if I could let go.

[@melligolightly]

I'm very frugal and 'uninfluencable' except with clothing. I have wondered why, too. For me, it might be a scarcity mindset (thinking I don't have enough) which gets amplified by my OCD traits that make we very rigid in some aspects. If I for example don't like certain silhouettes, fabrics, feelings on me I can’t for the life of me stand to wear it (kind of with sensory issues but on a mental level, of that makes sense). I can't describe it very good, but it can ruin my day to wear the "wrong for me" clothes. Not even from an aesthetiv point of view, I dont think I'm vain, objectively the clothes can look good. So, I tend to always fear that I don’t have enough of clothing I 'can' wear (i. e. meet my specific criteria). Some random things that helped me: Budgeting 10 item wardrobe concept (Jennifer L. Scott) I have reduced my clothing budget significantly the past few years and reduced the amount of items I purchased each season. I still have to work on the latter. Also, I want to get better at not obsessing over stuff, so ideally not keep a wishlist (your 'to do list' analogy really got me!) but only replace individual items as the need arises. Not looking for all the pieces I will 'need' the next season.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

How did you go about setting a clothing budget? For next year, I do have a budget amount planned for general "non-necessities", including clothes, but I'm not sure if it would be more wise to separate a portion of that specifically for clothing, or to wait and see what things tend to pop up before trying to do that. Curious to hear if you have any tips from your experience! This year did also help me realize that it actually doesn't take "much" to have enough, (sounds compatible with the 10 item wardrobe idea!) and then not much more than that to make excess. So part of the issue is to remove the things that are in the way of the best things! Here's to not obsessing over stuff anymore - I'll still be here working on this next year 😄

[@moozaa2974]

Oh man clothing & fashion also confuses me I swear. I favoured the easy to care for & casual attire. At one point I only wore Blacks, greys, blues & darks lol. At this point of life my clothes are mostly utilitarian but my few basic are not regular colours, cuts or patterns if you get what I mean? My everyday footwear are camel brown/white & my everyday bag is olive. I'm personally sick of black bags or footwear. 🤣

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Black was never a favorite color in my wardrobe/accessories either! Although I do understand that it can be practical!

[@RandomJane104]

I want to be young, thin, and attractive again but at 50 it's a lost cause. Clothing will not help. I'll settle for financially comfortable and retired early instead. Keeping/putting my disposable income into investments instead of fantasy objects. If it improves my daily life by adding ease/efficency, improved health, cost effective entertainment, or comfort it's worth buying. Otherwise, it's just a waste. I need to update my library card for books. I think I let it expire. I read all of the books I was interested a few years ago and I was waiting for them to add to the collection. I think I waited too long and need to go back. Like you, I rarely buy new books and only buy if I can't borrow it from the library or find it used. I never re-read books, so prefer not to own/keep them.

[@cynthiahunter6588]

Would you ever consider using a stylist?

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

My initial instinct is to say "no" - but then my next instinct is to never say never! So, maybe? But the main reasons I'm reluctant is that firstly, I'm not sure I feel like I want exterior guidance in such a direct way, on my "personal style," when I inherently believe that if I know myself and what I want to express I should be able to do that work myself and maybe get a more authentic result - and secondly, I don't feel like I have the budget for that, even though I don't actually know what that would cost. I'd also want to know that the stylist I worked with is excellent at their job but also aware of my needs, as someone who doesn't live in a very fashionable city. I guess another part of me doesn't want someone to possibly tell me NOT to wear something that I like, for whatever reason, and sway my opinions - I won't believe it doesn't "work" for me until I actually realize it for myself, but I might develop a complex about why I "shouldn't" wear this cut or color or whatever, if someone tells me so. Thank you for asking though, this was interesting to think about!

[@brittany16950]

I want a different body. Which um. Makes no sense

[@selah5792]

Pleasure is one of the four aims of life. You get pleasure from design/clothing. It can be that simple. Pleasure isnt over consumption. Its just pleasure.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Curious - what are the other three aims of life?