INFPs and Listening

[@vondelpete]

The hat of disappointment has made an appearance! I think the hat is certainly not disappointing. Great video! I think this is very true in my experience. I zone in and out of conversations so much, and I’ve thought a lot about this in regards to what Dario Nardi has said - wondering if as an INFP, I indeed am a good listener? One odd thing I’ve found is that I seem to listen much more when fellow Fi types talk, I suppose because it’s easier to resonate with that way of thinking. On the other hand I relax a bit more sometimes with Ti types because it gives me an unconscious licence to zone out a little bit. I’m an awful person, now I think about it. 😂 But this is something I’ve noticed about myself. But I suppose it also fits in with our more holistic way of listening. I notice is particularly with my long discussions with INTPs - I really need to zone out a bit while they’re talking to apply my Fi frameworks to their Ti frameworks, process it and offer something knew back at the Ti user.

[@dulles1969]

Funny with INTPs -- if they get into personal things (which is not often), I can get glued to their words. They can relate some very personal things in an abstract, objective way. It helps (maybe?) to turn it personal and validate that feeling about things is ok, too. For example, the INTP I know still helps his elderly dad on the farm. They recently had to take down a silo: The elderly dad on a tractor almost pulled the structure down onto the INTP. While we laughed over "hit by a falling silo" as a solid epitaph, someone also had to say "I'm glad you're ok". So yes, under the right circumstances, I don't doubt you're an excellent listener, which makes for giving fresh perspectives and good advice. At other times ... it's our own attention span that's among the dearly departed. Thank you for always spreading big smiles. 😉

[@radishraven9]

I thought this was your french costume 😂 great video, makes sense, since i often feel like i zone out in conversations unless i like the person or the topic. It's always about weaving it in to my story, which sounds pretty self centered, but somehow it is actually centered around also weaving the other person's story? Sometimes i think I've completely zoned out but get "the emotional gist" of the conversation from all that processing. It is hard to explain, but it does help me in my job where i hear so many personal stories. The only thing is my job prohibits me from using my own personal experience to relate to patients, at least i can't tell patients about myself. So sometimes i have to listen to only facts in a cold critical way, but i must write it down to remember anything.😅 If you like Dario Nardi in a more philosophical abstract sense I'd recommend Joshua L's youtube channel 😊

[@dulles1969]

First, thank you on the Joshua L recommendation -- I've come across his channel before. There is a big backlog of video content -- have subscribed and will start to dig. Being a good listener is so important in healthcare! I'm sure every patient has the nightmare experience of a primary care physician who ignores completely whatever they say. It's a shame, as you note, that the doctor-patient relationship is not a sharing relationship. So the deep sharing needs to be with friends outside of work... and you have tender stories of spending time with friends. The striped sweater was a coincidence, didn't realize that until just now. 😅The beret is Laulhere. It is fantastic. I get chilled easily -- we keep the indoors heat low in winter (18C-20C). A cap in the office makes a big difference, though I don't usually wear it when on video! That particular hat also has a lot of history -- it's been around the world and didn't get lost(!) So honestly it isn't a hat of disappointment, it was the hair that evening that was a disappointment...

[@olderinfpinsights]

Nice to know I'm not the only one who does this zoning out. Think at times it's dementia starting (but no). I do this "selective listening" in all sorts of situations especially if I'm talking with someone that's a boring topic to me and I'm ready for a subject change. I also do this watching interesting YT vids that are way long. Somewhere along the line a minute or 2 of the vid will disappear from my brain and I'll have to rewind to hear what I missed. It can take me forever to finish one of these vids. What's most embarrassing is when I zone out of my own talks and stop to say, "What was I talking about?" to which most times the listener responds, "I dunno." So there's that too. Thanks for giving me something to think about and comfort knowing I'm not alone. ------------ UPDATE IDEA. Just now a few minutes later a thought came to me. Maybe the INFPs' "zoning out' is part of a survival technique learned in childhood and subconsciously (or consciously) carried over into adulthood? INFPs have a history of being nonconfrontational, bullied, and what not from an early age. I remember in the first grade the teacher called me out after school for something I did. I stared into space the whole time. She told my mom I could stare longer than anyone she knew. I was just trying to "survive" my teacher's wrath. ??? Just a thought.

[@dulles1969]

Not sure this is a survival technique, but there is only so much attention to go around, and if you're focused on internal feelings and ideas the outside world doesn't get its due. That whole zoning out thing happens with conversations, TV shows, KZbin videos... and it's especially hard on books.... reading the same paragraph (zoning out). Re-reading the same paragraph (zoning out again). Thanks Dee and hope you had a happy Thanksgiving Holiday! I liked your reposting the Macy's Day Parade pictures. 🙂

[@olderinfpinsights]

@@dulles1969 👍

[@gorvo31]

Hey...I immediately wanted to call you Monsieur Dulles. 🙂 As ever, so much to consider, and yes....whatever one's type, I find I can be there to "lend an ear" at the very least..being there to listen....receptively and without judgement (usually), though the real listening part...taking it all in with justice to the way it was spoken forth can be the real challenge. Yes, sometimes just not zoning out can be difficult depending on the person, context....I do find though that an advantage of being a slow processor of ones thoughts, is that one can take the time to drink in what the other is saying gradually and not be too quick to rush to conclusions. If one could use that, overall listening can be improved from that angle at least. Thanks as always, and hope you're having a fine holidaze. 🙂-Carm & Rocky...who I believe was listening intently

[@dulles1969]

Hi fellow hat-wearer (and Rocky!) I hope you had a good Thanksgiving holiday. Among other things the beret is a reminder that monsieur Dulles is a peasant. I strongly suspect with your calming ways, you've learned many things from many people who've opened up to you over the years, and that you are a trustworthy keeper of secrets. And you're one of the last people I'd ever expect to rush to judgment. It might happen though, that you might ponder some particular thing for a very long time before coming back with a thought-out answer ... that might sound familiar...😉

[@gorvo31]

@@dulles1969 Well thank you kindly good sir. 🙂I forgot to mention too though that part of the reason for zoning out isn't always lack of interest or engagement from the other person, it's oftentimes the opposite....something will be said that will touch off one's own thoughts to get further lost in. It's quite a challenge especially in-person where one can't really say "Oh, could you just hold that thought while I sit here in front of you and ruminate on that for about 10 minutes?" That's a plus with YT videos of course, where you can actually pause the other person in order to ruminate on what they just said for 10 minutes.... ☺

[@theINTJsoapbox]

I also enjoy hearing the opening up kind of vulnerable personal stories but people don't tend to share with an INTJ lol. That's a bit of a shame actually, I am very good with giving advice and helping people past dilemmas in a very logical and in real time way. The conceptuality in terms of feeling is something very interesting to me, it gives me more perspectives and hypotheticals to play with which refine my thoughts on something human. To play with moral questions, to get in someone's head, and to predict human outcomes is something I take a lot of interest in. I suppose it is like an odd psychological empathising that adds to a bucket of perspectives and arguments that expand my knowledge and wisdom and personal philosophy. As an NT type, I am often detached from people in many ways, but I am also extremely analytical of people and think in human terms. Many of my most passionate interests have a human element, to the extent that you could say it is a necessity for its frequency of and longevity of interest.

[@dulles1969]

>>Many of my most passionate interests have a human element ^^ This! You are not the first INTJ who has turned understanding people into something of an obsession. And it's fascinating to see this sharply focused lens tackle one of the most complex and mystifying systems of all -- people and behaviors. I'm fortunate enough to know just one more INTJ who is similarly focused on people -- who is endlessly thoughtful and considerate in that odd INTJ way. There is not an issue that can't be addressed with a range of helpful advice, though sometimes that advice (especially when it's about health and self-care) might be unconventional.