Inner Insights 03: Facing ADHD Paralysis and Masculinity

[@mfcnyc5]

Courtesy of That Grey Gentleman: I am safe I am strong I am trying my best and that makes me enough I am brave I am not alone and I am stronger than the storm I am fierce I am free I am a beast and the storm fears me

[@mfcnyc5]

Seb, grown woman here raised in the 70s when no one knew anything about adhd and depression so definitely grew up with the negative "you do everything half assed" "for someone smart you have no common sense" etc. I "saw" you even in Quinn. I actually was worried about you thru the darkest times. Your heart is so pure and what is personal to you is more universal than you may think. Talking out loud is the ONLY way I can think things through. Keep talking. And keep listening to that true voice in you that defends you against the fucking voices of our youth and reminds you of your value. As an eldest daughter and the go-to friend I understand exactly how you feel about asking for help. I heard about getting a buddy, someone who is willing to be the voice outside your head and get past the inertia while you still know what you want to do but we're probably have a hard time thinking off you we would put such a Huge Burden on (even tho we're happy to do it for someone else). Meanwhile, I think this video journal is a wonderful idea... I'll definitely start doing that for myself... And I'll keep checking in on you, to hear the random thoughts on ick days and relate, and share when you're in playful joy mode too.❤

[@shirleymajor8738]

“The thing to learn isn’t the how to do the thing, it’s how to accept myself”. This is truth! Accept you, congratulate yourself for how far you’ve come, congratulate your strength….im learning it and it feels so good…. Depression sucks but we keep moving forward that’s our success

[@sebastienrteller]

Working on it. Guess that's exactly keeping moving forward just as you mentioned :)

[@trixiepetphotography]

Your thoughts are beautiful and truthful. It helps calm my intrusive thoughts. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@annie_blackbird]

"Everything is made for neurotypicals". There's your goal, and you are already doing it by _not_ doing it the way everyone else is. (Also 18:00 is really powerful)

[@sebastienrteller]

It's like creating tornados in the pool, you go with the flow, but at some point we all eventually choose to go exactly opposite of it 😈

[@Tough-Cook1e]

Your honesty when expressing struggles with only being accepted for your work, not for yourself just opened my eyes. This is such a valuable point and reflects the struggles that my boyfriend has. It just didn‘ ocure to me until now. Thank you for speaking out and sharing. Nothing can be changed if it isn‘t adressed. I like this kind of ‚ramble‘ too Embrace who you are❤

[@sebastienrteller]

The ramble reference gave me a chuckle. Love it haha I'm so glad to have helped you see this for your partner. I know that deep down, I always wished someone would see the pain that exists underneath. For you to know this as a potential situation your partner may struggle with, I know will help them in the healing process

[@gemslittlebookshelf]

I know this was posted months ago! I only just found this yesterday but I wanted to give my thoughts. While I am hoping you are in a better place now than you were at the beginning of the year. I've learned a lot about having a daughter who has ADHD or ADD or whatever they want to name it. My takeaway is to go easy on yourself, man. If you have a day when depression kicks your ass or the darkness makes you want to internalise shit, don't feel guilty for feeling. Sit on the couch, stay in bed and who cares that you don't get your shit done, it will still be there and you might actually be more prepared for it. I am an A+ procrastinator and will spend days, if not weeks, avoiding things to then make myself more overwhelmed and anxious because I've ignored them. My daughter's mood swings are elite, and I neve really understood when she used to say its 'not me, it's my brain'. Don't feel guilty for being you and I'm sorry growing up was hard not to believe it was okay, just to be you. As for masculinity, god, I wish men could feel okay crying, asking for help, and having days when they just feel alone dealing with life; you shouldn't be ashamed for wanting to pick up the phone and ask for support, love, advice or just to hear a voice. Society needs to start seeing gender roles differently. I could ramble about this for hours, but I won't. hahaha. I'm also a girl who chooses to cry alone or when no ones watching, and rarely ask for help, I don't want to burden. Vulnerability is a huge deal and hopefully, with the generations that have lived through what we have, things will change. I'm a constant work in progress and most of us humans are. But I live by the saying JUST DO YOU. Obviously it's not always that easy but its okay to feel. I am also extremely bad at asking for help, I want to but I shut down and internalise and then feel worse but its not healthy. Also, stop apologizing...you are frickin' awesome and give yourself some proper love once in a while. Be proud of who you are and what you've achieved despite your struggles. You are never a burden for the right person or people in your inner bubble. I just want to say that you are enough, you always will be and for everyone you've met and will meet you are something to them. We touch everyone we meet or so the saying goes. My therapist also told me that planning fries my brain, I get overwhelmed with the what if's. Maybe, do it a month or six months at a time. What feels manageable and if anyone reads this life is hard, and you don't have to be okay, you can just be surviving and alive until you feel ready to do what comes next and I know you will become a kick ass actor or whatever else you choose to do.

[@sebastienrteller]

I really appreciate you taking the time to write this 🥲 This was very lovely and reassuring to read. Every word hit home. Thank you 🥹

[@jamiem_glimmers]

Hello again! Please don’t apologize for losing your train of thought! You do not owe us that. That is the vibe of this series. Post when you can. Don’t get me wrong - I wondered if you would continue when I noticed a pause. But you are making valuable content, for yourself (and incidentally us), and people will listen when you post it. Although you don’t owe us that either. Dark, light, how it clicks with us, not important. My daughter says, “I don’t control the speed at which lobsters die.” Sorry for the metaphor, as I know you are vegan, but the idea is that she does not always have control over what her brain will and will not let her do or think. That lack of control is terrifying, but validating that reality makes it easier to handle, for her and the ones who love her. The phrase has become shorthand that gives her some grace, because she knows we understand and helps remind herself. This is clearly an oversimplification of a complex problem, but whatever helps ya know? Wow, that was a lot. Sorry for being bossy, and probably overstepping. Clearly what you’ve been talking about has resonated with me (and others). This is not for us, but I will admit I was pleased to see that at the end you looked like a weight was lifted, or at least lightened from your shoulders. I’m new around here, but interested in what you have to say if you choose to continue!

[@sebastienrteller]

I will say, for someone telling me not to apologize, there may be a few words in your very kind and thoughtful comment that indicate your own advice might be useful to yourself as well 😌 I loved reading all of this! Even the lobster analogy. No apology necessary at all 😊 I think it's incredible that you have this open communication with your daughter. With the thoughtful words you wrote here, I can see why it works so well. Thank you

[@jamiem_glimmers]

Valid note. I'm working on that myself!! @@sebastienrteller

[@genevievewilliams2636]

Thank you for verbalizing. I have listened to the negative voices for longer than you have been alive. I just started listening to the positive voices. There will always be room to grow. I love to see you process. You are helping so many people with your honest heart. You are a beautiful human. Namaste.

[@ResilienceXofficial]

Lots of value here, brother... Especially with you

[@sebastienrteller]

WES!!! It's been so long! I hope you and the family are doing wonderful

[@AlitaEspinoza]

You being able to express your feelings or how you feel at a certain point in time shouldn't matter whether you are a man. You are right about all this society toxic masculinity and how a man is supposed to behave or react. As a teacher I try to create safe spaces for my students and be themselves and express their feelings respectfully regardless of their gender because I know some of them don't have that space at home. Personally, I've had problems trying to identify my own feelings and expressing them and not just let them inside me and consume me. So what I want to say is that please keep expressing your feelings and presenting yourself as you are because you are an awesome person 🙂. And post the videos you want and need to for yourself, we are going to keep along with you, because it is real as fuck and we love them, and sometimes darkness is part of the path ar well as light. Sending you lots of love ❤

[@sebastienrteller]

I can at least say I'll give it my best shot. I appreciate your kind words

[@animaldocj1]

This was another powerful one. I don’t know that I have any answers, but this quote helps me sometimes when I get depressed or feel aimless: “Thermodynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing. And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle. But...if me, my birth, if that's a thermodynamic miracle... I mean, you could say that about anybody in the world!. Yes. Anybody in the world. ..But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point. As if new, it may still take our breath away. Come...dry your eyes. For you are life, rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg; the clay in which the forces that shape all things leave their fingerprints most clearly. Dry your eyes... and let's go home.” - Dr. Manhattan to Laurie, Watchmen

[@sebastienrteller]

First of all, I love that you can bring out these really deep quotes and messages! Second, WATCHMEN IS SO GOOD 👏👏👏

[@animaldocj1]

@@sebastienrteller I was a latchkey kid raised on movies and tv, so I kinda approached my healing journey the same way. And yes, WATCHMEN is fucking awesome 😁

[@kimberlyeisenmann8036]

Do you have a strong support system when you are going thru these kind of days?