Inside the Mind of a Narcissist: Never Apologize, Never Admit Defeat

[@k80.82]

The narcissist fears rejection and abandonment but chooses to reject and abandon others. Never taking accountability and never apologizing is what drove me away. I cannot fathom continuing to have a relationship with a robot

[@lillynava1]

Explained perfectly!

[@AnthonyManzio]

Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing once again, I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums win ever win.

[@lynx9704]

Narcissists don't give a shit about abandonment. Stop projecting.

[@cristyriannekieley3119]

You are very right

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes. I think they don't realize that they do act like a robot. They just don't know how to be themselves or what that even really is or look like. They will mimic other people mannerisms and personalities from time to time. As an attempt to appear to be a certain type of person.

[@chrisantoniou4366]

Narcissists never own up to mistakes, defeats, bad judgement, poor decision making, or simply being wrong because they believe they are superior to others and that if anything does go wrong in their lives it must be someone else's fault. If you point out that they have made a mistake they will turn it back on you and accuse you of blaming them for YOUR transgression and say YOU have a problem with accepting that they are blameless. Narcissists will never change - if you have a problem with them and it makes your life hell, run away and never return!

[@lessismore8533]

Yes Narcissists gaslight all the time cus they think it works

[@chrisantoniou4366]

@@lessismore8533 Narcissists do gaslight, but often they also believe their own lies.

[@chrisantoniou4366]

@@julieb6624 When I talk about "apology", I'm talking about a genuine apology, not some weaponized lie...

[@Soothsayer937]

Narcissists don't apologize because their entire intention is to hurt you. Whether it's mocking everything you do and say or setting you up for reactive abuse, or sabotaging your plans, it is all done deliberately to undermine you. Then they twist events in order to play the victim because they learned it's a great way to get attention. So why would they feel sorry when they got what they wanted...to ruin you? They do not have an ounce of cooperation in their whole body. Whatever they agree to do, count on them to do the opposite. Then they will shift all the blame onto you and make others think you were at fault.

[@sleeperno1215]

I’ve thought about your comment. I think you may be on to something. Their intention IS to hurt you and evaluate your response. If they hurt you and you take it anyway, then the narcissist feels special. What other person would take a narcissist’s shit and love him or her anyway? However, over time, taking the narcissist’s shit devalues the victim in the eyes of a narcissist thereby polluting the quality of the supply. So, the narcissist increases the abuse. Surely, the victim won’t take it this time. When the victim does, then the narcissist feels special again. “I must really be special for him to take that abuse.” Rinse and repeat until the victim’s supply is worthless. Then, the discard begins. No narcissist wants to be with a doormat. New supply and the process begins again.

[@msfaye026]

Nailed it.

[@Northman1963]

I've been experiencing what you describe. In a successful business with her and wondering how the discard will happen. A narcissist is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

[@Soothsayer937]

@@Northman1963 It will happen only after this person figures out a way to discredit you and relieve you of all your assets. Retain an attorney and CYA.

[@angiesmith9293]

Well said. Not an ounce of cooperation wow yes! Makes them feel special. Right.

[@DarthJarJar10]

"There are so many things that need to happen in order for this person to be accountable" "This person doesn't know how to be accountable" And it's nobody else's job but theirs to learn it.

[@freshstrt3140]

Stephanie, you are the big sister every single one of us needs. Thank you for your gifts towards humanity.

[@sleeperno1215]

The narcissist fears rejection and abandonment. They deal with this fear by being “indispensable.” The thoughts that “I’m so important, that no one can afford to abandon me.” Admitting fault, means that they are not indispensable. If the narcissist is not indispensable, they may lose their social support system. Being left to fend for themselves is their ultimate fear because they are afraid they cannot survive on their own.

[@serendipity2345-k8r]

When I was growing up we were told"Children should be seen and not heard",when I had my daughters from the moment tbey could speak they were little people and as they got older their views on the world were amazing, as adults we have fascinating debates,they understand me and I them,Im glad I kept that closeness with them,they are adult women with fantastic views on our world,feminism etc,they were my best achievement.

[@matthewmcmacken6716]

Oof... '...when empathy isn't taught, selfishness takes its place...' No truer words spoken.

[@charlesnunno8377]

Still doesn't make me want to murder a narc after experiencing them....less.

[@chrissemenko628]

​@@charlesnunno8377Yup. I don't care WHY they are the way they are. Just stay tf away from me!

[@TheodorusRex]

My ex-wife. No introspection, never admit they're wrong, infallible, no accountability. Insecure to the highest degree. Checking my phone, bogus accusations, it was such a difficult relationship. I didn't realize how difficult until I got out.

[@sleeperno1215]

My current wife. I never ever let it go anymore. So, now the best I get is a sarcastic or “joking” apology or “we were both wrong.” I’m affirming your experience and affirming that you did not deserve it. She was wrong.

[@sleeperno1215]

Role modeling and admitting to your children you are wrong is huge!!!! This is how the cycle gets broken. My wife is a covert narcissist. I am a recovering alcoholic. Even though I have plenty of “reason” to drink, I follow AA to stay sober. “When I was wrong, I promptly admitted it.” I make a point of admitting I am wrong to my kids every time. I apologize for my part. I am sincere because I have to keep my lane clean. My kids respect me for it. My wife, as you can imagine, not so much. Be the change for your kids.

[@sleeperno1215]

Last comment, I promise. One way to “compromise” with a narcissistic spouse is to apologize for your part. It is a principle of AA to admit your part. When I do, it seems to give my wife just enough to admit her part and apologize. Apologizing for “ my part” may mean to me that my part was engaging her bad behavior or not leaving, it does not mean that I am letting her off the hook for her part. Modeling contrition for my part without signing off on her bullshit is how I cope. Ideally, I would be justified in leaving. But, I have to look out for my kids. I also realize that her family caused this. She is still responsible and she has improved through my example. She still reverts back when cornered and I make her own her shit. If you refuse to accept an insult, then to whom does it belong? - The Buddha (paraphrased).

[@myGenevalewisshaw]

Indeed

[@jamesbishop9156]

@sleeperno1215 it's obviously projections from the wanna be control freak narcissist. You have a lot to learn still, sir....

[@superslyko123]

When I finally took the big step & told my children, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake!" It was a huge stepping stone. A release. When my mother actually heard me tell my kids, 😳 she couldn't believe it!!!!!

[@FlyHoneyBre]

that's really good to hear. Good work.

[@wiz_griz]

Keep up the great work! ❤️

[@freshstrt3140]

Or they may feel remorse because they regret how it reflects on them as a person. But never because they regret how it made you feel, or the damage it did to your life. 🙏🏽

[@Nikki30288]

Well said

[@freshstrt3140]

@@Nikki30288 thank you, I needed this reminder today Bless you, and your Way

[@ButterCookie1984]

Damn

[@kellithomas9080]

Very true!!! Just pay attention to the way they apologize. It’s always in a self serving way. They don’t even acknowledge the very thing they did, just a bunch of talking in circles saying things like “I’m sorry if you felt betrayed in any way” but they cheated, so why wouldn’t you feel betrayed?? Then my ex used to go on and talk about how he fell in love with me from the first time he laid eyes on me and blah blah blah. I used to get so confused after those encounters and it left me with a headache! His apologies seemed like some type of learned behavior and script, but there was no real sincerity behind it. Pathetic

[@Matthew-jd6tv]

When we leave, it's because of them. They refuse to accept this. They refuse to accept responsibility.

[@TamikaTaylor-rl1im]

Do not forget, narcissists are never wrong , ever , they are always right , they think!Whatever you try and say , the guilty one will never be him…. Sorrrryyyy….😮

[@msalbd]

Wasband, after 2 years of verbal abuse, told me there would be no apology because we both made mistakes. And when I fed that line to him in return, he wasn't too happy

[@leannwiederanders1844]

“Wasband” …that’s the best!!! Good on you!!👍🏻👏🏻💓✌🏻

[@paulag1551]

Thank for this video. It 💯 confirmed everything I already knew, but just hung on in hopes that I could make him see the light. Of course, that never happened. I went no contact in Feb bcuz I had enough. Now I'm living for me. 🙏 😘

[@Truth-matters-v2z]

Thank you for clarifying the differences. Like many who have been with a narcissist, I often wondered if it’s me because I have done some of those things. The difference is the ability to look at yourself and know you’re wrong, say it out loud and actively seek to change/improve. Of course learning that you were with someone who actively sought to engage your reactions for their benefit was a total game changer. Thank you for your videos.

[@sleeperno1215]

If you worry that you are the narcissist, then you are not a narcissist. The victim, in an effort to fight back, uses the narcissist’s techniques hoping the the narcissist will see how it feels. They never do. They are outraged at your behavior even if it mimics their own. “One rule for me, another for me.”

[@lilymalm7488]

Thank you Stephanie for doing this❤️❤️ The course of my life has CHANGED since I started subscribing to your channel in 2021❤

[@Northman1963]

Got involved with a controlling narcissist 18 years ago. I'm a nice guy, a laid back guy who avoids drama. High IQ. Kind, considerate of others. This woman I moved in with is now the polar opposite in every way, but at the start played as tho she had all the same interests as me. A real player. Now we have nothing in common and all she wants to do is dominate. I have learned the hard way to stand up for myself in what I originally thought was a loving relationship but turned out to be a ruthless competition. If only I had access to info and videos like this back when I was younger. Maybe I would be with a kind and understanding woman now instead of the hard hearted manipulator I deal with. Narcissists are not pleasant people. My spouse has destroyed an amazing amount of friendships since Ive known her and none of the fault is hers of course, lol. My family and friends will not come to visit me because of her past treatment of them. The lack of self awareness and lack of personal accountability with a narcissist is simply amazing to behold.

[@sandiish64]

I'm experiencing this with my DIL ,MY Son doesn't see it yet, they won't bring my grand daughters around, it's terrible

[@lynx9704]

My guy...i have news for you: That is how MOST women operate as they are empty inside. So she needed to simulate those things so that you'd be hooked. ALL women are narcissists.

[@TapRiot]

Same here. 17 years of this. She actually called me a narcissist and it was the best thing she could have ever said to me. It sent me down this rabbit hole of discovery where my eyes have been opened. It’s actually heartbreaking. I always just thought I wasn’t good enough or measuring up because i thought she was just too good for me and I should feel lucky.

[@roberttruman8444]

What you need sir is to have an affair!

[@Cod12Osc]

And they will flat out two that they are not going to change.....

[@ruthking5690]

This video has been helpful. Letting your message sit in to process in my mind. I'll probably watch this again. Thank you Stephanie💜

[@jamesbishop9156]

Punishment inhibits admitting mistakes. We wouldn't lie if we knew that we were safe from punishments. We need understanding and empathy without punishments. Then, face the responsibility to make it correct... Punishment inhibits growth...

[@sleeperno1215]

The work for the narcissist is to admit fault even if there is a possibility of punishment. The narcissist must fault because it is the right thing to do and will build self esteem. If someone punishes you for admitting fault, that’s on them. If narcissists could realize this, they’d be so much happier.

[@jamesbishop9156]

@@sleeperno1215 Who is the biggest control freak narcissist?

[@sleeperno1215]

@@jamesbishop9156 i don’t understand your question?

[@jamesbishop9156]

@@sleeperno1215 which God?

[@sleeperno1215]

@@jamesbishop9156 a God of my own understanding. I follow AA.

[@leannwiederanders1844]

StephaMom…thank YOU!!!!!!! Please take care of yourself as much as you do us all. 💓👏🏻✨💫

[@laxmannate07]

My ex’s parents are great people. But they definitely enabled her emotional immaturity. Instead of learning how to deal with negative emotions, she learned that if she gets angry enough for long enough she will get what she wants.

[@anneyoung2310]

Amazing here. I don't need them to. One thing is needed. I'm super simple.

[@morganfitness97]

can’t express how much I needed this video in this very moment.❤

[@CaseyAvalon]

I would just walk away, which drove them crazy! I refused to argue, they were constantly complaining and disrespecting me. I said no, not now, not later and not in my own home! MIL couldn't last two weeks, and y'know what? My husband and I are happy to never see her miserable existence ever again.

[@ldeleon85]

Thank you for this! The validation is mind blowing and definitely helps!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Glad it was helpful!

[@bdeezy2962]

Wow , your wording is so clear and understandable you just explain this so clearly..so glad I found this channel ❤

[@lisaeve6426]

This is my family to a tee. After running away from home at 16, child protection deemed my whole family dysfunctional and abusive...at 44 I stopped talking to my dad...my body at 31 showed all the symptoms of child abuse... they blame me as lazy after diagnosed with AdHd, fibromyalgia, hypothyroid, discoid lupus and chronic fatigue. My illness was a direct reflection of childhood abuse... However, like usual they blame me for everything. It's unbelievable.

[@jonasaharoni1724]

You have helped me so much in this crazy divorce of mine…thank you

[@truthseeker1157]

This is beautifully explained and it helps a lot. Thank you

[@BBsummers]

This was very helpful for me. I’ve been married to my narcissistic husband for near 29 years. He’s a good man, faithful (which is HUGE in my opinion), but we’ve butted heads ‘almost’ daily and learning these traits of narcissistic behavior has really opened my eyes. I’ve experienced ALL of these issues and could never understand why our marriage has to be SO difficult. It truly helps.

[@Melybelle]

I have been married to a narcissist for 24 years. He is also very faithful. I walk on egg shells not knowing how my reply to what he says is going to make him act. It is terrible. I’m starting to think that I don’t want to stay with him after my kids are raised.

[@roberttruman8444]

I got shamed by my narcissistic mother when I did something wrong or if I upset someone. But she never tried to teach me to empathise and consider other peoples POV. I learnt it for myself but it didn’t fully form until my 30s. I think that having had an abusive childhood and suffered bullies at school I felt unwilling to take accountability because I’d been taking responsibility for so many things in the past, and some of those things I never actually did or it was blown out of proportion. I would become defensive, though more because of fearing judgement or abandonment. I think the easiest way of noticing the difference between me and the narcissists is how I’ve had times in my life when I’ve remembered some old memory and recognised something hurtful that I did and felt compelled to reach out to the person I wronged and to give an apology.

[@flyincosmo9356]

Thank you Steph. Could not have timed receiving this content, delivered in this way any better.

[@sleeperno1215]

This is a very informative and insightful video.

[@KomalSingh-cm8gc]

I needed this video since so long...makes me understand the psychology of many people in my life(present,past).Super insightful.Thanks ,steph

[@bnr2064]

Thank you Stephanie ❤❤❤ your videos are great

[@mattjohnson5489]

Me and my brother were never grounded and I think it makes my brother do or say anything he wants and being entitled.

[@tonygarcia1497]

Stephanie is so on target again, after a 43 year marriage to a narcissist, her apologies were "never sincere". It's over and I have peace. Don't wait 43 days of your life, he or she is not worth it! You deserve better❤

[@sabianstringer2112]

Planting this seed today...Grow seed Grow.... Embrace Humility Assess PAIN Channel Emotions Initiate Change Overcome FRICTION Avoid Reduction Positive Direction Enjoy Satisfaction!!!

[@majixtrx2797]

Thanks!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Welcome!

[@sleeperno1215]

The dynamic I see in a narcissistic family is that admitting you are wrong is the ultimate sin. Being wrong is the ultimate shame and means you are subhuman. I liken is to the TV show “Bonanza”. The Cartwrights were never wrong. Respect flowed from outsiders to the Cartwrights. My first narcissist was my grandfather. For some reason, he loved that show.

[@sleeperno1215]

I saw many people take my grandfather’s shit and never push back. If they pushed back, he discarded them even if it hurt his interests. He could not bear the “shame” of his bad behavior.

[@misskhoury1765]

What if they don’t respond to you ?? I really didn’t do anything wrong other than stand up for myself and say how I was feeling. They ended it immediately and won’t respond to any messages. I’ve even tried apologizing and nothing.

[@JJ_FLA]

Don't apologize for speaking your heart. Their response is about them. ❤️

[@MedicCop]

See it for what it is. If you know you acted right, hold your head high and move on. Sometimes the only closure we get is knowing that there isn’t going to be any closure. Forgiveness begins when we accept that the past can’t be any different.

[@sleeperno1215]

Their failure to respond is a tactic called “stonewalling.” They count on you caving into the uncomfortable silence then apologizing or kissing their ass. Learn to welcome the silence and let them stew in their own vitriol. Your silence IS the only thing that hurts them. Anything else sends the message that they are important.

[@montoya1310]

Same here she started screaming at me over the phone because I asked her if she wanted to go to the store with me I stood up for myself she said she never screamed at me and I was over reacting then when I wanted to talk to her right she said it was over witch is fine with me never got an apology nothing so I blocked her on everything good luck to her I won’t ever let anyone treat like trash

[@FlyHoneyBre]

drop it. block them. get away before the relationship is permanent.

[@jonnuanez7183]

2 points: (1) The main/huge reason I never became a parent is because both of my parents were very emotional and reactionary rather than constructive. I never learned any proper behavior, and therefore was/still am too frightened to be like that to my own kids because I know how it hurt me. Of course I can always learn the proper way; but I don't want to learn on the fly; 2: My mother has an extremely dramatic way of saying I'm Sorry, almost like if you can imagine a parody of a soap opera or an overdramatic 1940s movie. She lives on TV, always has, and she never learned the proper way to apologize, so it's only fitting. My dad actually did apologize, just out of the blue, at what turned out to be our last meal together before he died. So while I no fo'get, okay he apologized. Thanks.

[@lucilabadillo5823]

i prayed for you i hope you're well my Lord always a swers my prayers

[@loveliberation]

Thank you veryvery much for this video Steph.

[@alanlawler8814]

Thanks Steph, v helpful & true

[@annikennr4686]

My ex would say "you deserved getting yelled at" when he was upset with me. I hope he never procreates

[@sleeperno1215]

I hope you know that you did not deserve that. If you didn’t, I’m telling you that it was not your fault.

[@annikennr4686]

@@sleeperno1215 thank you. I feel like that was wrong of him, but after being together so long i do doubt myself sometimes

[@sleeperno1215]

@@annikennr4686 this community exists to remind each of us that no, we are not the crazy ones. They are. Even now, I still watch videos to constantly offset the effects of the narcissist’s behavior. Too many people experiencing exactly the same behaviors for it to just be me.

[@mygisable]

Thanks Stephanie !

[@roberttruman8444]

Clearly if you want to remain connected to the narcissist ex, or if you have to for some reason, then you need to accept who they are which frustratingly means forgetting about ever getting an apology or just hearing them admit they did you wrong, and in that case you have to commit to not giving them the high standard of treatment you give to people you care about, and especially the validation you gave the narcissist every day, you have to stop that. They can’t just expect you to get over what they did to you and then and be happy to resume talking as if nothing happened. Bollocks to that, resist paying the compliment and regularly remind them of what they did in every casual conversation you have. If they’re gonna stay in your life then it needs to cost them.

[@dhamon-pi6os]

I never give up or surrender especially usually with people but in a different way than that as I don’t want to think they are bad but I can admit fault when I’m wrong and take accountability or apologize for my actions So I think some might look at me like I am one but am just stubborn and persistent in all aspects of my life as well as with people so will say things and talk to try and get them to realize things that hurt me or others yet seem to either get misconstrued and even attacked when I do even when in my relationship my partner never takes accounta or has ever issues any real apology for actions. Closest I’ve ever gotten is “I’m sorry you feel that way” which isn’t an apology as I don’t need someone apologizing or feeling sorry for me for how I feel but to apologize for their actions that hurt or made me feel that way. Have tried for years to get her to realize this but it is draining and frustrating plus very hurtful so not sure if I can keep trying much longer

[@BrianHornak]

Thank you stephanie ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

You are so welcome

[@BrianHornak]

@StephanieLynCoaching stephanie this has been extremely difficult...for some reason..I attract the wrong people..but..this last time did a number on me...lived with 2 people..I did all the work as usual..when I ask for extra hands on deck...I'm a narcissist..when my ptsd kicks in..I'm the evil one. Yet..with my health ..I literally put my life at risk so they could sit back and enjoy a nice..well kept home...never once did they say.. you asked for help..we should have stepped up...and with the recent decline in my health. I'm stuck with the tab..

[@BrianHornak]

@StephanieLynCoaching ..all the hard labor to turn their house from a smelly shack to something that easily got them a 75000 loan..caring for their animals..even with cancer..cardiac issues and a knee fracture..never felt the need to step up..when I spoke up. They mocked me..told me it's not always about me...granted I truly regret not having better control of my ptsd..but..still who is the real narcissist????

[@jasonw2696]

Thank you for making this video. It has been very, very informative.

[@christiankey1252]

Hi Stephanie 👋 I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you so much. Thank you so much for your knowledge 🙏 you truly help me on the daily..I even make playlists to share. You are greatly appreciated keep up the Good work my friend ❤

[@rickyscheets9403]

👉 Stephanie Lyn Is A Miracle 👈 You Are Like A Wise Caring Owl Thank You For All Your Insight 🙏

[@czmakarov9760]

Amen amen amen. thank you for wise advice. My ex wife is in the Process of discarding my daughter sons my grandsons. She already discarded my sons six children my grandchildren. Technically our grand children mine and my ex-wife’s. Long story once I stopped the narcissistic supply, years ago. She panicked. In order to Secure her new supply. She was willing to give me primary custody. If I paid her some money and asked for no Child support funds. Money well spent. I was able to keep my home. Children could stay in same school same house same neighborhood friends. Only thing that was missing was a emotionally unattached mom. Really we where relieved. Narcissistic people are very stressful very disruptive for Family. Narcissistic abuse is not fun. My point is for all of y’all that have to co Parent. Just remember they don’t know their narcissist. They don’t change. There an open book. You will know what they are goin to do before they do. It’s all about them 24/7. They have no friends associates peers that will go to bat for them. No one got their back. Excepted their supply. Play your cards right have a good lawyer and Priest You can save your family and stop 🛑 the madness

[@sleeperno1215]

The good news is that they all play from the same book. Once you know their tactics, you know that you bc are not the problem.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes. This is great. This is a really good video. Thanks for sharing. God bless. ❤❤❤

[@its_ebs]

So much revealtion thank you so much xxz

[@shadowscott9910]

Here's a trick mine uses. Immediately after calling you a liar to your face, she will apologize. For what? You just told me it never happened, so what are you sorry for. Pick one.

[@paulofthewoods0787]

They built a house of cards and imagined it was an impervious castle. When someone else doesn't keep their cards in place they will be replaced. They will never challenge their own idea of themselves because they live in this house of cards. Trapped to be a caretaker of their own fragile castle and demand everyone else pretends it is a mansion.

[@SCH292]

In the mind my mom who is a convert narcissist she will never admit anything. If she's scared of something she will never say,"I'm scared" or whatever. She will say,"We are scared". Who's we? The whole family. One time one of the meth head auntie suddenly showed up at our door because she's a meth head she speak nonsense, accuse of Uncle cheating, speaking out of her mind, saying that Uncle has cast a evil spell on her and that's why she's like this. This auntie was out of control and I was THAT CLOSE of giving her a BEAT DOWN after that call the cops. Mom was scared ass hell. I can see it in her eyes. I called my meth head cousin to come pick up his momma or I'm calling the cops. The first thing my mom did was called everybody, gossip, play victim and was all like,"OMG! We were so scared! We were scared that she might harm us!". Just TODAY(6/5/2023) one of the neighbor's dog was in their backyard the dog charged at the wooden fence so mom got scared. She was all like,"We are so scared!". i told her to stop lying. If she's scared she say she's scared. Stop lying and we end up with drama.

[@mattjohnson5489]

My brother uses his depression to treat people badly and isn't alcohol a depressant and he drinks everynight.

[@Soothsayer937]

Alcohol initially behaves as a stimulant, as you can see from people laughing and cutting loose. Or some people become aggressive. As the buzz wears off, people wind down. Alcohol has long term effects on the brain as well. Imaging shows the brain of an alcohol abuser to be about the same as an image of brain damage. Depression does produce irritability. Alcohol causes permanent personality changes. You might try Al-Anon for more info.

[@mattjohnson5489]

Thank God I stopped drinking

[@Soothsayer937]

@@mattjohnson5489 Glad I never started. A lil once in a while, like once a year.

[@Soothsayer937]

@@mattjohnson5489 He's using it as an escape, but it interferes with sleep and exacerbates depression, as you implied.

[@mattjohnson5489]

I will be have 6 years sober July 17th.

[@Nikki30288]

I always joke and laugh and think wow purgatory is going to be hard for them

[@Uncleal29]

The sad truth is it's a learnt behaviour hence why there's normally a parent within touching distance 24/7 validating all words and behaviours,an endless cycle of confusion . I pray my ex 1 day will see her parent for who she is and will realise that the behaviours she exibits were passed on to her.

[@julioj.5655]

Amazing video

[@paulcottingham241]

It would be interesting to hear your thoughts about the case when the narcissist/abuser is your own child.

[@rbs427]

Yes I’m struggling accepting that they are like this. But their pattern is exactly what you described. When I was the only choice they were so loving and sweet and kind and my best friend. The second the choices showed up I was ghosted and when in contact they were mean. 6 months now. I walked away 6 Weeks ago and kindly explained why. They didn’t care at all. I got an “ok” and never heard from them again. So sad that I didn’t matter and the relationship is not what I thought we had (friends) seems like it was all fake and manipulative and a means to an end. It’s my conclusion but so hard to really accept and I need to let go of the hope that they will come around. I need to drop the thoughts and move forward. But it’s hard when I still care.

[@czmakarov9760]

For real i still love my X, I pray for her every day. But you got to remember They’re a narcissist it has to be all about them. They can never participate in a normal relationship. Sad but true

[@rbs427]

@@czmakarov9760 thank you

[@sleeperno1215]

They are like that. The problem with their behavior is that it is so outrageous, you think that you must have done something for it to be this bad. You didn’t. Their conduct is so outrageous that they count on no one ever believing you. Record their conduct. Your phone is your friend.

[@lilypadroad]

I have a now former friend that is always right, no apologies ever rendered, I can’t practice radical acceptance because my opinions aren’t accepted.

[@MikinessAnalog]

The narcissist in my life is my ex-brother in law that happens to live with my sister & I, along with his bitey dachshund, so going no-contact isn't an option. I just ignore him for the moment. His dog however keeps barking at me while attempting to bite me every day & he has the family thinking he only does it while I'm drinking. One day I will defend myself, he will call law enforcement then go to jail for lying on the report & have the family think I pressed charges. That is currently my "world".

[@JenGB-yp3te]

I thought a person who never apologizes is just normal at first...but it gets worse everytime...damn..I got scammed emotionally.

[@prernaofficial2724]

My husband in-laws are like that

[@strawberry_lacroix]

How do you know when you’re dealing with someone who is emotionally immature vs someone who lacks empathy? It seems like someone who is emotionally immature can lack empathy, when that might not be the case.

[@pamchesler242]

I have asked the same question and I try to figure out whether my husband is a narcissist or just someone who had never learned from his parents how to soothe himself so he gets triggered, and then he says things that are emotionally abusive he doesn’t fit neatly into the category of narcissist he only seems to get like this when he is frightened about something for example, financial stress, and then it comes out on to me, but it doesn’t happen all the time it’s only when he is triggered… so when Stephanie says that they don’t know how to soothe themselves that’s because they weren’t sooth by their parents. His anxiety level goes up tremendously. I am not by any means saying it’s OK to be treated this way what I do is I remove myself and then I let him know that I will do that every single time he says something, that is hurtful or disrespectful that’s all it’s really simple you just remove yourself and you never react you have to really practice and practice and practice and then when you’re not with them and you’re feeling hurt, you have to sooth yourself and love yourself… it’s really not simple, but I guess with practice it becomes second nature you actually know exactly what to expect so you don’t get thrown off by it…

[@Soothsayer937]

It's hidden in things they say. They will say things that give them away, such as, "That plane crash didn't affect me, what do I care?" Or, "How does that help me?" Or "That homeless person wants to be homeless, they need a job." They have no insight or compassion into circumstances.

[@pamchesler242]

@@Soothsayer937 no he doesn’t say those things, but I am learning about the word, narcissist, and what it is defined is a real fine line, because I truly believe that every single one of us has some narcissistic traits. It’s just a matter of to what degree and if I were to pick it apart, I don’t know the answer lol I’m not a professional but if I don’t feel OK around my husband and he speaks to me on kindly I remove myself from the situation and then I let him know that it’s not OK to speak to me that way now I don’t understand if a narcissist apologizes, but my husband apologizes, and then he makes an effort to stay away and try not to do that again so I have no idea what all that means all I know is, I’m keeping up my boundaries and he seems to be respecting them, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t understand that when he is triggered that this will happen again and again and again, and I repeatedly will respond by being very protective of myself by not reacting, but just walking away, it’s becoming a pattern with us, that he actually is beginning to accept another words he’s not fighting me when I walk away. In fact, I am thinking it’s a relief all the way around because there’s less drama there’s less energy that’s negative, but it’s a day-to-day process and this is the way it is until it isn’t anymore because my goal is to live on my own and I’m not able to do so financially so then I must make the best of my circumstances and when I read about what other people are going through my heart goes out to them and I feel terrible because I don’t believe any human being should ever be treated or disrespected in that way, and I hope that every single person that reads this understands that they have way more power than they ever would believe and that power comes in understanding exactly what it is, you’re dealing with educating yourself and then doing the strategies which is basically all a form of self love to help you feel safe… it’s actually a lot more simpler than you would think. It doesn’t mean you’re going to feel fantastic all the time, but you’ll start to feel more empowered.

[@sleeperno1215]

@@pamchesler242 you are describing a narcissist. They are one and the same.

[@sleeperno1215]

@@pamchesler242 he either is a narcissist and is self aware or he was the victim of a narcissist and learned those tactics. Either way, by setting boundaries like you do, he knows he cannot get away with that behavior. I am in the same boat.

[@KomalSingh-cm8gc]

Hi Steph ,can you please make a video on : why don't some people dont care about their own child(Abondon the child,someone else raises) ? But,as the child grows up, expect the child to validate them/take care of them/be there for them? Whenever the child points out the parent's flaws, deflect and find minor faults in child and always blame the child?

[@JillLindsay-ig9tk]

My husband blames me for everything and accuses me constantly of cheating or stealing from him. When I try to show him proff that I haven't done anything wrong he refuses to acknowledge it and says I just created the proof. He leaves the house for a few hours and I will clean up and make the house look tidy he flips out saying I was trying to hide his presence and he knows I had someone ever. I am sinking deep into depression and have zero self esteem now. He has succeeded in making me feel that ill be alone and miserable without him. I am hurting so deeply and it doesn't even seem to phase him.

[@jamesswindell9998]

I’ve felt for a while now that my wife is a narcissist but maybe instead bipolar. Either way I’m really struggling and tired

[@mathews0618]

Narcissists apologize. The mirror you to give you what you need to keep you around. They just do it by using words you have used before. There needs to be a new model for npd because saying Narcissists dont apologize can keep someone comfused and in the relationship longer. They do apologize

[@Halcyon-12]

You keep on saying’When people do something wrong they never own it’ from a psychological standpoint no one wants to feel wrong, narcissistic or otherwise

[@christopherdavis4353]

My girlfriend never say sorry when she does something and you say anything she disrespect you

[@bronwynsimons7028]

I'm still listening ... But need to know ,in your opinion Would you recommend I tell my narc why I've had enough, and have to leave Or are they totally unable to reason or even hear and resonate?

[@Thatorthodoxgirl]

Hello, I’m a new subscriber and I’ve been enjoying your content. Could you do a video on how to heal from narcissistic emotional abusive friendships? I’m not too clear on where to start.

[@fayrouzhawarneh4607]

How do you get out ? Is there a video?

[@eveliinatistelgren172]

Dear Stephanie Lynn, Following the online success of Pearl Davis as the only successful female dating coach for men, can we get a series of what you have taught/need to teach your son about living in a society where men have (in many ways) less rights than women, such as for instance getting 6x the disparity of incarceration between white and black (10%) aka 60% more punishment than a woman for the same crime, etc. On being drafted etc, what are you teaching him? There is a huge audience for this kind of content and as a single mom, you have the ideal scenario to speak from a first hand perspective. Please consider

[@eveliinatistelgren172]

@MysticalVision43 the youtuber

[@j0hns0n33]

Well I’m being accused of being a narcissist. But that person is the narcissistic one. All because I was tired of being put down and criticized about everything I do. So I started a friendship with another woman. Which got inappropriate not physically but verbally, so now I’m a narcissist and the worst person in the world even though I apologize countless of time and stopped talking to the other woman.

[@sleeperno1215]

Accusing the victim of being the narcissist is a very common tactic. It is calked “projection.” You probably did use narcissistic tactics hoping that they would not like how it felt and would stop. They never get it. One rule for thee, another for me.

[@karendinismakeup5301]

Do they know what they are

[@NavigatingAcademia]

So many ads geez

[@candysunflower9747]

I really love your videos but please can you make the sound a bit better? It often sounds a bit quiet.

[@jamilleshawkins4343]

Why can a Narcissist she narcissism in another Narcissist but not in themselves?

[@Uncleal29]

You can work with a parent as there not in your life fully but to have a partner in your life is impossible as you will be there human verbal punch bag and even physical punch bag ,if you try to accept them then you have to accept the abuse cycle .I don't recommend this as sad as it is you may love them but you'll be worn down till you don't know reality.

[@ladennayoung2939]

❤❤❤

[@omgeelizabeth]

🤍

[@Soldier_for_christ777]

Thats not true my parents were not caring egotistical and heartless.. So I am extremely empathetic caring loving compassionate because Jesus and because my parents were not.

[@kamikaze08]

I like you’re videos but I don’t agree at All when you say things like “it’s something you’re never going to learn how to do”. People can get therapy and gain skills that they didn’t receive help with when they were younger

[@TerraAventurineStudios]

Giving narcissist unlimited empathy is what they want in supply. Very few can change because they have zero introspection. They have to actually admit it and many never go to therapy. They deflect, deflect, deflect.

[@MiguelK.-um3oz]

Ok maybe God will have another Wedding 20,000 years from now , I guess I did nothing to deserve this high ranking pisition

[@rmh691]

Have you had that mole on your neck checked by a dermatologist?