LEARN THIS! | Become Non-Reactive to a Narcissist

[@hankhill3417]

Nothing feels as good as remaining calm when someone expects you to react.

[@jencaragia]

Well said

[@JB-mo8ir]

Cont...like i dont give a crap!!!💩💩💩💩💩 drives him up the freakin wall!! Feels like power!!!💜🙏🏼🤗🙏🏿🎵😁💜💜

[@anastasiakemp3430]

I did this yesterday when my ex tried to trigger me in court .. just giving a pokerface works well . He tried so hard to get me to react to his so called new life , I didn't even flinch because I have my happiness.

[@hankhill3417]

@@JB-mo8ir it’s called gray 🪨. Be as interesting as a gray rock. No emotions

[@hankhill3417]

@@anastasiakemp3430 if he gets a reaction out of you that means he matters in his sick head

[@sharonb519]

People like this will suck your soul dry. I’m exhausted. 🥺

[@1LovedbyHim]

If you let them, they surely will. Arming oneself with knowledge about their ways, is one of the best things a person can do. I’ve learned so much about the narcs in my life, and I promise, I have become a great enemy to them. Now, they’ve been avoiding me.😂😂😂

[@damienwelch9067]

True

[@sheri883]

Run

[@matikramer9648]

🍀

[@Truth-matters-v2z]

They trample your instincts

[@godsbackhand8098]

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. ~Prov 4:23

[@yeshuahamashiachservant8165]

Yes! Amen!

[@ht7cs]

A direct word from God. I so needed that today.

[@Kathy-20J-73]

Thank you for sharing those precious words 💕 bless you Do something special for yourself today x

[@trenee5530]

YES!

[@BellaGrace622]

AMEN!!! ❤

[@karlataylor1172]

Nope. They will never change. Sad reality. I just have to stay away from them. They are horrible . My therapist kept saying that to me......"none of the attacks are actually about you". To depersonalize and respond don't react. I am just exhausted from being their punching bag. I had to step away from their toxicity.

[@MS-ns4ki]

Same here

[@lynnebucher6537]

Same here. Best decision ever.

[@damienwelch9067]

So true keep away

[@Creating2413]

Has anyone had trouble being non reactive to others once they are out of a narcissistic relationship

[@pjgarret7653]

Good for you stepping back. Strong move. -@Diane continue to react might mean you are wounded and not able to get into the observer mode. Hope you have been able to take time to heal and realize folks aren't making personal attacks against you. Be gentle w you ✨️ 💕 May you heal and be happy!

[@LB-ku6ry]

“It’s not my responsibility to teach someone right or wrong.”

[@dsmusicbird]

Exactly.

[@matikramer9648]

🍀Amen

[@sanjeevbains690]

“When you react to someone you are wanting them to change”❤

[@dsmusicbird]

Nothings wrong with wanting them to change, the problem is, they won’t. And there’s nothing you can do. Let it Go 🌬️

[@rockstarofredondo]

@@dsmusicbird when you’re truly “cured” and free, you will literally not care whether they change or not. You will just get away from everyone like this from now on.

[@CeliaMitchell-ot5ir]

I don't like the way it feels when they suck your energy You can feel them trying to control you . I hate that feeling

[@ShoutItFromTheHousetops]

My favorite quote from Jordan B Peterson: “If people aren’t listening to you stop talking to them because if you stop talking to them and start watching them instead, they will tell you what they’re up to. With the ones that aren’t listening pull back because you’re devaluing what you have to say by offering it to an audience that does nothing but reject it. So pull back.” I tried this just yesterday and it worked. Along with “remembering their pain” as Stephanie said, and with Peterson’s “Pull back” it helped me to recognize a toxic person is a person in pain who was trying to pull me in, so then I was able to pull back and disengage w/o resentment. In that moment, thank GOD, I felt in control of myself and I could feel there was a quiet-confidence that began to grow inside of me.😊

[@andreaanonymous5474]

WARNING. THE STEPHANIE THAT RESPONDED TO YOUR COMMENT IS A SCAMMER. THAT WASN'T THE REAL STEPHANIE.

[@ShoutItFromTheHousetops]

@@andreaanonymous5474 TY. It must’ve been removed bcz it’s no longer on this thread except for another annoying spam-scammer. 💟

[@shortingthetrend]

Can u give me this Jordan Peterson video?

[@christabellelysander4392]

That's amazing. So encouraging. Thank you for sharing 😊

[@SuperBlakes2]

I pray that will happen for me tomorrow. I have mediation with a narc neighbour tomorrow. I am so Shakey inside, cause I know how they lie and twist everything back onto you. 🙏

[@jessicasimonsen3245]

My best defense against narcissists is an “I don’t care” attitude. If they are doing something hurtful and antagonizing I tell myself in my head “I don’t care what you say, think or feel”. And then act or speak accordingly. I am DONE reacting to this toxic world. I really do wish they would stop though but since they won’t and can’t , keyword CANT, I have to change myself.

[@cianajames55]

I am with you. It is sooooo draining and I feel that I am at my breaking point.

[@jencaragia]

They're like little demons poking at you with a fork lol my sibling my whole life till this day and we're in our fifties 😆

[@Jessicaisfreee]

@@jencaragia 😆 That’s a great way to imagine it! I guess if we can’t change it, it’s best to make light of it! I’m sorry you have a sis who deals with that, I empathize! Why does this to have to exist.. why can’t people just be nice and caring!

[@Jessicaisfreee]

@@cianajames55 I’m sorry you deal with this 😞 I have cut ties with many including my ex husband and bf and the ones that I can’t get away from cuz I live with them I have learned that they can’t help themselves. Deep down they are unhappy and empty. They need you to fill themselves up. Keep your focus on God (if you believe). Keep growing and getting stronger and wiser :) Get what you need elsewhere! There are caring and giving people in the world we just have to do a lot of digging to find them.

[@Jessicaisfreee]

@@cianajames55 I’m sorry you deal with this 😞 I have cut ties with many including my ex husband and bf and the ones that I can’t get away from cuz I live with them I have learned that they can’t help themselves. Deep down they are unhappy and empty. They need you to fill themselves up. Keep your focus on God (if you believe). Keep growing and getting stronger and wiser :) Get what you need elsewhere! There are caring and giving people in the world we just have to do a lot of digging to find them.

[@ConnieLLewis]

The Gray Rock Method/Technique👍 A Bruce Lee quote: "One of the best lessons you can learn in life is to master how to remain calm. Calm is a Superpower."💪👍

[@GiftedRuler10]

This woman helped me to overcome my brother. I never knew what I was dealing with. But it’s definitely narcissism

[@stingray9126]

narcissistic personality is just a piece of major issue. BPD or Autism can be the bigger picture to Narcissistic personality

[@GiftedRuler10]

@@stingray9126 I agree

[@carerforever2118]

I called the police on my brother fours months ago, best thing l ever did! Now l have some peace, he don't bother me as much any more. Now l wish l had of done it 20 years ago!

[@patricehoward9831]

This lady preys on, violates, steals from, exploits, defames, and enslaves strangers for years to build and maintain her platform. It's definitely hypocrisy, definitely narcissism, definitely fraudulent, abusive, and psychopathy.

[@martyvirtue4051]

My brother was a narc as well. He died in January this year. Alone.

[@1LovedbyHim]

It’s so funny …anyone who knew me, prior to narc abuse and education about them, knew I was the nicest person anyone could meet. I’ve been told so on many occasions, and people always wanted to be around me. Post narc abuse and education about them, I have one simple rule, if I have ANY red flags about an individual, I don’t care who they are, they will become invisible to me. I ignore and act like they don’t exist. I’m almost 40, and I’ve learned enough about people to trust my instincts. If it’s meant for them to be in my life, God will have them reappear, until then, it’s like they were never born!

[@chuchuepronouncedchoochool8070]

Yes yes yes

[@groawning1345]

That's a path I wanna be on now, thrown myself under the bus too long

[@ILuvMyBrwnSkin]

This helps me a lot. Thanks!

[@jmfs3497]

Yes! I know this transformation. I was a people-pleaser, but not a push-over. My gut had told me something was off with the Narcissist/OCPD colleague soon after they were hired, but I shrugged it off to maintain peace. Their aloof overstepping of boundaries gradually increased to abusive, entitled interpersonal control issues about my individual rights as a freaking human. Once I learned it might be a personality disorder, I learned to Grey Rock and I haven't stopped. I trust my gut now with every other person that seems off and entitled to my time, and I aloofly ignore them as aloofly as they don't understand normal boundaries.

[@MienShen]

No longer the LOVING person we were, but learned to loving oneself in a painful way.

[@iamgoddessoflove]

If you’re giving your all and it’s not enough, then you’re probably giving it to the wrong person. 💙KZbinr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

[@patricehoward9831]

Too bad frauds like Stephanie take it all, exploit it all, destroy it all for years, and have no accountability for any of it.

[@paulacarter374]

The best way to react is not to put up with their behavior. Get away from them. Live your life

[@GoogleUser-pc6tu]

Another thing a narc doesn’t do is… ever give you a compliment outside of aesthetics

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

This is exactly right!!!!! When I realized the narcissist in my life was deliberately attempting to get a reaction out of me it helped to not react. But we have to be on our toes, because they will use the sweet/mean cycle we become off guard thinking they have changed when they have not and the toxic mess comes out all over again. The narcissist is causing their own hurt by being so selfish. I have seen the more we cry or react in hurt the worse the narcissist becomes. When we cry, the silent treatment will last a few days longer than if we don't cry. They love the power of hurt and fear over us.

[@ZoeNordek]

Yep i am experiencing this for past half year. All of it tipping on my toes and expecting next battle. At the point of asking my self why would I continue doing this … 🙄 It’s just - the person is hurting so much inside… but i just think that and do not react.

[@gswordnichols5154]

Excellent observation! Thank you for sharing. GS

[@freebird5469]

I have learned that the most powerful responses from me to a toxic person are the natural spontaneous ones. They come forth from a deep true essence in me. It doesn't come from my thinking or emotions at all. Sometimes they are said in a calm way, sometimes humorous, sometimes extremely angry. But, they always are effective in deeply throwing a wrench in the others spinning wheel of nonsense. It literally stops them in their tracks. The more I meditate regularly the more that occurs, because obviously I am more grounded in that deeper energy. When I don't experience those spontaneous responses, and dealing with a toxic co-worker for example, I just ignore the comment entirely. Like it wasn't even said. I have no desire to even validate their verbal insecurity vomitting with a response. They are on their own in their self-inflicted sickness. We all have the capacity to grow-up in ourselves. It is an inside job entirely. Anymore, I have zero time for any personal relationship with a person who refuses to do any inner work, and grow-up.

[@laflor6854]

It’s true. I’ve become calmer and know even before hand what tactic they’re gonna use. They can’t get me to lower my boundaries anymore. I’m not allowing myself to be guilt tripped or manipulated anymore. They like drama and reactions! Yup!

[@DenverChiropractor]

Easier said than done...Thanks Stephanie. It just means "having to be on your guard at all times so you are not caught 'off guard' when dealing with these people..."

[@lindaasulin7200]

Yes and it’s exhausting

[@deborraholiveri6202]

It takes alot of energy and self control.

[@GeorgesCarstar]

I think that it is about getting better at doing it over time. I am facing similar challenge in my life. What I see is to reflect on what did go well and what did not go well and get better at it. It is challenging and sometimes I want to give up. However, it is worthwhile effort to get what I want, which is healthier relationship I have with myself and the other person, which leaving the other person is very costly for me and I am not willing to choose that path yet.

[@laurajohnson8016]

Yes but i did it to my husband .thank God i am out

[@alishadennis7769]

It's over the top exspectations & removing them from our lives in every way possible makes more sense. No way can I stop each harm and attack from them, no matter who you are. Identity theft. Reputation, family & romantic relationships, children being abused, parents, friends, neighbors, doctor & career harm, credit harm ect.... They never end. Them not knowing where or how to show you they can keep it going for their destructive evil trip power is best. Unless legal actions & law suite and serious trust worthy exsposure in writing & video & legal records or criminal records on them delivered to & showed to their job, school, housing management, business, family, friends, neighbors, doctors ect ,is important to help squash their being stable or trustworthy to others & realize they can lose the most from continued attacks & harm toward you. Them going off to another supply to victimize hopefully who will wake up & deliver them a serious cost & results to their evil Narcissist job on them next 👀👁️.

[@hadiitiniguez2393]

Self preservation comes first.

[@sabrinaszabo9355]

Right, because they’re not Necessarily always going to be there for you see you have to take good care of yourself because you deserve it. I would give away so much energy and it would make me so angry, I’m really going to practice that’s the best I can.

[@hadiitiniguez2393]

@@sabrinaszabo9355 without you, there will be no you...

[@sabrinaszabo9355]

@@hadiitiniguez2393 Who am I and who are you?

[@hadiitiniguez2393]

Word...

[@debbiedebbie9473]

Being non reactive is a super power and you definitely can get good at it... I don't react anymore and don't even feel anything, ever since I realized my partner yells and sounds crabby when he's stressed. It used to bother me. Now it doesn't at all. It's as common as a little suns-hower or even a thunderstorm, and it has nothing to do with me, and it's not personal. His venting is stress related.

[@321hair]

Good stuff..thank you

[@brenda06155]

I have read many of these comments; yours are my favorite! I must always remember, "It's not personal." "It's not about me!" Thank you!

[@svanduyne22]

Thank you. Remembering to forgive their pain is a big key to overcoming the abuse they inflict. “Love them anyway” but step out of victimhood. Love from afar.

[@patricehoward9831]

Stephanie has preyed on, violated, stolen from, exploited, defamed, and enslaved strangers for years because she has 24/7 access to their lives. There is no overcoming her abuse until she is stopped and held accountable for her actions. She can't talk about people stepping out of victimhood when she is the abuser.

[@RepentTimeIsAtHand]

Yes!

[@angelaspringfield5584]

I'm hoping to get to a place of engaging from afar. Praying 🙏 for wisdom.

[@CeliaMitchell-ot5ir]

That is a very good way to put it. Remembering to forgive their love them anyway but step out of being a victim. I love that

[@jelkel25]

No, you don't owe sincerity to the insincere or love to those who are incapable of it. They conspire against their own infant children and will expect pity at the funeral of a child that has self cancelled because of the Narcissists behaviour. I watched one go to visit their ex wife dying of liver cancer who they had driven to alcoholism in hospital. As soon as he realised she'd drank all the money and he'd been left nothing he got up and left, as soon as he realised that no one was going to give him sympathy for his dying ex wife it was like she'd never existed. What is it you think you will be loving from afar?

[@waynes4369]

I'm so happy I made productive decisions about my finances that changed my life forever,hoping to retire next year... Investment should always be on any creative man's heart for success in life.

[@dorathystephanie7702]

the best decision I ever made in my life was investing in financial market. Trust me guys, it pays a lot. I have come to realize that trading bitcoin is more profitable than holding it and waiting for it to skyrocket. If you trade without a expert then you are gambling and have no business in trading..

[@georgebasonathan4784]

I have loss severally trying to trade on my own. Can someone tell me the best way to win instead of losing more?

[@roberternest4641]

trading with an expert is the best strategy and also profitable, Newbies who are not aware of how crypto truly works and wish to make profits from it, I would advise to invest with a professional like Fergus waylen, It helps secure and minimize the possibilities of losses.

[@patricklennon1080]

I'm honestly surprised that this name is being mentioned here, I stumbled upon one of his clients testimony last two months in CNBC world news and decided to try him out...I'm Expecting my third cashout in 2days

[@betheluktu7647]

Oh I remember him, Fergus Waylen, a brilliant market enthusiast with new strategies. I signed up on his platform some months back, it has been productive for me

[@alexatkins9515]

I found what works best for me is realistic expectations, limited access to me, and boundaries. I’ll never forget when I was venting to my cousin about my mom and how she will antagonize you until you respond and she was like you need to stand your ground and have a conversation woman to woman. Then a few months later some drama happened within our family and she was involved and my mom targeted her she was so triggered she called my brother crying to defend her. I was sitting there thinking to myself what happened to all that woman to woman conversation you were talking about. It’s impossible to have an adult conversation with someone that behaves that way.

[@butterflies1675]

@Alex Atkins I understand what you're saying about your mom. It was just me and my brother in my he was the Golden boy I was the black sheep of the even to this day. I don't know why but everybody always went along with my mom no matter how wrong she was or how bad she acted they always went along with her and treated me the same way she did all because they knew it made her happy. My mom is a narcissist and she would get everybody in the family to follow behind her and treat me the way she did. 55 years later I me to stay in and started standing up for myself and oh gosh things went from really bad to disastrous. I couldn't take it anymore. She's very evil very spiteful I could see this woman literally destroying my name and my reputation and I still allowed her to come around seeing her do that. She never wanted people to like me or have anything to do with me she wanted people to have nothing but bad thoughts of me. She always had the support of my brother. As long as she's alive she'll never let my name rest. I don't understand people that will go along with somebody and be against and mean to another person who doesn't deserve itthe whole family had eyes they could see all these years even as a child they could see but still went along with her outsiders could too. Now I'm trying to recover from it all I'm really angry at myself for allowing myself to be treated this way by her and my family I'm mad at myself for continuing as an adult to be around her when I could see the lies she was telling on me and how she destroyed my name and reputation from the lies she spoke on me. Sorry didn't mean for this to be this long I just wanted to let you know I understand I really do. In my experience I would say distance depending how bad it is permanent distance and go and live your life and don't allow her to destroy it like I let my mom do before I finally stood up. Good luck to you and best wishes

[@BJBee]

Alex, I'm so sorry but I loled at "what happened to the woman to woman conversation" bit. Advice is so easy to dish out when others don't truly understand till they experience it. Narcissists are soul destroying. It's just a question of how much of you is left when you get out. Narcissistic parents are the absolute worst, because they start on you at your most vulnerable and trusting: childhood. I'm so glad you're handling this. No contact works for me. I ignore their existence. Once I know what you are I don't care about being agreeable to an evil person.

[@BJBee]

​@@butterflies1675​​I think we must have had the same mom. I understand, more than I can say, what you went through. They are evil beyond belief. It's unreal. Mine is very religious too. Few people can see her for what she is: how poisonous she is. She tried to isolate me back then, trying to destroy my name and reputation to anyone who showed me even a little love, kindness or respect. She wanted darkness in my life. I put a stop to it by leaving, cutting her off for years. I resumed the relationship, but on my terms. I rarely see her. I was eaten up by rage and bitterness, especially since no one really understood what she had done. But I healed. I'm mostly healed but not entirely. I still seek validation and approval from people, the love she denied me. But I'm working on it. I know how much you've been hurt, believe me. I know the evil that was in your life for so long, trying to destroy you, to make you useless to the world. You're strong. She and others like her won't win. I love you. I hope you fully heal.

[@bluecollarlit]

Butterflies, Horrible people always get everyone else on their side. Other people just Go Along. Put them all on Ignore, and live in happiness and peace. Music! Movies! Decluttering! Reading! Cat!

[@ammulhare1644]

@@butterflies1675 I am happy for you that you stood up! You did it -well done! Your family must not have known what hit them - it will have registered somewhere in their heads that they misused you & you are not a sheep! Now you are living your life on your terms. Enjoy your life!

[@peterlearner8594]

Slow down, step back, disengage and see the person as they are and their tactics.

[@YahushamaQara]

My current husband has narcissistic traits but not full blown and it's very hard. I've learned to ALWAYS be kind even when it's hard, a lot of times they react very negative over small issues and you want to lash back but continue to speak kind words only NECESSARY things, and facts. Don't mention your feelings or emotions. Bring to their attention immediately when they are stepping out your boundaries and make clear they need to calm down and remain respectful if they want the relationship work and proceed talking thru the issue kindly. As women this is where our gentleness and calmness works magic.

[@sbb2887]

Perfect. I like to add something. If you taking what others say or do personally it's because you value what others beliefs more than what you believe of yourself. Insecurities that you may have, may be because you think that your own truth is less valuable than the rest or because your feel that you depends on others. If the voice of others ocuppies more time in your head that your own voice its never going to be possible not react. Thanks

[@vittoriacolona]

Well said!

[@jessicabiecker4995]

Totally, the best explanation, I'm remembering this forever!

[@kadeijadalrymple137]

💯

[@GoogleUser-pc6tu]

My only reaction was “ BYE”

[@markdow1093]

You are so spot on with everything you talk about 👍 I dated a narcissist's for about 7 years & she turned out bat shit crazy, the last year was hell with her, between the cheating, stealing of my money, lying, illegal drug use & constantly intoxicated, & mental & physical abuse, I asked her to leave, that didn't go over very well, I've been free for 3 years now & have got my life back together, keep up the great work on you're podcasts, 👍😊

[@BrianHornak]

I'm truly sorry you had to endure that

[@GM-wp3yy]

I've improved at being non-reactive and not giving away my power, but then toxic people walk away claiming there's no spark as I become less reactive, more easy going, less clingy or emotional and I struggle with that. I should see they want toxic drama as you said. The high highs, low lows. I should be glad not giving them that makes them not like me, but it isn't always easy sometimes to accept they're that messed up

[@patriciastewart2537]

GM, the "spark" they like to see as they try to light YOU on fire.

[@lynnebucher6537]

They are losing interest because you're no longer supplying them with the sense of power and control they so desperately want and need to feel alive.

[@valeriestern7460]

@@lynnebucher6537 preach!!

[@edwardautra8753]

Thanks for being a lighthouse for people like me that deal with people that don't care

[@tamb7587]

Married to one for 34 years , they never change its like a malfunction of the brain seriously. I deal with mine differently..When he starts his shit I just shut him down immediately.. I just tell him what I and am not gonna do then I stick by it.. He also knows if he keeps on badgering me I leave , he HATES being alone.. I stay gone for hours , whatever plans ( eating out , shopping , whatever ) will be cancelled unless he calls me and apologizes then he knows not to mess with me again.. I have to do it pretty regularly cause they DONT change but it happens less.

[@WhiteWolfBlackStar]

Realizing THIS, years ago back, thankfully I'd read enough self help books to understand this one. This is A MAGIC KEY, people. You can ONLY control YOUR REACTION. Best case scenario. What's YOUR response? Its the ONLY thing you have control over. Make friends with it. Oh how it saves you stress in the long run. It's THEIR issue, not yours. BRAVO! 🌺

[@nataliewar18reyes32]

This is the perfect video for me because my divorce is coming up with my narc hub. Wish me luck. He is going to try and push all my buttons

[@elainebines6803]

Let him and just agree with him.

[@sitascott8446]

Good luck!

[@alexag7686]

Wow. I’ve watched so many of your videos but this one really broke it down and made things clear. I’ve realized I’ve been in a relationship with a manipulative person. When we get in disagreements, my partner starts to guilt and shame me, and stonewalling me. He’ll manipulate me to the point where I feel like everything’s my fault, I’m going crazy, and that I’m a bad person. I realized I do want him to change. I take everything personally when really he’s just saying hurtful things cuz he’s hurt inside and isn’t getting what he wants. Good thing is I’m starting to realize this pattern. Thank you for this wisdom 💎

[@indiesindie1984]

Sounds like we dated the same guy. 😳 Fortunately, I left my ex-narc almost a year ago. I'm still recovering from this toxic relationship.

[@melissad3390]

Never tell them you're leaving them. And leave them. Move to another state, country. I did it and am living a completely different life. Act or normal, and never come back. They will take out all their narcissistic rage on you if you tell them you're leaving. You will take years longer to recover if you tell them you're leaving, so save yourself that.

[@jennyk.8349]

These videos are giving me so much courage to leave my husband. I didn’t realize until now I am living with a narcissist. One time he had me crouched on the ground screaming his head off, on top of me telling me I was so weak and stupid. In public, no one stepped in to help. I was so scared of him. All this stemming from a small argument at the grocery store earlier. I can’t believe I stayed all this time… now it’s harder to leave after 3 years but I’m trying

[@janeteddddd]

Ow that's horrible. I hope you are alright and safe now.

[@sammysam3746]

it was when a lady said to me, you haven't had enough yet, that woke me up to say oh yes I did, it can be done,good luck

[@Greenfields-w2p]

When a person is RAGING in real time & you the innocent person observing what is happening isn’t as easy as you describe in my experience - the raging can go on for a lot of the time like hour sometimes or more & it’s evil& the narcissist cannot control oneself ; it escalates to physical violence when disengaging & when the innocent person states how we feel they are in their ego and cannot process at all & it’s all reaction ; it’s a RAGE - super calm wont fix it; boundaries out the window -

[@CJ-jq4lv]

My narcissist father continues to invalidate me still at the age of 55. His untrue, and bad perceptions of me are really hard to process. He just told me I didn’t go to college, I DID go for two full years, but because I didn’t graduate I “only went for a little while” and he thinks he paid for it! When I paid every dime. Wtf how do I keep this relationship!

[@lynnebucher6537]

Bust out laughing when he tells a whopper of a lie like that. Or say "Oh, really?" with a knowing smile.

[@josephinezapata393]

My experience in talking to a narcissist about my needs, wants and boundaries, etc. (when it has no advantage for them) is equivalent to drawing a smiley face on a wall and talking to it. TOTAL waste of time. I also experience that when I believed I had an agreement with a narcissist, they will let you think they agree with you but at the end they never had intentions to go through with your ideas and abandon it. I now realize my frustrations and anger is not with them as it is actually with myself because of my rose color glasses. But no, it doesn’t mean that I need to stop seeing the good in people, but it does mean I need to pay attention to how I feel and do something about it that will make me feel whole again. I’ve learned so much from this and other podcasts. Thank you for your wonderful information !!!❤

[@jeremywebster5432]

Brilliant! I've never heard this concept spoken so eloquently and impactfully. Thank you, Stephanie!!

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

Thank you!

[@thelovechannel7236]

🙌🏽

[@helenfalco7601]

This is definitely a. Brilliant video! So helpful. Thank you! 👍🙌

[@cjacob9875]

RUN, RUN away as fast as you can, from a narcissist!!

[@pjgarret7653]

Spot on. This could be even more valuable with multiple listens. Truth sinks in with repetition sometimes.

[@jenapettigrew8311]

I do have a neighbor who I have to set healthy boundaries between her and I. I have kept my distance from her but somehow she likes to violate of my space. She would get into my space and stare at me. I couldn't respond to her as it doesn't do any good. I didn't do anything her but she shows me of how much that she hates me. But when she needs something she would be coming to me and expecting me to help her out. Yes, I did help her with food as I do want to do the right thing. But she goes back of how she always treat me. The another day I was wearing a light blue top to where a part of the sleeves have a hole. As it was made it in that way. She says that she likes the top. Then she asked me if I do have it in pink as I do like pink. That day of when she asked me if I do have it in pink. She treats me as if I was her "clothing store'. She uses people for her own gain.

[@charlenedeshazier1414]

People be knowing what they’re doing/saying. I’ll be non reactive & also leave them alone for my peace.

[@StephanieLynCoaching]

That’s it!

[@heatherclark8668]

When a narcissist says something inappropriate, act as though they didn't say what they said or that you are hard-of-hearing or stupid or don't understand irony or sarcasm. Then respond by walking away or saying something that is totally unrelated to what they have just said. Eg. Narc: Why did you buy green towels? No one uses green towels anymore. They look hideous. You:. Oh, about every half an hour this time of day I think. But I haven't caught a train in a long time so you might want to Google it or get a timetable from the railway station. This illogical response will really annoy them and frustrate them and if you keep on doing it over and over again, they will get sick of you and give up.

[@sistermantos4098]

thank you so much for this Stephanie! It's taken me a full YEAR to heal from this EXACT KIND OF ABUSE! literally everything you said 🤯 you have been helping me more than you know! Many blessings to you!

[@AmberLauren]

I'm grateful you came up in my feed. I did this last night and I was met with the tantrum..but I was able to remain calm and aware in the moment. Thank you for explaining how to be assertive within this situation. It's a huge life lesson that's so very valuable.

[@colleendrake9661]

My mind is blown because the scenario you described is something I experienced this past week. My partner was literally fine one moment and then did a complete 360 degree turn in a matter of moments when he realized something wasn’t going the way he wanted. I realize now that my anger and response was mostly related to my own want for him to recognize his immature, selfish attitude. He is clueless and still thinks he didn’t do anything wrong. I told him straight up he was being an ass hole and I would not stand for his behavior and that if he wanted to leave he should do that. I disengaged and walked away. The negativity is real for me. If I sense his negativity- I’m quickly triggered.

[@joyfincher510]

Super huge changer in my situation when I did this. I’m beginning to realize when I get triggered it’s time to walk away, work it out in my mind, clarify the truth, then return detached and refuse to get into his game.

[@gillianm9185]

I'm nearly 50 years old and am forgiving my parents for being narssistic abusers and manipulators. I thought they loved me and cared which was why they wanted so much influence over me but now I'm making peace with the fact that they don't know how to really love their children. They never did. How can you dump your parents ?!

[@Greenfields-w2p]

Please Stephanie note the behavior as RAGE not tantrum - reactive abuse is very real fir the innocent person living with the narc

[@dijostero]

I tried this with my narsisistic ex husband. When I gave the silent treatment, he would rev up his actions of making me feel like it wasn't bothering him and that I was invisible or non existent. He would go around the house whistling and dominate interacting with the children. This made me feel even worse.

[@ImpulsoCreativo9322]

I could've written this. I live the exact same situation. How he uses the kids is just sick

[@DilCardyn]

By becoming non-reactive, we disarm the narcissist and create a space for healing and growth within ourselves. It's a journey that requires strength, self-awareness, and self-love, but the rewards are immeasurable. Thank you for sharing this unique perspective and empowering us to take back our power from narcissistic individuals. Let's apply these strategies and continue the path of self-liberation, reclaiming our happiness and well-being.

[@htttppppp]

If you want to quickly disarm any toxically inclined behavior or truly toxic then the key is self-awareness. Self-awareness in my opinion starts with being brutally honest with yourself about who you are (this excludes any type of generalization and requires specificity of negative character traits). So when a narc starts calling you out or projecting, for example, "you can be vindictive, stubborn and superficial, you can easily say, "yes, that is right. is there anything new about myself that I need to know? (yes I can be even envious but those are not my core traits). He was immediately deflected. This worked for me because I knew myself. I faced my shadow. I admitted to myself the garbage that I have. So if anyone, even my mother or a friend, tries to manipulate me, I WILL BE aware. Because when you own your BS you are at peace and less reactive and more prone to respond. So when they see that you respond, and respond well which takes time and practice, then they give up on you more and more. This is also called authenticity. You gain it thorough self-knowledge. This works even better if you know what your core two or three problems are, like e.g. anger, indecisiveness, impatience. You work with those, try to find reasons why you have those three core problems. That is how the process goes.

[@QuantumInspired]

I found the best way is being surprised at everything what they ate saying making them crashing their delusion, they will run away from you

[@risingeagle6332]

You can still tell the person about their misbehavior, and then choose to steer clear of the difficult person.

[@chrisgreen2781]

They like the power to shake you up and affect you.

[@jakestown1952]

Thank you ao much. I find your videos so helpful and positive, empowering, rather than fueling my worries of the realisation that I married a covert female narcissist. 😢 27 years and two kids. A smart, intelligent, well articulated, and warm lady like yourself also gives me hope for the future. ❤

[@katieengemann3756]

I am so thankful for this episode. Dr Ramani has literally saved my sanity. I think I’m gonna add this Lady to my listening life also. I have a road trip coming up in a YEAR! Yes, you heard me, a YEAR. And I’m already stressed about it. I’m going to gain this golden knowledge all year long and then I’m going to track her pattern while we are together and I need to learn how to NOT react to her baiting which she is famous for. We got this Scapegoats. And I love and feel for all of us. We are not broken. We are amazing people and thank God we aren’t the Golden children. I was able to escape because I’m the scapegoat. My Sister who I’m going to travel with in a year is the Golden child Narc. And she has been replaced by our Narc Fathers new daughters 🤣🤣 Justice

[@alanmcalister4124]

This video is spot on. After our breakup my partner became a stranger. The dishonesty, the temper tantrums. He craves my heartbreak acts out seeking sexual attention from others. A problem that existed throughout our relationship. Why did I stay?? The highs were high. I have never loved or been loved like that before. His love was a drug and I wanted it. I was addicted. A roller coaster ride with no seat belt. He is textbook narcissist and I codependent. My biggest surprise?? I became the enemy. He did not care about what we had what I gave all the good times all the love for none of it was real. My self-doubt is now a constant. Listen to this video over and over!! Regain some control and hopefully get one step closer to healing. Love to all of you reading and listening ~~

[@angellee9307]

I was always a gentle person who never thought of mean things to do. You are correct in that it may be fight or flight forever . Get a grip, and thanks for good information. Don’t overreact and be sad.

[@A.Dajlida]

I didn't quite get the message, the protocol of this lesson. It's understood that one should not be reactive to a vampire. But how? I myself find useful using some power phrases from Isabelle Nazare-Aga's brilliant book "Emotional Terror": - Don't worry about me! (in reply to any vampire's phrase involving "you"); - It doesn't matter / It is of no importance. (to any question); - Future/time will show. (to any question about future, or to any dire prediction or implication of future consequences); - Depends on circumstances / Depends on whom you are talking about. (to any attempt to create a rule or a future scheme); - Everyone has his own tastes/opinions/experience / Everyone develops in his own way. (to any attempt to impose common views/values/experience); - What do you want to say by this? / Why are asking/saying this? (in reply to anything). - We're talking about different things / I have a different opinion. and finally, the final perfect phrase to finish a convo with a vampire (when it, predictably, has turned into a word salad or an overt disrespect/deaf-game): - (I'm glad) we've understood each other well! / or: (I'm glad) we HEAR each other well! (+ That means EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT! / The conversation is over.) You should be able to say "EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT" (+ a mild smile) in the end of every conversation with a vampire :) These phrases allow you to be authentic, to follow your independent workable agenda and to prevent vampire's mirroring you, that is, adhesion of vampire's self/experience/expectations/values/worldview to yours. Because vampire's goal in a convo is to enmesh with your personality to show that you are similar, on a par with him, to start trading psychological traits between you; but your goal is to disengage, to actually show, demonstrate, that you are a different person from him, with a different experience, values and life path, that you are not on a par with him, that you are ABOVE, and if the vampire cannot reach you, it is his problems.

[@AdriaUK]

Love this, thanks. X

[@marcellamiller7808]

Thank you . This is what I was looking for . What to say? What phrases to use? This helps a lot . Thank you.

[@ThePossumone]

You HAVE TO stop seeing them or interacting with them as much as possible It’s too exhausting trying to constantly not react to someone who lies to you or gaslights you Unless you are a Buddhist monk I think reduce or stop contact

[@Invisibility397]

Indifference = unimportant... This the best possible emotion you will ever master. I refuse to respect this type of person. Therefore if they never experience the way it feels they will never understand what it is they are really doing to others. So everyone else sure that one not going to happen.

[@PandaLAG]

You're 💯 on the money... it's text book! 🙄 It's hard when you get to the point that you realize there are no more chances for change & that this person will never change & that they cannot give you what they don't have to give. It's especially hard when it's a family member...it changes the way your world looks - even though I'm more at peace without having them in my life. But yes.. you're so right & I'm thankful to have found your channel... thank you!

[@rupertgreenlees9329]

Yes to this. If a toxic person would benefit from learning that the world doesn't owe them anything, YOU have to appreciate that the toxic person does not owe you anything not even civility. If you can really buy this you can disempower toxicity completely. I often found myself saying "you have to understand that there are boundaries, things you can't say, rules of the road, acceptable / unacceptable modes of communication". Toxic people don't have to understand any of that. They have no obligation to change to self reflect. They don't owe you any of that. Nor do you owe them anything. Disengage.

[@ryanmaus8924]

So helpful 🙏thank you Stephanie.... I am 10 years and 2 kids in with a full blown narssacist. Ive been denying myself and what I felt for 9 of those years. I really can't do it no more. Ive felt so low many days, my fears suggested suicide many times.. but I am very informed and very powerfull. I'm working thru my fears of leaving. It is a painful process but I do understand it... to anybody who is going thru this situation. You are not crazy. You are actually beautiful, and that person is unable to see that beauty in you. Thier are a infinite amount of possibilities outside the limits of your fears but don't trust me trust yourself. You are always taken care of in love. :')

[@LoveJoyPeacePatienceKindness]

I've been clean almost 10 years, have done a decade of emotional healing, still learning myself. Its difficult because Im sandwiched between my mom & daughter narcissistic behavior. I used to be one also. Oh boy, they throw a lot of tantrums its pretty sad because its like dealing with a 5 year old. They don't know anything about boundaries at all, I literally say the boundary and walk away instead of letting it provok me....yes its a demon!!!! And they let it live in their heart! they don't think anything is wrong with them, its me because I won't allow it to provoke me...I let go of control

[@farmtutor2379]

I wish I knew how to deal with someone who uses my weaknesses against me. I don’t always remember what was said in the last conversation exactly, I only know my intentions so they use my words to paint me in a different light and when I attempt to clarify my position they bring up past shortcomings, particularly times when I was inattentive or in human error to make it as though I have no say in the matter. Because I own my mistakes they take it as a win and tell me that I can’t be trusted and that my opinions don’t matter.

[@andreaanonymous5474]

WARNING. THE STEPHANIE THAT RESPONDED TO YOUR COMMENT IS A SCAMMER. THAT WASN'T THE REAL STEPHANIE.

[@chirokathleen]

You can’t deal w someone who does this because they’re “undealable”. When this was explained to me I rejected it because I want to get through, I want to fix it. They’re not cooperative.

[@ghostingwo]

Personally feels like they’re trying to shine light on ur flaws instead of having any self awareness so they can be able to ignore their own. I hope u can ignore people like that bc if they’re more focused on dragging someone down to their level instead of being a better person, they’re toxic and u should run away from them and grow yourself.

[@teresaneumann1098]

Good explanation of taking something personally. Something I struggled with for so long. Once I understood the concept, my life became so much better. My reactions were so much better and I did feel better about myself.

[@glenncowan6669]

This is a six 🌟 presentation!! ... Very insightful. The narc is always trying to condition you to feel negative and ashamed of yourself.

[@sarahmasters4759]

This video couldn’t have showed up in my suggestions at a better time. My step daughter is getting married Friday and her mother, I truly believe, is not only a narcissist but a sociopath to boot. She doesn’t care about anyone’s feeling but her own and she definitely enjoys watching and living in the chaos she creates. I’ve cried so many times and have essentially given all of my power away. There is no reasoning with her. There is no middle ground. It’s always ALL about her. Not to mention that my step daughter is on the spectrum and I have felt like for the last year and a half I have had to step in and make sure she is being listened to and what she wants is honored. But it’s been so disheartening and difficult having a narcissist trying to bend everyone, including her own daughter, to her will. God I needed to get that out. But thank you thank you for making this video. You’ve helped me slow down, take a deep breath and have given me that little push I needed to take care of my self, my children and the rest of my family. Excellent video. Praying for you and all of you out there who are struggling with a narcissist. It’s horrible and I pray you all take your power back and remember the great advice in this video. Because I know, if you are watching this video, you are having a rough go at it. You are NOT ALONE!!! Love and blessings to all of you!

[@kpaxian6044]

As someone on the spectrum, thank you for looking out for your stepdaughter. I find that I grew up obviously with difficulty reading people and it made me a greater target for bullies and even narcissistic types. I am now doing my own research (I am good at research!), and it's helping. But thank you for working to help someone who might have been even a little more vulnerable to predatory people. And I think that goes double when you grow up with a really sadistic or cruel parent because that's what is modeled for you! 🫂

[@angelicadevi]

When they know they can’t control you anymore, they discard you. They totally ruin your life and move on with their lives without any remorse. And when they see you later down the line at peace and happy without them they try to swoop right back in there to take it away!

[@TheTalisman515]

It's taken me a long time but I've finally reached a point where im able to be non reactive.

[@kellycastagnola4189]

This has helped me so much but I still replay it at least once or twice a week to keep myself in check so it will just become second nature to me . 🙏👍🏼❤️

[@elvinvee3423]

Run!!! It will save you a lot of stress lol these people feed of good souls and nice people …I call out their bs from the start and shut them down …

[@neoyshascott1401]

So true! You will be shocked how they could seem to be different. They know exactly how to make you feel happy. The abuse gets worst before it’s really over . 😢❤ thanks for this !!

[@linuxd]

7:17 I like this lesson a lot feels very positive

[@showcase-me]

The effectiveness of a well-timed puch to the face to these people is sorely underapreaciated.

[@platechick]

If you don't buy into what they're saying, they HATE it. Just be you. They want to control EVERYONE and make them feel guilty or shameful if they don't go along with the gaslighting. Not buying into their nonsense, does NOT mean you are responsible for anything they do or don't do. Just be YOU. You are not responsible for how THEY act.

[@franciscoguevara9727]

Ive learnt about narc abuse for over a year now, and have been healing from my childhood trauma that was by a narc parent for almost 3 in total. Not taking their baits is really important. But by the way, it isnt about control at times. Sometimes its about respecting boundaries in a shared space. For instance, i told 2 girls that where hogging the floor everynight if they could share the time at a meeting i go to which is supposed to be a safe place. After that they have been so passive aggressive, crocodile tears , manipulating and doing the things that my valid request asked them more slily and passively agressively and dogwhistling etc, triangulating too. It never was about contrlling them. Because boundaries aren't about that, but out of claiming peoples rights , like sharing the time to speak in a shared space (virtually). Whats funny is that people agreed with me that night. And thought it was a good idea , and a valid request, to share the space, we're all humans and this was a sort of support group for childhood trauma, so more importantly its a place were we should not only get these boundaries but be mindful of others needs or that we didnt get some of these things growing up and we're trying to heal from that so it would be good to be mindful. It wasnt about controlling. Another person, now they're doing everything on the book to try and get a reaction. And i see it, and the crocodile tears and everything. They're escalating it. Im being careful how not to give them supply. Its getting a little bit heated, and im going to try to disengage maybe as was said here though i have already. Its difficult when there are avid toxic manipulators and they can even gang up in numbers or have flying monkeys. I can disengage, and take care of myself, not take baits. And focus on my self , my boundaries , my inner child and continuous healing.

[@damienwelch9067]

Amein

[@franciscoguevara9727]

@@damienwelch9067 learning to respond directly and clearly and to the point and then disengaging, when the world salada comes has been helpful, ans i get to speak my truth and then disengage. We are worth it, and lets keep healing with gentleness humor love and respect.... Take care , God speed everybody wer are worth it. with gentleness humort love respect attunement and integrity to my inner child and taking my space and choosing safe enough connection , we are worth it. Cousins. Let them, keep their toxic gunk, we can speak our truth and then disengage, be gentle on ourselves honor ourselves and inner children with healthy boundaries, when we need them,and keep finding safe enough other people to share with and get connection thats corregulating,we are worth it, cousins.

[@damienwelch9067]

@@franciscoguevara9727 amein true 👍

[@aceace7573]

Oh, I love the clean organized uncluttered background.

[@Jackrabbitsteaparty]

First couple of minute of this video actually opened My eyes the last little bit. Wow You are very beautiful and very helpful!!!

[@leonardlisa8318]

Omg this is so true. But mine is sooo predictable that I sometimes bust out laughing. I just dont know if this is a mental illness, the devil, or they are making bad choices to act out …but I will not compromise my happiness for this ever again. I know it’s starting up when he says out of of nowhere “are you mad at me”? Sometimes I feel sorry for him and sometimes I feel sorry for me.

[@izawaniek2568]

Perfect tips! Every word is golden. Thank you so much.

[@INTERSTELLAR1111]

[@ryanpape9815]

Spot on... I started focusing on myself first, then ignored, non responsive, non reactive to the ex wife and ex narc father. It's definitely allowed me to forgive them both and myself for allowing it to happen in the past to me. My best advice is focusing on yourself makes you move forward. When you do good for you and have control over your life it's shows you are moving in the positive path forward. Better to sit back at wait and just let it play out on its own.

[@andreaanonymous5474]

WARNING. THE STEPHANIE THAT RESPONDED TO YOUR COMMENT IS A SCAMMER. THAT WASN'T THE REAL STEPHANIE.

[@SScherliss]

Best strategy is to honor yourself and cut all narcissists out of your life. There is no strategy that can replace true care for yourself. To care for yourself requires you know your self. Knowing yourself requires the courage to face your feelings with acceptance .

[@luxpursuits]

At my workplace I get gaslighted several times a day. Most of the time I realize what just happened only after a few minutes.

[@Darlenejoy]

Sometimes it’s not about changing them. At times it’s trying to set boundaries in your own home. And them trying to tell you, how yo talk, how to react, how to make or not make expressions on your face. Etc. Walking on egg shells in your own house.

[@lucycp2881]

I put my boundaries down after receiving shut down, cold, offish Behaviour. Then I said calming when there was no argument that I’m going to stay with my friends for the night I received verbal abuse which continued for at least 15 minutes solid. I tried calm grey rocking, but it got worse, eventually I said “I do not accept this behaviour from you, it’s not okay to speak to me like this” I put my boundary down and it ended with her, my sister, physically assaulting me. I ended up in ER with head injuries, eye injuries and bruises all over my body. I had to get checked with scans to make sure there wasn’t any internal bleeding. After all of this my father and other sister shamed me for deciding not to go home again, telling me how I am making a mistake but not even talking to me about what happened and how I feel and if I am okay. It’s crazy. So my experience with boundary setting ended badly. It’s not always easy to know when is a good time, so I decided never is a good time. I will never go home again and I have had to separate from both my NPD sisters. Passed down from my mother.

[@SweetCicely]

I have disengaged! The abuse STOPS NOW. Through prayer & belief, God/Creator is going to deal with this person.

[@Angel_eyes___]

Saddest part the some of the children became narcissists. I tried so hard to try to avoid it. Did not work. I now feel all those eggshell feelings , i do not feel comfortable when i visit there homes I stay outside, everything is look what i got. Never how have you been doing? I never raised them to be materialistic in peoples faces. My ex was all about that. So so sad. Add alcoholism to the mix it is very frustrating to deal with. So no real contact all superficial. I feel like i failed my children. But I can't control there thoughts and controlling ways as he did to them and myself. My head just spins now.

[@onlyonce1707]

Easier said than done sometimes.

[@gborowme]

I love this , let me listen again . I always over explain and then get frustrated, get angry and lost my cool. Disengage and stop talking will be my next tool .

[@anettewaits3677]

…conversation and logic does not work with a narcissist - I tried that for 30 + years - I only text now if I have to say something to my husband and keep it simple and short and only if really have to - that’s the only way …Thanks💚

[@andreaanonymous5474]

WARNING. THE STEPHANIE THAT RESPONDED TO YOUR COMMENT IS A SCAMMER. THAT WASN'T THE REAL STEPHANIE.

[@anettewaits3677]

@@andreaanonymous5474 👍💚

[@ezrc9294]

Constant shame game - to make you for shame feel shame for just existing or having an opinion. SEVERE abuse. Hypocrisy, Projection, Denial and Victimhood. I am stunned that so many people know this madness.

[@theforeigner6988]

This Lady saved my life back in 2018. Thank you very much!

[@binzz5387]

I am living with a narcissistic in my life..and I cannot leave him because my daughter loves him a lot

[@elainebines6803]

Your daughter can still love him. Number one lesson, you can only control yourself