Intelligent = Unhappy? | ASMR Bedtime Show 13

[@CHERYLASMR]

Love how articulate and deep you are!

[@findcalm]

you sure?:P but I appreciate your kind message

[@CHERYLASMR]

@@findcalm 100% your videos are appreciated 🧡

[@asecretone]

A lot of gifted people, whether it's in medicine, art, music, comedy, are often troubled and unhappy. It's a true correlation. #IgnoranceIsBliss

[@charliefowler7612]

Very true. Ignorance truly is bliss. I see this so much in our current world. Everyone just goes along with everything, doesn’t see the narratives pushed by the media, the fake news, the fake videos, and the many terrible things going on. #ignoranceisbliss

[@EdgeOfLight]

you can be intelligent but ignorant as well can't you

[@alicestate2967]

Whoa, you are so intelligent, and you are so eloquent. It’s even more impressive given that English isn’t your native language, you speak with such precision of vocabulary that I would never realise. This was so thought provoking, thank you for making this video

[@thomaspriday9731]

Your bedtime rambles are honestly my favourite ASMR videos of all time, thank you :)

[@millieduncan6310]

You’re videos are truly unique, relaxing yet extremely interesting. Great for those with busy minds that need to keep thinking 👍🏼

[@mattlarcombe1172]

Love these Bedtime Shows. The combination of your gentle voice and demeanour and your evident weltschmerz is very charming. All the best to you.

[@jenrhodes5289]

Thank you for your series! I live for your videos. I dont even use them to go to sleep anymore I just want to listen all day

[@roystoliday3624]

So many people on KZbin are scared to share what they are really thinking and spend a long time making disclaimers about what they are not saying rather than just saying what they want. These videos are a welcome relief from this and I value them. Thank you Alex.

[@edmundkempin3653]

Perhaps the solution to the problem is seeking meaning and purpose over happiness alone. Happiness is fleeting and fragile, meaning is deep, powerful and fulfilling.

[@findcalm]

Yeah I dislike the word/goal of happiness myself. In this context, it's a synonym/abbreviation for fulfillment / baseline positive emotions & avg. feel-good hormones in the brain, and I'd stick to my hypothesis of an inverse relationship with thinking activity :)

[@edmundkempin3653]

@@findcalm Another thing you touched upon is the idea that the more intelligent you are, the less happy you will be. I have heard of a similar existential problem known as the 'burden of consciousness', the notion that in expanding one's mind, the truths of the universe as far as we perceive them become more difficult to bear. Russel brand and Jordan Peterson talk at length about it in the 'Under the Skin' podcast- I highly recommend you check out that interview.

[@findcalm]

@@edmundkempin3653 I think I saw the interview, but will check it again - thanks!

[@Ms.Irod2024]

Wow yessss

[@roki8706]

Almost 40k?? You deserve that and a lot more, im here since 2k my fav asmrtist by far

[@Toomuchfakeinthisworld]

Sometimes it literally feels like in order to actually have friends, I need to be dumber… I think I downplay my intelligence a lot in order to better relate to people… but then I get walking in imposter syndrome and I stop remembering who I really am created to be. Ughhhh I’m so grateful for this video, you helped to snap me out of it and helped me to realize that I am who I am still. I’m over living in a disassociated state from my intelligence. How the hell do it support it???????????????? Hmmmmm…. Journaling?

[@muccia7328]

Really needed to hear this talk today ❤

[@everlastingarms3065]

29:28 "Instead of thinking about the future or the past, you just look at a tree and think, 'That's beautiful!' This is where happiness starts. And this is why dogs are probably much happier than us." This is the point where you answered all of your own questions in a nutshell. There is value in learning from the past, and planning for the future. However.... Perhaps if you can at the very least allocate some time every day to the idea that "yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only day you have so use it", you may be able to mitigate some of your own over-thinking tendencies. I share these same tendencies. In another bedtime show, you spoke of how healthy it is to just walk, and how walking promotes health. I took up walking 5.5 miles a day last year towards the goal of "2020 miles in 2020", and I made it. And I'm on my way to "2021 in 2021" now. I enjoy the sights, sounds, smells, people-watching, nature, listen to music in my headphones sometimes, go on nature trails, or walk over bridges or in my neighborhood. (I live in NYC, but there is great mixture and diversity of nature, shorelines, forests, and urban areas to immerse oneself in.) Perhaps you can help your physical & mental health at the same time by committing to going on a walk every day, or whatever you have time for. It need not be all at once. Maybe a half hour here or there. Take 5 minutes an hour. Wherever you can grab the time from, turn off the podcasts, take a walk, and enjoy the solitude & surroundings. :-) I know you can do it, because you posted a fantastic walk through snowy woods & mountainside recently that was fantastic. I can imagine that it must have been cathartic to do so, even if it was so cold. ;-) Thanks for a great channel; these bedtime videos are the best.

[@findcalm]

Thanks for your beautiful and thoughtful comment, yeah I agree with everything you've said:) walking is great, or anything that can "ground yourself" if you're too much in your head, in my experience. Hope things are good in NYC!

[@grind-t]

The problem is not how much you think or how smart you are, the problem is what you think about. Most often, problems begin when thoughts are associated with other people or the consequences of their actions. You need to understand that you can't dwell on such thoughts, but instead you need to focus on what you want to do and what makes you happier.

[@findcalm]

yes.. but thinking mostly happens automatically I would argue, based on genes and childhood experiences (I really liked Sam Harris' recent video on this basically proclaiming there's no free will kzbin.info/www/bejne/q2WYhINtjduSpbc ). It might be very difficult to really change what we're thinking

[@legoyodagaming5051]

sure, but you still have freewill and consciousness. like going to the gym, your mind has to be trained also. do you think that all great, wise spiritual leaders did not train? also, smoking weed can help. weed can be a great tool to changs your perceptive thinking and literally allow you to break free from your current thinking constraints. it will allow you to be analytical (analytical meditation) and you can reflect on what really is driving your unhappiness. you may realise its not so much about being "intillgent", which is subjective, as it is about other things. there are many great minds that are not always unhappy. humans are far more complex than you think and a lot of people are smarter than you give them credit for.

[@giovanirubalcava6770]

Omgg finally i understand why I’m always in such a good mood. 😄😄😄 Cause I’m stupid

[@channingpass]

I see your upload, i get excited. it happens every time

[@shidfard]

Peterson is extremely smart. Suffered greatly from anxiety and his wife being sick did not help either. He was addicted to benzodiazepines.

[@Ms.Irod2024]

For your unintentional asmr I found a channel called relaxing asmr and the dude has this amazing voice, also thank you for your insight and work your truly one of a kind Alex

[@mumemic]

This is quite a sticky conversation. Like you mentioned in the beginning, it can wander into ableism land real quick. There is, of course, the big vague question of what intelligence even means, which makes it near impossible to track the correlation between intelligence and unhappiness. As I go into this I'm going to be specifically talking about mental illness, which is of course not the same thing as unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Drawing from my own experiences... When I was deeply depressed, I definitely mistook my extreme nihilism for being aware of the true nature of the world in a way everyone else seemed to miss. Now that I'm on the other side of that with therapy, meds, and support from people in my life, I see that's untrue. I think going on those drugs didn't "numb" me in the way people seem to talk about antidepressants. It's an unfortunate and untrue stigma. Instead, they cleared the fog around my head that made me unable to see all the blessings I have in life all around me. All that is to say, rather than numbing me and making me dumber, they actually made me see life more clearly and made me able to manage myself in both simple, everyday tasks and the bigger picture of my life trajectory (which is sort of a form of intelligence in itself). So going broader, I think the venn diagram of mental illness and intelligence is not very close to being a circle, and I don't personally believe the two are actually so firmly connected. And it's honestly very dangerous for mentally ill folks to hear this sort of messaging we get in media about "the tortured artist" and things like that. Like honestly, I believe we would have gotten so much more from Van Gogh, Beethoven, Kurt Cobain, and many more if they had been able to get effective help. Anyways, that's my long-ass comment. Thanks for reading all that if you made it this far :)

[@findcalm]

Thanks for sharing, those are all good and well-articulated points and I might have missed the mark in some regards

[@saughs]

We’re very similar. I don’t think of myself as some kind of genius either, but it can definitely be frustrating in groups that are less intellectual. My dad is the same way, and he assumes 90%+ of people are idiots...I don’t think that’s the healthy way of dealing with it, so I try to be more positive and understanding if people aren’t as intellectually curious.

[@NotGettinAny]

I found all of this very interesting (and relaxing) to listen to. I think an interesting idea is that, is it intelligence that is 'causing' these social difficulties - or are the people that struggle with those social/happiness issues the ones who put more effort into learning/education/thinking? Traits that make you struggle socially (or mental happiness) might be favourable for intelligence. With that said, I'm not even sure those kinds of things affect intelligent people more - but is very interesting to think about.

[@nolsolano]

Ignore is bliss. I imagine that the super intelligent can't see the beauty in the mundane day to day moments in life.

[@findcalm]

maybe .. it's hard to know, everybody only knows their reality. But a lot of smart people are probably too obsessed with achievement and success

[@historychillasmr5623]

Your talking is really soothing. Love the video and a very interesting subject as well :) !

[@Ggxbgdryvxd]

I don’t know that intelligence is exactly the right word but people who are in tune to the ways of the world are more likely to be anxious or sad because how could they not be? The world is full of garbage people and it can be overwhelming! Nice video as always. Helping me tune out the world so I can relax and sleep

[@jillv91]

I used to think the same way. I've learned and trained myself that it's "ok to dumb yourself" in certain situations. My relationship with my family and friends became much better.

[@akbarratt]

Interesting thoughts, I definitely relate. There's a lot of knowledge I think I would be happier if I didn't know. But there are also so many people who have gotten their happiness at the expense of other people, through exploitation and dehumanization. Maybe ignorance is bliss but it can be harmful too. So I don't know where the answer lies. But for now I'm trying to focus on being a better person and trying to value be wise over being intelligent. Hopefully the rest will follow. Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed this one.

[@asmarioo]

These stories are crazy!! Love your channel! learn so much and i get to 😴

[@SydneydlC]

i didn’t expect to get so deep into thought when i clicked on this video, but it was very interesting. v relaxing as well, thank you for sharing!

[@benjamincousins6680]

At least I don’t have to worry about being unhappy. Lol.

[@EdgeOfLight]

what if you dumb and depressed...

[@peterschmidt633]

I found your thoughts interesting. Thank you!

[@lilhomunculus7572]

thank you for your videos, they make my day so much better. much love ❤

[@Amysbiblereads]

Loved this ❤️ hope you’re well ❤️ also the pool guy is from my city I have the exact same accent.

[@Toomuchfakeinthisworld]

I’ve never felt more seen in my life. Lately, I’ve been crawling out of a hole of chronic anxiety and pain… from which I let my creative outlets go for quite some time… and now, I find my brain bored bored bored. I want to paint again, but for some reason, I don’t have enjoyment in doing it. I feel a hypercritical tendency as I approach it, as if whatever I create, it’s never enough. I’ve been an addict my entire life, even as a kid, I always had something to numb the overactivity. I know God, but I truly think that I feel really unstimulated by the people around me. I have one friend from Nigeria who I can go on and on with about life, because we have similar brains, but other than that, I’m kinda swimming in a pool of jellyfish, and I’m an octopus. I feel stuck. I’m so gifted and talented it’s unreal, but I feel so locked inside my head most of the time because I don’t know how to hell to get this stuff out of my head. If you have anything to add, I’d be open to learn.

[@Toomuchfakeinthisworld]

Also, about God, there’s so much intellectual content about him. Ohhh my lord it’s wild how deep it goes. Trust me, from a previous atheist, I am astounded by God. You just need an encounter with him. So right now I ask that God would give you an amazing encounter with his heart. I pray that you would experience God in a way where you feel seen and heard and known in ways that only your creator could do so. I pray that you would feel the truth enter your heart and confirm every question you’ve ever had about why you are the way you are. :)

[@trulle132]

money does not define happniness, because money is simply a construct humans have made up. It's what drives us forward, it's what we need to survive. But when you have enough to survive. You don't strive for wealth anymore. It becomes greed, and greed only goes one way. Into darkness. Humans are social creatures and I think as a guy with no high education, that happiness stems from interactions. A hobby gets boring without someone to share it with, a job gets boring without someone to have coffee with during your break. A life alone can give you clarity, sure. But without the social part in life, you simply become a husk of a person. That's what friends, family and partners are for. To fufill your life. They make you happy or you make them happy. It's all love.

[@misuneeh]

I really appreciated your last weekly letter about this and have been thinking about this myself for quite some time. My brain 🧠 likes to dwell and automatically I end up in thought-circles leading nowhere but in unhappiness. So I found I need to be occupied and youtube helps a lot with that. Thanks for this video and for basically explaining exactly what's going on with my brain (constantly). It's reassuring to know so many of us are experiencing the very same phenomenon.

[@findcalm]

appreciate your kind message :) (just beware of KZbin and Reddit etc., you might end up training yourself to crave distraction and you'll essentially end up with an ADHD brain - I did that too:/)

[@charlesgherman5394]

I feel like I relate to you quite a bit (at least from what I can infer from this snippet of who you are). I've always wondered if the unhappiness that comes with an active mind is what draws me to ASMR for relaxation and comfort.

[@shoppersdrugmartcanuck]

I relate so much to what you're saying. I feel like I'd be "happier", and more "popular", enjoy mundane social activities more if I had been less intelligent. And even saying that feels arrogant! 🤣 But without depth I'm so bored! I have few friends and the ones I have I feel are smarter than I am or or least on my level, because I can't handle the annoyances with most other people... I love how you have a way of talking about large concepts in a concise and unadulterated way, without ever taking heavy positions and somehow avoiding controversial statements so gracefully !! Manages to be relaxing every time. Thank you!

[@findcalm]

thanks:) I'm similar to you, but fyi I noticed the "being bored quickly" trait can be linked to ADHD so maybe you'd want to look into that too

[@lilstinker2582]

love the ramble, keep it up

[@antin86]

Yeah.. tested high iq, talented and gifted school, full scholarship to a top school. Been nothing but misery and panic attacks. I think the latter may be due to excess glutamate receptors in the brain. Either way, I feel handicapped in many ways and as if my abilities were to an extent canceled out by the byproduct deficits which enfeeble me. I see plenty of high intelligence types functioning just fine, however.

[@Hannah-dj6ck]

You remind me of Matt Damon’s character in Good Will Hunting, questioning why people do all these conventional things and think it’s normal like meeting up for coffee when they could eat just as easily eat caramels. If I meet up for drinks and I’m not thirsty and I don’t drink alcohol I would just as soon eat some flapjack or have nothing. If I don’t like to eat bad quality meat at a barbecue party, I’ll bring my own quiche and heat that on the barbecue instead. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life felt the need to join in with whatever the crowd is doing or saying without thinking it through first from a logical almost external perspective, and most of the time that makes my behaviour perfectly rational even if it is unconventional. Everyone thinks everything they are doing is normal if they feel like everyone else is doing it, until the day comes when it’s not normal, and everyone wonders how that behaviour could ever have been considered normal (like smoking indoors around children, or eating animal brains in their burgers). But there were always people who knew at the time something evidently wasn’t normal or right, it was just that they were in the tiny tiny minority.

[@BramVaschellie]

Flowers for Algernon explores this topic a bit...It's not uplifting, about on par with Brave New World, but it is very thought provoking and sticks with you for a long while.

[@charliefowler7612]

I feel similar to you in many ways, your brain works in a great way. I agree with 99% of what you’ve said in this video and I appreciate you sharing your inner-workings and thoughts. You are not alone and I agree with you on your morals and values especially when it comes to needing proof or facts before believing something. I think that’s a normal process that is missing lately. The summed up way that I think of life is simple, I believe humans over-evolved and got too smart, therefore we realized that one day we will die, which led to many people creating different things and beliefs to give life a better meaning (religions), however, this does not mean there is no higher power or nothing watching/guiding us. We will NEVER understand how the world/universe is working, although we are smart, we are not nearly as smart as we would need to be to understand something as complex as life and the universe. I think of it this way, there IS an answer, somewhere out there that makes sense. There is something that can explain every single thing about life, but we do not have the intelligence to understand it. It would be like an insect trying to understand how an iPhone works. There IS an answer to how it works, but to an insect, the answer is colossally far away and no matter how many discussions, wars, religions etc., the insect will never figure it out and the best bet for the insect is to live its life and forget about how the iPhone works, and enjoy the iPhone:). Lol

[@nerium.nerium]

Thinking about it, I don't know if it's just being intelligent that is alienating in itself. I think we put certain kinds of intelligence on a pedestal, such as book smarts, while diminishing things like emotional intelligence. We can end up separating people, sometimes from a very early age, based on their intelligence, and that could be a contributer to the feeling of isolation. I also think people who are "smart" and introverted can be more affected as well. The world is an extrovert's, and introversion is seen as the lesser way to be. This creates a weird contradiction: you're great because you're smart, but you're not great because you're introverted. This mixed messaging can also cause doubt in identity and self-worth. That's how I experience it anyway, as I am both introverted and fairly "intelligent" (128 iq.) I think if people could just be accepted more for being their authentic self, and we didn't need to focus so much on "financial success" we could all focus on just *being* with each other instead of constantly measuring ourselves against others and our own expectations (which we take our cues from society's expectations)

[@benjaminwoodham6682]

I tested 149 for IQ. I'm no super genius, but I am a lot smarter than the average. So what happens to me is that most people cannot keep up with me, but the few people who do often exceed what I am capable of. I'm in this weird area of being really smart but not a genius. I am very happy. So I think I got the best possible result. EDIT: I have several friends who tested above 180 IQ. Many of them consider me their only friend.

[@findcalm]

149 seems super high though:) but I get what you're saying. I hope you can make your brain work in your favor

[@EdgeOfLight]

Are you American?

[@benjaminwoodham6682]

@@EdgeOfLight I'm from Texas.

[@rinkagamine_8209]

Intelligence only leads to unhappiness when people are put on pedestals because of that intelligence. Is this wrong? This is what I think. Money obviously doesn’t equate to happiness

[@gabriellejay4377]

In terms of politics, have you ever considered reading political theory? I’m not sure if you consider yourself to be “political” at all, but learning about the history and context about politics was always better for my neurodivergent brain and helped me understand our world/my own political views better!! The news spitting stuff at me never sat right either, especially when politics are supposed to be dealing with important things, I’d like to make up my own mind!

[@gabriellejay4377]

Also, i really resonate with a lot of what you share. I like to think it’s part of being neurodivergent and I just try to accept myself as I am everyday. It is a lonely feeling though!

[@gabriellejay4377]

I for sure think you’re onto something with drugs being used to dull senses... I know I can certainly personally relate! :/

[@charliefowler7612]

What was the Joe Rogan podcast you were talking about? I’m really interested in it.

[@findcalm]

the one with Eric Weinstein? it's very recent #1628 (but only on Spotify), but he's been talking about it last time on Rogan too. There's only one clip kzbin.info/www/bejne/omLNhYierLx9j6M - but yeah it's pretty cringe tbh

[@hghbryson6821]

Realising the inherent meaninglessness of life is just being an intelligent mensch. Rising above that to create your own meaning in life is being an Ubermensch.

[@roki8706]

ASMR on twitch pls

[@joako2185]

I’m not receiving your nails anymore, I already tried to suscribe me again. Just if you know is there a problem.

[@findcalm]

I'm not sure :/ you can reach out via mail I'll try to fix it manually (write to [e-mail]) - thanks!

[@MCMXCDX]

wow this got real freaky real quick

[@Twitchy_Gamer]

You almost look like my X gay friend 😂