Interview with an Agile Coach - Sprint1

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Interview with an Agile Coach with Josh Doe - aired on © The Agile.
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#software #jokes #agile

[@AzamFahmy]

“It’s really Waterfall with meetings every two weeks” that one hit differently 🥶

[@brokula1312]

that one was all caps L O L

[@abdelrahmanabdelatief8375]

I was gonna write the same comment I swear

[@thatryanp]

Cuts to the 🦴

[@evenzero]

rofl

[@Alan.livingston]

This guy must work at the same place I do.

[@teamspeak9374]

"we don't even define requirements until after production" This one made me cry

[@meekrab9027]

If you don't have users, how can they tell you your software sucks? 🤔

[@Th1200]

I feel this so hard.

[@akjowik]

:) :) :) :)

[@SSJwalker]

Factual

[@o2xygen02]

This hurts because it's true

[@Carrandas]

"I lost my job because I'm a horrible developer, now I'm an agile coach" So it's not just in my company 😂

[@aylictal]

Those who cant do, teach. Those who cant teach, teach agile software development.

[@nieczerwony]

In most companies shit technical workers become team lead, PO or other useless crap.

[@imt3206]

@@nieczerwony they’re team leaders, but can’t do the job of his subordinates? How so?

[@lordlucan529]

@@nieczerwony ...project managers or business analysts

[@nieczerwony]

@@imt3206 Well literally team leaders are for managers not for engineers. In companies I worked I noticed they were given positions as they were good with licking ass of managers. They were promoted this way as they would not have a chance in technical way.

[@AJD...]

"Identify problems. And wait for them to go away" This.

[@sebastieng5960]

"His birthday is on day 2 sprint 7" Gold !

[@JuanEstradaGiuria]

"leave job when debt causes problems, evangelize scrum at next job" this is the way

[@my-dev]

hahahahaha whata nice fella

[@JZO001]

:DDDDDDDDD :DDDDDDDDD

[@coderider3022]

Good advice, developers shouldn’t waste time fixing the unfixable.

[@Jared-Cruz]

“That’s Greg, his birthday is on day 2 of sprint 7.” That is just gold! 😂 As someone who works in a SAFe (Scaled Agile for Enterprise) company, I almost found this more entertaining than the C++ interview.

[@lukaszmmaciejewski]

commiserations from a fellow SAFe sufferer ;)

[@ineverchangemyplayericon3016]

"day 2 of sprint 7" Idk but my ears picked this up like a PTSD

[@Constantinus213421]

I concur. Guy doesn't remember anything about coworkers (I'm almost like that), but knows his Agile schedules and meetings even in his sleep (I'm not like that, hopefully).

[@ChoiceOfIllusion]

What a cringe worthy, contrived acronym, sounds utterly awful. The words agile and enterprise in the one acronym is a joke surely?

[@KeepAnOpenMind]

That basically partially explains to you guys why SAFe isn't agile and every single agile coach tries to get rid of it. What was said in this video is mainly due to people not doing agile, what is SAFe actually is (not agile). I curse the day they stole the terminology, called themselves agile and distorted the understanding of agile, just like a malicious worm.

[@CrispyParrot]

"Always change, never finish" 🤣

[@JanMichalSzulew]

Yeah software quality has been deteriorating for the last decade, wonder why that could be

[@grant575mixmaster]

@@JanMichalSzulew one of the precepts of agile is to stop starting and start finishing. If you don't use a mindset in the right way, then of course you are not going to like it because the results will be negative.

[@asdasdasd9269]

@@grant575mixmaster Mr Stevens no Youtubing while wokring the deathstar!

[@Pasghetti3]

How does this guy capture dev hell and corporate madness so well from so many angles? Fantastic stuff. Makes me laugh quite a bit.

[@MsbowElite]

He was the bad developer, kept notes of all "compliments", IT guys cannot have free time so for sure will create a youtube channel.

[@DR_1_1]

I suspect they are a team, I can't see someone alone coming with so many strikes....or at least he has a few IT friends!

[@dec13666]

​​@@MsbowElite So JomaTech and the rest of Asian developers are _"bad"_ ? 🤔

[@DB-sf1hy]

"It is not a task, it is a story".

[@zeo_crash7984]

That line instantly made my blood boil. I still don't know why agile wouldn't let me call them tasks.

[@AlokMishra-zg4dp]

"always change never finish" was gold😂😂

[@Geomephysicus]

When I was a kid I wanted to become an artist and embrace that no artwork is ever finished. Little did I know I can do the same as a developer.

[@notsojharedtroll23]

@@Geomephysicus 💀

[@EscapeePrisoner]

"Folks who don't have anything valuable to add deserve meetings." Gold. Will implement.

[@owenjones795]

“So what do you do?” “I revolutionize business processes to be agile and revolutionary and synergy”. “But what do you actually do?” “I tell developers to use an organization framework that does nothing and takes a ton of work, and then they don’t use it”

[@thomasbates9189]

Not wearing glasses for this character was a great idea. It really fits the persona of this agile coach

[@Turissss]

He doesn't even look at a screen, just have papers than point with a laser xDDD

[@thomasbates9189]

@@Turissss lol yes

[@mohamedsanogho8361]

@@Turissss it is the excel slides for you lol

[@phonogtaphologist]

The confidence and nonchalant nature in which he says "Accrue Tech Debt"... Beautiful

[@JanMichalSzulew]

Yeah, these "agile" morons are allergic to tech debt cleanup for so reason, I can't count how many times I had to REALLY push so that I'm allowed to do it, at times I had to do it contrary to the decisions

[@rykehuss3435]

"Its really Waterfall with meetings every two weeks" yup

[@pranshupant1413]

His birthday is on day 2 of sprint 7😂😂

[@robertstorlind2302]

The buzzword density is dialed up to 11 and I'm scared by the fact that this monologue somehow still makes sense to me as an agile team member :)

[@WillySchott]

"Actually we delivered on time in the past three years. But then Scrum came, and everything changed." Been there, experienced that. Hilarious presentation, LMAO

[@JohnDoe-jt4ju]

and all the productivity artifacts are stored in a Scrum Bag.

[@diligencehumility6971]

"Identify a problem and waiting for it to go away"

[@csibesz07]

2:59 "Identifis problems, than waits for them to go away" This could be in our invite mail for the retro meeting.

[@mh1593]

"The team IDENTIFIES PROBLEMS.... and waits for them to go away" 😂😂😂

[@Moarmmoforme]

"So everyone spends a bunch of time in meetings talking about how nothing happened and how work should be done but nobody actually does anything". Oh this hit home base, I'm literally in tears xD

[@JohnDoe-jt4ju]

Basically a Management Tool so managers can report up the chain that they've done something.

[@Kyym888]

"we don't even define requirements until after production" oof that's too real, and genius.

[@ryanleemartin7758]

I lost my job because I was a horrible developer but now I'm an agile coach at NASA. I swear this dude has some great lines.

[@theondono]

When you realize that the guys at Atlassian, who sell you on visibility, productivity and synergy have at least 3 complete reimplementations of markdown syntax across products 👌

[@user-zw4gy3ql5n]

Agile Coach:"everyone spends a bunch of time in meetings to talk about how nothing happened and how work should be done but nobody actually does anything". That is true:)

[@fabionunes2793]

I experienced this a couple months ago working for a health tech. My gosh, endless meetings, endless requirements and bo code. Definitely, that was a low code platform.

[@user-zw4gy3ql5n]

I'm sorry, man. Were u quit?

[@oanafocsa148]

"we get things done in more time...more things done in time" 😂😂...can't stop laughing at this

[@natalie-perret]

I had someone telling me just that today and it wasn't sarcastic 🤐

[@daniloalves7440]

"Jira, Scrum, Jira, Agile" OMG

[@TheDiveO]

"folks who don't have anything valuable to add deserve meetings" yes, pure gold!

[@EldanSai]

"Agile coach gets all the cookies" hahahaha This is gold, personally I tried fighting these agile meetings for years, but now with remote work, I just work/exercise/do something productive with my life during these meetings.

[@grimonce]

I use this time to play some chess online or throw a joke from time to time during the meeting...

[@knightoflambda]

Sometimes I just go off to watch my kids play roblox

[@Drackmord92]

Omg I'm not the only one 😂😂😂 I do all the things you guys mentioned

[@noidea2655]

Someone needs to learn either how those meetings help big time OR get a therapist because such strong resistance to social-events cant be resolved in a short tine without professional help. Basement dwelllers are a common obstacle for realizing the strong positive effects of agile processes

[@grimonce]

@@noidea2655 are you projecting some problems? Would you like to talk about these in a meeting?

[@perfectionbox]

Years before Agile, I worked on a team that shipped a contact management app that needed tons of work to fix. Everyone desperately needed a vacation afterwards. VP visits me and says "Okay, let's start the next version immediately. We gotta keep the momentum!" It told me basically everything I needed to know about management. That, and hearing them refer to developers as "monkeys". 🙄

[@paulie-g]

*I* refer to most developers as monkeys. Because it's true. They can't design or architect anything, most can't even keep the design in their head. They got CS (or worse, EE) degrees because Forbes said they would make 100k+ and graduated programs that taught them how to use a particular hammer (usually Java) regardless of whether they're, say, fixing a broken vase. Clueless managers hire them on the principle that a sufficient number of monkeys will eventually produce something approaching the collected works of Shakespeare. Hence, monkeys.

[@dascandy]

@@paulie-g"how to use a particular hammer (usually Java) regardless of whether they're, say, fixing a broken vase" I'm going to have to borrow that from you.

[@paulie-g]

@@dascandy You're more than welcome to do that. Sunshine is a disinfectant, and we need to shine it on that particular pustular festering wound.

[@Spencer-wc6ew]

I was at agile training at work a few months ago. After the coach gave a non-answer full of agile keyworkds to someone's question, the asker said "My customers don't care how much jargon you use, they care about the product being good."

[@BittermanAndy]

"I lost my job because I'm a horrible developer, now I'm an agile coach" - this one burns with blazing truth.

[@ejbevenour]

Someone give that drunk camera man another beer. He is doing a fantastic job!!

[@idjles]

I think the camera is on a tripod and the zooming and panning is done during the edit.

[@jspanga]

My god.. so our current scrum master in systems engineering (imagine pierce from community) actually makes me want to learn agile now just to find out if 'gaslight colleagues' is in the manifesto

[@phiwise_9489]

>That's Greg. His birthday is on day two of sprint seven. It's the enthusiastic-but-still-somehow-deadpan advertiser delivery that really makes this.

[@harp8621]

Scrum master - Someone who works 10 hours a week to make sure others in the team work full 40 hours.

[@rebecca1146]

lol, more like 3 hours a week, all of which are spent slowing down everyone else.

[@OneAngrehCat]

"Have you ever seen a scrum master/agile coach bring something to the company?" is a question I hear way too often from way too many people.

[@markovcd]

It's too bad because I saw what good scrum master can do productivity

[@JohnDoe-bj6zq]

our boss made us chat for an hour every daily stand up. agile coach forced him to shut up and finish it in 15 minutes. that was actually quite an insane productivity boost

[@OneAngrehCat]

@@JohnDoe-bj6zq I don't see why you need an "agile coach" for this. If employees allowed themselves to say "one hour is too long" the issue would be fixed. It's good that he did it, but you don't need extra job titles for something that should be common sense.

[@JohnDoe-bj6zq]

@@OneAngrehCat I know, but no one really had an authority there. You can tell your boss that meetings are too long but they can just ignore it. It's just a dumb anecdote, but some process enforcement is nice sometimes

[@kristophertadlock779]

You have to do agile. Everyone else is doing. That is why we are doing it too.

[@CyberTechBits]

OMG..."I was a horrible developer so now I'm an agile coach at NASA".... rotflmao 😆 😂😂😂

[@thomasbates9189]

"and that's where I come in to moderate that nonsense"

[@xdeathcon]

I love this series. Everything in the industry is ridiculous to some degree lol

[@jingzheshan]

lol we get things done in more time

[@mswebdesign]

This dude is a legend, love these videos. Surely web designers (who think using WordPress & Elementor makes them a programmer) or front-end developers have to be the next, there would be so many silly things to point out.

[@kibe2134]

Don't forget automation developers.

[@user-gn3cq6jw4w]

Didn't he already take a stab at frontend with js?

[@Greenthum6]

Wordpress programmers and vanilla HTML developers always is high demand

[@mfrederikson]

@@nobytes2 and you are 21 and write wordpress extensions? :P

[@mswebdesign]

@@nobytes2 lol bro I'm 32 and front end designer/dev, who works with open source CMS platforms....I'm not afraid to laugh at myself or my profession and I suggest you learn to do the same...hell a front-end dev might not be a job anymore within the next 5 years.

[@arjundureja]

3:57 "we get things done... in more time"

[@dcsima]

2:00 he doesn’t even have a watch 😂

[@valkomate]

"So then everyone spends a bunch of time in meetings, to talk about how nothing happens, and how work should be done. But nobody actually does anything. And that's where I come in. To moderate that nonsense."

[@mohhackz4167]

"Yeah i left my job cause I was a HORRIBLE developer." That one had me 😂😂😂

[@Filaxsan]

Not even a bad one, "horrible"! XD

[@jackblack8229]

You hit the nail on the head. This is what product management often looks like in the software industry.

[@charbelsarkis3567]

This guy is a gold mine. Keep it up.

[@Itskiryl33397]

These are pure gold. Please don't stop making these!

[@AngelCosta]

People with nothing to say deserve meetings. ❤😂

[@JakeJLivingston]

“It identifies problems and waits for them to go away” 🤣🤣🤣

[@ApurvaSukant]

I hope your videos never stop. Very fresh. High content density!

[@dustinwilcock1368]

These are fantastic! 🤣 Please, please do an interview with a Product Manager, too. 😉

[@CaliburPANDAs]

lol that last part "its really waterfall with meetings every two weeks" 🤣 im ded

[@ngochunglongnguyen4523]

"Always change, never finish" - Dying to that 🤣

[@JohnDoe-jt4ju]

Musically an Unfinished Symphony (Schubert)

[@ishkool8664]

"Greg's birthday is on day 2 of sprint 7" 🤣🤣🤣

[@joejohn.]

I want to post this vid in our MS Teams, but I think our scrum master is in every channel and always watching.

[@KendraTolle]

I AM a scrum master and posted this in our Teams. 😂

[@frankoi7022]

"always change, never finish" - the best one.

[@bexxmodd]

"Folkds who don't have anything valuable to add deserve meetings" ahahahaha I'm dead

[@orlicrastimir]

This is the most precise depiction of agile development I've ever seen! 😂

[@randall.chamberlain]

Darn this is so painfully true. I'm always amazed at how creative we humans can get in order to justify the unjustifiable.

[@JetJockey87]

"We don't do requirements until after Production" Oof. Felt that one

[@ethanswistak2943]

I like your jokes are just accurate enough to know you actually dealt with all this stuff! Where did you work?

[@lordlucan529]

Just accurate enough? Every line hits a bullseye for me!

[@douira]

haha I make the same mistake all the time: In English a "beamer" is called a projector. A beamer in English is a type of car.

[@masheroz]

Ah. That makes sense now.

[@BGraves]

"Beamer" is slang for bmw, not an old car. That would be "beater"

[@MarkEichin]

I thought it was an english/american distinction? (Certainly european academics will say beamer in english, where americans will be confused that you don't say projector, even if they've run into the beamer LaTeX package :-)

[@masheroz]

@@MarkEichin is that why is called beamer? I'd call it a 2nd language English thing vs a 1st language English thing.

[@NicolaiCzempin]

​@@MarkEichin No, it's a 2nd language thing; in German we say "der Beamer", "das Handy", "das Public Viewing", also "actual" when we mean "current'. We also pronounce "Excel" EKsel instead of EkSELL.

[@JohnBelluci]

Each new video gets better than the last one, great work!

[@greyblake]

Funny, because it is real. I had a "scrum master" like this one at my previous workplace, which largely contributed to my decision to leave.

[@EduardoOliveira-ho3ll]

This video is so good I can't wait to say all the good things about it in the retrospective meeting.

[@seemeintheinternet1718]

So good! It's perfect! Thanks!

[@gizmoitus]

"and that's where I come in... to moderate that nonsense."

[@mwwhited]

“Scrum… is really waterfall with meetings every two weeks” … love it

[@kickflipz]

Bruh you are my favorite KZbinr by far, love your humor keep up the hilariousness!

[@sharbelokzan9673]

I liked that his screen was off this time. Deep.

[@aaronm6675]

Gaslight colleagues 🤣

[@BrettMorin]

As a developer this was solid gold. Especially 0:40. OMG that had me in tears.

[@leoschielt721]

"day 2 of sprint 7"....so nice! 🤣🤣

[@earthling_parth]

The "Gyra" in between was hilarious 😂😆

[@richardjordan2565]

This is golden! That last line, brilliant! 😀

[@abduvosidmalikov]

"Agile Coach... at NASA" 😅 NASA, Carl!

[@andikac7993]

"Never Finish"

[@makevoid]

probably your best one so far :D waiting for part 2 (I mean sprint 2 part 1) :+1:

[@pierrendokondoko9581]

Very Good ! I learn something. Thanks !

[@daddy7860]

4:08 "Long ago, the four departments lived together in harmony, but everything changed when the Scrum Coach came"

[@glthegamemaster4197]

"It's really waterfall with meetings every two weeks" lmaoooo best line to end it

[@AJR99]

It's amazing how well he captures the reality of being a scrum master, LMAO!

[@rmanrique81]

Great video. Please do the one for feature driven development.

[@topherlions714]

0:51 I started my first developer job this week, I didn’t write a single line but he said I would next week. this joke got me

[@Masterrunescapeer]

Started my third two months ago, I wrote my first line in week 3 due to being at the end of the PI. The larger the company, the more "agile" it becomes, but at least so far it's meant that I've always had 7 hour days since scrum master makes sure about velocity and seems to be working fine the last 2 sprints.

[@assortedpov9722]

Damn, I started my first coding job ('junior full stack software engineer') 2 weeks ago and was coding on the 2nd or 3rd day. We're a tiny company though - priorities are bound to be different in bigger companies.

[@supa.scoopa]

Love the mug detail

[@dianamursa929]

"screw up faster, find out faster, fix it faster" 🤣🤣

[@random240dc]

"Identifies problems and waits for them to go away" needs to be in my Linkedin

[@chucksneedmoreland]

every video progressively hits harder and harder

[@abayansal]

The accuracy on your videos :) The universality of the problems you mention, your touch on these BS taboos :) 10/10

[@heavenlyactsatheavycost7629]

Please do a video on LaTeX. The small mentions of it in the Junior Python Dev video really got me.

[@elorrambasdo5233]

I want this so bad

[@mhzprayer]

"We get things done in more time..er, um...more things done in time" LOL

[@alichamas63]

"Gaslight colleagues" 😂

[@ScottyT00hotty]

“His birthday is on day two of sprint seven” 😂😂

[@RyNiuu]

i love the simple ones. - stakeholders - brain damage just hits in the spot

[@cincilatory]

I LOVE THESE!

[@landonmackey1091]

“Courage, Focus, Commitment, Openness-whatever that means”