Is Being Vulnerable Unattractive To Women?

[@janpauledwarddedios5366]

I think the answer depends on whether she cares about you or not. From personal experience I open up to see if the girl is supportive and a good listener. If they are not. I'm moving on.

[@danwarner7816]

Agreed

[@cocoskirt]

Yep, I do this too. Incrementally. It’s a great filter.

[@janpauledwarddedios5366]

@@cocoskirt very much so.. the awkward part is when you are trying to move on and the girl doesnt get it.

[@luckydominic4862]

If you use that strategy you’ll never find a woman. Women will never love you. But the opportunity that you provide for her. They’re opportunistic lovers while men are ideal lovers. Also the moment you show a woman vulnerability. She’s loose respect for you and take advantage of your weaknesses. Also gossip. Don’t ever truly open up to a woman. Until you’re married but there’s a 80% chance she’ll divorce you. So, I would advise leaving them alone all together.

[@joaquin67]

This is smart. Open up about something that's personal, but not personal enough.

[@raularmas317]

We are not to show emotion because it is often incorrectly interpreted by naive girl/women as "weakness" when in reality it is simply humanness.

[@ondrej1893]

So what? Do you want such girl in your life? If not, it filters her out. Great!

[@DarthMalaks_Missing_Lower_Jaw]

@@ondrej1893 yup, don't need people like that--guy or girl--in your life.

[@wynonasbigbrowndragon6121]

Also, if you're vulnerable and communicate your feelings, she won't be able to join in when her girl friends are complaining about the poor communication skills that their men have. I think in the end women make their choices based on what they can talk about with their girl friends

[@semenjones3282]

It's subconscious, just don't do it in general

[@FSVR54]

@@ondrej1893 agreed. life is way simpler than people make it out to be

[@brandenvaldez3896]

I'm on the fence with this one. Some women will say they want you to be vulnerable and open up, but ask them what type of guys theyved dated and are attracted to? 🤔

[@Augustinianismus]

Bingo!

[@stryfe0]

There’s a clear difference to what women say they want vs to what they respond to

[@davidmorrissey5075]

Yes, but I'd counter argue here that women like a challenge, or like to fix someone. They like to be the one to get a guy to open up to them. Vulnerability has negative connotations attached, but what is referring to is being open and honest rather than a blubbering simp

[@georgerodriguez2987]

Double standards that’s all

[@kirapoodle]

This is why you need to trust her actions and not her words.

[@jacobtani9785]

I opened up to a woman I had genuine interest in and I thought she had the same in me. She was the type who liked to have deep convos and so I was uncomfortable at first but ended up doing so (This was my first time opening up to anyone). I thought things were going well between us until she all of a sudden did a 180 and started to avoid me and then eventually ghosted me. Ever since I’ve had trouble trusting people and will probably never open up again.

[@ItsAryax]

that's sad brother hope your situation's good now & you're surrounded by meaningful people

[@wowawewah]

Gotta leave the past where it belongs. Don't live into it. You dodged a bullet there then.

[@53Strat]

Its not cuz you opened up, it can be tons of other reasons. Don't dwell on that or you will have less succes with women.

[@markc8864]

That’s every woman you’re gonna talk to

[@markc8864]

He didn’t dodge a bullet he made a terrible decision

[@byteme83]

I've had this go both ways. My wife is pretty protective when it looks like something's taking me down a peg. My last girlfriend said I reminded her of a particularly repulsive insect when I looked vulnerable. I'd say it depends on the person.

[@CourtneyRyan]

😭🙌🏼 sounds like your wife is a gem. Definitely picked the right one!

[@lucianoben-malek693]

Sorry your last girlfriend treated you like that bro! Glad you eventually found the right one for you 🙂

[@georgeindestructible]

Hence why we can't EVER risk showing vulnerability.

[@duncanmcauley7932]

@@georgeindestructible actually it worked out for this guy, he weeded out the bad one and got the good girl

[@lloydkline1518]

Attractive is invinsible

[@tommygunn6901]

This reminds me of being vulnerable last year to one girl. She noticed I was holding back about my PTSD and such, mind you she had known me for a year at this point. So I finally revealed my darkest story and this was through email. When we met in person, she cared a lot to ask me to go into full detail. After, I gave her my survival bracelet that was made during my combat tour a decade ago, not a dry eye from her...She was the first girl I actually shed tears in front of in 7 years!

[@chilledllama8830]

Dang, what a story bro. Best to you both and your future brother! Take care!

[@zero1188]

Are you still with her?

[@tommygunn6901]

@@zero1188 funny thing was at the time, she was seeing someone, but not now lol. I'm working towards it, while staying true to my purpose

[@tommygunn6901]

@@chilledllama8830 thanks my guy! She loves how self aware, inquisitive, and how emotionally intelligent I am and that's just naming a few traits.

[@zero1188]

@@tommygunn6901 huh? but are you still with her or not

[@ondrej1893]

Problem is we moved from “be happy and fulfilled and maybe meet someone cool, but no big deal if you don’t right now” to “be mr. get all girls at all costs and build your confidence around being this guy”.

[@jpaul8589]

This all sounds wonderful, deep level and cozy but I’ve learned to NEVER trust a woman to not change her mind about me if I crack for any reason in front of her. Just my 30 year experience with women.

[@LatimusChadimus]

Well the definition she used didn't include weakness and dependence, that vulnerability reveals. Authenticity is the mode we need to pursue, not vulnerability

[@jpaul8589]

@@LatimusChadimus Once upon a time I almost lost my lower legs to a MRSA infection and learned that women only love conditionally. The woman I loved and trusted the most bailed on me during my fight. Once conditions changed, so too did her love and respect for me. I fully recovered, cut her off and the greatest lesson I learned is to vanish when vulnerable.

[@moufou4life]

@@jpaul8589 happy to hear your leg is still ok.

[@Marcel-qb9ge]

@@jpaul8589 glad that you got recovered completely, and even better that a toxic person reveal her true colors early, so you could more easily cut her out of your life

[@brianlittrell797]

I think the word courage is a better word than vulnerability. It is all about being courageous and having inner strength. That is what is required to be honest, authentic and true to yourself.

[@cisium1184]

Today I learned: women do not want to deal with my emotional vomit. Last year I learned: women do not want to deal with my _actual_ vomit. Personal growth FTW!

[@CourtneyRyan]

😂🙌🏼

[@DashSVK]

somehow I feel like the sentence "everything you say can and will be used against you" applies especially in relationships and probably that's why people prefer not showing this vulnerable side of them

[@LedZedd]

*Men

[@x97s]

@@LedZedd many women too

[@brianlittrell797]

If you are afraid that something will be used against you then heal that fear, that insecurity, within yourself. Also, not everything need be shared if you feel the person that hears it would not respond in a mature way.

[@deimaru]

But you have to admit, women leave relationships and marriages for more often than men (statistically) so a man being vulnerable and sharing his problems potentially gives ammunition for his SO to use against him if she decides to end the relationship.

[@siowmingfeng1925]

reveal enough about yourself 2:14 being vulnerable for attention 3:05 emotional vomit/ loss of control 4:52 takes relationships to a new level 6:27 allows women to be feminine/ nuturing 8:07 shows confidence and security 9:19

[@Rick_Cleland]

I'm only vulnerable when someone starts throwing beehives at me.🙄

[@Rick_Cleland]

@No sleep for u I live in Northern Ireland, there's some really random guys and girls in this place.

[@asdax8311]

Women: "Why aren't you more vulnerable?" Me: opens up a teeny bit Women: 👻🖕👋

[@ondrej1893]

Thing is, you can be vulnerable but also put your opinion first, that way she won't hurt you if she acts weird or uses it against you. Ironically, if you are vulnerable but also secure, you don't risk anything. Maybe a slight disappointment that she isn't the right one for you.

[@snowfrosty1]

@@ondrej1893 Newsflash bud: For most folks there is no "right one" in our respective countries. Best you wise up about this & quit believing such nonsense.

[@ondrej1893]

@@snowfrosty1 That’s just a limiting belief. There are tons of good women everywhere, you just have to not repulse them.🤷🏼‍♂️

[@ShadowbannedAccount]

Bruh, that third line makes me laugh hard.

[@DemetriT1]

Yep🤦🏾‍♂️👎🏿

[@thecommenter9267]

It really depends on the person, but all women will recognize the difference between being vulnerable and being overbearing. The first is okay (and can potentially INCREASE attraction) and the second is annoying and causes them to lose attraction. Here are two examples: Example 1 (vulnerable): You work at a high paying job and one day you mention that sometimes you feel like your soul is telling you to quit and pursue woodworking, which has been a lifelong passion and hobby. The woman gets insight into you as a person and you become more relatable and lovable. Example 2 (overbearing): After work every day at your high paying job, you complain to your woman about how stressful the day is and how you hate doing repetitive tasks, are annoyed by customers, and dislike your colleagues. The woman gets stressed out hearing about your problems and generally sees you as unpleasant to be around. It's important to know the difference between being vulnerable and being overbearing.

[@CourtneyRyan]

THIS! Awesome comment.

[@nickbarbosa21]

Awesome comment! Video left me a little on the grey area but the examples cleared it up for me! Thank you!!!!

[@chikitronrx0]

Notice how you always highlight the "high paying job" As if this is a trait exclusive and important in every iteration of the display of vulnerability. You are reducing the person into a trait as if it's the only condition that can portray the act of being vulnerable. In others terms, it's not worthy.

[@thecommenter9267]

@@chikitronrx0 Take out the word "high paying" and everything is still the same. I only added that to lend a little bit of color to the hypothetical situation.

[@josetheman239]

@@thecommenter9267 Here is the example for someone who works at a low paying job: You work at a low paying job. Women:

[@joekrozel6137]

I recall occasions on weekend mornings -- as a kid -- when my parents would be lying in bed gently talking about family issues... with my dad expressing his doubts and concerns (Read: being vulnerable) and my mother working things through with him. Their calm, tender conversation was actually very comforting to me, and probably laid the cornerstone for what I would eventually seek in a relationship; Fast forward to the dating years... I've had vulnerabilities unexpectedly bubble up in conversations with women, and basically always went on faith that however she responded (it) would provide insight into HER character. So... no regrets at all!

[@troyX]

I was diagnosed with ASD last year, and I was really hesitant to tell my girlfriend at the time. I didn't want her to think less of me, but told her anyway out of honesty. She looked me in the eye, said that it didn't matter at all to her, and that she loved me all the same. If you can't be vulnerable with someone you spent years of your life with, walk away. You deserve better.

[@vijayiyer4987]

Asd ?

[@Ross-ve9ww]

@@vijayiyer4987 Autism spectrum disorder

[@vijayiyer4987]

@@Ross-ve9ww thanks. My brother, and one of my friends, suffer from it as well.

[@marcusappelberg369]

So brave of you! I have ASD as well. My ex figured it out herself first phone call we had. We're still friends.

[@autismlifehacks5233]

I hope to find someone who I can truly be vulnerable around and feel safe not having to mask to look neurotypical. One reason is that it's too robotic.

[@MrHazber]

The only woman I've ever dated has used my vulnerabilities as emotional ammo against me. Therapy helps, but I (and probably a lot of other men) get incredibly terrified of this happening again. 😭

[@CreepyBlackDude]

@DrRobotnik As a brother to a female therapist, and a friend to a few more, I can confidently say that every single word you wrote is 100% false...especially the first two.

[@CreepyBlackDude]

@DrRobotnik I mean...I should also mention I have a degree in Psychology, so the bias is there, but it certainly isn't cognitive. I'm also neither a woman nor a therapist, nor do I see a female therapist on the regular, so there's that. But being around that world all the time, being on the receiving end of my sister's stories and hearing the sympathy in her voice, and knowing explicitly how helpful therapy is to people of all ages, all situations, all walks of life...I can confidently say that every single word you wrote in your first comment is 100% false. Especially the first two.

[@LatimusChadimus]

She was a narscist with bpd. At least you got out

[@jackflash8567]

@DrRobotnik I have a female therapist and she is anything but everything you said. Don't get me wrong she's still a woman and will occasionally say things that are horseshit regarding women but she is not emasculating or feminist in her attitude.

[@t5396]

@@CreepyBlackDude I don't think men should have women for therapists. They are likely going to do more harm than good for them.

[@TNesley]

Being vulnerable is about being able to be open and honest with your partner, to trust them to support you. Bringing your relationship to a deeper level of commitment to each other. I agree with everything I this video.

[@CourtneyRyan]

🙌🏼❤️

[@Ironman4u]

Be yourself!... But...Never take "Kindness"... for... "Weakness!"...Speak to " Express"... Not...to " Impress!" People are categorizing others and labeling them & putting then in a box!...Stop " overanaylizing" Keep it simple and don't overcomplicate things...Be comfortable in your own skin & know what qualities you're looking for in a life long partner! ...We are all... PERFECTLY..." IMPERFECT!!!"

[@sinistergrinch]

@@Ironman4u agree 100% w you, brother

[@Tim_G_Bennett]

@@Ironman4u With everything I read and hear I don't think I will ever be ready for a relationship, the minimum requirements are too high.

[@jaimetheone9150]

But how you do it without being perceived as weak or wanting a pity party? she said self-awareness, but that an umbrella term, we need more precision.

[@nickt166]

I like your content but this is one of the issues I believe is extremely dependent on the girl and even socioeconomic background. For example people who come from poor neighborhoods, it’s seen as extremely weak by both men and women to be vulnerable emotionally. That’s why you see the over the top masculine personas from these neighborhoods. This issue is extremely complex and I think it’s best to not share your vulnerability with women for the most part

[@duncanmcauley7932]

Nah, man, you’re risking getting stuck in an unfulfilled relationship that way

[@mahek3017]

I agree with you here, people who grow up in a very harsh environments often see vulnerability as a weakness.

[@ritaevergreen7234]

I agree socioeconomic status can impact the attitudes about certain things. For me I can agree it can be complex. I grew up lower middle class in a Latin household. Our culture can send mixed messages about emotions that can be emotionally destructive. I have a father who doesn’t like to emote which I felt was strange because growing up I witnessed my brother who has a learning disability have meltdowns because he also has challenges that impact his mental health. I grew up going to school with classmates who had very tough child hoods that it would cause me stress in school to be around them. The males had lots of anger problems and had issues communicating and would use vulgar language that would always end up cussing them to become verbally abusive. These people subconsciously seek me out because I come off quiet and a sense of safety for them. It is emotionally exhausteding to be around them because they need therpay. I appreciate males who communicate their emotions but I’m sorry if females have made you feel being vulnerable is wrong because I just find it odd since it’s a human emotion. Men are socialized a certain way which can be unhelpful for them and their mental health.

[@snowfrosty1]

Much more has to be factored in tbh. Epigenetic expressions, culture, heritage, family models, character+personality types, "archetypes", class/'caste', environments, normative religious+other spiritual affiliations, etc.....

[@snowfrosty1]

@@ritaevergreen7234 I partially agree, just don't start spreading "liberal" democratic feminist & other leftoid nonsense & BS around to supposedly "combat" all that you mentioned.

[@trudgemankPhD]

I appreciate the delineation between different terms that get conflated with vulnerability--semantic difference is way more important than people think. Words shape society, and we must choose them carefully and hold their true meanings to sustain a healthy society. When we use one word for too many different things, miscommunication is inevitable.

[@Snarge22]

"Doing it the wrong way...." That kind of sounds like tone policing to me. Vulnerability has to be a certain way. "You have to do it right." So a guy's vulnerability has to be polished a certain way, to have very high social skills so to speak. Women to often use such information against their men for their dramatic pleasure. This is why being stoic is the better solution for men.

[@grandvianna8551]

Yes, doing it the wrong way. It's like you're not listening and just waiting for your turn to read your script. A perfect example of the wrong way is dominating the conversation on a first date for half an hour. You can't tell me you don't understand what she means by "the right/wrong way". Come on dude, it ain't that hard

[@Snarge22]

@@grandvianna8551 It isn't hard for me as I'm older and wiser, but a 23 year old guy? A different story. I'll stand by my stoic answer.

[@x97s]

Do what works for you.. as long as its not affecting your mental health

[@julianfelix9747]

@@grandvianna8551 I was about to say the same thing. So now it’s called doing it in the wrong way like wow.😂🤦🏻 I’ve never imagine that not going to lie I rather cry with man or by myself because most might feel this type of way and it’s okay. But for the girl they find it weird. To be honest as much as this sound bad I rather be by myself and have a pet by my side?

[@danjohn2976]

As a man, never be vulnerable around women or a woman you're courting / in a relationship with. Only with your male friends and family. She'll lose attraction subconsciously NOT intentionally

[@devilsadvocacy]

@@smpiano6605 Taking your thesis to its logical conclusion, the human species will be extinct within a couple of generations. The species would never have made it this far if our ancestors didn’t instinctively know how to stay in their masculine frame. If a guy wants to be vulnerable, he needs to do that outside the presence of his woman. She will invariably lose attraction, and respect for him otherwise

[@maciejkleszczynski9808]

@@smpiano6605 Imagine expecting someone to listen and care about your problems without paying them to do so for an hour - what an unreasonable expectation to have. Imo the main diffrences between that part of the role of a partner and the role of a therapist are 1. With therapist you schedule time for a one-sided conversation./ With a partner you talk about your problems when both have time and want to do it. The relationship here should not be one-sided and both partners should care and help with the other ones problems. 2. For a therapist there is an expectation to have a high level of competence in the area and therefore be effective at finding and helping you deal with the roots of the problem./ For a partner there is an expectation to actually care, be understanding and try to help you. Since they may not be good at dealing with this kind of problems, they could encourage the other partner to see a therapist, but wouldnt use it as a reason to justify withholding their care. 3.Therapist as a professional should tell you if they dont think they are properly equipped to help you & recommend to see someone who is. / A partner can feel overwhelmed (especially when the issue is severe) and is expected to communicate that in some way. They need to priorize their health over attemting to help another person and it is important that they are not made to feel guily about it. (This is the rule that people with BPD are famous for breaking in their relationships - guilt tripping or threatening to harm themselfs as a desperate cry for help.) Very similar set of rules should apply to close friendships with high levels of emotional intimacy.

[@grandvianna8551]

This is just objectively wrong. It sounds like you're just regurgitating these "rebuilding the modern male" youtubers scripts

[@v1ped]

there's also the opposite

[@JediTiga]

Women's brains haven't evolved past the cave man days

[@M4d5ki11zY0]

Unfortunately I’ve come to believe that true vulnerability has to come later in the relationship. You could chalk it up to different cultures or ‘the state of modern women/hypergamy’ but women really value narrative and mystery at the outset. Most mens baggage, albeit authentic and human, usually does nothing but kill narrative and mystery. It’s the messiness of life that a lot of women don’t want to think about when first getting to know someone. For many, I think you have to build some level of loyalty first. Not saying all women are like this, but she’s a saint if she’s ready to bear your burdens after just a few dates.

[@mikebarnacle1469]

Nah. That's just hiding who you are and you'll get dumped when she find out the truth. But sure, fake it for as long as you want and still get laid if that's your goal. Women don't value mystery. Mystery is just better than the true loser within being out in the open. At least with mystery she can turn herself on with her own imagination for a while.

[@33180]

great topic! I think authenticity/ability to laugh at yourself/intellectual honesty is a quality that's very attractive to people who share those values. Ultimately, you've gotta be the thing you're looking to attract - I wouldn't want to date someone who was fundamentally turned off by these qualities.

[@CourtneyRyan]

💯 spot on!

[@chrisb3892]

I'm still young (30-ish, male) and I'm still trying to figure all of this "being a man" stuff out. But even though I'm young, I've been around a lot of week men and a lot of fake tough guys who hold everything in until they explode one day. From what I've come to believe, it isn't about never showing vulnerability, but rather knowing when to be vulnerable and when to be strong. Nobody (men and women alike) wants to be around a guy that crumbles and gets emotional at the drop of a hat. But the "toxic" trait comes from men not understanding WHY men should know how to handle their emotions. I know we live in a "progressive" time where traditional gender roles are in question and up for debate, but humans evolved with men being the protectors, and that is still ingrained within us as a species. If, God forbid, something tragic should happen, you, as a man, should be able to hold yourself together and comfort those who are grieving amidst the chaos; you should be able to talk calmly to the police/firefighter/EMT/doctor/whatever, and be a calming presence when everyone else is on the brink of falling apart. I see a lot of people on here talking about how you should "never let a woman you're in relationship with see you cry," and that's absolute BS. Never let them see you cry amidst chaos, and never let them see you lose control of your emotions. This means that when you get the phone call that a loved one has died, you can keep it together and hold your grieving partner, comfort and calm the kids, call and comfort family members and the like, help arrange the funeral, get the family back to normalcy, and then, once you've kept everyone together, when it's just you and your partner, now you can be vulnerable. Being a man doesn't mean being a bulletproof robot, it means knowing the right time to raise your shield and when to lower it. I know a lot of people will consider this "toxic" and maybe it is. Like I said I'm still figuring all this out myself. But in my experience, no man is bulletproof, and the ones who pretend to be are often the ones you don't want to be around.

[@richardw3347]

If it's done from a place of strength it can be fine. It`s when you are constantly needy with it then it's negative. Find a therapist or someone else to talk to. The girlfriend shouldn`t be the therapist.

[@AZ_TONY]

A mans role is to provide strength, comfort and stability, the moment you show weakness or crumble people will doubt whether you can fit that role, welcome to being a man buddy, we do what needs to get done regardless if we like it or not and regardless of how we might "feel" about it.

[@elliottsmith7530]

32 year old here completely identifying with ur comment bruv. all major fax. 🙏🏾

[@snowfrosty1]

All that you mentioned is indeed "toxic". Yet it's actually GOOD, virtuous, wise, & necessary for most in most settings+contexts in our respective countries(for starters).

[@snowfrosty1]

As for your last comment, trust me bud.......at least a solid plurality of men who consider themselves "bullet proof" don't actually believe it, they're cocky because THEY"VE PROVEN THEMSELVES & CAN BE. Don't get it twisted.

[@Saventry]

Any vulnerability, weakness, or fear and they will be thoroughly entirely immensely ashamed of you. That's how they're wired.

[@ThomasP525]

Did you watch the video

[@grandvianna8551]

Prove it

[@desaryll2044]

An important thing mentioned here is the reaction from your partner. I've had the same girl tell me "life is hard" when I told her about the death of a close friend and later tell me more humane things when a casual acquaintance passed away. Even from the same person, the level of understanding/nurturing can vary wildly. Women are human. And it's not just the way you present yourself but how receptive they are to you being vulnerable.

[@LedZedd]

So: literally how they feel like acting at any given moment. Great explanation.

[@AtomicDoorknob]

women will be like "NO SMALL TALK BLOCKED" but then if you mention any sort of emotional backstory they act like you've offended her

[@wynonasbigbrowndragon6121]

If she's entirely too traditional it's a problem. Keep in mind there's a difference between being vulnerable and constantly being in a state of anxiety

[@AY-vi2ld]

From experience and observation, being vulnerable to a woman backfires 10 times out of 10. It can take seconds, years or even a decade, it will be used against you and she will think less of you.

[@grandvianna8551]

Anecdotal evidence does not equal facts

[@x97s]

You not been w enough women then even though I agree w you

[@grandvianna8551]

@S97 I've been with my fair share. Women that are worth a fuck don't use things like this against you. This view on vulnerability is incredibly skewed. The issue isn't being vulnerable, it's who you're being vulnerable with

[@philmehrart]

@@grandvianna8551 100%

[@LatimusChadimus]

Yes it is! Be authentic, not vulnerable. She doesn't wanna become your mother, fellas!

[@CourtneyRyan]

‼️ true vulnerability is being authentic so you’re absolutely right!

[@LatimusChadimus]

@@CourtneyRyan sort of, as the definition of vulnerable includes weakness and dependence aspects. Being authentic in feelings, with control of the potential outcome being the biggest difference

[@brianlittrell797]

@@LatimusChadimus I think the word courage is a better word than vulnerability. It is all about being courageous and having inner strength in order to be who you really are.

[@LatimusChadimus]

@@brianlittrell797 as well as having the courage to take care of whatever caused the emotion

[@brianlittrell797]

@@LatimusChadimus Yes, if it is a negative emotion such as fear, anger, anxiety, loneliness or any negative feeling, then it does take courage to accept the emotion and just be with it without resisting it, fighting it or judging it as good or bad. That's why meditation is so good because you allow everything to be as it is without getting caught up in it or carried away by it. That way you can heal whatever caused the fear or whatever the negative emotion is.

[@JustChamp]

If there is a “wrong way” to show emotion to a women. Men mind as well not do it all bc it could be the “wrong way”. All of it is situational, some women handle it or react differently to it. The majority say the wanna hear it but lose attraction unconsciously

[@Lonstermash]

Yep, even though they're often hypocritical and love to dump their vulnerability on you in terms of past baggage, etc.. And don't get me wrong, because I'm happy to listen to her talk about this as I like her being vulnerable. But I expect the same treatment in return

[@BuryMeInBabylon]

This comment deserves more attention

[@JustChamp]

@@BuryMeInBabylon that’s what I’m sayingggg

[@JustChamp]

@@BuryMeInBabylon stay tuned I’m making a channel this month

[@Nah-ah]

I agree. You gotta be careful here! What a woman wants to know is if you’re going to be difficult or a burden when she says to share or be vulnerable. She wants to know for her safety and well-being, not yours! It is very selfish but that’s how women are hardwired. If a woman truly wants to support a man, it will feel very awkward… the trade off here is she will have to draw on her masculine side to be your rock. A lot of women in LTR do this, myself included! It’s a trade off im willing to go the distance for! The attraction may shift a little but there has to be a ‘give and take’ system that will hold her attraction. If I give you support, you have to show me you’re also helping yourself. There’s no use having an issue for months and yrs without doing something about it. It may vary from woman to woman, but I personally found this to work for me and my husband. Edit: I meant ‘give and take’ system as in I GIVE you support and you TAKE it and help yourself, instead of me being the one to think for you.

[@MailmanNick]

Never show weakness. I've learned the hard way. Be her rock.

[@Kickback-dm7zt]

This "dating coach" is full of shit

[@Photo-ms1mo]

To be a useful rock for her you need to be vulnerable in the first place! Otherwise you're just a big lifeless pebble she can rest her legs on, but not her mind😂

[@MailmanNick]

@@Photo-ms1mo show emotion but don't show weakness in front of her. She'll get turned off quick.

[@Photo-ms1mo]

@@MailmanNick You are right, But being vulnerable doesn't automatically equal being weak Being vulnerable also means: That you are comfortable with displaying your true emotions or reacting to them.

[@cm-kl2wx]

If you're self assured and comfortable in your own skin, then you won't mind being vulnerable...that's the place to get to...

[@brianwilliams9462]

Nothing shows strength and courage quite like completely suppressing the normal human range of emotions including sadness, happiness, and any hint of vulnerability in order to fearfully conform to some mythic, idealized masculinity out of the terrified fear that no women will fuck you otherwise. Very alpha.

[@grandvianna8551]

THIS. 🤣🤣🤣 this comment right here is everything. Well said sir 👏👏👏

[@alextorres8635]

One criticism I have to offer here in the form of a question. Why is it that vulnerability has a right way and a wrong way for women? Why do women have the privilege to BE vulnerable whenever they FEEL like it but men have to be restricted to allowing it only when women can be bothered to accept it? Truthfully, you might be right that men are doing it "the wrong way". However, why is the wrong way only when women say so? I have often seen women become vulnerable way way too late in a relationship after being cold and inattentive for long stretches. I've seen women break down only after they've been caught doing something wrong or inappropriate. If vulnerability needs to be a genuine attempt when the outcome is uncertain, then men should be allowed when they feel comfortable doing so and not be punished for it. On the same hand, women should quit attempting to be vulnerable only to assure a specific outcome. I understand masculine and feminine energy, but sometimes society's garbage expectations get in the way of two human beings connecting with each other and working towards trusting each other. It needs to change.

[@jleano609]

Because men and women are different. we are attracted in different ways to different things in the opposite sex - and it's not going to change.

[@alextorres8635]

@@jleano609 that's bullshit. It needs to change. Being different doesn't change our basic fundamental needs as human beings. Being able to express vulnerability is crucial to forming bonds with people.

[@Tim_G_Bennett]

Thanks for your comment. Reading here makes me not want to even try dating. I'm not very emotionally strong, too much trauma and isolation.

[@marcmays48]

@@alextorres8635 Good luck with trying to change solipsistic female behavior, getting women to be consistently rational, or creating true equality between the sexes. Read Rollo Tomassi's works. Then check out Warren Farrell's "The Myth of Male Power." Instead of railing about how things *SHOULD* work for intergender dynamics, learn how they actually work, and adjust accordingly.

[@alextorres8635]

@@marcmays48 if I didn't know how they worked I wouldn't be suggesting they change in first place. I am plenty aware of the dynamics, I simply don't care for it.

[@lengting]

They don’t tell you not to show emotion, they tell you to not project your vulnerabilities as women will use it against them eventually

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

Married a long time. I would strongly encourage any man to keep his vulnerabilities to himself or male buddies/family. Not one time has sharing a vulnerability brought me anything positive with a single woman I’ve dated and certainly not with my wife. What women say and what they actually do are two very different things. Gents keep in mind most women care more about looking good in front of other women than actually BEING good to men that love them.

[@TheElectricCheeseProductions22]

Then why are you even married at all

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

@@TheElectricCheeseProductions22 for the same reasons men the world over do: I like my wife and I enjoy having sex with her. My wife is normal. It’s society that lies to men and tells them that women are empathetic. That may be true towards other women and children, but they have 0 empathy for men unless they’re paid to do so via therapy.

[@TheElectricCheeseProductions22]

@@Evil-Rod-Farva if you're only concern if having sex then why be married since that restricts you to one person? Unless you cheat. Do you cheat?

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

@@TheElectricCheeseProductions22 notice the “I like her” part. It isn’t just the sex, but if you aren’t having regular sex, you have no marriage. No logical and healthy man would marry if sex was off the table to start. But to answer your question, yes if she stopped having sex with me for any reason other than medical, I will get my needs met elsewhere. I didn’t sign up to be a monk.

[@TheElectricCheeseProductions22]

@@Evil-Rod-Farva So what exactly is the value in your relationship, what exactly do you like about this person whom you say you can't share certain aspects of yourself with, particularly vulnerabilities? How can you confidently say that women are incapable of empathizing with men? Is it appropriate to interpret that as saying that they can't care about men beyond their utility? How can you really substantiate that The perspective you're communicating, from what you've said seems to be rather miserable. How can you be certain that you do not just have an inaccurate view of things based off of your anecdotal experiences plus things you have heard which would seem to corroborate them, forming a bias, which may lead to an inaccurate perception of reality. How can you dispell the opposing ideas?

[@megaexidor]

If you are self aware, you will know to who & if to be vulnerable when necessary. Face and deal with yourself (it takes time and its incredibly painful but so worth it) Not only will you be able to navigate through the unimportant, without destroying yourself. You'll be able to handle what is truly important. A warning tho, if you really have dealt with yourself. You'll see quickly that aprox 90% of people are immediately wiped off the plate. Believe me don't believe me.

[@osuk1]

I will never be vulnerable to anyone but God. I have had PTSD issues for 10 years n a divorce on top of it. I have been greatly redpilled by family, friends, church n work mates. I understand people better n my place as an aging man now. I'm going my own way!

[@grandvianna8551]

...dude you're literally being vulnerable with the internet right now lol. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that by the way and I commend you for it.

[@ahmedopone4080]

I love that guys in the comments are real about NOT being vulnerable. Guys it’s better to keep your insecurities, shortcomings and vulnerabilities to yourself. IF you bring it up you better follow it up with “I got it handled”. Men discuss problems for solutions and women are not problem solvers. Also, it depends on the problem. You can tell her about your need for a holiday coz you’re stressed a lot lately but NEVER tell her you’re going broke or don’t have money for a holiday. Best of luck lads.

[@johngonzalez4298]

Happy Friday Courtney! It depends on the person as some people can be emotionally immature and it doesn't matter what age they are because it can be at any age and sharing your feelings with your partner who likes you for you won't be an issue as long as it's sincere and from the heart ❤

[@taylorhardaway8031]

Sometimes you just have to be vulnerable, and you need a partner that understands that. It has nothing to do with attracting someone or being attractive. It’s definitely not a tool.

[@cfnaround1585]

The more I see the complexities of this stuff and the more how I see I do things wrong not matter how much I learn or how much I try... Ill never be able to find someone and ill never be someone chosen. What the hell is the point

[@Crystalmethdealer]

Be yourself, be shamelessly selfish

[@MrAnarchris]

Being vulnerable will lead to being single. PERIOD. Courtney, I love your content , but you cannot understand

[@LedZedd]

Yeah this entire channel is based in bullshit advice that is sometimes genuinely misinformation. Like this time.

[@Kickback-dm7zt]

@@LedZedd exactly She's a woman and telling simps what they want to hear..and I want to know what credintals does she have to prove she's a qualified dating coach... Or is she just a woman spewing bullshit "dating advice".

[@MrAnarchris]

I'm not "anti Courtney" some of her fashion advice is really good for instance. Psychologically, she could pass a lie detection test, most nice, high quality females genuinely believe that they would date a vulnerable male. .... But it's rubbish. .. if you're in your early 20s, you might get a sympathy romp for one evening but that's it. You're NEVER going to have a LTR or even a dinner date by being vulnerable after 25 years old

[@Nah-ah]

@@MrAnarchris If I may.. while I can’t speak for every woman. I’ll speak for myself here. So I’ve been with my man for 17 yrs and I consider myself very introspective and observant and I can usually handle my husband telling me he’s not happy with things, we talk all the time.. good bad and ugly! My husband has been through a lot; he’s had alcohol/gambling addiction, he’s been arrested a few times due to anger management, so I’ve basically seen him at his best and his worst, he’s strongest and his weakest! Challenging at times, but it made us stronger as a couple. I may have taken on masculine traits myself to be strong for him and our family. However, the only time I felt a change or a drop in attraction for him was when he hurt himself at work and was bed ridden for 2 wks. It was the constant pain he was in and he kept complaining. I totally understand yes, he was in pain! WE ALL complain when we’re in pain… but I noticed a drop in attraction to him. Think of it like a gf or wife who nags so much it becomes a turn off. Like that! Of course I didn’t sit there tell him he’s wrong for complaining, rather it was a strange feeling all of sudden to feel like I didn’t have an attraction. I had to just accept that he was in pain and hopefully it’s a temporary thing/phase…. And I was right! As soon as he got better and started being active again, and came for our usual hikes together and back to the gym with me, the attraction came back! I learned something about myself! I had no idea I could be turned off by an injured man. Logically it makes no sense to be “turned off” or horrible to someone in pain bc we all go through pain 1 way or another but biologically I was put off. I don’t think all women are trying to be turned off by mens’ vulnerability, but it just happens. My husband and I would talk and he would tell his annoyance and insecurities and I share my opinions with him if I can and if I don’t have anything to contribute I tell him maybe his dad/workmates/buddies might have a better perspective than me. This is how we’ve always been with each other for 17 yrs! We both have a community of family and friends, and I believe that helps a lot. Even I feel a certain way about emotionally dumping on him, I would rather chat with my girlfriends instead. Sorry for the lengthy essay!

[@MrAnarchris]

@@Nah-ah thank you for your honesty and candor, very interesting! I was in a good relationship 20 yrs ago and got into a motorcycle wreck and had ACL replacement surgery- I was laid up for around 3 or 4 months if I recall correctly. The relationship ended, she even said "I don't date cripples" . Of course, many of the best Quarterbacks in NFL history have had the same surgery, it is a common sports injury and I certainly was not crippled. This channel here has awesome content, Courtney is a very intelligent woman and she has great insight regarding the myriad complex issues surrounding courtship in the modern west. THANK YOU @N Gabriel for taking the time to reply to me

[@NickJayj]

Honestly, i still think just don't do it. U never know how she is going to react, it's a gamble.

[@dorkga1092]

Thanks for bringing some clarity to this topic this since it applies to both men and women. The lines get so blurred between oversharing and being vulnerable, especially with social media, reality shows, and everyone screaming about "authenticity", but not really showing healthy versions of what that means. Also, your color choices for your outfits are always on point--I mean, seriously.

[@GeneralZeroOfficial]

If your vulnerability can make you appear as less masculine or bitter then it will repel women... I've heard an analogy. It states that men treat the sanctity of their emotions like women treat the sanctity of their bodies... There are many reasons why men feel that being vulnerable with women is detrimental. You cannot get away with losing, even a little bit of, control while being vulnerable until you've built up the proper rapport.

[@elysianfields1671]

It depends on the person. In general (not a rule) modern feminists and people who buy that speech want vulnerable, feminine and fragile men. They say it is a “well resolved man”. When they finally get it, some of them despise this man. More traditional women or modern women who didn’t buy that speech from feminists don’t appreciate that, because they want a solid rock. Mind you, not an insensitive heartless man, but a stable man, when crunch time comes.

[@thetalltech1746]

I mainly watch Courtney Ryan videos just to see how women perceive men. Even then some of these videos are best case scenarios that in today's time don't really exist. My opinion based upon observations from the last 10 years any relationship that starts today will end within 7 years.

[@mr_unabashed]

It doesn't matter if she cares about you or not. That one little moment of weakness you've shown her, she'll instantly lose respect and attraction for you. Was going through a really bad depressive episode with one young lady who said she was ready to be my wife only for her to turn around tell me I wasn't the man she fell in love with and the seriously needed to go get help. About a year or so later started dating another gal, lost my job due to covid and as working part time just to cover my expenses and it affected my mental health because I couldnt provide for the woman I wanted to marry and then the same day I lost my part time gig, she dumped me and kicked me out of the house we shared. It's better to not be vulnerable at all

[@Razear]

There's a big distinction between playing the victim role and genuinely being unafraid to express your emotions. If you're being vulnerable with the intention of garnering pity, that's unattractive. No one likes it when someone blatantly tries to fish for social brownie points. But by the same token, it's also unattractive if you're afraid of having your ego bruised by being unable to admit your faults. Striking a healthy balance between the two is optimal.

[@johnangiolillo4051]

I totally agree Courtney. Something I want to add: if you act totally cool/give off “bad boy” vibes the first month of dating then pull a 180 and start doing the don’ts you mentioned, it’s not them it’s you. Think about you. You basically faked who you are and essentially lied.

[@TheRayzerBandit]

But isn’t that essentially asked for when they say to present yourself as “confident” when first talking to women? Because it’s only a perspective difference on “being confident” and giving off “cool/ bad boy” vibes. It’s always stated that women like confident men, but if the guy has no confidence to begin with then they essentially have to “fake it” to first attract the woman. Then after they have gotten to know each other and the man wants be vulnerable to relieve the burden of having to be the “bad boy/confident guy” all the time, they now are looked at as being fake and lying. Am I seeing this wrong or is this a huge contradiction?

[@johnangiolillo4051]

@@TheRayzerBandit what Courtney and Inare referring to are guys that act like they have their shit together and then pull a 180 and act like they need a mother as opposed to a partner. Being fake erodes trust and you can’t have a relationship if you don’t trust the other person.

[@PowderChaser]

Excellent commentary. Many guys get really bad advice regarding how to get in touch with their feelings and emotions in order to be a genuine human being that also has a good balance of their self worth, confidence and overall mental health. It's sad to me how little good role models young men have and many have to unlearn so much bad shit along the way. I enjoy your well discussed videos.

[@3ATTR1X]

Nice one Courtney Number1 3:04 I think is the "slipping out of real time" and into observe me, especially when you have that internal need to impress others. Being yourself "non-judgemental" only needs to continue on reacting, responding, and interacting. That self conscious dilemma of "being onstage" for all to see is another removal from realtime. This means to get to know me, you will need to spend time with me doing life as it happens, not just on a one off date or a moment in time. Another thing is we work on ourselves so we are better at "just being ourselves" like working on being mindful. thoughtful, caring, empathy, thankful, joyful celebrate and respectful. When we are actively pushing through to have these things active and responsive and working on our moral compass, we are much more less concerned about vulnerability, just being ourselves, even if a little drunk.

[@kmstirpitz4285]

You have to approach it the right way. The people say you can't do it to a girl either had the wrong person to begin with, which if so I'm glad you're out of it and the right person will be supportive no matter what, or made the fatal mistake of simply dumping emotions in an overwhelming manner that is a big turn off. The latter of which is when people scare girls/guys off because not only do they just dump their thoughts and emotions on someone, sometimes one does it in such a negative manner that it scares people off. I knew a friend in my group once, he always sent texts to everyone and opened up on how sad he is, how badly he wanted to die, how ugly and insecure he is, and it got old really fast. We tried to get him help but he didn't want it. There was nothing we could do for him and yet they still wanted our attention and support despite how draining he was. Now in a much better example, a former girl and I had a very sweet heart to heart once. We were simply talking one night and we talked about our past harsh experiences, our issues and deepest fears, and we bonded much closer from then on. It was so sweet and therapeutic. It felt natural and effortless. She wanted to see me become better and so did I. If you showcase vulnerability in a stable manner, you'll be fine, and if they're of the right temperament, they'll be fine too.

[@Flupperz]

One of the things that the last girl that I saw mentioned was we got onto the topic of exercise and how it's a large passion for me and then it slowly led to me mentioning the body dysmorphia side of things. There's a lot more to the story but I remember her commenting on how nice it made her feel to see that side of me since I can tend to be a colder emotional person. She said it was also something she could relate with so that might be another reason it stuck.

[@hope4657]

Courtney i do agreed with what you said. Someone who cant accept your vulnurability (that delivered in a right way) is not the right person for you. I found Matthew Hussey have a same view as yours on being vulnurable as a way to have real connection.

[@Dis_Dis]

I killed my weak self. I will not, I physically cannot cry again.

[@DIDDLOTIC]

There is a big difference in letting somebody "behind the fortress walls" into what you're thinking or annoyed about etc. compared to showing that something can cause you to break apart and weaken you. It is ok, even a sign of trust, to allow somebody a glimpse inside, versus letting emotions get the better of you and lose control. I think people often hear "vulnerability" and confuse permitting somebody to join in within your frame with allowing yourself to let your emotions run free. There is a VERY big difference.

[@vova32123]

Your work is amazing Courtney! It’s like my morning (and evening) news!

[@CourtneyRyan]

Thank you! 🥰🥰

[@FlaviøǐValiente]

Brené Brown is amazing! Love her Ted talks on vulnerability.

[@josephstevens9888]

"Emotional Vomit"... LOL! I never heard that kind of behavior described in those words. Good video Courtney!

[@Jotaro5181]

Displaying vulnerability is tough.😣

[@markg.3171]

Your way of seeing the world and your drive to attain insights will inspire your partner to develop activities and to set her goals a little higher. Probably you do a lot together and like to travel together. The partnership is very lively, still you both need to watch out that you don't overdo it and allow yourselves a rest once in a while. Your partner will be able to bring you back down to Earth and to make sure that you confront reality and work on something concrete, while you can teach her about the spiritual background and give her enthusiasm a purpose. If you are able to exchange ideas and learn from each other, this relationship may be very productive. This aspect will create a synthesis of her intellect and his imagination. She should enjoy getting a tour of his world and learning what it means to trust her intuition. On the other hand she can bring him back down to Earth whenever he gets caught up in his dreams and has a hard time coming to terms with the daily problems. Both will complement each other well; he can inspire her to emotional and inspirational ideas, while she will help him to structure his imagination and to develop a sense of reality. In the negative sense of this aspect one of you may feel overwhelmed by the other, although with a tendency to expand, your partner may see this as an enrichment to his life. There may be fundamental differences when it comes to the question of how a life together in today's society should be. If you can avoid an escalation of this conflict and secure individual freedom and independence, this relationship can last as long as there is creative input. Participating in activities and setting goals together will help you to find each other. The male partner will sometimes ask himself how his partner was able to trap him but will nonetheless find the experience fascinating. He wouldn't stay with her if she weren't imaginative enough to transform everything concerning this relationship into a creative experience. It will hardly get to the point where she is distorting his perception. Even if she is generally prone to get carried away with her imagination, the harmonious nature of this aspect will lead her to accept her partner's support and plant both feet firmly on the ground. She will be able to give the relationship an impulse which will make it possible for you to treat each other lovingly. You will be happy together and your daily lives will be enriched by creative and spiritual experiences. Here the relationship will be to a great extent dependent on the balance each of you maintains outside the partnership. You should be prepared to have your emotional world put to the test, because your partner is going to see exactly what has to be changed in your life. If you choose to let her, because you see that both of you will benefit, you should end up pooling your dynamic energies to build a foundation for the relationship, on which you can live more or less "worry free". You should be very grateful for the emotional security your partner provides, while she appreciates having enough trust to let herself fall. You could have a lot of trouble reaching a consensus because in conflicts neither of you is very willing to give in. Your thinking and your logic will take you in different directions, so much so that it can disturb communication. Maybe in time you will learn to accept your partner's ideas and opinions; that would give this relationship a chance and could even make it exciting. You are both going to have to realize that there is more than just one truth. The individuality of the woman will have a stimulating effect on the man's thinking. He will probably come up with a lot of new ideas in this relationship, because her temperament and idealism will make him happy to be alive. Through him she will learn to make better use of her energies and to set a goal for herself. She will admire his intellectual abilities, while he will be taken in by her spontaneity. The intellectual exchange will be productive and certainly never boring, so that this relationship could last a long time. Probably your discussions aren't superficial, but you support each other in getting to the bottom of things. Maybe she can change the way he thinks and can help him to reach deep insights. Through him she will learn how to take care of little things in every day life and to give her activities direction. He feels attracted to her, because her strength and will power are so compelling that he can get caught up in it. Even if she dominates the relationship, she will still be able to give her partner a lot. You should set a creative goal for yourselves because this aspect will give you the opportunity to cooperate on all levels. The man won't have any trouble getting through to his partner while she understands her thoughts, because his need for harmony fits in nicely with her way of thinking. He has come to understand that she is considerate of his needs; and he has enough trust to open himself to her. Probably he will inspire her to get in contact with the world of beauty, at least in a spiritual sense. This relationship should be very loving and should be reinforced by your common interests. This relationship can quickly turn into a dependency leading to frustration. What he considers love and togetherness, is a suppression of natural instincts for her. She wants to have her own way no matter what, and may even look for other men if she has the feeling that she might be missing out on something. Probably the man has the weaker role in this relationship because he is more vulnerable than she is. She isn't just looking for harmony with him, but wants to experience all sorts of things. This relationship could be a tremendous challenge for both of you, but there is still a chance for personal growth if you can handle the crisis. This Sextile will combine the man's drive with the woman's imagination. She will make his world more colorful, while he pays attention to details he may have overlooked earlier. He, in turn, will show her how to make her dreams and visions come true and what she has to do to get her way. Through her, he will become more sensitive while she gains strength. Whenever she is down, he can bring her back to life and restore her courage, which will help him out as much as her, because it confronts him with new ideas. You are very happy to have a partner you can rely on when it comes to making rational decisions. He will have no problem getting involved with you and respecting your emotions, because the affection you give him will replenish his strength. With him at your side, you can admit to what you feel and even let yourself be vulnerable. His life will be enriched both with joy and tranquility. You will be able to lead a stable and reliable relationship; unless other factors in your horoscopes tell a different story. END OF THE SHORT VERSION

[@joedavid82]

Bahaha! “Show your emotion the right way”? Priceless. I’ll bet my right pinkie that these same rules do not apply to the woman

[@Firesword534]

This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships. Case in point, recently I started working with a newly hired employee. For about 12 hours I had a front row seat to all the personal drama going on in their life. I had never met this person before yet they're going into detail about all the chaos they were going through. Made me feel quite uncomfortable and after a while I just tuned them out and got on with my own work. Yes, it's important to be real and genuine, but also know the time and place for such a conversation.

[@thisismayankkeswani]

0:33 what is vulnerability 2:10 keep in mind 3:00 mistakes that are not attractive

[@brettlaw4346]

Emotionally vulnerable or actually vulnerable? Most people, in practicality, stay away from things they consider a liability and resent them if they can't escape them or the situation doesn't resolve itself within the necessary amount of time. A more reasonable description might be: "Thank you for showing me that side of you. Now, lock it up and don't ever let me see it again or I will lose respect for you and with that respect will go my admiration and attraction. Once those are gone, I will begin to hate you."

[@marcmays48]

Don't show it to begin with. Stay as far away from true vulnerability, as you would a woman who declares she intends to put on extra 100 lbs thus year, by only eating lard, and nothing else. 🤣

[@HagalSkrymir999]

Stoicism is a million times better than showing vulnerability to anyone. Do stoicism, train and master it. Face and overcome challenges and problems. If you have to, tell the woman after you have already solved the problem. A woman will always use your vulnerabilities to shit test you in small and big ways. And the more her attraction fades, the more this behaviour will increase. Its unavoidable for a men to stay strong and stoic, if he wants a lasting, good, stress free relationship. Even though I don't see the value in that in this day and age. The rewards you get from time to time just aren't comparable to the constant risks and stress.

[@samyalater2346]

mmm that's good! Notice how she responds when you do get vulnerable.

[@ianwinter90]

Thank you for helping me and give me clarity. I’ve been struggling with this and finding the balance between when and how to be vulnerable with someone that I am interested in and of course timing. Thank you so much keep up these amazing videos you’re an amazing amazing person!

[@yurikriegel2553]

I think there could be a part 2 to this video. I'm left wanting to hear a lot of examples. I think I've been clear for a long time that there is a way to be vulnerable with women, and away not to be vulnerable with women, but after having looked at this issue for over a decade and seen many women talk on the topic. It's still pretty vague. It seems like what women want is some kind of romance novel vulnerability where the guy remains confident and powerful. But of course, vulnerability comes from sharing a weakness or a fear. Sure, sharing with a woman that you're secretly madly in love with her. Or that you're ultra high-paying job, sometimes isn't fulfilling, (but God forbid you actually decide to leave the job and do something low paying that you actually are passionate about). But how about real examples. This would be a great topic for a second video to have a bunch of women giving specific examples of what is a good way and a bad way to be vulnerable. I've even taught authenticity, and I still am in the dark about this one. My current conclusion is that men are best not getting too emotional and not doing it very often. Additionally they're always better off being vulnerable with their guy friends, processing everything and then giving women sort of the highlights when they're done, as this is about the level most women want to engage most of the time.

[@EyobFitwi]

I was curious how you'd handle this, and it's not bad. It's good actually, as a conversation starter IMHO. I agree about the cons - (unlimited) insecurity and emotional vomit. They're a no-no and I can't imagine them being a positive result from being vulnerable in anyway. Great take on separating them from vulnerability. About the pros though, I think there needs to be more discussion. While being vulnerable is a human trait, in general men and women express it at different levels, and I think this should be acknowledged and women should set their expectations accordingly. I mean, how do you men expect to display vulnerability at any level close to the women when their natural preferred mode of expressions (logical vs emotional) is different? "Takes relationship to another level" - Fully agree. "Allowing women to be feminine/nurturing" - I think some women have a slightly warped view of vulnerability. You hinted at it yourself, some women view it as a validating tactic and what I'm hearing from some men is that they have bad experiences with this. Besides, there are other moments we can be receptive to her nurturing side other than through vulnerability. What I'm trying to say is, this is something men need to do further filtering on when selecting their partners. "Shows confidence and security" - Umm, I'm not sure I'd agree. Vulnerability isn't something I see as an expression of confidence (I have a whole other view on confidence itself, a topic for another day). If anything I'd say they are slightly negatively correlated. When I'm vulnerable, I'd like to think that, just for that moment, I'm allowed to falter a little and have reassurance. I don't think we should rule out a moment of limited insecurity or lack of confidence as unacceptable. I would love very much to have my partner show me support and acceptance at my weak moment and create a bond, but not as a general theme between us. Vulnerability is something I'd show once in a while, and, as a guy, something to resolve (at least eventually). Men are more fulfilled by enabling them to focus on their problem solving abilities. Vulnerability is a human trait that men should accept, to the point that I'd say a man who is never vulnerable with is SO is unlucky or one I don't envy. But it's not as much a defining element as it is for women. Sorry for the long comment. It's just that this is something that I think will make for a good discussion.

[@cl8wnm5n]

For the confidence thing, where I think she went with this is that by being real and vulnerable you’re not afraid of what the other person will think.

[@gabrielspianohouse6583]

Hey Courtney. I'm diagnosed with High functioning autism. There is a girl that i like. She talks to me first and says hi to me almost every time I walk pass her the hallway at school. I'm more of a quiet person. I'm afraid of what words that I can say are vulnerable to her. I just don't want to make this girl uncomfortable at all.

[@cskvision]

Great video Courtney. Also great job in having different lighting setups in your episodes, keeps things visually fresh each time. :)

[@davidduff9871]

That won’t happen very well. Trying to be vulnerable the right way, in a way that is authentic, is doomed to fail. You are trying to micro manage a very uncertain process.

[@MrDanthemaniam]

Showing vulnerability to a woman makes her feel warm an fuzzy because it makes her feel needed because it triggers the nurturing instinct. That initial response is quickly overridden by insecurity that they may be partnering with a weak man. Nurturing of men by women kills attraction from the woman and the man. Women are attracted to emotionally strong even stoic men. If they start to think the man they are with is not strong they will loose attraction. Men that are nurtured by a woman other than perhaps their actual mother will feel mothered and quickly begin to resent it. Do not show vulnerability or risk loosing attraction.

[@jayshar659]

Courtney, what do you mean by saying the truth about being vulnerable? Did you mean to say this is your personal thoughts on being vulnerable? Are you referring to all women or just maybe some within your age range or below? Can you really speak on this subject at the ripe old age of 25 or so? Or is this just for entertainment purposes only? All women are not the same and all men are not the same. Just like all ethnicities do not operate in the same manner. To really understand any of this comes through wisdom and wisdom comes through age and that through a ton of experience. In other words, you've got to live many more years on this earth to grasp the concept of vulnerability.

[@evansilva7730]

Notice how it's always something we're doing wrong.

[@CourtneyRyan]

We’re human, it’s a part of life! Women do PLENTY wrong as well which I highlight on this channel too. Accountability on both sides here.

[@evansilva7730]

@@CourtneyRyan aye you responded! Love your videos btw! :)

[@BrianCave]

@@CourtneyRyan yet what we do wrong is held against us far more often and deeply than the other way around. At least that has been my experience both personally and observed. If you can do it wrong and have it held against you long term then it’s a minefield and inherently dangerous. If it only led to a deserved snap out of it type of response that Was NOT used against you in the future then that’s fair, this is how most men treat women being improperly vulnerable and should be the standard both ways.

[@mikebarnacle1469]

Lol, You want girls to like your or not? You're always free to live solo if you don't wanna make the effort to turn them on. Funny thing is guys like you have no idea how much effort the girls you are attracted to put in to making themselves attractive to men. Totally clueless.

[@jrsampson29]

You have to be comfortable in your own skin and confident another thumbs up video Courtney Ryan 😊

[@adityasakhre]

Lemme tell you in nutshell.... Be stoic guys... Period!

[@pixel6878]

Breathing around women is unattractive. You’ll never make them happy 🤣

[@joshuacarmichael9812]

Yoooo Courtney Ryan did Teddy put a ring on it!!! My guy is the goat if he did cause you are an amazing youtuber. Ever since Ive been watching you you've become more than a wing girl but more like a big sis. Seriously, your advice helps me and many other guys see women in its most authentic form, especially in this day and age. So, Teddy had better have put a ring in, cause thats one lucky dood for real💍💪🏽👫

[@devnotes00]

I don't think women want an emotionless robot, at the same time they don't want a weenie hut junior crying on her shoulder all the time. The balance in right in the grey area. There's a time for stoicism and there's a time for vulnerability

[@CourtneyRyan]

Weenie hut junior 😂 this comment made me laugh. Agreed!

[@wynonasbigbrowndragon6121]

There's a fair deal. They can be as emotional or emotionless as they please, and if you have a problem with any of it then you're awful. However, if you yourself don't nail down a grey area that varies from woman to woman, you're once again the awful one.

[@julianfelix9747]

@@CourtneyRyan tbh I rather not show emotion just because I’m going to do it in the wrong way. Do you want to rephrase that😂🤦🏻

[@julianfelix9747]

@@CourtneyRyan if anything it sounds really kinda hypocritical plus you girls cry for everything but ok. I Like how you only reply when it only benefits for you.

[@julianfelix9747]

@@wynonasbigbrowndragon6121 yet again she never answers this kind of stuff why do you think she never reply. Like known she mean it in a good way but her opinion on things doesn’t help. Like how is that when I show me being emotional is in a wrong way lol!!!?? Do you know that girls be way more emotionally lol but we guys can’t they. Either they want us to be like robots or they want us to be emotional but whenever we show the opposite thing they want the opposite thing

[@raularmas317]

As an older man I totally disagree with Courtney. I do not want any woman I am interested in making my wife guessing what I want from a relationship with her. Guessing only leads to fears, doubts, and insecurities. These things do not enhance a stable, monogamous hetro- relationship. I want her to know "from jump" that I am not afraid of making a commitment, whereas most people are afraid. Why are they afraid? Because they have not done their own relational dynamics homework. More and more people are lacking the necessary communication skills and the internal security afforded by internalizing their own loci of control. When they do put in the time to learn and develop these skills and can readily forgive each other their own and others human weaknesses, then maybe more people will be able to sustain a trusting and love-filled relationship. Not until then. Why should I, an older(and by definition, a more experienced man) want to waste my precious, irretrievable time with someone not as dedicated as I to the goal of finding and committing to a stable and committable mature partner?

[@CourtneyRyan]

Hmm, something must have been lost in translation because I totally agree with this haha I think it’s important to be honest about what you’re looking for. That’s not being vulnerable that’s being mature, honest and a good communicator! Important for every healthy relationship 🙌🏼

[@raularmas317]

@@CourtneyRyan from me, it meant being vulnerable because I am neither rich, conventionally good-looking, or very tall.

[@danwarner7816]

@@raularmas317 yeah I think some women judge too easily from outside instead of taking the leap of faith to know guy on inside.

[@raularmas317]

@@CourtneyRyan No one ever knows how relationally mature another person is until you/I broach the sobering subject matter of a lifetime commitment. It may cause some people to immediately "ghost" me because when confronted with a pressure they can't or won't handle they can and will disappear like smoke in a high wind. I get that commitment is hard for some people, but there comes a time when I had to make a choice or face the prospect of never giving myself a real chance to succeed at something I found difficult, but extremely meaningful to me. Namely, marriage, family, and child counseling.

[@TheGoldenClaw23]

Always nailing it on the head! Thanks for the advice🙌🏻

[@JustinlevineVevo]

I see the improvements in the effects (texts in turn popping up). you go girl!

[@mikebarnacle1469]

Spot on. Could not agree more. Sometimes when people think they're being vulnerable, they're actually being insecure and needy. Which is ironically the complete opposite of vulnerable. Women want a man who's strong and open about his flaws and weaknesses but still willing and capable to overcome these obstacles. The biggest turn off you could possible give her is to show her that you need her validation to feel good about yourself. It screams pathetic loser (and it's not wrong!). Vulnerability is a form of strength because we need to have this self awareness to improve ourselves. And it shows trust. I love it when I get to the point where I can start to be vulnerable with a woman and how it signals to her that she can be vulnerable with me and that mutual trust can start to blossom. It's a beautiful thing. Fishing for compliments is not the same. Rule of thumb: Are you hoping for feel good reassurance from her in return? Don't say it. Are you trying to open up, so she feels more comfortable and can do the same? Go for it. It's all about intent at the end of the day, picking apart the details are just ways to suss out the symptoms of strong/selfless and weak/selfish intent that women are good at picking up on.

[@thashana_0194]

Yeah, not doing that. If I got issues, im crying to my therapist, not my SO.

[@adamtash2891]

be vulnerable but only in the right way? hmmm

[@postfraction]

I like the part when she says "You guys don't know how to do it in a way that's authentic\doing it the wrong way because it's not being used properly ". This reminds me of how I`m not folding the towels the right way. The "right way" in this scenario would be how a woman feels about what the right way is, and most of the time whichever way you do it, it's not the right one. Gotta change up styles, be more spontaneous, and maybe throw a little sidestep or bunny hop from time to time to make it spicy while conversing. This way she will get confused\intrugued\concerned (or all 3 at the same time) of the situation and you have a higher chance of getting the message across.

[@alexford7298]

I haven't really thought about vulnerable as attractive or unattractive. I just think about the connection. If you wanna connect with a girl you need to share at least 1 or 2 things. Then she will share. (Hopefully)😁

[@human8347]

Ive been in a relationship or whatever the hell its become for over 2 years and I opened up about my mental health a lot. In the end she caused my mental health issues and continues to make me worse simply by using my vulnerabilities against me. Now its abusive but I cant get out. So no you cant show yourself to most women, they only seem to care for themselves.

[@erinchilds]

Red dress looks good! Use it in future videos! Makes ya look attractive and professional

[@alexford7298]

Good video! I think it is important to be Vulnerable to a degree. That's how you make connection emotionally with girl. But as Courtney said don't "vomit" too much. another great point was Made that alot of guys may be unsure and not using the concept vulnerable in the right way .

[@GubyIQ]

Regarding vulnerability bringing up the feminine/nurturing part in a woman...I feel that's very shaky grounds because a golden rule to maintain the masculine/feminine polarity is: don't turn your girlfriend into your mommy or your therapist. Yeah it's important to be authentic, but that doesn't mean you're the same when interacting with your mom, your girlfriend, your buddies or an IRS officer.

[@jleano609]

100% - expect nothing back. No covert contracts for her validation.

[@jackcapellini113]

Why is maintaining a masculine/feminine polarity so important? Why can't people just be whoever they want to be in a relationship without hurting themselves or their significant other?

[@Meng776]

So you're saying, be vulnerable in control? Easier to just not be vulnerable.

[@robertjohnson6663]

Ya I tried it a few times only to have it thrown back in my face to hurt me when she was mad. My experience doesn't speak for all but be very careful who you choose to share with.

[@neugey]

This is a very timely topic. I've been having problems in my marriage and one trouble spot is I've been too vulnerable and emotional at times to her. There were times where I cared too much about her support, reaction or validation. I think the key to being vulnerable as a husband might be to do it in small doses. Don't give her too much to process or nurture at once or it will just seem like vomit. Because of the masculine/feminine dynamic she is the one who has to be the most vulnerable one on the whole and by a decent amount.

[@jleano609]

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