Is Exposing Abuse on YouTube a Good Idea?

[@EJ0318]

If a narcissist has ever been violent or shown violent tendencies it’s very dangerous to confront or out them. The healing from narc abuse comes when we learn accept and heal why we were willing participants in the shared fantasy.

[@juliegrows]

Agreed. Any kind of physical danger absolutely isn't worth it. Naming names probably isn't a great idea, either. I think her relationship with him was well known enough that there wasn't really a way to publicly vent without it outing him. As satisfying as it was to see, I do worry a bit. The guy has a huge platform, which definitely gives him the potential to do harm in ways that aren't necessarily physical.

[@christinedunn5709]

There definately areas of healing that can make us less susceptible to narcissistic abuse. But it's important to remember the very clever ways they create a trauma bond. That is closer to psychological manipulation/brainwashing than a 'shared fantasy.'

[@EJ0318]

@ all relationships with cluster B are shared fantasy and the non cluster B who enters one is in a vulnerable traumatized state which is why they agree to enter bc fantasy is more exciting than reality. The only way to fully heal is to not only blame the cluster B bc one person being all good or bad is splitting which is a cluster B trait. We have to take responsibility for our part and hold them accountable for theirs. A healthy non cluster B brain is able to hold two opposing truths.

[@LouisaWatt]

I know that in my past abusive relationships, I kept their secrets when I was still hopeful of resolving the situation. I only talked once I knew I had reached my cutoff point. I know that abuse thrives in the dark and like other kinds of scum it perishes in the light of day.

[@juliegrows]

Right. It wasn't until the last year or two of a couple different six year plus awful relationships that I even spoke to friends about how bad things were getting. It's hard to maintain the cognitive dissonance when other people who care about you know the truth, so got to keep it a secret until you're really ready to GTFO. Thanks for the comment.

[@johenderson3742]

You're right. Abusers should not get to keep their good reputation.

[@juliegrows]

@@johenderson3742 Right!? Maybe it seems petty, but I don’t think survivors should have to keep quiet. And I do think there’s something to the reasoning that the more people you tell, the less likely you are to go back.

[@johenderson3742]

@@juliegrows And it's good to warn others so they don't get victimised.

[@sharingwithshannon]

Thanks for doing this video. I have been very affected by narcissistic abuse and I thought it was very raw and very courageous of her. You do have to be mindful of safety and you made a great point about that. Thanks for your perspective

[@juliegrows]

Thank you. After looking the guy up, I found more videos about him being abusive, physically and verbally. I really hope the distance keeps her safe from any kind of (physical) retaliation. But I agree, it was a really brave thing for her to do. And it felt good to see a bit of justice in real time. Thanks for watching. :)

[@R1se-Inspire]

Thank for the video Julie. Good for her!

[@juliegrows]

Thanks for watching! Yes, I've got to admit it felt good to see her be strong enough to talk about what happened. I just hope she stays safe and he doesn't try to retaliate in some way.

[@tinasherrill6530]

It was particularly important that she shared in this case because of the audience who believed certain things about the abuser that we now know were not true. I’m so disappointed. But I am glad to know the truth and am praying that she stays strong and does not get pulled back in. I’ve been there, and she absolutely must maintain no contact.

[@juliegrows]

Agreed. I think her case was a very particular one. I'm hoping the fact that they're generally well known in their community will keep her safe. After looking up his name on KZbin, it sounds like he may be even worse than she described in her videos. I have the same hopes for her (strength and no contact), and really hope she stays safe and he doesn't do anything crazy to retaliate.

[@DaynaLachapelle]

your authenticity is refreshing, Julie and your kitties are cute. thanks for sharing

[@juliegrows]

@@DaynaLachapelle Aw, thank you! Thanks for watching! :)

[@medickaisu]

May not have been structured, but it was thoughtful, graceful and resonated. Very glad you are supporting your former co-worker.

[@juliegrows]

@@medickaisu Thank you. Much appreciated. :)

[@DaisyG37]

I'm thinking of doing the same, not to expose him but to share my life!!! My experience and how to educate others. He has been protected for decades and continues to abuse and con people 100's of thousands of dollars from others!

[@juliegrows]

Yes, absolutely share your life, if that's what you want to do! It's actually a really cool experience to have a few people be interested enough to follow along and support. Not to mention, so healing to be able to tell your own story, not the one everyone else may have made up for you. I'd just use caution and make sure you keep yourself safe from or prepared for any kind of retaliation. If you start a channel, let me know; I'd love to subscribe! :)

[@johnc.mitchelljr.2716]

👍

[@JKDVIPER]

I'll shed light on it, but I mention no names or times. Most of it's been done over for a minute so... But ya, it's ok to talk about mistreatment. Maybe not ok to give personal details and dates, numbers, names, n things like that. 😬💯

[@juliegrows]

Agreed. I think telling the story is important; risking personal safety (physically or mentally) is not. Thanks for your input!

[@mac-ju5ot]

Oh the drama. I get it live in a buiding with a lot f women who gave been through hell let's hope he doesn't blow up on her though ...that's the secret part let's hope it gets better for her

[@juliegrows]

Right, I do worry about what his reaction will be. Luckily, he lives on the other side of the country. But he does have a huge platform, so could still do some damage with that. Fingers crossed, he just lets her go her own way, and that can be that.

[@Rollacoastertycoon]

I think it’s a bad idea. Most of the people I see air their personal toxic drama or call other’s narcissistic are usually highly toxic themselves. If you have that many problems with people it might be you Like couples who make videos are usually harboring secrets But do you it’s your channel

[@juliegrows]

Good points. I think there can be a pretty significant difference between starting a smear campaign against someone and discussing something that happened. But it depends on context; I guess the more "KZbin famous" or whatever a person gets, the harder it is to keep anonymous, so it does kind of lean into iffy territory when it's clear who they're talking about. Thanks for the watch and comment. :)

[@Alex-y8f3o]

You were probably the abuser to be honest.

[@juliegrows]

"Tell me you didn't watch the video without saying you didn't watch the video." Interesting you were triggered enough by the title to comment.

[@Mark71158]

Seriously, asking the internet "experts" instead of seeking professional help? Good luck with that

[@juliegrows]

@@Mark71158 🤷‍♀️

[@dehsa38]

What you think about a lot will effect the kind of person you become. I don't watch videos about abuse, crime, or Trump. Read the headline just to be aware. Beyond that just move on.

[@juliegrows]

I like stories of survivors of abuse, crime when there's justice involved, and...yeah, I'll agree with you on that last one. Thanks for sharing your perspective!