Is He Secretly Controlling or Confidently Dominant? No More Girls Trips Allowed! [Ep 36]

[@rafaelnual8006]

I really appreciate that you guys as a married couple are doing this podcast. In the dating relationship space, there are a lot of negative and destructive ideologies that make it very hard for both genders to enter into a healthy and loving relationship. So, to see an actual couple dealing with these topics with a healthy mindset is encouraging. Because what you are providing is healthy and balanced, many will not appreciate the value you guys bring. Your podcast has helped me a lot. Please, continue because this IS a force for good.

[@betterthanperfectpodcast]

@@rafaelnual8006 Thank you so much, you don’t know how much this means to us! That is exactly why we started this podcast and we appreciate your support!

[@reflectionswithadelle]

I really appreciated how candid both of you guys were in your responses. It had me reflect on my own relationship and challenges. Also that of my clients in couples therapy. As a woman who grew up in a household where there was not a very strong masculine presence, I remember interpreting my husband’s boundaries as control. Until I started healing my own childhood traumas did I realize that these boundaries helped not only keep me safe, but also preserved our relationship. I thought what was unique in your discussion was how both of you would respond to the phrasing of each other’s boundaries. My husband would gently say “I like.. and dislike.. “ and yes I found that “controlling,” but only until I put myself in his shoes, which was really hard. Sometimes it seems like men have the hard job of striking a balance between gentle and dominant. When they do it really translates as a very actualized man that commands love and respect. As for couples therapy, I kept thinking of my clients who got stuck in a tit for tat because they wouldn't accept that they just had different boundaries. And they didn’t have to have the same one to honor the other person’s. I’d say, if someone doesn’t want to be in relationship with someone who drinks, that doesn’t necessarily mean they have to stop drinking themselves. Because what if the one requesting that is aware of the other’s drinking problem or grew up with alcoholic parents. So then it becomes something that is their sensitivity. At some point the couple I'm referring to started aggressively monitoring each other to be equal and would call them a hypocrite or say "you're not so perfect in this or that." When it wasn't about that at all.. Great stuff! Love that you guys genuinely listen and challenge one another to grow.

[@betterthanperfectpodcast]

@@reflectionswithadelle Thank you so much for the awesome feedback! You’re right, you never want it to be something where you’re not keeping score on each other. That doesn’t harbor intimacy and closeness, that just drives you further apart from one another. And like you said, a boundary isn’t something someone HAS to do or change, it’s what the person holding the boundary must do. We appreciate your support and hope you enjoy our previous and future episodes!!