Is The Barbershop Safe For Gay Black Men? • Advice From A Barber

[@Susannah-Dean]

I'm glad homie in the chair didn't let the barber keep just dismissing his words! Cause damn dude, LISTEN

[@GeekChicPolitiq]

I feel like the barber's lovely but a bit naïve

[@fatyma_zahra]

I was so agitated. I grew up in my Granny's salon and even as women they talked about some intense topics and sex all the time... But she allowed that culture. My current salon also has a barber shop on the other side. The barbers very nice... They talk about a lot but they are never disrespectful because the owner doesn't allow it. They're very kind men as well. I've had nice conversation with some of them

[@Susannah-Dean]

Tried so hard to play that not all barbers crap.

[@annyms5092]

God bless, Jesus loves you and died for you all.

[@jaythegemini]

Yo fr like listen to his story. Yeah you blessed to have diverse people work in yo shop but he acting blind to the situation.

[@drtash21]

This is why I never have conversations at the barbershop. I zone out get my haircut, pay and go. I really don't have time for that BS.

[@IamRocque]

@Anthony Davis Or maybe they just don’t want drama or won’t relate to the topics most barbershops talk about.

[@kilaha8399]

@Anthony Davis Lol what kind of response is that

[@avggamer86]

@@kilaha8399 a typical one. He just told us who he is

[@crepe80]

Me to like ever i dont find it necessary

[@keithbyrd5518]

Same.

[@BostonChattanooga]

As a gay black man I always worry abt which barbershops💈 I choose to spend my personal money. As an adult I don’t have time to deal with the homophobia and toxic judgment. That “performance” line, the young man getting his haircut expressed, hit me in my soul.

[@zippyjay-1409]

We don't f with gay people

[@parisewellington3664]

@@zippyjay-1409 speak for yourself🤢 because we really dont f with haters🤫

[@jinz6819]

@Anthony Davis nah nigga we do not care

[@jinz6819]

@Anthony Davis this a public KZbin chat an nobody asked you for your input either, dumbass nigga

[@IamRocque]

@@zippyjay-1409 Then why are you under this mans comment find something better to do then hating people because that’s a sign you probably hating yourself.

[@chasedoss25]

I’m a gay 13 yr old black teen I have a lot of anxiety going into barbershops and I agreed with the gay man. O eve I went into the barbershop and a man kept asking do I have a girlfriend and kept saying u gon get a girlfriend and I was very pissed off and uncomfortable.

[@jbh6520]

That’s why I only go to one barbershop because I think he knows I’m gay and he’s really chill

[@jbh6520]

@stream dance like nobody’s watching sure :) btw I’m 14😌

[@thestarstarla]

and what makes it worse is you're only 13 and he's already talking about "girlfriends" like let me live my childhood. Not everyone's mind regardless of age is focused on relationships. I'm proud of you for finding out who you are, especially at this young age and I hope for you to be safe out there because our community is one of the worst at handling and accepting differences 😊

[@crepe80]

I always go to the barbershop with my dad (he homophobic ) and never speak to my barber i just get my hair cut and leave

[@parkerb2337]

That's the same shit with me i'm white but whenever I go into a barbershop. They are always asking if I have a girlfriend and I feel so damn uncomfortable. And sometimes when I feel so much anxiety I will sometimes cancel my appointment.

[@lawrencei8766]

The barber was acting so clueless, he knows damn well what the conversations in barber shops are like

[@prissylily25]

He sure does! He’s just being dumb for the camera. He was pissing me off.

[@Sandlin22]

Been in barber shops all my life yet heard none of the nonsense portrayed here so no "barber shops" are not like that lol

[@AndreTJones]

@@Sandlin22 Not all barbershops are like that but too many of them ARE like that unfortunately.

[@jemportal4166]

And the fact that he was acting so clueless leads me to believe that his shop has the exact same atmosphere. He felt called out, and normally I'd say that this should've been a teaching moment for him, but by his own admission straight men can't be expected to think that deeply..so I guess that's that lol.

[@renealexander2703]

@@jemportal4166 , gay men don't think that deeply either. That's all men.

[@Ray03595]

You've got to be joking me with that barber. Dismissed everything Donovan said. And is living in a different world if he's trying to pretend that black barbershops aren't littered with non-stop trash-talking, and are very unwelcoming of any black person that doesn't fit in. Black community is very very conservative, and Donovan is trying to tell this guy his experience and he's just pretending this isn't the case, or is hearing Donovan, but not actually listening. Do better. It's not even about gay ppl wanting to talk about sex in a barbershop, it's about respect and having the backs of ppl in your community, even if they are different than you. And also having the decency to still speak about women repsectfully as well. A lot of the time, kids are running around these barber shops too, and they are very much picking up on the ways that adult black men are talking about black women. But older folks are very unwilling to unlearn things they have held onto.

[@matheuslemos8555]

Let's not forget: Black men don't like gay men. It's the truth, you'll see white people supporting LGBTQ people BEFORE you see a black straight male hangin' out with a gay person. They all the same, but watch they crying over racism..............................

[@brawlhall3682]

I think it’s more the case he can’t relate with it in his shop cause he did say that he knows that this stuff happens but IN HIS SHOP it doesn’t happen cause he doesn’t condone that stuff so why would he sit there and be like “fact” “Yup” “Mhm” if he can’t relate to that in his shop 🤔

[@kylekgh]

This must be solely an american thing. I won't pretend I've been to every barbershop in the UK but the ones I've gone to in London and the few I've found outside of London. The barbershop culture is very different. To be honest unless your a regular at the shop the conversation is very minimal and if you do have a good relationship with your barber we all end up arguing about football 🤷🏿‍♂️. Though will admit Jamaican barbershops are a bit more rowdy but that's a whole other can of worms

[@NaiBreeze]

@@kylekgh there's literally an american movie called Babershop. Yes movies are usually exaggerations but you can see a bit of the typical culture there. I'm American, lived in London from 2018 -2020. And yes I am a woman but I have all brothers, so I used to go with them to the barbershop as a child quite often. Black babershops and black hair salons are usually sacred gossiping places in the US. Once you find a good barber, you stick with that barber! You don't "cheat" on that barber. Mostly because you someone else can't do as great of a job. So that barber watches you grow up. You usually go to a barbershop in your community and therefore gossip about people in the neighborhood. Men talk about sports at barbershops too. It's definitely not like shops in the UK and that's why it can be an intimidating and possibly unsafe place for someone in the lgbtq+ community. I think we can agree that in both the UK and US, black communities are usually riddled with toxic masculinity. So even if there's no conversation happening, if the barber can tell that you're not straight, then that could cause a troubling situation.

[@NaiBreeze]

I almost wonder if there's an age/generation difference between this barber and Donovan as well. Because this barber is just completely missing the point. I don't even know why they uploaded this tbh. YES, this discussion needs to happen but I don't feel like it happened here. Just because something doesn't happen to you, doesn't mean it's not happening. It's like white people stating that racism doesn't exist just because they've never experienced it themselves.

[@deenam2567]

Keep going with this series! It’s so important to talk about community centers in an open context like this, it’s revolutionary.

[@annyms5092]

God bless, Jesus loves you and died for you all .

[@hamiltonharris5667]

I learned to cut my own hair due to feeling intimidated by men attitude in black barbershop

[@CheRhys]

I’m going to say it again, GIVE THE PERSON WHO PITCHED/PRODUCES THIS SERIES A RAISE!!!

[@malikyorop8058]

@ 6:56: That very person you are talking about was showed and looked exactly like YOU!

[@amyfisher8855]

the barber was being very dismissive

[@matheuslemos8555]

He is just another black man.... They all the same lmao.

[@brawlhall3682]

How was that dismissive 🤔

[@matheuslemos8555]

@@brawlhall3682 he wasnt taking the conversation in a serious way.

[@brawlhall3682]

@@matheuslemos8555 I took it as he was, he heard what the man had to say and explained that his shop isn’t run like that however he knows it happens in other shops and reflected in the end, idk how you came to the conclusion of him not taking it seriously 🤷🏾‍♂️

[@matheuslemos8555]

@@brawlhall3682 ok black man.

[@tonyw8765]

I’m shocked that this barber is acting so clueless. I’ve been going to barbershops all of my life, and I can’t even begin to count the number of anti-gay and misogynistic conversations I’ve heard.

[@christophercrouse6359]

The same way Kevin Hart acted towards Lil Nas X, “clueless” 😒🙄

[@db200508]

I hate this shit. They pull the proverbial “I don’t do that” or “it doesn’t happen here” as if they are unaware that this shit happens.

[@murdershewrote6068]

Then don’t go duhhh leave our straight men alone.

[@db200508]

@@murdershewrote6068 no one is bothering straight men lol

[@williammials6080]

Love going to some ! One time a fight broke out between Barbers over the Lakers and NY Knicks! It was funny at first.....Another Barber stepped in to calm things down! My suggestion: You know how shops are! They won't change!

[@kyron2092]

Lol man the barber isn’t on Donovan’s intellectual level, so he just constantly exudes dismissal and narrow-mindedness. Wish we would’ve had a different barber...

[@TonyBambino]

Because he's a barber, you dunce. The problem with Donovan is he expects an intellectual conversation in a place where black men just "shoot the shit". Donovan and folks like him want to police other peoples conversations... him and alot of you acting like white people with your uppity attitude towards the barbershop culture.

[@kyron2092]

@@TonyBambino seems like you lack the intellectual capacity and empathy to comprehend my statement. Using terms and phrases such as “ acting white” and “upity” shows how ignorant and intolerant you are. Donovan posed an issue and the point of the discussion was the gain knowledge and not supply excuses to why things won’t progress. He doesn’t seem like he wants to police anything. Just to open a discussion that isn’t rampant. You’re such an oaf and what’s wrong with the black community.

[@christiancrooks1260]

Why because there’s an age gap and he’s not gay lol?

[@TonyBambino]

@@christiancrooks1260 That Donovan guy was condescending as hell and I don't believe for one second that he figured out his sexuality at 5 years old.....

[@x97sfinest]

Being more articulate just means you're more educated not neccesarily more intelligent. He was jus stating his personal experience and stand point. Of course they gon have different opinions. That was the whole point of the conversation.

[@diamondking3413]

I could listen to this guy in the chair all day he made some very valid points straight men are very close minded people. Us black gay men are still black men

[@BRIXXANY1]

If you like him, Donovan appears frequently on The Grapevine here on KZbin (I believe he’s one of the creators) and they talk about a wide range of topics about the black community and life in general. He’s very well spoken and well-read so I always love what he has to say

[@traceford4904]

No you're not, you're JUST gay. A 1 dimensional person they made up in their minds based off some TV shows lgbt character and the few interactions they've had with other gay men.

[@diamondking3413]

@@traceford4904 and your one of them close minded people that live life miserable u must be a trump supporter

[@traceford4904]

@@diamondking3413 Nah I was agreeing with your post 😑 I was basically saying that straight men don't see us as a full fledged human being and that we're only seen in 1 dimension based off the actions of other gay men.

[@Race_Ready_1320]

All straight men are close minded? That’s a very broad and false statement. What about the straight men with gay friends and family, are they close minded too? Are the gay men who speak up on behalf of the gay community close minded as well? Please retract your statement, that’s like a white person saying all black are thugs.

[@bentouta5]

The barbershop can be very toxic but the toxicity doesn't originate there. It's simply expressed there, unchecked. Therefore we need to look at our family and neighborhood culture before we get to the barbershop. The primary functions of families and communities are to raise people. The primary function of the barbershop is to cut hair. If we cut out the toxicity in the families in communities then we'll break the toxic cycle. We need to sever the social link between manhood and sexual orientation. Sexuality and character have no natural deterministic relationship. The barbershop culture can and needs to change.

[@TonyBambino]

The question is why does he want to come into straight black men's spaces to condescend and dictate what our conversations should be about? I'm sure there are spaces where gay black men air everything out through conversation as well... You don't see us trying to impose our experiences onto them in their space tho..

[@TruCentrinoTech]

@@TonyBambino So if they don't like how we shit talk them, they should go somewhere? 😂 "The primary function of a barbershop is to cut hair" Gay men are black men too, not only do they belong in the community barbershop, but they deserve to get a hair cut ridicule free. Man, how bout we support each other, instead of tearing gayness down for a laugh at the expense of a customer?

[@StylistecS]

@@TruCentrinoTech Never been in a shop where gay people are discussed. Could happen but have never seen it. The primary function is to cut hair. That is also a place where we talk shit. It is hyper masculine in there at times but with other men. Politics, sports, and women are mostly discussed in shops. That's not going to change.

[@renealexander2703]

@@TonyBambino , exactly. Why is a gay man upset that straight men are talking about women whom they are attracted to?

[@gabrielmaroto18]

@@TruCentrinoTech that require critical thinking and that has been bred out of the black community!

[@Me-ss2gq]

This series is absolutely a godsend. The chilled out vibes of a podcast combined with the chilled out vibes of a barbershop. Whoever thought of this idea needs a damn raise

[@starcherry6814]

I don't really like how he talks over his client, because he's sharing some very unique experiences And the barber is just like "Not all barbershops" But clearly it's enough barbershops for it to be a problem. I guarantee that many gay and trans clients likely have *significantly* similar stories

[@SourStrawberrys]

Not only did he say not all Barbershops but he tried to act like his experiences was rare and he just had a bad experience at the one barbershop. People are trying to act like Donavon was rude but no everyone who is appart of the community can understand his frustration when someone tells you their experience and they try to write it off like to is not that big of a probally or hardly exist.

[@alexanderhardy94]

Generally have the lowest expectations from straight men when it comes to emotional intelligence and perspectives outside of their own (yikes), but I'm glad this conversation happened. More of this.

[@jemportal4166]

Lol facts @Alexander Hardy, too many of their ideas about "manhood" consists of being a complete asshole.

[@renealexander2703]

They can go for all men regardless of sexual orientation.

[@CeliniacForLife]

I’m a 22 y/o trans woman, but when I was younger, I hated going to barbershops because I was surrounded by homophobic black men who I had nothing in common with. That is why I grew out my hair when I turned 18 and started going to the salon. That environment has always been more inviting, accepting, and comforting to me.

[@averyj5956]

Thank you for being one to bring this up, I really didn't think this was my space to talk about it but there are black trans girls who endure some of this as well! I began my transition almost 2 years ago when I was 18 but through my pre-teen to teenage years, I grew up getting my hair cut constantly by black male barbers. They'd always try to talk cishetero relationships with me, "oh you have a lil girlfriend?" or "this cut gon get you all the girls!" It made me very uncomfortable to say the least.

[@CeliniacForLife]

@@averyj5956 You’re welcome, and yes, this is a conversation we need to have.

[@gabrielmaroto18]

When I was younger I thought I was trans because I am so feminine but what I really want was to be invisible because of how I was treated

[@CeliniacForLife]

@@gabrielmaroto18 I’m sorry to hear that.

[@gabrielmaroto18]

@@CeliniacForLife thank you sweetheart

[@jerrywilliams5407]

As a really small kid, I didn't have any problems with the barbershop, oh but when I was coming of age it was horrifying for me. I was a feminine boy and I wasn't bullied but I was so scared to go to the barber because I never knew what may happen. The homophobia was thick as oatmeal and I had to sit there and just suck it up and just hope I got out without any problems.

[@OTSOBerg-pn5gm]

You need to toughen up. If you weren't bullied then why be afraid?

[@raynaudier8622]

@@OTSOBerg-pn5gm , D'meer Marsel (below) says it best: "I've actually had a similar conversation with my former barber of 10yrs; although we conversed civilly, he decided NOT to cut my hair any longer, simply because I'm gay. He later told my cousin, also a client, that he has enough straight customers that he didn't need my money."

[@renealexander2703]

It's not homopohbia just because straight men like to talk about women.

[@jeremywright9511]

@@renealexander2703 Its how dismissive they are when someone does not like what they do. Tell them to stop getting into their client's personal business if they don't like the answers they get.

[@D-Will2k]

@@OTSOBerg-pn5gm👏

[@IAmAlexisDanee]

He was so dismissive ! The “barbershop vs Beauty Salon” comment blew me off .

[@franklin7243]

AMEN

[@des9235]

YESS

[@minajackson4634]

Right like dude he was just saying we need to come to a place where ppl of all walks of life can be and feel safe and to break the gender norms and barriers.

[@phoenixastral9046]

" You can't expect heterosexuals man to think that dynamically " Yes tf we can... and thats the main problem with black heterosexuals males.If the hetero cis black man's whole agenda is to be this top boss leader with achievement and pride, expect that the rest of the community are going to hold you to a higher standard, this is the exact reason why you will see that most progressive black people would be black women and black gay men because they are the ones picking up the piece and because heterosexuals black man were not condition to see other's trauma besides theirs

[@jemportal4166]

Oh I hated that comment too Pheonix! It was literally drenched in "boys will be boys" rhetoric/mentality. And the sad part is he wasn't even embarrassed by what he said, it's like why is ignorance, hate speech, and the inability to think or empathize the standard for cis/het men? You made your whole chromosome pairing look like shit I'm one sentence dude lol. I almost wish a more sensible cis/hey guy was there to say "speak for yourself dickhead," but unfortunately, the barber is a frighteningly accurate representation of a lot of cis/het Black men.

[@thecraplordsell4575]

Just say you hate us and move on. I don’t like gays at all 🤣🤣🤣

[@renealexander2703]

Phoenix Astral, no black women are the only ones picking up the pieces. Gay black men are just like straight black men.

[@heyheyhey40]

Talking about women makes a gay men feel uncomfortable because he can’t relate to your experience with a woman. And you are asking him questions about something in that moment that he has to make a decision: does he lie and betray himself or will he be forced to come out and open up about his own personal experience. Either choice for the gay man in that moment, is fearful.

[@sadisticlover0123]

Um no

[@demarkestbrooks7896]

I don't feel uncomfortable hearing men talking about women. That's what they like, don't have nothing to do with me personally. I mind my business and leave.

[@amahlgrant]

@@demarkestbrooks7896 Yep, and I think a lot more people need to do the same.

[@leelei978]

So can I say this: Gay people know what it's like to feel uncomfortable in certain situations, me personally I have no problem with gays although I do not agree with the lifestyle due to religious beliefs, but despite my beliefs I've always been respectful of gays as I would be to anyone esle, but sinve the lgbt movement gays have no respect for other's whom aren't homosexual and it's like they strive to make those people uncomfortable....like why?! Especially when you know how it feels?

[@0n_Cloud_9]

Umm…hearing straight men talk about women doesn’t make gay men uncomfortable,where did you hear that lie from? I’ve never had that problem. I never felt uncomfortable with guys talking about women and expressing how much they love women etc. I love seeing others love and appreciate other human beings. It’s good to hear that a straight man can appreciate the beauty of a woman. If gay people have a problem with that than they need to grow up.

[@killlamas57]

I wish there were more gay barber shops and barbers themselves. It would give me a much more peace of mind.

[@mozziani4306]

I absolutely love this video ! I'm actually focusing on how Black MSM's relationships (men who sleep with men) with their masculinity affects their mental/physical health for my thesis. One of the aspects that I focus on is the community and safe space of Black men to express emotions and vulnerability with one another. However, Black MSM are in liminal spaces where they are included in the environment because they are Black men, but they are excluded from expressing their emotions because of their sexuality. These conversations are definitely needed and I'm happy that the video has shed light on that !

[@renealexander2703]

MSM? Just say gay or bisexual men.

[@renealexander2703]

What emotions do they want to express to straight men?

[@tmalone2530]

I’m a native New Yorker, Bronx born and raised; been a Queens resident for the past 18 years. The fact that I can’t just go to the barber and be regular is so sad. I’m in my mid-30’s and I still have to make sure I keep myself as “masculine” as possible when going to the barber because of all the bad experiences I’ve had.

[@realiteaparody9198]

The barbershop was my earliest memory of homophobia and the beginning of my innate distrust of straight men. I learned to start cutting my own hair because I hated the toxicity of the barbershop.

[@newagehero9605]

Sameee although I don’t know how to cut my own hair

[@hassanadam6825]

Crazy I also learned to cut my own hair for similar reasons 😱

[@gabrielmaroto18]

Lucky I could never learn how to cut my own hair and now I look like Chewbacca which is somehow better than when I used to cut my own hair 😂

[@renealexander2703]

What about gay men who harrass straight men?

[@realiteaparody9198]

@@renealexander2703 That’s a real problem. No one deserves unwanted advances, but I don’t see how your question is relevant to the conversation.

[@jahmad5791]

This is the reason why I learned to cut my own hair years ago. I hated the passive and blunt comments towards gay people. Especially when the barbers are bringing up negative conversations towards gay men out of the blue.

[@mariccusthomas7460]

Yes what this young gay black man experienced is absolutely true of many black barbershop. I have experienced this also.

[@xSoReckles93]

This was a very good conversation. Love this series!

[@KenTurnerSings]

I've actually had a similar conversation with my former barber of 10yrs. Although we conversed civilly, he decided NOT to cut my hair any longer simply because I revealed I am Gay. He later told my cousin, also a client, that he has enough Straight customers That he didn't need MY money. #IGNORANT

[@whatcomesafter9389]

his loss fuck em 😤💪🏾

[@KenTurnerSings]

@@whatcomesafter9389 Exactly! ✊🏾

[@Mookie504]

That's discrimination.

[@mr.griffe9202]

@@Mookie504 He needs to have his license taken away

[@KenTurnerSings]

@@distantnative2478 I see you skipped over the part where i said, "Once i REVEALED my sexuality" He stopped cutting my hair....#SMH

[@priscillareviews4847]

When people talk about their experience you have to be open to listening, I feel like this barber missed that as the first step. Would love to see more of these conversations, maybe with some infographic stats and mediation! I used to go to this barber shop down the block regularly to get my undercuts and developed a real cool relationship with one of the barbers there. My gay friend was in town, needed a cut and I thought oh dang we can go to my barber!! The moment we walked in the tension in the shop was RIDICULOUS, the courteous conversation and banter that they treated me with was GONE and the barber was so obviously emotionally conflicted and homophobic that he couldn't even focus enough on giving my friend a good cut! They made the whole process uncomfortable for my friend and we literally left with his beard half crooked because the environment was so CRINGE and I was so embarrassed that I brought my friend into that experience.

[@D-Will2k]

😮

[@dasweetspot_her_me]

I understand that he is uncomfortable and I hate that men have to be so vulgar in general but I feel like a straight men barely knows what makes a woman comfortable so this conversation was very important

[@recoil53]

It's part of the downside about getting information from other guys - it's the blind leading the blind. I say this as a guy. We would have learned (everything) faster if we just absorbed what was going on and read cues instead of listening to people who also don't know. Also if we learned to stop trying to impress other guys.

[@dasweetspot_her_me]

@@recoil53 it's the same vicious cycle for women so many women have and accept toxic behavior because of how they were raised. I'm just happy we are all listening to each other and creating positive dialogue

[@APDaBaron]

Oh and gay dudes do? why ya'll so quick to defend niggas that call yall fish? and other derogatory shit? ya'll sure don't take it from straight black males.

[@D-Will2k]

@@dasweetspot_her_me 😂😂

[@chronicles6065]

Donovan told the truth!! Sir I am a heterosexual abstinent black man and I have conversations with all types of men. Just admit that you don't want to talk to gay people because of what other men and society would think of you. I have friends friends who are apart of the LGBTQ community and it is eye-opening to hear about their experiences you have to first be uncomfortable first before you can get comfortable.💯💯💯

[@jupiterg9813]

👆👆👆

[@richardp.3421]

You gay . Lol

[@JESUSLOVESYOU219]

Well here’s the thing, some people still believe that a man is made for a woman and visa versa, people can do whatever they please however that too should be respected as it’s not too far fetched to be a reality.

[@JESUSLOVESYOU219]

@NES it’s not a “man-made” book. That’s the oldest comeback, and it’s so tired. The Holy Bible is a Holy Spirit made book as it is proven to be. Maybe let God into your life and you’ll see it for yourself.

[@JESUSLOVESYOU219]

@NES what you’re saying just shows your ignorance and the same goes for all lgbtq members and sinners who reject the Love of Jesus. PEOPLE may have hurt you but Christ came to save you.

[@parisewellington3664]

If you know that some straight black men feel uncomfortable when gay men talk about their partners why would you not assume that gay males feel uncomfortable when straight men talk about their partners?

[@crepe80]

When we do it we are forcing ourselves 🙄✋🏾

[@bandaqueenlove9134]

Right

[@renealexander2703]

Parise Wellington, why would gay men be uncomfortable? Gay people have straight parents and are around straight people all the time. Gay people are use to straight people. The same cannot be said for straight men.

[@renealexander2703]

Then gay males have to go to a gay barber. You can't tell the majority to change to accommodate you.

[@yaboylucas2371]

@@renealexander2703 Cause if Straight Men feel uncomfortable around Gay Men and they can let it be known then gay men can do the same thing.

[@RyTravels]

Thank you for making this video. This was so important to speak on. I can relate to this growing up in New York and enduring the amount of homophobia in barbershops. I’m hopeful the right person will view this and change the narrative to help those who are marginalized.

[@mundo8169]

This is one of reasons why I haven’t ever been to a barber in over ten years.

[@TheRenegadeStarr]

Lucky you

[@boysof213]

YYOOO This barber is so dismissive cuz this stuff would never ever affect him and the guy in the chair was NOT having. He kept it all the way real and I loved every minute of it. As a gay black male going to the barber is top level uncomfortable cuz it is peek level toxic masculinity..

[@malikamadou3433]

You enjoy watching someone sexually harass people in the place of business?

[@renealexander2703]

Jeff P, you can't change straight men. That's how they are. They are not gay. So they will not relate to you.

[@treblazer]

this is why i started growing my hair out i used to hate going to barbershop

[@SourStrawberrys]

Why don't guys just do what women do and learn to cut/care for their own hair. Haven't been to a salon since I was a kid.

[@treblazer]

@@SourStrawberrys good point and they should think about that

[@gabrielmaroto18]

Yes my hair is Locked I cut it off every five years and start over

[@ULOOKAFOOL]

Growing up semi-feminine and gay, Barbershops were the root of my anxiety.

[@javierlopeztapia5588]

Say that again!!

[@langstont.5897]

I don’t go to barbershops anymore as a gay 18yr black man because I felt so uncomfortable there not by my actual barber or the owner but by the customers and new barbers that just started there a few weeks ago mainly I had been going to that shop for about 8 years and I was used to it up until I started getting into my more Fem side like wearing nails wearing short shorts and tighter clothes normally I wouldn’t wear that stuff there but there were the few time I head straight there after school and in school I’m gonna dress the way I dress ain’t no if and buts about it and then having to feel the judgmental stares of when you first walk in the shop and everybody stops are stares at you and you can just feel the anxiety rising in you like you’re about to throw up or have a panic attack and then you try to ignore it when people keep looking at each other at then looking back at you and whispering to each other and then the times where you know they’re talking about you while you have your headphones in and they think you can’t hear then but you catch the little snips of what they’re saying sometimes even just stop listening to what your listening to completely with your headphones still in so you can hear what they’re saying. So now that I’m with my more fem side of my life I’m letting my hair grow out and even if I need a trim or something I got to a salon or a barbershop with mostly female barbers

[@carlhowardtv5819]

Im so sorry that happened to you friend. Everyone deserves to be comfortable and unbothered. Dont let it bring you down!

[@dynamict4722]

I love him on “the grapevine”, but that’s reason I cut my own hair because I have too much anxiety to go to the barbershop💈

[@Kiddkyuubi]

Loved this!! Im so happy i grew up with my dad always cutting my hair because as a gay man I never felt comfortable going to a barbershop for these exact reasons. Its nice to see this being talked about

[@RP.123]

I live in NY. The homophobia, misogyny, and sometimes the professionalism is unreal. This is exactly why I go to the Spanish barbers.

[@MrFlyboyjay91]

Yes!!

[@newagehero9605]

I need to find out if we have one because I’ve learning Spanish for awhile

[@Jerry-mg9nv]

I understand my brother! I live in Los Angeles (LA) and the homophobia is real here too, however you have a strong black gay and gay population here that ain't having it. However about 90 percent of the gangbangers(acting all hard and hugged up on women as their beards) are under cover gay!!!SO yes I understand my brother!!

[@renealexander2703]

@@Jerry-mg9nv , gay men are always trying to claim that all men are gay and wonder why straight men want to avoid you.

[@gabrielmaroto18]

@@Jerry-mg9nv right! I am from the south side of Chicago there’s a very large Mexican population there and they heat us too!

[@larrysimms7028]

This is why I became a stylist 💈✂. I always hated going to get a haircut. It was murder. I work in an all inclusive shop that focuses on lgbt clientele. Safe space.

[@gabrielmaroto18]

That sounds like a dream I would love to come to your shop

[@FirstLast-et2nc]

When we listen to each other, that’s when we learn, that’s how we build bridges and understand one another. To each their own but conversations like this need to happen more often. The world would be a brighter place.

[@KalderAhm]

One of my straight friends sent me this. And I felt everything he said. I had all of those experiences. Please make this a series.

[@cheftruvii6146]

As a gay black man I have definitely felt anxiety about certain barber shops. I have walked into shops where they talked about women like dogs. I just zone out and look at my phone. I definitely have had alot of Donovans experiences.

[@renealexander2703]

Would you prefer they talk about men?

[@D-Will2k]

😂😂

[@dmg.2443]

I haven't had a haircut in almost 2 months and now Im actually realizing why.

[@jakharimalik]

This conversation is sooooo needed I'm glad you guys had this convo. Looking to open up a black shop specifically for LGBT members in the upcoming years

[@LockedInNOW]

One thing I hate is the dismissive and clueless tone the barber had about the Toxic Masculinity takes place in the barbershop 🙄 like Bro if you’re a “ Man “ at least be Real and Transparent ! This is why I created a Pro Queer Black Channel to take on issues like this 💜 !

[@malikamadou3433]

No one is required to cater to you & your sexual agenda in their place of business. Get your hair cut & GTFO!

[@jsr110187]

I truly enjoyed this conversation as a black gay man. This addressed a lot of how I feel sometimes in the barbershop. And the barbershop is one of my favorite places to go but I tend to stay away because of how uncomfortable or disrespected I feel. But if more black barbershops had this level of understanding and respect for their brother of all sexual preferences would be so dope. Not saying you can’t talk or have fun or even be loud. But I’m the conversation lgbt shouldn’t be the punchline of every joke. Or brought up to point of someone who is gay. Because from experience the same brothers talk down on the lgbt are the same ones every time sliding their number to you or hitting you up outside the shop to link. We have to stick together and support each other because at the end of the day we are brothers and still seen as blacks and thugs.

[@Jerry-mg9nv]

AMEN MY COURAGEOUS BROTHER!!!!

[@renealexander2703]

King Jeremy, that's not true. This is why straight men avoid gay men. Because gay men are always claiming that straight men are not straight. That's disrespectful.

[@renealexander2703]

You don't respect straight black men. If a straight black man does not like you or gay men, why does that mean he's gay?

[@jsr110187]

@@renealexander2703 I can’t speak on that because that’s not who or what I do. Every man I come in contact with isn’t gay nor do I place them in a box. But as a gay man every man in general should understand not every gay man wants you. There are two sides to this and yes both sides could do better. This isn’t to point the finger this video is start a conversation between the two so that both sides can stop putting the other in boxes and just be cool.

[@renealexander2703]

@@jsr110187 , I'm talking about gay men thinking that they can sexually harrass straight men.

[@jaheim_theboss7167]

I’m a black gay man that’s from East New York also and In barbershops I always felt uncomfortable when I was younger, now I feel more comfortable cause I had to learn to be able to feel comfortable cause if they get to feel comfortable about talking about women and whatever straight me talk about I should to and you have to be willing to listen.

[@D-Will2k]

@@jaheim_theboss7167 👏

[@tyantoine356]

This was a phenomenal conversation i love Donovan’s work and the way he articulates! Thank you for this conversation it needed t be discussed!

[@jojoradford3203]

What a great episode of real truths about sexuality that have been like this for years!!! The ones who talked loud about who's gay or not are the main ones who's gay, bi bi, Trickotreaters, and undercover brothers.

[@Aries16603]

I'm a gay black man born and raised in Harlem NY, I know all about the pressure being in a barbershop especially as a child. it was always "Homophobe Central" in there. As a kid, I was very uncomfortable.

[@s-p-man5271]

I am white, and I hate going to a barbershop that they talk about gay people. I wish I had a barbershop for only gay guys and open-minded guys- with a big sign saying homophobic free. After all, bodies deserve respect since we are great people, and so are the open-minded straight people.

[@renealexander2703]

But some gay people view everything as homophobia. Apparently just being straight is homophobic.

[@s-p-man5271]

your comment is irrelevant to the topic. Gay people do not see every straight one as homophobic at all, but if a certain amount of straight people make blatant slurs, then how do you expect people to call you? The holly Mother Teresa? I doubt it. If you act like one, then people, regardless of their sexual orientation, will label you with your name on it. In this life, if you want to live happy than you must know bien to handle the rules of life. My respect starts at your end and vice versa, so we are all the same regardless of our sexual orientation. Victimizing everyone else doesn’t make you homophobic, but it is your actions as a person the ones who will incriminate you as one.

[@renealexander2703]

@@s-p-man5271 , but some people feel that everything is homophobic. If a straight man does not want to be with another man, he is called homophobic.

[@sandersGG]

​@@renealexander2703 I cant address the arguemnt at hand so instead I'll fight a strawman that doesn't exist within reality

[@itsrashard]

Every barbershop I went to as a kid they either was talking about sports or women. I always hated having to go there. 😂

[@JMP-s2p]

Omg yay Donavon!! ♥️♥️♥️ Lol, glad to see him on here

[@tyjohnson6536]

Yes yes yes. I get tired of barbers thinking it is okay to automatically assume that my interests are that of a woman and therefore treat me like I am one. Or thinks that I care to hear about that one cousin in their family who happens to be gay as if that's all my life centers around. Or makes off the cuff jokes and tries to play it off like..."oh you can take a dick, but can't take a joke." Dude....this series needs to be extended and considered by many deeply!

[@jemportal4166]

My God, that "you can take a dick but not a joke " comment got me. It's so revealing, for him to say something like that to you means that he don't even respect his own body, let alone that of another human beings. That idiot didn't even realize that in that comment he was implying that dick, a part that he himself has, is more toxic than a joke. I'm so sorry that people like that attack you in return for your hard-earned money. And it's way too hard to find spaces with Black cis/het men that aren't dumb like that.

[@TruCentrinoTech]

Starting to think that consideration is a trait men would 'prefer' not to have ...they possess the capacity 100%, but given the opportunity to turn off the cause and effect of their words, they'd prefer to be scoundrels without repercussion. That being said, consideration makes a community and the barbershop belongs to everyone. You can see how one conflicts with the other.

[@BoyWhoCriedDiamonds]

I’ve had extreme anxiety for the longest time getting a hair cut as a hispanic gay man. So much so that i didn’t get a haircut for years. Hair grew down to my ass. Till i finally decided to go to a shop near my school and the experience was tolerable. I’ve been getting my hair cut by the same man for about 4 year now. Most successful male relationship i’ve ever had. Still even when you find a barber who is okay about cutting a gay man’s hair, there are still other people who come in the shop who maybe have problematic views and could have reservations about you even being there. There are still those micro aggressions too because of where the conversations go. As gay people of color, we need to remember that we belong in any and every space that we occupy, and that out presence shouldn’t be tolerated but respected.

[@DJFreeway-DJDeltoid-DJZales]

I understand this as a mixed race Mexican person who truly does not know their sexuality/have feelings of bisexuality.

[@RonaldInSainety]

First I went to barber for their skill. I did see a lot of personality about politics, pop celebrities, dating but in my quiet demeanor I believed that I was meant to take it in. But I also dialoged with my barber. And I also tipped well and established a relationship. So far I never had a problem. Besides, I appreciate an open male environment.

[@D-Will2k]

👏👏

[@RonaldInSainety]

This is the brotherhood where we dialogue and appreciate each other. Mostly.lol

[@kiemievisionary2343]

I 100% love this conversation especially in the time we’re in now this is needed and long overdue

[@corneliuswhite5139]

I so appreciate Donovan for being the voice advocate behind this topic. Barbershops all over the country (maybe the world), have no idea how traumatic a trip to their establishment is to a gay person...just getting a 30 minute cut.

[@kingjustinv01]

The conversation in this video was on point from communication, maturity, age gap, understanding, etc.

[@gwigiefqefjugb]

Thank God I'm comfortable going months without hair being cut because my barber is often traveling for events and I'm not at all comfortable switching to an unfamiliar barber for this exact reason. He knows who I am, has known me since I was in high school and I'm in my twenties now. Acceptance in the barbershop setting is most definitely an issue.

[@jaceking2022]

I actually enjoyed that convo. Amd my God how it brought really melanin connection. Love this. Please keep it up.

[@rogers6141]

Its the gaslighting for me.

[@domthesupa]

The guy getting his haircut was coming off a little hostile. "love making people feeling uncomfortable". Me personally I don't care what kind of line people decide to walk on. People is people. But respect goes both ways. We can chat about the weather, sports, movies, don't always have to be about relationships. Me personally I keep that stuff private anyways.

[@bushmorel7343]

He said he loved making people uncomfortable if they already made him uncomfortable which is understandable. If someone is being annoying towards you on purpose, you have every reason to be annoying to them

[@domthesupa]

@@bushmorel7343 True that. On that note that's very understandable. Props to him for standing up for himself.

[@D-Will2k]

👏👏👏

[@zi6322]

Most of the shops run by men I went to are like Toxic asl. Try to act nice then sneak diss behind the clients back 😤🤮.

[@gabrielmaroto18]

Behind the clients back? Lucky. Chicago right in your face

[@D-Will2k]

😂

[@toniedemare]

God bless the barber, but he seems very oblivious.

[@LBloggie]

lol shame cause hes cute

[@cecilyoung5042]

As a an old school black gay man 76 years old who lived in the San Francisco Bay Area and in Sacramento and going to black barbershops in both cities ,I never had the issue of my sexuality . I was reserve and quiet and just sat in the chair and take a nap while the barber cut my hair and if there was any conversation ,it was never about my personal life. I had a very good relationship with all of my black barbers and if I had a conversation with any of them ,it was about my job and anything about gay people was never discussed ,because it was either about sports ,politics ,women ,and things in general. I was never asked nor talked about my sex life nor my sexual orientation because I was there to just get my hair cut. Now ,I live in Washington State /suburbs and Asians and Whites cut Black people's hair.

[@ciel222]

In order for us to have a BETTER COMMUNITY , we have to work together , listen to each other , despite our differences , and this video is a great example

[@renealexander2703]

But gay men are trying to control straight men.

[@JessieObien]

I loved this episode! I can relate. As a gay man I've always felt uncomfortable going to barbershops especially when they start asking me questions about dating. That's why I opt to go to salons instead to get my hair done. Big props to the client. He was so articulate. I love how in touch he is with his feelings and knows the right words to express them. What an intelligent and emotionally aware individual. 👏👏

[@TheRealArrendondo]

I don’t think the barber was being dismissive he was just explaining why the behavior takes place they feel like it’s a safe haven as straight men to say whatever they want but i also understand what the guy getting his haircut was saying: he feels like the world is a safe haven for straight men to say whatever they want because they talk like this at work in public at restaurants etc all the time regardless. It’s like at what point do straight men mature and own up to there lack of impulse control in the mouth department and realize they can’t just say any and everything they want to, that’s a sign of still being a boy/child. (I also say that that’s another problem for men in the community ; what’s causing them to want to have these vulgar conversations and be overly performartive when it comes to displaying masculinity in the first place? at the end of the day the bigger issue is just a lack of respect for human beings to begin with and even mental health; if they feel that comfortable having degrading sex talk about women of course they don’t care about homosexual men’s feelings or any individual that is viewed as other (disabled people, other races even there own so called friends); it’s narcissism and a superiority complex; Every man thinks they’re the best thing on earth and they can treat and talk about anybody the way they want to just because they exist and have free will; it’s something broken within humanity that they think they can speak Ill of someone just for existing in the first place especially/specifically when no one provokes them.

[@aldum14]

I just found a new barber and it is sad that after 25 years the one I had became a homophobe and treated me like a stranger. Living in Brooklyn, NY is the worse when it comes to finding respectful Barbers. I remember I went to this place called Levels by Medgar Evers College in Brooklyn and the males began making comments about my walk and how soft i spoke. It was embarassing and as I just came out of the hospital from an illness, it only exacerbated my condition.

[@bryantwilliams7149]

I've never been to a Black Barbershop because I was worried about being judged by other hyper masculine black men. The man in the chair pointed out every reason why I didn't want to go. I knew there I'd have to filter what I'm saying and couldn't speak freely. I wished strait black men weren't so uncomfortable with black gay men being themselves.

[@shawnmichelledavis5619]

This was really entertaining and influential. The topic is so important and it goes further than the barber shop, into our homes and neighborhood, our schools etc. Loved this. N

[@MoNoK15]

It's amazing how different barber shops & beauty salons are. Women can talk about liking other women in a salon and not get hate, but men can talk about liking men in barber shops and get hate dragged. The barbers got to consider the fact that some of the straight men have gay children or very close gay family members that they will protect at all costs. So not only is it offensive to speak on topics that disrespect gay men, it also is offensive to straight men with gay loved ones. What should be discussed in barber shops & beauty salons are Jesus, education, careers, and motivational messages to uplift one another.

[@Prince-mw1gz]

Nah I'm a lesbian and I definitely get hate from women if I talk about women. "Oh so do you like me?" Straight women automatically think im attracted to them because I like women. Dont forget how fetishized i am by straight men. We gotta stop making false comparisons and help one another.

[@raynaudier8622]

MoNo K, no shade to you, but when you say: "What should be discussed in barber shops & beauty salons are Jesus, education, careers, and motivational messages to uplift one another." - they're not churches/ scshools/counseling centers, & the barbers/stylists aren't theologians, college professors, or guidance counselors.. They have NO😁 expertise in those areas.

[@MoNoK15]

@@raynaudier8622 - No shade to you either, but knowledge is POWER. Educating men, especially black men is a need. Discussing meaningful topics is what the world needs. If you don't mind, what do you think are good topics to discuss? FYI...it doesn't take a Specialist to educate, it only takes wisdom.

[@chomaekwese7894]

That was a great interaction and a spotlight on an unspoken biases that plagues the barbershop. It’s meeting spot of a huge community wherein opinions are being shared. It can be safe and very informative if the black community weren’t so drunk on toxic masculinity and one dimensional in perspective. The guy in the chair made a great point; “ the black heterosexual male is hardly ever disposed to understand the alternative lifestyle”. They get a high when it’s bashing time and for the most parts there’s an underlying element of compensation.

[@softestribbon]

I’m Mexican and is interesting to see this happens there too.

[@georgiabrother]

This is real conversation! Stronger Together.

[@shirleycastle5170]

We can all learn from each other from time to time. Love the barber shop videos and the barber's wee bit of white in his hair. Stay safe everyone.

[@elwoodgibson6598]

I hated going to black barber shops. It was like going to the dentist as a child. As I got older, I learned how to cut my own hair or sometimes I would go to a Dominican guy who was so classy. He would take my coat, put it on the rack and ask me how I wanted my hair. And there was beautiful music playing. I don't want to hear about the football game or guys talking loud and stupidity about females and sex, and thinking I'm supposed to agree.

[@unklegee136]

Like most black heterosexual spaces, the barbershop has never been a safe space for black gay men. And when a barber knows/thinks that you're gay, they become distant and somewhat aggressive. At least from my experience.. And you better believe, that they talk shit about you with the other barbers, when you get out that chair! I'm glad that I've gone bald and can line/shave my own beard at home. I'm not going to spend money, where I'm not wanted. I've tried my best to support my brothers and their business, but it's been made quite clear that they don't fuck with us like that..

[@zeusgonzalez8529]

This barber CAPPIN real hard.The barbershops I been to in Oklahoma City, NYC, Charlotte, and Little Rock all had the same type of toxic environment. it don't matter where you at. In my opinion, I think they are safe. Those barbers really dont be meaning any harm. I think of it like a comedy show. lol The barbershop is the same. Expect the unexpected and dont take it too personal.

[@howardbatchelor4886]

This was such an amazing conversation

[@brandobeewell]

Growing up in Toronto, Scarborough to be exact, the barbers here are all Jamaican, which is a whole nother level of homophobia, closed mindedness and misogyny. It’s always been so uncomfortable I had to switch shops like four or five times. Shame because they are all so talented.

[@parisewellington3664]

What I dont understand is why as an already marginalised group would black people choose to be hateful to others especially our own people! You dont have to 'agree' with being gay (even though you literally have nothing to agree or disagree with because who someone else is attracted to doesnt concern you) all you have to do is recognise that being gay is something that makes being a black person even harder than it already is and not do anything to make it worse and if you can try to do something to make that person be more comfortable

[@Bg13357]

the thing about this conversation and what i feel was kinda missed is that when in the barber chair you can talk about what you want the issue comes when you client is gay and they respond and you're like, "ah naw bro i don't get down like that", your client just sat there and listened to you talk about whatever you were talking about and when they respond to your conversation but w their experience you dismiss it because thats not your lifestyle. Like the hairsalon the barber shop is supposed to be a place of open ended conversation, and exchange of experiences, and a place of trust. That's why, especially in black culture and the community, Loyalty is of the utmost importance when choosing a barber, other wise people would be jumping all over the place looking for a barber. I appreciate talks like bc it opens up a dialogue and allows us, black people, as a people to begin to heal and understand each other outside of us just being black. We are able to have conversations that were shunned and silenced because black people (men) don't talk about their feelings or emotion or trauma. Causing it to be passed down like an antique.

[@lmitchell477]

This was dope.. my barber knows all my business lol.. one of my old barbers who is heterosexual is my bestfriend/brother and All his children call me Unc.. its a level if maturity us where I'm going with this..... and also how you were raised.. this is a great conversion and Im here for it

[@sojiaguda]

Can we talk about how good his trim is ? Like jeez🥶

[@marojiyam2258]

Firstly, I hope a black organisation owns this account, also this KZbin channel is a blessinggggg

[@Pk-wu9tl]

That awkward thing is, if you tell them your gay they can fuck up you hair. So for the sake of my hair I don’t say anything. But I have decided to start telling them I’m bisexual to put the thought in their head and see their response.

[@tamikiajones2815]

My thing is I like what the guy in the chair sayed it shows being a black gay man being a part of the LGBT community it is very hard going to the barbershop going to the beauty shops yes everybody has their own opinions but don’t do it to make somebody feel uncomfortable that’s the thing you’re being very very deceiving it’s all about respect

[@XNyanko]

At this point in my life, as a gay black man, I avoid spaces with a lot of black men in them because I'm not trying to get hate-crimed.

[@jerry7856]

As a black gay man, I have experienced these in the closet barber's who love to over compensate by gay bashing in order to excape detection!

[@amapparatistkwabena]

But why does the barber keep trying to edit my dude? Seriously---just shut up and listen, Unc. I'm not trying to say that the Black barbershop should stop being a place for heterosexual Black men---because 93% of Black men consider themselves heterosexual; what I AM saying, however, is that "Black men" includes 100% of us. That means bi and gay men are also in that number, so this space belongs to the 7% just as much as it does to the 93.

[@prettyhandsomegang5227]

The barbershop was always a regular place for me and I’m gay and was around straight guys I was use too the conversations the jokes it’s really who you are and how you carry yourself some ppl have been friends are grow up with gay man so they don’t feel as uncomfortable as too a person that didn’t are that’s scared too even allow them too

[@10byrdie]

This is why female barbers and LGBTQ male barbers are important.

[@sharjjahnaziz4122]

I am so glad that this man has brought this up.