is "true friendship" dead?

[@gremlita]

also today is my birthday :-)

[@annikanielsen740]

happy birthday mina!!

[@joshlikesfries]

Happy birthday mina!!!

[@alexandriamccoy4369]

Happy birthday🥳

[@yonibutton4180]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 😍

[@SnowmanTwin07]

Happy birthday em! Love from Cali! ❤🇻🇳🇺🇸

[@kywhitehead_]

The female friendship montage in the intro nearly killed me that was beautiful. Thank you for making that

[@ashantimaluleke2267]

I even teared up

[@aseofhearts]

especially seeing female friendships of every age showing how important it is from childhood to the end of our lives

[@mvdl1224]

The Golden Girls are a parable for life.

[@gremlita]

All credit to my amazing editor charlee!!

[@FrederickGautier]

Happy Birthday, Senorita Awesome.

[@sluttyicecream]

why is that so funny stop

[@digitalsnowangel]

😂

[@zachhh1217]

HSHAJHDHAIRIWRIERIKSIFJDOUEIOEKSJDD0

[@madinp1177]

Man, that montage at the beginning struck a deep chord. I really haven’t had that kind of friendship with anyone since my early teens, and it really hurts. I thought I found it in my first year of university, but she turned on me and stabbed me in the back. And then dropped out so we could'nt repair things lol. It really did hurt more than a romantic breakup. I haven't been able to cultivate a close friendship with anybody since, and this is not through lack of trying. There's like this assumption that everybody has their close friends already from their younger years, and they don't need anybody else.

[@stormyscribes]

😅😅w❤

[@stormyscribes]

😊😊😊😊😊🎉😂😊🎉🎉😊

[@stormyscribes]

😂😊😊😊😊😊😂😂

[@stormyscribes]

😂

[@HowImetAnne]

Same here..

[@daashazireael6613]

I have been craving female friendships. Its hard getting older

[@harlozafo]

Yeah I totally agree :( I’ve felt so lonely since finishing school and don’t even know where to begin finding strong female friendships again.

[@spooki333]

same i have some friends but non that ive gotten to have a superrrr close friendship with and it hurts

[@HaiiiWazzuppp]

@@harlozafo omg same!! after graduating college and getting a full time job, it feels so lonely. all my friends have moved away to other states for work and it sucks. I feel like I don't have a third space anymore :(

[@daashazireael6613]

@@harlozafoAs I get older the less I am willing to tolerate bad behavior. So friends I would have kept back in the day I don't put up with. I am also not where I want to be in live and I'm kind of embarrassed by that. Work is def. Where I have found some great connections and i sold on some used fashion sites and made some friends that way.

[@A.faceless.person]

I’m 30 and I still feel like maintaining my friendships is so difficult. It seems so easy for others to have large friend groups but I was never apart of them even when I tried. I wish I could let go the ideal of wanting to have that huge friend group I see around me and be more grateful with the few friends I have.

[@emilyonizuka4698]

I think the problem with female friendships is the same problem with a lot of romantic relationships: if you romanticize something and put it up on an unattainable pedestal, it's never gonna work. the messy human side of things needs to be there in any relationship.

[@Sorcerollo]

"Men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives." - Shakespeare

[@julesrules7297]

I think effortless friendship is dead. We have to try harder to maintain IRL friendships and push away the lazy urge to only text when we feel like it and only meet up under perfect circumstances.

[@OzmaOfOzz]

It's like any relationship really. It just gets harder as an adult because we have jobs, spouses, maybe even kids etc It feels effortless when we're kids because all we do is hangout (outside school i mean). I find it harder to connect with my friends who have had kids since i dont have them nor want them. Its like people with kids lose their entire personalities once they become parents lol but that's an entirely different topic 😅

[@Quinn-he3vn]

Imo I don't think there was ever such thing as "effortless" friendship. Maintaining relationships will always take effort, even if it doesn't feel like it

[@pallasydoor7116]

Honestly, it felt hard when I was a kid because we up moved. So it feels like it’s never been effortless, so modern friendships randomly ending , just feels different to me for some reason. ADHD doesn’t help.

[@amynellibabi]

It feels easier to be a hermit than to have friends. Messaging a person feels like you're inconveniencing them, scheduling a meet up is near impossible because of how busy we are, and being vulnerable with them is "trauma dumping". It takes too much effort to try to navigate all of this, I feel like I've given up.

[@aseofhearts]

noo girl😭 with a true friend u shouldn’t feel like any of those things. a person i like messaging me is never inconveniencing

[@aeoligarlic4024]

The fear of inconveniencing them is so true tho! Especially when they take very long time to get back to your messages. You ever feel like you're the only person reacting to your friends' stories but they never do yours? That sums up my social life...

[@aseofhearts]

@@aeoligarlic4024 okay i do ur right😣 i put sm effort into friendships coz i value them but those same ppl have lots of other friends too so im just one of many😞 do know tho that taking a long time to reply doesn’t mean someone doesn’t like talking to u some ppl r just shit at checking messages haha

[@orzori]

​@@aeoligarlic4024yup, and then realizing they never really contact you but they contact each other all the time. It's rough being lonely in a friend group, so being lonely while also being alone feels more appropriate, but now I feel more available to look for new friends in my life 🥺

[@h3art_3y3s]

I know it may seem like that but please don’t give up on friendships that mean something to you. One way to look at the inconvenience issue is simply to look at it the other way. If my friend told me what I’m telling them, would I be annoyed? Most times no. Most times people who love you want to know what’s going on! There is truth to the phrase “no man is an island”. People are made to have community.

[@_Kamahl_]

OMG I WAS JUST TALKING TO SOME PEOPLE ABOUT HOW HARD MAKING REAL FRIENDS HAS BECOME. It is just insane how this came at THE perfect time. Friendship and connecting at this day is just so difficult... and the world feels really shallow and empty and lonely :/

[@ensommeille5315]

There are plenty of reasons but this is one of my biggest gripes with the pandemic tbh :( No one knows how to socialise normally anymore, no one seems to remember how to be a person. It's really weird to watch as an autistic person especially, as someone who has always been on the side of not really knowing how to be a human. We spend our entire lives learning, masking, figuring out what is expected of us, while a lot these people don't seem to feel the same need. They can be as selfish and two faced as they want, surely? Why should they examine their own behaviour? It's weird to watch them experiencing things analogous to my own experience but reacting COMPLETELY differently

[@apologyygirll91]

@@ensommeille5315 ^^^ !!

[@KatiKosta]

I would kill for a female friendship girl group. It gets so, so lonely.

[@babymeatball]

Same. Wanna be friends? Haha

[@snekomfg5915]

When I was younger I didn't really have friends but now that I moved into a different country I think I found my people. I hope for real you find yours too ❤

[@aeoligarlic4024]

It's unrealistic. In real life as we got older it's totally normal to only have 1 or 2 very close friends. Four friends counts as a lot of friends. Also sometimes you have 3 closest friends but they're from all different groups

[@4.9.a.l.i.7.7]

im the opposite bro im a guy and im not rlly in a friend group im friends with everyone but i want a guy friend group so bad. it feels like every other guy in my grade is part of one :/

[@msmendes214]

Same! Once I had kids, zero friends. Ugh, depressing.

[@hadeel2530]

People just want to collect friends or pose with insta baddies who have social capital. It’s not just the dating game that has been rigged, modern friendships are even worse imo.

[@jimin8006]

Social capital is true to describe it. Making new female friends is 100% harder than dating

[@digitalsnowangel]

True, but true friendships are real too.

[@vivanesca]

idk where you guys live everyone i know has real friends

[@oomay1925]

Another funny thing is how a lot of this younger generation (which I'm part of) will air out their dirty laundry with their friends on social media as if they're influencers throwing shade when they're not. I remember this back and forth between these two girls and their falling out on tiktok and people on that app and twitter were throwing in their two cents about it. And its like why am I learning the most typical friend drama on social media as if they were famous and not just random girls on the internet 😭

[@ensommeille5315]

This is so real, and people take it so seriously 💀 They start pulling out the classic Reddit "lawyer up, delete Facebook, hit the gym" and it's all over how two 16 year olds like the same boy or something like shit every teenager goes through lmao

[@kazehayaswitch3798]

oh yes this, where is the privacy and respect anymore? everyone just seems prioritizing attention than valuable relationships. and then they wonder why people are being nosy when they're the one that started to air their own dirty laundry in the first place and they themselves is the cause of their falling out with everyone. i dislike that nowadays everyone wants to be an influencer, it's a sickness that needs to be studied.

[@Hellakiddie]

Most people aren’t genuine and it just gets harder when we get older you can be kind and yourself but people don’t want that idk what they want

[@vanillavania.]

Yup. It’s really confusing.

[@zero-0-clock]

Still emo about a friend breakup from like half a year ago, I thought we would grow old together... Might have teared up during the intro lmaooo

[@amirat8162]

Same ❤

[@aseofhearts]

awh🥺 why’d u breakup?!

[@orzori]

I feel your pain ❤️‍🩹 give it time. My friendship group loss was about a year ago, and only now was I able to tell my mom about it all, without crying. It still hurts, and I'm definitely lonely, but I'm most certainly healing, and I know you will too, one day ❤️

[@Wheres_Bunny]

I feel you 😭 I just lost a bestie too

[@Maria_Miciano_5]

I really only have one true friend. Then I have a bunch of acquaintances that I used to know but we’ve moved on with our lives. The friend that I have just became a mother. I really opened up about my feelings about our relationship with her recently. She is the sweetest person I’ve ever met I have to say. Love your videos, Mina!

[@harlozafo]

Also in the only one true friend club!! I get really sad watching shows with strong female friend groups bc I want it so bad haha. But then again, my one friend is such a special connection.

[@Maria_Miciano_5]

@@harlozafo I used to be in the group of having as many friends as possible. But now that I’m not in high school, it is a lot easier to just have one person that I enjoy taking with. I’m also pretty close with my relatives but not as much as to my one friend.

[@sunglassesemojis]

I find the transactional friendship thing very interesting. I’m very much of the mindset that you trade favors- if I’m visiting someone and they’re letting my stay over for free, then I view it as my obligation to buy them dinner or bring a bottle of wine. But that can cause issues when others don’t act the same- I have friends who will stay over for 3 days in my small apartment and never even consider giving my a host gift or do any chores on my behalf. Mismatched expectations creates more problems than either attitude individually

[@IshtarNike]

I prefer to call it reciprocal obligation rather than trading favours but I get what you mean. Being in "debt" to each other over small favours can actually be a very beneficial thing as long as no one is getting jealous, lazy, or keeping score too closely. That seems like a lot but with good people it's not hard. You just show up for each other and it tends to even out eventually. Especially when you look at it from an equity based view rather than trying to match like for like. Some people may only be able to give £50 where you give £100, but if it's a real sacrifice for them then it means the same thing.

[@soulsworn13]

Yeah that something "in Kind" concept. Sometimes things don't have to be returned in the same monetary value, it can be returned in meaningfulness or time etc too. The key point is people reciprocating the gestures as a token of appreciation for one another

[@VK-rl6wl]

I struggle with this because the expectations can be so specific it ends up excluding people who may have grown up in another culture or don’t get implied social cues and expectations. I try to give freely and not feel to bad about not getting what I expect to receive back. When someone consistently profits off of me without ever giving back I will probably lose interest in the friendship anyway.

[@kerb7870]

the friendships I had in college felt so shallow and context based. we’d hang out in class and for lunch but then not again. I always felt awkward asking people to hang out because they wouldn’t ask me back. In hindsight I know I was probably too shy and unaware of social cues, but it still hurt. I waited for friends to come but no one ever approached me, and I was never invited to anything. And I’d see mean, gossipy, selfish people in these large groups and it just felt totally unfair. I wish somebody had given me a chance to feel like a fellow woman and not the odd girl out. I get sad knowing I’ll never experience the old timey television female friendship.

[@thepovdweller]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Tbh, when i realised that school relationships are mostly proximity-based, it changed my outlook on them. Like i would have never met classmates had we not chosen the same program/major.

[@sophspice32]

i was just thinking how i miss my former best friend, it was the only genuine bond i´ve ever had with someone

[@jessedarlin]

I barely get any notifications on my phone and it causes me a lot of depression. The only ones I do seem to get are from brands or politicians. And now I’m dming a guy on Instagram and overthinking everything he says 😂

[@ishathakor]

at this point i've had several friendships in which i realize at some point that i'm the only one who actually cares about the friendship. i used to think i was REALLY close to my friends from university because we would literally talk all the time and i could communicate with them and everything. and then i had a months long depressive episode where i stopped initiating conversations with them. NOT ghosting. i just stopped initiating conversations. and none of them checked on me. and then they all dmed me 5 months later on my birthday saying happy birthday and asking when we can call to talk to each other. and i confronted them about how none of them spoke to me for months and they were all like "yeah i'm just a bad texter, but i love you!" and saying shit like "yeah, but i'm a great friend! i love you!" and this is just one example but it keeps happening to me. and what i've realized is everyone wants really close friendships but very few people are interested in actually doing anything about that. people love being my friend because i do all the work. i initiate conversations and hang outs and recommend movies and tv and talk about books and i remind them how much i care about them and everything. and they don't have to do anything. they get to be in an amazing friendship without lifting a finger. it's so easy to receive affection. and then they never give it. no matter how much i communicate, they just never understand that i need more from them as well. that i feel like i'm keeping the friendship together. i have ONE friend who actually gets it. everyone else will just drift away or flat out ghost me or on many occasions even block me and then when i talk to them they'll be talking about how they were a great friend the whole time. which - of course they would think that. everything was fine from their perspective. i was the one doing all the work. i was the one communicating and making sure i understood them and their life and their problems and tried to help them and was always there for them when they needed me. and they were the ones reaping the benefits of having a friend who just does everything. so of course they didn't think anything was wrong. i've genuinely had people who ghosted me for YEARS come back into the dms like nothing happened and then claim they were amazing friends to me the whole time and i'm being a bitch. i know a girl who literally told me AFTER GHOSTING ME FOR FIVE YEARS that she wanted me to be her maid of honour. and when i said we weren't friends anymore she was shocked. idk. i don't think true friendship is dead, but i think the vast majority of people want a "true friendship" without ever doing anything about it. they want that deep connection. they want a best friend. they want someone who will drop everything to help you. but they are simply not interested in ever building that relationship. they just want it to happen. and they don't want to have to maintain that relationship either. they want to be able to vanish from your life for months and for everything to just be the same when they come back regardless of whether that's what you want or not. people want to have no maintenance friendships they never have to do anything for but they still want you to drop everything you're doing the second they need help and they will absolutely fucking never do that for you. i literally have one friend who thinks otherwise. people want to have their cake and eat it too

[@aseofhearts]

THIS IS ME OMG but also people who have one or two best friends already don’t feel that need to initiate the convos (so im always the one doing it too) but if they lose those best friends for whatever reason they can’t see that they’ve lost their other great friends from not putting in any effort

[@scheissaufkekse5171]

Omg I had very similar experiences! You expressed that very well! My solution for my loneliness is being the friend I would've needed. I will forever put my work into friendships and at the and of the day I can at least say that I truly know that I'm a good friend. Asking for more is too much these days... I still hope we can soon see the overall mindset shifting. I see you and I wish you the best ❤

[@aseofhearts]

@@scheissaufkekse5171 yeh id much rather know im a good friend then give up trying like so many people do

[@vacafuega]

Omg same!! It's absolutely outrageous how people behave, there's not even basic reciprocity. Like it's freaking basic logic that friendship is give and take. The thing that gets me is the people who take and take and drain me without a second thought are often giving themselves... But only to people who treat them poorly, when someone is awesome they take that as a sign they can walk all over them. I mean if you know how much it hurts to be the giver in a one way relationship, why would you behave like the people who made you suffer? Why would you want to become the person who's selfish? I don't get it. Whether or not people acknowledge it, honour and morals do exist as solid enduring concepts of human life.

[@kazehayaswitch3798]

oh my good i feel understood reading this. as someone who is always there for their friends, I have lost countless friends because of one-sided effort. now, i have less than 5 friends but their quality as a friend is better than having 1 million friends. you're right about people wanting deep friendship but not many would put in effort, they just want to enjoy the benefit of being in one but not doing any works, i learnt that the hard way.

[@stephaniemason6533]

In college, my friends would ask me for things all the time. I once drove three hours to pick up a friend who tried (and failed) to hitchhike his way to a girl he liked. It made me feel so loved and trusted that people could come to me for even the most inconvenient things. It's like you said, friendships really pick up when you put just a little more effort in eachother. But no one asks me to do things any more. I love doing things for the people I care about, but it's like no one wants to take that extra friendship step to put someone out a bit or possibly volunteer to do something themselves.

[@Bamgeutcutiepie]

honestly nothing hurts more than losing a friend. maybe family.. but it is much harder to lose a friend than a man... lol for me.

[@h3art_3y3s]

I had a very co-dependent friendship breakup about 7 years ago and I still dream about her regularly. It was a long, confusing healing process. Even though I’m honestly very glad she’s not in my life anymore, she’s still very much in my psyche because of all the history and things that will subconsciously remind me of her.

[@ma_city_777]

Happy Birthday Mina!!!!!!! 🎁🎂🍰💜💟 I wish you the best in life and I hope you achieve all your goals and aspirations. 🍂🎂

[@marigolden_mariposa]

all the male friends i had in college were horrible to me. the only one that was extremely kind and a good friend ended up coming out as trans mtf years later. i only had female friends in high school. and now my only friend is my ex boyfriend and a woman i met through him. i literally have zero other friends and I'm so extremely lonely and scared I'll never find an actual best friend. i have to start all over and try to meet new people at 30. why would anyone want to give me the time of day? when any sensible 30 year old probably already has plenty of friends and family and doesn't have room for me in their life.

[@draalttom844]

From all rhe 30 year old I dated, not one had friends to rely on

[@chaoticneutralsheep]

There's a lot of over 30 year olds looking for friends too, I notice that many make friends in fandom spaces and doing things like playing tabletop or joining groups.

[@sheails]

Everyone is more or less lonely, many people don't have that big of a social group at 30, many people are single and living in a town where they moved to a couple years ago, so with probably no family around. I think it's hard to make new friends as time passes but also you have to accept to meet new people and also accept you'll have to go through the uncertainty of them sticking around enough to see if they enjoy your company in a deeper way (the same applies to you, you are allowed to choose). I've been on a quest to find new people to hang out with, and what I do is tell my intentions to people I meet that I find cool, I tell them I'd like to try to hang out more as I want a larger social group and shared activities, and then people that accept are usually the ones that share similar wishes. And in those people, with time you find out who are the ones that you like more and that also like you more. It takes time but it's worth it. You can't expect to find a best friend easily, but you can find nice people, and time will tell what happens. ps : there are so many clubs for so many different interests (boardgames, gardening, whatever), just go to one that organises events with things you enjoy doing and see what happens

[@desertels5119]

​@sheails Seconded try some hobbies and see if you can ask if they want to get food afterwards etc..m

[@msrymakr]

I’ve given up on making friends now honestly, everyone already has their groups and whatnot. It’s lonely but easier

[@Sorcerollo]

You can find friends in book stories and know them better than any living person. It's a good way to cope

[@kagaminek]

jealousy in a friendship is an insane idea for me. when my ex-friend of 10 years told me she was jealous of my grades and (nonexistent) fashion style I was stunned. like??? all of my friends are pretty and smart and talented and funny and successful in their own ways and I'm just proud of them and happy for them

[@demon-dj7yj]

Your intro just made my cat jump up from her rocking chair. Now she's looking at me as if I'm the tooth fairy or some shit.

[@evilandproud]

The best thing i ever did in my mid 20's was accept an invitation to a monthly "wine night" that my best friend from HS began with about 7 other women. The only commitment was that once a month, you showed up at one of our houses and bring a bottle of wine. We've watched eachother get married, have kids, change careers... Now that we are in our 40's it is harder to get together but we have a text thread we are always sharing our lives on with eachother. So now we can share and keep in touch and every now and again we still all get together. We don't talk religion or politics but EVERYTHING else is on the table. They have saved my life so many times. I love them all to this day and we are all totally different from one another. Amazingly, any "gossip" that happens is constructive and comes from a place of concern. It takes effort and practice to be good to eachother, but to have people who accept you for simply being human is priceless. Hang on to your good friends!❤❤❤

[@Jessica-ge1vh]

45 seconds ago is insane

[@edbar4097]

Ugghhh this is so true. The scourge of modern girl-friendships. the unanswered texts, the bailing, the not finding time to meet up... Just had a friend stand me up and leave me hanging for two hours, then apologize profusely in recorded messages, because apparently a different friend had held her up and used my friend's baby as reason to keep her from leaving. At the end of the day, we gotta be patient and be able to forgive to keep friendships over a long time

[@lemoni4527]

Women NEED female friendships in their lives. Yes, female friendships can be complicated and emotional, but at the end of the day, having those girlfriends who get you and are there for you when life goes south, that is the best part of life. All relationships need communication and sacrifices to survive, especially female friendships cause you gotta beat that overanalysing part that can ruin such a wonderful thing as that. So go tell your girls you love em and do all the crazy shit you like

[@KC-2049]

oh my goodness I lived with male roomies for 2 years and they're great, they're really good dudes and we get along and bond over a lot of different subjects, but having a fellow neurodivergent woman in the house has been SUCH a relief, especially when our period (we synced up, we're a cool exclusive club lol) is coming and we need to bitch about it 🤣

[@refillpan]

also! never discredit having friendships with older women! sometimes that older lady at your work will have the best lessons and words of wisdom to pass on to you :)

[@shinossaura]

It's very hard when you are in a male dominted field and moving countries, like me :(

[@procrasy]

Welp, let me put this on pause and check that Charlie XCX ft Lorde song, cause I missed it

[@desertels5119]

It's a banger

[@nataliewarner3956]

Girl i am having this experience currently in my first semester of college 😭 like exactly as u described

[@jimin8006]

Just have fun it’s okay. Uni friendships don’t last anyway when people move to different cities for graduate jobs.

[@KyleGuffey]

lol we all do. You’ll look back a year from now and be like “why was I at a Denny’s at 2am with THIS group of people?”

[@NellieNutkins]

I find it hard to meet people I genuinely connect with and irregardless of gender and various factors - it’s a struggle to even keep friendships going. I’m an all in kind of friend, and after a lot of putting myself/effort/thought/love into friendships (sometimes years) and going through some real hardships the last couple of years - I’ve had to pull back. And it’s amazing how one sided you find out some friendships truly are. Idk if I’d even call them friendships. Transactional seems about right, even at an emotional level. As a result, I’ve focused more on myself the last while. Things in my life are looking up. And maybe I’ll make new bonds that are rewarding and have good communication - not confusing. I wonder if it’s a sign of my age group (late 30s) and the life stage we are at - the changes that we face are just different and more consuming so some are more likely take friendships more forgranted? Marriage. Kids. Divorce. Income. Outgoings. Work. Healthcare. Mental health. You know just the never ending things to do and think about. The stakes are higher because there’s more to juggle and maybe it’s not carelessness that results in friendships faulting. But other transactions that take away from the energy we have to invest in friendship or even community.

[@joylipumano]

I know it’s a paid sponsorship but ‘It Ends With Us’ is absolutely not a “Girl’s Girl” book. It gives a dishonest portrayal of abuse and Colleen Hoover has proven to not take DV seriously. She tried to make a coloring book based off of ‘It Ends With Us’ and was ok with the movie adaptation being marketed as a rom-com.

[@risxra]

+

[@nicenicechannel72]

Okay I just started the video don’t tell me she promotes it 🥲

[@OzmaOfOzz]

It was marketed as a rom com by stupid mean girl Blake Lively😂 Justin Baldoni took the entire topic very seriously and distanced himself from blake and CH and it caused a lot of heat

[@citonita2207]

Sure but also, I think trashy light-reading about dark subject matter, marketed to women, is nothing new. I'm skeptical of taking it so serious. When trashy pulp is marketed to men (like b-tier horror films with rape, or even Gone Girl which starred a man) nobody asks for it to be educational or responsible about the real-life issues it fictionalizes for drama. Not on a massive, sensationalized, 'people think her career should be over' scale like Blake experienced. And I do think there's a sexist double-standard here where male actors are allowed to be unserious in interviews, while a woman like Blake has to be a spokesperson for real life ethics when marketing her goofy pulp drama film. For example, I think a Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Gone Girl coloring book would be received in a different spirit, because nobody is asking for these genre films to be classy and serious about their subject matter. You know?

[@refillpan]

yeesh, not a colleen hoover sponsorship....

[@ameliarooks]

omg the use of dolly alderton’s audio book at the beginning made me tear up

[@renm7377]

Happy birthday to the queen of comentary youtube

[@elie.bb15]

i'm so lucky to have solid female friendships ❤ friend breakups are underrated in how painful they can be, fr. experienced one last year (i was 32) and it sucked

[@double-star]

Really sounds like there is a lot of attachment and expectations without honest communication.

[@Spider-Manders]

Seeing someone's "online status" can for sure be hard. Especially when you see your friend group online interacting, and you're outside of it. It's easy to feel "Other" or ostracized. Or knowing your friend is online but not responding/reaching out to you when they've expressed wanting to talk. I attribute that to my last major friendship breakup. 4 years later and I have a more aquantences, a and smaller friendpool, but those connections feel more secure than they did before. Although, I am terrified of making new connections.

[@procrasy]

Great video, love the discussion and the sourced articles. Although you totally missed out on Taylor Swift suddenly hanging out with Sophie Turner right after her divorce announcement to Joe Jonas. The opening was right here! And it definitely was on theme (friendship displayed to communicate something publicly)

[@betinababbles249]

Wait is that where the Bailey Sarian theme song come from? 8:09 it sounds so similar 😶 I’m so out of the loop lol

[@gracepolak4464]

It might be, but it’s also the main melody for the intro Elvis Presley did when he had his residency in Vegas!

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

I’m always scared of losing my best friend, we just had our 10th friendship anniversary and this is the longest, most consistent friendship I’ve ever had. It terrifies me to imagine losing her and I’ve really forced myself to grow as a person to not self-sabotage the relationship into ending prematurely.

[@CatheLesp]

I don't know if it has anything to do with anything, really, but I feel like people are now so much drama, they can't cut off noise and real information nor can they not take things personally. It is exhausting to have friends, people get hyped on anything and everything and this and that is always the most important thing when it's just the new thing of the day that's gonna fade out by bed time. Constant news about everyone by text or any other means is not always relevant. People need to take a step back, breath and think instead of being swept by everything and considering it life changing worth knowing by everyone they have in their contacts. This is not friendship, it is venting to anyone that is within reach.

[@aerynnkh]

I also have predominantly female friends with a few exceptions but every single one of them is either depressed, extremely introverted, or burned out from work (or all three at once), so we hang out once in 6 months ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@ensommeille5315]

My experience in adult friendship is similar, we see each other every few months because we're both busy and have mental issues going on but the moment I really need them or something upsetting happens (and vice versa) we're making plans for that afternoon like immediately no matter what else we have going on. I kinda like the dynamic tbh haha, phones have given us all the expectation and pressure to be available 24/7 and respond to messages in a "timely manner" but I'm much happier when we see each other in person for longer times to catch up and aren't glued to each other via phone 24/7 as some people seem to expect :')

[@anyasmall8369]

21:03 .... 88% of men vs 18% of women broke up with someone via a text bruh

[@witchy.business]

88% of men???? Men and their lack of empathy terrifies me so much woahhh

[@caroa.l.2182]

My ex of 7 years broke up with me over text i totally believe that number

[@ajiananapier25]

0:31 diego boneta’s face 😂 like… okay girl

[@lissa3046]

I think a big struggle people have in modern day friendships is that they expect friendships to look the same or similar across the board when you’re dealing with unique people with unique personalities, communication styles, intensities, etc. We may look at one friendship or friend group and judge other friendships off of those dynamics and then draw conclusions about those other friendships based on the dynamics of another when that’s not realistic or fair. I have good friends that I’ve known since I was 3-12 years old that I still love dearly - we don’t talk constantly or even much, but we’re always there for each other when needed. My best friends from college and I communicate mostly in reels & memes and rarely see each other in person but when we do it’s like picking up where we left off and we know that we’re still besties. My run club friends I see 2-4 times a week, most of my social life revolves around them and we talk nearly constantly & have group chats, etc. All of these dynamics are very different but I cherish each of them just as much as the next, and what each friendship looks like is unique to the friend and how the friendship works. Seeing each friendship as a separate entity with separate dynamics and expectations both helps you foster more sincere and stable friendships overall but it also takes a lot of the pressure and fatigue out of friendship to not try to standardize the experiences across the board. Letting one friend’s memes stack up because you know they know you’ll read/watch them all when you have the brain space or time to do so while responding more quickly to another because you know they care about your Snapstreak doesn’t mean you’re neglecting one friend for the other or that you’re being a bad friend or that one is less of a priority in your life, only that the two friendships operate differently and you can have varying types of friendships that are equally as strong even if they don’t look the same. Idk if I rambled a bit too much there but the TLDR is that I think we take on pressure to have friendships that look a certain way & that leads to friendship being hard in a way it shouldn’t be.

[@PolloRataShow]

I came to my “best friend” in a really dark and isolate/ lonely time, for sanctuary as I had always provided a safe space for her to vent her woes. While at times I might of felt like we spent most dates only talking about herself and rarely was I asked about my life, I still felt honored that she could trust me. Also accepted that maybe we just have different communication styles and social awareness. Well, When I came to her in said dark time, she in response simply said, “you should get a journal”. That was all, it was heartbreaking for many reasons. Not only did it make me feel further alone but it made me feel uncomfortable that after all these years of comforting her and worrying about her, she couldn’t reciprocate. I also felt awful that if she may of possibly been emotionally unavailable, she couldn’t at the very least communicate that. And then, If I possibly did something wrong, after so many years of friendship, I wish she would have told me because I would have wanted to correct it. Not once in my life before that moment did I think negatively about her and then suddenly I felt like I didn’t know her at all. I felt as though a gave so much and was just left empty handed. I eventually had to just accept that maybe she just didn’t feel connected to me anymore and didn’t know how to break it off. I will never know but it definitely has made me feel emotionally exhausted and a bit untrustworthy. I guess I just expected at the very least, honesty, even if it was harsh or uncomfortable.

[@mckinleyt98]

i had to ask my boyfriend to stop responding to texts with “if you want” when i suggest something. he meant it as “yes, i want to do that as long as you also want to do that” but i couldn’t stop reading it as “i don’t care, do whatever you want” even though i KNEW that wasn’t right

[@Sorcerollo]

You are 100 percent right. The way we word things is super important.

[@myself2noone]

If you know that's not what he means, why are you letting him have the power to upset you? This is a fairly textbook cognitive distortion. Whenever you find yourself feeling that way, argue against it. Mock your own idea with a silly voice. Do something to fight against it. Eventually it will become second nature. Then only you will have the power to upset you.

[@Sorcerollo]

@@myself2noone No, thinking like that can turn you into a robot. Say what you mean mean what you say. That's the simple way to put it.

[@PerspicaciousLoris]

Friendship is not dead!!! Get off social media right now, I'm serious. Find real community, in real life. Somewhere you can be a "regular" and where you start to see familiar faces outside of work without having to put much effort into it. Could be a gay bar if you're queer, or church if you're religious, or community theatre, or a boxing gym, or anything you want... So many people are lonely these days and it's because we all think we can replace real social interaction with social media. It's not the same thing and it never will be.

[@etprincipalis]

True friendship? Girl. I don't even have the friendship part 💀

[@isabelleroberge2857]

As a Canadian, the whole Venmo thing seems so silly. In Canada you just e-transfer, directly transfering from your account to someone else's

[@UnimportantAcc]

If u wanna find new friends u need to look at communities for ur hobbies. Otherwise try getting in touch w ur high school friends again

[@milky_quartz]

i cant believe im just realizing that paris Hilton is our mother (ppl raised in 2000s)

[@hazey_dazey]

I feel like everyone is so far apart now. I'm a very low-effort hangout type of person. Just sit on a couch and chat while something's on tv or going to the grocery store together. Now that i don't live with/near my friends, it's hard to coordinate something like that. On top of that, all my friendships are secondary. Like, all my friends have other friends they care about more, so i'm just not important enough for them to do the work

[@maria___sierra]

Sometimes it's nice to reframe the friendship. Instead of being there always you can just hang out sometimes and be less sad about the lack of reciprocity but still have someone nice in your life. :)

[@yeyzee]

i crave for a genuine female friendship so badly. in the past they have always been disrupted by a man & resulted in zero communication & closure. But it’s so hard as a 21 almost 22 yr old to make friends. i commute to college, & with technology nowadays many people do not interact or want to talk. its definitely hard.

[@Anthonylovej0y]

I HATE Venmo culture. It's only right when someone doesn't have their card or wallet and literally can't pay for something. Then, it's reasonable to expect to be paid/pay someone. Other than that it's so stupid to buy me something then expect me to pay you back. I buy people things ALLL the time not expecting anything.

[@jennywhiskey9327]

Maybe because I’m in my 40’s and social media was not a part of my relationships until much later on, I don’t find this to be the case. I have many lovely and long lasting friendships. Sometimes we talk a lot. Sometimes we don’t. But when we catch up, we pick up where we left off. No hard feelings. I do however see how my 20 something step daughter struggles with maintaining relationships and perhaps the digital world is at fault. But the lack of honest communication seems to be a thru-line. Also, sometimes it’s much easier to pick up the phone and call than spend hours deciphering a text, but I find folks my step daughter’s age just do not do that.

[@MeliDMR93]

See I was halfway through the "are phone making things worse" section of this video when I realized how US centric this is, kinda. Not that we don't text with friends or send reels/memes where I live but, you talk in person a lot more when the act of getting together often is not two hours drives to expensive places. Sometimes you can get together two hours after office going to a public park just by using the city bus/subway. It doesn't take a lot of your precious time, it's not an inconvenience, you don't have to pay for a public park bench... And yeah, I'm with the guy talking about "owning beers". My previous point applies here too. Btw, making money transfers is even easier where I live! But real friends know the difference between taking advantage and taking turns treating and ACCOMODATING - when someone is low on budget, we let it be know! So it's very easy to decide "ok, it's not a 'go to a fancy place which requieres ubers and bills' kind of hang out, it's a 'let's meet halfway on out subway routes, go to a park and drink buy beers from a liquor store kind of thing'!

[@saoirse237]

it’s hilarious you used that key & peele sketch because i just wrote a paper about that sketch for my anthropology class!!!! lol it was about like how linguistic style and non-linguistic symbols contribute to communication and how text messaging can cause misinterpretation. also happy birthday!!!!!

[@YiningJ-23]

HBDDDDD MINA BINA DINA TINA LINA AWWWWWW MINA MINA MINAAA

[@nikkis.little.diary_]

it’s so hard finding genuine female friendships :( i feel like others view friendship as a competion of some sort or how u mentioned jealously and it just makes me sad!! ALL I WANT IS COMMUNITY AND CONNECTION

[@citonita2207]

Finances in relationships are troubling. My close friends make more money, but I think about what they've spent on me more than they do. That section of the video made me feel a bit bad because of the meticulous way I tried to pay them back when I got a job recently; when something was meant as a gift, paying back can make things weird too. I think treating someone "like a bank" is a good word for it, even when you're trying to make things right. I loved this video and it also made me think hard about the friendships where I need to have a serious talk (unrelated to money). I'm not sure if I have the confrontation in me. But it probably is the mature thing to do. A lot of hurtful things slide when you don't communicate it. The problem is when you wait too long and before you know it, you're really angry and fed up because you swallowed too much without realizing you were approaching an event horizon. Though I guess it's not unrelated to money if feeling like I owe somebody for a gift keeps me from being able to tell them I feel angry or disrespected about something else. :(

[@timemachineto2009]

Saw your Instagram story and just came to say happy birthday 🧡

[@trilobitegf]

help help someone help whats the song @ 3:36

[@zombiefruit771]

shazam says friendship road by walt adams

[@malooycayoot175]

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY

[@meganh7526]

Ok, on the subject of doing favours: I will petsit, I will drive you to/from the airport, I will bring you your spare key when you lock yourself out... but moving is a tough sell for me. especially when its a friend who just bought a very expensive house and who I know earns a lot more money than me.

[@ShitakeMushrooms]

Likewise, I think asking someone to help you move is a huge burden. Since I thankfully am privileged enough to afford it, I would much rather hire movers whose job it is to do that than ask my friends for such a huge physical and time commitment.

[@Daniela_143]

This is such a good topic. Ive always questioned the depth of my friendships and stopped talking to them to see if they would ever reach out by themselves. Some do, and some surprisingly don't, unfortunately. But I love the friendships that are made from both ends, and we can stop talking for ages and still act like we met up yesterday

[@amelia-lr8zb]

i think that not every friendship needs to be deep, the ones you make in a workplace or at school are often transactional because you need to maintain them to fit in a place. it's just important to be able to tell different types of relationships apart to manage your expectations. value the people in your life who you love and trust. if somebody rejects you or doesn't reach out, it's not your fault. that just happens sometimes.

[@frantiskamezihorakova6478]

Topic aside,girl that lipstick shade looks absolutely STUNNING on you

[@ididgt4259]

I'm broke as hell and my friends keep taking me places and buying me sandwiches I guess they fr like me

[@lizmaldonadx]

4:38 she really went along with it lol

[@hungryhungryhippo58]

I think especially as a teenager, it's so important to move within your friendships with patience and forgiveness. Like we're both SO YOUNG! Of course we aren't going to completely understand social interactions and relationships perfectly. We can learn and grow together!

[@Jessica-ge1vh]

Happy birthday Mina🎉🎉🎉

[@freddybacher7853]

omg happy birthday Mina!! (from Darwin, Australia)

[@Patchouliprince]

I cut off all my friends a few years ago when I was feeling really low and insecure, I thought if I backed away they might “chase me” and no one did lol. That was stupid of me anyways I can’t except people to know what I’m thinking or act how I want them to if I don’t communicate. This past year I’ve been nurturing my old friendships again and I regret that mentality I had before it was very self centered thinking

[@ArtichokeHunter]

It's interesting to me that people often blame covid for diminishing friendships when personally, it led to me reconnecting with a bunch of people I don't live near, because suddenly where people lived wasn't much of a factor. People wanted to have online game nights or watch parties and were generally less busy than before, so we had time to virtually see each other a lot more often than we ever did in person. Some of those folks I then lost touch with after lockdown ended, while a couple I've stayed in better touch with than pre-covid and a couple groupchats born in the lockdown era remain. (I don't still have any regular virtual hangouts with people that I didn't pre-covid, though.) Personally, my real friendships from pre-covid weren't affected much in one way or the other. I went back to seeing people in person who I was seeing in person pre-covid, and people who I mostly communicated with in other ways, we did that.

[@aalekseei]

happy birthday!!!! you are one of my favorite people on yt and I'm so thankful for your work

[@joshlikesfries]

Omg now a reversal! I thought this was a Safiya Nygard Video lol

[@KateH540]

the "don't ask your friend for a ride to the airport" thing has always made me so mad. everyone communicates love differently of course, but for my friend who expresses love via acts of service, I know asking for a ride to the airport is actually the best way for us both to feel loved and appreciated.

[@aeoligarlic4024]

That love language shtick is made up by a conservative creep who manipulates his wife into serving him Claiming that his love language is touch and his wife's love language is acts of service. So he can have sex with her while she cleans up after as her 'service'. Also the amount of time and money for a ride to an airport is steep. Most of our friends have more important stuff to do. I'd only ask for a ride that far if they're heading the same way

[@floraidh4097]

The biggest challenge I find is that since the pandemic it feels like people see get togethers as a chore, as if the only way to relax is to be alone at your house. I even remember a fad from a few years back lots of memes that treated being introverted and asocial as super special and cool and that if you loved your special introverted flower of a friend you wouldn't care that they cancelled plans last minute because that's self-care. Obviously you can have a crappy week at work and just want to veg out, but any good friend would happily switch dinner plans to takeout and sitting on the sofa plans. I took can find social interaction and outings to be tiring, but I also know that I sit at home alone because inaction is easier than putting myself out there. It's made it hard to maintain friendships when everyone seems to be in the same boat, but they don't ever come out unless they're asked to leave the house. It leaves me with lots of friends that I enjoy being with, who say they enjoy being with me, but who never make the first move, which leaves me doubting whether I actually have friends at all.

[@MrNataren]

Happy birthday!!! Love all your videos!!!

[@emilygrayson2437]

Happy birthday ❤️ I’m so happy to be early for a video lol

[@pedero50]

Oh my I'm early to a video I was in desperate need of

[@kaylahcrosby8914]

happy birthday girlieeee!!!

[@beansproutuncreative]

Sometimes I hear girls describe their friendships and think, "How can you call those women your friends? They're awful." I'm thankful for my two best friends. Meeting them in high school helped me deal with the "ghosting" I got from other women.

[@remy_plascencia]

Happy Birthday Mina!🥳🥳🥳

[@vviinn3022]

36:29 YESSS! but she would voice her insecurities to me and self-deprecate herself EVERY SINGLE TIME we met up. it just got so tiring and mentally draining for me i had to cut her off. plus she’d want me to text her my entire day, what i went grocery shopping for, etc in detail like every day and never abided by my boundaries. and i’ve had my fair share of narcissistic girls who had had problems with me and their jealousy. it was just a mess 🤦🏽‍♀️ and Happy Birthday!!! ❤❤

[@ViBambi-kb9sk]

Eating this for lunch in school

[@madeleinejohnson9408]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINA!! Ily parasocial bestie hope it’s a great day ❤️🫶

[@akankshaanand1191]

Happy birthday Mina🎉🎉

[@theaxx1214]

I'm from Austria, where it seems to be more common to keep your friends from school and maybe university more or less forever. (Might just be my perception, but it's definitely the case for my parents, my friends parents, and most other people I know like my 50 year old boss who just went on a trip with his elementary school homies with who are still his closest friends, soo...). I'm only in my early 20's, but my one best friend I've known since I was three, the other since I was 10. I've obviously made friends since and fallen in and out of touch, but I'm really grateful to have my two girls, who know everything I am and everything I've ever been and who will always be there.

[@louyou5667]

Happy birthday Mina 🩷

[@ClementineOlympia]

My close friends also have adhd. It works because we all have people version of object permanence. We forget the others exist. 😅 Can go months no contact then hit off again when we remember. Helps that we live in different countries so that adds to the lack of communication.

[@xalbatross1]

Happy birthday Mina 🎉

[@sophiabreidfischer6242]

I love the texting etiquette guide. As an AuDHD lady, I love clear communication (within reason). Also I haaate being tit for tat financially with people. Tottally sympathetic if ppl feel stressed about money, but one time a friend asked if I wanted to take a cab with her so I did. Later she asked me to split the cost through the app, which isnt unreasonable, it just surprised me. I would not have taken that ride if I wasnt specifically invited to join "her" ride.

[@apologyygirll91]

oh god i needed this today

[@valeriemalenfant]

Happy birthday, I'm in my 40s and I kind of categorized my friendship .... I have work friend, long terme friend (usually people I went to school with but not necessary), casual friends etc, and circle friend. I had a couple of work friend that became ''long terme'' friend and ''circle'' friend can also become long terme friend but there is also nothing wrong if casual friend and or worked friend just become acquaintance are just people you know because your life change. I think some friendship can be intense but still be work friend or casual friends. I take care of my friendship but with kids, job and husband I guess you need to be picky and know where it is worth it to give more time and effort.

[@the_newt_nest]

Well you see, I choose to value my friends for more than what they can do for me.