Is Your Anxiety Sabotaging Your Relationship? (Matthew Hussey)

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Have you ever felt insecure about something that’s happened with your partner and got yourself worked up in your mind? I have. Many times.
And when this has happened to me I know I’ve not brought up the issue in a productive way. In fact, I’ve often approached the subject in a way I later regretted.
What about you? Have you said something you wish you hadn’t? Reacted in a way you wish you could take back?
It’s a horrible feeling when we “sober up” emotionally, the cloud of angry or upset subsides, and we are left with this sinking feeling that somehow we’ve just messed it all up.
If you can relate to being the kind of person whose emotions and anxieties can be easily triggered in a relationship, this video is really going to help you.
My aim with this video is not to guarantee you never get anxious again (would you even believe me if I said that was possible?!). My aim is to ensure that even in those moments where your fears and anxieties become inflamed, you have a way of calming them, and approaching your partner in a way that brings you closer together, rather than hurting the relationship.
Let’s take back control over those emotions and put you back in the driver’s seat. And let’s learn to use our moments of friction to make our relationships even more beautiful.
P.S. Even if you feel you’ve already done the damage and this video came too late, you’re wrong! By watching this, you’ll be able to explain to your partner what happened in that moment and hit reset on that mistake, because once you have, they’ll understand you so much better.
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[@louisgianfrancesco]

Bare in mind, you can be secure. And the person you’re with can make you anxious because they’re avoidant and dismissive.

[@kellierodriguez4124]

Anxious attachment’s tend to gravitate to avoidant dismissive which....triggers the anxiety. It’s almost like self sabotage.

[@ninadnagpure880]

Yes, it's so True..!! I was a secure one and the person who I loved was avoidant and that turned me into an anxious one day by day, little by little, over a period of 4 years... And voilà..!! I'm an anxious one now..lol. Mostly secure when they pay me attention and communicate but if they tend to get avoidant I tend towards anxious to balance it out..!😂 Gotta learn to let that shit go and just move on if they aren't putting efforts...

[@louisgianfrancesco]

@@kellierodriguez4124 my ex was and she came across as empathetic but she kept triggering me over and over. Eventually I had to leave because of the disrespect. So to anyone who is with someone who doesn’t listen and help you with the work you’ve done on yourself, leave. Just leave. Don’t think they’ll change because you can’t change people.

[@kellierodriguez4124]

@@louisgianfrancesco Definitely not worth your time or the stress. So sorry you went through that but glad you stepped away.

[@dianneciresi6324]

@@ninadnagpure880 I read the secure ones are the only kind that are the best ones for the avoidants & anxious ones like me cause they know how to deal with our insecurities. I have or had a dismissive avoidant person & we can't meet each others needs cause we have opposite ones that trigger us. I'm too needy/clingy, he needs a lot of space to feel free & trustful yet inside I know he feels the need to feel wanted & loved by the way he use to talk like being with a close partner which stems from his childhood neglegent mother who couldn't give him the attention & love he needed. He's afraid of being abandoned & hurt also from his ex wives past trauma relationships.

[@zubieM]

Having an anxious attachment style also means you have an intuition like no other. You have to try and be objective and take control of it at the same time!

[@jeniferkenney2984]

Omgosh yes but it's so hard to do that!

[@ssmith8758]

Eek, yes! Intuition mixed with paranoia!

[@lilymarianna8776]

Right? I was just about to comment and ask how we can tell the difference between our intuition and our anxiety/paranoia. My bf left me a couple of weeks ago after a minor argument, and I have this horrible feeling that I sabotaged the relationship. It felt like he was being very manipulative, cruel and dismissive...but I know I have my issues, so how am I to know if I was right or not to feel that way?

[@Victoriaward]

I’ve been thinking that lately. That secure people aren’t so much naturally secure as less likely to pick up on minor cues. Although that relationship could be causal.

[@PrincessSakuno]

@@ssmith8758 so FRICKEN true ugh I'm sincerely thinking of seeking counselling because I've only realised since that I've started dating again that I' have extreme anxiety when I date. Like I just start overthinking and self sabotaging ish when there's a disagreement about smth.

[@actonup65]

Still sitting here with my jaw on the floor! Absolutely spot on, that is EXACTLY what I do. My mind jumps to the worst fears, thoughts, I'm not good enough, and then I get angry and go right into the silent treatment.

[@rabiujibril1077]

hello dear, do you need any help about your love life and G e t t i n g back exes.. DR STEVE can help you out. it worked for 😘 me.. whtsaap H i m with those numbers you are seeing...and you both can chat better.💢💢💓💓

[@rabiujibril1077]

[phone].

[@lilli5352]

I don't know why but am almost crying.. . What u said describes me in a terrific way!!!! Especially the silent treatment bcz i get really scared

[@kubel83]

And I can tell as a partner who is super loyal, full of empathy and in love, that it hurts like no other. My ex Girlfriend with Fearful avoidant did this to me. I was so depressed I nearly took my own life, because she just ghosted me and I didn’t know what I did wrong. When her and I met we both immediately fell in love. The first months was absolutely magic. She completely love bombed me like I never been loved before. She did however on our first date reveal her past relationship where she survived an narcissistic ex who was constantly jealous, angry and controlling. I have to admit it was strange she would open up about something so serious that early. Little did I know that was a red flag. So was all the love bombing, a red flag. Cause not only did she make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world cause of all that love. But I also felt the need to be her grand protector, because of all that trauma she had experienced in her past. Anyway she told me I was the best thing that happened to her. I was attractive, a stud in bed. Full of empathy, loving. A great listener. I gave her space, and I was fantastic with her kid. She loved me so much. And each day that went my love grew stronger and stronger. I was happy 24/7. But sadly as I became happier, she became colder. She began to have nightmares that I would cheat on her. I did everything in my power to comfort her and tell and show how much I loved her. It worked for a short time and she would colder again. I brought her gifts and flower many times weekly. I would take walks at the beach and draw hearts in the sand and fill them with roses and then send them to her when she was at work. She told me I was wonderful. Still she became more distant. I asked her many times if she was alright, and she just said she was fine. I didn’t believe her but I wouldn’t push her because she got agitated when I asked. Suddenly she didn’t have time to see me because she had a lot of work suddenly. And when she replied to a text it would be cold,short and take up 24 hours before she replied. I knew something really bad was going on. So I asked her. She snapped and told me why I didn’t respect her personal space. Why didn’t I understand that she was busy. She was a mother with a very important full time job, and she didn’t have time. Also she told me her feelings for was gone. And then she ghosted me. I was absolutely heartbroken. I begged for forgiveness for whatever I did to make her feel that way, cause I didn’t know what I did wrong. I tried to win her back for one month where I got a reply where she said " Sorry I don’t know what happened. I just know I don’t love you. Have a nice life" That was the last I heard from her. So I went in to deep depression. I blamed myself and forgot who I used to be. And I almost took my own life... Thankfully I came to my senses and found many channels about this situation where I learned so much. Not only about her but me as well. I learned to forgive myself, I began to work out a lot and gained a lot of muscles. I educated myself more and found inner peace... One week ago I actually saw her at the shopping mall. She also saw me. She didn’t look like herself. She had lost so much weight, and she looked so tired. My heart broke yet again and I began to walk towards her. She saw me and began to cry and then she ran away. A few days later she texted me that she was surprised to see me. And she told me I was looking so good. She even apologized for everything and and said that she had stopped eating because she was sad always. I replied back that i didn’t care what she looked like, cause I loved her so much. And if she ever wanted to talk then she knew where to find me. She said thank you. So yeah I haven’t heard from her since. But I shall remain in no contact until she thinks she is ready. This is very tough.

[@kujouramen]

yes exactly, tho i dont do the silent treatment thing simply cuz i cant let myself treat my partner like that, so i just keep all the negative emotions after a session of overthinking in my head :( i dont want to be too much cuz i know that expressing those thoughts that are objectively dumb would be a lil toxic and i dont want to be toxic

[@1403Aniaa]

So true. I almost lost my amazing partner because of my “weapons”. Yes your partner can help you heal your wounds, by showing you how much they love and care for you but also by setting boundaries, sometimes putting the foot down. The best teachers are the tough ones. I’m grateful my partner was firm and didn’t let me carry on. His love made me see that it I continue acting this way, I will lose him. It motivated me to seek help, reach out for it, practice mindfulness and self care everyday. It’s so hard but it’s worth it

[@craigpurcell1628]

Hello Ania

[@yoboogieman]

Sadly, some people don't want help even if deep inside they know they need it, they simply will not open to you or any one else until they see it for them selves.. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you care enough for them, they just do what they want and that can be toxic for self. Leave for your own sake. People don't change unless they feel the need.. a real one.

[@asadturtle05]

Thank you 😊💓

[@Eg-jd9zt]

Yes mine did the same recently and he’s right he shouldn’t have to pay for my past experiences

[@smiller2648]

I needed to read this

[@anac8654]

Speaking from experience, anxious attachment is a very serious issue that can take the joy out of everything. Instead of enjoying life with your partner, you attack them with irrelevant aggression, which can be tiring for them. I know how hard it is to control yourself during this. Bit relieving to know other people are also experiencing this and this is something normal

[@danielehijele7021]

A powerful home that helped me to recover my ex ainda less than 12 hours faster. This is my story; Meu ex e eu we have been together for about 20 years and finally we will have agreed to get married and fiquei very happy when he told me that the testament should marry and fiquei totally satisfied with the joy of finally marrying as homem two my dreams. . ... A week before the day of our marriage, I was already linked and I said that I could not continue as a marriage, if I was surprised and detached. I want to control myself so that I won't end up in the hospital because of the concussion, embora pedisse helps all the nights to end my ex de volta. Então eu ouvi all na Carolina do Sul, USA, testemunharem on a powerful homem that fez a bom bom work helping you to turn to the permanently and tentatively enter into contact with this homem because you do not have hope of trazer meu ex de volta. Finally, I quickly procurei this powerful homem not WhatsApp to get help and tell me not to worry more, that my ex would be back with me permanently in less than 12 hours. No accreditation, more tentei. Surprisingly, you depois that this powerful homem helped me, meu ex voltou for me in 12 hours, as well as powerful homem told me and tied the same to apologize to me. So, you really want your ex to come back quicker now, I recommend this powerful homem that helped me ... send a message for him immediately, no WhatsApp no ​​[phone] .. Agora, I am finally married with her, or homem two Meus sonhos e Eu I certify that you do not perch the hopes of ter seu ex de volta and I send this powerful homem not WhatsApp or number that I just gave, you really want to or ex de volta🗣️🗣️

[@emmapasqualone]

How did you fix this because this is exactly what I’m doing to my bf right now and I don’t know how to stop those impulses and acts of aggression because in my head they are so real and so hurtful but they are just old wounds that have been triggered

[@rockykl408]

What's the solution?

[@elizabethtrasanco9537]

@@emmapasqualone 🥺 this is my situation two i really want to be better though

[@rodex122]

@@elizabethtrasanco9537 same I am doings this to my girlfriend and its sad I don't want to make her feel bad I'm just so jealous..

[@susheetofu]

imagine searching this up and trying to improve yourself for a SITUATIONSHIP not even a solid partner. im too deep in this relationship

[@Ursa_rah]

Girl same. I really need to get some things in order.

[@hadincooper2118]

🙋

[@user-gt7yv2xr8r]

He's married too you love married guys

[@hotterthanurhoe]

same girl 😹

[@beatrizfonseca6059]

Girls, Ive being this type of person because of my past. With my New bf I was totally upfront and open about my issues in the Very beggining. I was afraid of him leave me but I had to tell him. Guess what? He didnt leave me. He supoorts me everyday. He understand why I act like this and he makes me feel Very safe with him. What I learned is: we shouldnt be afraid of communicate. Dont keep It for yourself. Do It in the Very beggining so the Guy is aware of what's happening.

[@gustafrindestal]

As a guy this is exactly what I'm doing too. When an insecurity pops up I tell it straight away. This way I get the real story. If I don't the story I create will be a lot worse. This is used in storytelling all the time: "A man walks with a knife in his hand towards a girl" CUT TO BLACK The story we make up in our head: "He is going to kill her" The actual story: "He is just helping her cook dinner"

[@keshakellogg5995]

@@gustafrindestal Goodness, thank you for your comment! What a helpful example! And kudos for committing to share your authentic, present-moment truth. The truth really does set us free, and healthy people want to love us through all aspects of our humanity. ♥️

[@katkatkat5]

With the right people they won’t keep triggering us, they’ll work with us. Which makes it easier to do the work on ourselves too. Avoidants may listen to our needs if we communicate then but are not willing or able to change and be aware of their own patterns. Often unable to ask for their needs to be met and instead just acting out without forewarning , withdrawing without explanation. That is the worst for an anxious attachment style

[@androidaccount6891]

I did this, started telling him how I feel about certain behaviours and he said that "I always think too much" and that he thinks we don't match because of that and then broke up with me. I was left so hurt and confused about perhaps it's not that danger-free to open up....

[@beatrizfonseca6059]

@@androidaccount6891 he didnt like you. Not your fault. He would left you anyways

[@mmathis6686]

“A lot of relationships end not because the person couldn’t handle our wounds . It’s because they couldn’t handle our weapons”. So deep. ❤️ This video changed my life.

[@danielehijele7021]

A powerful home that helped me to recover my ex ainda less than 12 hours faster. This is my story; Meu ex e eu we have been together for about 20 years and finally we will have agreed to get married and fiquei very happy when he told me that the testament should marry and fiquei totally satisfied with the joy of finally marrying as homem two my dreams. . ... A week before the day of our marriage, I was already linked and I said that I could not continue as a marriage, if I was surprised and detached. I want to control myself so that I won't end up in the hospital because of the concussion, embora pedisse helps all the nights to end my ex de volta. Então eu ouvi all na Carolina do Sul, USA, testemunharem on a powerful homem that fez a bom bom work helping you to turn to the permanently and tentatively enter into contact with this homem because you do not have hope of trazer meu ex de volta. Finally, I quickly procurei this powerful homem not WhatsApp to get help and tell me not to worry more, that my ex would be back with me permanently in less than 12 hours. No accreditation, more tentei. Surprisingly, you depois that this powerful homem helped me, meu ex voltou for me in 12 hours, as well as powerful homem told me and tied the same to apologize to me. So, you really want your ex to come back quicker now, I recommend this powerful homem that helped me ... send a message for him immediately, no WhatsApp no ​​[phone] .. Agora, I am finally married with her, or homem two Meus sonhos e Eu I certify that you do not perch the hopes of ter seu ex de volta and I send this powerful homem not WhatsApp or number that I just gave, you really want to or ex de volta🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

[@jeenjeanjeen]

I knew about my exbf's anxious attachment style and his wounds, and i tried to be understanding, compassionate, and accepting of them. But in the end, his turbulent emotions and the story he created about our relationship drove him to breaking up with me as an attempt to manipulate me into "meeting his needs". I accepted the breakup as i had no energy or desire to continue indulging his passive aggressiveness and temper tantrums while i was grieving the loss of my heart dog just 2 weeks prior. For those struggling with anxious attachment, please seek help managing your thoughts and emotions. It is exhausting for the partner on the receiving end to constantly dig deep to find more and more patience every time u come at them with weapons.

[@renasemenko3304]

I absolutely agree! I wish they could understand what they put us through with their false accusations, rages, jealousy, blaming...it feels more like coercive control and gaslighting which are both the worst form of abuse. It's so selfish of them to think we have to stick around as their emotional punching bag. Maybe for a while, but 4 years later I am done. And he is 55, if he hasn't addressed his insecurities by that age there is probably no hope.

[@tracysilves7366]

Wow. You just described my partner. His moods have given me whiplash and the stories he has created in his head have caused him to stalk me and be consistently suspicious that I'm hiding something from him. He gave me one of the best weeks I've had with him in a while but in our few days apart from each other, his energy completely shifted. (I stay at my home with my kids when they're in my custody while spending time with my partner in my office weeks. We all spend weekends together as a blended family). When I confronted him about it, he denied feeling a way, but then continued on to tell me he can't shake his intuition telling him something's wrong or that I'm hiding a secret. He refused my answer, which was that I wasn't hiding anything at all and that I was confused at the unpredictable mood shifts and accusations. Eventually, to stop his insistence of my evasiveness, I lied and told him I was "embarrassed" about him coming over unannounced because of my messy house, but in reality, I have never liked unexpected guests. Despite my asking him to call or text beforehand, he still continues to neglect my boundary, now convinced it's out of embarrassment that I have it in the first place. I honestly think he does it to try to catch me betraying him in some way. But now, after his weird mood shift episode, I'm left feeling anxious and unsettled. He left town for a work project and what should have been a 3 hour drive ended up being a 9 hour drive. The reason he gave me for taking so long wasn't unbelievable- forgot something at home, had to backtrack 20 miles, lost his keys when he was home then went shopping for his daughter's birthday - He only contacted me after I asked how his shoot was going. It was at that point when he told me he just got there. It was 9pm. Maybe I'm also anxiously attached? Except I feel as though had he not acted so suspiciously towards me, then followed it up by avoiding intimacy right before he left for his trip, I wouldn't feel so off about this. My intuition is telling me something is off. My brain is conflicted because he just had a conversation with me about being 💯 honest with him, even if tough conversations are involved. I'm confused and feel sick to my stomach.

[@Nicole-tn2qc]

"the more you squeeze the more it slips away"

[@Rwissam1987]

Looks like fighting is a common reaction! I respond to these triggers by getting depressed and deciding to end the relationship without communication because I convinced myself that the story in my head is fact....

[@redline350zHR]

Wow...why am i doing this exact same thing!!! I met “the one” & we both agree about this...it was such a quick connection its almost scary. Now a month in, and im questioning her “babe are you sure you arent messing with me as something temporary? etc (bc i just started doubting myself saying how this is the girl i always wished i met, but kinda was about to accept that her type would never cross paths with me, let alone feel exactly the same way towards eachother)

[@sarahdoe8512]

You guys sound Dismissive Avoidant maybe

[@AmberAyres]

You have to acknowledge that fear is crippling you and you’re self sabotaging not allowing yourself to grow. Stand up for yourself and step out of your comfort zone. Don’t let life pass you by

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

Trust your intuition, i had quick connection but turns out he was just playing... 8/10/24 i learned a lesson 🎯✨️​@redline350zHR

[@IevaKambarovaite]

It's never really about someone not messaging us back, but more about what gets triggered in us. Then we start feeling rejected or not good enough. And sometimes it may even have nothing to do with what that person is saying or doing, but more the story we've created. That's why it's our responsibility to communicate with our partner just like Matthew says in this video ✨ Took me years to understand this 😳

[@robingood761]

Do you mind if we are friends

[@jeniferkenney2984]

Yes this!

[@kasianbeauti2473]

I recently just realized this:(

[@tonimarie100]

@@kasianbeauti2473 you are not alone !

[@TheMissyMoser]

But also understand that if your partner rejects you for that honesty, and makes you feel bad for having insecurities...it’s not about you, it’s about them. If you are anxiously attached, you need to be able to talk about your fears. That none of us should feel bad about not being perfect, because none of us are. We’re only as needy as our unmet needs.

[@kellierodriguez4124]

It’s up to you to communicate your fears, anxiety and stressors but up to your partner to help you feel safe.

[@sarahdoe8512]

This!

[@shaileshgururani9788]

Yeah that's exactly what I feel.. I didn't get that assurance in return and got more anxious, going through hell though the intensity decreased over time but when that feeling came I just hated myself for feeling that way or having feelings for that person.

[@animepabu5526]

I did this n my partner only ever got annoyed when I tried to communicate my honest feelings. That def didn’t help

[@cutiepiea3687]

@@shaileshgururani9788just leave

[@gianxie]

@@animepabu5526I know, right!

[@jaxx-inspiregrowcreate2862]

The most important thing will always be communication. If you’re feeling anxious about something your partner says or does communicate that and it will make everything much easier

[@IevaKambarovaite]

That's true. So often it's not even about what they're saying or doing. It's very often about what gets triggered in us. It's never really about someone not messaging us back. It's more often about feeling rejected, feeling we're not good enough. And sometimes it may even have nothing to do with that person is saying or doing, but more the story we've created.

[@mipatriabella]

It’s not just communicating what you are going through, it’s how you communicate it too. How do you do this without devaluing yourself?

[@denisejaydub]

The problem is when you talk yourself out of communication with them because you’ve convinced yourself they don’t care or why should they change just for you

[@katkatkat5]

That is if they actually care and respond...

[@barbarawilson3153]

Jack's you are so right communication is the number one positive thing in a relationship the next thing I feel is intimacy

[@ueberalice]

"A lot of relationships end, not because couldn't handle your wounds, but because they couldn't deal with our weapons" That is quote-worthy.

[@reidpurcell3949]

Hi sharleen

[@craigpurcell1628]

Hello

[@Goldan1]

Girl I felt that.

[@TheSingingChristian]

I legitimately cried when he said this. So true and so powerful.

[@latashalewis873]

Yes

[@AndreyZenperial]

At the end of the day it comes down to your own value and self worth, there’s just no way to truly love someone and bring fulfilment into your relationship if you don’t love yourself

[@jeniferkenney2984]

💯

[@elizabethcreated9263]

Sooooo true. Help Jesus, help me with this.

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

Please someone like this so i can return and drum this lesson into my head! Think ive met a good one 🙏🏻❤️🔥

[@malexmartinez4007]

I'm bawling my eyes out. It so painful to hear reality stated so clearly and directly.

[@stevemarsh8928]

Hope you’re doing okay, friend!

[@IssyRachel]

This is LITERALLY me! I always overthink things and see the negatives in every dating situation. Damn past bad experiences! xx

[@acromategaming1998]

same here..how to get rid of it 🫠

[@raymondotoole2600]

@@acromategaming1998 just let go and if the person wants to be a good healthy person they’ll show you interest but be okay with them not texting or calling for some time. Agree and set boundaries and stick to them boundaries because if you don’t that’ll mess it up. COMMUNICATE

[@lindakitten2481]

Everyone needs to read ATTACHED. It’s so valuable to understand ourselves, why we are attracted to certain types and the dynamics that play out.

[@michellejgelman6572]

I agree! I am 3/4 of the way done ATTACHED and its truly been life changing.

[@scenepunk09]

Who is it by I feel like this might be a common subject matter for books

[@ninadnagpure880]

Yes, I'm planning to read it...does the book tell us what an anxious attachment style person should do to become a secure one..?

[@katherinep708]

who's the author please?

[@TheMissyMoser]

That book was a game changer! As soon as I read that book I was like, “Oh my god! I’m not crazy!” Then it gave me some tools to help make myself more secure and eventually find a healthy relationship. Thanks to that book I’m married with a baby. I didn’t think that was possible a few years ago.

[@cherylchaney9220]

This is 100% me! I’m so scared of messing up my new relationship because my anxiety is already getting the best of me!

[@DjEnsi]

Stay Strong @Cheryl Chaney anxiety is just a temporary feeling that happens just keep moving forward and work on being secure. Keep busy, be around positive and supportive individuals and you will be okay!

[@strawberrymuffin840]

Its just tempoary one keep going

[@El_Diego1999]

Same

[@priscila5612]

I feel all of this. It's so hard. I empathize with anyone who has anxious attachment style.

[@danielehijele7021]

A powerful home that helped me to recover my ex ainda less than 12 hours faster. This is my story; Meu ex e eu we have been together for about 20 years and finally we will have agreed to get married and fiquei very happy when he told me that the testament should marry and fiquei totally satisfied with the joy of finally marrying as homem two my dreams. . ... A week before the day of our marriage, I was already linked and I said that I could not continue as a marriage, if I was surprised and detached. I want to control myself so that I won't end up in the hospital because of the concussion, embora pedisse helps all the nights to end my ex de volta. Então eu ouvi all na Carolina do Sul, USA, testemunharem on a powerful homem that fez a bom bom work helping you to turn to the permanently and tentatively enter into contact with this homem because you do not have hope of trazer meu ex de volta. Finally, I quickly procurei this powerful homem not WhatsApp to get help and tell me not to worry more, that my ex would be back with me permanently in less than 12 hours. No accreditation, more tentei. Surprisingly, you depois that this powerful homem helped me, meu ex voltou for me in 12 hours, as well as powerful homem told me and tied the same to apologize to me. So, you really want your ex to come back quicker now, I recommend this powerful homem that helped me ... send a message for him immediately, no WhatsApp no ​​[phone] .. Agora, I am finally married with her, or homem two Meus sonhos e Eu I certify that you do not perch the hopes of ter seu ex de volta and I send this powerful homem not WhatsApp or number that I just gave, you really want to or ex de volta🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

[@yoo1764]

I have this 100%.. I literally ended things because he didn't send a heart this morning. Thought he didn't love me anymore and I concluded he moved on

[@asmrbebexo]

“Alot of relationships end not because they couldn’t deal with our wounds but because they couldn’t handle our weapons.” Wow. This is so powerful.

[@dailydoseofmedicinee]

When you are under stress or anxious, this system kicks into action, and physical symptoms can appear - headaches, nausea, shortness of breath, shakiness, or stomach pain.👍

[@SDsc0rch]

??? - seriously? geez... I'm glad I'm a man! this emotions-causing-physical-symptoms thing is foreign to me sounds hellish...

[@roses8493]

@@SDsc0rch guys experience them too lol

[@SDsc0rch]

@@roses8493 - like I said... I'm glad I'm a man

[@erikainthesky]

this is how i feel right now

[@julifunnygirl71]

This has been me for the last 2 days 🥺

[@Kreeplifeinc]

I may be anxious but I’m highly intuitive . I understand all that’s around me

[@SamElle]

I have the avoidant/anxious attachment style which is probably the worst combo when being in a relationship. I am working towards becoming a more securely attached person because I realize how my own fears have sabotaged my past relationships with people. The inner work is super hard but I have seen progress!!!

[@stephenwheeler9307]

I’m dealing with this rn to the extreme and I’m a male. I have not let me emotions affect the way I’ve interacted with her yet, but I feel like i might explode on her soon. It hurts SO much

[@jimwarne9500]

Haha. I’m very similar to both of you. Except that I ended up exploding my emotions - out if no where tears started coming out of my eyes and I became very vulnerable. I was trying my best in being mature by being open, honest and why I’m hurting. She said: ‘I understand, we both are very similar in the way we think (and our attachment styles), and with our overthinking’. This way I figured, I layer all my cards out in the table, my needs wants and weaknesses, if you take a risk being in an official relationship with me then we could go far. Although, for her, she also has some form of commitment issues. It’s been about 2 weeks since we last saw each other, her communication is worsening, but she always says she will get back to me when she decides yes or no. I’m trying to be patient, but the ambiguity hurts. She has power in our relationship right now, not me. And it’s hard not knowing whether to move on or not.

[@virtuoussoulhealer3644]

​@jimwarne9500 how are things now

[@najaberthelsen]

'A lot of relationships ends, not because they couldn't handle our wounds, but because they couldn't deal with our weapons'. I had to hear that a few times more. Write it down and read it 5 times, before my conscious understood.

[@katkatkat5]

Honestly... anxious attachment often matches with avoidant attachment. So it’s not entirely the anxious fault to “sabotage” rather it is an interplay between both. Avoidant pushes away while anxious comes closer, both triggering each other. Anxious people often suffer a lot in these kind of relationships, all their worst fears and insecurities coming out. It’s not easy at all. It’s a survival mechanism and a trauma response imo. I have so much compassion for them as I’ve experienced the same. Avoidant people trigger me. With secure people I’m way more secure as well.

[@reidpurcell3949]

Hello Katerina

[@Nina-jc3be]

I've realised before seeing a narcissist I haven't had anxious attachment. It developed through trauma and avoidat people really scare me. I cut it off immediately with people like that 😔

[@PatriciaJ-nq6fn]

Well said ! As I learn more about this issue the more I see myself in it, now to find the way out!

[@welllightedryan]

I was just spiraling in my storytelling mode. Just started seeing someone I really like. Watching this helped me out tremendously, immediately. Thanks Man.

[@Diana-wk9qv]

Yes 😭 I low key sabotaged my last relationship because of paranoia of him leaving or cheating on me, when he didn’t really ever give me a reason to not trust 😭 but I definitely learned my lesson 🙋🏻‍♀️

[@randomloveworld1489]

Same🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️

[@chiarabeat]

How did you over come that?

[@AngelAguilar-wr4qn]

Me

[@tuimedaqog6244]

Same

[@Diana-wk9qv]

@@chiarabeat sorry just saw your comment! And have learned to be more confident in myself. Knowing that I am more than enough. And that living paranoid will only mess me up and I can’t control the actions of another person. I am not saying you should turn a blind eye, but you shouldn’t live paranoid. And you should trust your partner, especially if they are not giving you a reason not to trust them. Also, trust that things always come to light, and I’m pretty sure if he ever cheats, you will find out. And if that ever happens, be strong and leave. But don’t live in paranoia and know that you are more than enough 😊🙏

[@lavianahampton4641]

Don’t take things personally… I had an anxious attachment style . I read that as one of the rules in the book “ the 4 agreements “. Book changed my life . Focus on yourself !! You can overcome this

[@therefurbishedlife]

It’s so hard to not assume negative situations when we have those fears because of that person’s actions in the past. So while I know various fears are rooted in a real origin, I could see how my brain was now rewired to always be suspicious or assume negatively when something arises. It does cause a lot of fights by what we build up in our mind. I guess the questions is, does that person deserve your trust, if so try soooo hard to rewire your brain to not assume the worst, step back, think things thru logically before blasting your fears or insecurities. Talk thru them. I’m starting on my road to try my best to improve

[@JAlexisG221]

Omg how are you reading my mind?! This video came at the right time.

[@jeniferkenney2984]

OMG right?!

[@dianneciresi6324]

He said exactly how it is but how do u communicate with someone who has an avoidant attachment style that's dismissive & can't give u what u need to feel secure with them if ur attachment style is this kind like mine is..

[@cydionaldo8495]

@@dianneciresi6324 we are in same boat. Broke up my ex boyfriend for months ago. Tried to communicate the best way I know how but we end up blowing up. I only need him to hear and make me feel secure. Nothing else and help me heal with my past wounds and be there for me .

[@jenniferte6108]

Same!!!! New relationship.. A little scared

[@kymbelt]

Forrealtho! Synchronicity!

[@yoboogieman]

If your partner doesn't communicate as much you would like, after you tried a few times... leave. If they love you or feel they can change, you can talk and try again if you like, but it has to come from them. Communication is key.

[@ramonavillegas7385]

Leave period? Essential if you’ve already brought it up a few times?

[@KNOCEANMUSIC]

Short and succinct and accurate. You don't have to be naïve about it, but if you are with someone, choose trust until THEY prove otherwise. New person, new trust. You have to take a bit of a leap of faith at first. Thanks for this video!

[@caitlynscott943]

Thank you so much. I've lost so many relationships with partners, friends and family members because I keep mistaking my weapons for my wounds and get angry that no one is strong enough to deal with me. My weapons are not me - and I need to take responsibility to heal my wounds on my own before I expect someone else too. My fiancé has been dealing with this for almost two years and last week he said "I can't live like this and I can't have a marriage like this." I'm finally making the needed steps because I don't deserve to feel this way, and no one deserves to be treated like this. Thank you so much for this video.

[@douglasfraser9968]

Hello friend I no of a powerful man who can help bring back your ex .....he help me get back my soulmate within 48hours

[@rabiujibril1077]

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[@rabiujibril1077]

[phone];

[@tyraisjustunt2512]

This video saved my relationship! I thought I wanted him "accept" me with my traumas but after this I realized he was trying to reach me and I never let him to do so. Thank you million times. ❤

[@danielehijele7021]

A powerful home that helped me to recover my ex ainda less than 12 hours faster. This is my story; Meu ex e eu we have been together for about 20 years and finally we will have agreed to get married and fiquei very happy when he told me that the testament should marry and fiquei totally satisfied with the joy of finally marrying as homem two my dreams. . ... A week before the day of our marriage, I was already linked and I said that I could not continue as a marriage, if I was surprised and detached. I want to control myself so that I won't end up in the hospital because of the concussion, embora pedisse helps all the nights to end my ex de volta. Então eu ouvi all na Carolina do Sul, USA, testemunharem on a powerful homem that fez a bom bom work helping you to turn to the permanently and tentatively enter into contact with this homem because you do not have hope of trazer meu ex de volta. Finally, I quickly procurei this powerful homem not WhatsApp to get help and tell me not to worry more, that my ex would be back with me permanently in less than 12 hours. No accreditation, more tentei. Surprisingly, you depois that this powerful homem helped me, meu ex voltou for me in 12 hours, as well as powerful homem told me and tied the same to apologize to me. So, you really want your ex to come back quicker now, I recommend this powerful homem that helped me ... send a message for him immediately, no WhatsApp no ​​[phone] .. Agora, I am finally married with her, or homem two Meus sonhos e Eu I certify that you do not perch the hopes of ter seu ex de volta and I send this powerful homem not WhatsApp or number that I just gave, you really want to or ex de volta🗣️🗣️

[@RougeRadiant]

I really struggled with relationships and I did a deep binge of Matthew's videos and it has helped tremendously. I'm in a healthy relationship now (probably my first.) Thanks Matthew ❤️👍🏽

[@aviraltuteja]

I broke up with someone a year ago, I was watching Matthew's videos so that I could move on; I am in a relationship rn, I am still watching Matthew's videos so that I can sleep and work peacefully. Mate you are an angel on Earth!

[@gabrielsalinas1077]

"A lot of relationships end, not because couldn't handle your wounds, but because they couldn't deal with our weapons" Your quote is now something I’ll remember for Life, Thank You.

[@saintmarybulicek567]

This is me fulfilling my promise, he’s my favorite after so many heartbreaks. I thought it was time to give myself a break and focus on my job while trying to heal from my previous toxic relationship. After about a year and half I met a man who turned out to be my daughter’s boss , I was reluctant at first but his persistence and high spiritedness got me submissive. We started getting along so well , no day passes without constant communication, I fell in love and didn’t want to be hurt ever again; told him my weaknesses and he told me his, along the line he came across his ex and his attitude towards me started getting cold. Seemed like deja vu all over and so I couldn’t let the anxiety tear me apart. I met a colleague who introduced me to the best set of Private investigators ultimate hack , I contacted and hired them almost immediately and they requested a down payment to commence the job after targets cell number was provided. After few hrs they responded with all the deleted and recent messages , Whats App Facebook Instagram Snapchat gps and archives of pictures he has been sending out; I practically had access to his phone without his knowledge. Turns out he connived with his young sibling to test my patience and tolerance, all the info was carted to me , thanks to the hackers I now pass his test with ease, lol . For assistance on how to track or monitor your spouse email ultimatehack003@ gmail com or Whats App/call/text [phone] I wish you well as You find out the truth about your partner just like I did .

[@stayhappylittlemermaid]

There are two good things in life - freedom of thought and freedom of action.

[@hakuu4644]

You forgot about the third option : "freedom of speech"

[@SDsc0rch]

@@hakuu4644 --- not in America not anymore...

[@Nezumi99]

That's controversial

[@SDsc0rch]

@@Nezumi99 - its true

[@86sineadw]

My anxious attachment made me do and say irrational things. But understanding my shadow side, understanding my own thoughts can weave a story and actually hurt me, using meditation, therapy and my own journey into studying Buddhism allows me to rationalise while also knowing exactly what I do not want. I do not want familiarity, to attach to someone like my parents to repeat a story over and over. It's curse until you're aware of it, then it's a blessing when you learn from it. Learning from Interactions with others is also a gift, having someone there that you can communicate with is gold 🥇

[@utahnnajones8887]

He literally explained my love life in less than 7 minutes. "They couldn't deal with our weapons" makes so much sense. Thank you once again Matthew, I will send this to my ex🙏😝

[@jeniferkenney2984]

Right?!

[@Sarafara7]

I mean, it’s not something to be proud of. We shouldn’t expect people to know how to deal with us when we lash out as defense. I

[@Malitubee]

You’re proud of being a burden?

[@salmapeace7469]

This made me cry, I just lost this amazing person because I attacked. But I later told him it wasn't him, it was me, I was broken, I needed time to heal. I felt angry that what happened 2 years ago could still affect me

[@aya9489]

I've lost the love of my life because of this. We still love each other very much. But both have to work on ourselves...

[@inkerikavantera]

After years of working on myself and my issues through psychotherapy, EDMR, meditation and so on has resulted me in reaching secure attachment. Wow. I am so proud of myself. I will always carry part of that trauma in me (fearful avoidant) but I have so much compassion towards them and myself that they are not domineering and dictating my life longer. Of course I have to choose my partners very carefully, I am still drawing those avoidant types to me like glue.

[@Zparkypoopoo]

Please tell me what kind of medication i cant physically talk to a doctor im just too shy of a person which is pathetic i know

[@TizaDeVas]

This is exactly what I needed to hear. Would love to know more about some different ways in which to be vulnerable, without coming across as wounded or dependant on my partner to "save me"... I've watched your videos for years and have gained a wealth of knowledge and now I'm in a long distance relationship that taking a toll on my anxious nature, since it all new to me.

[@Equitable_Street_Access_SF]

I recently lost a third relationship due to me being too anxious and therefore lashing out at my partner too much. I have had four relationships total in my life, the first one didn't end because of my anxiety, but the last three did. I'm finally seeing a pattern and I can no longer be in denial that the way I get when I am overly anxious is very destructive to my relationships. I simply cannot deny this any more, especially with getting dumped for a third time. It's really sad, but at least I've learned my lesson for the future (*if* God blesses me with yet another partner 🙏)!

[@clementnwafor7670]

Hello, my dear I have been in this same situation ✔✔ don't let anyone come into your 💕 relationship I know of some one who can help you fix this💕 ___ ___+ 2 3 4 7 0 2 6 9 9 9 3 5 9

[@amandaantico78]

I would love this to be a series about identifying your own attachment style and how each style interacts with the other attachment styles. Thank you!

[@androidaccount6891]

Check out the development school Thais Gibson, that's your answer

[@LisaGemini]

I see a lot of that entitlement, "take me as I am." However, and this is key: we have to work on ourselves, better ourselves and come from a place of LOVE. Love and respect yourself first before trying to form a healthy relationship. Too many people are dysfunctional and confused and have no business dating or trying to create a relationship castle, as you call it, Matthew!

[@mykamorningstar3964]

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and this is sooo relatable. I definitely have an anxious attachment style and learned passive aggressive behavior from my parents and it is something I am working on changing. It's so easy to let my mind run with all the fears before getting all the facts. Thank you so much for this video- you explain everything is such great terms 🙂

[@ellie200792]

Thanks for talking about this. It's gotten to a point where I dislike who I am in relationships because of my anxious attachment style. I am seeking therapy though. Hopefully one day I can manage my weapons better and find someone who understands me :)

[@redline350zHR]

Exactly

[@pure-pisces4512]

Same! (Insecure attatched) a life time of rejection (stemming from childhood) it's crippling & leaves u blaming yourself, at 54 I'm still trying to find the correct help & feel I'm best alone to escape the intense pain of rejection/ abandonment, yet so yearn to love & feel love 😢 seems impossible finding someone to accept u, understand u, love u.....& your triggers/pain, it's really simple yet so difficult!! Not to fix me just look beyond, understand, support & see the good, the love, the fun, pasion, what could be.etc etc in the person Instead of labelling & running!!! I do understand though that it can be difficult for the partner, but loving someone, seeing the good beyond their Insecurities/illness, compassion & acceptance is THE CRUCIAL KEY!! That's all i/we want!! 😭😭

[@waleedrasool]

@@pure-pisces4512 Thank you for expressing that. I am an 18 year old who has the same problem and I always thought that I was the odd one and I hated myself for it but its relieving to me to see that there are other people too suffering with this and this doesn't have an age. Truly comforts me to think that we are not alone in this but together ❤️❤️❤️

[@kdeezybeats]

wow this literally happened lastnight, i created a whole scenario about my girl being out & finding someone else that i had an anxiety attack & in reality her phone was dead but instead of me being calm & expressing my insecurity i attacked her character… which brought me to this video because i want to better myself.

[@Inflake]

gosh.. so real last night too...

[@kdeezybeats]

@@Inflake im still working on it ! im fed up with sabotaging my relationships bc of my projections . it takes us being very intentional & changing our thoughts patterns in that moment! i wish you the best

[@Inflake]

@@kdeezybeats Same relationship? I don’t wanna lose my girl.. She’s amazing and I am so anxious all the time. Please let me know your tips and how you handle getting upset and overthinking

[@kdeezybeats]

@@Inflake no this is two relationships later so recently this girl i was currently talking to was more on the healthy style of dating which mean she didnt have to constantly talk to me all day and her feelings were still there (triggered me) i felt like she was losing interest bc like why wouldn’t you want to talk all the time ? but i learned that its unhealthy to feel that way bc im feeling entitled to her time when she has her own life . I have to trust that if her feelings change she will simply communicate that . another thing i realized is i will create scenarios and run with it and that will change the whole mood !! if her mood changes i automatically assume its about me . When she needs time to her self i automatically assume its because someone else is romantically involved. Which is a selfish way of thinking bc what if shes just having a bad day ? what if she just wants to enjoy her time and do nothing ? most times it has nothing to do with me and yet i try to make it about me . And in those moments thats where the disconnect happens bc im so in my projections that there is no room for empathy when it comes to her actual feelings . you have to learn to have compassion and get curious about understanding your partner without projecting our feelings and insecurities on them . We have to trust they will come to us and trust ourselves enough to know this is not our old relationships.

[@Inflake]

@@kdeezybeats oh my God.. the part about mood is so true.. and yeah i think the problem is that we’re too self absorbed with our feelings that we project and assume our partners are feeling this way because of us and get upset because they don’t want to open up. thank you for your help!

[@loissanchez7220]

All true! Staying single helped me heal and I prefer taking all things slow now and be present. We all owe it to ourselves to heal first. And it's no one's fault we got hurt coz it's part of life

[@ssmith8758]

Yes, I understand exactly what you are saying. It took a long time to recognize that I felt the most secure single. But once in a relationship I felt so insecure. An ex once referred to me as an open wound. I would find one thing and pick pick pick. Ultimately sabotaging the relationship. They were decent “nice guys” but I should of had better taste and loved myself more. After a barrage of failed relationships it’s good to be by myself and work on myself. I know when it’s time I will find the right person. Whatever is meant for you will be for you. Sounds cheesy but I love this saying. 💗

[@stephaniefaircloth3849]

I asked for a sign. And here it is. Thanks Matthew!!!

[@barefootwomanacademy]

Omg Matthew Hussey, I’m a 60 year old woman getting back into the dating scene now that I’m widowed. I’ve been listening for about a week now, applying what you’ve been suggesting from texting to comments to standards. Thank you. This works! Don’t forget us older ladies!

[@goddyhelen6049]

Hello I know of someone great and powerful who helped me restore back my broken relationship and he can also help you as he did mine too

[@goddyhelen6049]

Whtsapp him

[@goddyhelen6049]

[phone]

[@danielehijele7021]

A powerful home that helped me to recover my ex ainda less than 12 hours faster. This is my story; Meu ex e eu we have been together for about 20 years and finally we will have agreed to get married and fiquei very happy when he told me that the testament should marry and fiquei totally satisfied with the joy of finally marrying as homem two my dreams. . ... A week before the day of our marriage, I was already linked and I said that I could not continue as a marriage, if I was surprised and detached. I want to control myself so that I won't end up in the hospital because of the concussion, embora pedisse helps all the nights to end my ex de volta. Então eu ouvi all na Carolina do Sul, USA, testemunharem on a powerful homem that fez a bom bom work helping you to turn to the permanently and tentatively enter into contact with this homem because you do not have hope of trazer meu ex de volta. Finally, I quickly procurei this powerful homem not WhatsApp to get help and tell me not to worry more, that my ex would be back with me permanently in less than 12 hours. No accreditation, more tentei. Surprisingly, you depois that this powerful homem helped me, meu ex voltou for me in 12 hours, as well as powerful homem told me and tied the same to apologize to me. So, you really want your ex to come back quicker now, I recommend this powerful homem that helped me ... send a message for him immediately, no WhatsApp no ​​[phone] .. Agora, I am finally married with her, or homem two Meus sonhos e Eu I certify that you do not perch the hopes of ter seu ex de volta and I send this powerful homem not WhatsApp or number that I just gave, you really want to or ex de volta🗣️🗣️

[@luciaharrington4036]

I love Matthew Hussey's video and they have been so helpful to me HOWEVER I would say that this is ONLY ONE SIDE OF THE ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE. I've doing a lot of work at the moment to try to heal my core wounds and become more secure rather than having an anxious attachment style, and I was very much the opposite of this I didn't have the kind of protest behaviours that Matthew is talking about here and often I wouldn't protest at all even when I was treated badly for being so scared of being abandoned or alone. For me having an anxious attachment style is all about the kind of behaviour I have when I feel like someone is distancing themselves from me and my constant efforts to try not to get them to leave by trying harder and harder to please them or do what they want

[@beegee5305]

Yes, "distancing" behavior is very passive aggressive and would make even a non-anxious/attachment style person have anxiety and wonder what the heck is going on.

[@jiaeonni]

Matt, I have watched thousands videos related to this very specific topic. However, your message is the one I've been wanting to hear about all this time. This put me into a self realization that I am the one attacking my partner with my past wounds. This is inspirational. My enormous thanks, may the Universe bless you for always.

[@originalmind9792]

This vid is so short - and probably one of THE MOST VALIDATING AND HEALING EVERRR. Not at all to help me feel "right" - but by explaining so clearly what just happened in a short relationship/dating situation I chose to walk away from due to me not feeling valued or safe after being constantly attacked for dynamics that were not happening between me and the other person. Accusations and misinterpretations of behaviors and intentions that, after raging about them, and being asked (by me to them) if any of it was happening between us to which they replied after a few breaths, "no". Apologies followed. I accepted and understood but had to step away for my own sanity and promise to myself to stop participating in relationships that don't feel good on a basic level. The verbal, emotional and behavioral weapons were very sharp and pulled out on me at the most unexpected moments. You are so right. Their wounds I would have been more than willing to help heal. I have plenty of empathy, understanding and compassion in my heart and mind to share. The weapons used against me though, for situations I have nothing to do with, nahhh. I'm good.

[@lindakitten2481]

The book attached explained my anxious attachment style and why I am drawn to those with and avoidant style. ( they’re the ones that usually create the huge chemistry in attraction) This combinations a disaster and I’m grateful to now understand the reg flags but also not blame them for their behavior because it all comes from childhood adaptations to our caretakers. I’m learning to recognize my tendencies and move to more secure responses.

[@tdesert1516]

Who wrote it?

[@sarahdoe8512]

@@tdesert1516 Heller and Levine

[@mariaoxyuk1278]

Yes! Me too! This book is so helpful with understanding and accepting. We are the way we are!

[@antihero414]

This hit so close to home and I've never had it explained so clearly before. I had tears of acknowledgement listening to this, I feel not only heard, but like.. I'm not as broken as I thought, and there is hope to heal.

[@maceyr.6583]

You are not alone. 😊

[@DjEnsi]

You are not Broken, we are not anxious we just had the wrong partners. A true partner will stay and work with you. Being alone to to long will also have its issues (if thats your case or in that position). I can personally say this. Ive been single to long and I learned alot. But We will overcome, dont ever let a negative situation become who you are. You work on becoming Secure and keep moving foward! Stay Strong @Kiel Frieden.

[@barbtaylor5318]

Thanks for this matthew.. i attack when i feel insecure and my partner hates it ..it actually puts a wall up and we feel disconnected. I will watch this when im feeling anxious

[@1spursey]

Ive had a few relationships end because they couldn’t handle my weapons. This is so spot on!!!!!

[@nonanaah]

I just started to cry very randomly, because I‘ve never been confronted with my own feelings like this. Someone just standing there and telling me „straight to the face“ exactly what I‘m feeling like all the time. This was so emotional to me, idek why. I always thought no one could 100% understand what my brain does to me, but there he is, going into so mich detail. I‘m so scared this anxious behaviour of mine will one day ruin my beautiful relationship… I‘m scared it would be too much for my partner, because I know how exhausting it must be sometimes. I‘m trying so hard to be better and to not let my brain fool me, but it‘s really hard…

[@JasonRamos-oi6gx]

I finally know what I am.. I've been searching through all these titles and this is exactly what happens in my head. I try to change but I find myself doing it again

[@unknownboo8738]

this is literally me I say something out of anger because of anxiety. and then I over think it and get more upset, it’s like a constant battle! This is all due to my past experience! When I don’t get a text then I go absolutely crazy and think the worst! I make up different scenarios in my head and convince myself I’m getting hurt. It’s so so so horrible and hard to deal with! You literally read my mind!!!!! THIS VIDEO FOUND ME AT THE RIGHT TIME THIS HAPPENS TO ME

[@rubendiaze6403]

I contact him for all kinds of problem including saving your marriage or relationship from divorce,

[@rubendiaze6403]

V I a W h a t s A p p

[@rubendiaze6403]

±2348102997455⏯⏯♣️♣️

[@Eg-jd9zt]

Yes going through this too in my relationship. It sucks! It’s a vicious cycle! Therapy has helped some, but I still have set backs.

[@Fabian2steezy]

This video has really blown my mind, all my life I felt like no one would listen to me but this has really showed that it was my core issues that stopped me

[@TheLalayouknow]

It's so true. I am grateful for my boyfriend, he is so patient with me. Sometimes I go back to the past when he says or do something that triggers a memory from the past. My ex boyfriend wasn't very nice to me (not at all..). He was abusive and violant. My boyfriend now is the exact opposite. Sometimes I wonder how he puts up with my shit, and he is so caring and loving even though some things are hard to get used to. Recently he made an move with his arm, he barely even touched my back with his arm, but somehow that move triggered a bad memory from the past. I panicked and got scared. At first he didn't know what happend, but after a while I explained and he was so understanding and caring. Then I felt save again. He helps me to concour my fears. I love him for that. My fears and anxiety are fading away bit by bit every day. It means the world to me that he is so patient with that and so understanding.

[@beegee5305]

My exBF also would trigger past abuse memories too but he wasn't understanding and empathetic about it. Once we were washing his car I sprayed his hand with the gun sprayer, whatever those are called. He took the liberty to squeeze the extra large sponge (that was filled with dirty mucky water) over my head. I dropped the hose and he chased me into the neighbors yard spraying me the whole time. I said to stop, I was cold, and he continued to spray me like I was a stray cat that he was trying to chase away. I didn't have extra clothes with me, nor my car to leave. I asked him why he kept spraying me when I said I was cold... he said "because you dropped the hose" (Crazy-making reply). I grabbed my backpack and headed down the street and up the hill, called my bestie to pick me up. He never called to apologize. I think he called later and acted like nothing of it. This was the beginning of the end. It definitely triggered anxiety. I am very envious that your BF was so empathetic and caring. Mine would always say "Im not like your exes" yet then act like they might have. If I tried to explain myself he would try to interrupt by butting in with "B___B___B" (using my name, not B). He didn't help me conquer my fears but rather tried to "poke the sleeping bear' instead. I would always tell him he lacked empathy and he never tried to work on it.

[@childofthemoon5415]

Seeing this title being like "yes, definitely" edit: I am so grateful I am in therapy now and not just using my weapons anymore but instead communicate my hurt, experiences and my triggers and to have a partner who is so understanding, loving and patient. One year ago I never thought that'd be possible.

[@kary3949]

Me too Hahahaa

[@zubieM]

Same here- good luck

[@IevaKambarovaite]

Therapy is the best!well done you

[@jeniferkenney2984]

Same here about the therapy and weapons. But I still kick myself bc I lost a good guy bc of my weapons in the past. Not a day goes by I don't think about him. I really messed up and want him back in my life but it's too late. 😭😥

[@roses8493]

@@jeniferkenney2984 why is it too late?

[@caterinapuca5606]

Matthew, sometimes I think you're spying on me because the timing of your videos is always astonishing lol

[@annaschulte7902]

Amen. I am there for my partner to help him heal his wounds, I am in the relationship to help you find positive ways to deal with your emotions. I am not here to be a dumping ground for your negative emotions. When did we decide that this is acceptable behaviour? Oh but, he is having a tough time at work, he had a bad childhood, he is triggered.......nope, not doing that anymore. Your emotions are your responsibility. Find healthy ways to deal with them.

[@splitraven7060]

I was like this in my early 20s. A bit later in life I discovered and sort of was aware childhood traumas played a massive role. Now I’m the opposite. I’m resolved from those traumas and growing in a healthy trajectory.

[@aldenfox9858]

How did you heal what are the first steps that you did?

[@miamalan5492]

Wondering the same

[@ProfessorKittyKitty]

I’m talking to a girl I absolutely adore, she feels the same way. Iv been broke in the past, this video is perfect, I absolutely love it.

[@pennyk4512]

This is bloody brilliant. The way this is explained and broken down is spot on and makes so much sense. One of rhe best things I've heard in a long time, it really helps to understand our individual complexities and what damage we can cause to others by not looking within and acknowledging how our patterns and wounds can affect our behaviors. Bravo Matthew and thank u for your insight 👏 I've learnt a lot from this!

[@shivanimarathe6390]

Sometimes it feels as though I'm disassociated from myself and the world and in those moments, I never really understand how to love or even what it means to love. Even though, I'm very well aware of what it all really means to me and I don't really understand in those moments, where to go and what to do next...

[@shivanimarathe6390]

If that makes any sense...

[@faith2444]

ommggg this is also what i'm going through atm🤧 i'm confused

[@vinibatra9081]

I understand these feelings so well.. Just try to ground yourself in those moments. Just to see 5things around you , hear 5things and smell .. Bring back senses and bring your attention to the present moment. You will feel good slowly slowly

[@shivanimarathe6390]

@@vinibatra9081 I guess... I usually get back to work whenever it happens. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't...

[@shivanimarathe6390]

@@faith2444 it's irritating, isn't it?

[@_Matilde96]

I always sabotage the begining of relationship ..it goes so well attraction is amazing . And then something comes to my mind I start to check who my person follows who he possibly texts …and I sabotage it …. I be : “ it’s over don’t text me no more “ Just like that .

[@baptista237]

The thing I learned is that dont blame yourself when you unarmed yourself and tried to communicate, but it didn't work out, and the other person might still hold their weapon against u. That's not your fault, and that person need to grow as well. But it isn't necessary your responsibility to help them grow

[@noah1602]

You just read the hell out of me

[@YounHsuShin]

I am so lucky to find this video. I'm also suffering in this situation with LDR and I even believed that we would break up, and he doesn't love me anymore. This video is just EXACTLY what I need!

[@Belanova881]

This is great Matthew. Thank you for teaching us to trust and not jump to conclusions or attack our partner.

[@ianbrooks1769]

My favorite weapon is swallowing what i see as wrong, and letting it poision me so that they dont see me as bad

[@dianacovaciu5589]

Sooo... This guy litterally read my mind and he said exactly what i feel and i couldn't kinda put into words. It's crazyy that i see this video exactly now, when i just talked with my boyfriend about my anxiety and it's mind blowing how everything aranged. This really helped me to understand myself better. For ex, now i know my weapon is sarcasm and sometimes victimizing so that he can feel bad for something that maybe he didn't even do but i made up in my sick mind. I think i'm lucky cause he's special and he loves me and understands me and even so he stands by my side. I hope i will get over it one day and that i will be able to treat him right🙏

[@craigpurcell1628]

Hello Diana

[@Techn0Fox]

I honestly have no words to describe how much I can relate with these anxious feelings, and the insight you've provided. I'm in tears just relating from the experiences. Thank you so much.

[@mousetravelswithrick]

Mathew, I feel like this video was meant for me. I am such the AA person. Always overthinking about my partner and what they are doing. I hate feeling this way.

[@danielehijele7021]

A powerful home that helped me to recover my ex ainda less than 12 hours faster. This is my story; Meu ex e eu we have been together for about 20 years and finally we will have agreed to get married and fiquei very happy when he told me that the testament should marry and fiquei totally satisfied with the joy of finally marrying as homem two my dreams. . ... A week before the day of our marriage, I was already linked and I said that I could not continue as a marriage, if I was surprised and detached. I want to control myself so that I won't end up in the hospital because of the concussion, embora pedisse helps all the nights to end my ex de volta. Então eu ouvi all na Carolina do Sul, USA, testemunharem on a powerful homem that fez a bom bom work helping you to turn to the permanently and tentatively enter into contact with this homem because you do not have hope of trazer meu ex de volta. Finally, I quickly procurei this powerful homem not WhatsApp to get help and tell me not to worry more, that my ex would be back with me permanently in less than 12 hours. No accreditation, more tentei. Surprisingly, you depois that this powerful homem helped me, meu ex voltou for me in 12 hours, as well as powerful homem told me and tied the same to apologize to me. So, you really want your ex to come back quicker now, I recommend this powerful homem that helped me ... send a message for him immediately, no WhatsApp no ​​[phone] .. Agora, I am finally married with her, or homem two Meus sonhos e Eu I certify that you do not perch the hopes of ter seu ex de volta and I send this powerful homem not WhatsApp or number that I just gave, you really want to or ex de volta🗣️🗣️🗣️

[@dallas2160]

Thank god there are people like me. I messed up this way and I’m going to fix it.

[@katherinep708]

my ex boyfriend always gave me the silent treatment whenever there was a problem, he also thinks he was better than me and constantly belittled me, i stuck by him for 7 years. very glad i'm not with him anymore, it was emotionally draining and awful. turned out his father was an arrogant person and used to give him the silent treatment as well. i can't imagine if i ever had a child with him and how broken the child could be.

[@ellie200792]

Ahh I can relate to this! Ex's have either given me the silent treatment or leave me in limbo "I need time to think about this" rather than just talking it out and moving past it. Sometimes this would go on for days because they just couldn't or wouldn't communicate and it felt like torture for me who has this anxious attachment style. Just ended up being so toxic.

[@Lilsunshinebaby]

Silent treatment for me was the most painful to bear. I never could understand why someone would want to ignore instead of come together to work it out.

[@WaveReady-h6s]

Hi Mathew. Just wanted to say thank you for all your content over those years. I am forever grateful. I met my Man purely because of the confidence I gained from your book back in 2015, and we're together since, the best possible relationship I could have ever asked. Authenticity was always my strong virtue. Over time I healed the past. I have strong foundation, thanks to you, and I am building something new now, for that I need space and time. I value my time more than I ever did before. I am reviewing the content I consume on a daily basis. And I decided to leave this channel. I know you understand, your mission is accomplished for me. Thank you from the bottom of my Heart.

[@WaveReady-h6s]

@@angelculby3449 Hi. You missed my point entirely. I am happy in the relationship, and it's time to concentrate on another aspects of my live too. For that - I need more time. Since a day has only 24h, I decided to leave few YT channels really. Time to live :) Blessings

[@bernadettekarlegan1672]

I just went through this in a 1.5 yr relationship that just ended almost a week ago. I was the anxious one and I presume that my ex became avoidant. I would try to communicate w him about my insecurities and he often times would become agitated about it and eventually we would fight because I was petulant in trying to get my point across, it would always result in him looking past me like I didn’t matter and he would leave saying he wasn’t sure about the relationship. Every. Single. Time. And I would beg and cry and chase. It was horrible. He would say he never realized we had a problem all the while I was there trying to communicate w him. For instance I would express to him “I feel like x, y, z which makes me feel not desired by you and not loved and it makes me sad.” And his instinct would be to become annoyed, deny, shut down, lash out and eventually storm off. It was really hard trying to make something work with someone who felt like they didn’t need to put in any work. A lot of arguments and breakups could’ve been prevented had he learned to stop and listen to learn. I am slowly learning myself and have taken full responsibility in my role of the demise of our relationship but I’m the thick of it right now and feel soo lost and broken.

[@douglasfraser9968]

Hello friend I no of a powerful man who can help bring back your ex .....he help me get back my soulmate within 48hours

[@Jojo-qo4zn]

You’re helping and healing my boyfriend. He found your content and it really resonates with him. You put everything together so well and to the point. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@sebitours1221]

Do you mind sharing a little of what he had going on? I’m worried I’m pushing my fiancée away with my anxiety

[@terrilee734]

You can't make someone be with you. If they cheat or leave oh well. Let them go!! People go to jail because of cheating and revenge. Just walk away

[@Britfan06]

I've seen a lot of conversations about this attachment style throughout the years, but none quite hit me like this one did. It got the message across without making me feel damaged or everything is my fault. Also it allowed me to see that I didn't allow people to "show up" for me in the past. Thank you for posting.

[@beegee5305]

Can you explain to me what you mean by not allowing people to "show up" in the past?

[@anetkakopacheva4912]

Ah, reason for most of my failed relationships. I would love it if you give your insight on toxic relationships created with this anxiety attachment and what could you do if you are the toxic one, in order to save it.

[@robingood761]

That's a nice ideas

[@sarahdoe8512]

It's usually not just one 'toxic' person but rather the anxious/Avoidant dance

[@michaelhouse5276]

@@sarahdoe8512 elaborate, I’m curious

[@sarahdoe8512]

Work towards becoming securely attached

[@aneka2009]

what you could do? Get into therapy

[@icenightdado3826]

This is such an amazing video, I did one search, clicked on one video and got the tools I need to work on my problems. Thank you so much, seriously. Under seven minutes on the point. A great reminder that the true problem often is something different than what is showing on the surface.

[@madlen3524]

Amazing Realtalk. ♥️ It's not about our environment to understand us without words. It's about us to let others know how we feel or what we like and don't like in a respectful and not offended way. Love your channel Matthew ! And hugs to everyone. 🤗

[@marsrock445]

Matt is not only so naturally good at this, but he’s also so intelligent as well. He literally sounded like one of the most highly skilled therapists I’ve ever had in this video.

[@R.wayne.96]

This is great advice. I really needed this. Me and my partner are going through some sh*t due to my anxious mindset and insecurities. Hopefully me putting this into affect can save my relationship. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@veganize]

Did it work out?

[@damagedparts768]

Sobbing. You spoke directly to me with this one 😞

[@wildwoman4911]

Matthew, That phrase "they couldn't handle our weapons" (that use to defend ourselves when we are triggered) is so insightful and helpful! I appreciate it! Namaste 🙏

[@aishahhumairah6392]

Thank you so much for this video, Matthew! And reading the comments make me feel I’m not alone in this 🥺

[@robingood761]

OMG! I also read the comments