#1 Question to Ask Yourself Every Time You Meet Someone New

[@zairademexicoacanada3453]

I just rejected a guy with whom I had already scheduled a date with, because he started calling me baby and sweetie, before we even met in person...I know that I don't want to be with a guy that uses those words, (meant for someone special) so lightly. It made my intuition alarms go off, and although he was HOT, I canceled because I already knew, if I ended in a relationship or even dating this guy, I wouldn't trust his character....it was hard, but I felt relieved after, and I'm still proud of being impeccable with my dating choices, waiting for the person that shares same "character " and values as me....❤

[@cornwallismorgan874]

Sounds like you dodged either a narcissist or a very anxious attacher.

[@zairademexicoacanada3453]

@@cornwallismorgan874 yup!! Pretty sure it was a narcissist, or at least someone super insecure, with a huge ego to compensate, that would always put his "image" and "how he looks in front of others" before me and the relationship....I see them coming miles away now😂

[@thematthewhussey]

This is so good. Well done for trusting that feeling!

[@ondreyjames]

Interestingly I was just on the other end of a similar situation. It was a blind date set up by a mutual friend. We texted some and progressed to a phone call. She seemed great. I asked her out and she was excited (perhaps too excited - "anxiously attached"??). Fast forward to a day before the date and she texts saying she met another guy and didn't want to go on the date. She met him around the same time she met me (her words). She wasn't committed to him though (her words). I was looking forward to meeting her and now I'm left hurt, confused, and frustrated. This world needs to learn how to date better and I wish more people would learn from you Matthew.

[@Strawberry-v4o]

You go girl 💪😘💪😘 Same here

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

I was in my 20s in the 1980s and EVERYONE (aunts, friends, co-workers, etc.) was trying to fix me up. I was very selective and people trashed me for that. I came from the generation that if you weren't married by 25 you were considered an old hag. Nevertheless, I stood my ground because I wasn't "feeling it" with anyone I was meeting. FINALLY, I started dating someone amazing in 2005, when I was 42. He was someone I had a crush on when I was a teenager, but he wasn't available. Finally, the stars were aligned and we were both free and able to date. Five years later he proposed. We've been happily married since 2011, just celebrating our 13th year anniversary. We're now in our 60s and so very much in love! Friends and family call us "the love birds." My husband is a gem. We have a few date nights every week, and our snuggle at home nights. He was WORTH THE WAIT!

[@Elaine-p3g]

@@BeYounique...Maryanne Now that's a very wise example for us to follow.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@Elaine-p3g Thanks! I always tell other women "don't settle." There are many great guys out there, it's all about timing. :)

[@Elaine-p3g]

@@BeYounique...Maryanne Good for you ! This world could really use more wisdom nowadays. People seem to be starving for it.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@Elaine-p3g It's there if people seek it. I think many like to turn a blind eye and make excuses for bad or lazy behavior. Plus, many are afraid to be alone, which is ridiculous because enjoying your own company is beautiful.

[@sandyv3890]

That’s such a nice story and very inspirational. Thank you for sharing ❤

[@shewins7191]

intuition speaks 247, don't dismiss it for paranoia. When you feel uncertain about something / someone, trust me, that's all the closure you need

[@elizabethmeulenbelt2850]

Great advice for life. I love the question, "Does this expand or diminish me and my values?" It should be front of mind on all decisions, work, life, and love.

[@SaveTheMessenger]

I agree. That question is such a powerful guide-keeping it front and center can really keep us aligned with what matters most in all areas of life.

[@PLad-pr9cl]

❤🐲✨

[@sun_rose123]

Fuck guys like that! He's keeping you warm, while dating others, while thinking about keeping his options open! Women, think about this when dating, how does this guy make me feel? How does this feel to me? If you feel confused, weird, off, not sure, insecure around him, end the texting, dating and whatever is going on between you two! You are valuable! You are worthy of being loved! ❤

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

You are so wise! This is great advice for friendships too. Don't go for the "low hanging fruit." Find people who you truly connect with, people who energize you -- not drain you. And people who truly care about you, not those who only contact you when they want something.

[@Greenplanet949]

He continues to text her while he’s dating someone else because he likes the excitement of having another woman on the string. That’s not a little red flag, that’s a stadium sized one.

[@kaoshi_kutie]

Agreed! ❤

[@peacelovehope-jq1ry]

My ex doesn't do this, he blocks any previous romantic love interest as soon as he's interested in someone new and it's reciprocated. But it's still problematic and a huge red flag, as he often would start a new romance within 2-14 days after the last one ends and he just gets disposed of the person who he loved and cared for so much just a few days ago.

[@Greenplanet949]

@peacelovehope-jq1ry I can see why he’s your ex. I wish you the best.

[@peacelovehope-jq1ry]

@@Greenplanet949 Thank you! He dumped me, probably for the person who left him 2 months later. Unfortunately I only learned all of this after he threw me away like trash just a day after making huge promises and telling me how wonderful and special I am and how much he loves me. The emotional damage was huge, but I learned and developed so much since. I think his "officially blocking the ex" that he does is a part of love-bombing the new person and creating a false sense of trust and closeness as well of his controlling behaviour (he hopes his new love interest will block as many guys as possible, as he's extremely jealous and insecure).

[@yogawithSally]

My ex wanted to meet up for coffee and chats, because his new partner wasn't really invested in him, other than for sex. He just enjoyed knowing that I still had feelings for him. This showed his total disrespect for me. I challenged him, and stopped seeing him at all, as he was just being cruel. He couldn't understand, which says it all.

[@francem3312]

“When nothing is happening is happening in your love life in the short term, that can feel like a thankless task.” This comment really resonated with me. The work we have to put in with building a value set and seeing how someone will fit within it feels daunting and the urge to settle is strong.

[@violetapricopie1800]

I was just about to date a guy, who my guts says hes not what I seek but somehow universe just showed me your video, now I know, I better wait. Thx ❤

[@Elaine-p3g]

This is why I believe in God.

[@violetapricopie1800]

Yes our spirit leades us, when we listen ❤

[@Elaine-p3g]

@@violetapricopie1800Yes. The Holy Spirit will always lead a person to all truth and to make the right decision. Our own hearts and minds can often mess us up..For believers , all of us have to ask God to give us wisdom and discernment. We all get off sometimes.

[@AngelaAng-nearaquietstream]

Matthew, you’ve helped and encouraged me through your videos to slowly change my beliefs about my worth and how to live intentionally by my values in order to have the life I dare to hold out for. I am learning how to choose myself day by day, instead of abandoning myself and settling for ambivalence, disrespect, and not being chosen. I am grateful for your wisdom and kindness. Thank you. 🙏🏼❤

[@thematthewhussey]

This made my Sunday. Thank you Angela!

[@AngelaAng-nearaquietstream]

@@thematthewhussey You just made my day, too! Thank you. 😊

[@Jacquelinerenees]

I appreciate this idea of the culture we create. I was recently talking to a guy, and the way he was responding to me was so out of line than what I would ever allow my family or friends to do. So after seeing it 3 times, in 3 weeks, it indicated a pattern for me and all I had to say was, “I get why you are doing this, but it’s not okay and it’s really hard on me.” And he exited stage left. It made me see that I surround myself with people who value self development and reciprocal relationships and that’s the culture I value and create for myself.

[@mike198383]

Unfortunately this is what some think creates a bad boy vibe but in reality it shows you don't know how to be respectful with someone. I always try to be respectful and show genuine interest and as Matthew talks about dating with intention. Both men and woman should respect each other equally.

[@AngelaAng-nearaquietstream]

@@Jacquelinerenees “I surround myself with people who value self development and reciprocal relationships and that’s the culture I value and create for myself.” Well said. ❤️

[@TheHeartScienceofWealth-w7q]

Matthew, I attended a seminar you and your dad ran in London years ago when I lived there and then attended the Palm Springs event. I’m married now and living back in the US. I learned so much from you and your dad at these events. This video isn’t just gold it’s platinum and observing CHARACTER in ANYONE you meet for the first time, and it certainly holds in business as well as romance. It popped up in my feed for some reason and I’m very glad it did. Delighted to see you are still spreading the wisdom about relationships that people really, really need to learn but often haven’t.

[@audreym.342]

I used to think guys were shy (some tell you that in this society women make it hard for them to approach them 🙄), they’d show me interest but not ask me out or really make the first step, invite me on a date or simply kiss me when the moment was there. When I was a teenager I got rejected once by one but apparently didn’t learn the lesson. and then adult I dated for more than a year two guys consecutively that liked me of course but it became obvious I loved them more than they loved me and I felt really lonely and unloveable in those relationships. Now I will never ever again believe men are shy. Either you do what’s necessary to get me if you like me or you don’t and you miss the opportunity. But I’ll never be afraid of missing an opportunity myself !

[@dampergoldenrod4156]

It's a good point about whether having contact with someone or being involved with someone will diminish you or make you a better person

[@kruemel515]

9:48 'the people in life who not only find love, but find it with people who make them happy in relationships that last, take culture seriously' this is an underrated gem of advice. I believe that just by keeping sight of this and accordingly approaching dating intentionally, a lot of people would spare themselves from falling into unhealthy partnerships.

[@jennysims1]

Brilliant video Thanks Matthew 👏👏

[@chelseafrost4444]

I keep trying to focus on things other than dating right now just because of where I'm at in life, so I don't want to watch your videos because it keeps me thinking about relationships, but you just keep making RIDICULOUSLY good content so I keep watching 😂 Really, everything you put out is so valuable. Thank you for your help as I've been developing higher standards in my love life since my divorce.

[@seembertsav4809]

Sending you hugs 🤗🤗🤗

[@tarsemsingh7268]

this video literally came in the perfect moment in my life, love you

[@thematthewhussey]

So happy!

[@yvonnemurphy7487]

I love the story of teenage Matthew and the cartoons. Your humility is so refreshing ❤

[@cari4026]

This is so good. Choosing the culture you want can be hard and you doubt yourself so much at times, but this video really helped reaffirm this for me.

[@CarpeDiem2805]

He is on a power trip - re the guy who has a girlfriend and is texting a girl every day. He wanted her to fall into the trap. I’d walk away and wish him the best.

[@bekas79]

What an encouraging video. When it takes longer than you hoped for, it's easy to start feeling like I'm the issue. But it's really uplifting to be validated in not feeling satisfied with any of my current options, and preferring to wait.

[@laurarsheppard]

It can take SO much longer than you hope for. I finally found Mr. Right at age 43. Married him at 44. I missed out on things, like it's too late to have kids. But I also built a career and a financial footing that I might not have done if I'd gotten married and had kids when I was younger. Now I'm step-mom to an adult daughter, so I'll get the fun of being a grandma someday. And we get to enjoy our life together. When hopes don't materialize the way we imagine, I think there is always another good path to take. Best wishes to you!

[@user-lt3yb4fm6q]

Thank you for writing this comment, it's very helpful 😊 I have been alone for a decade, and people look down at me for it. But I don't want to be with a man just for the sake of not being single

[@karenak8084]

Wow, this makes so much sense…I regret wasting 20 years of my life with someone who I wanted to believe had character, but found out later, he and his whole family never fit in with my culture. I so wish I was aware of this great piece of advice back then. I never would have gotten involved with this person. I was recently left being disrespected and disregarded after putting 20 years and 100% of myself into the relationship. I am now out on my own and feeling very relieved and free!

[@ignachobus5730]

I needed to hear this today, was just starting to loose my patience, but you’re right, I need to have the space ready for the real thing

[@celinegirard8288]

Did Matthew get married???? CONGRATULATIONS MAN ! Good for you!! Your wife is a lucky woman! Wishing you the best!

[@NgocNguyen-bg9fy]

He's married. His wife is also his coworker 😊 : You can see both of them in many videos he's posted.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

1:08 Wow, he was honest about the fact that he was dating someone? That's light years ahead of the nonsense I deal with.

[@KG-bliss]

But what does it mean to carry on texting when you have someone? Some women fall for this as well... that he was honest, therefore, give him a chance... it's just a messy thing to do.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

@KG-bliss Obviously, he's keeping her in his back pocket. But him saying he's seeing someone while also texting her is all the proof she needs that he's a cheater. I would just rather someone have the spine to tell me she's seeing someone than lie to me about it.

[@quinnbill]

Excellent video. Concepts applicable to not only dating, but also job, friend, housing, and activity choices. Confusion, compromise (too much), and conflict indicate long-term mismatches.

[@ryan.j.drewes6184]

Thank you for this reminder.. I recently had an opportunity of dating someone who seemed like a perfect match. After two months I ended it, because a long distance relationship was looming over it. I need the closeness and intimacy of a relationship to thrive. I question whether or not I made the right decision, but seeing this reminded me that I did. Thanks

[@heathergrahame9647]

Look at how they make you feel. If they leave you feeling confused, then they're not the one.

[@dawntie]

Culture is personal values externalised.

[@wandasexton643]

First of all the guy is cheating on his girlfriend. She should not be assisting him. I have found as a middle-aged woman trying to date today there is no morals Integrity principles or honor anymore people are so broken that they just need any sort of dopamine hit to their brain that they possibly can get because they're so lacking self-esteem it's really sad

[@MarinaLaroche]

But they can be single and do this as well. They act so innocently while they are "teases". It was rare amongst men before . It was an outlier thing then and no idea in today's culture how prevalent it is but it definitely exists.

[@sparrowwilson4514]

Honestly, it sounds like you need to change your mindset. There are no absolutes and it’s possible to find the right person, you need to identify the wrong people QUICKER so they don’t waste your time and energy. If you believe all the people in the dating pool are toxic, that is what you will attract. If you approach it thinking most of the people you meet aren’t meant to be your partner, then running into wrong matches won’t feel so upsetting. Look at dates as a means to test the waters without expectation. As they pass different small tests of compatibility you increase your level of intimacy with them. Not every person you meet/date is supposed to be your perfect match. The point of dating is to find out which people are meant to be in your life.

[@EdelweisSusie]

Same here.

[@tredd9019]

​@sparrowwilson4514 Your "exceptions" do not disprove The Rule. The Rule is what 9 out of 10 middle aged woman is experiencing. I'm writing a book on it. Let's not argue exceptions, hopes or semantics; check stats. They don't care about feelings or exceptions.

[@cindyben3089]

That was easy , blocked. He’s playing games.

[@monat_son]

Matthew, the part about saying “No” hit close. Thank you.

[@SaraX2024]

This video speaks to me. Last year, I was questioning the culture of the film industry I'm in a lot and decided to apply for the military due to their contrasting values. I needed to find a balance between the flaky, superficial, narcissistic film industry that lacks values and the serious, disciplined, rooted in traditional values of the military. I have a quote I wear around my wrist that goes: "If you're gonna go first class, you gotta be first class." In other words, know what you're getting into and whom you surround yourself with.

[@TheWinterfox10]

Thank you for sharing this message, Matthew! I'm a guy and I've found your videos incredibly insightful. The idea of interpersonal culture is incredibly important, and I had to learn that lesson the hard way on my own over the course of years.

[@tracymossing3200]

Thank you for the reminder.. I’ve been “saying no” for 2 years now.. and I admit there are days that are discouraging, not knowing if there will ever be a day that I can say yes.

[@elipotter369]

That's how I feel. With friends also. But I can see I'm better alone than with the many I said no to. I can focus with peace and clarity on my own goals and enjoying life.

[@wejoin]

Also, beyond that cultivating you describe Matthew, I believe that your vibe (your energy) attracts your tribe as the saying goes.

[@MarieJackszis]

hey Mathew, I love watching your videos while sitting with my notebook and pen always ready writting down your genuine and helpful tips.🤗 Eventhough I sometimes fall back in old habits, I am glad that your guidensce keeps me back on track. ''Rewards of being brave are profound.'' Thank you and your team Love from Germany😊

[@thematthewhussey]

Thank you for telling me Marie!

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

This compelling video brings back terrible memories of my recent breakup after four years of dating. My dearest friend made the decision to go, and I was left with an inexhaustible hurt. I can't even begin to imagine my life without him, much as I keep trying to make amends. I'm frustrated. I want to write about how much I miss him here because I can't seem to get him out of my head.

[@JessicaAnotii]

I understand how hard it is to let go of someone you love; after a five-year relationship ended, I was unable to simply let him go; instead, I tried everything to get him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance.

[@shabanalatif6133]

You will be fine soon if you just believe on your self, he was not your person because if he was he suppose to be with you.

[@thematthewhussey]

This will get better. You will feel better. Keep going Nancy.

[@SheenaRea]

This is so true. I've been making this mistake for years... What a revelation.

[@thematthewhussey]

Glad you enjoyed it Sheena!

[@zhamilyakussainova3038]

That is a very timely and profound message, thank you, Matthew🥰 shared culture, values are important, is the basis. Thank you for reminding us all about it❤

[@versachi187]

As a guy who just got out of a relationship(if that’s what you want to call it) where all these questions were prevalent, I now see things so clearly. Would have saved myself some time and pain had I acknowledged her character as opposed to staying on the roller coaster. At least I’m better equipped to be more vigilant in creating the culture I want in the future. Thanks Matthew for your insight🙏

[@nichonito]

These videos are so priceless, always so immensely helpful.

[@AveRegina_]

Matthew, thank you so much for this! I don't even remember when I'd last come across such a beautifully conveyed, hard-hitting advice, which I have btw for 27 yrs of my life actually put into practice and still hold close to my heart. Seeing everyone around me in relationships, finding guys with different value system desiring me, and getting mocked for not having a single bf till date definitely feels frustrating n dejecting, but Ik it's wayy better than lowering the standards n saying yes to the next person. So long story short, YES I'll hold onto the faith that one day I'll have all n maybe much more than what I deserve and desire for. Culture ftw 🙌🏻❤🎉🧿🌌

[@EllenStevens-f1z]

Thank you for encouraging us to be brave ❤❤

[@mariejoyce]

This is probably the best piece of advice ❤ and the most important thing to consider when choosing a partner

[@Maria-Voichita]

Hey Matthew, so lovely and refreshing to listen to! Congratulations for encouraging and inspiring people on their journeys to dignity, to emotional maturity and to healthier mindsets about love.

[@thematthewhussey]

Thank you Maria! Such lovely words.

[@Maria-Voichita]

@@thematthewhussey ♥️ So wonderful that my words got to your heart, 'cause they were from the heart. Be blessed!

[@cinh222]

Waiting longer for someone who has the same culture really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing these important messages, hopefully it will save some unnecessary 💔 hearts.

[@josieclowes2208]

Thats soo true, I had a similar situation to the ladys Q, but just as I was starting to take interest in him, I also had that DJ gut feeling that he would drag me down. But he was so much fun, but then he stood on front of me with a lady that clearly said he was into her. I didnt go that bar for the next 2 weeks, and worked on myself, again 😂, Im so proud of myself that I saw that saw that guy yesterday, and was able to be friends without bad feeling.😊 Im a 66 yr old widow and still learning but enjoying the process. Thx Matthew.

[@disappearingink1354]

Good episode. Aligns well with Ken Page's "attractions of deprivation" vs "attractions of inspiration.

[@Rinikothari]

Love this perspective on building your culture

[@thematthewhussey]

Glad you enjoyed it :)

[@medicineofnow]

Thank you, Matthew, well said. A good reminder to myself. All the best to your team from Hong Kong 🙂

[@annieemalhotra]

Thank you. Needed to hear exactly this!

[@sandrabullock6828]

This is a high quality idea. I never thought of it like this before.

[@Lolita1535]

Thank you Matthew.. you have never failed to say what I needed to hear❤❤ I've heard from one of my friends who is 4 years older than me, that she lost touch with most of her friends from college, that her two exes were so mean and toxic, one of her so-called besties is talking about her behind her back. And I kept myself ready to the day I will fight with my friends after graduation. I graduated 2 years ago, I am still in touch and on good terms with the same people I met in college 7 years ago, despite some up-and-downs, but I managed to overcome them all. To the point I remembered how different outlook on friendships and relationships me and my friend had, I've always been more strict and careful about who I got along with. I noticed a trait in me once, that I don't get impressed easily, in fact I was never amazed by someone that I changed an attitude for them, unlike her, she had some moments where she was amazed by some people. Yours truly E. A 25-year-old never-been-in-a-realtionship lady😂

[@marilember]

Thank you for your brilliance, kindness and wisdom ❤

[@judepoynter3850]

Best video you’ve EVER done - and that’s saying something because ALL your videos are good. This one, thank you, has given me permission to trust my gut 🎉👍🏼

[@TheMisssy2]

This is interesting, someone in front of me I have been saying NO to & feeling like I should just take it as it is because it may be all I can get (I'm 60) & we were together 10 yrs. I met someone today (after my 2 year breakup) and he actually has the same "culture" as I do, as far as it goes with the small conversation we had. I have an "opportunity" to go to a place & sing with him, it wasn't a requested date...just an open door heads up to a lounge that plays guitar and sings....every Tuesday - I think he wants me to go Tuesday. It would be BRAVE of me to go. And I watched this video because of this opportunity (I thought there was a magic question to ask him).....but this helps a lot towards my decision. Thank you Matthew.

[@emmarink9299]

So interesting. I realise that in my career I am that ruthless person, quickly evaluating job opportunities and if their literal “work culture” doesn’t fit with my values (bad vibes, bad communication, insufficient salary to reflect my skills, lack of trust etc) I run, knowing something better will come along who truly values what I have to offer. I definitely need to do this more in relationships - it’s hard as your heart is more involved and being ‘chosen’ here feels a lot more personal (to me, anyway) but without clear boundaries and following your gut in the long-term , an exciting short-term prospect can literally destroy you. Fun 🙃 Be brave, people! ✂️ and 🏃‍♀️ to better, healthier long-term choices 🙏 ❤️

[@Xianne027]

Matthew, I have been very thankful these last years for your messages. But how I wish SOMEONE had been there to give me this very message more than thirty years ago before I threw my life away and moved overseas for a man who came with a whole huge set of red flags! No one was there to help me to reflect these points. Matthew wasn't old enough to teach us yet in those days 😉 so I had to learn a lot of these truths the hard way... But I am so thankful that the younger generation have the good luck to benefit from Matthew and Audrey's truths! ❤

[@martafbgomes]

So good, thank you ❤ and I could feel it really applies to other things too, to our work in the world, having faith and waiting for the right opportunity, more aligned opportunity to come along... when it seems like there are no others out there, takes guts too. Let's be brave! And trust ❤

[@SaveTheMessenger]

Exactly. It really does apply to so much beyond just relationships-having faith, staying patient, and trusting that the right path will reveal itself takes real courage.

[@martafbgomes]

@SaveTheMessenger it really does ✨️ thank you for your message

[@katrinaburkhardt14]

Thank you for your advice! It makes so much sense!

[@fionakarbel258]

I was that girl over a year and a half ago. Guy texting and calling me 24/7 while he had a girlfriend, I always thought it was odd and not right, but had feelings for him. He then claimed to have ‘broken up with the girlfriend’ to be with me, only to find out that was a lie. Then he ghosted, but she had actually dumped him after that. We reconnected and then he ghosted again, so I cut him off, but then he came back a couple months later crying. I allowed myself to be stuck in a friends with benefits while I had feelings, because he claimed he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Things were somewhat okay between us by that point, and we kept things going for over a year, but because of all the crap from the beginning, I NEVER trusted him again, knowing he had bad character because of it, and always ended up making false accusations, and eventually the whole thing blew up and I ended it. It was a whole trauma bonded mess, and has taken 4 months since I ended it to grieve through horrible emotions, but I’m finally starting to feel a little bit better, although having to see him all the time slows the healing process a bit.

[@thematthewhussey]

Keep going, and well done for breaking free of that cycle Fiona.

[@Edyta-n8j]

What the heck are you talking about? You were with him even you knew he had a girlfriend. How could you do that as a woman to another woman? This is sickness. And with no shame you are telling us that you didn't trust him

[@plop4493]

Why would you involve yourself with a person like that? He literally showed you his values, he doesn't honor integrity or loyalty. If he did it to her, at some point he would have done it to you. Lesson learned, next time only interact with people that are SINGLE

[@jindevil72]

Thank you Matthew, hearing you talk soothes me emotionally.

[@SoulfulQueerIntimacy]

YEs YES YESS!!!! Needed to hear this so much right now!! thank you

[@thematthewhussey]

So glad it helped! Thanks for telling me.

[@dia.8988]

We love Audrey! You marring her was a “win-win” situation. You win and so does we 😊

[@itadakimasu22]

And in what way is it win for yall 😂😂 Do they help yall to give and receive and receive love too or remain in sadness and codependemcy with illusions of sufficiency

[@sailormoon5760]

Bill Eddy (please check his interview on prof. Andrew Hubermann channel) says: "Wait a year before you commit, because you never know what's under the surface", speaking about high conflict personalities.

[@bethandalaska]

Love this video Matt…. beautiful message 🩷 and helping me to stay strong (and brave) in enjoying my single status as I wait patiently for a man that can add value to my own culture - and not just try to “fit into his.” Also love the early Matt photos!! What a hottie 💖

[@kimjellen4508]

I should watch this every morning 👍 well done

[@NolanGunn]

Would love your perspective on single parents and dating. Since almost half of all marriages end in divorce, that means a huge portion of the dating market will be single parents (myself included ha!). Would love a video on this with tips and perspective.

[@thematthewhussey]

Will add it to the ideas list, definitely agree we need more on this topic!

[@Sunlightsam24]

Kids come first, men seem to prioritize their kids more than women do

[@heidikamrath1951]

@@Sunlightsam24Really? Men prioritize their children more? I don’t see that.

[@findinghomewithReginainSC]

This was one of his best.

[@shareenchoudhury-leighton1748]

💙 You nailed this, Matt! 💙

[@TheVivienne1990]

This is such good advice. Institution sometimes needs a bit of courage to be seen.

[@Seraphim7]

Awww, I just saw the video and photo of your wife. You can See the Love💞💞 So Sweet + Lovely. It Does Make Sense. This Gave me Hope!! the Love Meant for you Does Exist. Thank you ✨🙏🕊️🩵

[@Daniela-p4d]

THANK YOU!! Just what I needed on my way out on a date!

[@thematthewhussey]

you're welcome!

[@rachaelsealey1259]

Yes I can relate completely….. I AM THE AVOIDER and I can tell you, it has nothing to do with the person wanting more than I’m capable of giving and EVERYTHING to do with, my traumatic life experiences with relationships. Yes I am solitary, described as a lone wolf… and while I absolutely love my freedom, it was HARD fought for, not given freely. And because of those things in my past and my fierce protective instincts, for my sweet family… (We’ve been brutalised for years) can’t even begin to unpack that. That when I attract men without meaning too a lot. I’m just going about, my daily life and work. When I’m approached, I can entertain the idea, if I’m attracted (sounds shallow, I know but that is the furthest from my intention, it’s honest, there has to be a level of attraction, physically and mentally and intellectually ! or it ain’t happening, that’s just how I work). That when I’ve entertained the idea, something deep within me pushes back. ( what would that person be like angry or drunk and I’m alone with them). And that thought makes me loose ANY and all interest instantly.. I’m a deep thinking individual and I have a fun, active life, which I think, attracts men to it… just none have been able to overcome that protective streak… I AM THE AVOIDANT 100% and it’s my own issues…. That pushes anyone away and I want your community to know that… so these wonderful people, that are willing to dive back into having a relationship earnestly, can take the hit in a much gentler manner, move on quicker and find their forever person… ❤

[@djann531]

Thank you for sharing. An anxious one here always attracting the avoidant. Helps to hear the other side.

[@shavindikarunarathna8534]

Thank you, Mathew, for every single word. Although you are talking about relationships, I learn more about life in general.

[@queenpushycat]

I recently met a guy from social group, we hung out and chatted a lot, got to know we like a lot of same stuff. So I asked if it's me, would he like to go out on a date. He rejected me. So I accepted the rejection, and I didn't initiate any chats nor meet ups just because, but he is always liking my stories (except those with guys in it) & asking me to hang out for dinner etc at the same time talking about dating other women & asking me to go out on dates with other people. It hurts a little, but I know I should move on, and find other people.

[@putripramesti7705]

I’ve been doing this, being firm with my values/culture but it takes a lot of discipline because sometimes you want try something you'll already know will hurt you to test out if intuition was right, and I get the valuable lessons from doing it. The short-term excitement and happiness is not worth it with the devastation and sadness that it’ll cause

[@d.m.webb-benjamin3576]

When it comes to friends, I have a great culture, surrounded w loving and exciting people. But when it comes to a partner...I still fall too much for someone w great talent and needs help to succeed, so I end up giving too much...and then they leave. Absolutely my issue. But at least I'm not reacting to abusive narcissists any longer 😂

[@Seraphim7]

Thank you for being a Sensitive + Empathic Soul and using your Gifts to Help people. ✨God Bless you🤍

[@sailormoon5760]

Say it louder for the people in the back!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@IndigoHazelnut]

I absolutely love what you said about creating and cultivating the culture we want to be in. Last guy I dated is a lovely lad and we ended things on good terms. In saying that, at times he made jokes that were a bit too below the belt for my taste. I love a good joke and I don't mind non-PC jokes however there is a distinction between laughing at situations and laughing at someone's expense and I guess that isn't the sort of culture I want to cultivate around me.

[@dampergoldenrod4156]

Ridiculing and mocking someone's misfortune is definitely a bad sign

[@missymcfall7554]

This is so encouraging; thank you!

[@marialeonorcobo8962]

Excelente reflexión! Matthew, tus videos son cada vez mejores :)

[@joeywong4203]

This is so true and good. Thank you.❤

[@thematthewhussey]

Thanks for being here!

[@michellem775]

Luv this! Looking for the same culture makes so much sense. Wish I knew this and listen to my gut years ago.

[@magnaajube7784]

This is amazing, wonderful sight into how to go wrong!!! Well done!!!

[@thematthewhussey]

It's easily done, which is why we have to be clear about the values we are looking for!

[@Stella-Guan]

Culture - that was the word I've been lookig for for years but couldn't verbalize it. Thank you for poining this out. This technique is so useful in not only screening romantic interests but also friends. Remove the romantic interest first - would you still respect this person if they do what they are doing and you are not the least bit romantically interested in them? Many of us won't - for the people who we gave the benefit of the doubt to before.

[@coach_amy]

Yes, Matthew did bring up other people besides romantic interests too (see quote below). You said, "Would you still respect this person if they do what they are doing and you are not the least bit romantically interested in them?" Yes, exactly! That's such a good way to look at it; it's also helpful to remember that when trying to let someone go. My future partner has to be my best friend first. Matthew: "... long term, our entire world becomes a real tangible reflection of the values we hold dear. The people in our lives, from the person we choose to spend our life with romantically, to our friends, to our colleagues, or the people we hire if we have a business, everyone will end up being a reflection of your culture: a culture that your life is evidence of you taking seriously."

[@SaveTheMessenger]

Very well said. Viewing people through that "culture" lens is a game-changer-it strips away the romantic fog and helps us see if we truly respect and align with them, just as we would with a friend.

[@nicole_syverson]

Love this one! Thank you Matthew ❤

[@OM-1111]

Wonderful reminder. Thank you!!!

[@thematthewhussey]

🙏

[@SalimKhan-sg8gw]

Absolutely right sir,culture value ,most important in our life.we must value all these in our life.. Thank fot sharing your kknowledge.0

[@kellybell2746]

This is so good!

[@emgee691]

Here's something to think about....I wonder if at some point, she thought to ask him why he texted her every day,? And after he said no to a date, if she asked him why he said no, but still texted her everyday? I wonder if she did ask him these questions. And if she didn't, I wonder even more, why not?

[@ISing4Jesus6353]

Thanks Matthew. I needed that!

[@Rinikothari]

Could you do a more detailed video on "how" to go about creating that culture?

[@caramellow5293]

I love this, and it is indeed true!

[@siberfit]

Absolutely brilliant 🙌🏻

[@fam695]

In my early 20s I was in contact with a guy who ruined me emotionally. We were never a couple; I never officially met his friends or family, but I liked him enough to keep the contact going. He'd text me a lot, while he was in and out of other relationships, and I would respond. This guy never made an effort to be with me but was very ok with texting, going to the movies, making out, etc. One time I finally got bold enough to tell him I was out of a relationship & needed more, he said he was in a relationship, and I said we needed to stop talking as there was no point. Till date, I still don't understand why he kept stringing me along like that. I wasn't able to move on or be with other people completely because I was still holding out for him. Imagine going back and forth with the same person from 2012 to 2022 (& a 3 year gap in between) I feel like I wasted my early 20s over him for nothing

[@fam695]

What's so crazy is that he would have been fine with keeping contact with me even after he got married, was living his life, had kids, etc. Now, I protect my energy and my space like my life depends on it. What Matthew said is spot on.

[@t-fresch289]

When I read her question I automatically read WTF instead of WTD. I guess my subconscious was already giving me the answer to her question 😂😂😂.

[@AA-wc3tw]

I don't know how to apply this to my life because my life does not fit any of the scenarios you describe in the video. But obviously I'm doing something wrong and need to correct it. (People tell me I'm amazing and such a catch and wanted and loved and valued and blah blah blah but my experiences do not reflect it.) I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong and I'm beginning to see that maybe the place I live is not good for me because I don't fit in here. (I do not live the same lifestyle as most of the women/people where I live.) Maybe this video applies to me in that the culture in my city/state/country is wrong for me. I definitely feel unwanted and ignored where I live. That goes for platonic relationships, too. I'm getting into The Lifestyle because dating isn't working out for me and I need touch and physical action in my life, and that seems like the only way I can get that and avoid the problems I create for myself in the dating world. A friend pointed out that by wanting to move, I'm only running away from my problems (I'm fully aware of that) and that I won't be happy in the country I plan to try and move to. But the place I live feels like it's trying to push me out. I am definitely NOT wanted here, so there has to be chance that another place would be better, no? I have felt for decades that I don't belong here, nor do I like it here. I can't see myself continuing to live here and being happy. I don't know what "space" I'm supposed to create in my life to welcome people in my life who are right for me. I guess I also can't tell what kind of people are right for me, other than the ones who are obviously wrong for me (and that's most of the people I encounter where I live). I don't know what to do. Honestly, with all the problems I have (including the continually-devastating struggle to connect with people and have quality relationships)......I don't really want to continue at all. I'm losing interest in continuing to try what is obviously not working. It's also obvious that I need to learn to stop giving a fück because I care way too much about something that is not working for me. Whatever. I'm just blowing hot air and it's meaningless. If you got this far, thanks for reading about my pathetic life.

[@d.c.127]

I say go for it! Somewhere else may be a better fit. Never know until we try. We can still do our inner/healing/growth work anywhere we are. Have fun & good luck!