Is your best friend a narcissist? (subtítulos en español)

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@annachrissy4874]

First warning sign of a narcissist friend: they do 98% of the talking in a conversation, but don’t even listen to you.

[@mariposaswallowtail4410]

Yep

[@joseenoel8093]

It's also a way of draining narcs to do all the talking, aka don't ask them a thing about themselves. Listening to you, what you're doing will be such a drain on them, trying to listen normally, they'll need to take to their beds to recover. I wish they'd just do that in the first place instead of bothering us....

[@martinapavlin]

Yes! Sooo tired of this! 99% of people are not able to listen... sooo sad and egocentric society we are

[@izzylandyt]

I don’t think that’s an accurate depiction of a narc friend. I feel the first warning is if they talk to you in a condescending way, or tell you things that sound scripted and repetitive. Also, if they abandon you at the times you need them the most.

[@homersmom]

anna chrissy totally had this realization recently.... I just limit my time with them, understanding that most of the conversation will revolve around them. I share very few details about my own life. So far so good. It’s tricky.

[@tbd5082]

Narc friends steal your friends, but don’t share their friends with you. And they are jealous AF of you even for the smallest things.

[@Aryan-uo6hb]

So very true

[@jackadvance]

Not entirely true my narc friend would often invite me to things to meet other people

[@Harry-qw5jv]

That is true for my covert narcissistic ex best friend

[@kizzy2874]

True, I see it all the time. I made friends with a girl that hung out with a mutual friend, but if the mutual friend hung out with me she would ghost both of us for weeks yeeesh.

[@nicolecarnevale1071]

So insular with their own friends and reluctant to share the good times and smiles, They won’t hesitate to dump their negativity on you.

[@Iamreeze]

The more I learn about narcissism, the more I realize I’m surrounded by them and it really breaks my heart. It’s really hard to not take that abuse personally

[@tee4303]

Bighearted Sunshine same☹️😣

[@estheradao]

Same, I’ve realized that my father groomed me from birth to tolerate bs

[@joseenoel8093]

I use to wonder why I couldn't let mom 'in' and now I know why, lack of trust, it was a God send! I'd never have done so well!

[@tee4303]

Bighearted Sunshine 🥺😣☹️ so sad man, i get it😞

[@razgvozd]

Arkk when there is nothing and no one, try to be. Find at least ONE Human, alive or not, and you, might have a light. There is no future, but seek wisdom and it will be your shelter against everything. Even if you are completely alone. It's the wisdom what will give you a shelter and steps toward the light you can't find anywhere around. If you fall, they win. Even if you can not walk, don't let them eat you as parasites. Seek wisdom and you will have power and strategy to make justice exist..Even in a narcissist world. Don't run away. It's leaving them smiling, what fuels the future as it is now. Know your rights, know rights, know. Understand. Sages are usually all hermits right? There is a reason for that.

[@AnimalsMatterMorally]

FINALLY a video specifically about narcissistic FRIENDS. It seems like 80% of the videos on KZbin advise people how to handle intimate/romantic relationships with narcissists... The other 19% of videos address narcissists in your family. Thanks for providing the 1% video about narcissistic friends!!

[@kaylaree6479]

I know right!! I'm so thankful.

[@donnamaco1]

Need more on this subject.

[@AmbyJeans]

Yes thank goodness! I've been searching EVERYWHERE for this!

[@abipadma4931]

Agreed!

[@anjali1685]

Yes! I have been through this and it has taken so much work and conscious effort to come out of it.

[@TheRealChereeses]

As soon as you express your dissent and call out just ONE of their hurtful behaviors, they find a way to play victim and leave. And gossip is their fuel. It helps them feel better about themselves and their underlying insecurities. My best friend of 10+ years had something negative to say about EVERYONE, friends, family, coworkers. I felt like I was special because she was entrusting me with all of this ‘secret’ information. NO! If they can talk crap about others openly and freely, they will and probably are talking crap about you too. I’ve learned the hard way.

[@gottaseeit]

Omg! Yes! I used to think my “friend” was confiding in me and it was a special bond. Then I starting realizing how they would talk about everyone, like you said. Their partner, other close friends, co-workers, people who looked up to them. Nobody was off limits. I told myself there’s no way I would be the exception. I was sure they were talking about me while I wasn’t around just like the others. So unfortunate and deeply hurtful. I see things soooo clearly now.

[@madisonl.607]

OMGGG, this completely describes my relationship with my friend who claims I'm her most trusted and most close friend by telling me shit about her family, friends, etc. and making me think we were close because of that. I am sure she talks about me that way too but she gives me fake assurance by telling me I'm her closest friend.

[@mansanas3012]

This is so true.

[@munequa81]

That’s exactly my experience with my ex narc friend. I knew very private traumatic info about friends that I never met. So I knew my business was out there too.

[@5029rahul]

These are people with a weak character and I have always associated with people like these. I felt good about me associating with these folk who others avoid as if I'm so benevolent/ kind.

[@casperinsight3524]

Friendship betrayls/breakups are as bad as significant partners in my experience. Narcissists have taught me my tolerance was too high and self worth too low. Now my tolerance is low and my self worth is high. I stick to my boundaries like glue.

[@vl2663]

Happy for you! I learned the same thing and my tolerance has also gotten lower since I was last friends with my narc ex-best friend. My self esteem has also gotten better but I still have a lot of work to do. It’s hard for me to set boundaries because I’m so lonely I basically become friends with just about anyone who wants to be. I know it’s incredibly unhealthy but I also want my social needs met. It sucks

[@casperinsight3524]

@@vl2663 I hear you, I found feeling lonely and feeling hungry are very similar, it becomes a choice of what nourishes us best. Setting and maintaining personal boundaries is an ongoing process, emphasis on practise not perfection. I've learned that holding yourself accountable is the hardest part, walking your talk requires an incredible amount of self discipline, self respect and honouring ourselves. Its challenging to put your needs first & foremost when you've spent a life time feeling invisible or ignored. Protecting and preserving our precious energy requires careful consideration and refined discernment. I made a conscious decision to share my time with people of resonance and feel much more fulfilled, peaceful & content. Cheers 💙

[@MalihaMahjabin]

Same. Although I had some tendencies of jealousy when my best friend called someone else her best friend, but I was a kid, that was only first 1-2 yrs, I grew up and apologized, been there for her through her first relationship and breakup. In later years, when I wanted the emotional support, she disliked me for wanting attention and emotional support, she ghosted me for 10-20 days where we usually talked eveyday, she hated me for doing better in everything, there was an underlying jealousy and insecurity. She'd treat me bad, but I went back and back everytime. With all the neglect and disrespect. 9 years of exhausting friendship later when her new boyfriend came into the mix and sensed the bad dynamic (who had narcissistic tendencies). He started pushing boundaries with me, I got confused whether to tell her or not since she was so happy, but then he kept pushing, emotionally cheating on her, and I got manipulated but when I got outta the abuse, I told her, and apologized for entertaining his behavior and not telling her earlier. Her boyfriend turned the whole story around turned it on me. The whole thing went down in a dramatic way and I'm the only one left hurt, alone.

[@boop5287]

@@serenitysmith352 not always. Sometimes it hurts more than a romantic relationship. Especially if the friendship is deep

[@prachiadsul9638]

@@vl2663 💯

[@tammykinstrue9849]

To get rid of a narcissistic friend, simply voice one of her imperfections to her and she will end the friendship on her own. I experienced that with two self-idolizing friends. 1 after 17 years of on again/off again friendship and the other after 30 years of continuous friendship. Truth is their kryptonite.

[@fuyukazemi]

Depends on their level of narcissism and if they have any other traits on the dark spectrum. Narcs will act out differently/accordingly depending on their wing traits

[@sarahjohnson8514]

Tammykins Inspirational So true. So glad I did that!

[@katiewildwitch]

Yep, this happened to me. By accident as well, I'm learning to develop my own voice and opinions as I'm usually shy and very diplomatic. I'm very go with the flow and used to follow this close friend around in awe of her. Recently I politely mentioned something which she took out of context, got super sensitive and angry, called me a number of names, told me I'm unhealthy then blocked me so I couldn't even ask to have an adult, mature conversation- it hurts because the stuff she called me made me question my entire identity and I had to ask friends who've known me for years to be honest and tell me if this friend is correct, if I have accidently hurt someone, I like to know about it so I can apologize and see things from that person's point of view and empathize. Its the most sensitive and angry I've ever seen this friend, she always appeared very confident. and I didn't get a chance to speak from the heart. She just exploded. Don't know if this is Narc behaviour but I am the third woman friend she's recently done this to as well.

[@katiewildwitch]

@@KarenAbke-ei3xm Thank you for confirming this. Interestingly enough, the second woman she did this to actually called her a Narc to her face. Towards the end of my friendship with this woman I noticed her minor narky comments, she started copying me, she wrote a bizarre angry poem directed at me, just super weird behaviour. My partner who is also friends with this friend, tried to contact her to have a mature conversation and she wouldn't. So I have absolutley no idea what I've done to trigger such a volcanic eruption. It does fricken hurt I feel your pain xx

[@neuro_yartsevo_sunboy]

I've had this experience. I've sent a short and angry voice message about the thing I don't like my "best" friend always does (we are males): I've got 1.5 hours of screamings and insults about everything about me in voice messages. No desire to talk to me, just monologue about how awful person I am. All of these insults were 100% narcissistic projections, of course. But his avalanche at me was so strong that I've doupted about myself in some ways - maybe he's right? Now I see that I'm okay. It was pretty terrifying at the moment. I've found his very weak spot (I didn't want to, actually) and that were his enormous defences . But after that I've said goodbye.

[@anonnymous4684]

I think one of the earliest signs of narcissism in a friend is little digs, cutting remarks, and sly put downs. They'll often be quite subtle so you almost miss them, and they'll often change the subject quickly so you'll be left wondering if they did actually say it. They tend to choose their moments well, like, just as you're sitting down to dinner, or in front of someone else, so you'll be less likely to confront them about it, so as not to ruin the evening, or cause an embarrassing scene. But pay attention to these comments as they're specifically formulated to make you feel inferior so they can gain/maintain power in the relationship. Personally, I now take the approach that if it's something I know I would never say to anyone, let alone a good friend, the likelihood is they're on the narcissistic spectrum.

[@msredcurtains]

Well said!

[@antoinetteb.3869]

Thank you for your post. I just recently had this happen to me with a woman I had thought was a close friend.

[@macb3741]

100% true. Example: we were sitting with my friend group having dinner. 3 of us worked on this big project at the same company. However I left that company (soon after the project was successfully finished). The topic was about that project started by friend A who was impressed, friend B said ''Yeah only 2 of us actually did the important work." and my friend C replied, "No, 3 of us." Now who in this sentence was the narcist? Indeed, B always did this, an no, he was not ''joking around'' because the tonality and facial expression were serious.

[@typ8568]

They love to say "I'm joking" or "you took it the wrong way" if you do confront them and usually continue to gaslight you. 😂 I do not miss my friend one bit in that regard. It's so toxic and soul draining I realized I was indirectly avoiding them for a reason 😅

[@Ikr2025]

Yes! My mistake has been that I have let these little comments slide and not confronted them about them because I don’t want an argument. But then it escalates and they do it more and more until I can no longer ignore them so then I do confront them. Then the gaslighting starts. ‘Sorry you feel that way, that’s not what I meant .. blah blah’.

[@ErikaK]

No matter who it is! Always respect yourself and don't let anyone make you feel that you're not good enough !!!

[@joseenoel8093]

Their opinion is worthless anyway!

[@iscariotproject]

i would say dont stay friends with them,they record everything you say mentally and will use it against you when you are down and need help

[@back2the80s]

yes and love to bring up old and past mistakes form 10 years ago.

[@anadventure1298]

Not healthy. Quit the relationship

[@casandraaustinmcdonald]

I just went through this. Had a friend pick me apart and throw things I shared with her confidence in my face after sharing how I wasn't doing good.

[@PlanetX369]

Not just mentally, they will record your conversation on camera and send it out to people in an attempt to tarnish your character.

[@Ms.Stephanie.C]

100% - yes!!!

[@giri.goyo_yt]

I love how your cat is modeling the narcissistic friend role. So cute.

[@rodmorrison6644]

🤣 "a picture is worth a 1,000 words..." There is a great visual inllustration of the narcisstic friend and an empathetic friend who is forgiving for over stepping boundaries gives a new meaning to "...give some folks an inch, and they take a mile" 🤗🤣

[@AngelKrystalStar]

😹 love it! 💕

[@GeorgideMarne]

@@AngelKrystalStar 😜🤣🤣 lmao

[@rickiilatino]

I love cats 😸😸😸 yes this behavior is common in relationships. I have come to believe my self respect is worth more than being in a poor relationship with anyone.

[@theL81Again]

My thoughts exactly! Hellllo, you cute, little narcissist!!!! 😹

[@nelliedean7088]

I dropped a narcissistic friend after she utterly humiliated me in front of a mutual friend. Funnily enough the mutual friend dropped her later on for a similar reason.

[@joseenoel8093]

They're so textbook!

[@lindabb7064]

Well done! So glad for you!

[@Rawyalty220]

LOL SAME

[@katherineprongos3929]

Well done! Mine humiliated me in grad school in a room full of our peers, but when she found out she'd slandered me she admitted it in a closed office in perfect privacy, and I recall no real apology.

[@Riverflower]

Bit weird that the mutual friend didn’t cut her off after she publicly humiliated you. Idk, if my friend is coming hard for my other friend, I’d think to myself “avoid, avoid, avoid.” Lmao.

[@alibre4484]

It's hard to find a friend you can trust.

[@Geekchicrina]

really hard

[@kieransimpson4965]

There's a Kurt cobain quote, ' a friend is just a known enemy'. I'm starting to see things like that.

[@machielvanderschoot5180]

You have 1 true friend. Yourself and your desire to be respectful, decent and make decisions with dignity.

[@YouTubervid90]

Dude I feel that so much

[@Minisynapse]

Ironically, the narcissist will definitely feel like you're untrustworthy. My previous friend said "I don't think I can trust you anymore", even though I have always been honest and our problems stemmed from exactly that. They are not lying though. Indeed, they cannot "trust" in you, because you no longer provide unquestioned narcissistic supply, or because you're inflicting narcissistic wounds/injuries. In this way they cannot trust you. But we cannot trust them because to us trust is honesty. It's being real, showing ourselves, authenticity, and safety in being authentic.

[@55wilddawn]

Whether you are discarded by a narcissistic friend or you decide to end the friendship, the best thing I can share is saying this mantra to yourself to help heal and find closure : " I let you go with love and I bless you on your way. I have nothing more to give and nothing more to say. " This has helped me to feel more empowered and less victimized. Hope it will for you too!

[@detjaggillar8081]

@55wilddawn - A very good mantra You wrote down! It's good to repeat for our selves and don't go back to those toxic people, bff, partners etc. who are behaving narcisistic to Us. It's NOT going better if we stay and let those people destroy our minds and our lives. Stop the abuse they are doing to us And Take care of Our selves - Because We are worth better people around Us

[@ca6248]

Love this mantra! I love that it rhymes, too! Very creative. 💜

[@antoinetteb.3869]

This is a powerful mantra. Thanks for posting.

[@AnnieDash]

Great advice! Thank you❤

[@katec9893]

I love this, thank you.

[@rosettesionne9139]

I think the best way to determine whether or not your friend or surroundings is a narcissist is to examine the psychological level of toxicity they have in you. If you start feeling exhausted, depressed, if you start losing confidence in yourself or questioning your own sanity or if you just feel sad or annoyed only from the thought of seeing these persons then know they can be toxic and start putting some barriers between you and them.

[@ahumeful]

That was such a warning sign for me. I would feel great, then see my narcissistic friend and feel low, depressed and go through several nights of no sleep

[@lauramantis5826]

Im really questioning myself I have a friend that I met when I was in a hospital due to depression I really admired her but she stings with past events of mine or with my psychological traits that are Not perfect somehow I really feel uncomfortable but I feel super terrible if I just ghost her I cant walk around and ghost people and sometimes she was really there for me maybe it just doesnt fit anymore… But my body reacts so crazy like panic attacks and almost throwing up I feel insane…

[@michelleplaskoff9920]

My narcisstic friend was recently complaining to me about how she felt people were distancing from her..hope she takes the time to do some quiet reflection as to why.. I have enabled her for so long.. excusing her selfish behavior but Im over it..Im exhausted

[@godzillamanstreb524]

I’m trying to let go of narcissistic female friends too......it’s hard bc we’ve had fun for decades, but now I realize both are covert narcs......can’t take it anymore

[@anadventure1298]

They don’t care they just find other victims as soon as u leave

[@kierrademus8092]

Me too

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

Recently, yes, same here!

[@Joelswinger34]

I don'r think narcissists ever look at themselves.

[@marymcclanahan1757]

I realized that having narcissistic friends was a pattern of mine, starting in 5th grade and continuing into adulthood. Each friendship would end because I finally got fed up and ran away screaming. But because I didn’t know what a narcissist was, I repeated the pattern again and again (I’m not even mentioning the narc husband I was married to for 30 years-what pattern?). Now I can’t even be in a room with a narcissist. I swear I can smell them 30 feet away! Narcissists are always damaging. They leave a trail of wrack and ruin wherever they go. Never again!

[@bellaluce7088]

Oooh, too bad you can't bottle that narc-detector superpower! But I'm glad you have it now! My narc detector is a fragile, malfunctioning thing, so I have to consciously look for signs that someone is naturally empathetic and reciprocal when meeting new people: Do they naturally take turns in conversation and when deciding on activities? Do they seem genuinely excited about my and other people's good news, and genuinely sad about bad things? Do they inconvenience themselves sometimes for others, GRACIOUSLY making themselves available when called, or doing things they're not personally thrilled to do? If you give them a gift, do they give you a roughly comparable gift, if not in expense, then thoughtfulness? Do they make eye contact even when they're not the one talking? etc. Hard-won wisdom from the trenches of narc-dom!

[@Ikr2025]

@@bellaluce7088 h’mm - the latest narc friend who has just done the discard and gaslighting to me did all those things at the start of the friendship. Very giving, generous, overly conscientious actually. Really too good to be true. That turned into ‘I’m perfect you’re not’. (Which went on a long time). Which turned into the slights, subtle insults, discard, reactive abuse.

[@bellaluce7088]

@@Ikr2025 Blech! Your ex-friend sounds awful! My best friend who was exceptionally thoughtful and *overly* generous discarded me in a cold cruel way after decades of friendship. She wasn't a narc (in fact her empathy is off the charts), just REALLY bad at conflict resolution, assertiveness, and trusting that she's allowed to be imperfect, have needs, and that other people *want* to hear her concerns and resolve them (she's the child of an alcoholic). She actually told me that she doesn't think she should even *think* negative things about other people! Yeesh! Now people who seem to make "niceness" their identity are as much of a red flag for me as lack of empathy! Sorry you got such a dud friend!

[@Ikr2025]

@@bellaluce7088 yes, very much so re the overly niceness. I did sort of note the red flags earlier on, thinking she seemed too good to be true but ignored them as I have done too often. We went for walks and she would say hello to every person we met along the way even if they were in their own property. She sort of demanded them to say hello back. She also started growing vegetables and dropping some off to another friend of her’s who she thought could use them. But soon got irritated doing that and asked that the friend drive up to her house to collect them (when the friend hadn’t actually asked for them in the first place). She said she was descended from foreign Royalty. And pretty much never had any problems and didn’t like negative people in her life.. Sorry to hear about your best friend. Sounds as though she was v co-dependent maybe. Being overly generous and nice does lead to resentment if it goes on for too long.

[@bellaluce7088]

​@@Ikr2025 Yikes to this! Especially "She said she was descended from foreign Royalty. And pretty much never had any problems..." Yeesh! 🙄 The demanding a hello thing is weird too! Covert narcs can definitely be harder to detect! Thanks for the sympathy regarding my ex-best friend. I suspect the issue for her was not resentment or lack of reciprocity (I'm very good about that), but that I started recovering from my bad childhood and she could no longer view me as "less-than." Such an ugly feeling to realize someone so close has been viewing you that way. : - ( It was actually really irritating that she would one-up whatever gift you gave her (still does, according to mutual friends). I had less money at the time so reciprocating "cost" me more as a percentage of my budget, but what was really upsetting was her inability to just *receive* love and caring. I've tried to get better about that myself.

[@OlaDeen2018]

Close friends for 57yrs., like sisters. She moved to FL to get married, her fiance died. I allowed myself to be talked into retiring early & moving 1,700 miles to "help" her as she "was desperate" and "couldn't handle it alone". I stayed a yr.and a half. I was so depressed by then that I told her I felt like I had no reason to go on living. The next day I overheard her laughing and mocking me for what I'd said. I moved out shortly afterward. She was such a big part of my life that now I feel like she stole it from me. So many memories are tainted by her presence in them.

[@mehpr9695]

I'm so sorry you went through this. Same with my former best friend of over a decade. When I came to terms with how toxic and abusive she is I got so mad at first. I took her in for holidays she would ruin, She was my maid of honor, so many memories that I now deeply question. I don't understand how someone could be so cruel to a person that loves them.

[@Flyingrabbit2222]

So sorry that happened to you. We are dealing with a situation right now involving a relative and her high school sweetheart. They were to be married in August. At 25 he is just at the age where such things can be diagnosed. He has been part of the family since they started dating at 14 and so many of their family memories involve him. He suddenly broke off the wedding and then the lies came out. Heaps of them. He stole nearly 10 years of her life. She keeps thinking there is something wrong with her for not seeing it, but these people are chameleons. They can change stripes and friends and just move on. Whoever she is mocking you to will find out soon enough what they are dealing with. Hope you've moved on and found happiness.

[@paulaluzuriaga9416]

I´m really sorry that happened to you

[@jaxciohc253]

57 years… hang on tight.. it will get better from now

[@4HeimatLiebe]

respect and love yourself enough to be there for yourself like you were for her.

[@marmadukescarlet7791]

No contact-even if they live next door.

[@joseenoel8093]

Yup, and make them sorry they keep trimming that hedge! Mine eventually moved! Yay! Be strong enough to fight alone!

[@marmadukescarlet7791]

Josee Noel I’ve been able to put a stop to the BS, because the housing manager is familiar with the type. Ms covert narc got a big shock when her lies didn’t go down. Unfortunately, it’s unlikely that she’ll move, as this is a great setup and she knows if she steps out of line she’ll be kicked out now.

[@bellaluce7088]

@@marmadukescarlet7791 Thank you for my new favorite bedtime story: "I’ve been able to put a stop to the BS, because the housing manager is familiar with the type. Ms covert narc got a big shock when her lies didn’t go down." Yaaas!!!!

[@lalaw.1625]

I am glad someone is talking about Narcissist Friends. That's how I found out about Narcissistic behavior and the Narc in question was a very close friend of my who I would talk to and tell secrets everyday. I thought some things were odd, weird, and how she seemed to play with me sometimes and try to compete, try to "steal" any kind of attention I would get, how talking to her was an endless confusing cycle of "How nice of her ..' and "What the heck was that ?! " And how I was always so tired , emotionally exhausted just to see a text notification from her. A Narcissistic friend can also have a big impact in one's life and it is a life changing type of experience. You realise you need to protect yourself by surrounding yourself with healthy relationships where you are respected and you can set boundaries and also that you have no obligation to seem "less happy" so you won't bother that one friend that always seems upset if you are "much happier " than them. Take care my good people ... Take care of your mind, energy and do not give yourself to people so easily.

[@Intrepid_Insomniac]

Very well said. I had the same experience. After 10 years I finally decided to have the difficult conversation and walk away. I haven’t looked back! 🙏🏻❤️

[@estheradao]

Yes, a very life changing experience....You never go back to the same person you were...Actually, you even stop believing that good ppl exist.

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

Angela, it’s a scam

[@vaibhavjoshi9141]

I'm fairly uneducated about these topics & was in an uncannily similar situation as yours. It's quite exhausting & while I don't distrust the intentions, it crossed a line. It gnaws at me every now & then when my mind draws a blank. Closure is critical & I have got very less in life. Though it's good to know the last one is my fault, maybe a lot of it is.

[@TheSahand68]

Good for you! I went through same experience ... I just did general cleaning: getting rid of or neutralising narcs in my life ... with me was the same thing: I started to notice something is off with my newly minted "friend" ... I usually invest maximum in my friendships and am extremely loyal ... than I noticed some signs, one, two, three ... initially I did not pay that much attention ... than I noticed how I was emotionally depleted and disgrountled after meeting that person ... than I started to pay attention ... my anger started to accumulate ... initially I was conflicted ... thanks to videos dealing with narc problem I was able to recognise signs/ patterns/symptoms ... I started to connect the dots, look harder and analyse ... eventually I knew precisely what is all about and I sprung into action without hesitation ... the hell with narc "friends" ... they are useless ... they are no friends at the first place!!! They are leaching on someone they can find to leach on ... not me!!

[@randalglyph602]

(5:06) Your cat is completely self absorbed and demanding. He doesn't seem to empathize with your wishes to film a video. You could cut him out of your life, but he's too damn cute.

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Randal Glyph 😹😹

[@joseenoel8093]

He's ok, he knows where he'll be sleeping tonight!

[@lyndacork2821]

Lol. Good one. :)

[@anyawyatt8345]

LMAO

[@sleepypisceslove1586]

Hahaha! That was cute!

[@Unrel8able]

I've had 3 narcissistic best friends and at this point. I'd rather have zero friends from here on out. I'm depleted.

[@EmilyMaslow532]

Same. All pathological liars.

[@nicolaharris461]

A good time to be your own best friend - it's helping me a lot to heal ❤

[@mariaalaniz5437]

I feel like they don’t have best friends. I feel like the only best friend is themselves because they push people away.

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

Narcissists can't like themselves. They can only fake liking themselves, and that is what you see. It is cover - completely fake. Or, that's what the "experts" say, anyway. There may be some nuance here.

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

@@whythough9753 I think their subconscious hates who they are, hence the obsessive compulsive need to control and take. They are incredibly selfish and self-centered, so they absolutely try to harvest all the resources they can for themselves. Their Ego "Judge" always has them on trial, and they better not be found wanting. Dr. Rick Malter has a good book titled Shrinking the Judge (and Unleashinig the Inner Child, or something similar) that is worth the read and consideration.

[@Joelswinger34]

I think that they just have people around who they don't really care about, just for appearance's sake.

[@jewelthompson4210]

I'm at the point where I absolutely don't want any friends. I'm tired of being mistreated by ppl. Thank you for talking about this. Most of the discourse regarding this is focused on narcissism in romantic relationships.

[@ginalane7540]

You will be ok. Don't close off people due to the losers you dealt with. Not all people are like that

[@deelight9963]

I cut everybody Off and no longer have friends ..I ran into them all at a state fair and they followed me around and around talking my head off 😢😂😂😂

[@aprildamski8365]

I feel the same way. Your not alone.

[@butterflyeffect5869]

This

[@leighn.8670]

When your friends cannot support you, they have no empathy, they criticize and judge you, kick you when you're down, and try to tear down your dreams.... those people do not love you. They want you to adjust to their standards because what they want and think is more important than your needs. I had a couple of friends like this. Ultimately I had to cut them off and block them. This was of course followed by their cruelty and backlash, which only solidified my decision to finally cut them out. We are all deserving of healthy and loving friends.

[@dittehompoth1469]

I have to follow your example, some of them are extremely malefic, many time observed nőt only criisize, put you doumn but , but they suģest idea of self harming, nőt lack of empathy is sadism

[@williamdillard8330]

A narcissistic friend of mine proved to be the worst investment in my life. It's very bad to have a narcissist friend. Can be dangerous. Because we don't know about narcissists in our younger days, we easily think that the friend is simply having a bad day every now and then. In fact, it is a person who gets worse with age. A friend who is a narcissist could get you killed.

[@jcsrst]

I ended a friendship of almost 30 years with a covert narcissist. It was pretty painful but necessary. It was where my healing journey finally started. So I am grateful to this person but won't ever engage again.

[@joseenoel8093]

Wise are you! These sites give me strenght to those who reach out, when I comply with the attention I give/get, it's my mom who so so often sabotaged me, frankly my dear, yes because I did well in spite of, such is life, survival of the fittest and all that, but still, now she's cut off from me and my husband and adult children as I'll no longer encourage the relationships, she lives far away. I'd read once that if you don't go no contact with them in this life, we're doomed to them in the next! So be it!

[@roselynconcepcion6834]

jcsrst i had to end a childhood friendship also recently she was a big narcissist she even side it her self one time but I was already sucked in like it was the worst weirdest feeling ever experience nothing was feeling right until my family told me about narc ppl boy the hit every point and some did not even know her it’s sad I had to go no Contact with her but it was Worth it

[@Ma-lz1qm]

Yes, grateful to my narcissistic friends. But I am finished with these persons

[@vyshali6340]

Can you share some signs, if you don't mind?

[@jcsrst]

@@vyshali6340 I asked them to change a behavior. I was nice about it. This person flipped out in a narcissistic rage. That's all I needed to see. I realized it wasn't ever about what I wanted. This person loved to be the victim, dispense advice from on high and generally complain that people didn't understand him. I guess these are fairly classic signs but I had been in a haze most of my adult life. Once I snapped out of it and saw how I invited these people into my world, it became my main mission to change whatever it was in me that attracted them. I wish you all good things on your journey!

[@gurudra]

A narcissist does not know what true self love is, if he truly loved himself , he would never hurt another being

[@joseenoel8093]

Right on, they would never hurt you for fear of losing you.... It seems to be their desire, quest, all while being a victim...

[@universeofopulence]

....male / female both are equally narcissistic

[@Geekchicrina]

Hurting another is inevitable. That’s why forgiveness exist.Thats how many people grow and learn from their mistakes. It’s not right to consciously know that you have the power to hurt someone and carry it out. (that’s someone who lack value of themselves) You mean they would never do anything to have you question your sense of self...Cus that’s what narcissists do. since they can’t exactly remember who they are because they are in love with a false version of themselves, they attack others who seem genuine and true to themselves because they dont know what that’s like. They’re hurting inside, really shattered inside and unfulfilled so they think their hurtful actions towards others will fill that gap.

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

It is very challenging to remain friends with someone who never listens to you, yet tells you every single detail & stubbed toe episode. Then says, "But you never talk," while they yell over the top of you. Let 'em go. Learn to hang up the phone. I read every single one of these comments, that's how important this topic is, Dr. Ramani.

[@ashleymandigo4406]

Overtalking =/= not listening tho. Some people don't talk back bc they're only gathering ammo

[@Kindiah]

"Self preservation is a right! Remember, there are no special places in heaven for people who engage in a lifetime of self-sacrifice in the name of a narcissistic relationship!" Thank you so much! This is exactly what I needed to hear and remember! 💕

[@Abr022575]

Better be sure...

[@trevordsouza8568]

A narcissistic best friend is really an abusive person not acknowledging one's feelings with entitled behaviour, gaslighting you, triangulating you and always saying your feelings are fake. Trying to give you guilt and holding you as an emotional hostage is a very very common trait.. Always abusive either grandiosely or covertly!! Watch out for such traits guys!

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

Well & truly said!

[@demonslayer4107]

They are jealous deep DOWN, it's a LOVE N HATE thing, always in competition can't take your strength, whatever you feed them they will try and feed you what you fed them , they mirror you. And they are always focused on correcting you about nothing , everything is a argument to oppose what you say.... they have low self-esteem and they only use you when everybody else has did them in because you're a empathy individual. WALK AWAY!

[@ds001]

Narcissists do not have the personal qualities and attributes to even be a true friend. I have learned the hard way. Now I have "cleaned house" and deleted about 90% of my contacts. I am so much happier now with wonderful peace and contentment! Blessings to all...........

[@universe2198]

d s Exactly

[@moorparkgirl]

spot on! i felt used for years

[@macdicaprio3094]

AMEN TO THAT 🙏🥳‼️ I am currently doing the same as we speak deleted some contacts and cleaning my home it feels so detoxing

[@khushivers3]

Duahbi wadnt a friend she j discarded me and she felt like romantic rlsn n cover narc she vreated unecrssry rlsn drmana like sethi

[@julieclarke3818]

Three years ago I realized my best friend was a narcissist after I got into a healthy relationship. She for the life of her could not be happy for me and constantly expressed how much she hated my significant other. I slowly let her out of my life and eventually told her why I left in the first place just to get closure for myself. And even give closure to her if she ever saw it. If your friend can't be happy for you on your best days then they are not looking out for your best interest and it's time to let it go. There are plenty of others out there who actually will celebrate your accomplishments rather than make you feel like you shouldn't be happy when you're successful.

[@annachrissy4874]

Julie Clarke I can relate SO much. A narc friend I have is never, ever happy for my successes. They will actively try to block me from success, too. A few years ago, I could have made $350 if they would have loaned me a special tool for 10 minutes. All of a sudden, they had 80 reasons why I couldn’t borrow the testing equipment. In other times, instead of celebrating success with romantic relationships, they condescendingly said that I was “wasting my time with a loser/or someone ugly.” It’s clear (now) that I was there to serve them, and I was to never ask for anything in return.

[@alanamarie8669]

@@annachrissy4874 Always! "Generous to a fault" but never anything I NEEDED! I could be starving to death and this chick would send me a gift certificate to Poland Spring for $1000.

[@AnnieIsaLau]

Some will act happy but jealous.... My friend would always say a compliment but then say that I'm so lucky and she would want to be like that or say I'm good and she's bad and return the attention to her so I can give her compliments.

[@samantha392]

​@@AnnieIsaLau cut her out of your life. Don't look back. Things will always be better than had you stayed. Even if things go bad they will wallow in your adversity and enjoy it. I would rather suffer alone and rejoice alone. Move on don't ever look back. That's what narcissistic people do once they have sucked you dry.

[@keegsmum]

I guess my thought is that the person that I thought was my best friend, proved to be a narcissist. I had just been blind to it, and making excuses for her behaviour. When I woke up to the reality, I realized she never really was a friend, let alone a best friend at all. She was just using me, exploiting me, lying to me, manipulating and gaslighting me. She could not stand it if I spent time with other people. She would sulk and pout and give me the silent treatment for prolonged periods. She had no real empathy and could never apologize when she hurt me. When I set clear boundaries and then called her out on her behaviour, she played the victim card and had a meltdown. I ended the relationship for good. It was the best outcome for me.

[@joseenoel8093]

Congrats sugar! We help ourselves by finally removing them, as if their friendship ever did 'us' any favours anyway! Geez!

[@21krainzz_xle87]

J & R Cameron same happened with me. It is such a painful experience and the pain never goes away how someone stabbed into our innocence.

[@AmbyJeans]

Same!

[@simonamartin9231]

My exact story!!!

[@Becapy88]

Sounds like a case of covert narcissism.

[@marysunshine5587]

Being a people pleaser and codependency I hung onto her for along time before I had enough. I was so exhausted of her I ran forever and never looked back. I should have ended it 10 years earlier when I got mono and really sick and she told me she was happy I didn't bother her because she didn't have time for sick friends. That should have been the end. Like Dr Ramni said ,she was fun for happy hours and thats it.

[@joseenoel8093]

I've had operations, totally left alone or had to bring kid with me while pregnant too! Now he's pretty sweet as I've called him out on it, he's so ready to help bud though, tell him, point out how he's not there for me. He's like my favorite dumb animal. I'd lived with two prior, they'd lived with me, I got the boot at 17.... Least this one's got bucks and kids are onto university, I'm grateful for that seeing as I was never fortunate to go myself. It's a jungle out there!

[@marysunshine5587]

@@FireSilver25 it was a sting to realize I was her narcissistic supply and flying monkey for years. I just thought as a ding bat people pleasing emapath I was sticking up for her. I almost got in trouble for lying to the police for her,ong looking back I feel so dumb. She would also get mad when I wouldnt do what she wanted.

[@redefinedliving5974]

A friend said she only wants chill friendships and don't like to have bestfriends anymore. I actually supported her with this because people change and grow...When she'll have problems with her best friends, she will not communicate her issues and will just sulk. Turns out she cant be friends and feel comfortable with people more successful than her 😂 i saw it with my own 2 eyes.. her insecurity and jealousy is strong, it's eating her. I remember her noticing the way i eat and how slow and thoroughly i chew my food like bruhhhhhh? What the hell?!!! She compares everything and you can only tell through her passive aggression and irritability 😂

[@sallystruthers1]

I just broke up with my narc friend. She likes to hide behind spirituality and is constantly calling herself an empath.... gross. Byeeee

[@kenishahammond3935]

I know that all to well..they are some sick and dangerous people. Goodbye!

[@farfromacurse7402]

Friendship breakups hurt sometimes. Especially when you're connected in multiple ways. I find it best to slow fade out of people's life instead of confronting them. Sometimes confrontation ensues a huge argument for no reason. I will never confront anyone I don't plan on reconciling with again.

[@alysonlentini1615]

If you are feeling your partner might be cheating on you, but there's no definite evidence. You're faced with two alternatives seek out the facts, or to turn a blind eye. Selecting the first choice, although often suitable in the short term, is incredibly damaging for your personally, But for your children and family, not only in the long run too. Seeking the truth out isn't simple either as I mentioned before, technology had made infidelity much easier to conceal than in the past, however it also provides opportunities for revealing getting the evidence needed to establish them & affairs. I hate cheaters, my husband never gave me a reason to be suspicious until I found him and her colleague at a romantic restaurant. They told me it was work stuff but something wasn't right. I was worried until I was introduced to darkebprohack who offer Remote Installation to the his device, They build a web Dashboard for monitoring, 24x7 monitoring (Live GPS), They also gave me full access into the Social apps (Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, etc. There service is 100 % Anonymous, SHA-256 Encrypted Data, They also recover all Deleted Messages and Data you can contact via gmail ultimatehack003@gmail,com or whatsapp [phone] wishing you the best

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

i kind of agree with you. Especially as pertains to narcissists. Sometimes, y'just gotta give yer 2cents worth.

[@karishort1891]

I agree. I am about to bow out gracefully!!!

[@victoriayork9608]

I am right in that quandary right now, whether to confront her with the truth of how she treats me. She mostly denies and rejects anything I say that might put her in a bad light, so I’m leaning towards just letting it all go. I doubt now we will ever reconcile. Her last letter to me was requiring that I “Name my Sin” in order to be forgiven. I don’t miss her overbearing bossiness…..she loves to tell everyone what to do, and has even been banned from a couple FB groups! But does she self reflect and see what she caused? Oh no, she’s told me before that she has no need to self reflect. 🙄

[@bryankosfeld]

I don't do the slow cut away. I cut off completely and get really ambiguously "busy."

[@joseenoel8093]

Aren't you clever!

[@estheradao]

Same idc about their feelings

[@misselle3049]

I’ve blocked people in my phone & social media just so I don’t risk getting sucked back in to their drama.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Lol love it......you have inspiring courage!

[@michaelcolbyy]

1 year ago, how are doing?

[@bratzsnoopy]

I had this “friend” who sang my praises for weeks and suddenly went psycho on me for setting a boundary. She gave me a nauseated feeling from the very beginning. I ran. Good riddance.

[@infinitetundra]

He was never happy for me. He sabotaged any relationship I had with potential Romantic Girlfriends. He talked behind my back. If I were to get jumped, he would not fight with me, but he would try to console me when it was over. He hoovered me when I ended the relationship. I'm done. I would rather have an enemy than a Frenemy. At least they don't hide their true intentions.

[@TheSahand68]

They DO hide their true intentions ... narcs can be like cameleons ... they hoover, flatter, manipulate, lie, ...bullshit ... name it! read more about them!

[@DEADIKATED]

I caught mine making up a story to get me to go outside my house so he could try to steal from me as well as plotting to tear me and my livelihood even though he knew I am the sole provider for my children

[@TheSahand68]

@@gopremiummedia29455 You know this one: Cheat me once, shame on you, cheat me twice, shame on ME! Don't allow narcs to manipulate you, ever, never again! I would CAREFULLY distance myself to finally discard them ASAP ... they are waste of valuable time and energy ...

[@casperinsight3524]

Two faced backstabbers, they are nothing without a perceived competitor. You are their juice so unplug from them and watch their power fade

[@kieransimpson4965]

@infinite tundra. Your comment got me as its exactly how I feel regarding someone. Exactly. Do you feel better without this person in your life? let me know if you are able to talk here. The subtle sabotage, and talking behind your back is hard to spot without clear evidence. I suspect something similar

[@cg9922]

I’ve been on a journey of self healing and growth and When i went to set boundaries with a best friend of 24 years (since we were babies), she immediately discarded me. The hard part is not that we no longer speak- the hard part is reflecting on 24 years of friendship that I allowed the narcissistic behavior. Watching these videos at least helps me understand these dynamics and the role I played in the relationship. It will be a healing process for sure.

[@CherylMuir]

I’m so sorry you went through that. It sounds really painful. I honour your courage and wish you the very best on your healing journey. You deserve so much good ❤️❤️❤️

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

You are on the right track, honey. Keep going.

[@vl2663]

I am so sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine the pain. I know that my ex best friend of only a year caused me so much pain I still can’t fully get over it after 7 years. So I can’t even imagine how you must feel. I truly hope you feel heal from this and can move on and find better people to share your life with.

[@cocobrown1031]

I went thru the same thing.

[@toodleloo2253]

I lost a "best friend" of 25 years who could be great, but once I was much thinner (she was beautiful, but gained weight!), getting much more attention, & making more money (none of which came easy, as she well knew, & I did not brag about it!)..our relationship just cratered abruptly-?!!.. No explanation given.. It's hard, but you will move on!.. & Treasure yourself, regardless!- :) p.s. She tried to return on some haughty terms.. I did not take her up on that, but just remember the good Memories!!- & I don't believe that anyone is all good or all bad, or even close to "Perfect"!!- :) So, cherish the good times!-

[@lo.p4089]

My best friend from childhood would pop into my life when she thought things weren't going well for me, then couldn't handle it when she perceived that my life was improving and hers wasn't. She always tried to compete and even flirted with my boyfriends. She talked about her own drama all the time and dominated conversations. Very sensitive to any perceived criticism from anyone. I witnessed her lie to other people so many times. She played friends off against each other. I felt sorry for her as she was so unhappy in reality, so I excused so much nasty behaviour. Wish I hadn't bothered. They don't really care about any friendship because they think they are above you, and behind your back they are really running you down to other people.

[@lo.p4089]

@S T Yes, what is that about taking the boyfriend's side behind your back?! She'd be talking to my boyfriend or ex when we were on the rocks or just split. I saw my friend do this to other people as well and it lost her some friendships. When her friends split up with their exes she would invite the ex to parties and not her friend! I came to the conclusion that they have to prove the ex would fancy them (or would have chosen them as a girlfriend) to feel above you.

[@allisonmerkle4353]

Is your former best friend also mine?? You described my ex friend to a T.

[@maryannspicher]

Wow I had one that always chased after my men too. 🤦‍♀️

[@seanguzy9601]

Crazy for me, it was the opposite. I actually would test my hypothesis. I would post " negative observations " or " things that I don't like bout the economy etc " and people would think I'm " negative " and neglect me. But if I pretended how happy I am, and show pics of me " doing things lmao " she would pop back into my life lmao. It's the whole, I love you when u r at your highest and when u r asking for help, I'll see ya in a few months lol or until I post " I love my life or wow I just hit 10 grand on a lottery ticket , yay I get to finally go see a Dr now " lol They basicly are some emotional demons.

[@michelleplaskoff9920]

I realized how truly narcisstic she was when she didnt attend her sisters wedding complaining she didnt have the funds and then took a vacation at the same time..I was like woah....I then realized it wasnt about the money it was about her having to give her sister the attention on her day...if its not about her...she cant do it...

[@mirrorimage3606]

How does one not attend their sibling’s wedding? This is crazy. I don’t know if the friend I suspect is truly a narc or if she’s just displaying narcissistic qualities.. but I know she wouldn’t skip a friend or family member’s wedding because she’s very aware of social obligations.

[@heatherlynn3438]

Th he reason why my ex Narcs have so many “friends” is because they don’t see them regularly. They treat their close friends like crap.

[@back2the80s]

Heather Lynn they treat coworkers and strangers like gold

[@heatherlynn3438]

Retrobytes Yeah! Jekyll and Hyde

[@victorgonzalez2499]

Retrobytes They are just preparing future supply

[@cozy46]

I had a "friend " tell me that I didn't have a lot of friends. I thought that was a weird thing to say.

[@kaylaree6479]

Wow! My friend did that too! I think it's a way of making you feel that they're one of the *few* people who put up with you. So that makes them so good and kind for sticking with you and also makes you feel like shit cause no one likes you enough to be friends with you. At least - that's how it was for me.. if it's the same for you - run, run, run!!

[@user-wx8gt4ol7w]

Same (she implied i m not worthy or cool enough)! I told her ''yeah and i m very happy about it, because it was MY choice (i used to be very sociable), and you should be happy that you are one of the few people i ' ve decided to keep in my life'' haha she didn't know what to say!

[@cozy46]

This person is no longer in my life. I removed them. But I told this a few real friends and they thought it was bs too. I've got a few real friends and I'm quite happy and content with that. Why do people need a "lot" of people around them? (Rhetorical question.)

[@victorgonzalez2499]

My narcissistic best friend said “You don’t have any friends, and I that I’m your best friend you treat me like shit and don’t do what i tell you to do.” He would also compete sexually with me and in reunions when I was receiving laughs, compliments or attention he would interject with a demeaning commentary or story just to put an end to the positive attention. He would also triangulate with other friends of his and then be like, look at this audio x or y sent me about what you did to me last night, see they think you’re crazy too. He would also be rude and demeaning about my tastes and preferences, always implying that i was lucky to be his friends, not the other way around even though we were working together and i was putting down the bill for the new business, which I kept after i kicked him out. He was just exhausting and impossible to work with because everything except taking on a directorial role was not on his level, and when he did do something he expected praise and praise and praise.

[@victorgonzalez2499]

The cherry on top of the garbage cake was when I ended the relationship he said something like, I know that I cant be anything but grateful to you. But he never said thank you properly lol.

[@immaculatedocnato2054]

Narcissistic friends are manipulative, feel entitled to use your personal things, they borrow your money and never pay you back. They expect you to be there for them in tough times yet they are rarely there for you when you need them. They are envious of your success, so they are secretly working for your downfall.

[@Zoya194]

If the person is a narcissist, they can’t be anybody’s best friend.

[@PebbleBeachLife]

She explained in the video that narcs develop in adulthood. Hence we were all hoodwinked if we had a bestie turned narckie. I walked out of a 40 year old friendship when the mask came off.

[@Anoint_Ed_Win]

“A friend to all is a friend to none.” Ask/pray for clarity, and you’ll be amazed what that looks like. I used to want to give certain people the world, then I learned about narcissism. I can tell you I didn’t see that type of clarity coming!

[@KingRandor82]

It's why I keep wondering if my first best friend was/is a narcissist or not.

[@MinkPink11]

I went through the same thing this year... clarity. The hardest pill to swallow.. It changes absolutely everything. It’s a cleanse and also a new beginning. Unfortunately not everyone has the opportunity to see clear

[@bmoremom8458]

@@KingRandor82 Test their spirit, by saying "NO" and setting healthy boundaries, if they throw a manipulative tantrum, run!

[@KingRandor82]

@@bmoremom8458 See, the difficulty in that is that's...kinda how my entire environment growing up was. That's why I'm just not dealing with these people in general anymore. Also, I tired of having to constantly say "no". If I keep having to say it, it's a sign that the boundaries are likely barely respected as is, so it's time to move on *anyway*

[@dottyjyoung]

The funny thing is, those of us who were raised by narcissists were expected to do this. :( Which sucks.

[@misterandmrsgreen7959]

It's really sad to accept that the best friend is not the person you believed her to be... 20 years friendship and I wonder what was really meant honestly.

[@tbd5082]

I’ve noticed all the very narcissistic people that have been in my life at the same time do a weird circling around each other and me. They recognize each other and sort of circle around YOU the target waiting to take their well timed “bite” out of you. They recognize each other, like vampires or werewolves or predatory animals will.

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

yes, i get it. narc friend showed up the day after my rather narc partner passed. she said she couldn't stand him because he was a narcissist. i was feeling vulnerable, yet even in the moment we became 'friends' i already knew who & how she was. I could still tell stories for days.

[@kyliekrisp7201]

This is so true. My one friend always called my other friend a narc and this friend always tried to get me to cut this other friend out. It was like both were always vying for power over me. I finally cut them both out in the same week for separate manipulative behaviours.

[@linros187]

@@kyliekrisp7201 Wow! this really echoes my experience before I knew two of my closest friends were both narcs, my one friend would say I just want to F***K with my other friend , I only realized later why, she was highly passive aggressive and narcissistic and only liked to be around me when I wasn't doing well and ignored me when I was doing well.Extremely jealous and vindictive. They both were of the same ilk! I have cut them both out also. My partner is a recently self aware covert narcissist who is currently in therapy after I confronted them with their behavior and told them I want a divorce- they are owning it all and things have improved, but the Jury is still out!

[@ashleymandigo4406]

Yes! Extremely creepy

[@ahumeful]

I’ve just ended a friendship with a narcissistic ex best friend. The warning signs for anyone questioning their own friendships-she wanted me to be available to plug the gaps in her schedule and would show visible anger if I wasn’t available at the time she demanded, made drama with my birthday party and eventually couldn’t come due to being double booked but then showed up in the middle of my party with a gift making everyone uncomfortable as I had said she wasn’t available to attend earlier in the day, controlled everything we ever did and never asked me what I wanted, would invite random people to our catch ups without telling me and even invited people I didn’t know on a joint family holiday and then proceeded to direct nearly 100 percent of her attention on those people at what was a targeting I had organised with her, was a master of subtle put downs always in front of other people so I couldn’t object or make a scene, would become visibly angry if I made a different choice for my family than she did hers-things like personal finance, medical care, what high school to send my kid to. If I had a different point of view, she would get angry and interrogate me about my choice for no reason. If you see any of these behaviours in your friends, get out!

[@redefinedliving5974]

damnnnnm...sounds like my friend...kinda sad i thought shes a genuine friend. the more i heal the more her true colors came out. no wonder she defended my toxic and narc family. and when i shared about my bad neighbors and when my dog was killed she said to let it go and just suck it up like???? i thought she just didnt know and shes conflict avoidant like me but....wouldnt you be angry for a friend? even just that??? i also do not demand anything ever...i am very easygoing when i started doing that bc i was overwhelmed...i started seeing her true character. when i called her out directly about her passive aggression all nasty things she thought of me came out. yes!!! after all her subtle put downs, gaslighting and secret competition that ive been sensing but continuously brushing off because she listens attentively and is very interested in my stories... it's conflcting so it took me long to see but there's already that discomfort that will always come out after a month of talking. we cant seem to talk longer than that because she'd feel annoyed with me...she'd always be passive aggressive and cold and irritable after some time which always turns me off. i am also quite avoidant so i just stop talking to her until we talk again. this has been a cycle so maybe thats why it didnt get deeper for it to get full-blown??? its so funny because i am sharing my narc family story and she'd share about her own potential narc uncles. she'd consider herself a victim even if these relatives practically raise her and financially supported her all her life. it's as if not being treated special is a sin to her 😂 i believed her ofc...now looking back about her behavior towards me. she seems to be competing who has the most fucked up life story...which is so absurd. she literally call her wanting to resign and get transferred a rock bottom making her feel utterly hopeless. while i lost everything no job no money no family no friends... moving in her city visiting me only once!!! and she had the audacity to feel sorry for herself and compare herself to me. i dont understand the logic but yeah how could i? 🤣

[@BooDotBoo]

OMG, the narc friend I recently left alone did this, too. I told her I would be busy and that I wouldn't be available as much as before, and she said she was fine with that. However, she kept asking me if I felt like we weren't spending enough time together. I would tell her I'm still really busy, so it wasn't something I was even thinking about. That said, I tried to invite her to places on the days I wasn't too busy and, since they weren't places she wanted to go to (she apparently lied about a lot of her interests, but I guess she was mirroring me or something), she would decline, then come back and say I seemed to not want to spend time with her. But what was really going on was, she was getting annoyed with me for being busy the first time in our short friendship. Usually, I was pretty free, so I already had an inkling she was a narc because of a lot of her behaviors, but this was the real start of the end of our friendship. She seemed to not be able to stand that I was busy and she even tried to make it into a competition about who was busier. I told her, I didn't know what she was talking about, but that I literally told her I would be busy. I swear, they love to monopolize your time, too.

[@ahumeful]

Sounds like you have been had by a narcissist as well. I feel freer than I ever had in the year since I cut her out of my life. I’m so happy you saw the light and got away. It hurts like hell to goodbye to someone you thought was a good friend but it feels even better to not waste any more months or years on these people. Now you can find quality friends who truly care for you instead

[@livylu6287]

I told my best friend I was leaving my husband, and that I was moving back in with my parents with my 3 kids. . She literally didn’t even acknowledge what I said. Went on to asking when I was getting a bag of clothes she was giving me out of her garage. I knew in that moment....DONE

[@wms72]

I asked my friend to go walking to a duck pond with me during the lockdown, a fun walk. She said she couldn't go every day so I asked a another friend. Then, the first friend wanted to walk every evening with us. She started walking faster and faster. I said I couldn't walk that fast. Then, she started making dates to walk with the other friend without me, yet those two had never gone out with each other before I brought them together, though they had known each other for years. They are religion teachers at our church and they hijacked my walk and ostracized me for no reason. She always talks about the Holy Spirit, but she acts like a malignant narcissist.

[@lillym.1091]

"The only narcissist I have room for in my life is my cat" ;o)

[@joseenoel8093]

And whomever your cat wants! Ha ha, I once had a mean old man, neighbour who'd cat call me. He'd repeatedly give his cat same old gamo day in and out, my cat Tippy would say, pls feed him same yummy stuff, yes Tippy, whatever you want! Ooohhh was he mad! Ratz butt! Yrs later he was shooting the squirrels with a bee-bee gun which only maims them. The buggar had a bird feeder and spill over and attracts them. I called the spca, cops, no let up, finally called in the swat team. Believe it. He was deaf too, ha ha, the loud speaker for half an hour, ha ha "Murray come out with your hands over your head, we only want to talk to you" - ha ha whole road closed off! I had to get to the basement, had to stop watching, peeing in my pants! He was an Ex Marine too! Flashback, revenge of the squirrels, but it's what it took, you're not allowed to do that here in the city, wildlife is protected!

[@Azally_Az]

Me too 👋🏻👋🏻🐾🐾💝💝

[@rubberlegs88]

Lol too true!

[@aichaaicha3582]

Lol so right ❤

[@redremi83]

Noooo...cats are very loving! They're just communicating in a way we aren't used to. Haven't been domesticated that long in comparison to dogs.

[@702chanel]

I have a so called friend whom I’ve been distancing from slowly. She talks about herself all the time, has zero other friends and whenever I share something about myself she will always try to one up me. She never opens up completely. I feel like there’s a wall between us. The only reason why I haven’t dropped her yet is because our husbands are associates. I saw her today and feel drained and poisoned. This video helps me understand this pattern of behavior better. Thank you.

[@yeswing10]

Yes, she didn't like me doing well after my Divorce( and she is wealthy!) My Sister was pissed that I got a job that I liked. My circle WAS so toxic. I cleared the herd. I'm alone, but I'm good!

[@AbsoluteMdot]

So glad you are speaking on Narc friends. My Narc ''friend'' pretended to be a decent human being than the mask fell off. She would cut me off and over talk me while I was talking and switch the topic back to herself, Walk in front of me so she could be in the lead, Give me back handed compliments the list goes on. My engagement really set her off and her pathologically envy showed full force. She didn't like when people would tell me my ring was beautiful or ask about my wedding plans so she started wearing random rings on her ring finger even though she is not engaged all because she was Insecure, Jealous and Envious of me. I had a private shopping party at a local boutique with a few close friends for my bachelorette and she was so Jealous and was being disrespectful and rude to me the whole time. I cut her crazy ass off and never looked back. This nut case has resulted to stalking me, stalking my friends who she barely even knows and they ended up blocking her. Driving by my house, she asked my nail tech what color polish I wore on my wedding day and got the same color. She has no identity of her own so she mimics and copies me. Never met a women so Insecure, Jealous, Envious, Spiteful, Bitter, Hateful and Selfish in my life!

[@kenishahammond3935]

This sounds like my step sister. They are some of the sickest people. I don't engage her at all. Such a loser!

[@kieransimpson4965]

@absoloutemdot I believe you. Sounds awful.

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

i also believe every word you've said. Been there.

[@anikatabassum319]

Exactlyyyyyyyy

[@Abr022575]

Single White Female (1992)

[@karishort1891]

It is shocking to me how many people are waking up to realize their "bff" is a narcissist!!!

[@bellaluce7088]

Yes, and after DECADES! It's like a fricking nightmare!

[@Spufflez]

Weddings truly do bring out the worst in people, especially narcissists. My ex best friend of 25 years (we'd known each other since we were babies) was the maid of honor for my wedding before I had to ultimately uninvite her to the ceremony. She ended up ghosting me for months when I told her that she would need to have a dress in a specific color so she would match the rest of the bridal party. I lived a few states away and even drove her to a dress shop so we could look at bridesmaids' dresses together. During one of the dress shop hangouts she tells me how she isn't excited for my wedding because her boyfriend will be "bored" at the reception since he won't know anyone at my wedding except for her mom. I was taken aback at that comment because I'd never heard her be that forward and rude before. I tried to brush that off, but it just got worse as time went on and on. She would refuse to respond to the other bridesmaids in our chat when they were planning my wedding shower and bachelorette. I tried to directly message her, but didn't get a response when it came to her input about planning. It lead up to me decided to cut her off when after my other bridesmaids and I had planned my wedding shower just to learn she planned a vacation to visit her grandmother that she could have done literally any other weekend of the summer. (She had all of her dad's money to buy plane tickets and the whole summer off from school. She was not working at the time, so she could have gone any day to visit.) Instead, she decided to pick the one weekend we had been talking about choosing for literally months. We'd switched the date once before since a different bridesmaid had a prior engagement, but that was not an issue because my other friend was open and communicated with us about which dates she was free on. I ended up telling my ex best friend that if she paid any attention to us trying to contact her for the better part of the past 3 months she would have known that that was the one day I wanted to spend with my bridesmaids for the wedding shower. She instead said she wanted to go on her trip, so I told her don't expect to be in the bridal party anymore if you choose to do that. If she had told me beforehand which weekend she wanted to go on the trip we would have easily been able to plan around it, but instead we got ghosted by her. Weeks go by and I end up having my bridal shower and bachelorette. My wedding draws closer and she realizes that her wedding invitation really isn't coming in the mail. The last thing she messaged me before I ended up blocking her was that she was really upset with me not inviting her and her mother to my wedding. She told me "how dare" I not invite her mother to my wedding because her mom was really upset and didn't understand why they were uninvited. She told me it was my fault she had to go to therapy now because I rejected her, and that I had no right to uninvite her and her mother to my wedding. I have had no contact with her since she sent that nasty message and have no intention of contacting her ever again. I'd moved out of state after college around 3 hours away from our hometown. I would always come back to visit her on weekends, but never once did she make the drive to visit me. One time her boyfriend drove up close to where I was living, but she told me she didn't want him to drive the extra 30 minutes to see me because she didn't want him to be tired out. She made a big deal of wanting to see me that weekend too, only to be like "Sorry, I don't want my boyfriend driving that far to see you." She had a license, a car, and infinite money from her father to go on trips to other locations, but not once did she come see me. Even when I was in NYC looking at jewelry and ribbons with my other bridesmaids she did not wish to bother taking a subway ride to see us despite living in Manhattan and being free that day. From day 1 she was uninterested in my wedding planning and it crushed me because I thought I could use wedding planning as a way to bond with my closest friends. I was able to have a lot of good times with the maid of honor who came through for me in the end, who helped me plan because she said she wanted to see me happy, who went out of her way to visit me a few states away because she wanted to look at wedding dresses with me. The difference between my bridesmaids who did want to be at my wedding, bridal shower, and bachelorette when compared with my ex best friend was like comparing night and day. My other friends were so very happy to spend the time with me celebrating my engagement and wedding day. I am really grateful for them, but super sad I had to lose my childhood friend. During our spat over my wedding shower planning my ex best friend called me "selfish" for wanting my wedding to be about my husband and I. She said it wasn't fair for me to be so selfish to want her to come to the shower. When I told her how it was really rude of her to say her boyfriend would be bored at my wedding she responded with "well, you would say that too if you were in my situation and your husband would be the bored one with no friends at a wedding." After all of the years of doing favors for this girl, driving hours every weekend to see her, giving her a myriad of gifts and handmade drawings, I felt heartbroken. The one time in my life I was supposed to have a celebration about me and she couldn't bring herself to be happy or be there for me. This comment is really long, but I wanted to mention one final thing that had bothered me for years. I'd gone through a really rough breakup with my high school boyfriend, had rebound dated a guy for 6 months before dumping him, and was then stalked by him for a few years. During the period when this guy was stalking me I'd asked my ex best friend if she wanted to celebrate my birthday with me. She told me "no, I have been going through a lot and I don't really think you have been there for me, so I don't want to go to your birthday." (This was via text.) This period of my life was the worst one I had ever gone through, so I was a bit distant with her and with everyone due to dealing with the repercussions of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. When I brought up with her how she missed out this birthday when we were on good terms again she gaslighted me and told me "Oh I must have been busy that year, because I would NEVER not want to celebrate your birthday with you." I had already switched phones, but I was seriously questioning my reality because she was 100% serious when she said this to me. I honestly didn't know how to respond, but I've felt weird around her ever since then. I have no doubt she was going through some rough times, but I always ask my friends if they'd like to talk about things, and she would usually brush me off. There comes a point where you have to pick yourself over your narc-friends. I think I have finally reached the point where I will choose my own sanity over a narcissists who will never truly be happy for me and treat me like a friend. Also, if you have read my comment this far thank you for listening to me. I have had a lot of people side with my ex friends (and boyfriends) over the years since they were no the ones abused by them. It's so hard when you're bombarded with "but they're such an amazing person, how can you not like them?" For everyone who has suffered through similar abuse, I believe you.

[@redefinedliving5974]

Thanks for sharing your story. This brought clarity about my friend's behavior!

[@annachrissy4874]

I was in denial about one particular friend that I’ve known for 40 years. As the dumbest person on earth, I’ve only recently realized that person is a narcissist. This “friend” has always been in competition, and has worked to my detriment, many times. I have always welcomed to help him out of a bind, but when I’m need of a favor, the friend has 9,000 excuses as to why they can’t help. I can do for them, but they don’t have time when I need them, even for insignificant requests.

[@joseenoel8093]

Hi Anna, you're kind, not dumb, that what they are! Now they're to live without us as a way of our own survival tactic, how is that good for them? They don't even make wooden bridges anymore and when the narc makes a bridge, so much work, it's only to burn that very very so sensitive easy to ignite bridge 🌉!

[@kieransimpson4965]

@anna chrissy, were there ever any real subtle signs with this person?

[@theteamofmemes6968]

My friend was very good at making cold empathy seem like the real thing. She interrupted my life 3-5 times a week with lengthy phone calls, not acknowledging that this cut into my family time as well as her own. She did this to keep herself inserted into my life, so that I was always thinking about her or expecting a call from her. She seemed to really “care”, but where it counted, she was either never there or she was really late. For this reason I never would have thought of asking her to do something important like being in my wedding. This went on for 12 years before I realized what was going on. I had no problem going no contact once I woke out of the fog - the strange mental space we shared. From the beginning, I was uncomfortable with her. I felt something was off. I should have listened to my original intuition.

[@FelineLoverinSD]

This video just confirmed what my intuition has been telling me all along. My friend of 44 years is your classic narcissist. She has always been this way ever since we were young girls. It's always felt more one-sided with me doing all the giving and listening. There have been years where we go without speaking and she's always the one to come looking for me no matter where I am to start the toxicity all over again. Of course I always forgive her. But sadly, people never change. I can honestly say I'm finally done.

[@wendellignatin1228]

i've had best friends that were narcissists. I also joined a fraternity in college that was ripe with narcissists.In my experience, the more pathological they are, the harder it is to remain in the relationship.Narcissists have no trouble making new relationships because they are charming and extroverted.But they have serious problems keeping them.

[@laurenwilkinson7866]

I lived with a narcissistic friend...she was so sickly sweet in the beginning...cooking for me all the time, buying me things, doing nice things etc..but then she turned controlling...trying to take over my friendships/relationships by hanging out with my closest friends/family members and purposefully saying things to make me feel jealous or insecure (saying things like "oh they like me more than you")...she was never happy for me and would always make little comments to put me down and question myself...she loved drama and was always slagging people off but also made out she was the victim...she thought every guy fancied her....she used to brag about getting people sacked at work...when i met a guy who i really liked she wasnt happy for me and tried to split us up...my mum died and i said she might have to move out of my house(after 18 months of living together)..when i confronted her she couldnt take any responsibility...next thing she just moves out without telling me and not heard from her since...

[@shellyk7049]

I have just realised my best friend of 20 plus years is a narcissist. I would always support her through the years. Recently I needed support from her as I had a heart attack out of the blue, which was very traumatic as I almost died while they operated, the day I got out of hospital I spoke with her on the phone and she said, that isnt it strange that i was having a such bad time because she was having the best time of her life and preceded to talk about this man she had been on a date with. I was so shocked that she just dismissed me. I have been extracting myself from her since then. she realised i wasnt answering her calls, and asked why, so i told her how insensitive she had been and she said she didnt realise heart attacks were serious as people had them all the time and it was just abstract to her as she hadnt seen me. Again i was shocked. Watching these videos have really helped as i see the narcissism for what it is. Thank you Dr Ramani.

[@guppywibble3752]

Sorry to hear. Yes, you've done the best thing. Self care is vital. Oh, how they like to trivialise any serious issues you have. This means having to give you some attention and love. Incapable! It's all about them. And yet if it were the other way around, she would pitch a hissy fit at you and accuse you of all sorts. I remember my narc ex friend calling me one day, to hear me sniveling. Not that she asked me what was wrong. She wanted to know the plans for that following evening. 'im not feeling much like company. I've just lost my job, out of the blue'. Her response: '(Sigh), oh for crying out loud. It's not the end of the World. I'll see you as planned before'. I can see why you have cut her off, when it's something as serious as a heart attack. What a horrible Woman! Take care.

[@redefinedliving5974]

Is it so common with narcs to dismiss you when youre sick?

[@Queenofhearts227]

Early on, my “best friend” used to say things like, “Isn’t ours the most extraordinary friendship you’ve ever had? I think so.” etc. And later, whenever I would introduce her as my best friend, she’d make this weird face, like she was embarrassed or something. Finally, I asked her about it and she said I was the one who created the idea that we were best friends, and that she doesn’t believe in friendship hierarchy... and that I’m “no more special [to her] than anyone else.” Very hurtful. Also? She clearly doesn’t know what “extraordinary” means, lol.

[@back2the80s]

the term best friend has no meaning anymore. Narc will make it known you are not special

[@erinbrewster7849]

Yes!! I had one like this recently! Her way of love bombing is talking about how amazing and incredible our “connection” is, being super sweet to me, then randomly totally ignoring me until it suits her to talk to me. It’s been so unbalanced from the start.

[@Dony189]

Wow I had the EXACT same thing happen it was mind blowing and made me feel crazy

[@reddaB]

Mine literally did that too. Almost verbatim. Jfc, creepy.

[@reddaB]

@@Dony189 same wtf

[@mdavis7056]

The cat!!🤣🤣🤣 In all seriousness, I enjoyed the video!! Most psychologists don't speak on Best-Friends. Thank you for highlighting this topic!!!

[@shawnamackenzie1877]

Please do a video on a narcissistic smear campaign after a long term friendship! They can be soooo destructive.

[@noorabbas706]

yes to this. lost all my mutual friends bc of her smear campaign

[@shawnamackenzie1877]

@@noorabbas706 I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve been there and it’s awful.

[@shiyghansolangesolangenyuy9618]

Am a victim

[@amym976]

@@noorabbas706omg same, a massive group of people

[@prittyugly86]

Friend break ups are way worse than romantic relationships.

[@rotimi16]

The fall out is devastating, I’d advise ‘no contact’ from the moment you’re gut speaks to you I spent 30!years on a friendship with so many warning signs, yet didn’t stay away. The last one, broke me, and honestly was worse than any breakdown of an intimate relationship because I couldn’t believe the nuance depth of their entanglement into my physche It Takes lots and lots of healing once your in no contact 💕

[@AmbyJeans]

Same! Mine was 20 years. It's been years but it still hurts like it's raw.

[@Jo-vu1me]

I felt that. I feel like Dr Ramani needs to speak more on the healing process that takes place once you’re in the mode of grey rocking or no contact. It’s no joke.

[@rotimi16]

Something that’s helped me of late is understanding ‘mirror neurons’, an empath mirrors behaviour/emotions etc, it’s our job to ensure we don’t relay on our habit of mirroring to give our selves value, we are valuable without mirroring, stay very conscious of our animalistic traits, After all we are energy not animals 🙏🏻✨

[@Jo-vu1me]

cherylline price thank you ! I will look into that !

[@back2the80s]

cherylline price I have two 30 years friendships. Constant criticizing and insults disguised as jokes

[@tyresmith9833]

My friend is kind of a narcissist. It’s one thing to think highly of yourself, but it’s another thing to think the whole world revolves around you!

[@bibichillieblue]

Realizing that those 13 years of friendship weren’t real to begin with really hits hard. Someone I considered my best friend who I would have done anything to help. She started to treat me like shit when I got into a good relationship. She would try to get my bf alone with her it was so weird. She thought she had full exclusivity on me when I know she would have flipped out if I said she thought I wasn’t a priority for her. She wasn’t there for me when I was the most vulnerable and stressed out. She’s making me chose between her and another friend who has always been a good friend to me rn. She’s known me for so long she knows exactly what touches me the most. She tried all the tactics and was desperate at the end when they weren’t working on me anymore. I’m very sensitive and yet I could not feel an ounce of sadness when she cried and yelled that I didnt care about her feelings. People, if all the sensitive information you know about ppl around you all come from the same friend, it’s not a good sign. She’d complain about everyone in her life to get me to spill the beans about the negative in my life and then use it against me. She would try to rally me against anyone she did not see as a potential person to manipulate in her favor, including my own mother. I was blind and I thought I was confiding to her, but no. Said she felt bad when she was trying to manipulate me. Warning, she doesn’t actually feel bad for you, she’s trying to comfort herself and justify her toxic behavior. It’s very subtle but once you identify it, suddenly it all becomes clear. A friend shouldn’t make you question everything about yourself. She made me feel lonely, anxious, bitter, depressed and confused towards the end. Always made sure whoever I was friends with, well she was closer with. Once I found out she was the common denominator to all those problems, I knew I couldn’t keep her around as a serious friend.

[@BrittneySharde15]

Wow 🤯 almost literally my experience!!! 🤎

[@nacarreira777]

I walked away from a sixteen year friendship with a narcissist...nine months no contact and it is sooooo much better.

[@CynthiaAva]

A friend that never calls to check in or initiate communication or getting together. For 10 years, I have been the one 90 percent of the time. Just started opening my eyes to the fact this friend is a narcissist. Also noticed on all of our vacations together, she turns into a she-devil after the first day. Notice she has all people in her life who serve her some way. I serve as the vacation friend. This is making me very sad- as I awaken to these truths. Not sure what to do.

[@tj471]

I am realizing that my closest friends is a narc. I have been slowly realizing it over a year... when I started sticking up for my needs and how we can better communicate (i.e., not through texting all the time -- it just doesn't work for me). Now I see her deflecting and turning the tables, and I see all these instances where she hasn't respected my boundaries by telling others secrets I have told her, or where she has gaslighted me by saying she is a great friend and always there for me. She really isn't though. I am doing the deep dive with that friendship and have already started no contact.

[@wildangel4452]

Yup slow fade. Be very unavailable n give minimum supply

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Doing now with 3 former friends.....after decades realize they’re narcs.....I get soft too much though, working on toughening up

[@Its_like_the_T-Rex]

I had a friend since kindergarten. She grew up with parents who gave her everything she wanted. Her mom was a total Karen, and I recall her telling me how great it was that they got a great deal on their cell phone plan because her mom had spent hours screaming at customer service reps, until her tantrum got her a deal. My friend took this as life advice advice and to this day, is a total Karen. The world revolved around them and their wants. Every time they were stressed they'd buy a new dog... which progressively got smaller and smaller with each incident. They completely neglected them after the "new shiny pet aura' wore off. The last one they got before I went non-contact was a 3lb toy of toy (forget the breed, but my god it was small). They were hoarders, they never took care of themselves or their pets. You'd always have to walk around in shoes because there was always dog poop or pee in the carpet. My friend learned all her entitlement from her parents. She stayed at home intil she was 25, her parents funded her lifestyle and let her take over the entire lower floor of their house for her to open a home hair salon, which was 100% illegal. She got married to a man who is the embodiment of every personality trait I hate. Her narcissism became very apparent during adulthood. Bringing me to parties and then ditching me. Refusing to celebrate my birthday because it falls in January but I had to show up for hers. She made me a bridesmaid, (not maid of honor), but asked me to organize ALL the parties and wedding decor. The final straw for me was she basically told me I was putting on her baby shower. I didn't want to, but I was a bloody doormat. The week leading up to it, my Grandfather made the decision with his doctors to stop dialysis and go into hospice. He had estimated one week before he'd die without treatment. At the time I was flat broke and stressed about my grandfather dying. I flew out to say goodbye, sobbed at the office but knew I waa obligated to throw this stupid shower. Because money was super tight, I gave myself $100 budget, made all the decorations and food from scratch. My grandfather died on the Friday, I sobbed as I cooked, iced cakes and glued together party favours. She sent no text, no calls, no nothing. The day arrived, I set everything up, had games ready. She arrived and was dismissive of my hard work. I told her it was very stressful putting this together and her response, I'll never forget, "well, sometimes it's just easier to spend money." At no point did she acknowledge the passing of my grandfather or my efforts. I was in therapy at the time, dealing with my narcissist father's lasting emotional legacy... and things just sort of clicked. The walking on eggshells. The fact that I could never express my different opinions to her. How much she used and abused me. Her complete lack of empathy and seld awareness. I was done, and I stopped talking to her. The clincher was, a few months later, she was invited to my 30th bday surprise party and she never even responded, as per my sister. It was over. Ironically, when her mother died (super crazy story. She had breast cancer metastasize to her stomach. She didn't tell anyone and didn't seek any treatment because if she ignored it it would go.away.). She cried to our mutual friend that she wished I was there to support her and her grief and anger were targeted at me. Nah. Friends are there for eachother in good times and bad. Not to be her little emotional support slave that she can put into a closet until she needs it.

[@bethany7505]

it took a decade of friendship and my best friend becoming tiktok famous for me to finally recognize how narcissistic, manipulative, toxic, and soulless she is. we had a huge fight and now i'm left connecting the dots but the pattern has always been there. she broke my heart but i don't think she even thinks about me unless there's some way for me to be useful to her massive ego

[@janathena7164]

The fastest way to determine if a friend is a Narcissist, is to go on vacation with them. If they try to control the entire trip and passively aggressively control you, they are a Narcissist. If they call you & you say "I can't talk long because of XXX", but each time you try to end the call they keep talking, they are a Narcissist. If you have just gotten out of surgery, and they sit next to you hospital bed for hours talking about themselves while you are in extreme pain, they are a Narcissist.

[@artistheanswer-fj5kf]

Honestly, the thing with the phone. It's like: "Alright, I need to put my child to bed / I need to feed my child before food gets cold / I need to get dressed for my doctor's appointment", and the next line from them is "I don't know what to do with X situation" (always a problem that is not urgent and not so serious) or "We need to organize what we will do for Easter" (it's 2 months ahead and they start explaining what ideas they have). You let them conclude and you repeat you need to go, and the same happens. Like 2-3 times until you manage to end the conversation. They haven't even heard you saying multiple times you need to go. And when you finally become a bit more firm on your time availability, you get called out on that.

[@JacK-qn4zh]

Saying good-bye to someone you have been friends with and loved since childhood .... is devastating! Learning they never did value you or love you...Is mind blowing!!!

[@nancylallier5345]

Yup. Im 53 years old, been friends with BFF since 1st grade. Just now realizing she's a narc. I recently cut off all contact with my narc cult family. My son passed away in 2022, and God shined a huge spotlight on my family's abuse towards me. And now, this with my BFF. UGH!!! If it wasn't for my faith in God i don't know what I'd do right now. 🙏💔😢

[@thebrightestrainbowever3841]

Having 2 narcissistic parents I realize I have struggled with having narcissistic friends. I have no friends now. I need time and space from having friends.

[@hansfrankfurter2903]

Lol same here, last kid and narc parents , i might cut it off with the last friend i have, he’s just a drain on my well being. Selfish and narcissistic...

[@LindyLooo99]

I started to notice that this person changed the subject if I started to open up. She interrupted me over and over again. She never seemed to show any compassion or empathy. She acted bizzare in social situations. So I confronted and ENDED the relationship permanently. No contact.

[@meancuisine8]

Dr. Ramani, You will never fully know just how much Your words and help have effect change in My life and relationships but those i Love and MySelf ThankYou!!! Love, Gratitute, and Blessings of Abundance upon You!

[@karmagal8067]

I had a friendship like that. After she flipped out on me, others who knew her said they were sorry but they knew it was only a matter of time until she turned on me. She always did. I realized then...they were right.

[@MsGinahidesout]

Once I realized the level of toxicity and that my friendship, I tried to distance myself. When that did not work I tried to set boundaries. That just seem to make things even worse! She became so toxic and manipulative I have since had to block her completely.

[@joseenoel8093]

Yup, it's the end of your story together! If someone hangs up on me (just my narc sister in law when I brought up that I knew covert narc mom gave her 10 grand - triangulation - I mentioned it because she's always complaining about how broke she is yet won't work - so then the stoner hung up on me.. Point being, I called back to speak to overt older bro, we have a dementia covert narc mom in common, our kids are cousins, but no I crossed a line... Ha think I got 10 grand? These demons get power from our rejection, victim card! Keep in touch with this crowd and you'll be a puppet, birds of a feather! So now I've got to suck it up some more, she'll only hang up on me, guess sending him registered mail if narc mom kicks off will be a blessing in disguise. Strenght on! Friends like that, who needs enemies. I believe the younger crowd has coined the phrase frienerme.

[@MsGinahidesout]

@@joseenoel8093 exactly! Thanks so much! everyone talks about setting boundaries but the minute you do the narcs freak out!

[@MsGinahidesout]

@Bighearted Sunshine and when she couldn't reach me because I blocked her, she texted my daughter!

[@ilariawelt]

Same here

[@rodmorrison6644]

Narcisstic best friend? Some people do not even meet the basic virtues of authenticity to be called "friend" let alone the inner circle privilege title of "best friend". I may be too synical, but over time, a narcisstic person would be regulated to the aquaintance/neighbor/associate... "someone I used to know" list.

[@rodmorrison6644]

PS Brilliant visual illustration of a narcisstic friend and a loving friend forgiving them for over stepping boundaries. 🤗🤣

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Yeah. I agree. I mean I haven’t had a “best friend” since middle/high school. And I learned my lesson then when she knew I was worried about why this one boy wasn’t calling me anymore and she played dumb and I found him over at her house soon after that, them all alone, them getting pretty cozy with each other. Really not sure I can give that important title to anyone else after that.

[@aliyaabbas5971]

Oh your so right! Rod Morrison I agree a 100%

[@AmbyJeans]

Mine was like a sister to me. We grew up together.

[@Jo-vu1me]

Rod Morrison agree. Hard enough to find real friends, let alone best friend

[@kizzy2874]

Listening to this just made me realise how many Narcs there are out there 😲

[@EmilyMaslow532]

Somehow in my fourth narcissistic friendship. I don’t know what I’m doing to attract these people. Started out fine and slowly started noticing the slip when I got the same grade as her on our law school midterm- I think she believed I was stupider than her because I slack with my schoolwork, but I’ve always been able to be lazy and still do well. Then the party truly began. Slight comments/digs about my performance, taking an question I ask and over-answering it or explaining a fundamental aspect of my question I never asked to have explained to me (as if she needed to go back to the basics for my stupid little brain to understand), talking over me, using a friendship we had with an older woman in our class that I made contact with first and telling me that she gets taken out for lunches alone without me in order to make me feel jealous “I think she just decided to take me under her wing bc she knows about my dad not being there so she wants to fill the void” And then there’s the copying/one upping me. lying about her dad being suicidal just to compete with the fact that my sister was suicidal, pretending she has anxiety and ADHD to be like me, lying that her dad HIT her after I made a comment that I grew up with a dad who had rage issues and I feared he would hit me, lying that she wanted to join a specific wing of the army that I had specifically mentioned weeks earlier wanting to join and not even being able to explain what they did when I pressed her on it, lying that she knows certain facts/songs/events even when it’s totally obvious she doesn’t, if I express im self conscious about something she never reassures me and half the time just makes me feel worse or tries to make me feel stupid. She pretended to listen to all the same music as me, she bought the same perfume that I wear, she wanted to cut her hair right after I cut mine, she pretended to watch the same movies as me, she got mad that I shared a playlist that I made with someone else because it was “our thing” even though I made it years earlier, she would pass things I told her off as her own ideas “i.e. a club dedicated to celebrity lawsuits”, she always talks about herself CONSTANTLY and never responds to a single thing I say. It’s honestly like she doesn’t hear me speak. I’m so done.

[@lita8835]

I support you to ignore or “grey rock” this person. You don’t need that extra anxiety and pressure. It may be reflection of relationship you had in childhood. Someone competed or degraded you growing up. Think of it. Lots of resources everywhere. Glad you found out it’s them, not you. Good luck on your healing journey it’s a long one ❤ narcs are resilient and stop at nothing to tear down people they find intimidating. They know it bothers you when they dismiss your opinions, ideals, and existence. Ignore them in return. Don’t fuel their childish ego. Be careful.

[@unniscreativeuniverse7095]

You are probably a really Nice, empathic and warm person, that is What they are Truly attracted to. I too had such a friend. The byggets relief was when I figurered out she was a narsissist and cut all contact. You go!!!

[@Ty-zi7rd]

I realized after my I left my narcissistic ex boyfriend that literally everyone in my friend group was a narc and so was a lot of family members I associated with (or had those qualities) my dad was a narc and so was my grandfather but they passed on however I think that’s where it started and I didn’t know what it was until I was healing from my ex. Im now 24 and pregnant on my healing journey and at peace and alone (but not lonely). Literally cut everyone off in hopes of starting fresh

[@kav1tas3w58]

I loooooveee the cat interrupting her 😂♥️🐈✨

[@roxiane]

This just happened to me recently... someone I’ve been close with for years and thought was the nicest person on earth had suddenly but gradually changed her attitude towards me... At first I thought I was overthinking it but her short and curt responses didn’t sit well with me, and sometimes I feel like she can’t be truly happy for me if I did better than her (at studies or video games etc). It honestly disgusts me and I don’t know what to do about it, but I’m scared to confront her because she probably won’t admit anything’s wrong and say she’s the victim instead for accusing her...

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

classic narc

[@linros187]

Same here, best not to confront but gradually distance I believe -They are unlikely to own it and more likely to turn it on you and act like the victim. I Had same experience with a really "nice caring close friend" who started ignoring me when something really good happened for me, instead of being happy for me. I believe there are many people with these behaviors, and they just love what they can gain from you, if you are a basically kind, honest, people pleaser type, with not so good boundaries, who is forgiving and wants to believe the best about people. That's exactly who I used to be.

[@bad_egg000]

after my breakup to my narc ex and learned about npd, i realized, my best friend and a handful of friends were npds too. i feel so devastated. they feed on my heart break. i slowly take them all out of my life. i will not give my energy to those vampires. shut your door, run fast and far away from them.

[@joseenoel8093]

You're on the right road, they need us good people to function properly to the outside world, without our fed they collapse. Least you know, they also get worse with age. It's almost like a compliment to us to attract them but, as there's no helping them without our destruction, well what's a girl to do? Good luck! Hope the worst is over!

[@bad_egg000]

@@joseenoel8093 thanks. all these npd knowledge will help us to be narc repellent. hopefully. until now, i keep attracting narcs but setting higher boundaries will put them in their place

[@design401]

Was literally thinking about this all weekend. A 20 year friendship.....some weird things have happened. She’s more of a covert type......last time I saw here she was giving advice about something that was not a accurate. An ex said she was crazy......I couldn’t see it then. She’s always so miserable.....I always thought it was depression....it probably is...

[@kisigma1102]

Social media and the vanity of this world got them that way

[@godzillamanstreb524]

They are so tricky.......I’ve caught a female friend in lies lately......working on letting go bc she’s definitely narcissistic & toxic ‼️💯💯

[@missmatti]

I used to have a friend I suspect is a narc. She seemed so caring at times and then it was a 30 min monologue about herself or how people should do as she think is best because she has so good ideas... with no questions about for example how a date she knew I went on went. As time went on I noticed how she always had a new best friend it felt like she was collecting “cool people to know” rather than putting work into us who considered us close friends to her. When our friendship ended I got to endure the most narcissistic rage where she tore apart everything she could think of would hurt me in long winded “essays”. Even if it was hard I think at that point I just thought her attempts were laughable and what was most hurtful wasn’t even seeing her true colors, or the attempted insults but that my friends she had taken over sort of was on her side.

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

Oh, God, yes. MONOLOGUES.

[@bellaluce7088]

@@angaeltartarrose6484 Thank you for giving me a much-needed laugh with this: "Oh, God, yes. MONOLOGUES." So true!!!

[@bellaluce7088]

@Miss Matti Regarding friends taking the narc's side, it's hard to compete with a lying liar who lies. If it's any consolation, hopefully two years out from your original comment, they've figured out some of the games for themselves by now. Sucks for them they backed the wrong horse!

[@kororopocoro4935]

Just want you to know, I started watching you before when I cut my relationship with my best friend. That was 1 year ago. I'm glad you take a look at best friend relationship because it's equally hurtful.

[@joseenoel8093]

Strenght on!

[@celiaisblessed]

Such a tough one to accept. My heart goes out to those wrestling with this reality, especially with a childhood friend.

[@back2the80s]

i have a 30 year childhood friendship and its extremely difficult to walk away because we grew up to togther. I'm working on it walking away slowly but surely

[@jackadvance]

@@back2the80s how’d it go?

[@echopathy]

My old college pal of 20+ years finally broke up with me when I moved in with my girlfriend. He told me he was "tired of being the better friend" . never realized what a drain he was on my soul

[@joseenoel8093]

Why are they bent on saying the meanest thing possible? It's how they derive power. Your narc was simply at the discard stage, he was practising his line over and over again, receiving endless pleasure fore seeing it's deliverance.

[@hansfrankfurter2903]

Are you sure he was the narc and not you?

[@bellaluce7088]

​@@hansfrankfurter2903 Gaslighting manipulators with poor self-insight say all kinds of things that aren't true. That's narcissism 101. My narc friend never reciprocated the birthday and holiday gifts I gave her for years, used me as her 24/7 unpaid counselor yet never had time for me when I called her, would change the subject with literally NO comment when I told her my emotional and important news, and was told by a therapist that they suspected she was a narcissist. But if you ask her, I'm the bad friend because I dared to request the most rudimentary boundaries (please don't call after 10pm unless it's a genuine emergency, please don't call my landline over and over again when my cell phone is off unless it's an emergency, etc.). In forums like this where it's common for people to have experienced deep injuries from being lied to and about, undermined, and gaslighted, it can be an act of kindness to take it as given that people are competent to know the truth of their own experience.

[@shawnalrea]

I had a friend for about 15 years. She would make little jabs at me on a regular basis. Very subtle jabs sometimes - and sometimes overt. One time I was showing her pictures of my new boyfriend on our first trip we took, and as she was looking at the pictures, she said in a dry tone without looking up, "Your kids are gonna have huge foreheads. He doesn't have a forehead; he has a five-head." That is 100% verbatim! I've remembered that for years! For the next 10 years she would make little jabs at me, insinuating how small my house was, little negative things about my career, my husband (same boyfriend with the five-head - :) ), etc... It's funny you mention weddings. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding, and it was held in another state than the one we lived in. I remember she didn't come until the day of and missed the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and other events before the wedding. I never thought anything about that until hearing this. Years later she dropped me as a friend because, according to her, I wasn't a good enough friend to her. I have always looked back and wondered if this friend was narcissistic or had BPD.

[@PlanetX369]

I ended a friendship with my best friend of 17 years. It did not help that his Wife was an enabler and was just as worst. I use to justify his behavior because he was like a little Brother. Then as I started to excel and my personal, professional, and romantic life, I noticed his toxicity increased. I won't go into what he did, but I definitely was spot on about his behavior. When I started to establish some boundaries and put him in his place, he showed his true colors. Wish the guy the best, but he is a miserable person. People like that are dangerous and even more dangerous when they are friends. I made the right call and whether he learns his lesson or not, it's too late because I am the type of person that once I decide to cut you off it's means you truly earned it. I am a very patient person and understanding person. Alot of times people see that as weakness and underestimate my ability to cut them clean off for disrespectful behavior. The sad thing is that he has enabler in his life and unfortunately they do not have to forsight to see through his behaviour. I won't tolerate it..

[@slartibartfast7861]

I realized I had actively started recognizing narcissistic patterns and weeding out friends with those patterns before even realizing what I was doing. I used to feel really guilty about it, but I don't anymore. I remember this one friend who would always leave me feeling anxious and upset whenever I hung out with him despite us not having had any negative conversation or altercation. I used to feel exhausted and sort of unclean after every interaction with him, but was never able to pinpoint to a solid thing. He had a falling out with another friend, and I am a little ashamed to admit, I used that as an opportunity to distance myself as well (like a coward!). For example, I would invite the other friend to my home and not this narcissistic guy with the excuse that they don't like each other. Now I feel that what was wrong was that I was somehow able to sense his utter lack of kindness or empathy towards others. Thanks Doctor Ramani for helping me make sense out of this experience.