The 2 changes you see in narcissistic relationships

[@NarcSurvivor]

Narcissists can change at any moment. One minute you think you’re getting to know each other and you’re building a relationship together. And then all of a sudden they turn against you. And they won’t even tell you what you did wrong. Because it’s often all in their minds.

[@chargennaro976]

The thing to remember is that you didn't do anything wrong. That's why they can't tell you if you did something wrong because it's not even worth asking

[@rogerwhoareyou]

Or they do something themselves and then rage at you, as if it was you who did it. How does one keep going in this broken dynamic. How do I find the strength when I am so tired. I don't have the health to do it anymore. I had a failed back surgery about 11 months ago, I have hypertension that started about 2 years after getting married, I live on imodium most of the time. I wake up in physical and emotional pain ,spend my day the same and go to bed hurting so much. Then I get up to start it all over again the next day. Almost 40 years now and she doesn't seem to care. Not really. It's always about what she didn't get. What I'm not doing for her. Is the a word for being beyond dumb, stupid, idiot? I'm there, I'm that; a true idiot. I'm exhausted, but I know nothing else. God won't end it or end me, I prey all the time, but I'm still here; every day, I still wake up. I wish I was stronger.

[@KoolT]

What they said right here

[@2gooddrifters]

Happened to me tonight. Again. I'm sick of it.

[@PRKLGaming]

Why should it be about something wrong you did?

[@brendacompton1958]

"An apology without change is just manipulation" (I don't know who said it but I heard it somewhere.)

[@annjohnson8437]

Very true!

[@melisherwood5300]

Perfect

[@jessalfan24]

I think it may have been Lee H. I think that was something his therapist had told him. (I could be wrong!)

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I am learning to say no it’s not enough. I don’t accept breadcrumbs anymore. I no longer pressure myself to ‘tolerate’ bad behaviour. I want good things in my life. If people can’t offer that goodness, I don’t want them in my life. I spent most of my youth feeling like I had to tolerate bad things and see the good in bad people. No more. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@AngiO-f1s]

Me too...I'm 40 and was conditioned to tolerate abuse growing up so all my romantic relationships were abusive as well. No more. I left my ex 9 months ago after 8 years and Im finally laughing and happy again.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Well said! We've been conditioned by Narcissists to tolerate bad behavior and to look for the good in bad people, but that is exactly why we end up stuck and miserable in these relationships.

[@cyndim8785]

Me too, He is on another vacation this week. He had talked about taking me somewhere on vacation for the last seven years now and here I am on day three sitting on my couch watching KZbin and the Breadcrumbing continues. He just now asked me where I wanted to go and then walked over to the neighbors house to talk, he does that a lot. He has started raising his voice when he is unhappy with me. He has forgotten all of his manners and talks like he is 15 using a cuss word in every sentence to anyone that he is talking too, it drives me nuts. He walks in the house and passes gas and then looks at me for a reaction. He has starting chewing his food with his month open and talking, it’s just like having a toddler again. This man will be 60, we have been together for 41 years. He hates when I correct him. Everything I do he takes credit for or shames me for no reason. He has no real friends that asks us to go places and have some fun. The neighbors use him for fixing their broken things. He finds a way out of the house everyday now leaving me by myself. Our three kids have disowned me because they don’t need me any longer. I said no to babysitting the whole week for free and no to loaning money that I never get paid back. No celebration for my birthday, Mother’s Day or Christmas and they expect their gifts from us. Just today we were talking about them and he said that he still don’t think our youngest is his. The stupid stuff that come out of his mouth. No empathy ever for me, let him be sick and he says he’s dying. Also he’s getting really bosses, he’s telling me to do stuff instead of asking now. I don’t know who this guy is all I know is that he has used me like a transaction only being nice when he needs me to do him a favor.

[@moniquejackson7741]

@@cyndim8785 Everything you described is typical Narcissistic behavior and abuse. At every stage of Recovery, I always recommend Dr. Ramani's KZbin Channel and books. It's the next best thing to therapy. www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani

[@andrealia5241]

My husband doesn't have these small, temporary changes. He is just faking a change when there is a gain in sight. And after a very short time he starts to hate me because he "had to" pretend.

[@frainer]

Resentment is a strong poison,

[@annjohnson8437]

Sounds like my narcissistic husband.

[@clogs4956]

If a Narc’s behaviour changes for the better, pay close attention, because they’re Up To Something. Down the line, you’re going to feel the repercussions.

[@denisekoenig9479]

💯

[@annjohnson8437]

Yup! Always has to be something in it for them, or they wouldn't be doing it.

[@cynthia6238]

I’m experiencing that. I ask for divorce and his behavior changed completely instantaneously…but I know it’s because he doesn’t want to loose the house and everything that comes with a divorce.

[@marieborchardt2910]

The narcissist never really changes. I'm embarrassed to admit I'm still fooled at times, but their unexceptable behavior always returns. Now that I recognize narcissistic traits, I avoid new relationships that may be harmful to me. I've learned to say no and walk away.

[@barbarahanks-ut6zn]

Yes, they get worse. Don't get your hopes up

[@vladquebec]

And they believe that their LITTLE change is something absolutely HUGE!

[@CodeDusq1]

The one big change that I see in a narcissist, especially when they’re in a relationship is that they become even more narcissistic.

[@R.E.STARS24]

Absolutely 💯

[@Ready2Rise]

Mine used to tell me all the time how she set new boundaries for people like her mom and dad and other very close people...but you could never set any for her not to cross.

[@sburns2421]

Only if you allow it. (setting boundaries is easy to say, hard to do sometimes)

[@Ready2Rise]

@sburns2421 indeed! It's the exact reason why the relationship is past tense. The narcissism intensifies the more you stand on your boundaries and eventually the relationship has to dissolve.

[@clintonnagy1662]

​@@Ready2RiseI agree. Double standards, hypocrisies, false accusations and contradictions is a minefield for these people. They set rules for you, but never follow their own. " Don't lie or cheat on me ( is their code )... but don't do that to them because you are their servant, and she is the queen. Their sense of entitlement is so frustrating. I'd rather be alone then deal with the insanity she brings to the table. Another thing I noticed with them, they think cheating only happens when penis inserts into the vagina....any other sexual act isn't cheating. NOPE. Can't do it anymore.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Enabling bad behaviour only strengthens the trauma bond in a narcissistic relationship. Thank you dr Ramani ❤😊

[@IngaOlsen]

Their change, if any, is shallow, disingenuous, superficial and fake, just like their character. Yet, their changeable nature when they have a new audience is Oscar worthy! Thanks yet again, Dr. Ramani for reminding us that this chameleon like behavior is them, not us! Thank you for helping me detect the many trauma bonds of my life and learning how to deflect the never ending narcissistic behavior that seems to abound! You and your team are appreciated beyond words!❤

[@l.5832]

My ex changed his physical appearance. For 23 years he'd worn basically greens, browns and earth tones. He picked his own clothes, and it looked good. After our divorce, he started wearing bright primary red and bright blue. Two colours he never used to wear and they actually do not look good on him at all. None of my business what he wears, but he seems to be trying to 'put on' the outer appearance of being a different person. He was very abusive so maybe this is his way of distancing himself from the miserable person he actually is. Changing the outer appearance is easier than changing what's inside.

[@sushmayen]

Why would they change when they think that they're perfect and that there's nothing wrong with them. According to them others are bad and evil

[@michajabonski8152]

Yeah plus they win all kinds of good stuff by exploiting people around them. Money, sex, time, validation, career opportunities, you name it. Absolutely no reason they would want to change anything

[@wakeupordie]

They are a finished product that does not need to be improved upon.

[@ggggglist]

YES! I agree with every word that you said. They always think others are cruel, and evil, and bad etc etc... But, of course, they're pure angels in human appearance. Ick! 🤢

[@bittu-kd7zy]

They never change. It's always for optics. They get worse with age and free time

[@chrismcdonald6076]

I was married to Jekyll and Hyde for 24 years and there was a lot of change in his behavior which was always depending on his mood and always had a manipulative background in order to get his way.

[@melesaoshea8719]

Pity, guilt and love kept me bonded for many years. Then i began to really fight back and became very reactive. I felt like a bull that had been prodded and poked for a long time. Eventually it took very little to make me react strongly and intolerant of the BS. The narcissist left after 15 years. It was so toxic for both of us.

[@clintonnagy1662]

I feel what you're saying... I carry alot of guilt from the reactive abuse. I haven't forgiven myself for the way I lashed out at her ( many times ). I didnt realize that she was baiting me for "reactive" response until I watched these videos. Now, I see how I have to conduct myself the next time and be better controlled. It sucks when you love someone you thought was your partner, only to see they are playing mind games to keep you trapped in their reality. Takes alot of prayer and self reflection to be better but I know it takes time. I'll be the man God wants me to be with patience, hard work and focus.

[@margaretvogelson]

True- small changes are not enough. But he is threatening divorce, I am 80 and need help, yet he plans to divorce in which he will get half of retirement money. Can’t deal now, but afraid of consequences.

[@suzanne4396]

Same. I also became like the bull and very reactive; had a vendetta to cause him pain, which I did publicly. That wasn't me & I still beat myself up about that time period.

[@leahcornacchia6461]

I "play" nice with relatives...it's no less work, I am still treated as the vilian.

[@clairelane3642]

@@margaretvogelson You need to see an attorney or therapist or aging support or all three. Don't be cowed by this person.

[@PoyTroy]

Described my ex perfectly. All things can be going smoothly , just as long as everything is going her way, the moment there is any disruption or she gets stressed, watch out . She becomes an evil, nasty person. Jekyll and Hyde

[@infjthoughts8861]

I find that when narcissists change, they eliminate one bad behavior, and then start a new bad behavior, or lean into an existing bad behavior.

[@barbarasterner7863]

Dr Ramani is fenomenal when it comes to illustrate the every-day-issues when you are living with these self-centered persons and what you realistically can expect and hope for. Keep on the ground and don´t fool yourself!

[@Ruth-ul6rw]

Listening to you is very calming for my nerves.

[@marieborchardt2910]

Sometimes I listen to Dr. Ramini at bedtime and it helps me get to sleep. ❤

[@einahsirro1488]

The removal of pain is more rewarding than the addition of pleasure. This is true. When I was teaching, I used to dream only of being able to remove the 2 or 3 students in most classes who were real troublemakers. I didn't want a raise, I didn't want shorter hours, I didn't want anything but the removal of those really mean kids.

[@mac-ju5ot]

The narc never changes. We have a saying I'm n new england,"give the weather a minute it will change" usually to a storm

[@cledosliop4175]

Narcissistic people are those who refuses to see their truth and lives in huge egos😂. Expecting them to change is like expecting something that goes against its own nature, which means it’s highly impossible…

[@devinjeffrey275]

Love this topic. As usual, Dr. Ramani nails it to the wall! 🤛🏻

[@shawnae1115]

Any good change is only temporary.

[@cherryagngaray369]

You helped me a lot on how manage difficult people thankyou doctor ramani😘

[@Grace-mg8kv]

This was very timely. Makes total sense. Mine apologises and that makes it harder but I’ve now been exhausted and realise that they will never change completely from the behaviour and need to let go

[@erinward2983]

I’ve only seen them change for the worse.

[@lane6216]

My late husband made big changes. Because he had to. He knew he would lose us if he didn’t. At the same time, he just changed his technique of abuse. So, can they change? On the surface, yes. But do they fundamentally change? No.

[@linneasimchah1621]

🎯

[@PenninkJacob]

Thank god for you!!!👍❤❤❤ I wanna scream at the narcissists when they say they are "trying", I wanna scream, yea, those things like - being on time, helping, pulling your weight, I DO THAT ALL THE TIME! ......... as if me asking them to change is so extra monumentally hard and such a hard ask, I do that stuff all the time and get taken for granted on top of that...

[@denisekoenig9479]

I'm always sitting around waiting on mine he acts as if my rime isn't valuable. It drives me nuts

[@gordonanderson3111]

One big change that happened with my narci. parents and a lover was when they went totally silent and gave me a cold stare it meant a plan to end, my life was underway.

[@eyotachenoa3132]

We're hitting 52 hrs. He had a mini stroke last yr. Learning so much about narcissism these past few yrs has enabled me to set boundaries on me. I have no ears, sometimes ignoring his accusations & rants. Don't bother with defense, he has to win. Yeah, i figured out he's been cheating for years, sneaking & drinking. Then the stroke part, can't find his words, etc.. we don't communicate much cause I never know when he's going to explode & throw things or be decent. I stay away from him as much as possible. I can't even make a comment without him getting upset. So why bother, obey my own boundaries is easier.

[@jokendrick2124]

My malignant narcissistic sister hasn't changed but she has switched gears. I told her our story did not have a happy ending and now she is love bombing me. I am officially done with her. Life is so much better when she is not part of my life. She recently said "I don't want to lose my relationship with you". I honestly did not respond because I did not know what to say. Why? Because I have finally let go. How do I proceed? I do not trust her at all.

[@bria6578]

She morphed and shape shifted as I say, to fit into the situation in that moment to benefit herself??it’s so hard when it’s family…..none the less we have to love and protect ourselves

[@amac2573]

The majority of what you wrote resonates with me. I told my own narcissistic sibling I want them to be happy. What I didn't say to them though was that I wasn't responsible for them being happy. Nor even going to try to help them feel or be happy. When I told them I wanted them to be happy very soon after they started trying to hoover with stuff in relation to our family. This resulted with me blocking their phone numbers. Any gifts or things they give me will cost me my sanity and peace, a price I no longer willingly will pay.

[@WistleWhileYouTwerk]

She’s a shape shifter Stay away

[@ENR400]

Sounds like she’s trying to manipulate you back in… making you think she’s seen the light. Narcs have a keen ability to recognize they are losing supply. They recognize when someone is serious about it so they shift … temporarily.. to suck you back in. It’s not real change on her part, just more of the same to get you back in line. These people are not capable of substantial change, but they are capable of pretending to change for short periods of time so that it doesn’t affect THEM.

[@cherishreallove8990]

@DoctorRamani I recently saw you on tv and I wanted to tell you that I’m so proud of you and you are a true inspiration for the people in psychology majors! ❤

[@R.E.STARS24]

She really saved my life. Dr. Carter is awesome too!

[@maritaengelbrecht8070]

Him saying something nice, in stead of the usual nasty thing, was actually very unsettling for me.

[@csfiskus610]

The only change I saw was the narcissist getting worse with occasionally being slightly less nasty or a bit "cheerful" for one day. Narcissists can change their behavior for the better if they are self-aware and care enough and I'm sure there are. I have yet to meet a narcissist who is like that. I feel it's just best to leave them or not be involved with them at all if you can.

[@LibraryBP2]

As far as a narcissist goes, it's like an old song by Sam Cooke, "a change is gonna come." When that truly is, only heaven knows! The change is probably that the one they've injured changes and leaves.

[@KRzzzzzzzz]

This might be the most validating one so far for me

[@lisajorge9655]

Only ones who want a change are ones still in relationship with narcissist 😊

[@mr.coffee6109]

I think changes in narcissistic behavior is all about WINNING in an argument with others or themselves. They are right again:They can change if they CHOOSE to do so. And then the cop-out: I see no need to change.

[@Jeanne90275]

Superficially, but only to the extent that it benefits them. So not worth it if you've been the victim. You're not responsible for their happiness and if your rejection makes them less happy...a little schadenfreude is not a bad thing.

[@bria6578]

To me I think that change she’s talking about is shallow and literally what they do constantly in life to gain anything. Attention, pity, money, things, jobs, ego boost etc

[@letyp5819]

You are amazing. That was the answer I needed to hear . No, I don’t want to go back to the 27 years of abuse. He did change but to manipulate me more and to make me feel I was a horrible person because he would constantly yell and then cook and tell me I didn’t appreciate it. I’m so confused and your videos have helped me understand a lot of things. Thank you

[@well_weathered]

Anything kinder than civility is worrisome. When they are on top of the world you know something is in the works. It is great for optics, but when your within a group of people long enough even then they have to see the changes.

[@gatorgirl4692]

This is a very good point. I never thought of it like this. You seem like such a a very wise individual. In other words it seems like what youre saying is they can't do a 180 and completely get rid of the disorder and start to behave like they don't have it at all. Even if they could, it would be nearly impossible for me to trust it.

[@yolondagoode9656]

I deserve more than the little bit a narc has to offer,it's taken too much of a toll out of my life to except a Lil bit of fake apologizes

[@nataliebaker918]

Hello Dr Ramani! You have brought such clarity through your videos. My mom is a self righteous narc...and she had hood winked everyone. They don't understand why I've blocked her and her monkeys. You have help give clarity when I thought I was losing my mind ❤

[@christelarmstrong9598]

I agree my mother is not changing but she always have moments where I think she is willing but but those flying monkeys tells another story so it back fires soon after because iv been no contact 3 years now for my own sanity ..I pray it could change and I always remain hopeful

[@sburns2421]

On apologies.. You will never, ever get a full mea culpa apology from a person displaying strong narc tendencies. Never. You may occasionally get a half-hearted "I'm sorry" when there might be some bad consequence for them from you if they do not. Just a manipulation to ensure they get what they want. You demanding an apology negates any sincerity they may try to simulate. The default is no apology and usually trying to defend their actions or gaslight you it is your fault.

[@JULZiPifLaksJULY2024]

1:26 o 1:29 god 1:34 woman you are a in a way the mother i never had /i have a mom but shes not the person to say anything helpful about this unfortunately/ so i love you doc - 2:49 genuinely love you- this topic breaking my heart but i will rise , refusing their attacks into my reality 3:46 ❤thank you

[@Thedisgardedoptimist]

Yep, they change, but not for the better..

[@user-fs6ou3fk9p]

I've never seen a change in them. I watched a close family member be destroyed by the N. If at all possible leave. My opinion.

[@autumngryffinnheart6374]

Another great video 👍🏼. I left the narc with the kids, but he still visits twice a week. I try to yellow rock, and he wears his public charm mask most of the time. I still feel the grief that this is as good as it will ever be. I would love to go no contact but we are his only family.

[@LBright4444]

Don’t wait on it!

[@carolynjaynes9094]

They change temporarily when they are afraid of losing you - pretending - and then they are right back to their abuse. Don't be fooled. My regret is not having left sooner, but I left as soon as I could financially. It was hell being married. How will I ever trust a person again? 32 years single and I have lived all my dreams so far. My next dream is to marry a non-narc. Slow is the way to go. Cut your losses and start over. It's the only way to have the relationship you want.

[@richardmeiners6535]

I lose track of how often I am told I am a loser, worthless, stupid, etc.......I am incompetent to do anything in the house, but she constantly complains that I don't do anything, BUT if I do, it was wrong, to slow, get out of her way........ All I can do is work, that is the only value I have. If I were a good husband, she wouldn't have to work, she would have a nice house and be able to blah, blah, blah........ I was a guy who didn't want all that stuff when she met me, I have made big strides in becoming who she wants, I gave up the things I love, hiking, camping, etc...... it's never enough, in the process, I have to use a cane to walk now, honestly, if I saw Death coming for the neighbor, I would tackle him, tie him up and hold him hostage until he agreed to take me too...... Finally, we are splitting up, and of course that is causing the stress to mount, so the attacks are getting more pointed. I am not the best husband in the world, but loving a porcupine is a painful job, and slowly but surely, I have withdrawn into my shell

[@scottlang7765]

I feel you but do not retreat. You are enough. Protect yourself but remember yourself. All we really have is ourselves. Sometimes it’s hard to feel it but it’s there. You are there.

[@JohannaVanDreumel]

I feel your pain, and frustration. It,s time to put your well-being 1st, it takes time, BUT you will once again find the peace, tranquillity, and most importantly find yourself .

[@SharonKingston-v3f]

Malignant Narcissists get Worse with age ❤

[@Shreyaaa0610]

That's just sad. Whats with the heart in your comment? Why, just why?

[@sandyhenry3238]

Exactly my past 20yrs 100% Then I knew to be free from the marriage. It had to be his idea.. Divorce is in process now ❤

[@flyincosmo9356]

For me. it was seeing the second-order impacts to other relationships because of the toxic "dance" and increased likelihood of perpetuating some generational interpersonal behavior dynamics that tipped my scales to they can never change enough.

[@Kat-zl8pz]

2.5 years after no contact and still Stuck with trauma bond because ive seen the micro changes and my mind plays tricks on me Plus the feeling sorry for them. The healing journey continues.

[@moniquejackson7741]

So Brilliant. Best Can a Narcissist Change video so far. Nsrcissists can, with unrealistic amounts of therapy, make superficial changes which make the abuse more tolerable, and that's enough for some people. But these superficial changes only last until the next narrcissistic injury, and they can strengthen the Trauma Bond. If you want to know if a narcissist can become the caring and aware person who sees you as an equal and makes room for your interests and preferences, ALL influencers, whether professional, experienced, or spirititual, say they have yet to see that happen even once. We must become aware that these personalities don't change. Amazing clarity, Dr. Ramani. Thank you so much!

[@Saraflowerk]

Yeah changed behaviour is the true apology. I like what you say about some changes may not be enough. Like they still yell at you, just not 5x a day. Yelling even once per week is too much for most people. But I like that they can make small changes!

[@nbs1964]

My ex narcissist used to say “ God created me crooked and I can’t fix it”

[@ummassiya7435]

I think if we would say they can't change is like giving them an excuse like they wouldn't have the capacity to do so but the truth is: mostly the don't want to change... that's the difference.....it is not easy but possible everything is possible if there is a will but the problem is: the odds are: there is no will!

[@KRzzzzzzzz]

I’m learning the patterns and how he tries to reel me back in by making small temporary changes that I used to fall into the trap of but now they don’t have much value to me because they don’t stick, they are used as exchange and used against me.

[@LizzieKnight128]

You are soooooo right!! (As always) Love you and your videos!! Thank you for validating and bringing clarity to the madness of these relationships.

[@chargennaro976]

They Bread crumbs change, and that's it.. never permanent . always short term.they want that admiration when they give you the bread crumb.is it enough for you? Short answer is NO! Only Jesus! 🙏

[@tundrawomansays694]

Think they’re bad now? They just get worse and worse with the typical challenges of aging.

[@AZ-su2vc]

The last 11 seconds of this video are priceless (9:45). 👏👏👏

[@Hope4MyChildren]

Thank you!

[@Briikaaz]

Thank you for telling me about this. Your videos have been helping me heal between therapy sessions and I have shared some videos of yours with my therapist to get her take on it

[@taffany_bear_heart]

I don't have time to wait for change 😂

[@tamzinbrown9384]

THANK YOU for this!

[@lenalao262]

I was able to get my dad to stop yelling at me. That was 20 years ago. He’s still a narcissist, but he no longer gets his supply from me. Mom’s life got really hard after that, but her staying is her choice. I will not be abused. It’s easier to just cut him off.

[@suzannemazieres6657]

Very eye opening. Many thanks Dr. Ramani. It totally reflects my current state in life.

[@lauriegoforth8631]

So there’s no real hope for a narcissist? How sad. I do believe in the healing changing power of God though.

[@Shannon0hh]

Good video!, been a few weeks since I've had a chance to sit down and listen / watch any. Sometimes really makes you think certain things you see are meant for you to see for a reason. So much more at ease with your help. Your book, It's Not You .. really has been great too. ❤❤

[@sandyhenry3238]

100% I called it cycles somethings would change but then a new nasty behavior will come out

[@cyndim8785]

I call it the roller coaster ride from hell..

[@christelarmstrong9598]

Thank u dr i needed this right in this moment

[@jodycasey6936]

It’s good to know who you’re dealing with before you can apply the message of this video. I know I’m dealing with a narcissist, but I don’t know how bad he is because I’m dealing with a different person behind closed doors. I’m still trying to figure the level of threat I’m dealing with. From one to ten we are at a 5. Dr. Ramani thank you so much.

[@jodycasey6936]

(This is my 5. Maybe I should’ve said six. Someone who seems pretty regular doesn’t stand out so much,harmless to the public, but annoying. this person will tell you everything over and over and over he’ll take anything you tell him and turn it around and be about him needs constant praise, and attention does everything in his power to trip you up every time you cross his path or always grabbing your attention never just letting you be ,it’s about him getting your attention. I could be greeted 30 times in a day if I walk by him 30 times in the house every time there’s a HIIIIIII!! Annoying also in that everything is about them.really all about how great they are and how they’re the best and nobody is better. Behind closed doors there’s a hyper stealth monitoring style, happening, following me around, just not immediately but pretty closely after me wherever I go. I spend a lot of time outside and I’m separating from this person and they’re not liking that.there is shadowing,lots of shadowing , he is presenting himself and putting himself all around me wherever I go in this house and this person is blocking exits to the house, 1 exit I mean. only when I’m using that door. Then he’s placing himself at the door with a chair at the table and/or leaving that chair at the door so that I have to push really hard to get inside. Keeps his bedroom door more open now so to hear when I get up or open the door, this, I know .Stayed in the bathroom last night a good 15 minutes hearing everything that I’m listening to in my room. I was listening to prayers to cast out evil spirits, and in no way shape or form was I wanting him to hear that, the bathroom is right outside my door,sometimes I will do things on purpose but I wasn’t trying to rub that in his face, but that’s what he got to hear last night because this person is stealth stalking me, but it’s not stealthy necessarily. Today things are more back to normal I’ll be here every day trying to understand, but I have reached this person. Whoever it is I’m dealing with. I can talk to him different than I talk to the public ego person persona guy. The one everyone knows is old a little confused and not aggressive at all. The real guy that nobody knows about is different. He’s more aware he’s deliberate. He’s stronger than people think he’s more self-aware than I knew. I’m very confused, but I had come back here so that I can have help so I need to leave this here. I wanted to add this to have it out there.thank you.!!!)

[@serena1261]

Excellent!! I'm not hopeful anymore for possible change. But concerning my adult brother I'm willing to try.

[@sburns2421]

I appreciate the topic of the video, but as I was watching I found myself thinking more about how MY behavior changes as knowledge regarding the subject is gained and put into practice in the relationship. Any change in a relationship with a narcissist comes from the other person making the choice to do this. Limiting individual harmful behaviors through boundaries rather than trying to play spouse psychologist. It really doesn't matter what happened in their past, it is your present that matters. You may find with rock-solid boundaries in a given subject the narc chooses to move on. Hope for and encourage a discard, otherwise the sadistic side will come out. (Maybe future-fake them for once how great their life will be if they unburdened themselves of you!) In the long run you will be better off, although in the short run if they are vindictive it will not feel that way.

[@peanutbutter4726]

Wow I was questioning if my husband of 7 years is a narcissist or not because he “changed” this last year after a major fight where he threatened divorce and I agreed then he backtracked. He stopped MOST of the nitpicking at me daily and stopped giving me complete silent treatment… now it’s just a partial silent treatment where he answers questions. The problem is he still uses my vulnerable moments and mistakes to make me feel like the stupidest person on earth and never cares for me when I need it like being sick or when pregnant and gave birth. I realize I must still cater to his every whim because I said no to something a week ago and he’s gone full silent cold fury on me and we haven’t spoken since then. I accept what he is but I realize I haven’t done enough healing where it doesn’t affect me anymore. It’s devastating because I know where this road leads.. my father is a narcissist and when my mother got cancer 10years ago he didn’t even bother with her care at all. And she died not having an ounce of compassion from him other than financial help. I hope I’m never in that situation ☹️

[@travislee9396]

They change all the time. They never transform. Big difference

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

My brother is in a bad relationship with a narc, and his behaviour has become awful and abusive, not sure if he’s a narc too or has CPTSD. Either way tired of the inappropriate ranting texts that we ask him to stop sending but he doesn’t. I feel bad for him but I have always been supportive yet they have been emotionally abusive to me. I don’t know what else I can do. Focusing on my life health safety and well being. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@andresherrera4158]

When things got extremely difficult in the relationship, she would have sporadic days of surreal normalcy. She was happy and peaceful, responsive to my conversations, if I happened to finish a small house project, she would have a big smile and would say she loved it, and during those days she would always say "you know it was your brain I first fell in love with".... And that was perhaps the only truth I never questioned, specially after I had learned and understood NPD. Those days I called what alcoholics refer to as "moments of clarity" in which I almost felt she knew about her alternate world... then, towards the end of the day I would find her staring out the window, as if she were reminiscing about a nostalgic time long ago. I would ask her if everything was ok and she would say "yes, everything is just fine, where it should be, everything is in the right place; so, why do I feel as if it weren't? I feel restless and paranoid" she would say in disbelief. I knew then my day of bliss was coming to an end and in a matter of minutes she would be gone once again....These are the most dangerous days one can have with a narcissistic person because those are the days that give you hope and keep you hooked.

[@charles5272]

Thank you so much for your Great ❤

[@denisekoenig9479]

Mine never includes me in anything and always does things i cant do because I have a disability. Scoliosis, degenerative disc disease, and kyphosis. Im hunched over and crooked with one hip higher than the other. Anyways, today i was supposed to go with him and his daughter to a place where they zip line and go on the lake in a paddle boat. I was excited because i actually got invited and could do the boat thing. He all of a sudden says u aremt going because u will so or say something to ruin my day amd i want to have a good time. I was devastated. He couldnt see why. Wtf. Finally as he is leaving im bawling and he says why r u upset u were invited. You can go. 1st of all i would not hVe had time to gwt ready and he knew that. 2nd why would i go after what he said? I said would u want to go if someone told u that u were going to ruin the day and u wanted to have a good time. He said no probably not. I said exactly why im not. U hurt me. He said im sorry i wasn't teying to hurt u. Omg really. Wow yes he was! Then im bawling again as they left, and he just leaves. No hug or kiss nothing. I am at my whits end

[@charlottewormlarsen2641]

I can’t believe it… I’m here in a N relationship for the 2nd time… Now with this one even worse than my ex husbond and worse than I ever imagined This is a Living hell… I Cannot believe it 😢😢😢 I do not deserve this … I am like sitting in a boat in the sea, far away from anything and anyone and no one to Call, tell or save me

[@NancyBrown1975]

It makes more sense to me to take the word “fragile” out of describing a narcissist’s inside processes problem when they get triggered or whatever it is that happens because the result is always the same. Anyone who acts like they do has no shame or fragility. Their insides have vindictive intentions. They have forceful, enraged, fueled threats spewing out of their mouth. It is what it is. They react with either punishing, punitive, out of control, vindictive, violent, accusatory behavior which is not “fragile” to me. When a narcissist acts out, in reality, they have activated their “hidden vindictive intentions” not “protected a fragile ego and are a threat to US.

[@tupouakau8983]

Why ❤ always store in the bottom of my intestine.. Limekiln road. Sailing ⛵️

[@ElangMahendradata]

Sis, please discuss the case that is currently viral, Fat-Cat gamer, please. It looks like he was a victim of NPD with terrible consequences

[@TheLove1Makes]

Good discussion

[@DzsM-rz7gu]

One thing never changes.They imagine me in a grave or in a small room without exit...without them. While there are and were so many people around me without them. A black hole is the situation with them.And they call with the next stupidity but for what...for nothing. I think they are addict on control and creating confusion in the consciousness.

[@ScarletAlchemist888]

Thank you.

[@nataliianataliia693]

No, they're faking change

[@daykibaran9668]

Hey 👋🏻

[@pinkmeadows]

hi ☀️

[@C-Span222]

Thank you

[@yolondagoode9656]

Too much...Too little...Too late 😂

[@bittu-kd7zy]

Dr.Ramani, what is the cause of extreme self absorption and what is the cure for it? Is it the same as narcissism? Please help 🙏

[@yellowruby-ln9ud]

Can you make a video about how someone with Autism can be Narcisistic, you said you would make it but you never did.

[@ZaksFacts]

When someone suffers from two narc parents and even possibly siblings as well, can they emulate narc behaviors? Repeat the cycle into their own adult life? Even if they themselves are not actually narcs? Or are they indeed narcs that can self identify as narcs? Or did they just not see their behavior until they learned about these things?

[@PARebecca]

spot on..