It's A Classic Virgin Tradition | Breaking News

Lily, Brennan, Erika, and Trapp navigate the uncomfortable world of kissing and oyster shucking. For more Breaking News, sign up for Dropout: signup.dropout.tv
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[@JaraelMoonsilver]

Finally, the full context of “you’re my princess, I’m gonna take care of you, you’re too beautiful to work” is available for the entire KZbin audience

[@ziwuri]

"You're too beautiful to work" is the funniest sentence I've heard today.

[@EEEEEEEE]

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎E

[@davidmedlin8562]

Wasn't something we were all clamoring for lmao I watched this and still don't know what you're talking about

[@ziwuri]

@@davidmedlin8562 speak for yourself, but those quote-marked words live rent-free for me

[@RandomnesssE]

@@EEEEEEEEIS E ALL YOU COMMENT?

[@Meetthekiller7]

I appreciate that Lily felt the story of her first kiss didn’t feel funny enough but goddamn she locked her dad in a basement holy shit

[@cthulhutheendless1587]

I feel like you could easily pretend it was an accident if he was working on something late at night and the basement door is usually locked

[@Jmcinally94]

​@@cthulhutheendless1587 Yeah but in that scenario, she'd need to: A) Be waiting for her dad to go do work in the basement every time her partner was round before they could finally do it B) Be plotting this for a long time, lock dad in when he went down there and THEN invite her partner round 😂 Feels like it's more likely her dad had a den down in the basement, otherwise you're scheming WAY too hard

[@erinbaer5118]

And she stone-faced volunteered that information entirely of her own accord. Respect!!

[@davidy22]

​@@Jmcinally94What's this about waiting for a partner? You lock your dad in the basement so that he can't escape while you have sex with him

[@Juice1984]

There is a darker interpretation that for some reason makes me laugh for its absurdity.

[@historicalFeminist]

"the first time i had sex i did lock my dad in the basement to do it" INSTANTLY iconic quote here

[@AlinaAniretake]

"...It also happened - in a basement"

[@waffler-yz3gw]

when i first had sex i locked my partner in a basement before doing it

[@adal2620]

That quote has the same Energy as Oyama's "The last conversation I had with my grandfather, I called him a coward"

[@matthewbartlett3442]

That has some troubling implications

[@jreliford34]

Lily - "Ooooh, that's not how you kiss." Brennan - "You have no idea how I kiss." Trapp - {says nothing but face says everything}

[@christopherlebel1241]

EXPLAIN!

[@Saphia_]

Elaborate please.

[@thedanox2741]

My theory First line implies that she would know how brenndan kisses, which se doesn't

[@Saphia_]

@@thedanox2741 I'm guessing either jreliford here edited the original comment or we were asking for the elaboration of the Trapp line.

[@cbpd89]

Me, who never eats oysters and knows nothing about them: Wow, Trapp sure knows his oysters!

[@FullVyper]

All the ones he listed are 100% real lmao

[@EEEEEEEE]

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎E

[@pyrock0227]

@@FullVyper That bit absolutely reads as the writers going "Oh, you really know/like oysters huh? A real oyster aficionado? Well we'll just see about that..."

[@mehakdoosaj]

brennan’s 1000 yard stare at the beginning of the video really captures it’s essence

[@Juice1984]

Neurodivergent here. Brennan's essence? The stare's essence? The video's essence? All of the above? Only the non-proper nouns? Help is appreciated.

[@christianruiz4249]

"Who wrote this episode?" ... "oh no"

[@maiabones]

@@christianruiz4249 every episode i check, hoping it's my boy. grant is such a chaos gremlin

[@ridgedchips]

Thousand Island Stare*

[@sevagbakalian4711]

​@@Juice1984 the video's essence

[@Demmrir]

I love how Lily is difficult to break but then she laughs SO HARD when she does. Just 0-100.

[@EEEEEEEE]

E‎‎‎‎‎‎‎

[@oakcanary4040]

This makes complete sense for a video written by Grant Anthony O'Brien.

[@jlinkous05]

He's still getting revenge for the shower dildo

[@EEEEEEEE]

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎E

[@path2plowshares274]

“Think of your fiancé Brennan “ “Izzy would want me to win” basically Brennan lol

[@sir.waffles]

Grant is still trying to get revenge for the “True Facts About Grant” episode😂

[@jlinkous05]

Ahhh the ol' "Shower dildo revenge" routine. We've all been through it before, right?... right?

[@alexn5743]

Revenge for BOTH True Facts about Grant videos...

[@bananaz572171]

@@alexn5743 wait... There's a second?!

[@alexn5743]

@@bananaz572171 yes, but the second is exclusive

[@alexn5743]

@@bananaz572171 they read out Grant's actually social security number

[@JimBob4233]

Fun fact about shucking oysters: having to use a knife to do it was the original point of the phrase 'the world is your oyster.' That is, you only get what you want with violence.

[@boiboh2954]

That is simultaneously horrifying and badass

[@parryyotter]

Also please remember this used to be a job given to CHILDREN

[@sumdude5172]

@@parryyotter the little fingers are more dextrous

[@ericbarr734]

Comedy sketch KZbin comments delivering Shakespearean trivia. This is what life is about.

[@gwenstacysmom]

that sounds. probably false.

[@yahooanswers4843]

dropping "youre my princess" during that was frankly genius

[@HeisenbergFam]

I get the feeling they are held hostage to be in this video

[@crash.override]

Just like Lily's dad!

[@insertcheesypunhere]

i think that's the premise of the show

[@karlhenke91]

"Reporting by Grant O'Brien".

[@csn583]

Mannequin, blink twice if you need help!

[@Venomonomonom]

You're goddamn bright.

[@alexmcclead7012]

I love how Erika just gave up immediately.

[@mysticalink5329]

...then just took the punishment like, "...That's it?"

[@mmori673]

they're living their best life

[@jacklegend5798]

Really want to hear the aftermath of Lily locking her dad in the basement.

[@Venomonomonom]

I want to see a full sketch.

[@karkajouautomaton4882]

I think he's still down there. We won't know the full story until her dad breaks out of that basement.

[@jacklegend5798]

@@karkajouautomaton4882 Best possible reply.

[@fyzxnerd]

Next time on dirty laundry ...

[@Crystal_Bull]

I dont know why, but Erikas laugh at around 1:35 is just like, cartoonish. The focus, realization, and just losing it all so fluidly.

[@GrandSleuth]

I love how smooth Mike is when he has to list types of oysters

[@Monster_NopeNope]

Brennan kissing the mannequin is an accurate representation of how I kiss my cat on top of head

[@flashpoint5200]

The oyster shucking hit home for me. Years ago I was hurting for work so a friend of mine, who was sous chef at a restaurant in L.A. gave me an opportunity to work at the raw bar (prepping seafood). Now, I enjoy cooking; I think I'm decent and can put together a nice meal for family and friends ... But this was TWELVE HOURS learning how to "properly" cut fish, add garnishes and shucking oysters on their busiest night of the week. I was not provided gloves for the oyster cracking so my hands were frozen, damp and sore by the end; got scolded a handful of times by the supervising cook and a plate got sent back because it, "had a hairline crack in it." Needless to say I didn't get the job, which was a relief to me. I needed work but I also value my sanity. Mad respect for people working in restaurants; I never noped out of a job so fast.

[@TheScottishMutt]

Erika is just not built for this competition, and I'm all for it.

[@thewordywarlock7159]

I think this is the first time one of these has presented the risk of actual bodily harm.

[@nooneinparticular469]

I dunno, I think Zac Oyama almost died of oatmeal poisoning.

[@leeblock9573]

@@nooneinparticular469 No, it was whipped cream poisoning. There was a regular amount of oatmeal.

[@parryyotter]

Cattle prod episode

[@KaelWrit]

as someone with a scar from food service I was so nervous, honestly even with gloves - !

[@xmlthegreat]

Love Erika, they slipped in actual learning sincerely and without hope of points. Edit: corrected pronoun after checking twitter.

[@Vrozkrokop]

I love her too, not only shes the person with most style but she laughs a lot and she laughs hard, just overall amazing human being

[@micahphilson]

@@Vrozkrokop I mean, if they already caught you laughing, may as well let it out! Unless you're Brennan I guess, in which case you apparently never let them see it, unless it's kissing jokes or Jew puns. Now we know his weaknesses!

[@xmlthegreat]

@@micahphilson what about puns where you kiss a Jew? Does that count as a critical hit?

[@jagrubster]

I think Erika uses any pronouns!

[@NaudVanDalen]

@@micahphilson Sometimes they count it as 2 laughs though.

[@crowtalk]

I feel like Brennan gets a lot of free smiles

[@jotax94]

-that's not how you kiss -you have no idea how i kiss he's got a point 🤣

[@micahphilson]

2:44 That's the hardest I think we've ever seen Brennan actually laugh on set!

[@KelpTheGreat]

No, he's laughed WAY harder in other episodes!

[@Ootek_Imora]

Shucking oysters is a lot more horrifying when you realize they're alive and you're essentially giving them a joker smile "Oh oops there's a chunk of shell"

[@from_no_where]

wait what‽ thats how shucking oysters works? that's awful wtf

[@Aburaishi]

@@from_no_where Oysters have no central nervous system, so they definitely don't feel pain as we understand it. They basically have no clear means of understanding anything that is happening to their bodies (or anything at all) - in this respect, they're more similar to plants than animals (trees may even have MORE awareness than oysters, by some measures)

[@tsvetomirsheev3882]

​@@Aburaishi idk man, have you asked an oyster how it feels

[@theendofmyropemydude]

I'm willing to bet an animal that has, on average, 100 eyes or so has a complex enough nervous system to register discomfort.

[@Ootek_Imora]

@no_eyed_girl think of the oyster as a disembodied jaw, no real brain or complex nervous system sure..... but its still a living jaw..... and it's got a treasure/baby (pearl) so them tendons gotta go

[@JStrangerDanger]

I'm so conflicted because they've been churning out so much amazing content lately (battle Royale proves Sam's genius, doing what Jeff Probst never did in 44 seasons and hiding an idol in plain sight at tribal counsel) but I wish so much they'd find some budget for more breaking news

[@riverbaena]

They actually are filming more right now! As of March 27th they said in their newsletter the season would premier in a few months!

[@EinDose]

@@riverbaena I hope this time they have Grant write a video of Real Facts About Nick Kocher, as revenge.

[@joed2333]

Yeah I'm in the same spot. I'm glad Dimension 20, Um Actually, and Dirty Laundry are options, but it's really Breaking News and Game Changer that I like.

[@zbronstein3901]

@@joed2333 make some noise is really good too

[@ziwuri]

Just wanted to ping you and let you know that the trailer for season 6 just dropped! You generally want to be patient with this stuff, since it takes a while to produce a whole season of such a high-quality show.

[@FaTerokiMenra]

Clicks video, sees the writer was Grant O'Brien Oh boy it's gonna be a trainwreck or hilarious or both!

[@dapawta]

This is so weird to see now that Brennan's married 😂

[@kuronosan]

+10 000 Points to Erika for attitude.

[@tsvetomirsheev3882]

Minus 9999 points from me cause she's a spitter 😔

[@wjjwTheDemigod]

We need one with Amy and Allison so that we can see who laughs the most once and for all.

[@Kreacher3]

Amy. It will always be Amy.

[@wjjwTheDemigod]

@@Kreacher3 I hope so. But Allison also has never won and is usually in the high numbers like Amy.

[@9nikolai]

Their synergy would shatter any records

[@nanoflower1]

@@wjjwTheDemigod Has Allison ever scored a 99? I think Amy is the only one to reach that record.

[@xilith117]

No we don't.

[@alyssatheexcellent]

This was one of the best Breaking News segments yet! Erika and Brennan together crack me up so much.

[@IceMetalPunk]

"The first time I had sex, I locked my father in the basement to do it." Um, Lily, want to rephrase that? 😂 I thought we were on Dirty Laundry for a second 😂

[@donovanfaust3227]

If that's how you wanna interpret it I guess. It's not like she said she locked her father and herself in the basement in order to have sex for the first time. Maybe stop looking up incest porn and this kind of stuff wouldn't pop into your mind as easily.

[@jhucci]

It's crazy to see Brennan Lee Mulligan at such a loss for words. Well done, Grant.

[@alucardgangchiha5727]

I just realized I've been watching you guys since primary school and now I'm in college wow

[@Theology.101]

We’re finally at the point where we are allowed to find this content funny.

[@bloomingallium]

same!!!

[@Ssyphoned]

CollegeHumor has to be on its 4th phd by now

[@emilysmith2965]

It HELPS that you’re so COMPLETELY STILL

[@Arroyo2099]

Got to say I love Lilys laugh

[@BluePluto03]

I feel like Erika remembered their name was “punky jewster” halfway through the space lazer bit

[@ejaybugboy3yt]

Lily rightfully showing why she's the host of Dirty Laundry and the queen of over sharing with that basement story. My god.

[@FMGaming]

Ayoooo! That oyster shot was SAVAGE! Very impressive lol

[@LuckyCJ]

Pretty sure my favorite is how Erika just gives in to complete belly laughter

[@Gebohq]

Mike Trapp came so close to saying SHUCKLES!

[@Sir_Duckyweather]

I was so hoping he'd say it. I'm also surprised and disappointed that yours was the only comment I saw about this.

[@Danope6200]

As a real chef letting someone open oysters without proper guidance is seriously dangerous, there is a real possibility that knife ends in your hand

[@parryyotter]

Yes and now remember that before child labor laws in the US, this was a job routinely given to children 😅

[@TinyWarriorAnimations]

I accidently clicked on the video in a way that made it start right at Trapp's segment and all I could think, "Yea this makes sense, why do an intro when you can just start with Trapp talking about oysters?"

[@FrumpybutSuperSmart]

I am... incredibly grateful that this video was posted for public consumption

[@johnleclerc4507]

that's a lucky mannequin head

[@milktenders6219]

The taking the shot without hesitation was pretty badass

[@mcvenne8935]

Poor Brennan. TT *edit: Poor Erika. TT

[@user-op3km5zy1u]

I do wish they'd remove the bottom text while they're doing stuff down there... aside from that, good episode!

[@whatalovelyday1308]

The bottom text is how we know what the ad-lib prompts are. Also for the "News" aesthetic, too

[@kirkwagner461]

Applauding Erika for that finishing shot!

[@nooneinparticular469]

My favorite part is Erika subbing “touch the face of God” with “punch the face of God”.

[@little_kates]

Alternate Title: Grant’s Revenge

[@artmeatj6620]

Trapp knowing way too much about oysters is the funniest part of this video

[@Godnando00]

I tried to read along with them but the moment the mannequin came in scene, I broke

[@maiabones]

erika sending me into gay panic YET AGAIN

[@phoebepalydovas9881]

ishii is a fucking fox, and a badass to boot. truly a role model.

[@Spartan051Kurt]

Gotta say, the fact that they got a photo of the spaceflight operations facility at NASA Jet Propulsion Lab for Erika's background is actually pretty good attention to detail

[@JadedKid47]

Man, that Sam Riech plans the craziest bachelor parties

[@patrickpromen3605]

Erika's facial expressions made the episode. That, and she actually looked excited for the oyster juice

[@nickevans5598]

As someone who sucked oysters for a few summers… super dangerous to do without using a table for leverage. Great job Trapp!

[@donovanfaust3227]

I didn't think giving oysters a "happy ending" was a job but I stand corrected.

[@tsvetomirsheev3882]

​@@donovanfaust3227 as long as its consentual

[@yamitrap9688]

@@tsvetomirsheev3882 Didn't you hear? No central nervous system, no consent needed!

[@tsvetomirsheev3882]

@@yamitrap9688 sounds like some good ol time

[@nickevans5598]

Shucked*

[@jessicaalter5100]

just...the content has been off the charts....kudos

[@Simmons8519]

Erika Ishii: no fear

[@epkoda]

4:32 damn i almost thought they were referencing the titanic submarine incident before i saw when this was published

[@queenclairey]

I can imagine Izzy watching this and calling Brennan a coward

[@good-questions]

i love all of these people THANK YOU

[@TheDuality0fMan]

I love when Erika just loses it. Her laugh is infectious.

[@Thraim.]

The whole mannequin bit is just too good.

[@brianthomason5022]

Just realizing that CollegeHumor is still putting stuff out

[@gaz-l621]

I love that Erika made things harder for themself by taking the cards out of the package. 'A pack of cards' is a perfectly reasonable way to interpret a prop, but nope, gotta use all 52 (54?) of those bad boys.

[@fleamarketkeanu]

this show never fails to cheer me up

[@ianrivers7923]

They didn't read what's after the "make out with this mannequin head" line

[@matthewwriter9539]

She is such a good listener, and she never nags or complains.

[@slhpproductions6707]

I like how we're all pretending we didn't see brennan make out with a mannequin

[@AnimaVisionary]

I'm trying to imagine this video being the first time someone sees Brennan in anything and understands and sympathizes with his akwardness and that even funnier in the context of everything he does as a dungeon master.

[@DanielledeVreede]

Wait, new breaking news episodes? Woop woop!

[@VanGTO49]

We’re back on track with this one

[@sylvanticx]

Reporter names are on point

[@johnthedork723]

Brennan and Trapp both have a rizz that I cannot describe. They are both real hot but not in a sexual way. Anomalous rizz

[@Taylors_Ghost]

I'm so glad Trapp didn't have to eat the oysters... I was living in dread.

[@lokiiago_x0x]

Erika's makeup is so cool! They always look incredible

[@scottkrenzke1860]

i enjoy how this one is mostly them trying to make each other laugh

[@chuck6290]

Erika has the coolest hair!

[@PancakePakadin]

Brennan is the main character of college humour

[@ProbablyBacon]

The most uncomfortable episode yet

[@dogwithheadphones]

If I showed this to my drama teacher and asked to play this as an improv game, I’d get kicked out of that class real quick

[@sukulmati]

Lily stroking the mannequin's hair after the bombshell made me have to pause the video so I could stop laughing and catch my breath.

[@adamburston719]

Solid episode.

[@TheRumpletiltskin]

I love that half the props in this one are behind the lower thirds... COME ON EDITORS>

[@ArnLPs]

Trapp is getting away with smiling a lot, and the reason for that is that this is just what his face looks like.

[@hatethegam384]

I'm simultaneously surprised that we found Brennan's line, and oddly comforted that this was it.

[@Sheamu5]

Lily hiding the head made it weirder

[@jdm5570]

"Sea splooge" lmfao

[@Blueblue__]

I had fear, and it was tremendous 🤢

[@danielwilliams7562]

DAMN YOU KZbin, why am I not seeing this the day it comes out!!!

[@kirill76kuzmin]

Yey!! My favorite show

[@Ryan-fw3pb]

have never laughed this hard at a breaking news

[@sorryitsmoops]

How is Erika one of the hottest people alive like damn

[@DondarfSnowbonk]

For a second I forgot Brennan was reading off a teleprompter and fully believed he pulled that Jonathan Swift quote out of his memory.

[@laurenm7929]

This feels perfectly timed with my AP environmental science exam

[@eleanorsalaski4517]

Best episode yet

[@taurinrobinson]

This explanation has Miss South Carolina Teen USA explaining world hunger vibes