It's Already Too Late To Start Your Holiday Shopping

[@BK-dy8jk]

Colbert art form delivery is a pure genius. He takes the ridiculous truth and shows you how funny and bazaar it really is. Good job Stephen.

[@hittingyouoverthehead]

I read that as "Colbear are form"...

[@carmentorres9936]

Stephen Colbert is my favorite comedian. I particularly love the segment “meanwhile “

[@DivergentMoon]

Regarding Christmas present issues: We also have the problem of our Postmaster General deliberately and openly slowing down the mail ever since he tried to prevent our ballots from arriving on time to be counted. He's still there and people are reporting their mail delivery has never recovered. How could it when he actually had mail sorter machines destroyed?

[@cathywethington5913]

He has stock in companies that compete with the post office. Biden can't fire him, but I don't know why when there is blatant conflict of interest

[@jamestierney2531]

Right on, Melissa. DeJoy is DeJoke, a shameless political hack who bought his way into the position. I can’t stand to even look at him.

[@youareright5431]

Melissa that was a typical made up story to attack Trump again!!

[@katyafan]

@@youareright5431 He testified himself, before Congress, that the hundreds of machines he removed from service were destroyed, and stripped for parts.

[@creativeimage2]

@Superb Media Content Creator yep! I tracked a package scheduled to be delivered to me only to find that it's in another sorting facility, it will arrive at my local post office then return to the main one, then go out of state and then return again, I was calling them, they basically couldn't help, it was delivered after I have lost hope.

[@sophistichistory4645]

"An abundance of shortages" ......wordsmiths at their best.......

[@catmomjewett]

Oh. Thanks for pointing.g

[@Magimasterkarp]

Last week i heard the phrase "Hydra of Bottlenecks". My favorite metaphor ever.

[@CdnGeoff]

Sounds deeply shallow to me.

[@doradennis2409]

Thanks to Biden!!

[@brucebaker810]

A plethora of paucity.

[@zesty9815]

A shortage of decor this Christmas? Melania, you're off the hook!

[@kandon8298]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@bethprather9241]

Noway in America is there a shortage of Christmas decorations.. If so we can always chop down a tree and have kids decorate with all the crap most of us.. Myself included already have!!

[@PamelaZKemper]

🤣🤣🤣

[@latoyamatson6197]

Lmmfao

[@BeastOuncelifeian]

No hooker, especially First Hooker of America, can ever be off the hook.

[@FalloutJack]

I recall Tom Baker speaking a line in Doctor Who stating that "'Eureka' is Greek for 'This bathwater is too hot'.". Cracks me up, every time.

[@sophierobinson2738]

Got to meet him in Fremont, CA, at a con. Nice fellow.

[@nadiashireensiddiqi]

I wanna see Andie MacDowell

[@13katecoombs]

Please don't talk about slowdowns in USPS delivery times without blaming that absolute jerk, DeJoy, who, like many Trump appointees, is trying to destroy what he was put in charge of. And of course he has conflicts of interest, plus a nasty "screw you" attitude.

[@cathieludemann5879]

Another DePlorable is DeJoy.

[@katz20200]

@@cathieludemann5879 and that is DeTruth!

[@cathieludemann5879]

Kay: Oooh! Good one!

[@jamestierney2531]

Good one, Cathie. DeJoy is DeJoke…a shameless, unapologetically defiant political hack; he’d be lucky to be elected dog catcher if he had to run for office. He only got this position because he bought his way in…proving once again that money talks. Doing his best to undermine and dismantle one of America’s oldest (and yes, finest) institutions. SOB.

[@mothboy420]

he does not spark DeJoy so we must throw him out

[@laurawatters914]

Stephen is on fire tonight, thank you for making me laugh!! 😆✌️

[@KitC916]

GET DEJOY OUT! HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO BECOME POSTMASTER WITH HIS OBVIOUS CONFLICTS OF INTEREST! DEMOCRACY CAN'T SURVIVE GAMES WITH THE MAIL! ENOUGH!

[@C.M.30337]

The postmaster we had was great - get him back. Drumpf put him in there to slow down the mail since a lot of people vote by mail. Need to get the previous one back and all the sorters and boxes that DeJoy got rid of and put DeJoy in jail.

[@danielgehring7437]

@@C.M.30337 That's assuming the old PMG _wants_ his job back, I know I wouldn't after having been shown in the worst way possible that the position was entirely at the whim of the political climate.

[@MargaretJEllis]

Biden's team have it on their agenda to get him out?

[@CrystalLynn1988]

@@MargaretJEllis If they don't they should. It shouldn't take a month to receive a package from someone within your own state, you could drive there and retrieve it faster than the mail delivers it now.

[@Marijuanifornia]

If any of you really cared about "democracy" then you'd be the ones to storm Congress to remove the Republicans who are sabotaging democracy.

[@h2oincfs]

jon batiste, your taste in clothing is impeccable. :)

[@kandon8298]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@默-c1r]

we need to cut down anyway, everything we buy will makes so much carbon, just spend time with family and friends

[@bethprather9241]

Amen

[@mjb7015]

"I want an Air Fryer! They make things crisp with no oil, that's the real Christmas miracle!" -- missed opportunity to call it Crispmas.

[@lexslate2476]

The thing with the pig kidney required first editing the pig's DNA to produce an animal that lacked a sugar molecule that is found in pigs but would cause trouble in a human. The human they grafted the pig kidney to was dead and had been donated for her organs, but since her organs were not suitable for transplant in to other people the researchers cleared it with her family and used her to test if an altered pig's kidney could function when hooked up to a human body. Good news for those of us with kidney trouble, genetically-altered pigs might get you off the transplant wait list in a hurry. Possibly awkward for people keeping kosher or halal, not sure what the theological implications of this are.

[@jaelynn7575]

That is so amazing! I hope they speed up clinical trials as this would save a lot of people from misery and death. Oh wait, this economy thrives on misery and death! My bad.

[@ipariszalonna]

If someone would refuse life saving science because of religious superstition then it’s their loss. Even less waiting for the sane.

[@rais1953]

Not sure about kosher rules but Muslims are allowed to consume unclean food if it's needed to save life. This is not even being used as food so Muslim scholars might look on it as a necessity.

[@katsebua]

Apparently Steve the Cheese doesn't know how insulin is made eithet ...

[@telectronix1368]

The idea of 'unclean' food came from a very different time and where it was not possible to process or store certain foods safely. Our knowledge has improved now.

[@samhblack]

I lol'ed a lot more in this monologue than any other! Man he was funny tonight!🤣

[@flackstar007]

Agreed Stephen Colbert was on a roll, and the way he interacts with the audience and shows appreciation when a joke sticks is nice and refreshing.

[@Hydra-V]

Now, this is the kinda comment one hopes to see just as one's about to commit to the view.

[@nevadak3424]

@@soviapyu5624 is it Morse??

[@TheKyleMarisa]

Same here 😂😂😂😂😂

[@Hydra-V]

@@nevadak3424 Don't get sucked into that...it's 'virally infectious' of a deceptive instrument. Maintain a healthy distance.

[@chrisbeecraft]

IMHO, the fact Colbert had to say *"Do not inject Horse"* was the funniest thing in this monologue.😁😀😀😆😆🤣🤣🤣💥

[@theshimmering2064]

Living on a Peanut Farm. Great singing Colbert. They should genuinely sell the WTF doll. That was an idea you should get paid for.

[@kandon8298]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@janayh2817]

Paper shortage is def due to CVS’s long ass receipts

[@Marijuanifornia]

The US Department of Agriculture reported in 1916 that one acre of Cannabis hemp can make as much paper as four acres of trees. The US legalized Cannabis Sativa in 1942 to make equipment for the military during World War II. The USDA made a video called *Hemp For Victory.* There was a bill introduced in Congress titled the *Hemp For Victory Act of 2019.* Problem solved.

[@Atheism-And-Normative-Ethics]

@@Marijuanifornia and a bunch of people in Trump admin had connection to cannabis and hemp companies, paying local politicians bribes for permits and other stuff. Lev parnas actually recorded a video where they talk about it. Lev parnas just convicted of campaign finance fraud, too.

[@guyman1570]

@@Marijuanifornia The village pothead spotted.

[@preciousowusu7743]

Lol

[@CodenameHawk1225]

Bwahahaha! My wife works there, and she agrees!

[@isaackitone]

I think people are going to quickly learn that they don't need half of this crap.

[@raradis]

Will we ever??

[@reneelibby4885]

one can hope

[@zeobide]

Hahahahah, if you think people will "quickly learn" you have two surprises coming this Christmas.

[@oneirishpoet]

Don't kid yourself, Amerikans are addicted to buying boatloads of cheap crap from China that they don't need

[@sarahoshea9603]

Right, we don't need to buy it and we don't have to work as much.

[@RoleyChiu]

This was one of the better opening monologues!

[@JonJon-it8kk]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@patsylvest]

You are right! So glad they're back on Friday nights.

[@bomimaya3585]

No, most definitely

[@WarrenGarabrandt]

The secret ingredient is crime!

[@FreeArtsakh2024]

Right? 😉

[@illtakeaquack2108]

I also want an air fryer, little Christmas crispy miracle.

[@johnmesser3278]

Bought mine in April.

[@lexslate2476]

Crispmas.

[@johnmesser3278]

@@lexslate2476 Nice Lex, very nice. Peace

[@JonJon-it8kk]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@JusJumpedOverJumpman]

@@JonJon-it8kk why did you do this to me

[@svenska81]

“Watch out, she’s a biter.” Tonight’s laugh 🥇 award!

[@venusvirgofly]

You know what would help with all the issues around shipping right now, an investment in our infrastructure

[@nekonatauzanto1758]

No, we should privatize it instead

[@judibickford5306]

Well they always say, "A man who represents himself has a fool for a client.".

[@midlifeinprogress]

Judges actually hate that. A few years ago, I was sued by my former landlord (ridiculous claims), and we arrived at court with a lawyer and a briefcase full of documentation. He arrived by himself and empty hands. Guess who won? 🤷‍♀️

[@Atheism-And-Normative-Ethics]

@@midlifeinprogress nobody. Including the readers of this story. Self representation is sometimes more effective given the circumstance or case complexity and amount of available funds.

[@Nap1300]

"And an ass of an attorney."

[@forgeustiss6667]

Lawyers say that to convince people to hire them. Signed, A. Lawyer

[@72marshflower15]

That’s only spoken of by lawyers in the corrupt US Judas System.. Nice try though..

[@ChicagoBornPilsenBred21]

Colbert is Gold💯😄

[@JonJon-it8kk]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@frankielloydwrong4623]

He should interview Jimmy Dore and he missed out on Norm MacDonald (RIP)

[@NirvanaFan5000]

just buy used books: just as good and better for the planet

[@humane143imperfection6]

FR!

[@cathieludemann5879]

Agree. Used books are treasures. Everyone enjoys the delightful surprises contained therein. (I sell used books.)

[@benzaiten933]

of just stroll down to your local library. it's even free and books are shared manyfold!

[@sophierobinson2738]

Cathie Ludemann I used to hit the sci-fi section all the time. One store owner apologized for the thinness of his collection. "For some reason, you guys never trade them back." Now the second-hand book stores are all gone.

[@cathieludemann5879]

@@sophierobinson2738 Sorry to hear. I used to have a lot of Sci Fi books but they didn't sell so I donated them to a local book sale. We have used book stores in our area but most are very small. They do a lot of their sales on-line. Happy hunting for your next great find!

[@edcliffe2988]

They have chosen to represent themselves in court because no sane lawyer is going to want to defend them.

[@stealthslide2723]

There is always Rudy.

[@bilateralrope8643]

Think how this looks for a defense lawyer. The accused is so obviously guilty that, as long as the lawyer doesn't do something stupid, nobody will blame the lawyer for them being found guilty. So the worst case is easy billable hours. But if the lawyer manages to negotiate a plea deal, and get the accused to accept it, that makes the lawyer look good.

[@edcliffe2988]

@@stealthslide2723 Yeah... but I said "sane" lawyer.

[@72marshflower15]

The mistake is expecting the US judicial system to be legitimate to begin with.. Do you not understand the implications?

[@jamesgoines7663]

It's so that these trials will be continuing for years. Think about it. They represented themselves. Later, some lawyers will show up saying that the defendant was not represented by knowledgeable legal council.

[@TheDarkness1]

These past 4 years have never made it more clear the difference between ignorance and intelligence. The sad thing is ignorance is so unaware.

[@traekas7228]

Kinda comes with the job title, don’t ya think?

[@glennwelsh9784]

That's the thing - we had an idiot who thinks he's way smarter than he really is in a position of power inspiring other idiots who think they were way smarter than they really are.

[@Seldomane]

Speaking of: I predict some time from now John Bon Jovi will be revealed to be evil or horrible in some terrible way that will make everyone hate him. Sorry, but everyone has skeletons, and the ones that hide them best are the worst.

[@sophierobinson2738]

And more willing to hurt others.

[@jhwheuer]

Matter bends space time, stupidity bends reality.

[@drsingingeagle]

Come to think of it, Mr. Brandon Fellows DOES look like a high school bully from every 90s teen movie.

[@KittySnicker]

“Well think again, nerd!!” 😂😂😂

[@JonJon-it8kk]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@knyghtryder3599]

Think again nerd !!!!!!!

[@DisasterMaster3K]

Well think again, brandon

[@knyghtryder3599]

@@DisasterMaster3K yeah , Brandon is a loser

[@AdrianColley]

I felt seen when he said that.

[@sigmasplatinumrust5184]

Looks like it's going to be a Charlie Brown Christmas for everybody gather round the little tree

[@deniseparish4224]

That’s a good thing

[@swanclipper]

tree? fkn rich people!

[@jamesgoines7663]

Tree? You got a tree?

[@sigmasplatinumrust5184]

@@jamesgoines7663 yes a little tiny fake tree 🌳 😳

[@iamRageTheWolf]

Don't forget to wave everyone's hands over it to decorate

[@dne-q9s]

E=mc^2, Well, f..k me!!! I cracked 😂

[@animalia5554]

I know that as a Catholic I should be offended by the whole “Covid is a Vatican plot” thing. But honestly, I’m too overwhelmed by the sheer stupidity of it to be offended.

[@hanfin9698]

Are you saying it isn't? ✝☣✝☣✝

[@tracychristenson177]

First, "Jewish space lasers", now "Vatican plots." Yeah, this is the party of the KKK. Looks like we know who comes from families who were Nazi sympathizers during WWII and were raised in the same mindset.

[@aesinam]

I wonder how the Vatican is supposed to benefit from Covid deaths

[@hanfin9698]

@@aesinamThe Pope is running a vast organ harvesting operation. It's on the internet, so it must true!

[@aesinam]

@@hanfin9698 hahahaha I know right?

[@Obiter3]

Stephen is so good. He's very much Letterman plus righteous politics.

[@magfam9980]

Thanks dejoy, get rid of this guy already, he is making a profit and destroying the post office

[@darrelalvesteffer6110]

Wow. The post office has been running in the red for the past decade. Amazing how you think this just started over night.

[@bryanabbott6169]

Well, you can thank the previous administration's Post Master for helping with the supply chain disaster. He had a lot of equipment, including those used for mail sorting trashed supposedly to make 'efficiencies'/saving the government money before the last election. The Spray-Tan Accident believed if the mail-in ballots were delayed, they wouldn't be counted past election night. And of course this resulted in delays of shipments of pharmaceuticals, Christmas gifts, etc. last year. It would take an investment to replace what was trashed, but I've yet to hear about whether they are going to do that or not, but they better do something (it's too late for this year, of course, world events exasperated the situation already in place).

[@nekonatauzanto1758]

The slower USPS is the more traffic will go to UPS and FedEx. Why I'm invested in their stock. It's not a problem but a business opportunity!

[@bryanabbott6169]

@@nekonatauzanto1758 That's why the Post Master under Trump screwed the USPS. He was more than invested in the stock, but he was also a competitor of the USPS. The conflict of interest alone is part in parcel of the corruption at the heart of the Trump administration. It's like an Exec from FedEx going to UPS and selling off trucks and planes to Purolator just to destroy UPS.

[@slimgirls78]

I really like Stephen and his Wife, they kept the laughs coming through Lockdown. Great show. Thank you both. X

[@GerynSloane]

I love you Stephen!! All I want for Xmas is to be with my family in Maine but because of Orange Cheeto face it will be impossible for me to travel there.... how many have died because of him now?

[@jetes8148]

None.

[@Chunkboi]

@@jetes8148 You’re off by 700k people.

[@nancyf7919]

Christmas Decor. We got it at the Salvation Army. Check it out today.

[@HylianFox3]

"The bully from every 90s teen movie" omfg

[@mrwascallyt9865]

well we had biff from back to the future as president ( biff's got the book ) for the last 5 yrs

[@Swan-rb4yg]

Don't blaspheme.

[@dkpqzm]

You're on fire tonight Stephen 😂😂😭

[@Alexagrigorieff]

The pig was genetically engineered to not have a particular antigen sugar, which would cause an immediate rejection. The kidney was attached to a brain-dead patient, with consent of the next of kin. The patient (when was alive) consented to be an organ donor, but was not eligible for reasons. The reasons are usually cancer, and chronic viral infections. After attachment, the kidney was functional and not rejected.

[@Shuizid]

Fascinating - also good to know the person was braindead. I wondered how it could be justified to give an experimental organ to someone.

[@Opus313]

Just got an air fryer and it's fantastic!

[@JonJon-it8kk]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@soupsgord]

Preach it sista/bruh!

[@SpSot]

Am I weird if I still prefer frying pans? 🤔

[@soupsgord]

@@SpSot no we all have our preferences but…..you’re missing out!! 🤣😜

[@mehere8038]

I bought a multi-purpose air fryer, chicken rotisserie & dehydrator & dunno if it's the product that's bad & air fryer only options are better, but I'm under impressed! Works great on frozen chips, but trying to cook potatoes from scratch in it, I find it useless! Am I doing something wrong?

[@markstevens1729]

The solution: don’t do blind consumerism. Yeah, fat chance. Also: “horse” a long used nickname for heroin. Gotta admit, it would “cure” what ails you, for a while.

[@traekas7228]

I was gonna bring that up! U beat me to it! Regarding Horse and its previous use as a code word for users to speak in relative safety.

[@Tonyhouse1168]

Permanent cure.

[@karenbennett3662]

Not a cure just a postponement with 1000% interest!

[@XYZAudiio]

2:37 "...think again nerd" That delivery got me! :)

[@josephwhyte9466]

You're going to have to start a corrections segment after that. Archimedes yelled eureka when he realised he could measure the volume of an object by submerging it

[@ueblay]

yeah. buoyancy ≠ displacement.

[@cutiegalore5376]

quiet nerd

[@SN-sz7kw]

There’s going to be a lot of early over-shopping. The glut never ends.

[@marisolaquino719]

The American way 🇺🇸. The season of gimme, gimme,etc

[@midniteryder_3-16]

@@marisolaquino719 0 surprises if the season of gimme ISN’T limited to the usa…*casting a weary glance @ all the other mainly english speaking countries*

[@sophistichistory4645]

As George Carlin pointed out....... "Idiots buying shit they don't need with money they don't have"......(the rest of this is paraphrased)...... .....all the while stuffing their pie holes with food court slop while hauling their enormously fat fucking asses around on "utility scooters" that ACTUALLY BEEP when put in reverse.

[@Marijuanifornia]

Almost everything that you can buy that isn't glass or metal can be made from the stalks of Cannabis plants. Watch the 1942 USDA film *Hemp For Victory.*

[@dozzer009]

@@sophistichistory4645 Such a wise man!!!

[@summerbrewster5555]

Gee maybe outsourcing was the worst idea ever implemented?

[@marydonohoe8200]

Absolutely. On so many levels. Only the multibillionaires are happy.

[@mehere8038]

and given the post office issues, maybe without outsourcing the issue would be even worse? Ever thought of that? We don't have supply issues in Australia, so blame Asia all you like, but in reality, the problems are predominately inside your own borders not outside them! You also should have shared vaccine with Vietnam! They kept themselves covid free & everything running at full capacity until delta ie ample time to never have issues if vaccines had been shared or patent wavers happened (they have factories to make vaccines, just no vaccine they've been able to licence to make in them)

[@ForeverMe543]

Representing yourself always works. Ask Rodney Alcala, Colin Ferguson, and Ted Bundy.

[@ToneTraveler]

Supply chain is clogged, great excuse for a non materialized holiday season. Everyone just agree to not buy new gifts. Save some money, shake up the economy, maybe drive prices down. Imagine; instead of Black Friday a save the stress and money day. Families celebrating each other without Amazon…ah, progress.

[@kenbrown2808]

just a reminder that the hamberdler's shenanigans were responsible for canceling christmas last year.

[@DisasterMaster3K]

Well he isn’t president anymore. Guess who is president? It’s Brandon!

[@dozzer009]

@@DisasterMaster3K Funny how it was ok then with you while both republican and democrat employees were suffering during the holidays over a stupid wall that hasn’t been effective since it’s inception. Ya know what would stop illegal immigration?? American companies or companies operating in the US being fined and shut down for hiring them. Of course capitalism always takes a front seat and cheap illegal labor suits the shareholders just fine so they will continue to demonize the very workers who make them profitable while doing jack shit for the American workers.

[@humane143imperfection6]

@@DisasterMaster3K When a President F***s a country and leaves it full of grimy porn star STDs that ex president is still an issue. 45 blew a hole through common sense, decency, democracy and the american spirit.. I just wish he would have used protection. Honestly, if he would have been more clear about wrapping a mask around it then we wouldn't have to keep driving the point home to the clinic.

[@kenbrown2808]

@@DisasterMaster3K try telling him that.

[@randomrangoon5476]

Christmas was cancelled last year lol.

[@livb6945]

I love it when Stephen sings, key change or not 😎

[@kandon8298]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@whatsup5446]

One good thing about the 2021 supply chain shortages situation is that retailers will not have to deal with the massive post Christmas returns nightmare.

[@cathieludemann5879]

But what about the fun of after Christmas sales!?

[@tnight0wl918]

Yep yep air fryer, repairs on my broken ipad and a phone that works lol but will probably will wind up with my favourite Christmas prezzy; watching Mr. Colbert and maybe we will get some Evie too💜🦉💜🎄🎁🎄

[@JonJon-it8kk]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@shantoreywilkins651]

💜💜💜

[@anneheart4679]

I thank God for Steven Colbert daily 😆

[@snowfall7503]

Most kids are just happy with any gifts, and lots of attention. Most kids just want their parents to spend time with them on Christmas.

[@timbeaton5045]

Eric T***p?

[@paulmrjohnson]

But if we buy 1,000,000 air fryers then Jeff Bezos could get a new spaceship this year.

[@SpSot]

I still prefer traditional frying pans.

[@nickelpickel3924]

Don't buy it from Amazon.

[@margo3367]

@@nickelpickel3924 Bingo.

[@SgtSega]

Air fryers are healthier tho.

[@EWAMILENAP]

The only thing I want this year is zero drama and peace.

[@alwaysuseless]

Let me pop the trunk. Be careful, she's a biter. Ah ha! Illegally transporting an alligator!.

[@MonkeyJedi99]

I consider myself fortunate that there are no children on my gifting list. I can cover most of my list with a bottle or two of alcohol and a few dozen home-baked cookies.

[@DeluiseBookSeries4821]

we need to make more stuff in u.s.

[@ericwasikowski29]

Isn’t that what Trump said? 🤔

[@Runzi333]

Usps needs help, they're slowing everything down and then literally tracking every second the mail person stops to say hello just to harass them about being slow for no good reason. Cruelty is the point.

[@JonJon-it8kk]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@heyheytaytay]

efficiency is the point....

[@ellzgoespro6568]

@@heyheytaytay says the guy who doesn't work for the USPS.

[@danielgehring7437]

@@heyheytaytay Well you know the ol' maxim, neither rain nor snow, but Mrs. Jenkins with no bra on saying hi on these cold mornings is just asking too much from any person.

[@intuitionz1198]

just a few more months and Joe can put in two new members on the postal review board or whatever the hell it's called. then he can fire Dejoy

[@madringking1119]

I started my shopping last month. Got most of the major stuff done. As it gets closer there will be less stress and can focus on the small things

[@kathleenclark5877]

I do this. If I see something appropriate in April, I”ll buy it and store it. Unfortunately, I sometimes forget that I have bought that person a gift and when I add it to the stash, I am chagrined. However, I have finally started to make a special list to avoid this problem. Who knew?

[@reubenmood3890]

Truly one of Mr Colbert's BEST monologues!!

[@Happy-uy5wc]

Make your own Christmas presents. 😘💕

[@kenc9236]

This man is a complete master of his trade.

[@OriginalPiMan]

If I were ever to have the opportunity to watch this chow live, I'd want to do it on a Thursday. That way I get the Thursday show, and a decent chance of being part of the "genuine Friday crowd" too.

[@midlifeinprogress]

Color me ignorant, but is that why they're always WAY too enthused about Fridays, because they film them on Thursdays? I mean, I had a feeling, but didn't know if it was true or not.

[@OriginalPiMan]

@@midlifeinprogress Rarely he says as such, usually if there's some big piece of news expected to break Thursday night or Friday morning. But you can also tell because the Friday night monolog almost never talks about things that happened in the ~30 hours since the Thursday show was recorded.

[@TheOuRah]

According to Colbert a couple of weeks ago, the shows on Fridays are live now. CBS insisted.

[@OriginalPiMan]

@@TheOuRah Actually live, or just same day? Because I'm pretty sure Colbert only does actually live shows for special occasions.

[@Mr.Eternal966]

*SHOW*

[@catznjam470]

🤣😂👍thanks, I needed a good laugh, and I have a suggestion... buy Christmas gifts from local thrift stores that support homeless shelters! 👍 give food to food pantries- take care of others this Christmas ❤❤❤❤❤

[@katushawatkins1922]

How about the bright idea that we could focus on non- material gifts? The planet might appreciate it, though we seem collectively unable to comprehend the beauty of not buying endless crap.

[@joiedevivrenyc]

Have you seen people's reactions to non material gifts? 🚫 choose your friends wisely

[@cathywethington5913]

Use that money to donate to someone who needs it.

[@bethprather9241]

I agree

[@bethprather9241]

👍

[@Kpimpmaster]

We all want things we can’t have

[@TheWiniki]

A great opportunity to slow down consumerism!!! Best gift for our mother earth.

[@marquesjohnson6359]

"don't inject horse " saddest part that's not even a joke it's a disclaimer so a number of those people who stormed the Capitol want to represent themselves that'll be something ... not something smart but it'll be something

[@cisco8650]

Well, those kinds of people don't watch this show.

[@marquesjohnson6359]

@@cisco8650 you're probably right the people who actually need it don't watch but knowing they're out there is still sad

[@SouthwesternEagle]

*Capitol :)

[@cisco8650]

@@marquesjohnson6359 they've always been around, trump and the q nonsense and everything else that has sprung about has just caused these ppl to form a congealed mass. Easier to identify them now.

[@marquesjohnson6359]

@@cisco8650 true

[@susanadams-wauro6716]

Humour...the best gift. Who needs an air fryer when we've got Mr. Colbert!

[@darwinskeeper421]

"They say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And with God as my witness, I am that fool!" Gomez Addams. These inserrectionist clowns would do the Addams paterfamilia proud.

[@NewMessage]

I preferred the Carter/Bon Jovi sequel, 'You give the Guinea Worm a bad name'.

[@Petteri82]

The problem this year is almost everything you buy. Just like every other year.

[@pejisan]

Chrispmas miracle!

[@alchemysolgod]

I’ll be honest. The only gift for Christmas that I want it to see my nephews a few states away.

[@susanfarley1332]

Are you saying you want to see them be a few states away, or that you want to go see them a few states away, or that to see them you want them to come see you from a few states away? At first when I read you comment I thought you wanted them to be a few states away but I'm not sure now.

[@jackdripper3392]

Put them in the trunk, drop them off a few states away. You're welcome.

[@krejados1]

Whichever meaning you intended (see Susan's comment), may your Christmas wish come true.

[@joannajamerson35]

I want to be with my grand daughters. I'm a young grandma and I want to spend time with them

[@poltronafrau]

@@jackdripper3392 wholesome

[@georgeruben]

that final splash with Porkey the Pig was hit.... i just choked on the coffee that i was drinking.... 😂😂😂😂😂

[@grimreapergames]

As someone raised in Schenectady, that did not surprise me.

[@jencrecelius3565]

I worked for the post office for a short time years ago and it was a nightmare even then. Forget the stuff coming late, they're (most likely) rushing the employees so bad that they're just throwing things and not even caring. I've gotten 3 different packages in the last 2 weeks with items broken, it's ridiculous.

[@mehere8038]

we've got a new postal sorting facility at a major city in Australia, they showed it in the news. It lifts all packages about 6 metres into the air on a forklift, turns the cage they're in over & dumps them all onto a conveyerbelt system, hundreds of them at a time, all being lifted & dumped like that together & that's apparently how every parcel is treated as standard practice in this brand new facility & people are explaining at every other facility too lol. I doubt you were worse than that were you?

[@cousinjake7986]

Hope y'all's having a great night!

[@JonJon-it8kk]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@cousinjake7986]

@@JonJon-it8kk rude

[@snacking5908]

The audience’s reaction to the “throwing crap at the wall” joke 😂😂

[@longobardilounge8238]

Back to the Yule logs and coal bags for Christmas

[@knyghtryder3599]

Only the best , or even better CASH

[@marisolaquino719]

We’ll need them to keep warm this winter.

[@sivasiva-hr4pr]

that nailed man...... malicious person, the fallen one himself, the red and white pinned to the point

[@ewartsmith7490]

Damn, we can’t get Saturnalia off to a good start without the presents

[@Handle70770]

I work in retail and I have been telling people to start shopping months ago. Plus most of the sales during Black Friday are just mark ups marked down a little.

[@cousinjake7986]

Okay that Bon Jovi Jimmy Carter joke was fucking gold Edit: tonight was comedy gold! Shit!

[@JonJon-it8kk]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@Annie-zd6rn]

The creature with tentacles spreading through kids veins is none other than... "Squidward" 😂

[@alex35agm]

Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store,Maybe,just maybe,it means a little bit more.

[@bethprather9241]

Amen

[@aspektx]

One can hope.

[@TurquoiseInk]

Colbert was on fire tonight! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@laalaa99stl]

Oh man. Stephen's falsetto was Gone Jovi!

[@JonJon-it8kk]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/lWGciXuaj82nias

[@deniseparish4224]

I don’t think I would have the gonads to sing in front of John Batiste

[@MyKutie]

Learning that I could use an air fryer to make toast and grilled cheese sammies was a LIFE CHANGER. Never again do i need to worry about burnt toast or smoke!

[@NewMessage]

"It's Already Too Late To Start Your Holiday Shopping" Not for Krampus...

[@mr.joshua6818]

I just love the positivity of that cow. I feel a little better now...

[@devlinburgess2463]

Honestly, I just want to see more "former president and old rock star" collaborations. Bill Clinton can play the saxophone, he'd fit right in to the 80's sound!

[@KristiContemplates]

Bill Clinton and Kenny G

[@jeffl4802]

Metal Trump in youtube. Look it up.

[@gentillygirl545]

Clinton and the Psychedelic Furs! They're playing in New Orleans tonight! He could sub for their sax player!

[@margo3367]

"...old rock star". Sigh.

[@joiedevivrenyc]

Talk about Clinton and Sade for that 80s sound...

[@xanderfulton3186]

His delivery of “Think again nerd” always cracks me up

[@elainewalls1965]

So the people who wait till Christmas Eve to do their shopping are REALLY screwed.

[@susanfarley1332]

Yes, my ex husband will be.

[@danielgehring7437]

Actually this might be their time to shine, since Xmas Eve might very well be the night all the new shipments finally come in.

[@SpSot]

So arriving at the same time as when Santa is supposed to come...

[@krejados1]

Well, 7-11 is bound to have a few wiper blades left...

[@benzaiten933]

I feel a lot of gift cards and 'shoulder massage' coupons are coming. though I actually like gift cards for shops I frequent because then you can get what you want.

[@joshbgosh6200]

That was perfect timing with a commercial cut-in. Colbert was addressing mind-reading micro squid robots, and the commercial was of "animal in my attic" depicted... I don't even remember what the commercial was for. I just found it hilarious!

[@yeetyeet7070]

If you're getting your kids something from Nike, remember their motto: "by kids for kids" :)

[@vandal280]

Always love Stephen singing

[@kevinbarr9003]

Got to be honest Best gift I got last Christmas was....not spending time with the family.

[@Roses-lilac]

😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

[@martavillanueva1062]

So many people actually learned the true meaning of X-mas by not being with family😂😂😂: PEACE the true meaning of X-mas.