It's Not Cheating If He's Not Your Boyfriend

[@PaulandMorgan]

Oh man that stings but it’s true. Yes, some guys like to keep things grey and ‘unofficial’ so they have an easy escape. Look for a guy who is direct, intentional and LOVES GOD. And agreed, it’s okay to ask the guy for clarity! 😊

[@FarAwayDistance]

Truth!!!!

[@jasminel.7394]

Yessssss! *praise hands emoji* 🙌🏼

[@GratiaPrima_]

So agree with every word. This is how it went for me with my now husband two months after we met: Me: So, what is this, are we going to be bf and gf now? Him: Why do you want to label it? Me: So I know what it is. Same reason we label anything. Him: You’re so right! Yes, please be my girlfriend.

[@emwilss]

YES. Love that he saw what you meant and agreed! A VERY red flag is a guy who then goes, "People put way too much importance in labels - I don't think they're that important and don't think we need one, etc etc..." and continue to insist that it's unnecessary. Beware!

[@GratiaPrima_]

Yes! If the conversation isn’t literally that easy, that’s probably a sign it isn’t the right relationship.

[@quinoasongs2507]

Okay, I made a comment about a long-ago conversation about "labels" and now that is answered. Thank you, dear Emily. I wish I'd have answered things that way back then, but we live and learn.

[@zechster1]

It’s so great to see a Godly woman tackle these topics. Speaking as a guy who loves the lord, a real man will be upfront with you to prevent hurting you. Not string you along just cause. ✌🏻🎸🎶🙏🏼

[@Fireflycolor1]

I'm 22. I have never been in a relationship, but I know my steps, I don't want to start "a thing" I want a clear relationship. I have fall in love tons of times but never start dating because I want a God centre relationship, and not a feeling centre relationship. I want a holy marriage, were the heaven is our goal and not something abstract. If is not clear that we are gf/bf then we aren't sure if we are pursuing the same thing. I pray to God for all of us sisters! Holy Spirit, please, gide us to a true and good relationship and don't let us in the seas of confusion! (Sorry for my english, I need some practice)

[@sydneyrica1802]

I was "talking" to a guy about 6 years ago and he made it seem like we were exclusive. He even asked me not to see anyone else because he wanted to pursue something serious. Well, I found out a month later that he was trying to talk to a lot of my friends. I confronted him and he said "well we aren't actually dating." I moved on and while I was with my current bf he was still trying to get my attention. I had to block him on social media and my cell phone. I was hurt at first that he deceived me but I got over it fast.

[@rebortiz28]

I have been there! Recently, I met this guy and I really grew to like him and potentially want more than a friendship with him. So I told him, and we talked and he told me he was not ready for a relationship, but he wanted us to continue getting to know each other and getting to be friends. That was a mature answer for him to give at our age (16) And girls, let me tell you, it feels so much better to know exactly what is going on. Do not be afraid to ask or let someone know how you feel! Having clarity on the situation is so much better than never knowing what he’s thinking.

[@Cuteseal2]

Your videos are seriously well-timed for the concerns I am facing, haha

[@JJ-nt1yt]

Hey Emily, as a 17 year old I want to pray for my future husband. Can you please make a video suggesting what things we as girls should pray about a husband or suggesting prayers etc. Also if you could recommend good Christian books for us, I’m looking to read in my free time and want to know if you have any books that helped you be closer to God or helped you through life. Thankyou so much!! I love you and your channel!!❤️

[@colleenlassa8543]

Canyounot x kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y4XVdJRmn9OLbac this vid helped me !!!

[@rachellerockel]

Talk about it! Do not give more to the relationship than he is offering or he ends up living rich on credit while you end up bankrupt (aka, a hurt heart). I wish someone would have told me this when I was in my teenage years so I didn't have to learn the hard way later in life. If a man is chatting with you and meeting with you one-on-one for coffee or whatnot but isn't asking you out on actual dates, then you are just friends. Plain & simple. Part of being a man is voicing your intentions and part of being a woman is believing him AND modifying your investment in the relationship according to his intentions (not according to a fictional relationship). This can go both ways btw.. though I hear this scenerio more from women than men. Do not settle for less than your worth!

[@emwilss]

Come on and preach Rachelle!!

[@rachellerockel]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this topic! More women need to know this important aspect of relationships.

[@MegaCadette55]

Amen! I never assume it's more than friendship between me and a man unless he's said it himself!

[@sarahbruno2627]

This just happened to me as well. I got lead on by a boy and he kept telling me that he intended on dating me and we attended dances together and then I found out that he is dating a girl while he was “talking” to me. This has been hard BUT I feel that this is an important learning opportunity- just as we must be chaste physically we must too be chaste emotionally. Thank you for your words of reality and truth, Emily, and to the other girls out there dealing with boys instead of men- you are worth the world lovelies ♥️ lots of love sistas

[@emwilss]

Thank you for sharing your experience, Sarah. Yes, learning these lessons can be really hard - and very important! Keep your heart up my sweet sister!

[@trinabarcarola6796]

Oh yes that is truth🙌🏼 I have a young friend who continues to wrap herself in these situations. She "talks" to a guy, lets him get what he wants and then he disregards her & she is left broken and confused. She then finds comfort in other "guy friends" and the cycle repeats. I know she has the potential to chose greater and better things, praying for her and women in similar situations.

[@My2CentsVideos]

One thing that I think needs to be discussed more is that there really is no such thing as an intimate male/female friendship that isn't a dating relationship. You're either dating or you're not and if you're not you shouldn't be hanging out in the context of an intimate friendship. I learned this the hard way, but I learned it early on and so I'm grateful. If a your opposite sex friend wants to hang out one and one frequently, but doesn't want to officially date you, 99% of the time the friendship will come to an end with at least one party hurt.

[@morganed1749]

Even if you are in a committed relationship, doesn't mean the guy cannot walk away. Until marriage, the guy hasn't promise anything. My bf of 3 years broke up with me out of the blue, for an other woman. I Guess he wasn't the one for me.

[@justynanowicka92]

It's so true! I had a similar situation, I asked the guy what is actually the thing between us, because I wanted to be sure if he's treating this seriosuly. His reaction was worse that I could even imagine. He started to laugh at me that I need everything to be labelled and when it's not - I don't like it. So I ended this even though it was hard but I knew it wasn's good for me.

[@Lisa_Flowers]

It's completely within your right to want to know where you are going with someone, ESPECIALLY when you are making an investment of your time and your emotions. I'm glad you were able to ask and able to act on his answer. It takes a lot of strength to do that, especially if you are mocked for it!

[@faithmanning2341]

That guy was for sure just playing you. Glad you stood up for yourself.

[@Clauds71]

Hi all, you’re ‘just friends’ until the guy decides to pursue you or makes it official. I’ve saved myself from a whole heap of hurt since taking this line.

[@kaybee2798]

I am hell-bent against cheating but I gotta agree. The act of cheating is ‘breaking your commitment’ and in this case there was no commitments so therefore it couldn’t be broken💁🏽‍♀️

[@SmileyEvaa]

Yess thank you Emily!!

[@andih4096]

Amen! I found out my fiancé was cheating on me about a week ago, and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. Don't put yourself through this voluntarily, friends.

[@Samantha.Jolene]

Andi Harris Andi Harris I’m so glad you found out before getting married. Praying for you.

[@andih4096]

Thank you so much for the prayers. Praying for you, as well! :)

[@TrishasMusic]

I was so lucky to have found a guy who was clear from the very beginning. Three dates in, he told me about his intentions and asked for clarity from me (“so does this mean we’re dating?”), then right after that I talked to him about wanting to wait. It feels so good to not have game playing or gray areas in the relationship!

[@Styleguru2]

God definitely sent you to me this night ! lol, thanks for the video

[@emilyrosenfeldt1641]

This happened to me when I was 15! The guy did not want to commit because "he wasn't good enough for me YET," but promised that I was the only one... I was afraid that if we didn't put a label on the relationship he would do stuff with other girls since it isn't technically cheating (and I was right). Shortly after that heartbreak is when I entered into a deep, meaningful relationship with God and ALSO learned that a) I should be looking for guys who I could see a potential future with and not just date anyone who was interested and b) IF YOU WANT TO COMMIT AND A GUY DOES NOT, YOU ARE NOT IN THE SAME PLACE SO JUST MOVE ON! But hey, life is all about learning, and 6 1/2 years later, the Lord is still working on my heart and I am still learning!

[@erikavillalobos9059]

Wow! I felt like this video was made specifically for me at this moment! So true and so necessary to hear those words. I haven't valued clarity before and it would have saved me a lot of disappointment. But not anymore! Thank you!

[@andreyna5013]

Thank You!! 🌸😘 Your advice really helps me and encourages to make the right choices.

[@sar0904]

This is the perfect timing. Thank you for declaring the gospel to women in such a time as this. It is much needed and much appreciated.

[@marymone8876]

This spoke to my heart so much. Thank you Emily!

[@faithmanning2341]

That doesn't mean the guy was right for leading you on though.

[@emwilss]

Yes. Here on my channel with all the other videos I've made I'd hope women would know that's a given :)

[@rachellerockel]

This is 1000 percent true. Men that lead women on really bother me. I think as women we are conditioned to wait for the man to say something but I think its ok to ask. That way we aren't being led on. I find men respond well to it, especially if you are talking every day. And if a man doesnt, well, I would take that as your answer. I am agreeing with you, just also adding to the conversation.

[@faithmanning2341]

Rachelle Bartholomew yeah sometimes it's just implied that your together, so when you find out they just needed something to do, or someone to help them through something. And men see women asking as being really clingy

[@materamabilis3]

I saw you at my middle school rally last night in Kansas and I immediately went to your KZbin channel! Your speaking and advice was amazing! Keep it up!!

[@SirenaMafnas]

You literally have no idea - but I just prayed a prayer to St John Paul II about my current situation and then you post this video. I truly think the guy I’m talking to cares about me but he hasn’t given me any clear signs yet about the future. We started talking like two months ago, and although I believe it’s going great, I fear getting hurt and I’ve been praying for God to help me get clarity about this. Thank you Emily!

[@nurdanjotham896]

Sirena Mafnas why would you pray to saints if you have Jesus???? Not criticising or anything! Just a curious question...

[@emwilss]

Nurdan your question is a good one! Sirena used incorrect terminology here that I want to clear up. Catholics do not pray to saints - we ask the saints to pray for us, just as you would a friend. And that doesn't mean we can't talk to Jesus ourselves, either! It's like me praying to Jesus, "Please heal my grandma's illness," then I see my friend Sarah later on that day - and I say "Sarah, can you join me in praying for my grandma to heal?"

[@dalia4615]

Thank you emily for your advice.This even applies to muslims so it's really helpful 💕

[@ayeshat6868]

A very good topic and great advice. Been there before... the guy just disappeared after dropping me a msg on facebook that said "I can't speak to you anymore." I was heartbroken.

[@nurdanjotham896]

Ayesha T Guys are so immature! 😑

[@ayeshat6868]

Nurdan Hevî ..... they are!

[@emmameade8694]

:) thankyou Emily especially for honest advice!! honesty is so important :) God bless you!!

[@ellieh740]

oh my goodness i needed this video like 3 months ago

[@tilweseeallthestars]

Thank you for this! You posted it at the exact same time I needed it, but I wish I had heard it sooner.

[@leslieevans2522]

Thank you for making this video. I read the title and was like how did she know??

[@lauraerwin471]

Honestly same thing happened to me only he was kinda pushy that I couldn’t date around but also pushed me away, it hurt so bad but it was such an important lesson

[@marjoriemattila]

Wow, I needed this so much! Thank you for talking about this!

[@emmacaraway6016]

Thank you for always being real :) love your videos!

[@katiekunst308]

Thank you, Emily. Glad I finally stumbled upon this

[@aramintawilliams5205]

I went on a date with a guy and I told him I just want to be dating I don't want anything to be official then he told everyone I was his girlfriend...? I corrected him then he did it again. Then started planning our future together with marriage and kids... and then he had a girlfriend the whole time. That's why I just stay away from everyone😒

[@janderson947]

wow your instincts were right on, it's good thing you didn't want anything official atleast you dodged a bullet

[@weeklyalexa257]

Hmm, guys who just want to do their own thing and make things an emotional burden for you aren't really worth it. But it's nice you were honest with him

[@aramintawilliams5205]

janderson947 Ikr that's what friend said that was scary

[@aramintawilliams5205]

Alexa Boxler very controlling and scary

[@aramintawilliams5205]

janderson947 I wasn't sure if I was ready yet I wanted to give it time

[@maisiegrace_0225]

Yet another great video Emily!!

[@lilycmiller]

Hey Emily saw you in the world youth day 2019 video! I'm thinking about going and would love for you to answer some questions! Whats the best way to contact you. Thanks a million

[@campbellchristian7210]

This is SO TRUE! Love ya Emily!

[@sammie_by_the_beach1108]

Aaahhhhh!!!! I so needed this!!

[@Clauds71]

Great video Emily 👍

[@christh]

I love the outro :D

[@angelracing]

nice tips 4 Girls and Boys as well...

[@fatimaserafini1680]

Love you , Thanks Emily

[@nina-raedelong158]

Agreed!

[@k.hudson4610]

Very true

[@SirenaMafnas]

😔

[@akasbaakop3md502]

👏👏👏👏👏👏