TOP SURGERY MADE MY DYSPHORIA WORSE

[@elismith6106]

Hey friend, please look up post-op depression. It's not uncommon and I think you might have it.

[@jeremylee5990]

You sure cannot have a trans entertainer admitting that body mutilations are not a cure ... LOL

[@elismith6106]

@@jeremylee5990 If you're talking about post op depression, it's a surgery related thing. You can get it if it's top surgery, or if you are having your hip replaced. It's not uncommon.

[@jeremylee5990]

@@elismith6106 Nice try, but if it makes you feel better cut off a leg, make a video, and your fellow acrotomophiles will tell you have great you look with one leg. Gender dysphoria-the official psychiatric term for feeling oneself to be of the opposite sex-belongs in the family of similarly disordered assumptions about the body, such as anorexia nervosa and body dysmorphic disorder. Its treatment should not be directed at the body as with surgery and hormones any more than one treats obesity-fearing anorexic patients with liposuction.

[@elismith6106]

@@jeremylee5990 I don't know why I dignify you with a response, but I honestly can't tell if you are this stupid or if you are playing at it. A hip replacement happens if you break your hip or wear down the tissue between the ball and socket. It isn't cutting off your leg. It is a common surgery done with the elderly.

[@jeremylee5990]

@@elismith6106 Wow, you have it bad. You compare a genuine health issue as a result of an accident with chopping off your breasts and slicing and dicing your genitals chasing a delusion. The various trans activists resources are shockingly equivocal as to what gender identity actually is. Gender identity is an “innermost knowing,” an issue of hormone imbalance, the result of a male brain in a female body, or a ‘transsexual’ brain, maybe an inherited characteristic, and many other possibilities, depending on whom you ask. According to some, gender is an inborn and permanent state; for others, a fluid awareness that might change by the day. How is it possible that a condition so insusceptible of consistent definition could be universally declared fatal without medical treatment? It’s unlikely that gender identity has such a straightforward biological explanation, however, and some studies have identified features of the transgender brain that appear closer to the natal sex, casting doubt on the developmental mismatch hypothesis. In a 2015 study from the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience, a comparison of the distribution of gray matter in 55 female-to-male and 38 male-to-female transgender adolescents with cisgender controls in the same age group found broad similarities in the hypothalami and the cerebellums of the transgender subjects and cisgender participants of the same natal sex. If transgenderism requires medical treatment, how can it form the basis of anyone’s identity? Trans people and their allies have, of course, insisted with great indignation that their condition is not a mental illness, but it is hard to see how this conclusion is to be avoided, if it’s insisted that it must be treated or else will be fatal. Illnesses that require treatment do not constitute anyone’s identity. Being HIV-positive requires medical treatment. One would not identify as HIV-positive as though it made them an entirely new kind of person. It is a condition that needs to be treated in order to live and be healthy. How is being trans any different? The goal of most transgender individuals is to live as the opposite sex. If this were not true, there would be no concern about “access to healthcare” or medical necessity. If one could simply enjoy whatever gender identity felt the most appropriate at any given time, medical intervention would be merely cosmetic. So if we agree that people who identify as transgender desire to be the opposite sex to the best of their ability - arguing that internally they already are - then we must accept that the ideal state for all individuals is cisgender, where gender and sex align naturally.

[@LittleDoobyBoy]

hmm this sounds like post op depression :(

[@Cheesemonk3h]

remember kids: if you cut your wrists, it's a sign of a personality disorder. if you cut your genitals off: it's just depression

[@trinitylivingston1286]

@Matthew Marn than how come it helps many people when they get the surgery.

[@wanted__fundaddy5348]

Matthew Marn holy fuck you’re a dumbass

[@jaywright8837]

@@jeremylee5990 you're a bit of a prick aren't you? Focus on yourself instead of someone else, especially if it isn't helping by saying your thoughts and feelings on someone else. Grow up.

[@ohursoflirty-johnnysuh5475]

@@Cheesemonk3h wtf. That's not true

[@jamieodeoradhain7795]

I'm not trans, but as a cis man who went through puberty, I can tell you that my facial hair didn't start to grow properly until I was about 20, so, like, a good few years in to puberty! before that it was super patchy and some places would grow far slower than others. So, don't get down about that, it's more than likely just a time issue. There's gonna be a time where you look back at this and everything will have changed, so try and keep your head up

[@kimmmwest4641]

This is a woman tho.

[@torrinashley6076]

@@kimmmwest4641 It's clear you don't understand trans people and the issues we face.

[@kkym15]

I got bottom surgery. Before that i honestly thought i looked ok .. Got surgery, looked in the mirror and was like " what the hell am i" . i felt every other thing just stood out like a sore thumb.. This is the First i have heard someone else speak about it. I keep it in the mind tho incase it sounds ungrateful or something.. Its a weird feeling, isn't it.

[@kkym15]

@@burnedflowers2266 whats that got to do with anything

[@burnedflowers2266]

Mtf bottom surgery is a lot better than FTM.

[@ladyasses13]

@@burnedflowers2266 regardless of the surgery what's being explained is the after math some experiance after surgery. It does not matter what surgery she's had it's a matter of the fact of what feelings have come up from it. So do not compare and contrast peoples bodies.

[@burnedflowers2266]

yeah, i know.

[@kkym15]

@@burnedflowers2266 theres nothing about hat in the video ..what r you even talking about.. ITS ABOUT DISPHORIA. What r u even doing comparing them in the first place. Stop comparing and LISTEN

[@whambamrabbitman6770]

For facial hair dysphoria take into account that for your brothers it's been many many years since they started puberty, and their facial hair won't have been anything like it is now when they were only a few years into puberty, it should just come with time

[@katieabdai2011]

good point. I was just thinking this. My brothers were the same way and now they're hairy beasts. Testosterone is just going to work on what you have. So if you have the genetics for a beard it'll come with time.

[@huckaf]

Sometimes you're just unlucky too. I mean my brother has beard and chest hair and i barely have patches in my face and tiny baby hairs in my chest lol! We're both cis gender from the same family.

[@_ryxn]

Fer Contreras I’m cisgender and I’m 18 I have no chest hair and like 0 dark facial hair it’s all blonde I’m sure you guys have more than me 😂

[@arimg4495]

My brother is cis male and 34 and doesn't have a lot of a beard, either! So it has nothing to do with being trans, I guess?

[@_ryxn]

Anna Guggenberger well for trans guys on T anyway there should be no worry everyone grows it different it depends on genetics I guess

[@mattelie7978]

When I saw the title, I was very scared that you had regretted top surgery. This is very important to talk about, because a lot of trans guys don’t realize that top surgery isn’t going to fix everything (discomfort/dysphoria wise).

[@torrinashley6076]

My chest dysphoria disappeared after surgery

[@Miraclesylva]

@@torrinashley6076 it’s been 3years now how do you feel about top surgery now ??

[@torrinashley6076]

@@Miraclesylva I feel the exact same. My chest dysphoria completely vanished after top surgery. I'm very satisfied. 😊 Why do you ask?

[@Miraclesylva]

@@torrinashley6076 cause I’m very confused why people do it. It’s very strange and new to me I’m trying to comprehend what’s wrong But if you say you’re happy than maybe I need to do more research on this

[@Miraclesylva]

@@torrinashley6076to be honest I was thinking maybe you would be regretting your decision by now

[@Beejuice.08]

Kalvin garrah is gonna have a field day with this one.

[@Eva-lg6ie]

Bailey Barnes HAHAHAHAAHAH I LOVE THIS COMMENT DESPITE LOVING KALVIN SKSKSKS

[@whitenoise3447]

Im so glad i found you in the comments lol

[@fjzk5366]

Bailey Barnes I am too, already making a huge post about this

[@Inseut]

@Unpopular opinions actually a hella popular opinion, mate ahahhahahaha

[@ashtonmcgaughan386]

Bailey Barnes DEAD

[@rianogrady1763]

I think so many people wait so long for medical transition that when it finally happens it's all exciting and positive and this sort of thing gets missed out, so your insight and honesty is really helpful.

[@raven9091]

You remind me so much of a friend of mine. He's a cis male and looks a lot like you. He had also trouble growing a mustache. He's 25 now and he's actually able to do so and now he hates his mustache. Sorry that's not very positive but maybe it's a little funny.

[@BlueClarinetKitty]

"I was denying how much dysphoria I had about my chest" dude YES!!! (as in I can relate, not yay denial lol.) I tried ignoring my chest for three years and it only made my dysphoria worse so now I'm finally seeking top surgery. And, I've been worrying that after having surgery, I'd struggle with dysphoria in the same way that you are now, or that I wouldn't be as in love with my flat chest as I thought, so I'm sure we'll be suffering together. As sorry as I am that you're going through this, it's nice to know that I won't be alone. I hope you can find a way to accept your dysphoria if it never goes away.

[@LemonSte]

I feel this. I have been in denial so long that I got a breast reduction instead of top surgery and I realise I made a mistake, idk what the fuck to do now because while I am suffering emotionally I never want to go through that hell again. Was nauseous and couldn't eat for like a week, was hospitalised for complications, had an allergic reaction to cyclizine which delayed my discharge from a&e, I've had complications with my body rejecting the stitches and I'm still getting blood blisters nearly half a year later.. I just can't

[@trinitylivingston1286]

Me too.

[@torrinashley6076]

I had top surgery and all my chest dysphoria is gone... 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@speciauxability]

i dont agree with a lot of ur opinions but i can appreciate how much i relate in the way my dysphoria affects me

[@CamilaCosta-ud9cw]

I have this cis friend and he is on his 30's and can't grow a mustache, after some time I met him in college about ten years ago and he had this baby face without any hair on his face. Each body is a different body and yours is beautiful as it is

[@dontworryimfine1859]

I definitely felt more body dysphoria after top surgery. It was a dark few months but I'm a year and a half on now and I'm mostly back to where I was before. I don't focus on the negatives anymore I focus on the things I do love. My moustache is basically non existent BUT my chest and belly hair is starting to look like a god damn forest! I'm always going to have big womanly hips BUT my fat redistribution is catching up with them and evens it out. Also my voice has dropped so much in the 9 months I've been on T I get super excited whenever someone notices. I even love the voice cracks because it means it working. Good luck combating the dysphoria Jake and everyone else dealing with this shit!

[@levisisk6802]

Hey, I'm a 15-year-old trans guy from Ireland sadly I have a long time to wait before I can do anything towards transitioning medically I have had the fortune that my family is mostly supportive and was willing to by me a binder but something happened when I got it. Now that my chest was put on the back burner my other dysphoria got way worse it made me realize that my chest was the only thing holding back the floodgates. But now knowing that someone I look up to has had this experience makes me feel so much better. So thank you so much for this.

[@ConsoleHandheldGamer]

Hey, I'm a trans guy from Ireland too! I hope things work out for you!

[@levisisk6802]

@@ConsoleHandheldGamer hey thanks what part of Ireland are you from?

[@ConsoleHandheldGamer]

I'm in Louth, trying to arrange an appointment with someone so I can finally hope to start transitioning.

[@levisisk6802]

@@ConsoleHandheldGamer that's great I live in cork

[@seth5229]

I'm another trans masc person from Ireland! I'm in Galway though

[@onetwo19]

I hope there are times in your life when you are not fixated on your body and thoughts and feelings all the time.

[@NurChaos]

hey jake, i can relate to this topic. i think its really good you did this video. thank you! but i would ad something. i thought after 3 years of medical transition top surgery would be my last step. but now 3 years later i recognise i ignored my mental transition. expiriencing my changed body in space and different activeties where the next steps. now, after 6 years in total, my disphoria has calmed down. so disphoria will not stay the same. and the psychological changes happen slow and even more individual than the medical changes. just in my experience

[@jasonb1345]

...Vriska?

[@jj-bv3ui]

Misleading title and comments but I understand the concept that the journey of self-help is complex/sometimes we fix one thing and find we have other projects to work on within ourselves. Like when I had my scoliosis fixed. I had a lot of pain and depression from my scoliosis but I realized after I got it fixed, I have depression in general. When I had top surgery, I felt the suffering was over and the self-renovation was beginning. I don't regret it because it helped me so much! So we as humans need to stop thinking about ourselves as finite or on a timeline. It's ok to always better ourselves. It's ok if you find out you have dysphoria later on in life or after you begin your self-help journey. Cis society is bullsht and you're not the problem, you're beautiful and good. Trans beauty is ancient and eternal. ❤️❤️❤️

[@masonperez8729]

Hi Jake. I'm a 13 year old trans boy from the U.S. I found out that I had dysphoria when I was 4. I came out when I was around 10 and my family hasn't taken it well. Fortunately I have an older cousin who supports me and is helping me through my dysphoria by getting me a binder and offering to pay for treatments. I thank you so much for being someone that I can look up to. Thank you for providing content that helps me and others feel better. ~Sincerely Mason

[@yast_shomp]

I want to say something supportive to you but I’m not really creative... you are a wonderful person and I hope you will live a happy life the way you want to. I remember how fragile I was when I was 13, and it’s really hard for me to imagine the strength that is required of you to stand firmly by you feelings and decisions. If I could meet you I would hug you. I hope all of your family accepts you someday. I’m happy that your older cousin is so supportive. Good luck with everything

[@wangxu2155]

four...?

[@Cheesemonk3h]

when i was 10 i put on nail polish and my sisters clothes. i was curious. you know what my family did? they said 'okay, now you know' and they didn't talk about it again, and i didn't care about it again. imagine if they had taken a bunch of pictures of me, posted it on facebook, and I got praise just like Ania Bielik did up there? do you think if 10 year old me did that in 2018, i would have just forgotten about it?

[@trinitylivingston1286]

@@Cheesemonk3h stfu...

[@yarajoan841]

Please don't. I also was a tomboy and felt that I'd rather be a boy, but I simply grew out of that phase after puberty. You are too young, allow your self to live your teenage years and go through your puberty, it doesn't only changes your body but also your brain and physicology develplops and maturesduring this period. Your outlook will change, there is nothing wrong with being androgenous, and non- gender confirming ... Get off KZbin and don't let it affect your choices at this young age. There are too many detranisationers now who have transitioned at teenage years for a reason ... Do not make the same mistake Please do not rush

[@cacuriouson]

I worry that if I medically transition my dysphoria will increase because it will just emphasize the fact that I’m not a cis male. They only way all my dysphoria will ever go away is if I was born as a cis male

[@trinitylivingston1286]

Me too honestly.

[@maximellow5745]

Yeah, I relate to that. I want to transition, but I also think I don't have to. Like it is something I shouldn't have to do, that is not something "normal" men do. I am deep in denial, I know that, but transitioning is just not something I should have to do. I am a man

[@catcoffee7958]

Think long and hard before any surgery,,,no going back after that ...

[@megg.6651]

I feel so bad for this generation. So much of their happiness is about how they LOOK. SMH. What happened to loving yourself for who you are? It seems that the only people benefitting these days are SURGEONS & BIG PHARMA!

[@SlumpedSquiggle]

Unfortunately this large depression and dysphoria that trans people have isnt due directly to the fact they are trans, it’s more to the fact socially they are treated like shit, and bullied and harassed. Then dysphoria is added on, because they don’t feel they are even allowed to love themselves, when no one else seems to love who they are. And this adds on to the fact many of their close acquaintances may not support them. Though it is good to have the outlook people should love themselves, and it’s good u care :) unfortunately loving who you are can be very hard when other people seem to hate you for who you are :(

[@shelteredopal]

​@@SlumpedSquigglewhatever. People are bullied regardless if they are trans, white, black, gay, straight. It doesn't matter. Kids are ruthless and will bully anyone because they are also hurt. Aside from turning off your computer and stopping the exposure of hateful bullying comments, there are a lot of things you can do in person to build up your worth and self esteem, no matter how many hateful comments have been hurled your way. Clearly cosmetic surgery does not help these vulnerable people because, as per the video, their brains are conditioned to look for the next perceived flaw. Mental illness

[@Suminomenal]

I think I felt similar sometime after I had surgery two years ago. But I still wanna leave some positivity here. Because it doesn't have to be done after this! Having a flat chest highlighted how wide my hips are but since carrying myself differently, working out a bit, doing things I've never been able to do before and testosterone continuing to 'masculinize' my body further that changed over the last year. My facial hair has increased, my voice range changed a bit more, my hips have gone away a lot more, etc. and this all happened after three years on t! And just the way I see myself now and I am seen changed a lot of my own perception and possibilities for me. I started to embrace my lower area a lot more like I embrace my scars. I will never have a cis body and in the beginning that knowledge hurt like hell. But now I can live with it. I have a trans body, it's very much imperfect and beautiful. Just like every single one of you 💕

[@gleann_cuilinn]

I just want to comment on what you said about dysphoria being the primary part of the trans experience. I'm nonbinary and I don't think I experience dysphoria the way you describe it. For me, I never really saw anything wrong with my body for itself. My feelings of discomfort with my body come from outside, not inside. Essentially, my dysphoria is social and connected to how other people perceive me, not internal and connected to how I perceive myself. I'm really glad I started doing hormones and I would like to get brow reduction surgery done, but I think that if I had been born in a society that accepted and understood my body and the person inside it, I might not feel the urge to do any of these procedures. And yes, I am really trans. I remember as young as 4 saying things like "I wish I was a girl", I wore dresses all the time, I loved it when my sister and her friends would dress me up and do my make up and hair. When I learned what being a binary trans person was, I vacillated between thinking I was a trans girl and thinking I was an effeminate boy, until I learned what being nonbinary was and everything clicked into place. Even then, it was a few years before I even considered hormones; for the longest time I was against it and thought I didn't want it, because I liked my body. I guess the discomfort with my gender being invalidated by society because of my body grew and grew, and that external force is what lead to a feeling of social dysphoria. I'm very grateful that you've been brave enough to share your experience, because it's given me a better insight into how other trans people experience dysphoria. I hope you can embrace the different way I experience it.

[@Bucherviews]

I was going to type something like this myself, but you put that really well. Thank you.

[@theemutsenfabriek]

Social dysphoria is a totally valid type of dysphoria too tho, and it sounds like that's the one you're describing

[@Kotifilosofi]

I'm in the same place with my dysphoria (I think). I'm pre-everything, and I'm so doubtful about any medical treatment because of I've never had that clear vision of wishing I had a male body, like I know some trans guys have since beginning of dysphoria. I kind of fear my appearance would go "too far" to the male side. Now I'm just on the very opposite side, my body is super feminine, to the point I can't look androgynous (let alone masculine) no matter what I wore. I wish no female sex characteristic could be recognized on my body, but transitioning to binary ftm guy wouldn't solve everything, either. If I was born AMAB, I think I'd still experience dysphoria over some male sex characteristics as well, especially if I was really masculine. If I had to choose between cis male/female, I think very feminine (to the point of bit of androgynous) male body would be my ideal. Anyhow, socially I've always been a guy, and my social dysphoria have always been quite prominent (not being considered as one of the guys is the worst for me). It just hardly ever goes to the point where I think of my body. Maybe I ignore some of my dysphoria or I'm just very good at dissociating myself from the my appearance of my body.

[@NineLuzgar]

No you're not trans and that's a good thing. You can wish you're a girl for a lot of different reason, like, you know, wearing dresses without being considered a sicko, but if the discomfort comes from outside, this isn't gender dysphoria, but just problems because you're GNC in a society that pushes gender roles on us. Social dysphoria in trans people comes related to physical dysphoria, because it's the reminder of being born in the wrong body, simple as that. Being "trans" at a young age really doesn't exist, it comes at puberty with dysphoria, as most GNC children who grow aren't trans but most of the time, just homosexuals in most cases.

[@siginotmylastname3969]

@@Kotifilosofi I'm also pre everything, cool. Also didn't grow up thinking about any of this stuff because I was so distracted as a kid, and uncomfortable because of stuff I hope to sort out with an autism diagnosis. The fact I grew up with all this discomfort about stuff, and also my imagination doesn't work like other people's, stopped me from understanding myself as a kid but after 5 years of getting uncomfortable about sex, relationships, so many things about my body and social stuff too I'm absolutely certain about what I need to do. 😊

[@morgansmith7351]

Its really releiving to see someone else talk about how packing doesnt help them and can actually make bottom dysphoria worse. I tried to start packing a little over a year ago and I thought it would make life so much easier, and to a point it does but it makes me more uncomfortable at the same time. Its really nice to see someone acknowledge that there are plenty of things that help most trans masculine people feel more comfortable that can make others uncomfortable

[@Disapointedmellencol]

theres an old saying"a man changes a light bulb in his living room,and then notices the wall has a crack, he fixes the crack and notices the paint is peeling,he repaints the room and notices the carpet needs cleaning,and so on and so on" the point is we as a people are never in stagnicaty for long we are always in flux there will always be somthing that needs "fixing"

[@maccamusic17]

I’m sorry that you’re going through so much. It really sucks. Sending so much love your way! ❤️

[@puercorvus1114]

Thank you for the vid. It's been about eight years now, that I'm 100% sure that the top-surgery is what I want in my life, that it is my transition goal. Those feellings scare me, I mean, not enough to quit it, but now, two months left to that moment, I find myself thinking what is my life going to even be about. And I know, that life's happening all the time, but as long as I don't tend to have any role models in my transition, nor in my life, nobody really brought this topic directly to me before you did through this video. Thank you very much for talking about it. I hope your life's good. Have a nice day.

[@odiorism]

Thank you for this, I felt alone because as much as I documented myself on testosterone and ftm I didn't relate. I saw them start on T and go on tears and yeah I'm really happy I started on it, but nobody tells you how bad dysphoria gets? specially when you've been two weeks and you're looking down on yourself because you don't feel or look manly enough and your dysphoria is all over the top and you don't say anything about it because you should only be grateful. We need this kind of thing, to talk about this, all of this. Because we shouldn't have to feel bad about how we feel. We need to come together in the community. It's a blessing for those of us who get the chance and can afford the transition but it's not all rainbows and unicorns we need more honesty, we need more videos like this one.

[@FrenchAudio2000]

I feel you on that. I'm an 18 year old tranny girl, I started Estrogen 3 and a half months ago, and I have that realization that I'll never get to live a cis-gendered life every few days to every few weeks, and it hits me just as hard every time, but then that feeling slips away before I even get a chance to cry it out and not have it on my mind all day. When I was little, I prayed to god every night for 7 years, until I realized that there probably wasn't one, and even if there was, they wouldn't change my mind, or my body. So now it's like, well existence is the only reason I have any of what I have, and when it's gone it's gone; I won't ever be a cis-girl or cis-guy. And I'm not saying it's the only reason cause F**K that, but I just want to have sex ffs.

[@ajbradley4617]

I completely relate to this. I was waiting for so long for surgery that when it happened I wasn't excited, I was more like 'ugh finally', and then immediately after started picking out what I needed to change next.

[@suleydaman]

What is the difference between dysphoria and low self-esteem mind telling you that you're doing everything wrong?

[@stay_sentient]

i have not started medical transition and have my doubts about surgeries, but what i think you are saying about your dysphoria here feels close to mine. thanks for talking about it. i did not notice my discomfort with the body was dysphoria until in my late 20s. one of the reasons may be that, although i have always had a desire for a male body (wanting to have it for my body) just thought it was nothing more than a daydream, a wish for another lifetime as a man. it wasn't like "i'm in the wrong body" but more like "i wish i had the male body i wish i had xyz but i don't" and i knew even with medical transition it is not a magic pill to 100% turn my body into a male body (i do really wanna start HRT and do not mean to say medical transition is meaningless or anything negative). but i often do hear people talk about dysphoria shifting through the body after starting transition, and i think it is really important to be aware especially for folks like me. I hope your transition journey goes better as time goes.

[@87654321j]

I'm so proud of you you've come so far Jake you have always been my hero :-) btw love your outfit and hair stay strong Jake

[@cjcurmudgeon6714]

thank you for sharing! as a cis person hoping to go into healthcare, I found this video very informative - especially when you clarified that dysphoria isn't like a mental illness like depression or anxiety that can be treated. looking back, it's very silly that I used to consider dysphoria like anxiety, so I'm definitely going to work on rectifying that attitude. again, thanks for being vulnerable, you're starting important conversations!

[@Alex-px5bz]

I'm so proud, do what makes you happy and stay strong

[@Nova-jj6ov]

I know dysphria can't be fixed threw therapy, but I still would recommend therapy if you're in the financial place to do such because the therapist can help you find ways to cope with it. And if nothing else be someone to listen to you. Best of luck. And congrats on top surgery.

[@sdrrshock5594]

It’s almost like it’s all in your head!

[@user-xy4ff5yp7b]

If it helps, the body image issues (arms, facial hair, muscle, etc) are common to cis men also!

[@rimoon]

This is the first time I've ever heard someone talk about dysphoria in the exact way that I feel. I've followed your journey for so long and I'm so proud of how far you've come. I hate that we're in the same boat when it comes to dysphoria. It's good to hear that I'm not alone, especially as a nonbinary person, but I understand how frustrating it is and I hate that anyone else is going through that. Especially someone I've grown to care about and see as a role model like you. I'll be here supporting you the rest of the way, and I hope things get easier. I love you so much, thank you for sharing your journey with us. 💜

[@martymcfly8731]

It’s called regret

[@MustyUnderboob]

She will jump through as many hoops as she can to avoid saying that she regrets it.

[@nunyabizz7345]

Thank you nobody wants to talk about the ugly side of transitioning and it's a lie and it's very misleading and deceptive to show people only the pretty picture but not the hell that goes behind the pretty picture

[@chivistar]

Thank you for your honesty, I really needed to hear this.

[@sleepyzebra11]

Hey thanks as always for sharing with us, especially since, as you said, this is not a perspective that is given a lot of light... if I've learned anything about having a body, it's that it might always have some aspects that suck, but it is also always changing. Dysphoria is obviously a big thing to carry and won't leave us easily (or probably ever) but your relationship with your body is limitless . Much love

[@SemmelOff]

Hey there Jake. Thanks for sharing this with us. I just want to bring up post surgery depression for a second. I am not saying that that is what you are experiencing but maybe it is part of what you feel and there are resources and videos out there that can help a person suffering from post surgery depression to deal with it.

[@yarajoan841]

What a cult... Anything to avoid admitting that mutalation is not the answer

[@user-hg6qx2sz3o]

That’s so fucking true. I feel that so bad. I’m getting top surgery in February next year and I already know I’ll be focused on my bottom dysphoria because I already am suffering but now it’s more focused on my chest. It’s like my problems are on a playlist and once one is solved the next comes. It hurts that it never really ends, I’m scared I’ll never feel 100% inner peace.

[@sunmarsh]

I'm a cis guy and my facial hair started growing in at around 13-14. At 28 I'm still filling in patches... verrrrry slowly. Also ear hair is now a thing. fml I guess what I mean to say is, don't give up hope yet!

[@maryhernandez9699]

Urgent therapy.

[@emppuv6083]

"Because I'm apparently very good at just ignoring my feelings" I wish I was too

[@teddyr1718]

I got top surgery about a week or two after you did (14th of sept), and I understand completely where you’re coming from. I feel AWESOME about my chest and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, but sometimes I look at myself in a shirt or whatever and go huh, I still don’t look how I want to. I think a lot of it for me is that I’ve had a really difficult relationship with my body in regards to curves and fat, and while I’m not an overweight person, I have areas of fat that really bother me. This is heightened for me because all I want to do is /exercise/, and I love running, but atm I don’t feel comfy enough to run after top surgery as I’m only 4 weeks post of and I don’t wanna mess anything up. So that’s sort of heightening some of what I don’t like about my body, but I spose the thing it’s made me more dysphoric about is probably my hips, and thighs. Like I was feeling good enough about my body after surgery that I bought the first pair of skinny jeans I’ve owned since I was still IDing as female, and I just was not happy because they made me look like a girl. For me it hasn’t really heightened bottom dysphoria more than usual, which is really lucky, because dysphoria sucks. But yeah. I’m at the same point. I don’t want phallo, meta is more appealing than phallo but not ideal either, I may get a hysterectomy because I hate the idea of having the parts inside me that I do, but other than that, I’m done, and I just gotta let T and recovery do it’s thing

[@emmashot5036]

ik there's a lot of post op depression diagnosis but personally i think when you grow up to _hate_ yourself, you never really start liking yourself. And the person you are, Jake, looks like you've been so kind to everyone else that you're projecting the negativity that you hold back onto yourself.

[@BentleyAlexW]

Stay strong brother. I feel where you’re coming from. I hope you feel better.

[@famlymanusa]

Jake: You are a truly amazing person; your frankness and candor is right-on. Life is full of disappointments, though they can turn-out to be real blessings. Time heals all wounds. I think that in time you will come to the realization that you are unique and are in a much better place. I know you don't want to hear that, but you created the dysphoria and you can make it go away. Now, go out there and find the positives in your life and build on them. I fully support you. Mark.

[@anthozoaz]

It's great that you're talking about this but it makes me so scared that I'm going to have to deal with dysphoria for the rest of my life. Something I'm really dysphoric about is my height (I'm 155 cm or 5´5 for yall americans) and that's not something that's going to change. The fact that I'm never going to look like I would have if I was born male fucks me up and I'm fucking terrified that I'm never going to feel comfortable with myself. It's something i try not to think about a lot but it's nice seeing someone else talk about it even though it makes me anxious as fuckkkk. Thanks for bringing this up dude

[@___354]

I'm so scared I'll never be able to feel comfertable in my body.

[@beepboop9519]

___ same here in all honesty, I’m pre everything

[@ryeleigh173]

Same........

[@___354]

@@beepboop9519 same but it's not even just being pre everything, I'm more scared that even when I start my medical transition the moment I get one thing "fixed" like testosterone I'll suddenly feel severe discomfort with other parts of my body that I didn't even know I felt uncomfertbale with...like when I got my hair cut short it was such a relief but then I became alot more uncomfertbale with so many other things because they became more apparent

[@___354]

@mob yeah I know even as much as I want to take hormones and to transition right now i will take things abit slower to make sure it's not something else even tho I'm pretty sure it's gender disphoria just because since coming out and changing alot of things I have become alot more comfertable,but I have watched detrantitioning videos and the thought of getting to a point where permanent changes have happened and you want to go back but you can't terrifies me so I want to be completely sure.Thing is in the UK it's great we have the nhs but waiting lists are so long and I've been out for 2 years now and I still haven't been able to speak to a professional to able to clarify that this is what I'm feeling, because I've gone from waiting list to waiting list.And I guess there's two worries, one is that I don't want to wait too long because I don't want my body to develop even more into a female one if I want to transition to male, but obviously I should also take things slow to make sure this is what I want, so I'm kinda stuck in the middle

[@Inseut]

Same... And I'm going to start taking T this week. Oh my lord

[@LauraPictures]

For me it was that sometimes, when i was binding, is was more disphoric than when i wasn't. Because i was binding and it still was showing and it was still quite a lot and not anywhere near what i wanted it to be and so if i then didn't bind, it was like that's what it is and i can't do anything about it right now but it will be different someday. But trying and failing is for me less bearable than not trying i guess 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@xmautsenx]

This! I have severe chest dysphoria but I can't bind. I have a quite large chest and it never looks the way I want it to. And when I am binding, my chest is ALL that I can focus on. I keep checking it over and over again. So just by not binding at least I know what I look like. I'm starting T in two days so I think I just have to bind no matter what. Maybe I'll just get used to it.

[@NKC228]

I always bind when I go out, but at home I don't. Its uncomfortable and makes me feel more self aware of my chest when I lay down on my bed or when I get hot and all that... It's frustrating, especially when I see other trans guys wearing their binders at home too which makes me feel like I'm different.

[@gilchamame]

You said it best. You felt better when you accepted it. Gosh, I don't know why anyone would squeeze themselves into corsets like that, it sounds so painful. Binding yourself like that doesn't strike me as something a man would do. It's something I recognise from growing up to be a woman, learning that it's ok to treat my body like that, squeezing and tweezing and dsifiguring it into a mold. Now that I've been an adult for a while I decided to wear comfortable clothes like men do, and it makes such a difference to me that I don't understand how I tolerated such uncomfortable clothing as a female teenager. What we as women are willing to do to our bodies is really sad sometimes, they are good as they are. I hope you find home in your body. It is a good place. x

[@trinitylivingston1286]

@@gilchamame they are trans though, so...

[@gimygaming8655]

Yes. Binding give me dysphoria because I know it should still be flatter. So binding helps get rid of some but it seems not enough

[@josef6379]

I just have to say that I love your shirt! I think I'm going to start watching your videos a lot, you seem like a cool person.

[@manicepisodes6290]

Jakey- I would always always think to myself that you had an A GAME BEARD!! It must be awful to feel discomfort surround that part of your body, especially as it's your face. I have my birth mark on my cheek that I hated hated hated every day of my life as a teenager when I started getting teased, but now I LOVE IT! It makes me unique and it's just a perfectly normal part of my face. Basically I just want to reiterate that I think you're gorgeous and you have a great beard, lol. Lots of love to you sweetheart xxxxx

[@rutapendragon8441]

I just wanted to say you are loved

[@MM-km1vl]

thank you so much for your honesty!!!! i hope you're doing better now! :/

[@AndroidInHumansClothing]

I'm sorry you are experiencing so much dysphoria right now, I know it must be very hard to deal with. Thank you, though, for sharing your experience honestly with us. I personally think that not all dysphoria will stay forever when you can't do anything physically about it. I think we have, sometimes, options in the sense that changing how we think about our bodys, especially if it's influenced by cis-het-standarts, can in some cases lead to a decrease in dysphoria through acceptance. Not to tell you that you only need to think posite and everything will be fine, of course. dysphoria is such a weird topic in and of itself, given the fact that it can fluctuate a lot naturally. Take care ♥

[@MosesLakeHomes]

Bless you for sharing. Thank you so much! You will be helping a lot of people with your video.

[@eddiebrandes6266]

I just had surgery and was really having a bad day and this video helped me so much. Thank you. so much.

[@jw844]

We love you so much Jake. Thank you for continuing to be so honest about your experiences with everyone. Wishing you all the best, now and moving forward.

[@dustinaein8544]

Jake i have a possible solution to the mustache problem. Supposedly if you shave the mustache area(?) often, the hair will come back darker, thicker, and will start to grow back faster. Just a suggestion if you haven't tried this already.

[@kaylakarrion9885]

Excellent video. This path is difficult and one change you make can draw your attention to what you lack and might always lack. When I came out and one of my first steps was changing my wardrobe and it was initially euphoric but I became so much more aware of my chest dysphoria.

[@runningraven]

Hi Jake, gender dysphoria absolutely can be alleviated via therapy because in the end it's about accepting what is. The problem is many therapists are afraid to offer the type of therapy that could actually help because at first glance it sounds non-affirmative. Like, accepting (and ultimately even loving) what _is_, not what we _want to be_. I'm saying this not as a trans person, but as a woman who's suffered with general body dysphoria (almost) her whole life. Some things we can change, others we cannot. That's okay. Finally realizing that my thoughts, my inner convictions, etc. held me back for the longest time was eye opening. Now, at 45, I finally love myself enough to actually care for this one body I have. I hope you get there and aren't taken aback by what I said. It's 100% meant in a friendly, trying to help way. 💙

[@Lewis-um9ez]

I feel you on the packing part. I tried packing but it's difficult because then I'm more focused on that part of my body and how it's a prosthetic

[@searchingforwhatever]

This is so relatable, Jake! Personally, I don't think that bottom surgery is an option for me, either. And just like you, I lately realize more and more what this means for living the rest of my life. By the way, my dysphoria got worse, too, after top surgery and I talk a lot about it in my videos. It's mostly related to my chest, though. Because not even the revision gave me a result I'm happy with. So my chest dysphoria is now worse than before surgery tbh.

[@batzy206]

Hey Jake, I’m sorry you are struggling with bottom dysphoria and packing. The way I got over the paranoia of awkward situations while packing was using a harness. If you haven’t tried this, I recommend it. Once you find a packer and harness combo that works for you it is amazing and it feels natural. I found that the large sized Archer packer and Peecock miracle jock harness works best for me. I hope this helps someone out there!❤️

[@cloudmouton3894]

Thank you so, so much for sharing this, Jake. Hearing it definitely hurts as someone who has been just starting my top surgery discussion, but I know that it’s a reality check I and many other young trans people needed.

[@skyeshaddix1835]

I'm over 3 years post top surgery and have felt pretty much the same way you explained since. It's made life hell for me, and theres nothing I can do to "fix" it. Thank you for talking out about it

[@ilay18]

if you want to bulk up, lift weights. Cis men don't just look muscly. They have to lift... if they don't some of them will look chubby as well. (which is not a bad thing -.-)

[@tfpunk1979]

After top surgery I experienced similar dysphoria. I felt that my arms were too flabby and that my stomach was fat too. I was in therapy the entire time leading up to it and continued for almost a year after and it helped me. I started working out and using positive self talk everyday to combat the insane amount of horrible shit that I was thinking about myself. You're right dysphoria won't go away forever but it won't always be this ever present thing. It goes and comes but you work through it. Just like you did before, you just find a new normal, but that comes with time. You just had surgery and you're in the middle of a depression and its hard to see out of that when you're in the thick of it.

[@burdlo4687]

I dont think it's dysphoria that's getting worse. it's just normal insecurities that a lot of guys have. some cis men just don't get much muscle. some don't grow facial hair well. some are chubby. it's not really dysphoria, it's insecurities.

[@averytireddad]

You can still get bottom surgery. You say it's not for you, then you're sad about not having it... You can still get it.

[@kaylacovers970]

Thank you so much for sharing Jake! I have someone that I have now started calling my son who is pre-T. Having watched your videos from the near start, you helped me understand him sooo much more and this makes it that I can fully support him and try to really understand his trans experience. So grateful for your content and really love your song second pubity. 🤗

[@joel4541]

thank you so much for the real talk. i‘m getting so much information on these types of videos!

[@vombatiformes]

Hey friendo. I felt the exact same way after my top surgery in 2010. I loved (and still love) my results, whenever I think about my chest to this day, 8 years later, I feel super relieved and grateful and happy, but it absolutely took my attention and refocused it on my bottom dysphoria. I also thought I would never have bottom surgery due to access, money, unsure about complications, what results I could expect, etc. and now I am scheduled for a metoidioplasty for this upcoming February haha. I'm not saying that is something that will happen for you, and it's quite possible that bottom surgery really never will be in your future, but something that I've noticed happening once I came to terms with what I needed in regards to my relationship with my junk is that I was able to focus more on the things that I do feel positive about and think of the other things as irrelevent or temporary. This is because they will be, in my case, temporary as I am ditching them, but also in the moment where they still do exist as part of my reality I am still able to better disregard them and think about the things that are gender affirming about my genitals instead (like the effects that testosterone has had, or the positioning of everything, etc.) Obviously this is due to a paradigm shift and not surgery in and of itself as I haven't even had it yet. I've been thinking about that a lot and have gotten a lot of comfort from reading about how the surgery I am about to have is done and the emphasis that is placed on using developmentally analogous tissue for reconstruction of the relevant parts. I hope that makes sense. It's basically just helped me reframe how I think of things as they are now as more in line with what I feel they should be. It doesn't make the dysphoria go away but it makes it feel more bearable and less immediately dire.

[@MrBilly1229]

I can relate with this since I've had top surgery myself 2 months ago and now that my chest is gone I'm seeing others parts of my body now that I never paid attention to. I'm very self conscious about my bottom region now even when I am wearing a packer. I do have a tip for you my friend since you mentioned your mustache region being lighter than the rest of your beard. Use eyebrow tint to darken the hairs! Trust me it's really works and lasts about 2-3 weeks at least. You can buy the tint and make it at home, it's just like beard dye but more effective and lasting. I have a pretty full beard but the areas that are a bit patchy, I use the tint and it all blends in really well. Good luck I hope this helps! ❤️

[@caileandangreau543]

Hey, Jake. Thank you to share your reality. I feel like... "I should have thought about that" and hopefully, because of you, I can now think about it and prepare myself as much as I can before top surgery. I can try to manage with the idea that, yes someday, I will touch the limits of physical transition. I hope you find as much love as you give to us. Love from me, for anyone who they need some.

[@darew1101]

definitely appreciate you talking about this jake because i’ve also been dealing with realizing my dysphoria will last forever, especially being a non binary trans individual.

[@jagannathaya]

I'm so glad somebody has said it. All of it. Thank you for starting this convo xx

[@spacevspitch4028]

I feel like what it comes down to is this issue of gender dysphoria and really getting further research into its pathology so more and better approaches to alleviating it can be developed.

[@krrez]

I did know those things. Even before I started T two years ago. I had read some stuff on a blog called Not Another Aiden and I don't remember where I first heard it, but I have heard from other dfab people who got top surgery that it made their lower dysphoria worse. Mostly hips, but some also talked about their genitals. I think part of the reason we shy away from discussing it more openly is because we're afraid that gatekeepers will say that we shouldn't have these things. In fact TERFs and people like them already say that. I'm very grateful to people like you who speak up about these things. I know that I have to add a lot of bulk to my shoulders if I want to even come close to counterbalancing my hips and I am very lucky to be non-binary and not even trying to look unambiguously male. My bottom dysphoria is much worse than my chest dysphoria. I do prefer to pack when in public and use specialty underwear from RODEOH which I only learned about from lesbians as a source for good strap-on harnesses. But they also have underwear with pouches that keep your packer positioned correctly. I know it doesn't help everyone.

[@forestfreeman1600]

Comments saying its post op depression, idk it only lasts a bit past the surgery. I think the dysphoria was in your brain but you couldnt see it till you fixed the main problem. I had top surgery and i feel u been focusing on my legs and hips way too much. Idk if theres a "cure" for it besides learning more about trans bodies and realizing whats societal norms trigger it. Youve come so far, acceptance is the next step. Also ur beard and stashe are eating❤❤❤

[@greenever3086]

Wow! Finally an honest and very personal perspective of your reality... If you find a solution of coping with dysphoria I really hope you 'll tell us...Thank you very much for sharing!🤗

[@berniegertje5358]

I just had top surgery about a month ago. I was expecting my hip dysphoria to get worse, because I worked on imagining how my body would look. It definitely did increase. I also feel my height dysphoria more too. I think I feel the dysphoria related to testosterone effects are less intense right now because I know I haven't been on it all that long. I'm still impatient, but I know I'm not at the end of that road. The biggest thing is bottom dysphoria, partly because I'm still on the fence about surgery. I feel that you said about packing too. It draws attention to the lack of dick. I still do it sometime but yeah. Thanks for talking about this so honestly. Good luck in managing your dysphoria.

[@isalovewierdo]

Loving that top so much! Also, I think that loving the body we were given is a challenge for life, a constant struggle the we're going to have learn how to deal with until the day we die.

[@ThePesident]

I'm 15 and pre t, and I get a somewhat similar feeling while binding. I don't have to focus on my chest as much anymore, so I look at my hips, thighs, arms, bottom-area, and just generally non-masculine features. I tried buying a packer, but it was too big and gave me more dysphoria. I tried exercising, but even after months, I just couldn't build up anything. Makes me wish I wasn't trans, especially this young, but I'll be working towards hrt once I'm 18, and I can save for top surgery when I turn 16. So, there's still hope there.

[@MeSwanne]

I'm really sorry, this sucks! I'm really early in my transition (it's only been social up to this point). It sounds logical, that the dysphoria you supressed now hits you, that you got rid of some of it. It's true, that there might always be some dysphoria, however far you are in transition and you shouldn't rely on medical transition to be the only way how you learn to cope with your dysphoria. I hope, that this worsening of dysphoria is part of a process of you comming to terms with your dysphoria after you've tried to supress it for quite some time. Just be mindful of it and kind to your self. I wish you the best for it ❤

[@heyna1185]

Thank you for making this video, I never really thought about it but it's an important topic and I'm glad you brought it up. I love your voice btw

[@carrierogers2797]

For what it’s worth, I think you look great! Love your hair and glasses, you’ve a cool style x

[@ebellyfish4256]

Thank you for sharing. Currently the US White House is trying to write gender non-comforming people out of existence. Your willingness to open up in a public forum I think helps to remind everyone that we are real, human, people. Stay strong, and I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now. And thanks again for highlighting some of the less often talked-about challenges people might face.

[@jaypeg7618]

Maybe now you’ve started T and had top surgery the next step is (if you are able to) to try to enjoy your body now and focus on the positive parts of your body instead of what you dislike - this might feel impossible after hating it for so long (i know i would find it really really difficult) Also you never know in the future there might be new bottom surgery options that may change your mind or that particular dysphoria might become easier to handle as you get older! Just wanted to say you are great and ily ❤️

[@YanchisWrittenVoice]

Ive been on T for a year and a half now and my chest dysphoria is not as big but its there. I find myself tugging at my shirt more than 3 times a day. Thing is im iffy about top surgery. I can see the benefits but ive never had any surgeries before and im just scared about the drastic change. I still have my binder in case of chest dysphoria emergencies like today. Also, love ya Jake!

[@pinsmagoo604]

If you have any questions or doubts at all, you should NOT get surgery

[@YanchisWrittenVoice]

@@pinsmagoo604 thanks a lot! I appreciate it :)

[@KawaiiCat2]

Thank you for sharing the bit about packing. As a trans man I feel the same. I feel like packing doesn’t solve the problem of bottom dysphoria for me and just feels like a foreign object on my body. I choose to connect with my bottom growth instead.

[@Luis-gb3ru]

Damn, Jake. You put my exact feelings and problems that I‘ve had since top surgery into words and I don‘t know if I feel better or worse about them now haha

[@emhathaway5431]

Okay so normally I would say since this made his dysphoria worse this means that he is not trans but I understand how it made him focus more on his curves etc. I can understand this. But luckily those are things he can kinda fix by working out. But yea I understand

[@CP-hb4ff]

I never thought about it like this the truth and most important part of this video is 1:20-1:40 Grow with your body mentally and emotionally the real part starts when you’re funky transistioned. (For ftm)

[@MartinDenStore]

I've experienced gender dysphoria most of my life, and therapy absolutely alleviated it. But I had to decide that I didn't want to go the trans-route. :o

[@englishmuffinpizzas]

I know some trans guys who have gotten really good results with the hair growth cream for facial hair - maybe that's something to try? I know what you mean about dysphoria getting worse after certain steps too. I'm not sure I agree there is nothing that can be done about dysphoria tho... It's definitely harder to treat than other stuff, but in my experience it also responds somewhat to stresses in my life, stuff that's going on, maybe even the way I think about certain things, what I've been exposed to recently, etc. I know that baseline disconnect is hard to handle, but I think there is definitely room for it to change too