6 First Page Mistakes Every New Fantasy Writer Makes

After reviewing hundreds of opening pages, here's the most common mistakes I've found.
Join my First Chapter Critique Workshop: jedherne.com/first-chapter-wo...
⏲️ TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 - Introduction
00:23 - Clickbait first sentences
04:29 - Low Rate of Revelation
10:31 - No taste of USP
15:53 - Not understanding the 6 Opening Options
26:25 - Overwhelming readers
28:15 - Thinking this has to be perfect
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Video edited by ‪@the_fools_tale‬

[@Jed_Herne]

In this video, I mentioned a First Chapter Critique Workshop - I ran this on June 30th with 46 amazing fantasy writers. If you missed it, you will be able to get a recording of this workshop inside my upcoming First Chapter Mastery course (which is launching soon). This course will also include the option to get my personal feedback on your writing. Join the waitlist here to be notified when it launches: landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/z4u9l1

[@jadeayla7548]

Could you please make a video explaining, in detail, the differences between first person, third person and limited third person narrative?

[@WakenAngels]

My first page mistake: Staring at it and waiting for it to write itself.

[@drorritter4977]

Too real

[@JerrBaybEe]

😂 facts

[@water7962]

All you have to do is put a fake coffee stain on the first page and you wouldn't have to even bother with writing one in the first place. Let the readers figure out what happened themselves for.. uhh... mystery

[@alithefrog]

Write from another part of the story I had almost the same problem one day when I was watching the news I got an idea about one of the later chapters and I wrote that chapter and after that I easily wrote the opening

[@SickegalAlien]

I'm not telling you to let chatGPT write your story But it can be a good inspiration to get past writers block In the best case, it gives you great idea. In the worst case, you'll know what you 100% don't want, and that's a start already

[@WakenAngels]

I once wrote a short story where the first line was "the king is dead" because I wanted to hook the audience immediately. But they don't know who this king is and I've just spoiled his fate, so why do they care what happens next? After rewrites, i opened the page with a line of dialogue “No traces of poison were found, high magistrate” and focused on the other council members discussing succession with a young distraught prince; this pushed the king line further and further down until it was removed entirely. I used subtext and context clues instead to make the reader wonder who was poisoned and who was investigating. Their interactions tell us who the king is to them and why the reader should care. So I absolutely agree that pushing the revelation further back makes the first page more exciting.

[@alexiosblake9804]

Starting with such a line can work I think, but rather than focusing on a character that the reader wouldn't know at all it would be better to focus on the consequences of his death. Like political implications on to how the other countries might react to that, or about how they have to find a successor.

[@higurashikai09]

"The king is dead" would work for a story about some sort of revolution where the identity of the king is not entirely important

[@lostinafieldofflowers]

But you did have revelation. You showed us he was poisoned and made us curious. You just did it without revealing the whole thing.

[@vol94]

The dialogue is better than the original line, but I still don't buy writing advice channels dubbing things as "mistakes" and creating rules. Sanderson opened the way of kings prologue with, "Szeth Son Son Vallano wore white on the day he was to kill the king." No one knows who szeth or the king is, and the white clothing isn't an interesting detail. The prologue nonetheless goes on to be the most banger prologue ever

[@WakenAngels]

@@alexiosblake9804 Yes that particular short story opened with a scene about his succession being discussed.

[@SickegalAlien]

Jed is one of the few who uses bestsellers as "do not" examples, while also presenting "do that" examples from the same book. And it's so encouraging because we get to feel that authorship is a mixed bag even for the great names

[@jordanchobson]

Yes-- I tend to see published authors, particularly those in genres like fantasy, as having some kind of secret that I've been left out of when it comes to writing- when the reality is it's a struggle for everyone and it's never perfect.

[@SomeGuy-qd2sb]

He stared at the blank page in front of him, hoping a well worn hope this would be the day he created a new world. The feeling would soon pass, as it always did, and he opened KZbin to watch yet another Jed Herne video.

[@JhadeSagrav]

Great first line 😅 Yet even as Jed's calm wisdom soothed his grey matter, a niggling anxiety struggled to fight its way through into the forefront of his focus. A story idea was emerging, as a new star explodes forth with light and violence and beauty. He paused the video and threw half the contents of his desk upon the floor as he scrambled for pen and paper. The story was here, and it would not be contained.

[@DisturbedFlyer7]

Why you gotta call me out like that? 🤣

[@averyhorrocks5195]

You have no idea who I am and I have no idea who you are; However, I felt the need to tell you this: YOU CAN DO IT! DON'T GIVE UP! KEEP TRYING UNTIL IT STICKS!!

[@emilyrln]

I feel so seen 😂💀💀

[@GleamDrawz]

@@JhadeSagrav Ngl that last line reads like a pregnancy 😭 I love it

[@nathanbrownlee9276]

One of my favorite opening lines in a book is probably from Well of Ascension: “I write these words in steel, for anything not set in metal cannot be trusted.” Is it a good opening? A bad opening? Does it even count as an opening? Not sure but it sounds pretty cool.

[@theatheistpaladin]

Mistborn.

[@narnia1233]

It’s just okay to me. I mean right off the batt I disagree with the character saying that line-there’s lots of things that have been engraved in metal that were both lies and just plain evil (for example: Work Shall Set You Free was engraved on metal gates for people entering concentration camps)-but besides that all it tells me is that the character wants to preserve something. And that the character is possibly immature and naive. (Because metal can be torn down and destroyed, etc. Anything material doesn’t last forever. So it’s actually not the material it’s made out of but the idea itself that matters most. What really lasts is immaterial.) If that’s the case-showing a character wanting to preserve something but is immature and naive-then it’s a good opening.

[@nathanbrownlee9276]

@@narnia1233 I think it sets the stage for the book itself to be a lie and untrustworthy with the only words we can trust are the ones written in the little excerpts (implied to be written in steel) before each chapter actually starts. Maybe it’s not a perfect opening but it is decent foreshadowing.

[@narnia1233]

@@nathanbrownlee9276 I haven’t read the book at all. Could you clarify more? Are you saying that the words in metal are definitely trustworthy? Is that what the intention was? For the reader to see the words in metal as truth? Because if that was the intention-honestly that opening line did not reveal that. And I would say it was unsuccessful if that was the intention.

[@nathanbrownlee9276]

@@narnia1233 Well of Ascension is part of Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn trilogy. And in all of the books before each chapter, there is a short quote, a paragraph, or excerpt. In the first book, the excerpts are from a logbook that the characters find later in the story. In the second book, Well of Ascension, the excerpts are written on a large steel wall someone finds earlier in the story. Mistborn also has a magic system based around metal so metal itself is really important in that world regardless. I’d say more but that would be a pretty big spoiler, there’s this huge twist surrounding the opening line and I feel like someone in the comments won’t be too happy if I say anymore, but that in the story that you should trust the words that were written in metal.

[@sieversen1235]

I think the most memorable first sentence I have read was something along the lines of "It was monday morning 10 AM when Jonathan realized he was dead". I can't remember where I read it or what the story was about, but that sentence always stuck with me, because it really makes you ask questions and keep reading.

[@Strider1122]

Johnny and the Dead" by Terry Pratchett I think 👍🏼

[@kaasmeester5903]

I think that is kind of the point. You don’t need to hook your readers in the very first sentence, as long as you do it in the first 2 pages or so. So don’t try too hard. If you can open with a killer intriguing line, great. If not, don’t force it.

[@susanrobertson984]

Very similar to dirk gently’s detective agency - the horoscope failed to mention he would be dead by the end of the day.

[@slowlearner46]

I have been attempting to write for the past 2 months and it is exceptionally more difficult than I ever imagined. I changed projects 5 times, never able to find the story I wanted to commit to. Then, I sent my first chapter to a public critique site where I found I had many bad habits that needed to be broken. Too descriptive, slow pacing, broken sentencing. I just re-wrote 1.5k words in my first chapter today and I don't even know if it'll see the light of day. Thankfully the writing community is incredibly supportive and these videos are a massive help.

[@emilyrln]

That's awesome!! The more you write, the more you learn how to write and discover your own voice. Keep going and keep getting feedback, and you'll improve! 😊 And keep your first drafts; it's really neat to look back on what you started with and see how much you've refined and polished it. As an example, my first novel started with literally nothing happening while I described the interior of a run-of-the-mill café for at least a paragraph 😂💀 It now starts with the main character expressing his frustration at being trapped in limbo away from everyone he loves, with one of my favorite opening lines I've written: "If I could die of dehydration or starve, I'd have done it decades ago, just to escape the anesthetic monotony of this place." I hope ur writing journey is fun and fulfilling!!

[@jaygaymes]

One thing I like to do, when I'm unsure how I want my story to progress, is to just write a scene. It doesn't have to fit in your currently completed story, just be in the world. If you're happy with it, you can figure out how to write TO that scene, and if you're not, there's a decent chance a better idea will have come to you as you write it out. (In my experience, obviously, results may vary.)

[@giygas9305]

What if you build a story for 5 years? I’ve been doing that and I haven’t written a single page. Lol.

[@KarmaSpaz12]

The only problem I've found with cutting out scenes is the parts left out "just for me" as you said. For example it seemed to be a problem in the latest Star Wars trilogy that characters were introduced with missing context, and while the actors playing them got what might be considered need to know information by the director/lore writers the audience was left in the dark. Of course a lot of that information was probably destined for spin offs, endless endless spin offs. So when I edit I need to make sure that there's enough character context and reasons for them to be doing what they're doing or feeling a certain way.

[@emilyrln]

Yes! It's important to check cut material for any important info about characters/plot/etc, as having written it can make us think that the reader thus knows that info when in fact we've cut it out. (Of course, this has never, ever, _ever_ happened to me… 😅)

[@Buchnerd_Souly]

11:16 Yeah, just a nerd here: atoms on earth approx 10^60 and combinations of a 52 card deck would be a faculty 52! which is around 8*10^67

[@GleamDrawz]

Hey, as someone who doesn't understand math could you break this down to me like im 5 years old? 😅 sorry, it seems interesting but its like a different language to me.

[@vedantthapar3666]

​@@GleamDrawz10^60 is 1 followed by 60 zeroes, or 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000, While 8*10^67 is 8 followed by 67 zeroes, or 80000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 It's worth noting that while these look near identical if you just glance over them, 10^67 is significantly larger than 10^60, a million times larger to be exact. 52! Is read as 52 factorial. 52! = 52 * 51 * 50 * 49..... * 3 * 2 * 1. The reason why there are 52! Possible arrangements of a deck of cards is that there are 52 total cards. If you imagine having a full deck in front of you, and individually choosing each card to fit in a slot, there are 52 choices for the first slot, (52 total) 51 choices for the second, as one has been chosen already (52 * 51 total) and so on until you reach the last slot, where you can only choose 1 card

[@GleamDrawz]

@@vedantthapar3666 if you don't mind me asking, how did you get from 52 to 8*10^67? And what do the asterisks mean? TYSMMMM somehow i feel like I've learned more math from your 4 paragraphs than my entire school year 😭

[@gaopinghu7332]

​@@GleamDrawz asterisks are multiplication. 3*3=9. They're there because it's common in programming, since most old keyboards didn't have the × symbol, so the first computer programs improvised. ^ means exponentiation. So, 2^3=8, or if you aren't familiar with exponentiation, it's repeated multiplication. 2^3 is 2*2*2, so 8. ! is factorial. As they explained, you take the number behind the symbol and multiply it by every number smaller than it. 3! is 3*2*1, so 6. 52! gives the result 8*10^67. In other words, 52*51*50*49... all the way to 1 is equal to 10^67, so 10*10*10*10... 67 times, all multiplied by 8, so we have an 8 followed by 67 zeroes.

[@crazycat1503]

​@@gaopinghu7332well, 52! Is not exactly 8*10^67, only approximately.

[@tsentenari4353]

Extremely useful. I love the way you base your approach on using examples. I love how, on top of giving an example of what you would suggest to avoid - you then offer an improved version, that shows how to do it better, rather than just describing in abstract terms what to improve. I am not sure I agree with your first example, I have to admit I find the moustache and the moon opening endearing. Plus A Song of Ice and Fire starts with throwaway characters, too. (Who get killed, okay.) But this is to be expected, different people are bound to have different preferences. I found your second example with the assassin preparing his attack very illuminating, it is something I was not aware of that clearly. I found it especially helpful that you said "a lesser rate of revelation can be okay elsewhere in your book, but not on your first page". And I found the whole idea of the "Unique storytelling proposition" very suggestive. In spite of having watched a few videos on this subject, I found lots of things I hadn't heard befor in your take.

[@ClocksTickin]

There's 2 kinds of audiences in this world; those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

[@jefftitterington7600]

10 - those who understand binary and the rest.

[@Rai_Arashi]

Your videos are still small gold mines for writers, I truly love your videos

[@ethandowler4669]

The rate of revelation is a new concept to me. Thanks for the vid!

[@kounurasaka5590]

Out of all of these, I defiantly think Overwhelming Readers is the worst option. For a great example of this, check out Final Fantasy 13's opening hour. In the span of an hour, you have, on memory, about 10 different proper nouns all used interchangeably without any context or meaning behind what they mean. Cocoon Pulse l'Cie Fal Cie PSICOM Guardian Corps NORA Cieth That's just off the top of my head including introducing 6 or so main characters: Lightning, Serah, Hope, Sazh, Vanille, and Snow along with a smattering of other NPC who come and go and a few villains as well. It is completely overwhelming and many of these terms don't get explained until much later in the story.

[@RonDangerSolo]

Not to mention Hope’s mother’s name is Nora, so in the first hour there are two unrelated Nora’s being mentioned in the same scene with little explanation. It’s kind of funny that someone on the development team must have known it was overwhelming because there’s like a whole glossary to explain things that the game hasn’t. It’s also a good sign that you need an audience insert character that can ask questions if you have a weird scifi setting. Everyone in FFXIII just knows what all these terms mean so nothing is ever properly relayed!

[@kaasmeester5903]

Jack Vance was a master of coming up with words; even if he did so sparingly, you would have no trouble telling whatever meant from context. And it instantly painted a picture in your head.

[@MrFudgepump]

I finally decided to have a go at writing a story, and your first piece of advice about the first line is a relief to hear. My story jumps straight into creating an intriguing scene and I've been agonising about a rewrite where the first line is catchy. This was a bit of a confidence boost. Thank you.

[@emilyrln]

Catchy is a bonus, but relevant is a requirement. In most cases, your first line should connect directly with the rest of the page and chapter. If guy promise a deep dive, you'd better not link to a listicle 😉 For now, don't stress too much over the actual wording. Keep developing your intriguing scene, and when you've got it fleshed out, go back and work on that first like again. Good luck, fellow writer!

[@Aashbard01]

The first sentence of chapter 2 of “six of crows” tells us so much about the characters both Laz and Inej and creates intrigue I recently read “fourth wing” at it started with the main character Violet Sorrengail who’s getting ready to cross the parapet and enter the war of Basgiath as well as the stakes and why she’s there. It honestly makes sense to start the story that way because that’s how the blurb starts and anything else would have felt dull boring and unnecessary. I think that this knowledge can be used in any novel to grip the reader with a great hook. I love watching these videos because they always teach me something new about writing!! Thank you so much for making this video❤

[@theatheistpaladin]

I got a prologue that starts like scifi battle. It becomes a precipitating incident in the fantasy kingdom. The king was deciding what to do about the decline of the kingdom. It basically becomes the reason to increase forces in the kingdom. Allowing commoners to be trained in magic. There are three factions one of magic, another of alchemy, and of science. Each will have books following them and over time will come into conflict with one another.

[@HungryEyes-sl3mu]

Sounds interesting, but instead of starting with the king mulling over the state of affairs you could start with one of the commenors being trained. That would thrust the reader directly into the conflict, give us a character to latch on to, and you could gradually introduce the conflict facing the kingdom down the line.

[@theatheistpaladin]

@@HungryEyes-sl3mu He already confronted the villain and has a reason not to want to be there. Cut that out and I am going straight to a whiney character.

[@ghostdreamer7272]

I really appreciated that “6 ways to open” section! I really helped me improve my vision and objectives for the first chapter I already have planned

[@PhoenixCrown]

Great video. Can't wait for the call this weekend!

[@audiobookemperor]

I should have watched this days ago. I would have loved to join the workshop. I hope you have another one soon!

[@jakjak30]

As always, a great insightful video!

[@flavian_639]

Your tips are so useful, absolutely love them all, can you make a video about writing plot scenes, like scenes where some big info is revealed or some other conflicts builds up.

[@duaneburi9106]

I just want to say these videos are super helpful. I have yet to actually write anything publishable and am still new when it comes to writing but having you brake it down like this helps me to wrap my head around the monumental task that is writing a book. I do not know if your actually read these comments but gonna say it anyway thanks Jed!! hopefully I can become half the author/teacher you are!!

[@SonarWavePulse]

This is amazingly useful, especially the bit about the rate of revelation

[@lady_draguliana784]

27:00 I always hold up Wheel of Time's opening for how to juggle a LARGE cast, from the get-go

[@firey1015]

4:18 that sold me now I want to read the book.

[@PenSwordTheFirst]

Your 'speed of revelation' idea is a really interesting pacing tool. Cheers.

[@JarethDuLac]

If this video is an example of the workshop/ Mastery course, it is well worth it. I always find the first chapter, and especially the opening paragraph, to be the hardest to write. And this video has helped me work on some of those difficulties. Even if it is as simple as "It doesn't need to be perfect. Just get words on the page". Definitely subbing to the channel, and checking out the books. 👍

[@Jed_Herne]

Want me to give you feedback on your opening chapter? Get your ticket to my live First Chapter Critique Workshop: jedherne.com/first-chapter-workshop/

[@LarryThePhotoGuy]

I've been thinking that my Trilogy would begin with an introduction by the "author/compiler." Memoirs, written by and for 8 historically important characters are brought together perhaps a century later and "novelized" to tell a more "approachable, concise and entertaining" version of important historical events. These characters will therefore each have 1st person narratives. There's a "main" character, one of 3 "central" characters around which most of the action will take place. The 5 other characters each get a few chapters of their own which I am treating as short stories. Does this intro count as a "1st page? If so, any tips? If not, I'm still working on the Main character's 1st page.

[@Kaede-Sasaki]

21:35 Lightsabers detected. Disney: copyright lawyers dispatched 😂

[@UltraLaidback]

I hope my chapter gets picked! I'm very excited

[@Enchanteexoxo]

I missed it. Will you be doing something like this again? 🥺

[@kellyfreyermuth7057]

Great video Jed, really helpful, but I was wondering if you could do a video on outlining tips. I’m trying to outline a novel and I can’t quite get the hang of it.

[@jpolgar1]

Thank you for this great and concise video and channel, Jed! Your work helps the writing community in big ways. For the past two years, I’ve been diligently working on a sci fi fantasy novel and have a solid seventy page word doc outline to work from. Where I keep getting stuck, however, is the first chapter! I just finished my third iteration, felt good about it, and then realized soon after that I was asking too much of it. I feel strongly about the book beginning with the main character’s dream, because it reveals the truth of who she is and the spiritual foundation of the story. However, when she is pulled out of the dream by her commander, I’ve had hard time establishing their world and situation. After watching this video, I have decided to start the story closer to the inciting incident where the main character makes a self sacrificing deal with the enemy queen to save the commander’s life (akin to Little Mermaid). Then in the subsequent chapter, establish her life at the main headquarters, revealing the trie story arc- kill the enemy civilization and save the commander (this, of course, gets turned on its head). I was also thinking that maybe a brief prologue from one of the side characters (hype man) would be a good place to ground the reader so they can jump into the mission , avoiding info dumping or backtracking. All of my friends say the story works as a whole, but kicking it off has been a wild ride haha.

[@IAteFire]

Dream sequence openings are big new writer traps. I’d avoid it - it’s an easy way to get a potential agent/editor/publisher to insta-deny.

[@focusrelax8838]

21:15 wow really glad you picked up the Sun eater series!!!

[@ellie7252]

me, a comic up-and-coming author, translating every tip to see if it actually applies to me lol. (not a criticism, you're a novelist so you of course would be giving tip for novelists, it's just kinda funny to me that the lack of comic writer resources causes this to be the best method.) like, I ponder how to apply the "rate of revelation" rule to chapter 1 of a comic, of course it still applies, but in a different manner. it's rather interesting how what usually applies to one page instead applies to trying to reveal atleast one bit of new info per page on chapter 1, while still trying not to linger too much and to get your audience to understand the setting and why they should care about the protagonist when the inciting incident happens around halfway through or even three forths into chapter one, lol.

[@emilyrln]

Adapting these techniques for a different medium sounds like a great way to more deeply understand what they're trying to accomplish! You've probably already read it, but *Understanding Comics* by Scott McCloud is a great resource for specifically comic techniques.

[@ellie7252]

@@emilyrln thanks for your kind words!! I actually haven't! I'll give it a look :)

[@emilyrln]

@@ellie7252 Yay! I'm so glad I mentioned it :D I hope it's helpful ♥

[@MorgottofLeyendell]

A good example of the world building opening is in the first book of the Wingfeather Saga, we are given the general history of the world as well as the setting in an introduction info dump. But it has such a whimisical and interesting way of going about it that it pulls you into the story.

[@Wiizardii]

Hey Jed, I have a suggestion for a topic - could you make a video on going through tough times/frustrations as a writer and mindset tips on how to keep pushing on?

[@ruanholtzhausen4000]

I just watched a few videos to help me with my stories in English, but I'm finding myself just continueing to watch his videos for fun.

[@jay_Dud8003]

I used a different opening option for my story which may (or may not) get published. As a broader idea, I guess it would be called "The Day Everything Changed" or "The Turning Point". You start on an event or day that changes everything about your protagonist or antagonist, and sends them into the story of growth and development you are making. Mine starts by describing a feast among nobles, and then my protagonist walks in and gets disowned by his father. Overall, great video Jed! It was very thorough and encouraged me to look back and reread my openings for the book and chapters.

[@emilyrln]

I'm already intrigued by the premise! During that first feast part, can you introduce tension into the scene? Maybe the guests know something is up from the disowning parent's behavior, but they're not sure about the specifics and worry that whatever it is will affect them. (Not sure if your POV is 3rd omniscient; if not, you can give your MC that anxiety, or make them happily oblivious with perhaps a few hints they don't pick up on that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.)

[@kayeff7155]

My favourite opening line of all time is from the Gunslinger by Stephen king. "the man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed". It raises so many quesions yet it's so concise. Love it.

[@JerrBaybEe]

I think he uses that in the video but I thought he said it was from Dark Tower

[@kayeff7155]

​@@JerrBaybEe the Gunslinger is the first book in the Dark Tower series.

[@rebeccaweaver2460]

He tells us the whole story in the first sentence, it's incredible. A masterclass in opening a novel.

[@CryogenicGamer]

I think I may have done a story in miniature for my first chapter of a webnovel I’m doing. Although I did proceed to split into 4 part for the ease of entry. lol 😂

[@llywyllngryffyn8053]

Re: Point #1. Mark Lawrence's Red Sister. It begins with a hell of a click-bait sentence.. but the book delivers on it, or rather the trilogy does. The framing story that is glimpsed at the beginning of books one and two is really paid off in book three. But, there was plenty of indications that it was going to be, so it never felt like a bait and switch. You shouldn't be discouraged to open with a bomb like this, as long as you light the fuse and it isn't a big dud.

[@michaelbodell7740]

It is important, when killing a nun, to ensure that you bring an army of sufficient size. For Sister Thorn of the Sweet Mercy Convent Lano Tacsis brought two hundred men. Great intro sentence, great trilogy. Some didn't like the flashforward/flashback battle scenes, but I loved the trilogy. And yeah it was a case of promises made, promises delivered which is a point Sanderson makes in his writing teaching too.

[@jellevanbreugel325]

yep, loved the interlude scenes as well!

[@leg912]

The first of many writing videos that helped me to start writing. Especially USP and 6 common opening options! I vaguely understood those two concepts but now it's clear to me; especially the latter. I'm too lazy to analyze works that I like, and knowing them really helps to pick an opening that strikes the tone of the story. Here's one: "The front door had been opened when she came back from work."

[@emilyrln]

Nice line! Introduces immediate unease. Would "was already open" work? I do like how "had been opened" makes us question who opened it, but it's also a bit passive. Depends on your overall voice and tone, though, so what you have might work best 😊

[@TheEccentricRaven]

Great advice ❤

[@extrakrispy81]

I agree that the very start of chapter one of the Six of Crows is a little eh, but I still appreciate how it sets up how powerful and frightening the magic of the setting is and plants the thought of the magic enhancement drugs in our mind before introducing us to our magicless protagonist.

[@EGJohnson1]

I'm 16 and have been working on my book for over 4 years now. I've tried drafting it before but never made it very far. Now I have started to outline it. Should I continue working on this project, or do some "practice books" first? This story is really important to me and I don't want it to be poorly written, so should I get some experience first? Edit: Thank you for the advice, everyone!

[@maybecole]

Just do revisions as you finish your proto draft or 1st draft. It's just thoughts on paper at first and will be much easier to amend or change later.

[@phoebea]

Having an outline is invaluable. If you know the basic sequence of events in your story, it is easier to write your first draft. Unfortunately, I had to learn this mistake the hard way. I've started stories without an outline and often times have written myself into a corner.

[@jasminv8653]

Write what you are interested in! You can write the story that is important for you now - and it may still end up a practice novel that you will rewrite later in life as you develop skills as a storyteller. Even a book once written already is in no way locked down, and many authors sort of write the same story several times.

[@superpotroast]

I've rewritten my book at least 8 times in the past 15 years, eventually I will be happy with it.. Don't give up on it..If you start to feel burnt out on it or got stuck in a corner, just put it away for a few months and then come back to it with a new mind and fresh eyes..

[@drawnear228]

idk if this will make you feel better, but i started my novel at 16 and have been writing this world for 10 years now. through it, i've been learning how to write. building the world, characters and cultures down to the minute detail. outlining. rewriting. planning the sequels. writing dozens of one-shot chapters that will never be seen by the public. it has literally grown up with me, which has only made it better. the process has been slow compared to some, but there came a point where i realized i'd rather this story have the greatest impact on the world than just be another book on people's shelves. i want it to be something people remember for a lifetime, and i want THIS STORY to be my greatest story of all. i'll take whatever time i need to get it right, and release it when i know it's time. (this isn't an excuse to be perfectionistic, btw - but rather incredibly intentional.)

[@lady_draguliana784]

17:20 agreed, There are some great essays on YT defending exposition... so long as it's good

[@emilyrln]

Fr you can get away with anything as long as it's good 😂

[@lady_draguliana784]

@@emilyrln absolutely! for every "never do X in writing" """"rule""""", there's an exception! 🤣

[@madisonseyfried9298]

I'm so upset that I waited to watch this video today--one day AFTER your workshop!

[@tabletbrothers3477]

Hello, I am once again asking for an anual renewal of the magic system contest. Dang, he really has a way making writing sound so easy. Every time I finish a Jed video I feel like I could just write a million words (or in this case 150 words :P) on the spot.

[@UltraLaidback]

Oh jed, now i want to rewrite my opening so bad but i already submitted my first chapter weeks ago 😂

[@jannertfol]

I really liked this video ...I don't write fantasy, but your advice works for just about all other kinds of writing as well. I especially liked your last point. Don't spend too much time perfecting your opener when you're just getting started on the story. Keep going. When you have a better handle on how your story evolves, you will probably want to re-do the beginning anyway ...even dump your original beginning and write another one. Ensure that the beginning really does launch the story in the direction you want it to go. You don't even have to start with the opener, by the way. One way to pants-write a story is to write vivid scenes as they occur to you. They don't have to be in chronological order. In fact, you can even write the concluding chapter first. Once you've written enough of these disjointed scenes, your story will start to take shape ...and you can fit the parts together, write bridging scenes, etc. You don't have to write everything in chronological order, and you don't have to perfect each chapter before moving on. Nothing is a done deal till you get the story published.

[@jaygaymes]

This right here. I'm hardly an accomplished writer but I find when I don't know how to continue what I'm presently working on, writing a scene I do want helps, even if it doesn't fit *yet.* Then I can use it as a goal post to progress my story toward.

[@anthonywritesfantasy]

My favorite opening lines are all about atmosphere. Facts are so second paragraph.

[@SleepParty30]

I've been writing for over a decade, and I've finished a fantasy trilogy, but the opening for the first book has given me nightmares. I've changed it at least 40 times these past ten years, and I finally wrote one that I truly like, but still, the uncertainty clings onto me like a shadow. Anyways, I'm about to seek agents to publish my trilogy. It's been fun writing it. Thanks for all the videos, Jed! You and other content creators have helped plenty.

[@jordanchobson]

I adore Terry Pratchett's opening in Colour of Magic. I aim for the kind of levity and joy he brings to his novels!

[@TheFinalFanboy]

I'm not a fantasy writer. My passion is detective fiction. But I did still find a lot of this advice useful, so thank you.

[@lotsodhliwayo]

19:28 😂 Now I have to read this book!

[@jaygaymes]

Every time I watch a video or read advice on first page/paragraph advice, I get nervous and reread my first paragraph, wondering if it's actually as good as I think it is or if I'm biased because I wrote it. However, you pointing out that it's good for each sentence to serve a dual purpose has me feeling much better as that's what each sentence of my first paragraph does - in the first sentence, you meet the main character and I mention recycled oxygen - so he is in some kind of sealed environment. The second sentence is him calming himself with a deep breath, so he has some kind of nervousness or tension going on. The third sentence confirms this, and explains that he is nervously excited. But why? The next sentence says that he spent two years in a physically and mentally exhausting training and testing situation, and is about to hear the results of his final test. Then it's a series of questions that indicate his own lack of confidence in his abilities/performance, and it's suddenly confirmed (via these questions) that he is trying to get a position on board a starship by asking himself if he'd end up on the bridge, warp drive, or something less savory. There is a series of three questions to himself, back to back, which my goal was to express his nervousness by questioning everything. I feel much better about it when I look at it through the lens of "dual purpose" sentences. Thank you.

[@Goomaster101]

I was working on my first chapter this morning, what a coincidence lol

[@michaelb4201]

Hey Jed, when you talk about the opening to your book around 23:40 , just want you to know it was good, but I did not get ANY of what you were trying to get me to get reading that😂😂😂

[@ThatGuyPistachioVr]

I have had this idea for a book for a couple months but I just started writing it now. I am not done with the first chapter and I will not be before the first chapter workshop. Will there be another workshop after this one coming up?

[@chrispyakwriter]

Jed, I saw just the preview picture for this video and immediately thought: "War and Peace". I read like crazy when I was a child. Everything from Gardening tips to high literature. The only book I ever gave up on was "War and Peace": Because there were soo many characters! AND: Many of them had the exact same name and title! (Father and son). Super confusing and annoying!

[@missseaweed2462]

When I was in elementary or middle school, I remember writing the opening sentence to an essay as going along the lines of, "The applause was thuderous," before proceeding to paint a picture of our concert band on stage, the thrill and joy of playing in front of a large audience. I didn't think much of that opening line, just that it meant to help introduce the setting, but when I had my mom read it, she made a particular note of the strong impression that the first line promised and delivered. It surprised me how much she liked it, and that became a minor core memory for me.

[@dawidwidera1819]

God bless you Jed.

[@ryanizanami4866]

I know Jed's here to remind me NOT to make mistakes. Thanks 🍁✨

[@jannertfol]

It's okay to make mistakes! Just as long as you catch them and fix them before you publish. In fact, mistakes can really help you to learn. I think fear of making mistakes is one of the main things that holds writers back. Go ahead. Make mistakes! Write without fear; edit without mercy. Good advice.

[@unicorntomboy9736]

I start my first chapter describing my bleak grimdark landscape from the perspective of my teenage girl protagonist, who feels trapped and desires independence and external validation. It features a lot of interiority when using environmental description, since it is done from the perspective of my main character

[@DarkTider]

5:56 - Im also noticing that opening uses a lot of passive "ingly" conjugations in that opening, which in turn also helps the phrases seem very inactive and extra boring.

[@fyrebirdarts7634]

When he said "strange worldbuilding" I immediately thought of Mistborn's opening line--"Ash fell from the sky." :3

[@JanbluTheDerg]

The opening to Animorphs 1 is strong (though it gets weakened as every following book uses the same style of opening, thanks monthly scholastic book fairs!): "My name is Jake. That's my first name, obviously. I can't tell you my last name. It would be too dangerous. The Controllers are everywhere. Everywhere. And if they knew my full name, they could find me and my friends, and then... well, let's just say I don't want them to find me. What they do to people who resist them is too horrible to think about." it then goes on to talk about not mentioning the town he lives in, mentioning why he's writing and mentioning two important things "Maybe then, somehow, the human race can survive until the Andalites return and rescue us, as they promised they would." From here the book smoothly transitions into it's main plot.

[@straybubble125]

Does the first chapter critique include prologues? I feel I have a pretty strong prologue but would love extra critique.

[@Itz_alex0]

My first sentence was world building.. although currently a wip i think i'll change it eventually.

[@owenspears3114]

For the first chapter critique, what is the recommendation for word count? What would the maximum word count be?

[@writerducky2589]

Lol. 20:35, not yt popping in with a GoT ad just as the video is talking about it😂

[@kayaek2558]

30:05 No way you just snuck rangers apprentice in there!

[@tedgreene4248]

Hi Jed. Wow you're a great writer, I sure wish I was. The part you wrote about revelation and getting on with it really struck home with me. All my writing just seems to restate what happen before, it kinda wonders around like a wounded animal looking for a place to lie down and die, my writing is a real mess. I was wondering, if you have a moment, is there a simple fix for this? How can one can correct something like that and do more revelating and create some curiosity in the reader too. I know you're busy so if you don't answer, no problem. Thank you for making the great video though. Ted Greene

[@JLa-no2zu]

I have a great novel idea but unfortunately I lack words to write a novel and the confidence in myself. Have you any advice on how I should go about it.

[@NeverSpiteAWolf]

Does first page refer to first page of the book, like prologue, or first page of the first chapter.

[@TheBenFors]

Both, in my opinion.

[@cheezum]

Hey Jed! I'm a high schooler and I've just started writing my first novel, do you think you could take a look at my first page?

[@hejimony]

Try the greatest opening paragraph ever, from We Have Always Lived in the Castle, by Shirley Jackson. You can't not keep reading: My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I am eighteen years old, and I live with my sister Constance. I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both my hands are the same length, but I have had to be content with what I had. I dislike washing myself, and dogs, and noise. I like my sister Constance, and Richard Plantagenet, and Amanita phalloides, the death-cup mushroom. Everyone else in my family is dead.

[@kamikeserpentail3778]

I never considered myself a writer, even in writing classes I just really struggled to flesh anything out. However I've always loved reading. Now years later I find myself with a story idea I feel absolutely compelled to write. I've learned a lot in those years. One thing I've definitely struggled with is perfectionism, and I'm now starting to see how silly it is to expect to get it perfect, or even at all, on the rough draft. It seems so funny now, to think that I imagined stories were written in the same order they are read. So now I'm just starting. Going with my emotions, and interests. It may not be beautiful. It may not never be published. But it will be mine.

[@DRourkey]

"Banging barmaids was always fun, but main character had no time for fun this night"

[@chaching2820]

Please explain how to make better action/fight scenes!!

[@bluejayblaze1180]

My first sentence is "Happy 30th, Threkki!" I'm not sure if it's clickbait-y, but it gets across a lot of information about my main character and the type of story it is very quickly. I'm opening on his birthday; this is a coming of age story. You immediately know how old he is and one of his nicknames, and that he has a relatively good relationship with the person speaking to him.

[@Blate1]

You undersold the deck of cards analogy. It’s actually more than the number of atoms in the entire galaxy. Not important, but a wild fact

[@iloveblender8999]

Slow rate of revelation. Now I finally know why I drop some stories on royal road. If everything feels ultra long without anything happening, it does not matter how good your plot is.

[@veronicacoldiron7393]

I guess I'm curious about Prologues. They don't really count as a chapter, but do the same rules of thumb apply?

[@pennyjones-parry1322]

Can you please do a videao on a romance arc please

[@Willow-of-the-Wind]

1. Drama hook first line. In other words, don’t set too high of a bar in your first sentence. 2. Slow burn. Don’t set too detailed of a scene. I’m going to take exception to this and I think there’s a whole lot of highly regarded authors who do this well. Coughing that sounds like Tolstoy and Rand. Sorry, I loved the first version. I love getting immersed into a scene especially if the intent is to create tension. Slow burn is popular and something I love. 3. USP. Hum, maybe. Then again maybe just let the artist learn from experience? 4. Opening options. Okay, yes. It’s good to have, know and appreciate different options. 5. Information Dump. 6. Doing it perfectly. I’m left unsure, was this a waste of my time? Well, maybe not, won’t be using your services as an editor. Our styles are different.

[@Leitis_Fella]

It took me 100k+ words for my protag to leave his home city Anyway Jed, let's just say I need help with overwriting...

[@Ulrick657]

The best opening I've seen in a book has to be Horus Rising, for the Warhammer 40k series Horus Heresy. The story is set before said Heresy, but the book opens with its "I was there the day Horus slew the Emperor". We learn quite quickly it is not about THE Emperor, but it's such an ironic, foreshadowing, powerful and "heretic" statement that even the main character, Loken, can't help but chuckle when saying it. If only he knew tho...

[@neisihornadayesq.9365]

Do you offer private editing services?

[@Luzo-wx2eo]

You should do a discord server. Best option for channels like yours. Love from argentina ❤

[@josephgamelin9739]

How about, "Marley was dead to begin with".... Worked for Dickens. But it's got to be done right

[@trentonhoyal9329]

hey jed I've got a light magic idea for a story I've been thinking about for years now and I was wondering what you think about it Souls are tangible things in this world and they represent immense potential energy... their is a military branch of elite messengers in this world that go through intense grueling training to break down the barrier between their physical being and there souls allowing them to draw on that potential energy and increase their strength speed and durability... the catch the more they draw the worse the aftereffects and if they draw to much... the barrier can break, releasing ALL of that energy at once.

[@kewinczarny5985]

I have a question regarding overwhelming readers. What if the centere of the story is having many characters? I mean I'm working on the book where there is a lot of scheamers on court, over 50, and everyone of them have their own diverse goal, so you as a reader who is seeing the world from POV character, are supposed to be confused for like half of the story, working out why someone did something and how it relates to other sceamers and the past events.

[@mighty_spirit8532]

Probably an idea doomed from the start since being confused isn't very enjoyable as well as 50 characters being more than enough for an entire book let alone a opening. If you are serious about this idea of a court built on schemes I would recommend combining and cutting characters until there are about 10 and only introducing a couple of them in the opening with the rest being introduced as they are relevant to the story throughout the first half

[@jamesmars9767]

You want a real slow Rate of Revelation, I once read a book that spent multiple pages describing the terrain of the area before finally getting around to about a paragraph or 2 of actual things happening, then on to more terrain descriptions for what i can only hope was someplace else All of that could've been summed up in a few sentences to a paragraph. We didn't need a huge degree of what essentially were superfluous details. It's a *story* not a tabletop RPG campaign setting guidebook

[@mighty_spirit8532]

So you mean a fast rate of revelation then?

[@jamesmars9767]

​@@mighty_spirit8532 If you think being bombarded with page upon page of repetitive text primarily describing the more irrelevant aspects of terrain as "fast" sure Seriously, there more than 5 pages of that in a row.

[@mighty_spirit8532]

@@jamesmars9767 I was referring to your first line "You want a real slow rate of revelation"

[@jamesmars9767]

@@mighty_spirit8532 Ok? The video talks about how slow rates of revelation was bad and cited an example. Then, I cited one of the worst examples of it I've ever seen

[@heatherqualy9143]

@@jamesmars9767” Guys, chill. You”re saying the same thing. jamesmars9767, you simply needed to change the comma in your original comment to a question mark to make it clearer, “You want a real slow Rate of Revelation?” That says you are about to give an example vs. the way you phrased it which is, “What you want is a slow RoR”.

[@JhadeSagrav]

First line: The Introverts' Book Loose Gathering knew the situation was dire, but refused to begin a story with "I'll bet you're wondering how I got here," so instead they began at the beginning: "You see, Officer? It's like this. It's like this..." The book ended on the same line. 😁 It was a haphazard mishmash done by 4 unstable coworkers all taking turns grabbing the reins for the story and having zero discussion as to where it was going. It was the most entertaining and amazing thing i've ever done and we published it through Barnes&Nobel press, and ngl there is nothing in my life that i've done of which i have been prouder. I guess this is a bit what people feel like when they have kids. It's a lot harder trying to write a story by myself now that they all left for other opportunities. ☹

[@LuciousGrauff]

As a new writer to fantasy, I had adapted my own USP when I wrote realistic fiction. However my inspiration was from J.K Rowling and her idea for an American Hogwarts with mixing the plot of my main realistic fiction series “Ben Stirling” a detective series I mixed with J.K Rowlings magic system and a few original ideas I’m still questioning.

[@williamsutton6738]

“Something becomes perfect, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to subtract.”

[@Jasonwolf1495]

"Bounty: zombie cows." I know its a bizarre first line but it sets up a good lot of the world and character. 1. Bounty hunting is a typical profession. Likely the one the mc has. 2. Undead creatures are a threat in the setting. 3. The book isnt too serious while also being unnerving. 3 words and 3 points about the setting.

[@dashripkin]

Great stuff, but this is why I never read the first page of a novel when I pick it up in the bookstore. Instead, I flick to somewhere in the middle--that's going to be far more indicative of what the writing in the rest of the book is going to be. Am I going to be able to stand this for 4-500 pages? Reading the first page, where the author has spent so much time and effort in an attempt to hook me, won't answer that question. But the writing on page 155 will give me a better idea.

[@prathameshrana2099]

brother I need your advice. for the past 3 years, I wanted to make my own manga, story and so I ended up buying a pen display that I never used since last year when I started to do self-improvement and took writing a novel seriously, but I stopped working on it in December I did somewhat work on it, but I haven't finished it and then I completely stopped 3 months ago And went back in that junky lifestyle I tried to get out but I wasn't able to and now I am having so many thoughts saying I should just stop this, I have lost all the passion for it, for last 2 years all I have known is how to write a story but now I don't know what to do.

[@mighty_spirit8532]

Know why you chose to do this. Passion fading is inevitable, but if you have a good reason for writing your novel you have to push through and keep your writing diciplined. Set a daily word count of say 500 and keep it holy. There is no excuse good enough to skip even one day. I hope you can succed with the help of this advice