Jimmy Carr: Telling Jokes (2009) FULL SHOW | Jokes On Us

Jimmy Carr delivers more of his cynical take on life's little absurdities in his trademark deadpan style in this live stand-up release.
Check out more hilarious Stand Up Comedy routines - tinyurl.com/n6xvtrys
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[@LonelyHeartsChannel]

I love Jimmy. He eases my pain😔

[@loricrane5315]

I really needed this today. 😂

[@gazwilliams-nc7jp]

He could have added another impressive feat after the 2 word joke, and said "Now we have the 1 word joke......... *points to someone in the audience* YOU"

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Got a great hand! Scouser said snap lmfao

[@bambibrosemer1597]

Damn I wish I could see Jimmy Carr live! 💯🥰❤️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have a wicked sick sense of humor. He's right up my alley! 🤣🤣🤣

[@jeremyreid9582]

“… right up your alley.” Sorry, you are thinking of Alan Carr !

[@spadebraithwaite1762]

I worked in a pub in England. Some guy came in with a woman, it is an English expression, "Would you like a beer?" He asked the woman and she said, "Do I look like I drink beer?!" He turned to me and said, "I'll have a glass of vinegar with a twist of lemon."

[@Vivi-hj8jg]

Always hilarious is Jimmy

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Clairvoyant asked if I had my hand read I said no! Shoved it down her knickers! She said you have now lmfao

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

She pulled me lmfao

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Red sky at night! Sky's on fire lmfao

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Uncles and aunties mums and dads lmfao! Gary glitter

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Best position! Manager

[@Brianld50]

You're my favorite comedian. Followed closely by John Mulaney

[@filthyfrank.5]

💀

[@dannyg4227]

Best special Ever! 😂😂😂😂😂

[@jamesheath7601]

3:25 😂

[@jamesheath7601]

13:47 😂

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

I got pissed went 4 a sauna! Ended up when the steam was gone bollock naked in the chip shop

[@friendlybut6753]

You might have seen it coming!

[@jamesheath7601]

20:24 🤣

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Leopracy card player chucked his hand in

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Do ya wanna be in my cell lmfao

[@stevepreston7879]

The "nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded" is an old joke. Yogi Berra (1925-2015) famously said it

[@Everett-eh4nn]

Wow!

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Italians got caught up selling spaghetti junction

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

I have a police record! Blowing in the bag

[@jamesheath7601]

3:02

[@nathankabangu5653]

52:22

[@InservioLetum]

Holy shit.... the blonde woman with the nose piercing who works for Nationwide in HR. She's the same one that bellowed NO! when Jimmy asked whether there was any merit to "it's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it". She had long red hair in the other show.

[@_-.-_-.-_]

Omg LOL what a Spot!

[@InservioLetum]

@@_-.-_-.-_ Oh stop * BLUSH * I have a thing for faces, I guess. But than kyou just the same

[@Ryattt81]

I love dark jokes, a favorite is "what was the last pizza order at the twin towers?"

[@UKKC80s]

I don't know!

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Wasn't a brummie then lmfao

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Got arrested for asking someone how much a cun't weighs! All because I offered him a pound to weigh himself

[@filthyfrank.5]

Keep that joke to yourself from now on bud

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

And she stood out with their backs turned

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

I changed energy provider! Cola

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Someone hit me with cheese in tesco! I thought immature

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

That is what he asks all his customers soup

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Stoned again! Hey dude

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Like a fishing hook

[@avengedsoul6661]

I hope Steve and Tracey actually met up and got together.

[@lordslotty8943]

today kids i will tell you how i met your mother

[@cobywalton4354]

Think Steve gave her a filling

[@Dionysos640]

Tracy was, estimating conservatively, at least 15 years older than Steve. Steve is a Welsh Dentist. Tracy is an English slag. Do you really think that would have been a likely match?

[@avengedsoul6661]

@@Dionysos640 There’s no way she was that much older than him.

[@Dionysos640]

@@avengedsoul6661 Yeah ... and you should have gone to Specsavers

[@tonykennedy1615]

Jab pusher. Jog on. Sheesh.

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Freesia means stupid cow lmfao

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Took his driving test he failed! Left his foot on the brake

[@Mossyz.]

😀

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

What has star wars and toilet roll have in common?

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

And Willoughby

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Police officer asked me to blow into the bag drink driving! He said not that one

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

I hear tales

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

If your ears are ringing turn the alarm clock off

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

George Michael poor bastard! He eaten a careless whisper

[@0x777]

Oh please, have some respect for the deceased. He's never gonna dance again.

[@0x777]

This might be the only place where I could post this and people would actually not get offended... let's hope. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken.

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Geordies live in tyneside! Note that they are all tied up call back later

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Miners went into the mines with canaries! No wonder Norwich city is empty

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Just about manager

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Someone called me a cun't! I said thanks for saying that I am more useful than you

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

And 6packs of bacon

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Gin brummie

[@johnstover9083]

In my defense as someone with Parkinson's, we save a tremendous amount of mony by not having to buy batteries. Or lawn sprinklers, but that's not as fun to think about.

[@freddiem8801]

Absolutely brilliant show, Jimmy Carr is incredibly funny, but I am amazed that a 13 year old was allowed in. I would have thought the show would have an 18 rated.

[@sw6188]

There was another show I watched on here with a 14 year old boy in the audience so it seems there's no rating.

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Pandas have black eyes oh what a surprise

[@0x777]

Well, like fatties didn't get bullied in your school...

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Muff

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

How many coppers in the line up lmfao?

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Typical Scotland

[@jobrosling2949]

I wonder what happened with Tracy? I would have gone out with her 😊

[@simonhughes3194]

She had some semen and basil soup then went home with a bag of chips 👍🏻

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Std telecommunications

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Thistles

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Both get rid of clingons

[@alch3myau]

numbers are wrong bro

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Ringing in your ears and bollocks

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

I cannot talk now I will be home soon darling

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Vegans in the mod! Should be fined

[@shawnmclean7932]

1000 jokes?

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Vegetarian should not be in the Armed forces

[@Ninthxotic]

Never noticed how much he moves his mouth when he talks

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Donald Trump

[@blackmaxbranning3666]

U need help 🙏

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

@@blackmaxbranning3666 I do! And you don't? Need help?

[@TheLoneGolfer]

1 word joke... Biden!

[@drabpavel]

😊.omoo

[@jjb4531]

Trump