Was Our Marriage Arranged? | Ep.26

[@Julie-uq7sz]

Jinger is so well spoken! I love how God revealed Himself to you! Relationship, not religion!!! Thank you for sharing!!! I am praying for you and all those experiencing the wildfires.

[@reneehenry6385]

Yes she is. I was thinking that recently she seems much more mature than Joy, Jess, and Jill. Jana is well spoken also

[@mesquitegirl2013]

I agree and it’s sad that they thought oh if he gets married, he won’t be doing that kind of stuff anymore and it’ll change him but it we showed he didn’t because they handled it very poorly if they had loved him like they claimed they did they would’ve reported him, even though that would’ve been hard

[@422sweetdreams]

"...legalism is easy for those who don't actually gave a relationship with God because it can provide this faux sense of security of their salvation because it's just following a set of rules" YOU NAILED IT Jinger!

[@Courtneey428]

12:37 When Jeremy calls Jinger "brilliant". I love to see that validation of her critical thinking process and the encouragement of her self growth. I would imagine for someone who grew up with such prescriptive ideology, those small moments of really seeing her is more important than you could ever realize.

[@heatherchappell2517]

💯❤️

[@sc3942]

I think that her critical thinking skills still have a longggg way to go. She's made a start but she also needs to move away from religious doctrines as the primary source of reference for how to live your life.

[@GoodFiberations]

​@sc3942 There is a big difference between religious doctrines and spirituality. I am curious to know what part specifically you are referring to that's 'a long ways to go'?

[@Eliza-ko6zy]

The divorce rates are lower in India because there are serious societal and financial impacts for women not being married and especially being divorced. Domestic violence against women is a massive issue in these areas and people are not safe to leave their marriages. I don't think that's something to work towards. While the rising divorce rates in Western culture are disappointing, it also just reflects that our society is becoming more human - things change, people change, and it's okay to move on and find someone new. You don't need to stay somewhere you are unhappy or unsafe. I think its positive.

[@socalgurl01]

exactly. arranged marriages are not all good.

[@Courtneey428]

From a lot of the sociological data that we're now getting, marriage rates are dropping in Western cultures but divorce rates are also dropping. So people who do still chose to get married are a lot more successful in their marriages than over the last several decades. I think we over prescribed marriage through religion as a society not recognizing that not all relationships deserve that level of intimacy. Some relationships help us build our character to become better partners for our future spouses.

[@abpbrown]

Came here to say this. Thanks for pointing this out.

[@bubsodleson4109]

In western cultures people are too quick to give up. It's hard sometimes, but marriage is a commitment- not something to be disposed of when times get tough.

[@asleepbydawn137]

THANK YOU. I'm pleasantly surprised to see someone speak up and not just accept what he says.

[@milcarivera8926]

Another great episode! Jinger really shined in this one.... " We were not arranged, I fought for you" - so sweet. God is going to do so many great things with your podcast!

[@rhondahart1401]

Anna was selected for Josh, and I stand by that comment.

[@janethayes-anderson2683]

And we know why

[@78coffeecups]

Jinger did a phenomenal job of speaking and sounding so articulate in this podcast! Great job 🙂

[@Cheryl-s2d]

Jeremy has had so much self-control and grace. He must have loved her so much to go through what he did to marry Jinger. God bless both of them for their faith and speaking about it. So many young people can learn from this couple.

[@eileenbrunetti3590]

Seriously??? He just like JimBob, unfortunately!

[@shevaunmalone6717]

Amen Jeremy! Our focus with God is a relationship with HIM…not a system. God will speak to our hearts and lives when we’re in relationship with Him.

[@kimmacfarlane3816]

Hope your family and your home are safe from the fires going on in LA. Praying ❤️

[@TerriGillespieAuthorforAuthors]

Nailed it. People are looking for systems--formulas--to please God rather than building a relationship with Him. Just remember what the New Covenant was about. Jeremiah 31:31ff.

[@jenniferjones7998]

"Legalism gives you a false sense of security..." This is so true. Legalism sent me on a downward spiral because I couldn't keep all the rules all the time. And every time I'd break one, I felt condemned anyway. This, and my volatile home life, left me confused and abandoned.

[@shelleydawson4449]

Off subject but praying you all are safe from the fires in LA. Praying for all those who have lost their homes and that they can get it under control very soon.

[@romansnowlilly]

This whole conversation is spot on what I’ve determined. I’m about ten years older than Jinger and grew up when I Kissed Dating Goodbye was big and my church really pushed that on us. It took me forever to unpack and finally feel ok with dating. I’m 41 and still single and I do blame so much of my discomfort with men because for so many years I felt like I was doing what God wanted by not flirting or not trying to gain guys attention. I always scare them off now and I still haven’t figured it out-how to not be weird. Dating gives me major anxiety. I watched your show feeling a step ahead and it’s been interesting to watch you guys grow and change as I have.

[@BarbieGurls02]

These are such refreshing takes, it's lovely to hear people actual believe that religion and modern society can work together

[@lyndamurphy3276]

Prayers for you and your children for protection and safety during the fires in LA ❤🙏

[@charlascovil1630]

This is one of your best podcasts in that you clarify legalism from a true heart desire for holiness. Some people have a true desire for holiness however think legalism is the way to achieve this, you make the difference so clear in this podcast. Good job!

[@jaclyn6435]

I really appreciate your perspective on this topic! Having seen courtship (and homeschooling & large families) for the first time with the Duggar family, I've always wondered and even idolized the idea of courtship. My oldest daughter is 11 and us parents have been discussing what the future may hold for our children- hopefully marriage & children, and we'd be fine with them being young like we were when we got married. My flesh desires to fall into the systems & formulas of legalism (thankfully my husband keeps me out of that!!), but ultimately, we hope and pray our children love & know the Lord personally, and that (with wisdom from us & other trusted/healthy adults in their lives) they can find God-honoring spouses! Thank you for sharing! Great video!

[@beachgirl2.193]

I’ve loved you guys since you first start “courting” I’m your alls age and back then i remember thinking, “wow, that’s what true love looks like!”

[@SurelyMac]

I love your love, your respect, your kindness, your friendship and your commitment to God. Thank you for having these interesting conversations. Have a good day you all 🙏🏽

[@vmestrada2822]

God has given you so much wisdom Jinger! You both are such a beautiful couple. So Blessed❤

[@707Grammy]

I was glad to hear from you guys today. Hope you're not affected by the wildfires!

[@stacy.michelle.3462]

Love everything about this! It’s so great to see you both articulate & modernizing the Bible & the love of Jesus but, still in truth. Can see you both have such good hearts. I was raised in a regular, conventional Christian home. However, had a lot of similarities in that of a “fear based” home. Instead of focusing more on a personal relationship with the Lord & leading by example while raising free thinkers. Keep up the great work! Your relationship is precious & reminds much of my husband’s & I. We’ve been married since I was 19 & he 20. Celebrating 30 together, 26 years of marriage & 5 amazing children ranging from ages 23-14yrs old 🥰

[@paulan7218]

They’re not modernizing the Bible they’re reading it within its context to say what the Bible means for it to say not what someone else wants to twist it to say God never said women should wear skirts. God said women should dress like women. Your understanding is extremely ignorant.

[@stacy.michelle.3462]

@@paulan7218 ignorance is bringing up how women should dress when my comment never mentioned anything or, opinion on the subject lolll?!

[@stacy.michelle.3462]

@@paulan7218 God is love. We (God loving people) are a physical example of His love & kindness. And our words should reflect that. No wonder people turn away from “religion”/Christianity?!

[@Goldrefinedthrufire]

I came to the replies to this comment to say what you said! Except for the ignorant part. She is just a little unaware. ​@@paulan7218

[@emilyivey93]

I found this episode to be super encouraging. Sometimes in church settings it's difficult not to be treated like a lesser person or outcasted being a woman who hasn't married. I'm not sure if I will ever get married, but I won't do it just to prove I'm worthy to others on this earth. It just seems like many just like to twist scripture to validate their own choices and to bring others down who may have chosen different.

[@karenpierson9841]

Jeremy makes so much sense when it comes to finding a spouse according to the Bible.

[@anneellison8188]

Great episode! Prayers for you both during these horrific fires. I hope you guys get through all this okay.

[@mayra2455]

I find it interesting how different cultures and families talk about important subjects like marriage, faith, and values with their kids. I feel lucky to have grown up in a home where faith played a big role in our lives. My parents taught me that even when life gets tough, having a kind heart and staying connected to God can help guide you to the right path and true love. I've seen this in my own life, as I've been happily married for 15 years. I met my husband when we were both teenagers in high school. We started off as friends and slowly realized that we wanted to be together, get married, have kids, and build a happy life. With our parents' support, we began dating. Over the years, we’ve grown together and are thankful for our two amazing children. I genuinely believe that if you approach life with kindness and keep your faith, things can become easier and more fulfilling. It’s important not to get stuck thinking you have to follow strict rules that some religious groups might suggest about being "good." We don't belong to a specific religion or church; instead, we focus on lessons from the Bible. We believe in God and think our purpose is to help others, learn to be more caring, and practice patience and compassion towards each other.

[@long2877]

I LOOOVED Jinger in this episode. She was amazing.

[@maryannmast4577]

Prayers that you all are safe with the wildfires in CA.

[@clw87]

This is my favorite episode by far- Jinger you were so passionate, well spoken, and right on point with your message.

[@nataliepaige007]

The first words that come to mind when I think of Jinger: Bold and courageous. She sought out her own salvation, went in a different direction than what she was taught and she’s thriving. ❤❤❤❤

[@ruthannelamantia5568]

I love Jinger’s honesty about her upbringing. She doesn’t defend the issues she didn’t agree with.

[@paulan7218]

Why should she defend them? They’re not biblical.

[@ILoveSingingAboutJESUS]

Praying for safety, health, and peace during the Cali fires. Hope your house wasn’t harmed, along with your friends. Praying the State of California as a whole.

[@TinaEllena]

Sending prayers to everyone 🙏🙏🙏

[@Lisah707]

Thank you, I’m in NorCal and lived through this. I believe J&J are North of LA where there are no fires.

[@Hidinginyourcupboard]

My mind really went to Anna listening to the beginning of this 😢

[@InfoLunix]

And to Jana when they talked about singles in their 30s.

[@Lisah707]

And to Jill the writing letters for a year

[@helenasolsjo3931]

@@InfoLunixexactly!

[@claireskinner9077]

So many of her sisters / sister in laws could be described in this episode. And there’s still some that will have to undergo these situations as they’re currently still children.

[@katie2412]

my favorite podcast of your podcasts so far … I love how you explore together, respectfully, with deep reflection in real time. Thank you ✨🙏✨

[@dmose4323]

I have watched the two of you navigate marriage so well. I have been married now for 19 years. I love how you both are so open with these different topics. Please keep it up. Also congratulations on having a boy.

[@kathyfolk7743]

Jigger and Jeremy I don't know where you guys live but I have been praying for your home and family to be safe and spared any damages from these fires. I love you guys a lot and please take a minute to let us know you are OK. My prayers will continue.

[@milliereyes-pabon3763]

Wow great show. I grew up in a very legalistic system. The God I was presented terrified me because everything was a sin. I left when I was 18. But later on in life. Jesus found me and I knew a God who loved me faults and all. Today I serve God because I love Him. Not because I’m terrified of punishment. God is grace. He is mercy. May God bless you both

[@natalierodc1]

I am really glad your breaking this stuff down like this. I pushed so many rules into my life with dating. I did single service and I just never felt good about any dating after it. It's just really helpful for me to hear this and identify my patterns of rules.

[@paulinehenri9734]

You have both presented the most important point: Our relationship with Christ. You are a lovely couple. I appreciate your comments Jinger on the abiding by rules. After I married my husband at the age of 44 yrs old, within one month I heard and saw that his devotion was not in Christ but the darkness the world had to offer. Divorced after 12 yrs due to stress in thinking that God would change him, love would conquer all.

[@elliepoillucci1883]

Thinking of you guys there in LA. Stay safe!! Praying for you!! 🙏

[@ambersizemore2562]

This is the first full episode I have watched and I loved it! I did not experience courting growing up but I was in other forms of legalism. So all the discussion about legalism and systems I could really grasp. Jinger did an amazing job explaining the aspects of it.

[@RJones-lz9rl]

Great episode! I know God can use this to help people who are struggling with untangling from unbiblical teachings… or…who might be looking for the Bible for practical guidance on clothing, dating, etc. Please keep the videos coming and I’m praying for you both.

[@blossombolton9829]

I know someone who followed the Gothard courtship system, and the young man had to spend so much time getting to know the young woman's father, that he didn't get nearly enough time with the young woman to find out what her character was, and didn't find out (some unhappy surprises) until after they married.

[@KatelynBurow]

I know your marriage isn’t perfect (what marriage is) but Jeremy you do such a fantastic job of loving your wife. The way you encourage her is wonderful ❤

[@AggieScrapMom]

I enjoy your podcasts so much. Jeremy, the look on your face when you said to Jinger, "So no, I wasn't picked for you, I fought for you" was beautiful. Y'all are so cute together! Jinger, you really had some great points in what you said as well and showed how grounded you have become in your faith. Stay safe!

[@valeriemoran842]

I am always so impressed with how thoughtful, articulate and objective Jinger is during interviews and on her podcast. Jeremy does hsve a tendancy to interupt her however. Other than that, an Excellent episode ❤

[@saramoran3961]

I love it that you focus on scripture! Jeremy, some constructive criticism, it is evident you are very passionate and appreciate what Jinger has to say, that being said, sometimes you talk over her. Your audience is interested in both of your opinions. Please understand this comes from a place of love. I enjoy watching you and Jinger interact and I think you are an amazing couple and while I don’t always agree with your views, I can respect and appreciate them.

[@ansathomas5390]

I had an arranged marriage. I do think it works. Arranged marriages in India are not where the bride has no say. That’s a stereotype that the a lot of Americans have. I very much had a say in what I wanted. My parents were involved and I’m glad they were. We follow a biblical pattern in not giving our several men physically and emotionally before marriage.

[@cbpaddingtonbear2606]

The bride has a say in the match but in my experience (which admittedly is limited) she doesn't have much say after marriage

[@pamelabrennan4118]

Jeremy, I really enjoy listening to you, and Jinger I want you to know that your Dad introduced me to Christian life and taught me how to pray. I still watch the show every now and then.

[@robynhigginbotham6468]

What a great podcast!!!! Thank you for blessing others!!!!❤❤❤

[@katiehamilton3915]

OOooooff 😓 that "going to the wells" conversation at the beginning.... took me right back to "Return of the Daughters" and how we were supposed to be daughters "watering our father's flocks" (their passions, lifes work, calling etc) and that's how our husbands WOULD find us 💔 THE END!!! "I wasn't picked for you; I FOUGHT for you." 👏

[@ericao6326]

Thank you for pointing out that the Bible was written in a completely different time. That as a society we've changed, the world has changed. Love of God doesn't mean not evolving.

[@laurengriffin2816]

Love this convo and how you two point back to the main thing. A true relationship with Jesus gives freedom from man-made rules but we shouldn't take advantage of daily grace. Boundaries are good when given from the Holy Spirit.

[@AliBeasley-v8o]

This was my favorite episode yet! You guys are spot on! Great topics and great biblical wisdom!

[@stephaniefriend9912]

Praying for you Jinger & Jeremy 🙏🙏❤️❤️Please let us know if your okay these fires are heartbreaking

[@laurenfitchett9097]

I would LOVE to see a collab / conversation between these two and Tia Levings, author of A Well-Trained Wife. Her memoir is incredible and she also had her foot in IBLP teachings.

[@InfoLunix]

Hmmm that would be interesting, because she believes Jinger is not actually free. She is one of those who think that Jinger "traded one cult for another".

[@jamienelson7114]

This is just an amazing episode! ❤ Love the insight and reminders of amazing scriptures speaking of marriage. I have been blessed with 30 years of marriage and could not be happier!

[@NancyLapointe]

I’m so happy to catch you live!! I really love to listen to you both, not a lot a people talking about god and jesus these days…

[@yvonneharbin1345]

Yes Husband Jeremy, you hit that hammer right on the nail Jinger is so SPOT ON WITH HERE CONVERSATION THOUGHTS ON THIS BEAUTIFUL POD CAST. And it's " Blessed is the Man that walketh not in the ways of the UNGODLY" Not blessed is the man that walketh not with sinner. All have sinned, but WE THAT HAVE RECEIVE THE BLESSED BLOOD OF JESUS APPLIED TO OUR HEART, Recognize the traits of sin that will lead to eternal life of death and choose not to walk in those way as the unsaved would want to do. GOD BLESS YOU BOTH AS YOU GROW IN GRACE AND IN GOD KNOWLEDGE. AS THE POD CAST TAKE US TO HIGHER HEIGHT AND DEEPER DEPTHS IN CHRIST JESUS OUR SAVIOUR AND KING 👑📖🌈🙏

[@1951kvk]

If parents have done their jobs raising their children then there is NO need for their involvement in the courting process.

[@mktay2067]

That wouldn't be wise. We know that wisdom comes with many counsellors and parents are aware of us in ways we have yet to learn in many situations.

[@mymakersdaughter6041]

@@mktay2067Agreed!

[@lizkt]

I could also see the idea that if parents did their job than the parents would naturally be involved. There would be this trust and open communication that they would want their parents opinions and blessing. And the parents would want to know their kids are truly happy and healthy in their relationship. But no forced involvement

[@Scooter-jm4hz]

What about the person they are dating? A lot of women are pressured or coerced into things she may not want to do!

[@RhondaBowers-f6o]

Jinger, you are so wise beyond your years. May God continue to bless you and use you to help others.

[@vickylin5126]

I like your biblical interpretation towards systems.❤❤

[@susancarlsen4225]

Praying your family and home is safe from the wildfires. Sending prayers to all 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@reese7641]

I wouldnt say it was arranged jessa and ben introduced them each other

[@elliepoillucci1883]

Aww! Love you guys! You guys are a great couple! Jinger I am so happy for you that you got out of that toxic way of teaching. 🙏😊

[@peggyv8819]

I absolutely love and appreciate what Jeremy was saying about what the bible is actually used for and not used for! Very clearly and directly stated.

[@redeemedhomeschool8785]

Having come from a very legalistic church, so much just clicked for me. I couldn’t figure out why my husband was stuck in his sin. He was surrounded by so much “wisdom.” The issue was that the gospel hadn’t changed his heart. He was painting his tomb white encouraged by that church to continue following their systems…then of course his sin bubbled back to the surface. Thank the Lord he took us from that church to a church that preaches the Gospel regularly, and now he is walking with the lord, freed from his sin of addiction. 🙌🏻

[@cindygraham1357]

I would love to hear you guys talk on drinking alcohol. I grew up Pentecostal and have had alcoholics in our family. I raised my kids to never drink, but they do social drink now as adults. It’s really disappointed me, but I understand that’s between them and God, but I feel it opens those generational doors.

[@emilymorris864]

I know that must be hard but I would say trust that you raised good wise kids❤I will have a social drink on occasion but never drink to excess❤

[@malvadachica9291]

Jinger your message is amazing to witness!

[@sheadeveney6774]

I loved how much more lovey dovey yall were compared to your siblings courtships

[@hannahmitchell8683]

I think the distinction of parameters and principles is so important in so many areas!

[@shellylanders7325]

‘I fought for you.’ I love it! Y’all are such a sweet couple! I love listening to your podcast!

[@nancyjokulp-long3766]

Adult children who can't make a simple decision will never survive once their decision making parent dies. They become completely paralysed and can't make the simplest choices, let alone the complex ones. It's a horrible situation that is compounded by their grief. I've seen it time after time. It's both sad and frustrating. 😥

[@GS-kv3zy]

I agree, there is a young girl who's parents passed away when she was 18, she had been home schooled all her life and as an only child was just with her parents all the time, she is book smart but no social experiences at all. She was lost when they both passes away, didn't know how to even clean house, drive a car, ride a lawnmower, nothing. She had to be taught all this after and to this day, now 30 yrs old cant get a job, has gone to college for years, graduated with degree in English, had worked at local library putting books back on shelves since she was 20 and her two aunts pay for her apartment, all her bills, keep her with a car that works, two men I our church taught her to drive. She is pitiful and doesn't even realize it. So sad😢

[@britneywilson8807]

I absolutely loved this episode. As someone who has been on her disentangling journey for 7 years, I still sometimes have areas I need to disentangle from. Little nuggets Jinger dropped in this episode were so needed for me today! Also, I grew up in a hyper fundamentalist religion. I was saved and loved Jesus, but shared many of the core beliefs and “convictions and standards” as The Duggars that hurt my relationship with God. I’m thankful Jesus delivered me from that, and that I’m growing in a healthy relationship with HIM today.

[@dianaAJC]

I loved this topic!!! So important to talk about this… and what I loved also was the grace and the humility that both of you had talking about it. Thank you! May JESUS bless you both and your families, abundantly!!!🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼✝️♥️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@melaniesmith2392]

Wow! Thought out intelligent ideas and a view of religion that is open minded and inclusive, these two are refreshing humans!!!

[@dallasgear]

I really enjoyed watching this video! Great topics and enjoyed listening. Marriage is a gift and yes marriage isn't perfect. Great stuff!

[@sallyjohnson]

Enjoy listening to your podcast. Been following Jinger for years and her last book was wonderful. Can't wait to read the next one.

[@lindsaymigliori5225]

I loved your thoughts and insights. It’s true that we aren’t to fear God but love him. All He wants for us is to be happy as we follow him and one thing is being able to choose our own spouse. I am so grateful I can choose the man I want to be with forever and the one I want to have a family with.

[@deborahfosdike2024]

Great podcast! I had a similar upbringing to Jinger and can identify and agree with a number of points you discussed particularly on parents needing to treat their adult children (in particular girls) as adult women and entrusting them to God and trusting the adult child to make sensible life decisions etc.... I'm now 6 months married and am so glad I started to figure out who I was before my now husband came into my life 🙏🙏

[@sandramiller5332]

A plant would be lovely in that corner. Maybe a table with a plant. or tall faux ficus! Love you guys can’t wait to hear your next episode every week!

[@paulan7218]

Wow, if that’s all you got out of this podcast you really need to stop looking at the walls and start listening to the words

[@nicole09999]

@@paulan7218nah I thought it needed something in that corner too and I still listened in lol

[@naturefleur2062]

There is light in the corner. I’m glad there wasn’t anything there bc it made the light more noticeable. Everything can be seen in the illumination of light.

[@splchicago4636]

Fantastic discussion ❤!

[@Stacy-s1s]

Love must be a choice: love for God and love for others. Law cannot force love

[@icanteven4141]

The story about the father communicating with the man for a year before the guy could date his daughter is Jill and Derick, isn't it?

[@hallymariah45]

I'm so glad you, two, have a godly and beautiful marriage! It is lovely to see! 💗

[@patriciagreene5842]

Great job , you are together and will remain together by choice and love ❤

[@marygee3981]

🎉That was a good point brought up at the end. Many parents, of many different religions, Push teens, young women into marriage. Thinking they will be 'cared for' especially if wealth is involved.

[@louisezimmer4992]

Thank you both. The topic was needed to be discussed and explained. Great job.

[@dash-x]

There’s a lot of issues around dating within the SBC. A few for profit non accredited Christian colleges here in the states have rules that if you want to, as a college student, enter into an interracial relationship you first have to get the colleges permission AND both sets of parents. They don’t have that for same race couples though. It’s pretty gross and problematic.

[@Kgiedd1]

I want you to know that I have met some people who were arranged married. They are precious. 💕

[@MelodyTallmage-t5t]

Praying for everyone in Cali fires my heart goes out to y'all god is good and faithful at all times give to others that have less I agree j with you too on these topics

[@GS-kv3zy]

Is the waiting what your sister Jana did? So happy she found the perfect match❤

[@Drock34]

There's only two things that I truly admire about the duggar's parents. The daughters are just as capable as the sons and courtships. I wish like hell that my life was structured that way and that I didn't do half the stuff I did as a teenager and a young adult.

[@sherrypaproski9564]

I met my husband of 32 yrs through my twin sister and his sister they were friends and we went out on a blind date and been together ever since

[@rachellethomas216]

This was so well done! Thank you for sharing your hearts and speaking truth each week!

[@natashagilbert2875]

Very interesting . Great podcast Jeremy and Jinger

[@LeaderLink]

Thank you for sharing this thoughtful discussion with us.

[@KCGLivingInGray]

Matchmaker is a tool, especially for older or specific people like divorce or widowed.

[@Bev-s1g]

Please let us know how you all are doing with the fires! We’re concerned for Jinger and for the baby she is carrying and for all of the smoke in the area! We love you all and we are praying for you! 🙏🩷✝️😢